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1
00:00:02,003 --> 00:00:05,131
It seems today
that all you see
2
00:00:05,215 --> 00:00:08,143
Is violence in movies
and sex on TV
3
00:00:08,343 --> 00:00:12,013
But where are those
good old-fashioned values
4
00:00:12,213 --> 00:00:15,203
On which we used to rely?
5
00:00:15,403 --> 00:00:18,194
Lucky there's a family guy
6
00:00:18,394 --> 00:00:21,814
Lucky there's a man
who positively can do
7
00:00:22,014 --> 00:00:23,191
All the things that make us
8
00:00:23,391 --> 00:00:24,492
Laugh and cry
9
00:00:24,692 --> 00:00:27,779
He's... a...
Fam... ily... Guy!
10
00:00:36,162 --> 00:00:37,396
Hey, Brian,
have you seen the remote?
11
00:00:37,596 --> 00:00:38,831
I want to watch
The Weather Channel.
12
00:00:38,915 --> 00:00:40,008
There are tornados
in the Midwest,
13
00:00:40,208 --> 00:00:42,210
and l like watching
poor people scramble
14
00:00:42,410 --> 00:00:43,345
to save
what little they have.
15
00:00:43,545 --> 00:00:45,046
Uh, l don't know
where the remote is.
16
00:00:45,088 --> 00:00:46,548
All right,
I'Il find it myself.
17
00:00:48,508 --> 00:00:50,977
Oh, my God, my old harmonica!
18
00:00:51,177 --> 00:00:53,392
I'm gonna play this
really loud tonight
19
00:00:53,592 --> 00:00:55,807
to get back
at our Armenian neighbors.
20
00:00:57,308 --> 00:00:58,360
Hey.
21
00:00:58,560 --> 00:00:59,861
Hey, looks like
a fun party.
22
00:01:00,061 --> 00:01:02,072
Um, hey, listen, it's
2:00 in the morning.
23
00:01:02,272 --> 00:01:05,066
Uh, when is your five-year-old
gonna go to sleep?
24
00:01:05,266 --> 00:01:06,192
Soon, very soon.
25
00:01:06,276 --> 00:01:08,178
You want weird food
wrapped in weird leaves?
26
00:01:08,378 --> 00:01:10,438
Yeah, look, l'm guessing
there's some kind of
27
00:01:10,638 --> 00:01:12,699
soccer match from your
home country going on,
28
00:01:12,899 --> 00:01:14,084
and l get that, l do.
29
00:01:14,284 --> 00:01:16,457
But, uh, some of us
are trying to sleep,
30
00:01:16,657 --> 00:01:18,830
and l could almost
deal with the noise,
31
00:01:19,030 --> 00:01:21,007
but it's the
cologne, all right?
32
00:01:21,207 --> 00:01:24,210
I can smell it in my bed, and
I live two houses from here.
33
00:01:24,410 --> 00:01:26,796
That's how powerful
it is, okay?
34
00:01:26,996 --> 00:01:28,214
That's how powerful it is.
35
00:01:28,414 --> 00:01:29,924
You like it?
36
00:01:29,966 --> 00:01:31,342
Yeah, l kind
of like it.
37
00:01:35,930 --> 00:01:37,232
Okay, so l know
you're a harmonica,
38
00:01:37,432 --> 00:01:39,434
but right now
you're a 40-year-old woman
39
00:01:39,475 --> 00:01:41,111
with a good body
in a hotel pool.
40
00:01:41,311 --> 00:01:43,029
Hey, everybody, look at me.
41
00:01:43,229 --> 00:01:45,732
I work out seven days a week
for these five minutes.
42
00:01:45,815 --> 00:01:47,341
Your attention
is going to keeme
43
00:01:47,541 --> 00:01:48,868
from swallowing
a bottle of pills.
44
00:01:49,068 --> 00:01:51,237
LOIS
Hey, everyone, l made brownies!
45
00:01:51,437 --> 00:01:52,080
I better hurry up.
46
00:01:52,280 --> 00:01:53,911
I'm gonna miss the show.
47
00:01:54,111 --> 00:01:55,848
What did l do?
48
00:01:56,048 --> 00:01:57,785
What did l do?
49
00:02:00,663 --> 00:02:03,041
I love brownie day.
50
00:02:06,002 --> 00:02:07,629
Hey, so, uh,
51
00:02:07,670 --> 00:02:09,922
I'm digging a hole
under the fence in the backyard.
52
00:02:10,122 --> 00:02:11,132
Brian, you have a car.
53
00:02:11,174 --> 00:02:12,308
You don't have to escape.
54
00:02:12,508 --> 00:02:14,102
Just don't
say anything, okay?
55
00:02:14,302 --> 00:02:16,638
Oh, you know what, hang on, l
left my harmonica in the tub.
56
00:02:16,679 --> 00:02:18,264
I think Peter's in there
taking a bath.
57
00:02:18,464 --> 00:02:20,141
Aah! Son of a bitch!
58
00:02:20,183 --> 00:02:22,147
What the hell did
I just sit on?
59
00:02:22,347 --> 00:02:24,112
Where is it?
Where's my harmonica?
60
00:02:24,312 --> 00:02:26,439
Peter, have you seen
Stewie's harmonica?
61
00:02:26,639 --> 00:02:27,649
It was in the tub.
62
00:02:27,690 --> 00:02:29,817
Oh, my God, it
was in the tub,
63
00:02:30,017 --> 00:02:31,444
and now it's
in my butt!
64
00:02:31,644 --> 00:02:33,079
No!
65
00:02:33,279 --> 00:02:35,823
Stewie, Daddy needs
your tiny hands
66
00:02:36,023 --> 00:02:38,660
for a very
special project.
67
00:02:42,830 --> 00:02:45,166
Well, good heavens, that's
something, isn't it?
