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MUSIC: Kyrie/Sjung, Syster Sjung!
by Sara Parkman
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00:01:00,341 --> 00:01:01,581
You all right?
3
00:01:04,181 --> 00:01:06,221
This bit used to be
the nudist beach here.
4
00:01:07,661 --> 00:01:10,381
Till the council started
throwing turds in the water.
5
00:01:10,421 --> 00:01:12,101
I mean, what's the point of
getting your chebs out
6
00:01:12,141 --> 00:01:14,061
if everything stinks of shit?
7
00:01:14,101 --> 00:01:16,221
Do you have to use
the word "chebs"?
8
00:01:16,261 --> 00:01:17,981
DANNY CHUCKLES
Sorry.
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00:01:18,021 --> 00:01:19,021
Tits.
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00:01:20,141 --> 00:01:23,901
Margate's actually quite nice now.
It's quite up-and-coming.
11
00:01:23,941 --> 00:01:25,381
I just saw an Aldi.
12
00:01:27,021 --> 00:01:29,581
And a Prezzo in Broadstairs. Ooh.
13
00:01:35,301 --> 00:01:36,781
I used to love it here, so much.
14
00:01:37,941 --> 00:01:39,981
Although London's shit now.
15
00:01:40,021 --> 00:01:42,021
We're all just getting our
phones nicked all the time
16
00:01:42,061 --> 00:01:44,941
and everywhere shuts
by half ten, so...
17
00:01:44,981 --> 00:01:47,381
Shit. What do you do
if you want a late one?
18
00:01:48,541 --> 00:01:50,261
Well, sometimes, I go...
19
00:01:51,341 --> 00:01:53,261
I go to...
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00:01:53,301 --> 00:01:54,501
..Soho House.
21
00:01:54,541 --> 00:01:56,221
Soho House?! Mm.
22
00:01:56,261 --> 00:01:58,221
DANNY CHUCKLES
Oh, no.
23
00:01:58,261 --> 00:02:00,501
Please don't tell me you're
a member. Don't start.
24
00:02:00,541 --> 00:02:02,941
Who do you think you
are in Soho House?
25
00:02:02,981 --> 00:02:06,101
Just someone who likes a 1am picante
with padron peppers and pals.
26
00:02:07,501 --> 00:02:08,701
You are so gay.
27
00:02:21,701 --> 00:02:23,421
I didn't make it, did I?
28
00:02:33,381 --> 00:02:34,901
HE SIGHS
29
00:02:39,181 --> 00:02:40,901
I'm so sorry, mate.
30
00:02:42,781 --> 00:02:44,381
I'm sorry too.
31
00:02:45,581 --> 00:02:46,821
I just...
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00:02:51,021 --> 00:02:53,021
I just couldn't...
33
00:02:53,061 --> 00:02:54,901
You don't need to explain it.
34
00:02:56,581 --> 00:02:58,661
We all know there
isn't just one answer.
35
00:03:00,301 --> 00:03:03,461
I guess I just want you
to know in some way
36
00:03:03,501 --> 00:03:05,261
that you're still so present.
37
00:03:06,501 --> 00:03:08,901
It's all the everyday stuff,
really, like,
38
00:03:08,941 --> 00:03:13,061
I could be picking a Tesco meal deal
and start thinking about you -
39
00:03:13,101 --> 00:03:16,101
at what you'd get,
whether you'd go for a Dr Pepper
40
00:03:16,141 --> 00:03:18,221
or a Naked Blue smoothie,
41
00:03:18,261 --> 00:03:20,941
what you'd make of
how it's all changed.
42
00:03:20,981 --> 00:03:23,061
How's it all changed?
43
00:03:23,101 --> 00:03:24,781
It's not �3 anymore.
44
00:03:24,821 --> 00:03:25,981
What?
45
00:03:26,021 --> 00:03:27,981
It's �3.90.
46
00:03:28,021 --> 00:03:29,741
3.40 with a Clubcard.
47
00:03:29,781 --> 00:03:31,181
Are you joking?
48
00:03:31,221 --> 00:03:34,541
But at some Tescos,
you can get a Costa Express
49
00:03:34,581 --> 00:03:36,541
in the �3.40 deal, which is...
50
00:03:36,581 --> 00:03:38,501
BOTH: ..the price of
a coffee in itself.
51
00:03:40,421 --> 00:03:41,741
And then sometimes,
52
00:03:41,781 --> 00:03:45,061
I'll just think about
you on certain dates,
53
00:03:45,101 --> 00:03:48,901
like the day I turned
the age you were when we met...
54
00:03:50,141 --> 00:03:52,181
..and I thought, I don't know
why you became friends
55
00:03:52,221 --> 00:03:53,541
with such a dweeb.
56
00:03:55,381 --> 00:03:58,461
Or the day I turned the age
you were when you left.
57
00:03:58,501 --> 00:04:00,341
And I felt so guilty,
58
00:04:00,381 --> 00:04:03,781
like I was never supposed
to become older than you.
59
00:04:05,301 --> 00:04:07,741
And then the day I turned 30,
60
00:04:07,781 --> 00:04:12,021
one of my first thoughts was, "God,
you'd be so happy in this age."
