Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:05,506 --> 00:00:06,640
(screaming)
2
00:00:06,674 --> 00:00:08,409
ANNOUNCER:
American Horror Story: Cult.
3
00:00:08,442 --> 00:00:10,711
All new,
Tuesdays at 10:00 on FX.
4
00:00:13,247 --> 00:00:16,884
FXX presents You're the Worst.
5
00:00:19,087 --> 00:00:21,289
(Boone moaning)
6
00:00:22,556 --> 00:00:24,058
(both moaning)
7
00:00:24,092 --> 00:00:26,260
*
8
00:00:28,096 --> 00:00:31,499
(Gretchen gasps, moans)
9
00:00:31,532 --> 00:00:35,503
* Don't let space junk
punch holes in the wings... *
10
00:00:35,536 --> 00:00:37,071
*
11
00:00:37,105 --> 00:00:38,872
(panting)
12
00:00:38,906 --> 00:00:41,675
Hey. Uh, are you sure
it's okay that we're here?
13
00:00:41,709 --> 00:00:44,512
Yeah. We have the house
to ourselves for hours.
14
00:00:44,545 --> 00:00:47,515
Sure, but, uh, aren't you
worried about someone coming?
15
00:00:47,548 --> 00:00:49,517
Yeah. Me.
16
00:00:49,550 --> 00:00:51,085
(both laugh)
17
00:00:51,119 --> 00:00:53,221
-(Boone groans loudly)
-Oh. Oh, you were serious?
18
00:00:53,254 --> 00:00:55,889
-Well, okay then.
-(Boone moans, Gretchen laughs)
19
00:00:55,923 --> 00:00:59,093
(Boone panting)
20
00:00:59,127 --> 00:01:00,694
Sorry. Did you...?
21
00:01:00,728 --> 00:01:03,531
Oh, yeah. I had the floor
a few minutes ago.
22
00:01:03,564 --> 00:01:05,733
Yeah, remember when
I yelled "Boomtown"?
23
00:01:05,766 --> 00:01:07,535
-You're a weirdo.
-(laughs)
24
00:01:07,568 --> 00:01:09,637
-I'm gonna hop in the shower,
okay? -(chuckles)
25
00:01:09,670 --> 00:01:11,539
(sighs)
26
00:01:11,572 --> 00:01:13,241
(knob squeaks, shower running)
27
00:01:13,274 --> 00:01:14,775
(sighs)
28
00:01:16,810 --> 00:01:18,812
(chuckles softly)
29
00:01:20,581 --> 00:01:24,152
(phone clicking rapidly)
30
00:01:24,185 --> 00:01:26,187
(phone whooshes)
31
00:01:33,261 --> 00:01:35,329
*
32
00:01:44,605 --> 00:01:45,873
Amateur.
33
00:01:54,114 --> 00:01:56,350
*
34
00:02:04,358 --> 00:02:06,126
So I was thinking...
35
00:02:08,028 --> 00:02:10,030
Gretchen?
36
00:02:12,233 --> 00:02:15,203
Someone break into the house
and take you hostage?
37
00:02:17,638 --> 00:02:19,640
Did you tell them
I've watched John Wick
38
00:02:19,673 --> 00:02:22,410
and John Wick 2 so many times?
39
00:02:23,644 --> 00:02:25,713
(keys clinking)
40
00:02:28,249 --> 00:02:29,617
(gasps)
Jesus!
41
00:02:29,650 --> 00:02:31,285
You scared me.
42
00:02:31,319 --> 00:02:33,221
Why are you in a towel?
43
00:02:33,254 --> 00:02:35,656
Nothing. Just showering.
44
00:02:35,689 --> 00:02:37,625
-Listen, I can explain.
-Shut up!
45
00:02:37,658 --> 00:02:40,060
Damn it, Boone, I swear to God,
if it's one of my friends...
46
00:02:40,093 --> 00:02:42,062
Just calm down.
Let me speak.
47
00:02:42,095 --> 00:02:44,565
-She still here?
-No. I mean, who?
48
00:02:45,533 --> 00:02:47,701
(sighs)
Whatever.
49
00:02:47,735 --> 00:02:49,503
I don't even care.
50
00:02:49,537 --> 00:02:52,306
Olivia! Come on!
51
00:02:52,340 --> 00:02:55,809
Hey! Oh!
52
00:02:55,843 --> 00:02:58,846
Hi, Daddy.
Girl Scouts got cancelled.
53
00:02:58,879 --> 00:03:00,481
-Aw.
-Did you get my Bitmoji?
54
00:03:00,514 --> 00:03:02,149
I was going
to send you one of poop,
55
00:03:02,182 --> 00:03:03,651
but Mom said
that was beneath me.
56
00:03:03,684 --> 00:03:04,852
She's insane.
57
00:03:06,387 --> 00:03:07,721
Mom, come watch me play piano.
58
00:03:07,755 --> 00:03:09,390
I just learned "City of Stars."
59
00:03:09,423 --> 00:03:11,525
Isn't that, like, four notes?
60
00:03:14,695 --> 00:03:17,197
(piano playing)
61
00:03:17,231 --> 00:03:19,700
(piano music continues)
62
00:03:26,474 --> 00:03:28,776
(sighs)
63
00:03:28,809 --> 00:03:30,444
-Hi, Boone.
-Hey, Neil.
64
00:03:30,478 --> 00:03:31,879
Nice Subaru.
65
00:03:31,912 --> 00:03:33,447
-Thank you.
-Is it new?
66
00:03:33,481 --> 00:03:35,749
-Yeah. -I didn't know
you were a lesbian now.
67
00:03:35,783 --> 00:03:37,885
They are gonna love
your fat little tits.
68
00:03:37,918 --> 00:03:39,287
See, this is exactly why
69
00:03:39,320 --> 00:03:41,455
my therapist told me
not to talk to you.
70
00:03:41,489 --> 00:03:43,123
Oh.
71
00:03:43,156 --> 00:03:44,124
Neil?
72
00:03:44,157 --> 00:03:46,960
Neil? Neil?
