Original subtitles

[? upbeat jazzy music playing]

[water dripping]

Are we gonna do anything about that leaky faucet?

I've done my part by complaining about it.

There's a plumber underneath the house working on it right now.

- [metal clanging] - But thanks for all your help.

I dated a plumber once.

Is there any more to this story?

- Um... - [metal clanging continues]

Nope. That's it.

Weissman, Frisch, Lipschitz.

What are you doing?

Same as you. Sorting pills.

- By Jews? - By my doctors.

So, yes.

I sort mine by the name of the pill.

The correct way to sort pills is by affliction.

Everybody knows that. Read a book.

Disagree. PrEP...

Aw, remember condoms?

No? Okay.

Ticks!

What? I may have Lyme disease.

- Frisch... - Ginkgo...

- Vertigo... - Lipschitz...

- [water dripping] - PrEP.

- Ticks. - Frisch.

- Ginkgo. - Vertigo.

- [Bunny] Lipschitz. - [Jerry] PrEP.

- [Arthur] Ticks. - [Bunny] Frisch.

- Ginkgo. - Vertigo.

- Lipschitz. - [all gasp]

[feet stomping]

- ? He had it comin' ? - [metal clanging in rhythm]

? He had it comin' ?

? He only had himself to blame ?

? If you'd have been there ?

? If you'd have seen it ?

? I betcha you would have done the same ?

Bring it home, girls!

? He had it comin' ?

- [rhythmic metal clanging continues] - ? He had it comin' ?

? He only had himself to blame ?

Ow, ow, ow! Leg cramp.

Gimme a Lipschitz!

[? upbeat music playing]

Hey, Bunny, are you okay if I put my energy drinks

on the bottom shelf of the fridge?

I can answer for her. She is not okay with that.

Miss Havisham wants everything in this house

preserved exactly as it was when her life still had hope.

Yeah, we get it, Arthur. You read.

Jerry, darling, you've lived here for a month.

You don't have to ask.

Mi casa es su casa.

But, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.

So, I don't know what the rules are in su casa,

but in mi casa, we take the cans out of the plastic holder

and put it in mi trash.

Better if it ends up in the ocean choking a turtle?

Oh, we used to play Choke the Turtle at sleepovers.

But it wasn't actually a turtle, it was a--

We get it, Jerry.

So, just admit, it kills you to share your house with us.

Oh, give it up, boys.

This one? Not a sharer.

You know, he ate his twin in the womb.

I didn't eat my twin, Mother.

It was absorbed.

All I know is there were two, and then there was you lickin' your chops.

I have to say, it looks bad for you, Bunny.

I didn't eat my twin!

We have bigger problems. We need a housekeeper.

Nilsa quit.

Why? I thought Nilsa was happy here.

She said she didn't sign up to clean for three men.

Oh, you couldn't talk her out of it?

I tried. I said, "What three men?

They're gay guys. They barely add up to one."

And the GLAAD Award for Ally of the Year goes to Sybil Schneiderman.

I'll call the agency we used before and try to get us someone new.

Or, why don't the three of us hire a new housekeeper together?

You know, so we can prove I am a good sharer

and you're completely wrong, as you so often are.

Well, it would be nice to share in some of the household decisions,

because we do need to figure out which soaps are for use

and which are decorative, so Bunny doesn't yell at me.

[scoffs] It's not that hard.

If it looks like a flower, don't bring it in the shower.

I like this idea. All three of us will hire the new maid.

Oh, great! It's unanimous.

- [mugs clinking] - Oh, three out of four is unanimous?

I didn't see the news today. Did women lose the right to vote?

?

[? upbeat music playing]

And this is a video of me cleaning pans.

It got 300 likes and a bunch of requests

for pictures of my feet.

And this is what you do?

You make TikToks of all your cleaning hacks?

Those are words, right?

I am obsessed with cleaning. It's an OCD thing.

My friends say I'm a little anal.

Oh, people say that about me too.

Uh, can I?

- Oh. - I know a little trick, yeah.

[all] Ooh!

There's nothing too tight I can't open.

People say that about me too.

You guys seem great, and I promise,

I would do a really good job for you.

- [knocking] - Oh, that's our last candidate.

But Mary, we're very impressed.

Come in! I think we're all in agreement

that you would be the perfect person to--

Hi, I'm Bo.

For us to get back to.

Come on in, Bo.

- You can show yourself out. - But I thought--

We all did, dear.

Wow, the agency didn't tell me I'd be interviewing

with the three handsomest men in Palm Springs.

[all laugh]

Thank you.

Bo, come sit right here.

So, did you wanna ask me any questions?

Oh, I thought I had.

But maybe that was just in my head.

Well, you're obviously capable.

- And strong. - And have a dimple on every cheek.

[all laugh]

- He's a comedian! - [Arthur] Hilarious!

- So witty. - So funny.

It's like something

from a one-man stage show.

You should definitely do that too. Bo on Broadway.

Oh, people would definitely come. I'd come every night.

How...

