All language subtitles for Assisted Living s05e18 Failure 2 Launch.eng

[music]

[Cora] All right!

Hey, Ms. Anastasia.

Oh, how nice is that!?

You know, Cora,
if I hadn't become

a legendary actress
of stage and screen,

I believe I have
a talent to become

a famous artist!

That is so nice,
Ms. Anastasia.

Thank you, darling!

Ooh, Anastasia!
You did that?

Ooh, I like this turtle!

It's a fruit bowl, Mr. Brown.

Well, Cora, unless the turtle
ate the fruit bowl,

I'm seein' a turtle.

Why don't you pull up an easel
and see if you could do better?

Oh no, I don't have time to
be drawin' pictures and such.

Yes, 'cause, uh,
I made a promise to my Cora.

Yeah, and, and, uh,
like, the post office,

this Brown delivers.

What promise is that, Mr. Brown?

Oh, I promised my Cora
I'ma find her a date,

I'ma find her a boyfriend.

Oh, oh, Mr. Brown,
that matchmaking thing?

Don't worry about it.

I'm just gonna
let go and let God.

Oh, no, Cora, uh-uh.
Uh-uh.

The Lord'll help those
that help themselves.

You just think somebody
gonna just fall in your lap?

No, you got to do something.

You got to go out there
and work that thing, Cora!

You can't just wait for a man
to just sit and work

and fall in your lap.

Okay, I'ma make you a list,

and we'll put stuff on your list
like lover, homie, friend-

Wait a minute, no lovers.
No lovers, Cora.

-I need a-I need a lover.
-You don't need no lover.

-I do!
-You need a homie and friend.

-Somebody to dap you up.
-Oh.

That's what you need, Cora.

And see, we'll make a list,

and we'll put all the stuff
you want on the list, right?

And then we'll find you
that perfect man for you.

-You wanna do that?
-Yeah.

-Okay.
-How fun!

Cora, what's the
number three quality

you want in a boyfriend?

Number three?
What happened to one and two?

Because every woman knows
the number one thing

you want in a man is
a robust investment portfolio.

[Cora] All right.

And number two is
a big, large, massive-

Whoa, stop right there, ma'am.

Cora, she was gonna say

is a big, large,
massive mansion, right?

Hell I was!

Yeah, I just want
a nice guy, Mr. Brown.

Who can blow your back out.

Yes, I want him
to blow my back out.

No, Cora!

Ain't nobody
blowin' no back out!

It's a been a minute, Mr. Brown!
When I get married-

-Cora.
-When I get married,

I want him to blow the back out.

Cora...

Ain't no back
gettin' blowed out here.

What else y'all want?

Nice guys can be
rich too, you know.

Yes, I'm rich.

Yeah, I'm rich
in personality.

Okay, uh, yes.

Well, you know what, Mr. Brown?
Don't put rich on there.

-No, you don't want rich.
-No, no rich.

Scratch rich off of it.
I'm gonna put rich way down.

I'ma just write rich
real low, like here,

'cause real little here
at the bottom.

He don't have to be big rich.
He can be little rich.

-Okay.
-Yeah,

'cause we want him with
something.

'Cause I don't want
you beggin' from me

when I get all old and stuff.

Mr. Brown, beggin' from you?

I just paid for your lunch
and for your bingo games.

What you talkin' about?

Cora, if you had
a boyfriend with money,

neither one of us would
have to pay for nothin', right?

Okay.

You got to learn to
work smarter, not hard.

-Okay.
-Yes.

-Cora?
-Yes?

What's next on your list?

Next on my list? Well,

we know we want a nice a guy.

I want him to go
to church with me

and to be able to
share my hobbies.

-Share your hobbies.
-Mm-hmm.

Bake cookies for your daddy.
Okay, yes.

Okay, y'all get
back to painting.

Keep making your
turtle things up,

and I'ma go find you a man.
Can y'all read my writin'?

-I-no.
-[Mr. Brown] Okay, alright.

It's a fruit bowl!

[Mr. Brown] Whatever.

[music]

? No matter what you do,
I love you ?

? No matter where you go,
I'm behind you for sure ?

? Always remember,
blood ain't never water ?

