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Trigger warning - this ep does
pertain to a period of my past.
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00:00:04,141 --> 00:00:07,061
I have since expressed immense
personal regret.
3
00:00:07,101 --> 00:00:10,501
Otherwise known as the time I tried
to be a poet.
4
00:00:10,541 --> 00:00:12,381
# MC am I people call me Uff
5
00:00:12,421 --> 00:00:14,461
# When I rock the party
you bust a nut
6
00:00:14,501 --> 00:00:16,821
# Feadz is breaking out the beat
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00:00:16,861 --> 00:00:18,741
# Shit be hotter than me
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00:00:18,781 --> 00:00:21,061
# Me and he our crew's a militia
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# Better watch out my clan gets... #
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MUSIC: Perfect 10
By The Beautiful South
11
00:00:24,981 --> 00:00:26,981
Sometimes my songs would cut out
12
00:00:27,021 --> 00:00:30,901
because I'd stupidly linked my
Spotify to my mum's Amazon Alexa.
13
00:00:30,941 --> 00:00:34,181
Alexa, turn the volume up by three.
14
00:00:34,221 --> 00:00:35,541
Thanks, hon.
15
00:00:35,581 --> 00:00:38,741
She'd always be asking for a song I
knew reminded her of dad,
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00:00:38,781 --> 00:00:40,741
so I'd let her hijack my Spotify
17
00:00:40,781 --> 00:00:42,301
to remember him, cos I'm nice
18
00:00:42,341 --> 00:00:45,141
and I was too tight to pay for a
premium family account.
19
00:00:45,181 --> 00:00:47,181
Oh, Jack!
20
00:00:47,221 --> 00:00:49,581
I'm so excited to start my day
with you.
21
00:00:49,621 --> 00:00:50,981
Aw, are you?
22
00:00:51,021 --> 00:00:53,381
No, of course not.
Why are you wearing a beret?
23
00:00:53,421 --> 00:00:55,581
I'm just tryin' somethin' out.
24
00:00:55,621 --> 00:00:58,541
Can't you try meow meow or PureGym,
like the rest of the kids your age?
25
00:00:58,581 --> 00:01:01,221
Well, I'm figuring out who I am.
26
00:01:01,261 --> 00:01:05,101
Oh, I see. Final year panic, is it?
27
00:01:05,141 --> 00:01:08,141
The big bad world awaits and
suddenly you realise
28
00:01:08,181 --> 00:01:11,581
you need "a thing" to be noticeable,
to be employable.
29
00:01:11,621 --> 00:01:12,821
But sadly, Jack...
30
00:01:13,981 --> 00:01:17,701
..in your quest for individuality
you have committed the cardinal sin.
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00:01:17,741 --> 00:01:20,541
What? You've become pretentious.
32
00:01:20,581 --> 00:01:21,701
No, I haven't.
33
00:01:21,741 --> 00:01:23,341
What you holding?
34
00:01:23,381 --> 00:01:24,621
A sustainable coffee cup,
35
00:01:24,661 --> 00:01:26,181
a copy of the New Yorker
36
00:01:26,221 --> 00:01:28,861
and a new Muji notebook
for my...
37
00:01:28,901 --> 00:01:29,901
..poetry.
38
00:01:29,941 --> 00:01:30,941
HE SUCKS IN AIR
39
00:01:32,901 --> 00:01:35,141
QUIET MURMURING
40
00:01:36,381 --> 00:01:37,381
Welcome all.
41
00:01:37,421 --> 00:01:41,061
My name is Bamboo Armitage
42
00:01:41,101 --> 00:01:45,021
and you, creative writing comrades,
43
00:01:45,061 --> 00:01:48,381
have chosen this eight-week
spoken-word course
44
00:01:48,421 --> 00:01:51,501
to find your voice.
Because your voice is important.
45
00:01:51,541 --> 00:01:55,061
Not as important as my voice
46
00:01:55,101 --> 00:01:57,141
but hopefully it'll be
a bit more important
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00:01:57,181 --> 00:01:58,301
than it was before.
48
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And with that importance,
49
00:02:01,341 --> 00:02:05,261
this course will culminate in
a sharing of our voices,
50
00:02:05,301 --> 00:02:07,861
as we tell our urgent,
51
00:02:07,901 --> 00:02:11,301
vital and our-thentic truths,
52
00:02:11,341 --> 00:02:12,541
which ultimately...
53
00:02:14,861 --> 00:02:15,941
..it's important.
54
00:02:15,981 --> 00:02:20,461
And this was where I first got
hooked on big fat lines
55
00:02:20,501 --> 00:02:22,221
of poetry.
56
00:02:22,261 --> 00:02:24,501
# The pop the Glock,
the Glock you pop
57
00:02:24,541 --> 00:02:26,581
# Pop the Glock, the pop the Glock
58
00:02:26,621 --> 00:02:27,741
# The pop the Glock
59
00:02:27,781 --> 00:02:29,701
# The Glock you pop. #
60
00:02:29,741 --> 00:02:31,741
What the actual fuck?
61
00:02:31,781 --> 00:02:34,901
That boy has started taking himself
very seriously.
62
00:02:34,941 --> 00:02:36,101
Look, I've seen this all before.
63
00:02:36,141 --> 00:02:38,581
Someone, they start writing poems,
and all of a sudden it's,
64
00:02:38,621 --> 00:02:40,821
"Oh, come to my spoken word gig."
65
00:02:40,861 --> 00:02:42,901
"Ooh, come to my one-man show."
66
00:02:42,941 --> 00:02:44,901
"Ooh, please, no, no, come to a
mouldy ramshackle arts space
67
00:02:44,941 --> 00:02:48,141
"in the arse-end of nowhere, I've
made a play about my dead dad."
68
00:02:48,181 --> 00:02:50,101
Oh! It's terrifying.
