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1
00:00:01,335 --> 00:00:04,671
♪ It seems today that all you see ♪
2
00:00:04,755 --> 00:00:08,258
♪ Is violence in movies and sex on TV ♪
3
00:00:08,342 --> 00:00:11,595
♪ But where are those
Good old-fashioned values ♪
4
00:00:11,678 --> 00:00:14,348
[all] ♪ On which we used to rely? ♪
5
00:00:15,015 --> 00:00:18,268
♪ Lucky there's a family guy ♪
6
00:00:18,352 --> 00:00:21,605
♪ Lucky there's a man who
Positively can do ♪
7
00:00:21,688 --> 00:00:23,273
♪ All the things that make us ♪
8
00:00:23,357 --> 00:00:24,858
♪ Laugh and cry! ♪
9
00:00:24,942 --> 00:00:29,947
[all] ♪ He's a family guy! ♪
10
00:00:35,661 --> 00:00:39,289
Ah, the last small sip of beer,
always terrible.
11
00:00:39,831 --> 00:00:41,542
Hey, I'll catch you guys later,
I'm heading out.
12
00:00:41,625 --> 00:00:43,043
Leaving early on a Saturday?
13
00:00:43,126 --> 00:00:45,796
I think someone has a lady friend, huh?
14
00:00:45,879 --> 00:00:46,880
Huh?
15
00:00:46,964 --> 00:00:48,924
-Huh?
-Ow! My dormant tricep!
16
00:00:49,007 --> 00:00:50,300
There's no girl. I, I...
17
00:00:50,384 --> 00:00:54,596
I just like watching the classic SNL
that comes on before the new SNL.
18
00:00:54,680 --> 00:00:56,390
And tonight, the classic SNL is...
19
00:00:56,932 --> 00:01:00,978
Deion Sanders with musical guest
Deion Sanders? No, that can't be right.
20
00:01:01,061 --> 00:01:02,855
Sadly, it is right.
21
00:01:02,938 --> 00:01:05,774
He sang songs from his
album, Prime Time.
22
00:01:05,858 --> 00:01:07,943
Come on, Quagmire,
tell us who the girl is.
23
00:01:08,026 --> 00:01:09,444
You're the only one of us who can date.
24
00:01:09,528 --> 00:01:11,530
We live bi-curiously through you.
25
00:01:11,613 --> 00:01:13,448
Yeah. That's our penis.
26
00:01:13,532 --> 00:01:15,742
Sorry, guys, but this one's top secret.
27
00:01:17,327 --> 00:01:19,621
Forgot that a homeless guy sits out front.
28
00:01:19,705 --> 00:01:21,164
He's very yelly tonight.
29
00:01:21,790 --> 00:01:24,293
Huh, it's not like Quagmire to hold
out on us.
30
00:01:24,376 --> 00:01:25,669
There must be a reason.
31
00:01:25,752 --> 00:01:27,963
Yeah, we got ourselves quite a mystery.
32
00:01:28,046 --> 00:01:29,756
Could even be an episode of
Murder She Wrote
33
00:01:29,840 --> 00:01:31,842
with Angela Lansbury and Paul McCartney.
34
00:01:32,050 --> 00:01:33,468
Well, she's dead.
35
00:01:33,552 --> 00:01:34,845
She sure is, Paul.
36
00:01:34,928 --> 00:01:36,763
You're Paul. I'm Angela.
37
00:01:36,847 --> 00:01:40,267
And one of us either looks like
an old woman or an old man.
38
00:01:40,350 --> 00:01:42,436
That's the real mystery.
39
00:01:42,519 --> 00:01:44,438
Is James Corden nice?
40
00:01:44,521 --> 00:01:45,522
Not really, no.
41
00:01:49,985 --> 00:01:52,905
Okay, Brian, I'll crack a window
so you can wait in the car.
42
00:01:53,363 --> 00:01:55,991
Ha! You can't come in 'cause you're
a freakin' dog!
43
00:01:56,074 --> 00:01:58,160
Come on, you can't leave me here.
It's inhumane!
44
00:01:58,243 --> 00:01:59,453
Sorry, those are the rules.
45
00:01:59,536 --> 00:02:01,955
They only let in humans and squirrels.
46
00:02:02,039 --> 00:02:03,248
-What?
-I'm just kidding.
47
00:02:03,332 --> 00:02:04,333
Bye, babe. [blows kisses]
48
00:02:05,626 --> 00:02:09,421
Alright, Stewie, hold my hand while
I get our reusable bags from the trunk.
49
00:02:09,505 --> 00:02:11,924
Calm down.
Where am I gonna run? The market?
50
00:02:12,007 --> 00:02:13,509
It's not like it's mango season.
51
00:02:13,592 --> 00:02:14,843
-[bell dings]
-[gasps]
52
00:02:14,927 --> 00:02:16,053
The mango bell?
53
00:02:16,136 --> 00:02:18,472
[man over PA]
Attention shoppers, mangos will be ripe
54
00:02:18,639 --> 00:02:20,140
for the next two-and-a-half minutes.
55
00:02:20,224 --> 00:02:21,725
[crowd clamoring]
56
00:02:21,808 --> 00:02:23,018
-I've gotta get in there!
-[gasps]
57
00:02:23,560 --> 00:02:24,728
-[tires screeching]
-[gasps]
58
00:02:25,145 --> 00:02:26,271
Wow, that was close.
59
00:02:26,355 --> 00:02:28,106
I've never killed someone
outside the hospital.
60
00:02:28,190 --> 00:02:29,608
Oh my God, Stewie!
61
00:02:29,691 --> 00:02:31,276
You could have been run over!
62
00:02:31,360 --> 00:02:33,153
Sorry, I was texting while driving.
63
00:02:33,237 --> 00:02:35,447
Unfortunately, your husband derd.
64
00:02:35,531 --> 00:02:36,782
Whoops, oh no, I meant...
