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1
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:03,280
-It must be impossible to prove.
-You're probably right.
2
00:00:03,281 --> 00:00:06,839
Leaves do not even stand as an ingredient.
-How is it relevant to Jews?
3
00:00:06,840 --> 00:00:10,680
It can be more than 15,854,
it can be fewer.
4
00:00:10,760 --> 00:00:15,120
But what are the odds
that it is exactly 15,854?
5
00:00:15,200 --> 00:00:16,680
No one cares.
6
00:00:17,440 --> 00:00:18,880
Not even a trace.
7
00:00:18,960 --> 00:00:22,080
I want you to do
"The Rabbi Answers" this week.
8
00:00:22,081 --> 00:00:23,079
Why?
9
00:00:23,080 --> 00:00:25,359
He's taking a bike ride in Israel
for the RSPCA.
10
00:00:25,360 --> 00:00:27,960
-Send the questions then.
-What questions?
11
00:00:28,680 --> 00:00:31,160
The questions the rabbi must answer.
12
00:00:31,240 --> 00:00:33,120
Well, those questions. We invent them.
13
00:00:33,121 --> 00:00:36,919
Wait, every week you have a page
where the rabbi answers readers' questions.
14
00:00:36,920 --> 00:00:38,279
You just invent the questions?
15
00:00:38,280 --> 00:00:42,400
Who the hell asks a rabbi in the newspaper
when they can only call a rabbi?
16
00:00:42,480 --> 00:00:43,640
Exactly.
17
00:00:43,720 --> 00:00:45,600
That's why we invent them!
18
00:00:51,760 --> 00:00:53,920
-Mazel tov!
-Why then?
19
00:00:54,000 --> 00:00:56,600
-I'm become an uncle!
-Then I'll tell you.
20
00:00:56,680 --> 00:00:59,080
-We take it from the beginning.
-Yes.
21
00:00:59,160 --> 00:01:01,800
-Mazel tov, you have become an uncle!
-Have I?
22
00:01:01,880 --> 00:01:02,930
Come in!
23
00:01:05,240 --> 00:01:07,400
-What fun, boy or girl?
-Boys.
24
00:01:07,401 --> 00:01:09,879
-Are the mother and child well?
-Under the circumstances.
25
00:01:09,880 --> 00:01:10,930
Who?
26
00:01:11,000 --> 00:01:14,560
Catholic father, Jewish mother.
Do you remember the wedding?
27
00:01:14,640 --> 00:01:18,200
-Liam offered me supper bread.
-You said you did not eat gluten.
28
00:01:18,280 --> 00:01:19,920
Am I forgiven?
29
00:01:20,000 --> 00:01:23,000
Not really,
but Amanda needs our help.
30
00:01:23,001 --> 00:01:24,039
Okay.
31
00:01:24,040 --> 00:01:26,120
Liam is against this with circumcision.
32
00:01:26,200 --> 00:01:29,800
Really? Does he not want to cut
off the top of the baby's penis? Strange.
33
00:01:29,880 --> 00:01:32,400
He says it's up to us
34
00:01:32,401 --> 00:01:34,399
but he does not want to
have anything to do with it.
35
00:01:34,400 --> 00:01:37,640
Do you know any circumcising people?
36
00:01:37,720 --> 00:01:41,840
And mohel? Yes, I actually do.
My dentist, Bernard Levy.
37
00:01:41,920 --> 00:01:44,840
Is your dentist mohel
too? Does he like to give pain?
38
00:01:44,920 --> 00:01:46,880
He has been doing it forever.
39
00:01:46,881 --> 00:01:49,159
He's not the marathon man,
Shall I call him?
40
00:01:49,160 --> 00:01:50,320
Is it safe?
41
00:01:50,920 --> 00:01:52,320
I do not know if it's safe.
42
00:01:52,400 --> 00:01:53,880
-Is it safe?
-I do not know.
43
00:01:53,960 --> 00:01:56,800
-Is it safe?
-Yes, it's very safe!
44
00:01:56,880 --> 00:01:57,930
Call him.
45
00:02:07,560 --> 00:02:08,640
Check this out.
46
00:02:10,320 --> 00:02:11,840
God, you must be kidding.
47
00:02:11,920 --> 00:02:12,970
SAL 1
48
00:02:13,040 --> 00:02:14,090
Hey!
49
00:02:14,120 --> 00:02:15,560
Hi, what is this?
50
00:02:16,680 --> 00:02:19,640
A tooth
at long time tooth loss.
51
00:02:19,720 --> 00:02:20,770
As it stands.
52
00:02:21,080 --> 00:02:23,600
-No. It's a vagina.
-Is it?
53
00:02:23,601 --> 00:02:26,719
Why do you have a poster with
a female genitalia in the waiting room?
54
00:02:26,720 --> 00:02:27,639
I have not!
55
00:02:27,640 --> 00:02:29,200
Is it a clitoris?
56
00:02:31,520 --> 00:02:33,920
I see what you mean but ...
57
00:02:34,000 --> 00:02:35,640
where is the anus then?
58
00:02:37,640 --> 00:02:39,960
-I can not.
-Because it's a tooth.
59
00:02:41,120 --> 00:02:42,170
What do you want?
60
00:02:43,960 --> 00:02:45,640
My sister had a baby yesterday.
61
00:02:45,720 --> 00:02:47,840
-Mazel tov!
-Thank you.
62
00:02:47,841 --> 00:02:50,159
The child is healthy, over three kilos.