61
00:04:12,061 --> 00:04:15,901
Everything just sort of dissipates
a bit and you stop giving a shit
62
00:04:15,941 --> 00:04:17,501
about looking good in photos
63
00:04:17,541 --> 00:04:20,581
or making someone's
birthday drinks on time.
64
00:04:20,621 --> 00:04:22,701
I fucking hate birthday drinks. Mm.
65
00:04:23,861 --> 00:04:26,421
It's, like, have a party or don't.
66
00:04:26,461 --> 00:04:28,221
I totally agree.
67
00:04:31,421 --> 00:04:36,701
And I know, somewhere, you'll be
cringing soooo hard at the earnest,
68
00:04:36,741 --> 00:04:39,341
overshare-y sincerity of all this,
but I just...
69
00:04:41,661 --> 00:04:43,381
..I just really miss you.
70
00:04:45,421 --> 00:04:47,781
And I've written so much about us.
71
00:04:49,501 --> 00:04:52,141
To not let the injustice
of what could have been...
72
00:04:54,461 --> 00:04:57,181
..override all the joy of what was.
73
00:05:04,141 --> 00:05:07,181
Can I just say, look,
I know I chose this ending,
74
00:05:07,221 --> 00:05:09,061
but we both know it's
not what I wanted.
75
00:05:10,781 --> 00:05:12,141
I didn't wanna leave,
76
00:05:14,141 --> 00:05:17,581
I just wanted out of the
fucking mess I kept falling into.
77
00:05:19,981 --> 00:05:23,061
I dunno, a part of me thinks that
this shouldn't be the ending.
78
00:05:28,501 --> 00:05:29,661
And, yeah, I'd...
79
00:05:31,461 --> 00:05:33,621
..I'd actually really
like another one.
80
00:05:39,221 --> 00:05:40,301
OK.
81
00:05:42,501 --> 00:05:43,701
OK, right. Erm...
82
00:05:45,501 --> 00:05:46,901
Stand up. What?
83
00:05:46,941 --> 00:05:48,941
Come on.
84
00:05:48,981 --> 00:05:50,541
Up you get.
85
00:05:50,581 --> 00:05:52,181
Shoulders back.
86
00:05:52,221 --> 00:05:53,541
Chebs out.
87
00:05:53,581 --> 00:05:54,821
Get up on the bench.
88
00:05:54,861 --> 00:05:56,261
What, like, on it? Yeah.
89
00:06:01,141 --> 00:06:03,901
OK, and...now what?
90
00:06:03,941 --> 00:06:05,421
You're going to wait.
91
00:06:07,261 --> 00:06:08,981
Wait for what?
92
00:06:09,021 --> 00:06:12,861
Well, I'd like to think, that night,
93
00:06:12,901 --> 00:06:16,781
you didn't wait for the help that
you had asked for to get to you,
94
00:06:16,821 --> 00:06:19,261
so, this time, you're gonna wait.
95
00:06:21,981 --> 00:06:23,981
I feel like a bit of an
idiot just stood here.
96
00:06:24,021 --> 00:06:26,821
No, you don't. You look great.
97
00:06:26,861 --> 00:06:30,061
Look, if you wait,
something else will come along.
98
00:06:30,101 --> 00:06:32,701
It might not be loads better, but...
99
00:06:32,741 --> 00:06:33,741
..just you wait.
100
00:06:37,981 --> 00:06:39,181
Jack.
101
00:06:41,621 --> 00:06:43,221
Ah, thank you.
102
00:07:11,101 --> 00:07:12,981
Ah, I feel like a right plum.
103
00:07:16,501 --> 00:07:18,301
No, sod this.
104
00:07:18,341 --> 00:07:19,701
Come on. It's OK.
105
00:07:19,741 --> 00:07:20,901
HE SNIFFS
106
00:07:20,941 --> 00:07:23,541
That's it. It's OK.
107
00:07:23,581 --> 00:07:25,221
It's OK.
108
00:07:25,261 --> 00:07:26,541
It's all right.
109
00:07:28,901 --> 00:07:30,421
Let it out, OK?
110
00:07:32,261 --> 00:07:33,261
Let it out.
111
00:07:35,541 --> 00:07:36,621
It's OK.
112
00:07:39,501 --> 00:07:41,941
Sorry. Danny, where do
you keep your teabags?
113
00:07:41,981 --> 00:07:43,661
No, I wasn't talking to you.
114
00:07:43,701 --> 00:07:46,461
No, I won't be home tonight, Kelly,
115
00:07:46,501 --> 00:07:49,741
so you're going to have to make
your own dinner, I'm afraid.
116
00:07:49,781 --> 00:07:51,621
SHE CHUCKLES
Grumble!
117
00:07:51,661 --> 00:07:52,901
No...
118
00:07:52,941 --> 00:07:54,381
No, that's not true.
119
00:07:54,421 --> 00:07:58,541
I taught you how to use the George
Foreman very recently, remember?
120
00:07:58,581 --> 00:08:01,221
Yeah... Yeah, OK.