65
00:02:36,865 --> 00:02:37,950
Ah, she haha'd it.
66
00:02:38,033 --> 00:02:39,284
Yeah, she's a good sport.
67
00:02:42,538 --> 00:02:44,831
Okay, Quagmire said he can't go to
the Clam tonight,
68
00:02:44,915 --> 00:02:47,042
so I bet he's meeting that
mystery woman again.
69
00:02:47,125 --> 00:02:49,753
Yep, now, I know you fellas haven't been
on a stakeout before,
70
00:02:49,837 --> 00:02:51,046
but I've been on a ton of them.
71
00:02:51,129 --> 00:02:54,341
So, I just want to mentally prepare
you for how long these things...
72
00:02:54,424 --> 00:02:55,425
Oop, there he is.
73
00:02:56,677 --> 00:02:57,678
[car starts]
74
00:02:59,513 --> 00:03:00,597
Alright, let's tail him.
75
00:03:02,224 --> 00:03:06,228
And this high-speed adventure calls for
a classic action movie theme!
76
00:03:06,311 --> 00:03:08,939
♪ I'm romancing the stone ♪
77
00:03:09,022 --> 00:03:10,148
What is this?
78
00:03:10,232 --> 00:03:12,818
It's Eddy Grant's theme to
Romancing the Stone.
79
00:03:12,901 --> 00:03:14,361
This is stupid.
80
00:03:14,444 --> 00:03:16,196
I'm finding another song.
81
00:03:17,698 --> 00:03:19,533
♪ They do what they want to do,
say what they want ♪
82
00:03:19,616 --> 00:03:20,742
What the hell is this?
83
00:03:20,826 --> 00:03:22,953
"Addams Groove" by MC Hammer.
84
00:03:23,036 --> 00:03:26,164
It's the theme song to
The Addams Family movie.
85
00:03:26,248 --> 00:03:28,834
It went to number four in Ireland.
86
00:03:28,917 --> 00:03:29,918
And this is better?
87
00:03:30,002 --> 00:03:32,462
Your guy just keeps saying the name
of the movie!
88
00:03:32,546 --> 00:03:33,547
I'm turning mine up.
89
00:03:33,630 --> 00:03:35,174
Then I'm turning mine up!
90
00:03:35,257 --> 00:03:38,635
Will you guys please turn off your
terrible theme songs?
91
00:03:39,344 --> 00:03:40,429
[both] Sorry, Joe.
92
00:03:42,431 --> 00:03:44,683
Guys, I think Quagmire's getting away.
93
00:03:44,766 --> 00:03:46,393
Yeah, look, Joe. He's making a right.
94
00:03:46,476 --> 00:03:47,561
Don't worry, I'm on it.
95
00:03:53,358 --> 00:03:55,736
I'm running over stuff at
The Forum this Sunday.
96
00:03:55,819 --> 00:03:59,156
You'll pay for the whole seat,
but you'll only need the edge.
97
00:04:03,744 --> 00:04:05,412
Hey, Lois. I'm taking Stewie to the park.
98
00:04:05,495 --> 00:04:08,498
Come on, Bri, I need a post that
will make Lance think I'm outdoorsy.
99
00:04:08,582 --> 00:04:11,043
Hold on, before you go, I got something.
100
00:04:12,252 --> 00:04:13,879
Yes! You're gettin' leashed!
101
00:04:13,962 --> 00:04:16,256
Ah, I'm going to film my reaction
in slow-mo.
102
00:04:16,340 --> 00:04:17,799
It's for Stewie.
103
00:04:17,883 --> 00:04:21,553
[slow-mo] Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat?
104
00:04:21,637 --> 00:04:23,639
After that close call at the store,
105
00:04:23,722 --> 00:04:26,350
I want to make sure he cannot
run away again.
106
00:04:26,433 --> 00:04:28,393
So, I bought this.
107
00:04:28,477 --> 00:04:30,020
It's a child harness.
108
00:04:30,103 --> 00:04:31,688
That's not a harness, it's a leash!
109
00:04:31,772 --> 00:04:34,441
A harness is something Rupert and I use
on my birthday.
110
00:04:34,525 --> 00:04:36,276
I thought you two also use a leash.
111
00:04:36,360 --> 00:04:38,862
Well, I guess someone's been listening
at the door.
112
00:04:38,946 --> 00:04:40,030
No, you texted me.
113
00:04:40,113 --> 00:04:42,699
Well, either way, I demand this be taken
off at once!
114
00:04:42,783 --> 00:04:44,368
Children don't belong in leashes.
115
00:04:44,451 --> 00:04:46,912
Just like Bill Burr doesn't belong
in The Mandalorian.
116
00:04:47,204 --> 00:04:48,372
I've located the child.
117
00:04:48,455 --> 00:04:49,665
He's on an Empire ship.
118
00:04:49,748 --> 00:04:51,124
I'll assemble a strike team.
119
00:04:51,208 --> 00:04:52,543
I'll jam the ship's radar.
120
00:04:52,626 --> 00:04:56,046
And I'm gonna go whiz in a Gatorade bottle
'cause I don't trust space toilets.
121
00:04:56,129 --> 00:04:58,507
Uh, which part of space are
you from again?
122
00:04:58,590 --> 00:04:59,675
[Bill] South space!
123
00:05:03,512 --> 00:05:04,555
[doorbell rings]
124
00:05:04,638 --> 00:05:06,682
Quagmire, come on, we tee off in an hour.
125
00:05:06,765 --> 00:05:09,518
Don't worry, I'll register us online
to save time.
126
00:05:09,601 --> 00:05:11,228
Name? Joe Swanson.
127
00:05:11,311 --> 00:05:12,855
Handicap? Yes.
128
00:05:13,355 --> 00:05:14,606
Quagmire, let's go!
129
00:05:14,690 --> 00:05:15,691
[door creaks open]
130
00:05:17,651 --> 00:05:19,236
Hey! What the hell are you doing?
