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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,001 --> 00:00:02,389 Watch out, I don't want to get a splinter. 2 00:00:02,390 --> 00:00:03,389 Yeah, yeah. 3 00:00:03,390 --> 00:00:04,469 -Here we go. -Yeah, yeah. 4 00:00:04,470 --> 00:00:05,520 Yeah, yeah, I got it. 5 00:00:06,109 --> 00:00:07,630 So strong, so strong. 6 00:00:08,009 --> 00:00:09,369 No, no, no, no, no, no. 7 00:00:09,529 --> 00:00:10,579 OK, try it. 8 00:00:10,789 --> 00:00:11,839 This way? 9 00:00:12,109 --> 00:00:13,499 -That's it. -Yeah, yeah. -OK. 10 00:00:13,500 --> 00:00:14,528 Cool. 11 00:00:14,529 --> 00:00:16,309 You're actually going to eat in here. 12 00:00:16,310 --> 00:00:20,190 Well, I'm not just going to eat in the sukkah, I'm going to sleep in it, too. 13 00:00:20,470 --> 00:00:22,050 We Jews is crazy. 14 00:00:22,490 --> 00:00:23,540 Oba crazy. 15 00:00:23,730 --> 00:00:27,040 You know, I can imagine, you're in Israel, it's October, it's hot. 16 00:00:27,230 --> 00:00:30,150 I mean, you know, stars, sleeping out, 17 00:00:30,730 --> 00:00:32,840 in London, you're going to get pissed off. 18 00:00:32,841 --> 00:00:34,468 Yeah, I get pissed off and the paper gets 19 00:00:34,469 --> 00:00:36,639 a great story about me catching pneumonia. 20 00:00:39,549 --> 00:00:40,609 There we go. 21 00:00:40,610 --> 00:00:42,368 -Job well done. -Thank you very much. 22 00:00:42,369 --> 00:00:43,968 Right, I'm going to go and get changed. 23 00:00:43,969 --> 00:00:45,129 -Why? -I've got a date. 24 00:00:45,429 --> 00:00:46,729 -Who? -A blind date. 25 00:00:46,809 --> 00:00:47,859 Naomi set us up. 26 00:00:47,890 --> 00:00:49,100 -Naomi? -That's brave. 27 00:00:49,429 --> 00:00:50,749 Or brave Naomi or brave me? 28 00:00:50,750 --> 00:00:51,968 Uh, both. 29 00:00:51,969 --> 00:00:52,968 Who is she? 30 00:00:52,969 --> 00:00:54,249 Let's have a counter called Philippa. 31 00:00:54,250 --> 00:00:55,348 That's all you've got? 32 00:00:55,349 --> 00:00:56,399 That's all I've got. 33 00:00:56,400 --> 00:00:58,128 OK. 34 00:00:58,129 --> 00:00:59,179 What are you doing? 35 00:00:59,180 --> 00:01:00,988 It just might be one of my Philippas. 36 00:01:00,989 --> 00:01:02,068 What, you went out with her? 37 00:01:02,069 --> 00:01:04,068 No, I just... Philippa R, graphic designer, 38 00:01:04,069 --> 00:01:07,129 Philippa W, professor of languages, no accountants, nada. 39 00:01:07,289 --> 00:01:08,499 -Yes! -Back in the game. 40 00:01:18,700 --> 00:01:19,750 Excuse me. 41 00:01:21,280 --> 00:01:22,420 Yeah, I'm already back. 42 00:01:23,320 --> 00:01:24,439 Um, how much? 43 00:01:25,500 --> 00:01:27,340 48 pounds for the basic set. 44 00:01:27,520 --> 00:01:31,260 If you want a higher quality atrog, I have this Italian one. 45 00:01:31,261 --> 00:01:32,319 How much is it? 46 00:01:32,320 --> 00:01:33,370 75 pounds. 47 00:01:34,000 --> 00:01:35,050 Wow. 48 00:01:35,420 --> 00:01:39,379 Wow. That's a lot for what basically is a branch and a massive lemon. 49 00:01:39,540 --> 00:01:42,850 The Festival of Sukkot is a celebration of the God-given harvest. 50 00:01:43,579 --> 00:01:45,259 What if you've had a shit harvest? 51 00:01:45,659 --> 00:01:48,280 It's like Thanksgiving in America. 52 00:01:48,281 --> 00:01:50,739 Well, maybe the Americans got more to be thankful for. 53 00:01:50,740 --> 00:01:52,300 Unless you're black, of course. 54 00:01:52,800 --> 00:01:53,850 Always something. 55 00:01:54,000 --> 00:01:56,590 Yeah, a few measly articles in the Jewish Enquirer. 56 00:01:56,819 --> 00:01:57,869 Got any twigs? 57 00:01:57,900 --> 00:01:58,950 Smell. 58 00:01:59,080 --> 00:02:00,130 Smell this one. 59 00:02:02,599 --> 00:02:03,649 That's amazing. 60 00:02:03,650 --> 00:02:04,958 Italian? 61 00:02:04,959 --> 00:02:06,319 -No. -Smell this. 62 00:02:08,539 --> 00:02:10,399 I mean, less amazing, still pleasant. 63 00:02:11,139 --> 00:02:12,219 You know what they say. 64 00:02:12,439 --> 00:02:15,359 If something is worth doing, it's worth doing well. 65 00:02:15,959 --> 00:02:17,009 I don't know. 66 00:02:17,010 --> 00:02:19,758 I think some things are worth doing even if you do do them badly. 67 00:02:19,759 --> 00:02:20,809 Like? 68 00:02:23,359 --> 00:02:24,409 Hoovering. 69 00:02:24,410 --> 00:02:27,059 I mean, any hoovering picks up dirt and cleans the carpet. 70 00:02:27,060 --> 00:02:28,538 It doesn't have to be perfect to be effective. 71 00:02:28,539 --> 00:02:29,589 Yes, I see. 72 00:02:29,959 --> 00:02:31,039 Learning a language? 73 00:02:31,040 --> 00:02:33,279 You know, going to Spain, know a little Spanish. 74 00:02:33,280 --> 00:02:34,330 It's very helpful. 75 00:02:34,379 --> 00:02:35,759 It doesn't have to be fluent. 