Original subtitles

[in English] Okay. This pile is to keep. This pile is to throw away.

For example, I will keep these muffins.

I will throw away that apron.

Uh, actually, I will keep this apron.

Yes.

-What's that pile? -I thought that was yours.

No, none of this is mine.

Oh. Then I'll just add it on to the keep pile.

And what of the pendant? What are your plans for that now?

If it is the Fourth Scroll,

legend says we need my father's staff to open it.

But Niu Mowang has that.

Wei-Chen, is that the only thing bothering you?

I just… [sighs]

…didn't expect that getting this… I would lose my friend.

I think I hurt Jin.

[Guanyin sighs]

[speaking Mandarin]

[in English] I promised not to get involved,

but I can offer you this, just once.

I will bring your pendant to Lady Rocky.

Lady Rocky?

She gave herself that name.

Her real name is Shi Ji.

She's all about stones.

She's a bit much, but she may be able to help.

At least we'll know if your quest is actually complete.

Thank you, Guanyin-pusa.

No need to thank me. Just help me clean.

Okay.

Do you want me to throw away these old soy sauce packets?

[gasps] Are you crazy?

[Mr. Larkins] All right, what animal has the fastest metabolism?

And no, it is not Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson.

It's the hummingbird.

Pretty amazing, huh?

All right, enough fun. Let's make like proteins and synthesize.

[murmuring]

-Hey, is everything okay? -Yeah, why?

Nothing. You've just been a little distant lately, that's all.

Oh, sorry. Yeah, it's not you. It's just some other stuff.

Got it. Um, do you wanna talk to me about other stuff?

Do you know that kid Wei-Chen?

Yeah, but I haven't seen him in a few weeks.

-Didn't he go home? -Uh, he went home but then he came back.

Um, we kinda got into a thing after I left your house the other night.

-Thing? What kind of thing? Like a fight? -Kind of.

Oh, he seemed really nice.

Yeah, well, I guess some people just aren't what they seem.

Well, do you wanna finish this project after school today?

I do, but I can't tonight.

-Why not? -It's my birthday.

-What? -Yeah.

-Are you gonna do anything to celebrate? -No, it's not a big deal in my house.

My mom just makes these noodles that taste like nothing

-and then my dad gives me 20 bucks. -Mmm.

Well, my mom just makes practice cakes for the entire month

and then my dad eats them all just to be nice.

-That's cool. -No, it's weird.

-Yeah, I guess it's kinda weird. -But seriously, you should do something.

It's the one day you get to celebrate yourself.

-Right. Yeah, we don't really do that. -Oh! We should go bowling.

What? [chuckles] Amelia, I'm not turning 50.

Me and Ruby found this place, and they make it all futuristic.

Futuristic as in everybody there is 50?

[chuckling] Stop. Look, are you sure you can't do tonight?

Yeah, I guess the noodles can wait.

Perfect. Okay, I will invite people and this will be fun. Promise.

[Jin] Okay.

[chuckles]

[soft instrumental music playing]

[sighs] They're exquisite.

Yes. One of a kind. [chuckles]

-How much? -Oh, they're not for sale.

What do you mean they're not for sale? [chuckles]

The stones were forged in White Bone Cave during the Qing Dynasty.

I bring them out simply to admire.

Name your price.

[chuckles] It's really not about money.

-Anyway, I'm actually closing. -20,000.

[laughs] I'm sorry.

Fifty then, for the pair.

Oh. [sighs]

Well, they do look magnificent on you,

but what would my ancestors say?

100,000.

Let me wrap those up for you.

[Guanyin] One of a kind, huh?

-Guanyin-pusa. -[chuckles]

It's nice to see you again, Shi Ji.

Putting your skills to work, I see.

Well, you know, gotta feed the beast.

[chuckles]

-You remember Pixiu, right? -Mm-hmm.

Come here. [grunts]

-This is Pixiu? -[Pixiu whines]

[scoffs] He looks different.

Oh, yeah. The Jade Emperor did that.

After Pixiu pooped in his lotus pond,

he turned him into a dog and sealed his anus.