How do you even get tickets?

[Bunny laughing]

- What? - Down, girl.

Oh.

So, Bo, how long have you lived in Palm Springs?

Well, I moved here from Texas a couple years ago

with my ex-boyfriend, but I'm single now.

Well, I've heard enough.

Oh, so you guys don't wanna see me do push-ups?

- Push-ups? - A lot of guys

usually want me to do push-ups.

Well, if that's what's done.

- What's going on here? - We're interviewing the new housekeeper.

Bunny, kitchen.

Oh. That's my mom, but I'm a grown man.

She's not the boss of me.

- [Sybil] Bunny! - Coming, Mother.

Mother, I'm busy.

I'm very disappointed in you.

And there it is, the title of my memoir.

You know, if you had asked me, which nobody seems to want to do,

I would have told you your father's first rule of business.

Never hire someone you wanna schtup.

That was Daddy's rule?

I may have suggested it...

written it down, and taped it to his pillow.

Look, yes, he's handsome,

and some might even say built like a brick shithouse.

But that's not the only reason we're hiring him.

Did you check his references?

[laughing] Did we check his references?!

The important thing is...

the three of us made this decision together.

- The three of you? - Yeah, that's what I said.

The three of us, we're a team.

Oh, wait!

- He's clapping in between? - [Bo clapping]

Start over!

?

[? jazzy music playing]

- Bo here yet? - Not yet.

But I see you got all gussied up and ready for him with your new ensemble.

- [scoffs] I've had this forever. - So, it's just the price tag that's new?

And when did you start wearing bandanas, Tex?

I wanted Bo to feel at home.

Is home Toy Story?

? Bo's first day, Bo's first day ?

? Everybody's happy 'cause it's Bo's first day ?

- [all cheer and applaud] - [Jerry and Bunny] There he is!

Morning, Bunny. Arthur, I love the bandana.

And, uh, forgive me, I keep forgettin' your name.

No, that-- that's okay, it's... [sighs]

Wow.

He gave me nothing.

And nothing is everything.

Wow, look at you. Moist as a Bundt cake.

That really turns you on, doesn't it?

It's classic. The hot one loves getting ignored.

Oh, I don't love getting ignored. It's just, when people ignore me...

I kinda love it. [chuckles]

- I'll tell you what I love. - We know, queen.

Every part of you stands at attention if someone thinks you're butch.

- It's gay self-hatred 101. - Oh, I'm not proud of it.

My self-hatred is one of the things I hate most about myself.

But at least our fetishes are nuanced

and reflect some psychological complexities.

Yeah, you just like butts.

Your perfect man would be a bubble butt wearing a jaunty fedora.

[Arthur] So, we all have our peccadilloes.

And we all have a little crush on the housekeeper.

But we live together now. Competing over the same guy

would be a disaster for our friendship.

And if he's into one of us, you two will be so bummed.

?

[Bunny] ? The thought of you stays bright ?

? Sometimes I stand in the middle of the floor ?

? Not going left, not going right ?

? I dim... ? [yelps]

[clears throat] I didn't see you there.

Sorry. I wanted to get this done before you got out,

but this mattress is so dang heavy.

Oh, here, let me help you.

Oh.

Wow, you are really strong. Do you lift?

Oh, yeah. Every morning. [chuckles]

[inhales sharply]

Uh, but these are my mother's.

It would be embarrassing if a man did curls

with these old lady weights. [laughs]

I, uh, I use way heavier ones.

Like the purples.

You know, it's really cool you're okay living with two gay guys.

Why wouldn't I be?

Well, it's just that a lot of straight guys

get a little uptight around gay men.

Oh. Oh, do you think I'm...

Have-- have you mistaken me for...

Yeah, I get that a lot.

But you can't always judge a book by its cover.

[chuckling]

Stupid robe shrunk in the wash.

I always forget to do my delicates in cold.

Probably because I'm too focused on sports and shit.

?

Oh, hey, Bo. Oh, good.

- I was afraid I was gonna miss you. - Oh, you weren't here today.

- No. - [chuckles] I didn't even notice.

See ya.

[moans, sighs]

- Welcome, weary traveler. - [door closes]

I'd say, "Belly up to the bar," but you have no belly.

Hey, do you think it's weird how I get turned on by being ignored?

Not weirder than anyone else's thing.

Yeah, but why do you think it is?

"In a way, he was like the country he lived in.

"Everything came too easily to him, but at least he knew it.

About once a month, he worried that he was a fraud."

My God. I feel so exposed.

- It's The Way We Were. - No, it's the way I am.

The movie, The Way We Were.

- Oh. - Robert Redford, Barbra Streisand?

When were you born again?

- Oh, 19-- - Never mind.

Let's not bring the sad to happy hour.

I guess there's something about the chase, you know?

Having to really work for something.

Or maybe it's a form of rejection.

And maybe there's a small part of you that thinks you deserve it.

Okay, I don't know what movie that's from, but I do not want to see it.

So, what's with you? 'Cause you know what I think?