131
00:05:19,319 --> 00:05:21,989
Ooh, he must be with the mystery girl.
132
00:05:22,072 --> 00:05:23,782
-I bet she's married.
-Or famous.
133
00:05:26,118 --> 00:05:27,369
Oh, my God!
134
00:05:27,452 --> 00:05:29,288
Quagmire and the Librarian?
135
00:05:29,371 --> 00:05:30,664
[shushes]
136
00:05:31,123 --> 00:05:33,041
Quagmire and the Librarian?
137
00:05:38,672 --> 00:05:43,302
Wow! At the library, I guess Quagmire's
been checking out more than just books.
138
00:05:43,385 --> 00:05:45,846
[laughing]
139
00:05:45,929 --> 00:05:47,764
Come on, don't encourage him.
140
00:05:47,848 --> 00:05:49,057
I can't believe it.
141
00:05:49,141 --> 00:05:51,143
Yeah. And she's got BB-8 underwear.
142
00:05:51,226 --> 00:05:52,728
Lois said they don't make those!
143
00:05:52,811 --> 00:05:54,897
Guys, I'd appreciate if you'd leave now.
144
00:05:54,980 --> 00:05:56,565
Yeah, sure, let me just tie my shoe.
145
00:05:57,149 --> 00:05:59,401
Peter, is that R2-D2 underwear?
146
00:05:59,484 --> 00:06:01,361
Yeah, they're old and stupid.
147
00:06:04,865 --> 00:06:05,991
You and the Librarian.
148
00:06:06,074 --> 00:06:07,075
I don't get it.
149
00:06:07,159 --> 00:06:10,495
Yeah, did, like, a bully dare you
to invite her to prom
150
00:06:10,579 --> 00:06:12,289
and then it turned into something more?
151
00:06:12,372 --> 00:06:13,957
Or, your boss is a family man,
152
00:06:14,041 --> 00:06:16,668
and you're just pretending to date her
to get the big promotion?
153
00:06:16,752 --> 00:06:19,087
No, there's no '90s movie
premise involved!
154
00:06:19,171 --> 00:06:21,590
See, this is why I didn't want to tell you
guys about her.
155
00:06:21,673 --> 00:06:23,008
I knew you wouldn't understand.
156
00:06:23,091 --> 00:06:24,968
Then, help us understand, Glenn.
157
00:06:25,052 --> 00:06:26,261
Show us your world.
158
00:06:26,345 --> 00:06:28,472
Dammit Peter, you just had chicken wings!
159
00:06:28,555 --> 00:06:29,640
I just like her, okay.
160
00:06:29,723 --> 00:06:30,891
She's nice, she's smart.
161
00:06:30,974 --> 00:06:32,893
And when you ask her where she wants
to eat dinner,
162
00:06:32,976 --> 00:06:35,187
she always has a clear, confident answer.
163
00:06:35,270 --> 00:06:36,522
-No way!
-You lie!
164
00:06:36,605 --> 00:06:40,192
It's true! And it's nice to date someone
where I can relax and be myself.
165
00:06:40,275 --> 00:06:43,487
I don't even have to hide my
moderate-to-severe plaque psoriasis.
166
00:06:43,570 --> 00:06:45,364
You have plaque psoriasis?
167
00:06:45,447 --> 00:06:47,241
Well, I did before Skyrizi.
168
00:06:47,324 --> 00:06:52,079
♪ I can't see me lovin' nobody but you ♪
169
00:06:52,162 --> 00:06:55,082
♪ For all my life ♪
170
00:06:55,165 --> 00:06:57,000
[male announcer]
Skyrizi may cause general douchery,
171
00:06:57,084 --> 00:07:00,254
like spinning at weddings and sky hooking
paper into trash cans.
172
00:07:00,337 --> 00:07:01,505
Thanks, Skyrizi!
173
00:07:01,588 --> 00:07:05,133
Now my elbows are ugly for the same reason
as everybody else.
174
00:07:05,217 --> 00:07:06,885
And that's not even the best
thing about her.
175
00:07:06,969 --> 00:07:08,095
Believe it or not, fellas,
176
00:07:08,178 --> 00:07:10,347
she's the best I've ever had in bed.
177
00:07:10,430 --> 00:07:11,431
The Librarian?
178
00:07:11,515 --> 00:07:14,935
Yeah, she spent the last 30 years
sitting at a reference desk,
179
00:07:15,018 --> 00:07:17,521
reading back issues
of Cosmopolitan Magazine.
180
00:07:17,604 --> 00:07:21,066
That means she's read over four million
tips on how to please her lover.
181
00:07:21,149 --> 00:07:23,485
You know, you guys would like her
if you'd just give her a chance.
182
00:07:23,569 --> 00:07:24,778
I don't know. Us?
183
00:07:24,862 --> 00:07:26,405
Hang out with a librarian?
184
00:07:26,488 --> 00:07:28,031
Yeah, I don't think we're a match.
185
00:07:28,115 --> 00:07:30,868
Like William Wallace and the guy
who wouldn't wear face paint.
186
00:07:30,951 --> 00:07:32,661
They may take our lives,
187
00:07:32,744 --> 00:07:35,080
but they will never take our...
188
00:07:35,163 --> 00:07:36,832
Hey, where's your face paint?
189
00:07:36,915 --> 00:07:38,083
I can no wear it.
190
00:07:38,166 --> 00:07:40,210
I have the plaque psoriasis.
191
00:07:40,294 --> 00:07:43,380
Or at least, I did before Skyrizi.
192
00:07:43,463 --> 00:07:48,343
♪ I can't see me lovin' nobody but you ♪
193
00:07:48,427 --> 00:07:50,387
Now this is freedom!
194
00:07:53,932 --> 00:07:56,185
Ugh, this thing is so humiliating.
195
00:07:56,268 --> 00:07:57,436
Ah, it's not a big deal.