68
00:02:45,208 --> 00:02:47,335
By the way, Mr. Griffin,
regarding your X-rays,
69
00:02:47,535 --> 00:02:48,899
we're making a
coffee table book.
70
00:02:49,099 --> 00:02:50,263
Can you sign this
release, please?
71
00:02:50,463 --> 00:02:53,341
Okay, but first can we address
my husband's situation?
72
00:02:53,541 --> 00:02:55,176
Well, the harmonica's
uthere pretty good.
73
00:02:55,218 --> 00:02:57,303
Unfortunately, removing
it would require
74
00:02:57,503 --> 00:02:58,646
a very expensive surgery
75
00:02:58,846 --> 00:03:01,349
that's not covered by your
T.G.l. Friday's gift card.
76
00:03:03,309 --> 00:03:04,652
What was that?
I don't know,
77
00:03:04,852 --> 00:03:07,814
but suddenly it smells
like John Popper in here.
78
00:03:08,014 --> 00:03:09,857
That was me.
I got musical farts.
79
00:03:11,317 --> 00:03:13,661
Holy crap, this is awesome.
80
00:03:13,861 --> 00:03:15,571
I will not allow
this opportunity
81
00:03:15,771 --> 00:03:16,989
to go to waste.
82
00:03:20,702 --> 00:03:22,170
Hey, Lois, how
was your day?
83
00:03:22,370 --> 00:03:24,622
Terrible. l accidentally
backed over a kid
84
00:03:24,822 --> 00:03:26,624
in the grocery store
parking lot.
85
00:03:28,251 --> 00:03:29,802
Peter, l'm serious.
86
00:03:30,002 --> 00:03:32,088
I ran right over
the soft part of the face.
87
00:03:32,288 --> 00:03:33,640
I had to run away.
88
00:03:33,840 --> 00:03:36,092
I ditched the car
and jumped on a passing train.
89
00:03:40,012 --> 00:03:41,397
I was so scared.
90
00:03:41,597 --> 00:03:43,725
I didn't get off
until l was in the South.
91
00:03:46,519 --> 00:03:47,904
What'd you do today?
92
00:03:48,104 --> 00:03:49,197
I pushed a boy
behind your car
93
00:03:49,397 --> 00:03:51,649
so l could do all
this harmonica stuff.
94
00:03:55,027 --> 00:03:58,614
Meg loves to listen
to music when she sleeps.
95
00:03:58,814 --> 00:04:00,700
Let's see how she likes this.
96
00:04:02,368 --> 00:04:05,371
Uh, Dad, l don't think
that's how it works.
97
00:04:11,377 --> 00:04:14,130
This had nothing to do
with the harmonica.
98
00:04:18,134 --> 00:04:21,262
Everybody, brace yourselves,
'cause l have got big news.
99
00:04:21,462 --> 00:04:23,139
I have been selected
to be a contestant
100
00:04:23,339 --> 00:04:24,524
on America's Got Talent!
101
00:04:24,724 --> 00:04:27,268
And they're gonna fly us all
to America for the show!
102
00:04:27,468 --> 00:04:29,028
What?! Oh, my God!
103
00:04:29,228 --> 00:04:31,272
Finally, we make'a da dreams
104
00:04:31,472 --> 00:04:32,574
come true in America!
105
00:04:32,774 --> 00:04:34,609
I am gonna make
this family proud,
106
00:04:34,809 --> 00:04:35,902
and not just you guys,
107
00:04:35,985 --> 00:04:38,279
but that old painting
of my ancestor in the attic.
108
00:04:38,479 --> 00:04:40,281
I did it! l'm
gonna be on TV!
109
00:04:40,481 --> 00:04:41,845
Did you kill the others?
110
00:04:42,045 --> 00:04:43,209
I shan't!
You must.
111
00:04:43,409 --> 00:04:46,120
I'm gonna go talk to
the statue in the basement.
112
00:04:46,162 --> 00:04:47,980
Did you kill
the painting?
113
00:04:48,180 --> 00:04:49,999
This place is a nuthouse.
114
00:04:55,505 --> 00:04:57,757
Yo, welcome back
to America's Got Talent!
115
00:04:57,957 --> 00:04:59,100
Let's welcome
our next performer,
116
00:04:59,300 --> 00:05:01,928
here to play the harmonica,
Peter Griffin.
117
00:05:03,805 --> 00:05:04,931
Hi.
118
00:05:05,014 --> 00:05:07,066
So, where are you from, Peter?
119
00:05:07,266 --> 00:05:09,644
Urn, l'm from
Quahog, Rhode Island.
120
00:05:10,812 --> 00:05:12,113
Quahog!
121
00:05:12,313 --> 00:05:13,239
That's my family.
122
00:05:13,439 --> 00:05:15,942
My wife daytime drinks
on vacation.
123
00:05:16,025 --> 00:05:18,444
Okay, Peter,
let's hear what you've got.
124
00:05:43,344 --> 00:05:44,178
Wow, he's nailing it.
125
00:05:44,378 --> 00:05:45,429
I know, shut up.
126
00:05:59,986 --> 00:06:01,992
Well, there goes
my music career.
127
00:06:02,192 --> 00:06:04,117
I wonder if l can get
my old job back
128
00:06:04,317 --> 00:06:06,242
painting kids' faces
at birthday parties.
129
00:06:06,442 --> 00:06:08,002
There you go, Timmy.
130
00:06:08,202 --> 00:06:09,295
Sir, you're gonna have
to leave.
131
00:06:09,495 --> 00:06:11,205
You're just drawing penises
with a Sharpie
132
00:06:11,247 --> 00:06:12,298
on children's faces.
133
00:06:12,498 --> 00:06:14,500
I don't know how
to draw a cat.
134
00:06:19,213 --> 00:06:20,682
Hi, l'm Amanda.
