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1
00:00:01,877 --> 00:00:05,255
?
2
00:00:05,256 --> 00:00:07,257
- Yikes!
3
00:00:07,258 --> 00:00:10,135
Courthouse cafeteria
lobster roll?
4
00:00:10,136 --> 00:00:14,431
20 bucks says you can't
keep that down for two hours.
5
00:00:14,432 --> 00:00:17,851
- You're talking to a woman who
once ate calamari in The Hole.
6
00:00:17,852 --> 00:00:20,228
- Oh. You know, we get it.
You were in prison.
7
00:00:20,229 --> 00:00:22,648
- The Hole is what
I call the state of Ohio.
8
00:00:22,649 --> 00:00:26,901
- The water in the water fountain
is carbonated again.
9
00:00:26,902 --> 00:00:28,820
Can't tell
if it's concerning or fancy.
10
00:00:28,821 --> 00:00:31,906
- Well, it depends.
Do you consider tetanus fancy?
11
00:00:31,907 --> 00:00:34,451
- So, my favorite
law professor e-mailed,
12
00:00:34,452 --> 00:00:36,703
and she needs a speaker
for a lecture next week.
13
00:00:36,704 --> 00:00:38,705
Do you want to do it?
- Abby, you know I only
14
00:00:38,706 --> 00:00:41,583
ever leave the city
for farm-to-table dining, hm?
15
00:00:41,584 --> 00:00:44,294
- I was asking Julianne.
- And I was saying yes.
16
00:00:44,295 --> 00:00:45,962
- Aww!
17
00:00:45,963 --> 00:00:47,839
Why would I ask you, Dan?
You'll just say no.
18
00:00:47,840 --> 00:00:49,507
- That's even more hurtful.
19
00:00:49,508 --> 00:00:51,468
You know how much
I love saying no to things.
20
00:00:51,469 --> 00:00:53,470
- I do. You're the only person
I've seen giddy
21
00:00:53,471 --> 00:00:56,223
from rejecting
a computer software update.
22
00:00:57,725 --> 00:01:00,769
- Oh, Dan. Always the duck-duck,
never the goose.
23
00:01:00,770 --> 00:01:02,687
- [ Scoffs ]
- You can't blame her.
24
00:01:02,688 --> 00:01:05,023
I mean, she did choose
the better lawyer.
25
00:01:05,024 --> 00:01:08,485
- Uh- [ Grumbles] You think
you're the better lawyer?
26
00:01:08,486 --> 00:01:11,696
The only way I would believe
that is if I argued it in court,
27
00:01:11,697 --> 00:01:13,948
and I wouldn't argue it
because I'm the better lawyer.
28
00:01:13,949 --> 00:01:16,535
Do you see the conundrum
we have here?
29
00:01:17,328 --> 00:01:18,787
- You sound crazy.
30
00:01:18,788 --> 00:01:20,163
You know,
and that's coming from someone
31
00:01:20,164 --> 00:01:22,665
who spent six months
in a group home.
32
00:01:22,666 --> 00:01:26,085
The group was the Bee Gees.
And I dated all three.
33
00:01:26,086 --> 00:01:28,088
So many teeth.
34
00:01:29,507 --> 00:01:32,550
- I'll tell you what. You pick
any case on the docket tonight,
35
00:01:32,551 --> 00:01:36,138
and I will beat the cashmere
blend pants off of ya.
36
00:01:37,973 --> 00:01:41,143
- Hey, look! Look!
There's Mr. Fielding!
37
00:01:42,686 --> 00:01:44,687
- Oh, God.
- Dan, do you know
38
00:01:44,688 --> 00:01:48,024
those two Great Depression
time travelers?
39
00:01:48,025 --> 00:01:49,484
- Do not make eye contact.
40
00:01:49,485 --> 00:01:51,361
That's Bob and June Wheeler,
41
00:01:51,362 --> 00:01:54,823
the only living creatures
I know who can haunt a place.
42
00:01:54,824 --> 00:01:57,742
- Mr. Fielding! Mr. Fielding!
43
00:01:57,743 --> 00:01:59,286
[ Glass shatters ]
44
00:02:02,540 --> 00:02:04,707
- Oh, no, Dan.
45
00:02:04,708 --> 00:02:07,711
You might have to defend us
for that, too.
46
00:02:10,881 --> 00:02:13,842
- I think we found our case.
47
00:02:13,843 --> 00:02:15,426
Oh, but you're
such a good lawyer.
48
00:02:15,427 --> 00:02:17,846
I'm sure you'll be fine.
Knock on wood.
49
00:02:17,847 --> 00:02:20,306
- Don't let 'em knock
on anything.
50
00:02:20,307 --> 00:02:27,021
?
51
00:02:27,022 --> 00:02:29,065
- Thanks again for showing me
to the cafeteria.
52
00:02:29,066 --> 00:02:31,776
I can't believe I almost ate
my sandwich in the morgue!
53
00:02:31,777 --> 00:02:33,528
- They do look similar,
but the people
54
00:02:33,529 --> 00:02:35,530
lying on the tables in here
are just super-drunk.
55
00:02:35,531 --> 00:02:38,741
- [ Laughs ]
Ohh! Cute and funny.
56
00:02:38,742 --> 00:02:40,326
I'm Crash, by the way.
