Original subtitles

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(GRUNTS) Annie!

Will ye bring me slip-on's down?

I threw your slip-on's out. The backs had gone.

(PANTS) I can't tie them. I can't...

Every time I lean forward, I go dizzy and my arm's numb again.

I'll tie them. We've got to get a new mattress.

I think I'll call in the shop on the way home.

You're on sick. I know, but I want to see how they're doing.

You need to concentrate on getting yourself right.

I don't mean to stay, I'll just pop in to see them all,

make me feel normal.

(DOOR CLOSES)

PETE: Hiya! It's our Pete.

What you doing here?

I've come to take my dad to hospital.

No need to. Annie's driving me.

We better get going in case there's any traffic.

(SIGHS)

(TELEPHONE RINGING)

This is getting ridiculous. Why bother having appointments?

That's why I didn't want you to come. I knew there'd be a lot of waiting.

I wanted to catch the bank before they closed. Right.

I've done another spreadsheet.

I hope they'll give me the money this time.

You're just gonna owe more. I bought the property, Dad.

It won't let unless I can do the conversion.

It's sitting empty leaking money month after month.

How much you asking the bank for?

(SIGHS) I need at least another 200 to do it up properly.

Two hundred grand?! Bloody hell!

ANNIE: Can we talk about this some other time, please?

Dad.

My God, it's like Family Fortunes!

Now then, Pete. Mat.

I've been ringing you. Me phone's off. What do you want?

Bob! What do you mean what do I want?

I've come to support you.

I couldn't remember what time your appointment was though.

Seems they can't, either.

I hate hospitals. BOB: Me too.

Oh, for goodness sake!

Are you pissed?

Robert John Davies. About time.

What are they doing? Hey? Are they coming in an' all?

Looks like it. Oh, hold up, hang on.

(CHATTERING, TELEPHONES RINGING)

Come in.

BOB: You can't barge in! Sorry.

We've come en mass, I'm afraid. Is it all right if my family come in?

Yes, fine. I'm not sure there's enough chairs though.

It's all right I'll stand. I think you should sit.

I'm not pissed. Mathew!

So, Robert...

Bob. Bob.

MAT: Is it good news?

We've had your results, the scans, the biopsy and blood test back.

MAT: And? Will you shut up?

Sorry.

(SIGHS)

You see this light grey area here? BOB: Yeah.

That we thought was a cyst or a benign tumour?

Yeah. Yeah.

Well, it turns out it isn't either. Great!

That's a relief. (CHUCKLES)

You have what we call a high-grade glioblastoma multiforme.

What's that when it's out and about?

I'm afraid it's a very aggressive form of brain cancer.

DOCTOR VO: 'The tumour is growing at an alarming rate.

It's growing deep down in the brain

and removing it would be far too dangerous.

I've looked at the scans and X-Rays very carefully

and discussed it with my colleague,

and unfortunately it's completely inoperable and untreatable.

I'm afraid the prognosis is not good.'

We'll get a second opinion, love.

I won't see the magnolia blossom.

You don't know that.

They say these things and people live for years after.

That must have been what all those funny turns were about, eh?

I know. Yeah.

Peter's trying to get an appointment at that private hospital.

Why? So I can pay them to give me the bad news.

But we need a second opinion, love. He might be wrong.

Hello, love.

I've rung a couple of times and left messages erm...

Just wondered if I could speak to Bob.

It's not a good time. He's had a long day.

I want to talk to him for ten minutes and go.

(TV OFF)

Who is it, love?

It's Stuart.

Well, don't keep him on doorstep. Tell him to come in.

I was gonna see you this afternoon, but I got caught up in other things.

Sit down.

Tried to ring you to find out how you got on at hospital.

Do you fancy a drink, son? No, I'm all right, thanks.

Annie will make you a cuppa, or do you fancy a beer?

Erm...

We've got some in the fridge. Go on. Get him a beer, Annie.

No, everything was fine at the hospital, yeah.

No problems there. Got the all clear.

(SIGHS) Well, come on then, what's been happening at the shop?

Erm... Are you managing without me?

They've sent us a relief manager. We've got a newbie, Sally Anne.

Ohh. (CHUCKLES) Bloody hopeless.