196
00:07:57,519 --> 00:07:58,979
I'm sure no one will even notice.
197
00:07:59,062 --> 00:08:01,273
Oh, crap! It's Jake from my gym,
198
00:08:01,356 --> 00:08:03,192
boxing an MMA mannequin.
199
00:08:03,275 --> 00:08:04,276
Stewie?
200
00:08:04,359 --> 00:08:08,030
Uh, hey, Jake. Just, uh, doing
some resistance training.
201
00:08:08,113 --> 00:08:09,156
Heard about it on Rogan.
202
00:08:09,239 --> 00:08:11,158
Nice. Love Rogan.
203
00:08:11,241 --> 00:08:13,535
Yes, he's for the vanguard
of independent thinkers
204
00:08:13,619 --> 00:08:16,788
who also have seven hours a day to listen
to a shaved ape.
205
00:08:16,872 --> 00:08:18,707
Okay, Brian, I think I covered
nicely there.
206
00:08:18,790 --> 00:08:19,791
I'm gonna go play.
207
00:08:19,875 --> 00:08:21,210
Oh! What the hell?
208
00:08:21,293 --> 00:08:23,045
Uh, looks like we got our leashes tangled.
209
00:08:23,128 --> 00:08:26,340
Sorry about that. My little guy doesn't
always look where he's going.
210
00:08:26,423 --> 00:08:28,926
Uh, Brian, I think he's trying
to establish dominance.
211
00:08:29,009 --> 00:08:30,302
Ah, he's just being friendly.
212
00:08:30,385 --> 00:08:31,386
Sir, sir?
213
00:08:31,470 --> 00:08:32,888
You cannot sniff back there.
214
00:08:32,971 --> 00:08:35,390
Alright, that's it.
Two can play at this game, tough guy.
215
00:08:35,474 --> 00:08:36,558
[sniffs]
216
00:08:36,642 --> 00:08:38,268
Wow, you're six.
217
00:08:38,352 --> 00:08:39,645
[sniffs]
218
00:08:39,728 --> 00:08:40,729
And from Denver?
219
00:08:40,812 --> 00:08:42,856
Huh, there's a lot of
information in butts.
220
00:08:42,940 --> 00:08:43,941
I get it now.
221
00:08:47,444 --> 00:08:50,280
I'm so excited to be here with you guys!
222
00:08:50,781 --> 00:08:52,741
Okay, good start, shows energy.
223
00:08:52,824 --> 00:08:54,201
Peter, this isn't a tryout.
224
00:08:54,284 --> 00:08:56,286
Sorry. So, Elle, uh...
225
00:08:56,370 --> 00:08:57,913
Hey, what are your arm tattoos?
226
00:08:57,996 --> 00:09:00,999
Oh, those are my three babies that never
came to term.
227
00:09:01,083 --> 00:09:02,626
Oh, wow. Uh...
228
00:09:02,709 --> 00:09:04,419
Uh, yeah, maybe, maybe uh...
229
00:09:04,503 --> 00:09:06,004
maybe you just long sleeve it.
230
00:09:06,088 --> 00:09:07,172
Or don't say it.
231
00:09:07,256 --> 00:09:08,465
Yeah, sleeve it or don't say it.
232
00:09:08,549 --> 00:09:12,010
Oh, I stopped sleeving when
I started Skyrizi.
233
00:09:12,094 --> 00:09:13,303
Enough with Skyrizi!
234
00:09:13,387 --> 00:09:15,305
Do Taco Bell! At least they're a sponsor!
235
00:09:15,389 --> 00:09:17,015
So, uh, anyway, on the way here,
236
00:09:17,099 --> 00:09:19,101
Elle was saying how much she likes beer.
237
00:09:19,184 --> 00:09:23,397
No, I didn't. I said the library
masturbator ruined another atlas.
238
00:09:23,480 --> 00:09:24,773
Ah!
239
00:09:24,857 --> 00:09:25,983
Okay, look. This ain't working.
240
00:09:26,066 --> 00:09:27,609
Elle, we're regular guys.
241
00:09:27,693 --> 00:09:28,819
You're a librarian, all right?
242
00:09:28,902 --> 00:09:30,737
I don't know the first
thing about libraries,
243
00:09:30,821 --> 00:09:32,489
except that the atlases are sexy.
244
00:09:32,573 --> 00:09:35,951
Hell, I only even go to the library for
the puppet show 'cause I like King Puppet.
245
00:09:36,034 --> 00:09:37,870
You mean this puppet?
246
00:09:37,953 --> 00:09:38,954
[gasps]
247
00:09:39,037 --> 00:09:40,664
Quagmire, I love her.
248
00:09:40,747 --> 00:09:41,999
You hit it out of the park.
249
00:09:42,082 --> 00:09:43,917
Hey, do you know the guy who
does Prince Puppet?
250
00:09:44,001 --> 00:09:46,753
Yes, but the prince is a little shy.
251
00:09:46,837 --> 00:09:49,256
Oh my God, how is this happening?
252
00:09:49,339 --> 00:09:50,841
I'm just Peter Griffin!
253
00:09:50,924 --> 00:09:52,259
Well, Peter may like you.
254
00:09:52,342 --> 00:09:55,554
But good luck winning over the Joe.
255
00:09:55,637 --> 00:09:59,141
Aren't you the cop who hid in the library
when he heard "shots fired"?
256
00:09:59,224 --> 00:10:00,559
Never mind, you won the Joe.
257
00:10:00,642 --> 00:10:04,479
[chuckles] I also believe
in essential oils.
258
00:10:04,563 --> 00:10:06,940
Would anyone like eucalyptus
for their nose?
259
00:10:07,024 --> 00:10:08,609
No, that's stupid.
260
00:10:08,692 --> 00:10:09,860
Ooh! [chuckles]
261
00:10:09,943 --> 00:10:10,944
That's nice.
