Original subtitles

[Jin, in English] What happened to you, dude?

'Cause you just disappeared for, like, four weeks.

I can explain everything.

So, after you left me with the big, giant toilet paper bear,

my staff, the jīn gū bàng, remember, was taken by Niu Mowang,

who was leading an uprising against the Jade Emperor.

So I went back home with my dad for a few hours,

even though it's, like, much longer on Earth.

But it's okay.

I've returned to finish my quest and find the Fourth Scroll.

Okay, that was a lot.

Yeah, and-- Oh, my auntie, Guanyin, bought me a new cell phone.

Cool, right?

Hello, you didn't tell me you invited a new friend.

[in Mandarin] How do you do? My name is Sun Wei-Chen.

[in English] Do you go to school with Jin?

Yeah, me and my auntie just moved here recently.

[in Mandarin] Oh, and I like your home.

Stop!

And that's a pretty necklace.

This? This is very special.

[in English] I show you the companion piece.

-They have a companion piece. -Oh.

These two pieces go together.

This is a green jade. This is a orange jade.

-It's very old, very rare. -[in Mandarin] Cool.

Can you teach my son some Chinese?

-He's terrible! -Oh. [chuckles]

Sure, sure.

[chuckles, in English] Hey, okay, let's-- let's get a move on.

I make you some tea, huh?

-I'm good. We're good. Thank you. -[Wei-Chen] Uh…

[Wei-Chen] Wow, look at all these toys.

Kugo Ren has so many friends here.

[Jin] Wait, so, you're still looking for the Fourth Scroll?

Yeah. My dad told me about a scholar who might be able to help.

His name is Ji Gong. The "Mad Monk."

He was banished from Heaven and now he lives on Earth.

Okay, that sounds promising. [chuckles]

Yeah.

Jin, you do magic?

Oh, yeah. Well, it's not real magic like you can do.

It's just a dumb thing I bought on the Internet when I was 12.

Show me.

Uh, okay, but it's kinda been a while,

so… [sighs] …it might not be super spectacular.

-Okay. -But, um…

Let's see. Ah, here.

-Ready? -Yeah.

And…

Abracadabra!

-What? -[chuckles] Uh-huh.

And then-- Ready?

[whooshes, grunts]

Wait, how-how did you do that? That's amazing.

It's magic. It's real magic.

But it's a hot dog.

It's also a flashlight. That's not really magic.

Okay.

I'll learn this sausage man trick later.

We should go see this monk.

Okay. Although, I don't know.

If you got this guy who, like, knows all this stuff,

do you really need me anymore?

You don't wanna help me?

No, it's just-- Uh-- I don't know.

I don't really see how I fit into this whole thing.

Plus, I kinda have a biology project that I have to do.

Come on, Jin. You're my guide. I know that from my dream.

Right. [sighs] Yeah, yeah, let's do this.

Although, I don't know,

can we come up with something a little bit cooler than "guide"?

Servant?

Yeah, no, you're right. Guide's better.

Are you sure this is it? It looks like a mini-mall.

It says "temple."

Come on. Let's go.

[Jin sighs]

[in English] This place doesn't seem super busy.

-Could that be him? -I don't know.

[speaking Mandarin]

-[in English] Huh? -Are you Ji Gong?

Larry.

Try the bar.

Oh. Hello.

[employee slurring] Table 7 needs napkins.

I think he's drunk.

What makes you say that?

Oh, just, everything about him.

Hello?

-What's up? -[both scream]

Oh, hi. We're looking for a scholar whose name is Ji Gong.

More like Ji you gone. Eh?

-Get out of here! -Okay.

Yeah, I don't think there's any Chinese gods here.

-Guess I'm not a super good guide. -[groans]

[clatter]

[sighs]

Okay, I think I'm gonna go work on my bio project now.

O-Oh, okay.

I mean, you've got your phone, right?

So, you know, just text me if you find anything.

-Uh, yeah. -See ya.

You seem very excited about that project.

Yeah, I don't know. I guess I just really love biology. [chuckles]

[knocks]

-Hey. -Hey.

-Come on in. Yeah. -Thanks.

[both grunt]

-En garde! -[Amelia] Sorry about that.

-No fair! You crossed the line. -What? What does that mean?

-[imitates stabbing sound, chuckles] -[screams] Oh, you got me. [grunting]

Okay, lower your weapons. Real people coming through.

-Oh, Amelia. Please, avenge my death! -[Jin] Sorry.

-Hi, Dad. -[Amelia's dad] Hi.

-Hi. You must be Jin. -Hi. Yeah.