They live in Sheen.
63
00:02:50,160 --> 00:02:53,000
-Paul recommended you.
-I'm happy to help.
64
00:02:53,080 --> 00:02:56,640
I need to see the boy first,
completely on Thursday.
65
00:02:56,720 --> 00:02:57,800
Wait.
66
00:02:57,880 --> 00:03:01,080
How do I convince my sister that
you're the right man for the job?
67
00:03:01,760 --> 00:03:05,840
It's like choosing a dentist.
Most often you are recommended.
68
00:03:05,920 --> 00:03:10,680
But if the repair does not go
well, you can go to another dentist.
69
00:03:10,760 --> 00:03:14,680
You can not go with a mutilated penis
to another mohel.
70
00:03:14,760 --> 00:03:16,920
-Yes, do you have any pictures?
-On what?
71
00:03:16,921 --> 00:03:19,319
Before and after. Not immediately
afterwards, of course.
72
00:03:19,320 --> 00:03:20,319
You know, heal.
73
00:03:20,320 --> 00:03:23,800
No, I do not collect pictures
of children's penises.
74
00:03:24,840 --> 00:03:27,440
Have some confidence. I'm skilled.
75
00:03:28,520 --> 00:03:30,080
Okay then.
76
00:03:30,720 --> 00:03:33,840
Paul could not give me a price quote.
77
00:03:34,400 --> 00:03:38,600
According to tradition, the
circumciser does the work of God
78
00:03:38,680 --> 00:03:41,080
so there is no formal fee.
79
00:03:41,160 --> 00:03:42,440
So it's kind of charity?
80
00:03:42,520 --> 00:03:44,120
No formal fee.
81
00:03:44,200 --> 00:03:47,840
It is up to the parents to give
what they think is appropriate.
82
00:03:47,920 --> 00:03:50,560
Can you give me one approximately?
83
00:03:50,671 --> 00:03:52,599
Not directly.
84
00:03:52,600 --> 00:03:55,560
Maybe a clue, kind of nod a little?
85
00:03:55,640 --> 00:03:56,690
If you insist.
86
00:03:56,760 --> 00:03:58,320
One five?
87
00:03:59,920 --> 00:04:02,390
-There he shook a little.
-Yes, a little neighbor.
88
00:04:02,880 --> 00:04:03,930
Okay, fifty?
89
00:04:05,560 --> 00:04:07,960
More than fifty? It's kind of an hour's job.
90
00:04:08,040 --> 00:04:10,200
I check the boy
before and after.
91
00:04:10,280 --> 00:04:12,500
Three visits? One hundred and fifty pounds?
92
00:04:13,271 --> 00:04:15,239
250?
93
00:04:15,240 --> 00:04:18,240
In order not to charge a fee
you earn quite well.
94
00:04:18,880 --> 00:04:20,800
Is it under 500 pounds?
95
00:04:20,880 --> 00:04:23,000
If the parents choose to give 500 then.
96
00:04:28,400 --> 00:04:29,450
Satisfied?
97
00:04:29,840 --> 00:04:31,480
I just have to ask Amanda.
98
00:04:33,671 --> 00:04:35,599
Hello?
99
00:04:35,600 --> 00:04:37,360
-Hi, it's me.
-What do you want?
100
00:04:37,361 --> 00:04:38,959
Why do you think I want something?
101
00:04:38,960 --> 00:04:40,160
You use it.
102
00:04:40,240 --> 00:04:43,280
I have something you need to hear.
When can you come by?
103
00:04:43,281 --> 00:04:45,799
I have a meeting now, so around two?
104
00:04:45,800 --> 00:04:49,280
Okay, great, this is going to make you famous.
105
00:04:56,720 --> 00:04:58,480
-Hello. I'm Mike.
-Hey.
106
00:04:58,560 --> 00:04:59,610
Come in.
107
00:05:00,320 --> 00:05:01,440
How can I help you?
108
00:05:02,000 --> 00:05:06,560
I'm investigating this shower cream
109
00:05:06,640 --> 00:05:09,350
which I bought at a supermarket
in your constituency.
110
00:05:09,400 --> 00:05:10,450
Yes.
111
00:05:11,240 --> 00:05:12,560
Look at the label.
112
00:05:12,561 --> 00:05:14,319
Yes.
113
00:05:14,320 --> 00:05:16,560
The figure is very specific.
114
00:05:16,671 --> 00:05:18,639
It is the.
115
00:05:18,640 --> 00:05:20,720
I bought this at the same supermarket.
116
00:05:20,800 --> 00:05:23,720
A peanut butter that claims to change your life.
117
00:05:23,800 --> 00:05:25,920
-Changing life?
-Change life.
118
00:05:26,000 --> 00:05:28,290
I've eaten it for months,
life did not change.
119
00:05:28,360 --> 00:05:31,960
Okay, if you're a nut allergy
sufferer, eat it and die
120
00:05:32,040 --> 00:05:33,090
then life changes.
121
00:05:33,120 --> 00:05:34,840
But otherwise nothing.
122
00:05:34,920 --> 00:05:35,970
Check this out.
123
00:05:36,480 --> 00:05:39,680
It says spaghetti "bolognese".
It's not what it's in it.
124
00:05:39,681 --> 00:05:41,279
The main ingredient is potatoes.
125
00:05:41,280 --> 00:05:44,320
If I poured it into a
bowl, I would be disappointed.