57
00:02:40,327 --> 00:02:42,328
- Crash.
I like a one-syllable name.
58
00:02:42,329 --> 00:02:45,415
I'm Abby. That's two syllables.
So stupid.
59
00:02:45,416 --> 00:02:46,916
- [ Laughs ]
60
00:02:46,917 --> 00:02:49,085
- Well, here's two
one-syllable words.
61
00:02:49,086 --> 00:02:50,296
call me.
62
00:02:50,297 --> 00:02:54,674
- Looks like that
industrial-strength deodorant
63
00:02:54,675 --> 00:02:56,509
is really payin' off.
64
00:02:56,510 --> 00:02:58,261
- Abby, pull yourself together.
65
00:02:58,262 --> 00:03:00,555
People are trying to eavesdrop.
66
00:03:00,556 --> 00:03:03,391
- That guy was super-hot.
Like "red eye" hot.
67
00:03:03,392 --> 00:03:05,268
Like, I want to ride him
for six hours
68
00:03:05,269 --> 00:03:07,396
and wake up in a different city.
69
00:03:07,397 --> 00:03:10,940
- Yeah, too bad there's
something wrong with him.
70
00:03:10,941 --> 00:03:13,591
- Is he the kayaker
in the herpes commercial?
71
00:03:13,592 --> 00:03:16,029
- Man, you wish.
A working actor would be
72
00:03:16,030 --> 00:03:18,323
an improvement
over the guys you've dated.
73
00:03:18,324 --> 00:03:21,951
Since your breakup,
it's been a loser convention.
74
00:03:21,952 --> 00:03:24,704
Remember the guy
who only wore terrycloth?
75
00:03:24,705 --> 00:03:26,247
- I don't know.
Must have been nice,
76
00:03:26,248 --> 00:03:28,625
always having a towel
right there.
77
00:03:28,626 --> 00:03:31,836
- Okay, so maybe my radar
has been a little off lately,
78
00:03:31,837 --> 00:03:34,422
but I have a feeling that Crash
is gonna break that streak.
79
00:03:34,423 --> 00:03:38,509
I mean, those teeth? No way
those come off when he sleeps.
80
00:03:38,510 --> 00:03:40,762
- I bet he makes noises
when he kisses.
81
00:03:40,763 --> 00:03:42,765
Myom-myom-myom!
82
00:03:43,807 --> 00:03:45,392
Get used to that.
- Hm.
83
00:03:47,895 --> 00:03:51,064
- The People vs.
Bob and June Wheeler.
84
00:03:51,065 --> 00:03:53,650
- Aww! The Wheelers!
Welcome back!
85
00:03:53,651 --> 00:03:55,944
And may I remind everyone,
in case of an emergency,
86
00:03:55,945 --> 00:03:59,113
the exits are in the front
and the back of the courtroom.
87
00:03:59,114 --> 00:04:01,074
- Sorry, Judge.
88
00:04:01,075 --> 00:04:03,868
Trouble seems to find us
like we owe it money.
89
00:04:03,869 --> 00:04:05,620
- And we don't.
90
00:04:05,621 --> 00:04:08,832
Unless "trouble" is what
they call the IRS these days.
91
00:04:08,833 --> 00:04:12,460
- The defendants are charged
with destruction of property
92
00:04:12,461 --> 00:04:15,129
after their chickens
burrowed out of their apartment
93
00:04:15,130 --> 00:04:17,800
and into a nearby
massage parlor.
94
00:04:18,634 --> 00:04:21,720
- From what we hear,
it was not a happy ending.
95
00:04:21,721 --> 00:04:25,556
- My clients were nowhere near
the scene of the alleged crime,
96
00:04:25,557 --> 00:04:27,225
and I don't think it's necessary
to go into detail
97
00:04:27,226 --> 00:04:29,687
as to where they-
- It was date night.
98
00:04:29,688 --> 00:04:33,022
I took the missus
to her favorite restaurant-
99
00:04:33,023 --> 00:04:36,651
Trader Joe's
free sample station.
100
00:04:36,652 --> 00:04:39,278
- Mmm!
- Mmm!
101
00:04:39,279 --> 00:04:42,115
- It doesn't matter where they
were when the crime happened.
102
00:04:42,116 --> 00:04:43,992
They own the chickens
and are responsible
103
00:04:43,993 --> 00:04:46,244
for the damages
to their neighbor's business.
104
00:04:46,245 --> 00:04:50,373
- Oh, technically, uh,
they're not our neighbors,
105
00:04:50,374 --> 00:04:52,209
since we're squattin'.
106
00:04:54,795 --> 00:04:58,382
- Technically, you're not
charged with that, so shush!
107
00:05:00,718 --> 00:05:02,385
- You know what they say.
108
00:05:02,386 --> 00:05:04,721
Home is where the heart is.
109
00:05:04,722 --> 00:05:06,514
And in our case,
the hearts are
110
00:05:06,515 --> 00:05:09,685
in the bathtub full of ice
until we can find a buyer.
111
00:05:11,478 --> 00:05:13,522
- Permission
to approach the bench.
112
00:05:15,315 --> 00:05:17,275
I would like to ask
for a continuance
113
00:05:17,276 --> 00:05:19,527
so I can educate my clients
on their right to remain silent
114
00:05:19,528 --> 00:05:22,947
and to go pick up some duct tape
in order to enforce that right.
