Original subtitles

(Fixed and synced manually)

The Overworld,

the biggest sandbox in the universe,

is full of epic tales.

Millions and billions of them.

Well, guess what?

This one is all mine.

My name is Steve, and as a child,

I yearned for the mines!

But it didn't really work out.

Go on, get outta here!

So I did a terrible thing.

I grew up. -Run!

And just as I expected, it was a massive bummer.

Hey, Steve, your presentation's in five minutes.

Welcome to Steve's Ultimate Resort Condominium

Ducks are in the lake and tennis in the back

Every room has jacuzzi and a mini-bar

Welcome to Steve's!

Woo! Welcome to Steve's!

I really put myself out there, and it totally blew up in my face.

It was the kind of life that made a man stare into his potatoes.

And then I remembered!

I couldn't give up on my dream.

Not yet!

The mines!

So I bought a pickaxe, and a sweet helmet,

and this time, I was unstoppable.

Head fake! Oh yeah!

Turns out my adventure was just beginning.

I mined my brains out.

Until I found two mysterious artifacts.

This thingy...

and that cool thingy.

And when I put those two thingies together...

you guessed it!

It opened a portal to another world.

The Overworld!

This place blew my mind.

I'd never seen anything like it.

Woah!

Turns out it was the place I'd been looking for my whole life!

A world where anything you can imagine,

you can create!

This is my first house...

My second house...

And my third house, made entirely of sheep's wool.

Pink house!

Life was good.

The only thing missing...

was a friend to share it with.

And then this super angry wolf showed up.

Easy...

So I tamed him with a crusty femur bone.

Maybe a bone, huh? Yeah!

Atta boy!

Dennis!

He like a scratchy-scratch on the nariz. That's a good boy, Dennis! Yeah!

With him by my side, my confidence soared.

Woohoo!

Together we built endless masterpieces.

The more I built, the better I got.

Dennis, check it out!

Welcome to Steve!

'Cause baby tonight, the creepers trying to steal your stuff again

Turns out pandas love to party.

And cows!

'Cause baby tonight, you grab your pick, shovel and sword again

Again, again

Life was perfect.

And the years simply flew by.

Until one day I came across some strange ruins.

Flint and steel.

Woah!

Woohoo!

Dennis!

Turns out we just opened a portal to a totally new dimension.

The Nether.

There was no joy or creativity at all.

Dennis!

These piglin brutes had mined this realm into oblivion.

Led by Malgosha, the evil piglin sorceress who ruled the place.

Who are you, and why are you so round?

Leave the dog!

Take me instead!

No thanks. I'll take both of you!

And that orb.

Let's get one thing straight.

Where I come from, we call this a cube.

Seize them!

Malgosha had finally got what she'd always wanted.

The Orb of Dominance.

The most powerful cube-shaped orb in the entire universe.

Listen up, you pigs!

With this orb, I will pillage the Overworld and all of its gold will be ours!

I couldn't let this happen.

The Overworld had saved me, and now I had to try to save it.

We have to stop her, Dennis.

So we escaped, and stole back the Orb!

The roundling has escaped!

Find him and bring me that orb!

Hurry, Dennis. Take this to Earth.

Follow my scent to 149 Holly Oak Drive. You got that, boy?

Good boy. You're the last hope for this world!

Now run! Go, boy!

Run, fluff-nugget!

You got this, Dennis! I love you!

Run!

Dennis was a hero that day.

He ran like the wind.

I didn't know if I'd ever see him again.

But we had a world to save.

So he ran all the way back to my house on Earth,

and hid the most powerful object in existence

under my waterbed.

As long as the Orb stays hidden,

the Overworld will be safe.

I just pray some doofus doesn't find it.

In the late 1980s,

Garrett Garrison took the gaming world by storm,

becoming the undisputed champion of the hit arcade game

Hunk City Rampage.

His mastery of this two-player co-op shocked the world.

His effective use of the garbage toss move

earned him the nickname The Garbage Man.

He became the envy of the gaming world

after landing a lucrative six-figure deal with Sizzler.

Yeah, baby!

One thing's for sure.

Yeah! -This kid had it all.

Yeah!

Booyah!

Garrett "The Garbage Man" Garretson?

No autographs.

Have a nice day.

Woo! Yeah! Super cool!

Garrett the Garbage Man.

To what do we owe this pleasure?

Pleasure? You think I come to storage auctions for fun?

I'm a businessman, Daryl. An investor.

Well, I'm about to shovel some coal into your choo-choo train.

You're gonna love this next unit.

It's got a waterbed.

It's got some pickaxes.

It's got a huge can of mixed nuts.

It's got an array of unisex turquoise blouses.

That sounds terrible.

I think it's also got a 1978 Atari Cosmos.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

1978 Atari Cosmos?

That's what it says here.

Those things are worth a frickin' fortune.

Heck yeah, they are.

Bro...

if you make this happen for me, I will strongly consider hanging out with you.

You serious, bro? -Yep.

Two big buffaloes like us out there,

in the wild, wearing unisex turquoise blouses.

Oh boy, that's gonna cause a commotion.

