Original subtitles

Dakotakid.

Breaking news here, guys, out of Hollywood this morning.

C-list actor... C-list actor...

Let's upgrade him. The devoted actor...

Longtime actor... Emerging actor...

Up-and-coming actor, John Durfy Junior, has died.

What? What?

Apparently, he was attempting a stunt

to prepare for his upcoming role as Harry Houdini.

Whoa. He got the gig.

This story is crazy.

So, allegedly, Mr. Durfy was a method actor

and was working with a retired magician.

For those who don't understand method acting,

it's usually when one actor decides to take it really seriously

and bums out everyone else on the set.

He needs a better method. He was doin' a stunt.

Stunt went wrong-- Stunt gone wrong--

Sounds like a stunt gone wrong right there.

Yeah, it did. I mean, it really went wrong.

Durfy died during a stunt gone wrong involving Durfy being handcuffed...

Attempting to swallow a...

A key?

...he tragically choked on.

Entertainment sources say it's another senseless death

at the hands of method acting.

- That is sad news. - Wow.

What a terrible tragedy. Whew.

John Durfy Junior, may he rest in peace.

I-- I can't believe it. I just can't believe it.

Neither can I.

I feel like I just saw him.

Yeah, he just called me last week.

It was a butt-dial, but still...

It's just not real.

It can't be real.

Hey, what if it's not real?

It's real, Zane.

So where's Shelly?

He's outside. He needed a minute.

I think we can get started.

I wanna thank everybody for being here today

to honor the life of my brother,

Murphy John Durfy Junior.

It means a lot. His name was Murphy Durfy?

I had no idea.

I didn't know that. Shh. Doc.

Since Mom and Dad passed,

it's just been me and my brother and my sister.

I wanna thank Uncle Tommy for comin' all the way up from Texas.

Thanks, Tommy.

What?

You know, Durfy was older than I am, but I always felt like the big brother.

Always looked after him.

Tried to do my best.

Standin' up here today, I realize...

maybe I didn't do enough.

Oh, hell no, Jack.

No, you were the best brother he could ever ask for.

Hell, if they had a-- a buckle for best brother,

yours would be the size of Texas.

Go Cowboys!

Thank you, Tommy. Appreciate that.

What? Okay.

Anyway,

if anybody would like to get up here and share a memory, now's the time.

"Durfy was my friend, and when I lost my nuts, Durfy treated me--

always treated me like a person who had nuts."

Hi, everybody. I'm Bob.

Me and these guys grew up with Durf.

As you can see, we're-- we're pack animals.

We practically raised each other.

We're family.

And when we were kids, we started this thing called the Buddy Games.

It started as Wiffle ball in the backyard, and--

Well, it evolved into a tradition

that continues even today.

It's ours.

And Durfy...

And Durfy showed up...

No matter where he was in life, he always showed up.

We all did.

We show up for each other. I mean, that's the point, right?

Well, today...

today we're down a man.

And I-I-- I just... I don't think any of us can believe it.

You know, I remember loanin'--

loanin' Durfy some money for a few of those Buddy Games.

Even though I thought they were a little lame and a total waste of time.

They were important to him, and that's what mattered.

'Cause that's what brothers do.

Thank you, Bob.

Would anyone else like to come up and share?

Yeah, I-- I'd like to say somethin'.

That's why we're here, Jack.

Go, buddy.

It's okay.

Durfy...

He wasn't just one of my best friends.

He was also my first patient as a chiropractor.

When I got certified,

everyone was too scared to have me work on 'em.

Except for Durfy.

He never sued me. Doesn't matter how bad I hurt him.

Oh, and I hurt him.

Okay, great.

Thanks, Jack. That--

Uh, Zane here.

Durfy had such a beautiful heart.

He was the first person that I ever told that I was gay.

That's right.

You're not alone, Uncle Tommy.

I knew that I could trust him.

And I knew that he would never judge me.

And he kept my secret for...

for decades.

Until I came out again to Doc on his table.

Isn't that right, Doc? Yeah.

Durfy also helped me put together my first leather swing set.

If you all don't know what that is...

Okay, Zane, that was great. ...it's an indoor...

Zane, that was great. It's for indoors.

Zane, I think they'll figure it out.

Well, Murphy Durfy.

I met Durfy in kindergarten. That's how far back we go.

I was on the playground, picking my nose.

Kid walks up, laughs at me, punches me in the face.

This squirrelly kid named Durfy tackled that kid,

pinned him down,

and he goes, "You think that's funny?

'Cause it's snot."

And he proceeded to pick the kid's nose

and slap the kid's boogers right in his face.

Then I joined in. It was just pick and slap.

Pick and slap, pick and slap.

Okay, Bender, Bender.

That's enough from you guys, okay?

You know, you're the reason we're here, right?

All the partyin' and your stupid fuckin' Buddy Games.

Look where it got you.

You're nothin' but single, middle-aged losers.

You never grew up.

I got this, Jack.

Now, I've heard just about enough of this shit.

There are three important things in life:

hard work, determination and the good book.

And that all went out the window

when he started hangin' out with his buddies instead of his family.

And look, he didn't even have kids. Hell, I got nine!

That's right. And tellin' him that he needed to be an actor

instead of followin' in the family business

and doin' good, honest work?

No, he goes chasin' dreams.

Well, I've said it once, I'll say it again, dreams are stupid!

Exactly right!

I've said it nine times!

Don't chase your dreams. What?

- Come on. - Finally, somebody's speakin' some sense around here.

Jack, we only encouraged Durfy to do what made him happy, okay? That's what friends do.

We loved Durfy like a brother, and you know it.

You know what? He already had a brother.

Where you going? What's he doing?

We're gonna go spread Durfy's ashes

out at the family business, where he belongs.

Anybody else who wants to come along, you're more than welcome.

He wouldn't want that.

That is a terrible idea, Jack.

Oh, my!

Holy shit.

I got this, I got this. I got the urn. It's okay. Relax. It's okay.

Thank you. I'll take... Thank you. No, I'll take...

Let me bless it. It needs blessing!

It's okay. It's okay...

What's going on?

Zane! Give it to me!

I can't, Jack!

Doc! Quit it, you dick! Zane!

I'm not messin' around. I'm gonna beat you--

Put that-- Give--

Wait a sec! Stop fuckin' around!

Okay, I'm sorry. Here.

Hey!

Zane! Listen to me, you--

Doc! I'm open!

Give me the urn! Right now. Zane, block for me!

God, I am so, so sorry!

Come on!

Fuck, yeah!

Start up the chopper! Let's go!

Where's your car?

I'm parked down here! Right.

- Come on. - That's a helicopter.

Come on, let's go!

- Shelly! Shelly! - Hurry, hurry!

Hey. Shelly!

They're coming. They're getting too close.

Is this Durfy? What the hell? What--

You go, you go! Shelly!

There's no time! Just get in the helicopter!

- Zane! - Let's go, Shelly!

I got this! What is going on?

Let's go, man! Let's go. Come on!

Come on, go, go, go!

Zane! He's staying behind! He's a fighter!

Hey! Oh.

Hey, Jack. How are your balls?

Shut up!

Oh, my God! Oh, no!

Zane, get up. Get up!

Get up, motherfucker!

Yes! Yes!

We gotta go back down and get him! We gotta go back.

We can't! Those people are fucking crazy!

No! Never leave a man behind!

Holy hell, we're actually flyin'. This is pretty cool.

So you brought your helicopter to Durfy's funeral?

Yeah, it-- Traffic sucked. No, it didn't.

You just keep this thing on standby all the time, or what?

