Original subtitles

The best thing about going on Grindr in your childhood town

was one-by-one seeing who from secondary school turned out gay.

Who went from sixth form to uni

and came back loving cock?

And it's always that boy who called you a fag

for coming last in cross country

who's now desperately sending pictures of his arsehole

in a knitted jockstrap.

Andrew Shuman!

You cannot seriously be on Grindr when I am in this room?

No, my school bully just messaged me this!

Ugh, Jack! Sorry.

I've had a shitty enough night as it is.

I just don't know what I should reply with.

We were in the same set for Maths once

and he tried to Tipp-Ex my teeth.

Have you heard from him?

No.

Hello, mate.

She can still hear us.

You can talk to her.

Ah.

SHE WHIMPERS

Hello, Nan.

SHE MOANS FAINTLY

You all right?

She's had a rough night.

I'm really not trying to be mean but you really stink.

Really? Really.

Yeah, all right, Romeo, you're in a care home.

It's force of habit, innit? Hey!

Now it's gone everywhere.

It's going to smell like a school disco.

Did you sleep here last night?

Yeah, on the chair.

I can do the same tonight if you want a decent kip.

All right. We'll take it in turns, can't we?

I'm sorry, mate.

Last time I saw you, I sort of overstepped the line...

..as always.

Dennis, I've really stopped caring.

I've stopped caring what you or Mum or Mark do.

The only way I can stay fucking sane is to stop caring.

Well, that shouldn't be the way.

No, it shouldn't.

But I'm glad you're here, though.

For her.

If she knew what was going on, then...

..she'd be happy we were both here.

You look good, Dan.

You've done well.

Hi. Um...

I'm so sorry.

She's gone.

As often, we tend to find

people cling on when loved ones are around

and then sort of slip off when they're alone.

We'll get her ready so you can come say goodbyes, OK?

I'm so sorry for your loss, darl.

# Our subtle disagreements

# The gesture that you're leaving

# I know you're on your way

# I see how you watch those planes

# In the dark

I am so sorry. She's, um...

She's back.

I honestly thought she was a goner, but I just called that way too soon.

Ah! Sack the ref.

Ha-ha-ha. But, um... No, what did happen there does indicate

that she will probably go quite soon. So finish your ciggie,

no rush, and then definitely come back. OK.

HE EXHALES SHARPLY

What you doing? I'm starting again.

Oh, come on. You've had a tough weekend.

Jack, I don't care about this dissertation.

I don't care about successful women, Grazia magazine bullshit.

OK? I've got eight days so I'm going to rewrite it so it's

exactly what I fucking want.

I cared about my very first topic, that was my topic.

I'm sick of caring about what other people want from me.

Is this about the dissertation or is it about Danny?

Sorry.

Oh... Maybe don't delete that draft.

You do you.

You do you.

She's heartbroken, bless her.

I hate getting dumped. It's like, "OK. Sorry,

"why do you all of a sudden not care if I live or die?"

Yeah, but Corinne hasn't been dumped-dumped.

I think Danny loves her. He's just scared.

I'm worried he might be getting a bit...manic again.

Have you heard from him?

No. I just know his nan's doing not good.

I just want to drive down there, but I don't think he'd want that.

Have Danny and poor Corinne spoke?

Look, she's a smart girl, that one. She'll be fine.

Quite honestly, considering her orientation,

she should find a lady-partner.

Yeah. I wish I was a lesbian.

They just get so much more stuff done.

If you're bi with a woman, it don't make you a lesbian.

I once thought I was a lesbian.

It was 1958.

Her name was...

..Patsy Troubador.

A singer.

We got drunk one night down the palais.

She tried to kiss me, but...

..I pulled away.

And thank God I did or else I'd have ruined my family and

home life and the destiny of all of your lives.

But I often think if I were to do it all again...

..maybe I'd have...

...given Pat a chance.

RADIO: # And we'll go walking Hand in hand... #

Right. Who wants some sweet stuff?

Nan wants some sweet muff by the sounds of it.

Shannon! Oh, come off it!

# I don't know where

# I have been lately

# I found myself in somewhere strange

# The devil took me underwater

# He filled my lungs so... #

Lovely, Annabell.

You all right? Yeah, it's just...

..Mark.