121
00:08:01,261 --> 00:08:06,021
And there's some asparagus tips
in the veg drawer as well.
122
00:08:06,061 --> 00:08:10,061
No, I know...I know they
make your wee go funny,
123
00:08:10,101 --> 00:08:12,021
They makes everyone's wee go funny.
124
00:08:12,061 --> 00:08:14,541
Funnily enough, actually very
good for you, asparagus tips.
125
00:08:14,581 --> 00:08:18,221
Erm... Good h-hearing, something
like...something like that.
126
00:08:18,261 --> 00:08:23,381
Erm, well, I'm actually just
teabagging in Margate at the moment.
127
00:08:23,421 --> 00:08:25,901
Are you laughing?
128
00:08:25,941 --> 00:08:27,221
She's laughing.
129
00:08:27,261 --> 00:08:29,301
Why are you laughing at that?
130
00:08:29,341 --> 00:08:30,461
Hello?
131
00:08:31,541 --> 00:08:34,581
I think she's on
the train or something.
132
00:08:34,621 --> 00:08:36,981
Right, teabags, teabags...
133
00:08:37,021 --> 00:08:40,421
TV: Coming up next,
it's A Question Of Sport.
134
00:08:40,461 --> 00:08:44,261
Is Sue Barker a lesbian as well
or is that just Clare Balding?
135
00:08:45,941 --> 00:08:47,101
Can't remember.
136
00:08:49,461 --> 00:08:53,341
Shall we have a little
read of the TV Guide?
137
00:08:53,381 --> 00:08:55,501
Ooh, it's from 2008.
138
00:08:58,261 --> 00:08:59,501
It'll be wrong.
139
00:09:01,821 --> 00:09:04,261
Mm. Seen... Yeah, seen that,
seen that.
140
00:09:04,301 --> 00:09:06,101
Haven't seen that actually.
141
00:09:06,141 --> 00:09:07,541
Ugh, cycling.
142
00:09:07,581 --> 00:09:09,021
SHE CHUCKLES
143
00:09:10,101 --> 00:09:11,101
Ahh.
144
00:09:15,901 --> 00:09:18,261
There's a little bit of a
breeze coming from somewhere...
145
00:09:18,301 --> 00:09:21,181
SHE GASPS
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
146
00:09:21,221 --> 00:09:23,661
Heh... Sorry!
147
00:09:23,701 --> 00:09:25,301
SHE CHUCKLES
148
00:09:25,341 --> 00:09:29,261
No, it was a bit of an emergency
cos, erm, you know, you didn't
149
00:09:29,301 --> 00:09:33,021
answer you phone after you texted me
and I was a bit like, "Oh..."
150
00:09:33,061 --> 00:09:36,181
Cos I'd driven for two hours, and
I was like, "Ooh, got to get in,"
151
00:09:36,221 --> 00:09:39,941
so I used the minibus fire
extinguisher in the end,
152
00:09:39,981 --> 00:09:41,421
which is also quite mini,
153
00:09:41,461 --> 00:09:44,621
erm, to smash your...
smash your back doors in.
154
00:09:44,661 --> 00:09:47,781
But don't worry, don't worry,
don't panic, cos I've put many an
155
00:09:47,821 --> 00:09:51,221
SU bog door back on its hinges.
156
00:09:51,261 --> 00:09:52,781
All in a day's work.
157
00:09:52,821 --> 00:09:54,301
OK.
DRILL WHIRS
158
00:09:54,341 --> 00:09:55,341
Cover your eyes.
159
00:09:57,181 --> 00:09:59,861
Right, let's just get some shut-eye
160
00:09:59,901 --> 00:10:03,341
and then we'll make a
plan of action tomorrow, OK?
161
00:10:11,741 --> 00:10:12,741
Thanks, Jules.
162
00:10:13,861 --> 00:10:17,981
Oh... Oh, oh, no worries...at all.
163
00:10:18,021 --> 00:10:19,581
Of course, sweetheart.
164
00:10:20,901 --> 00:10:24,901
There's nothing too big
that we can't fix, OK?
165
00:10:24,941 --> 00:10:26,221
Just remember that.
166
00:10:29,541 --> 00:10:30,541
OK.
167
00:10:31,941 --> 00:10:33,301
Night, then,
168
00:10:36,781 --> 00:10:40,781
I'm just gonna put on a podcast if
that's OK, just to help me sleep.
169
00:10:40,821 --> 00:10:43,701
Hello. My name is Anoushka Delafonte
170
00:10:43,741 --> 00:10:48,101
and you're listening to Anoushka's
Empowered Women's Health podcast,
171
00:10:48,141 --> 00:10:50,421
where we delve into many
of the hidden issues
172
00:10:50,461 --> 00:10:52,421
affecting millennial women today.
173
00:10:52,461 --> 00:10:54,861
From PMS to tender breasts,
174
00:10:54,901 --> 00:10:58,781
this is a safe space for
women to discuss our bodies.
175
00:10:58,821 --> 00:11:02,061
And talking of safe spaces,
we're sponsored by Squarespace.