262
00:10:11,028 --> 00:10:13,989
I can see why women make this crap
their whole personality.
263
00:10:14,072 --> 00:10:15,073
Ah, this is great.
264
00:10:15,157 --> 00:10:16,825
I'm so glad you guys are getting along.
265
00:10:16,909 --> 00:10:18,327
We sure are. [gasps]
266
00:10:18,410 --> 00:10:19,953
And I love this eucalyptus.
267
00:10:20,037 --> 00:10:21,538
I feel like Koala Peter.
268
00:10:21,622 --> 00:10:24,833
Hey Mum, I'm gonna pick some of
these Tasmanian berries.
269
00:10:24,917 --> 00:10:26,335
[thuds] Ow! Ow! Ow!
270
00:10:26,418 --> 00:10:28,045
Oi Crikey! Me peepers!
271
00:10:29,004 --> 00:10:30,631
I'm meaner than you think.
272
00:10:34,134 --> 00:10:35,802
[kids chattering]
273
00:10:35,886 --> 00:10:37,721
Connor, no! No!
274
00:10:37,804 --> 00:10:40,307
All right, you can sniff the hydrant.
275
00:10:40,390 --> 00:10:41,808
Aidan, no jumping!
276
00:10:41,892 --> 00:10:43,685
I said no jumping!
277
00:10:43,769 --> 00:10:46,647
Ah, never make your hobby your job.
278
00:10:50,359 --> 00:10:52,903
Ooh, Brian, they have a movie
with animals singing!
279
00:10:52,986 --> 00:10:56,240
Pass. Hi, do you have anything with any
of the girls from Euphoria?
280
00:10:56,323 --> 00:10:57,324
Oh, come on!
281
00:10:57,407 --> 00:10:59,660
Miley Cyrus plays a sassy giraffe!
282
00:10:59,743 --> 00:11:02,496
Demi Lovato also plays a sassy giraffe!
283
00:11:02,579 --> 00:11:03,664
And Halsey plays...
284
00:11:03,747 --> 00:11:05,666
Oh, you know,
I think it's a movie about giraffes.
285
00:11:08,126 --> 00:11:09,670
Listen, if you're looking to be a creep,
286
00:11:09,753 --> 00:11:12,673
all I can offer you is Jennifer Connelly
in Hot Widow.
287
00:11:12,756 --> 00:11:13,757
Yeah, that works.
288
00:11:13,841 --> 00:11:15,259
How dark does the theater get?
289
00:11:15,342 --> 00:11:17,678
Sir, movie theaters are
a failing business,
290
00:11:17,761 --> 00:11:19,054
you can do whatever you want.
291
00:11:19,137 --> 00:11:20,764
No! Animals singing!
292
00:11:20,848 --> 00:11:22,975
Stewie, enough!
We're not seeing animals singing!
293
00:11:23,058 --> 00:11:24,852
Ow! Okay, we'll...
294
00:11:24,935 --> 00:11:26,311
We'll see yours instead.
295
00:11:28,063 --> 00:11:29,064
Wow!
296
00:11:29,147 --> 00:11:31,692
After all this time of putting up with
your snide comments
297
00:11:31,775 --> 00:11:34,528
and domineering attitude,
I'm finally in control.
298
00:11:34,611 --> 00:11:36,446
All right, let's go see my movie!
299
00:11:36,530 --> 00:11:37,531
Yes, Brian.
300
00:11:37,614 --> 00:11:38,699
Whatever you want.
301
00:11:38,782 --> 00:11:41,577
Too late. They just turned this place
into pickleball courts.
302
00:11:41,660 --> 00:11:43,579
-What?
-[people clamoring]
303
00:11:43,662 --> 00:11:45,914
[male announcer] Movie theaters!
What a debacle!
304
00:11:49,209 --> 00:11:52,462
Thanks for bringing Elle the other night.
She's really something.
305
00:11:52,546 --> 00:11:53,630
She sure is.
306
00:11:53,714 --> 00:11:56,049
I don't get my shirt dry-cleaned for
just any date.
307
00:11:56,133 --> 00:11:59,136
This weekend, I'm asking her to make
our relationship official.
308
00:11:59,219 --> 00:12:02,097
Why don't you just ask her now,
when she gets done kissing that other guy?
309
00:12:03,265 --> 00:12:04,266
[kissing]
310
00:12:05,517 --> 00:12:06,518
What?
311
00:12:07,269 --> 00:12:08,812
Elle, what are you doing?
312
00:12:08,896 --> 00:12:10,022
[chuckles nervously]
313
00:12:10,105 --> 00:12:11,398
Glenn.
314
00:12:11,481 --> 00:12:12,482
Hi.
315
00:12:12,566 --> 00:12:15,736
Well, the top stars of puppetry
are often unfaithful.
316
00:12:15,819 --> 00:12:16,820
You knew the risks.
317
00:12:16,904 --> 00:12:18,906
God, this is so humiliating.
318
00:12:18,989 --> 00:12:20,365
Captain Quagmire?
319
00:12:20,449 --> 00:12:23,869
Nestor? The guy with batons who directs
my plane to the gate?
320
00:12:23,952 --> 00:12:25,037
Oh, God! This is...
321
00:12:25,120 --> 00:12:26,705
This is even more humiliating!
322
00:12:26,788 --> 00:12:29,041
Actually, I'm called a "marshaller."
323
00:12:29,124 --> 00:12:31,960
Yeah, I don't think that's a real term,
but I can't believe this.
324
00:12:32,044 --> 00:12:34,171
Thank God other pilots don't
hang out here.
325
00:12:34,254 --> 00:12:36,840
Glenn Quagmire and the marshaller?
326
00:12:36,924 --> 00:12:38,383
Okay, I guess that is a term.
327
00:12:38,467 --> 00:12:40,636
Oh, Glenn. [chuckles nervously]
328
00:12:40,719 --> 00:12:42,846
I'm sorry to have to tell you like this,
329
00:12:42,930 --> 00:12:46,850
but I just, I don't think you and I
are working out.