The ladies aren't gonna know what to think. -Listen, if you could keep the hammer price

under a hundy, I'll make all your weird fanboy dreams come true.

Okay?

Two loose cannons, wearing turquoise blouses.

Yep. Let's do it.

And we got $500. $500 over here. We got $500.

We got six. Do we have six? Do we have $600?

We got $600 over here. Let me hear $700.

$700, we got $700 here, we got $800 over here. We got...

$850, do I hear $850? Do we have...? $850 over here! Do I hear any more?

Do I hear $900? $900. $900 going once, $900 going twice,

and $900 going three times, and sold! To hometown hero

Garrett "The Garbage Man" Garrison, for $900.

I wouldn't cash that for about six months.

What?

Come to Papa. Cosmos.

Daryl! Where is it?

I'm sorry, I didn't check the box.

Woah, woah! -Where's the Atari?

Woah! -There's no Atari in here!

That does not mean you can trash this unit!

I'm up against it, man. I'm...

Oh, no. My store.

I just...

I need a win, man. I need...

I need a win.

Let's roll, everyone.

This man has no respect for the storage community.

Walkin' hand in hand

Oh no!

Look, Chuglass was not my first choice either,

but it was Mom's dying wish for us to live here.

Or at least that's how I interpreted it.

Yeah, I read something online. This place sucks.

Anyways, rent is super low and I've got a full-time gig here,

so it's not really an offer we can turn down right now.

Yeah, I get it.

Look, I think you're really gonna like it here.

Woah, what's going on with that dude?

Oh my gosh, Henry, we're in Chuglass!

Say hi to Chuggy the Chip.

Alright, this is the new neighborhood.

When was this house built?

It's so nice to meet you!

Yeah, nice to meet you.

Your new bosses sent you this.

Oh.

Yeah, people love working at the potato chip factory.

Yeah, well, I'm running their socials for a little bit.

I said I'd get their follower count past 75.

Nice! You must be Henry. Nice to meet you, I'm Dawn.

Hi. Why is there an alpaca hanging out of your car?

Well, real estate's not my only hustle.

I also do some mobile zoo stuff on the side.

Anywho, I gotta run. Call me if you need anything.

Also, uh, I'm really sorry about your mom.

It's really brave what you're doing. I hope you know that.

Thank you.

Henry! Breakfast is ready!

Coming!

Check it out.

I made you mom's signature tater tot breakfast pizza,

so you can hand out slices on your first day.

I thought you wanted me to seem normal.

I do! Who do you think I am?

I got you some body spray. Signature scents are huge here.

Velvet Mischief?

You're gonna want to spray it and then walk into it.

Don't be too direct. It's really powerful.

Okay. -Love you!

Love you too.

Smells like banana bread and poo.

Your store's really cool.

Yeah, I know.

Looking for anything in particular?

No, I'm just checking some stuff out.

Noncommittal. Classic loser mentality. I can help.

I'm starting a mentorship program for people who want to win at the game of life.

50 bucks an hour.

Cool. How do you actually win at life?

That's literally the answer I charge money for.

Tots. What's with the breakfast pizza?

My sister made it. I'm supposed to hand out slices at school to make friends.

A little desperate for day one, don't you think?

I also noticed that you're wearing Velvet Mischief.

It's a wonderful cologne.

And I strongly believe that every young man should have his own signature scent.

I didn't think I applied very much.

Listen, I'm gonna give you a hot garbage tip.

Friendship is like a puzzle. Sometimes you think you need lots of pieces to be cool.

And sometimes it's just one piece to be cool.

Then people will be like, "That's not a puzzle. That's a picture."

And they have a right to speak, too.

Okay, well, I gotta go to school.

Whatever, nerd. Just leave the pizza.

All right! Let's put this name tag on!

Uh, why does it have an exclamation point?

Oh, Henry, we're just so thrilled to have you.

You know, you're the first student to enroll here

ever since that article came out about the school rankings.

Anyway, I'm Vice Principal Marlene, and I'm an open book.

You probably heard that my husband Clemente recently divorced me.

And to be honest, I expected it to hurt more than it does.

You know, the fire went out on our marriage 20 years ago.

But we stuck it out for the dogs.

Okay, let's get you to your first class.

Good morning! Just a little something about myself.

I teach gym, I teach art.

Financially,

I'm living in a nightmare, okay?

I wouldn't wish my life on my worst enemy.

Last year, I claimed $4,000 on my tax return.

I also have several pending lawsuits, okay?

But most of my money is tied up in a drone kiosk at the mall.

Okay, today we're gonna do a still life.

One orange, one banana.

Let's get after it, people!

What is this? Don't you know what a still life is?

It means you just draw the thing.

Do the assignment next time.

That jetpack would never work.

It's kind of foolproof, actually. It's just math.

My dad said math has been debunked.

Check it out. New kid thinks he's a rocket scientist.

I'd love to be a rocket scientist. -So prove it.

Loser.

Alright, count us down, guys!

Five, four,

three, two, one!

Okay, so I know that we're all very excited about the new rebrand.

But I don't think you should call your party bags "salt sacks".

Chuggy! -Oh no!

I was never here, okay?

Well, the good news is nobody died.