73
00:03:46,994 --> 00:03:49,797
Neil? Neil? Neil? Neil? Neil?
74
00:03:49,830 --> 00:03:50,898
-What?!
-(mutters)
75
00:03:50,931 --> 00:03:52,733
-(laughs) Ow!
-What, Boone?
76
00:03:52,766 --> 00:03:54,602
I didn't mean it.
No, don't you dare!
77
00:03:54,635 --> 00:03:55,869
Stop! Stop it!
78
00:03:55,903 --> 00:03:57,971
Mm... (whimpers)
79
00:03:58,005 --> 00:04:00,308
-Where are the locks on
this thing?! -Whoa. That's it.
80
00:04:00,341 --> 00:04:02,209
-Damn it, let me go, you maniac!
-Aah!
81
00:04:02,242 --> 00:04:04,945
-(shouting)
-You are a child!
82
00:04:04,978 --> 00:04:07,781
-Oh, get off of me!
-My dick's on your leg.
83
00:04:07,815 --> 00:04:10,418
-Oh, my dick's on your leg.
My dick's on your leg! -No!
84
00:04:10,451 --> 00:04:12,152
-WHITNEY: See you tomorrow,
honey! -Oh.
85
00:04:13,754 --> 00:04:15,656
(both men panting, chuckling)
86
00:04:20,761 --> 00:04:22,796
See ya, buddy.
87
00:04:22,830 --> 00:04:24,798
Sorry about your leg.
88
00:04:24,832 --> 00:04:26,500
*
89
00:04:34,442 --> 00:04:37,611
* I'm gonna leave you anyway
90
00:04:37,645 --> 00:04:39,747
* I'm gonna leave you
anyway *
91
00:04:39,780 --> 00:04:42,115
* Gonna leave you anyway.
92
00:04:48,322 --> 00:04:50,190
(laughs)
Yeah, okay, get this.
93
00:04:50,223 --> 00:04:52,993
So we pull out to reveal
that the 7-Eleven--
94
00:04:53,026 --> 00:04:55,128
-it's actually a 9/11.
-Which is why
95
00:04:55,162 --> 00:04:56,964
the Slurpee machines
got hit by little airplanes.
96
00:04:56,997 --> 00:04:58,432
MAX:
Oh.
97
00:04:58,466 --> 00:04:59,633
I like it.
98
00:04:59,667 --> 00:05:02,102
7-Eleven, Building 7.
99
00:05:02,135 --> 00:05:03,771
-Maybe there's something there?
-EDGAR: Oh, hell yeah,
100
00:05:03,804 --> 00:05:05,272
-there's something there.
-You teach me every day.
101
00:05:05,305 --> 00:05:06,507
I saw this video on YouTube...
102
00:05:06,540 --> 00:05:08,676
Every day, you teach me.
103
00:05:08,709 --> 00:05:10,077
Any calls?
104
00:05:12,145 --> 00:05:13,481
No.
105
00:05:13,514 --> 00:05:14,548
Got to tell my buddy Brent
106
00:05:14,582 --> 00:05:16,617
-the good news about our sketch.
-Why?
107
00:05:16,650 --> 00:05:17,985
He's my main dude.
108
00:05:18,018 --> 00:05:19,453
So much of a best friendship
109
00:05:19,487 --> 00:05:20,821
is supporting each other
through disappointments,
110
00:05:20,854 --> 00:05:23,023
that you got to share the small,
111
00:05:23,056 --> 00:05:25,393
good things just
to balance it out.
112
00:05:25,426 --> 00:05:28,161
Sounds like me and Carlos.
Mencia.
113
00:05:28,195 --> 00:05:29,863
-Oh.
-We ride our Ducatis
114
00:05:29,897 --> 00:05:33,567
down PCH every Sunday,
and then we just chat for hours.
115
00:05:33,601 --> 00:05:34,868
-Just talking?
-Mm-hmm.
116
00:05:34,902 --> 00:05:36,804
This sounds weird to me
for some reason.
117
00:05:36,837 --> 00:05:39,039
It's because, as men,
we're conditioned
118
00:05:39,072 --> 00:05:41,509
to emotionally shut ourselves
off from each other.
119
00:05:41,542 --> 00:05:44,177
-It's why half of all men
die of loneliness. -Mm-hmm.
120
00:05:44,211 --> 00:05:46,814
These relationships
sound beautiful.
121
00:05:46,847 --> 00:05:49,417
-I want that.
-Me, too.
122
00:05:49,450 --> 00:05:52,052
I thought your roommate was
your main dude, the Australian.
123
00:05:52,085 --> 00:05:54,522
Oh, Jimmy? Yeah.
124
00:05:54,555 --> 00:05:56,657
But we don't have that kind
of relationship at all.
125
00:05:56,690 --> 00:05:58,392
If your needs aren't being met
in the relationship,
126
00:05:58,426 --> 00:05:59,827
you need to take a stand, bro.
127
00:05:59,860 --> 00:06:02,930
Okay. I'm gonna do it.
128
00:06:02,963 --> 00:06:04,598
I'm so proud of you, Edgar.
129
00:06:08,902 --> 00:06:12,005
It's no Ducati,
but, uh, I have an old ATV
130
00:06:12,039 --> 00:06:14,942
that's street legal if you
and Carlos ever want a third.
131
00:06:14,975 --> 00:06:16,710
We do not.
132
00:06:16,744 --> 00:06:18,746
Copy that.
133
00:06:20,313 --> 00:06:22,516
Stupid-ass stoner.
134
00:06:22,550 --> 00:06:24,217
So I'm tearing down the stairs
135
00:06:24,251 --> 00:06:26,920
-just as his wife is walking
up to the house. -(gasps)
136
00:06:26,954 --> 00:06:28,956
I have no way out,
137
00:06:28,989 --> 00:06:30,858
but I remember
there's a back door.
138
00:06:30,891 --> 00:06:33,126
Mm, there's always a back door.
