All language subtitles for Horrible Histories s11e07 Monstrous Mothers.eng

# Terrible Tudors Gorgeous Georgians
Slimy Stuarts, vile Victorians

# Woeful wars, ferocious fights Dingy
castles, daring knights

# Horrors that defy description
Cut-throat Celts, awful Egyptians

# Vicious Vikings, cruel crimes
Punishment from ancient times

# Romans rotten, rank and ruthless
Cavemen savage, fierce and toothless

# Groovy Greeks, brainy sages Mean and
measly Middle Ages

# Gory stories, we do that

# And your host, a talking rat

# The past is no longer a mystery

# Welcome to...

# Horrible Histories. #

Horrible Histories presents...

- Mums love their kids.

Well, except maybe when we forget to
turn the taps off,

or we leave the guinea pig cage open,

or we fight with our brothers and
sisters.

Three of Eleanor of Aquitaine's sons
fought with each other,

but it didn't matter to her.

She still thought of them all as
kings.

That's because they were!

King Henry the Young King, King
Richard

the Lionheart, and King John.

Eleanor was Queen of England, and when
her sons fought,

they really fought.

- Who left the guinea pig cage open?

- Oh, no.

# I'm Henry the Young King

- # King Richard

- # King John, yeah!
- And this is our mum

# Eleanor of Aquitaine

# My name is Queen Eleanor of
Aquitaine

# Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-no-no

# Oh-oh-oh-oh!

# First up, I was the Queen of France

# Wife of King Louis VII, was a bad
romance

# Took a boat all the way across to
England

# Gave the English king over there my
hand

# Was my wish to be a really great mum

# Had boys, Henry, Richard and John

# But a happy family was an odd thing

# Henry started up a war with his dad,
the King

# Had to choose between my husband and
my son

# That's a no-brainer for a mum

# I chose to try and help my boy Henry
to reign

# Saw my hubby throw me into jail, a
shame

# Eleanor of Aquitaine

# My name is Queen Eleanor of
Aquitaine

# Three sons, they all want to reign

# My name is Queen Eleanor of
Aquitaine

# Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-no-no

# Oh-oh-oh-oh

# Young Henry died of dysentery

# My son Richard, now King, set me
free

# He didn't care about finding a young
wife

# Seems he had a better plan for his
own life

# Soon he went across the seas on a
crusade

# Help to rule in his place, what an
accolade!

# He got captured far away in another
land

# Then things at home got out of hand

# Cos my boy, Johnny, got greedy

# Soon invaded, took a castle or two
or three

# Told everyone he's broke and Rich
was dead

# And England was now his land instead

# Eleanor of Aquitaine

# My name's Queen Eleanor of Aquitaine

# Three sons, they all want to reign

# My name is Queen Eleanor of
Aquitaine

# Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-no-no

# Oh-oh-oh-oh

# I guess John was lying, saying
Richard had died

# Travelled to Austria to be by his
side

# To set him free, I paid for his
release

# Brought him all the way home, set
this fight in my seas

# Made my boys promise to always be
friends

# Gave Richard his crown back to his
peaceful end

# Then I supported my youngest, King
John

# Tell you ain't no job harder than
being a mum

# Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-no-no. #

- Spartan soldiers are some of the
toughest in the world.

The only thing tougher than them...

- Come on, you muppets.

- ..are their mums.

- Get up! Sit up!

- This is...

- Come on.

Tell me something,

do you want to be in the Spartan army?

- ALL: Yes, Mummy.

- What did you say?
- ALL: Yes, Mummy!

- Drop down and give me 300.

- WHIMPERING

- They're good boys,

but they need to grow a spine.

I mean, they're Spartans.

They need to learn to be as tough as
their mothers.

And believe me, we need to be tough to
raise sons as tough as Spartans.

- Can I get up now?

- Did I say you could speak?

- Sorry, Mummy.

- I'm meant to send you pathetic
babies out to fight for us.

Do you want to go to battle?

Or will you come running home to your
mummy?

- No, Mummy.

- "No, mummy!" A coward!

I should have left you outside

on the hill, like your other brother.

- What other brother?

