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1
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J” last king Christmas
last arrived j”
2
00:00:35,620 --> 00:00:37,622
j” on the Christmas Christmas j”
3
00:00:38,915 --> 00:00:40,082
Mmm.
4
00:00:40,166 --> 00:00:42,668
Jerry, you are really
giving it to this ham.
5
00:00:44,962 --> 00:00:46,380
Um, merry Christmas.
6
00:00:46,464 --> 00:00:47,757
Hello?
7
00:00:47,840 --> 00:00:49,693
My parents are coming over
for the first time in years.
8
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Can we stow the
gadgets and look alive?
9
00:00:51,844 --> 00:00:52,637
Alive?
10
00:00:52,720 --> 00:00:53,638
For your parents?
11
00:00:53,721 --> 00:00:54,639
Mm, good one.
12
00:00:54,722 --> 00:00:56,307
Hey, man! You "hey, man!"
13
00:00:56,390 --> 00:00:58,267
This holiday is about humanity.
14
00:00:58,351 --> 00:01:00,951
You know, I thought it was
about being born half-god or something.
15
00:01:01,020 --> 00:01:01,812
Whatever.
16
00:01:01,896 --> 00:01:04,106
All electronic items are going
in the stocking... now.
17
00:01:05,316 --> 00:01:06,734
Dad, I'm not
giving you my phone.
18
00:01:06,817 --> 00:01:09,195
Put it in the stocking, summer,
or I'm joining Facebook.
19
00:01:10,446 --> 00:01:11,864
A—ho, ho, ho, everybody.
20
00:01:11,948 --> 00:01:13,050
More like "whoa, whoa, whoa."
21
00:01:13,074 --> 00:01:13,866
What is this?
22
00:01:13,950 --> 00:01:14,784
My parents are coming!
23
00:01:14,867 --> 00:01:15,785
Calm down, Jerry.
24
00:01:15,868 --> 00:01:17,054
This is Reuben, an old friend.
25
00:01:17,078 --> 00:01:18,329
Pearl harbor.
26
00:01:18,412 --> 00:01:19,640
I check in on him once a year
and give him a little
27
00:01:19,664 --> 00:01:21,999
Medical evaluation.
28
00:01:22,083 --> 00:01:22,875
Aww!
29
00:01:22,959 --> 00:01:25,127
Dad, that is so sweet!
30
00:01:25,211 --> 00:01:26,712
Yeah, it is.
31
00:01:26,796 --> 00:01:27,672
I don't get it.
32
00:01:27,755 --> 00:01:29,090
Korea.
33
00:01:29,173 --> 00:01:30,734
Don't worry about your
c-Christmas, Jerry.
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I'll be with Reuben in
my workshop while you guys are
35
00:01:32,760 --> 00:01:35,304
having another day in
Phil Collins' proverbial paradise.
36
00:01:35,388 --> 00:01:36,264
Huh.
37
00:01:36,347 --> 00:01:37,347
You think you know a guy.
38
00:01:38,391 --> 00:01:39,475
Okay, there's my parents.
39
00:01:39,558 --> 00:01:42,311
Now, remember...
No TV, no phones, no laptops.
40
00:01:42,395 --> 00:01:44,146
We are connecting this Christmas,
41
00:01:44,230 --> 00:01:46,607
like old—school
Jews on a Saturday.
42
00:01:46,691 --> 00:01:47,775
Hey, hey!
43
00:01:47,858 --> 00:01:49,026
Merry Christmas, son.
44
00:01:49,110 --> 00:01:50,528
Uh, hi.
45
00:01:50,611 --> 00:01:51,487
Can I help you?
46
00:01:51,570 --> 00:01:52,822
Jerry, this is Jacob.
47
00:01:52,905 --> 00:01:54,132
Didn't you get our text message?
48
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Together: No!
49
00:01:55,199 --> 00:01:56,284
You must be Jerry.
50
00:01:56,367 --> 00:01:57,660
That's a fine-looking apron.
51
00:01:57,743 --> 00:01:58,786
Williams-sonoma?
52
00:01:58,869 --> 00:02:00,121
I wish!
53
00:02:00,204 --> 00:02:01,330
But thank you.
54
00:02:01,414 --> 00:02:03,457
So, you're a...
Friend of the family?
55
00:02:03,541 --> 00:02:06,627
Uh, the way we see it,
he's a part of the family.
56
00:02:06,711 --> 00:02:08,170
Wow.
57
00:02:08,254 --> 00:02:11,048
After your father's brush with
cancer and losing your uncle,
58
00:02:11,132 --> 00:02:14,427
we looked at life and wondered,
how have we spent it,
59
00:02:14,510 --> 00:02:16,304
and how do we spend
the rest of it?
60
00:02:16,387 --> 00:02:18,055
What are we going to
be when we die...
61
00:02:18,139 --> 00:02:20,308
A list of fears and questions
62
00:02:20,391 --> 00:02:23,394
or a collection
of real experiences?
63
00:02:23,477 --> 00:02:25,604
Holy crap.
Joyce, that's amazing.
64
00:02:25,688 --> 00:02:27,815
Then Jacob came into our lives,
65
00:02:27,898 --> 00:02:30,109
and... we're learning
to live again.
66
00:02:30,192 --> 00:02:31,193
All three of us.
67
00:02:32,403 --> 00:02:34,030
Cool.
68
00:02:34,113 --> 00:02:34,905
Eggnog?
69
00:02:34,989 --> 00:02:36,198
Now we are talking!
70
00:02:36,282 --> 00:02:38,075
This man's got the apron
and the eggnog, huh?
71
00:02:40,703 --> 00:02:41,871
Hi, Joyce. Leonard.
72
00:02:41,954 --> 00:02:42,830
Hello, there.
73
00:02:42,913 --> 00:02:43,789
Merry Christmas, man.
74
00:02:43,873 --> 00:02:45,033
Morty, a moment of your time?
75
00:02:46,000 --> 00:02:47,000
He's in bad shape, morty.