76 00:02:36,079 --> 00:02:37,129 Lawn mowing? 77 00:02:37,130 --> 00:02:38,658 Bad mowing is better than none. 78 00:02:38,659 --> 00:02:40,039 So have you made a decision? 79 00:02:40,040 --> 00:02:41,438 Flossing. 80 00:02:41,439 --> 00:02:42,489 Any flossing is good. 81 00:02:42,780 --> 00:02:45,119 Cardiovascular exercise. 82 00:02:45,120 --> 00:02:46,170 The cheap one, then. 83 00:02:46,319 --> 00:02:47,369 Yes, absolutely. 84 00:02:48,000 --> 00:02:51,000 ? 85 00:02:56,000 --> 00:03:01,500 ? 86 00:03:05,429 --> 00:03:06,479 Pippa. 87 00:03:06,480 --> 00:03:07,688 That's me. 88 00:03:07,689 --> 00:03:08,739 The blind date. 89 00:03:08,769 --> 00:03:09,849 Hi, hi, I'm Paul. 90 00:03:10,489 --> 00:03:12,769 Yeah, the blind date, of course. 91 00:03:13,709 --> 00:03:14,929 So I'm sat here. 92 00:03:15,149 --> 00:03:16,199 Oh, I know. 93 00:03:17,329 --> 00:03:18,549 So, no dog? 94 00:03:19,229 --> 00:03:20,279 White stick. 95 00:03:20,280 --> 00:03:21,408 Oh, good. 96 00:03:21,409 --> 00:03:23,269 Good, because I am horribly allergic. 97 00:03:26,109 --> 00:03:29,750 So, Naomi failed to mention you're actually blind. 98 00:03:30,089 --> 00:03:31,750 Oh, no, I like to surprise people. 99 00:03:31,769 --> 00:03:32,819 Weird? 100 00:03:32,820 --> 00:03:33,888 Okay. 101 00:03:33,889 --> 00:03:35,369 Just see if they've got an-O-H. 102 00:03:35,370 --> 00:03:37,029 Oh, well, I've got a-O-H. 103 00:03:37,269 --> 00:03:39,349 I mean, some have even said a-O-H. 104 00:03:39,429 --> 00:03:40,569 Oh, okay, we'll see. 105 00:03:42,349 --> 00:03:43,549 So, first impressions? 106 00:03:45,310 --> 00:03:48,169 Wow, I mean, you're really, really rather alluring. 107 00:03:48,310 --> 00:03:49,360 Alluring? 108 00:03:49,509 --> 00:03:50,559 I like that. 109 00:03:50,569 --> 00:03:52,559 Yeah, I mean, you've got a lot of allure. 110 00:03:52,589 --> 00:03:53,639 Surprisingly. 111 00:03:53,929 --> 00:03:54,979 Surprisingly? 112 00:03:55,089 --> 00:03:56,289 Why, because I'm blind? 113 00:03:56,290 --> 00:03:58,728 No, no, no, no, surprisingly because Naomi set us up. 114 00:03:58,729 --> 00:03:59,789 Oh, okay. 115 00:04:00,709 --> 00:04:05,549 Well, my first impression is you have a nice voice. 116 00:04:05,550 --> 00:04:06,668 I'll take it. 117 00:04:06,669 --> 00:04:09,968 But Anthony Hopkins has a lovely voice, and I would not want to date him. 118 00:04:09,969 --> 00:04:11,629 -No. -No, no, no, absolutely not. 119 00:04:14,029 --> 00:04:15,079 Come closer. 120 00:04:16,789 --> 00:04:18,948 -Come on. -Oh, um... 121 00:04:18,949 --> 00:04:19,999 I mean, not yet. 122 00:04:22,100 --> 00:04:23,150 Um, okay. 123 00:04:27,740 --> 00:04:28,900 Oh, stop it. 124 00:04:32,780 --> 00:04:33,830 Nice 125 00:04:36,510 --> 00:04:37,560 Two ears? 126 00:04:37,610 --> 00:04:38,660 Two? 127 00:04:42,279 --> 00:04:43,329 Oh, wow. 128 00:04:45,699 --> 00:04:46,749 Nah 129 00:04:51,430 --> 00:04:52,830 -Eyes. -Oh yeah, you'll do. 130 00:04:52,970 --> 00:04:55,050 -What? -I'm joking, I'm joking. 131 00:04:56,250 --> 00:04:59,010 So you can just picture me by touch? 132 00:04:59,550 --> 00:05:01,610 Yeah, some people just feel ugly. 133 00:05:04,350 --> 00:05:08,050 Ah, a lot of oddballs think I'll sleep with them just because I can't see. 134 00:05:08,051 --> 00:05:09,449 Yeah. 135 00:05:09,450 --> 00:05:11,429 Yeah, I've been set up on dates with con artists 136 00:05:11,430 --> 00:05:14,200 and they're fucking 70s who thought I wouldn't notice. 137 00:05:14,689 --> 00:05:18,629 But believe me, you, when you take a-year-old penis in your hand... 138 00:05:19,550 --> 00:05:20,600 Wow. 139 00:05:20,601 --> 00:05:22,069 -You know it. -Wow. -You know it. 140 00:05:22,070 --> 00:05:24,209 I can easily say this is the first date I've been on where 141 00:05:24,210 --> 00:05:26,589 we've got to the penis chat before I've even had a coffee. 142 00:05:26,590 --> 00:05:28,189 So what can I get you? 143 00:05:28,190 --> 00:05:29,749 I'll get them. No, no, no, I'll get them. 144 00:05:29,750 --> 00:05:31,490 I'll get them even if you were 20-20. 145 00:05:31,850 --> 00:05:34,030 Ooh, a gentleman as well as handsome. 146 00:05:35,490 --> 00:05:38,970 Um, I'll have an Americana with hot milk. 147 00:05:39,230 --> 00:05:40,280 Yes. 148 00:05:44,250 --> 00:05:47,990 Hey, um, can I get two medium Americanos, hot milk? 149 00:05:48,209 --> 00:05:49,259 -Sure. -Thank you. 150 00:05:52,209 --> 00:05:53,849 -Well? -You could have told me. 151 00:05:53,989 --> 00:05:55,209 -Why? -Why? 152 00:05:55,310 --> 00:05:57,050 Because it's not funny, that's why. 153 00:05:57,169 --> 00:05:58,219 It's not? 154 00:05:58,549 --> 00:05:59,599 No. 155 00:05:59,889 --> 00:06:01,389 What, do you think she's cute? 156 00:06:01,489 --> 00:06:02,539 Yes. 157 00:06:02,540 --> 00:06:03,548 Funny? 