- Exactly.

- What Mummy wants, Mummy gets,

or you die.

- Attention!

Let me look at you.

- Oh, you don't want us to get naked
again, do you?

- That is the best way to assess your
physical fitness.

But no, not this time.

- Oh, that's a shame.

I've been working on my abs.

Ouch...really hurt.

- Shields!

- Ooh!

- These are your shields,

you carry them into battle.

You return with them or on them.

- Ooh! Like a sledge?

- No, like a stretcher.

Dead, dummy.

- Shame about the sledge.

That sounded fun.

- SHE SCREAMS

- Oh, I weed, I weed.

I'm sorry, Mummy.

I can't do this.

- You are a disgrace!

- The three gruelling weeks are over,

and this is the end...

..of the beginning of their training,

which will last for many years to
come.

- I want my mummy!

- Archidamus!

- I know, drop and give you 300.

- One, two, two and a half.

- Oh, it hurts, Mummy!

- I'm not even counting that one.

- Thankfully, I'm not a Spartan.

My mum is much more chilled.

And here she is!

- Hello, love.

- Hello, Mumas.

I love it when she comes to visit.

- Oh, you've got a lovely place.

I tell all the other parents,

"My son lives in an actual sewer."

I'm so proud.

- Thanks, Mum.

Someone else who loved it when his mum
came to visit

was notorious crime boss Al Capone.

And she used to visit him when he was
in prison.

- Imagine living in a nasty place like
a prison.

- THEY SHUDDER

- Prisoner 85,

Alphonse Al Capone, reporting to se
his approved visitor.

Please be advised that Mr Capone is
one of the most dangerous

criminal mafia bosses who ever lived.

- Now, you listen here and you listen
good, see.

I got something to show.

I've written you a song, you hear?

It's called "Mother",

ain't that something, Ma?

# Oh, my dearest mama

# I think you're so distinguished

# I hope you like this song

# Even though you can't speaka da
English. #

- SHE SPEAKS ITALIAN

- Hey, you know the rules, Mama
Capone,

English only, no Italian.

- She only speaks Italian, you great
palooka!

- Sorry, Al, you know, I'm just trying
to do my job here.

- Now, where was I?

# When I was a crime boss

# I gave my mama some Cadillacs

# And a chauffeur, too

- # And then he was jailed for evading
tax

- # As I sit in my cell, feeling awful
lonely

# Waiting for your visit

# With your vat of macaroni

- # Macaroni! #

- Pasta!

- # Thought I'd rule Chicago

# Be the king of the city of jazz

# But I got caught

- # And now I'm stuck on Alcatraz! #

- Fantastico!

- Bravo! Bravo!

- Hey! No Italian.

- Hello, I'm Hannah Ayscough, and this
is my son, Sir Isaac Newton.

Mathematician, astronomer, author, MP,
Master of the Royal Mint,

discoverer of the laws of gravity, and
failed farmer.

- You know, most people wouldn't have
felt the need

to add that bit on the end.

- I just don't think you gave farming
a good enough go, Isaac.

- I have one of the greatest minds in
the history of science, and Mum

pulled me out of school at 17 so I
could learn how to be a farmer.

- It's a good job! You get free milk,

loads of fresh air,

plus all the manure you can eat.

- You don't eat...

Do you even know what manure is?

I-I don't want to be a farmer!

- Oh, people will always want farmers,
Isaac.

Plus, they'll give you something to
fall back on if the whole gravity

thing doesn't work out.

- If my headmaster hadn't written and
asked Mum to send me back

to school, I'd probably be a farmer.

- He'd have been a great farmer.

- To be fair, I would have smashed
being a farmer.

- Give your mum a kiss.
- No. - Come on.

He loves me.

- You've heard of the evil stepmothers
in Cinderella and Snow White.

Well, now it's time for something new.

- Mirror, mirror on the wall.

Who's the loveliest of them all?

- An evil stepmother queen...

..isn't in this tale.

- Oh, it's my super stepchildren!

They are the loveliest of them all.

- Also starring Henry VIII's
children...

The dramatic story of how a queen used
her powers over a princess.

