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1
00:00:32,825 --> 00:00:34,136
Principal:
Pr/nc/pa/ vagina here...
2
00:00:34,160 --> 00:00:36,263
Dan '1' let the name fool you.
I'm very much in charge...
3
00:00:36,287 --> 00:00:39,123
Reminding you that tonight is
our annual flu season dance.
4
00:00:39,207 --> 00:00:41,167
I don't know how many times
I have to say this,
5
00:00:41,250 --> 00:00:43,127
but if you have the flu,
stay home.
6
00:00:43,211 --> 00:00:44,128
Hey.
7
00:00:44,212 --> 00:00:46,452
The flu season dance is about
awareness, not celebration.
8
00:00:47,548 --> 00:00:49,383
You don't bring dead babies
to passover.
9
00:00:49,467 --> 00:00:53,471
Okay. Here we go.
H-Hey, Jessica. Uh...
10
00:00:53,554 --> 00:00:55,514
What's up, morty?
11
00:00:55,598 --> 00:00:56,807
What are you doing?
12
00:00:56,891 --> 00:00:58,517
- Um...
- Wait, wait.
13
00:00:58,601 --> 00:01:00,728
Were you about to talk...
To her?
14
00:01:00,811 --> 00:01:03,231
Well... I mean, I was
thinking about it.
15
00:01:03,314 --> 00:01:05,274
Dude, stay in your league.
16
00:01:05,358 --> 00:01:07,610
Look at how hot she is.
You don't see me going...
17
00:01:07,693 --> 00:01:09,445
To a bigger school
in a wealthier district
18
00:01:09,528 --> 00:01:11,113
and hitting on their
prettiest girl.
19
00:01:11,197 --> 00:01:12,531
Gee, thanks, Brad.
20
00:01:12,615 --> 00:01:14,242
I throw balls far.
21
00:01:14,325 --> 00:01:15,826
You want good words?
22
00:01:15,910 --> 00:01:17,536
Date a ianguager.
23
00:01:17,620 --> 00:01:19,372
Jerry:
Try not to worry about it, morty.
24
00:01:19,455 --> 00:01:21,207
You're a good kid,
and there's not a premium
25
00:01:21,290 --> 00:01:23,090
on that right now,
but you'll be getting girls
26
00:01:23,125 --> 00:01:24,752
sometime after Brad's
out of shape.
27
00:01:24,835 --> 00:01:26,435
You're missing the point, dad.
28
00:01:26,504 --> 00:01:29,048
I don't want girls.
I want Jessica.
29
00:01:29,131 --> 00:01:31,926
Ah, well, I remember
feeling that way
30
00:01:32,009 --> 00:01:34,095
about a young lady named
"your mom,"
31
00:01:34,178 --> 00:01:35,554
and that's not an urban diss.
32
00:01:35,638 --> 00:01:37,139
Your mom was my Jessica.
33
00:01:37,223 --> 00:01:38,641
I remember the first time
I saw her.
34
00:01:38,724 --> 00:01:40,244
I thought —-
- "I should get her pregnant,
35
00:01:40,268 --> 00:01:41,686
and then she'll have
to marry me."
36
00:01:41,769 --> 00:01:43,896
I beg your pardon, Rick...
Inappropriate.
37
00:01:43,980 --> 00:01:45,564
Sorry, please proceed
with your story
38
00:01:45,648 --> 00:01:47,275
about banging my daughter
in high school.
39
00:01:47,358 --> 00:01:49,753
I'm not sure you wanna take
romantic advice from this guy, morty.
40
00:01:49,777 --> 00:01:51,696
His marriage is hanging
from a thread.
41
00:01:51,779 --> 00:01:54,073
My marriage is fine, thank you.
42
00:01:54,156 --> 00:01:55,759
Jerry, it's your house...
Whatever you say it is
43
00:01:55,783 --> 00:01:57,636
is how it is... but I think
a blind man could see
44
00:01:57,660 --> 00:01:59,287
that Beth is looking
for the door.
45
00:01:59,370 --> 00:02:01,580
I barely have a reason to care,
and even /noticed.
46
00:02:01,664 --> 00:02:03,874
Come on, Rick! Don't talk
about my parents like that.
47
00:02:03,958 --> 00:02:05,710
Listen, morty, I hate
to break it to you,
48
00:02:05,793 --> 00:02:07,378
but what people call "love"
49
00:02:07,461 --> 00:02:09,742
is just a chemical reaction that
compels animals to breed.
50
00:02:09,797 --> 00:02:12,383
It hits hard, morty,
then it slowly fades,
51
00:02:12,466 --> 00:02:14,385
leaving you stranded
in a failing marriage.
52
00:02:14,468 --> 00:02:16,387
I did it.
Your parents are gonna do it.
53
00:02:16,470 --> 00:02:17,763
Break the cycle, morty.
54
00:02:17,847 --> 00:02:19,640
Rise above. Focus on science.
55
00:02:21,726 --> 00:02:24,603
All right, well, I'm gonna go
get dressed for the dance.
56
00:02:24,687 --> 00:02:28,482
Yeah, I'm just going to...
Check on your mom.
57
00:02:29,859 --> 00:02:32,945
Morty, hand me
that screwdriver, huh?
58
00:02:33,029 --> 00:02:35,781
I'm almost finished making
my ionic defibulizer, morty.
59
00:02:35,865 --> 00:02:37,742
- It's gonna be great.
- Hey, listen, Rick.
