All language subtitles for Assisted Living s05e17 To The Left.eng

[music]

Boy, what did I tell you?

I'm not your maid, chef,
nor your chauffer.

[Philip] Ma, are we
really doing this?

I'm not even that late.

Ha, that was a close one.

Wouldn't want you
to have to remake a sandwich.

Boy, when are you gonna start
getting up in the morning

to your own alarm clock,

making your own breakfast,
packing your own lunch?

Maybe Daniel's next Fast?

It's Daniel's fast, boy.

[Vinny] Come on Reggie,
don't get mad at a player.

Because those ladies wanted to
get a piece of me.

Those ladies
were only all over you

because you fell down
and played dead.

I'm always one step
ahead of you, Reggie.

When's the last time you had
mouth-to-mouth resuscitation

by 10 sets of lips
in 10 minutes.

You better ask somebody.

Funny, Grandpa Vinny, but maybe
you should wash out your mouth

with soap.
That sounds unsanitary.

Why you still got
the shower shoes on?

Oh, these aren't shoes.
They're called slides.

So up top, it's like,
"Ooh, I'm hot

but chill."

Don't waste your time
on him, Philip.

He's a cornball. Look at him.
Check him out.

Man, yeah, it's official.
I made the flier.

Oh, that was actually
my water, Dad.

Yeah, it's mine now. Beat it.

Next week's number six.

You might end up in the ring
with Mayweather, baby.

I don't know about all that,

but I'm definitely about
to end up in the ring.

Oh, you really into this.

What is all this?

"Cha-ching and Change
Charity Fight tonight"?

What the hell
is all this about?

Yeah, I get to fight
for the charity of my choice,

raise money,
win or lose.

So you getting paid
to get your ass beat.

Whatever, I ain't
even worried about it.

I been knocking out inanimate
dummies in training for a month.

Everybody say that
till they get hit in the mouth.

Vinny, would you have
some confidence in my man?

What charity
you fighting for?

I'm fighting for the Stripper
Pure Foundation, babe.

Yeah, it's a foundation
to help strippers

get off the pole and help them
get a real career.

All strippers need to do
is blackmail those politicians,

then they won't need
no jobs, man.

Who you fighting, baby?

Landon "Bone Crusher" Dorsey.

That dude look like a beast.

Oh, yeah, he is.
He is a beast.

Ooh. Um. Babe, is that
who I think it is?

Well, who the hell is he?

-My ex.
-It's her ex.

[music]

? No matter what you do
I love you ?

? No matter where you go
I'm behind you for sure ?

? Always remember
Bloood ain't never water ?

? We'll make it
if we stay together ?

Leah, it'll be exciting.

Jeremy will get to tough it out
and show how much he loves you.

What if he loses?

He can't lose.
He has you.

That other guy lost years ago.

That's true.

Uh, it's just awkward,
you know?

I mean, back in the day,
I had to make a choice

and I chose Jeremy.

And I'd do it the same
all over again.

Good for you.
You chose the best man.

Jeremy is a great provider.

And I'm sure,
after all these years,

that Landon fellow wishes

he could do
all that Jeremy can for you.

Yeah. Well, uh. Huh.

He has been on the cover
of Forbes

and, um, retired at 31
as a dot-com millionaire.

And, supposedly, he owns

some palatial beachfront estate
in Hawaii.

Shit, what are you doing
with Jeremy?

With a body of a Greek god,
does he need a live-in maid?

Miss Anastasia, he is married.

Do they need
a live-in mer-maid.

You know, it's just Jeremy
has compared what he can do

to what Landon can do
for so long.

Well, that will give him
even more incentive

to get into the ring.

And if he doesn't,
I'll be happy to lay him...

-Oh.
-Out myself.

[disgusted mumbling]

You shouldn't
just shoot me down.

You should at least consider it.

I'm not training
with you, Mr. Brown.

Why not?

Because your idea of training
is two minutes of shadow boxing,

followed by two-and-a-half hours
of all-you-can-eat lunch.

Yes, what's wrong with that?

You train for two minutes
and you eat for two hours.

You renutrislize
your body.

-Mr. Brown. A trainer?
-[Brown] Huh.

Yes, a trainer!

You should talk
some sense in him

because you know I was
gonna fight Mike Tyson.

Shut up!

You shut up.
I was gonna fight Mike Tyson.

Yeah, I was scheduled.

They had the fight, everything,

we had done fighting,
had a bite-off,

and they said, "Um, Mike Tyson
against Mr. Brown."

Mike Tyson backed off.

I said,
"No, he don't want this."

Yeah, he backed up and went
to beat up somebody else.

You gotta. That's how you get
your punches in there.

Like that.

Mr. Brown, you really know
about boxing?

Do I know about boxing?
[high-pitched] What?