- Elizabeth!

- Yes, Stepmother?

- These curtains are dusty.

I'd better open them to keep the dust
away

from this lovely picture.

- To help bring her back into favour
with her father.

- May I keep it, Stepmother?

- No, you may not. It's ugly...

- Oh...

- ..how your father has treated you.

Beheading your mother, Anne Boleyn,

and saying you're not his proper
daughter.

That's why I'm gifting this painting
to the King

to remind him how lovely you are.

- SHE SQUEALS

- Lovely. You're lovely! Lovely.

- THEY CHEER

THEY LAUGH

- No, no.

- The tale of how Henry VIII's final
wife put her children to work...

..on their education, which she
actively encouraged.

- Congratulations on another A star,
you absolute boffin.

- Oh, thanks, Stepmummy.

- You're just as clever as your
sister.

God has given you great qualities.

Cultivate them always and labour

to improve them.

- But then there was Mary.

- Stepmother, what are you doing?

- Why, cutting a rose for your
beautiful hair.

- Who she was also really lovely to.

- Oh!

- Coming soon...

SHE CACKLES

..to a theatre near you: Katherine
Parr...

- Guys, soup's ready!

- Oh, yes.

If you have a loving mum or stepmum at
home, then you're very lucky.

I learned everything I know from my
mum.

FARTING

Yep, that's where I get it from.

Mums will always see their kids as
their babies,

even when we're grown up.

When legendary lawyer and political
figure

Mahatma Gandhi first left his home in
India to study in London,

his mum Putlibai found it hard to let
him go.

- Well, it's hard when your kids leave
home.

Ooh! You've got a little bit of fur
out of place.

Let me stick it down.

- Mum...stop!

No, no. Put it...

SHE BABBLES

PUTLIBAI:
- Aw, I can't quite believe it.

My little Mohandas, all grown up and
heading to London!

We are so proud of you.

Try not to change too much.

- I won't, Mama.

But just imagine - I'll be at the
centre of it all,

meeting brilliant men and women...

Ow!

- These English women can't be
trusted, Monia.

You're staying put with a nice Indian
woman -

just like your mama.

- I'm going to study law, Mother, not
women!

OK. If I promise to stay away from
women, please, can I go?

I promise, I'll study the whole time -

in my rooms, in the libraries,

and in the local pubs, where I'll
discuss important...

CLANG! Ow! Can you stop doing that?!

- No pubs, no women, no wine, no
England!

It's just like your uncle says.

You'll become too European.

You're staying put!

- No! No, Mama!

Oh, Mummy, you're strong!

OK! OK!

No women, no wine, no pubs.

BREATHLESSLY: Just studying.

And of course, eating.
- Right!

- Mama... Mama! Mama?!

SHE GRUNTS

MAN:
- Ahh! - Oh!

- Where did that come from?

- Oh, sorry!

What are you doing?

- English food is full of heavy meat.

You're vegetarian.

My little Mohandas is staying put.

- OK!

If I promise to stay away from women
and wine... - And meat.

- Fine. And meat, fine.

..can I please go to England?

- But of course you can, silly.

- Thank you.

I'd better go get my suitcase.

MAN:
- Ow!

- And possibly fetch a doctor for the
man that it landed on.

- You're a good boy.

Oh, and, Mohandas!

- Yes, Mama?

- Don't forget to have fun, beta.

- OK, Mummy!

- Hiya. It's me.

Cleopatra, Pharaoh of Egypt.

And this is my son by Julius Caesar,

Caesarion.
- Hi, guys.

- Shall I tell them what I call you?

- Please, don't.
- Why not?

- It's embarrassing.
- It's not.

- No. Please, don't do this to me
again. Come on.

- But it's so cute!

- All right, fine. Go on, then.

- I call him Ptolemy Caesar Pilopator

Philometor, the Pharaoh,

a god, a son of gods, a king of kings,

the living image of the god Amun.

- I mean, I bet all mums have pet
names for their kids, right?

- Boop!
- Mm.

- Oh, who's my Caesie-weasie!

- FRENCH ACCENT: Most children would
do anything for their mothers,

wouldn't they?