60
00:02:37,825 --> 00:02:39,618
Y—y-you know how you said
that, you know,
61
00:02:39,702 --> 00:02:41,702
love is a chemical
and all that stuff from earlier?
62
00:02:41,746 --> 00:02:42,986
Well, I was thinking, you know,
63
00:02:43,039 --> 00:02:45,666
w-w... could you make some sort
of chemical thing happen
64
00:02:45,750 --> 00:02:47,209
inside of Jessica's mind,
you know,
65
00:02:47,293 --> 00:02:48,878
so where she falls in love
with me
66
00:02:48,961 --> 00:02:50,379
and all that sort of thing?
67
00:02:50,463 --> 00:02:52,524
You know, like, some sort
of love potion or something?
68
00:02:52,548 --> 00:02:54,148
Morty, that's such
a poor use of my time.
69
00:02:54,216 --> 00:02:56,469
It's beneath me.
Hand me the screwdriver.
70
00:02:56,552 --> 00:02:58,137
You know what? No, Rick!
71
00:02:58,220 --> 00:02:59,764
I'm not gonna hand you
the screwdriver.
72
00:02:59,847 --> 00:03:01,825
I-I'm not gonna hand you
anything ever again, Rick!
73
00:03:01,849 --> 00:03:04,244
I'm always helping you with this
and that and the other thing.
74
00:03:04,268 --> 00:03:06,354
W-w-w-w—w-what about me, Rick?
75
00:03:06,437 --> 00:03:08,356
W-w-w-w—why can't you just
help me out once —-
76
00:03:08,439 --> 00:03:09,774
once —- for once?
77
00:03:09,857 --> 00:03:11,942
You're growing up fast, morty.
78
00:03:12,026 --> 00:03:15,029
You're growing into a real big
Thorn straight up into my ass.
79
00:03:15,112 --> 00:03:17,031
Listen, this is called oxytocin.
80
00:03:17,114 --> 00:03:18,491
I extracted it from a vole.
81
00:03:18,574 --> 00:03:20,201
Do you know what a vole is,
morty?
82
00:03:20,284 --> 00:03:22,012
You know what a vole is?
It's a -— it's a rodent
83
00:03:22,036 --> 00:03:23,662
that mates for life, morty.
84
00:03:23,746 --> 00:03:26,099
This is the chemical released
in a mammal's brain, you know,
85
00:03:26,123 --> 00:03:27,458
that makes it fall in love.
86
00:03:27,541 --> 00:03:29,794
I just gotta...
Combine it with your DNA.
87
00:03:29,877 --> 00:03:31,629
Oh, well, okay.
88
00:03:31,712 --> 00:03:33,631
A hair, morty.
I need one of your hairs.
89
00:03:33,714 --> 00:03:35,383
This isn't "game of thrones."
90
00:03:35,466 --> 00:03:36,926
Ow!
91
00:03:37,009 --> 00:03:38,929
All right, morty, whoever
you smear this stuff on
92
00:03:39,011 --> 00:03:40,971
will fall in love with you,
and only you, forever.
93
00:03:41,055 --> 00:03:42,973
- Are you happy now, morty?
- Heck, yeah!
94
00:03:43,057 --> 00:03:45,059
Thank you, grandpa Rick.
95
00:03:45,142 --> 00:03:46,936
Hey, there's no...
Dangers or anything,
96
00:03:47,019 --> 00:03:48,479
or side effects, right?
97
00:03:48,562 --> 00:03:50,147
W-w-w-what am I, a hack?
98
00:03:50,231 --> 00:03:52,400
Go nuts, morty. It's foolproof.
99
00:03:54,276 --> 00:03:56,987
Eh, unless she has the flu.
100
00:03:57,071 --> 00:03:59,865
Beth, do y-you still love me?
101
00:03:59,949 --> 00:04:02,284
Ugh, what kind
of question is that?
102
00:04:02,368 --> 00:04:04,203
The "yes or no" kind?
103
00:04:04,286 --> 00:04:06,705
Jerry, do you want
homeless people to have homes?
104
00:04:06,789 --> 00:04:07,957
Yes.
105
00:04:08,040 --> 00:04:09,041
Are you gonna build them?
106
00:04:09,125 --> 00:04:10,167
No.
107
00:04:10,251 --> 00:04:11,836
Then what good was the "yes"?
108
00:04:11,919 --> 00:04:14,839
Wait, i-is loving me the house
or the homeless people?
109
00:04:14,922 --> 00:04:17,716
Loving you is work,
Jerry -— hard work,
110
00:04:17,800 --> 00:04:19,718
like building
a homeless shelter -...
111
00:04:19,802 --> 00:04:21,637
Nobody wants to say
no to doing it,
112
00:04:21,720 --> 00:04:23,347
but some people put the work in.
113
00:04:23,431 --> 00:04:25,516
So, what do you say?
Do you see me working here?
114
00:04:25,599 --> 00:04:27,893
Does this conversation seem
tedious to me?
115
00:04:27,977 --> 00:04:29,228
Sort of.
116
00:04:29,311 --> 00:04:30,991
Then I obviously
sort of love you, don't I?
117
00:04:32,356 --> 00:04:34,084
So stop asking, and maybe
I'll love you more.
118
00:04:34,108 --> 00:04:36,026
Crap, they need me
at the horse hospital.
119
00:04:36,110 --> 00:04:37,278
Puh! This late?
120
00:04:37,361 --> 00:04:39,572
The racetrack
had a starlight derby.
