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♪ I woke up in the mornin' ♪

♪ And the sun Was shining bright ♪

♪ I got caught in the moment ♪

♪ I got motion in my life ♪

♪ All the colors in my eyes ♪

♪ Open up my heart ♪

♪ Singing oh, oh, oh ♪

♪ It's a new day It's a new way ♪

♪ Ah, ha, ha, ah ♪

♪ Bring me a new day ♪

♪ Ah, ha, ha, ah ♪

♪ It's a new way ♪

♪ Ah, ha, ha, ah ♪

♪ Bring me a new day ♪

♪ Ah, ha, ha, ah ♪

♪ It's a new way ♪

♪ It's a brand new day ♪

♪ It's a new way ♪

♪ It's a brand new day ♪

♪ Ah, ha, ha, ah ♪

♪ Bring me a new day ♪

♪ Ah, ha, ha, ah ♪

♪ It's a new way ♪

♪ It's a brand new day ♪

♪ It's a new way ♪

♪ It's a brand new day ♪

Oh, yeah.

Seriously?

- So where do you summer? - Where do I summer?

Usually at the Hamptons, yeah.

- Oh. - The Hamptons.

Fabulous. Where?

You know, it just changes all the time.

I just keep kind of hip hopping around.

Oh, totally. The housing market is ridiculous.

Insanity.

Absurd.

I'm in SAG.

- Same. - Oh? We'll lunch.

Oh, fuck off.

Alison, you haven't eaten since '09.

Oh my God, stop it! I'm blushing, you bitch!

Family.

Sisters.

What do you do?

Excuse me, miss?

I ordered a drink 20 minutes ago.

I'm sorry. You must be mistaken.

- I don't work here. - No, I ordered it from you.

Uh, no. Definitely not. Enjoy the party though.

So weird. I must have, like, a twin or something.

Anyway, um,

I'm an entrepreneurship kind of.

What do you guys do?

Finance. They call me the Golden Clit.

They can look, but they can't touch.

Oh, oh, oh.

And she throws this incredible event every year.

Stop! I hate you, but I love you. -

If you ladies will excuse me,

I have tonight's speech to prepare for.

Kiss, kiss, kiss!

Oh, yeah. She is #superwoman.

Rumor has it that Gwyneth tapped her to be the next CEO of Goop.

- You're joking. - She's not.

I'm not.

Anyway, Eden's the best person to know

if you ever wanna get ahead.

Where have you been?

- I was helping with the guests. - Bullshit!

You were schmoozing, and I explicitly forbid schmoozing.

Didn't you see the sign?

No, the other sign!

Look, when I gave you this job,

I told you there was one thing I expected.

What do we want?

- Excellence. - And when do we want it?

- Always. - Always.

But no, I was not schmoozing, I was networking.

The more people we know, the more people we can serve.

- Well, fired immediately. - But--

No, I don't pay you to network or schmooze or complain.

I pay you to plate and pass puffs. Out!

No, now. Go.

Are you eating the custard? Spit that out.

Put that back in the cup. We could still use that. Oh my God. Animals.

Ladies, gentlemen.

As the city winds down and Long Island heats up,

I wanna thank all of you for donating your energy, time, and resources

to Boas for Bora Bora.

We know how each and every one of these young local girls needs

a feathery, sparkly pink boa to make her feel her best. -

Cheers to you for making this dream come to life.

Bora is just the beginning.

And bring on the summer!

No.

No, no, no, no, no don't call.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Bad Ruby.

It's just a phone call.

Just let him know I'm thinking about him.

Hey. Uh, it's me.

Um...

I know our last conversation was kind of strange,

so I just want to check in.

Um... see how you're doing and everything.

So... give me a callback, I guess. -

We're sorry, the mailbox is full.

Please try your call again later. Good-bye.

♪ I've been hearing Little whispers ♪

Should have just rubbed one out.

♪ Telling me to go back ♪

Come on, girls, help me out.

♪ You said that I had... ♪

What am I supposed to do next?

- Ew, Dad. - Gary!

What? It's fine.

Your ancestors died so we could have cereal.

What are you talking about?

Ruby, what are your plans for the summer?

Ooh, are you gonna get a real job?

Are you moving in with Noah?

Are you moving out of this house?

No, it's Noah.

You can't be a cater waiter for the rest of your life.

You know, it's just we haven't heard his name lately, he hasn't been around.

I told you you need to take that economics course in college.

- Now it's too late. - Is there trouble in Paradise?

Oh, my God, you guys! I got fired from my job,

and Noah dumped me, okay?

And no, I don't have another fucking job, Dad.

And I don't have another boyfriend, Mom.

Oh, my God.

Oh my God, I'm nauseous.

You see what you're doing to your mother?

Listen.

It'll be okay, Booby.

Thanks, Dad.

Your possibilities are endless.

- Do you really think so? - Yeah.

- Now you can get a real job. - What?

- Dad! - Ruby, listen to your mother.

You're gonna go to shul.

Do not roll your eyes at me.

You go to shul and you pray to God

to bring you a nice Jewish doctor.

Or better yet, an orthopedic surgeon. - Ooh.

I mean, how many bones are in the body? - All of them.

- I mean, they work constantly. - Yes.

Oh, no DOs. They're not real doctors

- They're not. - And do not date a chiropractor.

What, do they go to college for, six months?

- A correspondence course. - And with your neck.

Oh, my God, it still doesn't move an inch. -

I can't believe that happened to you.

Where are you going?

- Ruby. - Sweetheart.

We're trying to help you.

- Sweetie, we love you. - We just want you to be happy.

Oh, Gary, I, I'm so nauseous.

- Here. - No with the peanut butter.

- It helps. - It's 24 hours a day with the goddamn peanut butter!

- It helps me. - It's an illness!

- Lovely day, isn't it? - What?

Just saying it's a nice day.

Beautiful.

Time for tea, I think.

Oh, let me help you.

- Here, grab a wing. - Oh. Thank you, dear.

Bye.

- Hello. - Hi. Oh, my God,

it's so good to hear your voice.

Ruby, I thought I made it clear that I need space.

Right. Well...

...uh, do you know when you think you'll stop needing that space?

I shouldn't have answered the phone.

But you did. And it's for sure, you know.

And can I just say, how often is it that you meet another Jew

who you actually want to date?

You know, instead of fantasizing

about dating the hot blond guy

or the hot Muslim guy or the hot Greek guy from the deli.

This is probably too much information,

but I see the way you look at the blonde,

leggy, waspy girl in yoga.

So I know we're on the same page.

I just feel like we're meant to be together, you know?

No, no. We're not. Not right now, at least.

You can't take care of yourself. And I don't have the bandwidth

to do that for you right now. Okay?

Okay, you're 30, and you've had, like, 15 careers.

So? Most people have one career. Two if they're lucky.

I am a boss bitch. I just haven't figured out

what I'm supposed to be bossing yet.

Look, that's, that's great, Ruby.

Go find it,

um, on your own.

Listen, I got to go. I am out east, and

Dad'll be up soon, so good luck. -

Bye.

Probably you just should have rubbed one out. - Oh, my God.