SCOTTISH ACCENT: Ha! Well, not my son!

When my cousin Queen Elizabeth locked
me up for 19 years,

I wrote to my wee boy, King James VI
of Scotland

to ask him to help me get out!

FRENCH ACCENT: And I must say, I was
rather disappointed.

FRENCH ACCENT: Bonjour, James. Maman
here.

I do hope that you are enjoying
looking after...

SCOTTISH ACCENT: ..my Scottish throne
for me!

FRENCH ACCENT: This is just another
message asking

if I can perhaps come and visit.

Maman does so miss her darling boy.

SCOTTISH ACCENT: And also the crown
that your friend stole from me

and gave to you!

FRENCH ACCENT: I'm not going anywhere.

SCOTTISH ACCENT: Because I'm locked up
in this castle!

- Hey, Mum!

Got your messages. All of them.

I miss you, too. Sort of.

I mean, I've not actually seen you
since I was, like, 13 months old.

I would absolutely love you to visit.

It's just, well, you know Cousin
Elizabeth, Queen of England?

She might be a little bit upset

if you don't stay away from Scotland.

And we wouldn't want to annoy her,
now, would we?

So...
- A big bag of money to side

with Queen Elizabeth, Your Majesty.
- BAG THUDS

- That money has absolutely nothing to
do with me siding with Elizabeth.

Got to go now, Mum. Bye!

- FRENCH ACCENT: Sweetie pie!

I am so happy that you are getting on
so well with Cousin Elizabeth.

If you could perhaps ask her to not
accidentally

execute me or something?

SCOTTISH ACCENT: If she can do it to
me, she can do it to you!

You ken, pal?!

- Mummy. Chill!

Cousin Lizzie is an honourable queen.

She would never allow harm to come to
another monarch.

Trust me.

- More money from England, Sire.
- Seriously?

Not the time! We talked about this.

Oh!

- Oh, James.

Jimmy! Jim.

How is one?

Look, this is just a quick note to
tell you

that I accidentally executed your
mother.

I mean, it wasn't a total accident.

I did sign her death warrant,
obviously,

but I had second thoughts.

So, erm...

Sad face?

- Hmm!

- Sad face.

- Elizabeth! Hey!

No worries at all about the whole
killing my mum thing.

We're cool. Ha-ha, ha!

We are still cool, right?

Cos I really would love to...

To be King of England after you.

Anyway, it was good to hang - not
hang.

Losing my head here. Not losing my
head!

OK. Got to go. OK. Bye-bye, bye-bye!

That was close. She's terrifying.

- Aye.

I think that's still on, Sire.

- Ah!

- Hello, loyal subjects.

Queen Victoria here.

Queen of the United Kingdom,

Empress of India and grandmother of
Europe.

But despite having nine children,

I wasn't actually a huge fan of them.

So which of these did I actually say
about babies?

Was it...

FARTING BABY CRYING

FROG CROAKS

DOG WHIMPERS

The answer is B.

They have a terrible frog-like action!

- I took the liberty of organising a
demonstration, Ma'am.

- Oh, is this really necessary?

Yes.
- I feel it helps clarify what you mean

by baby froggy action, Ma'am.

- Oh, no, no, no. No, no! Stop that at
once!

It's reminding me of an actual ugly
baby.

And an ugly baby is a very nasty
object.

- Oh, please, let him do it.

- No!
- Ugh!

- HE HUFFS

You're just as much of a big baby as
him.

- Oh...

- Only nine children?

There were 18 in your litter, Rattus,

and I'd already had 40 babies that
year.

- Imagine dealing with that many
nappies!

- Yeah, particularly with what you did
in them.

SHE SCOFFS

- At least Queen Victoria will have
had staff to help her.

- You're right.

But being a mother was a lot tougher
for other women in Victorian times,

especially if they were working mums.

- Oh, yeah.

- Welcome to the mill.

It's the perfect place for a working
mum.

Try not to get your fingers trapped in
the loom

because it's a pain getting the blood
off the fabric.

- Oh.
- Daisy, you better not be playing hide and seek in the machines!