121
00:04:39,655 --> 00:04:41,115
There was a seven-horse
collision,
122
00:04:41,198 --> 00:04:43,075
and Davin's there alone.
123
00:04:43,159 --> 00:04:45,995
Davin. Davin.
124
00:04:46,078 --> 00:04:48,205
Da vin! Da vin.
125
00:04:48,289 --> 00:04:50,541
Da vin! Da vin!
126
00:04:50,624 --> 00:04:52,918
Da vin! Da vin!
127
00:04:53,002 --> 00:04:54,920
J” flu, yo. You gotta be aware j“
128
00:04:55,004 --> 00:04:56,922
j” aware of all the flu
up in the air j”
129
00:04:57,006 --> 00:04:59,592
j” I'm-a get me a shot,
make the flu go away j”
130
00:04:59,675 --> 00:05:01,886
j” flu-hating rapper,
just rapping away j”
131
00:05:01,969 --> 00:05:04,263
j” yo, yo, flu-hating rapper j”
132
00:05:04,346 --> 00:05:05,598
j” it's a flu-hating rap j”
133
00:05:05,681 --> 00:05:09,977
hey, there, Jessica.
Whoa! Oh, whoopsie!
134
00:05:10,060 --> 00:05:12,521
Oh, my god. Morty.
135
00:05:12,605 --> 00:05:14,773
You look really nice tonight.
136
00:05:14,857 --> 00:05:17,776
- Wow, thanks.
- I love you, morty!
137
00:05:17,860 --> 00:05:19,778
I love you so much it burns!
138
00:05:19,862 --> 00:05:22,781
Oh, man!
I-I love you too, Jessica!
139
00:05:24,074 --> 00:05:25,993
Is this punk bothering you,
Jessica?
140
00:05:26,076 --> 00:05:28,412
Leave him alone, jerk!
I'm in love with him!
141
00:05:28,496 --> 00:05:30,414
He is more man
than you will ever be!
142
00:05:31,707 --> 00:05:33,584
J” this is about flu awareness j”
143
00:05:33,667 --> 00:05:36,212
j” gotta be aware of the flu
in the air-ness j”
144
00:05:36,295 --> 00:05:38,547
j” yo, I'm a flu-hating
rapper j”
145
00:05:38,631 --> 00:05:40,549
oh, man, morty.
146
00:05:40,633 --> 00:05:42,218
I'm really sorry.
147
00:05:42,301 --> 00:05:44,637
Oh, well, n-no problem, Brad.
148
00:05:44,720 --> 00:05:46,889
There's something special
about you, morty —-
149
00:05:46,972 --> 00:05:48,307
so special.
150
00:05:48,390 --> 00:05:50,309
Whoa, take it easy!
Get your hands off of him!
151
00:05:50,392 --> 00:05:52,311
Back off!
I'm trying to be with my man!
152
00:05:52,394 --> 00:05:53,896
That's enough, Bradley!
153
00:05:53,979 --> 00:05:55,707
We don't want you injuring
your ball-throwing arm.
154
00:05:55,731 --> 00:05:57,209
Oh, come on,
principal vagina. I just...
155
00:05:57,233 --> 00:05:59,401
Never leave me, morty. Never!
156
00:05:59,485 --> 00:06:02,446
Uh, sure.
I mean, o—of course not.
157
00:06:02,530 --> 00:06:04,949
W-What do you think that
was all about?
158
00:06:05,032 --> 00:06:06,700
Who cares? Just hold me.
159
00:06:06,784 --> 00:06:09,119
Let me go! I love you, morty!
160
00:06:10,412 --> 00:06:11,956
Let go of me!
161
00:06:12,039 --> 00:06:14,708
Morty!
162
00:06:19,129 --> 00:06:21,423
Jerry: She's gonna be alone
with that guy all night.
163
00:06:21,507 --> 00:06:23,425
Yeah, dad, digging
around the insides of horses.
164
00:06:23,509 --> 00:06:25,219
It's not a very romantic setting.
165
00:06:25,302 --> 00:06:27,030
Rick: Well, summer,
there's always the possibility
166
00:06:27,054 --> 00:06:28,681
that she made the whole
work thing up.
167
00:06:28,764 --> 00:06:30,683
Maybe Davin's digging around
in herinsides.
168
00:06:30,766 --> 00:06:33,644
Grandpa, so gross!
You're talking about my mom.
169
00:06:33,727 --> 00:06:35,312
Well, she's my daughter, summer.
170
00:06:35,396 --> 00:06:36,814
I outrank you.
171
00:06:36,897 --> 00:06:39,567
Or family means nothing, in
which case don't play that card.
172
00:06:39,650 --> 00:06:41,360
She's not responding
to my texts!
173
00:06:41,443 --> 00:06:43,821
Careful, dad.
Jealousy turns women off.
174
00:06:43,904 --> 00:06:45,573
Well, isn't that convenient?
175
00:06:45,656 --> 00:06:47,366
Not for the men
they cheat on, no.
176
00:06:47,449 --> 00:06:49,785
Okay, I'm... going to go out...
177
00:06:49,868 --> 00:06:51,120
For some ice cream.
178
00:06:51,203 --> 00:06:52,705
And maybe
stop by the hospital...
179
00:06:52,788 --> 00:06:54,665
To support my wife...
180
00:06:54,748 --> 00:06:56,959
With my confidence.
181
00:06:57,042 --> 00:06:59,169
God, grandpa,
you're such a dick.