139
00:06:33,160 --> 00:06:34,962
(Gretchen sighs)
140
00:06:34,995 --> 00:06:36,864
I thought
banging a hubby was hot,
141
00:06:36,897 --> 00:06:39,132
but now that I almost came
face-to-face with his wife,
142
00:06:39,166 --> 00:06:40,568
I don't know.
143
00:06:40,601 --> 00:06:42,202
I feel slightly...
144
00:06:42,235 --> 00:06:43,871
Ugh! What's the word?
145
00:06:43,904 --> 00:06:47,074
It's like bad,
but involves other people.
146
00:06:47,107 --> 00:06:49,877
-Carsick? Hard fart? Murder?
-No.
147
00:06:49,910 --> 00:06:51,244
The point is,
148
00:06:51,278 --> 00:06:53,714
you like taking that "D"
on the reg, right, dawg?
149
00:06:53,747 --> 00:06:55,883
-No diggity.
-Then enjoy that shit.
150
00:06:55,916 --> 00:06:58,085
If this hubster's
cheating on a frumpus
151
00:06:58,118 --> 00:07:00,454
who masturbates
with a children's vibrator,
152
00:07:00,488 --> 00:07:02,890
that's his problem.
You do you.
153
00:07:02,923 --> 00:07:05,893
You know what?
You're actually right.
154
00:07:05,926 --> 00:07:09,497
I know. Business has made me
hella smart.
155
00:07:09,530 --> 00:07:11,398
Pass the sweet salt.
156
00:07:11,431 --> 00:07:15,002
Plus, I have to admit,
157
00:07:15,035 --> 00:07:18,672
it was pretty hot almost getting
caught banging in their bed.
158
00:07:21,542 --> 00:07:24,077
(phone clicking rapidly)
159
00:07:24,111 --> 00:07:25,345
(phone whooshes)
160
00:07:25,378 --> 00:07:26,914
So, what's up with you?
161
00:07:26,947 --> 00:07:29,517
Not much.
Now that you're taking old dick,
162
00:07:29,550 --> 00:07:31,585
I don't really have anyone
to party with.
163
00:07:31,619 --> 00:07:34,321
What about your work friends?
They seem...
164
00:07:36,323 --> 00:07:37,991
Yeah, they're cool.
165
00:07:38,025 --> 00:07:41,461
Tara makes ugly metal art
and Jeff is a Halloween person,
166
00:07:41,495 --> 00:07:44,164
but we're not really friends.
167
00:07:44,197 --> 00:07:46,099
-How come?
-I don't know, I just feel like
168
00:07:46,133 --> 00:07:48,502
when I'm at work, I need
to keep shit locked down.
169
00:07:48,536 --> 00:07:49,937
Sounds like
Work Lindsay sucks.
170
00:07:49,970 --> 00:07:52,372
So, what you're saying is
171
00:07:52,405 --> 00:07:55,008
I should just be myself, and
they'll want to be my friends?
172
00:07:55,042 --> 00:07:57,044
(phone chimes, vibrates)
173
00:07:59,747 --> 00:08:02,716
Uh, okay! Sounds great!
174
00:08:02,750 --> 00:08:05,586
-Call you later.
-Have fun with that "D" for me.
175
00:08:11,659 --> 00:08:13,026
Jimmy?
176
00:08:13,060 --> 00:08:14,027
(door closes)
177
00:08:14,061 --> 00:08:16,864
(sighs)
178
00:08:16,897 --> 00:08:19,633
-Are you okay? -Edgar,
last night I had a revelation.
179
00:08:19,667 --> 00:08:22,202
Gretchen clearly brought
that man home for my benefit.
180
00:08:22,235 --> 00:08:24,838
-I thought she brought him home
to have sex with him. -Aha.
181
00:08:24,872 --> 00:08:26,406
That's what
she wanted us to think.
182
00:08:26,439 --> 00:08:28,508
I mean, they absolutely
did have sex. A lot.
183
00:08:28,542 --> 00:08:31,011
The noises were
highly disturbing.
184
00:08:31,044 --> 00:08:33,213
And he's a screamer.
But then around 3:00 a.m.,
185
00:08:33,246 --> 00:08:35,082
I realized it was a false flag.
186
00:08:35,115 --> 00:08:38,051
They could have
had sex anywhere, so why here?
187
00:08:38,085 --> 00:08:39,687
-Because she hates you?
-That's what I thought.
188
00:08:39,720 --> 00:08:43,223
But then, around 4:00 a.m.,
I realized, no,
189
00:08:43,256 --> 00:08:45,258
it is because she loves me.
190
00:08:45,292 --> 00:08:47,227
So I am not leaving this house
191
00:08:47,260 --> 00:08:48,729
until I blow the lid
off her ruse.
192
00:08:48,762 --> 00:08:51,031
What about the book expo?
It's your book release.
193
00:08:51,064 --> 00:08:52,833
-Staying here is
far more important. -Well,
194
00:08:52,866 --> 00:08:55,168
it sounds like you have
a lot going on
195
00:08:55,202 --> 00:08:58,005
and just need a friend
to talk through it with.
196
00:08:58,038 --> 00:09:01,508
Why don't we go get some steaks,
have a nice Cab, and...
197
00:09:01,541 --> 00:09:04,011
-we can hash it out?
-I didn't start listening
198
00:09:04,044 --> 00:09:06,013
until "steaks and Cab,"
but yes, very smart.
199
00:09:06,046 --> 00:09:08,415
Edgar, you're not as dumb
as I think you are.
200
00:09:08,448 --> 00:09:09,950
Thanks.
201
00:09:15,322 --> 00:09:18,225
-(elevator bell dings)
-(coughing)
202
00:09:19,627 --> 00:09:22,195
* En, en, en,
engine off, windows up *
203
00:09:22,229 --> 00:09:23,897
* That's the way
I like to puff *
204
00:09:23,931 --> 00:09:25,265
* Engine on, windows up...