76
00:02:47,043 --> 00:02:48,186
Aw, geez, Rick. What'd you do?
77
00:02:48,210 --> 00:02:49,211
Gee, thanks, morty.
78
00:02:49,295 --> 00:02:50,975
W-W-What kind of monster
do you think I am?
79
00:02:51,005 --> 00:02:52,899
I-i-I'm sitting here trying
to save the guy's life.
80
00:02:52,923 --> 00:02:53,923
I need your help.
81
00:02:53,966 --> 00:02:56,010
I want you to find
Dr. Xenon bloom.
82
00:02:56,093 --> 00:02:57,219
He'll know what's going on.
83
00:02:57,303 --> 00:02:59,930
Uh, w-w-w-where...
Where do I find Dr. Bloom?
84
00:03:00,014 --> 00:03:01,182
In Reuben.
85
00:03:01,265 --> 00:03:02,345
Reuben, minne... Minnesota?
86
00:03:02,391 --> 00:03:03,809
Reuben on the table, morty.
87
00:03:03,893 --> 00:03:07,229
Look, I-I-I I don't
have time for you to wrap your
88
00:03:07,313 --> 00:03:08,689
little walnut around everything.
89
00:03:08,773 --> 00:03:10,292
Just hold your breath
until the process is over
90
00:03:10,316 --> 00:03:11,525
or your lungs will collapse.
91
00:03:11,609 --> 00:03:12,609
What proc...
92
00:03:16,364 --> 00:03:17,364
Hey, dad, where's morty?
93
00:03:17,406 --> 00:03:18,407
He's busy.
94
00:03:20,576 --> 00:03:23,037
Morty, can you hear me?
95
00:03:23,120 --> 00:03:23,913
Head north.
96
00:03:23,996 --> 00:03:24,996
Rick, where am I?
97
00:03:25,039 --> 00:03:26,665
Depending on my aim,
98
00:03:26,749 --> 00:03:28,185
you should be just
south of the entrance.
99
00:03:28,209 --> 00:03:29,502
Morty: Entrance to what?
100
00:03:29,585 --> 00:03:30,669
Welcome, morty.
101
00:03:30,753 --> 00:03:31,587
Welcome...
102
00:03:31,670 --> 00:03:32,505
[Gasdsi
103
00:03:32,588 --> 00:03:35,257
to anatomy park!
104
00:03:35,341 --> 00:03:37,569
It's a little business venture
I've been cooking up on the side
105
00:03:37,593 --> 00:03:40,805
with Dr. Bloom —- an amusement
park inside a human body.
106
00:03:40,888 --> 00:03:42,890
Science isn't ch—- Cheap, morty.
107
00:03:42,973 --> 00:03:44,743
This should really help
put a dent in the overhead.
108
00:03:44,767 --> 00:03:45,810
Oh, my god!
109
00:03:45,893 --> 00:03:47,186
This is insane!
110
00:03:47,269 --> 00:03:48,604
Spleen mountain?
111
00:03:48,687 --> 00:03:50,398
Bladder falls?
Pirates of the pancreas?
112
00:03:50,481 --> 00:03:51,583
Rick: You got a problem
with that last one, morty?
113
00:03:51,607 --> 00:03:53,275
Huh? No, no.
114
00:03:53,359 --> 00:03:54,753
I'm just reading 'em out loud in
the order that I'm seeing 'em.
115
00:03:54,777 --> 00:03:55,694
Rick: Okay. All right.
116
00:03:55,778 --> 00:03:57,071
If I sounded a little defensive,
117
00:03:57,154 --> 00:03:59,049
it's because pirates of the
pancreas was my baby.
118
00:03:59,073 --> 00:04:00,324
You know, I got -...
119
00:04:00,408 --> 00:04:02,010
I got a lot of pushback
when I pitched it, morty.
120
00:04:02,034 --> 00:04:03,470
I guess I'm still
a little defensive.
121
00:04:03,494 --> 00:04:04,888
Let's just find Dr. Bloom,
all right?
122
00:04:04,912 --> 00:04:06,765
I-I'm picking up a distress
signal in the liver, morty.
123
00:04:06,789 --> 00:04:08,624
Proceed to the liver.
124
00:04:13,462 --> 00:04:14,296
Announcer: Arriving at...
125
00:04:14,380 --> 00:04:16,132
//ver.
126
00:04:16,215 --> 00:04:17,133
Ow!
127
00:04:17,216 --> 00:04:18,426
Announcer: Mind the gap.
128
00:04:20,928 --> 00:04:22,721
It's really scary in here, Rick.
129
00:04:22,805 --> 00:04:24,032
Rick:
The liver's under maintenance.
130
00:04:24,056 --> 00:04:24,974
Reuben's seen some
rough years, morty.
131
00:04:25,057 --> 00:04:26,517
Don't judge.
132
00:04:26,600 --> 00:04:28,161
You don't agree to have a theme
park built inside you if your
133
00:04:28,185 --> 00:04:29,687
life's going great.
134
00:04:32,022 --> 00:04:33,441
Rick! It's a monster!
135
00:04:33,524 --> 00:04:34,733
No, no, no. Morty.
136
00:04:34,817 --> 00:04:37,570
The only monster here is
alco ...Holism.
137
00:04:37,653 --> 00:04:39,405
That is an animatronic werewolf.
138
00:04:40,906 --> 00:04:41,740
Who are you?!
139
00:04:41,824 --> 00:04:42,700
Answer me!
140
00:04:42,783 --> 00:04:43,909
Where'd you come from?
141
00:04:43,993 --> 00:04:45,387
My... my... my
grandpa Rick sent me!
142
00:04:45,411 --> 00:04:46,495
Poncho!
143
00:04:46,579 --> 00:04:47,872
That's quite enough.
144
00:04:47,955 --> 00:04:49,748
Morty, that's poncho.
145
00:04:49,832 --> 00:04:51,292
This is Roger and Annie.
146
00:04:51,375 --> 00:04:52,751
[Gasdsi
147
00:04:52,835 --> 00:04:55,671
and I am Dr. Xenon bloom.