Denise had her eyes done and she can't see a bloody thing.

That copper still coming in?

Yeah, in fact he came in this morning.

What for?

To ask me to go to the station.

I've been there all afternoon answering questions.

We haven't got any beers. The boys must've drunk them.

Can you slip down to shop? No, it's all right.

Annie don't mind, do you, love?

If you want rid of me, you only have to say.

A glass of water's fine, honestly. Would you like bitter or lager?

Both and some crisps please, love.

Will you get a bottle of whiskey? Make sure it's good stuff.

Do you want some money? I think I can manage.

What other questions they been asking you, the coppers?

(DOOR CLOSES)

All sorts, really. Why...

Why I didn't try and raise the alarm and why I were on my own.

Well, I should never have left you, but I felt shocking.

All I could think of was getting home.

I thought I'd give Annie a ring, but I couldn't find my phone.

I must have left it at the bloody shop.

Hello?

Stu, it's me.

Ah, there you are.

I got nearly all the way home and realised I didn't have my phone.

What you doing in the dark? Nothing, I was just putting...

(MOBILE RINGING)

Ah, that sounds like mine. I must've dropped it when I was puking.

(RINGING CONTINUES)

Found it!

(GLASS SHATTERS)

(DISTORTED) Can you hear me, Bob?

(DISTORTED) Have you any idea who did this to you?

No. Stuart was erm...

..putting the takings into the safe

..and erm...

(DISTORTED) Try and keep your eyes open, Bob.

Stuart was putting the day's takings into the safe and...?

No, not...

Not all of them. I'd already cashed up one of the tills.

Stuart said there was just over seven grand in the safe.

Is that an average Saturday night's takings?

Yeah er...

When it's a roll-over weekend, yeah.

So, when Stuart was putting the money in the safe,

were you aware of anybody else in the shop?

No.

I'm sorry. I think he's had enough.

OK, Bob, we're gonna let you rest and we'll come back tomorrow.

Thanks.

The next thing I knew,

you and that smarmy American were staring down at me.

This is Andy.

(AMERICAN ACCENT) Andy Faraday.

How do.

I've got some very good news for you.

Can you hear me, Bob? It's good news.

We've won the lottery.

Do you know, I thought you said we'd won the lottery. (CHUCKLES)

We have, 18 million.

Bugger me.

ANDY: There's a slight complication.

Stuart is an unpaid up member of the syndicate,

and in circumstances like this, we let the other members vote

whether he or she should get their share of the winnings.

Well, you couldn't help being skint. So which one didn't vote for you?

I dunno. Well, one of them must've said no.

They're not gonna tell me, are they? I don't deserve it anyway.

None of us do, lad. We just got lucky, that's all.

So what else did the coppers ask you?

Why I said "get down" to the robber when I heard your voice.

They saw it on the CCTV.

Right... Right, well I can see why that would seem strange.

(SIGHS, INHALES DEEPLY)

Are you all right, lad, eh? You don't seem yourself.

No. I feel like shit.

Why's that, then?

Come on, spit it out.

I said "get down" to the robber cos, I didn't want you to get hurt.

I thought if he saw you and you saw him he'd...

He'd shoot me?

Yeah.

Except it wasn't a real gun...

..it was our Jack's.

So he hit me over the head with a whiskey bottle instead?

That wasn't supposed to happen. I tried to stop him and...

It all happened so quick.

One minute I was in the toilet, the next I was in hospital.

It was such a shit idea!

Your brother's full of shit ideas, isn't he?

Well, I knew it wouldn't have been yours.

(SIGHS)

I shouldn't have listened to him, bloody stupid,

but I needed money for the flat.

Well, he made it sound so simple.

Last thing I wanted was you to get hurt though.

I'm sorry, Bob.

I know you are, lad.

I know.

Have you told the coppers?

No. Right.

I wanted to tell you first. Well, you've done that.

Nobody else needs to know.

I can't do that. 'Course you can.

Get on with yer life.

You've got kids to take care of, and money to spend.

(SIGHS)

Aren't you gonna say anything?

Hm. What would I gain by it?

(LAUGHS WEAKLY)

Besides, I knew it was you and your brother all along.

How?