135
00:06:20,882 --> 00:06:22,684
I'm Chris.
You look nice,
136
00:06:22,884 --> 00:06:24,844
so l'Il blow my burps
the other way.
137
00:06:26,095 --> 00:06:27,204
You're funny.
138
00:06:27,404 --> 00:06:28,314
Oh, thanks.
139
00:06:28,514 --> 00:06:30,353
Usually people
just find me awkward.
140
00:06:30,553 --> 00:06:32,193
I have a hard time
with small talk.
141
00:06:32,393 --> 00:06:34,770
Did you find everything
you were looking for?
142
00:06:34,970 --> 00:06:36,072
Eh, l did all right
143
00:06:36,272 --> 00:06:38,149
for a guy who just had his
first homosexual experience
144
00:06:38,349 --> 00:06:40,276
with his guitar teacher.
145
00:06:43,404 --> 00:06:45,556
All right, guys,
keean eye out for our stuff.
146
00:06:45,756 --> 00:06:47,909
I got tired of not being able
to find my bags,
147
00:06:48,109 --> 00:06:49,660
so l tied a vaguely
Hanna-Barbera-looking
148
00:06:49,860 --> 00:06:51,245
character to it.
149
00:06:51,287 --> 00:06:54,040
This triwas imposserous!
150
00:06:54,240 --> 00:06:55,174
There we go.
151
00:06:55,374 --> 00:06:58,252
I really enjoyed sitting next
to you on the plane, Chris.
152
00:06:58,294 --> 00:06:59,045
Me, too.
153
00:06:59,128 --> 00:07:00,346
I'm sorry l screamed
154
00:07:00,546 --> 00:07:02,724
when that guy from India
got uto stretch.
155
00:07:02,924 --> 00:07:04,926
Look, l'm having brunch
tomorrow with my grandparents
156
00:07:05,126 --> 00:07:06,239
at the Barrington
Country Club.
157
00:07:06,439 --> 00:07:07,553
Maybe your family
could join us.
158
00:07:07,753 --> 00:07:09,639
Okay, that sounds like fun.
159
00:07:14,560 --> 00:07:15,737
Oh, my God.
160
00:07:15,937 --> 00:07:17,271
Chris is dating
a Barrington.
161
00:07:17,313 --> 00:07:18,614
Who are the
Barringtons?
162
00:07:18,814 --> 00:07:20,775
They're the richest family
in all of Rhode Island.
163
00:07:20,975 --> 00:07:22,744
I must notify GossiGirl!
164
00:07:22,944 --> 00:07:26,072
"Pass this along
to GossiGirl."
165
00:07:40,836 --> 00:07:43,172
It's me. l'm GossiGirl.
166
00:07:49,428 --> 00:07:52,807
I still can't believe Chris
is dating a Barrington.
167
00:07:53,007 --> 00:07:53,983
They own this whole club.
168
00:07:54,183 --> 00:07:55,902
Yeah, look at
all this luxury.
169
00:07:56,102 --> 00:07:59,063
It's like being in
a gay guy's dream.
170
00:08:00,481 --> 00:08:02,108
Enjoying the view?
171
00:08:02,191 --> 00:08:03,409
It's glorious, Edwin.
172
00:08:03,609 --> 00:08:04,986
Would you like
another salad bowl
173
00:08:05,186 --> 00:08:06,237
of chocolate-covered oysters?
174
00:08:06,437 --> 00:08:07,321
Is that gay enough?
175
00:08:07,363 --> 00:08:08,414
And then some.
176
00:08:08,614 --> 00:08:10,992
This has been the gayest
vacation l've ever had.
177
00:08:11,192 --> 00:08:13,056
I love smelling me
on your breath.
178
00:08:13,256 --> 00:08:15,121
Peter, what are
you doing here?
179
00:08:15,321 --> 00:08:16,047
You're not a member!
180
00:08:16,247 --> 00:08:17,999
And that means me
and the other jocks
181
00:08:18,199 --> 00:08:19,396
get to throw you
in the pool.
182
00:08:19,596 --> 00:08:20,793
Hey, Banks, Duffy,
get over here!
183
00:08:20,993 --> 00:08:22,378
This guy's going
for a swim.
184
00:08:22,578 --> 00:08:23,796
Grab him!
185
00:08:25,423 --> 00:08:26,887
All right,
you're kind of heavy,
186
00:08:27,087 --> 00:08:28,551
so-so-so
we're gonna pee on you.
187
00:08:32,179 --> 00:08:33,231
Not happening-
188
00:08:33,431 --> 00:08:35,307
All right, all right,
we'Il just spit on you.
189
00:08:40,187 --> 00:08:42,114
Oh, nothing we have works.
190
00:08:42,314 --> 00:08:45,067
Daddy, we're here to have
brunch with the Barringtons.
191
00:08:45,267 --> 00:08:46,953
The Barringtons?!
How is that possible?
192
00:08:47,153 --> 00:08:49,055
That family is the pinnacle
of high society.
193
00:08:49,255 --> 00:08:51,157
They-they haven't worked
in eight generations.
194
00:08:51,357 --> 00:08:52,533
All the kids have drug problems.
195
00:08:52,575 --> 00:08:54,160
Most of them have O.D.'d.
196
00:08:54,360 --> 00:08:55,127
That's terrible.
197
00:08:55,327 --> 00:08:57,020
Well, not all kids
make it, Lois.
198
00:08:57,220 --> 00:08:58,714
Just ask the
Sugar Smacks frog.
199
00:08:58,914 --> 00:09:01,709
I'm sorry, l'm afraid
you've lost two more.
200
00:09:01,909 --> 00:09:03,335
What should we do
about the graves?
201
00:09:03,535 --> 00:09:04,712
Dig 'em.
202
00:09:09,216 --> 00:09:11,218
You look really
handsome today, Chris.