158 00:06:03,549 --> 00:06:04,949 -Warm? -Intelligent? 159 00:06:04,950 --> 00:06:06,508 Yes. 160 00:06:06,509 --> 00:06:07,948 Right, so what's the fucking problem? 161 00:06:07,949 --> 00:06:10,788 I can't have a serious relationship with someone who's blind. 162 00:06:10,789 --> 00:06:13,068 Well then don't have a serious relationship with her. 163 00:06:13,069 --> 00:06:15,648 What, you just expect me to have a quickie then scarper? 164 00:06:15,649 --> 00:06:16,988 Yeah, if that's what she wants. 165 00:06:16,989 --> 00:06:19,169 She's an adult and you're getting there. 166 00:06:19,170 --> 00:06:22,869 I mean, if this all goes wrong, I'm going to have RBS all over me. 167 00:06:22,870 --> 00:06:23,920 What, the bank? 168 00:06:24,069 --> 00:06:25,169 No, not the bank. 169 00:06:25,729 --> 00:06:27,349 The Royal Blind Society. 170 00:06:28,250 --> 00:06:30,109 Actually, it's RNIB. 171 00:06:32,850 --> 00:06:33,900 Hi. 172 00:06:33,901 --> 00:06:36,749 The Royal National Institute of Blind People. 173 00:06:36,750 --> 00:06:37,800 Yeah. 174 00:06:37,801 --> 00:06:39,549 They do have a special hotline for blind 175 00:06:39,550 --> 00:06:42,080 women, you know, who've been dumped post-coitus. 176 00:06:43,170 --> 00:06:44,850 I have it favorited in my contacts. 177 00:06:49,139 --> 00:06:50,639 There's no hotline, is there? 178 00:06:57,600 --> 00:06:58,650 Oh! 179 00:07:02,449 --> 00:07:03,589 It's quite aggressive. 180 00:07:05,000 --> 00:07:10,000 ? 181 00:07:10,250 --> 00:07:15,000 ? 182 00:07:15,001 --> 00:07:16,188 Ah! 183 00:07:16,189 --> 00:07:17,239 -Ah! -Ah! 184 00:07:21,000 --> 00:07:25,000 ? 185 00:07:25,500 --> 00:07:30,500 ? 186 00:07:30,750 --> 00:07:35,750 ? 187 00:07:38,500 --> 00:07:39,550 Oh 188 00:07:42,500 --> 00:07:47,500 ? 189 00:07:47,750 --> 00:07:52,000 ? 190 00:07:53,100 --> 00:07:54,150 Yes! 191 00:07:55,810 --> 00:07:58,050 So, that would be 27 pounds 75. 192 00:07:59,070 --> 00:08:00,120 27.75. 193 00:08:02,110 --> 00:08:03,160 Impressive. 194 00:08:03,330 --> 00:08:04,380 It's my job. 195 00:08:05,290 --> 00:08:06,340 Thank you very much. 196 00:08:06,350 --> 00:08:07,400 Thank you very much. 197 00:08:07,470 --> 00:08:08,670 -Shall we? -Let's. 198 00:08:14,800 --> 00:08:15,850 Stinky. 199 00:08:15,851 --> 00:08:16,938 I wish. 200 00:08:16,939 --> 00:08:18,500 No, this is, um, this is a lulab. 201 00:08:18,960 --> 00:08:20,010 And this... 202 00:08:20,540 --> 00:08:21,590 Give me your hand. 203 00:08:21,980 --> 00:08:23,030 That's an etrog. 204 00:08:23,500 --> 00:08:24,550 What's it for? 205 00:08:24,660 --> 00:08:27,550 Oh, they're harvest festival symbols for Jewish people. 206 00:08:27,699 --> 00:08:29,139 Oh, wow, that smells amazing. 207 00:08:32,799 --> 00:08:33,849 Ooh. 208 00:08:34,219 --> 00:08:35,269 Ooh. 209 00:08:35,399 --> 00:08:36,449 Ooh. 210 00:08:36,479 --> 00:08:38,159 So, home? 211 00:08:38,599 --> 00:08:39,649 Your home. 212 00:08:39,759 --> 00:08:41,319 What are the rules this week? 213 00:08:41,679 --> 00:08:42,740 No idea. 214 00:08:43,620 --> 00:08:44,670 Fucking Covid. 215 00:08:44,879 --> 00:08:46,659 Fucking bastard Covid. 216 00:08:47,779 --> 00:08:49,219 Do you have a garden? 217 00:08:50,219 --> 00:08:52,019 We could, you know, sit in there. 218 00:08:53,019 --> 00:08:54,199 Is that allowed? 219 00:08:54,200 --> 00:08:55,239 Oh, my God. 220 00:08:55,240 --> 00:08:56,979 Oh, my God, I can go one better. 221 00:08:57,339 --> 00:08:58,389 I've got a sucker! 222 00:09:09,360 --> 00:09:11,160 Sorry if this all seems a bit forward. 223 00:09:11,440 --> 00:09:12,600 No, not at all. 224 00:09:17,649 --> 00:09:21,709 So, you're going to sleep in here all week and then write it up? 225 00:09:21,829 --> 00:09:22,909 Yeah, that's the idea. 226 00:09:23,470 --> 00:09:24,909 And all Jews do this? 227 00:09:25,069 --> 00:09:27,189 No, just the really enthusiastic ones. 228 00:09:27,730 --> 00:09:29,649 OK, just move a bit more to your left. 229 00:09:31,750 --> 00:09:33,429 -Ow! -What the fuck was that? 230 00:09:33,470 --> 00:09:35,509 -Sorry. -Sorry, that was a pineapple. 231 00:09:35,510 --> 00:09:38,308 It's traditional to hang fruit from the ceiling. 232 00:09:38,309 --> 00:09:40,539 Well, what happened to strawberries, huh? 233 00:09:40,590 --> 00:09:43,540 More blind date friendly, less likely to get a concussion. 234 00:09:43,990 --> 00:09:46,769 Just move a bit forward past the grapes. 235 00:09:47,269 --> 00:09:49,230 Oh, it's a bloody minefield in here. 236 00:09:49,450 --> 00:09:50,840 -That's it. -Just a bit more. 237 00:09:50,950 --> 00:09:52,000 A bit more. 238 00:09:52,250 --> 00:09:57,210 OK, so, theoretically, we're still outside, so not breaking any rules. 