Hey, Meels, I have a tray of seltzers ready in the kitchen.

-Could you grab those? -Yeah. I'll-- I'll be right back.

[stammers] It's nice to meet you, Mrs. and Mr. Taylor.

Oh, no, please call me Margie Ann.

Yeah. And I'm Dennis, and this is Holden.

-Hi. Bye. -[Margie Ann] Oh.

-The whole block? -[chuckles]

Sorry. Well, make yourself at home.

-I prepared a little snack. -Oh.

[chuckles] Thank you so much.

-Is this-- [chuckles] -Mm-hmm. Right there.

-Wow, is this from, like, a restaurant? -[chuckles] No.

And I'm sorry I didn't have time to prep more.

I have an open house coming up, so been a little slammed.

[chuckles] This is-- Can I?

-Oh, please. -Thank you so much.

[Jin smacks lips]

-[chuckling] Pace yourself. -Mmm.

Sorry, it's just really good cheese. [chuckles]

Thank you.

[gulps, sighs]

Who are you? What are you doing here?

I-I'm just looking for someone.

Well, you're not gonna find them.

Well, I didn't even say who.

No one's here. Not even me.

Okay, just-- Don't come closer.

Why? You scared?

No, it's your breath. Really bad.

[grunts]

-[screams] -[grunting, groaning]

[Wei-Chen screams]

[grunting, groaning continues]

-Ji Gong? -[burps]

[retches]

[grunting, groaning continues]

[chuckles]

[burps]

-[breathes heavily] -[in Mandarin] Ji Gong.

[sighs] Is this your disguise? A drunk bum?

[breathes shakily]

Maybe.

Now tell me who you are!

My name is Sun Wei-Chen.

I think we're searching for the same thing.

The Fourth Scroll?

[scoffs]

[in English] You should give up now. It's a waste of time.

Why?

[sighing]

A million miles I've traveled, and it's all led me to this stupid town.

Where you can't even get a good pizza.

So it is here. Did a crane speak to you too?

What? A crane?

-Uh, in your dreams. -No.

[sighs]

All right, come over here.

Let me show you.

Come on.

This wasn't some dumb crane. This was a lot of hard work.

This took a ton of research.

Look at these paintings. What do you see?

Uh, colors.

"Uh, colors." No, you idiot.

This is everything you need to know about the Fourth Scroll.

-Look, you moron. -Okay.

Okay, fine. I'll explain it.

[sighs]

Long ago, Sun Wukong guided a group of pilgrims on a Journey to the West.

They achieved enlightenment,

and the wisdom of the sutras was transcribed onto three scrolls.

Discipline, Discourse and Philosophy.

But, unbeknownst to many,

there was a fourth scroll containing the Sutra of Power.

Makes the other scrolls sound kinda dumb, right?

Anyway, the legend goes that the Buddha destroyed the Fourth Scroll

and sprinkled its remains like Parmesan on the earthly realm

as a way of dispersing absolute power, or whatever.

A little dramatic if you ask me.

[sighs]

Over time, two families, once peaceful,

grew obsessed with collecting its fragments

in the hopes of controlling the territory.

Their selfishness led to resentment, which led to deceit, which led to war.

I don't know if you know this, but humans love war.

It's like all they ever do.

So, the Buddha made a proclamation.

Only when the warring factions find harmony

will the ultimate power of the sutra be revealed.

Thus, the Fourth Scroll could be anywhere, or anything.

Could be a rock or a cloud.

A pendant.

I said anything, didn't I?

What are we gonna do? Sit around all day and just name objects?

I gotta go. I gotta go. Yeah. Thank you, thank you.

Wait, that's it?

How about a "Nice pictures, man. Thanks for the info"?

Oh, yeah. Amazing painting, yeah. Thank you.

I'll make sure my father know that you help a lot. Thank you.

[in Mandarin] Who is your father?

The Monkey King. Sun Wukong.

[in English] Okay, "determining your base metabolism."

"First, place two fingers on your wrist and count the beats for six seconds.

Then multiply this by ten to calculate your resting heart rate."

Okay.

-You ready? -Yeah.

And go.

[cell phone buzzing]

[buzzing stops]

And stop.

All right, that would be 60 for me. What did you get?

I think I might have done it wrong.

Why? What did you get?

Like a hundred and something.

Yeah, I should probably do it again. [chuckles]

Maybe my parents stressed you out.

-They stressed me out. -Your parents are great.

I feel like your dad wanted to give me a hug.

Oh, he definitely did.

Well, I'm glad he didn't 'cause I ate a lot of cheese.

[cell phone buzzing]

Um. [sighs] Sorry, I gotta take this.