203
00:09:11,418 --> 00:09:12,228
Thanks, Amanda.
204
00:09:12,428 --> 00:09:13,521
Hey, Chris, say it.
205
00:09:13,721 --> 00:09:16,348
I use Stewart Griffin
Facial Cleanser.
206
00:09:16,548 --> 00:09:16,899
Try some.
207
00:09:17,099 --> 00:09:18,563
Give her
the Web site.
208
00:09:18,763 --> 00:09:20,027
StewieGriffinFacial.com.
209
00:09:20,227 --> 00:09:22,504
No, no, no,
th-th-that's something else.
210
00:09:22,704 --> 00:09:24,982
It's
StewieGriffinFacialCleanser.com.
211
00:09:25,182 --> 00:09:25,908
Hey, listen,
Mr. Barrington,
212
00:09:26,108 --> 00:09:27,989
y-your granddaughter
ain't no tease, right?
213
00:09:28,189 --> 00:09:30,071
'Cause Chris really
wants to get in there.
214
00:09:30,271 --> 00:09:32,073
Oh, you're a funny guy,
Griffin.
215
00:09:32,273 --> 00:09:33,365
I like that.
216
00:09:33,449 --> 00:09:35,576
Oh, well, you should hear
my prank phone calls.
217
00:09:37,244 --> 00:09:39,455
Hey,
is your refrigerator running?
218
00:09:39,655 --> 00:09:40,423
Yes, it is.
219
00:09:40,623 --> 00:09:42,124
Are your doors unlocked?
220
00:09:42,324 --> 00:09:44,001
What? Why?
221
00:09:47,755 --> 00:09:50,449
I don't know, they all
kind of look the same.
222
00:09:50,649 --> 00:09:53,344
What do you mean "they
all look the same"?
223
00:09:54,386 --> 00:09:57,264
Hey, there's all
my favorite people!
224
00:09:57,464 --> 00:09:58,828
Oh, no, not this suck-up.
225
00:09:59,028 --> 00:10:00,361
What are we talking about?
226
00:10:00,561 --> 00:10:01,894
Black people? Mexicans?
227
00:10:02,094 --> 00:10:03,696
Jews?
228
00:10:03,896 --> 00:10:05,406
So good to see you,
Barrington.
229
00:10:05,606 --> 00:10:07,274
Hey, hey, where we going today,
Reginald?
230
00:10:07,474 --> 00:10:08,075
Huh? Huh?
Where we going today?
231
00:10:08,275 --> 00:10:09,777
You and me is pals,
ain't we, Reginald?
232
00:10:09,977 --> 00:10:10,912
Pewterschmidt,
settle down!
233
00:10:11,112 --> 00:10:13,456
I was having a nice
conversation with Peter.
234
00:10:13,656 --> 00:10:16,033
Uh, Peter, why don't you tell me
more about your job.
235
00:10:16,233 --> 00:10:17,535
You said you like
to drink at work?
236
00:10:17,735 --> 00:10:18,544
I do.
Oh, me, too!
237
00:10:18,744 --> 00:10:19,712
Me, too.
I'Il drink anything.
238
00:10:19,912 --> 00:10:21,413
Even that hollandaise sauce.
Give me that.
239
00:10:25,000 --> 00:10:27,294
Hey, Brian,
Meg's Benedict.
240
00:10:30,548 --> 00:10:31,924
Oh, God.
Ho, ho, ho.
241
00:10:32,124 --> 00:10:32,975
Stop. Stop.
242
00:10:33,175 --> 00:10:34,639
Stop.
I'm sorry l even said it.
243
00:10:34,839 --> 00:10:36,103
I'm so...
It was a mistake.
244
00:10:36,303 --> 00:10:38,064
It was a mistake.
I'm sorry l said it.
245
00:10:38,264 --> 00:10:40,687
Peter, why don't you
and l grab some air, huh?
246
00:10:40,887 --> 00:10:43,310
Daddy, you're making a
fool out of yourself.
247
00:10:43,510 --> 00:10:44,728
Why are you
acting like this?
248
00:10:44,928 --> 00:10:45,947
Look, l've been
trying to get
249
00:10:46,147 --> 00:10:48,315
into Reginald Barrington's
inner circle for years.
250
00:10:48,515 --> 00:10:49,617
They've been
the most elite family
251
00:10:49,817 --> 00:10:51,327
in this country
ever since it was founded.
252
00:10:51,527 --> 00:10:54,155
They were the ones who invented
the buckle on the hat.
253
00:10:54,355 --> 00:10:55,698
Hey, l like
your zipper hat.
254
00:10:55,898 --> 00:10:57,074
I like your zipper hat.
255
00:10:57,274 --> 00:10:58,501
Morning, fellas.
256
00:10:58,701 --> 00:11:02,204
Oh, that's gonna
be a game changer.
257
00:11:02,404 --> 00:11:03,839
Do you hunt, Peter?
258
00:11:04,039 --> 00:11:06,834
Well, l went to three
stores to find this shirt.
259
00:11:07,034 --> 00:11:08,961
Peter, you-you've got moxie.
260
00:11:09,161 --> 00:11:10,012
I like that.
261
00:11:10,212 --> 00:11:12,114
Hey, l've got moxie, too!
Watch this!
262
00:11:12,314 --> 00:11:14,216
Carmen Miranda,
Carmen Miranda P
263
00:11:14,416 --> 00:11:15,530
Was she a singer?
264
00:11:15,730 --> 00:11:16,844
Was she a dancer?
265
00:11:17,044 --> 00:11:17,979
Nobody knows
266
00:11:18,179 --> 00:11:20,039
They just remember
the fruit. P
267
00:11:20,239 --> 00:11:21,899
Pewterschmidt,
you imbecile!
268
00:11:22,099 --> 00:11:23,985
You think that's funny,
wasting fruit?