205
00:09:25,298 --> 00:09:26,634
So, I'm at Coachella,
206
00:09:26,667 --> 00:09:28,769
and Hozier
kicks me out of his trailer,
207
00:09:28,802 --> 00:09:30,403
and I'm already sore,
208
00:09:30,437 --> 00:09:32,405
(chuckles): and then
there's Father John Misty,
209
00:09:32,439 --> 00:09:35,375
all cranked up and ready to go,
so I'm like,
210
00:09:35,408 --> 00:09:38,111
all right,
I guess we're doing this.
211
00:09:38,145 --> 00:09:40,213
* Now, can you handle that
212
00:09:40,247 --> 00:09:43,283
* The way I drop it to the floor
and then I bring it back *
213
00:09:43,316 --> 00:09:45,819
* I keep them boys I get from
over, you agree with that? *
214
00:09:45,853 --> 00:09:48,722
* I'm so bad, I'm mean,
you know what I mean? *
215
00:09:48,756 --> 00:09:51,591
* Or am I confusing?
I been noticing lately how *
216
00:09:51,625 --> 00:09:53,794
* I don't think that you can
handle that, can handle that *
217
00:09:53,827 --> 00:09:55,663
* Come on and make a move, or
don'tcha know just what to do? *
218
00:09:55,696 --> 00:09:57,397
* I'm on fire...
219
00:09:57,430 --> 00:09:58,598
Are you done?
220
00:09:59,633 --> 00:10:01,635
Item four.
221
00:10:01,669 --> 00:10:03,737
(Boone panting heavily)
222
00:10:03,771 --> 00:10:05,438
Nice sex moves.
223
00:10:05,472 --> 00:10:08,175
You're pretty limber
for an old guy.
224
00:10:08,208 --> 00:10:09,843
And loud.
225
00:10:11,444 --> 00:10:12,946
Can't you hang for a bit?
226
00:10:12,980 --> 00:10:14,281
Oh.
227
00:10:15,315 --> 00:10:16,884
Okay.
228
00:10:18,318 --> 00:10:19,653
It's just...
229
00:10:19,687 --> 00:10:21,689
I know we're
both grown-ups, but...
230
00:10:21,722 --> 00:10:23,523
I have some residual...
231
00:10:23,556 --> 00:10:25,759
murder feelings.
232
00:10:25,793 --> 00:10:27,094
Ugh!
233
00:10:27,127 --> 00:10:29,096
I feel like it starts
with a "G."
234
00:10:29,129 --> 00:10:30,864
Gauche. Gout?
235
00:10:30,898 --> 00:10:33,533
-Guilt?
-That sounds wrong.
236
00:10:33,566 --> 00:10:35,168
Guilt.
237
00:10:35,202 --> 00:10:37,137
Yeah.
238
00:10:37,170 --> 00:10:39,139
Guilt.
239
00:10:39,172 --> 00:10:41,608
I have guilt on Olivia.
240
00:10:41,641 --> 00:10:44,411
I don't feel like
I'm using it right.
241
00:10:45,679 --> 00:10:47,815
(sighs)
242
00:10:47,848 --> 00:10:50,150
She texted you yesterday.
243
00:10:50,183 --> 00:10:52,219
That's why I bailed.
244
00:10:52,252 --> 00:10:54,321
Sorry for snooping.
245
00:10:54,354 --> 00:10:56,556
-I'm a stinker.
-It's my fault.
246
00:10:56,589 --> 00:10:58,625
I've been trying
to keep her out of this.
247
00:10:58,658 --> 00:11:00,994
-Do you love her?
-Of course I love her.
248
00:11:01,028 --> 00:11:03,196
Then aren't you worried
about having to face her
249
00:11:03,230 --> 00:11:05,365
knowing we just had sex
in her house?
250
00:11:05,398 --> 00:11:08,001
(groans)
Why'd you bring that up?
251
00:11:08,035 --> 00:11:10,337
I'm just trying
to be real, dude.
252
00:11:10,370 --> 00:11:13,306
I mean... not to be gross,
253
00:11:13,340 --> 00:11:14,975
but at some point
she's gonna come home,
254
00:11:15,008 --> 00:11:16,576
get in bed, and what, lie in it?
255
00:11:16,609 --> 00:11:18,145
-Jesus, Gretchen!
-What?
256
00:11:18,178 --> 00:11:20,147
She is. She's gonna lie
right in it.
257
00:11:20,180 --> 00:11:22,649
-No, she isn't. -She sleeps here
with you, doesn't she?
258
00:11:22,682 --> 00:11:25,352
-I mean, every now and then.
-Enough to keep her toys here.
259
00:11:25,385 --> 00:11:27,554
-What?! -I found
one of her toys yesterday.
260
00:11:27,587 --> 00:11:28,989
So? They're all over the house.
What does that
261
00:11:29,022 --> 00:11:30,991
-have to do with anything?
-I don't know!
262
00:11:31,024 --> 00:11:34,027
I'm just not thrilled about the
idea of getting into your bed
263
00:11:34,061 --> 00:11:36,063
and seeing Olivia's pubes
everywhere.
264
00:11:36,096 --> 00:11:38,899
She doesn't have pubes!
265
00:11:38,932 --> 00:11:41,001
And I just said that.
266
00:11:41,034 --> 00:11:42,903
Wow! Okay.
267
00:11:42,936 --> 00:11:44,905
You know what? Forget it!
268
00:11:44,938 --> 00:11:46,907
I shouldn't have said anything!
269
00:11:46,940 --> 00:11:48,708
Where's your other bathroom?
270
00:11:48,742 --> 00:11:50,778
Just out there! You psycho!
271
00:11:50,811 --> 00:11:52,412
Psycho you!
272
00:11:53,446 --> 00:11:55,282
(knobs squeak, shower running)
273
00:12:00,754 --> 00:12:02,790
*
274
00:12:19,606 --> 00:12:22,209
So, you see, this can only mean
275
00:12:22,242 --> 00:12:25,245
that her levels of anger
are accelerating.
276
00:12:25,278 --> 00:12:28,481
She went from pure rage
to sex revenge in record time.
277
00:12:28,515 --> 00:12:30,884
Our inevitable reunion
can't be far off.