Anyway, we're not banished per se,

we're just not exactly welcome to all the fancy banquets.

It's fine.

Pixiu prefers Earth stones, to be honest.

Anything celestial, he can't keep down.

[in Mandarin] Isn't that right? It makes his little tummy hurt.

[in English] So, what can I help you with, Guanyin-pusa?

I need to ask you a question about a stone we've discovered.

Two stones actually,

set together.

What do you need to know?

[in Mandarin] Whether this is the Fourth Scroll.

[inhales sharply]

[announcer speaking Spanish on TV]

[sighs]

-[in English] Hey, Mom. -Hey. I'll make your noodles in a bit.

Oh. Uh, actually, I'm gonna probably go out tonight, if that's okay?

Some friends are throwing me a birthday thing.

Oh, that's nice. Ask Daddy to drive you there.

Have fun, but not too late, hmm?

-Can I ask you a question, Mom? -Yeah, what's that?

How much money did you spend on the green stuff?

Jin-ah, Daddy and I wasn't arguing about money.

Okay, then what were you arguing about?

You know… [sighs]

…when I first met your daddy, he had a lot of big ideas, big hopes.

I liked that.

And his deep voice.

I liked that too.

But now when I look at him… [sighs]

…sometimes I don't recognize the man I married.

Where did he go?

-Hey, Dad? -Hmm?

-Can I ask you a question? -Hmm?

Do you think it's possible

that Mom's green powder is actually a good investment?

Jin,

-do you know what is an investment? -Yeah.

It's when you put capital into something and then later you get something back.

[Simon] The green powder is not an investment.

It's a silly drink.

Well, maybe he just thinks it's kinda risky, you know?

'Cause you don't even really know what's in it, right?

Do you know what's in the energy drink you have there?

[Jin] I-- I don't-- I don't know.

[Mrs. Wang] See? That's how business works sometimes, huh?

Well, I feel like she really believes in it.

And I think she thinks that other people are gonna believe in it too.

[Simon] If she just wants to believe, she should go to church,

not start a business.

[Mrs. Wang] If Daddy wants just to work hard,

he should not have left home.

We came here for something new.

[Simon] Your mother doesn't understand how things work.

[Mrs. Wang sighs] Daddy doesn't know how to take risks anymore.

[Jin] Mom said she wants to talk to you.

Well, Dad said he wants to talk to you.

Will you at least try?

Can you at least try?

[Mrs. Wang] aiya,

he's just mad because I lost the pendant in the restaurant.

[in Mandarin] I never liked it much anyway.

[in English] Mom says she's really sorry she lost the pendant.

She feels really bad.

Call when you wanna come home.

[sighs]

[laughing, chattering]

-Hey, guys! Uh, sorry I'm late. -[Josh chuckles] Hey.

My dad is a very slow driver.

Late to your own party. I respect the flex, man.

-[Jin] Of course. -Hey, surprise, man. Look at this.

Dude, not a surprise party, all right? Not a surprise party.

-Hey, Ruby. -Hey.

-Oh, hey, Jin. What's up? Look. -[Jin] Hey.

I put your name as, uh, Big Wang Theory.

It took him 20 minutes to come up with that. He's very proud of it.

-Well done. Well done. -Happy birthday.

[Anuj] Yo, Jin! Hey, buddy.

-Happy birthday. -Hey, man.

Dude, glad you could make it.

Yeah, of course. Wouldn't miss it. Oh, there's a Pump It Up machine here,

so it's a win-win, 'cause I'm gonna try to break the high score.

Oh, sorry.

He made me watch YouTube videos all afternoon.

Well, it's research, and it helps.

Got it. Hey, uh, is Travis being cool so far?

H-- He hasn't said anything yet. I-- I think he's scared of Suzy.

Every few minutes, I give him a death stare to freak him out.

[Anuj] Let's go.

Hey, birthday boy.

Hey. Um, listen, thanks for doing all this. Really.

Oh, please. I booked a couple lanes and ordered some food.