176
00:11:02,101 --> 00:11:05,501
Squarespace empowers millions
of dreamers, makers and doers
177
00:11:05,541 --> 00:11:07,701
by providing them with
the tools they need
178
00:11:07,741 --> 00:11:09,701
to bring creative ideas to life.
179
00:11:09,741 --> 00:11:10,741
And it's so easy.
180
00:11:14,901 --> 00:11:15,901
Ahh...
181
00:11:15,941 --> 00:11:16,941
SHE CHUCKLES
182
00:11:18,421 --> 00:11:22,541
Oh, do you know what
"GS" stands for on my...?
183
00:11:22,581 --> 00:11:24,141
"Great shag."
184
00:11:24,181 --> 00:11:25,181
SHE CHUCKLES
185
00:11:25,221 --> 00:11:26,701
No, I'm joking. Just, erm...
186
00:11:26,741 --> 00:11:28,941
No, just trying to get some
cheeky banter going with you.
187
00:11:28,981 --> 00:11:30,141
Cos now you're at the end of uni,
188
00:11:30,181 --> 00:11:32,821
I can do cheeky banter with you,
finally.
189
00:11:34,581 --> 00:11:37,101
Ooh, shall we have a Mr Whippy? 99?
190
00:11:38,301 --> 00:11:39,581
Oh, hello.
191
00:11:39,621 --> 00:11:42,781
IN MANDARIN:
192
00:11:51,621 --> 00:11:52,821
Ooh, er...
193
00:12:01,101 --> 00:12:02,661
..hundreds and thousands sprinkles.
194
00:12:14,581 --> 00:12:15,821
Threw in an extra Flake for you.
195
00:12:15,861 --> 00:12:18,301
Aww, thank you. That's very kind.
196
00:12:18,341 --> 00:12:19,501
Jules!
197
00:12:19,541 --> 00:12:20,701
What?
198
00:12:22,821 --> 00:12:25,821
MUSIC: Sea Creatures
by Soak
199
00:12:33,061 --> 00:12:35,461
What did you actually study, then?
200
00:12:35,501 --> 00:12:38,501
International business relations
with Mandarin.
201
00:12:38,541 --> 00:12:39,741
Wow. Mm.
202
00:12:41,741 --> 00:12:44,461
God, the ice creams in Margate
are to Princess Di for.
203
00:12:56,501 --> 00:12:57,621
Oh, here we go.
204
00:12:57,661 --> 00:13:00,421
In an interview in 1999,
205
00:13:00,461 --> 00:13:02,781
she said that during her career
she was approached by
206
00:13:02,821 --> 00:13:05,981
lesbian tennis players
in locker rooms
207
00:13:06,021 --> 00:13:07,941
and had to reject their advances.
208
00:13:07,981 --> 00:13:09,821
Oh, right, OK.
209
00:13:09,861 --> 00:13:13,661
And in 1982, she had a brief
romance with singer Cliff Richard.
210
00:13:13,701 --> 00:13:16,981
No! Yeah. Cliff allegedly said,
211
00:13:17,021 --> 00:13:20,461
"I seriously contemplated asking
Sue Barker to marry me,
212
00:13:20,501 --> 00:13:22,781
"but, in the end, I realised
I didn't love her quite enough
213
00:13:22,821 --> 00:13:25,421
"to commit the rest of my life
to her." Oh, my... So harsh.
214
00:13:25,461 --> 00:13:28,741
It is harsh. They would have met
at Wimbledon. At Wimbledon, yeah.
215
00:13:30,821 --> 00:13:33,101
Hang on, where are we?
This isn't the way back to uni.
216
00:13:33,141 --> 00:13:37,101
Well, I'm taking us on
a cheeky 37-minute detour
217
00:13:37,141 --> 00:13:39,501
to one of your
favourite places to eat.
218
00:13:39,541 --> 00:13:41,021
HE YELPS
219
00:13:41,061 --> 00:13:42,541
You're joking!
220
00:13:42,581 --> 00:13:44,781
Fleet Services! Yeah.
221
00:13:44,821 --> 00:13:48,461
I fucking love you, Jules Handy!
Oh, language please.
222
00:13:48,501 --> 00:13:53,501
I fucking love yoooooou!
223
00:13:53,541 --> 00:13:56,541
MUSIC: Whiteout Conditions
by The New Pornographers
224
00:14:26,021 --> 00:14:27,621
Ahh...
225
00:14:27,661 --> 00:14:29,341
Ah, that was incredible.
226
00:14:29,381 --> 00:14:32,421
You know, when I was holding those
two semi-automatic pistols just now
227
00:14:32,461 --> 00:14:35,621
to kill the zombies on the
Sega House of Dead machine, I...
228
00:14:35,661 --> 00:14:39,221
..I just suddenly had a thought
that...that I need new challenges
229
00:14:39,261 --> 00:14:40,381
in my life.
230
00:14:40,421 --> 00:14:42,101
This is very much the effect
that Fleet Services
231
00:14:42,141 --> 00:14:43,421
tends to have on people.
232
00:14:43,461 --> 00:14:45,421
Do you know what? Believe it or not,
my whole life, people have, like,
233
00:14:45,461 --> 00:14:48,221
thought I was a bit of a joke or
something and I'm actually...