148
00:04:55,754 --> 00:04:57,006
[Gasdsi hey, bloom, it's Rick.
149
00:04:57,089 --> 00:04:58,507
What the hell's going on here?
150
00:04:58,591 --> 00:05:03,053
I don't know why, but the entire
security system has shut down,
151
00:05:03,137 --> 00:05:06,682
and I'm afraid...
The exhibits are unlocked.
152
00:05:06,765 --> 00:05:07,933
Exhibits?
153
00:05:08,017 --> 00:05:10,644
Anatomy park's greatest
attraction, young man,
154
00:05:10,728 --> 00:05:12,229
isn't the music
or the food or the...
155
00:05:12,313 --> 00:05:13,814
Pirates of the pancreas.
156
00:05:13,898 --> 00:05:15,316
Rick: Watch it.
157
00:05:15,399 --> 00:05:18,903
It is, first and foremost, a
living museum of humanity's most
158
00:05:18,986 --> 00:05:21,363
noble and ferocious diseases.
159
00:05:21,447 --> 00:05:22,447
Diseases?
160
00:05:23,240 --> 00:05:24,033
Hey, doc.
161
00:05:24,116 --> 00:05:25,367
I got news for you.
162
00:05:25,451 --> 00:05:29,038
Your living museum is
officially a wild safari!
163
00:05:29,121 --> 00:05:31,415
Hepatitis a! Run!
164
00:05:36,670 --> 00:05:39,798
Oh, the food goes
in your mouth, girl.
165
00:05:41,217 --> 00:05:42,217
Oh, Jacob.
166
00:05:43,052 --> 00:05:44,470
I-I'm sorry, Jacob.
167
00:05:44,553 --> 00:05:46,793
I-I guess I'm still confused
about the precise nature and
168
00:05:46,847 --> 00:05:49,600
origin of your relationship
with my parents.
169
00:05:49,683 --> 00:05:51,495
Are you, like, uh... are you,
like, their caretaker?
170
00:05:51,519 --> 00:05:52,519
Is that what it is?
171
00:05:52,561 --> 00:05:53,841
We can go into
detail later, son.
172
00:05:53,896 --> 00:05:56,732
Now, wait.
Th-there's no point to secrecy.
173
00:05:56,815 --> 00:05:58,776
Let's all live and die honestly.
174
00:05:58,859 --> 00:06:01,445
Your mother and I have shared
40 years of each other, mind,
175
00:06:01,529 --> 00:06:04,240
body, and soul, and when
minds and souls are joined
176
00:06:04,323 --> 00:06:07,826
for eternity and when eternity
is at the door,
177
00:06:07,910 --> 00:06:11,163
it's an invitation to let go of
the body and an opportunity
178
00:06:11,247 --> 00:06:13,541
to share and experiment.
179
00:06:13,624 --> 00:06:15,251
Dad, please.
What are you saying?
180
00:06:15,334 --> 00:06:18,254
Whatever it is, it's beautiful,
Leonard, and we support you.
181
00:06:18,337 --> 00:06:20,506
Hey, speak for yourself,
because it
182
00:06:20,589 --> 00:06:22,800
Sounds like you're about
to say Jacob is your lover.
183
00:06:22,883 --> 00:06:24,110
Grandfather:
No, no, no, no, no, no.
184
00:06:24,134 --> 00:06:26,220
Jacob is your mother's lover.
185
00:06:27,263 --> 00:06:28,430
I watch them —-
186
00:06:28,514 --> 00:06:31,600
sometimes from a chair and
sometimes from a closet,
187
00:06:31,684 --> 00:06:33,894
almost always dressed
as Superman.
188
00:06:35,271 --> 00:06:38,107
Oh.
189
00:06:38,190 --> 00:06:40,568
Jerry, this ham has got
to be all you, right?
190
00:06:40,651 --> 00:06:42,319
It's incredible.
191
00:06:43,696 --> 00:06:45,906
Happy human holiday, dad.
192
00:06:47,241 --> 00:06:48,241
Aah!
193
00:06:50,077 --> 00:06:53,414
Hepatitis won't follow us
into the respiratory system.
194
00:06:55,624 --> 00:06:56,542
That's strange.
195
00:06:56,625 --> 00:06:57,918
Airflow is down 20%.
196
00:06:58,002 --> 00:07:00,004
So, the brain isn't
getting enough oxygen.
197
00:07:00,087 --> 00:07:02,089
That's why security's offline.
198
00:07:02,172 --> 00:07:04,049
Well, I guess we
better check it out.
199
00:07:07,219 --> 00:07:08,596
Hey! Wait for me!
200
00:07:08,679 --> 00:07:10,723
Put that back on!
201
00:07:12,516 --> 00:07:14,184
If we got up to the
bronchial catwalk,
202
00:07:14,268 --> 00:07:15,644
we could look for a blockage.
203
00:07:15,728 --> 00:07:16,937
I'll go.
204
00:07:18,689 --> 00:07:19,898
Don't be a hero, kid.
205
00:07:19,982 --> 00:07:20,899
I'm not.
206
00:07:20,983 --> 00:07:22,276
I'm doing it because it's fun.
207
00:07:22,359 --> 00:07:24,486
We shouldn't be here.
208
00:07:24,570 --> 00:07:27,031
Whatever you do, do not
fire that thing in here.
209
00:07:27,114 --> 00:07:29,033
We must save Reuben.
210
00:07:29,116 --> 00:07:30,743
This is my life's work.
211
00:07:31,869 --> 00:07:33,162
[Gasdsi it's all right, my dear.
212
00:07:33,245 --> 00:07:36,915
Nearly all human lungs contain a
strain of these bacteria,
213
00:07:36,999 --> 00:07:39,460
but the scar tissue
keeps them...
214
00:07:39,543 --> 00:07:41,420
Dormant.
215
00:07:41,503 --> 00:07:42,671
Morty, get down!