239 00:09:57,330 --> 00:09:58,380 Oh. 240 00:09:58,730 --> 00:09:59,780 Oh, fuck me. 241 00:09:59,781 --> 00:10:00,949 What? 242 00:10:00,950 --> 00:10:03,008 Oh, no, no, it's more the exhalation, fuck me. 243 00:10:03,009 --> 00:10:06,570 Like, fuck me, not fuck me as in fuck me. 244 00:10:06,889 --> 00:10:09,539 You know, it's not the request, it's still the order. 245 00:10:11,230 --> 00:10:12,280 OK. 246 00:10:12,649 --> 00:10:14,329 Can I get you a glass of something? 247 00:10:14,649 --> 00:10:15,889 I'd love a hot drink. 248 00:10:16,070 --> 00:10:17,120 Er, tea? 249 00:10:17,129 --> 00:10:18,649 -Perfect. -Lemon tea? 250 00:10:18,661 --> 00:10:20,709 Er... 251 00:10:20,710 --> 00:10:22,529 I've got milk, no lemon. 252 00:10:23,190 --> 00:10:25,029 Um, you kind of do. 253 00:10:28,860 --> 00:10:30,059 Oh, this feels very bad. 254 00:10:30,060 --> 00:10:31,979 It's just a citrus fruit, babe. 255 00:10:31,980 --> 00:10:34,558 It's just like you sitting down to eat communion 256 00:10:34,559 --> 00:10:37,179 wafer crisps with a fruity glass of Body of Christ. 257 00:10:37,440 --> 00:10:40,559 Uh-huh. I'll do it. I might chop my fingers off, but I'll do it. 258 00:10:40,620 --> 00:10:41,670 No, do you know what? 259 00:10:41,779 --> 00:10:42,829 Let's do it together. 260 00:10:48,350 --> 00:10:51,629 All this feels so wrong, but so right. 261 00:10:55,759 --> 00:10:56,809 -ha-ha! 262 00:11:03,779 --> 00:11:04,829 179. 263 00:11:05,120 --> 00:11:06,170 What? 264 00:11:06,399 --> 00:11:07,449 Not bad. 265 00:11:11,100 --> 00:11:12,259 Are you counting? 266 00:11:14,740 --> 00:11:18,860 So, when you lose a sense, your other senses try and find a way to compensate. 267 00:11:20,040 --> 00:11:21,090 Touch, smell. 268 00:11:21,899 --> 00:11:23,899 But in my case, numbers. 269 00:11:24,600 --> 00:11:27,019 I can't help it, it's just the way my brain works. 270 00:11:27,540 --> 00:11:28,590 I hope you don't mind. 271 00:11:28,620 --> 00:11:31,740 No, no. If that catches on, it's going to ruin sex globally. 272 00:11:34,659 --> 00:11:36,420 Time to count sheep. 273 00:11:46,800 --> 00:11:48,379 Well, well, well. 274 00:11:48,759 --> 00:11:51,660 If you had more hair, I'd say you had bed head. 275 00:11:51,759 --> 00:11:52,809 Maybe. 276 00:11:52,920 --> 00:11:54,599 -Here you go. -Thanks for... 277 00:11:54,600 --> 00:11:56,339 What's this? He is never going to marry you. 278 00:11:56,340 --> 00:11:57,390 It's a fucking lemon. 279 00:11:57,391 --> 00:11:59,258 Where's the etrog? Pippa wanted lemon tea. 280 00:11:59,259 --> 00:12:01,160 You made tea from his etrog? 281 00:12:01,280 --> 00:12:02,330 Yeah. 282 00:12:02,379 --> 00:12:03,429 Joshy! 283 00:12:03,759 --> 00:12:05,159 I hope the sex was worth it. 284 00:12:05,160 --> 00:12:06,240 Yes, it was, actually. 285 00:12:07,060 --> 00:12:09,940 Here's the lull of an etrog Uncle Paul bought you. 286 00:12:10,160 --> 00:12:11,610 -Thank you. -You're welcome. 287 00:12:11,980 --> 00:12:13,030 Yeah? 288 00:12:13,340 --> 00:12:14,390 Boom. 289 00:12:16,750 --> 00:12:18,110 How did she stay over? 290 00:12:18,111 --> 00:12:19,489 Oh, we're in the sucker. 291 00:12:19,490 --> 00:12:21,470 So, you know, outside, all legit. 292 00:12:21,471 --> 00:12:23,288 And her zero-zero vision didn't bother you? 293 00:12:23,289 --> 00:12:27,049 No, no. Although, she does have this weird thing, this, like, 294 00:12:27,050 --> 00:12:30,628 hyper-maths brain, where she counts anything without even thinking about it. 295 00:12:30,629 --> 00:12:32,889 I was, uh, 179. 296 00:12:34,029 --> 00:12:35,079 179 what? 297 00:12:35,830 --> 00:12:38,350 Oh, you know... 298 00:12:38,389 --> 00:12:39,439 What? 299 00:12:42,210 --> 00:12:43,830 I don't, I don't know what that is. 300 00:12:45,290 --> 00:12:46,529 No, no. 301 00:12:48,070 --> 00:12:49,120 What are you doing? 302 00:12:49,121 --> 00:12:50,569 What are you doing? 303 00:12:50,570 --> 00:12:52,049 -Why? -How are you not getting this? 304 00:12:52,050 --> 00:12:53,609 I don't know what it is! I don't know what you're doing! 305 00:12:53,610 --> 00:12:54,908 -It's thrusts! -It's thrusts! 306 00:12:54,909 --> 00:12:55,959 Stop it! 307 00:12:57,670 --> 00:12:58,720 He's 179 good. 308 00:12:59,430 --> 00:13:00,480 Worst was 23. 309 00:13:00,481 --> 00:13:01,569 Best? 310 00:13:01,570 --> 00:13:02,620 800 and something. 311 00:13:03,029 --> 00:13:04,229 Oh, I'll have his number. 312 00:13:06,850 --> 00:13:07,900 -Hello. -Hey. 313 00:13:08,629 --> 00:13:09,679 Grandpa! 314 00:13:09,710 --> 00:13:10,760 Hello all. 315 00:13:11,610 --> 00:13:13,909 Grandpa, look what Uncle Paul bought me. 316 00:13:13,990 --> 00:13:15,250 A little of an etrog. 