182
00:06:59,253 --> 00:07:01,964
I'm sorry, summer. Your opinion
means very little to me.
183
00:07:02,047 --> 00:07:04,192
How come you're not at this
stupid dance everyone loves?
184
00:07:04,216 --> 00:07:06,135
Screw that.
I don't wanna get sick.
185
00:07:06,218 --> 00:07:07,886
- It's flu season.
- It is?
186
00:07:07,970 --> 00:07:09,597
- Yeah.
- Uh-oh.
187
00:07:15,144 --> 00:07:17,062
Please just let this work out.
188
00:07:17,146 --> 00:07:20,024
Do it, morty. Do it.
189
00:07:20,107 --> 00:07:23,068
Rip my clothes off
and mate with me for life!
190
00:07:24,194 --> 00:07:26,947
Um... can we maybe go
somewhere more private?
191
00:07:27,031 --> 00:07:29,116
Jessica, get a hold of yourself!
192
00:07:30,784 --> 00:07:33,454
You don't deserve to carry
morty's genes.
193
00:07:33,537 --> 00:07:35,664
J” I love morty j”
194
00:07:35,748 --> 00:07:38,167
j” and I hope morty loves me j”
195
00:07:38,250 --> 00:07:40,878
j” I'd like to wrap my arms
around him j”
196
00:07:40,961 --> 00:07:43,172
j” and feel him inside me j”
197
00:07:43,255 --> 00:07:44,757
oh, crap.
198
00:07:47,343 --> 00:07:49,261
Jessica: Morty!
199
00:07:49,345 --> 00:07:51,764
Morty, come on!
We gotta get you out of here.
200
00:07:51,847 --> 00:07:53,825
You won't believe this 'cause
it usually never happens,
201
00:07:53,849 --> 00:07:55,225
but I made a mistake.
202
00:07:56,727 --> 00:07:58,437
Come on, morty.
We got to get out of here.
203
00:07:58,520 --> 00:07:59,355
- Come on.
- Morty!
204
00:07:59,438 --> 00:08:00,624
- Morty: - Vagina: Are you okay?
205
00:08:00,648 --> 00:08:02,441
- I'm fine!
- Oh, good.
206
00:08:02,524 --> 00:08:05,110
If anything ever happened to
you, I would kill myself.
207
00:08:05,194 --> 00:08:07,279
I love you bad, mo—mo!
208
00:08:11,367 --> 00:08:13,202
Morty, the principal and I
have discussed it,
209
00:08:13,285 --> 00:08:16,789
a-a-and we're both insecure
enough to agree to a three-way!
210
00:08:20,668 --> 00:08:22,270
I didn't realize
when I gave you that serum
211
00:08:22,294 --> 00:08:24,088
that Jessica had the flu...
You know,
212
00:08:24,171 --> 00:08:26,924
t-t-t—t-t-that might have been
valuable information for me!
213
00:08:27,007 --> 00:08:28,287
What the hell is going on, Rick?
214
00:08:28,342 --> 00:08:29,802
What does it look like?
215
00:08:29,885 --> 00:08:31,529
T-t-t-the serum is
piggybacking on the virus.
216
00:08:31,553 --> 00:08:32,971
It's gone airborne, morty.
217
00:08:33,055 --> 00:08:35,516
Oh, crap.
What are we gonna do, Rick?
218
00:08:35,599 --> 00:08:37,101
It's gonna be fine,
morty, relax.
219
00:08:37,184 --> 00:08:38,227
I whipped up an antidote.
220
00:08:38,310 --> 00:08:40,479
It's based on praying-mantis
DNA.
221
00:08:40,562 --> 00:08:42,540
You know, praying mantises
are the exact opposite of voles.
222
00:08:42,564 --> 00:08:43,816
I mean, they... they mate once,
223
00:08:43,899 --> 00:08:45,779
and then they, you know,
decapitate the partner.
224
00:08:45,818 --> 00:08:47,236
I mean, it's a whole ritual.
225
00:08:47,319 --> 00:08:49,363
It's really gruesome
and totally opposite.
226
00:08:49,446 --> 00:08:50,781
There's no love at all.
227
00:08:50,864 --> 00:08:53,242
I-I-I basically mixed this with
a more contagious flu virus.
228
00:08:53,325 --> 00:08:55,786
It should neutralize
the whole thing, morty.
229
00:08:55,869 --> 00:08:57,496
It'll all be over very shortly.
230
00:09:02,126 --> 00:09:04,104
Uh, by the way, morty, I know
you didn't ask or anything,
231
00:09:04,128 --> 00:09:06,046
but I'm not interested
in having sex with you.
232
00:09:06,130 --> 00:09:07,756
These serums, they don't
work on anybody
233
00:09:07,840 --> 00:09:09,174
related to you genetically.
234
00:09:09,258 --> 00:09:12,136
Morty!
235
00:09:23,105 --> 00:09:24,606
Okay, well, sometimes,
236
00:09:24,690 --> 00:09:26,608
science is more art
than science, morty.
237
00:09:26,692 --> 00:09:28,569
A lot of people don't get that.
238
00:09:31,947 --> 00:09:33,198
[Gasdsi
239
00:09:35,951 --> 00:09:37,703
Come on. Are you kidding me?
240
00:09:37,786 --> 00:09:40,664
- Hello!
- Morty!
241
00:09:40,748 --> 00:09:43,751
You're not morty!
Bring us morty!
242
00:09:51,842 --> 00:09:53,761
Nobody's killing me...