234
00:14:48,261 --> 00:14:51,421
..I'm actually not. I'm...
I'm very proud of my career.
235
00:14:51,461 --> 00:14:54,421
Because I know I didn't, you know,
leave uni and join, like,
236
00:14:54,461 --> 00:14:58,541
a FTSE 100 company or...or...or
start a small, inspirational,
237
00:14:58,581 --> 00:15:01,021
independent greetings card business
or anything like that,
238
00:15:01,061 --> 00:15:04,821
but, you know, I did something
that I really love,
239
00:15:04,861 --> 00:15:06,381
which is helping people.
240
00:15:06,421 --> 00:15:08,221
Mm. Walkers Max Paprika?
241
00:15:08,261 --> 00:15:09,341
No, not right now.
242
00:15:09,381 --> 00:15:12,941
But, erm, helping them
learn about themselves
243
00:15:12,981 --> 00:15:15,861
and help them to...
to let their hair down and...
244
00:15:15,901 --> 00:15:17,181
..and discover who they are.
245
00:15:17,221 --> 00:15:19,621
I mean, like how you've
done with Jack.
246
00:15:19,661 --> 00:15:21,181
And all your friends, actually.
247
00:15:22,501 --> 00:15:23,661
And I...
248
00:15:23,701 --> 00:15:25,501
..I think that...that...
249
00:15:25,541 --> 00:15:27,581
..next year should be my last year.
250
00:15:28,661 --> 00:15:31,421
And I was thinking as well,
251
00:15:31,461 --> 00:15:34,061
I mean, you know, if you're
up for it, that, erm...
252
00:15:35,661 --> 00:15:38,781
I just think that you have
a lot of those same qualities.
253
00:15:40,621 --> 00:15:42,021
Me? Yeah.
254
00:15:43,221 --> 00:15:46,421
I was thinking I could train you up
this summer and, erm...
255
00:15:46,461 --> 00:15:48,261
It'd be, like, a proper-waged job
and everything.
256
00:15:48,301 --> 00:15:50,901
You could finish your disso, then,
and, erm...
257
00:15:50,941 --> 00:15:54,061
I mean, at least for a little bit,
you can be the new me!
258
00:15:58,501 --> 00:16:00,261
You know, when you
put it like that...
259
00:16:02,221 --> 00:16:04,741
..I think that's exactly
what I wanna do.
260
00:16:04,781 --> 00:16:06,341
I think I'd actually
be sick at this!
261
00:16:06,381 --> 00:16:08,501
Yeah, that's literally
what I'm saying.
262
00:16:10,461 --> 00:16:11,541
Boop!
263
00:16:11,581 --> 00:16:12,861
You hate it when I do that to you.
264
00:16:12,901 --> 00:16:15,141
I know. It's hard not to, though,
innit, once it's on?
265
00:16:15,181 --> 00:16:17,101
Yeah, it's addictive,
it's addictive.
266
00:16:17,141 --> 00:16:18,581
Can you get the Gaviscon
out of there?
267
00:16:18,621 --> 00:16:21,181
Those jalapeno poppers
are just sitting...
268
00:16:21,221 --> 00:16:23,701
..sitting right on my chest. Yeah.
269
00:16:23,741 --> 00:16:24,741
Oh, are there none in there?
270
00:16:24,781 --> 00:16:26,061
No, just... Erm...
271
00:16:27,581 --> 00:16:28,901
Mm. I can go and
get you some, though.
272
00:16:28,941 --> 00:16:30,981
Oh, yeah, are you sure, yeah?
Yeah. That'd be great.
273
00:16:31,021 --> 00:16:32,941
WH Smith's, mate. Not a problem.
274
00:16:42,701 --> 00:16:44,181
SHE SIGHS
275
00:16:49,141 --> 00:16:50,741
SHE TAPS
276
00:16:56,981 --> 00:16:58,381
Oh, hi, hi.
277
00:16:58,421 --> 00:17:00,621
Yeah, it's just me.
278
00:17:00,661 --> 00:17:03,181
Erm... Yeah. No, no, I'm fine.
279
00:17:03,221 --> 00:17:04,301
Erm...
280
00:17:05,941 --> 00:17:08,261
Er, yeah, I've got him, yeah.
281
00:17:10,181 --> 00:17:12,701
TEARFUL: Yeah, it was
quite tough, but...
282
00:17:12,741 --> 00:17:15,701
Yeah, we're on our
way back now, so...
283
00:17:15,741 --> 00:17:16,741
Yeah.
284
00:17:17,781 --> 00:17:18,781
OK.
285
00:17:20,901 --> 00:17:23,261
Thanks, Tim.
Thanks for checking in.
286
00:17:23,301 --> 00:17:25,421
Of course.
287
00:17:25,461 --> 00:17:27,181
Text me any time.
288
00:17:27,221 --> 00:17:30,021
Yeah, I'm here to help
all summer so...
289
00:17:30,061 --> 00:17:33,101
Yeah, he can stay at mine
if he needs, but...
290
00:17:33,141 --> 00:17:34,541
I mean, whatever, just...