Did you just eavesdrop on my conversation? - On my hobble home,

I realized I never got your name, so I came back,

- and when I did-- - You stood there and listened?

- Exactly. - Okay, well, that's very weird.

- Mmm. - But also, I get it.

I had a terrible boyfriend, too.

- Epstein's lawyer. Hmm. - Was your boyfriend?

Well, we recently broke up.

Lawyers have a thing for older women.

Dear, don't think twice about that pisher.

He's... He's not a pisher.

Well, he kind of is. But... he also kind of isn't.

And anyway, it's not any of your business. - Hmm.

I also lost my fucking job. God.

And I'm sitting here on a park bench talking to a stranger.

And frankly, you seem a little...

Meshuggener?

Kind of.

My name is Golda.

Hi, Golda, I'm Ruby.

It's bashert we met.

I knew it the minute I saw you. Come to my home.

What?

I don't know you.

You're probably a serial killer.

Would a serial killer admit she was a serial killer?

- No. - Then I'm a serial killer.

Come on, I wanna show you something.

Wow, Golda, this place is beautiful.

Thank you, dear.

Oh, watch out for the kitty cats.

Do you know I've been sitting on that bench

the better part of 30 years?

Not once has anyone said hello to me.

Yep. Not till you, Bubala.

Here it is.

♪ Here we go! ♪

Wow.

You see anything you like?

Yes.

♪ Don't, don't Want no cheap shit Plastic ♪

♪ Who do you think You're with? ♪

♪ Boy, I'm a material girl ♪

♪ I'm living lavishly Love's an accessory ♪

♪ Don't need much All I need is the world ♪

♪ You wanna shine? You wanna shine? ♪

♪ Don't fuck it up Don't fuck it up ♪

♪ But I gotta warn you ♪

♪ If you wanna roll I want it ♪

♪ I want it, I want it I want it all ♪

♪ I want it, I want it ♪

♪ I want it all ♪

♪ I want it, I want it I want it all ♪

♪ I want it, I want it I want it ♪

♪ I, I, I want it all ♪

Honestly, this was the most fun I've had in a really long time.

- Thank you. - No, thank you.

I haven't gotten a chance to show that stuff off in ages,

and you have a good eye.

What do you want to do with that?

I don't know.

I'm just trying to be relevant, you know?

Is that too much?

Never. It was honest.

I've been looking for someone like you.

- You have? - Mmm.

I have a storefront in Southampton

called Magic Closet.

Haven't been there in ages. Why don't you go run it for me?

Seriously?

God, you're like a fairy godmother.

That is so nice of you to offer, but I couldn't.

- You could. - No, no, like, I actually couldn't.

I can't sell anything, ever.

- I'm sure that's not true. - No. It is.

My very first job was in the back of a Mr. Frosty truck,

and I kept telling everyone that they could get

better ice cream at Haäagen-Dazs around the corner.

Yet again, honest.

You remind me of a young Gwyneth.

- She's half Jewish, you know. - Really?

Mmm. What can I say?

The ultimate shiksa goddess loves her challah.

- I also love challah. - Who doesn't?

And listen, I know a good bet when I see one.

Besides, you'll be in the Hamptons the entire summer.

Talk about relevant, hmm?

♪ One, two, three, four ♪

♪ Looking for something I ain't had before ♪

♪ Climb through the window When I can't find the door ♪

♪ Cut the breaks, don't stop Leave it all behind ♪

♪ Raise the stakes Let's fly 'Cause I like 'em high ♪

Okay.

Door next door, apartment upstairs key should work.

Door next door... apartment upstairs key should work.

Oh. Come on.

You can do this. You can do this.

I'm Gwyneth. I am a Goop.

I'm a boss babe.

Okay.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Hi, Golda, uh, it's Ruby. Really hope you remember me.

Um, okay. I think someone's actually living in the apartment upstairs,

so I wasn't sure if there's another apartment or what the story is,

but I, I don't have a place to stay out here. -

We're sorry. The mailbox is full.

Please try your call again later. Good-bye.

Okay. Okay, okay, okay.

- Ruby. What's up? - Noah, Noah. Hi. Hi. It's Ruby.

Please don't, don't hang up.

It's an emergency. Um, hello?

Hello? Noah?

- Hello. - Yeah, yeah, I can't-- Um, okay.

I just got out east and I don't have... a place to stay.

You should not come and stay here.

- Um... - You should...come and stay here.

- What? - What?

I shou-- I should stay over. Really?

No, um, you should not come. Do not come.

Do...come.

I should come over?

- No, uh, no! - Noah.

Noah!

Ruby.

I love you.

I, I don't love you, Ruby.

I don't love you. I do not love you.

- I do...love you. - I love you!

Ruby. I do not love you.

- I...love you. - Okay, okay. I love you so much.

So much love. Ah!

I love love! Okay!

I'll see you soon!

Ru-- Ru--

Seriously?

Oh, my God.

Ooh, my God.

Amazing.

- Catch me! - No.

Oh, oh. I'm so excited to see you.

Oh. What's up?

- Is everything okay? - Yeah.

Um, just surprised that you called and that you're here...

at my house.

You told me I should come over.

Just now. You said you loved me, and...

Mmm, no, I said that you shouldn't come over,

and that I don't love you.

Rube. Ruby cube, come on. I wanna be clear.

Yeah, please! Be fucking clear!

Because apparently, you weren't clear

when I sucked your dick for two and a half years.

Hardly any breaks to completion with feeling!

- I thought you liked it. - No one fucking likes it.

I'm in a tough spot. Okay? Can I just stay here for, like, a few days?

- Even a "a" day? - My dad's dying.

What?

Oh, my God, I had no idea.

Yeah, and I wanna be alone right now. I'm sure you can understand that.

Oh, my God. Of course. No. Take all the time you need.

Like, don't even, don't even think about me, obviously. I mean...

You know, you can think about me a little.

Like, I don't want you to totally forget about me

in my time of need.

Bad Ruby, bad Ruby. I'm sorry.

I didn't mean to make it about myself again. Okay?

There's no pressure for anything, ever.

Great.

Thanks, Ruby cube.

Bye.

Bye.

Oh, and also, um, the alarm goes off

if there's a stranger in the doorway for too long.

So you got, like, 30 seconds to vamoose.

- Hey! - Shot?

Yeah, I'd love that. Thanks. Okay. That's good.

Hey!

So then...

he tells me he's not a relationship guy. -

- Yeah. - What an asshole.

Where's the trust? The commitment?

I'm married to my girl, 33 years. - Twenty-five.

Oh, my God. See, this is what I'm talking about.

Where did the, the cowboys gone?

- You know? - I'm trying to tell you, girl.

So, Ruby, where are you gonna stay? - I don't know.

I'm just gonna look for an Airbnb.

- Oh. - No, no, no.

What?

- Mm-mmm. - Call this guy.

- Okay. - Just lost his renter.

He's a little out there, but nice guy.

- Safe? - Yeah.

Leave the U-Haul here, Ruby.

One of these guys will give you a ride.

We got you, girl.

Now you're gonna be driving, so you can't drink that.

Uh, no. You're gonna be driving. - No. You're driving. Not me.