Bam. See? That right there,

look at that, that's called
drunk boxing right there.

Jeremy, you're actually gonna
get a trainer?

This sounds serious.

Yeah, he got to send
a message.

What kind of message
are we trying to send?

To let him know
that he doesn't have it all.

No. To let me know that I am
a good trainer.

Man. All right, Mr. Brown.

Why do I feel like
I'm gonna regret this?

Okay.
I'ma put this there. Okay.

First thing is to get you a
core.

'cause you have a weak core.
Look, see.

You got a weak core.

Now how I got this was I was
doing jumping jacks.

Like this.

[effort grunts]

[effort grunts]

Good, baby.

That is not what I did!

Mm, hm-hmm.

That is not what I did.
I did the... [effort grunts]

[both grunting]

Come on, you useless.
You ain't gonna get it.

You finna get whooped.

Now, jumping rope is vital
and important to boxing.

You get, look...

Anybody can jump rope
like this.

Uh-uh, no.
I teach my fighters

you can do this?

[Anastasia and Leah] Wooh!

Mr. Brown.

Come on, baby.
Come on, you can do it!

Yeah. Ooh!

Reggie, face it, man.
You are an L-7.

And you an F-minus.

Ooh, I'm an F-plus, you know,
'cause I'm a freak.

Whatever the ladies want.

Wait, wait,
what's an L-7?

An L-7, take your hand
and make an L with one hand

and then make another L
with the other hand.

Now turn one upside down.

-A square.
-He's a square.

Argyle socks,
sweater over his shoulders,

the ladies look at him
and go,

"Hell, no, Grandpa.

[sniffs] Is that
Linimint I smell?"

It's okay, Mr. Reggie.

I mean, squares get girls too.

Just not the cute ones, no.

I was very popular with
the girls in the chess club

and the classical poetry
society in school.

Okay, so not the cute ones.

Vinny's right.
I'm corny.

All right, come on, Mr. Reggie.
You just a little outdated.

Behind the times.

You know,
a little antique-ish.

-A little historic...
-I get it.

I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.

Maybe you could help me
get a younger look.

Ah, I see.

I see, I see.

-Younger look?
-Mm.

Some may call it drip.

One in seventeen men
can wear what I wear.

I am the one.

You guys are part
of the other 16.

-But this comes with a warning.
-Mm-hmm?

You gonna have to follow
some old ladies

and some cougars, man,
I'm not gonna lie.

We're gonna start
by getting rid of this.

And this.
All of that, definitely that.

Shit, we gonna have to start
all over.

Just throw it away now.

-I present to you Mr. Reginald!
-[Vinny] Uh-huh.

[parade trumpet imitation]

-Ooh-wee!
-Wooh!

[Philip] That's good
right there.

Looking good, looking good.
I like that, I like that.

You know what, Reggie?
This might work

if you just stand there
and shut up.

Keep your damn mouth shut.

I don't understand why I wear
a T-shirt under a suit.

Okay, all right, all right,
forget that, okay?

-Okay.
-The main points,

-remember? Okay? The walk.
-Yes.

Very important, right?
Very important. Ready?

Watch me. You ready?

See if you can do that.

See what you got.

Oh, he walk
like the money.

[Philip] Good.
Why are you so stiff?

-I'm...
-[Philip] Okay, look.

It's an attitude, okay?

You don't see them.
You don't see them, right?

Ready?

No, no, no.
You're not blind.

-Just forget that, right?
-Okay.

Just say, "What's up, shorty?"

What's up, shorty?

'Sup, shorty? Sup, shorty?
'Sup, shorty?

You gonna say it
that many times?

Just one time,
one time is fine. Okay?

Cool, cool. Remember?
Think cool.

Reggie, Reggie, Reggie,
you're trying to woo the women.

Not shoo the women, okay?

All right.

'Sup, shorty?

-I can't lie, that was better.
-Much better.

-Dance move.
-[Vinny] I got it, I got it.

-My counterpart, go ahead.
-I got it, I got it.

-What you wanna do...
-Right?

Spread 'em out
just a little like that.

One's in the back.
One back there.

And then give me
a little shoulder right there.

Get a little of that.
There you go. There you go.

That's all you gotta do.
You gotta look 'em in the eye.

-What your name is?
-What your name is?

What your name is?

Bam, bam, bam.

Bam. There you go.
And double up.

Sometimes double up.
Double up. There you go.

You know you don't even need
an imaginary beat.

He not even on the beat.

If you want a more
youthful approach, right,

a little something
like this, all right?

A little something
like that, okay?

-Yeah.
-Okay.

[Vinny] What the. I'm with ya,
I'm gone too.

What? No I got it! Check it out.

Babe, baby, haven't you had
enough?

Baby, it's never enough
when you trying to win.

This is supposed
to be fun.