115
00:05:22,948 --> 00:05:25,241
- Well, Dan,
I'm feeling generous,
116
00:05:25,242 --> 00:05:26,951
so I can offer you a plea deal.
117
00:05:26,952 --> 00:05:30,455
I mean, yeah, you'll lose,
but, honestly,
118
00:05:30,456 --> 00:05:33,708
I can't think of anybody
who could win this case.
119
00:05:33,709 --> 00:05:35,209
- A good lawyer
can win this case,
120
00:05:35,210 --> 00:05:36,878
regardless of what
the evidence is
121
00:05:36,879 --> 00:05:39,380
or what the law
clearly states or...
122
00:05:39,381 --> 00:05:42,258
which gods hate my clients.
123
00:05:42,259 --> 00:05:44,260
- Hey. It's fine with me.
124
00:05:44,261 --> 00:05:47,722
Watching men struggle
is one of life's great joys.
125
00:05:47,723 --> 00:05:50,099
- I'll allow it. I don't
understand it, but I love it.
126
00:05:50,100 --> 00:05:51,893
I'm excited but I'm impartial,
so I will allow it,
127
00:05:51,894 --> 00:05:53,811
which is all I will say,
even though I said much more.
128
00:05:53,812 --> 00:05:55,564
Court adjourned.
129
00:05:55,565 --> 00:05:58,649
- Look, Judge.
Your boyfriend is here.
130
00:05:58,650 --> 00:06:00,068
- Oh.
131
00:06:00,069 --> 00:06:01,778
- Why is he hugging
the Wheelers?
132
00:06:01,779 --> 00:06:03,613
- I mean,
t-that doesn't mean anything.
133
00:06:03,614 --> 00:06:05,448
I hug strangers all the time.
134
00:06:05,449 --> 00:06:08,701
I hug the Domino's guy
when I'm really hungry.
135
00:06:08,702 --> 00:06:13,247
- Oh! That's what's wrong
with him. He's a Wheeler.
136
00:06:13,248 --> 00:06:14,999
- It could be worse.
137
00:06:15,000 --> 00:06:17,710
- Myom-myom-myom-myom!
138
00:06:17,711 --> 00:06:20,547
- Never mind.
That's as bad as it gets.
139
00:06:23,636 --> 00:06:27,095
- Okay. Look.
I'm not gonna lie to you.
140
00:06:27,096 --> 00:06:28,971
They have a strong case
against you,
141
00:06:28,972 --> 00:06:32,017
especially given how much
you admit to all the charges.
142
00:06:32,976 --> 00:06:35,812
- As Dan's paralegal,
I'd like to go on record
143
00:06:35,813 --> 00:06:38,857
as saying
you have excellent snacks.
144
00:06:39,983 --> 00:06:41,359
- Murray.
- Hm?
145
00:06:41,360 --> 00:06:42,777
- That's chicken feed.
- Are you sure?
146
00:06:42,778 --> 00:06:45,071
- There's a chicken on the bag!
147
00:06:45,072 --> 00:06:48,116
- So Frosted Flakes
are just for tigers?
148
00:06:48,117 --> 00:06:50,159
And you have to be a sea captain
to enjoy
149
00:06:50,160 --> 00:06:52,495
the mouth-cutting delight
that is Cap'n Crunch?
150
00:06:52,496 --> 00:06:55,998
You- [ Chuckles ]
You sound ridiculous, Dan!
151
00:06:55,999 --> 00:06:57,416
- Can he be our lawyer?
152
00:06:57,417 --> 00:07:00,212
- Oh! You can't afford me.
153
00:07:01,964 --> 00:07:03,756
- Alright. Look.
You're only guilty
154
00:07:03,757 --> 00:07:06,300
if the prosecution can prove
that you own those chickens.
155
00:07:06,301 --> 00:07:08,386
And I can win this
if you just don't admit
156
00:07:08,387 --> 00:07:09,720
to owning those birds!
157
00:07:09,721 --> 00:07:11,389
- But those are our bir-
- Stop!
158
00:07:11,390 --> 00:07:12,807
- We are the ow-
- Don't!
159
00:07:12,808 --> 00:07:14,308
- We're the only parents
they ever ha-
160
00:07:14,309 --> 00:07:16,477
- Shoosh!
161
00:07:16,478 --> 00:07:18,688
As far as you're concerned,
those birds flew to the city
162
00:07:18,689 --> 00:07:20,858
to make it big on Broadway.
163
00:07:21,984 --> 00:07:26,612
- Oh, look! Santa's made it
to the Island of Misfit Toys.
164
00:07:26,613 --> 00:07:28,531
- Hey, Miss Julianne.
165
00:07:28,532 --> 00:07:30,449
Guess what we're not
supposed to say we own,
166
00:07:30,450 --> 00:07:33,119
except that we do.
- You just- Would you-
167
00:07:33,120 --> 00:07:34,704
Hey, Bob. Here.
Here's a quarter.
168
00:07:34,705 --> 00:07:36,289
Go buy a gumball
or something else
169
00:07:36,290 --> 00:07:38,750
that'll fit perfectly
in your esophagus.