There's no way you known them takings were over seven grand

unless you took the bags home and counted them.

You wouldn't have had time to do it in the shop.

Why would you anyway?

Do me a favour, will you, lad?

Don't get involved again with your brother.

Cut him loose.

ANNIE: I'm back.

I got a couple of six-packs cos they were on special offer.

I bet we do 'em cheaper. I'll get some glasses.

Sorry, I'm gonna have to go. Oh right, I was as quick as I...

It's all right, love, he's gotta go.

He's a family man. He's bairns to take care of.

All right, lad. Ta-rah now. Take care of yourself.

I will. Thanks, Bob.

No problem.

And remember what I said, right? I will.

(BOB GROANS)

What's up with yer arm? I just put it out doing the garden.

If you need any help with owt...

No, I'm fine, honestly. I've got the lads.

Do you think you'll be back before they shut us down?

(SIGHS) I don't know, son. I'll keep you posted.

I'll see you out. All right.

See you, Bob. Bye-bye. Bye lad, bye.

(SIGHS)

Stuart.

Bob won't be coming back to work, love.

Oh, right.

I don't blame him.

It wasn't...

..good news at the hospital.

Yeah, but he said... I know what he said.

It isn't true. Why, what is it?

He's...

He's got a tumour on his brain.

(EXHALES SHAKILY) Was it the bang on his head?

No, they only found it cos of the scan.

Can't they cut it out?

It's too deep. He hasn't got long left.

Annie! Let the lad get home!

See you, Bob. See ya! Go on, get yerself off!

(ANNIE SNIFFS)

(EXHALES SHARPLY)

(DOG BARKING)

(PANTING)

Are you all right? Yeah, I'm good.

(EXHALES HEAVILY)

No.

I've just been at Bob's.

It's not good, Leanne.

He's dying. He's only got a couple of months left.

Oh, my God! What is it?

A tumour, a big friggin' tumour.

Annie told me.

(GASPS IN DISBELIEF)

I don't know what to do. Poor Bob! I can't believe it!

I don't get it. Why him? He hasn't a bad bone in his body.

I don't know. (SIGHS)

I just wish it was me that had it. No, you don't!

My God, that's terrible.

(SNIFFS) It's so bloody unfair.

Hey, come on. (SOBS) Oh, shit, sorry.

I shouldn't have come here.

I were gonna wait and tell you and Denise at work but...

I wouldn't have been there.

(SIGHS) I quit just after they took you to the police station.

Jimmy was doing my head in.

So when am I gonna see you then?

I'll keep in touch.

You're not just saying that? No!

You're my friend.

I don't know anybody else who's won the lottery, just us lot.

Did you speak to Josh about that house?

There's one for sale near us.

No.

Tell you the truth, I'm thinking of moving somewhere else.

So I'm not gonna see you then.

We can call each other.

Can I ask you summat, Leanne?

Yes.

Did you vote for me to have the money?

Of course I did!

I can't believe you had to ask me that.

Sorry. I knew you would have done.

I better go.

You don't have to.

I do.

I, er, I didn't mean erm... No, I know.

I'll ring you.

(EXPLOSION, GASPS)

What is it?

(PANTS) Oh. No.

Nothing. Ah!

Nothing, love.

(EXHALES) Just a bad dream, that's all.

What about?

I've got to make a list.

I've not got much time. I've got to crack on.

I've got a lot to fit in. (GRUNTS)

I got to see the lads, talk to them, sort them out.

How much I should give them?

I don't know, it's your money. 100 grand, 200?

We need to book a holiday somewhere. Where do you want to go?

Where do you fancy?

I don't know, so much to see, isn't there before...?

Pyramids?

Las Vegas?

Paris.

We could see the Eiffel Tower. No, I went there on my honeymoon.

Anywhere.

Could be our last holiday together. Don't say that.

You've got to face up to it, love.

I don't want to face up to anything till we have to.

It's one doctor's opinion, that's all.

He might've got it wrong.

(MUFFLED LOUNGE MUSIC PLAYING)

Right, get us some drinks in.

I'll have a double whiskey with a drop of water.

It's all right. I can... Take it. Take it.

Half a lager. Cheers, Dad.

(VOCALIZING)

Let's go over there, shall we? Yeah.