But the bad news is you've destroyed the American potato chip economy.

I'm sorry, okay? It was an accident.

This could be grounds for expulsion, Henry.

I need you to call your guardian.

Game Over World.

Hey, Mr. Garbage Man, it's Henry, the kid with the tater-top breakfast pizza.

Oh, yeah.

I have a weird favor to ask.

Could you come to my school and pretend to be my uncle?

No way, I don't do that stuff anymore.

I have 26 bucks.

Hi, I'm Henry's uncle.

You? The Trash Bag?

It's actually Garbage Man.

Garbage Man, huh?

Oh, you can bag me up and take me to the curb anytime.

But you gotta bungee the lid, 'cause I got a lot of raccoons in there.

Whoever divorced you is a complete idiot.

I just don't get it.

It should have worked.

The math is right, but I probably just cost my sister her job.

Oh, wow.

You're super creative.

Guess I'm not the only true talent in Chuglass.

Hey, uh, since you're going to juvie, mind if I get this flyer back?

Paper don't grow on trees, and...

I'm not really allowed in Kinko's anymore.

Well, you can have my book, too.

Because I'm done with it.

So what's this stupid junk?

Who cares?

Probably some New Age bullcrap.

I wonder what it does.

Hey. Instructions.

"Never under any circumstances combine the orb and crystal."

Uh, wait, uh...

"Do not follow this orb!

"Even if you're a struggling business owner and need a ton of cash fast

"because there's loads of treasure down here.

"But it's not worth the danger!"

Hey, hey, dude? Dude, it feels like it wants to go somewhere!

What?

I'm sorry.

I tried everything, I didn't know who else to call.

No, it's okay. What's going on?

Henry's missing. I tried the school,

I tried his phone a million times, he's not answering.

He was supposed to be home hours ago!

I thought he'd still be in detention for blowing up Chuggy the Chip.

That was him? -Give me the phone.

Oh my gosh.

I can't believe this. We're here for one day and he's already the town villain.

Got him.

He's fine, he's just playing in an abandoned mine shaft.

What?

Come on. I'll drive.

You can feed Mr. Scribbles this busted carrot

if you want to keep that pretty face of yours.

Hop in. -Okay...

You go first, I'll cover your six.

"Danger." Whatever.

Whoa.

Henry! -Oh, gosh!

What are you doing down here?

Who's this guy? -He's my new mentor.

Who, me? No.

Hey, guys? Guys!

It's pulling me, guys!

No! -Woah, woah!

Henry!

Henry! Let go of that thing!

Oh, man! My butt!

My butt!

We're not in Idaho anymore.

I think this is Wyoming.

Wait, who are you again?

Garrett "The Garbage Man" Garrison.

Gamer of the Year, 1989.

Whatever. I barely think about it.

What the heck?

Ooh.

If that's what I think it is...

it could be our first quest giver.

I'll do the talking.

Alright! Yeah!

Henry! -Yeah, Henry!

Come on back here!

Listen up, you swine!

We're running dangerously low on gold.

So let me be very clear.

You are all failures!

If you can't find more gold,

I'll just send you to the Overworld to zombify!

Find me more gold!

You!

What are you making?

Come closer. It's alright.

Come on, I'm not going to bite you.

Aww, how pretty!

But how will that help me find more gold?

Oops!

What?

Well, looky what we have here.

Our time has come!

Malgosha! My liege!

Was I unclear when I said no one was to waste time on art or leisure?

The Orb has returned.

It can't be.

Dennis?

You stole it from me, and now you will retrieve it.

It would be a privilege, my liege.

We're going to unbind you now.

Don't do anything stupid.

Of course not. You can trust this little dungeon pup.

Let me just-- Sneak attack!

Go ahead, strike me down.

My piglins will make a meal of your beautiful wolf.

How do I know you're telling the truth?

There's only one way to find out.

The Orb for your little dog's life.

Hola, wise quest giver.

We humbly seek gold.

Give us a quest that will lead us to your treasure load.

Garbage Man, I work in the animal field

and I am telling you that thing doesn't understand a word you're saying.

Shh, we're talking.

Sorry about that. What were you saying?

Okay. Come on, Henry, we're going home.

That feel quick to anyone else?

All right, everyone, stay calm.

Relaje.

Free garbage tip.

Fear is just weakness hijacking your body's cockpit.

What in the hell?

And if that happens,

you can say "bye-oh con dias" to your body plane's navigation system.

What?

Yeah, Garbage Man isn't speaking English or Espanol.

What am I doing here?

Run!

Garrett!

Sorry, dead dudes can't win Gamer of the Year!

Henry!

Yo, we got a zombie problem!

How's he doing that? -I don't know, but it might work!

This way, faster!

You got this, you got this! -Go, Henry!

Hurry now! Don't you fall down, you can do this!

Oh my gosh, I'm so sorr--

Help me! Help me, please!

Garrett!

Garrett, over here!

What are you doing? Leave those things! Come here! Oh my gosh!

You idiot! Run!

Look out!

Open the door!

Oh man.

Oh boy!

Hank!

Oh man.

Sneak attack!

Uh-oh.

Who are you?