- CLATTERING, GASPING

BOY:
- Found you.

- Er, I heard there are good childcare
facilities here.

- Oh, aye, there certainly are.

We stick them in a bucket of sawdust.

Harry!

- Yes, Mum?

- You're going to be keeping an eye on
Betty's baby.

Where did you get that metal bolt?

- CREAKING

Incoming!

- Oi!

- Right. Well, go and have five
minutes' play.

This is grown-up talk.
- Woohoo!

- And no gymnastics in the revolving
shaft!

You're not made of legs!

- Woohoo! Yeah!

- Have all your children grown up
here, then?

- Oh, aye.

Harry were born halfway through a
12-hour shift.

He just came out while I were at the
loom.

- Whee!

- William, stop using that machine as
a catapult!

You'll knock the pie off the engine.

- Yes, Mum.

- Pie. Is that a technical mill term?

- No, it's chicken and leek.

We heat up the children's lunches on
the steam engine

that powers the looms.

Harry, watch your fingers in the loom.

How many times?

- Ah!

- Somebody get Harry a bandage.

- Ooh!
- Don't stick your tongue in the spinning jenny, Jenny.

Don't worry. It's not always as quiet
as this.

- Whee!

- Woohoo!

- Oh, it's great being a working mum,
ain't it?

- Hmm.

- FARTING SPLAT!

- Ugh.

- Isn't this exciting?

No-one in the family has ever had a
proper photograph before.

- Well, photographing children is my
speciality, ma'am.

And may I say how truly lovely you
look today.

- It's a shame, really.

- What?

- Now, everybody stay there.

Say cheese.

- I'm sorry. What is going on?

- Oh. Did you not want a rug over your
head?

- No, of course not.

- OK. Erm...

Well, we do also offer this option.

If you just come forward, Miss and
Ma'am.

Stand there.

Perfect.

Now, daguerreotype photographs take a
long time to...

- What are you doing?

And why am I behind a curtain?

HUFFS:
- Well, did you want me to disguise you as an armchair?

Because it'll cost more!

- I
- don't want to be photographed at all.

HE SIGHS

- Well, how do you expect me to manage
that, then?

It takes the camera several minutes to
take a picture.

And if they move around at all, it'll
come out blurry.

Do you think your kids are going to
stay still for that long?

- What do you think?

- You're going to have to hold them.
Now.

You can either be under a rug...

..behind a curtain,

or disguised as an armchair.

- Erm...
- Hang on a minute. I got an idea.

Why don't you sit here in the middle
with the little one on your lap?

- BABY FUSSES

I really don't want to.

- Don't you worry.

No-one will know you're there.

- Oh!

Thank you.

I just didn't want to do anything to
make the photo look silly.

- Now, remember, it takes a few
minutes to take a picture.

So everyone say cheese - for ages.

- ALL:
- Cheese.

- Oof! Imagine not being able to take
a picture together.

Smile, Mum.

- Oh, yeah. OK.

Cheese!

Oh, send me that.

I'll put it on my socials.

Hashtag mamas and son.

Hashtag special little boy.

Hashtag Rattu-son. Love you so much!

- Mum, I don't think you understand
hashtags.

- Hashtag, yes, I do.

- Ugh! But I do love you, too.

Of course, lots of people throughout
history also love their mums.

In some cases, maybe a bit too much.

- Attention, people of the Zulu
nation.

Our warrior king Shaka Zulu

has some extremely sad news.

- My mother, Nandi is dead.

ALL GASP

Not only was she an excellent
protector,

but she was the best chief adviser a
marauding Zulu warrior king

CHEERING

As such, I am commanding that everyone
in the Zulu Kingdom

will enter a period of mourning.

- And that is the end of the
announcement.

- And in honour of my mother...

- OK, there's a little bit more.

- ..I decree that during this period
of mourning,

all 20,000 of you gathered here

GROANING

And I want proper tears.

None of these fake tears like, "Oh,
no, I am sad."

I want everyone to cry hard

until they are dehydrated.

MURMURING

- And how long would you like them to
mourn for, Shaka?

A day? Or two days?

- One year!