(SINGING RHYTHM AND BLUES)

So how've you been?

Depressed.

Yeah, me too. Bit of a bugger, isn't it? (CHUCKLES)

Gemma's pregnant.

Wow, that's good news. Bloody hell! I didn't think you had it in you.

Cheers, Dad.

I know I've been a disappointment to you.

Hey! Who says that?

You've not been a disappointment to me!

It's all in yer head. What are you saying that for?

I dunno, I just...

I feel it.

Our Peter's a solicitor.

He's got a posh wife, property- Yeah, so what?

You're a musician. Your music makes people happy.

Don't forget that.

I listened to that tape you sent me for my birthday, it's bloody good!

Which track did you like best? All of it. Wait... No.

You didn't listen to it, did you?

To be absolutely truthful, it was not really my thing,

but I could appreciate the work that had gone into it.

(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)

MC: Give it up for June Juniper.

So how many months gone is Gemma? Four.

I might just get to see him or her then.

We wanted to make sure everything was all right before we told anyone.

You won't be able to rely on Gemma bringing in the brass any more.

I've applied for jobs, but they don't get back to you.

Newbury's are taking people on.

I don't wanna work in Newbury's, Dad.

I've been looking into setting up my own record label.

All I need is...

Look, you've got enough on your plate.

What do you need?

Nothing.

You to be well, that's all.

(APPLAUSE IN BACKGROUND)

Hey, hey, hey. Come here, come here.

(SIGHS)

We've all got to go sometime, son.

It's just sooner than I thought, that's all.

You do what you want.

There y'are.

(APPLAUSE IN BACKGROUND)

I can't take all this. You're gonna get it anyway.

You might as well have it now, and you crack on with yer label idea.

Cheers, Dad.

(CHEERING)

Nice one, June. Thank you, sweetheart.

Oh, hello, love. Nice to see you.

Bob. BOB: Now then.

I'm honoured. At least you didn't heckle me this time.

I'm sorry about that. Or sling beer at me.

I didn't sling beer at you, I tripped.

Somehow the whole lot managed to go all over my dress.

I haven't come here to go over all that now.

It happened a long time ago, Mother. (LAUGHS) It's 'Mother' now, is it?

£200 that dress cost me.

(SIGHS)

I hear you won the lottery? Yeah, yeah.

Best part of four million. It's a lot of money. Good for you.

Are you gonna sit down? I've only got 20 minutes before-

BOB: I won't keep you long.

(SIGHS)

You're looking good. You've not changed a bit.

It's amazing what Botox and fillers can do.

If you haven't come to start a row with me,

and not come to sling beer at me, what do you want?

He's come to see you.

About what? Don't, Mam!

Why are you always so defensive, eh?

Can you give us a minute, lads?

Yeah, sure. We'll just be over by the bar.

MC: We'll be back with June Juniper in about 20 minutes' time.

(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)

You're the mother of my sons, June. We share the same grandchildren.

Didn't stop you calling me an old slag last time you saw me.

My head was in a different place that time. I... I was angry.

(SIGHS)

(BUZZ OF CONVERSATION IN BACKGROUND)

I dreamt about you last night. Bit of a nightmare, was it?

No, I was...

(SIGHS) I was trying to get to you, but erm...

But what? Nothing, nothing.

(SIGHS) So is that what you've come to tell me, you dreamt about me?

You were part of my life for 15 years, June.

So, I've come to make peace with you.

I've come to say I'm sorry.

Is this some kind of trick? No, I mean it.

(LAUGHS) Right.

So, what are you supposed to be sorry for?

For not being a good husband,

for not giving you what needed, for not looking after you properly.

For God's sake! I think I prefer it when you're calling me an old slag!

It wasn't your fault I met a shmuck 15 years younger than myself.

Yeah, but, summat must have been wrong for you to do that.

Do you know your problem? No.

You were too nice.

You were a pushover, always was and always will be.

You gave into me all the time.

You should've said no once in a while.

I should never have worked the cruise ships,

not with two small boys.

I could've worked the clubs like I'm doing now.

But I didn't have to do the washing, cook the meals, see to the kids.

I could live my life in a bubble.

Every time, I asked I thought you'd say no.