278
00:12:30,918 --> 00:12:33,053
-This sounds like an uncert...
-Plus, a family of raccoons
279
00:12:33,086 --> 00:12:34,888
has taken residence
in the box spring
280
00:12:34,922 --> 00:12:36,723
Gretchen jettisoned
into the yard,
281
00:12:36,756 --> 00:12:39,259
so that's a dangerous wild card.
282
00:12:39,292 --> 00:12:42,229
Why do you think she did that?
Like, I wonder if there's some
283
00:12:42,262 --> 00:12:45,098
-deeper meaning... -And Book
Lady can't seem to understand
284
00:12:45,132 --> 00:12:46,967
why I must stay here
285
00:12:47,000 --> 00:12:49,402
and forgo The Romance
and Erotica Book Expo.
286
00:12:49,436 --> 00:12:51,071
God, that's a bad name.
287
00:12:51,104 --> 00:12:53,273
You'd think a room full
of writers could do better.
288
00:12:53,306 --> 00:12:55,342
-Oh, well...
-Where the hell is our waiter?
289
00:12:55,375 --> 00:12:58,045
This mediocre Nebbiolo
isn't gonna refill itself.
290
00:12:59,046 --> 00:13:01,648
What are you doing?
291
00:13:01,681 --> 00:13:03,750
Jimmy, I've got
to say something here.
292
00:13:03,783 --> 00:13:05,285
We've lived together for...
293
00:13:05,318 --> 00:13:07,154
what, four years now?
294
00:13:07,187 --> 00:13:08,989
Hey, no. Look at me. Jimmy.
295
00:13:09,022 --> 00:13:11,024
Look at me.
296
00:13:12,392 --> 00:13:14,661
-I care about you.
-VERNON: Jimmy!
297
00:13:14,694 --> 00:13:16,129
What's up, ladies?
298
00:13:16,163 --> 00:13:17,297
Oh, thank God.
299
00:13:17,330 --> 00:13:19,366
Vernon and... Paul?
300
00:13:19,399 --> 00:13:21,001
Why do you look so...
301
00:13:21,034 --> 00:13:22,602
like that?
302
00:13:22,635 --> 00:13:24,804
Generally:
Men's Rights Activism.
303
00:13:24,838 --> 00:13:27,174
Specifically: Signaling.
304
00:13:27,207 --> 00:13:29,276
Tells people
I have my shit together.
305
00:13:29,309 --> 00:13:31,011
I cuss now.
306
00:13:31,044 --> 00:13:32,612
Sorry, guys,
but we were just in the middle
307
00:13:32,645 --> 00:13:33,680
-of something.
-Yeah, Bec forbade me
308
00:13:33,713 --> 00:13:35,148
from ever seeing him again.
309
00:13:35,182 --> 00:13:36,649
You know, on account
of loyalty and junk.
310
00:13:36,683 --> 00:13:39,319
So, one day we're both online,
311
00:13:39,352 --> 00:13:41,321
playing League of Legends,
and I realized
312
00:13:41,354 --> 00:13:43,123
I miss the little cuck.
313
00:13:43,156 --> 00:13:45,058
Reformed cuckold.
314
00:13:45,092 --> 00:13:46,626
Hey, why don't you two join us?
315
00:13:46,659 --> 00:13:48,061
Wait, but we were
just starting...
316
00:13:48,095 --> 00:13:50,463
Hell, yeah, four-way bro-down?
317
00:13:50,497 --> 00:13:53,466
We look like the poster
from Rounders. So tight!
318
00:13:53,500 --> 00:13:55,068
Excuse me.
319
00:13:55,102 --> 00:13:57,037
-Yes?
-I'll have a vodka soda.
320
00:13:57,070 --> 00:13:59,739
And no, I'm not trying
to rape you.
321
00:13:59,772 --> 00:14:01,508
(waitress sighs in disgust)
322
00:14:01,541 --> 00:14:03,210
Mmm.
323
00:14:03,243 --> 00:14:05,913
A little boy and a pedophile
are walking in the woods.
324
00:14:05,946 --> 00:14:07,647
The little boy says,
325
00:14:07,680 --> 00:14:09,849
"Mister, I'm scared."
326
00:14:09,883 --> 00:14:11,551
So the pedophile says,
327
00:14:11,584 --> 00:14:15,355
"You're scared?
I have to walk back by myself."
328
00:14:15,388 --> 00:14:16,589
Oh, my God.
329
00:14:16,623 --> 00:14:17,857
I know.
(laughs)
330
00:14:17,891 --> 00:14:19,359
He has a kid!
331
00:14:19,392 --> 00:14:21,394
No, Gretchen, he killed the kid.
332
00:14:21,428 --> 00:14:23,163
That's the joke.
333
00:14:23,196 --> 00:14:26,066
No. Boone. He has a daughter!
334
00:14:26,099 --> 00:14:28,368
Ooh!
335
00:14:28,401 --> 00:14:31,371
I was just starting to be okay
with the wife thing.
336
00:14:31,404 --> 00:14:33,673
Now I have to be okay
with him having a kid?
337
00:14:33,706 --> 00:14:36,776
No. No. Gretch, some
ding-dong wife is one thing,
338
00:14:36,809 --> 00:14:39,679
but a kid,
that's way too much drama.
339
00:14:39,712 --> 00:14:42,449
But... now that he has a kid,
340
00:14:42,482 --> 00:14:45,252
isn't it like
he's even more unavailable?
341
00:14:45,285 --> 00:14:47,020
-No!
-Okay, but just hear me out.
342
00:14:47,054 --> 00:14:49,456
-No. No! No, no. No.
-Oh. Oh...
343
00:14:49,489 --> 00:14:51,258
-(grunts)
-All right!
344
00:14:51,291 --> 00:14:53,060
Jesus! I won't!
345
00:14:54,427 --> 00:14:56,763
But what if I try to end it
and he cries,
346
00:14:56,796 --> 00:14:58,365
and then I...
347
00:14:58,398 --> 00:15:00,968
Oh, never mind.