291
00:17:35,741 --> 00:17:37,221
We'll...we'll get him through.
292
00:17:39,261 --> 00:17:41,661
Well, no, he wouldn't
be staying in my room.
293
00:17:42,701 --> 00:17:44,621
Well, I've got three
bedrooms, Jules.
294
00:17:46,101 --> 00:17:48,061
OK.
295
00:17:48,101 --> 00:17:49,741
Hey, you did really well.
296
00:17:51,381 --> 00:17:53,061
All right, OK, take care.
297
00:17:55,981 --> 00:17:56,981
HE EXHALES
298
00:17:58,181 --> 00:17:59,501
Is he all right?
299
00:17:59,541 --> 00:18:01,021
He's all right.
300
00:18:03,501 --> 00:18:06,501
MUSIC: Wreath
by Perfume Genius
301
00:18:08,421 --> 00:18:11,421
MUSIC OVER DIALOGUE
302
00:18:36,661 --> 00:18:38,141
She's called DianaCamilla.
303
00:18:38,181 --> 00:18:40,381
Nice. DianaCamilla Miller?
304
00:18:42,061 --> 00:18:44,461
It's actually Mill-ar,
like, up at the end.
305
00:18:44,501 --> 00:18:47,461
Yeah, it goes up at the... Mill-ar.
Up at the end. So it's different.
306
00:18:47,501 --> 00:18:50,781
And, like, I just really want
her to be a woman who just
307
00:18:50,821 --> 00:18:52,181
doesn't hate other women.
308
00:18:52,221 --> 00:18:55,061
Aww. You know?
So, in many ways,
309
00:18:55,101 --> 00:18:57,821
this is sort of my way of just
ending that feud
310
00:18:57,861 --> 00:19:00,421
between Charles's brides, you know?
Mm.
311
00:19:07,701 --> 00:19:09,141
This is exciting.
312
00:19:12,101 --> 00:19:13,101
Hi. All right?
313
00:19:14,581 --> 00:19:16,221
Erm...
314
00:19:16,261 --> 00:19:17,501
You look well.
315
00:19:17,541 --> 00:19:18,581
Yeah, you look...
316
00:19:19,701 --> 00:19:21,261
..smart.
317
00:19:21,301 --> 00:19:22,301
Thank you.
318
00:19:24,861 --> 00:19:26,901
Erm, meet my family.
319
00:19:26,941 --> 00:19:29,621
This is my mum, Kim. Hi, there.
320
00:19:29,661 --> 00:19:32,381
You know the names that
are harder to pronounce,
321
00:19:32,421 --> 00:19:34,581
did you write them out
phonetically for me?
322
00:19:34,621 --> 00:19:36,661
Yeah, I-I thought it
might be racist, though,
323
00:19:36,701 --> 00:19:38,021
to just do the ethnic names,
324
00:19:38,061 --> 00:19:41,061
so I've phonetically
spelt out everything.
325
00:19:41,101 --> 00:19:42,901
OK, erm...
326
00:19:42,941 --> 00:19:46,061
Yeah, that's probably right,
isn't it? I don't... Don't go yet.
327
00:19:46,101 --> 00:19:48,061
Craig, David...
328
00:19:48,101 --> 00:19:49,341
..and this is Brilliant.
329
00:19:49,381 --> 00:19:51,261
Wait, hang on, your name's
Brilliant? Brilliant.
330
00:19:51,301 --> 00:19:52,941
That's brilliant.
331
00:19:52,981 --> 00:19:55,821
Right, OK, just go and take your
seats, wherever Mum and Dad are.
332
00:19:55,861 --> 00:19:57,621
Guys! Guys!
333
00:19:57,661 --> 00:19:58,661
SHE LAUGHS
334
00:19:58,701 --> 00:19:59,701
Christ!
335
00:19:59,741 --> 00:20:01,421
I just went to the
hat and gown place.
336
00:20:01,461 --> 00:20:03,261
It's �27, so I've
hired it for the day.
337
00:20:03,301 --> 00:20:04,581
Take it off now.
338
00:20:04,621 --> 00:20:07,261
Don't be jealous because
it suits me more, please.
339
00:20:07,301 --> 00:20:10,941
OK? I actually do have some
pretty big news to tell you all.
340
00:20:10,981 --> 00:20:13,581
Here we go. How's she going
to upstage my day now?
341
00:20:13,621 --> 00:20:15,181
So, in September...
342
00:20:16,781 --> 00:20:18,141
I'm going to uni.
343
00:20:18,181 --> 00:20:20,701
What? Finally, a smart move.
344
00:20:20,741 --> 00:20:22,221
That's amazing, love.
345
00:20:22,261 --> 00:20:24,941
Yeah, so, I'm not gonna be lazy and,
like, go to some little uni
346
00:20:24,981 --> 00:20:26,421
down the road or anything like that.
347
00:20:26,461 --> 00:20:30,221
Erm, instead, me,
Tariq and the babies,
348
00:20:30,261 --> 00:20:31,461
we're moving next month...
349
00:20:33,461 --> 00:20:34,621
..to Cyprus.
350
00:20:34,661 --> 00:20:35,701
Spoke too soon.