- No. - I'm not driving that thing.

Highways.

I don't know. Crazy.

Now that's the attitude I wanna hear.

- Oh. Thank you. - You're welcome.

Okay. Woah!

Watch your step.

Thank you so much, I love you. I will call you tomorrow. Muah!

Bye.

♪ 'Cause it's early In the mornin' ♪

♪ And the sleep set in ♪

♪ Early in the mornin' ♪

♪ And the sleep set in ♪

- Hey. Are you the pizza? - Hi.

No, I'm, I'm, I'm renting the room, actually.

Uh...

right.

Right. I also ordered pizza.

That's why it's so weird you rang.

We spoke, like, ten minutes ago on the phone.

Who can tell these days?

- What? - Anyway, come on in, roomie.

Thanks.

Welcome to my little bungalow.

And you take your shoes off. I like to keep it neat and tidy.

- Sure. - Like, honestly, people say I'm a neat freak.

- I'm super anal about it. - Yeah, it looks like it.

Oh. Let me show you your home away from home.

Here you are.

I know you ladies get cold, so I gave you an extra blanket.

Those are towels.

Is there a shower?

Duh, girl.

Check it out. Oh. Sorry, dudette.

Let me get this out of your way.

I can't believe I even had this much stuff in there.

- It's crazy, am I right? - Yeah. Totally nuts. So...

Well, it looks like you're good to go.

What do you do during the day time?

I usually hang around here during the wakey-wakey hours,

so you're welcome to hang if you want. - Oh, thanks.

Um, I'm actually opening up a consignment store in town,

so I'll be pretty busy.

You're joking.

Have I got something for you.

- It's an antique photo album. - Oh, wow.

John, is this your high school yearbook?

- Yeah, it's vintage. - Yeah. I can't take that.

Oh.

But hey. I guess I can try, right?

Best roomie ever. Oh, God.

Oh, man, I was so focused on the pizza,

I totally forgot to tell you about rent.

Oh, yeah. How much do I owe you?

It's $150 a night, plus $2,000 security deposit.

Cash only. No check.

Ooh.

Well...

Oh, my God. Oh, you came to life. Oh, my God.

I did, like, 40-something years ago.

Sorry.

No. Welcome to the neighborhood.

I'm Elijah, your upstairs neighbor.

Yeah, I've heard you. I, I've heard of you.

It's, uh, it's nice to meet you.

It's nice to meet you.

Wow. This, this place is amazing.

- Oh, no. There's so much work. - Sorry. Excuse me.

Um, do you carry children's clothes

or just clothes for people who are old enough

to regret their life choices?

Oh, yeah. Just clothes for people

who still regret their life choices.

- Yeah. Sorry. - Izzy?

Elliot.

- Elijah. No. - Oh, God.

Oh, God. Sorry, I-- Single-mom brain.

I can't remember my own name sometimes. Oh, God, it's been ages.

- Yeah. - We should grab a coffee sometime.

- No. You shouldn't. - Oh, yeah, that would be great.

Great. Uh, oh, call me at the store.

Okay? I got to run.

I am on the search for some shorts that will get my daughter

sent to the principal's office.

Bye.

Well, hey, if you ever want to shop for yourself,

- you should come back, you know. - Yeah, 2031. See you there.

Bye.

Well, it was nice to meet you.

Yeah. Excited to have you here. I am. Yeah, definitely.

The store's been empty for years.

Well, I'll just be upstairs working if you need anything.

All right. Working.

- What? - Nothing.

I'll see you later, neighbor.

Neighbor.

Pervert.

Ooh, winter wardrobe.

Boss lady CEO.

Oh, my God. John.

- What's up? - I have something to consign.

No, I already told you. I'm not taking items.

This is all from one woman's closet.

No, no, you have to take it.

Is that a lollipop?

Alec Baldwin sucked on this lollipop. - Oh, my God.

But I grabbed it from the trash bin as he threw it away.

This is invaluable.

No, John. No!

Oh, my God.

Oh, yeah! Fuck!

Wow!

- Oh, they're really going at it. - Tell me about it.

See you at home.

Fuck me!

That's insane.

Oh, yeah. Fuck!

Come on.

You're not a real real estate agent.

Oh, it's not just a normal van.

You have so many step moms, Vince.

And five makes an orgy.

Oh. Hey, Joanna, hi.

- Elijah. Hi. - Good to see you.

- Oh, my God. - How have you been?

Oh, good. I mean,

you know, the usual,

PTA, book drive,

Costco, Little League.

How does she do it all?

Oh, yeah. Right.

- I'm sorry, I got, I got to go. - Oh, but you're coming

to the potluck on Sunday, though, right?

- What? - I'm making Rice Krispie Treats.

Oh my God, please come. You have to come.

I want you to come so bad. Please say you'll come.

- Oh, God. - Will you come?

I want you to come.

- I... - You're coming.

You have to come. Please come.

You're coming. You're coming.

I will try to come.

Okay, great. All right.

We'll see you there. Bye!

Bye.

Jesus.

That sounds like being a single parent is no joke.

- It really does. - Yeah, talk about being

the hunter and the gatherer.

Exactly. And gatherings' benefits suck.

There's no dental plan and...

- Yeah. - it's ridiculous.

Um. So what do you do?

Ah, I am an editor.

Oh. For movies?

Yeah, yeah. Movies. Uh...

- Mostly one genre. - That's so cool.

I just work in boring landscaping.

Most exciting thing that's ever happened in my job

is when Jurassic Parkcame out,

and everybody wanted a velociraptor for a hedge.

But, uh, my kids bring

- all the drama into my life. - Uh-huh?

Too blessed to be stressed, right? - Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh.

- Um. - Yeah.

- Is everything okay? - Ooh, yeah, yeah.

- Totally fine. Totally fine. - Oh.

"I'm too you blessed to be stressed." I don't know why I said that.

It's like the most mom thing ever.

It is. It's very mom.

It is very mom thing. But, uh, that's not it.

I just realized I spilled some water, is all.

- That's all it is. - Oh, I didn't even notice.

Yeah, 'cause I did it in the car before I walked in,

and I just actually just remembered that I did it,

- and I'm super allergic... - To water?

- Yeah. Yeah. - Oh.

I gotta-- I should, I should go clean up right away.

Oh, I got you. I always have wipies in my bag.

Oh, no. No, Go-- Uh-huh, I'm sure you do. That's awesome.

That is very good to have wipies in case you're-- For your kids.

- Uh-huh. Special tissues? - But I have special tissues.

Yeah, they're non-water-based lotion in the tissue.

And I got to-- I better do this right away before... - Oh, we just sat down.

Yeah, I know. This has been so much fun.

Can we definitely do this again sometime?

- Oh... Oh. - I got to run out and I'm...

- Good-bye. Bye. - Bye.

Hey, I got that chair you guys, you, you were asking about a chair earlier.

Do you remember that?

Shut up.

I'm so sorry about last week.

That was... weird.

I was weird. I was weird, and I'm sorry.

Did I say something wrong? I mean, for you to - No.

- God, no. Uh-huh. - leave like that?