Part of me wanted you to say no.

(EXHALES SHARPLY)

(CHUCKLES)

I thought if I said no, you'd leave me.

I'd have thought more of you.

Really?

Yeah.

(SIGHS, CHUCKLES)

So there you are. It was my fault anyway. (LAUGHS)

Anyway, what goes around, comes around.

The stupid bastard ran off with a 27-year-old magician's assistant.

(SIGHS) I'm on my own now.

Yeah, our Mathew told me.

I bet that made you laugh. Till I cried.

# 10CC: I'm Not In Love

So what about you and Annie? Does she make you happy?

Yeah, she thinks the world of me and I think the world of her.

Good. Yeah.

I like sharing my life with her.

Yeah, must be nice.

It is, yeah. We're easy with each other.

But I never loved her, like I loved you.

Oh, God, don't say that.

It's the truth.

Maybe that was the problem...

..I loved you too much.

The first time I ever saw you at Susan Braithwaite's birthday party

standing on that table singing your head off, I thought...

Yeah, "She's trouble." No, "That's the girl for me."

(SIGHS, CHUCKLES)

Here...

I want you to have this. What is it?

What's it look like? It's a cheque. I don't want your money.

I want you to have it. No, I can't!

(STAMMERS) It'd mean a lot to me. I don't care. No.

I need to know you'll be all right. I AM all right!

You're not as young as you used to be. You're not...

As glamorous? I wasn't gonna say that.

Look, it's OK, I've got a bit put by and drawing my pension soon enough.

You don't have to worry about me.

I better go and fix my face. I'll see you later.

You might not, June.

You might never see me again.

Why? What's up? Are you emigrating? Yeah, something like that. Yeah.

Go on. Take it.

No, I can't. It wouldn't be right. Put it in the bank till you need it.

Right?

Ta-rah, love.

It's a shame we couldn't have made a go of it.

# It doesn't mean that much to me

# I'm not in love, no no

# It's because... #

PETER: Did you tell her? BOB: No.

We come all this way so you could! To get my head sorted out.

I know what I want now. What's that?

I want a party.

I want a great, big, bloody party!

See you later then, Dad, and erm, thanks.

No problem. Night, son.

I'll give you a bell about the party and we'll go through some ideas.

It should be pretty straightforward. I'll ring you if I get stuck.

I think your brother would like to help, Peter.

Yeah, our Mathew's full of good intentions(!)

So, I gather you've given him a cheque.

Bloody hell! That didn't take him long.

It wasn't a secret, was it?

No. I've got one for you as well.

Only it's not quite as much as your brother's.

Why's that then?

It were that money I lent you, years ago.

You won over 3.5 million, Dad, and you're talking about £30,000!

It was 33 actually. It was my life's savings.

I cashed my insurance policy, took out an extra mortgage.

I'd have gone under if you hadn't! They'd have made me bankrupt.

It'd have ended my marriage. That all she thinks of you?

I couldn't have practiced law.

You never offered to pay any back, Peter, not a penny piece.

Because I haven't had the money.

You manage to find the money for your skiing holidays

and your Christmases in the Bahamas!

I tell you this every year, we stay at Abigail's parents' villa,

all we have to do is find flights.

You don't even send us a card. For God's sake, don't be so petty!

I had plans for that money, Peter,

things I wanted to do, things I had to put on hold.

Well, you've got plenty of money now.

Yeah...

..and no time.

ANNIE: Where've you been? I've been with lads.

We've got visitors.

Bloody hell! They've sent a posse to get me back to work. (LAUGHS)

They know, Bob.

Right.

(SIGHS DEEPLY)

We've been doing some research online

and come to show you what we've found.

There's a surgeon in South Africa who has this special laser scalpel.

They put you on drugs to shrink tumour first,

but he's had amazing results.

There's a woman called Mary in Durham,

she was given three months and she's still here two years later.

It's all in that little computer.

We wanted to send the surgeon an e-mail,

but we didn't know all the facts.

If it was me, I would definitely go.

You've got Annie and your two sons and your lovely grandchildren.

You don't even have to raise money cos you've got it.

What do you think?

It's a chance.

Our Peter's organised for me to see this consultant tomorrow.

You can still see him.