- What?
- One year?!

- Anything less would be a disgrace to
my poor mother.

- And that is the end of the
announceme...

- And also...
- Really? More?

- ..no-one is to plant any crops
during this year of mourning.

MUFFLED OUTRAGE

- Shaka, that seems a little extreme.

What will the people eat?

- Excuse me.

Did you not hear that my mother has
died?

And all you can think about is food.

Show some respect.

- Well, you are the King.

And thus this ends the...

- And also...
- No, he's still going.

- ..I want all the milk cows across
the nation slaughtered!

So all the cows can feel the pain that
I am feeling right now.

- OK...

Maybe let's just, you know, dial this
back a little bit.

- Don't worry about where you will get
your milk,

as everyone is banned from drinking it

in honour of my mother.

Why is no-one wailing?

The year-long period of mourning
started five minutes ago.

- Ahh...

- Ah! You call that wailing?

BOTH:
- Ahh!

Yes!

Cry me a river!

Yes, yes!

That is top-notch wailing.

SOFTLY:
- You are going to kill him for this and take over, right?

- Yeah, like, almost immediately.

- What did you say?

- Oh, n... Nothing. Ahh!

- Yes, that's it. From the diaphragm!

- Hello. Nero Claudius Caesar Augustus
Germanicus here.

Or Emperor Nero for short.

I was Roman Emperor number five,

but I was number one when it came to
playing the bagpipes!

I loved playing the bagpipes.

Didn't love my mum quite as much.

In fact, I actually tried to have her
killed.

Naughty.

But tell me, how did I do that?

Did I...

The answer is A, and also B...and also
C.

Some people send their mum lovely
flowers.

Some send her chocolates.

I sent her assassins.

I wasn't a great son.

But I'll tell you what I was great at

playing the bagpipes.

And so, to lighten the mood,

I'll play you out with this little
number I prepared.

A one, a two, a one, two, three.

- BAGPIPES PLAY

That's it for our look at some of
history's monstrous mums.

And some magnificent mums, too.

Just like my mum.

Thanks for helping out.

- Oh, you're welcome, darling.

- Ooh!
- And I put that video of you as a baby dancing in your nappy online.

It's got a million hits.

You're going to be famous.

- Thanks, Mum.

Fame at last.

But a real big thank you to all the
mums and stepmums everywhere.

MUSIC: TO THE TUNE OF HEY YA!

- One, two, three. # My Alex is so
great

# And it was his fate to conquer the
whole world

# Without me by his side

# Well, that isn't quite how it would
have unfurled

# His father was a threat

# And so to protect

# I kept him by my side

# So what a shock we had

# When we found out Al's dad and his
new wife had died... #

Coincidence?

- # Hey, Mum

# Thank you, Mum... #

- I fought for my grandson, too.

- # Hey, Mum

# Thank you, Mum

- # I had a load of kids

# And then the thing I did was marry
them all off

# It takes a real skill and an iron
will

# To find a suitable toff

# Got the best I could get for Marie
Antoinette

# Bagged her the King of France

# Matchmaking was my thing

# Well, you don't think you get a
throne by chance?

- # Hey, Ma

# Thank you, Ma... #

- Admittedly, it didn't play out
perfectly.

- # Hey, Ma

# Thank you, Ma

- # Hey, what a Hey, what a

# Hey, what a

# Hey, what a Hey, what a

# Hey, what a Hey, what about you... #

- This story goes out to all the
mothers out there.

If you escaped slavery,

you fight to get your children back
from those devils!

Take them to court like I did.

Do whatever you can and dedicate your
life

to making sure it never happens to
anyone else's kids.

- Wow.

My attempts at matchmaking feel kind
of weak right now.

- # Hey, Ma

# Thank you, Ma... #

- We're all mothers. We do what we
can.

- # Hey, Ma

# Thank you, Ma. #

- Whoo!

- LAUGHTER

BEEP!

SQUEALING

LAUGHTER

- Nothing up here, mate.

Nothing. Ugh!

- HE LAUGHS

# The past is no longer a mystery

# Hope you enjoyed

# Horrible Histories. #

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