No. No, no, no, no. I think you're great.

I think you seem pretty great, too. -

Um, in a, in a weird way.

- But good weird, uh... - Okay, I'll take it.

I just, I was a little confused.

Yeah. No, I get that.

Listen, I have heard it all. I work in people's yards.

You would not believe the shit people say when they don't think

the help is out there listening.

Okay. Were you in prison?

- What? No. - DUI?

Uh... Well, not that I remember.

Another family you support in Switzerland?

Holy shit. How did you guess that?

But just for the chocolate.

Okay. Then what?

It's weird.

Oh, God. Uh, what is it?

No, no, it's not, it's not. It's just that I, I--

Just say it.

- Just say it. Just say it. - I... edit porn.

- What? I can't hear you. - Hmm?

- What? - Oh.

Uh... I edit porn.

Sorry. Could you just speak up a little?

- Porn, porn. Porn, porn, porn. - Oh.

- Wow. - Porn. I edit porn. I edit porn,

and porn does not turn me on at all.

Moms do.

Live, laugh, love.

Don't talk to me till I've had my coffee.

Leaning in moms.

Um...

- I'm a mom. - Oh, believe me, I know.

But obviously, the, the dream was to be a feature film editor,

a-- and it just, you know, how things go.

It just came onto my lap, and...

Well, that's not how I wanna say it.

I'm just saying, you know, like, it's great health insurance, 401K, you know,

and it's, it's not like people who do this

become more normal over time, you know.

I just-- It's not a...

Look, if you never wanna see me again, I get it. 100%.

Nobody wants the guy who got into the guild

for his work on Must Love Dongs 4.

Can I watch?

Hey, Golda, uh, it's Ruby again.

Um, I've left you a couple of voicemails.

I don't know if your machine is wonky or something,

but the apartment upstairs is definitely occupied by,

I don't know if it's, like, a few couples or maybe

a couple of throuples, or som-- whatever.

It's hard to tell, but please call me back. -

We're sorry. The mailbox is full.

Please try your call again.

This is a real doll chase. It's like, come on, Kiki.

- Embarrassing. - We know. We've been to Chinatown, too.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God! Ruby?

- What are you doing? - Oh, my God!

I'm opening this store actually.

You're joking.

She doesn't look like she's joking.

Obviously, Allison.

It's so cute. What are you selling?

Uh, vintage. It's, like, all vintage. '80s, '90s.

Oh, so, like, used people's clothing?

Sort of.

It's a little more interesting than that, actually.

Consignment. Fabulous.

So this whole space is yours?

- Yeah, it is. - Wonderful. You need my help.

- I do? I mean, I do, but-- - You do.

I know everyone. I will introduce you to everyone.

- It's like, remember last night? - Mm-hmm.

It was so special.

I have a Jamaican nanny.

She's been with me forever. Forever.

And I was at Argento last night. It's such a fun spot.

So fun, so spotty.

Anywho, we had a Jamaican server. It was so crazy.

I was like, "Oh, my God, you have to meet my nanny."

Mm-hmm. She said that.

And so I got Nanny Sandy over there.

They meet, they totally connected,

and now they have, like, such a beautiful community together.

I almost cried. Turns out, I think,

they may kind of, like, hate each other now.

But it doesn't matter 'cause I did my part.

- You truly did. - Anywho, long story short,

it's hard out here if you're not from here.

So, since I'm a giver, I'm going to be your Ham tonight

slash Palm Beach slash Telluride tour guide.

I'll be in touch. Kiss, kiss, kiss!

- Wow. - It looks like you're the new flavor.

Good luck.

Okay.

Oh. This is adorable.

- Thanks. - Finally.

I've been telling Golda for years

to get someone in here to take over.

Wait, how do you guys know Golda?

Oh, everybody's in everybody's business out here.

Yeah, so I'm learning.

I'm Carl, this is Scott. And who are you, beautiful?

I'm blushing. I'm Ruby.

Can I help you guys find anything?

- Oh, we'll just poke around. - Okay.

Wait. What is this?

Oh, I'm so glad you asked.

Those are by this local artist, Arco. He's amazing.

- Good eye. - Ooh, we'll take it.

Oh, no. I was just looking, babe. - But it really suits you, babe.

- I, I don't need it. - But I want you to have it.

No, seriously, I'm, I'm all set.

Do you have a gift box?

Let me look.

- For fuck's sake. - Uh, give us a second.

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.

What, did that ring kill your father or something?

Stop buying me things.

- What? - It's, like, every time we walk into a store.

You buy me a glassblowing vase, or a gold-embossed tie clip,

or a Faberge fucking trinket.

- Enough. - Oh, no.

Your boyfriend likes to buy you gifts.

How awful.

The struggle is real.

Let's go home. Okay? I have that steak in the fridge,

and I don't want it to over-marinate.

You said there was no such thing as over-marinating.

- Shh. - Well, I-- You said that.

So are you actually upset because I buy you too much?

I'm not upset.

Sorry.

I must be reading your face,

voice, and body language wrong.

Seriously, how is treating the man that I love a problem?

Oh. Oh. That's outstanding.

- Thank you. - Mmm.

You know, I was going to buy us tickets to Paris, but, uh...

I guess you wouldn't wanna do that,

because it would be a "gift."

I would love to go to Paris. It's, it's not that.

Then what is it?

I want to go back to work.

Work?

Is that a new club?

No. I want a job. I want my own money.

I wanna be my own person.

You are.

You're myperson.

Wow. Uh, there's a job at Lunar Landscapes.

- Izzy told me. Why not? - Absolutely not.

Because they do our shrubbery, sweetie.

- So...? - So when's the last time you shrubbed?

I mean, why do menial work when I make enough for both of us?

Because I feel like a kept man. And I'm, I'm more than that.

Enjoy your steak au poivre.

Oh, I will.

But begrudgingly.

Oh.

You're up early.

I have that job interview at Lunar Landscapes.

To be a shrubber.

Why don't you just hop in our backyard and do our flowers?

I could save a couple of grand on the gardeners.

I'll see you later.

Wait, did you make breakfast?

Uh, no. Did you?

I never make breakfast.

Oh, I never work.

See, we're both trying new things.

Wh-- What am I supposed to eat?

I don't know, babe. Just figure it out.

Bye.

Well,

if I were a breakfast...

...where would I be?

Nope.

Okay. I don't know if this is such a good idea.

Aren't you dating that bajillionaire? - Izzy, come on.

We've known each other since we were, like, in the womb.

Yeah. And you have a totally different life now.

We are pruning very different things.

Look, I am geared up, and I'm ready to rumble.

So get this guy in the bushes and let him chop, chop, chop.

Please. Just do it for him.

- Just, do it for me. Izzy. - Okay, okay.

You know. I love you, but I... I don't know.

Come on. I'm calling in on that friend favor that you owe me.

'Cause you remember that time when I almost had to bail you out of the--

Okay, okay. Fine. Fine, fine, fine.

I will give you a trial. Okay?

Oh, God. Thank you so much, Izzy.

I love you, I love you, I love you. - Yeah. I love you, too.

Now get out of my office.

I just...

- ...got here. - Yeah. Now go.