243
00:09:53,844 --> 00:09:57,014
Until after I catch my wife
with another man.
244
00:09:57,097 --> 00:09:59,349
Woman on TV:
/hao' sex with Billy.
245
00:09:59,433 --> 00:10:01,185
Woman #2:
But you were already pregnant!
246
00:10:01,268 --> 00:10:02,829
Yeah, so what's the worst
that could happen?
247
00:10:02,853 --> 00:10:05,647
We interrupt "pregnant bab y”
with breaking news.
248
00:10:05,731 --> 00:10:07,274
Come on.
249
00:10:07,357 --> 00:10:09,794
This just in... ll/lorty Smith is
whereabouts are still unknown.
250
00:10:09,818 --> 00:10:11,779
What the hell?
251
00:10:11,862 --> 00:10:14,615
The only thing that is known
is... how cute he is.
252
00:10:14,698 --> 00:10:17,201
I love him so much, / want
to make love to him
253
00:10:17,284 --> 00:10:18,869
and then eat his head.
254
00:10:18,952 --> 00:10:20,871
//o ve him more than you do,
Harold!
255
00:10:20,954 --> 00:10:22,623
You wish, you stupid bitch!
256
00:10:22,706 --> 00:10:24,249
- Li/lorty's mine!
- Ll/lorty's mine!
257
00:10:24,333 --> 00:10:25,709
Meant to be together!
258
00:10:25,793 --> 00:10:28,879
Ll/lorty!
259
00:10:35,302 --> 00:10:36,762
Where is morty?
260
00:10:50,192 --> 00:10:53,529
Oh, my god, Rick.
The whole world is infected!
261
00:10:53,612 --> 00:10:55,739
Yeah, it's pretty wild
how fast that spread.
262
00:10:55,823 --> 00:10:57,991
- I've really outdone myself.
- Outdone yourself?!
263
00:10:58,075 --> 00:10:59,910
W-W... a—are -— are you
kidding me, Rick?
264
00:10:59,993 --> 00:11:01,537
This is not okay!
265
00:11:01,620 --> 00:11:03,389
Not only do they all want
to have sex with me,
266
00:11:03,413 --> 00:11:05,373
but, you know, now they want
to eat me aftennards!
267
00:11:05,415 --> 00:11:06,851
Yeah, I don't know what
I was thinking.
268
00:11:06,875 --> 00:11:08,544
Mantises are
the opposite of voles?
269
00:11:08,627 --> 00:11:11,255
I mean, obviously, DNA's more
complicated than that.
270
00:11:11,338 --> 00:11:12,631
You know what, though, morty?
271
00:11:12,714 --> 00:11:14,466
This right here's gonna do
the trick, baby.
272
00:11:14,550 --> 00:11:16,969
It's koala mixed
with rattlesnake, chimpanzee,
273
00:11:17,052 --> 00:11:19,304
cactus, shark, golden retriever,
274
00:11:19,388 --> 00:11:21,181
and just a smidge of dinosaur.
275
00:11:21,265 --> 00:11:22,933
Should add up
to normal humanity.
276
00:11:23,016 --> 00:11:24,776
I don't... that doesn't make
any sense, Rick.
277
00:11:24,852 --> 00:11:26,812
How does that add up
to normal humanity?
278
00:11:26,895 --> 00:11:28,623
What, morty, you want me
to show you my math?
279
00:11:28,647 --> 00:11:30,232
I'm sorry -— a-are you
the scientist
280
00:11:30,315 --> 00:11:32,109
or are you the kid
that wanted to get laid?
281
00:11:35,362 --> 00:11:37,155
Well, I'm glad we saved
all those horses,
282
00:11:37,239 --> 00:11:39,157
but I'm almost sorry
we're finished.
283
00:11:39,241 --> 00:11:40,742
Yes, it's satisfying work.
284
00:11:40,826 --> 00:11:42,911
Unh-unh-unh, it's, uh...
It's more than the work.
285
00:11:42,995 --> 00:11:45,414
I love being
in that sterilized room,
286
00:11:45,497 --> 00:11:47,666
sealed off from the world.
287
00:11:47,749 --> 00:11:50,002
It's the only time I can
really think... and feel.
288
00:11:51,295 --> 00:11:53,589
Hmm, uh, what are you doing?
289
00:11:53,672 --> 00:11:55,757
I'm playing African dream pop.
290
00:11:55,841 --> 00:11:57,968
What do you do
after a long night?
291
00:11:59,219 --> 00:12:02,014
Oh, ha, um, hey, I b...
I'd better get going.
292
00:12:02,097 --> 00:12:04,766
Um, Jerry's been texting some
pretty high-maintenance stuff.
293
00:12:04,850 --> 00:12:06,727
- Beth...
- What is it, Davin?
294
00:12:06,810 --> 00:12:09,646
Just once, I'd like to know...
295
00:12:11,732 --> 00:12:14,234
W-W-What it was like
to give your son a bath.
296
00:12:14,318 --> 00:12:15,402
What?!
297
00:12:15,485 --> 00:12:18,822
What does morty's skin
smell like?
298
00:12:18,906 --> 00:12:21,450
How soft...
299
00:12:21,533 --> 00:12:23,869
How soft are his privates?
300
00:12:23,952 --> 00:12:25,787
Let go of me, Davin!
301
00:12:31,668 --> 00:12:33,795
Take me to morty.
302
00:12:35,130 --> 00:12:36,924
You're not morty.