You're-- you're always so in your head, you know?

And-- and maybe focusing on something like a body part

is a way to keep you from making a real connection.

I think it's simpler than that.

As the great poet once said,

"I like big butts and I cannot lie."

Well, it doesn't rhyme, but, hey, if a poet said it, it must be right.

[? upbeat music playing]

Am I interrupting your not cleaning?

- I'm on a break. - I'm sure you built up quite a sweat

sitting on your ass and eating my cottage cheese with pineapple.

Oh, I know it was you.

The guys said I could have anything I wanted.

I bet they did.

So, do you mind telling me when you're thinking about getting to my room?

Hmm. I'm pickin' up a little attitude.

Well, at least you're pickin' up somethin'.

So, how 'bout you clean my fucking room?

Look, the truth is, I'm not really a house cleaner, per se.

I'm more of a housekeeper.

And, honey, I'm keeping this house happy.

Do I look happy?

Do you ever look happy?

When I'm eating my cottage cheese and pineapple.

Look, I work for these kinds of guys all the time,

and I am very good at givin' my employers what they want.

Not all of 'em, toots.

Well, with all due respect, I don't work for you.

I work for them. It's their house.

Is that right?

?

[? upbeat jazzy music playing]

Bunny, we've been friends for 30 years.

Are we ever gonna see you without a shirt on?

No.

I took off the bottoms. Winnie the Pooh is all you get.

Guys, can we talk about Bo?

Ah, our housekeeper. One of my favorite subjects.

- Yes, he is divine. - Oh, he's great.

Although, if I'm being totally honest,

and this is super picky,

he kinda never cleans.

Look, I know we all agreed to a hands-off policy with Bo,

but what we didn't account for was his attraction to one of us

- being so strong, so undeniable. - [sighs] Yeah.

It would be cruel not to give in.

So glad you saw that, because I'm ready to give in.

You? I was talking about me.

Bo is so into me, he wants to turn me gay.

And goddammit, I'm gonna let him do it.

Please, you're delusional.

Bo has been coming on to me since he got here.

- He doesn't even know your name. - Exactly.

Look, I've been doing some thinking.

Uh-oh.

He's clearly figured out my love language, and he's giving me what I want.

Nothing. [moans]

[water splashing]

Sometimes a blow-off is just a blow-off, dear.

Oh, yeah? Well, it takes an ass to love an ass!

- Does it? - Oh, suck it, Arthur!

[water splashing]

Hold on! Hold on!

What are we doing? This is exactly what we didn't want.

Having someone get in the middle of our friendship.

Not to mention, we're three gay men falling for the hot houseboy.

We're dangerously close to the plot of a porno.

On the other hand, just because we're porn clich�s

doesn't make it any less hot.

An excellent point, Geraldine.

Maybe we should just ask Bo to clarify things,

find out which one of us he's interested in,

and may the best man win.

Are you sure, Bunny? It may not go well for you.

[chuckles]

[chuckles]

[laughing]

I got news for you little girls.

You don't know this about me, but I got game.

The mens? Ooh, the mens, they likes me.

And it ain't just the house, and it ain't just the money.

If that's all true and you're all that, why are you alone?

Because I'm totally fucked up.

But that only fuels my desire to please.

And please, I do.

Yo, Bo!

Hey guys! Not Bo, sorry.

I thought he was a hottie too.

But as they say, a hottie on the streets, incompetent with the sheets.

Okay, Mary, I got this.

- Love her. - What happened to Bo?

Oh, I fired the Midnight Cowboy.

Oh, you look disappointed. Want me to do some push-ups?

Why would you do that?

It was the first decision the three of us made together.

Yeah, well, guess what?

There are not three people living here. There are four.

- [Arthur/Bunny/Jerry] Oh. - Yeah.

- [Arthur/Bunny/Jerry] Yeah, right. - "Oh," right.

- So, you get it now? - We do.

Guys, I love that you moved in.

The house is full, I laugh every day.

But you have to know something.

Out there, women my age have to fight to be seen.

That's life.

But I am not gonna be invisible in my own home,

and certainly not with my own son.

Do we understand each other?

We do. And I'm really sorry.

I fell in with a bad crowd.

Sorry, Mrs. Schneiderman.

It's unanimous. It'll never happen again, sir.

[Sybil] Good.

I may not be queer, but I'm here, so get used to it.

[? upbeat music playing]

You're not invisible.

Though you are blending in with my pillows.

You're an equal and important part of this house,

and I will not forget that again.

Thank you, Bunny.

Oh!

Cottage cheese with pineapple.

Why two spoons?

Where do you think your not-sharing came from?

[chuckles]

Sit down. I have something for you too.

Oh, you do?

- Mm-hmm. - [chuckles] That's so sweet.

It's from your childhood. I saved it.

Oh, what is it?

It's your twin.

See, you didn't eat all of it.

Relax. It's a prune.

?

[? upbeat music playing]

?

[? music ends]

[voice] Let me talk to the boys.

[? fanfare playing]

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