All language subtitles for How To Sell Drugs Online Fast s04e01 That Cant Happen.eng

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[eerie music playing]

[rhythmic piano music fades in]

["Cold As Ice" by Foreigner playing]

♪ You're as cold as ice ♪

♪ You're willing to sacrifice our love ♪

[sings along to "Cold As Ice"]
♪ Willing to sacrifice our love ♪

♪ You never take advice ♪

♪ Someday you pay the price I know ♪

♪ I've seen it before
It happens all the time ♪

[car door slamming]

[man singing] ♪ I'm closing the door ♪

[eerie musical flourish]

[man] Hmm.

Ha. You know that chemical UV filters
cause cancer, right?

They also affect your hormones
and impact sperm quality.

So just stop pretending
this will save your life.

Let's get to work.

[foreboding music playing]

[Moritz] Sorry.

[talking angrily, unintelligible]

[inhales nervously] Okay, I can see
how this looks to you.

[gulps] But this time
it really wasn't my fault.

It was all because of Dan.

Daniel fucking…

You're fucking stupid.

BonusLife.

[Moritz] …Pirmin fucking Riffert.

To understand that,
we should start from the beginning.

[theme music playing]

[Moritz] If you illegally sell drugs,
you have to deal with the consequences.

[news anchor] The police's
cybercrime unit has convicted…

[news anchor 2] The crown prosecutor
presses charges against…

[news anchor 3] MyDrugs operator
allegedly traded a tonne of drugs.

[news anchor 4] Children's bedroom dealer
wanted recognition…

[news anchor 2] Children's bedroom dealer
confesses…

[news anchor 5] …dealer Moritz Z.

[woman] The defendant is found guilty
on all charges

and is sentenced to eight years in prison.

[man] Hey guys, have you seen that wimp?

[door being locked]

[Moritz] Eight years. Quite a long time.

During which I wanted to found a startup
and change the world.

I mean, a real startup.

Yes, legal.

I didn't want to do anything illegal
any more.

There was no reason to lock me up
for eight with full-on criminals.

[buzzer sounding]

Anyone who's ever seen a prison movie
knows they're all sinister characters.

Tough guys.

You're in my way.

You muppet.

[Moritz] Who only understand one language.

[Moritz groans]

Total nonsense, of course.
Most of the guys were really nice.

Aren't you the guy from MyDrugs?

Yeah?

[chuckles] Boys, this is the maniac!

[Moritz] Everyone thinks
there are only evil people.

You owe me three tuna fish.

[Moritz] But they are normal people,
who at some point,

maybe for a good reason,

did something that doesn't conform
to the rules of the system.

[Lisa in video] …were not ready
for the digital world.

Yet MyDrugs is as simple
as it is efficient.

An ultra-modern shopping
system and delivery by padded envelope.

Ingeniously simple. Simply ingenious…

A spending spree becomes a "bargain high".

I really think
you're the smartest guy in here, bro.

Heard of Schopenhauer?

"The task is not so much to
see what no one has seen,

but to actually think what
nobody has yet thought,

about that which everyone sees."

That's exactly what you've done.

Ah!

- What are you in here for?
- Long-term strategic decision, bro.

When I get out in a few weeks,
someone will owe me a bunch of money.

I'll use that to start my first business.

What are you gonna do?

Uh… Start something new.

It has to be legal, completely.
I have some ideas…

Hey, let's start something together, eh?

Bro, it would be an honour
to start something with you.

M1000!

[laughs confidently]

[Moritz groans]

[inmate] Bro!

Here's my number.

Call me when you get out.
Let's start something.

- We can change the world.
- Safe.

If not,

I'll find you.

[menacing music playing]

Oh Moritz, I'm just kidding.
[laughs manically]

[man] Leave the wimp alone.

[Moritz] But I already had
a business partner

who was also my best friend.

Who, thanks to MyDrugs,
could afford his cancer treatment.

You've got much taller.

To make it clear…

[Lenny] Mo, fresh trim!