216
00:07:42,755 --> 00:07:43,756
Whoa-ho-ho!
217
00:07:43,839 --> 00:07:45,007
Whoa!
218
00:07:46,216 --> 00:07:47,343
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
219
00:07:50,262 --> 00:07:52,306
Oh, what are those things?
220
00:07:52,389 --> 00:07:54,683
Tuberculosis —- coming in fast!
221
00:07:54,767 --> 00:07:56,226
Not faster than a bullet!
222
00:07:56,310 --> 00:07:57,519
Aah!
223
00:07:57,603 --> 00:07:58,520
Dr. Bloom: No!
224
00:07:58,604 --> 00:07:59,897
Do you know what you've done?!
225
00:08:01,148 --> 00:08:03,484
All: Whoa!
226
00:08:05,194 --> 00:08:06,528
Get to the digestive tract!
227
00:08:06,612 --> 00:08:07,613
He's coughing!
228
00:08:09,031 --> 00:08:10,532
Whoaaaa!
229
00:08:10,616 --> 00:08:11,992
Don't let me die!
230
00:08:12,076 --> 00:08:13,410
Just take a deep breath, Reuben.
231
00:08:13,494 --> 00:08:14,578
[Gasdsi
232
00:08:14,662 --> 00:08:15,662
you're not gonna die!
233
00:08:15,704 --> 00:08:16,704
What's your name?
234
00:08:16,747 --> 00:08:17,790
My name is...
235
00:08:18,916 --> 00:08:20,209
Alexand-...
236
00:08:24,254 --> 00:08:26,090
Rick... r-r-Reuben's got
tuberculosis!
237
00:08:26,173 --> 00:08:27,257
Oh, great work, morty.
238
00:08:27,341 --> 00:08:29,009
Okay, I'll just
cure it and then...
239
00:08:30,636 --> 00:08:31,636
Okay.
240
00:08:31,679 --> 00:08:32,888
Well, I can't cure death.
241
00:08:32,971 --> 00:08:34,014
This is bad, morty.
242
00:08:34,098 --> 00:08:35,200
You're trapped in a dead man.
243
00:08:35,224 --> 00:08:36,743
Listen, if the situation
keeps darkening,
244
00:08:36,767 --> 00:08:39,520
do yourself a favor and pop by
pirates of the pancreas.
245
00:08:39,603 --> 00:08:41,855
Obviously I'm biased,
but I think it's great, morty.
246
00:08:41,939 --> 00:08:43,982
It's a bunch of
pirates running around a
247
00:08:44,066 --> 00:08:46,151
Pancreas.
248
00:08:46,235 --> 00:08:47,629
We don't whitewash it,
either, morty.
249
00:08:47,653 --> 00:08:49,154
I mean, the pirates
are really rapey.
250
00:08:49,238 --> 00:08:52,074
The top priority is to get,
you know, you guys out of there,
251
00:08:52,157 --> 00:08:54,260
but I'm just saying, if that
becomes impossible, please,
252
00:08:54,284 --> 00:08:55,828
you gotta treat yourself.
253
00:08:56,161 --> 00:08:57,161
Oh, man.
254
00:08:57,204 --> 00:08:58,956
W-w-w-what is
that horrible smell?
255
00:08:59,039 --> 00:09:00,165
You mean the panda express?
256
00:09:01,417 --> 00:09:03,085
Kidding. I—I'm kidding.
257
00:09:03,168 --> 00:09:06,422
The body is beginning to
constrict and fill with gas.
258
00:09:06,505 --> 00:09:08,132
We're inside a corpse, my boy.
259
00:09:08,215 --> 00:09:10,259
Anatomy park is doomed.
260
00:09:10,342 --> 00:09:11,593
Forget about the park, doctor!
261
00:09:11,677 --> 00:09:12,803
How do we get out?
262
00:09:12,886 --> 00:09:14,888
The digestive tract is the
evacuation route.
263
00:09:14,972 --> 00:09:16,390
Get it?
264
00:09:16,473 --> 00:09:18,660
There's an emergency station in
the colon with a ray that can
265
00:09:18,684 --> 00:09:20,060
enlarge us all.
266
00:09:20,144 --> 00:09:21,562
Everybody, head for the colon!
267
00:09:21,645 --> 00:09:24,690
Now I'm taking orders
from a 12-year-old boy?
268
00:09:24,773 --> 00:09:29,403
Morty, the scar sacs containing
the tuberculosis were sabotaged.
269
00:09:29,486 --> 00:09:31,572
This disaster was an inside job.
270
00:09:31,655 --> 00:09:33,574
Keep your eye on Annie.
271
00:09:33,657 --> 00:09:35,743
She was written up several times
272
00:09:35,826 --> 00:09:38,871
by her manager
at the churro stand.
273
00:09:38,954 --> 00:09:40,765
Intestines are ahead to the
left, then to the right,
274
00:09:40,789 --> 00:09:43,250
then left, et cetera.
275
00:09:45,002 --> 00:09:47,755
Hey, just so you know,
i-i-I'm actually 14.
276
00:09:47,838 --> 00:09:49,214
So, you know... what?
277
00:09:49,298 --> 00:09:50,758
Not 12.
278
00:09:50,841 --> 00:09:52,217
Okay.
279
00:09:52,301 --> 00:09:54,845
You know, because
he just said I was 12.
280
00:09:54,928 --> 00:09:56,221
Oh.
281
00:09:56,305 --> 00:09:57,806
Good for you.
282
00:09:57,890 --> 00:09:59,558
Rick: Oof. Ugh. Il/lon'y.
283
00:09:59,641 --> 00:10:00,893
Strike one.
284
00:10:03,645 --> 00:10:05,397
J” it's a road of wonder j”
285
00:10:05,481 --> 00:10:07,107
j” a trail of food j”
286
00:10:07,191 --> 00:10:10,986
j” it's a pathway to break
up the bad and good j”
287
00:10:11,069 --> 00:10:15,032
j” it's a tube that digests
and then sends out the rest j”
288
00:10:15,115 --> 00:10:19,119
j” it's a small,
small intestine j”
289
00:10:19,203 --> 00:10:21,789
it goes on like this for miles.