Some people have personal drivers, Shelly. It's basically the same thing.

Uh, it's way fuckin' different.

Way cooler.

Oh, shit. Uncle Tommy's got a gun.

What? He's not gonna shoot us.

Nah. No, he's not.

Is anybody hit? I just peed a little.

Actually, I just peed a lot.

Fly faster!

Okay, we're good.

I'm soaked.

Absolutely soaked.

Oh, my God.

What did we just do?

Well, we just kidnapped a fucking urn.

Did we break the law? Are we criminals now?

I mean, I'm gonna say no, but I think yes.

Well, we couldn't let 'em just dump Durf in some ditch!

I agree. Man, I can't go to jail.

It's gonna throw off my whole trajectory. I still got a whole life to live.

I could help people.

Some of us already do help people, thank you very much.

Doc, you're not a firefighter, you're a chiropractor, so...

None of us are going to jail, okay?

Because Jack and Uncle Tommy are gonna fucking shoot us.

All right, so...

what are we gonna do with Durfy's ashes?

Huh?

I mean, he loved Chipotle. Yeah.

Are you fuckin' stupid?

Yeah.

Durfy was an In-N-Out man.

Oh, yeah. Double-Doubles all the way.

Okay, just for fun, how about a place that isn't a fast-food restaurant?

Come on, we got the chopper. We can go wherever the fuck we want to.

Durfy loved the moon.

It's Zane.

Zane! Oh, God.

Thank God. How are you doin'?

Oh, my God, you guys, that was so crazy.

I can't believe Brokeback Mountain pulled out a fucking Howitzer.

I barely escaped with my life,

but I knew-- I knew that a real sacrifice had to be made

in order to pull off this mission.

So brave. So brave. Yeah.

Where are you?

You know what? I'm--

I'm not entirely sure. I just-- I ran so fast.

I might be in a different state.

Where are you guys going?

Well, we're just kinda flying around right now,

trying to figure out where we're gonna spread Durfy's ashes.

How about a Chipotle?

Thank you. Thank you.

Where was Durfy the happiest?

Easy. Harrison.

Oh, wow. Of course.

I don't remember much of the '90s, but I remember that place.

All the booze and the broads, and I had hair!

That was the fornication vacation for all of us, I believe.

Happiest I've ever seen him, I swear.

Let's do it. Let's take him back there.

It's perfect, if you think about it.

That is where it all began.

Zane, where are you? We'll come get you. Yeah.

That's okay.

I think my face is broken.

I should probably change my underwear.

No, I-- I-- I risked everything.

You guys gotta go. Okay.

Finish this thing. I'll be with you in spirit.

Well, let us know when you get home safe, all right?

We'll let you know when we land.

Okay, bye.

Bye, bro. Love you, brother.

Love you. All right. Later, buddy.

All right, but we ain't going back to Party Marty's.

No Party Marty's. Who said anything about Party Marty's?

The incident?

Oh, yeah. Yeah, no shit.

It's been 25 years. There's no way Marty remembers the incident.

Well, I fucking do.

Okay, fine. We'll steer clear of Party Marty's, but we'll go to Harrison.

Yeah, we'll go to the lake. Yeah.

Screw it, let's do it. All right, I'm in.

All gas, no brakes. Whoo!

A lot of people down there.

Busy weekend.

I hope it's not another church retreat.

Remember how awkward that was? Yeah.

- No. Boobs. I see boobs. - Boobs?

Where? Where?

No, like, a lot of boobs.

I don't see any boobs. I gotta get my eyes checked.

Oh, yeah, I do. I see...

Cheers, ladies!

Oh, my God. It's spring break.

Oh... my... God.

Yeah, definitely not a church retreat.

Beautiful.

Look at that. This is pretty sweet.

Hey, big boy!

Thank you.

How's it goin'?

Thank you.

You know what? We're here. We should get a beer, right? Yeah, a couple beers.

Durfy would want us to have a couple beers and a shot.

Do a couple shots. Yeah.

Two beers, two shots. For sure.

Let's get out of these suits. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's time for the Buddy Games!

Are you ready, party people?

Did he say what I think he just said?

There's no way. There's no way. I think he said "bunny games."

It's probably a rabbit drinking game. Bender, how dumb are ya?

How do you even feed yourself? No, no, no.

He clearly said, "It's time for the Buddy Games."

I told you guys, I can't go to Party Marty's.

Come one, come all! We will drink until we fall!

We gotta get to the bottom of this, boys. Yeah, let's go.

- Come on, Doc, grow a pair. - Doc, let's go.

Welcome, spring breakers, to Party Marty's,

home of the 25th Annual Buddy Games!

What the hell is this? What?

Oh, this son of a bitch straight-up stole our games.

For those of you brave enough to compete,

come on in and sign on up.

They even copied the bucket and made it better.

Way better. Look, you're the Bobfather.

You started these games. You gotta get in there and stop these posers.

Come on, man. Let's go, Bob.

Hey, I don't see any bunnies, Bender. Shut up.

This is like some Twilight Zone shit, man.

Whoa.

Oh, my God.

It hasn't changed a bit, man.

Exactly the same. Exactly the same.

It smells the same.

Oh, my God.

We're still banned.

Is that Brad Pitt? No, that's me.

So many balls ago.

Hey, don't forget to hit us up on the Grams.

Smash that like on YouTube, huh?

He's still here. He's still alive!

Doc, relax! Let's get out of here.

We can have a beer anywhere. Shh. It's fine.

Relax. Just play it cool. You got it.

We gotta find out what's going on now. He's so old now.

How you doin'?

Well, hello, my brothers. What can I do for ya?

Can we get a pitcher of margaritas, rocks? All the salts.

Got a tab?

Uh, yeah. Under Dixie...

Normous.

Dixie Normous.

That's funny!

Hey, how about a nice pitcher of our special, the Bikini Bottom?

Ooh, that sounds fun.

If there's alcohol in it, we will drink it.

There is alcohol in it. All right.

Oh, yeah.

We don't serve these up very often, man,

but, boy, when they do, it's a special event, I'll tell you that.

So what's with these games you got goin' on?

Oh, you mean the Buddy Games? Yeah.

That's a Party Marty tradition.

Huh.

What?

One day to rule them all. My idea.

And last, but not least. Is that fuckin' sauerkraut?

Hey! Bikini Bottom!

Yeah, Debbie's just finishing up a double shift.

Huh.

A lot of stuff in there.

Oh, my God. You're putting it in?

Oh. Actually, can we just get a pitcher of margaritas?

Sorry. We're all out.

But you know what?

How about a nice pitcher...

of go fuck yourself?

You think I don't remember you guys?

I told you to never come back here again! Especially that one!

Sir, I wanna apologize about the incident.

- It was an accident. - Yeah, man.

We weren't gonna come back here

until we found out you ripped off our games.

Ripped off? That's an interesting choice of words. Huh?

Oh, Christ. You know how hard it is

to get shirts to hang right with one nipple?

Jesus, Murphy!

Ow!

Ugh. Oh, my God! I'll kill you!

I'm sorry. I didn't know you had a nipple ring.

You stole somethin' from me, so I'm taking somethin' from you.

We were a bunch of kids back then. Get the fuck out!

You know what... All right, Marty.

We just need one more team to throw down. Ready to go, bro-yo.

Hey, wait, wait! What about you old guys? You guys wanna play?

Nobody wants to see a bunch of old dicks play the game.

Nobody wants to see your old dick!

Tell that to my 600 TikTok followers, dipshit.

You know what?

I think we will play. No.