330
00:12:46,934 --> 00:12:48,101
What? Why?
331
00:12:48,185 --> 00:12:49,311
We get along great!
332
00:12:49,394 --> 00:12:51,146
I know. [laughs]
333
00:12:51,688 --> 00:12:53,190
The problem is in bed.
334
00:12:53,357 --> 00:12:56,443
You've just, you've never given
me an orgasm.
335
00:12:56,527 --> 00:12:57,528
What?
336
00:12:57,611 --> 00:12:58,779
Calling all cars,
337
00:12:58,862 --> 00:13:01,823
we have a man ripped to pieces
at 42 Maple.
338
00:13:01,907 --> 00:13:04,326
Heartbroken, guts pulled right out.
339
00:13:04,409 --> 00:13:06,537
Suspect is a saucy librarian.
340
00:13:07,329 --> 00:13:10,332
A strangler got away 'cause I was goofin'
on the radio.
341
00:13:18,590 --> 00:13:19,591
Hey, guys.
342
00:13:19,675 --> 00:13:21,552
Hey, you hear about Glenn Quagmire?
343
00:13:21,635 --> 00:13:22,928
Can't pleasure a woman.
344
00:13:23,011 --> 00:13:24,012
Peter, that's me!
345
00:13:24,096 --> 00:13:25,681
Oh, sorry, I thought I was somewhere else.
346
00:13:25,764 --> 00:13:27,182
Anyway, we haven't told anyone.
347
00:13:27,266 --> 00:13:28,350
How ya doin', buddy?
348
00:13:28,433 --> 00:13:31,311
Well, you know, it was a shock at first,
but I'm starting to adjust.
349
00:13:31,395 --> 00:13:34,356
I've gotten really into running ten Ks,
I garden now,
350
00:13:34,439 --> 00:13:36,525
and I even bought season tickets
for the Orioles,
351
00:13:36,608 --> 00:13:39,152
since that's what guys who can't
satisfy women do.
352
00:13:39,236 --> 00:13:40,237
[car honks]
353
00:13:40,988 --> 00:13:42,823
-What's that?
-My new car.
354
00:13:42,906 --> 00:13:45,284
I traded in my convertible for
a Toyota Yaris.
355
00:13:45,367 --> 00:13:48,453
Sign here that you're incapable of
satisfying a woman.
356
00:13:48,537 --> 00:13:49,538
[sighs]
357
00:13:50,247 --> 00:13:53,458
Great, and I'm so sorry,
you now own a Yaris.
358
00:13:53,542 --> 00:13:56,545
-I also got a nice text from Josh Charles.
-What?
359
00:13:56,628 --> 00:13:59,756
When a guy can't please a woman,
he gets a text from Josh Charles.
360
00:13:59,840 --> 00:14:01,675
He's kind of the leader of our community.
361
00:14:01,758 --> 00:14:03,886
Okay, well, I guess things aren't
so bad then.
362
00:14:03,969 --> 00:14:04,970
Of course they are!
363
00:14:05,053 --> 00:14:06,305
I hate my life now!
364
00:14:06,388 --> 00:14:09,808
I can't even be a pilot anymore because
the passengers don't respect me.
365
00:14:09,892 --> 00:14:11,560
Bye now. Thanks for flying.
366
00:14:11,643 --> 00:14:12,978
Ma'am, can I help you get off?
367
00:14:13,061 --> 00:14:14,688
Hmm! Not from what I hear.
368
00:14:14,771 --> 00:14:15,898
[Peter laughs]
369
00:14:15,981 --> 00:14:17,441
I was also on that flight.
370
00:14:17,524 --> 00:14:19,193
And then I got a cease and desist order
371
00:14:19,276 --> 00:14:21,320
from the people who license
the word "giggity."
372
00:14:21,403 --> 00:14:23,655
-What?
-It's a standard franchise agreement,
373
00:14:23,739 --> 00:14:26,950
but apparently it can only be used by men
who can satisfy their partners.
374
00:14:27,034 --> 00:14:30,454
Hey, guys. I'm just gonna trim
this overgrown bush.
375
00:14:30,537 --> 00:14:31,788
Go... Go...
376
00:14:31,872 --> 00:14:33,957
Oh God, what am I gonna do?
377
00:14:34,041 --> 00:14:35,042
[crying]
378
00:14:35,125 --> 00:14:36,126
[phone dings]
379
00:14:39,421 --> 00:14:40,631
Thanks, Josh.
380
00:14:40,714 --> 00:14:43,842
[crying hysterically]
381
00:14:43,926 --> 00:14:45,385
Guys, we have to do something.
382
00:14:45,469 --> 00:14:47,554
Yeah, we gotta help him get his mojo back.
383
00:14:47,638 --> 00:14:49,306
Come on, Quagmire, let's get you up.
384
00:14:49,389 --> 00:14:51,266
Yeah, I hate seeing you like this.
385
00:14:51,350 --> 00:14:54,520
And I wanna know who the hell has
"giggity" right now.
386
00:14:54,603 --> 00:14:55,896
Giggity!
387
00:14:55,979 --> 00:14:57,898
You know what?
Good for the giggity people.
388
00:14:57,981 --> 00:14:59,191
Embracing change.
389
00:15:03,654 --> 00:15:05,697
Uh, Stewie, do I need to take
out the leash?
390
00:15:05,781 --> 00:15:06,782
Sorry, Bri.
391
00:15:06,865 --> 00:15:10,035
So, listen, I have to change my flight and
I need you to wait on hold for me.
392
00:15:10,118 --> 00:15:12,037
Oh, come on! That'll take forever!
393
00:15:12,913 --> 00:15:14,373
[clears throat]
394
00:15:14,456 --> 00:15:15,457
[sighs]
395
00:15:15,541 --> 00:15:18,293
[♪ muzak playing]
396
00:15:25,676 --> 00:15:27,177
This is Celia, how may I help you?