126
00:05:44,400 --> 00:05:46,200
Just type a gegga or something.
127
00:05:46,720 --> 00:05:49,280
And check here, "double delicious".
128
00:05:49,360 --> 00:05:51,560
How can something be doubly delicious?
129
00:05:51,640 --> 00:05:54,000
I understand.
What do you want me to do?
130
00:05:54,080 --> 00:05:58,200
There must be a selection
committee for trade standards.
131
00:05:58,201 --> 00:05:59,159
It makes it.
132
00:05:59,160 --> 00:06:01,680
Companies must be able to prove their claims.
133
00:06:02,320 --> 00:06:05,560
When you go to Perfect Pizza
you do not expect perfect pizza.
134
00:06:05,561 --> 00:06:06,519
I do.
135
00:06:06,520 --> 00:06:10,280
Yesterday I bought fast food
from a place called Best Kebab.
136
00:06:10,360 --> 00:06:11,880
It's just a name.
137
00:06:11,960 --> 00:06:17,120
But if it says Best Kebab,
it must be only the best kebab.
138
00:06:17,200 --> 00:06:18,320
I Finchley?
139
00:06:18,321 --> 00:06:19,919
In London?
140
00:06:19,920 --> 00:06:21,320
The world's best kebab?
141
00:06:21,400 --> 00:06:24,280
Waitrose Essentials.
Not so essential, right?
142
00:06:24,281 --> 00:06:26,999
We do not need them.
We can live without them.
143
00:06:27,000 --> 00:06:28,800
That's what I mean.
144
00:06:28,880 --> 00:06:31,890
You should take the side of the people
against big business.
145
00:06:32,280 --> 00:06:35,160
You've probably confused us with the Labor Party.
146
00:06:35,240 --> 00:06:38,160
Listen, I'm a journalist for The Jewish Enquirer.
147
00:06:38,720 --> 00:06:40,720
-What?
-The Jewish ... It matters.
148
00:06:40,800 --> 00:06:43,440
-Also the newspaper's rabbi.
-A rabbi?
149
00:06:43,520 --> 00:06:44,570
For this week.
150
00:06:44,600 --> 00:06:47,560
Rabbi, I love Jews.
151
00:06:48,120 --> 00:06:50,840
My party loves Jews!
152
00:06:50,920 --> 00:06:55,880
I go to the Hanukkah ceremony
in Golders Green every year.
153
00:06:57,240 --> 00:07:00,640
And last year I was at the Easter meal.
154
00:07:10,240 --> 00:07:11,290
Sir!
155
00:07:14,520 --> 00:07:16,080
My dog has broken his leg.
156
00:07:16,081 --> 00:07:17,159
What a shame.
157
00:07:17,160 --> 00:07:19,800
We're raising money for an operation.
158
00:07:19,880 --> 00:07:22,800
-What are you doing for something?
-We collect money.
159
00:07:22,880 --> 00:07:25,680
Type, do you swim for charity?
160
00:07:25,760 --> 00:07:26,960
No.
161
00:07:27,040 --> 00:07:28,800
Not? Bicycles?
162
00:07:28,801 --> 00:07:29,879
No.
163
00:07:29,880 --> 00:07:31,560
Silence for charity?
164
00:07:32,480 --> 00:07:35,320
-No, people just give me money.
-Okay.
165
00:07:35,400 --> 00:07:37,560
You should not do anything for the dog
166
00:07:37,640 --> 00:07:40,000
instead of relying on people's generosity?
167
00:07:40,080 --> 00:07:41,640
Give it back, Chantal!
168
00:07:41,720 --> 00:07:43,320
What? Her dog is injured.
169
00:07:43,400 --> 00:07:45,600
She's my neighbor, she has no fucking dog!
170
00:07:46,261 --> 00:07:52,559
Why is everyone trying to blow
me up? Is no one telling the truth?
171
00:07:52,560 --> 00:07:54,440
-Look at this.
-What?
172
00:07:54,520 --> 00:07:57,290
-Is not it incredible?
-Is this what you're thinking?
173
00:07:57,320 --> 00:08:00,440
Look, why is the main ingredient aqua?
174
00:08:00,520 --> 00:08:01,880
So people pay more for it.
175
00:08:01,960 --> 00:08:04,480
If they wrote water, no one would buy it.
176
00:08:04,560 --> 00:08:05,640
The mystery is solved.
177
00:08:07,440 --> 00:08:09,640
-This is Leanne.
-Hey.
178
00:08:09,720 --> 00:08:13,560
Leanne has a YouTube channel
with over 300,000 followers.
179
00:08:14,880 --> 00:08:15,930
What are you doing?
180
00:08:16,480 --> 00:08:17,960
I'm talking about things.
181
00:08:19,920 --> 00:08:20,970
Things?
182
00:08:21,520 --> 00:08:22,570
Like what?
183
00:08:23,120 --> 00:08:27,760
Homework, dates, food, makeup, climate,
184
00:08:27,840 --> 00:08:30,080
LGBT rights, terrorism.
185
00:08:30,800 --> 00:08:34,040
-And you have over 300,000 followers?
-Yes.
186
00:08:35,720 --> 00:08:37,600
Do you express strong opinions?
187
00:08:38,160 --> 00:08:41,280
Yes, sometimes I say that
climate change is very bad.
188
00:08:41,360 --> 00:08:42,760
Sometimes I say it's good.
189
00:08:43,440 --> 00:08:47,120
But I do not think you should kill anyone
if you do not have a good reason.