I said no. I said yes.

That's double the fee. We're in.

Okay, fine.

But shithead has to drink the special.

I'm not drinkin' that.

He's a pussy, Marty. He won't drink it. Whatever.

He won't drink it.

He won't drink it!

Come on, Doc. No, I won't drink it.

He won't drink it! You can drink anything.

All right, fine. I'll drink it!

Come on. Come on.

Come on.

You're Doc.

I guess I owe you this.

Oh, God.

- Don't smell it. - Don't smell it.

Chug! Chug! There you go.

I didn't think he'd actually do it.

Yeah. He's doing it.

Yeah, Doc! Yes!

That's it, Doc. Yes!

Okay, Doc! That's how we do it!

Yes! Legend.

All right, hey, what do you guys wanna call yourselves?

Uh, the OGs!

Right, the OGs. The Oldies, got it.

No, OGs, like orig-- Damn it.

Ladies and gentlemen

and nonbinary allies,

your mom calls me Long Dick Larry,

but you can call me Larry Lampshade.

I am the grand master of disaster.

The czar of the wet bar.

- The CEO of let's fucking go! - Let's fucking go!

Welcome to the Buddy Games.

Buddy Games! Buddy Games!

Let's meet this year's competitors.

Say hello again to this mean team of lithe Lilith warriors.

Bitchcraft!

Yeah! Whoo!

This next team brings a hard-edge approach

and quite the social media presence.

Give it up for TREND Z!

This team joins us all the way from the old folks' home.

Ladies and gentlemen, give it up for the Oldies!

- Show us your tits! - Suck a dick!

And last but not least,

let's hear it for the two-time returning champions,

the meanest of the mean, the baddest of the bad!

Let's hear it for the Bad Brotha Fuckaz!

Really? Brother fuckers?

What? What'd he say?

I'm sorry. What are you saying?

I don't know what you said. Get your game face on. Fuck!

Let the games begin!

Fishbowl. Where? Where?

Bitchcraft!

Yeah! We started the Buddy Games, and we're gonna finish 'em!

You don't exist without us! We're the OGs, baby!

Let's hear it for the Oldies. O-- OGs!

Yeah! That's how you do it!

And that's a win for the Oldies.

That all you got?

Come on!

Bitchcraft! All of you, babes.

TREND Z wins!

Yes! Yes!

Nobody needs to see that.

Blow, blow, blow, blow, blow!

Go, go, go, go!

Blow, blow, blow, blow!

Blow, blow, blow!

Come on, man, get through there!

Blow, blow, blow, blow!

Get in there, get in there!

Oh, my God. No!

You can do this!

Go! Come on, let's go!

Tight!

Whoo! Yeah, baby!

Hey, baby.

No!

Get back!

Yeah!

I have chosen.

Are you sure?

All right. It's down to two teams.

On my left, we have the baddest boss bitches on the beach, Bitchcraft!

And on my right, the dark horses, the underdogs,

the ones literally no one saw making it this far,

the Oldies!

Yeah!

It's the OGs. Yeah, whatever.

Final game.

It's high noon.

Whoever wins this competition

will go home with the Buddy Games championship bucket.

Teams, pick your player.

All right, all right. Who wants to take this one?

I would, but I don't wanna take all the glory. Bob?

No, I'm gassed. I don't think I can. Oh.

Dude, I tore my taint playing football. I'm, like, out.

What about you, Shelly? Hell, yeah, their queen bee's been eyein' me all day, buddy.

I think I can seal the deal.

All right!

All right! Yeah!

Break! This is our guy. That's our guy.

Competitors, the rules of high noon are simple.

You will start with your backs to one another, you will walk five paces,

you will chug your beers,

you will turn around

and you will chuck those beer cans at one another.

Whoever hits first, you win.

Players.

Choose your weapons.

Hi. Hi.

Good luck, honey.

I'm gonna go easy on you, 'cause, well, you remind me of my granddad,

and that makes me sad.

Granddad? How old do you think I am?

I don't know. Old. Forty? Aw, fuck.

Three, two, one, chug!

Chug, chug, chug, chug, chug!

Chug, chug, chug, chug, chug!

Chug, chug, chug, chug, chug!

Oh, God.

Whoo!

Yeah!

Hey, Shell-- Oh. Shell, are you okay?

I don't know. Does my face look okay?

It's not that bad. No, I-- I think it's...

Let me see. Oh, my God!

Did she throw a grenade at you?

What the fuck happened? Step aside.

Oh, my...

I can fix that.

No.

Trust me, I'm a trained professional.

Hold him, guys. Did I get her number?

Ow, ow.

My nose...

There you go.

Oh, fuckin' biscuits and gravy.

Doc, don't... Ow.

Just go like...

Good as new.

Yeah, I know you enjoyed that.

Little bit. Little bit.

Oh, there you are.

You lost.

But, hey, I didn't think you'd make it past the first round.

Pretty impressive for a bunch of old dicks.

You're older than we are, Marty. Okay, boomer, don't flex.

Don't talk like that. You have gray pubic hair.

I am sorry I didn't tell you guys when I started the games, okay?

But I never expected to see you again, ever.

So what do you say? Can we call it even? Yes. Yes, please.

So, where's that other friend of yours?

You remember, that goofy guy who was in love with my waitress?

Durf, yeah.

Oh, shit, man. I'm sorry to hear that.

What brings you back here now?

We were gonna spread his ashes at the lake,

but it was spring break, and it was a full-on shit show.

Oh, man. So, where are you gonna do it?

I don't know. It's gettin' dark.

I guess we'll find a place to stay and figure it out tomorrow.

Good luck with that.

We're all booked up around here. It's spring break.

Oh, that's just great. Shit.

Fuck.

Oh, um...

You should probably have this.

Oh, Durf! That's the girl.

- Look how young he is. - Yes, that's her.

What's her name again? Celia.

Yeah, that's right, Celia.

She left here about the same time this photo was taken.

Cute girl, real sweet.

Real country though.

You know, she quit after I banned you guys,

but I'll tell you somethin', she was in love with your friend.

Wow. God, remember he talked about her for years?

He never stopped. Where does she live now?

Well, last I heard,

she, uh, moved to a small town not too far from here called Backwater.

Right, the backwater town is called Backwater?

All right, well, thank you, Marty.

- I appreciate it. - No worries.

Oh, it's Zane. Hey, hey, hey.

Oh, nice. How you doin'?

Hi, Zane! You okay?

You look completely different.

Yeah, I had to change it up.

Bob, I'm startin' to get freaked out, man.

Jack got ahold of my phone number somehow.

He keeps calling and calling and leaving these very threatening voice mails.

I can hear Uncle Tommy in the background,

twirling his mustache and polishing his fucking gun.

Hey, he's just playin' mind games. Block that shit, bro.

Yeah, but if he already has my number,

who's to say he hasn't figured out where I live too, Doc?

Listen to Doc. Stay calm, don't engage.

He's just trying to get information out of you.

Yeah. Yeah, you're probably right.

I just wish I hadn't smacked him in the balls.

By the way, Jack... all broomstick.

Who's that? Who's who?

I see a little silhouetto of a man.

Oh.

That's Whitley. He's my new lover.

What?

Uh, nothin'. I don't know. You guys just kinda look alike.

Yeah, Doc, my life is in danger. I had to go incognito.

Luckily, Whitley owns a salon, and he used himself as a template.

Hey, Wonderbuns, come here for a sec.

God.

Wonderbuns?

They think we look alike. Aw.

Which means you did a fantastic job. Thank you.

Dude, it's like where a person gets a dog, and then they start to look alike.