I...

am Steve.

Who are you people? Where's Dennis?

Dennis? Who's... We don't know any Dennis.

Then how'd you get that? -Hey!

Relaje, muchaho. This is my property.

Do you even know what that is?

It's the Orb of Dominance.

It's a cube.

Okay, ho-ho...

You people seriously have no idea what you're dealing with.

Hand it over and no one gets hurt.

No way! Okay, we need this thing to get home.

I hate to take a big fat dumperoo on your plans,

but you can't get home!

Whoa, whoa, wait. What do you mean, we can't get home?

Not without the Earth Crystal.

You mean that little boxy thing?

Garbage Man busted it!

Nuh-uh.

Listen, Henry, why don't you hold this?

You got those good Frodo vibes, kid.

I got Frodo vibes.

Are you implying that we're stuck here?

Yes! Unless you get the Earth Crystal, it's your only way home.

There's only one way you could ever replace it,

at the Woodland Mansion, but going there would get you all killed.

But so would staying here!

Fair enough.

Listen, I can get you home, but then you gotta give me that orb.

So what are you gonna do with it?

None of your concern!

So, what do you say? Do we have a deal?

He did just kill like 20 zombies.

Pfft. More like 15, but okay.

All right, Steve.

Under two conditions. One, always address me, because I'm the leader.

Two, if you double-cross us...

I will crack your cabasa with my buttcheeks like a walnut.

This guy is such a toolbag.

I'm so sorry, we just met this man.

And he's not the leader. -Humph!

Well, it looks like Dr. Swollenstein here just got himself a deal.

Oh my gosh.

All right, first we need to load up on some gear or we're all gonna die.

Let's go to Midport Village!

This guy's lost his mind.

Move out!

Here it is! Midport Village!

I got a secret stash of elite loot that'll help us survive the Woodland Mansion.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, who are these guys?

Oh, these dudes? They're the villagers!

They're total pacifists and vegetarians.

You don't bug them, they won't bug you.

They just like to chill, trade and eat buttloads of bread.

They love crushing loaf.

So they built all this?

Yeah, most of it.

But the good stuff you see is all me.

Whoa, is he some kind of king?

No.

That's a legend.

Kid, anything you can dream about here, you can make.

Zero limits. You know what I'm talking about.

That was your tower, right? -Yeah.

Pretty killer for a first build.

Relax, it's just an iron golem, local security force.

But they're a bunch of big softies!

Unless you start messing with the villagers. Don't ever do that!

This place makes no sense.

Yo, I need protein, like, pronto.

I got just the place, brohemoth.

Hello there.

Oh dude, I got goose pimples just walking up on it.

You ever wonder what happens when you mix hot lava and chicken?

I did. And you're about to find out.

Pfft.

Uh-oh!

You hear that?

That's the sound of sizzlean.

Mm-hm. Smell my smell.

La-la-la-lava! Ch-ch-ch-chicken!

Steve's Lava Chicken, yeah, it's tasty as hell

Ooh, mamacita, now you're ringing the bell

Crispy and juicy, now you're having a snack

Ooh, super spicy, it's a lava attack

I have a small business too.

The one thing I try to do is not have my jingles suck butt.

Friggin' loser.

Pass the bird, turkey.

I'm not a little wimp like big Steve here.

I crave heat, and I crave pain.

Garrett, wait!

Hear my words.

That chicken was just cooked in hot lava.

Let it cool down, man.

Not bad.

Garbage Man, you're a big-time idiot.

What is it?

What?

General Chungus!

Get over here!

Hey, Malgosha. What's going on?

Your old dungeon buddy Steve has betrayed us.

Well, that's a bummer.

The Orb is with four roundlings.

My spies tell me he has taken them to his lava chicken shack.

No way!

I love that place!

La-la-la-lava! Ch-ch-ch-chicken!

Shut up!

Take your finest warriors, bring me that orb,

and kill the roundlings!

So like, you want me to end his life or whatever?

Are you serious?

What do you think I'm talking about?

Okay, I was just kind of confused there for a second.

Take this nether wart so you don't zombify.

Um, your majesty,

I don't think this is going to be enough to go around.

Deal with it! -No worries.

All right, drink up, guys.

You don't want to zombify up there, but just tiny sips, okay?

Okay, so how do we find this Woodland Mansion thing?

Over the mountains, into the dark forest, right beyond the massive red shrooms.

Massive red shrooms? -Mm-hmm.

Big old red ones.

We need to find a real map, Steve.

This place is dangerous, and I need to get my brother out of here.

Well, it seems like he's having a pretty good time.

Look, your brother has a gift, you know that, right?

You should let him explore it.

Creativity in this world is key to survival.

Okay, well, in the real world, things are a little bit different.

Creative kids get picked last for gym,

they sit at the bummer lunch table, and they get bullied.

Don't I know it.

Do you even realize what he did back home?

He blew up Chuggy the Chip.

Well, maybe I belong in this world.

Henry, that's not what I meant...

It's not what I was saying at all...

Just so you know,

I'm more of a sister to Hank than he'll ever be.

Yeah.

Spin kick!

You okay?

Fine.