190
00:08:49,560 --> 00:08:50,800
Aha, that's humor!
191
00:08:52,040 --> 00:08:53,090
No.
192
00:08:53,960 --> 00:08:55,010
Seriously?
193
00:08:56,720 --> 00:08:58,240
I'm not that smart.
194
00:08:58,760 --> 00:09:02,560
-I do it wearing underwear.
-In the underwear. Brilliant.
195
00:09:07,680 --> 00:09:09,720
Nice to meet you, Leanne.
196
00:09:15,200 --> 00:09:18,280
Okay. I'm following you out.
197
00:09:18,360 --> 00:09:21,440
-Okay? 300,000 followers.
-300 000.
198
00:09:22,760 --> 00:09:24,920
-Thank you for coming!
-It's okay.
199
00:09:25,000 --> 00:09:27,560
You were great. Bye, old lady!
200
00:09:30,840 --> 00:09:32,360
Gumman? Are you mad?
201
00:09:32,440 --> 00:09:35,840
She sells her body for clicks
while she talks lubrication.
202
00:09:35,920 --> 00:09:37,880
She can use her body as she pleases.
203
00:09:37,960 --> 00:09:39,440
Of the 300,000 followers,
204
00:09:39,520 --> 00:09:41,920
how many are fat old men
in middle age?
205
00:09:42,000 --> 00:09:43,160
Everyone, probably.
206
00:09:43,161 --> 00:09:46,159
Okay, the brain is from Erikshjälpen,
207
00:09:46,160 --> 00:09:49,440
but she uses her resources
to get what she wants.
208
00:09:49,520 --> 00:09:52,160
It's damn admirable!
209
00:09:52,240 --> 00:09:53,960
Her mother is my colleague
210
00:09:54,040 --> 00:09:56,380
and she was just diagnosed with ovarian cancer.
211
00:09:57,360 --> 00:09:58,410
And?
212
00:09:59,040 --> 00:10:01,120
She is sick.
All good news is a bonus.
213
00:10:01,680 --> 00:10:04,630
If I write about her
will the cancer magically disappear?
214
00:10:04,680 --> 00:10:06,120
They are not connected.
215
00:10:06,200 --> 00:10:07,360
Be a good person.
216
00:10:07,960 --> 00:10:10,790
Does she get chemotherapy?
Because it will do more good.
217
00:10:15,040 --> 00:10:17,280
-Hi simon.
-Liam says it's too expensive.
218
00:10:17,281 --> 00:10:18,239
What?
219
00:10:18,240 --> 00:10:21,080
It may cost a maximum of 150,
including VAT.
220
00:10:21,600 --> 00:10:23,960
VAT? It's probably black money.
221
00:10:24,040 --> 00:10:25,640
He wants you to negotiate.
222
00:10:26,560 --> 00:10:27,760
Okay then.
223
00:10:29,080 --> 00:10:30,320
What was that about?
224
00:10:31,920 --> 00:10:34,480
Simon's sister just had a son.
You should call him.
225
00:10:34,560 --> 00:10:37,800
Certainly. Hi simon.
Congratulations. Hi then, Simon.
226
00:10:37,801 --> 00:10:38,839
What a conversation.
227
00:10:38,840 --> 00:10:40,520
-You dated.
-We fucked.
228
00:10:41,080 --> 00:10:43,680
- Did you have to say that?
-Guys say so.
229
00:10:43,760 --> 00:10:45,480
Drunk kids on Ryanair say so.
230
00:10:45,560 --> 00:10:48,630
Not divorced middle-class women
who run Zumba on Thursdays.
231
00:10:49,120 --> 00:10:52,600
Okay, Bernard ...
232
00:10:52,601 --> 00:10:53,719
Bernard?
233
00:10:53,720 --> 00:10:55,800
Bernard ... Yes, mohelen.
234
00:10:56,840 --> 00:10:58,680
Bernard Levy. Say you'm kidding.
235
00:10:59,240 --> 00:11:03,080
-He's my dentist. Shake
Bernie, he's cutting Joshie.
236
00:11:03,081 --> 00:11:05,239
-Dad wanted to kill him
-I do not remember.
237
00:11:05,240 --> 00:11:08,600
You flirted with the waitress.
Joshie screamed like a stung pig.
238
00:11:08,680 --> 00:11:09,960
I asked what was going on.
239
00:11:09,961 --> 00:11:10,959
And?
240
00:11:10,960 --> 00:11:14,000
He said he trimmed a bit.
241
00:11:15,920 --> 00:11:16,970
Trimmed?
242
00:11:17,960 --> 00:11:19,360
-Trimmed?
-Trimmade.
243
00:11:20,240 --> 00:11:22,880
-You can not trim the foreskin.
-No, you can not.
244
00:11:23,760 --> 00:11:25,600
It's £ 300
I'll never get back.
245
00:11:28,920 --> 00:11:31,960
-Have you changed your mind?
-I'm just careful.
246
00:11:34,640 --> 00:11:36,120
You are joking.
247
00:11:36,800 --> 00:11:38,400
-What?
-What is this?
248
00:11:38,920 --> 00:11:40,000
A denture.
249
00:11:40,080 --> 00:11:44,120
No, it's a vagina with a vibrator inserted.
250
00:11:44,200 --> 00:11:46,760
I'm an orthodox Jew
and I do not see it.
251
00:11:46,761 --> 00:11:49,079
How is it relevant?