170
00:07:39,585 --> 00:07:42,588
- I have an esophagus, too,
you know.
171
00:07:45,991 --> 00:07:51,470
- Dan, I'm gonna tell you
the same thing I told my shrink.
172
00:07:51,471 --> 00:07:53,348
You're wasting your time.
173
00:07:54,308 --> 00:07:55,933
And you are not gonna be happy
174
00:07:55,934 --> 00:07:58,311
when you see the surprise
I have in store for you.
175
00:07:58,312 --> 00:08:00,355
- The joke's on you.
I'm never happy.
176
00:08:01,523 --> 00:08:03,691
Look. She must have
a surprise witness.
177
00:08:03,692 --> 00:08:05,735
Find out who it is.
- Oh, I don't know, Dan.
178
00:08:05,736 --> 00:08:07,361
She went to a lot of trouble.
179
00:08:07,362 --> 00:08:09,740
Are you sure you want
to ruin the surprise?
180
00:08:12,534 --> 00:08:15,411
- Alright.
Crash Wheeler pros and cons.
181
00:08:15,412 --> 00:08:18,039
The pros are obvious.
Cute. Sweet.
182
00:08:18,040 --> 00:08:19,540
Carries himself
with the confidence
183
00:08:19,541 --> 00:08:22,168
of a man with six to eight abs.
184
00:08:22,169 --> 00:08:24,712
- I don't know
if this is a pro or con,
185
00:08:24,713 --> 00:08:28,008
but his whole family is cursed.
186
00:08:29,509 --> 00:08:31,677
- Okay, but we don't know
that he's cursed.
187
00:08:31,678 --> 00:08:33,763
He's not like them
in other ways.
188
00:08:33,764 --> 00:08:37,226
I mean, he looks like he's at
least aware of indoor plumbing.
189
00:08:38,977 --> 00:08:40,811
There's only one way
to find out.
190
00:08:40,812 --> 00:08:43,189
Hey, Crash!
- Mnh! Inviting the curse over?
191
00:08:43,190 --> 00:08:44,649
What's the point of ranting
192
00:08:44,650 --> 00:08:47,276
if you're just
gonna do it anyway?
193
00:08:47,277 --> 00:08:49,612
- Hey, Abby.
This is my sister, Carol Ann.
194
00:08:49,613 --> 00:08:51,697
- Nice to see you again, Judge!
195
00:08:51,698 --> 00:08:55,452
Well, nice to see anything
after staring at that eclipse.
196
00:09:00,775 --> 00:09:04,252
- So, I was thinking
it might be good
197
00:09:04,253 --> 00:09:06,212
to get to know each other
a little better.
198
00:09:06,213 --> 00:09:09,715
Like, what's your favorite food?
What's your favorite animal?
199
00:09:09,716 --> 00:09:12,469
Are you the victim
of an ancient hillbilly curse?
200
00:09:13,637 --> 00:09:15,888
- My brother
is definitely cursed.
201
00:09:15,889 --> 00:09:18,391
Do you know this dummy has a job
202
00:09:18,392 --> 00:09:20,893
and he don't even
get paid for it?
203
00:09:20,894 --> 00:09:24,021
- It's called volunteering.
204
00:09:24,022 --> 00:09:25,898
I help at
the Boys & Girls Club.
205
00:09:25,899 --> 00:09:29,777
- Oh, yeah? Well, he was in
an institution for four years.
206
00:09:29,778 --> 00:09:32,029
- College.
207
00:09:32,030 --> 00:09:34,031
I graduated from UPenn.
208
00:09:34,032 --> 00:09:36,326
- Short for U-Penitentiary.
209
00:09:37,244 --> 00:09:39,870
- I assume you know it's not.
210
00:09:39,871 --> 00:09:41,998
- So, just to be clear,
211
00:09:41,999 --> 00:09:43,958
you're a hottie
with an Ivy League degree?
212
00:09:43,959 --> 00:09:46,669
- Which you've applied
towards helping America's youth?
213
00:09:46,670 --> 00:09:49,213
- All while using those muscles
to flip tires
214
00:09:49,214 --> 00:09:52,301
and flail big ropes
in your private sweat cathedral?
215
00:09:57,389 --> 00:09:59,598
- See? What a zero.
216
00:09:59,599 --> 00:10:02,143
He don't even talk good
like we done.
217
00:10:02,144 --> 00:10:04,520
[ Cellphone dings ]
218
00:10:04,521 --> 00:10:06,939
- I have to run.
Red Cross is calling
219
00:10:06,940 --> 00:10:08,899
about an emergency
blood donation.
220
00:10:08,900 --> 00:10:12,154
I'm a universal donor,
so I'm everybody's type.
221
00:10:13,488 --> 00:10:15,198
- Yeah, you are.
- Yeah, you are.
222
00:10:17,451 --> 00:10:21,287
- Uh, what's a four-letter word
for breakfast?
223
00:10:21,288 --> 00:10:23,790
Oh. Never mind. It's sudoku.
224
00:10:23,791 --> 00:10:28,252
- Oh. There you are. Tell me
you found the surprise witness
225
00:10:28,253 --> 00:10:31,380
and you weren't sidetracked
by a balloon again.
226
00:10:31,381 --> 00:10:32,923
- That balloon
looked just like me.