Look, I found one of these big-headed looking dudes that sells maps.

Looks legit. Come on.

Welcome to the stash.

TNT.

Firework rockets.

Also good for propulsion.

Boots of swiftness.

Diamond armor. Full set.

And blades for days.

Everything we'll need to make it to Woodland Mansion.

Whoa.

Bogus layout, bro.

Look but don't touch.

Those are some of my favorite treasures.

What's this junk?

That is an ender pearl.

Teleports you to wherever you throw it.

Yeah, right. -No!

Oh god.

What the...

And that was the only one I had.

No biggie.

Almost died fighting an enderman for it.

Come with me.

This is a crafting table.

Here's how it works.

You place these elements in different patterns and...

hit 'em!

You got yourself a sweet blade.

You want to see a blade?

I'll show you a blade.

Yeah!

Kaboosh!

That's okay, bud. Buckets are useful here.

Yeah, they're cool, Garrett. They're like nunchucks.

Yeah, I know.

That's why I made them.

They're...

buck-chuckets.

Uh, they're what?

Hey, can I try something else? -Abso-rootin'-tootly.

Bro, you had tots the whole time? -Yeah, sorry.

It's a tot launcher.

Dude, you just took boring junk from the real world to create something amazing.

That is next level!

Hank, can I play with your tot launcher when you're done?

Yeah. -Sweet.

Hey, Steve.

Can I talk to you for a second?

Sure thing.

What's up?

You know that note you left with the orb?

The one about the riches?

I read it. -Yeah.

There's riches everywhere.

I keep a fat stash of diamonds at the Redstone Mines.

So this treasure load, is it on the way to this mansion place?

Not really, it's a major detour.

Plus, the mines can be perilous.

I'm gonna keep it simple for you, Steve.

No diamonds...

no orb.

You smell what I'm steppin' in?

Good day.

We need a map to the Woodland Mansion.

We just need a map.

Uh-oh.

Nat? -Dawn?

Something's going down!

All right, guys.

Just start trashing their produce.

Villagers hate that.

Who are these guys? -Piglins.

They must be after the orb.

Hey, Steve!

What's going on, dude?

Crap! Chungus.

I'm really sorry, but I have to annihilate you and stuff.

Malkosha double-crossed me.

We just need that orb thingy.

You know this guy?

Yeah, we used to get into some dungeon stuff.

He seems nice, but he's a killer!

Wow, you look good, brohammer.

You lose some weight?

Stand back, boys.

This pig is mine. -No!

I'm tired of you getting all the glory.

This pig is mine.

Steve!

We have to get to Henry! Do you think we can take these guys?

Nice moves, bro!

Sorry!

The party's over, bud.

Just give me the orb.

No, please, don't! Let me tell you something!

Ninja roll.

What happened?

I saved your butt, that's what happened.

You can thank me later.

We gotta get to the rampart.

Follow me!

Henry!

Nat, we have to go now! -Dawn, I cannot leave him,

he's my entire family! -He needs you alive, okay?

We'll meet him back at the Woodland Mansion. We gotta go find the map guy, come on!

Garrett, what about Natalie? -We'll meet her at the mansion!

Oh, great. Now what?

Elytra wingsuits.

Whoa!

Head for those mountains!

I thought we were going to the Woodland Mansion.

Hank, don't talk back to your elders. -But...

Buh-bye.

Those things work, right?

Absolutely.

Check it out! I'm flying!

Yeah!

Buenos dias.

Which means "see you later".

I thought I grabbed three!

Wait for me!

Comin' in hot!

No! No way, dude!

Let go of my hair!

Just relax. Let my hips guide you, it's the only way!

What?

Hank!

We'll have a better chance if we split up!

What?

Get off me, you stupid pig!

Get off me!

We got hog riders, they're at three o'clock!

They got us boxed in! Head for the tunnel!

We're not gonna fit! We're too chunky!

We're gonna have to go nose to toes.

Full man sandwich!

What? No, I'm not gonna do that!

I'm ordering you to make a full man sandwich!

Okay!

Oh my god! Garrett!

Yeah! Woohoo!

Dang it! A lava bucket!

Okay, tighten up!

What?

There's still some negative space back there!

We both know it!

I'm trying to close the gaps!

I'm gonna squeeze for your safety! -I understand!

Yeah! Woohoo!

Get off me, you stupid pig!

Get off me!

Henry!

Oh, crap!

Don't worry! I'm gonna cushion our fall with this water bucket!

Really?

You can really fight, Nat! You were kicking butt!

Thanks! I have no idea where it came from!

There he is! He's getting away!

Hey, get back here! We need a map!

First we need a boat! -Okay, okay, uh...

Okay, hurry!

The map guy's floating away!

Boat magic!

Nat, that's the worst boat I've ever seen.

I'm sorry, I have no idea what I'm doing.

Forget it! Let's go, come on!

Oh, no! Not again!

I am so sorry!

Oh my god! Are you all right?

Oh my god! Oh my god, Are you all right?

Your head is huge!

You're not gonna sue me, are you?

Because everyone wants to sue me once I hit them with my Jeep Grand Cherokee!

Oh, my!