# Ohhh, ohhh, ohhh... #

Oh, my God. Is that...

..two inside him?

# How did I get here without my god?

# Someone always has to be the man... #

Oh, come here. Hey!

Hey, it's all right. Hey. Come here. Hey.

# Ahh, ahh, ahh

# My god

# How did I get here without my god?

# Someone always has to be the man

# The man

# I know you have... #

Mate.

Fancy a little'un?

No.

Absolutely not. Come on, it'll shut soon anyway.

I just fancy one.

Let's just go back to Nan's, all right?

Sit and have a cup of tea and just...be.

Let's just have one. We'll just have one and then we're off.

No!

Just come back with me, OK?

And just do the normal fucking thing

and we go through old photos and we sit in the kitchen

and we fucking chain smoke until the fucking morning. Please.

Dad...

..please.

Sorry, mate.

Dad.

You completely undermined me.

Switching to a topic that I said was niche

and overly emotional for you, preventing you from crafting

a forward-facing academic commentary about more immediate media

policy reforms. Yeah.

And it's really rather good.

It's robust and concise

and puts forward an engaging argument about media interference

in democratic referendums, which, let's face it,

is applicable as we approach the upcoming Brexit vote.

Thank you. But we won't Brexit.

Oh, we're going to Brexit. Scotland will stay in the UK

and I think the next president of the United States is

going to that absolute fuck-face cunt BLEEP Trump.

LAUGHTER

And how are you feeling?

Hollow.

Like I gave every single piece of my heart to someone,

constantly wishing it would get better.

He would get better.

And I love him.

I'm also angry.

I just made a decision to stay in London for him

and I feel like I've stopped myself progressing

cos I wanted him to get better.

Yes, I knew that.

So I didn't retract your application.

What?

Yeah, I'm super-sorry for having interfered,

but I felt like you consistently told me how much you loved him

but also how much you loved education.

So I did not retract your application.

You have a provisional letter of acceptance,

and I was waiting till you got your degree mark

so we could talk about it.

Right.

And I spoke to some friends of mine at Edinburgh

and I'm pretty sure you're going to be accepted into

the Media Regulations masters, especially after this thesis.

Thank you.

No, thank you.

I think you're going to love the new department head over there.

Is it you?

Yeah, it's me.

Your formatting is all over the place.

There's one chapter in a completely different font.

Yeah. I thought that might cheer the marker up,

with all the depressing bits about Aids.

OK, well maybe let's not trivialise the Aids crisis with a curly font.

Other than that it's actually very...good.

Well done, Jack. Thanks.

Now I need to ask you a favour. No.

Well, you don't know what it is. No.

It's Danny. OK, I'm listening.

His nan's sick, he broke up with Corinne

and he hasn't answered any of my calls for a week

and the deadline is in two days. I thought you could call him up

and find out what his plans are with the hand-in.

And check he's OK.

Yeah, of course.

PHONE DINGS

CHUCKLING

# Blood-filled

PHONE DINGS # Jewel of life... #

Good luck with fixing your formatting, Jack.

Good luck to you also, Tim.

PHONE RINGS

Phew.

Corinne!

Tim is gay!

Or bi.

Or maybe straight and experimenting.

But Tim has Grindr!

"Dearest wee Jack, I'm off. I can't do any more goodbyes.

"I'm so proud of you for working so hard,

"and see you at graduation.

"That's if you don't suddenly right-royally fuck it all up.

"Love you, Corinne."

PHONE RINGS

Hello, you! Hello, mate.

Sorry I haven't text. Just had a lot on.

No, no, no. Don't worry. How are you?

I've been better. But no, I'm doing OK.

Good.

Good.

How's your nan?

She's gone.

Oh...

Oh, Danny. I'm so sorry.

Don't you get upset. No, no...

I'm just sad for you. I...

I miss you, mate.

Yeah, I miss you, too.

How's Corinne?

Yeah, she's handed in and gone. It's weird.

How are you, though? Do you want me to come down?

Me and Mum could...? No. No? No.

Honestly, I'm fine.

What about the funeral? We can come down for support.

It's done.

I cremated her this morning.

Just me.

Look I need to come pick up my stuff.

Yeah. Yeah, course.

I can help you pack.

What you going to do about uni work?