It's like that, except two gay guys. Yep.

Loud and proud. Don't hate us because we're beautiful.

That's not why we hate you. No, I love it, Zane.

You can literally go fuck yourself.

Bender! Wow. Your friends seem nice.

Thanks a lot.

Guess I won't be getting any ass tonight.

Hey, fellas, time to wrap your shit up.

About five minutes, yeah? All right, all right.

Okay.

Oh, hey, check this out, Zane.

Remember her?

That's Celia. The one Durfy never stopped talkin' about.

Celia. Oh, my God. Yes.

Hey, do you think maybe she'd wanna come with us to scatter his ashes?

I am loving the sound of that. It's so romantic.

That's a solid idea. I think she'd wanna know.

I think we should find Celia for Durfy.

Oh, I miss you guys. I wish I was there with you.

But don't worry about me. I'll be safe.

Here with Whitley. In the swing.

All right, buddy, we'll keep you posted.

Okay, bye.

That's so sweet.

I need you. Come to me. Yep.

Where the fuck are we gonna sleep tonight?

- No idea. - You're quite the gladiator, Bobfather.

I'm sorry, do I know you?

I go by Phoenix.

I watched you compete, and I came away quite impressed.

Thank you.

I'd say you and your friends look lost,

but I know there's no such thing.

Can I help you with somethin'?

My apologies if you find my gaze intimidating.

I believe the surest way to really know someone

is to look unflinchingly at them.

Did you lose your spaceship?

I welcome you and your friends to a party this evening.

Ooh.

It's the full moon.

And my friends and I will honor the moon queen with a bacchanalia.

A fucking alien? What'd she say? Yeah.

That sounds nice, but I-- I think we're good.

Be that as it may, I sense the world has brought you and I here tonight for a reason.

Who am I to reject fate?

Come to the party.

And if you need a place to sleep, that can be arranged.

When the moon is high, find us on the far side of the lake.

Listen for the song.

- There will be activities... - Beta.

...that you've never dreamed.

Well, that was weird, man. Oh, my God.

Yeah.

Yeah, but she did offer us a place to sleep tonight.

Pretty fucking hot too, man. I just caught a semi.

She said party.

And we're all fuckin' weird. We should just go.

Let's do this.

Where the fuck is this party? We're on the other side of the lake.

- I don't know, man. - This is killin' my buzz.

We're gonna die in the woods.

Doc, she offered us a place to sleep. We've got no other option.

Just keep going. Yeah, we do, Bob. We can get back in your helicopter

and go to Bumfuck Island or whatever and find Celia.

Yeah, just show up in a helicopter in the middle of the night, unannounced.

People fucking love that, Bender. That's a great idea.

I'm sure a lot of people do... Hey, shut up! Shut up, you idiots.

You hear that?

I think we found our party.

Could be any kind of party.

Tupperware party, fuckin' underwear party, a bukkake party.

Holy mother of God.

I don't know how to dance to this kind of music.

I could use a beer, I'll tell you that.

Yeah, they have beer? I hope so.

I feel like they have everything.

She said she was gonna be here, right?

There can't possibly be

another giant fuckin' raging party out here, can there?

What was her name again? That girl?

Falcon? I have no idea. Falcon?

Falcon!

I only have a few hairs.

- Don't burn 'em, please. - Do you know a Falcon?

Falcon.

Do you guys know a girl named Falcon?

Friends!

Tonight we welcome new travelers.

This... is Bobfather.

Bobfather. Hey.

This is, uh-- Enough with the Western formalities.

Names are anchors.

They will learn their real names shortly.

The moon decides.

She calls you...

Beef Chimi.

- Beef Chimi? - Beef Chimi.

Beef Chimi? That's good. That works.

I like it. I don't hate that.

And you!

Swollen Tick.

Swollen what?

Swollen Tick or Dick?

Hole and dick?

And you, Broken Man. What?

That's very, uh, accurate.

Here, we reject capitalist society.

Here, we are dedicated to anti-consumerism

and self-expression.

And we really like to party our asses off.

Yeah. All right, I like that.

This is Headwound. Sarah?

She will help you find your journey.

Oh, my God. Enjoy.

I have others to attend to.

Our paths will cross again.

Look at her head. Are you okay?

You should probably get that looked at. Yeah, it's pretty bad.

Have we met before?

No.

You sure?

Uh... I can taste your pheromones.

Hey, can you buy me a drink? I'll chow your box for a week.

Two wet ones.

My-- My box is, uh, singing.

Hmm.

Are you sure we've never met?

Nope. Okay.

Fuck. Isn't that the girl from...

I know.

So, what will your journey be?

Yeah... Yeah, I'm good, man.

No, no, no, we're good. Hey, Doc.

What the fuck are you doin' over there?

Mmm. These shiitakes taste like shit, but I'm fuckin' hungry, man.

You guys want some? Those are magic mushrooms.

Shut the fuck up.

They are.

Don't fuckin' tell me that. I just ate ten of these things.

You're gonna trip your balls off, dude. Oh, my God.

- Fuck, I'm gonna be so high. - Yes.

You're gonna be high for, like, a week.

Bob. Come on, you gotta trip with me.

No, I'm not... Don't make me trip alone, man.

Bender, come on. Please.

Maybe one. One? I took ten of 'em.

I'm not gonna let you trip alone.

And also, I think Durfy would want this.

Yes, Durfy would want this.

Shelly, come on. I'm not taking any fuckin' mushrooms.

I'll eat these pink things, though.

Ooh.

That's fun.

Well, maybe a gummy might mellow me out.

I'll have a couple of 'em.

I want this one. Those are good.

What do you recommend? What goes good with the pink?

Put your hand on things, and whatever sticks.

Maybe a second one.

- I ate too many bees today. - You did what?

Oh.

Well, this feels naughty.

Hey, man.

Whoa! 'Sup, dudes? What do you got there?

This? It's-- It's nothing.

I'm cool, man. I did acid in Vegas.

Okay, look, Old Man Winter, you can't handle this.

I can't handle it? Yeah.

I can't fuckin' handle it? No.

My wife blew my balls off with a paint gun. Gimme.

Oh, shit! That's a frog!

It's His Holiness, Toad Ra.

Just one tap of the tongue

is the most powerful hallucinogen in the whole western hemisphere.

Ew, you lick that fuckin' frog?

Toad.

Gimme. I can't be responsible, man.

Gimme the frog. Some people never come back from this, friend.

Oh, yeah? Hello, froggy.

Just one tap is enough to dissolve all consciousness...

What are you doing, man?

That's an abomination! Yo, give me that back, man.

Do you have any idea what you just did?

No, dude!

Holy... Yo, give me that back. Give me that.

I'll eat that fuckin' frog, bro.

Who are you, man?

You're welcome, sweetheart.

Yeah, whatever, man. Let's get outta here.

Puffnuts, Butterscotch, this guy's about to go fuckin' nuts, man.

See that, ladies? I perform amphibalingous.

Who wants to fuck?

I do have to poop though.

What is this, some kind of a staring contest?

No, this is the most intense eye-gazing session I've ever encountered.

Eye-gazing?

Not just the eyes.

The soul.

I can see your past life.

You are Sasquatch.

I'm sorry,

but there's not enough drugs in the world to make this interesting.

Look.

This isn't gonna work on me. It's just-- Deep.

Deep.

You are good.

Hey, what's up, man? Do you have tequila or vodka?

Hi. Um, no, neither of those.

What I do have are supplies.

I want a cocktail, not a crayon.

This is just, um--

It's fun, it's soothing.