No, yeah. I noticed the Panda Express. Is th-- Is that because--

Uh, the guys insisted on it.

Apparently they eat it, like, four times a week.

-Oh. -But, um,

it is mostly gone, so sorry about that.

But they did give us T-shirts 'cause we ordered so many Panda Bowls.

Yeah, I'm not wearing a T-shirt.

Oh, I know, because you'll be wearing this.

Like it?

[chuckles]

-Hot stuff. -Hot stuff.

-I thought it just suited you, so… -Yeah.

-Thank you very much. -…felt you needed to have it.

[laughs]

-Let's go! -[laughs]

-[pins clattering] -[whooping, cheering]

-[cheering] -Yeah! I got one. [chuckles] I got one.

-Classic, classic. -Thank you very much.

[Ruby, indistinct]

Wait, why is he here?

Oh, I invited him. I thought maybe you guys could smooth things over.

Hi, everyone.

-[partygoer] Yo. What's up? -[Suzy] Hey.

Happy birthday.

This is for you.

[speaking Mandarin]

[in English] That means "hello" in Chinese.

I know.

I'm flattered you came to me, Guanyin.

-It's an honor to help. -Of course.

After all, you are Lady Rocky.

[chuckles] You know, I actually gave myself that title.

Oh, interesting.

So I will need to run more tests on this pendant to know its true identity.

But, uh, first, would you like to discuss pricing?

-Pricing? -Yes. What's your offer?

-My offer? -For my services.

You want payment for this?

Well, you don't expect me to operate for free, do you?

Shi Ji, this could stop the uprising and bring harmony back to Heaven.

Yeah.

I'm not as crazy about Heaven as some.

You can't tell by looking at me, but I actually used to be a cave demon.

-That's fun. -[gasps] Oh, my gosh.

I am just noticing that beautiful bead bracelet you have there.

This is a personal gift from Nezha himself.

-Really? -Mm-hmm.

I'll take it, in exchange for examining your pendant.

[chuckles] Shi Ji, you don't want this.

No, I do. [chuckles]

How about just three beads? You're the goddess of compassion.

Think how happy this would make me.

Honestly, I didn't come here to make a deal.

Okay. Well, then perhaps there's another expert in heavenly stones around

who can help you. [sniffs]

[Guanyin] Fine.

This is not a trade, but a gift.

Beautiful.

Come here, sweet boy.

-Yes, boy. -[sniffs]

What are you doing?

Oh-Oh. [shushes] He doesn't like it when you talk while he eats.

Come here.

-What's happening now? -Wow.

It's just gone?

[chuckles]

I told ya. He doesn't like celestial stones.

Looks like your beads really were from Nezha. [chuckles]

[inhales sharply] Good boy. Yeah.

-[partygoers applauding, shouting] -[Travis] We're not worthy.

-We are not worthy, bro. -[Ruby] Are you gonna get another one?

-[cheering, chattering] -[partygoer] Come on!

[groans]

[shouting, cheering] Yeah!

What? Dude, what is happening?

[Ruby] That's gotta be a world record, right?

-[Josh] Why can you do that? -What? There's only ten of them.

Okay, okay. Everybody back up. That's my teammate.

Hey, uh, Wei-Chen. Can I talk to you for a second?

-[Josh] Yeah. Yeah. -Dude, you're not gonna do it.

Oh, my God.

Okay. So, why are you here?

Amelia invited me.

No, I know. But why are you really here?

I come to say happy birthday.

Did you open your present yet?

Yeah, you regifted me the herbal powder my mom gave you. Very thoughtful.

My guardian blessed it.

-Maybe it will work magic now. -Okay, cool. Thanks, man.

Is there some other reason you're still sticking around?

Or do you just wanna find new ways to ruin my life?

[stammers] I just wanna say…

I'm sorry.

Hey, come with me. It's not safe here.

[Jin] What? Dude, where are we going?

[grunting]

[mouse squeaking]

[banging on door]

[grunts, panting]

Oh, great. Drunk busboy guy. Hey, did Amelia invite you too?

Don't worry. I'll handle this.