Well, Tim phoned. Apparently I can get mitigating circumstances,

get a three-month extension so...

Wow, so you answered to Tim but not me.

That's great, mate.

I can help you with that as well.

And, Danny...

..you know you're always welcome to stay with me and Mum.

You know that. Yeah, I know.

I need to start carving out my life back down here, though.

Yeah. Look, I'll be up Wednesday

so I can come help you hand your dissertation in, yeah?

Does that sound cool?

Yeah, yeah. It sounds good.

I love you, mate.

You too, mate.

# Peel off the colour

# Of the night

# A second skin

# A floating spit is hovering

# The other side is opening now... #

PHONE DINGS

Ugh. Jesus Christ, Andrew Shuman.

In my mind I knew, there could be no better sex than shagging

the lad who picked on you at school.

Hey, man. Hey, hey, hey.

I just want to make a long-time coming apology to you.

Oh, right.

Like, I bullied you bad.

Oh, well, you weren't nice, but I wasn't bullied. No.

No, I really bullied you.

And it was cos you were gay. Well, I wasn't out. And I was gay.

So I just want to use this opportunity to say...

..I'm sorry.

OK.

I'm sorry.

OK.

Ugh. Fuck's sake.

Were you filming that?! Yes.

I'm a content creator.

This was supposed to be a big emotional moment where you

forgave me and I set up we had a romantic connection

and that ultimately, now, since coming out

and accepting myself, I am a good person.

Yeah, right. Can you not?

Well, it would just make great YouTube numbers.

Yeah, no.

I'd just rather fuck.

Ugh! Come on, mate,

my YouTube confessionals get me 5K a pop. Ah, shush, Andrew Shuman.

Is that Alison Hammond? Yeah.

So I just made love with the guy who I bullied at school.

But it has helped me in my queer journey...

Was that your shag that just vlogged his way out of here?

Yep.

You're naked under here, aren't you?

Yeah. OK.

Come on. Let's get you in some clothes

and hand this dissertation in, yeah?

There he is. Oh! Ha-ha-ha!

# Both our eyes are red

# But you're high and I'm crying

# You're trying to forget

# But it hits me every time... #

It'll be you next. We'll get you through.

# Right hand holds your left sleeve

# Turning our heads gently

# Cos when it ends we fight... #

Look, maybe stay with us for a bit.

No. Honestly, I can't. I got loads of shit to sort out in Margate so...

Well, I'll come down this weekend.

No, no, it's just...

I'll be all right, OK? Well, this summer, I'll come down loads.

I'll get the train down to Margate and we can speak all the time

and I can help you with your dissertation.

# And the day's already done... #

I kept trying to make plans with you...

I'll see you soon.

# Everything is black

# Your hands and my past

# If I don't wake tomorrow... #

Danny!

# Promise me you'll laugh

# And in that warm winter I withered

# I just wanna get better

# I'll be what you like... #

..and you just didn't seem to want to make them.

# And every letter of fire... #

Surprise! Surprise! Surprise! Surprise!

So we both left uni...

..to go back to very different homes.

# When you start to break things... #

Sorry to hear about Iris, love. Thanks.

And your cousin.

Shit, mate.

What?

Mark. What about Mark?

Nan?

Since we last spoke, I've been online

and I've found out all the details about Patsy Troubador.

That's her address and she still lives locally.

Maybe we can reach out, see if you can meet again.

Cos I've been feeling like me existing means you haven't been able

to explore your queer, authentic self.

Oh, for fuck's sake.

Turn that fucking off!

I'm not fucking content!

"Ooh! Me hashtag nan's a hashtag lesbian."

You fucking gay boys online.

You're gay, get over it.

Sorry, Nan.

One thing I do want to say, though.

I am very proud of you.

All I wanted to do was to study more and I couldn't.

You've done very well.

Thanks, Nan.

Now get out in the real world and get a proper fucking job.

I think you blamed yourself for Mark.

Like, maybe it wouldn't have happened if you hadn't been preoccupied

with uni. And all of us in London.

And then you found yourself back in Margate anyway.

And I don't think any of us quite realised

just how lonely you'd become.

And I felt lonely...

..even though downstairs at mine was full of family.

I don't think you ever realised you were only older male figure

I loved left in my life.

Subtitles by Red Bee Media