I'm gonna have a lot of fun
kicking your ex's ass.

That was over 25 years ago,
Jeremy.

We both have happy lives.

Yeah, my life
about to be happier.

All right?
I'm about to beat him up.

All that bragging
he used to do back in the day

about everything he got.
Who cares?

Okay, all of that and he
still didn't get me.

That's 'cause I got something
that money can't buy.

What you- Yes, yes, yes.

Okay, and who needs
all that extra stuff, right?

You are just fine
working a regular job

for regular folks,
doing regular stuff,

on regular days, you know,
just regular, you know?

Thanks? Yeah. You got it, baby.

Mr. Brown,
what are you doing?

Yeah, I'm here
for our next training session.

In a gi?
This is boxing.

Well, I have
special training techniques.

You gotta chop
and punch him...

Like that.
And then [swishes] so...

You do wanna win
that $5,000, right?

Of course I wanna win.

And don't you wanna show Leah's
ex what you working with?

Yes.

Well, you better get to training
'cause he rich.

He probably training underwater
on top of the way-

he probably doing air training.

This supposed to be a pep talk?
'Cause it's not working.

My training techniques
will work.

First thing I need to do
is get you a sparring partner.

You don't know no professional
fighters, Mr. Brown, stop...

How about like ex-Heavyweight
Champion of the World?

[hustling whistles]
Hey! Come on!

He just got through eating,
but he ready to train.

-T-Bone Tyson. Ooh!
-You ready to go to work?

Back up, man.

You ready to fight?

I'm ready now.

You ready, champ?
Come on.

Come on, champ, come on.

I got you, I got you, champ.
You ready?

Mr. Brown, you really
are connected.

[Brown] Yeah, I'm connected.

You better get in there
and get connected

before he knock you out.
Come on, get in there, champ.

Don't know
if I'm ready for this.

[Brown] You ready, come on.

Get up here, let's do this.

Throw your right,
throw your jab.

Get your punch in there.

Come on, come on,
throw your hands.

Oh!

Okay, get up. Get up.

You've got to learn
to duck.

How you think I survived
15 rounds with Duster Bugless?

You mean Buster Douglas.

I mean Duster Bugless.
He got a twin.

-He ain't no twin.
-Yes, he do.

Get in there and fight.

Fight. Bite if you have to.

Psst.
Come here, come here.

One sure way
to confuse your opponent

is make them think you don't
know what you're doing.

So you shuffle, shuffle,
shuffle, bam!

Shuffle, shuffle, shuffle, bam!

Okay, got it.
Get in there, get in there.

Come on, here we go.

Give it to him, champ!
Shuffle, shuffle, shuffle, bam!

-Yes!
-I got him.

I got him, Mr. Brown!

[T-Bone] Is that all you got?

He ain't so bad.
Man, watch this.

Do it. Go. Shuffle.

-Come on.
-Yeah, boy.

Shuffle. Hit him with it!

You want some more?

Open up the secret weapon!

Get the secret weapon
on him!

Come on!

Give him
the secret weapon.

Come on! Secret weapon!
Go get it!

-Oh, oh.
-[Brown] Open it up!

All right, all right.
Okay.

Got him.

That's your secret weapon?
The windmill?

Yeah. It worked.

Right. You know
what you doing.

What is going on? Oh, oh, oh!

[Mr. Brown] So dramatic.

Oh, T-Bone Tyson!
[screams]

Mr. Brown, you really did
the thing!

Well, that's what I do.

Yes. You gonna win
the fight, baby.

Yeeh. Yeeh!

It's really you.

You're the reason
one of my exes

ran out on me in Vegas.

I feel like I need
a shower.

I'm sorry
to hear that.

I gasp when I saw your muscles

glistening and glowing under
those bright stadium lights.

I guess when I threw
my silk scarf in the ring

with my phone number on it,
he had enough.

I didn't even know
he was gone

until the 12th round.

Ms. Anastasia, come over here.

All right, look,
let me show you something.

Get your hands up.
Now circle around.

Now go for his...

I'm gonna crush
his bones!

I see a few bones
I'd like to crush.

Well, shorty, if you think
that dance was hot,

wait until tonight.
Be sure to bring a fan.

R Boogie out.

R Boogie out? Whoa, Reggie, who
the hell is R Boogie?

That's my new nickname.

-You hanging out again tonight?
-[Reginald] Mm-hmm.

You need to slow your roll, man,
you really do.

Hey, let that man
be grown, Grandpa Vinny.

I mean, he feeling alive
while knocking them dead.

True dat!

Oh, don't forget.
Not too much, R Boogie.

You know what I mean?
Like, just enough

to get their attention

but not too much
to keep them guessing.

You stole that from the book
of Vinny, chapter three.

Yes, you did, man.

I didn't read your book.
I wrote my own.