No one ever fights for me.
348
00:15:02,135 --> 00:15:04,371
Hey, how's the...
349
00:15:04,404 --> 00:15:06,573
"making friends with
your coworkers" thing going?
350
00:15:06,606 --> 00:15:09,376
Great. I'm totally being myself.
They love it.
351
00:15:09,409 --> 00:15:11,711
You missed
my Chris Rock impression.
352
00:15:11,744 --> 00:15:13,146
Seen it. Hey.
353
00:15:13,180 --> 00:15:15,148
Does Carl have anything good
in the fridge?
354
00:15:15,182 --> 00:15:18,085
Homemade lasagna from his mom.
It's amazing.
355
00:15:18,118 --> 00:15:19,686
But there's only
one piece left, so hurry.
356
00:15:28,095 --> 00:15:30,097
(rock strikes window)
357
00:15:38,438 --> 00:15:40,974
Why are you throwing rocks
at my house?
358
00:15:41,008 --> 00:15:42,575
I can't see you anymore.
359
00:15:42,609 --> 00:15:44,411
'Cause I just talked
to my friend,
360
00:15:44,444 --> 00:15:46,513
who once dated
a Romanian gymnastics coach,
361
00:15:46,546 --> 00:15:48,681
and even she thinks
this is a bad idea.
362
00:15:48,715 --> 00:15:51,084
Anyway, I just wish
you'd told me you had a kid.
363
00:15:51,118 --> 00:15:54,154
I did. We just had
a whole conversation about her.
364
00:15:54,187 --> 00:15:55,655
No, we talked about your wife.
365
00:15:55,688 --> 00:15:57,991
I'm not married.
When did we talk about my wife?
366
00:15:58,025 --> 00:15:59,926
First of all,
you told me about your wedding
367
00:15:59,959 --> 00:16:01,861
the day that we met.
And second of all,
368
00:16:01,894 --> 00:16:04,431
we just talked all about her,
like four hours ago.
369
00:16:04,464 --> 00:16:06,433
First of all,
people get divorced.
370
00:16:06,466 --> 00:16:08,935
And second of all,
I was talking about my daughter,
371
00:16:08,968 --> 00:16:11,271
Olivia, who's awesome.
372
00:16:11,304 --> 00:16:14,041
My ex-wife's name
is Whitney, who sucks.
373
00:16:14,074 --> 00:16:16,809
So this whole time...
374
00:16:16,843 --> 00:16:19,046
you're not married?
375
00:16:19,079 --> 00:16:21,948
-No. -Then why have we been
sneaking around
376
00:16:21,981 --> 00:16:23,850
and boning in hotels
and cars and shit?
377
00:16:23,883 --> 00:16:25,452
Because it was sexy
and exciting.
378
00:16:25,485 --> 00:16:26,953
Wait. You thought I was married
379
00:16:26,986 --> 00:16:28,521
and you were just cool with it?
380
00:16:28,555 --> 00:16:30,357
It was sexy and exciting.
381
00:16:30,390 --> 00:16:32,359
Why'd you want me to be married
so badly?
382
00:16:32,392 --> 00:16:34,694
Because with a married dude,
there's no future in it.
383
00:16:34,727 --> 00:16:36,029
Ouch.
384
00:16:36,063 --> 00:16:38,198
You know what?
385
00:16:38,231 --> 00:16:40,800
This is all just
too much right now.
386
00:16:40,833 --> 00:16:42,669
Sorry.
387
00:16:48,941 --> 00:16:50,943
(door squeaks and closes)
388
00:16:53,513 --> 00:16:55,082
Exactly.
389
00:17:05,192 --> 00:17:07,560
Just one cigarette.
390
00:17:14,201 --> 00:17:16,503
PAUL:
Men work harder,
391
00:17:16,536 --> 00:17:18,338
men die earlier.
392
00:17:18,371 --> 00:17:21,374
But do we worry
about men's health? (laughs)
393
00:17:21,408 --> 00:17:25,545
Did you know that 50%
of domestic violence
394
00:17:25,578 --> 00:17:28,047
-is woman on man?
-Absolutely not true.
395
00:17:28,081 --> 00:17:30,117
I can't believe I haven't
seen you in three months.
396
00:17:30,150 --> 00:17:32,952
Gretchen was on the pod
talking mad shit
397
00:17:32,985 --> 00:17:35,355
the other day
that you proposed to her
398
00:17:35,388 --> 00:17:36,923
and then bailed, but I know
that couldn't be right.
399
00:17:36,956 --> 00:17:38,925
-No, that's accurate.
-So epic!
400
00:17:38,958 --> 00:17:41,528
So, Jimmy's actions
are vilified,
401
00:17:41,561 --> 00:17:44,697
and yet Julia Roberts's antics
in Runaway Brid are delightful
402
00:17:44,731 --> 00:17:47,367
and quirky... Nauseating.
403
00:17:47,400 --> 00:17:49,136
Hey, Jimmy. You want to go
somewhere and get a real drink?
404
00:17:49,169 --> 00:17:50,437
-Continue our conver...
-Edgar.
405
00:17:50,470 --> 00:17:52,539
I was being deliberately
obtuse before,
406
00:17:52,572 --> 00:17:54,741
-but I know what you're doing.
-You do?
407
00:17:54,774 --> 00:17:56,809
You're trying to deepen
our relationship,
408
00:17:56,843 --> 00:17:58,278
become more intimate.
409
00:17:58,311 --> 00:17:59,812
Yes, exactly.
410
00:17:59,846 --> 00:18:01,548
-I'm so happy you...
-Edgar, look at me.
411
00:18:01,581 --> 00:18:04,217
From the bottom of my heart,
412
00:18:04,251 --> 00:18:06,753
this thing you want between us,
413
00:18:06,786 --> 00:18:10,557
is never ever going to happen.
414
00:18:10,590 --> 00:18:13,560
I truly appreciate the effort,
but no thank you.
415
00:18:13,593 --> 00:18:14,694
(laughs, snorts)
416
00:18:21,601 --> 00:18:23,370
Screw you, Jimmy.