351
00:20:35,741 --> 00:20:37,141
Christ, that's ages away.
352
00:20:37,181 --> 00:20:39,101
I know it's far, it is far,
353
00:20:39,141 --> 00:20:40,581
but, you know,
you've gotta come visit.
354
00:20:40,621 --> 00:20:43,541
And I really want you all
to see the kids loads.
355
00:20:43,581 --> 00:20:46,461
And Tariq's found this really nice
house near the campus for him
356
00:20:46,501 --> 00:20:48,661
and the girls cos I'm gonna do
the first year in halls.
357
00:20:48,701 --> 00:20:50,381
Are you on fucking drugs?!
358
00:20:50,421 --> 00:20:54,301
Sorry? Have you lost your
absolute fucking mind?
359
00:20:54,341 --> 00:20:55,581
Yeah, tell her, Nan.
360
00:20:55,621 --> 00:20:57,181
OK, guys.
MICROPHONE FEEDBACK
361
00:20:57,221 --> 00:20:58,221
JULES CLEARS THROAT
362
00:20:58,261 --> 00:21:01,941
Hello, welcome, bienvenue,
huang yang
363
00:21:01,981 --> 00:21:08,741
to the Brent Uni BA Journalism
Graduation 2016.
364
00:21:13,421 --> 00:21:17,901
Now, it gives me great pleasure to
say that handing out these very
365
00:21:17,941 --> 00:21:21,581
important scrolls you see here,
we have - I can't believe
366
00:21:21,621 --> 00:21:24,501
I'm saying this - one of the
country's most beloved entertainment
367
00:21:24,541 --> 00:21:26,661
interviewers in...
in the country today.
368
00:21:26,701 --> 00:21:28,621
I love her, you love her,
we all love her.
369
00:21:28,661 --> 00:21:31,261
Please put your hands and feet
together for the late, grea...
370
00:21:31,301 --> 00:21:32,381
..erm...for the...for the...
371
00:21:32,421 --> 00:21:34,821
..for the indomitable
Alison Hammond.
372
00:21:34,861 --> 00:21:36,421
APPLAUSE
373
00:21:36,461 --> 00:21:38,461
MUSIC: This Morning Theme
374
00:21:45,261 --> 00:21:47,741
Yes, I know, I know.
Put your hat on and sit down.
375
00:21:47,781 --> 00:21:49,901
Put your hat on and sit down.
Alison Hammond. Yeah.
376
00:21:49,941 --> 00:21:51,781
Don't say her name any more.
Just go sit down, buddy.
377
00:21:51,821 --> 00:21:54,021
Please welcome, up first,
378
00:21:54,061 --> 00:21:57,461
El-uh-zeh-bruff Jo-ee-ner.
379
00:21:57,501 --> 00:21:59,181
APPLAUSE
380
00:22:03,421 --> 00:22:06,621
Ta-ma-sa Pee-do-frile.
381
00:22:06,661 --> 00:22:07,661
APPLAUSE
382
00:22:09,061 --> 00:22:10,901
It's Thomas Peter Friar!
383
00:22:10,941 --> 00:22:14,341
Co-ree-na Ga-ha-ma-ra.
384
00:22:14,381 --> 00:22:15,581
APPLAUSE
385
00:22:15,621 --> 00:22:16,861
Woo! Woohoo!
386
00:22:16,901 --> 00:22:18,741
Congratulations. Thank you so much.
387
00:22:20,861 --> 00:22:23,101
Ja-kee Roo-ka.
388
00:22:23,141 --> 00:22:24,821
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
389
00:22:26,221 --> 00:22:27,221
Go on, Jack!
390
00:22:27,261 --> 00:22:28,501
Congratulations. Well done.
391
00:22:28,541 --> 00:22:30,181
You're...you're my fish.
392
00:22:30,221 --> 00:22:31,541
Sorry, bubs?
393
00:22:31,581 --> 00:22:34,181
You died.
You're...you're my dead fish.
394
00:22:34,221 --> 00:22:37,861
Oh, right. Have a lovely day.
Well done.
395
00:22:41,781 --> 00:22:43,861
Pa-da She-ee.
396
00:22:48,701 --> 00:22:50,581
BOTH: We're coming, Shannon!
397
00:22:54,181 --> 00:22:57,061
CHEERING AND LAUGHTER
398
00:22:57,101 --> 00:23:00,181
Aww, thanks for helping me move
my stuff into halls, guys.
399
00:23:03,501 --> 00:23:06,301
Aww, love you.
400
00:23:06,341 --> 00:23:09,421
Although, mate,
your dandruff's terrible.
401
00:23:09,461 --> 00:23:11,461
It's like you've sat
under a shredder.
402
00:23:11,501 --> 00:23:13,061
LAUGHTER
403
00:23:25,061 --> 00:23:26,621
HE EXHALES
404
00:23:26,661 --> 00:23:28,541
Hello, you.
405
00:23:28,581 --> 00:23:30,461
Ahh, mate.
406
00:23:32,021 --> 00:23:33,301
It looks so good.
407
00:23:33,341 --> 00:23:34,341
It does, dunnit?