-Yeah. Go. Mm-hmm. -I'm gonna be right back.

[Margie Ann] Hey, Meels, could you come help me with the scanner?

It's making that beeping noise.

-Hello? -Jin, hi. I have some good news.

Dude, I'm kind of in the middle of something right now.

Oh, okay. I just want you to know that--

Just text it to me, like a normal person, okay? Bye.

Oh, okay. Bye.

-[speaks Mandarin] -[Mrs. Wang] Mmm?

Jin says he'll be back soon.

That's okay. You can wait here until then.

-Here. Try it. -[chuckles]

Thank you.

[Mrs. Wang] Hmm?

Mmm.

It's good. [chuckles]

I'll give you some to take home. Hmm?

Thank you.

Cool label. [chuckles]

[clicks tongue, chuckles] You like my tea,

and you like my pendant.

Can I look at the pendant again?

Yes, let me go get it.

This orange jade is a family heirloom on Jin's father's side.

This one is from my family's side.

-Oh. -Look, look.

-Mmm. -[door opens]

-Oh, you're back! -Yeah. [in English] Hi.

[in Mandarin] Hello!

This is Wei-Chen, Jin's friend.

[sighs]

It's been a long time since you brought that out.

[sighs] I was just admiring it.

-Mmm. -[Mrs. Wang] Mmm.

-These two jade necklaces are a pair. -Mmm.

They have been in the family for many generations.

Each side of our family had conflicts before.

We lived in different places.

When we got married,

we hired someone to encase these together.

Like this.

[Mrs. and Mr. Wang chuckle]

This represents us being one family.

[sighs] You look nice.

Very nice.

Any news at the office?

[sighs]

Not yet. [in English] Um, okay.

[in Mandarin] Enjoy your Bible study, huh?

-Oh. Goodbye. -[in English] Yeah.

[upbeat music playing on TV] [upbeat music playing on TV]

[singer] ♪ Beyond repair ♪

♪ Beyond repair ♪

Freddy? You home?

I'm here to return your "Number One Spicy Hot Sauce."

It gave me the number twos.

[audience laughter]

[Freddy] Over here, Danny.

[audience laughter]

-Where? -[Freddy] Here.

[audience laughter]

-Where are you? -[Freddy] I'm right here.

[audience laughter]

[sighs]

[audience laughter]

Freddy, what are you doing in the wall?

I'm trying to get my beauty sleep.

You know this bed goes down, right?

Of course.

How else do you think I get in and out every night?

-[audience laughter] -Seems dangerous to sleep like that.

Why? What could go Wong?

-[Freddy screams] -[audience laughter]

[Danny] Good night.

[Margie Ann] Oh, hi, Jin.

Oh, sorry. Holden always forgets to turn the TV off when he's done with it.

Oh, yeah. No worries.

You know what we should watch? Amelia's play.

I think it's recorded on here somewhere.

-No, we really don't need to watch-- -Oh, come-- You're so good in it, Meels.

-She is so talented. -Mom!

I am not just saying that.

Uh, we should really go study actually.

Jin, would you like to watch this?

-Uh, yeah. Sure. Why not? -Okay.

Oh, actually, you know what? Um, I should probably go study.

Well, she might have been in the chorus, but she deserved to be a lead.

[Jin] Yeah.

Okay. I'll see you later, Margie Ann.

And it's recorded. So, any time.

[in Mandarin] The Lord asks for truth. So here's the truth.

Your pastries were stale.

No, they were fresh.

They were definitely not fresh.

I just bought them!

Okay, let's focus.

Ephesians 4:15. "Speaking the truth in love."

We're telling her the truth.

Her pastries were bad.

[laughing] Oh, please.

I have something to say!

I wish my son was more like Wei-Chen.

-He's polite. And so handsome! -[Mrs. Liu] Mmm.

I agree! So handsome!

-[all chuckle] -[Mrs. Fan] Yeah, very true.

[knocks]

Who could that be?

Oh.

[in Mandarin] Maybe that's Jin. [chuckles]

[both, in English] Oh.

May I help you?

[in Mandarin] Good afternoon, excuse me for bothering you.

Wei-Chen!

I've been looking for you.

[sighs, in English] I'm really sorry about that.

Uh-- No, don't worry about it.

Wait, uh-- Why are you sorry? [chuckles]

My mom. She can be annoying.

Oh, no, I-- I mean-- I thought she was, like, really nice, actually.

Mmm. That's her superpower. But she uses it for evil.

Is that you?

Yes.

Yeah.

[chuckles] So you're mad at your mom for, um, like, saying too many nice things?