…of course I'm not angry with Lenny
that he didn't get me out of there.

[suspenseful music playing]

[police radio, unintelligible]

[shot]

[Moritz] Lenny?
Fuck, they've caught you. No!

- A.W.P. in window. Careful.
- Yeah, I'm already respawning.

Cover me.

[Moritz] The state police gave me a laptop
to work on the MyDrugs cases.

And nobody noticed
what I actually used it for.

Sometimes you even forget
that you're in prison.

Take the AK, I'll use the M4.

- Sure, take the mob.
- Okay, shoot!

- Look out, behind you.
- Huh? Who?

- [man] Excuse me?
- [Lenny] No, for real.

[Guard] You won't be seeing that again.

[door slams shut]

[Moritz] From then, it got lonely.

At some point, even your best friend
has something more important to do.

Other people's lives go on.

The worst thing is
you don't get to hear about it.

[buzzer sounding]

Well, at least I didn't have to stay
inside for eight years.

Please don't ask me what I had to do.

Let's just say, um… Very good behaviour.

I was allowed to return
to my old life after four years.

What are four years when you still have
your whole life ahead of you?

If anything moves in the Bitcoin account
which has that "password you forgot",

we'll be watching…

[Moritz] Larry Page only founded Google
when he was 25.

[woman] An impressive talent.

[Moritz] Plus, everyone now knew
what I was technically capable of.

[man] Child prodigy Moritz Z built
Europe's biggest drug store aged 17.

[Moritz] I was sure
they were just waiting for me

to use these skills legally.

[man 2] If it hadn't been illegal,
you'd take your hat off to him.

[Moritz] II was something of an idol
to an entire generation.

[applause]

[applause stops]

[Marie] Maybe his sentence
was extended after all?

[Jens] Please be nice to him.

He's heading into
a very, very difficult time.

[upbeat pop music playing]

[woman] Hey, we're back with TatütaTalk.

[Jens] They didn't have
"Happy Prison Release", of course.

And so I thought,
it's actually a bit like a birthday.

- Well, a rebirth.
- There's something in that bag.

Little welcome gift from me.
For the fresh start,

[Jens] Marie got everything
through sponsorships. Crazy, right?

You tell them what you do all day
and they just send you a car like this.

Even though I'm the only one
with a driving licence. Crazy!

I've taken a few safety measures.

And I've installed BeReal.

[Jens] You'll have to spontaneously take
and share photos, without notice.

It's super fun. Everyone does it now.

Well, actually, nobody does it any more.

Only old people do it now.

And you. So we know what you're up to.

- I don't think I'm going…
- No BeReal, can't have it.

If you forget,
I'll tell the police where you are.

I can track your phone.

[voice message, woman singing]
♪ Moritz, you made it out of jail ♪

[Lenny] Hey, Mo.
It's so awesome that you're out.

Now I can finally tell you
about large language models.

You won't fucking believe it!

'Course, I'm so happy that you're back.

We need to celebrate.
You and me, just the two of us.

I reserved a table in the bar
that Fritzi took over.

So, seven, for a few drinks? I'm paying.

[woman sings]
♪ Lenny and Moritz, reunited ♪

Hey, Lenny. Um…

Crazy to hear you.

Well, probably also crazy to hear me.

Oh, crazy about Fritzi.

But tell me,
since when have we hung out at bars, hm?

Come to mine, just like before.

I probably still have a few energy drinks.
They don't go off.

Then we can focus and brainstorm
a couple of new business ideas.

[Lenny] Yeah, sure, but it'd be great
for me if we could meet at Fritzi's.

[Jens] Ah, so, Susi, come on now.

[boy] Sorry to disturb you.
Could we maybe take a quick selfie?

- How did you know that I…
- Sure, no problem.

- [boy] Cool.
- [Jens] Don't pull like that.

- Great, thanks.
- [Marie] Bye!

[Jens] Oh no. Shit, man.

It would have lasted until your birthday.

Crazy colour.