317 00:13:15,550 --> 00:13:16,600 That's a lemon. 318 00:13:16,601 --> 00:13:17,628 It's an etrog, dad. 319 00:13:17,629 --> 00:13:18,849 Yeah, did you tell him it was an etrog? 320 00:13:18,850 --> 00:13:20,129 -Mm-hmm. -A lemon? 321 00:13:21,129 --> 00:13:22,179 Definitely a lemon. 322 00:13:22,570 --> 00:13:24,310 Maybe I'll buy him another one then. 323 00:13:24,311 --> 00:13:25,508 Yeah, I'll come with you. 324 00:13:25,509 --> 00:13:26,559 Yeah. 325 00:13:27,430 --> 00:13:28,629 Okay, bye guys. 326 00:13:31,500 --> 00:13:34,500 ? 327 00:13:36,799 --> 00:13:38,159 Where are the cheap ones? 328 00:13:38,160 --> 00:13:39,438 Sold out. 329 00:13:39,439 --> 00:13:40,438 Oh, right. 330 00:13:40,439 --> 00:13:41,579 So 75 quid. 331 00:13:41,799 --> 00:13:42,939 My son's an idiot. 332 00:13:43,240 --> 00:13:44,290 I'll give you 40. 333 00:13:44,439 --> 00:13:45,489 It's Italian. 334 00:13:46,099 --> 00:13:47,149 35 then. 335 00:13:47,150 --> 00:13:48,418 What? 336 00:13:48,419 --> 00:13:49,469 -30. -50. 337 00:13:49,470 --> 00:13:51,458 -25. -You'll never find better quality. 338 00:13:51,459 --> 00:13:54,349 20. And that'll teach you not to mess with a retired lawyer. 339 00:13:55,099 --> 00:13:56,149 Okay. 340 00:13:56,150 --> 00:13:57,239 Done. 341 00:13:57,240 --> 00:13:58,290 Good. 342 00:13:58,779 --> 00:13:59,829 My treat. 343 00:13:59,830 --> 00:14:01,038 Really? 344 00:14:01,039 --> 00:14:02,089 Yeah, sure. 345 00:14:02,219 --> 00:14:03,269 What did we say? 346 00:14:03,279 --> 00:14:04,329 15? 347 00:14:05,939 --> 00:14:09,740 Oh, by the way, Naomi told me she saw you out with a blind woman. 348 00:14:09,879 --> 00:14:10,929 -Filippa? -Pippa. 349 00:14:11,139 --> 00:14:14,059 And, as of last night, we are now officially dating. 350 00:14:14,279 --> 00:14:15,329 Oh, good, good. 351 00:14:15,359 --> 00:14:16,409 That's good. 352 00:14:16,979 --> 00:14:18,029 Good. 353 00:14:21,299 --> 00:14:22,500 You went out with her? 354 00:14:22,501 --> 00:14:24,358 It was months after your mother left me. 355 00:14:24,359 --> 00:14:26,239 She is in her fucking thirties! 356 00:14:26,240 --> 00:14:27,290 She's blind! 357 00:14:28,799 --> 00:14:29,849 You're the guy. 358 00:14:29,850 --> 00:14:30,878 You're the guy! 359 00:14:30,879 --> 00:14:32,278 -What guy? -With the... 360 00:14:32,279 --> 00:14:34,139 -What? -With the penis! 361 00:14:34,259 --> 00:14:35,579 With the-year-old penis! 362 00:14:35,639 --> 00:14:37,929 I never touched her, and she never touched me. 363 00:14:38,019 --> 00:14:39,519 Except for here, on my eyes. 364 00:14:39,520 --> 00:14:42,458 And she called me out based on a very specific number of wrinkles. 365 00:14:42,459 --> 00:14:43,458 But that was it. 366 00:14:43,459 --> 00:14:44,509 End of date. 367 00:14:44,740 --> 00:14:46,179 Bad enough you even tried! 368 00:14:46,379 --> 00:14:47,599 Oh, get over yourself. 369 00:14:51,350 --> 00:14:52,400 We all did. 370 00:14:53,590 --> 00:14:54,640 All? 371 00:14:54,830 --> 00:14:56,970 A few of my single friends. 372 00:14:57,409 --> 00:14:58,849 Only Barry Gold got anywhere. 373 00:14:59,310 --> 00:15:00,570 Third base, as I recall. 374 00:15:00,590 --> 00:15:01,640 Oh, stop, stop! 375 00:15:01,970 --> 00:15:05,049 Stop, I do not want to hear how Barry fucking mid-seventies 376 00:15:05,050 --> 00:15:09,080 pensioner gold conned his way into now intimate relations with my girlfriend! 377 00:15:11,279 --> 00:15:12,329 Over 80s. 378 00:15:12,519 --> 00:15:13,569 Ooh. 379 00:15:14,359 --> 00:15:15,959 Curiously good skin for his age. 380 00:15:16,259 --> 00:15:17,309 Ooh. 381 00:15:20,000 --> 00:15:21,159 Are you okay with this? 382 00:15:21,779 --> 00:15:23,000 Are you kidding me? 383 00:15:23,399 --> 00:15:24,919 I love Sunday cinema. 384 00:15:25,580 --> 00:15:30,759 Especially after a spectacular early morning-forty-one! 385 00:15:31,840 --> 00:15:33,100 Ooh, pickpockets! 386 00:15:33,379 --> 00:15:35,100 Uh, right, what do you want? 387 00:15:36,980 --> 00:15:38,030 Fried egg? 388 00:15:38,159 --> 00:15:39,209 No. 389 00:15:40,019 --> 00:15:41,240 Jelly blue babies? 390 00:15:41,320 --> 00:15:42,370 No. 391 00:15:42,919 --> 00:15:43,969 Fizzy bottles? 392 00:15:44,240 --> 00:15:45,290 No. 393 00:15:45,291 --> 00:15:46,979 Cherry lips? 394 00:15:46,980 --> 00:15:48,359 -No. -How are you doing that? 395 00:15:48,360 --> 00:15:49,410 The sound. 396 00:15:50,639 --> 00:15:52,080 More fizzy bottles in there. 397 00:15:52,081 --> 00:15:53,099 That's impressive. 398 00:15:53,100 --> 00:15:55,619 Very impressive. Okay, I'm gonna go and get some tickets. 399 00:15:55,620 --> 00:15:57,419 I'll have some chocolate peanuts. 