303
00:12:37,007 --> 00:12:39,468
No, I'm Mr. Crowbar,
304
00:12:39,551 --> 00:12:41,803
and this is my friend,
305
00:12:41,887 --> 00:12:44,097
who is also a crowbar.
306
00:12:44,181 --> 00:12:45,974
That's... stupid.
307
00:12:48,894 --> 00:12:50,020
Yeah?
308
00:12:50,103 --> 00:12:51,855
Well, look where being
smart got you.
309
00:12:51,939 --> 00:12:53,857
Jerry! Thank god!
310
00:12:53,941 --> 00:12:55,025
God?
311
00:12:55,108 --> 00:12:58,111
God's turning people
into insect monsters, Beth.
312
00:12:58,195 --> 00:13:00,280
I'm the one beating them
to death.
313
00:13:00,364 --> 00:13:02,616
- Thank me.
- Thank you, Jerry.
314
00:13:02,699 --> 00:13:04,034
Thank you.
315
00:13:08,664 --> 00:13:10,749
Take a good look down there,
morty, and soak it in,
316
00:13:10,832 --> 00:13:12,352
because, you know,
once I pull this lever,
317
00:13:12,376 --> 00:13:13,669
it's all back to normal.
318
00:13:13,752 --> 00:13:15,212
Just do it already.
319
00:13:15,295 --> 00:13:17,047
Well, technically,
morty, there's no rush.
320
00:13:17,130 --> 00:13:18,970
I mean, you know,
o-once it's fixed, it's done.
321
00:13:19,049 --> 00:13:20,801
It's fixed.
You know, we could...
322
00:13:20,884 --> 00:13:22,803
We could just enjoy it
for a little bit.
323
00:13:22,886 --> 00:13:24,322
I mean, i-i-i-look
at how crazy it is.
324
00:13:24,346 --> 00:13:25,931
I mean, morty,
w-w-when's the next time
325
00:13:26,014 --> 00:13:27,454
you're gonna see
something like this?
326
00:13:27,516 --> 00:13:28,976
I mean, soak it in, you know?
327
00:13:29,059 --> 00:13:30,703
It's... it's pretty neat.
It's pretty interesting.
328
00:13:30,727 --> 00:13:32,247
That's it, Rick!
I'm pulling the lever.
329
00:13:39,653 --> 00:13:41,029
W-What do we have here, morty?
330
00:13:41,113 --> 00:13:42,953
Looks like I was right
and you were wrong, huh?
331
00:13:43,031 --> 00:13:45,993
I-I—I—i-i bet you feel pretty
stupid right about now, huh?
332
00:13:46,076 --> 00:13:47,929
I-I—I bet you feel like
the world's smallest man
333
00:13:47,953 --> 00:13:50,163
that you were doubting me about
this whole thing, morty.
334
00:13:50,247 --> 00:13:52,124
Oh, Rick, something's not right.
335
00:13:52,207 --> 00:13:53,792
Yeah, you.
336
00:13:53,875 --> 00:13:55,127
You're not right... ever.
337
00:13:55,210 --> 00:13:57,004
No, no! Look, you idiot!
338
00:14:21,278 --> 00:14:23,071
Bet you're loving this, morty.
339
00:14:23,155 --> 00:14:25,157
This must be the best day
of your life.
340
00:14:25,240 --> 00:14:28,076
You get to be the mayor
of i-told-you town.
341
00:14:28,160 --> 00:14:30,162
You're welcome.
342
00:14:40,005 --> 00:14:41,965
Hold on.
343
00:15:00,484 --> 00:15:02,778
I wish that shotgun
was my penis.
344
00:15:02,861 --> 00:15:05,739
If it were, you could
call me Ernest Hemingway.
345
00:15:05,822 --> 00:15:08,366
I don't get it,
and I don't need to.
346
00:15:09,451 --> 00:15:11,369
Summer: Mom! Dad!
347
00:15:11,453 --> 00:15:13,163
Both: Summer!
348
00:15:15,165 --> 00:15:16,291
Where's morty?
349
00:15:16,374 --> 00:15:17,667
I don't know.
350
00:15:17,751 --> 00:15:19,896
Do you think grandpa Rick had
something to do with this?
351
00:15:19,920 --> 00:15:21,671
It's not fair to
assume that, summer.
352
00:15:21,755 --> 00:15:23,715
Oh, not fair? Give me a break.
353
00:15:23,799 --> 00:15:25,801
He is a selfish,
irresponsible ass,
354
00:15:25,884 --> 00:15:27,260
and he left my mother.
355
00:15:27,344 --> 00:15:30,138
A real man stands by his woman.
356
00:15:35,102 --> 00:15:37,854
J” tchoo. Tchoo-tchoo-tchoo.
Tchoo-tchoo j”
357
00:15:37,938 --> 00:15:40,524
boy, I really cronenberged
the world up, didn't I?
358
00:15:40,607 --> 00:15:42,359
We got a whole planet of
cronenbergs
359
00:15:42,442 --> 00:15:44,027
walking around
down there, morty.
360
00:15:44,111 --> 00:15:46,172
A—at least they're not in love
with you anymore, though.
361
00:15:46,196 --> 00:15:47,948
That's a huge step
in the right direction.
362
00:15:48,031 --> 00:15:50,242
Oh, my god!
It's a living nightmare!
363
00:15:50,325 --> 00:15:52,786
How could you be
so irresponsible, Rick?
364
00:15:52,869 --> 00:15:55,288
Me irresponsible?! You...