Uh, you had no say in the matter?

No. Marie paid for all of it.

So with her,
things are just going really good.

- [phone chimes]
- Oh, BeReal.

So… Quick, or we'll be late.

And that won't go down well.

[Marie] Sit down.

There's something I'd like to talk about.

I've been thinking about
how to make Mo's rehabilitation work.

All I need's a little bit of time,
a laptop, and internet.

- You have one month to find a job.
- Who says so?

Your probation conditions. Here.

- All this was sent.
- All my post has been opened?

You were in prison, remember?

[Moritz] Yeah.
Were there any media requests in there?

Or job offers?
Google, Microsoft, or something?

[Marie] A request from Netflix.
They wanted to document your life.

Apparently they can't think new any more.
I deleted it.

I read an article
about ex-inmates in Vice.

Most of them relapse because they fail
to integrate into the labour market.

So as long as you're not hired
as an oil rig caretaker

while you're living under my roof,
you better get a job.

Er… Maybe try an apprenticeship?

I could ask at the local bank.

You know that Daniel's mother works there.
Nowadays they do so much with compu…

Don't be worrying about me, okay?
I have a job.

As CEO of my new company.

Well, mine and Lenny's new company.

- [Marie] Because that worked out so well.
- [Jens] Er… What kind of company?

A digital supermarket.

You order with the app,
and it gets delivered.

Like Foodora, only for groceries.

- Ah, so like Gorillas or Flink.
- [Marie] Or Getir?

Foodora doesn't actually exist any more.

Neither does Gorillas.

Yeah, it's just one of my many ideas.

I definitely won't be
starting a job at some bank

just because Dan knows the boss.

[sentimental music playing]

[countless alert tones]

[upbeat music playing]

[Moritz] If you want to start
a successful business,

you first need a good idea.

You need to think of something
that nobody else has.

SELF FILLING FRIDGE

Something that improves
people's everyday lives.

Which isn't too easy

when you haven't been part
of everyday life for four years.

[sighs]

But ideas aren't everything.

Steven Spielberg once said,
"Every good idea begins as a bad idea."

That's why it takes so long.

To make sure you don't lose heart,
you need the right partner.

[alert chimes]

[phone rings]

[rhythmic music playing]

Hey!

All right, gangster? How is your freedom?

Already planning your next drug empire?

Nah. Four years without internet
was definitely enough.

So, are you going to build a legal empire?

Yeah, you could… you could say that.

I've had a few ideas
but I have to talk to Lenny about them.

He wants to meet tonight in Return.

That's mad, yeah? Lenny in a bar.

Come on, many companies were founded
in bars. Uber, for example. And Reddit.

I don't go to bars.

It'll do you good to socialise.
I'm sure it'll be nice.

Erm, has he been talking to you?
You supposed to persuade me?

What? No. Don't be so suspicious.

The last four years haven't
been easy for either of you.

- Remember, he's still your best friend.
- Yeah.

- I'll text him, maybe.
- I have to get going now.

I have to pitch a story to my new boss.

She wants to change things here.
Could be my chance to do something.

Let's speak later.

Maybe.

[sentimental piano music playing]

[phone chimes]

[Lenny] Yeah, it'll be great.
I hope they play our song.

[song playing via voice message]
♪ Lenny and Moritz, reunited ♪

Okay!

[metallic rattling]

[grunts]

[clears throat]

[light heart-warming music playing]

- And? Any cool prison tattoos?
- Yes, I actually wanted to get Link.

But the prison tattooist
didn't know Zelda, so…

They were right to put him in prison.

And? How are you?
How's it going with Lando?

Yeah, good. It's a lot of work
with a little one.

- Mo, I…
- I'm happy for you guys.

Thanks.

- Before we go in, there's one thing…
- Lenny.

It's all okay.

I understand why you
couldn't visit me that often.

It isn't easy when
there's a selfish little monster at home.

And you've got a kid.

Your jokes didn't get any better
while you were in prison.