227
00:10:32,924 --> 00:10:35,259
If anything,
I didn't look at it enough.
228
00:10:35,260 --> 00:10:37,261
But, Dan, Dan, Dan. Focus.
229
00:10:37,262 --> 00:10:40,014
I followed Julianne all night,
and, boy, was it fruitful.
230
00:10:40,015 --> 00:10:42,433
[ Clears throat ] "9:15.
231
00:10:42,434 --> 00:10:45,353
J...exits courthouse.
232
00:10:45,354 --> 00:10:49,190
Receives mysterious package
from man at a cart.
233
00:10:49,191 --> 00:10:52,902
Package turns out
to be a hot dog."
234
00:10:52,903 --> 00:10:57,239
Then there's a lot of stuff
here about that hot dog.
235
00:10:57,240 --> 00:10:58,574
Oh! Here we go.
236
00:10:58,575 --> 00:11:00,576
"9:15 again.
237
00:11:00,577 --> 00:11:04,246
I realize
it can't still be 9:15.
238
00:11:04,247 --> 00:11:07,041
My watch must be dead.
239
00:11:07,042 --> 00:11:12,505
9:15- I ask J for the time.
240
00:11:12,506 --> 00:11:16,343
She says to stop
'following' her."
241
00:11:18,178 --> 00:11:20,262
- How is this fruitful?
242
00:11:20,263 --> 00:11:23,766
- Reconvening!
People vs. Bob and June Wheeler.
243
00:11:23,767 --> 00:11:26,268
- Oh. Look at us,
reconvening like a real court.
244
00:11:26,269 --> 00:11:27,853
I'm proud of us.
245
00:11:27,854 --> 00:11:30,189
- Your Honor,
I'd like to call a witness.
246
00:11:30,190 --> 00:11:32,358
Ms. Carol Ann Wheeler.
247
00:11:32,359 --> 00:11:34,068
[ All gasp ]
248
00:11:34,069 --> 00:11:36,570
- Well, I'll be damned.
249
00:11:36,571 --> 00:11:40,282
She has the same name
as our daughter!
250
00:11:40,283 --> 00:11:42,202
And her face, too!
251
00:11:42,203 --> 00:11:45,371
- Do you swear to tell
the truth, the whole truth,
252
00:11:45,372 --> 00:11:47,123
and nothing but the truth,
and try to use correct grammar
253
00:11:47,124 --> 00:11:48,541
so we can all follow it?
254
00:11:48,542 --> 00:11:50,835
- I did.
255
00:11:50,836 --> 00:11:53,212
- Ms. Wheeler, where do you work?
256
00:11:53,213 --> 00:11:56,132
- I'm a feed rep for
General Frumpton's Chicken Feed.
257
00:11:56,133 --> 00:11:59,052
Frumpton's: it's what
the thing you eat eats.
258
00:12:01,221 --> 00:12:03,556
- Carol Ann, tell me.
Whose name is signed
259
00:12:03,557 --> 00:12:06,517
on this invoice
for 20 pounds of chicken feed?
260
00:12:06,518 --> 00:12:09,603
- Oh! I'd recognize
that big X anywhere.
261
00:12:09,604 --> 00:12:13,649
That's my daddy's signature.
Bobert Wheeler.
262
00:12:13,650 --> 00:12:15,734
- Uh, Your Honor, objection.
263
00:12:15,735 --> 00:12:18,154
Purchasing feed
does not prove ownership.
264
00:12:18,155 --> 00:12:21,657
I happen to recall a woman
who bought a number of cat toys
265
00:12:21,658 --> 00:12:23,284
but never actually owned a-
- Ah. Sustained.
266
00:12:23,285 --> 00:12:25,786
Movin' right along.
267
00:12:25,787 --> 00:12:27,496
- I'd also like
to enter into evidence
268
00:12:27,497 --> 00:12:29,039
this thank-you note
269
00:12:29,040 --> 00:12:31,876
written in
Mrs. Wheeler's handwriting.
270
00:12:31,877 --> 00:12:33,919
- "Thank you for being
the best big sister
271
00:12:33,920 --> 00:12:35,254
us chickens could ask for.
272
00:12:35,255 --> 00:12:36,714
The feed was delicious.
273
00:12:36,715 --> 00:12:38,674
Lots of cluck,
Edna, Otis, James..."
274
00:12:38,675 --> 00:12:41,010
Okay. I'm not reading
40 chicken names!
275
00:12:41,011 --> 00:12:43,053
- No further questions,
Your Honor.
276
00:12:43,054 --> 00:12:44,805
- It never occurred to you
to mention
277
00:12:44,806 --> 00:12:47,558
that your daughter was your
chicken-feed dealer?
278
00:12:47,559 --> 00:12:50,478
- Why? You need feed?
279
00:12:50,479 --> 00:12:52,939
I can hook it up.
280
00:12:54,733 --> 00:12:58,736
- I don't know.
I got to be missing something.
281
00:12:58,737 --> 00:13:00,321
No chicken could cause that kind
of damage to a massage parlor.
282
00:13:00,322 --> 00:13:01,989
I mean,
what kind of crazy chicken
283
00:13:01,990 --> 00:13:04,950
pecks hot stones into gravel?!
