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The stigmas in most species of
nymphaeaceae,
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the stigma, which is the
male...the female organ,
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actually gets warm
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by three to six degrees centigrade
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and emits a smell...
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PHONE RINGS
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..a pheromone.
And the pheromone...
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RINGING CONTINUES
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Sh! Sh!
..attracts the insects
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and the insects...erm...
Shush!
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RINGING CONTINUES
Shush what?
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CAMERAMAN: The phone...
The phone!
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But the phone's interrupting me,
not me the phone!
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Yes, but...
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Do you want me to stop?
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I heard, through the body odour
of others we realise
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if we are
genetically matching or not.
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Unfortunately, the way nature works
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is of odour, rather than perfume.
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That's the way it is.
I'm sorry I can't change it.
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I smell and I like (LAUGHS)
to smell people as well!
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If I smell you in the street,
don't be offended.
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I went to an animal...rescue charity
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in a very deprived part of
Northwest London.
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Erm...and I took one look at her
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and...
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erm...something happened.
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It was one look,
absolutely one look.
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I didn't really like him,
actually, at the beginning
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because I thought he was a bit of a
sort of, know-it-all.
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Erm...but the way
he ate his sandwich.
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Erm...that was it, really.
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And you could see his stomach.
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So, yeah, that's why I quite
liked him first of all.
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You've got to be confident
and er...optimistic.
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If you're pessimistic
and always on the back foot,
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I don't think you get anywhere.
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Yeah, bit of the old cockiness.
I think they all like a bit of that.
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I am sexy all the time.
Do you know what I mean?
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Which part of you, exactly?
Oh, all of me of course.
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You know, I feel like that
when I get out in the mornings,
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and I feel very sexy.
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Most of the times you're not there
but there you are, you know, can't help that, can you?
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Do you feel sexy?
Not at all.
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Well, it is early, isn't it?
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Yeah, sure. Of course I'm sexy.
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I can use my voice.
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I can tell you, "I love you."
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I can whisper this in your ear
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a hundred million times and you
will scream for more, more, more!
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I have a great smile,
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which you will never find
anywhere else
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in this world.
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It sounds corny now, but he's
always got the same chat-up line.
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You know what it is?
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You know the best part of your body?
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The bit in between the top of your
head and the bottom of your feet.
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All of you's lovely.
I've seen some lasses in my time
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but you're way ahead in the queue
when they dished out good looks.
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But when I was saying these things
I had my fingers crossed.
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Biggest turn-on for me?
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Lovely bottoms.
They must have a nice bottom.
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I'm not too bothered
about the front bit
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but the bottom bit I do quite like.
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I'd never worried about
size or shape or...
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I'd lived with mongrels
for half my life.
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Erm...and suddenly, here was I,
head over heels...
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in love? Or what?
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It's lovely being in love. It makes
you all twinkly and all happy.
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Sometimes, I can't think straight
because I'm thinking of him.
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(PROLONGED SCREAM)
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CRASH
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If you're looking for a
disco-dancing spring rabbit,
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then you would find me a bit boring.
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But if you are the kind of person
who likes to sit around and...
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moan a lot, then you could say
I'm a very good companion.
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No, actually he's not too bad.
He's not that unsavoury a person.
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I think he's all right.
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Thank you.
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I'm really intolerant.
"I'm not that unsavoury a person"?
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The thing is with you, your mother
did everything for you.
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And then when you come up to me
you're ruddy, bloody useless!
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"Obey," that's what the vicar said.
No, I didn't.
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When we got married,
we didn't, I did not obey.
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Obey.
No, I didn't obey.
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Obey.
No.
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I have lots of trapped air
that has to get out somehow.
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And that's really bad when you're
sleeping with someone.
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The methane gas is (FARTS) er...
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lighter than air
so you end up on the ceiling. (FARTS)
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So that's why I choose
not to sleep with anybody
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and that's why I don't have
a partner for a long time (FARTS).
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(CAMERAMAN LAUGHS)
It's the methane gas's fault.
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(BIG FART)
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I've got about...
Wait, let me count.
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19 boys fancy me,
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but I don't fancy them.
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I actually fancy Roo
and he fancies me.
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Cos you're pretty, that's why.
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I'm really gonna get him for that.
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I used to be very romantic,
when I was younger.
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I think everybody younger
is very romantic.
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Fall in love.
Thinking about the partner.
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Doing different things to them
in your head.
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Erm...
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Romantic? No, not really.
Yeah, you are.
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No, I'm not.
You are.
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(COOING)
Load of nonsense. Nonsense.
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No. I don't think so.
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I think you are.
You're very thoughtful.
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(SNIFFS)
You are.
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You've never said that before.
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Well, I'm not on tape then, am I?
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Yeah, now, I am a little bit
romantic. I like to erm...
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I like to lavish gifts upon my wife.
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And I like to treat her to things
that I know that she likes.
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Trip down Tesco's?!
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Trip down Tesco's -
she loves all that stuff.
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What about me?
Are you romantic?
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You tell me.
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No, you're not.
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Aren't I?
No.
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I am.
No, you're not.
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You're just saying that now.
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No, I'm not.
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I am, actually.
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I do believe in love at first sight.
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but I'm not saying it does anyone
any good, what happens after that.
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That's as much as I'm saying.
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Ha, I've got three, you see.
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But there's one -
I can never remember her name.
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Er, she does a lot of riding.
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I'm trying to think of her
flipping name now.
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What's she called?
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Well, let's just call her
Rosie for today. Yeah, Rosie.
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Good old Rosie.
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Oh!
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I've pulled a mussel!
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