The important thing is that we're back

and can finally come up
with a new business idea together.

Come on,
a lot of companies were founded in bars.

Uber, for example.

And Reddit.

Well, maybe not in bars like this.

[German schlager music playing]

[calling] Surprise!

[cheering, shouts of joy, applause]

You're finally here.

- You knew about this?
- Maybe.

- Fritzi.
- Shit, you look good.

Same old.

- Hey.
- [Kira] Hello jailbird.

Introducing Lando, Moritz. Moritz, Lando.

[grunts]

Hey.

Are you as good a programmer
as your daddy?

I'm looking for a potential COO
for my new business.

- So if you…
- Haha, absolutely not.

You won't be doing any business
with the Sander family.

[Lenny] I made T-shirts again.

Welcome home.

[Moritz] Thanks, Lenny.

[upbeat pop music playing]

- [laughs]
- [Moritz gulps, gags]

[Kira] Well?

Have you already argued with Moritz

over whether Han Solo or Greedo
was the first to shoot?

You didn't tell him, did you?

[Moritz] My first. [groans]

You realise what's gonna happen
when Dan shows up?

And that's just a matter of time…

[man] Hey!

[woman] Hey, Dan!

- [man 2] Dan, my boy.
- [Dan] Lenny.

Hey! You're here!

- Moritz, young man!
- [Moritz] Daniel?

Looking well. How's it going?
Wow, you've been working out?

- [man 2] You gonna get another round in?
- [man 3] Hey, Lenny, what's up? All good?

[Lenny] Yeah, old on. I'll be right back.

Yeah, no, I just need…
I'll come back. Sorry.

If it isn't our star journalist, Lisa.

I have a job planned for you, okay?
You need to interview me.

Moritz, come here a minute.

Dan, the concept of journalism
isn't like that, you see?

I'll pay you. All right?

Why does Dan want to be interviewed?

Has he set a new sit-up record?
Or did they get back…

[Dan] I need someone who asks
the right questions.

Questions you've thought of yourself?

[Lenny] That's what I wanted
to talk about. Dan…

Looks like you guys could use
some shots, couldn't you?

Kira!

Give us three tequila shots!

- Your wife is my best man.
- [Moritz] Just a water for me, please.

You certainly have let rip
since getting out of prison.

What's with you and Dan?
Are you still together?

Nope. Dan's married to his company.

Dan has a company?

You're not telling me his OnlyFans channel
is registered as a business?

No, these nutrition supplements
for gamers.

Dan's running BonusLife?

Yeah, delivering all over Europe.

- It's crazy. The comp…
- [knocking]

You didn't tell him?

[sighs]

Ah, Lenny.

Hey, erm, still running BonusLife are you?

Yeah, erm…

Best decision of my life.

We're going to the moon.

That is actually our company. Remember?
We came up with the idea together.

Okay, one minute.
Listen, BonusLife was actually my idea.

Another idea.
Nutritional supplements in liquid form.

- As shots for busy gamers.
- The idea is good…

An idea you thought was complete shit.

…'cause it's so shit.

Do you have any idea how hard I've hustled
just to make a success of it?

Ah, that's too bad, Dan.
It must've been really difficult for you.

Where have I been? With fucking offenders!

Hey, hey, I… Come…

Mo, I did think that you could…

You know what? You can join us.

At BonusLife.

A good programmer like you
we can always use.

And… You'll get shares in the company.

And I thought that two per cent
would be very fair.

What do you say?

Two per cent?

I got prison,

and I get fucking two per cent?

What do you think about that Lenny, huh?
Our idea and we get nothing?

I now work for Dan.

At BonusLife.

[foreboding music playing]

So why didn't you say?

Because…

Well, I wanted to, but I… Well, because…

I didn't wanna cause any upset.

Time just goes on, and…

Man, everything
was just going so well out here. And…

You had absolutely nothing.

[melancholic music playing]

Thanks a lot.

It's very considerate of you.

[Lisa] Perhaps
he should've been told earlier.