How about this, what if I just take you to dinner?

Would you like to go to dinner?

You got some talking to do, buddy.

Hank and I want some answers.

Like, how are we going to stop those pigs?

And why does my beard smell like gorgonzola?

Yeah, and who's that evil sorceress you were talking about?

Look!

The sorceress is a piglin queen called Malgosha.

Those are her minions.

She rules over them in a dark hellscape called the Nether.

And I always keep a chunk of gorgonzola in my front pocket, okay?

It's my best friend's favorite snacky-snack.

My best friend, Dennis.

Malgosha's path to villainy started the way these things often do.

During the semi-finals of The Nether's Got Talent.

Young Malgosha always dreamed of being a world-class dancer.

Her moves were pretty out there.

No one in the Nether was ready for it.

It crushed her.

What'd I tell you about all that dancing?

You deserve to fail.

Creativity will never make you happy.

But you know what will?

Gold! Now go find some!

So from that day forward, she denounced all forms of creativity.

If she ever gets that orb, she'll block out the sun.

Nether wart will flourish.

This beautiful world and everything in it will wither and die!

And you were gonna give it to her?

Great idea.

I'm not gonna give it to her.

But I need that orb for leverage.

Gotta save Dennis.

Come.

The Woodland Mansion is just beyond the Redstone Mountains.

We can go over, or through.

Whatever's fastest.

Through will be faster.

General Changus!

You have failed me for the last time!

Yeah, I'm really sorry about that.

Bring out the beast!

What? What do you mean, you just have to put the brain in?

Well, yes, it's a big deal. Get it done!

Look, everybody knows it wasn't my best day.

But I'm really trying to set some new goals.

The Great Hog!

My ultimate weapon.

There it is!

Kill him!

Wait, does this mean you're firing me?

Well done!

Now find the roundlings, and bring me the orb!

We are so lost.

My one job was to protect Henry, and I blew it!

I just promised my mom I'd never let anything happen to him.

I guess I'm just not cut out for this parenting stuff.

I just wish I could have been a kid for a little bit longer, you know?

Just to have that feeling like I could have done anything.

I hear you.

Being a grown-up sucks.

You got all these responsibilities, and you just stop chasing your dreams.

You think I like having 15 hustles?

Hey, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Hold up, hold up.

Let's just calm down.

I think this one just needs some TLC.

Yeah? You like bones?

Oh, I bet you like bones! Yes, you do! Yes, you do!

Aren't you a beautiful one?

Yes, you are! Oh, yes, you are!

I cannot believe you just did that.

Dennis?

Steve's Dennis?

Well, can you take us to him?

Oh, Nat, I think this might be our way to the Woodland Mansion.

Let's follow that pooch!

Right this way, gentlemen.

Woohoohoo! Lookie, lookie here.

Welcome to the Redstone Mines.

You see that glowy stuff? That's redstone.

Conducts energy.

You can build some crazy contraptions with it.

I thought you said this was a diamond mine.

Easy, big dog. They're here.

But be careful.

I set some booby traps a long time ago.

but I can't for the life of me remember where they are.

Get them off me!

Help me, please!

Hah! Here it is. Thanks, Garrett.

Ooh yeah.

Yes.

The diamonds. -That's what I'm talking about!

Steve delivers the goods!

Did you guys plan this?

I'm sorry, Henry.

Woo!

Yeah! I'm not.

Yeah! -What the heck, man?

Oh, relax. -Natalie could be at the mansion already.

Did you fart?

Oh no.

Nether wart.

What does that mean?

No! The Great Hog!

She finally put the brain in.

Run for the minecart!

Hit it, Henry! Hit it!

Go!

If memory serves, I built a kick-ass safe room just up ahead!

Dang it, my torch blew out.

Why are we stopping? -We're a husky load, gents.

We're gonna need a redstone boost, fast.

What's that sound?

Crap!

My creeper farm.

What kind of idiot would breed these things?

Up ahead, look!

We gotta get to the redstone rail!

Garrett, you got us into this mess. Get out and push!

Okay. Okay...

Go, Garrett, go faster!

We're not gonna make it!

Come on! -Come on, Garrett, you've gotta go faster!

Start slapping, Hank!

Garrett, get in!

He's right behind us!

Woohoo!

Yeah!

Woohoo!

Nice work, Gar-Gar, your little detour almost got us killed.

Blah blah, you're so dramatic. We're still alive.

What's your problem, man?

We didn't need those stupid diamonds.

I swear, you are literally the most selfish person I've ever met.

Whatever. I need them.

Okay? I need the diamonds, because I need the money, because I'm broke.

You wouldn't know anything about that.

My life sucks, kid. All right?

I'm a frickin' loser.

There, I said it.

I know, it looks like I got it all put together, right?

I'm smart, funny, bilingual.

El humble to un el faulto.

That's not the reality.

I'm not doing well. I'm bad.

I'm washed up, Hank, and I'm gonna lose everything.

And that's not the worst part.

I'm alone.

You weren't alone.

I was your friend.

Sorry about your finances.

Shut up, Steve.

Oh, no, thank you.

You know, I gotta tell you, I'm having a great time.