You know what a vibrator is.
252
00:11:49,080 --> 00:11:52,800
My kippa protects me from seeing
what God does not want me to see.
253
00:11:52,880 --> 00:11:54,200
And God does not want
254
00:11:54,280 --> 00:11:57,720
see you put up a picture
on a battery-powered masturbator.
255
00:11:57,800 --> 00:11:59,200
Just like that. In a nutshell.
256
00:11:59,280 --> 00:12:00,360
A nutshell?
257
00:12:00,440 --> 00:12:02,880
God. I want to see what a picture
of one looks like.
258
00:12:02,960 --> 00:12:04,040
Let's move on.
259
00:12:04,680 --> 00:12:06,480
It's decided, I guess?
260
00:12:06,560 --> 00:12:08,920
No, I was talking to my sister Naomi
261
00:12:09,000 --> 00:12:12,320
and you circumcised her son Joshie
about five years ago?
262
00:12:13,400 --> 00:12:17,440
I do so many that after a while
all the penises look the same.
263
00:12:17,441 --> 00:12:18,919
You probably remember this one.
264
00:12:18,920 --> 00:12:21,800
How many have you trimmed?
265
00:12:23,560 --> 00:12:25,360
"I'm just trimming a little."
266
00:12:25,440 --> 00:12:27,760
A joke
to lighten the mood.
267
00:12:27,840 --> 00:12:30,080
I also use
"I just cut the tops"
268
00:12:30,160 --> 00:12:32,440
and "I prefer sausages without skin".
269
00:12:32,520 --> 00:12:33,570
It's just a joke.
270
00:12:33,600 --> 00:12:36,680
But he screamed
and your hands shook.
271
00:12:37,240 --> 00:12:38,290
Okay...
272
00:12:38,840 --> 00:12:40,280
I do it for 450.
273
00:12:40,360 --> 00:12:43,320
-My sister paid 300.
-It was five years ago.
274
00:12:43,400 --> 00:12:45,680
-I do not want a discount.
-What do you want?
275
00:12:46,240 --> 00:12:48,770
I was wondering if you
can recommend someone else.
276
00:12:49,320 --> 00:12:52,720
Do you call an electrician
and ask him to recommend another?
277
00:12:52,800 --> 00:12:53,850
You have a point.
278
00:12:53,920 --> 00:12:55,560
Change dentist too.
279
00:12:56,120 --> 00:12:58,640
What? Are you kicking me as your patient?
280
00:12:58,720 --> 00:13:03,360
Stop if you want,
but look at my hand!
281
00:13:08,520 --> 00:13:11,320
-Thanks for helping me.
-It's calm.
282
00:13:11,880 --> 00:13:13,160
My nephew is hungry.
283
00:13:14,120 --> 00:13:15,360
Constantly.
284
00:13:15,440 --> 00:13:17,000
Save a little for the rest of us.
285
00:13:19,360 --> 00:13:21,120
Let him eat before he is mutilated.
286
00:13:21,200 --> 00:13:22,880
It's just like punching in the ear.
287
00:13:22,881 --> 00:13:26,039
The foreskin is the most
sensitive part of the penis.
288
00:13:26,040 --> 00:13:26,919
Bullshit.
289
00:13:26,920 --> 00:13:30,280
The foreskin has twice
as many nerves as the clitoris.
290
00:13:30,360 --> 00:13:33,960
So you've had bad sex and are
condemning my son to the same fate.
291
00:13:34,040 --> 00:13:37,400
I'm having great sex, thank you.
Simon?
292
00:13:37,480 --> 00:13:40,840
I have nothing to compare with
but it's sensitive enough.
293
00:13:42,280 --> 00:13:45,040
Okay. So this is the foreskin.
294
00:13:45,120 --> 00:13:47,680
Okay? Soft and ticklish.
295
00:13:48,240 --> 00:13:50,480
Okay? And here you come.
296
00:13:50,560 --> 00:13:52,160
Okay.
297
00:13:52,240 --> 00:13:53,560
And if it's more like this?
298
00:13:55,760 --> 00:13:56,810
The pain is gone.
299
00:14:01,360 --> 00:14:02,410
What are you doing?
300
00:14:03,320 --> 00:14:06,840
-What do you mean? I'm looking away.
-It's just a breast.
301
00:14:06,920 --> 00:14:09,640
Yes, but it's your wife's breasts.
302
00:14:09,720 --> 00:14:12,320
That means you
see her breasts sexually.
303
00:14:12,400 --> 00:14:15,040
-Otherwise you would ignore it.
-I agree.
304
00:14:15,120 --> 00:14:17,320
Breasts are sexual.
It is inevitable.
305
00:14:17,400 --> 00:14:21,600
Taking off a bra for the first time
is a magical experience.
306
00:14:21,680 --> 00:14:25,920
So you sat there
and drooled over Amanda's breasts?
307
00:14:26,000 --> 00:14:28,160
I think your son will take care of it.
308
00:14:28,240 --> 00:14:30,720
Do you have something to cover? Sorry.
309
00:14:30,800 --> 00:14:32,440
Liam, get a scarf.
310
00:14:33,000 --> 00:14:34,120
Oh my God...
311
00:14:41,760 --> 00:14:42,810
Seriously?
312
00:14:42,811 --> 00:14:44,199
What?
313
00:14:44,200 --> 00:14:46,960
Could you not have chosen
something less Palestinian?
314
00:14:47,560 --> 00:14:50,960
Excuse me. I have no Israeli flag.