269
00:11:24,185 --> 00:11:26,187
There are people dying
in hilarious places.
270
00:11:26,387 --> 00:11:27,113
That is it!
271
00:11:27,313 --> 00:11:29,857
You are officially
kicked out of this club!
272
00:11:30,057 --> 00:11:30,783
What?
273
00:11:30,983 --> 00:11:32,159
Griffin,
we just had an opening.
274
00:11:32,359 --> 00:11:34,987
Congratulations,
you are now a member.
275
00:11:35,187 --> 00:11:36,038
Oh, my God, really?
276
00:11:36,238 --> 00:11:38,365
And to think,
yesterday l was just a guy
277
00:11:38,565 --> 00:11:40,367
at home eating catnip.
278
00:11:50,002 --> 00:11:51,178
Excuse me, Mr. Pewterschmidt,
279
00:11:51,378 --> 00:11:53,380
but you're no longer
a member at this club.
280
00:11:53,580 --> 00:11:54,882
Don't worry,
he's my guest.
281
00:11:55,082 --> 00:11:55,808
Now, look, Peter,
282
00:11:56,008 --> 00:11:58,185
j-just because you're
a member now and l'm your guest,
283
00:11:58,385 --> 00:12:00,721
that doesn't mean things are
gonna change between us, right?
284
00:12:00,921 --> 00:12:02,148
No, no, of course not.
285
00:12:02,348 --> 00:12:04,066
Excuse me a
moment, Carter.
286
00:12:04,266 --> 00:12:07,228
Hey, guys, l just bumped into
Carter Pewterschmidt outside.
287
00:12:07,428 --> 00:12:08,270
What a loser, huh?
288
00:12:09,772 --> 00:12:10,823
Okay, when he
wasn't looking,
289
00:12:11,023 --> 00:12:13,025
I stuck a springy
snake in his wallet.
290
00:12:13,225 --> 00:12:14,827
What? Aah!
291
00:12:15,027 --> 00:12:16,528
And l switched out
one of his eyeballs
292
00:12:16,728 --> 00:12:18,155
for a gag
exploding eyeball.
293
00:12:18,355 --> 00:12:19,114
What? That's impossib...
294
00:12:19,314 --> 00:12:20,041
Aah!
295
00:12:20,241 --> 00:12:22,034
And then l paid a
couple of Mexicans
296
00:12:22,234 --> 00:12:24,119
to run over him
with their car.
297
00:12:25,412 --> 00:12:27,623
I hope they don't just take
the money and skitown.
298
00:12:30,292 --> 00:12:31,673
Okay, you ready
for some polo?
299
00:12:31,873 --> 00:12:33,254
All right,
this is more like it.
300
00:12:33,454 --> 00:12:34,096
Where's Buttercup?
301
00:12:34,296 --> 00:12:36,057
Oh, only members
can ride Buttercup.
302
00:12:36,257 --> 00:12:39,051
Guests have to ride Topsy
the Roid Rage Horse.
303
00:12:40,302 --> 00:12:42,429
Now, whatever you do,
don't say his trigger word.
304
00:12:42,629 --> 00:12:44,556
What? Aah! That's
his trigger word!
305
00:12:46,433 --> 00:12:48,185
Don't yell! His parents
were slaughtered by yellers.
306
00:12:48,385 --> 00:12:49,070
Just submit.
307
00:12:49,270 --> 00:12:51,063
I am submitting!
It's getting worse!
308
00:12:51,263 --> 00:12:52,398
No, l mean really submit.
309
00:12:52,598 --> 00:12:53,741
Okay, okay!
310
00:12:53,941 --> 00:12:55,442
Oh, my God,
I meant say you're sorry,
311
00:12:55,642 --> 00:12:56,869
not take off your pants.
312
00:12:57,069 --> 00:12:59,371
Carter, what are you doing?
Oh, my God!
313
00:12:59,571 --> 00:13:01,824
And now that l've made you aware
of the misunderstanding,
314
00:13:02,024 --> 00:13:03,617
you're still continuing with it.
315
00:13:03,817 --> 00:13:05,411
Oh, my God!
And l'm still watching.
316
00:13:05,611 --> 00:13:06,787
What's wrong with me?
317
00:13:06,987 --> 00:13:08,330
Oh, my God!
318
00:13:11,792 --> 00:13:14,882
We now return
to Game of Thrones on BET.
319
00:13:15,082 --> 00:13:18,173
I got a big-ass coat,
chair to sit in,
320
00:13:18,373 --> 00:13:20,175
chalice cuof wine
and a midget,
321
00:13:20,375 --> 00:13:21,393
but l ain't going out there
322
00:13:21,593 --> 00:13:23,345
with all them monsters
out there!
323
00:13:26,098 --> 00:13:27,775
Daddy, what
happened to you?
324
00:13:27,975 --> 00:13:30,185
I can't live
without the country club.
325
00:13:30,385 --> 00:13:31,186
You did this, Peter!
326
00:13:31,386 --> 00:13:31,987
This is all your fault!
327
00:13:32,187 --> 00:13:33,781
I like your hair.
Well, Daddy,
328
00:13:33,981 --> 00:13:35,983
you've been treating
Peter like dirt for years.
329
00:13:36,183 --> 00:13:37,785
It's-it's choppier;
it's more texturized.
330
00:13:37,985 --> 00:13:40,612
Did you go to the Asian
guy with the one name?
331
00:13:40,812 --> 00:13:42,405
Well, now that you
know how it feels,
332
00:13:42,605 --> 00:13:44,199
maybe you want to
give him an apology.
333
00:13:44,399 --> 00:13:45,292
You went to Taki,
didn't you?
334
00:13:45,492 --> 00:13:47,920
Look, Peter, l'm sorry
for the way l treated you,
335
00:13:48,120 --> 00:13:50,998
but is there anything you can do
to get me back in the club?