290
00:10:21,872 --> 00:10:24,208
Then we get to the
large intestine!
291
00:10:25,542 --> 00:10:27,336
Shh! I hear something.
292
00:10:31,173 --> 00:10:32,382
Don't move.
293
00:10:32,466 --> 00:10:36,220
Gonorrhea can't see
us if we don't move.
294
00:10:38,764 --> 00:10:39,640
Wait, I was wrong.
295
00:10:39,723 --> 00:10:40,803
I was thinking of a t. Rex.
296
00:10:42,893 --> 00:10:44,353
Move!
297
00:10:47,856 --> 00:10:49,233
We're sitting ducks!
298
00:10:49,316 --> 00:10:51,294
Doc, didn't you say that the
body was filling with gas?
299
00:10:51,318 --> 00:10:52,611
Yes. Why?
300
00:10:52,694 --> 00:10:54,571
Kid, you're a genius.
301
00:10:54,655 --> 00:10:55,656
Are you mad?!
302
00:10:55,739 --> 00:10:56,949
Everybody, in here!
303
00:10:58,242 --> 00:10:59,368
Hey, gonorrhea!
304
00:10:59,451 --> 00:11:01,912
How's this for a
burning sensation?
305
00:11:08,836 --> 00:11:10,045
Huh.
306
00:11:10,128 --> 00:11:11,797
I giggles I
307
00:11:11,880 --> 00:11:14,216
j” drummer drum drum
drum drum drum j”
308
00:11:14,299 --> 00:11:16,260
j” drum drum drum
drum drum drum j”
309
00:11:16,343 --> 00:11:17,261
j” Christmas drums j”
310
00:11:17,344 --> 00:11:18,512
oh, sing it, summer.
311
00:11:18,595 --> 00:11:20,722
J” Christmas drums being played
by a b-o-o-o-y j”
312
00:11:20,806 --> 00:11:22,015
oh, I love to hear you sing.
313
00:11:24,935 --> 00:11:26,061
Jerry, come on.
314
00:11:26,144 --> 00:11:27,271
This is what you wanted.
315
00:11:27,354 --> 00:11:28,354
I get it, Beth.
316
00:11:28,397 --> 00:11:29,557
Be careful what you wish for.
317
00:11:29,606 --> 00:11:31,233
I'm being punished
for taking your iPad.
318
00:11:31,316 --> 00:11:32,192
What?
319
00:11:32,276 --> 00:11:33,694
Jerry, let that stuff go, okay?
320
00:11:33,777 --> 00:11:35,237
I'm sorry I was a bitch earlier.
321
00:11:35,320 --> 00:11:37,281
Let's just be here.
322
00:11:37,364 --> 00:11:39,283
Summer!
323
00:11:39,366 --> 00:11:40,284
Ethan?
324
00:11:40,367 --> 00:11:41,367
What are you doing here?
325
00:11:41,410 --> 00:11:42,470
I've been texting you for hours!
326
00:11:42,494 --> 00:11:43,620
What the hell?!
327
00:11:43,704 --> 00:11:44,621
I don't have my phone!
328
00:11:44,705 --> 00:11:46,164
I'm doing a human holiday!
329
00:11:46,248 --> 00:11:48,959
Well, did you even consider
how that might make me feel?!
330
00:11:49,042 --> 00:11:50,210
How you feel?!
331
00:11:50,294 --> 00:11:52,546
Why is everything always
happening to you?!
332
00:11:52,629 --> 00:11:54,464
Summer, do you have a boyfriend?
333
00:11:54,548 --> 00:11:56,008
Yeah, do you, summer?
334
00:11:56,091 --> 00:11:56,884
I don't know, Ethan.
335
00:11:56,967 --> 00:11:58,093
Do I?!
336
00:11:58,176 --> 00:12:00,971
Jerry, no disrespect,
but you really need to
337
00:12:01,054 --> 00:12:02,973
connect more with
your family, man.
338
00:12:04,516 --> 00:12:06,369
I should be able to access the
backup generator to get the
339
00:12:06,393 --> 00:12:07,686
growth ray online.
340
00:12:07,769 --> 00:12:09,789
If it works, we'll be
regular-sized in a few minutes.
341
00:12:09,813 --> 00:12:11,893
I just hope Reuben's not in a
room with white carpets
342
00:12:11,940 --> 00:12:12,940
or upholstery.
343
00:12:13,984 --> 00:12:15,360
What the hell is that?
344
00:12:15,444 --> 00:12:16,570
The sphincter dam.
345
00:12:16,653 --> 00:12:18,405
We built it when Reuben became
inconfinent
346
00:12:18,488 --> 00:12:21,283
but it was not designed
to hold a corpse load.
347
00:12:22,367 --> 00:12:23,285
I've almost got it.
348
00:12:23,368 --> 00:12:25,120
Everybody, move
inside the circle.
349
00:12:26,455 --> 00:12:27,331
Poncho?
350
00:12:27,414 --> 00:12:28,624
What is this in your backpack?
351
00:12:28,707 --> 00:12:30,959
That's bubonic plague!
352
00:12:31,043 --> 00:12:32,483
What are you doing
with that, poncho?
353
00:12:32,544 --> 00:12:33,337
[Gasdsi
354
00:12:33,420 --> 00:12:34,420
everybody, get back!
355
00:12:34,463 --> 00:12:35,881
Poncho, you son of a bitch!
356
00:12:35,964 --> 00:12:39,259
You released the tuberculosis
so you could steal from me?
357
00:12:39,343 --> 00:12:40,677
That's right, baby.
358
00:12:40,761 --> 00:12:42,888
A lot of people
would pay top dollar
359
00:12:42,971 --> 00:12:44,848
to decimate the population.
360
00:12:44,932 --> 00:12:46,266
I'll take the highest bidder...