I don't remember what he called it, but it had a right long name.

You can find out tomorrow. He'll have your notes.

(SIGHS) Is it hot tonight, or is it me? (CHUCKLES)

(BOB EXHALES DEEPLY)

ANNIE: They're waiting for an answer, Bob.

I don't know. I'll think about it.

You haven't got long to decide. Thanks for reminding me(!)

He's trying to be helpful, Bob.

(SIGHS) Yeah.

(THUNDER RUMBLES)

I mean, there's the treatment to pay for,

there's the surgeon, anaesthetist.

You can't put a price on life. Anyway, you've got the money.

It'd put a bloody big dent into it though, won't it, eh?

We'd have to be out there for three, four weeks, maybe more

and there's no guarantee it'll work either.

Well, what's the alternative, Bob?

Well I...

I say my goodbyes and leave you and the lads set up for life.

I don't want to be set up for a life without you, thank you very much.

Neither would your sons. You don't know them.

They've got big ideas.

I'm sure they'd rather have their father.

(SIGHS) Now can we just drop it, yeah?

I'm sick of hearing about it!

So how was June?

June who?

June, your ex-wife.

Oh, her. Who told you?

Nobody told me.

You put your best trousers on and stank of her perfume.

It's not rocket science.

Why do they make the buttonholes so bloody small?!

I expect the boys told her you'd won the lottery.

Yep.

So I suppose she wants some money. Nope.

What did she want to see you for then?

She didn't. (SIGHS)

I wanted to see her.

Oh, right. Well, that's bloody lovely(!)

You gonna move back in with her now her toy boy's dumped her?

Don't be ridiculous. You couldn't wait to see her!

You've never...

..really given yourself to me, not properly.

It's always been June.

Do you think I didn't know it?

Do you think I'm...stupid?

I've seen you scouring the newspapers

trying to find out where she's playing next.

I've heard you asking the kids if they've seen their Grandma June.

Well, I'm sick to death of it, Bob!

I've treated your sons and your grandsons like they were my own.

I've bought them things, picked their kids up from school,

and I've never had so much as a thank you from your Peter.

It takes all his time to be civil and you never say a word to him!

I've put up with it for years but I draw the line

at playing second fiddle to some third-rate club turn

who can't keep her knickers on!

I'm sleeping in the spare room! Oh, Annie, Annie, Annie!

(DOOR CLOSES)

(SIGHS)

(SOBS)

(THUNDER CRACKS)

(SOBS)

(RAIN POURING)

(DOOR CLOSES, ANNIE GASPS)

(GRUNTS)

(GROANS)

(EXHALES SHARPLY)

Ah.

Would you go to South Africa for her?

It's not about June.

Come and lie with me, Annie.

Feel the rain on your skin.

She never made me happy, not the way you do.

The only thing that matters,

is being with somebody that makes you feel YOU matter.

I love you, Annie, and I never want to leave you.

I love you.

(LABOURED BREATHING)

What you doing? Getting glass for coffee table.

Let them do it. That's what we paid them for.

Cheers, mate.

My mam said she's all right to have kids tonight.

What's wrong with you looking after them?

We're going to Bob's do. I told you.

No, you didn't. I did.

You didn't cos if you'd told me,

I'd have said I couldn't go cos it's Ellie's hen night tonight.

I told his son you're coming.

You'll have to tell him I'm not, won't ya?

(ENGINE REVVING, TYRES SQUEALING)

(ENGINE IDLING)

Hiya! (LAUGHS)

I don't see why we don't get a decent car.

We've got a decent car, and two kids won't fit in the back of a Ferrari.

Nice house. Cheers.

We got loads to do to it, but we couldn't stay at your mam's longer.

I better go see where they're putting that sofa,

otherwise they'll just plonk it anywhere.

Come have a look at the pool.

She's driving me up the friggin' wall.

All she thinks about is how to spend money.

You wanted her back, mate. I've got me a suit for Bob's do.

You're gonna go? Yeah!

He won't want you there, trust me. Why not?

Maybe cos you caved his head in! He don't know that!

Don't he? What's that supposed to mean?

I didn't do it on purpose. I just...panicked.

Anyway, they've got nothing on us. I wouldn't be too sure about that.