I recently got divorced from my husband, Clemente.

And, and the main reason is,

you know, he didn't have any personality.

Not like you.

Are you finished?

No, I think he's Swedish.

But we're done with our meal.

There it is.

The Woodland Mansion.

We're gonna get in there, get the Earth Crystal, and get you guys home.

Follow me!

Check this out.

Let's do this.

Pay close attention to Papa Steve.

The Woodland Mansion has three floors.

The first floor is loaded with vindicators.

Axe murderers, basically.

Why is the third floor on the first floor? I'm very confused.

I was trying to make three floors,

but I didn't have time to make, like, a dollhouse.

The second floor crawls with evokers.

They wield powerful dark magic.

This is the worst model I've ever seen.

Garrett, stop talking, we're trying to figure out a plan.

Bro, how long are you gonna be mad at me for? -I just got mad at you!

Please don't be mad at me for this, okay?

But I accidentally stole the orb while you were crafting.

We cool now?

You are literally the worst person in the entire world.

Guys!

Both of you, eyes on my demonstraysh!

Third floor houses the loot chamber.

That's where the Earth Crystal is.

But it's guarded by endermen.

Whatever you do, do not look them in the eye.

They'll fry your brains out.

Okay, well, I could build stairs to the second floor,

sneak in through the window, and snag the Earth Crystal.

That's a great idea, Hank.

But to pull it off, we're gonna need a pretty sweet diversion.

You know what could work on these guys?

It sounds crazy. -Hit me.

Someone order a saxophone birthday party?

Looks like it's everyone's birthday. Hit it!

Friendship is the wish you make

When you're blowing out the candles on your birthday cake

Don't be a bully and don't be a brute

Time to put on your birthday suit

Today is the best, it's the day you were born

Time for us to blow the birthday horn

You gotta be kidding me.

You got this, Gar-Gar!

Reach down deep!

You're the Chuglass Kid and I love you!

What's going on, Steve?

It's some kind of sadistic vindicator fight club.

I've heard of these, but I've never seen one.

They want me to fight the chicken?

It's a fight to the death, Kid!

Chicken jockey!

Watch out!

Keep him away from your face!

Finally!

I'm sorry, little buddy.

Don't fall for it, Gar-Gar!

That baby's got the heart of a demon!

No, you're not a demon, are you?

You're a cute little booger-face.

I'm just gonna pet your little head.

You'll never be as cool as me, Hank.

Just give up.

The Overworld doesn't need you, Henry.

Neither do I.

This is all your fault, Henry.

Everything you do fails!

This stuff? It's trash, kid.

Just give up.

You suck.

I'm coming!

Sneak attack!

Bro!

You...

You saved my life.

That's what friends do, Garrett.

Hank! Did you get the Earth Crystal?

Yeah, I got it. -Let's get out of this hellhole!

Where do you think you're going?

It's her!

You dummies!

You really thought you could defeat my Great Hog?

Newsflash!

I built a new one.

Malgosha!

Your reign is over!

You're wrong.

It's just beginning.

No!

No!

Kill them!

We have work to do.

Goodbye, Steve.

Seeker piglins.

They're going to blow this bridge sky high!

Sorry, Hank.

What?

Yeah!

Slime cube!

Come on, Garrett! Jump!

No, Steve! Get him out of here!

Go, Hank! Save your sister and get home!

Garrett, you don't have to do this!

No! Get him home, Steve!

Tell my story in song!

Keep it metal, keep it heavy.

Real instruments.

Besides...

I love luaus.

Spin kick!

No!

We're going down!

Brace for impact!

Dennis?

Dennis!

It's you! It's really you!

Oh, c'mon, gimme...

How'd you find me?

He's one heck of a wolf.

He led us right to you guys.

Now I understand why you kept yourself so filthy and smelly

so Dennis could find you one day.

Is he okay?

He's fine. He's just resting.

Good.

It's a pretty rough crash landing.

Wait a minute, where are we?

You guys both made this?

Yeah! We're not messin' around.

We got the silk touch. -No looker!

I was so afraid that I lost you.

I was so afraid that I lost you too.

And I'm really sorry about Garrett.

With this orb, I'll darken the Overworld,

nether wart will spread like wildfire,

and all its gold will be ours!

It has begun.

The Great Darkening.

Malgosha's gathering all her forces.

She will destroy this land.

Unless we go get that orb.

Well, what are we doing here?

Let's go fight some pigs!

I'm ready.

I'm done with those pigs.

Yeah, me too.

Let's do it for Gar-Gar.

First we mine, then we craft.

Let's minecraft!

Right! One, two, three!

Team! -Get the orb!

What are you saying? -"Minecraft."

We should all say that, on three. One-- Forget it, there's no time!

Show us what you got, Henry.

Okay, I've got a plan.

Killer recipes.

We're going to have to move fast.

Let's get to work.

First, we're going to need iron ingots.

Coming in hot.

Oh yeah!

We're going to need the boots of swiftness.

Time to light this place up.

Come on, boys.

Have a nice flight!

Holy moly!

We're gonna need a ton of diamonds.

And blades for days.

You want some, buddy?

We're ready. Let's go save the Overworld!