? We'll make it if
we stay together ?

[music]

Ah, very proud of you,
young Jeremy!

You're happy I finally
got that toilet fixed, huh?

No, no, no, no.
That still needs fixing.

In fact, I've re-named my toilet
after my cousin Yemi.

He too is always broke.

So what you proud of me for?

I'm proud of you because you
got in an early morning workout.

I didn't work out this morning.

Then why are you
making a protein shake?

Oh, this is for
my workout tonight.

Tonight?

Tonight.

-Oh!!!
-Mm-hmm.

Oh, your rrrandy puma!

Trying for another baby, I see.

Yeah, we still at it,
and at it, and at it.

Leah keep making me
drink these protein shakes

to get my energy up,
but I'm still tired as hell.

Look, you know,
we have a saying in my country.

The quickest way to
take joy out of anything

is to make it a chore.

Yeah, I feel that,
but we still havin' fun.

I just...

I thought she'd be
pregnant by now.

Oh! In that case,
we have another saying.

When the hunter
keeps missing his target,

start to check his arrow.

Ain't nothin'
wrong with my arrow.

You trippin'.

Oh, oh,
but you the one that say,

"We're at it, and at it,
and at it."

Those are your words.
They're not Efe's.

Yeah, we've been goin'
at it for months,

but that don't mean
that it's...me.

Ooh, so does that mean
something is wrong with Leah?

[mutters incoherently]

Is there something
wrong with her?

What's something' wrong
with Leah?

What's wrong with Leah? Huh?

What we talkin'
'bout here, fellas?

Are you asking me, please?
Ask the man with the arrow.

[Leah] Ah...

Look, baby, I'm not sayin'
it's somethin' wrong with you,

but we have been going
at it for a minute now,

and I just thought
you'd be pregnant by now.

[laughs] Okay, so that means
something wrong with me?

You better check
yourself, buddy.

Nothin' wrong with me!
[chuckles]

I put it down, you know?

A man can get a woman
pregnant well into his 70's,

-so it definitely ain't me.
-Okay, well then-

I could call Dr. Webb and see
if she has any cancellations.

You know, I mean,
unless you "scarred."

I mean, if you're scared,
say you scared, Jeremy!

-What am I scared for? Call her!
-Oh, call her?

I know my arrow's straight.

I've always been
a straight shooter.

Oh, okay, okay, okay!
I guess I'll do that, then.

-Let me go get my phone.
-I guess you gon' do that, then.

We'll see, uh-huh.
Check yourself, buddy!

-I'm good.
-Yeah! We'll see!

I hope.

All right.

Well, I think I'm done!

Oh my goodness, this
is beautiful, Ms. Anastasia!

Fabulous, right?

I could've been
another Van Gogh.

No, you would've been a Van No.

-You mean Renoir.
-No, Ren-not at all, no.

You need to get
your vision checked.

You the one drawin' turtles
that look like fruit baskets,

and I need to get
my eyes checked?

Okay, guys, it's okay.

When it comes to art,

the beauty is in the
eye of the beholder.

And I'm not beholding
any beauty, Cora.

Yep, yep-oh!
But speaking of beauty.

Cora, I found you somebody.

You found me a man already?

Yes! He is handsome.
He's nice lookin'.

He's humble.
Uh, uh, uh, he built.

-[Cora] Really?
-Yes, Cora,

he's all of them things.

You just said five words
for bein' gorgeous.

I think I'd like to meet him!

Ms. Anastasia,
don't be so thirsty.

And just how did you find
Ms. Cora a man already?

Oh, it happened so fast!

That's how I know it
was ordained by God.

'Cause I was in my happy place.

-Oh, you was at church?
-No, no.

I was at, um,
Mom's Southern Buns.

I was ordering me a hamburger
with extra mayo, extra ketchup,

extra lettuce, extra pickle,

extra cheese,
and extra mayonnaise.

I just got me two sandwiches.
That's when it happened.

I walked-
I just seen him walk through

and I said, "God, whoa!"

Just like, "God, whoa!"

And when I seen him, I said,

"Boy, this dude has style!"

-We like style!
-Yes!