Yeah, so is jerking off, but I don't do that in front of strangers.

Okay. Do you have whiskey?

Just hear me out.

I think we, as a society,

I think we fail to satisfy our inner child.

Do you have a crayon-flavored vodka?

Uh, I think-- I think we both know that's not a thing.

Oh, who's that?

Is that a good boy? That's a good boy.

Would you not refer to them that way?

What do you mean, "them"? I'm talking to the dog.

It's just that you're using heteronormative, cisgendered pronouns,

and-- and we don't love that.

It's offensive. No idea what you just said.

You're assuming the dog's a male.

I'm not assuming. I'm just staring at his nuts right now.

I think you're suffering from some pretty severe toxic masculinity, okay?

I find it triggering. I'm regressing.

So can you get the fuck out of my room, Dad?

Okay.

Now, do you see the answer?

Yes.

Of course.

Wait.

Where are we?

Where we belong.

I feel so peaceful.

Doc.

Let us consummate.

Consummate.

Consummate? Consummate.

Do you mean, like--

Consummate. Consummate.

Come-summate.

Come-summate.

Deep inside your soul.

It smells like cheese.

Wow.

What a night.

It's very humbling, indeed.

Oh, the summer stars are amazing.

I don't think I've ever seen anything so bright.

I agree, but...

But what?

I don't wanna offend you,

as you're clearly trying to form a connection here,

but I'd be remiss not to point out your use

of northern hemisphere-specific seasonal language.

Okay, you-- you lost me.

Just a tiny inclusive language thing.

Yeah, I-- I still don't understand.

Well, instead of summer, I like to say August.

Or even third quarter, because although it might be that warm season for me,

it's not that warm season for everybody else.

We're all in the same hemisphere here.

Sure, but it's winter in New Zealand.

But we're not in New Zealand.

Is anybody here in New Zealand?

I'm just trying to spread respect and understanding.

Is that a problem?

No.

No. No, I was just... admiring the third-quarter stars.

I appreciate your openness. Bobfather!

Just the man I was looking for. Come.

There's something I wanna show you. Okay. Okay.

Enjoy the evening.

I knew, upon first seeing you, that you were just the sort of man

I have been both avoiding and looking for for quite some time.

And what kind of man is that?

Let's just say, of a time.

Uh... Old-fashioned.

- Macho, manly, a real caveman. - Okay.

Most younger men, even the jocks,

are more evolved, emotionally available and sensitive these days.

You catch them crying over cat food commercials.

So, what are you trying to say? You're-- You're into older men?

No. Oh.

I have a thing for competition. Uh-huh.

Years of toxic relationships have led to much introspection and soul-sculpting

to reach the heightened form you see before you now.

I shed that former skin like a snake sheds...

his skin.

I'm sorry, where are we going? And yet, I can't help myself.

Seeing you and your comrades ignited a dormant creature in me, yes!

I feel the burning desire to compete.

And it burns, Bobfather. It burns.

The young reject competition, but I know now that it is the great equalizer.

It drives us to oneness.

One can be both mindful and still strive for victory, yes?

I hadn't really thought about it. There you are.

Can we leave? These people suck.

Come!

Your chariots await.

This is gonna be fun, isn't it, buddy?

No, it's not. I'm only here 'cause I don't wanna hang out with the woking dead.

Ready, set, go! What?

Wait, wait, wait, wait!

You gonna cry, Bobfather?

- No? You gonna cry? - No.

Show me your inner goddess, Bobfather.

My what? Yes! Your inner goddess!

My inner goddess? Yes, let her shine!

Let her shine!

See yourself on the other side!

Come on, Bobfather, keep up! I'm comin'!

Keep up! Keep up!

Oh, yeah!

Whoo!

It's beautiful, isn't it? No!

What's that?

What's that?

Oh, hey, Shell.

Hey. What the fuck?

Run for your lives!

Oh, my God!

What does that mean?

I didn't know he was that fast!

I didn't know he was that fat.

Keep going! Keep going!

Durfy! Durfy! Durfy! Durfy! Durfy!

Oh, my God.

What in the hell?

Am I dying?

Oh, my God, my head.

Oh, my God. My head.

Where are we?

I don't know.

Ow. Ow.

And how did we end up in the same bed together?

I don't know.

What am I wearing? Did you change my clothes last night?

No, I didn't. I--

I-- I don't-- I don't know how we got...

I have no idea where we are.

This is so weird.

Would you-- Would you please put that thing away?

What? Oh.

Bob, this is what happens to men in the morning.

Yeah, they get erect. Is your pussy hard?

Just get rid of it, please. Like a dick magician?

Is that what you're saying? Just disappear?

Think of something gross. I don't know. Whatever.

Okay, fine.

I can do that.

Oh, my God. How did you just... How did you just do that?

You said, "Think of something gross,"

so I thought of Shelly naked.

It decreases boners and induces vomiting.

I'm gonna remember that. I don't know when I'm gonna need it, but--

Welcome, visitors.

Breakfast is now being served.

Please make your way to the Great Room where your host is awaiting your arrival.

Who the hell was that? I don't know.

Oh, my God.

Oh, I'm starving. Wait a minute, wait a minute.

I remember that weird lady from last night.

Go say something. She's right there. What do you want me to...

I don't know, but say something.

I don't want to say anything. Go.

Good mornin'.

Morning. Hey.

I'm sorry, what was your name again?

Phoenix, not weird lady.

Sorry.

Yeah, uh, sorry. We got fucked up last night.

Yeah, obliterated. Obliterated.

Yes, we found a higher plane last night.

Such madness happens on the full moon, but I trust you slept well?

Yeah, yeah. I've-- I've felt better.

So, this is your place?

Xanadu, my home. The fruits of my labor.

Yeah, it's cool. Why does the house talk?

That's K.A.R.E.N. It stands for Kind Automated Righteous Emotional Neurobot.

She runs my household.

So, what is it that you do?

Do?

I guess you could say

I simply exist in this human vessel

to spread my love and knowledge

to lift up other souls and guide them towards enlightenment.

So that paid for this?

Also, I created an app that translates dog barks into emojis.

While I don't subscribe to paper currency,

I will admit it was a necessary sacrifice of my talents

to provide this sanctuary.

Plus, I really love jet skis.

Yeah! Jet skis. Hey, yeah, so do we.

Gotta have money for that. Yeah.

Oh, perfect!

We've prepared some morning cordials I think will be to your liking.

Bloody Mary, yes, please.

This will help make this place less weird.

Thank you. No offense.

Mmm. God bless vodka. Mmm.

Don't thank God, thank K.A.R.E.N.

She scanned your bodies during your slumber,

so she knows just what you like.

Is that why I had a boner? Wait.

What do you mean she scanned our bodies?

Where are Shelly and-- and Doc? We really should probably get goin'.

Yeah.

Who? Shelly and Doc.

Our f-- Uh... Swollen Tick and Beef Chimi.

The fake doctor and the guy who looks like Gargamel?

I assure you, everyone who is meant to be here is here.

Now please,

help yourselves and drink up.

It will help you, I promise.

I will leave you to prepare for the morning commitment.

I will see you there.

See you there.

Morning commitment? Does that mean they're here?

I'm gonna-- I'm gonna go find them. This is so weird.

Doc, Shelly.

Time to get up.

We got breakfast, buddy.

Doc, Shelly.

Let's go. We got Bloody Marys. Let's go.

Hello, Bob.

Just a reminder that breakfast service will end promptly at 10:00 a.m.

It is now 9:50 a.m.