69
00:02:50,141 --> 00:02:52,821
I'm serious, right? We need to nip
this in the bud now.
70
00:02:52,861 --> 00:02:54,461
Oh, stop it!
71
00:02:54,501 --> 00:02:57,821
I'm excited to see his spoken word
showcase tomorrow.
72
00:02:57,861 --> 00:02:59,701
Although has anyone actually heard
any of his poems?
73
00:02:59,741 --> 00:03:01,821
Yeah, I've read some. Look,
they're decent, but
74
00:03:01,861 --> 00:03:03,861
I don't know why he's got to be
such a wanker about it.
75
00:03:03,901 --> 00:03:07,101
Why can't he do something cool, like
learn to DJ.
76
00:03:07,141 --> 00:03:09,421
One man's DJ
is another man's wanker, Danny.
77
00:03:09,461 --> 00:03:10,661
WHISPERS: Sh, he's coming.
78
00:03:11,781 --> 00:03:15,141
Guys, Tim's just accused me
of becoming pretentious.
79
00:03:15,181 --> 00:03:17,221
Yeah, I'm glad someone's finally
told you.
80
00:03:17,261 --> 00:03:19,541
I'm not pretentious. You are a
poet, all of a sudden.
81
00:03:19,581 --> 00:03:21,381
Yeah, and you've stopped
watching X Factor.
82
00:03:21,421 --> 00:03:24,061
Well, they've replaced Louis
with Rita Ora.
83
00:03:24,101 --> 00:03:25,941
What?! Urgh!
84
00:03:25,981 --> 00:03:27,141
This country has gone to pot!
85
00:03:27,181 --> 00:03:28,221
Honestly!
86
00:03:28,261 --> 00:03:30,221
Like, first it's Clarkson off
Top Gear,
87
00:03:30,261 --> 00:03:32,301
Walsh is off X Factor.
I'm telling ya,
88
00:03:32,341 --> 00:03:34,261
Phillip Schofield's going to be off
This Morning before we know it.
89
00:03:34,301 --> 00:03:37,501
Jack, can I borrow you, please?
90
00:03:37,541 --> 00:03:40,501
Can you not stress everyone out?
I'm telling them today.
91
00:03:40,541 --> 00:03:42,981
Oh, finally.
You've had three months,
92
00:03:43,021 --> 00:03:45,341
and the secrets
and the lies are killing me.
93
00:03:45,381 --> 00:03:47,381
Thank God I've had writing my truth
as an outlet.
94
00:03:47,421 --> 00:03:48,861
Sh.
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00:03:48,901 --> 00:03:50,861
I want to tell them before your
poetry gig tomorrow,
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00:03:50,901 --> 00:03:53,101
when they'll be really depressed.
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00:03:53,141 --> 00:03:56,261
How dare you? Look, telling them is
a big deal for me.
98
00:03:57,421 --> 00:03:59,021
And also, I can't come to tomorrow
because...
99
00:04:00,181 --> 00:04:02,221
..well, honestly, I don't want to,
but, also...
100
00:04:03,541 --> 00:04:04,981
..I leave Saturday.
101
00:04:05,021 --> 00:04:06,821
Saturday. Yemi, what?
102
00:04:06,861 --> 00:04:08,661
I've found somewhere to live.
103
00:04:08,701 --> 00:04:12,581
So can you please
try to be happy for me
104
00:04:12,621 --> 00:04:15,701
and I will try to support
your descent into the spoken word.
105
00:04:17,061 --> 00:04:19,181
OK.
106
00:04:19,221 --> 00:04:20,221
Come on.
107
00:04:28,301 --> 00:04:30,261
What's wrong?
108
00:04:30,301 --> 00:04:31,381
Two words.
109
00:04:31,421 --> 00:04:34,901
Anoushka Delafonte says I need to
take a pregnancy test - again!
110
00:04:35,861 --> 00:04:36,981
Ffff! Urgh!
111
00:04:37,021 --> 00:04:38,781
I knew I looked too sexy
at Halloween.
112
00:04:38,821 --> 00:04:40,301
I have literally gone out
113
00:04:40,341 --> 00:04:42,701
and bought three bottles
of Mint Baileys for Crimbo.
114
00:04:42,741 --> 00:04:44,741
I can't drink a drop now.
It's an absolute farce.
115
00:04:44,781 --> 00:04:46,901
Stay calm. No, I am supposed
to be launching
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00:04:46,941 --> 00:04:49,661
ShanAndNanIgans Party Planners
L-T-D Incorporated
117
00:04:49,701 --> 00:04:52,381
in Q2 of 2K16, Peggy.
118
00:04:52,421 --> 00:04:54,581
SHE SIGHS
I've kind of found it hard enough
119
00:04:54,621 --> 00:04:58,181
with one baby. I know doll,
but you've done so well.
120
00:04:58,221 --> 00:05:00,061
Oh, fuck! Fuck!
121
00:05:00,101 --> 00:05:01,941
I literally went to
the charity shop yesterday,
122
00:05:01,981 --> 00:05:03,941
I've given away all my baby
and maternity clothes.
123
00:05:03,981 --> 00:05:06,701
That's 400 quid down the drain.
124
00:05:06,741 --> 00:05:09,541
I'm not even a charitable
person, Peggy. Do you know?
125
00:05:09,581 --> 00:05:11,701
I just needed space
for my crushed velvet ottoman.
126
00:05:11,741 --> 00:05:12,941
Ooh, let's see?
127
00:05:14,061 --> 00:05:15,421
Dunelm? Dunelm.
128
00:05:17,261 --> 00:05:20,021
Oh, Tariq's going to go insane.
129
00:05:20,061 --> 00:05:21,781
He's going to flip his lid.
130
00:05:21,821 --> 00:05:23,021
He won't be angry, loves.
131
00:05:23,061 --> 00:05:24,421
Precisely.
132
00:05:24,461 --> 00:05:27,381
He's going to be buzzing off his
tits about it,
133
00:05:27,421 --> 00:05:30,021
Peggy. He loves it.
He loves all this,
134
00:05:30,061 --> 00:05:33,141
he loves prams and nappies and
Ella's Kitchen.
135
00:05:33,181 --> 00:05:34,661
Right, first things first,
136
00:05:34,701 --> 00:05:36,141
I've got to get back down that
chazza shop.
137
00:05:36,181 --> 00:05:37,461
I've got to get all that shit
right back.
138
00:05:37,501 --> 00:05:39,061
You can't do that, Shan.
139
00:05:39,101 --> 00:05:40,381
I know I can't.
140
00:05:43,421 --> 00:05:45,581
Well, I shouldn't be driving,
not in my condition.
141
00:05:45,621 --> 00:05:48,861
You just drove here! Yes,
but I wasn't pregnant then, was I?
142
00:05:48,901 --> 00:05:50,261
GONG CHIMES
143
00:05:51,461 --> 00:05:54,661
Thank you, Brigitte,
for sageing the room.
144
00:05:54,701 --> 00:05:56,701
Much appreciated.
145
00:05:56,741 --> 00:05:59,501
My spoken word circle were
a mixed bag,
146
00:05:59,541 --> 00:06:02,781
so I started taking notes on them.
There was...
147
00:06:02,821 --> 00:06:06,701
So you're telling me,
Di and Dodi died in a tunnel?
148
00:06:06,741 --> 00:06:10,301
Ha! You must be 'avin' a bubble!
149
00:06:10,341 --> 00:06:13,021
She were trouble, can't you see?
150
00:06:13,061 --> 00:06:16,101
Potentially pregnant with a baby.
151
00:06:16,141 --> 00:06:20,381
She was a threat to our great
monarchy.
152
00:06:20,421 --> 00:06:24,741
And as waves hit the tips of my
breasts,
153
00:06:24,781 --> 00:06:27,221
covered in sulphur,
154
00:06:27,261 --> 00:06:30,341
my dreams pickled in vinegar.
155
00:06:32,501 --> 00:06:34,541
So we roll.
156
00:06:34,581 --> 00:06:36,901
Two's up, I say.
157
00:06:36,941 --> 00:06:39,141
Love is love.
158
00:06:39,181 --> 00:06:42,021
Hate is love misguided,
159
00:06:42,061 --> 00:06:45,941
derided and spat out of lips
that just need...
160
00:06:45,981 --> 00:06:48,541
HE BREATHES
161
00:06:48,581 --> 00:06:50,061
..to be kissed.
162
00:06:50,101 --> 00:06:53,341
Lucien was the main reason
I stayed on this course
163
00:06:53,381 --> 00:06:56,341
and the main reason I bought a
seven-and-a-half inch beret
164
00:06:56,381 --> 00:06:57,381
off eBay.
165
00:06:57,421 --> 00:06:59,421
Wow.
FINGERS SNAP
166
00:07:00,461 --> 00:07:01,541
Now Jack.
167
00:07:01,581 --> 00:07:03,501
WHISPER: Yeah.
168
00:07:03,541 --> 00:07:04,861
CLEARS HIS THROAT
169
00:07:07,981 --> 00:07:09,141
When I was 14...
170
00:07:09,181 --> 00:07:10,581
Ooh. Nope.
171
00:07:10,621 --> 00:07:12,901
I...started wrong, dude.
172
00:07:12,941 --> 00:07:15,661
Shoulders back. perform that truth.
173
00:07:17,541 --> 00:07:18,581
When I was 14...
174
00:07:18,621 --> 00:07:19,621
No.
175
00:07:19,661 --> 00:07:20,661
Erm...
176
00:07:22,661 --> 00:07:24,821
It needs to feel
177
00:07:24,861 --> 00:07:26,581
like whatever you're about to say
178
00:07:26,621 --> 00:07:29,141
is coming from your authentic core.
179
00:07:34,221 --> 00:07:36,421
IMITATING BAMBOO: When I was 14...
180
00:07:36,461 --> 00:07:38,901
Yes! Boom.
181
00:07:38,941 --> 00:07:41,261
Boom. That's it.
182
00:07:41,301 --> 00:07:43,941
I don't need to hear you again until
the sharing,
183
00:07:43,981 --> 00:07:46,141
cos I know you've got it.
184
00:07:48,421 --> 00:07:51,461
So as I got ready
to bare my truth,
185
00:07:51,501 --> 00:07:53,541
Yemi finally bared his.
186
00:07:53,581 --> 00:07:56,181
Are you sure I can keep this?
187
00:07:56,221 --> 00:07:58,981
I feel like Shirley Bassey.
188
00:07:59,021 --> 00:08:02,061
Now come, sit, we need to talk.
189
00:08:02,101 --> 00:08:05,781
I really hoped it was a phase, but
I can't help my feelings any more.
190
00:08:05,821 --> 00:08:08,781
Yems, are you coming out,
cos...I sorta know, babe?
191
00:08:08,821 --> 00:08:10,861
I'm less coming out... Hmm.
192
00:08:12,141 --> 00:08:14,301
...and more...dropping out of uni.
193
00:08:14,341 --> 00:08:15,861
SHE GASPS
194
00:08:15,901 --> 00:08:18,861
I'm really happy for you,
but I am going to miss ya.
195
00:08:18,901 --> 00:08:20,301
Yeah, me too.
196
00:08:20,341 --> 00:08:22,301
But, Yems,
we've only a few months left.
197
00:08:22,341 --> 00:08:24,141
I quit uni back in September.
198
00:08:24,181 --> 00:08:27,261
You've been making me help you
with your final year project!
199
00:08:27,301 --> 00:08:28,941
I've been making bits
for my Depop page.
200
00:08:28,981 --> 00:08:30,901
I'll always be there for you, Danny.
201
00:08:32,221 --> 00:08:34,981
I'm just...
I'm just going to be in...
202
00:08:35,021 --> 00:08:37,501
Paris?! He didn't tell me that.
203
00:08:40,301 --> 00:08:41,421
God.
204
00:08:42,541 --> 00:08:45,181
Urgh, it's all coming to an end,
isn't it?
205
00:08:45,221 --> 00:08:46,381
Hmm.
206
00:08:48,781 --> 00:08:50,981
I'm sort of excited
to escape London too.
207
00:08:52,661 --> 00:08:54,821
Really? Yeah.
208
00:08:54,861 --> 00:08:57,181
I miss Edinburgh.
209
00:08:57,221 --> 00:08:59,421
And the only time I get to go back
210
00:08:59,461 --> 00:09:01,981
is when fuck-face annoying show-offs
from London
211
00:09:02,021 --> 00:09:05,381
take over the city each summer
with their shite plays.
212
00:09:08,301 --> 00:09:10,181
You know Jack wants to take
some of his poems
213
00:09:10,221 --> 00:09:12,661
up there next year?
He's part of the fuckin' problem!
214
00:09:12,701 --> 00:09:15,621
Hey, I might do a play.
Oh, stop it.
215
00:09:19,701 --> 00:09:23,941
I feel like...you and me
will be made long distance work.
216
00:09:23,981 --> 00:09:25,221
Yeah?
217
00:09:27,221 --> 00:09:29,141
Yeah.
218
00:09:29,181 --> 00:09:32,981
Yeah, I mean, you know,
you go back for the summer,
219
00:09:33,021 --> 00:09:34,741
I could stay down here,
220
00:09:34,781 --> 00:09:37,181
find a little cheeky gaff
for us two in London.
221
00:09:37,221 --> 00:09:39,661
I could even, like, scout out
for journalism jobs.
222
00:09:39,701 --> 00:09:41,421
No, I'm...
223
00:09:41,461 --> 00:09:44,541
I want to do a master's...
in Edinburgh.
224
00:09:45,581 --> 00:09:46,621
Ohhh.
225
00:09:47,621 --> 00:09:49,021
OK.
226
00:09:50,501 --> 00:09:52,141
Cool.
227
00:09:52,181 --> 00:09:53,901
Yeah.
228
00:09:53,941 --> 00:09:55,221
Hmmmm.
229
00:09:56,501 --> 00:09:58,461
Could I live in Edinburgh?
230
00:09:58,501 --> 00:10:01,141
No, Danny, just I'D move there.
231
00:10:01,181 --> 00:10:04,741
I'll be 22. I want to have
a final year of student life
232
00:10:04,781 --> 00:10:07,141
in my home city,
just getting pissed up,
233
00:10:07,181 --> 00:10:10,061
before I solidly set my path
to making the "30 under 30s" list.
234
00:10:10,101 --> 00:10:11,541
Yeah.
235
00:10:11,581 --> 00:10:13,061
I'll see you loads.
236
00:10:13,101 --> 00:10:14,301
Hmm.
237
00:10:15,701 --> 00:10:18,541
Hey, we...we don't have to talk
about this now.
238
00:10:18,581 --> 00:10:21,061
Yeah? Let's just...
239
00:10:21,101 --> 00:10:22,781
Let's just be.
240
00:10:41,501 --> 00:10:43,741
Oh, my God, OK, there's my bag.
241
00:10:43,781 --> 00:10:45,861
Right, listen, you just grab it
and go
242
00:10:45,901 --> 00:10:48,181
and I'm just going to distract
them by knocking something over
243
00:10:48,221 --> 00:10:51,221
with my arse or something.
No, I am not.
244
00:10:51,261 --> 00:10:54,061
Go. Ask that woman there.
She looks nice.
245
00:10:54,101 --> 00:10:55,981
Just be polite. Go.
246
00:10:56,021 --> 00:10:58,221
Good afternoon, madam.
How are we today?
247
00:10:58,261 --> 00:10:59,501
Fine, thank you.
248
00:10:59,541 --> 00:11:02,741
Just doing our little bit
in the daily fight against cancer.
249
00:11:02,781 --> 00:11:04,981
Hmm, good, good.
250
00:11:05,021 --> 00:11:08,141
Erm, so, yesterday I came in
251
00:11:08,181 --> 00:11:09,701
and I made a cheeky little donaysh,
252
00:11:09,741 --> 00:11:14,061
but, erm, stupidly I gave you
clothes that I actually need back.
253
00:11:14,101 --> 00:11:16,221
So that's...that's my bag there.
254
00:11:16,261 --> 00:11:18,981
OK, well, yeah, you can take it.
255
00:11:19,021 --> 00:11:21,781
Great, thank you.
256
00:11:21,821 --> 00:11:25,421
Did you know, though,
that one in two will now get cancer?
257
00:11:25,461 --> 00:11:27,261
Will they really?
258
00:11:27,301 --> 00:11:29,941
That's... That's awful.
259
00:11:29,981 --> 00:11:33,661
Did you know that the government are
doing little to reduce waiting times
260
00:11:33,701 --> 00:11:35,261
for those needing treatment?
261
00:11:35,301 --> 00:11:36,981
That doesn't surprise me,
do you know,
262
00:11:37,021 --> 00:11:39,541
because I've really starting
to go right off David Cameron.
263
00:11:39,581 --> 00:11:41,541
Him and Sam Cam have such thin lips
264
00:11:41,581 --> 00:11:44,261
and it's just like
never someone with thin lips!
265
00:11:44,301 --> 00:11:46,221
People say I have thin lips.
266
00:11:47,261 --> 00:11:48,421
No. Do they?
267
00:11:49,701 --> 00:11:51,541
I don't know why
they're saying that.
268
00:11:51,581 --> 00:11:56,061
That's mad. You've got...
lovely big luscious lips,
269
00:11:56,101 --> 00:11:57,541
I thought, when I came in.
270
00:11:58,901 --> 00:12:00,901
Children can get cancer too.
271
00:12:00,941 --> 00:12:04,661
Er, 'scuse me.
My niece needs these clothes
272
00:12:04,701 --> 00:12:06,701
and she was being very generous,
273
00:12:06,741 --> 00:12:09,461
so back off a little bit.
274
00:12:09,501 --> 00:12:11,741
Sure. Thank you.
275
00:12:11,781 --> 00:12:14,981
It's just a shame, because
we need to sell clothes
276
00:12:15,021 --> 00:12:17,621
in order to continue
our vital research into cancer.
277
00:12:17,661 --> 00:12:19,821
Well, you clearly didn't do
your cancer research properly,
278
00:12:19,861 --> 00:12:20,901
did you, love?
279
00:12:20,941 --> 00:12:23,421
Else I wouldn't have had
to bury my fucking husband!
280
00:12:23,461 --> 00:12:26,381
You aggy little cunting
bitchy fucking wanker!
281
00:12:28,221 --> 00:12:29,941
Have that. Thank you.
282
00:12:29,981 --> 00:12:31,901
Goodnight, goodnight.
283
00:12:31,941 --> 00:12:33,221
SHE WAILS
284
00:12:36,141 --> 00:12:38,301
Honestly, Pegs don't be upset.
285
00:12:38,341 --> 00:12:40,101
It's Christmas.
286
00:12:40,141 --> 00:12:42,301
You know, quite honestly,
she WAS being
287
00:12:42,341 --> 00:12:45,101
an aggy fucking nasty
little manipulative bitch.
288
00:12:46,981 --> 00:12:49,381
OK, so I've brought in
289
00:12:49,421 --> 00:12:50,741
some newspaper cuttings.
290
00:12:50,781 --> 00:12:52,341
I don't care. How's it all going?
291
00:12:52,381 --> 00:12:55,301
Well, I'm thinking
that my new topic is
292
00:12:55,341 --> 00:12:56,741
no more page three -
293
00:12:56,781 --> 00:12:58,781
a campaign to end
the objectification of women
294
00:12:58,821 --> 00:13:01,421
in the mainstream news media. No.
295
00:13:01,461 --> 00:13:05,021
No? No. I want to know
how your relationship is going.
296
00:13:05,061 --> 00:13:06,781
I'd rather talk about
my dissertation, please.
297
00:13:06,821 --> 00:13:08,621
They're the same thing.
They're certainly not.
298
00:13:08,661 --> 00:13:10,781
Don't answer me back.
They are identical projects
299
00:13:10,821 --> 00:13:12,181
that you are pursuing.
300
00:13:12,221 --> 00:13:16,701
At your age, everything is research.
So tell me, how is it going?
301
00:13:16,741 --> 00:13:19,061
I just feel anxious, like a lot.
302
00:13:19,101 --> 00:13:20,621
Why?
303
00:13:20,661 --> 00:13:23,901
Well, cos it's final year
and she's talking about
304
00:13:23,941 --> 00:13:26,781
master's courses
and grad schemes and...
305
00:13:28,141 --> 00:13:29,381
I just don't want to lose her.
306
00:13:29,421 --> 00:13:31,261
And how does that make you feel?
307
00:13:31,301 --> 00:13:33,541
Like I'm at uni
to pursue stuff,
308
00:13:33,581 --> 00:13:36,221
towards my own future, obviously.
And we...
309
00:13:36,261 --> 00:13:39,741
Both really love each other.
I know we do.
310
00:13:39,781 --> 00:13:41,821
And I don't want her to think that
this is just some, like,
311
00:13:41,861 --> 00:13:44,221
temporary uni thing,
and then, like, Yemi's leaving
312
00:13:44,261 --> 00:13:45,781
and there's the dissertation,
313
00:13:45,821 --> 00:13:48,021
and it's made me panic that
everything's coming to an end
314
00:13:48,061 --> 00:13:49,621
and I don't know what
the fuck I'm going to do.
315
00:13:49,661 --> 00:13:51,461
Well, I don't know that feeling,
316
00:13:51,501 --> 00:13:54,061
because I famously stayed on
at Brent Uni for 13 years.
317
00:13:54,101 --> 00:13:57,261
But...I mean, you'll be fine.
318
00:13:57,301 --> 00:13:59,781
It's scary but you'll figure it.
319
00:14:01,101 --> 00:14:04,661
Yeah. I just don't want to go back
to Kent and make nothing of myself.
320
00:14:04,701 --> 00:14:05,781
Well, believe it or not,
321
00:14:05,821 --> 00:14:09,061
there are some people in Kent
who are very happy and successful.
322
00:14:09,101 --> 00:14:11,021
I mean, it's not loads
but it's some.
323
00:14:13,941 --> 00:14:15,781
I'm so sorry about earlier.
324
00:14:15,821 --> 00:14:19,581
I just keep getting these texts
from Russell and I just...
325
00:14:21,141 --> 00:14:22,621
Peggy...
326
00:14:22,661 --> 00:14:24,181
You've been ghosting him.
327
00:14:24,221 --> 00:14:27,701
No, I haven't. I just haven't
had the words to reply.
328
00:14:27,741 --> 00:14:29,501
Have you gone off him
since you watched his episode
329
00:14:29,541 --> 00:14:31,181
of Come Dine With Me?
No, but...
330
00:14:31,221 --> 00:14:33,781
I think the edit
really did him dirty there,
331
00:14:33,821 --> 00:14:36,621
and I don't think he realised he was
being that culturally insensitive.
332
00:14:36,661 --> 00:14:39,541
I liked his hat. But it's mine
and Laurie's 30-year anniversary
333
00:14:39,581 --> 00:14:41,981
this Christmas and I'm just...
334
00:14:42,941 --> 00:14:45,261
Sorta made me realise that...
335
00:14:45,301 --> 00:14:46,821
..Russell ain't the one for me.
336
00:14:47,861 --> 00:14:49,541
Yeah, well, that's OK.
337
00:14:49,581 --> 00:14:53,301
I think that's why I sort of
had a meltdown in the shop.
338
00:14:53,341 --> 00:14:56,341
I'm in the real anger stage
of grief maybe,
339
00:14:56,381 --> 00:14:57,861
where I haven't got the time
340
00:14:57,901 --> 00:15:00,101
for anyone's stupid fucking
bullshit, you know?
341
00:15:00,141 --> 00:15:01,141
OK, yeah.
342
00:15:01,181 --> 00:15:03,181
But let's watch your language
in front of Lauren, though,
343
00:15:03,221 --> 00:15:06,341
Peggy, please, because they're
very corruptible at that age.
344
00:15:06,381 --> 00:15:08,621
GENTLE SNORING
345
00:15:28,341 --> 00:15:29,981
PHONE BEEPS
346
00:15:33,781 --> 00:15:34,861
BEEP
347
00:15:34,901 --> 00:15:36,901
MUSIC PLAYS
348
00:15:38,541 --> 00:15:40,061
INCOMING CALL BEEPS
349
00:15:41,221 --> 00:15:43,021
INCOMING CALL BEEPS
350
00:15:43,061 --> 00:15:45,021
Hi, Mum. You OK?
351
00:15:45,061 --> 00:15:46,701
Did my song come through to you?
352
00:15:46,741 --> 00:15:49,941
I'm sorry.
I just needed a little pick-me-up.
353
00:15:51,701 --> 00:15:53,581
Broke up with Russell last night.
354
00:15:53,621 --> 00:15:55,021
Oh, no.
355
00:15:55,061 --> 00:15:57,261
I just won't love him
like I did your dad.
356
00:15:58,221 --> 00:16:01,381
I'd rather be on me own
than force it with the wrong bloke.
357
00:16:01,421 --> 00:16:03,861
And now Shan's gone and you've gone,
358
00:16:03,901 --> 00:16:06,581
I just think I need to find myself
a bit, you know.
359
00:16:06,621 --> 00:16:07,781
Of course.
360
00:16:07,821 --> 00:16:09,381
So, I've booked a ticket
361
00:16:09,421 --> 00:16:11,421
to go travelling
round South America.
362
00:16:11,461 --> 00:16:12,781
What?!
363
00:16:12,821 --> 00:16:14,021
Kidding.
364
00:16:14,061 --> 00:16:16,061
Nah, I'm going to bingo
with Nan later.
365
00:16:16,101 --> 00:16:19,941
Now, in case it goes badly tonight,
do you want to read a poem of mine?
366
00:16:19,981 --> 00:16:21,021
Nah.
367
00:16:21,061 --> 00:16:22,221
There was a man from Harrow
368
00:16:22,261 --> 00:16:24,621
Who tried to have sex
with a sparrow
369
00:16:24,661 --> 00:16:26,861
The sparrow said, "No,
You can't have a go
370
00:16:26,901 --> 00:16:28,501
"Cos the 'ole in my arse
is too narrow."
371
00:16:28,541 --> 00:16:29,741
HE ENDS CALL
372
00:16:29,781 --> 00:16:31,461
Hello?
373
00:16:31,501 --> 00:16:34,861
So, before my poetry reading,
we had one more reading to go to.
374
00:16:34,901 --> 00:16:36,181
Yemi's will.
375
00:16:36,221 --> 00:16:39,861
To Jack, I leave sanitised and
sterilised sexual paraphernalia
376
00:16:39,901 --> 00:16:41,581
from my webcamming box.
377
00:16:41,621 --> 00:16:43,781
Right, thank you, Yemi.
378
00:16:43,821 --> 00:16:47,621
To Corinne, I leave my unexpired
condoms and lube...
379
00:16:47,661 --> 00:16:48,781
OK. Why?
380
00:16:48,821 --> 00:16:50,141
WHISPERS: Cos your room's
next to mine
381
00:16:50,181 --> 00:16:52,021
and I haven't heard any action
in weeks.
382
00:16:53,981 --> 00:16:57,421
And to Danny...I leave all
the stuff straight boys from Grindr
383
00:16:57,461 --> 00:16:58,781
have left in my room.
384
00:16:58,821 --> 00:17:00,541
OK, yeah, protein powder.
385
00:17:00,581 --> 00:17:01,621
HE GASPS
386
00:17:01,661 --> 00:17:03,941
A Caffe Nero loyalty card
and it's nearly complete!
387
00:17:09,341 --> 00:17:11,221
Nuts magazine?
388
00:17:12,501 --> 00:17:13,941
Wow.
389
00:17:13,981 --> 00:17:16,741
They just don't make quality print
media like this any more, you know.
390
00:17:16,781 --> 00:17:18,421
Yemi, we'll definitely come
and visit
391
00:17:18,461 --> 00:17:19,821
as soon as our dissos are done.
392
00:17:19,861 --> 00:17:21,461
Yeah, yeah, and, like,
we'll come in June
393
00:17:21,501 --> 00:17:22,861
and we'll do FaceTime calls and...
394
00:17:22,901 --> 00:17:25,061
Look...I love you all.
395
00:17:26,741 --> 00:17:29,661
But we're gonna grow
and find new friends,
396
00:17:29,701 --> 00:17:31,021
other friends,
397
00:17:31,061 --> 00:17:32,301
and that's OK.
398
00:17:33,341 --> 00:17:36,021
I won't leave be leaving
the Blue Shed WhatsApp group,
399
00:17:36,061 --> 00:17:37,941
but I can't promise
I won't put it on mute.
400
00:17:37,981 --> 00:17:41,421
Yemi! You can't mute Blue Sheddies.
401
00:17:49,021 --> 00:17:50,981
Friends, comrades,
402
00:17:51,021 --> 00:17:52,381
I'm Bamboo Armitage.
403
00:17:52,421 --> 00:17:53,421
SNIGGERING
404
00:17:55,181 --> 00:17:59,461
I won't say too much because
today is about a safe space
405
00:17:59,501 --> 00:18:03,061
for the creative exchange
of fresh words
406
00:18:03,101 --> 00:18:05,221
from new voices
407
00:18:05,261 --> 00:18:09,421
and brave perspectives.
408
00:18:09,461 --> 00:18:12,501
And someone who is all three
409
00:18:12,541 --> 00:18:14,461
is our first poet.
410
00:18:14,501 --> 00:18:17,061
Please welcome Daisy Mould.
411
00:18:17,101 --> 00:18:18,261
FINGERS CLICK
412
00:18:18,301 --> 00:18:19,701
What's with all the clicking?
413
00:18:19,741 --> 00:18:21,661
I don't know. Just do it.
Why are you doing it?
414
00:18:21,701 --> 00:18:24,581
This piece is called
Princess Die, Die, Die
415
00:18:24,621 --> 00:18:27,621
Let me tell you why, why, why...
416
00:18:27,661 --> 00:18:31,781
Electra and her bulging tits
417
00:18:31,821 --> 00:18:34,901
Eyes like Penelope's arse...
418
00:18:34,941 --> 00:18:37,141
See it, say it, slaughtered
419
00:18:37,181 --> 00:18:38,701
I'm drunk on the tube again...
420
00:18:38,741 --> 00:18:40,101
A cheeky piece from me.
421
00:18:40,141 --> 00:18:41,461
Smoked a little doob again...
422
00:18:41,501 --> 00:18:43,941
This was part of a campaign
423
00:18:43,981 --> 00:18:47,541
for a small multinational
corporate bank.
424
00:18:47,581 --> 00:18:49,661
Haiku number 603.
425
00:18:49,701 --> 00:18:51,341
604.
426
00:18:51,381 --> 00:18:52,661
605.
427
00:18:52,701 --> 00:18:56,061
It's called
'Sup To My Fellow Commuters.
428
00:18:56,101 --> 00:19:00,341
Here's to the sausage-munchers,
429
00:19:00,381 --> 00:19:02,781
the boot-shiners,
430
00:19:02,821 --> 00:19:04,581
the nine-to-fivers...
431
00:19:05,941 --> 00:19:07,421
..and the dreamers...
432
00:19:07,461 --> 00:19:08,741
Fucking white people.
433
00:19:08,781 --> 00:19:12,261
Right, next up now
is the urgent, vital
434
00:19:12,301 --> 00:19:15,581
and authentic voice of Jack.
435
00:19:15,621 --> 00:19:16,821
FINGERS CLICK
436
00:19:16,861 --> 00:19:18,701
Yes. Yay. Whoo.
437
00:19:18,741 --> 00:19:20,101
Trigger warning... Go on, Jack.
438
00:19:20,141 --> 00:19:23,381
This was a real poem
I really did perform...for real.
439
00:19:23,421 --> 00:19:26,421
When I was 14
440
00:19:26,461 --> 00:19:28,941
the McCanns lost their Maddie...
441
00:19:28,981 --> 00:19:30,821
ALL GASP
When I was 16,
442
00:19:30,861 --> 00:19:32,981
cancer went and took my daddy
443
00:19:33,021 --> 00:19:37,381
And when I was 18
everybody was a baddy
444
00:19:37,421 --> 00:19:39,981
Cos what I'd lost
445
00:19:40,021 --> 00:19:41,741
Could never now be found.
446
00:19:41,781 --> 00:19:43,621
Ooh. Ooh-hoo.
447
00:19:43,661 --> 00:19:47,341
You made a Madeleine McCann joke.
What no, it's a poem.
448
00:19:47,381 --> 00:19:49,461
No, everyone thinks you made
a Madeleine McCann joke.
449
00:19:49,501 --> 00:19:51,941
That's why the host threw
a three-minute silence for her.
450
00:19:51,981 --> 00:19:53,021
Hmm, it was quite moving.
451
00:19:53,061 --> 00:19:55,221
Oh, God, everyone needs
to get over themselves.
452
00:19:55,261 --> 00:19:56,701
She's been gone years.
453
00:19:56,741 --> 00:20:00,221
I was just trying to make the point
that my dad won't be found,
454
00:20:00,261 --> 00:20:02,581
cos, like, he's properly missing.
455
00:20:02,621 --> 00:20:03,701
And...
456
00:20:05,141 --> 00:20:06,781
..daddy rhymes with Maddie.
457
00:20:06,821 --> 00:20:08,861
You, like, actually disgust me.
458
00:20:10,861 --> 00:20:12,261
Oh, Lucien...
459
00:20:16,141 --> 00:20:17,541
Jack... Oh...
460
00:20:17,581 --> 00:20:19,781
Oh! Oh, fuck all you,
461
00:20:19,821 --> 00:20:23,741
you bunch of oversensitive
stupid-named aggy little c...
462
00:20:25,141 --> 00:20:27,541
Honestly, mate, don't get upset.
463
00:20:27,581 --> 00:20:28,581
It's Christmas!
464
00:20:30,221 --> 00:20:31,821
Look, they were just being
465
00:20:31,861 --> 00:20:34,781
oversensitive, pretentious rich kids
doing fake Hackney accents.
466
00:20:36,061 --> 00:20:37,941
Apart from that Princess Diana
girl -
467
00:20:37,981 --> 00:20:39,421
she was switched on.
468
00:20:39,461 --> 00:20:40,621
Cooeeeey!
469
00:20:40,661 --> 00:20:42,141
Don't do that.
CLATTERING
470
00:20:43,821 --> 00:20:46,341
Did someone call for the Elton John?
471
00:20:46,381 --> 00:20:49,261
Oh, Jules, I've finally got
my topic, by the way. Oooh.
472
00:20:49,301 --> 00:20:51,301
Yeah, I'm doing it on
the death of the lads' mag.
473
00:20:51,341 --> 00:20:55,181
Oh, my God.
I used to love Nuts magazine.
474
00:20:55,221 --> 00:20:57,141
Everyone said
it was really misogynistic
475
00:20:57,181 --> 00:20:59,221
but they used to pay me so well.
476
00:21:01,701 --> 00:21:03,781
GENTLE MUSIC
477
00:21:03,821 --> 00:21:06,421
And so as part of Yemi's
last wishes,
478
00:21:06,461 --> 00:21:10,261
he asked for a nonverbal
yet fittingly emotional
479
00:21:10,301 --> 00:21:11,861
final goodbye,
480
00:21:11,901 --> 00:21:13,221
and that's what we gave him.
481
00:21:18,981 --> 00:21:20,661
Uh! Yemi, wait.
482
00:21:22,141 --> 00:21:23,301
Oi! Dickhead!
483
00:21:25,421 --> 00:21:27,541
What the fuck am I gonna do
without you?
484
00:21:33,701 --> 00:21:36,381
You're going to look
after those boys. Yeah.
485
00:21:36,421 --> 00:21:38,781
You're gonna have an amazing
last term.
486
00:21:38,821 --> 00:21:41,141
You're gonna be fine.
487
00:21:41,181 --> 00:21:44,421
Check your inbox. I've sent you my
private Instagram.
488
00:21:44,461 --> 00:21:46,101
Don't tell them.
489
00:21:46,141 --> 00:21:49,741
Why the fuck haven't I had that
for the last three years?!
490
00:21:55,461 --> 00:21:58,501
All right, I got you a little
Christmas pressie,
491
00:21:58,541 --> 00:22:02,341
and I'm sorry, cos I know that
wee drifted these last few months.
492
00:22:02,381 --> 00:22:05,661
No, mate, I... I owe you an apology.
493
00:22:05,701 --> 00:22:08,901
I was just a bit jealous
you were coupled off
494
00:22:08,941 --> 00:22:11,061
and I was feeling lonely.
495
00:22:11,101 --> 00:22:13,701
Well, I'm sorry that I laughed
when your poetry book
496
00:22:13,741 --> 00:22:15,941
got knocked into the lake
on your birthday.
497
00:22:15,981 --> 00:22:18,461
Wait, how did you know
about my poetry book?
498
00:22:18,501 --> 00:22:20,861
Well, I knew you were
secretly writing last year,
499
00:22:20,901 --> 00:22:23,301
and then when you were drying
you bag on the radiator,
500
00:22:23,341 --> 00:22:26,541
I had a sneaky look and I copied
it all out for you again.
501
00:22:26,581 --> 00:22:29,941
And them stories and poems about
your dad, mate, they're brilliant.
502
00:22:29,981 --> 00:22:31,861
I mean, sure you ain't taking
the piss?
503
00:22:31,901 --> 00:22:33,181
Mate, hands up, honestly.
504
00:22:33,221 --> 00:22:36,221
I mean, look, poetry literally makes
my arsehole go up inside myself
505
00:22:36,261 --> 00:22:39,341
and you need to retire that
Maddie McCann poem yesterday.
506
00:22:41,341 --> 00:22:43,061
Took me fucking ages, so be careful.
507
00:22:44,261 --> 00:22:47,181
Oh, my God. Thank you so much.
508
00:22:47,221 --> 00:22:49,061
SHE SIGHS
509
00:22:51,901 --> 00:22:53,821
I'm just going to really miss him.
510
00:22:56,181 --> 00:22:57,461
Hello!
511
00:22:57,501 --> 00:22:59,741
Hi, friends. Yes...
512
00:22:59,781 --> 00:23:02,101
So just a slight hitch in my plans.
513
00:23:02,141 --> 00:23:04,741
There's actually weekend
engineering works on the tube
514
00:23:04,781 --> 00:23:07,021
so I can't go anywhere.
STIRRING MUSIC
515
00:23:07,061 --> 00:23:08,621
You have me for one more night.
516
00:23:08,661 --> 00:23:10,181
CHEERING
517
00:23:12,101 --> 00:23:13,661
You evil b...
518
00:23:13,701 --> 00:23:17,341
Oh, sorry, yeah... It's a bit...
emosh, isn't it, that one? Yeah.
519
00:23:19,421 --> 00:23:20,861
# MC am I, people call me up
520
00:23:20,901 --> 00:23:23,021
# When I rock the party,
you bust a nut
521
00:23:23,061 --> 00:23:25,301
# Feadz is breaking out the beat
522
00:23:25,341 --> 00:23:27,381
# Shit be hotter than me
523
00:23:27,421 --> 00:23:29,421
# Me and he, our crew's a militia
524
00:23:29,461 --> 00:23:31,861
# Better watch out,
my clan gets vicious
525
00:23:31,901 --> 00:23:33,661
# Bad-ass bitch, I'm rated X
526
00:23:33,701 --> 00:23:35,901
# I'm gifted, ain't gotta sell sex
527
00:23:35,941 --> 00:23:38,021
# Cross the beach onto the street
528
00:23:38,061 --> 00:23:40,021
# Gotta work hard, no room to cheat
529
00:23:40,061 --> 00:23:42,341
# Crunk and grime,
that's my bloodline
530
00:23:42,381 --> 00:23:44,621
# Feadz is mixing, Uffie's shouting
531
00:23:44,661 --> 00:23:46,181
# Uff is banging... #
532
00:23:46,221 --> 00:23:47,981
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