Yeah, and when I said that,

and it's the way he bit
into his hamburger,

and the mayonnaise
was right there, I thought,

"He know how to carry his self."

Oh, we like a man
who know how to carry his self.

Yeah. And I looked
and I said to myself,

myself, I say, "Self,"
myself say,

"He would be perfect for Cora!"

We love a perfect match!

What did you do?

I walked right up to him and
I looked him dead in his eyes.

And I said,
"I got two questions for you.

Do you love the Lord
and is you single?"

What did he say?

He said,
"Son, I don't roll that way?"

And I said,
"What? No, not for me!"

I said, "I like women,
women, women, women,"

just like that.
And I said, "No, for Cora!"

But Mr. Brown,

after all that, is he single?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, he's single.

That's wonderful!
[laughs]

But he also had his own list!

-Well, as he should.
-Yeah, yeah, but-

Cora, I told him-I said,

"My Cora is sweet.
She is nice.

"She is friendly.

"She likes to bake
cookies for her daddy.

And she visit the
sick and shut-in."

Cora, I just went
on and on about you.

You checked every box.

This is so exciting!

Did you ask him
for his phone number?

Oh, no, no, I didn't get
his phone number.

-I did one better.
-What?

I said, "Follow me.

I'll let you
meet my sweet Cora."

-Oh, no, you didn't!
-Oh, yes, I did, Cora!

But Mr. Brown,
I'm not even presentable

to meet anybody today!

-You look wonderful.
-But I'm not ready!

And there's no time to waste.

A man like the one
Mr. Brown described

won't be on the market for long.

I hate when ladies do that,
know they done dressed up

and talkin' about
how they ain't presentable.

You know you done
present yourself.

I didn't know I was
gonna meet nobody today.

Cora, he out there on the porch.
He'd be perfect for you.

Okay, you can... Okay,
I'm ready, Mr. Brown.

Okay, he perfect, Cora.

Stand up,
don't slouch, Cora.

Yeah, get the hump
out your back.

Look like you got
"osto-porosis."

Okay.

-You ready, Cora?
-[Cora] I'm ready.

Stand up. Okay.
[whistles]

Mr. Green, come on in here!

He perfect Cora.

[Both] Oh my.

That's exactly what I said!
He perfect, ain't he, Cora?

He even got suspenders.

[music]

[music]

My name is H. Green.

The "H" is for
happy to meet you.

You must be Cora Jean.
I feel like I know you already!

Mr. Brown done gave me
your whole "re-zoom."

-"Re-zoom?"
-Cora, yes.

A "re-zoom" is for stuff
that you done already done

in the previous life.

I guess they mean "r�sum�."

Okay, Ms. Fancy,
we don't speak French.

Yes, we speak America!

Ain't that right?

Your hands is-
What you been-

Your hands strong!
I'm bleedin'!

I strengthen my hands every day

choppin' karate
boards in my basement.

Yah!

-Shut up!
-I won't!

-Get out of here!
-I can't!

'Cause you know what?
I be in my garage,

and I put some hip-hop music on,

and I put one of them
Chinese silent movies on.

And I be chopping boards-wah!

So...yeah.

-[indistinct]
-Yes, yes!

That can't be true.
'Cause hip-hop is my jam!

-It is?
-Yeah!

'Cause you see, I can beatbox,

I can pop, lock, drop it.
Check this out.

Pop, pop, pop...

Pop it to me.
Pop it to me.

-Oh, he popped it to me!
-Oh, oh, oh...

Oh, look at,
he's coming back around.

Shram!
Look at that!

What in the 1982
is goin' on in here?

I'm not sure, but I
wish it would stop.

Yes! Hey, have you ever
heard of Doug E. Fresh's

remix tape?

Uh, from '86 or '87?

-Both of them!
-[laughs]

Only in my b-boy dreams!

Shut up! I got it in my car!
Come on!

Ooh!

Did you do that?

Yes.

That is very nice!

Oh, my, thank you, Mr. Green.

Now, this reminds me
of my pet turtle, Aloysius.

[tearfully]
May he rest in peace...

[Mr. Brown] Come on!
I said the same thing!

[Mr. Green beatboxes]

I don't like him.

You say that 'cause he said
somethin' about your painting.