Please find your way to the Great Room while supplies last.

There will be no other meals until dusk.

I didn't find 'em.

And honestly, this place is just creepin' me out.

I'm gonna go outside and try to call 'em.

That's a good idea, Gary.

I've had three Bloody Marys, and they're pure magic.

What? How--

And they are powerful.

Okay. I feel like really, really good.

I-- I think we probably shouldn't split up.

- Come with me. - Okay.

Come on. No. Leave it.

Okay. Let's go.

What the fuck?

What the fuck! Are you...

Okay.

There's a chicken in my bed.

There was a chicken in my bed.

Speak of the devil.

Well, if he's a devil, then sign me up for hell, you know what I mean?

Where's Bob? Where's Bender?

Where the fuck are we?

Remember, you're at the Panty Hamster.

We like to think it marries old-world charm with modern conveniences.

Sit down now. I'll get you a plate.

You earned it.

Oh, hell, yeah.

Please tell me I didn't fuck a chicken.

Oh, you don't remember?

I don't remember shit from last night.

Oh, man, how's your jaw?

I think it was, um,

"The bigger the FUPA, the sweeter the chalupa, Shelly."

That's what you kept sayin' last night.

No. You were all smiles.

There you go, big guy.

Maybe you're not hungry.

After all, you got a belly full of pussy.

You know, most men don't like to kiss a Wookiee that much,

but like I was tellin' your friend here,

you were like Pac-Man down there.

Eat your eggs, man. They're gonna get cold and slimy.

Oh, now you don't wanna eat?

Come on.

How does such a high-tech house have no service?

Hey.

Hey, come on. You okay?

Amazing.

Hey, hey, hey. Oh.

Come on. Come on. Oh, shit.

Come!

Come!

Come on. Come on, come here.

Just in time for the wokening.

I knew you'd find your own way.

Yeah, uh, we're actually looking for our friends.

Maybe you could give us a drive into town, or-- or I don't know.

Point us in the right direction?

Soon, my antique warriors.

Everything comes in time, but right now is the time to evolve.

You'll see.

I don't wanna evolve. I wanna go home.

Yo, Doc and Shelly are probably down there. We should just go.

You think? Okay, let's go.

Yeah.

What?

You're fuckin'... What are you...

Finish already.

Geez.

That's weird. Come on, get. Get.

Chick digs you, buddy.

Did you even call Bob and see if he could come get us?

I called both of them. Went straight to voice mail.

How'd they--

You okay?

Yeah, I'm fine.

Oh!

Okay.

Zane.

What is Zane gonna possibly do?

Nothin'. But he's gonna love this story.

Shelly!

Oh, thank God. What happened to your nose?

Are you guys okay? I've been worried sick about you.

Hey, buddy, it's just me and Doc now.

Listen, we were stayin' at this seedy little Airbnb last night,

and Doc had his face full of-- Give me that thing.

Hey, buddy, have you heard from Bob or Bender?

No, I haven't. I keep calling, and I just get voice mail.

Zane?

Open up the door. Oh, my God.

Oh, my God, you guys.

They found me. Right now.

And they sound so, so angry. What do I do?

Hide, hide. Don't make any noise. Get down somewhere and hide.

I'm not fucking around... I think Jack's gonna kill me.

And then Uncle Tommy, he's really gonna go to work on me.

He's not gonna kill you, man. He just wants his brother back.

Just be quiet. He won't know you're there.

Oh, God, that's awful.

Cover yourself in clothes or somethin'.

Okay, I'm hiding. Oh, my God, you guys.

Open the fuckin' door! I'm so scared right now.

And I can't believe I'm back in the fucking closet.

They're in the house.

Shh, Zane, shh, Zane.

Shh, Zane, shh, Zane, shh, Zane, shh.

Well, well, well.

- Grab him, Jack. - Zane. Zane?

What just happened?

We need to get outta here.

Let's go.

Seriously, I think we need to call the cops.

We-- We can't call the cops. We're criminals on the run.

No cops. What-- What if they kidnapped Zane?

Jack's not really gonna hurt him. Right?

His uncle shot at us with live bullets, Doc.

He better not fuckin' hurt him, I swear to God.

This place is disgusting. Can we leave, please?

I can still taste it.

Ugh.

I'm not feeling so good.

Do you see them? Do you see Doc? I don't see 'em.

Doc?

We're never gonna make it to Celia's house.

What's going-- Doc? I don't see 'em.

Greetings, friends.

Oh, my God, man! Oh, goddamn.

Another beautiful day in paradise, is it not?

Paradise. Friends.

I'm not your friend. Hey.

You-- You got a little mustache on you.

What are you talking about? I don't have a mustache.

Why'd you grow your hair out? You look like... Are you Bob's mom?

Come on, what are you talk... I don't know.

We have new friends with us today.

Greet them.

Friends.

- Hey. Hey. - Welcome.

Welcome. Welcome.

It's time for us to be mindful of each other.

Be mindful. Bob.

Bob, what's going on? Mindful.

Bob?

This is our daily reminder to be mindful.

To be mindful of breath.

To be mindful of song.

To be mindful of tears.

To be mindful of history.

And herstory.

And theystory.

What is that?

How the hell are we gonna find Celia?

I wonder what the hell happened to Bender and Bob.

My back is itchin' like crazy, man.

Dude, am I still trippin', or does that look like a giant marshmallow to you?

You're trippin'. I'm so hungry.

Fuck, still no answer.

What do you think of the name Henrietta? I mean, look at this chicken followin' us.

I love it. She's so awesome. Look at her.

I think my grandfather was a farmer, and he said never name your food.

Oh, shit. Who's a good girl?

Hey. Check it out. Backwater.

Ten miles. Isn't that where Celia lives?

Do you think the guys went there without us?

Bob's got Durfy, and they don't know where we are...

Hold on.

Zane! Hey, Zane!

- Hey! - Guys!

Oh, fuck, it was so awful!

Jack and Uncle Tommy came in, and they--

and they grabbed me and took me to my salon

and they imprisoned me in one of my own beds.

Level five. High pressure.

Damn, that's twisted.

I know!

And they wouldn't let me go until I told them where you were.

And I held out as long as I could, I swear.

But then I could feel my skin melting.

That's gross. Ew.

And I heard Uncle Tommy say...

..."I'm gonna come in there and eat you, boy."

- TMI, dude. - I had to give 'em something.

So I told them you were at Party Marty's.

Shit. Well, did you get ahold of Bob and Bender yet?

No.

All right. Man, I hope those guys are okay.

Zane, you stay safe.

Okay, bye.

Damn.

All right. All right, we gotta find these guys.

We gotta help these guys.

Backwater.

Backwater, it is.

And by the way, that's the stupidest name ever.

Water has no front, water has no back.

It's fluid. It's all one thing, right?

My back is itching like crazy, man. Where's Henrietta? Henrietta?

Come.

And let us be mindful of the experience of those from Swaziland.

And those from Nauru and Gibraltar.

Just kill us now.

This self-care is important, is it not?

Now, let's have some fun.

Education is self-care too, is it not?

Fun.

Fun. Let's get the fuck outta here.

Bobfather.

In you and Broken Man, I see worthy opponents.

Do you accept this moment?

No. No, no. We gotta go. Actually, yeah, we gotta...

We got some friends, and this woman and this--

No.

It's kind of a long story, but, yeah, we gotta go.

You see, we can't let you leave just yet.

Why? What?

Trust me. You will be a better man when this is all over.

Bob, are you okay?

Bob, you gotta hang in there, buddy.

You drugged us.