361
00:12:46,350 --> 00:12:48,101
Ai—qaeda, North Korea,
362
00:12:48,185 --> 00:12:51,313
Republicans, shriners, balding
men that work out,
363
00:12:51,396 --> 00:12:54,316
people on the Internet that are
only turned on by cartoons
364
00:12:54,399 --> 00:12:56,026
of Japanese teenagers...
365
00:12:56,109 --> 00:13:00,530
Anything is better than working
for you, you pompous, negligent,
366
00:13:00,614 --> 00:13:04,826
iTunes-gift-card-as—a—holiday-
bonus-giving mother—-
367
00:13:07,329 --> 00:13:08,580
Come on!
368
00:13:11,875 --> 00:13:12,709
Aah!
369
00:13:12,793 --> 00:13:13,793
Get off!
370
00:13:17,422 --> 00:13:18,256
You guys!
371
00:13:18,340 --> 00:13:19,591
It's gonna burst! Go!
372
00:13:19,675 --> 00:13:20,675
Go, go, go!
373
00:13:23,345 --> 00:13:24,179
My foot is stuck.
374
00:13:24,262 --> 00:13:25,722
No! It's okay!
375
00:13:25,806 --> 00:13:27,808
It's okay. Just go.
Tell my family I love them.
376
00:13:27,891 --> 00:13:29,911
They may be hard to find 'cause
my wife kept her last name and
377
00:13:29,935 --> 00:13:32,413
she made the kids take it, too,
so, I-I don't know, you can -...
378
00:13:32,437 --> 00:13:33,855
No!
379
00:13:37,526 --> 00:13:39,528
Let me ask you a question,
Ethan.
380
00:13:39,611 --> 00:13:41,405
Where's the anger
coming from, man?
381
00:13:41,488 --> 00:13:44,157
From summer being a total bitch!
382
00:13:44,241 --> 00:13:49,079
Where's the anger coming from?
383
00:13:49,162 --> 00:13:52,666
My brother... took me fishing
once ...In the bushes...
384
00:13:54,084 --> 00:13:55,353
I can't... I can't...
385
00:13:56,420 --> 00:13:58,005
He made me feel like a girl!
386
00:13:58,088 --> 00:14:00,382
I... he made me a girl!
387
00:14:01,633 --> 00:14:03,552
He didn't make
you anything, man.
388
00:14:03,635 --> 00:14:05,429
You are who you are.
389
00:14:05,512 --> 00:14:07,180
She is who she is.
390
00:14:07,264 --> 00:14:09,516
Now, you go to her... brand-new.
391
00:14:09,599 --> 00:14:10,600
Come here, right now.
392
00:14:10,684 --> 00:14:11,560
Oh, my god.
393
00:14:11,643 --> 00:14:12,894
I'm so sorry, Ethan!
394
00:14:12,978 --> 00:14:14,021
I love you!
395
00:14:14,104 --> 00:14:15,104
I love you so much.
396
00:14:16,648 --> 00:14:17,983
Um...
397
00:14:18,066 --> 00:14:19,818
You did it again, cubbie.
398
00:14:19,901 --> 00:14:20,986
Come here.
399
00:14:25,532 --> 00:14:27,743
No! Stop! I hate this!
400
00:14:27,826 --> 00:14:30,787
Well, Christmas doesn't revolve
around what you hate, son.
401
00:14:30,871 --> 00:14:32,122
Well, then I hate Christmas!
402
00:14:32,205 --> 00:14:33,540
Enjoy being human!
403
00:14:33,623 --> 00:14:35,250
You guys are gross and lame.
404
00:14:35,333 --> 00:14:37,419
My name's Reuben Ridley.
405
00:14:37,502 --> 00:14:40,547
You're inside me right now, but
by the end of this journey...
406
00:14:40,630 --> 00:14:41,630
Whoopsie.
407
00:14:41,673 --> 00:14:43,925
Animatronic Reuben:
I'll be inside all of you.
408
00:14:44,009 --> 00:14:45,927
My story begins during
409
00:14:46,011 --> 00:14:48,346
the dot-com crash
in the early '903.
410
00:14:49,973 --> 00:14:52,059
You can put your fingers
wherever you want.
411
00:14:52,142 --> 00:14:54,120
Rick: Morty, you want to put it
on mute or something?
412
00:14:54,144 --> 00:14:55,479
I'm... I'm trying to
concentrate.
413
00:14:55,562 --> 00:14:56,480
Uh... Rick?
414
00:14:56,563 --> 00:14:57,814
Not now, Jerry.
415
00:14:57,898 --> 00:14:59,584
I've got much,
much smaller fish to fry.
416
00:14:59,608 --> 00:15:01,359
I wanted to say I'm sorry
I everjudged you.
417
00:15:01,443 --> 00:15:03,612
Right now,
you're my sanest relative.
418
00:15:03,695 --> 00:15:05,363
Relative.
419
00:15:05,447 --> 00:15:06,573
R-Relative size!
420
00:15:06,656 --> 00:15:08,426
Jerry, hand me a scalpel
and a bundle of dynamite.
421
00:15:08,450 --> 00:15:09,761
Morty, can you get
to the left nipple?
422
00:15:09,785 --> 00:15:11,036
Are you kidding?
423
00:15:11,119 --> 00:15:12,680
I'm hoping I can get
to both of 'em, Rick.
424
00:15:12,704 --> 00:15:14,664
No, morty, I'm talking about
reubenis left nipple.
425
00:15:16,958 --> 00:15:18,269
We need to get
to the left nipple!
426
00:15:18,293 --> 00:15:19,961
The body is decaying.
427
00:15:20,045 --> 00:15:22,297
The arterial transit
system is useless.
428
00:15:22,380 --> 00:15:24,174
We can try the service shuttle.
429
00:15:24,257 --> 00:15:25,737
It's connected to
the skeletal system.
430
00:15:25,801 --> 00:15:27,761
That's why we call
it the bone train.
431
00:15:27,844 --> 00:15:30,889
Would you like to ride
the bone train, miss?