397
00:15:27,261 --> 00:15:29,346
Oh, thank God. My name is Brian Griffin.
398
00:15:29,429 --> 00:15:32,140
I'm calling about Flight 432 to Chicago.
399
00:15:32,224 --> 00:15:34,768
Tell her I want a flight with zero
male flight attendants.
400
00:15:34,852 --> 00:15:36,270
That's what I'm calling for?
401
00:15:36,353 --> 00:15:38,313
And, and I want to sit next to
a half-Asian chick.
402
00:15:38,397 --> 00:15:39,731
How would they even know that?
403
00:15:39,815 --> 00:15:40,858
I heard your requests.
404
00:15:40,941 --> 00:15:42,860
You are now on flight 376.
405
00:15:42,943 --> 00:15:45,070
And sitting next to Grace Thompson-Woo.
406
00:15:45,153 --> 00:15:46,363
-Really?
-Yes.
407
00:15:46,446 --> 00:15:48,574
We do this all the time for James Franco.
408
00:15:48,657 --> 00:15:50,492
All right! Now call Ticketmaster.
409
00:15:50,576 --> 00:15:51,577
[sighs]
410
00:15:52,160 --> 00:15:53,662
[man] You've reached Ticketmaster.
411
00:15:53,745 --> 00:15:55,289
Good luck, douchebag.
412
00:15:55,372 --> 00:15:57,583
[male announcer]
Ticketmaster, what a debacle!
413
00:16:00,961 --> 00:16:04,131
Alright, Quagmire, we're going to tell you
everything we know about lovemaking
414
00:16:04,214 --> 00:16:06,341
to help you excite women again.
415
00:16:06,425 --> 00:16:09,011
Yeah, and everything I know,
I learned from amateur porn.
416
00:16:09,094 --> 00:16:12,097
Do you have a Jacksonville Jaguars hat
you can put on backwards?
417
00:16:12,181 --> 00:16:14,850
I don't think this is helpful, Peter.
I want to have real sex.
418
00:16:14,933 --> 00:16:17,811
Oh, well, then the key is to eat
a giant steak,
419
00:16:17,895 --> 00:16:20,480
and then fall asleep on top of Lois.
She loves that.
420
00:16:20,564 --> 00:16:22,983
Or maybe try some scented body butter.
421
00:16:23,567 --> 00:16:26,195
I rub some on before relations with Donna.
422
00:16:26,278 --> 00:16:30,115
By the end of the night, she's like
Yosemite Sam with two guns.
423
00:16:30,199 --> 00:16:32,284
She says I have the rootin'est-tootin'est,
424
00:16:32,367 --> 00:16:35,412
girthiest-sturdiest,
most positively elephantiest
425
00:16:35,495 --> 00:16:37,247
jackhammer in all the West.
426
00:16:38,040 --> 00:16:39,041
Okay.
427
00:16:39,124 --> 00:16:41,710
Or hey, maybe you're just not
a sex guy anymore?
428
00:16:41,793 --> 00:16:45,506
Maybe you date the girls, but another
fella steps in for, uh, the sex.
429
00:16:45,589 --> 00:16:47,966
That's what Bon and I do. [chuckles]
430
00:16:48,050 --> 00:16:50,302
This poor sap's upstairs nailing my wife,
431
00:16:50,385 --> 00:16:53,597
meanwhile I'm in the basement,
knocking out Frasier's left and right.
432
00:16:53,805 --> 00:16:56,433
Guys, this has been
spectacularly unhelpful.
433
00:16:56,517 --> 00:16:59,186
Well, what do you want us to do?
You're the sex guy in the group.
434
00:16:59,269 --> 00:17:00,479
Not anymore I'm not.
435
00:17:00,562 --> 00:17:01,939
Thanks for trying, but...
436
00:17:02,022 --> 00:17:03,982
Let's be honest, I'm old.
437
00:17:04,066 --> 00:17:05,400
I'm washed up.
438
00:17:05,484 --> 00:17:07,778
My days of pleasing women are behind me.
439
00:17:07,861 --> 00:17:09,613
You guys can let yourselves out.
440
00:17:09,696 --> 00:17:11,156
I think I'm gonna take a nap.
441
00:17:13,367 --> 00:17:14,993
Who else but Quagmire?
442
00:17:16,745 --> 00:17:17,829
What'd you say to me?
443
00:17:17,913 --> 00:17:21,333
You heard me. Who else could hit on
my wife for 20 years?
444
00:17:22,084 --> 00:17:23,085
Quagmire.
445
00:17:23,168 --> 00:17:25,087
Who else could sleep with my first wife?
446
00:17:25,170 --> 00:17:26,171
Quagmire.
447
00:17:26,255 --> 00:17:28,590
So, don't you give me this crap
that you're old and washed up.
448
00:17:28,674 --> 00:17:30,384
You'll never be. And you know why?
449
00:17:30,467 --> 00:17:33,178
'Cause who else but Quagmire?
450
00:17:33,428 --> 00:17:35,222
I'll tell you who else, no one!
451
00:17:35,305 --> 00:17:37,391
I'm gonna go out there, get my mojo back,
452
00:17:37,474 --> 00:17:39,560
and then I'm giving Elle the time
of her life!
453
00:17:39,643 --> 00:17:40,644
[door opens]
454
00:17:41,895 --> 00:17:42,896
[car starting]
455
00:17:46,400 --> 00:17:49,027
[male announcer]
The Toyota Yaris, what a debacle!
456
00:17:53,532 --> 00:17:55,534
Ah, it's a great day for a walk.
457
00:17:55,617 --> 00:17:57,828
Uh, yeah, yeah. When the wind made that
fence rattle, you...
458
00:17:57,911 --> 00:18:00,289
-You did a good job barking at it.