336
00:13:51,198 --> 00:13:52,624
Well, l suppose l could
talk to Barrington.
337
00:13:52,824 --> 00:13:53,801
Really? Oh, Peter,
338
00:13:54,001 --> 00:13:55,427
you don't know
what this means to me.
339
00:13:55,627 --> 00:13:58,213
Oh, you know, l was so desperate
there for a while,
340
00:13:58,413 --> 00:13:59,140
I even tried a Jewish club.
341
00:13:59,340 --> 00:14:00,841
Oh, you don't want
to get involved
342
00:14:01,041 --> 00:14:01,934
with them
religious groups.
343
00:14:02,134 --> 00:14:04,136
They believe in all
kinds of weird stuff.
344
00:14:04,336 --> 00:14:05,971
If l believe
in Jesus hard enough,
345
00:14:06,171 --> 00:14:07,314
I will not die.
346
00:14:07,514 --> 00:14:09,516
If l believe
in Snake Jesus hard enough,
347
00:14:09,716 --> 00:14:10,776
he will die.
348
00:14:10,976 --> 00:14:13,145
If l believe
in Tree Jesus hard enough,
349
00:14:13,345 --> 00:14:14,521
both of them will die.
350
00:14:16,023 --> 00:14:18,484
Yay! Thank you, Tree Jesus!
351
00:14:20,152 --> 00:14:21,553
Hey, Mr. Barrington.
352
00:14:21,753 --> 00:14:22,955
Oh, hello, Peter.
353
00:14:23,155 --> 00:14:24,331
I'm so glad you're here.
354
00:14:24,531 --> 00:14:27,034
We're shooting bald guys
under five-seven today.
355
00:14:27,234 --> 00:14:28,169
Hey, there's the guy
356
00:14:28,369 --> 00:14:30,245
who denied
my health insurance claim.
357
00:14:30,445 --> 00:14:31,463
Sir, your nipples are fine!
358
00:14:31,663 --> 00:14:33,465
You don't need
to reconstruct them!
359
00:14:33,665 --> 00:14:36,919
I want Hershey Kiss nipples,
and l want you to pay for them!
360
00:14:37,119 --> 00:14:38,554
Look, Mr. B.,
if it's okay with you,
361
00:14:38,754 --> 00:14:40,739
I'd like to give
my membershiback to Carter.
362
00:14:40,939 --> 00:14:42,770
I'm sorry, Peter, but
I just don't think
363
00:14:42,970 --> 00:14:44,802
Pewterschmidt is
country club material.
364
00:14:45,002 --> 00:14:45,853
Now if you'Il excuse me,
365
00:14:46,053 --> 00:14:48,055
I'm about to shoot
Michael Stipe.
366
00:14:48,255 --> 00:14:49,690
Is that...
367
00:14:49,890 --> 00:14:50,983
Is that him
in the corner?
368
00:14:51,183 --> 00:14:52,522
Yes, that is him
in the corner.
369
00:14:52,722 --> 00:14:54,104
Is that him
in the spotlight?
370
00:14:54,304 --> 00:14:55,687
Would you...
Oh, damn it!
371
00:14:55,887 --> 00:14:56,697
Now he got away!
372
00:14:56,897 --> 00:14:58,444
Oh, no...
I said too much?
373
00:14:58,644 --> 00:14:59,992
I want you
out of here!
374
00:15:00,192 --> 00:15:02,277
Look, Mr. Barrington,
he's my father-in-law.
375
00:15:02,477 --> 00:15:04,175
So if he goes, l go.
376
00:15:04,375 --> 00:15:05,873
Fine, l don't care.
377
00:15:06,073 --> 00:15:08,575
Your low-brow antics no
longer amuse me, Griffin.
378
00:15:08,775 --> 00:15:10,139
You're both out
of the club.
379
00:15:10,339 --> 00:15:11,503
Well, l guess that's it then.
380
00:15:11,703 --> 00:15:13,793
Oh, there is one
more thing, actually.
381
00:15:13,993 --> 00:15:16,083
Can you talk to that
angry little boy
382
00:15:16,283 --> 00:15:17,418
down by the river bank?
383
00:15:17,618 --> 00:15:19,962
Uh, yeah, sure.
384
00:15:23,924 --> 00:15:25,217
Hey, what's eating you?
385
00:15:25,417 --> 00:15:26,227
Grown-ups.
386
00:15:26,427 --> 00:15:28,020
Yeah, grown-ups suck.
387
00:15:28,220 --> 00:15:30,097
Why do they get to make
all the rules?
388
00:15:30,297 --> 00:15:31,899
I know it seems
unfair, but, hey,
389
00:15:32,099 --> 00:15:34,226
there ain't no rules
in a tickle fight.
390
00:15:34,426 --> 00:15:35,402
Stop!
391
00:15:35,602 --> 00:15:37,238
You're tickling!
392
00:15:37,438 --> 00:15:38,864
Timmy, there you are!
393
00:15:39,064 --> 00:15:40,403
Who the
are you?!
394
00:15:40,603 --> 00:15:41,742
Get away from our son!
395
00:15:41,942 --> 00:15:43,110
But Mr. Barrington
told me to...
396
00:15:43,310 --> 00:15:44,286
Who's Mr. Barrington?
397
00:15:44,486 --> 00:15:46,121
From the club.
What club?
398
00:15:46,321 --> 00:15:48,115
You're in a lot
of trouble, mister.
399
00:15:55,330 --> 00:15:57,624
I'm sorry l got us both
kicked out, Carter.
400
00:15:57,824 --> 00:15:59,051
I was just trying
to helyou out.
401
00:15:59,251 --> 00:16:02,254
Mr. Barrington told me
I couldn't see Amanda anymore.