400 00:15:58,000 --> 00:15:59,050 Okay, sure. 401 00:16:00,399 --> 00:16:01,449 Ooh, white mice! 402 00:16:02,240 --> 00:16:04,179 And we are seat numbers. 403 00:16:04,840 --> 00:16:05,890 Here we are. 404 00:16:06,320 --> 00:16:08,000 Four and five. 405 00:16:08,120 --> 00:16:09,170 Bang on as usual. 406 00:16:10,901 --> 00:16:16,168 All right, and they just describe everything that's going on? 407 00:16:16,169 --> 00:16:17,168 Mm-hmm. 408 00:16:17,169 --> 00:16:19,759 I'll let you listen to the trailer when they come on. 409 00:16:29,629 --> 00:16:30,679 Excuse me. 410 00:16:30,680 --> 00:16:32,888 Sorry, do you mind just moving a long one? 411 00:16:32,889 --> 00:16:33,888 What? 412 00:16:33,889 --> 00:16:35,749 Would you mind just moving a long one? 413 00:16:36,009 --> 00:16:37,059 No, it's my seat. 414 00:16:39,960 --> 00:16:41,900 Okay, you're just gonna move up, okay 415 00:16:50,540 --> 00:16:51,720 Yes, that's better. 416 00:16:52,440 --> 00:16:53,840 Okay, so where is he now? 417 00:16:53,841 --> 00:16:55,979 He's in front of you. Oh, no, no, that's no good. 418 00:16:55,980 --> 00:16:57,339 Well, what's the difference? 419 00:16:57,340 --> 00:17:01,079 Well, in my head, there's now this huge monolith sitting right in front of me. 420 00:17:01,080 --> 00:17:02,130 You can't see it. 421 00:17:02,159 --> 00:17:03,209 That's not the point. 422 00:17:03,440 --> 00:17:04,490 What is the point? 423 00:17:04,759 --> 00:17:05,809 Just move to seven. 424 00:17:18,150 --> 00:17:21,569 Okay, so now you've got an unobstructed... 425 00:17:21,570 --> 00:17:23,250 I'm gonna just view the right word. 426 00:17:25,290 --> 00:17:26,340 Perfect. 427 00:17:26,341 --> 00:17:28,229 Thank you for taking me out. 428 00:17:28,230 --> 00:17:29,280 Oh, it's a pleasure. 429 00:17:39,000 --> 00:17:40,259 Oh, we've got raisins. 430 00:17:40,500 --> 00:17:42,370 -Hm? -You've got chocolate raisins. 431 00:17:42,980 --> 00:17:44,300 They sounded like peanuts. 432 00:17:44,900 --> 00:17:45,950 Sorry. 433 00:17:45,951 --> 00:17:48,038 -All right. -Well, no one's perfect. 434 00:17:48,039 --> 00:17:50,019 I prefer the peanuts. 435 00:17:51,400 --> 00:17:53,080 I'll get the pick and mix next time. 436 00:17:53,740 --> 00:17:54,790 Right. 437 00:17:55,010 --> 00:17:57,098 Oh! 438 00:17:57,099 --> 00:17:58,098 Hi. 439 00:17:58,099 --> 00:18:01,339 Hi. Can we stay another couple of nights, if that's OK? 440 00:18:01,519 --> 00:18:02,819 Can we be flexible? 441 00:18:04,079 --> 00:18:05,129 Did he move? 442 00:18:05,599 --> 00:18:06,649 Thanks. 443 00:18:06,700 --> 00:18:08,390 -There's two of them. -Exhausted. 444 00:18:09,000 --> 00:18:10,640 Keeps himself awake at night. 445 00:18:10,700 --> 00:18:11,750 Two giants. 446 00:18:14,450 --> 00:18:15,990 He's torturing himself 447 00:18:24,679 --> 00:18:25,729 Sorry, she's blind. 448 00:18:40,069 --> 00:18:41,669 Don't apologize for me ever! 449 00:18:41,670 --> 00:18:43,989 You're just groping the heads of two complete strangers. 450 00:18:43,990 --> 00:18:46,808 Okay, so why didn't you tell me another one had sat in front of me? 451 00:18:46,809 --> 00:18:48,368 Because you would have asked to move, but it makes 452 00:18:48,369 --> 00:18:50,608 literally no sense because you can't see anything. 453 00:18:50,609 --> 00:18:51,809 Oh, a blind thing? 454 00:18:53,730 --> 00:18:56,500 Also, also, I am a little bit worked up about Barry Gold. 455 00:18:57,169 --> 00:18:58,219 Barry Gold? 456 00:18:59,409 --> 00:19:00,669 Barry fucking Gold? 457 00:19:00,670 --> 00:19:01,949 He let him get the third base. 458 00:19:01,950 --> 00:19:03,628 Well, you told me he was in his fucking 40s! 459 00:19:03,629 --> 00:19:04,769 Yes, well, Barry lied! 460 00:19:05,750 --> 00:19:07,349 Welcome to my frigging world. 461 00:19:07,569 --> 00:19:08,619 I told you. 462 00:19:17,099 --> 00:19:21,000 Just FYI, no one under 60 talks about bases. 463 00:19:27,630 --> 00:19:29,150 -Enough now. -Come inside. 464 00:19:29,170 --> 00:19:30,220 I can't. 465 00:19:30,221 --> 00:19:31,268 I'm sticking with it. 466 00:19:31,269 --> 00:19:33,070 You're absolutely nuts. 467 00:19:33,590 --> 00:19:35,050 Well, it's for the story. 468 00:19:35,490 --> 00:19:36,810 You take it very seriously. 469 00:19:37,750 --> 00:19:40,410 I dated a Telegraph online journalist once. 470 00:19:40,810 --> 00:19:41,860 134. 471 00:19:42,090 --> 00:19:46,650 And all he did was-and-paste press releases.-and-paste? 472 00:19:46,990 --> 00:19:48,390 And 134? 473 00:19:48,570 --> 00:19:50,410 -Mm-hmm. -Beat it on two counts. 474 00:19:51,230 --> 00:19:53,110 PHONE RINGS Oh, God. 475 00:19:53,330 --> 00:19:55,369 -Yes? -Where's Josh's fucking Etrog? 476 00:19:55,370 --> 00:19:56,989 I've got it. I'll bring it round later. 