Everybody out.

Free slushies out there.

Where is it?

The toilet? Down the hall, to your left.

-Perfect. -Well, good news and bad news. [sighs]

The good news is I now know where the toilet is. Thank you.

Bad news is this guy.

[in Mandarin] Bull Demon.

What's wrong? Not excited to see me?

I have a business opportunity for you.

Not interested.

Hear me out.

You have the Fourth Scroll but need the Staff.

I have the Staff…

…but need the Fourth Scroll.

What if we worked together?

You left home for a reason, didn't you?

[in English] Please don't say anything to make him mad.

[in Mandarin] Why would I work with a weak baby like you?

[in English] Feel like you didn't listen to me.

Careful how you speak to me.

-I'm not an idiot like Ji Gong. -[breathing heavily] Hey.

Hand it over.

[squeaks]

[Sun Wukong, in Mandarin] Leave the boy alone.

[Wei-Chen] Father.

Have you been watching over me this whole time?

I can handle this myself.

[in English] Sorry, kid. I think I'm the one he's looking for.

[in Mandarin] Been a long time, Mowang.

Yeah, it certainly has.

Has your anger driven you

to wish for the downfall of Heaven?

If I recall, that used to be your wish.

[in English] Boom.

[in Mandarin] Give this up. I can help you.

Why would I need your help, when I've got this…

-[staff rumbles] -Look at what I'm holding.

[Sun Wukong exhales deeply]

How's it feel? To want something I have for once?

[in English] You guys have a lot to talk about. I should go.

-I don't think so! -No!

-[shouts] -[grunts, groans]

[breathes heavily]

[gasps]

[both grunting]

[grunts]

[in Mandarin] Hurry, run!

[grunting]

-[in English] Come on. -[grunts]

-[Wei-Chen pants, grunts] -[Ji Gong groans]

-Get them! -[both groaning]

[both grunt]

[shouts]

[announcer on PA] Who's ready for starlight bowling?

[both grunting and panting]

-[partygoers chattering] -[dance music playing]

-[all cheering] -[grunting]

[grunting]

Oh, there you guys are.

[in Mandarin] Sandy.

[grunting, shouting]

[cheering continues]

[in English] We're gonna sing "Happy Birthday" now.

-Oh, awesome. -And we got you a cake.

-We have to get everyone out of here. -What?

Don't tell anyone there's a demon fighting my dad.

I wasn't going to.

-[Niu Mowang shouts] -[Sun Wukong grunts]

-[wind whistling] -[grunts]

[grunts]

[in Mandarin] Sandy.

[both grunting, shouting]

[shouts]

[in English] ♪ Happy birthday to you ♪

♪ Happy birthday to you ♪

♪ Happy birthday, dear Jin ♪

All right. Candles out, party's over. Thank you guys so much for coming.

Come on.

We didn't even cut the cake yet.

Wait, are there nuts in that? 'Cause I might, like, you know, die.

It's okay. Maybe we should eat it out in the parking lot to be safe.

It doesn't matter. I either asphyxiate on the carpet or on the asphalt.

-But thanks, Jin. I see you though. -Come on, party. We're at a party.

[Josh] Wait, where the plates at? Oh, uh, right over here.

[shouting, grunting]

[grunts]

[shouting, grunting]

[grunts]

[in Mandarin] Go! Tell the others!

[grunts]

[Niu Mowang shouts]

[gasps] Wukong!

[grunts]

-[straining, shouting] -[shouts]

[shouts]

[shouts, groans]

[speaking Mandarin]

-[speaking Mandarin] -[gasps, grunts]

-[panting] -[speaking Mandarin]

This is because of me.

[continues panting]

-[grunts] -[in English] No!

[both grunting, panting]

[strains, pants]

[host on radio, in Mandarin] [host on radio, in Mandarin]

Our son told me you wanted to talk.

He did? He told me you wanted to talk.

[Simon chuckles]

That kid is a terrible liar.

He gets that from you.

You could never lie very well.

[Simon chuckles]

How's the headache?

Same.

You should eat something.