402
00:16:02,454 --> 00:16:04,390
We never even got
a chance to have sex.
403
00:16:04,590 --> 00:16:08,135
Everyone knows rich, Waspy girls
are the best at it.
404
00:16:08,335 --> 00:16:09,812
I'm really gonna miss that club.
405
00:16:10,012 --> 00:16:11,580
You know what part
I liked the most?
406
00:16:11,780 --> 00:16:13,148
Walking around
the locker room naked
407
00:16:13,348 --> 00:16:16,477
and offering people sections
of a tiny clementine.
408
00:16:16,677 --> 00:16:17,874
Clementine?
409
00:16:18,074 --> 00:16:19,260
Oh, thank you.
410
00:16:19,460 --> 00:16:20,447
Clementine?
411
00:16:20,647 --> 00:16:21,648
None for
me, thanks.
412
00:16:21,848 --> 00:16:23,024
Clementine?
413
00:16:23,224 --> 00:16:24,201
Yes, thank you.
414
00:16:24,401 --> 00:16:25,861
Clementine?
Yeah, l'Il have one.
415
00:16:26,061 --> 00:16:26,954
Ooh, softly.
Sorry.
416
00:16:27,154 --> 00:16:28,655
Yes, l'Il have one.
417
00:16:28,855 --> 00:16:30,207
There you go.
418
00:16:30,407 --> 00:16:33,335
God, it's good
to be old and nude.
419
00:16:33,535 --> 00:16:35,496
Look, Carter,
you can't be that surprised.
420
00:16:35,696 --> 00:16:36,955
I mean,
it's just human nature
421
00:16:37,155 --> 00:16:38,215
to suck uto the people
above you,
422
00:16:38,415 --> 00:16:40,876
craon those beneath you
and undercut your equals.
423
00:16:41,076 --> 00:16:42,544
Well, then we just
got to figure out a way
424
00:16:42,744 --> 00:16:44,004
to make you fancier
than Barrington,
425
00:16:44,204 --> 00:16:45,506
so he's got
to suck uto you.
426
00:16:45,706 --> 00:16:46,473
I don't know, Peter.
427
00:16:46,673 --> 00:16:48,300
That'd be pretty
tough to pull off.
428
00:16:48,500 --> 00:16:49,184
We just got to be bold.
429
00:16:49,384 --> 00:16:51,512
Like those
backwards-knee birds.
430
00:16:52,471 --> 00:16:53,314
Oh, what? What?
431
00:16:53,514 --> 00:16:55,140
Oh, what? What are
you looking at?
432
00:16:55,340 --> 00:16:56,391
Oh, you coming for me?
433
00:16:56,591 --> 00:16:57,443
No, no, l'Il just take
434
00:16:57,643 --> 00:17:00,145
a big backward-knee step
in the opposite direction.
435
00:17:00,345 --> 00:17:01,947
Yeah, yeah, you think
I'm afraid of you?
436
00:17:02,147 --> 00:17:05,609
I slept on your back
last night, you.
437
00:17:10,155 --> 00:17:11,869
Yes, l'Il have
the filet mignon,
438
00:17:12,069 --> 00:17:13,784
and they can start
the sunset now.
439
00:17:16,036 --> 00:17:17,938
Someone important
must be arriving
440
00:17:18,138 --> 00:17:20,040
because they're making
a big entrance.
441
00:17:36,265 --> 00:17:38,625
Announcing the arrival
of His and His Majesty,
442
00:17:38,825 --> 00:17:41,186
the exceedingly wealthy
and very important
443
00:17:41,386 --> 00:17:43,397
Viscount James Earl
Tennis Racquet,
444
00:17:43,597 --> 00:17:45,115
and Duke of
Lacrosse Team.
445
00:17:45,315 --> 00:17:47,405
Hello, l'm Reginald
Barrington.
446
00:17:47,605 --> 00:17:49,695
Where are you fine
gentlemen from?
447
00:17:49,895 --> 00:17:50,829
We are European,
448
00:17:51,029 --> 00:17:52,706
from the United
Coloreds of Benetton.
449
00:17:52,906 --> 00:17:54,950
But you don't sound
like you're from Europe.
450
00:17:55,150 --> 00:17:56,001
Is that so?
451
00:17:56,201 --> 00:17:58,412
Well, perhaps l should take
my thong elsewhere.
452
00:17:58,612 --> 00:18:00,214
Well, let's
not be hasty.
453
00:18:00,414 --> 00:18:03,092
Your Majesty, won't
you please join me
454
00:18:03,292 --> 00:18:06,044
as my personal guests
in the Barrington Room?
455
00:18:06,244 --> 00:18:07,221
The Barrington Room?!
456
00:18:07,421 --> 00:18:09,923
Peter, that's the most exclusive
room in all of New England.
457
00:18:10,123 --> 00:18:12,301
Yeah, l hear it's even
harder to get in there
458
00:18:12,501 --> 00:18:13,719
than the University
of Arizona.
459
00:18:13,919 --> 00:18:15,020
Well, it's beating.
460
00:18:15,220 --> 00:18:17,773
Welcome to the Wildcats.
461
00:18:17,973 --> 00:18:19,562
This is the
Barrington Room.
462
00:18:19,762 --> 00:18:21,151
Have a seat in
the deepest,
463
00:18:21,351 --> 00:18:24,855
most luxurious leather chair
in the world.
464
00:18:26,732 --> 00:18:29,410
Oh, that's nice.
465
00:18:29,610 --> 00:18:31,945
Sir, may l offer you
a shoe drink?
466
00:18:32,145 --> 00:18:34,323
Why, yes, that'd
be lovely.
467
00:18:36,241 --> 00:18:38,168
Ah, the finer things.
468
00:18:38,368 --> 00:18:40,370
So, what brings
you gentlemen to town?
469
00:18:40,570 --> 00:18:41,422
We're here on business.