Okay.

So, how was the interview?

It was fantastic. Thanks for asking.

Did you get the job?

Do you care?

Am I not enough for you?

- Why would you even ask that? - You're changing the rules.

The, the rules?

We had a rule book when we started dating,

and now it feels, like, you're in another game entirely.

We, we were playing hockey,

and now you're into jai alai or whatever.

I just needed to know that I could stand on my own two feet.

That's all.

But if I can't provide for you,

why would you wanna even be with me anyway?

Honey. No, no, no, no.

You, you provide for me in so many ways.

You're my entire world.

That, that'll never, ever change.

Did you eat?

Yeah, I'll...

- I'll go whip something up. - Can I help?

Wait...

Really?

Really.

Yeah. Yeah.

Okay.

- Ruby! Kiss, kiss, kiss. - Eden.

Oh! Oh, my God. Okay, I know you said that you could help me,

and I'm feeling super overwhelmed.

- You are so vibes. - Thank you.

I think it's a good thing, right?

It's a whole mood. Listen, let's go out tonight.

- Okay. - I'll help you help yourself, hmm? Hmm.

Oh. Sorry.

- I'm going to use your bathroom. - Oh, sure, it's right--

I'm going to take a shit, and I won't use an air spritz.

Oh, there's actually a spray back there.

- You can... - Ruby.

Would a man mask his scent?

I think it probably depends on the volume and the intensity.

The answer is no, Ruby. No, they wouldn't.

You grab life by the sphincter, and you just fucking do it.

Oh.

Rubicon.

Question I can't believe I haven't asked you yet.

John. I cannot consign human beings.

- What? This is my niece, Lucy. - Oh, my God.

Sorry. Hi, Lucy.

Uncle J has told me so much about you.

I just love you already!

And it's, like, we both have the letter Y at the end of our names.

Yeah.

Incredible.

John, are you crying?

What? No. I--

I just love intergenerational connection.

- #inspired. - Okay.

What did you wanna talk to me about?

What? Duh.

Um, do you now or have you ever had a ferret allergy?

- No. - Because we just met a guy outside.

He can get it for us at cost.

Oh. No, no, no. I'm also not consigning rodents.

- Wait. Ferrets are mustelids. - Just like otters or wolverines.

We're gonna make you rich, Rubster.

Oh, I totes... forgot to tell you.

Lucy's going to be staying with us for a while.

I can't wait!

Ruby squared!

See you later. And I'm like, I'm gonna kill myself.

So tell me about yourlove life, Ruby.

Oh, well, there's not that much to tell.

I just broke it off with this guy. - Good.

Don't give him even a sip of that kitty cat down under.

My ex-husband scouted me from the trading floor. - Wow.

- Yeah - Oh, my God, that's so cool.

He's still a dipshit, though.

Listen, take it from a bitch

who's been around the block.

- They're not worth it. - Totally.

- Mm-hmm. - I mean, I'm just, you know,

I'm afraid I'll be, like, alone forever or whatever, but-- - Get past it.

Get what you want.

- Want what you get. - Yes.

- Mm-hmm. - Totally.

The great Ranti Shanti Shanti Lowenstein

told me that on our pilgrimage. Yeah. -

Oh, my God, that's so cool. Where was the pilgrimage?

I mean, if you have to ask, you know.

Oh, yeah. Totally sorry.

Mmm. You've got this, right?

Sure.

Kiss, kiss, kiss.

Lizzie. Oh, my God, let's do lunch soon, okay?

Oh, thanks.

♪ Boss lady Tell em' I'm a boss lady ♪

♪ Boss lady Tell em' I'’m a... ♪

♪ You're hiding up Behind your Ray-Bans ♪

♪ Dropping money Breaking hearts ♪

♪ You wanna kill it While you still can ♪

♪ With easy women, fast cars ♪

♪ But ladies ♪

♪ If you met a man this slick ♪

♪ And he tryna play Those tricks ♪

♪ Don't you let him Waste your time ♪

♪ You tell him I'm a boss lady ♪

♪ You know I'm the boss lady ♪

♪ Work hard, call shots ♪

♪ I'm the boss lady ♪

♪ Get paid ♪

♪ My name is the Boss Lady ♪

♪ You could have me In your dreams ♪

♪ You tell them I'm a... ♪

♪ My name is the Boss Lady ♪

♪ Ooooh, ooooh, oooh ♪

♪ You tell him I'm a boss lady ♪

Ruby. Ruby, Ruby, Ruby.

Oh, that would look fabulous on you. - I know.

Bitch. I've got good news for you. - What?

We're going to have the Boas for Bora Bora event here.

- Ruby, you've earned it. - Wow!

- I know! I know! - Wow! Oh my God!

- Eden. - Mm-hmm.

What an honor.

Well, I'm a little concerned we're not big enough, though,

and that I maybe don't have the, the capital to throw a party.

- It sounds like a lot of cash. - It's a total investment in your future.

And I trust you completely.

- Really? - I trust you completely.

Ta-ta for now. Kiss, kiss, kiss!

Oh. You have to pay for the sunglasses.

Oh, my God.

Hello? Hello.

- Hi. I need some help. - Yes, of course. How can I help?

Well, you know, I need something that screams special.

- Mm-hmm. - Unique.

- I am what's for dinner. - Mmm.

I love that. Um, well,

nothing says unique like vintage Gucci.

That's good, 'cause I have it.

Okay, okay.

Let me try harder. Ooh! Oh, my gosh.

We just got in this amazing

Oscar de la Renta little tube.

Have it.

- Have that. - I know.

What a closet. Okay, I'll try harder.

Oh, wait a second, wait a second.

This, this is something like I'm looking.

This is fabulous.

Oh, well, that's just a costume jewelry.

- It's 20 bucks. - I'll give you $15.

- No, sorry. It's 20 bucks. - Yeah.

No, I can give you $15. I cannot pay a penny more.

I just can't.

- Okay. Yeah, $15 is fine. - Oh, good.

No. Oh, wait. Sorry. Let me wrap that up for you.

Oh! No. Here, I've got it for you right here. - Please let me get you a box.

No, no, no, no, I don't need one. That's fine. - Okay.

Bye. You know, it's great. It's fabulous.

- It was very good to see you. - You too.

- Have a great afternoon. - Yes. Be well.

- Bye-bye. - Bye.

Wait. Oh, Jesus.

Dan, no, I said I wanted the white nectarines,

not the yellow peaches.

They look the same at the supermarket.

Oh, no, no, 'cause they're not the same.

Because you don't pay attention to things that I care about.

Right? So, they-- No, it's not.

It's like you bringing home Katherine Heigl.

- And I said, Rachel McAdams. - You sound like an asshole.

You know, at least I know where mine is.

- It was one time! - It was not one--

Damn it. Let it go! What is--?

Hi, honey.

We didn't hear you come in.

Did you eat? Do you want me to make you something?

I ate at Ollie's. I'm gonna go up to my room.

Well, she's always at Ollie's.

I never know what' going on. You go. Oh, fine.

See, I know where your asshole is, though.

Why is it so hot in here? It's...