Pirmin.

[Lisa] Hey, Mo!

Wait. You can't just leave your own party.

You mean Dan's party.

Oh come on, you're above this.

Yeah, Lenny should have told you earlier.

It's not about Lenny.

You don't need BonusLife to be successful.

- Just come up with something else.
- What if I can't?

What if I've missed the boat? I'm 23
and had to google what "side-eye" means.

No one says that any more.

I know!

Maybe Lenny's right, yeah.

I've got nothing any more,
and Dan has everything.

Mo! Hey!

[Moritz] Fuck.

Ow.

Bloody bike!

I can't ride a bike any more.

["These Dishes Ain't Gonna Do Themselves"
by Kabeaushé playing]

[thunder rumbles]

["These Dishes Ain't Gonna Do Themselves"
by Kabeaushé continues]

Please, everybody welcome
the genius mind, Daniel Pirmin Riffert!

[Dan] BonusLife!

BonusLife changed my life,

but BonusLife is about you.

Live legendary!

[angry laugh]

[music ends abruptly]

[synthesised drumroll playing]

What do you call a CEO
with no ideas or starting capital?

A fucking loser.

It's perfectly normal
to go through your contacts

and see if you can cash up.

If you don't do anything illegal,
what's more,

does anyone really care
where it comes from?

All right?

[snoring]

[woman talking on TV]

- Moritz.
- I've been thinking it over.

Oh, I'm…

I mean, about my future.

If I'm gonna start something new,
I'll need starting capital.

You haven't received strange envelopes
with money over the last few years?

You mean the drug cash?

[distorted dynamic music playing]

Erm, drug money isn't what I'd call it.

Well, at first it really helped us out,
when I just had the postman job,

and things hadn't yet picked up for Marie.

Then, of course, I was even more pleased

when the envelopes
stopped turning up two years ago.

I knew then that you'd finally drawn
a line under the whole thing.

Yeah, best decision ever.

Erm, I'm just popping out.

To Lenny's.

[front door closes]

Oh.

Oh, it's time for the post.

["Voices of Spring"
by Johann Strauss playing]

[Ilir] Huh? What does he want?

[spoons clinking]

So, tell us, Mo.
What's it really like in a prison?

You've never been to prison?

[Maarten] Moritz?

- Nodding is "no" in Albanian.
- Yeah, I know.

You have to try the honey.

It's homemade.

Absolutely delicious.

We make honey
according to the Chinese model.

- "Shinez".
- Chinese.

[bees buzzing loudly]

People always look to America.

America!

Everyone knows that China is the future!

- [Maarten] "Shina".
- [Ilir] Productivity is key.

[speaks Mandarin]

As the Chinese say.

"Shinez".

"Chinese".

Anyway, Ilir has been taking
a course at the community college.

Yeah, well, I'm not here
to talk to you about honey.

Uh…

Do you remember our deal?

Yeah.

My dad hasn't received a thing
since two years ago.

That's because for over two years
we just can't make a profit.

[Ilir] We've got out of the business.

But, uh, don't you still have
all those Bitcoins?

The police know about the account.

If I try to exchange them
they'll be at my door in ten minutes.

Can I please speak to Doro
about the profit quickly?

[sobbing softly]

Smells like burning rubber, right?

That's because of the tyres.

And also, the body work.

Ah. So it's…
I thought that Doro was in there.

[Maarten] Yeah, she is.

Unfortunately, it wasn't possible
to tell them apart.

[man] Wow, you're tough, but okay.

[Ilir] There's a new player on the market.

He wanted us out.

But Doro…

[soft ticking]

…didn't want to accept that.

[Moritz] And that's why they…

[Doro] Wanker.

- Yeah. We got the urn on the classifieds.
- [sobs]

But don't worry,
we've got everything for ya.

Here.

This USB stick contains
all the contacts and data.

And here.

No, I'm not doing
anything criminal any more.

[Abnor] Yeah, that's great.

But the phone is just in case
you need a little help.