They haven't! I've been down the nick this morning.

If they had owt, they'd arrest us.

Are you coming, Jamie?

You better go. You've been summoned.

We have some friends who've been looking on the Internet for us,

and they found this person in South Africa...

That would be Mr Shapiro, he's a pioneer in neurosurgery

and he's been getting amazing results.

I have to be honest though, not everybody is suitable.

Right.

We might get all the way out there

and this Shapiro bloke says I'm not suitable.

We'll have a holiday.

I don't want to die on an operating table in South Africa.

Well, where do you want to die?

At home, in bed.

Anyway, you might not die. I don't want burning, either.

What?!

I want to be buried, with a proper grave and headstone.

Will you shut up?!

If you're gonna carry on like this, you can go home on the bus.

What's the matter with you?

I've got a brain tumour that I can't even pronounce,

that's what's up with me.

I hope you're not gonna be like this at the party.

I know I look ten times better than what I did,

but Rodney is really handsome, he could have whoever he wanted.

(CAR DOOR CLOSES)

This is Rodney.

Hiya!

Pleased to meet you, Leanne. I've heard so much about you.

Sorry about the smell of dog.

BOB: Bloody hell!

When I said 'party', I was thinking more community hall.

Peter said him and Abigail come here all the time.

Make no wonder he's skint!

Hey-hey! Grandad!

Look at the pair of you! Mum says it's your party.

Is it your birthday? No, sunshine, no.

Hi.

We love it here. Absolutely stunning.

Hey, Peter! Pete, Pete. Do I give him a tip or what?

When he brings your car back. All right. OK.

Right, is everyone ready? Come on, lads.

You all right with them, are you? OK, all in then.

Lovely, isn't it? You all right?

We'd like a toilet in the room if that's at all possible.

RECEPTIONIST: All our rooms are en-suite, sir.

You have a Jacuzzi bath and a separate shower.

And a toilet? Of course.

And complimentary toiletries. Oh, smashing.

Would you like a sherry, sir?

Why not, er, Oliver. (CHUCKLES)

Madam? Ta.

(BOYS GIGGLING)

(BOYS) Sweets! Where? There!

(BOY) Fill your pockets!

Boys, stop that! They're just excited, bless 'em.

The room is ready for your party, sir.

Dad, they need your credit card.

We've barely come through the door!

Just give her your card, Dad. All right.

Here we are.

No need to worry, plenty in there.

I think you guys are up here. Oh, right, see you later, boys.

See ya! Can we stay with you, Grandad?

Leave your grandad alone. He might want some rest.

Plenty of time for rest when- Bob!

We'll ring your room when we're ready.

Right you are.

Come on.

Don't say things like that, not in front of the boys.

I packed my dressing gown. Me too, and my slippers.

They've got everything,

nail file, sewing kit, shower mitt!

It's amazing! Do you think we can take them home?

Why not? We've paid for them.

(TELEPHONE RINGING)

Oh, my God! What?

I got my mam a panic alarm in case of emergency

and it comes straight through to my mobile.

Mam? Are you all right?

I thought something had happened!

(SIGHS) Only press the red button in an emergency.

No, that's not an emergency, Mam.

Just press record and we'll watch it tomorrow.

Bye.

(SIGHS DEEPLY)

I didn't think it'd be so hard on my own.

I'm dying for a cigarette. They give you cancer.

All right, big ears. I didn't say I was gonna have one.

Do you think Bob will go to South Africa?

I don't know. I hope so.

I'm just worried that a bit of him's already given up.

I'm gonna give Peter his cheque tonight.

As long as you've got enough left, in case we're going to South Africa.

(SIGHS)

This arm's getting worse.

I tell you what, I've got a scarf. We'll put it in a sling.

No, I think it might look a little bit...

Wow!

Look at you!

Do you like it?

I love it! You look like you should be walking down a red carpet.

You don't think it's too much? Do I? Hell!

You look bloody lovely.

I'll be the proudest man in that room tonight.

(PEOPLE CHATTERING, TANGO MUSIC PLAYING)

I can't believe you're here. Why wouldn't I be?

I told you, act normal!

He knows it was you who hit him. No, he doesn't!

Would you like a canape, sir? What is it?