315
00:14:50,961 --> 00:14:52,319
Take a clean kitchen towel.
316
00:14:52,320 --> 00:14:55,760
No, the alternatives are
to stare at Amanda's breasts
317
00:14:55,761 --> 00:14:58,239
or think
that the scarf is anti-Zionist, okay?
318
00:14:58,240 --> 00:14:59,119
Choose yourself.
319
00:14:59,120 --> 00:15:03,000
I've found a guy in Hendon.
320
00:15:03,080 --> 00:15:04,130
I will see.
321
00:15:06,440 --> 00:15:10,080
-God! He's a butcher!
-Yes, but he also does circumcision.
322
00:15:10,160 --> 00:15:12,000
So much experience with knife.
323
00:15:12,080 --> 00:15:13,130
No.
324
00:15:14,440 --> 00:15:16,080
My son will not look like me.
325
00:15:16,160 --> 00:15:18,920
If it's a problem
then you can also be circumcised.
326
00:15:19,000 --> 00:15:20,920
-Simon!
-He will look like a Jew.
327
00:15:21,000 --> 00:15:22,960
-He's a Jew.
-Halvjude.
328
00:15:23,040 --> 00:15:24,520
You can drown him, can't you?
329
00:15:24,600 --> 00:15:27,800
-Drown? Drenched in the baptismal font.
330
00:15:28,520 --> 00:15:29,910
-Baptized?
-Yes, exactly.
331
00:15:29,920 --> 00:15:32,200
-No.
-No, that's fair!
332
00:15:32,201 --> 00:15:33,279
It is...
333
00:15:33,280 --> 00:15:37,200
We got married in a fucking church,
which we agreed on.
334
00:15:37,280 --> 00:15:41,480
Here's one on Harley Street who
says he's circumcising boys up to eight.
335
00:15:41,560 --> 00:15:43,440
Eight? Barbaric.
336
00:15:43,520 --> 00:15:47,000
So eight is barbaric
but eight days is something to celebrate?
337
00:15:47,080 --> 00:15:48,240
Yes it is.
338
00:15:48,320 --> 00:15:49,440
He is a Muslim.
339
00:15:50,600 --> 00:15:51,760
How do you know that?
340
00:15:51,840 --> 00:15:53,920
His name is Abdullah Al Shawari.
341
00:15:55,200 --> 00:15:56,280
He stuns them.
342
00:15:56,360 --> 00:15:59,520
He has more letters
after the name than in the name
343
00:15:59,600 --> 00:16:01,920
and he does it at one's house.
344
00:16:02,000 --> 00:16:03,760
Not a chance! No!
345
00:16:03,840 --> 00:16:06,040
Not here. Not in our house!
346
00:16:06,120 --> 00:16:10,080
Do not annoy me
with that bastard coming here
347
00:16:10,160 --> 00:16:14,480
and chop off
my son's fucking foreskin, no!
348
00:16:14,560 --> 00:16:15,720
Not in this house.
349
00:16:16,400 --> 00:16:19,600
Not today! Not tomorrow!
I do not allow that.
350
00:16:20,240 --> 00:16:24,240
You live much bigger than me.
Lots of natural light.
351
00:16:24,800 --> 00:16:27,680
What exactly are you suggesting?
352
00:16:27,760 --> 00:16:30,000
Friday morning, okay? Maximum one hour.
353
00:16:30,080 --> 00:16:32,640
A guy comes, cut-cut. Clear.
354
00:16:32,720 --> 00:16:34,680
Shaky Bernie is not coming?
355
00:16:34,760 --> 00:16:36,160
No, a Muslim doctor.
356
00:16:36,161 --> 00:16:38,039
Should a Muslim circumcise a Briton?
357
00:16:38,040 --> 00:16:41,120
Liam checked him out and ...
Yes, he's not happy, but ...
358
00:16:41,121 --> 00:16:43,239
I can believe that. Does he know his stuff?
359
00:16:43,240 --> 00:16:45,559
Do you know how many
Muslims there are in England?
360
00:16:45,560 --> 00:16:48,479
Type five million, all circumcised.
Do you know how many Jews?
361
00:16:48,480 --> 00:16:49,559
Hundreds of thousands?
362
00:16:49,560 --> 00:16:51,360
At most around 150 thousand.
363
00:16:51,440 --> 00:16:53,200
So who would you trust?
364
00:16:53,960 --> 00:16:55,010
We're making a deal.
365
00:16:55,040 --> 00:16:57,600
Can't you just do it
to be kind?
366
00:16:57,680 --> 00:17:00,160
-How long have we been siblings?
-Too long.
367
00:17:00,720 --> 00:17:03,920
Let Leanne talk about it, okay?
368
00:17:04,480 --> 00:17:07,760
Get her in the newspaper
and you can use my house.
369
00:17:09,471 --> 00:17:14,199
What do you think of this
for "The Rabbi Answers"?
370
00:17:14,200 --> 00:17:18,400
Is sex better for the uncircumcised
than for the circumcised?
371
00:17:18,480 --> 00:17:20,280
Never in my life, I get fired.
372
00:17:20,281 --> 00:17:21,239
Why?
373
00:17:21,240 --> 00:17:24,399
Do you think I can print an article
about how Jews are bad in bed?
374
00:17:24,400 --> 00:17:27,000
-Not bad in bed.
-People will believe it.
375
00:17:27,080 --> 00:17:28,200
Muslims too.