Hey, knock them dead.

You know what? You just got home
in the wee hours.

You ain't got the stamina.

And you know what, Reggie?
You gonna run out of steam.

No, my friends
asked me to be there.

And, besides, I can't miss
Tequila Tuesday.

Tequila Tuesday.

Reggie, you can barely handle
Kool-Aid.

Hey, Tequila is
this fine lady I met

and she wants me to be
her main dish.

And I want her
to be my chaser.

Oh, that's... Yeah.

Well, who is this tatted up dude
with the gold front?

That's Grills.

Can you believe
he's a former convict

that I put away
some years ago?

He just got out.

Well, why was he hanging
with you?

Because I'm cool.

And I bought him his first drink
out the pen.

Well, what was he in for?

-Attempted murder.
-[Vinny] Mm-hmm.

He tried to carjack some guy

who was driving
while legally blind.

I don't think it'd be
a good idea

for you to go back down there.

The dude might be trying
to set you up

for some type of revenge,
Reggie.

Oh, no, no,
we had a good time.

And this woman between us,

that's Limbo Linda.

Now, she's defending
her title tonight

and she wants me to be
her human pole.

Let me see. Let me look that up.

-Whoa. Whoa.
-Hey.

Why didn't you go out
with Reggie?

I don't think Reggie
should go back down there.

I just read a post
that the convict he locked up

has said, "Hey, judge, can't
wait to catch up tonight.

Let's see who takes
the fall this time."

Come on. Look at that.

We better get down there
and get Reggie.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Give me the keys

so we can get down there alive.

'Cause both of us be dead
if you drive.

Uh, it's awfully early, baby.

I mean, the fight
ain't till late this afternoon.

T-Bone wanted me to get
some light work in.

It's all optics, baby.
Intimidation tactics.

Remember, this is supposed
to be fun.

-Oh, it's gonna be fun.
-[Leah] Okay.

It's gonna be fun when I beat
the brakes off that boy.

-Bring his ego down. Uh-huh.
-[Leah] Right.

[Mr. Brown] Okay you ready?

What, who is Jabber J?

Jabber J is your man.

Think if I introduced him,
"Ladies and gentlemen,

he's 6'1", comes in
at 210 pounds.

Jeremy."

-See how flat that is?
-Flat.

But if I came in,
"Ladies and gentlemen,

he comes in at 6'1",

210 pounds
from Bad Street,

Jabber J!"

Okay, I see
what you did there.

See what I did.

I don't even need all that,
Mr. Brown, I'm good.

According to your opponent,
"Bone Crusher,"

you gonna need that
and more.

Now, word on the street,

and y'all didn't hear
none of this from me,

telling people
he had Leah first.

What? Oh, okay. All right.

Yeah, I got something
for you, boy.

[Brown] Yeah, yeah,
you go get him, champ.

Go get him, champ!
Go get him, champ!

You go get him, champ.
Go get him, champ.

Go get him, champ.
See you there, baby!

Mr. Brown, was he really
out there, bragging?

No, I just made that up

so they can beat
the brakes off of each other.

I used to hype fights up
like that when I boxed.

Yeah, you got him, champ!

Right. Right, he got him.

Where in the hell
have you been?

It's 7:45
in the morning, man.

And why didn't you call?

We were worried
about you, Reginald.

We drove around
half the night,

looking for you in places
you might've been laid to rest.

I was about
to call the po-po, man.

The last time I checked,
I'm a grown man

and I can stay out
as long as I want.

Well, you know, we read the post
that the convict put out and...

It sounded like
he wanted revenge

for you putting him away.

Ah, yeah, he was the one
that had me tied up all night.

[both] Tied up!

First took me
to the karaoke bar

and then to
the all-you-can-eat griddle

and then it ended
at the casino.

Casino, man, you don't
owe that man nothing.

No, it was his treat.

You know what he told me?

That being put away
actually saved his life.

Well, that's good to hear.

I'm so tired. Now I can
hardly keep my eyes open.

Well, I'm happy, Reginald,

that you were able to get out
and let loose for once.

But those women
wore me out.

They will do that,
but I tell you what, Reggie,

you need to send them my way

Uh, the Ener-gizer-bunny, uh,
Vinny will-

[music]

[all chanting]
Jabber J! Jabber J! Jabber J!

[all cheering]

Congrats.

He's the greatest of all time!
He's the GOAT!

Bone Crusher's face when they
said you won was like, "What?"

You did everything I taught you.

I did everything
T-Bone Tyson taught me.

No, no, no, you can give
Mr. Brown a little credit.

I am so proud of you, baby.

Yeah, total knockout
for my total knockout.

Yeah. Whoa, whoa,
where you going, Anastasia?

I'm going
for a private sparring session.

I have a match tonight myself.

TKO, baby!

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