417
00:18:25,805 --> 00:18:27,574
Anyway,
418
00:18:27,607 --> 00:18:29,809
I'm not proud of my
cowardly behavior,
419
00:18:29,842 --> 00:18:33,746
so I'm biding my time whilst
Gretchen punishes me.
420
00:18:33,780 --> 00:18:36,316
To tell you the truth,
421
00:18:36,349 --> 00:18:40,453
it's massively painful to see
her with someone else.
422
00:18:40,487 --> 00:18:43,022
I gave myself a hernia
crying so hard
423
00:18:43,055 --> 00:18:44,824
after one of Lindsay's sessions.
424
00:18:44,857 --> 00:18:46,659
That's really rough, Jimmy.
425
00:18:46,693 --> 00:18:48,295
Thanks.
426
00:18:48,328 --> 00:18:51,698
Aw, you guys.
427
00:18:51,731 --> 00:18:53,032
Edgar was right.
428
00:18:53,065 --> 00:18:55,001
Male bonding can be enjoyable.
429
00:18:55,034 --> 00:18:57,170
It's too bad he left
before things got deep.
430
00:18:57,204 --> 00:18:59,138
-Actually, I'm having
a hard time -(phone chimes)
431
00:18:59,172 --> 00:19:00,607
with Becca lately.
432
00:19:00,640 --> 00:19:01,808
She's been, uh...
433
00:19:01,841 --> 00:19:03,042
Bye.
434
00:19:03,075 --> 00:19:04,677
Cool.
435
00:19:04,711 --> 00:19:07,113
Whatever.
436
00:19:07,146 --> 00:19:08,781
Hey.
437
00:19:08,815 --> 00:19:11,651
Let's go run game on some
creep-shaming lezzies.
438
00:19:13,420 --> 00:19:14,687
Well,
439
00:19:14,721 --> 00:19:16,523
there's a couple of Clydesdales
440
00:19:16,556 --> 00:19:17,857
that need shoeing.
441
00:19:17,890 --> 00:19:18,958
(grunts)
442
00:19:18,991 --> 00:19:20,560
-(woman gasps)
-(laughs and snorts)
443
00:19:25,498 --> 00:19:27,634
(typing)
444
00:19:27,667 --> 00:19:29,669
(sighs)
445
00:19:30,703 --> 00:19:32,905
Hey, guys. Want to grab
446
00:19:32,939 --> 00:19:35,074
-a drink or something?
-Oh, can't.
447
00:19:35,107 --> 00:19:37,377
I'm on a strict early agrarian
sleep cycle.
448
00:19:37,410 --> 00:19:40,247
JEFF: Man, I could really use
one, but I got band practice.
449
00:19:40,280 --> 00:19:41,681
I'm already late.
450
00:19:41,714 --> 00:19:43,650
Hey, you were funny today.
451
00:19:43,683 --> 00:19:45,852
TARA: Yeah. Jeff told me
your pedo joke.
452
00:19:45,885 --> 00:19:48,187
Hysterical.
453
00:19:48,221 --> 00:19:49,522
Thanks.
454
00:19:54,060 --> 00:19:56,062
(sighs)
455
00:19:57,297 --> 00:19:59,299
(sighs)
456
00:20:01,401 --> 00:20:03,403
(man singing karaoke nearby)
457
00:20:07,073 --> 00:20:09,942
* And you know I like
your style *
458
00:20:09,976 --> 00:20:12,011
* Yeah, you know I like
your style and *
459
00:20:12,044 --> 00:20:13,246
* All the jewelry
460
00:20:13,280 --> 00:20:14,514
* And the platinum
461
00:20:14,547 --> 00:20:15,715
* Don't move me
462
00:20:15,748 --> 00:20:17,049
* I'm a real one
463
00:20:17,083 --> 00:20:18,951
* They all like my style
464
00:20:18,985 --> 00:20:21,454
* And, yeah,
I know you like my style. *
465
00:20:22,455 --> 00:20:24,857
Jimmy sucks.
466
00:20:24,891 --> 00:20:27,260
I just wish I had someone
I could really connect with.
467
00:20:27,294 --> 00:20:28,528
Right?
468
00:20:28,561 --> 00:20:30,397
It's like, no one gets me.
469
00:20:30,430 --> 00:20:31,964
Peanut shell?
470
00:20:31,998 --> 00:20:34,133
I went to the circus for lunch.
471
00:20:34,166 --> 00:20:35,402
(both laugh)
472
00:20:39,306 --> 00:20:42,241
See? I just want to have
stupid fun like this
473
00:20:42,275 --> 00:20:44,444
-with my dumb coworkers.
-I know.
474
00:20:44,477 --> 00:20:46,979
Why is it so hard to find
someone to get close with?
475
00:20:47,013 --> 00:20:49,316
You dropped something.
476
00:20:51,651 --> 00:20:53,753
(makes farting sound)
477
00:20:54,821 --> 00:20:56,789
(both laughing)
478
00:20:56,823 --> 00:20:58,491
-Ow.
-Oh.
479
00:21:02,329 --> 00:21:04,497
* If you want to go away
from your shell *
480
00:21:04,531 --> 00:21:08,167
* To free yourself, finally
get out of your cell *
481
00:21:08,200 --> 00:21:10,903
* You said there's a place
where you used to hide *
482
00:21:10,937 --> 00:21:13,440
* Where no one ever asks
what you got on your mind *
483
00:21:13,473 --> 00:21:14,607
* You said it's
484
00:21:14,641 --> 00:21:16,108
* Take me for a ride
485
00:21:16,142 --> 00:21:17,744
* Take me by your side,
take me with you *
486
00:21:17,777 --> 00:21:19,245
* Take me for a ride
487
00:21:19,278 --> 00:21:20,847
* Take me by your side,
take me with you *
488
00:21:20,880 --> 00:21:22,349
* Take me for a ride
489
00:21:22,382 --> 00:21:24,751
* Take me by your side,
take me with you *
490
00:21:24,784 --> 00:21:26,519
* Take me for a ride,
take me by your side *
491
00:21:26,553 --> 00:21:28,355
* Take me with you.