284
00:13:04,951 --> 00:13:08,621
- Two words! Foghorn Leghorn!
285
00:13:08,622 --> 00:13:12,166
You find that cartoon chicken,
we blow this case wide open!
286
00:13:12,167 --> 00:13:15,252
- Murray. Murray. Calm down.
We can figure this out.
287
00:13:15,253 --> 00:13:17,713
Now, tell me. What kind of dirt
did you dig up on Carol Ann?
288
00:13:17,714 --> 00:13:20,132
- Oh. Lots of dirt.
Lots of dirt.
289
00:13:20,133 --> 00:13:22,760
And twigs.
And abandoned shoelaces.
290
00:13:22,761 --> 00:13:25,179
- What the- Hey! What?!
What the hell?!
291
00:13:25,180 --> 00:13:26,722
I'm trying to build a case here!
292
00:13:26,723 --> 00:13:28,807
What are you doing,
making a nest?!
293
00:13:28,808 --> 00:13:31,143
- I didn't like the way
those papers were looking at me.
294
00:13:31,144 --> 00:13:35,064
And I heard
what those shoelaces said!
295
00:13:35,065 --> 00:13:36,857
- Murray.
- Hm?
296
00:13:36,858 --> 00:13:38,901
- How long have you been
eating Frumpton's feed?
297
00:13:38,902 --> 00:13:41,780
- I don't know. One sunrise.
298
00:13:43,323 --> 00:13:45,866
- Murray, I think
you just saved my case.
299
00:13:45,867 --> 00:13:48,118
That food is poison!
300
00:13:48,119 --> 00:13:50,579
You gotta promise me
you will not stop eating it
301
00:13:50,580 --> 00:13:52,665
until we beat Julianne.
302
00:13:52,666 --> 00:13:55,084
- You know I won't.
- Oh! Ha ha!
303
00:13:55,085 --> 00:13:57,754
Alright. [ Stammers ]
304
00:14:01,633 --> 00:14:03,384
- These are beautiful.
305
00:14:03,385 --> 00:14:05,469
- My family thinks
flowers are a waste of money.
306
00:14:05,470 --> 00:14:06,887
That's why at their wedding
307
00:14:06,888 --> 00:14:08,932
Mama threw a bouquet
of hose parts.
308
00:14:11,364 --> 00:14:15,271
- Sorry. What?
I was just thinking about
309
00:14:15,272 --> 00:14:17,941
how your jaw line
could cut fudge!
310
00:14:19,401 --> 00:14:21,151
- Hi, Crash!
311
00:14:21,152 --> 00:14:23,529
Girl, calm down.
There's no need to yell.
312
00:14:23,530 --> 00:14:25,698
- I'll see you tonight.
313
00:14:25,699 --> 00:14:27,741
- So you're going out
with a Wheeler?
314
00:14:27,742 --> 00:14:29,910
- Yep. And he brought me
these beautiful flowers...
315
00:14:29,911 --> 00:14:31,537
[ Hissing ]
316
00:14:31,538 --> 00:14:34,373
...that are, for some reason,
hissing at me.
317
00:14:34,374 --> 00:14:35,958
- Maybe because they were picked
318
00:14:35,959 --> 00:14:39,211
by a cursed man
from a cursed garden.
319
00:14:39,212 --> 00:14:40,796
- Would a cursed man be taking me
320
00:14:40,797 --> 00:14:42,590
to a hot new
Italian restaurant tonight?
321
00:14:42,591 --> 00:14:44,800
- By any chance,
is it Nicolazzo's?
322
00:14:44,801 --> 00:14:46,218
- Oh, yeah.
Have you heard good things?
323
00:14:46,219 --> 00:14:48,638
- It's burning down right now.
324
00:14:54,978 --> 00:14:57,105
- [ Hissing ]
- Ooh!
325
00:15:00,066 --> 00:15:02,735
- Ms. Wheeler,
you recognize this man?
326
00:15:02,736 --> 00:15:06,406
- No, but he kinda looks like
a balloon I saw once.
327
00:15:06,407 --> 00:15:10,159
- This is Murray Flobert,
a loving husband,
328
00:15:10,160 --> 00:15:12,453
a respected judge,
329
00:15:12,454 --> 00:15:14,163
a song-and-dance man.
330
00:15:14,164 --> 00:15:16,457
- It's song or dance man!
331
00:15:16,458 --> 00:15:19,336
I cannot do them together!
No one can!
332
00:15:21,546 --> 00:15:24,632
- But lately,
he has been quick to rage.
333
00:15:24,633 --> 00:15:27,426
What's changed? His diet.
334
00:15:27,427 --> 00:15:30,596
He's been eating
General Frumpton's feed,
335
00:15:30,597 --> 00:15:34,099
the same feed that was given
to the Wheelers' chickens.
336
00:15:34,100 --> 00:15:36,352
- If the defense
wants to waste people's time
337
00:15:36,353 --> 00:15:38,062
with unfounded claims,
then he should just
338
00:15:38,063 --> 00:15:40,815
bitch to his doorman
like a normal New Yorker!
339
00:15:40,816 --> 00:15:45,235
- There is nothin' in our feed
that would cause violence.
340
00:15:45,236 --> 00:15:47,154
The only side effect
is happy birds
341
00:15:47,155 --> 00:15:50,492
with the biggest chicken
knockers you've ever seen!
