Original subtitles

If there's something that... DRILLING

If there's something that annoys you,

something that gets on your... DRILLING

..on your nerves,

something that... DRILLING

..is the one thing that sets you off,

that is a pet hate.

CROAKING

TRUMPETING

CLUCKING

TWEETING

BARKING

SNORTING

MOOING

Pet hates...pet hates. What I hate...what I hate.

Pet hates...

I don't hate too much. I'm annoyed by certain things,

so can we go for pet...annoyances.

Yeah, instead of hates. Yeah, that's better.

If someone crunches - someone who's a noisy eater.

Oh, yes. Yes, that really annoys me.

Like that... CRUNCHING

Yes, like that. That's annoying.

The pair of yous are annoying.

Very nice, though.

Pleased you enjoyed it. Yes.

At the expense of our ears.

Frustrating the life out of us.

Burst a couple of blood vessels there.

I don't like that at all. Yes, Joan, that's a pet hate.

CRUNCHING They're doing it again!

Yeah, annoyances. Annoyances.

Yeah, what annoys you? You.

Fine. I think that wraps that up. Can we move onto the next one?

Well, let's elaborate.

Let's find out WHY I find you annoying.

He is very self-righteous, actually. No.

You are. You always think you're right. No. No.

I like to get the last word.

Well, that's not right.

I think you do think you're right. No, I've changed.

You're doing it now. I'm wrong, you're right.

Well, I'm hardly going to say, "Oh, yes, I am self-righteous."

Not in a horrible way, though.

Oh. What's a nice way of being self-righteous?

I don't know, it's just you.

I'm just used to you being like that. (GIGGLES)

Self-righteous?

No.

No.

INTERVIEWER: What do you think about erm...speed cameras?

Eating?

Speed cameras.

Sorry.

Erm...speed cameras.

No. Don't get it.

I don't.

Do you know what speed cameras are?

Cucumbers?

I don't drive, but if everybody obeyed the rules,

traffic would go better and get there quicker.

Like on the motorway, as we sat travelling back,

we were sticking to the rules and regulations of 40mph,

and there were cars coming past.

I was shouting to the speed cameras, "Get that one! Get that one!"

(LAUGHS)

Speed cameras.

Bees' honey.

No, erm... (LAUGHS)

Speed cameras. You know, to catch cars if they -

Oh. Yes, speed cameras.

No.

Cos I can't stand listening to the radio,

cos the radio... I find really irritating.

I can't stand just having loads of noise in my head.

Erm... CAR WHIZZES BY

I hate that. I just like to have silence in the morning.

And if there's any noise, it is just me talking to myself.

Sometimes, when you're talking, I come in too quick, before you've finished.

Finished. We all do that. I shouldn't do that.

Or saying the words for you. I hate myself for doing it.

Yeah. I don't like people breathing down my neck.

Erm...no, I don't like anybody breathing down my neck.

Ooh, it makes the hairs on the back of my neck stand up,

if I can feel somebody breathing down my neck.

(BREATHES)

Get back.

Drunk people.

I hate them.

They behave like a gang of wild animals.

Well, not animals.

They're loud, they shout, birds fly off.

They sing a hip-hop song that doesn't make sense to anybody, and er...

They're wearing these white trainers and walking like orang-utans.

Their hands is forward, bent,

and they're going, "Ah-pss-chichety- boom-chichety-boom..."

You're driving down the motorway,

they sling bleedin' Coke cans out the window at 70 mile an hour.

Do they? Yeah. Two or three times in the last couple of months.

All of a sudden, some prat slings a Coke can out the window.

It goes bouncing along, goes past you at about 70 mile an hour.

Hopefully, as you're driving along, the thing don't bounce onto your motor, innit?

You'd end up with dents everywhere. You'd end up with hammer finish.

Ha-ha. Hammer finish motor.

(CHUCKLES) HORN BEEPS

The best thing you can do is leave traces of poo in the way.

They're not looking on the ground, they're looking at the girls around them.

They step on it, they walk with it, then it's starting to smell.

So they blame each other.

They look at the sole of their shoes and that's it.

They've been hit by us. (LAUGHS)

It's sure that they can be dangerous.

But in a smelly way.

A funny question - what is your most unappealing habit, both of you?

Energetic? Unappealing habit.

Unassuming habits.

Unappealing.

I've never -

Nasty habits. If you've got any bad habits.

None. None.

Oh, no. We haven't any bad habits. Bad habits, no.

Erm...bad habits.

When people say something, I pretend I haven't heard them so they repeat it.

What for? Just do it.

Dave's got some bad habits.

He goes like that... (CLICKING) with his jaw.

That really annoys me, like.

Dougie does this. (POPPING NOISES)

(LAUGHS) I mean, what good's that, eh?

It's as if his jaw's locked and he has to go... (CLICKING)

(GASPS) God.

My habit is -

Hm! I do that. This has been explained to me by my children.

This has been explained to me by my children. When I say a joke,

I go a bit - Explain it! (LAUGHS)

What's that?

Somebody's flushed the toilet upstairs.

The other few bad habits...

I tend to scratch a lot.

And erm...

I also...

unknowing to me,

I tend to pass wind a lot when I'm in public,

but that doesn't really worry me,

cos you've got to pass wind, or you might blow up.

(LAUGHS)

What does that mean?

Bad smells.

(LAUGHS) But that's natural, isn't it?

Not that much, isn't natural.

You've got that many bad habits, we haven't got time to discuss them.

I don't think I have, have I?

(SQUELCHING) Eh?

What bad habits have I got?

Erm...

(BURPS) Pardon me. Pardon you.

You can't not do it, can you? It's not like biting your nails.

You don't have to force it. (LAUGHS)

I don't force it, it just...

You do. Urrrhhh!

Like that.

It's not true.

(BLOWS RASPBERRY) He-he-he.

(LAUGHS)

(LAUGHS)

He-he-he-he-he. Hmmm.

Subtitles by accessibility@itv.com

I hate spiders and...

erm...I hate spiders and...

Oh, erm...

Spiders and...

Yeah. Spiders.

Erm...as I say, I think we're being used by people.

Erm...our tolerance is being used by people for their own ends.

Erm...I was most annoyed with the election of the Labour Party,

who weren't really bothered about...

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