470
00:18:41,622 --> 00:18:43,336
In fact, we just
came from a meeting
471
00:18:43,536 --> 00:18:45,250
with the venerable
Carter Pewterschmidt.
472
00:18:45,450 --> 00:18:46,501
Outstanding man.
473
00:18:46,701 --> 00:18:47,553
Really? Yeah, well,
474
00:18:47,753 --> 00:18:50,464
he used to be a member here,
but he was very annoying.
475
00:18:50,664 --> 00:18:52,141
Oh, my, that's-that's
surprising.
476
00:18:52,341 --> 00:18:54,968
L-I've heard he has quite
the blue-blood pedigree.
477
00:18:55,168 --> 00:18:56,562
You know, he got a
piece of Jackie Kennedy
478
00:18:56,762 --> 00:18:59,389
before she was defiled by
that hairy olive-eater.
479
00:18:59,589 --> 00:19:01,191
Yeah, and-and
he once made me
480
00:19:01,391 --> 00:19:03,335
a grilled cheese
sandwich after this.
481
00:19:03,535 --> 00:19:05,241
Well, l wasn't sure
about Pewterschmidt,
482
00:19:05,441 --> 00:19:07,257
but after hearing
you gentlemen talk,
483
00:19:07,457 --> 00:19:09,274
maybe l could give him
another chance.
484
00:19:09,474 --> 00:19:10,284
Really?
Oh, wow!
485
00:19:10,484 --> 00:19:12,277
That's great news,
Carter. You're back in!
486
00:19:12,477 --> 00:19:13,579
Hey, let's get a
couple of girls
487
00:19:13,779 --> 00:19:16,156
and have seventh-grade-in-
the-same-room-make-outs.
488
00:19:16,356 --> 00:19:18,083
"Carter"? Wait a minute.
489
00:19:18,283 --> 00:19:19,585
You're not
Duke of Lacrosse Team!
490
00:19:19,785 --> 00:19:22,913
And you're not Viscount
James Earl Tennis Racquet!
491
00:19:23,113 --> 00:19:24,089
Security!
492
00:19:24,289 --> 00:19:26,166
Come throw these frauds
out of my club!
493
00:19:26,366 --> 00:19:27,593
Damn it, Peter,
you blew it!
494
00:19:27,793 --> 00:19:29,970
I knew l
couldn't depend on you!
495
00:19:30,170 --> 00:19:32,381
You're not worthy to lick
my designer shoes,
496
00:19:32,581 --> 00:19:33,840
you fat, low-life slob!
497
00:19:34,040 --> 00:19:35,100
But, Carter, please!
498
00:19:35,300 --> 00:19:38,303
Here, skithis rope and do
a lively schoolgirl chant.
499
00:19:38,503 --> 00:19:40,180
But, Carter, l don't know
any city girl rhymes.
500
00:19:40,380 --> 00:19:41,607
Do it!
501
00:19:41,807 --> 00:19:44,147
Lettuce,
carrots, peppers and peas.
502
00:19:44,347 --> 00:19:46,292
Your mother says to
got to have these.
503
00:19:46,492 --> 00:19:48,438
Now do it double time
with new vegetables!
504
00:19:48,638 --> 00:19:50,691
Cabbage, taters,
spinach and peas.
505
00:19:50,891 --> 00:19:51,825
You already said "peas"!
506
00:19:52,025 --> 00:19:54,386
I don't know any
more vegetables.
507
00:19:54,586 --> 00:19:56,747
Wait a second,
hang on there.
508
00:19:56,947 --> 00:19:59,161
The way you abused
that man just now,
509
00:19:59,361 --> 00:20:01,557
the way you treated
your lesser-
510
00:20:01,757 --> 00:20:03,754
I underestimated you,
Pewterschmidt.
511
00:20:03,954 --> 00:20:06,206
I thought you were just
some suck-uloser,
512
00:20:06,406 --> 00:20:07,508
but you have shown me
513
00:20:07,708 --> 00:20:09,918
that you've got the mettle
to be one of us.
514
00:20:10,118 --> 00:20:10,969
You are back in the club.
515
00:20:11,169 --> 00:20:12,846
Oh, thank you,
Mr. Barrington!
516
00:20:13,046 --> 00:20:15,657
Yes. Now, l believe
there is just one last piece
517
00:20:15,857 --> 00:20:18,468
of unfinished business
to take care of here.
518
00:20:22,973 --> 00:20:25,479
I'm sorry, but the Viscount
James Earl Tennis Racquet
519
00:20:25,679 --> 00:20:28,186
and Duke of Lacrosse Team
already arrived two hours ago.
520
00:20:28,386 --> 00:20:30,731
But that's impossible!
521
00:20:34,359 --> 00:20:35,536
Peter, l'm sorry
522
00:20:35,736 --> 00:20:37,946
you've got to give up
the country club life.
523
00:20:38,146 --> 00:20:38,997
Oh, that's okay, Lois.
524
00:20:39,197 --> 00:20:40,415
'Cause you know,
I got to say,
525
00:20:40,615 --> 00:20:42,701
I don't think those rich guys
have it all that great.
526
00:20:42,901 --> 00:20:44,044
Too much stress.
527
00:20:44,244 --> 00:20:45,045
You know,
you give me the choice,
528
00:20:45,245 --> 00:20:47,205
I'Il choose our life
any day of the week.
529
00:20:47,405 --> 00:20:48,173
Me, too, Peter.
530
00:20:48,373 --> 00:20:50,175
Can l have $50 to
get my hair cut?
531
00:20:50,375 --> 00:20:52,210
Absolutely not.
That's a waste of money.
532
00:20:52,410 --> 00:20:53,587
I will cut it myself.
533
00:20:55,130 --> 00:20:57,340
You look like garbage.
What happened?38356
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