477 00:19:56,990 --> 00:19:58,008 Oh, my God. 478 00:19:58,009 --> 00:19:59,069 You look absolutely frozen. 479 00:19:59,070 --> 00:20:00,120 Well, I am frozen. 480 00:20:00,121 --> 00:20:02,729 Why isn't the thrust counter keeping you warm? 481 00:20:02,730 --> 00:20:03,780 Shh! 482 00:20:03,781 --> 00:20:04,889 What? 483 00:20:04,890 --> 00:20:08,350 -Shit. -Later. -You told her? 484 00:20:09,150 --> 00:20:10,200 Uh, I did. 485 00:20:10,590 --> 00:20:13,360 Do you normally tell Naomi how long you last her in sex? 486 00:20:14,190 --> 00:20:15,240 We're very close. 487 00:20:15,241 --> 00:20:18,329 So, with a normally sighted girlfriend, you tell Naomi, 488 00:20:18,330 --> 00:20:20,949 I made love last night and it lasted nearly six minutes? 489 00:20:20,950 --> 00:20:22,469 This is very different. 490 00:20:22,470 --> 00:20:25,290 Your numbering system is a highly unusual quirk. 491 00:20:25,370 --> 00:20:30,570 A highly unusual and incredibly alluring quirk. 492 00:20:31,210 --> 00:20:33,910 That gorgeous, huge brain of yours. 493 00:20:34,670 --> 00:20:36,530 You think my brain is gorgeous? 494 00:20:37,550 --> 00:20:38,600 Yeah. 495 00:20:39,070 --> 00:20:40,120 Come here. 496 00:20:42,289 --> 00:20:43,339 Oh! 497 00:20:46,299 --> 00:20:49,119 What the fuck is going on? 498 00:20:49,980 --> 00:20:51,919 God, I've been hit by a pineapple! 499 00:20:57,019 --> 00:20:58,219 Bloody sucker fell down. 500 00:20:58,900 --> 00:21:00,280 Oh, the sucker needs sucker. 501 00:21:00,440 --> 00:21:01,490 Here. 502 00:21:02,099 --> 00:21:03,400 Oh, an actual etrog. 503 00:21:03,401 --> 00:21:04,679 Well, you can give it to him. 504 00:21:04,680 --> 00:21:06,300 Come in, come in, come in, come in. 505 00:21:07,619 --> 00:21:08,669 Joshie! 506 00:21:11,379 --> 00:21:12,429 Joshy! 507 00:21:13,580 --> 00:21:15,419 So, 800 and... 508 00:21:15,420 --> 00:21:16,759 Jesus Christ! 509 00:21:16,920 --> 00:21:17,970 Just asking. 510 00:21:18,400 --> 00:21:19,450 871. 511 00:21:19,451 --> 00:21:21,758 Look, I really don't want this to become a thing. 512 00:21:21,759 --> 00:21:23,018 I might be a bit late for that. 513 00:21:23,019 --> 00:21:24,180 -What? -Joshy! 514 00:21:24,900 --> 00:21:26,500 Look what Pippa's brought you. 515 00:21:27,400 --> 00:21:29,220 Here you are, Joshy. 516 00:21:29,660 --> 00:21:31,059 What's wrong with you? 517 00:21:31,220 --> 00:21:32,270 Joshy? 518 00:21:32,700 --> 00:21:33,980 No, probably Naomi. 519 00:21:33,981 --> 00:21:35,179 I'm blind, sweetheart. 520 00:21:35,180 --> 00:21:36,179 Cool. 521 00:21:36,180 --> 00:21:37,230 Thanks. 522 00:21:39,099 --> 00:21:40,439 Hi, hot drinks. 523 00:21:40,440 --> 00:21:41,558 Do you want milk? 524 00:21:41,559 --> 00:21:43,259 -Sugar? -Oh, yes, please. 525 00:21:43,459 --> 00:21:46,019 Mum, how do you write six million? 526 00:21:47,000 --> 00:21:48,579 Er, six and six zeros. 527 00:21:48,919 --> 00:21:49,969 Is that a lot? 528 00:21:51,700 --> 00:21:52,750 Go on, back upstairs. 529 00:21:54,120 --> 00:21:56,000 Holocaust studies at eight years old. 530 00:21:56,200 --> 00:21:57,340 It's too young, I'd say. 531 00:21:58,140 --> 00:21:59,900 Not quite accurate, too. 532 00:22:00,580 --> 00:22:01,630 What? 533 00:22:01,759 --> 00:22:02,880 Exactly six million. 534 00:22:02,881 --> 00:22:05,278 That would have been a hell of a coincidence. 535 00:22:05,279 --> 00:22:06,329 Sorry? 536 00:22:08,319 --> 00:22:09,559 Exactly six million. 537 00:22:10,519 --> 00:22:11,719 It's just a bit unlikely. 538 00:22:11,720 --> 00:22:14,439 Statistically, my accountant's brain kicking in. 539 00:22:14,440 --> 00:22:18,799 It could have been five million, nine hundred thousand and ninety something. 540 00:22:20,019 --> 00:22:23,180 My God, you're shagging a Holocaust denier. 541 00:22:23,181 --> 00:22:25,239 Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, I'm not denying it. 542 00:22:25,240 --> 00:22:27,179 She's not denying it. It could have been more 543 00:22:27,180 --> 00:22:29,179 than six million, and the same point applies. 544 00:22:29,180 --> 00:22:31,139 I'm just a bit of a stickler for numbers. 545 00:22:31,140 --> 00:22:32,159 It's a fair point. 546 00:22:32,160 --> 00:22:34,599 What fair point? One fucking year brain goes to mush. 547 00:22:34,600 --> 00:22:35,650 It's six million. 548 00:22:35,700 --> 00:22:37,150 -On the dot? -Yeah, could be. 549 00:22:37,151 --> 00:22:38,939 Come on. Once you start messing with the 550 00:22:38,940 --> 00:22:41,258 numbers, some fascist cunt's gonna say it was fifty-six. 551 00:22:41,259 --> 00:22:42,309 Fifty-six? 552 00:22:42,420 --> 00:22:43,500 Three hundred and two. 553 00:22:43,600 --> 00:22:44,650 No, it was millions. 