Well yes, clearly,
but also because

I don't think
he's the right man for you.

What, because he looks
exactly like Mr. Brown?

Yes.

Oh, I get it, I get it.
I know.

I only have enough room
for one colorful man in my life,

my daddy.

That settles it.

So what are you gonna tell him?

I'm not gonna tell him anything.

I'm gonna date him.

You're gonna date Mr. Green,
the rainbow suspenders-wearin',

beatboxing,
moonwalking kung fool

that just walked out here?

I sure am.

[music]

[chuckles]

Man, Dr. Webb gave us
a lot to think about.

Who knew it could
be so many factors?

It could be me or you.

I gotta get a whole
new set of underwear.

You guys are back
from the doctor so soon.

Yep, Dr. Webb took some tests.

She said she gonna send
us the results later on.

Ah, very good.

Here is to hoping
you both are healthy

and able to conceive.

Aw, thank you.

But should that not be the case,

perhaps you should
consider a donor.

Yeah, you know,
we talked all about that

in nursing school.

See, if you want
the child to have strong genes

from the motherland, well,

I am willing to donate.

What?

Via Petri dish, of course.

Now, we'll call you.
Don't call us.

Okay, very good.
I will keep my phone on.

Put it on silent.

You know what, babe?

What Efe said is
actually not a bad idea.

Please, you're not
getting Efe's joloff, baby.

What are you talkin' about?

I didn't mean Efe's, baby.
I'm just saying.

Like, so hypothetically
speaking,

if we did go
the donor route, you know,

it might be a good idea
to use somebody we know.

Yeah, instead of a stranger.
I can see that.

I mean, now, we not usin'
anybody from this facility.

Can you imagine that?

What if we used Anastasia eggs

and the baby grew up
to be a famous actress?

Wait, now, if we get pregnant
using Ms. Anastasia's eggs,

then we are officially
in our last days, honey,

'cause that's
a straight-up miracle.

-I know, right?
-Oh my gosh.

What about your friend Nicki?

She's, like, super athletic.
Smart, too.

Eh, I like her,
but she be cheatin' at Spades.

Hell no, that's out.

Ooh, what about Alistair?

Now, he has a good job.

I mean, nice buns.

And then he always brings
somethin' to the cookout.

-I like him!
-Hold up, hold up, hold up...

-Nice smile.
-What you say, nice buns?

Hazel eyes... Huh?

-Nice buns?
-What?

Why are you lookin' at his butt?

Uh...ooh, I didn't...
I don't look at his butt.

I just know he be goin'...
He be goin' to the gym.

He be workin' out.
That's all I was saying.

All right.
Look, baby,

don't be lookin' at
the shape of my friends, okay?

Right.

Ain't like I said somethin'
about Nicki bedonk-a-donk.

'Cause everybody
knows she got one.

[laughs]

You be lookin' at
Nicki bedonk-a-donk?

I mean,
they be lookin' at me.

Jeremy!

That's like asking an astronaut
if he look at Jupiter.

That thing is, like, pow!

Okay, you know what?
If we go to the donor route,

we definitely gonna
use an anonymous one.

Damn skippy.
That's what I thought.

[phone chimes]

-Is that Dr. Webb?
-Yes, it is.

She said that, um,
we should have the results

for our fertility
test later tonight.

-Perfect.
-Mm-hmm.

All right, now look.
Listen, give me a hug.

Just give me a hug now

'cause I know you gonna be sad
when you find out it's you.

It's not gonna be me!
It's gonna be you.

I'm good, I'm good.

Please, Lord, let it be him.

Wait, please let it be him!

Ooh!

[music]

How can you date that man
in good conscience, Cora?

You know he's not
the right match for you!

You're just saying that because
he looks just like Mr. Brown.

I know! That's the problem.

I mean, if I refuse Mr. Green,

it's gonna hurt
Mr. Brown's feelings.

Because it will appear as if

you think there's something
wrong with Mr. Brown too?

Look at that!
Can you do it like that?

You can do it too?

What!!?

I can go further.

Like the kids be doin',
the side ones?

-Can you do that?
-Yeah!

What!?

-Look at you.
-Pip, pat, pip, pat...

