Original subtitles

I think that first... I think...

..the egg came first.

To give birth so the chicken could come out.

And then the chicken. But where did the egg come from?

Oh, yeah. But if you think about it,

an egg is going to become a chicken.

But it's been given... But, um...

the chicken's gonna be... would be an egg.

So if you think about chickens after the eggs, I think eggs come first.

Yeah, but maybe the chicken might have come from another animal,

like a rooster.

It's quite... It's confusing.

Ribbit! Ribbit!

Cluck! Cluck! Cluck!

Chirp!

Woof! Woof!

Oink!

Moo!

There's sterile water somewhere,

and they've...the volcanic chemicals and all that

has started life, and then we've evolved from that.

What does find... What I DO find hard

is the... Ooph!

..the fact that we've actually evolved from something so mic...

so miniscule, so microscopic.

To the dinosaurs to us.

I think that we come from...

..some kind of um... chemical explosion

that caused some form of life

to be created.

And that we eventually slithered out of the sea.

And, it may not be today, it may not be tomorrow,

but eventually we're going to be extinct.

I think we are a process of evolution.

I think we are... We are not the top of the pinnacle.

We are just a branch, I think.

I'm completely conscious of the fact that I'm just

a cloud of potential.

Of which, primarily, water molecules.

If you looked at... at me across time,

you would see...

..a cloud of water molecules which form,

and momentarily become Brian,

and then move off again.

I can't bring myself around to thinking we came from the sea.

No, I don't think great-great-granddad was a fish.

Slimy, though, weren't he? (THEY LAUGH)

Um, yeah... I'm SURE that we came from the sea.

Most definitely. Because it just seems...

You know, when I... when I get into water,

I naturally want to start frolicking.

And I think that must... that must mean that, you know,

we...we came out of the sea, and crawled onto land for some reason.

I don't know why.

And it's a shame.

I think it would be great if we all went back to being aquatic.

Um...

Oh, I don't know.

I think we're more likely to have originated from on land,

because we haven't got, like...

We've got gills, haven't we?

But um...maybe. You know.

They're ALWAYS looking for this missing link, aren't they?

And they've never found it yet.

The connection between us and monkeys.

I mean, what sort of idiot wants to prove he's come from a monkey?

The difference between me and a monkey

would be mainly that um...

..monkeys...

..er...

they live in the jungle,

and I live in...

Catford.

There's a train of thought that says that we came to this planet

er...thousands, hundreds, millions, whatever, years ago,

and um, in fact, already DID colonise this planet

as an alien race.

I do in...incline to think

um...maybe we DID start from another planet.

Maybe we did er... come from another planet.

You know, I'd love to see aliens, or something similar on our planet.

I think it would be great to see how we interact with them.

Whether they'd be similar to us, or not very similar, or...

or something like that.

Whether they'd be good golfers. (LAUGHS)

Humans were created by this giant cosmic cow licking a stone.

And as it licked this stone, the humans rolled off.

Looking at birds... birds evolved from dinosaurs?

Yeah, probably could have done.

Because they did have wings, some dinosaurs,

years and years ago, didn't they?

So... Though it's the size of the dinosaur, isn't it?

How do you get something like a sparrow, or a...

you know, a little wren, or something like that,

from something that's absolutely ginormous -

this huge, great sort of dinosaur?

Um... I don't know, really.

I've never really given it much thought.

Yeah, where do you get these questions from? (LAUGHS)

Well, you know, your evolution,

that's all a load of rubbish, isn't it?

It's not true, is it? It's a load of rubbish.

How can you possibly evolve a set of wings?

It's not gonna happen, is it?

I mean, I'd LIKE a set of wings.

I'd LOVE a set of wings, in fact.

If I could have anything, I would... I'd definitely have a set of wings.

But...

it wouldn't matter how many times I jumped off a tall building...

..I'd never grow wings.

And even if I jumped off a tall building,

and then my child jumped off a tall building,

and HIS child jumped off a tall building,

and we did that forever and ever and ever, (CLEARS THROAT),

there is not the slightest chance

that wings would grow out of my back.

We all started off much the same kind of thing.

We all were waddling along on our bellies to begin with.

Then we...we grew arms,

and heads, and legs,

and some of us got up and walked,

and some of us stayed down, crawling around.

I'm glad... I'm glad I've evolved the way I am.

I wouldn't like to have been...

further back in the evolutionary scale.

I think we've evolved to our full potential. I think we have.

Possibly, yeah.

Maybe not on an intellectual basis. Well, I don't know.

It's hard to see how you can improve further, isn't it?

You'd be able to do some good tricks if we had a couple more legs.

We could work out some new stunts,

so that could be a positive advantage.

It depends whose legs they were, doesn't it, really?

Um, I think... I mean, obviously we'd adapt in whatever way,

if we had extra legs. It'd be worrying.

If you had six legs, where would your arse be?

I don't know whether, physiologically, we're developing.

The only thing I can think of is, because we have such stressed lives,

we're much more aware of exercising, to release the stress.

And so, we're getting more toned bodies than we might have had.

I've got as far as I'd like to evolve as I am at the moment.

Um... At the moment.

Pfff! I'm searching.

You know what I mean? Aren't we all?

Maybe one day...maybe one day I'll just wake up and think,

"I have evolved."

One day you'll think you've got there,

the next minute you get run over. (LAUGHS)

That's it. Game over.

You know what I mean?

I regard myself as a kind of...

ego-driven space-time meat vehicle.

And I...I'm in the centre as the driver.

Trapped inside the folly of the monkey ego.

But I accept that, its limitations.

But I know that the truth is that it's actually

just a space-time version of a larger

hyper-dimension information field. (LAUGHS)

Oh, jeez!

I just think, at the end of the day,

it's about genetic...transport.

Basically, we're just hauling...

..genomes along, in a...in a bag, which is our body.

From century to century.

I think that is...that's what it's all about, folks. You know?

It's noticeable that we don't get cold winters any more.

They're just wet.

So um...

..we might er...

we MIGHT survive another millennium.

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