432
00:15:30,972 --> 00:15:32,516
If it'll get us out of here.
433
00:15:32,599 --> 00:15:34,101
How about you, morty?
434
00:15:34,184 --> 00:15:37,062
Would you like to
ride the bone train?
435
00:15:37,145 --> 00:15:38,355
Why are you doing this bit?
436
00:15:38,438 --> 00:15:40,065
We're gonna die! Let's go!
437
00:15:42,150 --> 00:15:45,070
Well... I can see you're busy.
438
00:15:45,153 --> 00:15:46,488
Merry Christmas, Rick.
439
00:15:49,950 --> 00:15:51,368
There's no autopilot.
440
00:15:51,451 --> 00:15:54,579
One of us will have to stay
here and operate it manually.
441
00:15:59,918 --> 00:16:01,854
- Uh, well...
- Bloom: No, you're... you're right.
442
00:16:01,878 --> 00:16:03,922
I-lt was a dick move for me
to even pause like that.
443
00:16:04,005 --> 00:16:05,048
This is all my fault.
444
00:16:05,132 --> 00:16:06,424
You go on.
445
00:16:07,467 --> 00:16:08,467
What the hell is that?
446
00:16:08,510 --> 00:16:09,803
E. Coli outbreak.
447
00:16:09,886 --> 00:16:10,886
Hurry!
448
00:16:13,056 --> 00:16:15,016
Wait, there is an autopilot.
449
00:16:15,100 --> 00:16:16,685
Wait!
450
00:16:16,768 --> 00:16:18,270
It's okay! Never mind!
451
00:16:18,353 --> 00:16:21,148
I wanted to sacrifice
myself anyway!
452
00:16:24,151 --> 00:16:25,911
They're... they're chewing
through the doors!
453
00:16:27,028 --> 00:16:28,405
We're in the areola, Rick...
454
00:16:28,488 --> 00:16:31,700
Almost to the nipple, but we're
also in a really bad situation!
455
00:16:31,783 --> 00:16:33,451
Rick: I'm almost there, morty!
456
00:16:43,670 --> 00:16:45,881
Reports from all over the
country have been coming in
457
00:16:45,964 --> 00:16:48,258
about what appears
to be a giant,
458
00:16:48,341 --> 00:16:51,595
naked man over the
continental United States.
459
00:16:51,678 --> 00:16:54,055
We now go to Tom Randolph
in New York. Tom?
460
00:16:54,139 --> 00:16:57,309
Well, the eyes aren't twinkling
and the dimples aren't merry,
461
00:16:57,392 --> 00:17:01,313
but I'm standing under a
nose like a 70—mile cherry.
462
00:17:01,396 --> 00:17:02,522
Thank you, Tom.
463
00:17:02,606 --> 00:17:05,192
Let's go now to Eric mcmahan
in Los Angeles.
464
00:17:05,275 --> 00:17:07,194
We've got feet here on
the west coast, bill —-
465
00:17:07,277 --> 00:17:08,653
giant feet,
466
00:17:08,737 --> 00:17:10,697
even relative to the
giant man's size,
467
00:17:10,780 --> 00:17:13,450
and you know what
they say about that.
468
00:17:13,533 --> 00:17:15,535
Well, if the old adage is true,
469
00:17:15,619 --> 00:17:20,707
one can only wonder what's going
down in the rocky mountains.
470
00:17:21,833 --> 00:17:22,834
Wha?
471
00:17:32,844 --> 00:17:34,262
Oh my god, the track!
472
00:17:34,346 --> 00:17:35,639
It's hepatitis a!
473
00:17:35,722 --> 00:17:37,182
Aaaah!
474
00:17:51,196 --> 00:17:52,489
[Gasdsi
475
00:17:52,572 --> 00:17:54,115
the nipple hole.
476
00:17:54,199 --> 00:17:56,368
It's beautiful.
477
00:18:03,208 --> 00:18:04,125
Oh, no!
478
00:18:04,209 --> 00:18:05,710
Holy crap!
479
00:18:08,338 --> 00:18:10,090
Whoa! It's hepatitis c!
480
00:18:15,136 --> 00:18:16,221
Um... wait...
481
00:18:16,304 --> 00:18:18,765
Did we have some sort of
relationship with him?
482
00:18:18,848 --> 00:18:20,267
I think they're just like that?
483
00:18:20,350 --> 00:18:22,143
I think they're just good guys.
484
00:18:22,227 --> 00:18:24,646
Oh. Huh.
485
00:18:24,729 --> 00:18:26,064
Rick: Where's Dr. Bloom?
486
00:18:26,147 --> 00:18:27,691
I'm sorry, Rick, but he's dead.
487
00:18:27,774 --> 00:18:28,817
God damn it, morty.
488
00:18:28,900 --> 00:18:30,652
I ask you to do one thing!
489
00:18:40,912 --> 00:18:42,348
Jerry doesn't know
what he's missing.
490
00:18:42,372 --> 00:18:43,707
He'll come around, Beth.
491
00:18:43,790 --> 00:18:45,292
Christmas is a special time.
492
00:18:45,375 --> 00:18:47,419
It has funny ways of
bringing families together.
493
00:18:47,502 --> 00:18:48,837
I don't know, Jacob.
494
00:18:48,920 --> 00:18:51,965
Jerry got an invitation to be
alive today, and he rejected it.
495
00:18:52,048 --> 00:18:54,509
I don't know if
our marriage will...
496
00:18:57,637 --> 00:18:58,555
[Gasdsi
497
00:18:58,638 --> 00:18:59,681
it's raining blood!
498
00:18:59,764 --> 00:19:00,890
Oh, shit. Find Jerry.
499
00:19:00,974 --> 00:19:01,891
Oh, god.
500
00:19:01,975 --> 00:19:03,727
Jerry! It's all right.
501
00:19:03,810 --> 00:19:05,729
The TV says there's
nothing to worry about.
502
00:19:05,812 --> 00:19:08,648
The giant, naked sky
Santa has exploded
503
00:19:08,732 --> 00:19:12,193
blood and chunks of viscera are
raining down on the country.