342
00:15:53,370 --> 00:15:56,288
- Perhaps you wouldn't mind
demonstrating to us
343
00:15:56,289 --> 00:15:59,459
how harmless the feed is by...
344
00:16:01,127 --> 00:16:02,961
...eating it.
- Objection! No.
345
00:16:02,962 --> 00:16:04,922
This is clearly
food for animals.
346
00:16:04,923 --> 00:16:06,965
There's- There's
a chicken on the bag.
347
00:16:06,966 --> 00:16:08,676
- So you have to be a leprechaun
348
00:16:08,677 --> 00:16:10,844
to enjoy the
chalky marshmallow hell
349
00:16:10,845 --> 00:16:12,722
that is Lucky Charms?!
350
00:16:13,848 --> 00:16:16,393
- That logic is bulletproof.
Overruled.
351
00:16:17,852 --> 00:16:19,269
- It's fine. [ Chuckles ]
352
00:16:19,270 --> 00:16:22,231
I'd be delighted
to have a tasty bite. Mmm!
353
00:16:22,232 --> 00:16:26,694
Can Really taste the corn
and the- and the millet. Mmm!
354
00:16:26,695 --> 00:16:29,029
Nyum-nyum-nyum-nyum-nyum,
nyum-nyum-nyum-nyum!
355
00:16:29,030 --> 00:16:33,659
- Let the record show that the
witness is clearly fake eating
356
00:16:33,660 --> 00:16:38,330
and that her space work
is middling at best.
357
00:16:38,331 --> 00:16:41,208
Why won't you eat the feed,
Carol Ann?
358
00:16:41,209 --> 00:16:44,212
Why won't you eat the feed?!
359
00:16:45,422 --> 00:16:47,214
- Because it's full
of steroids
360
00:16:47,215 --> 00:16:50,093
and I'm happy with
the size of my knockers!
361
00:16:51,925 --> 00:16:54,638
- So the chickens' violence
362
00:16:54,639 --> 00:16:56,765
is not the Wheelers' fault
at all!
363
00:16:56,766 --> 00:17:01,437
The blame falls squarely
on General Frumpton's shoulders!
364
00:17:01,438 --> 00:17:04,106
No more questions, Your Honor.
- You may step down.
365
00:17:04,107 --> 00:17:06,024
- As a reformed arsonist,
I'm not so sure
366
00:17:06,025 --> 00:17:08,485
you're supposed to be
this close to me because,
367
00:17:08,486 --> 00:17:10,864
hoo-hoo, I'm on fire!
368
00:17:12,198 --> 00:17:14,742
- [ Sighs ]
Freakin' Wheelers.
369
00:17:14,743 --> 00:17:17,161
They may be the most
insufferable family
370
00:17:17,162 --> 00:17:20,123
I've ever met, and I went
camping with the Mansons.
371
00:17:21,458 --> 00:17:23,375
- Alright. Listen. We did it.
372
00:17:23,376 --> 00:17:25,127
Now all you have to do
is testify
373
00:17:25,128 --> 00:17:27,963
that you gave the feed
to the chickens, and we win.
374
00:17:27,964 --> 00:17:29,548
- Seems simple enough.
- Yeah.
375
00:17:29,549 --> 00:17:33,303
- Your Honor,
we change our plea to guilty.
376
00:17:35,346 --> 00:17:39,559
- We're taking the deal that
flight attendant offered us.
377
00:17:39,679 --> 00:17:43,187
- Whoa, whoa, whoa!
What are you doing?!
378
00:17:43,188 --> 00:17:44,772
I object! Wait.
379
00:17:44,773 --> 00:17:46,732
Can I object to my own clients?
380
00:17:46,733 --> 00:17:49,026
- Well, you know,
when life gives you lemons,
381
00:17:49,027 --> 00:17:52,446
you don't ask
why the lemons are so stupid.
382
00:17:52,447 --> 00:17:54,490
You got a deal.
- [ Groans ]
383
00:17:54,491 --> 00:17:56,659
- Okay. Court is adjourned.
384
00:17:59,704 --> 00:18:02,874
I want it on the record.
This is in no way curse-related.
385
00:18:06,586 --> 00:18:08,420
- I can't believe I lost.
386
00:18:08,421 --> 00:18:10,297
- I can't believe I won.
387
00:18:10,298 --> 00:18:12,549
I mean, I knew I'd win until
the moment I thought you'd won,
388
00:18:12,550 --> 00:18:14,803
and then
I couldn't believe I won.
389
00:18:14,804 --> 00:18:18,931
- You know, I'm getting sick
of defending people.
390
00:18:18,932 --> 00:18:20,724
Oh! Wait.
391
00:18:20,725 --> 00:18:22,810
What does a lighthouse keeper
pull down these days?
392
00:18:22,811 --> 00:18:26,021
I mean,
I've already got the beard.
393
00:18:26,022 --> 00:18:28,607
And I love being alone.
- Yeah.
394
00:18:28,608 --> 00:18:29,983
Well, for what it's worth,
395
00:18:29,984 --> 00:18:32,277
you did a hell of a job
up there.
396
00:18:32,278 --> 00:18:34,112
[ Chuckles ]
- You too.