It's because you're premenopausal. - Oh.

Just, I mean, we could just open something.

Could open a window.

Well...

Do you hate me?

What?

Do you hate me?

I mean, uh, should we even try anymore?

I will not go to that therapist again.

Well, I...

I wanna try if...

...you want to.

I don't hate you.

I do wanna try, but I don't know what you want anymore.

I...

I was at Argento earlier with Carol,

and she said...

She had an idea about something that really helped her marriage.

And?

Well she said there are these...

...these swingers set ups...

...were somewhat helpful.

Carol, who's married to monotone Mark?

I know. It's crazy.

Well, how exactly does it work?

Well, they-- Um...

I think there's an agency,

and they match you up with people

that might match your interests.

So you call them up, you put in, like, your thing?

It's like, "Hey, I like to do things,"

and they just-- And they chill with other people...

- They go through the Rolodex. - ...who do those things.

So you thought about this?

Well, I--

Oh, I, I, I just thought...

I don't know. I'd like to see.

So there's an agency?

Monotone Mark.

Sweet dreams.

It's still hot in here.

Maybe this wasn't such a good idea. I don't...

Yeah, maybe we should, uh...

Oh.

Hi.

Well...

They look eager.

Oh. Okay.

- Yes. Yeah. - Oh, well, you seem--

I, I-- It's just we, we just started.

We, we didn't know what to expect.

No, it's-- We didn't know either. - Okay.

But I, I, I have to say, I, I don't know.

You guys are really great.

- Oh. - Really great.

That's nice.

Here's to whatever

this

is.

- That's great. - That's good.

- You can do it. - Mmm, yeah, yeah.

- You can hear me, right? - It is good, it is...

So, uh...

...should we...?

- Well, we brought-- - We brought some reinforcements.

- Make you feel more comfortable. - Oh.

Here she goes.

When was the last time

you smoked a doobie?

Oh.

- Wow. - Mmm.

Gosh.

- A doobie. - It is.

- To us! - To us.

Well, that was just amazing.

I feel like I have a totally different perspective on marriage.

Me too. I, I can't wait to see them again.

Should we host next time or get a hotel or...

I want a divorce.

♪ I was on a call ♪

♪ You were dressing ♪

Hey there. Let me know if you need help finding anything.

- I'm just looking. Thank you. - Sure.

Oh, my God, isn't that amazing? Can I start you a fitting room? - Uh, sure.

Great. Oh, keep looking. There's, like, so much cute stuff.

- Um, I think I'm gonna pass. - Oh, bummer. But, you know, come back.

We got new stuff in literally all the time.

So, you know, whenever you have time.

- Yeah, cool. - Cool. We'll see you soon. Bye.

Oh, fuck!

Stop! Thief!

Oh, my God, my boobs.

Oh, I love what you're wearing.

Thanks. It's vintage.

La Perla-esque with a semi-sheer bra and panty set

from Florida Mall.

Oh, right there. Oh! Yes!

- Paige. - Yes!

- Paige, I'm not-- - Yes!

- I'm not touching you. - Yes!

Oh, that doesn't matter.

Um, it's what the girls are supposed to do.

You have to really show that you like it.

- It's all over Pornhub. - Oh.

Cool. Okay.

Am I doing it right?

Um, yeah, but, um,

you have to make it kind of gruntier

and louder before you put it in.

Oh, yes!

- Oh! - Paige, should I put it in?

Um, Oh, yes! Daddy!

Yes, I want you. Oh, my God!

- Put in your big cock. - Oh.

- Oh! - Okay.

- Ow. - Are you okay? Is this okay?

Uh, yeah, yeah. Keep going.

It's, um, it's supposed to hurt.

Ow! Ow!

Ow! Oh, my God!

Oh! Oh, my God! Yes!

Oh, my God, I'm gonna come. I mean, I'm gonna squirt, um...

- Wait, what? - I'm squirting.

What's squirt? What are you squirting?

- Yeah. - Down the-- Do-- Down there?

Yeah. You were just in so deep, Daddy, that, um...

- That, um... - Paige.

- I just... - I--

- I wanna stop. - Wait.

- What? - I--

I don't know what you're doing, and...

this, this feels weird.

W-- Was I not loud enough?

I was practicing earlier. I thought this was how it was supposed to sound.

What? Why were you practicing?

Um, because, I don't know, um, because I...

I felt that if I was bad at sex that you would break up with me.

So I watched all this stuff online, and...

I thought guys really liked it when girls screamed and stuff.

Why would I break up with you?

Mmm?

You're my girlfriend.

Which means we're probably gonna love each other forever.

Holy shit!

This costs $400?

Did your mom actually buy this for you?

Not really. I kind of borrowed it.

From who?

Ollie.

- Um. - Paige. What is going on?

Hey, mom. I didn't know you're gonna be home so early.

- Hey, Mrs. Shemanski. - It's really no big--

- Oh, my God. - We were just, uh...

- Yeah, it's okay, we were just-- - Paige. Go home. Now.

- What are you wearing? - Oh, it's, uh,

it's vintage La Perla-esque, and...

Okay, Ollie, walk Paige to the door, please.

And then we're gonna talk about your behavior.

Yeah, Mom. Sorry.

Will you please promise not to tell anyone about this?

I feel really dumb.

My lips are sealed.

And by the way, I think it's really sexy the way

you wear your normal jeans and sneakers and stuff.

Ollie. Hi, it's Ruby.

Uh, I know we haven't spoken in a really long time,

but I could really, really, really use your catering skills,

um, out east this weekend. I know you have a house out here,

so if you're out here, please call me. Um...

We're sorry, the mailbox is full.

Please try your call again later. Good-bye.

Jesus, does no one pick up their phone anymore?

What is up?

Hey.

Uh, hi.

What are you doing here?

Uh...

Dad died

last week.

Oh, fuck.

I'm so sorry.

So he seemed better today. No?

Honestly?

Honestly.

He's dehydrated and he's not eating as much.

It's not a good sign.

How much time do you think?

Days at most.

Listen, I might be overstepping,

but is there someone you could call?

A girlfriend maybe?

Boyfriend?

No.

What about you? No husband? Wife?

A weird throuple you're not telling anyone about.

In my dreams.

Honestly same.

Come with me.

What, am I drinking alone?

So, um...

what do we do when he...

...you know, goes?

Well, we have to wait for the coroner,

which can take anywhere from

two hours to six, depending on how busy they are.

Well...

So what do, just wait here till it happens? - Yep.

Well, I will, at least. You can, by all means, go to a hotel.

There's absolutely no pressure if it's too much.

No. I'll wait.

You have a very unique job.

I make a living by being with the dying.

It's a very circle-of-life employment experience.

Yeah, my mom was a nurse.

Different, obviously, but...

She also loved it.

She passed when I was 15.

Are you hungry?

And voila!

The perfect compliment to death and liquor.

Sorry.

Could you maybe

cut off the crusts?

That's how my mom used to make them.

Oh, okay. Sure, no problem.

Thanks. And also, if it's not too much trouble,

could you maybe see if there's any mook?

Mook?

Sorry. I meant moo-- Milk. Milk.