376
00:17:28,280 --> 00:17:30,320
I'm not pushing it, okay?
377
00:17:30,400 --> 00:17:31,720
This then?
378
00:17:31,800 --> 00:17:33,960
Is it kosher to breastfeed
379
00:17:34,040 --> 00:17:36,600
if you just ate a bag of pork rind?
380
00:17:37,120 --> 00:17:38,260
And what is the answer?
381
00:17:38,320 --> 00:17:39,560
Do not know.
382
00:17:39,640 --> 00:17:41,040
Just come up with an answer!
383
00:17:42,000 --> 00:17:43,640
Okay. Yes.
384
00:17:43,641 --> 00:17:45,879
You're a cash rabbi. I'm finding someone else.
385
00:17:45,880 --> 00:17:47,800
Good. I have a better story.
386
00:17:47,801 --> 00:17:49,679
I'm going to a circumcision on Friday.
387
00:17:49,680 --> 00:17:50,960
Is it penis week, or?
388
00:17:51,040 --> 00:17:55,440
A young female blogger who does
everything in her underwear will be there.
389
00:17:55,520 --> 00:17:56,600
Interested?
390
00:17:56,680 --> 00:17:57,730
Damn.
391
00:17:58,600 --> 00:18:00,160
Is it damn yes or damn no?
392
00:18:00,240 --> 00:18:01,840
Yes, damn yes, of course.
393
00:18:01,920 --> 00:18:02,970
Yes of course.
394
00:18:04,040 --> 00:18:06,680
You invite me to a circumcision?
395
00:18:06,760 --> 00:18:08,040
It's called a Mitzvah.
396
00:18:08,120 --> 00:18:10,170
To do something nice
for no reason at all.
397
00:18:10,240 --> 00:18:11,800
Just because it's fun.
398
00:18:11,880 --> 00:18:14,080
By attending
do I make a Mitzvah?
399
00:18:14,160 --> 00:18:17,720
Yes, and the newspaper and
a young vlogger will report on it.
400
00:18:18,640 --> 00:18:20,120
Friday morning?
401
00:18:21,400 --> 00:18:23,240
Unfortunately, I'm busy then.
402
00:18:24,280 --> 00:18:25,800
Thank you family from me
403
00:18:25,880 --> 00:18:31,160
and all Jews for their
fantastic contribution to society.
404
00:18:31,240 --> 00:18:33,680
She has over 300,000 followers
on YouTube.
405
00:18:40,120 --> 00:18:42,120
Okay, I'm ready soon.
406
00:18:42,200 --> 00:18:43,250
Where should I sit?
407
00:18:43,840 --> 00:18:45,280
Here by the window, thank you.
408
00:18:45,281 --> 00:18:49,679
If you're going to hold him,
you're not moving out of the spot.
409
00:18:49,680 --> 00:18:51,120
Do you let him hold the baby?
410
00:18:52,240 --> 00:18:54,840
Hi, this is Mike Geddis, Member of Parliament.
411
00:18:54,920 --> 00:18:57,280
-Leanne to report.
-Hey, Leanne.
412
00:18:57,360 --> 00:19:00,720
My mother wrote down some questions
I would ask.
413
00:19:00,800 --> 00:19:02,240
She must be proud.
414
00:19:03,080 --> 00:19:06,640
Why do I have to wait five
months for my cancer surgery?
415
00:19:10,240 --> 00:19:12,640
When will the wall pits in Finchley be repaired?
416
00:19:14,480 --> 00:19:16,440
And why did you lower corporate tax?
417
00:19:17,760 --> 00:19:20,080
I have a small tradition.
418
00:19:20,160 --> 00:19:23,520
Before I start
I say dekh kebootah.
419
00:19:23,600 --> 00:19:27,280
It means "look, pigeons" in Urdu.
To distract the child.
420
00:19:27,281 --> 00:19:30,479
What if healthcare did so?
"Look, pigeons!" Pulls out a kidney.
421
00:19:30,480 --> 00:19:32,520
Look, pigeons!
No spinal anesthesia.
422
00:19:32,600 --> 00:19:35,040
I also use anesthetics.
423
00:19:35,120 --> 00:19:36,400
I may need whiskey.
424
00:19:36,401 --> 00:19:38,319
-Where is Liam?
-He takes one last look.
425
00:19:38,320 --> 00:19:41,640
Okay. Simon. Can I borrow you?
426
00:19:51,040 --> 00:19:53,360
Do you want to do some objective research?
427
00:19:53,920 --> 00:19:54,970
About what?
428
00:19:55,400 --> 00:19:58,600
Okay. We have two feathers.
One in our hand, Simon.
429
00:19:59,320 --> 00:20:03,040
We pull down our pants, you move us
at the same time, we'll see
430
00:20:03,120 --> 00:20:04,280
who knows it first.
431
00:20:04,360 --> 00:20:07,160
It is not an objective test.
432
00:20:07,240 --> 00:20:09,530
Not so objective,
but it might make it easier.
433
00:20:09,531 --> 00:20:12,559
-I'm not comfortable with that.
-Are you not comfortable?
434
00:20:12,560 --> 00:20:15,920
I do not want to tickle your snot.
Or something at all.
435
00:20:16,000 --> 00:20:18,320
Okay, I'll do it if you do not want to.
436
00:20:18,321 --> 00:20:20,439
- Are these my options?
-Yes, give them a hit.