Or any other favour.
As long as it's nothing criminal.

You know,
there's only one thing that really counts.

Friendship.

["Voices of Spring"
by Johann Strauss playing]

And what about family?

[music stopped abruptly]

And family, yeah.

- True, there really are two things.
- [Maarten] Right. To Doro!

[music starts again,
swelling dramatically]

[music stops]

[Moritz] But when your family
have stopped believing in you

and your best friend
has been poached by a rich kid,

you don't have anything left
except reliance on your own instincts.

Sorry.

[yelling loudly]

[groaning, yelling]

[Moritz] And this instinct says,

if Daniel Pirmin Riffert can manage
to create a business through legal means,

then I should be able
to do it blindfolded.

[soft music playing]

But for the first time in my life,
I had no plan.

And no partner.

[man] 5251.

[knocking, door opens]

I don't want to interrupt for long.
Probably it still fits you.

I bought it for you
for your prom years ago.

I organised a job interview

with Mrs Riffert at the bank for you,
all right?

I know it's not easy for you
the way things are.

They weren't for me either
when I got booted out.

And some days, I hate my new job.

But then a big package arrives
with an undeliverable address…

What I actually want to say is,
every new beginning is hard.

But you must remain a fighter.

We'll find the right thing for you.

So it's great to have you back.

The most important thing is family.

And friendship, maybe.

[door closes]

[dynamic music playing]

RINSELN SAVINGS BANK
IS LOOKING FOR YOU

BOWLING TOURNAMENT DONATIONS

[man] Mrs Riffert should be here soon.

Ah, but you? Don't worry.

You'll get the job, for sure.
They take anyone here. [laughs]

Do you play football?

We have a good team you know.
Really good group.

- No, actually, I can't…
- You can go in goal.

Yeah, actually, that is Benni.
He only started working here last year

Couldn't do anything at first.
He'd only ever played football at school.

But now he can curl really good passes
into the corner. [laughs]

Ever heard of BonusLife?

We play against them a lot,
even though we always lose.

Ah, but recently, at this one tournament,

we substituted Benni on
despite his broken foot,

and he scored the winning goal! [laughs]

Sometimes you win with the tactic
your opponent least expects.

You should have been there, and you…

must…

[upbeat music playing]

Hey, this is a misunderstanding.
I have an appointment.

- Whoa!
- You can't just…

- Moritz, is that you?
- Lenny!

- Lenny.
- All good, he's with me. Thanks, boys.

Thanks, boys.

- Hey!
- Hi.

What are you doing here?

- Why are you wearing such a strange suit?
- [Dan] Moritz?

Daniel.

What are you doing here?

- Mo just wanted…
- …to apologize.

I overreacted a bit at the party.

- Ah! Really…
- Yeah, and I'd like to come onboard.

To work here. With the boys.

Are you ser… uh… se… I mean…

The offer still stands, right?

Err… Yeah.

Fine.

Great.

And who knows, my two per cent
may be worth millions yet.

Great. So, where can I sit?

Let's be honest.

You didn't think this was going to be
How to Retire Offline (Slow)?

Have you ever come across a Trojan?

Like in those friendly,
inconspicuous emails

that you get sent all the time.

ENTITLED TO 2%

You open it. Don't think anything of it.

Then you click on the attachment
and realise

that it's just snuck into your system
to steal your most important worker.

BE A GOOD EMPLOYEE
AND PUT YOUR DISHES IN THE MACHINE

[dynamic music playing]

Keep your friends close,
but your enemies clo…

[doorbell rings]

What?

Brofrost delivery.

Some cream puffs, potatoes,
and leeks for Jens Zimmermann.

Sign here, please.

- Thanks.
- Thank you, sir.

[humming a melody]

I swear, I haven't talked to anyone.
Do I look like Bushido?

I was supposed to let you know when
that Moritz Zimmermann showed up again.

He has.

[exhales loudly]

["Voices of Spring"
by Johann Strauss playing]

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