[sighs]

[sighs] She thinks she's being positive but she's really just being fake.

Yeah.

Yeah, my parents don't really have that problem.

Like this morning, my mom told me my earlobes were the wrong shape.

Honestly, I wish she'd just say something harsh to me every once in a while,

instead of just sugarcoating everything.

Yeah, I get that.

Like, here, say something about my zit. I know you see it.

-What? -My zit. Just say something but be honest.

I think your zit's perfect.

You are really terrible at this, you know that?

You're supposed to say it looks like a Hot Tamale or something.

-A Hot Tamale? -Mm-hmm.

I should say your zit looks like a Hot Tamale? It doesn't look like a Hot Tamale.

Jin, sweetie. Would you like to join us for fajitas?

-Yeah, love to. -Yes, okay.

[chuckles] I should probably call my mom to let her know that I'm gonna stay.

Yeah, go for it.

-[cell phone rings] -[Mrs. Wang] Hello?

Hey, Mom. Uh, yeah, I'm still at the, uh, school thing.

I was just wondering if maybe I could stay for dinner?

[speaks Mandarin]

[in English] Your friend Wei-Chen came by.

-What? -Yeah, yeah. And his uncle.

His uncle? Wait. Mom, Wei-Chen doesn't have an uncle.

[chuckles] Yeah, he invited everyone out for dinner at his restaurant.

Come meet us. I-- I'll send you the address.

-They are very nice people, Jin. -Wait-- Mom, who is this guy?

-Don't be rude, okay? -[line disconnects]

Hello?

-Welcome. -Yeah, I'm here for dinner.

-Go on in. -Thanks.

["Sweet Caroline" instrumental playing]

[Ji Gong] I hear music, but I don't hear singing.

You're wasting the best part of the song.

[all chuckling, chattering]

-[Ji Gong burps] -[Mrs. Wang] Are you okay?

[speaking Mandarin]

[grunts, in English] Hey, hey. Hey.

[in Mandarin] Come sing, Mrs. Liu, it's your turn.

[speaking Mandarin]

[Mrs. Liu speaks Mandarin]

-[in English] Jin, Jin. -[Ji Gong burps]

-Hi. -My sweet, handsome son, Jin.

-Mom, are you drunk? -No, no. I'm not drunk.

I shared a beer with Mrs. Fan.

I shared a beer with… myself. [chuckles]

Have you met Wei-Chen's uncle?

Mr. Gong. Mr. Gong.

-This is my son. My handsome son, Jin. -[sing "Sweet Caroline"]

-Hello, Jin. -Huh?

-[gasps] -Hi, yeah, we've met.

-Really? I don't think so. -Yep. Over there.

-I never go over there. -Okay. [sighs]

Welcome to my restaurant. Have something to eat.

Mmm. This song's so good, I'm gonna sing it. [chuckles]

-Yeah! -No, wait, Mom--

Hey, loosen up, buddy.

[Mrs. Liu laughs]

-I need to explain. -Okay.

Just-- Follow me.

[singing continues]

Okay, so, uh, please explain. Why did you bring everyone here?

Me? No, it's Ji Gong's idea.

The drunk busboy dude? That's Ji Gong?

Yeah, he say it's just a disguise, but I think… [sighs] …he's really drunk.

Okay, great.

Uh, he told me all about the Fourth Scroll.

And I came to tell you, but you weren't home.

-And he must have followed me. -Right, that's the other thing.

Why would you go to my house without telling me?

I tried, but you said you were doing biology.

[Simon, in Mandarin] Ice-cold beer!

-[singing continues] -[in Mandarin] Who wants one?

[Mrs. Tsai speaks Mandarin]

[in English] Dad's here?

Yeah.

[Simon speaks Mandarin]

-[speaking Mandarin] -[Ji Gong] Let the couple sing!

-[singing "Sweet Caroline"] -Oh--

-[in Mandarin] Repeat. -Repeat what?

-Repeat "So good." -I can't hear you.

[in English] Jin, listen to me. The Fourth Scroll.

I think it's here, and it has something to do with your parents.

Sorry, what?

I think it might be your mom's jade pendant.

[sighs, chuckles]

[in Mandarin] You keep missing your cue!

My wife. She's always…

so pushy!

[all chuckle]

If I don't push him, he doesn't move!

-Of course I know how to move. -[all laugh]

[in English] So you showed up at my house and demanded to see my parents' jewelry?

I saw warring factions in Ji Gong's painting.

Always fighting. Just like your parents.

That's your logic? You've gotta be kidding me, right?

No, I'm serious.