504
00:19:12,277 --> 00:19:14,195
Everything should be fine.
505
00:19:15,322 --> 00:19:16,323
Oh, yes.
506
00:19:16,406 --> 00:19:17,699
Dad, can I have my phone back?
507
00:19:17,782 --> 00:19:19,200
A sure, sweetie. Here.
508
00:19:19,284 --> 00:19:21,619
Everybody, take a device.
509
00:19:21,703 --> 00:19:23,246
It'll help you relax.
510
00:19:23,330 --> 00:19:24,331
This is nice.
511
00:19:24,414 --> 00:19:25,707
Yeah.
512
00:19:25,790 --> 00:19:28,585
Look, I guess we really learned
something this Christmas, Jacob.
513
00:19:28,668 --> 00:19:29,753
No, we didn't, dad.
514
00:19:29,836 --> 00:19:31,671
No, we didn't.
515
00:19:33,423 --> 00:19:34,716
Rick: Too bad about Dr. Bloom.
516
00:19:34,799 --> 00:19:35,967
He was a genius...
517
00:19:36,051 --> 00:19:38,303
The only man capable of
creating a new anatomy park.
518
00:19:38,386 --> 00:19:40,889
Actually, I studied
Dr. Bloom's work.
519
00:19:40,972 --> 00:19:43,183
I-I-I—I believe I have the
knowledge necessary to create
520
00:19:43,266 --> 00:19:44,976
an entirely new,
much safer park.
521
00:19:45,060 --> 00:19:46,060
What about...
522
00:19:46,102 --> 00:19:47,395
Pirates of the pancreas?
523
00:19:47,479 --> 00:19:49,898
I think it was one of the
most underrated attractions.
524
00:19:49,981 --> 00:19:52,484
Boo—yah! Hold your breath.
525
00:19:52,567 --> 00:19:54,652
Hey, w-w-what the hell, Rick?!
526
00:19:54,736 --> 00:19:56,654
What the hell, man! I liked her!
527
00:19:56,738 --> 00:19:58,615
I really had something
going there, Rick!
528
00:19:58,698 --> 00:19:59,949
Yeah, so I heard.
529
00:20:00,033 --> 00:20:01,761
You dodged a bullet,
morty... trust me.
530
00:20:01,785 --> 00:20:03,495
Puffy vagina.
531
00:20:03,578 --> 00:20:04,829
W-What's wrong with that?
532
00:20:04,913 --> 00:20:06,432
That doesn't sound
like a problem to me.
533
00:20:06,456 --> 00:20:07,624
I don't know.
534
00:20:07,707 --> 00:20:08,851
Come on,
let's get some stuffing.
535
00:20:08,875 --> 00:20:10,251
I'm starving.
536
00:20:12,253 --> 00:20:13,546
Oh, unbelievable.
537
00:20:13,630 --> 00:20:15,924
We got... we got a bunch of
robot, computer people,
538
00:20:16,007 --> 00:20:18,676
sitting around with their faces
stuffed into computer screens.
539
00:20:18,760 --> 00:20:20,804
Do you guys realize that
Christ was born today?
540
00:20:20,887 --> 00:20:24,349
Jesus Christ, our savior,
was born today.
541
00:20:24,432 --> 00:20:26,017
Are -— are -— are
you people even human?
542
00:20:26,101 --> 00:20:28,061
What kind of Christmas is this?
543
00:20:59,050 --> 00:21:00,969
Annie:
Hey, Rick? Rick, can you hear me?
544
00:21:01,052 --> 00:21:01,845
Loud and clear, Annie.
545
00:21:01,928 --> 00:21:02,846
Annie: Great.
546
00:21:02,929 --> 00:21:04,782
We're also on with Alejandro,
our chief imaginarian.
547
00:21:04,806 --> 00:21:05,849
Alejandro: Hey, Rick.
548
00:21:05,932 --> 00:21:08,202
Natalie Jacobs and Chris deseter
from microscopic marketing,
549
00:21:08,226 --> 00:21:10,854
Zack from organ concepts,
and Jamie from new media.
550
00:21:10,937 --> 00:21:12,230
Hey, everybody.
551
00:21:12,313 --> 00:21:13,332
Hi, how's it going? Hi, Rick.
552
00:21:13,356 --> 00:21:14,816
Annie:
So, pirates of the pancreas.
553
00:21:14,899 --> 00:21:15,899
Yeah. Talk to me.
554
00:21:15,942 --> 00:21:17,402
Hey, Rick.
It's Alejandro speaking.
555
00:21:17,485 --> 00:21:20,655
Um, so, we asked ourselves,
internally...
556
00:21:20,738 --> 00:21:21,990
We asked ourselves over here,
557
00:21:22,073 --> 00:21:23,992
"okay, what does a pancreas do?"
558
00:21:24,075 --> 00:21:26,661
And the answer was,
"does it make pirates?"
559
00:21:26,744 --> 00:21:28,788
No, it makes Insulin, you know?
560
00:21:28,872 --> 00:21:30,540
So, we're starting with a new...
561
00:21:30,623 --> 00:21:33,001
Those guys are inside me, huh?
562
00:21:33,084 --> 00:21:34,752
Like, building a park?
563
00:21:34,836 --> 00:21:36,814
Those guys are inside you
building a piece of shit, Ethan!
564
00:21:36,838 --> 00:21:38,649
They're inside you building
a monument to compromise!
565
00:21:38,673 --> 00:21:40,300
Fuck 'em.
566
00:21:40,383 --> 00:21:41,383
Fuck those people.
567
00:21:41,426 --> 00:21:43,970
Fuck this whole thing, Ethan.
568
00:21:44,053 --> 00:21:45,513
Cool.
569
00:21:45,597 --> 00:21:46,597
And who pays me?
570
00:21:48,433 --> 00:21:49,809
Did you get any of that?
571
00:21:49,893 --> 00:21:51,728
It's a good-a show!
37006
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