It's just some holy organic barbiturates

from the bark of a tree found in the Brazilian rain forest.

Think of it as nature's truth serum. The fuck?

You see, I've made it my mission in life to educate those

the world has left behind.

You like games, Bobfather? Yeah.

Welcome to the ultimate game.

What game?

The one you are already playing.

Look, I will suck all of your dicks and eat all of your pussies!

You don't have to shower! I'll just fucking go right down!

Let us go home! I'll fuckin' eat a...

God. Dude.

Do I have, like, a huge rash on my back or somethin'?

It's fucking killing me.

Holy shit. What?

When did you get a giant fucking back tat?

Fuck you. Seriously? Are you serious?

It's huge. Dude, I'm telling you. Are you fuckin' with me?

No, no, no, no.

It's like a dragon or somethin' with wings

and it says, "Durfy Es Mi Puta."

What? What does that mean?

I don't know. Durfy's my friend, I think.

Yeah. That's probably what it is.

Is it terrible? Just be honest.

No, dude, it fuckin' looks good on you, man.

Really? Yeah.

Yeah. Dude, you dodged a bullet, as shit-faced as you were.

You could've got somethin' really ugly.

That's a sweet tat, bro. It is.

Doc, you gotta get one. All the guys have gotta get one.

We gotta get Bob and Bender and Zane.

Everybody's gonna get one.

My back isn't as big as yours.

I don't think it would look right on my back.

Hey, I'm lookin' for someone.

I hear you're the man to ask.

Oh, yeah? Who?

- Henrietta, let's go. - Come on, you delicious fuckin' chicken.

I don't wanna have to carry you.

Let's go. Come on. Come on, lunch.

Oh, Bob, is that you?

Bender, are you okay?

Where are we?

We're still high.

What the fuck is going on?

Is this you? Is this you and Shelly? What?

You did all this to fuck with me? What? No! You're trippin'!

We're both high right now. I know.

Of course I wouldn't do that.

Ow! Damn it! Would you chill out?

Ow. Fuck. Hey.

There are two of us, and there are, like, a hundred of them.

Okay, so we just focus on how the hell we get outta here.

Welcome, Bobfather and Broken Man,

to my little game.

You, like so many, have been blind to the truth.

Blinded by racism, sexism

and other isms, all of them.

Oh, come on, Phoenix. I don't have any isms!

We don't have time for this!

Please, just let us the fuck out of here!

I have to use the bathroom.

I have bad diarrhea. I've gotta go now. Can you open the door?

I'll go right here.

He'll do it! No.

I'm gonna go potty. I'll go right now. Take it easy.

He'll fuckin' do it! Let us out!

He will go right there. Don't do it. He'll go right there!

Trigger warning! Think before you speak. You have 30 minutes.

Thirty minutes? What do we do for 30 minutes? Can I get a cocktail then?

No, no, no, no. She said it's a game. We gotta play the game.

It's what we do, right?

It's a puzzle.

Wait, wait, it's an escape room.

Do you know anything about escape rooms? Uh, no.

What are you, fuckin' retarded?

Oh, shit. Is that 'cause I said "retarded"?

Would you stop saying that word?

I know. You can't say that word anymore!

I know. I'm sorry. Jesus.

I'm sorry. I didn't mean it.

I was born in 1976.

Start lookin' for things. Look for clues, look for anything.

You see anything?

I'll repeat your first clue.

Trigger warning: Think before you speak.

I never do that. Is that even a clue?

- I don't know. - Trigger. What has triggers?

Was he dropped as a baby? I heard that.

Oh, so-- Um...

I think I found what we're lookin' for. Oh!

Bob, shoot the door. We'll shoot our way out.

Let me just... Wait, what are you doing?

We did it!

We did it! We?

You did it, Bob. Sorry. Yeah, you did it, so you go first.

Hey. Uh-uh-uh. Go, Bob.

Whoa.

Shit! Now what do we do?

Uh...

I don't know.

Do we have to find another gun?

Yeah, I knew it wasn't gonna be that easy. You wanna play?

Yeah, I wanna play. You wanna play? Let's play!

No, no, no. Bob, Bob, Bob. Let me do this one.

What? Let me do this one. Trust me.

You're a privileged white male. What? You're white.

Yeah, but, Bob, you're really white.

Okay. Okay.

Okay.

Oh. Look at him.

Huh.

Oh.

Another room.

All right.

Wait, no, you go first. Huh? Okay, fine.

Is it bad?

Dude, we're gonna need to take a break, man.

It's hot as shit out here. Every muscle in my body is hurting.

Fuck, I'm so hungry.

I could totally crush a sandwich. Yeah.

Chicken sandwich. Oh, yeah.

Don't even think about it. What?

Any chicken sandwich. No particular chicken.

No. No. No. Get that outta your head.

Never, ever, ever would I ever even think about doin' anything like that.

All right.

I'm thinkin' about it.

Breaded.

Deep-fried.

Spicy.

This is your final challenge,

woke warriors.

Please, sit.

We got this.

Oh, my God.

This is it, Bob. This is where we die.

A fucking escape room.

No, we're not gonna die, buddy. Not today, not here.

Oh. What the fuck?

Where's the rest of the clown?

It's time to wake up.

Things that were funny before are now problematic.

Now we know that real eyes realize real lies.

The hell does that mean?

Real eyes realize real-- I don't-- What?

Is that a clue?

I'm sorry, can you repeat that?

Don't worry about it. Let's just see if you can evolve.

- Evolve? - You each get one turn to answer correctly.

We'll start with you, Bob.

Come on, Bob.

What is wrong with this image?

- Bob, you got this. - Wha--

That's clearly a man trying to play in the women's league.

So that's wrong. It's unfair for the other team.

Shit. Ouch.

Are you all right?

The fuck was that?

Did that hurt? Uh-huh.

Okay, Broken Man. Your turn.

Uh, that guy's dick is about to fall out of his shorts,

and nobody wants to see that, that's gross.

Right. Did I win?

Almost, but no.

Fuck, that hurts! Ow. You okay?

The correct answer is that the outfits these female athletes are forced to wear

over-sexualize them. Come on.

That's what's wrong with this photo?

Next: Which photo accurately depicts feminism?

- Uh... - Come on, Bob.

Uh... Come on.

Number two.

Embracing her feminine form.

And--

You all right?

It's the first one, right?

The chick with the body hair turned her armpits into vaginas

to give her more powers as a woman!

No, no. Ow!

Yeah, you kinda deserved that one.

Wrong. They are both examples of what feminism can look like.

So we were both right!

No. Both wrong.

Next one. What is wrong with this image?

Uh...

Gender reveal parties are bad for the environment.

Turtles and baby seals and shit will eat that.

Yeah, that's good. You shouldn't brag about having kids online

because some people can't have kids.

Yes. Yes.

Oh, my God!

Come on. Oh!

Ow!

Three?

Oh, my God. Three?

Okay, all right. Here it is. We're gettin' out of here.

The parents, they shouldn't decide their boy or girlness,

or whatever it's called,

the gender re-- re-- ration, or whatever.

The kids should decide their own gender.

What? Nah.

Uh, actually, that was right. My bad.

Yeah, I know I was right!

You don't cancel me, I cancel you!

Again! Again!

Again! Oh!

I love you, man. I'm not afraid of you!

That was amazing.

So, are we done?

Come on!

Thank you.

Now take off the straps. We won. Let us go.

You didn't win.

No, we did win.

We beat the clock. We beat the game. We won.

You didn't simply win.

You learned, didn't you?

Yeah, sure, whatever. Let us go.