All I wanted you to do
365
00:15:55,372 --> 00:15:57,040
was hand me
a screwdriver, morty!
366
00:15:57,124 --> 00:15:59,793
You're the one who wanted to
be... wanted me to buckle down
367
00:15:59,876 --> 00:16:02,129
and make you up a...
Roofie-juice serum
368
00:16:02,212 --> 00:16:05,340
so you could roofie that
poor girl at your school.
369
00:16:05,423 --> 00:16:08,385
I mean, g... w-w-w-w-w... w...
Are you kidding me, morty?
370
00:16:08,468 --> 00:16:10,446
You're gonna try to take
the high road on this one?
371
00:16:10,470 --> 00:16:11,930
Y-y-y-y-you're a little
creep, morty.
372
00:16:12,013 --> 00:16:13,306
Y—you're a... you're...
You're...
373
00:16:13,390 --> 00:16:15,308
You're just a little creepy...
Creep person.
374
00:16:15,392 --> 00:16:17,078
All right, fine. I should have
just listened to you
375
00:16:17,102 --> 00:16:18,645
when you refused to make
the serum.
376
00:16:18,728 --> 00:16:20,623
I'm willing to accept my part of
the blame for this, Rick.
377
00:16:20,647 --> 00:16:22,333
But I'll tell you something...
You know what?
378
00:16:22,357 --> 00:16:23,942
You gotta accept your part
of the blame!
379
00:16:24,025 --> 00:16:25,735
I'm not the one
who fouled up the serum!
380
00:16:25,819 --> 00:16:27,571
I'm not the one who -—
Who... who...
381
00:16:27,654 --> 00:16:29,030
Who haphazardly, you know,
382
00:16:29,114 --> 00:16:30,699
mixed a bunch of nonsense
together
383
00:16:30,782 --> 00:16:32,492
and created a bunch of
cronenbergs!
384
00:16:32,576 --> 00:16:34,870
- You gotta fix this, Rick!
- All right, all right, morty.
385
00:16:34,953 --> 00:16:36,639
You know, w-w-w-we are
in a pretty deep hole, here,
386
00:16:36,663 --> 00:16:39,374
but I do have one emergency
solution that I can use
387
00:16:39,457 --> 00:16:41,293
that'll kind of put
everything back to normal,
388
00:16:41,376 --> 00:16:42,752
relatively speaking.
389
00:16:42,836 --> 00:16:44,254
Here, morty, put this on
while I do
390
00:16:44,337 --> 00:16:46,256
a little bit of scouting.
391
00:16:58,685 --> 00:17:00,604
Morty: Wow, Rick, I gotta say...
392
00:17:00,687 --> 00:17:02,767
You really pulled a rabbit out
of your hat this time.
393
00:17:02,814 --> 00:17:04,733
I mean, I-I really thought
that the whole place
394
00:17:04,816 --> 00:17:06,610
was gonna be messed up for good,
395
00:17:06,693 --> 00:17:08,570
but here, you did it -—
Y-y—you " you '-
396
00:17:08,653 --> 00:17:10,322
you figured out that crazy
solution,
397
00:17:10,405 --> 00:17:11,489
like you always do.
398
00:17:11,573 --> 00:17:13,325
Whoo! That's some great luck.
399
00:17:13,408 --> 00:17:15,327
Come on, morty. Luck had
nothing to do with it.
400
00:17:15,410 --> 00:17:18,371
I'm great.
That's the real reason.
401
00:17:18,455 --> 00:17:20,498
Now, morty, what do you
say, buddy?
402
00:17:20,582 --> 00:17:22,334
Will you hand me a screwdriver
403
00:17:22,417 --> 00:17:24,169
so I can finish my ionic
dis... defibulizer?
404
00:17:24,252 --> 00:17:26,504
Sure thing, Rick.
Here's a screwdriver.
405
00:17:26,588 --> 00:17:28,798
All right, morty.
Thank you very much.
406
00:17:28,882 --> 00:17:31,801
We got one screw turn...
And two screw turns...
407
00:17:31,885 --> 00:17:33,595
And...
408
00:17:38,725 --> 00:17:40,143
All right, morty, here we are.
409
00:17:40,227 --> 00:17:42,145
Oh, my god, Rick! Is that us?!
410
00:17:42,229 --> 00:17:44,105
W-w-w-we're dead!
What is going on, Rick?
411
00:17:44,189 --> 00:17:45,690
I'm freaking out!
412
00:17:45,774 --> 00:17:47,418
Calm down, morty!
Look at me! Calm down, morty!
413
00:17:47,442 --> 00:17:49,069
No, I can't deal with this!
414
00:17:49,152 --> 00:17:50,695
Calm yourself, morty.
415
00:17:50,779 --> 00:17:52,280
I can't deal with this, Rick!
416
00:17:52,364 --> 00:17:53,841
- Calm down, morty.
- This can't be real!
417
00:17:53,865 --> 00:17:56,052
- You gotta calm down, morty.
- W-W—w—w-we're ripped apart!
418
00:17:56,076 --> 00:17:57,953
Shut up and listen to me!
419
00:17:58,036 --> 00:17:59,287
It's fine. Everything is fine.
420
00:17:59,371 --> 00:18:00,848
There's an infinite number
of realities, morty,
421
00:18:00,872 --> 00:18:02,540
and in a few dozen of those,
422
00:18:02,624 --> 00:18:04,584
I got lucky and turned
everything back to normal.