If I throw it to you,
if I throw it to you...

Schwap!

Can you imagine Mr. Green
moonwalking like that

all over your house every day
for the rest of your life?

[Cora] Yeah.

No, Mr. Brown?

Mr. Brown?

Can I speak to you
in private, please?

Cora, you know we just alike.

Anything you gon' say to me,

you can say in front of
Mr. Green.

Okay, Mr. Brown.
Well, Mr. Green and I

are not a good match.

Cora...

Well, what's wrong?
Is it his style?

No, his style is fine.

Is it his pop,
lock, drop, and roll, Cora?

His dancin' is fine, Mr. Brown.

You think-his bald head?
You don't like his bald head.

His bald head is
attractive, Mr. Brown.

-Well, Cora...
-[Both] What's the problem?

That's the problem, Mr. Brown!

I mean, I love you, and
Mr. Green is a very nice man.

But y'all are too much
alike for me to date!

Cora, you just broke my heart.

[Cora] Mr. Brown, I don't mean-

Cora, you done broke it.
You did mean to break it, Cora!

You said somethin'
wrong with your daddy.

Oh, Cora, about to have
"nerve-less" breakdown.

Don't breakdown, Mr. Brown!
I'm sorry!

[wails]

How could you do this to me?
How could you do this to me!?

I'm sorry, Mr. Brown, listen!

Look, look at this picture.

[whines]

[Cora] Please!

Come on-

[whines]

[inhales]

[sobs]

I need y'all
to pull yourself together.

Oh, Jesus!

Pull yourself together!

Mr. Brown, look.
Look at this picture.

This picture's nice enough for
you to put on your wall, right?

Yeah.

Okay, now would you put
two of these on your wall?

[Both] No.

That's what
I'm sayin', Mr. Brown.

How wonderful you are
and how nice Mr. Green is.

I mean, I only have enough space
in my life for one of you guys.

-Okay.
-No, no...

Ms. Cora,
that was wonderfully put.

Mr. Brown, you did not
lie about your daughter.

She is a great catch!
Just not for my net.

Thank you for understanding,
and it's nothing personal, sir.

Girl, you just dodged a bullet.

No, no, it's fine,
because I know

that my perfect woman
is out there for me somewhere.

Yes, Doc, yes, preach.

Or in here somewhere...

-No, out there.
-Out there.

Definitely out there.

Out there. Out there.

-If we-
-Oh, no, no.

Out there.
Oh, there's your perfect woman!

She got suspenders on!

Cora, you sweat?

You sweatin' like
a whore at church.

[sighs]

[screams]

[music]

[music]

Did Dr. Webb
send you the results?

Mm-hmm.

Yep, she said
your sperm is healthy.

Ah, told you!
Boom-shaka-laka.

Told you.

But your count is low.

[Both] Damn.

I know, baby, look.
It's not the end of the world.

It just means we might have to
explore some other options,

like in vitro fertilization?

You know, that's if we try for,
like, six months to a year

without any success.

So I gotta drink
these nasty-ass shakes

for a couple more years, huh?

Mm. She said my eggs are fine.

And that's great.

Yeah, but remember, I am
at a...advanced maternal age,

so there may be risks
if we get pregnant.

Yeah, it's a lot goin' on.

Mm, yeah it's a lot goin' on now
without us getting pregnant.

[sighs]

I cannot.

Sandra's back home.
Philip's...Philip.

I cannot believe
I'm about to say this, but...

maybe we should stop trying?

I don't know,
if it happens, it happens.

So I can stop drinking
these nasty-ass shakes, huh?

Yo, these things
give me the bubble guts.

That's why I walk to

the opposite end of
the room sometimes

and you be followin',
like, yo, stay over there.

Did you just let one out now?

They just be seepin' out,
I'm sorry.

-Gross!
-I'm sorry. Here take that,

-go ahead.
-Ugh, your farts stink! [laughs]

I'm talkin' to you
from over here.

Whew! Yeah, that one was...

I mean, we have fun
tryin', though.

Let's try one more time.

-I'll meet you in the bedroom.
-One more time!

[laughs]

-Wait now, I gotta fart again.
-[Leah] Gross!

[music]

[music]

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