You see, I've always had terrible taste in men, Bob.

No matter how evolved I've become,

no matter how peaceful the community I built was,

I couldn't help but be attracted to men who are less than perfect,

less than empathetic,

less than woke. Ugh.

Men like you, Bob. Ah.

I always thought I could change them,

as I have changed.

Reborn like the phoenix.

Tell me, have I changed you, Bob?

Yeah, I'm not sure I'm the one that has the issues here,

but yeah, I have, uh--

I've changed. I'm way different. Can we go?

No.

You like to play games, isn't that right, Bobfather?

Yeah, I do.

And in my heart of hearts,

I like them too.

Now, come on.

Do it for me.

Ick.

Ugh.

Ugh.

Up until this point, we've played children's games.

It's now time to play something real.

Something with stakes.

What is that supposed to mean?

Russian roulette. Oh, my God.

Holy shit.

A game originated with a czarist. Put the fucking gun away.

It was a game intended as the ultimate test of bravery and will.

Oh, my God. You are out of your mind. Let's find out, shall we?

No! Don't do it! Do it!

Don't do it! Do it!

Oh! Oh, my God.

Oh, it's better than any drug.

Better than sex. Now, you do it.

No. Yes.

No, I'm not gonna do that. I am not gonna do that.

Live, Bob, and you and I can have a life together.

I don't even know you! But you do!

The Japanese samurai lived life by the Bushido, the way of the warrior,

which taught one the way of dying or living as though one was already dead.

Give me that thing! You think I won't do it? Huh?

Bob, what are you doing? I'm not afraid of you.

You want me to do it? How about here? What's the best way to do this?

Bob, put the gun down. Is it there? Is it right in there?

Bob, what the fuck are you doing?

You think I won't do it? You think I won't do it?

Of course I'm not gonna do it.

My toe!

Goddamn it!

Oh! Oh, my toe!

Ugh! Somebody find my toe!

Where's my toe?

Let's go. Come on.

Bob, get me out. Get me out. Now's the time to go.

Where is it? Where?

- Come on. Come on. - Where is it?

Oh, shit.

Here's your friend. Go. Now.

Thank you. Thank you. Yeah, okay, thanks.

My bros.

Where...

Find the toe.

Where's my toe? Find my toe right now! Find my toe!

No!

You take this one.

Okay. Come on, go, go, go.

Yeah. Bye, weirdos!

Come on. We need to find those guys and get to Celia's. Let's go.

Oh.

I can't believe I'm doin' this.

This is the hardest thing I ever had to eat.

Here's a good girl. Yeah, such a good girl.

I would never eat you, Henny.

Shelly might, but I would never eat you. Yeah.

You know...

I thought eating skunk would be disgusting.

Turns out I'm right. This is fucking gross.

Tastes like ass.

Boy, I think that's the scent sac.

Ugh.

Set it up. Set it up.

Hey, kids!

Hey.

Do you know a woman named Celia? I don't know her last name.

Where she lives?

Over there? All right, thank you. Come on.

Bye, weirdos. Don't do drugs.

Ooh, cool place. Oh, my God, chicken!

Doc!

Shelly! Shelly!

- Yo! Hey! - Oh, my God.

Yes!

- Yeah! - You're alive!

Oh, my God! I thought you guys were dead.

Dude, we almost did die. We got kidnapped by a cult, and Bob shot the cult leader.

I accidentally shot somebody. She deserved it.

Where were you? We ended up at a whorehouse.

What-- That's... Fuckin' lucky!

No, it wasn't lucky, dude. It was bad.

Where's Shelly? We ate some bad skunk. He's shittin' his brains out.

Shelly!

Oh, God. Shell.

Celia.

Hey.

- Been a while. - Yeah.

You have no idea how happy we are to see you.

Yeah.

Where's Durfy?

Uh...

- Can we come in for a minute? - Of course.

But, forewarning, it really smells in here, and it's not me.

I should have eaten the chicken.

He talked about you for years.

And we all felt that it was right that--

Well, we track you down and let you know what happened.

I loved him.

And I often thought about trying to find him,

but I didn't know he felt the same way.

I didn't know where to start. I didn't even know his whole name.

Murphy John Durfy Junior.

His name was Murphy Durfy?

- Yeah. - Yeah, weird, right?

Shelly, let's go, bud!

Wrap it up! It's gross!

All I know is after our summer together, my life changed forever.

I should tell you that-- That's it, end of the road.

It's Jack. Time's up.

Oh, shit. Oh, my God.

- Oh, my God. - It's Durfy's brother.

All right, assholes. Get out here and give me my brother!

Jack. Jack, hold on one second.

I don't know what you're doin' in this shit town, and I don't care.

I tracked you fuckheads down, and I'm done.

I'm done!

Give me the urn.

We cared about him. We loved Durfy too.

We've gone through hell together. He was one of our boys.

Shut the fuck up, guys, and give me the urn!

Mama, is everything okay here?

Yeah, it's okay, Jennifer.

These are friends. They knew your father.

- What? - Really?

What do you mean, "knew him"?

I'm so sorry, my love.

They actually tracked us down here

to give us some very sad news about your father.

I'm sorry, what, um-- what's happening?

Jack, he described you so clearly. I remember it even now.

The intensity, the protectiveness.

He said you were a very good brother. Really?

I made up that last part.

You know, I only spent a very short time with Durfy,

but it was full of so much passion and love,

and I will always be so grateful

for his giving me such a wonderful daughter.

And I'm grateful to his friends for coming here.

You look just like him.

She looks just like him.

Yeah.

He was the best of us.

You know, I think he should stay with you.

And then when the time's right, maybe we could--

Well, spread his ashes together.

I think he'd like that.

Thank you, Uncle Jack.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Shit.

Oh, Durfy, you're free!

Hey! Dust in the wind!

I can taste him! I can taste Durfy!

Sorry, guys. I've been up there shittin' skunk for, like, 40 minutes.

Durfy would have wanted it this way!

You guys dropped Durfy?

Yeah.

Yeah!

Yeah!

How are my tits in this? Do I look good?

Dude, yeah. They're voluptuous. Thanks.

What are you talking about, guv'nah?

Now, see here...

What are you talking about?

That's that girl he never stopped talkin' about.

Yeah. Hey, you know what? Maybe we should--

You should probably have this.

Ah. Is it a picture of your smelly old penis?

Stop it.

Can I hit him? Smack him.

Swollen Tick and Beef Chimi?

Swollen Tick and Beef Chimi?

Swollen Tick and Beef Chimi.

The fake doctor and the guy that looks like--

Come on.

If I do go to prison, I'm gonna be the belle of the ball,

so eat my shit!

Let me take that again.

Sorry, that was insane.

We ate some bad skunk.

He's in there blowin' up the bathroom. Wait, one more time.

We ate some bad skunk. He's inside-- Ah, fuck, what is it?

"Shittin' his brains out." Shittin' his brains out.

Never would I ever do anything to this bird.

Get over here.

So, I've had seven Bloody Marys, and I'm feeling very different.

Very different.

Come on.

Seven?

"One after one, by the star-dogged moon,

too quick for groan or sigh."

I tracked you fuckheads down.

You're standing right in front of my fuckin' camera.

Bob.

Are you still high? I'm still high.

Were you in Transformers?

Come on, Jack. We only encouraged him to do--

Goddamn it, sorry.

Acting. It's so fun.

Okay, bye.

Okay, bye.

Okay, bye. Okay, bye.

Okay, bye. Okay, bye.

Okay, bye. Okay, bye.

Whitley, say bye.

Okay. Bye.