423
00:18:04,668 --> 00:18:06,336
I just had to find one
of those realities
424
00:18:06,419 --> 00:18:09,047
in which we also happen to both
die around this time.
425
00:18:09,130 --> 00:18:10,590
Now we can just slip
into the place
426
00:18:10,674 --> 00:18:12,175
of our dead selves
in this reality
427
00:18:12,259 --> 00:18:13,843
and everything will be fine.
428
00:18:13,927 --> 00:18:15,345
We're not skipping a beat,
morty.
429
00:18:15,428 --> 00:18:16,489
Now, help me with these bodies.
430
00:18:16,513 --> 00:18:17,597
This is insane.
431
00:18:17,681 --> 00:18:19,841
Look, morty, I'll grab myself,
you grab yourself, okay?
432
00:18:19,891 --> 00:18:21,327
I mean, t-t-t-that seems
fair to me...
433
00:18:21,351 --> 00:18:23,311
I mean, that seems like
a fair way to divvy it up.
434
00:18:23,353 --> 00:18:25,355
Rick, what about
the reality we left behind?
435
00:18:25,438 --> 00:18:28,108
What about the reality where
Hitler cured cancer, morty?
436
00:18:28,191 --> 00:18:29,609
The answer is don't
think about it.
437
00:18:29,693 --> 00:18:31,820
It's not like we can do this
every week, anyways.
438
00:18:31,903 --> 00:18:33,503
We get three or four more
of these, tops.
439
00:18:33,530 --> 00:18:35,282
Now, pick up your dead self
and come on.
440
00:18:35,365 --> 00:18:36,616
Haste makes waste.
441
00:18:36,700 --> 00:18:38,827
I-I—I don't suppose you've
considered this detail,
442
00:18:38,910 --> 00:18:41,413
but obviously, if! Hadn't
screwed up as much as I did,
443
00:18:41,496 --> 00:18:45,333
we'd be these guys right now,
so, again, you're welcome.
444
00:18:48,461 --> 00:18:55,260
J” look on down
from the bridge j”
445
00:18:55,343 --> 00:19:02,434
j” there's still fountains
down there j”
446
00:19:05,395 --> 00:19:11,192
j” look on down
from the bridge j”
447
00:19:11,276 --> 00:19:18,533
j” it's still raining up here j”
448
00:19:21,286 --> 00:19:29,044
j” everybody seems so far away
from me j”
449
00:19:29,127 --> 00:19:36,718
j” everybody just wants
to be free j”
450
00:19:36,801 --> 00:19:42,891
j” look away from the sky j”
451
00:19:42,974 --> 00:19:49,689
j” it's no different
when you're leaving home j”
452
00:19:51,900 --> 00:19:58,573
j” I can't be the same thing
to you now j”
453
00:19:58,656 --> 00:20:02,577
j” I'm just gone j”
454
00:20:02,660 --> 00:20:08,291
j” just gone j”
455
00:20:08,375 --> 00:20:15,382
j” how could I say goodbye? J”
456
00:20:16,383 --> 00:20:20,512
j” how could I say goodbye? J”
457
00:20:20,595 --> 00:20:24,265
you know, the thing
about a shark...
458
00:20:24,349 --> 00:20:26,726
He's got lifeless eyes...
459
00:20:26,810 --> 00:20:28,728
Black eyes, like a doll's eyes.
460
00:20:28,812 --> 00:20:30,313
When he comes at ya,
461
00:20:30,397 --> 00:20:32,315
he doesn't seem to be living
until he bites ya,
462
00:20:32,399 --> 00:20:35,276
and then the -— the blood,
and the red, and the water...
463
00:20:36,444 --> 00:20:38,571
You ever wonder what happened
to Rick and morty?
464
00:20:38,655 --> 00:20:41,408
Sometimes.
But, I'm ashamed to admit,
465
00:20:41,491 --> 00:20:47,038
now that they're gone,
I'm finally happy.
466
00:20:47,122 --> 00:20:49,249
Here we are, cronenberg morty —-
467
00:20:49,332 --> 00:20:50,875
a reality where
everyone in the world
468
00:20:50,959 --> 00:20:52,335
got genetically cronenberged.
469
00:20:52,419 --> 00:20:54,504
We'll fit right in,
cronenberg morty.
470
00:20:54,587 --> 00:20:56,965
It'll be like we never even
left cronenberg world.
471
00:20:57,048 --> 00:20:58,425
Yeah, cronenberg Rick,
472
00:20:58,508 --> 00:21:00,348
but, you know, I'm gonna miss
cronenberg world,
473
00:21:00,385 --> 00:21:02,029
because everyone
was cronenberged all along
474
00:21:02,053 --> 00:21:03,721
like us from the beginning,
you know?
475
00:21:03,805 --> 00:21:05,408
I mean, I-I wish we hadn't
genetically ruined
476
00:21:05,432 --> 00:21:07,350
cronenberg world
beyond repair like we did,
477
00:21:07,434 --> 00:21:09,978
you know, and turned everyone
into regular, normal people
478
00:21:10,061 --> 00:21:11,521
just walking around.
479
00:21:11,604 --> 00:21:13,204
Don't you worry about
that sort of thing,
480
00:21:13,273 --> 00:21:14,357
cronenberg morty.
481
00:21:14,441 --> 00:21:17,735
Let's go make ourselves
at home, huh?
482
00:21:21,448 --> 00:21:22,866
Did you get any of that?
483
00:21:22,949 --> 00:21:24,909
It's a good-a show!
34755
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