Wild salmon caviar. No, ta.

All right. Thanks, mate.

How would he know, ya stupid prick? I were at back of him.

You're just...paranoid.

Just chill, man.

We got away with it. We haven't.

It was seven grand, that's all! Shh!

Now then, Bob, how you doing, mate?

Not so bad, no.

Where's Amy? She had this hen do booked.

Oh, that's a shame.

Never mind. Debbie! Get over here.

This is Bob, whose party it is. Nice to meet you, love.

Hiya. Debbie's my girlfriend.

Very nice. Ah.

Hey, I'm sorry to hear about your bad news.

Oh, well, a bit of a bugger. I hear you've left the shop?

Yeah, well, no point hanging around for the sake of it.

I have invested in the adult dance business.

If you fancy coming down,

it's called Blue Shutters on Boar Lane.

Dad. How do you wanna do this?

Do you wanna say something before the meal or after?

I think I'll get it out the way before and enjoy my dinner then.

Wind yer neck in!

RODNEY: Nice to meet ya. Rodney the dog man, nice to meet ya.

I think everyone's here, so I'll make an announcement.

Hang on a minute, before you do that.

There you go.

That should get you out of the shit with the bank.

Sorry it's a bit scrawly.

Thanks, Dad.

My pleasure.

I do love you, Peter, but you can be a bit of a snob.

Cheers, Dad.

I don't mean to hurt your feelings but...

Sometimes you do live above yer means, son.

It's not exactly that... straight forward.

Abigail's used to a certain kind of lifestyle-

Stand up to her, son! That's what I learnt from yer mother.

She'll think more of you.

(CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYING)

(CLINKS GLASS)

Ladies and Gentleman, family and friends,

my father would like to say a few words.

(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)

BOB: Now then, I'm crap with words so I'll make it short.

Get down!

You're probably wondering what you're all doing here,

so I'll try to explain.

Up till now, my life has been very uneventful.

Lately though, life has become a bit of a roller coaster.

Some things have taken a turn for the worse,

like the robbery at the shop and the bash on the head...

In a way though, it were fortunate because they wouldn't have found

Tommy Tumour growing away at a rate of knots.

Oh, and another fortunate thing happened...

..we all won the lottery at work.

(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)

It meant I didn't have to worry about my family's future after...

After all.

I don't want you getting morbid.

This is not a celebration of my life or nothing like that.

This is not me having a wake while I'm still here.

Oh, it's boring.

I'd want you to think of this as more of a...

Well, a wedding breakfast.

(MURMURING)

Come on, love. Come up here, come on.

Come up.

(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)

Doesn't she look beautiful tonight?

(CHEERING)

Annie and me have been together for 11 years now.

I spent ten years on my own before I met her.

I'm telling yer, they were the loneliest years of my life.

I have to be honest though, it wasn't me that did the running.

Not for one single second did I think

the beautiful woman who worked in the off-licence down the road,

would give a second glance to someone like me.

But er, she took charge, like she does,

and asked me out.

From that day to this, there's not been one single day we've been apart.

She's made me the happiest man on this earth...

..and I thank God that she's been there for me

through the good times and the bad.

No, hang on a minute, hang on a minute.

I got something else to say.

I'm ashamed to tell you this,

but I never got round to asking the most important question.

I... Oh!

I should've done this years ago when I had the knees for it!

(LAUGHTER)

I love you, Annie, from the bottom of my heart.

Will you marry me?

I'm sorry, love, you'll have to open it yourself.

I find it a bit difficult.

(EXCLAIMS) Bob!

Please say yes, otherwise I'm gonna look like a right berk!

Do you know something?

I've waited 11 years to hear you say that.

I started to think it was never gonna happen.

But hearing you say it now...

..makes me realise

the words I really want to hear you say...

..are, "Yes, I'll go to South Africa, Annie,

"to try and give us a few more years together."

Oh, bloody hell.

You've put me on the spot now, haven't you?

Go on, buy yourself a chance. Please!

I'm waiting for an answer, Bob.

All right...

..if we make it a honeymoon an' all.

Done. I mean, yes!

(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)

Right, I'm bloody starving! Let's all eat.

(HAPPY CHATTERING)

subtitles by Deluxe

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