They say their families were at war for generations.

Ji Gong has searched for the scroll for years.

-And he agrees, this might be it. -Mmm. Okay, yeah. Great.

What-- Uh, Chinese Jack Sparrow over there told you about it.

Definitely. He seems like a reliable source of information.

[in Mandarin] I pushed him to ask for a promotion and now he's going to get it!

I didn't get it.

What?

I didn't get the promotion.

[in English] Pat got the job.

[continues singing "Sweet Caroline"]

[Ji Gong] Where is the ice?

Ice.

[Simon] Christine.

[in Mandarin] Why are you mad?

Why aren't you mad?

Pat hasn't even been there one year.

I thought about it.

I'm just going to quit.

You want to quit?

How can you not discuss this with me?

How are we going to live?

We have savings.

[clicks tongue] Not enough for you to quit.

We only need enough for a few months.

Listen to me. There's not enough in there.

[chuckles] Are you kidding me?

You must be drunk.

Where did our savings go?

I needed to purchase inventory.

For the green powder.

How much?

It was an investment!

How much?

Half.

[in English] I'm going home.

[Ji Gong] Okay, I'll see you later.

Some people can't hold their karaoke, am I right? [chuckles]

All right. Next song. All right. Next song.

I'm-- I'm sorry. This looks bad.

But this is necessary to stop the uprising.

[Ji Gong] …singing, ladies.

If the pendant contains the power…

The pendant.

Wei-Chen.

[Wei-Chen] Ji Gong!

[Jin] Wei-Chen!

Ji Gong!

Oh, hey.

So that's your plan?

Distract everyone so you can steal the pendant for yourself?

Yeah.

Wasn't that your plan too?

You don't understand.

The Jade Emperor and my father need this.

You may not know this,

but a long time ago, your father stole my job.

That's right. [slams]

I was supposed to be Great Sage!

I don't believe you.

I don't care if you believe me. [chuckles]

Because this right here, this is my ticket home.

Thanks for the tip.

Oh, hey. Jin.

Hey!

[Wei-Chen grunts]

["I Only Care About You" instrumental playing]

[Ji Gong grunts]

[singing "I Only Care About You" in Mandarin]

[singing continues]

[grunting, groaning]

[singing continues]

[grunting, groaning continues]

-[chuckles] -[Jin vocalizing]

[chuckles, clicks tongue]

[singing]

[singing continues]

[chomps, grunts]

[both singing, chuckling]

[chuckles]

[Wei-Chen pants]

[Ji Gong chuckling]

[pants, chuckles]

-[audience cheers] -[chuckles]

[Mrs. Wang speaks Mandarin, chuckles]

[in English] I'm fine. I'm fine.

[speaking in Mandarin]

-[glasses clink] -[Mrs. Liu chuckles]

[chattering]

-[Mrs. Fan] We should do this more often. -[Mrs. Tsai] Mmm.

-[in English] Jin. -Where've you been?

Abracadabra. [panting]

Did you steal my mom's pendant?

Uh, what? No.

Well, yes, uh, but I stole it back from Ji Gong.

Okay, give it to me.

What?

No. I need this.

-Wei-Chen, give it to me. -Hey!

This is important to me.

It's important to you? It's important to my parents.

They just got into a huge fight because of you.

I don't care who you are. I don't care what's going on in Heaven.

You can't just come into our house and take our things and lie to their face.

I lied?

No, you lied.

You don't wanna be my guide. You don't even wanna be my friend.

Wei-Chen, that's not what this is about.

That doesn't belong to you.

-Give it back. -Hey!

[shouts, gasps]

-Jin, I-- I'm sorry. Are you okay? -Stop!

[sighs, sniffs]

[Niu Mowang] Not what you were looking for?

[sighs] Well, Mrs. Guardia, I'm sorry to say, your fridge is broken.

I'll try to find you a replacement ASAP.

Thanks for trying, Jamie.

The fridge's been here since I bought the place.

I'm surprised it's lasted this long.

Oh. [speaks Spanish]

Here.

Before it goes bad.

Papas con chorizo. Your favorite.

-Only when you make it. Thank you. -[chuckles]

Oh, before I forget.

Here. I teach a Shakespeare class at the junior college.

Next week, we're having a student showcase.

Will you be performing?

No. No, I'm just behind the scenes.

Well, it's not for everyone.

Now, I have to get back to my show.

Sure thing, Mrs. Guardia.

[audience laughter on TV]

-Have a nice day. -Bye.

[Danny on TV] But this is so crazy. This you?

[Freddy] What could go Wong?

[audience laughter]

[chuckles]