Have you eaten yet?

[in English] Um…

[in Mandarin] …I just ate.

I'll be fine.

[sighs] Jin.

[Lady Rocky, in English] Okay. Here is what I can tell you.

This is indeed an authentic piece.

It possesses two distinct forms of jade from the warring territories,

just as prophesized.

That much is true.

But does it possess the power of the Fourth Scroll?

For that, you'd still need Jingu Bàng.

Until then, it's like a lock with no key.

[sighs deeply]

We can, of course,

test to see if it has celestial properties.

You're talking about the dog.

-I'm talking about the dog. -[growls]

If he glows and spits it up, then at least you know it's not of this world.

And if it doesn't?

[chuckles]

I have a beautiful assortment of jade pieces, all one of a kind.

Sure.

-Let's try it. -Would you like to do the honors?

Okay.

Ah. [tuts]

Um, make him do a trick first.

Tell him to spin or something.

Spin, Pixiu. Spin.

-[Pixiu growls] -[speaking Mandarin]

[in English] Okay. Now you can feed him.

Okay. Here.

Yo, Wang. We're gonna head out. But great party, man.

-Awesome. -See you later, dude.

-Yeah, see you guys at practice. -Peace out. Awesome.

-See ya. -Hey, so we're gonna leave too.

Oh, great. Awesome. Thank you so much for coming.

-I'm guessing you have lots of questions. -What?

-Yes, we're dating. -No, we're not.

Well, first date, so technically dating.

-Okay, we're done here. -[Anuj] You just said we were dating.

-So was that so bad? -What?

-Celebrating yourself. -No. Yeah, it was good.

-Are you sure about that? -Yeah, definitely.

I'm just not used to this sort of thing.

Amelia, let's go. I have to give my cat his medicine.

Okay. Um, do you need a ride?

-No. My dad's coming. -[Ruby] Come on.

He just doesn't drive faster than 12 miles an hour.

-[both] Happy birthday! -Thank you guys for everything.

Wei-Chen! Hey!

Hey, what happened?

[breathes shakily] They took him.

Who? Took who?

My father.

[students laughing]

No, no, I'm serious. That's what he's saying.

This is a play about the tension between individual will and preordained destiny.

But what Cassius is actually saying to Brutus here

is, "Don't be a wimp."

[students chuckle]

"To find ourselves dishonorable graves.

Men at some times are masters of our fates."

In other words, take action.

"The fault, dear Brutus, is not in our stars,

but in ourselves, that we are underlings."

He's saying that fate is not decided up there,

but down here.

So, be brave, be bold, act.

-And then they kill Caesar. -[students laughing]

[students chattering]

Uh, okay, so let's continue this discussion tomorrow after warm-ups.

Thanks, everyone.

[cell phone vibrates]

-[clicks] -[phone stops vibrating]

Marissa, hey. It's great to hear from you. Did you check out the script?

Not yet. I will. But I think you know what I'm calling about.

Yes, the reunion show.

It's a live taping, Jamie.

They need an answer by end of day.

Everybody's returning except for Lacey.

Nobody liked her anyway.

I just… [sighs] …I need more time to think about it.

What is there to think about?

Well, I'm still trying to get financing for the film,

and you know I teach classes at the JC.

Listen, sweetie, opportunity like this doesn't come along every day.

They're talking about a possible full-season reboot.

They need you to show up. And I just-- I would hate to see you miss this chance.

-Do I have to say the line? -I knew this was gonna come up.

Marissa, will I have to say the line?

Here's what I think.

I think Freddy Wong is an iconic character.

I think you are a trailblazer

who opened doors for a generation of actors.

And I think they're gonna have to update the show no matter what.

So it's a conversation we can have.

You know, last month I took my car in for an oil change.

I sat there for 45 minutes, and no one said a thing to me.

Then as I was driving away,

the service guy yells, "What could go Wong?"

It's been 30 years.

I know. And that's not gonna change.

So why not get paid for it?

Maybe even enough to finance a movie.

Marissa, please. Please read the script.

I'm on it tonight.