-Thank you.
459
00:18:00,372 --> 00:18:02,666
It was a crisis and I feel
like I took charge.
460
00:18:02,749 --> 00:18:04,835
Hey, what do you say we take another lap
around the block?
461
00:18:04,918 --> 00:18:07,254
Oh, I don't know. I'm really tired now,
462
00:18:07,337 --> 00:18:09,131
and my diaper lost contain.
463
00:18:09,214 --> 00:18:10,674
Come on, we're taking another lap.
464
00:18:10,757 --> 00:18:13,468
Please! Rupert and I ate at
a cantina last night.
465
00:18:13,552 --> 00:18:14,553
I don't care, Stewie!
466
00:18:14,636 --> 00:18:16,722
I have the leash, so I'm in control!
467
00:18:16,805 --> 00:18:17,806
Ah! [thuds]
468
00:18:31,653 --> 00:18:33,864
Okay, well, two dogs are
disappointed in me.
469
00:18:34,573 --> 00:18:35,657
And they should be.
470
00:18:35,741 --> 00:18:36,742
Look at me.
471
00:18:36,825 --> 00:18:41,163
I've become a power-hungry,
inhumane dog owner that I despise.
472
00:18:41,246 --> 00:18:42,581
I'm sorry, Stewie.
473
00:18:42,664 --> 00:18:44,416
I never should have treated you like this.
474
00:18:44,958 --> 00:18:46,084
You don't need a leash.
475
00:18:46,168 --> 00:18:47,544
You need to be free.
476
00:18:47,628 --> 00:18:48,629
Really?
477
00:18:48,712 --> 00:18:49,838
That's right, pal.
478
00:18:50,631 --> 00:18:52,049
Ooh! The ice cream truck!
479
00:18:52,132 --> 00:18:54,176
-[car screeching]
-[thuds]
480
00:18:54,259 --> 00:18:56,011
Ow! Did you see the driver?
481
00:18:56,094 --> 00:18:57,513
It was Caitlyn Jenner again.
482
00:18:57,596 --> 00:19:00,307
God! How is Caitlyn Jenner still
allowed to drive?
483
00:19:00,390 --> 00:19:02,100
That was practically manslaughter!
484
00:19:02,184 --> 00:19:04,102
More like they/them slaughter.
485
00:19:04,186 --> 00:19:06,522
You know what? I don't think
we're qualified to talk about this.
486
00:19:10,067 --> 00:19:11,068
[knock on door]
487
00:19:11,693 --> 00:19:12,694
Glenn?
488
00:19:12,778 --> 00:19:13,779
Hello, gorgeous!
489
00:19:13,862 --> 00:19:14,905
These are for you.
490
00:19:14,988 --> 00:19:16,532
I took your criticism to heart,
491
00:19:16,615 --> 00:19:18,909
and I'm here to let you know,
I've upped my game!
492
00:19:18,992 --> 00:19:21,203
I have more stamina, more flexibility,
493
00:19:21,286 --> 00:19:24,122
and you know that trick where someone ties
a knot with a cherry stem?
494
00:19:25,666 --> 00:19:27,459
[coughs]
495
00:19:28,919 --> 00:19:30,087
Dammit, ow.
496
00:19:30,170 --> 00:19:32,005
That was much more painful than
I thought it'd be.
497
00:19:32,089 --> 00:19:34,216
Oh, I don't know, Glenn. [chuckles]
498
00:19:34,299 --> 00:19:36,176
Are you sure you can handle me?
499
00:19:36,260 --> 00:19:37,386
Better question.
500
00:19:37,469 --> 00:19:39,388
Can you handle me?
501
00:19:40,556 --> 00:19:41,807
All right, let's load him in!
502
00:19:43,767 --> 00:19:44,768
What happened?
503
00:19:44,852 --> 00:19:45,936
O.I.A.
504
00:19:46,019 --> 00:19:48,146
Orgasm Induced Aneurysm.
505
00:19:48,230 --> 00:19:50,691
Poor guy slept with someone out
of his league.
506
00:19:50,774 --> 00:19:53,026
I gotta say, his elbows look perfect.
507
00:19:53,610 --> 00:19:55,362
Thanks, Skyrizi.
508
00:19:58,240 --> 00:19:59,491
[birds chirping]
509
00:20:02,035 --> 00:20:03,787
Well, Elle may not have worked out,
510
00:20:03,871 --> 00:20:06,123
but a lot of women still enjoy my company.
511
00:20:06,206 --> 00:20:08,417
I guess Elle was just too much
woman for me.
512
00:20:08,500 --> 00:20:09,501
And perhaps anyone.
513
00:20:10,210 --> 00:20:11,420
[♪ slow music playing]
514
00:20:16,925 --> 00:20:17,926
[thuds]
515
00:20:21,930 --> 00:20:23,140
Hi, I'm John Mayer.
516
00:20:23,223 --> 00:20:26,810
I put my skinny arms in a t-shirt today
to let you know that every year,
517
00:20:26,894 --> 00:20:32,316
over a 1000 men die from
an Orgasm Induced Aneurysm, or O.I.A.
518
00:20:32,399 --> 00:20:35,611
Every guy wants sex to be mind-blowing
but not like this.
519
00:20:35,694 --> 00:20:38,530
So, please, donate to stop O.I.A. today,
520
00:20:38,614 --> 00:20:42,201
and help us make every man's body
a wonderland.
521
00:20:42,284 --> 00:20:43,577
Should I play the song now?
522
00:20:43,660 --> 00:20:46,121
No, the guy was from Boston,
so we're gonna do that screaming,
523
00:20:46,205 --> 00:20:49,291
shanty rock that makes Bruins fans
punch each other in the face.
524
00:20:49,374 --> 00:20:52,294
[♪ Shipping Up to Boston playing,
Dropkick Murphys]
525
00:20:52,377 --> 00:20:54,338
[grunting]
36877
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