Listen up, my piggies!

Today, we take the Overworld as ours!

Attack their villages!

Burn their homes and their symmetrical farms!

All they have created,

we destroy!

Well, what are you standing around for?

Get out of here! Go on, destroy something!

Hurry, Henry!

Newsflash!

Iron golems will not attack unless provoked!

Real smooth, Travis!

You ready?

Let's do this.

Oh, for goodness sake!

Enjoying the show, are you?

Get down there and take care of those roundlings!

How do you like them pork chops?

Okay, Gosh.

Let's dance. -Bring it on!

Sneak attack!

My diamond armor!

Egg attack!

Friends!

What is this, breakfast?

Get off of me!

Hurry! The orb's up there!

Do it, Henry!

I got this!

Go, Henry, go!

Hey, Captain Buttcrack!

I got something for you!

Get him, Dennis!

Take a bite out of that pig!

Finish this, Henry!

Henry!

No!

I got you, buddy!

Yeah!

Yes!

Yes!

Garrett, you're alive!

Yeah!

Between us, I used Steve's water bucket trick.

Pretty cool, huh?

Little bit.

Let's get this orb and go home.

All right, Hank. It's fireball time.

Grab that spear.

I want you to jab it in the tentacles.

Woohoo, jab it!

Yeah!

How'd you learn how to do that?

Don't ask.

No!

What have you done?

The orb!

Yes! Go, Henry!

Come on!

It's good to see you, Garbage Man! -Yeah, dude!

You failed, witch.

The Overworld lives on.

You too have fallen for the great lie.

You'll never be happy.

Deep down, you know,

to hope, to dream, to create,

is to suffer.

You're right.

It is harder to create than to destroy.

That's why cowards tend to choose the deuce.

Later, Gosh.

Every minute knowing you has been a horror show waste of time.

Wait, one more thing.

Come closer.

Do you have a little knife that you're going to try to stab me with?

No, no, I'm too weak.

Alright.

Come on!

It was worth a shot.

Wait, wait, let me say one more thing.

Come closer. -No way!

No, really, it's about you.

Fine.

Lean down here.

You really are the worst.

Goodbye.

This is it, really! Come back!

I don't even have a knife.

Where would I keep it?

Sneak attack!

Hey!

Sure you want to go back, Henry?

It won't feel like this.

There you got constraints,

and judgments,

obstacles.

Yeah, I know.

But I'm going to go make stuff anyway.

I like that.

You're a brave kid.

Steve,

you still cool with this?

Yeah.

Come here, boy.

Yeah.

Of course I still love you.

That's why I think this is a good idea.

You changed my life.

It's time for you to go change hers too.

Go now, Dennis

Change Dawn's life, Dennis

Go on a journey

And think of me

Dennis

Go now, legendary wolf of my dreams

My doggie, doggie, doggie

My Dennis

If I would have known you could sing like that,

it would have helped me get past your smell.

Garrett,

you are a truly bodacious warrior

and a really good friend.

I wish you'd come home with us.

Hank's cool,

but I don't have any friends my age.

We would make a great team.

Vio con dios.

It means "goodbye", brother.

No, it doesn't.

Don't look at her. It does.

No, it does not.

Yeah it does.

Love you guys!

Are you sure you don't want to come back?

Yeah, I'm staying here. I got a bunch more stuff I want to build.

Why don't you bring some of that magic to the real world?

Screw it.

I'm coming with.

Turns out the Overworld taught us you can create the life you dream of.

Even in the real world.

Garrett's store became the hottest place in town.

And the best part?

His new friends were never far.

So with Henry and Natalie's help, we created the hit game

Block City Battle Buddies.

All that time in the Overworld upped everyone's game.

And every Friday,

I would let it rip!

Yeah, yeah

I used to wake up and play back in my childhood days

Getting old is such a dirty shame

They never gave me a chance to let my imagination dance

Till I came up with a different game

Down in the mines, all of the time Craftin'

Out in the sun, having some fun Laughin'

I'm never ever looking back 'cause

I feel alive

Yeah

Dawn finally got to ditch her real estate job.

She and Dennis brought the party wherever they went.

Natalie decided to share her new skill set with the real world.

Survival Mode Self-Defense.

The streets of Chuglass have never been safer.

You get 'em, Natalie!

And Henry?

He finally got that jetpack to work.

I feel alive

I move mountains with my mind

I feel the high

Like a new moon on the rise

I feel alive

Like a redstone overdrive

I feel the high

With the power of the wolf inside

I feel alive

Yeah

I know how much you love bread.

Marlene, your ex-husband's here.

He said it was an emergency.

Well, you tell him I've got nothing to say to him.

You gotta be kidding me, Marlene. This is the guy?

Too late, Clemente.

You had your chance.

She's right, Clemente. You totally blew it.

And now I reap the rewards of your mistake.

You see, when Marlene's Jeep Grand Cherokee ran me over,

I was struck by a love so powerful

it transcended the barriers of conventional speech.

Now I speak human and she speaks villager.

Marlene, ever since we met last night,

I wanted to say:

Would you marry me?

Yes! Yes!

A thousand times yes!