Mook is how I used to say milk when I was a kid.

- Oh. Mook. - So embarrassed.

Don't be. Mook it is.

You're right.

- It's perfect. - Yeah.

Stick, stick with me, kid.

Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah.

Can I say it's like having a weird dream?

Uh... Okay. I think it's time for bed.

You kind of remind me of my mom.

Yup. Super weird.

And I think you're the most beautiful woman

that I've ever met in my whole life.

Um...

Fuck!

- I'm sorry. - It's okay.

Oh! That's dead weird.

- Forget I said that. - It's okay, it's okay.

You're such a good caretaker, Marie.

I really need that in my life right now.

It's literally my job, so no sweat, um...

I know this is a really difficult time for you,

and I, I think we should get you to bed.

Together?

- No, Noah! Not together. - Snuggles?

- Absolutely not. - Please, Marie!

Please.

My dad is going to die.

I need you right now, Marie. Please!

Shh. Please lower your voice.

I will not lower my voice ever!

- Okay. Wha-- What are you doing? - Cuddles.

Cuddles, Marie!

- Jeez... - Cuddles.

Okay. What about, what about a story?

Do you want a story?

And they lived happily ever after.

The end.

Okay, time for sleep.

Marie.

Could you give me Mr. Teddy?

He's on the nightstand.

Ruby.

You mean so much to me.

- I do? - You do.

I know you've always been there for me.

Noah.

I'm really sorry that you're going through this, but...

Please, please. Just hear me out.

I've been a real asshole.

Yeah. That's true.

But I'm proud of you, Ruby.

Running a store and getting yourself out here.

It's no easy feat.

Thanks.

You're having a party this weekend? - Yeah.

I'm hosting the Boas for Bora Bora annual kickoff party.

- Hence the boas. - Yes, hence all the boas.

Let me help you.

- Really? - Really.

Are you sure?

Okay.

" by Nikki & the Phantom Callers]

What's the point of the other ones?

I don't know, man.

I didn't make this shit up.

♪ We've been through life ♪

♪ Too early, too impatient ♪

♪ We've held our tongues ♪

♪ Till they turn inside ♪

♪ The shadows move on ♪

♪ The voices that linger ♪

♪ Inside these walls ♪

♪ Playing tricks on our mind ♪

♪ I know we're just Being honest ♪

♪ We are all liars ♪

♪ Cheaters made of sin ♪

♪ Sha la la, sha la la ♪

♪ Oh ♪

Uh, so.

- So? - What are you wearing this weekend?

Hmm. God, I don't know.

Okay, the party is Y2K themed.

- Oh, my God. - So I guess a lot of smaller items,

like this guy that I found.

You should put that on.

I can't.

You can.

- You can. - No.

- No. - You can. Come on.

Come on.

- Come on. - Come on, Noah.

Stop.

I can't believe I'm doing this.

I look like discount Spice Girl.

You spice up my life.

Oh, yeah. I'm sure.

Okay, here we go.

You look good.

♪ Happy birthday Mr. President ♪

- Ruby cube. - Yes?

You know, you're one of my favorite people, right?

Yes.

- That was... - Missed you, Ruby cube. Missed you.

I missed you, too.

Can I, can I help you this weekend?

- Yes. - Yeah?

Triple yes.

I'm yours.

♪ ...throwing stones Rolling off the champagne ♪

Where do you winter?

There's no such thing as wintering.

No. January's winter.

So these are some of my photos.

What did you shoot this on?

A camera.

Did someone say Gwyneth is coming?

Someone always says Gwyneth is coming.

Oh, I am so sick of these phony parties.

Seriously, it's so desperate. Cute store though.

So then, I say to Gwennie, Gwennie bear,

"If I use your vagina candle one more time,

you're gonna have to blow me."

Refill! I know right?

She loved it. She just fell about laughing.

Oh, my God, she thinks I'm the funniest thing.

Hey, Eden, um, can I talk to you? - Oh. Hi, Ruby cube.

I didn't see you there. I'm a little busy. - Oh, actually it's important.

Um, sorry, my ladies, you know hostessing duties.

Hey. Is anybody coming to help?

'Cause I kind of feel like all I'm doing is

- passing out appetizers-- - Hors d'oeuvres.

- Hors d'oeuvres. - Right.

But I feel like all I'm doing is working.

Darling. Oh, come on, you need to pay your dues.

Everyone goes through this. Trust me.

Your time will come.

This is how you get into the Hamptons.

Come on. Trust your mama mentor.

Yeah, but I can't really have spent all this money--

Hang in there.

I hear Gwyneth might come, too.

We're besties. I'll intro you.

- Really? - Oh, come on.

From one boss bitch to another.

Oh, my God, Raphael! You made it!

So are these dead people's clothes?

I don't think they're all dead.

I love it. Do it again.

Come here you.

Oh, my God! Ruby! Hi!

This, this party was so special.

Sorry. I thought, um-- She said people had gone, and I thought--

You thought!

What the fuck, Noah?

You thought I was gonna leave my own store

with feather fucking boas everywhere? - Uh...

Technically, we're both owners now.

- What? - I mean, it's obvious

that I'm the reason you're successful here.

Golda's been trying to pawn this puppy off for years.

- You know Golda? - Everyone knows Golda. She's a kook.

Noah, honey, a little help here.

But I called her and we talked, and I'm in charge now.

Eden can really help you out, Ruby. I mean...

She's just got such an amazing--

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait!

So you're stealing my job and my boyfriend.

Is this for fucking real?

Oh, my God. No, no, no. Sweet, sweet Ruby.

You can still totally work here. But for this guy over here.

Honey, he just needs a little TLC.

She's just so emotionally nurturing.

I really need that right now, Ruby.

I mean, you know, death is just so hard.

Fuck you!

Fuck you!

Oh, please clean in the morning.

Love you, Mina. Bye.

Come here you.

Hi, guys, um...

It's me. Um...

I think I made a mistake by coming here, and I'm really struggling.

We're sorry. The mailbox is full.

Please try your call again later. Good-bye.

I get it!

No one ever fucking picks up their phone ever!

Fuck you!

Yeah, well, it's always yell o'clock somewhere, right?

God.

Oh, I'm getting out of here.

My life is a mess. The store is a mess.

I don't even know why I came here to begin with.

I hear ya.

You wanna pickle, though?

Thanks. I'm good.

Listen. Boss lady. Mama bear.

Big cheese-moving, honeypot-stirring, thirst-trap power player.

I will say this.

There are crunchy pickles

and there are soggy pickles.

You're a cruncher.

Take that as you will.

There's literally no way to take that.

You know, Uncle J has had tons of wannabe boss ladies

move in here, but none of them have stuck it out.

Except for you.

You're Jeff Bezos, but with hair,

and you're not a sociopath.

And if you are, you're really good at hiding it.

Thank you.

Shit happens. You just got to move forward.

Be a crunchy dill.

Be a crunchy dill.

Hello.

Golda! Hi, it's Ruby.

I've been trying to reach you for literally ages.

Sorry. Phone was disconnected. So many voicemails.

Probably from me. Uh...

Okay, I wanted to talk to you about the store, and the...