437
00:20:20,440 --> 00:20:23,400
Okay. Come on, Liam. Come and sit down.
438
00:20:23,480 --> 00:20:25,440
Okay, get it over with.
439
00:20:26,880 --> 00:20:28,280
You are welcome.
440
00:20:29,320 --> 00:20:30,370
Sit down.
441
00:20:31,800 --> 00:20:32,850
Okay.
442
00:20:33,280 --> 00:20:34,560
Get rid of the pants.
443
00:20:38,600 --> 00:20:39,650
Okay.
444
00:20:42,200 --> 00:20:43,640
Close your eyes, no cheating.
445
00:20:44,520 --> 00:20:45,570
Okay?
446
00:20:45,880 --> 00:20:47,000
Go for it.
447
00:20:48,000 --> 00:20:49,050
Then we start.
448
00:21:04,880 --> 00:21:05,930
-Now!
-Now!
449
00:21:20,920 --> 00:21:22,840
-Now!
-Now!
450
00:21:22,920 --> 00:21:24,120
-Now!
-Now!
451
00:21:24,200 --> 00:21:25,280
The child.
452
00:21:26,680 --> 00:21:27,960
-Now!
-Now!
453
00:21:29,440 --> 00:21:31,200
-Now!
-Now!
454
00:21:31,280 --> 00:21:33,120
-Now!
-Now!
455
00:21:33,680 --> 00:21:34,760
We are waiting for you ...
456
00:21:36,280 --> 00:21:37,330
This is normal.
457
00:21:44,400 --> 00:21:46,000
-Now!
-Thank you, sir!
458
00:21:46,680 --> 00:21:49,200
-Hope he picks up.
-How much did you give her?
459
00:21:49,280 --> 00:21:52,280
Ten pounds. Let's ask her to pick up her horse.
460
00:21:52,360 --> 00:21:54,000
Okay, Liam's ready.
461
00:21:54,640 --> 00:21:58,400
How can I help you, or are you
just walking around donating money?
462
00:21:58,480 --> 00:22:01,130
-I'm here for baptism.
-Wrong house, unfortunately.
463
00:22:01,680 --> 00:22:04,120
-Chris, get on.
-What the hell?
464
00:22:04,200 --> 00:22:08,000
This is Chris Lessing.
He is to make an informal baptism
465
00:22:08,080 --> 00:22:09,680
after genital mutilation.
466
00:22:10,760 --> 00:22:11,810
The top.
467
00:22:12,800 --> 00:22:13,920
How wonderful!
468
00:22:14,520 --> 00:22:17,800
Your cunning, Irish ace.
469
00:22:17,880 --> 00:22:19,800
The anesthesia has begun to work.
470
00:22:19,880 --> 00:22:22,360
We begin,
in accordance with Jewish tradition.
471
00:22:22,440 --> 00:22:25,160
-Give the child a sip of wine.
-A moment, please.
472
00:22:30,901 --> 00:22:33,079
The camera is rolling!
473
00:22:33,080 --> 00:22:34,400
Hello everyone.
474
00:22:34,480 --> 00:22:38,120
I'm filming a circumcision,
on a boy.
475
00:22:39,160 --> 00:22:41,560
-It is you.
-Girl from YouTube.
476
00:22:41,640 --> 00:22:44,000
Two of your fans are already here, apparently.
477
00:22:44,560 --> 00:22:45,720
Nice to meet you.
478
00:22:46,480 --> 00:22:48,720
Mike Geddis, Member of Parliament and ...
479
00:22:48,800 --> 00:22:50,680
Dr. Al Shawari.
480
00:22:50,760 --> 00:22:53,040
Mike, tighten up.
481
00:22:54,240 --> 00:22:56,080
-Take this one.
-Yes, sure.
482
00:22:56,160 --> 00:22:57,640
-About this.
-Okay.
483
00:23:01,880 --> 00:23:02,930
Well then.
484
00:23:06,400 --> 00:23:07,520
Dekh Kaboota!
485
00:23:07,521 --> 00:23:08,599
Dekh Kaboota.
486
00:23:08,600 --> 00:23:09,680
Dekh Kaboota!
487
00:23:12,120 --> 00:23:13,520
-Clear.
-Mazel tov!
488
00:23:13,600 --> 00:23:15,440
-Mazel tov!
-Mazel tov!
489
00:23:16,040 --> 00:23:18,360
And now we baptize the child.
490
00:23:20,320 --> 00:23:23,680
In the name of the Father, and
of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost.
491
00:23:25,560 --> 00:23:26,820
Does anyone know Hebrew?
492
00:23:28,080 --> 00:23:29,400
Adon Olam?
493
00:23:30,160 --> 00:23:33,360
-Dekh Kaboota!
-Look! Duvor!
494
00:23:43,560 --> 00:23:45,960
Look at the fucking pigeon!
495
00:23:55,120 --> 00:23:57,360
MEMBER TAKES UP
PROBLEMS WITH BRANDS
496
00:24:00,160 --> 00:24:03,160
DENTIST WARNING
FOR OFFENSIVE IMAGES
497
00:24:09,480 --> 00:24:11,890
JEWISH GIRL WHO SPEAKS LUBRICATION
GETS VIRAL
498
00:24:16,240 --> 00:24:17,360
RABBINEN ANSWERS
499
00:24:20,400 --> 00:24:23,200
OUR ORDINARY RABBIN
IS ON HOLIDAY THIS WEEK
500
00:24:23,250 --> 00:24:27,800
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