554 00:22:44,840 --> 00:22:45,890 Or just not six. 555 00:22:45,891 --> 00:22:48,778 It's just highly unlikely to be a round number, that's all. 556 00:22:48,779 --> 00:22:50,259 But not impossible. 557 00:22:51,160 --> 00:22:53,020 Well, obviously it's not impossible. 558 00:22:53,021 --> 00:22:55,278 Excellent. So, statistically possible, then? 559 00:22:55,279 --> 00:22:56,329 Yes. 560 00:22:56,700 --> 00:22:57,750 Settled. 561 00:23:00,349 --> 00:23:03,189 My assistant at work, her family are from Russia. 562 00:23:03,190 --> 00:23:06,408 And do you know how many Russians died during the Second World War? 563 00:23:06,409 --> 00:23:07,508 What, the nearest one? 564 00:23:07,509 --> 00:23:08,559 No. 565 00:23:08,849 --> 00:23:10,189 About 24 million. 566 00:23:11,129 --> 00:23:12,179 24? 567 00:23:12,369 --> 00:23:13,449 About 24. 568 00:23:14,929 --> 00:23:16,230 OK, that is really bad. 569 00:23:16,469 --> 00:23:18,029 -Bad? -It's terrible. 570 00:23:19,009 --> 00:23:22,108 About 2.5 million of those Russians were Jews, just 571 00:23:22,109 --> 00:23:24,829 shot by the Nazis and buried or burned, but not in camp. 572 00:23:24,830 --> 00:23:28,108 So no tattooed numbers or nicely-typed records, which is why no-one, 573 00:23:28,109 --> 00:23:32,449 no-one can ever prove that it was exactly, exactly to the one, 6 million. 574 00:23:32,629 --> 00:23:33,679 Boom! 575 00:23:33,680 --> 00:23:34,749 What the fuck? 576 00:23:34,750 --> 00:23:35,800 I'm really sorry. 577 00:23:35,990 --> 00:23:37,040 Just take me home. 578 00:23:37,069 --> 00:23:39,269 -OK. -Yes, take the denier home. 579 00:23:39,849 --> 00:23:41,449 I'm not a denier. 580 00:23:41,789 --> 00:23:43,689 Sorry, take the revisionist home. 581 00:23:43,730 --> 00:23:44,990 She's not a revisionist. 582 00:23:44,991 --> 00:23:47,188 Exactly, revisionists are fucking lying scumbags. 583 00:23:47,189 --> 00:23:48,468 Oh, well, I'm glad we agree. 584 00:23:48,469 --> 00:23:49,569 No, I'm glad we agree. 585 00:23:49,669 --> 00:23:51,409 OK, OK, OK, OK. 586 00:23:56,220 --> 00:23:57,270 24 million. 587 00:23:57,271 --> 00:23:58,339 Wow. 588 00:23:58,340 --> 00:24:01,059 You know, the Russians have got terrible Holocaust PR. 589 00:24:01,060 --> 00:24:02,860 Yeah, I mean, how do we not know that? 590 00:24:03,160 --> 00:24:06,360 If there were 24 dogs in Yemen in danger, 591 00:24:06,361 --> 00:24:08,299 the British press would be all over that. 592 00:24:08,300 --> 00:24:09,870 -Yeah. -Humans, no. -Dogs, yeah. 593 00:24:10,180 --> 00:24:12,699 Or a plane and fly them all out, and then 594 00:24:12,700 --> 00:24:14,810 some PR tosser will compare it to Dunkirk. 595 00:24:14,920 --> 00:24:18,360 A couple of dead dogs, Jabez gets involved, Yemen sorted. 596 00:24:18,361 --> 00:24:21,559 Why did you chuck away the instructions? 597 00:24:21,560 --> 00:24:23,299 Because I didn't know I was going to have to put it up again, did I? 598 00:24:23,300 --> 00:24:25,159 I didn't know Pepper was going to knock it all over. 599 00:24:25,160 --> 00:24:26,159 Pepper? 600 00:24:26,160 --> 00:24:27,210 Yeah. 601 00:24:27,660 --> 00:24:28,710 Wait a sec. 602 00:24:31,839 --> 00:24:33,559 Pippa, not Philippa. 603 00:24:33,960 --> 00:24:35,010 I've got her. 604 00:24:35,011 --> 00:24:36,078 Pippa, accountant. 605 00:24:36,079 --> 00:24:37,129 BTC. 606 00:24:37,379 --> 00:24:38,429 You're joking. 607 00:24:38,559 --> 00:24:40,799 B is for blind, obviously. 608 00:24:43,480 --> 00:24:44,759 -TC... -Thrust counter. 609 00:24:44,839 --> 00:24:45,889 Thrust counter. 610 00:24:46,039 --> 00:24:47,089 Yeah, that's her. 611 00:24:47,099 --> 00:24:48,939 And, um... 612 00:24:48,940 --> 00:24:50,339 I got 270. 613 00:24:50,519 --> 00:24:51,569 What did you get? 614 00:24:51,570 --> 00:24:52,979 I'm a bit sick. 615 00:24:52,980 --> 00:24:54,680 -So, less. -You can go now. 616 00:24:55,019 --> 00:24:56,099 What about the fruit? 617 00:24:56,100 --> 00:24:58,858 Leave the fruit. Go on. You know, fruit is very good for the... 618 00:24:58,859 --> 00:24:59,909 Out. 619 00:25:12,000 --> 00:25:17,000 ? 620 00:25:17,250 --> 00:25:18,500 ? 621 00:25:22,000 --> 00:25:28,000 ? 622 00:25:35,000 --> 00:25:40,000 ? 623 00:25:40,250 --> 00:25:42,000 ? 624 00:25:42,150 --> 00:25:43,550 For fuck's sake! 625 00:25:49,840 --> 00:25:55,558 ? 626 00:25:55,559 --> 00:25:59,518 ? 627 00:25:59,519 --> 00:26:02,479 ? 628 00:26:02,480 --> 00:26:06,699 ? 629 00:26:06,700 --> 00:26:10,099 ? 630 00:26:10,100 --> 00:26:13,999 ? 631 00:26:14,000 --> 00:26:17,380 ? 632 00:26:18,500 --> 00:26:23,349 ? 633 00:26:23,350 --> 00:26:25,198 let's go 634 00:26:25,199 --> 00:26:29,749 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 41036

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