Mm-hmm. So, yeah, there's also no apartment.

Oh, right. Sorry, I forgot.

I gave it to my nephew.

Were you gonna tell me about that?

You seem like a resourceful girl.

Right. Okay, well, there's a woman named Eden,

and she's trying to take over the store.

I don't know any Eden. I know you.

The store is yours to do whatever you'd like with.

It's your time to shine, Ruby cube. -

- Bye. - No, Golda. Oh.

No.

Ruby!

Oh, my God,

what is going on? The place looks like shit.

Let's get moving, my eager beaver.

Eden, the store... does not belong to you.

Noah! Get the fuck out!

Technically, it does. I'm part owner.

No, you're not. I worked my ass off,

and then you two decided to waltz the fuck in, and try to take over.

I'm thinking a curated art exhibit next. - Mmm.

What do you think, honey bear, huh?

Whatever you think, mama mentor.

Yeah, huh. Mmm.

Oh, my God, Jesus.

Now, look, here's the T, Ruby.

You either let me do what I want or I ruin you.

No one will ever shop here.

And you will never, ever be me

or the next Gwyneth, for that matter.

- What's up, guys? - Hey, John.

Candi?

What? No, my name's not Candi.

It's Eden. It's so nice to meet you.

No, it's not. It's Candi with an "I."

- Class of '98. - That's not me.

I, I went to boarding school in the Alps.

Fuck off, Candi. Our dads raised a state fair winning pig together.

Lyle, Lyle, pig-odile.

Rube, you have that yearbook I gave you?

- I knew this was valuable. - Oh, shut up.

Yep. Here she is.

♪ How long has it been? ♪

That doesn't even look like me.

- It does. - It doesn't!

- It does. - It does not!

- It definitely does. - Fuck.

Fine. Maybe it is me.

And maybe I am a remorseless bitch, but...

come on, you can't tell anyone.

You're better than that.

Besides, if I have to face consequences for my actions,

I'll never learn.

Well, it seems we're in just a little bit of a pickle,

Candi.

What are you gonna do?

- I'm not gonna do anything. - Really?

Yes, but you will leave my store now, and never come back.

But where am I supposed to host all of my events, my parties?

I don't care anywhere that will have you.

Just not here.

- Let's go, Noah. - Yeah, um...

Sorry, I'm kind of into women that are self-sufficient.

I mean, you're not even like a cool older woman.

You're like a lame older woman.

Ugh. Noah.

- Get out! - What?

I thought we could, you know, talk again.

Both of you. Now!

Noah bear.

Noah bear.

If you're ever in the market for a new mentor, call me.

I'm actually a lawyer, a doctor, and a forensic anthropologist.

Is that a thing?

It is in the Hamptons.

That was epic!

You queen of the universe.

John, I'm not the queen of the universe.

But thank you for your help.

No problemo.

Yeah, we've got a mess to clean up.

Yeah.

I'm gonna call the guys.

- Thank you. - Yeah.

Hey!

Ho!

Yeah!

♪ One year ago ♪

♪ I hit the last page ♪

♪ I didn't even look ♪

♪ I think I locked it In a cage ♪

♪ Wrote a novel ♪

♪ 'Cause everybody likes To read a novel ♪

♪ It started with a word ♪

♪ And it started pretty well ♪

The girl who stole the La Perla.

I'm Paige.

- Hi, Paige. - Here is all of your stuff back.

- Oh. - Don't worry, I washed it all.

- Thank you. - We would love to help you clean up.

Oh, yeah.

Thanks. I'll take it. Are you guys...

Are you guys boyfriend-girlfriend?

We're soul mates.

Must be nice.

I believe in you.

♪ And now the story Has its proper end ♪

...surprise you with salsa dancing. It's the music...

- Oh, my God. - Oh, hey, look at this.

- Hi, guys. - It looks so good.

- Are you guys together? - Yes.

- Oh. - I wish we could stay,

but we actually have to go to a PTA meeting.

Bye.

Lovebirds.

Look, who's the bonafide boss babe now.

- Hit me. - Hit you.

So, weird question.

No ferrets, John.

Different type of weird question.

Want to go out sometime?

I think I'm good...

for now.

All right. See you at the house.

Trailer.

♪ I read the signs ♪

♪ I haven't been this in love In a long time ♪

♪ The sun is up ♪

♪ The sun will stay ♪

♪ Off with a new day ♪

♪ Will you be mine ♪

♪ The days are short ♪

♪ And it won't be my last try ♪

♪ On the streets I want to play ♪

♪ Read the signs ♪

♪ Haven't been this in love ♪

♪ In a long time ♪

♪ It's been a long time ♪

♪ Hey, you Pull the wings down ♪

♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh la la ♪

♪ Hey, you Take my number down ♪

♪ Ooh-ooh ah-ah ♪

♪ What you see Spinnin' round and round ♪

♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh la la ♪

♪ Don't you know I feel so full? ♪

♪ Don't you know I feel so full? ♪

♪ Ooh, ah-ah-ah-ah-ah ♪

♪ Ooh, ah-ah-ah-ah-ah ♪

♪ Ooh, ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah ♪

♪ Ooh, ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah ♪

♪ Ooh, ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah ♪

♪ Ooh, ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah ♪

♪ Hey, you Pull the wings down ♪

♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh la la ♪

♪ Hey, you Take my number down ♪

♪ Ooh-ooh, ah-ah ♪

♪ What you see Spinnin' round and round ♪

♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh la la ♪

♪ Don't you know I feel so full? ♪

♪ Don't you know I feel so full? ♪

♪ Ooh, ah-ah-ah-ah-ah ♪

♪ Ooh, ah-ah-ah-ah-ah ♪

♪ Ooh, ah-ah-ah-ah-ah ♪

♪ Ooh, ah-ah-ah-ah-ah ♪

♪ Ooh, ah-ah-ah-ah-ah ♪

♪ Ooh, ah-ah-ah-ah-ah ♪

♪ Feel so full ♪

♪ Ooh, ah-ah-ah-ah-ah ♪

♪ Ooh, ah-ah-ah-ah-ah ♪

♪ Ooh, ah-ah-ah-ah-ah ♪

♪ Ooh, ah-ah-ah-ah-ah ♪

♪ Ooh, ah-ah-ah-ah-ah ♪

♪ Ooh, ah-ah-ah-ah-ah ♪

♪ Ooh, ah-ah-ah-ah-ah ♪

♪ Ooh, ah-ah-ah-ah-ah Ooh, ah-ah-ah-ah-ah ♪

♪ I can't stop thinking About all the things You've done ♪

♪ And it's just begun I can't stop dreaming about ♪

♪ When you're coming home Just to show I've grown ♪

♪ How many ways Can I show you? ♪

♪ That I want you I love you ♪

♪ I praise the sky above you ♪

♪ Because I can't stop thinking about ♪

♪ All the things you've done ♪

♪ And it's just begun ♪

♪ I can't stop dreaming about ♪

♪ When you're coming home Just to show I've grown ♪

♪ How many ways Can I show you? ♪

♪ That I want you I love you ♪

♪ I praise the sky above you ♪