Original subtitles

Erm... All green and slimy,

with googly eyes.

With googly eyes and little thingies that go up in the air

with round bits on the end. Antennae.

Yeah. With a spaceship.

Ooh!

I don't believe in aliens, really.

I don't believe in strange people and strange creatures and...

strange anything, because...

God wouldn't create anything that's...

not...perfect

and that's abnormal and strange.

No, I don't believe there's alien life on this planet.

I believe there's something, but...

We don't know what. ..what, we don't know.

I believe there's something we've not been told about.

What do you mean, "If aliens existed"? Aliens DO exist!

Everybody knows aliens exist.

I think, if aliens existed, I would think they're about that small...

some of them. These are the good ones.

Erm...that small and, erm...

they have quite a big head, and they are very good at sums,

and, erm... they have small legs and arms.

I've no idea what aliens would look like. They could look like anything.

They might just be a ball of gas,

or an idea, or a particular-coloured light.

The whole conspiracy thing about aliens is absolutely ridiculous.

Why on earth... Why on earth would they visit us to fly around

in some farmer's back garden in the back end of beyond in Suffolk,

to just...bugger off again?

It...It just doesn't make sense whatsoever.

And the whole thing about, erm...

UFOs in the sky is... is just beyond me.

Well, what is a UFO?

You know what a UFO is! What does it stand for?

I can't remember. Something... what is it?

An Unidented Flying Object?

No, I've never seen one of them. I don't even know what one is.

So anything that you don't identify that flies past you is a...

is...a UFO, isn't it?

So basically, if it's a bird that you don't recognise -

"What's that?" You get the book out, you can't identify it...

That was a UFO, wasn't it?

No. Now you're being silly.

I've seen a UFO...

..at a time when UFOs were being sighted in Lancashire.

People were saying they had flying saucers going over their rooftops

in a suburb of Bolton,

and one Manch- one news reporter claimed to have taken a photograph,

but whether it was a genuine photo is another thing.

I came beginning of May in, er... 1984.

Cos it's a beautiful planet.

You can see it from quite far.

It looks very attractive.

It's not as striking, the difference,

that...people expect, when they ask,

"How different is it than home?"

I mean, you hate to lapse into this whole stereotype about

hm...how the English people are

who live around me.

We have radionic equipment which we call spiritual energy radiators,

which have been in operation now for...over 30 years.

Every unselfish action is potentised by spiritual energy radiators.

You have here shopping centres which are community centres nowadays.

People on Saturdays take children to shopping centres like...

Probably an element of Care In The Community programmes they have now.

They develop strong medication so they can keep you quiet

and you can just walk around and look at the bright shiny things.

Yes. Makes you happy.

I mean, they make these models of aliens.

How can they make models of aliens

when they've never ever seen an alien? Is that a fuss, you know?

Yeah, but that's - Yeah, but IS it?

You're allowed to have that imagination, aren't you?

Yeah, but, I mean, how can they mould an alien

when they've not seen one?

If you were asked, what do they look like?

I couldn't tell 'em, cos I've never seen one.

If they said, "Right, what do you think it looks like?"

Again, I couldn't tell you, cos I don't know.

Wouldn't you have a go, saying, I think they'd look like this or that?

Well, they could be two foot tall.

Well, I think a lot of these...

the portrayal of aliens comes from

people who say they've seen aliens,

or they've been beamed up by aliens.

Some of these stories people come out with.

Do you think they are stories, or do you think they're true?

There's no doubt in my mind that these people have had an experience.

I think that's nonsense, to be honest.

I think people have either had too much to drink

or they've just got very imaginative imaginations.

I reckon they've been on some - Whacky baccy.

..whacky baccy stuff, I reckon,

if they're saying they've been abducted by it.

(CHUCKLES) They glow in the dark, like!

The first few months in this country

I had to learn that you do not kiss everybody to say hello...

and I did with the postman.

I opened the door - there was the postman. I gave him kiss...

on his cheek, twice, or whatever.

And that was... He was absolutely shocked, you know!

I've LOVED the weather here.

And I know that sounds crazy,

because everyone always complains about the weather here.

But it's very temperate.

Er...living in...in the city,

you hardly ever have a freeze, and when you do have snow,

it's pretty and it melts when it hits the ground, which is ideal.

I reckon there's quite a few of them

roaming around the planet at the moment, you know.

Well, I think just the opposite.

Huh...Yeah?! To be honest, I don't think,

at this particular time, aliens do NOT exist...

Until someone comes up with the proof that they are existing.

There's a lot of proof that they exist on other planets, isn't there?

You know, it may not be kind of like we might be looking at sort of er...

You know, either looking at things in other dimensions -

you know, other planes. Doesn't have to be travelling long distances.

You know, things like the elves and the fairies.

Whacky people! (CHUCKLES)

Whacky people...

Real strange!

SIREN

This is home, you know.

Everything is a bit upside-down, but tha-that's the way it is.

But it IS becoming - Slowly it's becoming level.

I've learned that it's very important to be polite.

Yes. You have to remember to say

certain amount of thank-yous and sorrys.

You have to say sorry to people you shouldn't really say -

you walk on the street and a person walks in front of you -

Yes. - and suddenly those two people perform a dance, saying sorry, sorry

and you don't know which way to move. Yes.

That was something which I... I felt a bit bemused by that.

Yes.

Mainly...

I just watch Jeremy Paxman.

Nah. As to whether they've visited us or not...

..recently, I couldn't tell you.

GROWLS

They might of! MIAOW!

I mean, who's to say they ain't here now?

My theory is we came from another planet.

(ALL CHUCKLE)

It's just... No, it's just pants. I don't believe in it.

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