397
00:18:34,113 --> 00:18:36,615
Actually, it's the best fun
I've had in quite a while
398
00:18:36,616 --> 00:18:38,408
till the Wheelers
threw me under the bus.
399
00:18:38,409 --> 00:18:41,538
- Well, as the bus,
it was my favorite part.
400
00:18:42,831 --> 00:18:44,456
- Hey, there, Mr. Fielding!
401
00:18:44,457 --> 00:18:46,626
- Bye, there, Mr. Fielding!
402
00:18:48,711 --> 00:18:50,963
- We just wanted to say
thank you.
403
00:18:50,964 --> 00:18:53,382
- Because of your
good lawyering,
404
00:18:53,383 --> 00:18:56,218
General Frumpton
gave us a financial reward
405
00:18:56,219 --> 00:18:58,095
in exchange for our silence.
406
00:18:58,096 --> 00:18:59,680
- So that's why you took
the plea deal, huh?
407
00:18:59,681 --> 00:19:01,348
Screwed me
for a little bit of money.
408
00:19:01,349 --> 00:19:04,935
- It was a lot of bit of money.
- Yeah...
409
00:19:04,936 --> 00:19:06,895
- But some of it is for you.
410
00:19:06,896 --> 00:19:08,397
- No, I don't want your curse.
411
00:19:08,398 --> 00:19:11,859
[ Coughing ] Ohh!
412
00:19:11,860 --> 00:19:13,777
$300,000?
413
00:19:13,778 --> 00:19:17,197
- We're using the rest to open
our own theme park-
414
00:19:17,198 --> 00:19:19,992
Wheeler World.
415
00:19:19,993 --> 00:19:23,204
It's like a water park
but with mud.
416
00:19:26,583 --> 00:19:28,751
- We're looking for investors.
417
00:19:32,881 --> 00:19:37,009
- Yes. I would, um,
like to invest in my future.
418
00:19:37,010 --> 00:19:38,427
There you go.
419
00:19:38,428 --> 00:19:41,180
Please... never come back.
420
00:19:44,726 --> 00:19:46,895
- We could never quit him.
421
00:19:51,149 --> 00:19:52,482
- Still no word from Abby.
422
00:19:52,483 --> 00:19:55,277
- No, but I have
a Google alert set
423
00:19:55,278 --> 00:19:58,655
for "blonde, judge,
terrible accident."
424
00:19:58,656 --> 00:20:00,824
[ Cellphone dings ]
425
00:20:00,825 --> 00:20:02,868
Oh. False alarm.
426
00:20:02,869 --> 00:20:05,204
Heidi Klum
fell off a trampoline.
427
00:20:06,539 --> 00:20:10,208
- There's someone who hasn't
been struck by indoor lightning!
428
00:20:10,209 --> 00:20:12,502
Did your date go well?
- Mm-hmm.
429
00:20:12,503 --> 00:20:14,880
- Did you get a good-night kiss?
- Mm-hmm.
430
00:20:14,881 --> 00:20:16,340
- Did that kiss
do something to you
431
00:20:16,341 --> 00:20:18,550
that makes it hard
for you to speak?
432
00:20:18,551 --> 00:20:21,511
- [Wheeler-esque]
What makes ya say that?
433
00:20:21,512 --> 00:20:23,138
- Why are you talking
like a Wheeler?
434
00:20:23,139 --> 00:20:25,766
- [ Gasps ] The curse!
435
00:20:25,767 --> 00:20:27,768
- It's not a curse.
436
00:20:27,769 --> 00:20:30,354
What it was, was we was
kissing in the French style,
437
00:20:30,355 --> 00:20:32,522
and I had a reaction
to the shrimp he ate.
438
00:20:32,523 --> 00:20:35,442
So now my lips are numb
and my tongue is big.
439
00:20:35,443 --> 00:20:38,695
- Abby, if this is what happens
after only one date,
440
00:20:38,696 --> 00:20:40,697
we're all in grave danger.
441
00:20:40,698 --> 00:20:43,618
- Come on! There's no
such thing as a curse.
442
00:20:47,163 --> 00:20:49,039
- Okay. Look.
443
00:20:49,040 --> 00:20:50,749
There's a great person
out there for you.
444
00:20:50,750 --> 00:20:52,209
- But you're never gonna find him
445
00:20:52,210 --> 00:20:54,295
if a piano lands on your head.
446
00:20:54,296 --> 00:20:57,255
- Dagnabbit.
You guys are so sweet.
447
00:20:57,256 --> 00:20:58,799
- Oh, hell no!
- Get that cursed monkey paw
448
00:20:58,800 --> 00:21:01,009
away from me!
449
00:21:01,010 --> 00:21:04,388
- Okay. Fine. I'll call it off.
450
00:21:04,389 --> 00:21:07,516
"Crash. We can't see
each other no more.
451
00:21:07,517 --> 00:21:09,309
Goodbye forever."
452
00:21:09,310 --> 00:21:10,978
There. Did it.
453
00:21:10,979 --> 00:21:12,855
[ Glass shatters ]
454
00:21:17,610 --> 00:21:21,114
Fine. I'll done do it
for real this time.
455
00:21:23,908 --> 00:21:25,076
It's funny!
456
00:21:25,126 --> 00:21:29,676
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