408
00:23:35,781 --> 00:23:37,821
I'm proud of ya.
409
00:23:37,861 --> 00:23:39,341
Oh, all right, no soppy bollocks,
410
00:23:39,381 --> 00:23:42,261
I've already had Jules in here
crying cos I did this all by myself.
411
00:23:42,301 --> 00:23:44,821
Well, you've upstaged her, mate.
412
00:23:44,861 --> 00:23:46,981
Now, are you gonna get
suited and booted
413
00:23:47,021 --> 00:23:48,781
to pull a fresher tonight?
414
00:23:48,821 --> 00:23:52,061
Nah, it's Brent Uni policy,
I've got to stay in uniform, so...
415
00:23:52,101 --> 00:23:53,221
Nah, can't.
416
00:23:53,261 --> 00:23:55,741
Yeah, I'm also contractually
forbidden to, you know,
417
00:23:55,781 --> 00:23:57,341
dance with, flirt with,
418
00:23:57,381 --> 00:23:59,461
definitely shag with
any of the students, so...
419
00:23:59,501 --> 00:24:00,621
Ah, that's a shame.
420
00:24:00,661 --> 00:24:03,061
Yeah, strict but fair. Yeah.
421
00:24:03,101 --> 00:24:05,341
Well, you can dance and
flirt with me.
422
00:24:06,421 --> 00:24:08,421
Not shag, but... All right, OK.
423
00:24:08,461 --> 00:24:09,541
Wait there.
424
00:24:11,621 --> 00:24:13,381
Ready? Mm-hm.
425
00:24:13,421 --> 00:24:15,781
MUSIC: The Magic Position
by Patrick Wolf
426
00:24:15,821 --> 00:24:17,221
The sound system in here's sick.
427
00:24:17,261 --> 00:24:20,141
I'm gonna put some
garage nights on, the lot.
428
00:24:20,181 --> 00:24:21,501
Right, come on.
429
00:24:21,541 --> 00:24:23,941
We're not actually gonna dance,
are we?
430
00:24:23,981 --> 00:24:27,021
You asked me to dance,
so let's have a dance.
431
00:24:27,061 --> 00:24:29,381
Yeah, but it's a bit gay.
432
00:24:29,421 --> 00:24:31,101
Yes, it's very gay. Now, come on.
433
00:24:32,141 --> 00:24:33,141
What are we doing?
434
00:24:37,741 --> 00:24:38,741
All right.
435
00:24:38,781 --> 00:24:40,581
# So let the people talk
436
00:24:41,621 --> 00:24:45,341
# It's Monday morning walk
437
00:24:45,381 --> 00:24:51,941
# Right past the fabulous
mess we're in
438
00:24:51,981 --> 00:24:54,821
# It's gonna be a beautiful day... #
439
00:24:56,741 --> 00:24:57,981
Jack and Danny.
440
00:24:59,421 --> 00:25:01,141
Cockney rhyming slang
for "fanny", innit?
441
00:25:01,181 --> 00:25:02,581
SHE CHUCKLES
442
00:25:02,621 --> 00:25:06,421
# And you take my kiss
443
00:25:06,461 --> 00:25:08,661
# And I take the world... #
444
00:25:11,061 --> 00:25:13,301
All right, now, just don't
do anything I wouldn't do.
445
00:25:13,341 --> 00:25:15,661
I mean, I wouldn't shag a bloke,
but you get what I mean.
446
00:25:19,181 --> 00:25:20,221
Run!
447
00:25:20,261 --> 00:25:23,061
# Cos out of all the
people I've known
448
00:25:23,101 --> 00:25:25,861
# The places I've been... #
You drank poppers!
449
00:25:25,901 --> 00:25:29,101
# The songs that I have sung
The wonders I've seen
450
00:25:29,141 --> 00:25:32,621
# Now that the dreams
are all coming true
451
00:25:32,661 --> 00:25:35,861
# Who is the one that
leads me on through?
452
00:25:35,901 --> 00:25:43,661
# It's you who puts me in
the magic position, darling, now
453
00:25:43,701 --> 00:25:51,261
# You put me in the
magic position, darling, now
454
00:25:51,301 --> 00:25:58,261
# You put me in the
magic position, darling, so
455
00:25:58,301 --> 00:26:05,501
# Let me put you in
the magic position, darling, cos
456
00:26:05,541 --> 00:26:10,861
# I'm singing in the
457
00:26:10,901 --> 00:26:12,981
# The major key
458
00:26:14,501 --> 00:26:17,101
# The major key
459
00:26:25,101 --> 00:26:27,341
# The major key
460
00:26:34,261 --> 00:26:37,421
# Let me put you in the
461
00:26:39,461 --> 00:26:41,421
# The major key. #
462
00:26:56,981 --> 00:26:59,901
# Well, you thought
463
00:26:59,941 --> 00:27:02,861
# You could not go on
464
00:27:05,181 --> 00:27:06,781
# Your bones are
just beating
465
00:27:06,821 --> 00:27:10,061
# Like drums at your
funeral song... #
466
00:27:11,821 --> 00:27:14,821
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