492
00:21:33,526 --> 00:21:34,927
Whatcha doin'?
493
00:21:34,961 --> 00:21:37,096
I told myself
that if you came out
494
00:21:37,129 --> 00:21:39,098
and asked me to stay, I would.
495
00:21:39,131 --> 00:21:42,101
It's just, I've never had anyone
fight for me and I thought:
496
00:21:42,134 --> 00:21:45,772
maybe someone would someday.
(sniffles)
497
00:21:45,805 --> 00:21:48,174
Maybe that's a thing
I'm deserving of.
498
00:21:48,207 --> 00:21:50,677
But then I thought, "Hey,
499
00:21:50,710 --> 00:21:53,646
maybe you just don't give people
a chance to fight for you."
500
00:21:53,680 --> 00:21:55,147
So I thought I'd give you
501
00:21:55,181 --> 00:21:56,849
a couple cigarettes' worth
of a chance.
502
00:21:59,686 --> 00:22:00,720
Oh, my God.
503
00:22:08,227 --> 00:22:10,229
(sighs)
504
00:22:11,230 --> 00:22:14,333
(flatly):
Don't go, Gretchen.
505
00:22:14,367 --> 00:22:16,903
You fought for me.
506
00:22:16,936 --> 00:22:18,938
(both chuckle)
507
00:22:31,584 --> 00:22:33,185
You want to stay over?
508
00:22:33,219 --> 00:22:35,354
Olivia went with Whitney
509
00:22:35,388 --> 00:22:37,590
to Neil's French horn recital.
510
00:22:37,624 --> 00:22:38,891
I hate him so much.
511
00:22:38,925 --> 00:22:40,359
Sure.
512
00:22:41,394 --> 00:22:43,496
Wait.
513
00:22:43,530 --> 00:22:46,499
Whose vibrator did I find
in the bedside table?
514
00:22:46,533 --> 00:22:47,600
Mine.
515
00:22:47,634 --> 00:22:49,035
Oh.
516
00:22:50,470 --> 00:22:52,271
Oh...
517
00:22:52,304 --> 00:22:54,373
* And I heard you're moving on
518
00:22:54,407 --> 00:22:56,776
* On to someone new
519
00:22:59,612 --> 00:23:02,649
* I don't blame her
520
00:23:03,883 --> 00:23:05,885
* At all
521
00:23:07,887 --> 00:23:10,423
* Sitting wide awake
522
00:23:10,457 --> 00:23:12,391
* In a crowded space
523
00:23:12,425 --> 00:23:14,694
* I know that I can make it
524
00:23:14,727 --> 00:23:18,631
* Find myself
just thinking of you *
525
00:23:18,665 --> 00:23:21,100
* Ooh, ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh
526
00:23:21,133 --> 00:23:22,602
Candace.
527
00:23:22,635 --> 00:23:25,438
Listen, I've changed my mind
about the expo.
528
00:23:25,472 --> 00:23:27,774
I'll, um...
529
00:23:27,807 --> 00:23:31,310
I-I'll see you Sunday.
530
00:23:31,343 --> 00:23:33,412
* And he becomes the man
531
00:23:33,446 --> 00:23:36,916
* That I could never be
532
00:23:39,519 --> 00:23:41,488
* And if I could
do it different *
533
00:23:41,521 --> 00:23:44,423
* I never would
have let you go *
534
00:23:45,492 --> 00:23:49,596
* I don't blame her
535
00:23:49,629 --> 00:23:53,432
* At all
536
00:23:53,466 --> 00:23:57,637
* Couldn't tame her
537
00:23:57,670 --> 00:24:01,608
* At all
538
00:24:01,641 --> 00:24:05,311
* I don't blame her
539
00:24:05,344 --> 00:24:07,079
* At all.
540
00:24:07,113 --> 00:24:09,015
Captioning sponsored by
20th CENTURY FOX TELEVISION
541
00:24:09,048 --> 00:24:10,449
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
access.wgbh.org
542
00:24:10,483 --> 00:24:13,419
(dog barks)
543
00:24:21,460 --> 00:24:22,995
Hey, fellas.
544
00:24:23,029 --> 00:24:25,632
I'm on antidepressants,
so I won't even cry after.
545
00:24:25,665 --> 00:24:28,467
-Are you a fan of poetry?
-Which one first?
546
00:24:28,501 --> 00:24:32,204
We shall not go gentle
into this good night.
547
00:24:32,905 --> 00:24:34,507
If you know what I mean.
548
00:24:37,476 --> 00:24:41,548
(eerie whistling)
549
00:24:41,581 --> 00:24:43,382
(gasping)
550
00:24:43,415 --> 00:24:44,651
(whistling continues)
551
00:24:44,684 --> 00:24:48,988
(various people whistling,
overlapping)
552
00:24:49,021 --> 00:24:51,123
(metal scraping)
(screams)
553
00:24:51,157 --> 00:24:53,560
ANNOUNCER:
American Horror Story: Cult.
554
00:24:53,593 --> 00:24:56,295
All new,
Tuesdays at 10:00 on FX.
555
00:24:57,564 --> 00:24:59,866
(knocking)
556
00:24:59,899 --> 00:25:01,200
Mom.
557
00:25:02,434 --> 00:25:03,536
What?
558
00:25:03,570 --> 00:25:05,672
Can we adopt
a Syrian refugee baby?
559
00:25:05,705 --> 00:25:06,873
No!
560
00:25:06,906 --> 00:25:08,575
Mom, they're dying
every day.
561
00:25:08,608 --> 00:25:12,011
You're literally
murdering a baby
by not adopting one right now.
562
00:25:12,044 --> 00:25:13,212
Get out!
563
00:25:13,245 --> 00:25:15,214
ANNOUNCER: Better Things.
564
00:25:15,247 --> 00:25:17,383
All new Thursdays
at 10:00 on FX.
39265
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof