All language subtitles for The.Kids.Are.Alright.S01E14.Happy.Cecil.1080p.DSNP.WEB-DL.DDP5.1.H.264-Dooky_track3_[eng]

Adult Timmy: My dad
didn't drink, didn't bowl,

and didn't really enjoy
other people,

which put a damper
on his social life.

If he hung out with anyone...

[ Doorbell rings ]
...it was our pastor,

Father Dunne.

What are you doing here?

I've been answering the door
at the rectory for weeks.

Didn't you notice
I haven't been at dinner?

I'm pretty focused
on my plate.

Is Father Dunne ready?

- We're going to the Dodger game.
- I don't know where he is.

I cannot pin down
that fluttery butterfly.

Father Abdi: [ Somalian accent ]
Frank, is that your father?

Tell Father Abdi
I had to run.

Father Abdi, get down here,
my dad has to run!

It's not that my dad
disliked Father Abdi.

But he wasn't super comfortable
around people

who were different in terms
of class or religion...

Hello, Mr. Mike Cleary.

...or other things.

[ Chuckles ]

Father Abdi had come to us
as a missionary from Africa.

His primary mission,
as my mom saw it,

was testing her faith.

Father Abdi: Oh, hello,
Mrs. Peggy Cleary.

Whenever I see
your lovely family,

it truly brightens
my heart.

[ Flatly ]
Did not catch a word.

Mrs. Peggy Cleary!

You must try a Shushumow --

it is like a doughnut,
but from Somalia.

It can't possibly be fresh
after making that trip.

[ Mouthful ] These little
African churros are outstanding.

You gotta get in here, Peg.

♪♪

Bless me, Father,
for I have sinned.

Father Abdi: Tell me,

what is troubling you,
my daughter? [ Sighs ]

You know what,
no sins this week.

See you next time.

Father Abdi had survived
brutal African warlords.

He felt pretty good about his
chances with Mrs. Peggy Cleary.

While my dad was looking
for Father Dunne,

he was looking for my dad.

With a mix-up like this
in 1972... [ Doorbell rings ]

...there was no calling
or texting

to straighten things out.

You gave up and went to bed.

It was great.

Peggy:
Oh, hello, Father.

You know, uh,
Mike's not here.

We were supposed
to go to the game. Oh.

Any idea
when he'll be back?

No.
No way to find out.

Not like he's a spaceman with
a telephone in his pocket.

"Hello, this is Mike.

I'm on a phone just
walking around outside."

[ Both laugh ]

Frank's at the rectory.
You could take him.

Um...

Lawrence,
would you like to go?

I will grab my jacket.

Nothing against Frank.

[ Sighs ]

But I see an awful lot
of that boy these days.

I get it.
Frank's a small-dose person. Ah.

Might end up being one
of my "holidays-only" sons.

♪♪

When my brother Eddie
had his garbage-man job,

he invented a fun game called

"Hey, look what someone
threw out."

Hey, look what someone
threw out!

Timmy:
A ping-pong table!

We can have
a lot of fun with that!

Yeah, we could set it on fire
or roll it into traffic.

Or you could
play ping-pong.

Well, sure. First.

Well, we agreed
to meet at the rectory.

Father Dunne
screwed up.

He's a priest, Mike.
He's infallible.

Well, if that was the case,

I'd have seen a ballgame
last night.

Were you sad
you missed hanging out

with your friend
Father Dunne?

He's not my friend,
he's my priest.

Why can't he be your friend
and your priest?

I mean, I'm your friend
and your son.

You're on thin ice in both
those categories, pal.

"Pal."

How was
the game last night?

Fun. I, uh, almost
caught a foul ball.

If I was there,
I would've caught it.

You owe me one ball.

Something else.

Uh, Father Dunne confided
in me that he has...

a girlfriend.

What?

Father Dunne
probably said

something about his love
for the Blessed Mother,

and you turned it
all smutty in your head.

What did he say exactly

that made you think
he has a girlfriend?

He said,
"I have a girlfriend."

Apparently they've been
dating for a while,

and he's starting to rethink
his life choices.

I think he's entitled
to do what makes him happy.

Happy.

Let's all
slide down a rainbow

into a big bowl
of pudding.

This only happened
'cause you took my ticket.

You owe me one ball
and one priest.

Do not say a word
to anybody else.

I'm gonna go make sure
a civic leader

doesn't throw
his career away.

[ Door opens ]

♪♪

Are Mom's pantyhose
strong enough for a net?

They're not Mom's.

I took these from
Old Lady Strausser's clothesline.

If they can hold
all that together,

I'm pretty sure they can
handle a ping-pong ball. Hm.

I hate to do this.

Lord Sockington was my first
ventriloquism puppet.

Don't worry.
I'll be gentle.

"No,

not my eyes!"

[ Rip ]

Eh.

Where's Father Dunne?

This time,
I actually do know,

but I signed an oath
of confidentiality.

Not from the Church,

just something
I drafted myself.

Come on in,
Mike!

I believe Father Dunne
may now be available.

A Mr. Cleary here
to see you, Father.

[ Door closes ]

Lawrence told me
a crazy story

about you having
a girlfriend.

It's true.

Pardon my language,
Father, but...

what the heck
are you doing?

For the last few months,

I've been helping
Loretta Buzek

deal with the illness
and the passing

of her husband, Earl.

Loretta Buzek?

And in that time,
I've experienced feelings.

Priest-parishioner
feelings?

Man-woman feelings.

Specifically
man-Buzek feelings.

Have you acted on them?

No, of course not.

But...

Loretta has
made it clear

it's mine
for the taking.

Don't.
Don't...take...

...anything.

And I'm gonna give you
the same good advice

that you have given me
a hundred times --

consider how this affects
the people you care about most

and you will always
make the right choice.

♪♪

[ Ping-pong ball clatters ]
Ah, rats!

Rats, rats, rats!

[ Paddle shatters ]

This stupid
paddle's defective.

Oh, let me see yours
for a sec.

♪♪

Okay.

Yeah, no,
this one's mine now.

It's time
to get ready for Mass.

Hey!

Those are Mrs. Strausser's
pantyhose.

They're prescription.

And she's down
to her last pair.

Why do you know that?

Father Dunne:
The Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit.

All: Amen.

Father Dunne:
Just a few announcements.

I have been wrestling
with a decision

regarding my future
here at Holy Redeemer.

Fortunately, I received
some wonderful advice

from my good friend,
Mike Cleary.

[ Quietly ] "Friend."

Mike said to consider
how my decision

affects those people
I care about most.

With that in mind,

I decided I'm leaving
Holy Redeemer immediately...

[ Gasping, murmuring ]
...to date Loretta Buzek.

♪♪

From here on, you'll be
in the capable hands

of our associate pastor,
Bootaan Abdi.

Father Abdi.

♪♪

Look at me,
look at me.

[ Murmuring stops ]

I am the pastor now.

♪♪

Over the next few weeks,
my folks did their best

to adjust to our new pastor.

I don't like him
at all.

In a way, I blame myself.

Everybody blames you.

Father Dunne blamed you
from the altar.

So Father Dunne has a fling
with Loretta Buzek.

I'd rather deal with that
than "Father Talks-Funny" --

who probably has 12 wives
back in Africa.

[ Knife thuds ]

Lawrence: I can't help
but notice

just a whiff
of racial prejudice

in the way you discuss
Father Abdi.

I am not prejudiced.

I just don't like that
he's from a weird place

and doesn't look like us.

And that accent.

Might as well go back
to Mass in Latin

if it's all just
gonna be gibberish.

I could translate.

You don't speak Latin.

I speak gibberish.

[ Speaking gibberish ]

You know, there's actually
a fair amount of scholarship

that suggests that
Jesus was black.

Scholarship?
Mm-hmm.

Nobody got a scholarship
for saying that.

I mean, look at him.

Does he look like
an Afro-American?

You know that's not
a photo, right?

So now you know more
than the gift shop

at the San Fernando
Mission? [ Can clangs ]

Eddie: I saw Father Dunne
on my route yesterday.

He's living in the apartment
building next door.

- Father Dunne?
- Seriously?

He's moved in
with Mrs. Buzek.

That woman.

All through
her husband's emphysema,

I saw her sizing up
replacements.

She wore Shalimar
to Earl's wake.

I thought you'd be happy to have
Father Dunne for a neighbor.

He's not Father Dunne
anymore.

He's a randy old goat
named "Cecil."

What are you gonna say
when you see him?

I'm gonna treat him
like any other neighbor --

with a curt gruffness

that allows
no follow-up questions.

Living in sin
right next door.

I hope they close
the drapes.

[ Quietly ] Our kids pick up
more than you think.

I know what you guys
are talking about,

and I totally agree.

We should
start a farm!

[ Knock on door ]
Frank: Excuse me, Father.

Father Abdi: Oh, Frank.
Now that you're in charge,

I'm hoping
you'll do something

about the silver and gold
on the altar.

It's -- Well, it's
embarrassing.

I see your point, Frank.

It is unseemly to display
ostentatious wealth.

I just meant
it should be shinier.

Okay, if you'd like
to polish it --

I also think we need to get
tougher in the confessional --

maybe assign
a few push-ups

to go along
with the Hail Marys.

If you want to establish order
around here,

you're gonna have
to start sending

a lot more people
to Hell.

You've given this
some thought.

It's what I think about
most of the time.

I'm getting a sense you would
like more responsibility, Frank.

So I've decided
to trust you with these.

[ Bell rings ]

The keys
to the kingdom?

The rectory,
the sacristy.

And this one turns
on the sprinklers.

Thank you
for this honor, sir.

You don't have
to salute.

Actually, I do.

I added it to
the confidentiality agreement

that I drafted.

♪♪

Oh, my --

♪♪

Hi, Father Dunne.

I hope it's not too unsettling
to see me out of uniform.

It's a lot like
the time I saw Santa

smoking behind
the mall.

Oh, now that you're not
a priest anymore,

there is something
I've always wanted to ask.

Go ahead, son.

It's all just nonsense,
right?

Mike:
What's going on?

Oh, Mike! Uh...

I was hoping
I'd run into you here.

[ Chuckles ] It's kind of
unavoidable in my driveway.

I live
right next door now.

Yeah, but, uh, that doesn't
mean that the two of us...

Loretta!
I'm talking to Mike!

Mike!
[ Laughing ] Hi!

Can you believe it?

I'm so excited
I had to take a pill.

Baby,
I didn't tell him yet.

- Well, tell him.
- Tell me what?

We're getting married!

- We're getting married.
- Yes!

Loretta: And we're throwing
an engagement reception.

Uh...

We're having sponge cake,
rumaki,

and themed beverages.

The party's gonna keep going
until the cops bust it up.

Or 8:30.

You and Peggy
have to come.

Uh...
Would mean a lot to me, Mike.

I can't even think about
getting married

without my best friend
being involved.

♪♪

I couldn't
get out of it.

- Oh, if you had seen his face.
- [ Sighs ]

Did he look
like a sad dog?

'Cause that's
just his face.

You think
maybe Eddie's right?

Oh, my God, no.
About what?

About Father Dunne
being my friend

all these years.
That's how he thinks of me.

Well, it doesn't mean
you have to buy into it.

Engagement party.

Remember the party we threw
after we got engaged?

It's called a wedding.

[ To tune of "Row Your Boat" ]
♪ Shine the silver ♪

♪ Polish it
to perfection ♪

♪ Shining so bright
all through the night ♪

♪ So God can see
His reflection ♪

What are you doing?
What? You think you're the only one

who gets to sing
around here?

♪ Frank,
Frank needs to pee ♪

[ Fading ]
♪ Going to the can ♪

This thing was called a paten,

a sacred implement
used for Holy Communion.

[ Handel's "Hallelujah Chorus"
plays ]

But I had another use for it.

♪ Hallelujah, hallelujah ♪

[ Metal clanking ]

[ Clanks loudly ]

[ Tings ]

[ Glass clinking ]

Father Dunne: Can I have
everyone's attention?

[ Quietly ]
He doesn't look right in civilian clothes.

[ Quietly ]
That was Earl's suit.

Smart girl.
She found one the same size.

I would like to make a toast
to my beautiful bride-to-be

who has given me something
that I've only ever seen

on the faces
of other people.

Cold sores?

Genuine,
heartfelt joy.

And to my soon-to-be
stepdaughter, Sabrina,

who has graciously permitted me
to marry her mom.

To life and enjoying
however much we have left.

[ Applause ]
Loretta: Thank you, sweetheart.

Hello,
Mrs. Peggy Cleary.

What an occasion!
[ Sighs ]

Ice in all the drinks.

[ Laughs ]
Such luxury.

So, you're on board
with all this?

Father Dunne welching
on his sacred oath?

I support
this relationship.

Theirs is a love
which affirms the Divine.

Plus, with him gone,

I get to drive
the church Bonneville.

That car has a lot
of miles on it.

Then again,
so does Loretta.

Hope she's worth getting
cast out of the church forever.

No, the Archbishop
loves Father Dunne.

If this relationship
were to end,

they would give him
his pastor job back

quicker than you could say,
"Hit the road, Abdi."

That'd be a shame.

But that's
not going to happen.

Look at how happy
everyone is.

My mother never understood
a word Father Abdi said

until he gave her an idea
for how to get rid of him.

♪♪

Hello, Sabrina.

You must be pleased
for your mom.

I was so sorry to hear
about your father's death.

Do I know you?
I'm Peggy.

I'm your mother's
best friend.

Must be such
a comfort to you

to know she found someone
to fill your father's shoes.

Those are Dad's shoes.

Oh.

Just seems like
they got together

so quickly after
my father passed.

Well, "after,"
"before" --

what's important is that
he was there for her.

When your father was ill,

Cecil was at your mother's side
night after night.

And when the doctors
were calling for

extraordinary measures,

Cecil stepped up.

"No, no, unplug him.

He'll be
in a better place."

Well, looks like Cecil's in
a better place now, too, huh?

[ Inhales deeply ]
Ah.

Okay.

♪♪

[ Metal clanking ]

[ Clanks loudly ]

[ Exhales sharply ]

That thing is amazing.
I mean,

it must be the perfect shape
or something.

It's because
it's from church.

This is coated with
the sacred drool of believers.

Huh.

Maybe all this God stuff
isn't a bunch of banana oil.

And that was about as spiritual
as my brother Joey got.

Frank: I knew it!

I hope you had your fun!

Because when Father Abdi
gets serious about penance,

you are going to be doing

so many push-ups!

♪♪

Father, um...

Cecil.

Mike.

I'm glad I caught you
away from the others.

I have questions
regarding...

[ Quietly ]
...the wedding night.

Oh, no.

No. [ Chuckles ]
I'm not the one to ask.

I can't think
of anybody better.

I've always seen you and Peg
as the ideal couple.

The two of you are the reason
I decided to make this move.

We are?
Of course.

Seeing the life
you made together,

the happiness
I missed out on...

What about all the times
I came to you

with my nightmare stories?

Like the time Pat
let the possum in the house

and it somehow
locked us all out?

It all sounded
wonderful.

[ Chuckles ]

We need that
juiced-up Jesus paddle.

It's great for ping-pong,

and it's the only
credible evidence of God

I have ever seen.

Frank locked it up
back at the church.

So we wait till he's asleep,
then take his keys.

You wanna break
into the church?

[ Scoffs ]
Any court'll tell you

it's not breaking in
if you have the keys.

I don't think that's true.

Frank: What happened
to my keychain?!

♪♪

I had them!
They were attached to me,

and I to them!

You stole my keys.

What a heinous thing
to suggest.

I was totally planning to but
hadn't got around to it yet.

This is
a fine howdy-do.

I have no idea
where I left them.

So then it's just a matter
of who finds them first.

Timmy, take the kitchen.
Be sure to check the ice box.

Frank spends
a lot of time

staring at
the Land O'Lakes girl.

[ Dramatic music plays ]

♪♪

Well, we went out
of the house,

we were pleasant to people,
we're now done for the year.

[ Door closes ]

[ Sighs ]

I had a talk
with Cecil.

I think we really
are friends.

Watch out if he asks you
to be his best man.

You don't want to be
standing next to him

holding the ring when
the lightning strikes.

Well, even though he's not
a priest anymore,

I like him.

Why shouldn't he
be happy?

Because he broke
a commitment, Mike.

Where would the world be
if everyone

threw off
responsibilities

and skipped through
a giggle-forest

chasing happiness?

I know where I'd be.

Nowhere different.
[ Scoffs ]

I'd be right here.

That's the thing about

this whole
"chasing happiness" nonsense.

I mean,
maybe we don't get it

because we've got it.

I'm happy, Peg.
[ Scoffs ]

And I think
you are, too.

Shut up.
I mean it!

This is happiness.

[ Laughs ]
Yeah, well, being happy is exhausting.

Why didn't we pick
being wealthy?

[ Chuckles ]
[ Doorbell rings ]

Who on earth?

Cecil?

Loretta broke up
with me.

She deep-sixed
the wedding.

I need
a place to stay.

What happened?

Her daughter took back
the blessing.

She says she thinks
I killed her father.

Oh, was her daughter
at the party?

[ Scoffs ]
I would've said hi.

♪♪

Thanks, Mike.
You're welcome.

You'll be okay.

I suppose I could...

let you sleep
in my bed.

I think that would be awkward
for me and Peggy.

[ Chuckles ]

I'll tell you what
would be nice, Mike.

If you would
pray with me.

You want me to --
If you don't mind.

I've had a rough day.

I always loved the Peace Prayer
of St. Francis.

Okay.

"Dear Lord..."
"Dear Lord..."

"...make me an instrument
of Thy peace.

Where there is hatred,

let me sow love.

Where there
is injury...

Pardon.
...pardon.

Where there is doubt,
faith.

Where there is darkness,
light.

Where there is sadness,
joy."

Headed out.

No using the stove
while I'm gone,

unless you make enough
for everybody.

- Good morning, boys.
- Good morning.

Mind if I
grab a bowl?

We have
Count Chocula.

It's not real
Count Chocula.

Mom buys Vampire Puffs
and then reuses the box.

I'll take the Trix.

That's just filled
with oyster crackers.

- Maybe I'll mix 'em.
- Hm.

Loretta?

[ Whispering ]
Oh, for crying out loud.

Hello,
Mrs. Peggy Cleary.

So good to see you.
Come in.

You are surprised
to find me here.

[ Muffled crying ]
Not really.

It's starting to seem
like Loretta has a type.

Loretta has been in the bathroom
for quite some time.

Oh. Did you bring her some
of those Somalian doughnuts?

She is crying
and heartbroken.

I've come to talk to her
on behalf of Father Dunne.

Please sit.

I'll stand.

[ Crying continues ]

She is upset and confused at
something her daughter told her.

Ah, old people.

When are they not upset
and confused?

I suggested she ignore
her daughter's concerns.

Too often, parents bend
to their children's wishes.

In my village, if a child
makes demand of the parents,

we put them in a hole and
cover them with fire ants.

That sounds like paradise.

It's wonderful.

Except for
all of the ants.

They basically
rule our village.

Oh, I'm gonna send your mom
a big can of Raid.

You know, I've been spending
a lot of time

with your son Frank.
Oh, sorry about that.

I mean,
it's either you or me.

Mm, he has
very big ideas

of how our parish
should be run.

But he left these keys

dangling
in the rectory door. Mm.

I've been watching him
scrambling everywhere

looking desperately
to find them.

I could tell him I have
the keys,

but instead,
I'm letting him suffer.

This will be a good lesson
in humility.

Plus it's funny.
[ Laughs ]

Is he sweating a lot?
He gets very sweaty.

He's sweating a lot, yes.
[ Laughs ]

Here.
You take these.

Now you get to decide
for how long

Frank feels miserable.

What a thoughtful gift.
Hm.

Oh, Father.

I feel like our family
might have gotten off

on the wrong foot
with you.

Mike can be
a little racist.

We'll work on it,

try not to be
so small-minded.

That would be
a very good goal

for all of us,
Mrs. Peggy Cleary.

[ Loretta crying loudly ]

Okay, enough,
Loretta!

You're making
a meal of this!

[ Grunts ]

I used to be better
at ping-pong.

Or everyone
was letting you win.

Life's gonna be different
without that collar.

You're telling me.

Lately, I've been getting
the finger in traffic.

Well, the good news is,
now you can give it back.

Oh, I have.

[ Both chuckle ]
Loretta: Hello, Cecil.

- Loretta!
- Oh,

I'm so sorry about
our misunderstanding.

Father Abdi and I
set her straight.

You and
Father Abdi?

You're the only one allowed
to have a priest friend?

I'm just gonna
stop listening to Sabrina.

I'm not even sure
Earl was her father.

If Catholicism
has taught me anything,

it's that stuff that
happened a long time ago

doesn't really matter
at all.

Oh.

Take it next door.

And close the drapes.

[ Loretta laughs ]

Look how happy they are.

Why wouldn't they be?

They got a long dirt nap

waiting for 'em
right over the horizon.

We still got to slog through 20,
30 years.

[ Sighs deeply ]

You still won't admit
that we're happy?

Happiness comes in
the afterlife, which is why

we don't want
to outlive our kids.

Oh, God, no.

Imagine getting to Heaven
and they're waiting for us.

[ Laughs ]
That's what's great

about the way we raised
these animals.

What are the chances we see
all eight of them up there?

I like our odds.

[ Chuckles ]