Original subtitles

I hate going to sleep, I do.

I just do.

I just hate going to sleep...

..I do.

Just hate going to (YAWNS) sleep anyway...

..I do.

I don't like going to...

'How many hours do you reckon you could stay awake for?'

Erm... Competitively?

24.

Well, yesterday, I can use an example.

I stayed awake for eight-and-a-half hours.

I did. Eight-and-a-half?

Yeah.

Wow(!)

Oh, the sleep is very important. For me, it's very important.

For me, sleeping is very important.

I think it's very important, the sleep...

..for me.

People think that when you work on nights,

that you'll automatically sleep in the daytime because you're so tired.

It doesn't work like that. I wish it did.

Cos you're really...you come home, I come home at six in the morning,

I'm buzzing and I could go to ten, 12. I could stay awake all day.

But then, all of a sudden - bang, it hits you like a wall.

Say, for instance, you've got -

He turns into a grumpy old (BLANK), that's what happens.

Lost my...I had a good one. Oh, sorry.

I don't go to bed till late.

I couldn't go at nine, like you.

You couldn't. No.

Half-past nine and that's it. Is it lunchtime?

No. No.

Normally, I'd have six to seven hours' sleep.

I think it's advisable to have seven.

I know that if you have more than seven or less than seven,

you're likely to die earlier.

If you're tired enough, you'll sleep anywhere.

Doesn't matter where it is.

As long as it's warm and dry.

That's all you need, really.

I've slept in fields, stuff like that.

Erm...tunnels. Under motorway bridges.

Slept in the middle of motorways a couple of times.

(LAUGHS)

It does something queer to folk, don't it?

I mean, they might be a bit more sparky

and erm...you know, they might be in the mood for love.

I could sleep 12 hours, easy.

I could go to bed now and not wake up till 8:00 tomorrow morning.

RINGING Five...now the phone's ringing.

Hello.

Hello?

No, she died ages ago, you'll need to update your records a bit better.

No, she didn't. It's only the neighbour that moved,

but they don't like...(LAUGHS).

I heavy breathe at night. No, man, you snore.

I don't snore. You've always snored.

I don't snore. You snore like -

I don't snore. I don't snore. You do.

Why do you...why do you deny it? I heavy breathe.

I'm telling you, I've heard you snoring. You won't believe me.

I'm not going to lie to you about something like that.

You snore, man. I don't snore.

You do, like a pig.

I've never heard a pig snore. It's diabolical.

I'm not kidding, I'm not being nasty, I'm telling the truth.

It wakes me in the night.

It did early this morning, about 4:00am

And I shook...well, I didn't shake Jackie,

I said, "Jackie, Jackie, turn on your side."

Cos, when she's lying on her back, her head will flop back

and she'll go...(GRUNTS).

And I thought, "Oh, aww," - You're nasty about me.

No, it's not. I'm not being nasty. I can't help it, can I?

I can't help it. No. You've had your adenoids out.

Yes, I have, and my tonsils, but I can't help it.

I've got to lie on my back, cos I've got a bad back.

If I ever sleep on my back,

I have those dreams where it's like you can't move.

Really scary dreams.

Like you're half awake and half asleep and I really hate that.

Never, ever sleep on your back, do you?

Not any more.

Well, that's...

Well, there is such a thing as nose pegs.

Is there really? Oh well. Yes.

Which we'll have to introduce into this household.

I'll go and sleep in the other room, if you want.

Well, you go and sleep in the other room.

Yes, why not?

If you don't get your sleep you're...don't approach him.

Don't approach him until he's - (LAUGHS)

It's like, seriously, forget about brown grizzly bears,

they don't do damage like Keith.

What about you when you're tired? You're like the living dead.

You can't talk to him, he's comatose.

(LAUGHS) Can't do nothing.

No, I don't do that crazy stuff. (LAUGHS)

Mummy. Yes, darling?

I'm tired. 'Does he want to go to bed?'

No he never goes...it's the middle of the day, Michael.

'Oh, right.' I'm just like...Mum, tell him.

It's too early. (LAUGHS) (LAUGHS)

In the daily life, you hear a little bird tweet and it sounds lovely.

But if that bird is tweeting at 11:00, when you're trying to sleep,

you wanna kill the (BLANK).

But, in the morning, you think, "Aww, lovely little bird."

For me, it was because, it was - Cos I went to bed the other day,

and that little (BLANK) was there tweeting in that tree

and I wanted to go down...there was a whole family in there. (TWEETS)

You'll then decide...it's almost - Ooh, (GROWLS), shut up.

'OK, Steven, have you ever sleep-talked?'

How's he gonna know that? How do I know?

How's he gonna know if he sleep talks?

You should ask her that question! What a silly question.

Sometimes Steven is tossing and turning

and I think he's running away from somebody,

he's probably doing something that he shouldn't be doing.

He's usually...he does sometimes (MUMBLES AND MOANS).

So, I don't know what he's doing.

KNOCKING (LAUGHS)

Open the door, Dad. I'm sleeping.

KNOCKING Daddy, let me in.

(LAUGHING) Daddy, let me... (LAUGHS)

KNOCKING I ain't getting out my bed.

Do you know what time it is?

It's 12:00. Do not make eye contact.

Hay. Hay. Lots of hay and cows. (LAUGHS)

Do you dream? Dunho?

No. Run home?

No. Rung ho?

Dream. Yes, I dream.

Yeah, they're terrible, aren't they?

Oh, no. I always dream the same dream

and I can never get to the bottom of it.

Better go back to sleep. Yeah, go back to sleep. (LAUGHS)

Mummy. Yes, darling?

(INDISTINCT)

We'll be finished soon. I'm tired.

Then go to sleep. You can come here.

Well, I need to suck my thumb.

Yeah, suck you thumb, then. That's all right.

Well, when I can I get this microphone off me?

Get the microphone off now. There you are.

Now you don't have to worry about it.

You've finished your contribution, you lay down and suck your thumb.

I keep getting up.

I do.

(YAWNS) I'm tired.

I should've went to bed.

I just hate going to sleep...I do.

(SNORES)

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