Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:02,021 --> 00:00:06,261
This programme contains very
strong language, scenes of drug use
and adult humour from the start
2
00:00:06,301 --> 00:00:09,781
Shannon's in labour. We gotta go
hospital! I want my nan! I'm sorry.
3
00:00:09,821 --> 00:00:12,541
I love you, Nanny Bingo.
4
00:00:12,581 --> 00:00:15,981
Hello, hello. Oh, hello, hello.
5
00:00:16,021 --> 00:00:17,941
I put my nan into a care home,
which is hard.
6
00:00:17,981 --> 00:00:19,781
It's sad, innit, yeah, but...
7
00:00:19,821 --> 00:00:21,861
How are you going to fucking live
with yourself?
8
00:00:21,901 --> 00:00:23,061
N'night, Laurie.
9
00:00:23,101 --> 00:00:25,301
You deserve to be happy and loved.
10
00:00:25,341 --> 00:00:27,501
Aww, Russell. Cheers.
11
00:00:27,541 --> 00:00:29,621
Do you know what happens
to full-time fashion graduates?
12
00:00:29,661 --> 00:00:32,061
Mothercare. Mamas and Papas.
Matalan.
13
00:00:35,741 --> 00:00:36,821
What do I do?
14
00:00:36,861 --> 00:00:38,301
Don't, don't. It's done.
15
00:00:38,341 --> 00:00:40,461
I will always choose you,
Danny King.
16
00:00:40,501 --> 00:00:43,021
I'll always choose you, Soppy Girl.
17
00:00:43,061 --> 00:00:44,461
Mmm, salty.
18
00:00:46,461 --> 00:00:48,541
The summer of 2015.
19
00:00:48,581 --> 00:00:51,981
Pre-Brexit, pre-Covid,
pre-air fryers.
20
00:00:52,021 --> 00:00:53,941
It was a happier, simpler time.
21
00:00:53,981 --> 00:00:57,221
And, for my 21st birthday,
we put away our phones,
22
00:00:57,261 --> 00:01:02,301
muted our Grindr notifications
and immersed ourselves in nature.
23
00:01:02,341 --> 00:01:04,221
God, look - it's a turd.
24
00:01:04,261 --> 00:01:05,781
There's a floater
25
00:01:05,821 --> 00:01:08,981
Oh, no, wait. That's just
a Newcy Brown Ale bottle.
26
00:01:09,021 --> 00:01:10,701
So how's things going with Corinne?
27
00:01:10,741 --> 00:01:12,421
Yeah, I'm loving it.
28
00:01:12,461 --> 00:01:15,021
You know, I think we've got
this real, like, genuine,
29
00:01:15,061 --> 00:01:17,661
like, trusting intimacy,
you know?
30
00:01:17,701 --> 00:01:20,141
Is it big? Ugh.
31
00:01:20,181 --> 00:01:23,501
It's-it's not BIG big, as such,
but...
32
00:01:24,541 --> 00:01:27,821
..you know, it's really nice
and it's just...it's right for me.
33
00:01:27,861 --> 00:01:29,581
I mean, look,
it is a lot of pressure.
34
00:01:29,621 --> 00:01:31,381
You know, I've not been in
a relationship like this
35
00:01:31,421 --> 00:01:33,141
in a while but, you know,
I respect her.
36
00:01:33,181 --> 00:01:35,461
He has the most incredible arse. Mm.
37
00:01:35,501 --> 00:01:37,381
Like, I don't know
if he'd ever let me peg him,
38
00:01:37,421 --> 00:01:39,861
but the thought
casts adrift my mind.
39
00:01:39,901 --> 00:01:42,381
I suppose I'm secretly terrified
40
00:01:42,421 --> 00:01:45,101
but I guess that's what falling
in love with someone's like.
41
00:01:45,141 --> 00:01:46,981
You know, you've just got
to get out your comfort zone.
42
00:01:47,021 --> 00:01:48,421
We tried piss play.
43
00:01:48,461 --> 00:01:49,821
What?! Did you like it?
44
00:01:49,861 --> 00:01:51,541
I'd give it two stars, to be honest.
45
00:01:51,581 --> 00:01:53,461
Yeah, the clean-up
was a bit of a faff.
46
00:01:53,501 --> 00:01:55,181
What about you, Jacky boy?
How's your love life?
47
00:01:55,221 --> 00:01:56,581
You still chatting up
that Oscar lad?
48
00:01:56,621 --> 00:01:58,421
He's fucking an underwear model.
Oh,
49
00:01:58,461 --> 00:02:02,261
The lad's got a massive bulge.
I just can't compete with that.
50
00:02:02,301 --> 00:02:04,381
What have I told you?
51
00:02:04,421 --> 00:02:06,421
It's not about the bulge
on the outside.
52
00:02:08,221 --> 00:02:10,261
It's the bulge on
the inside that counts.
53
00:02:12,021 --> 00:02:13,461
I don't know what I mean by that.
54
00:02:13,501 --> 00:02:16,461
HE SIGHS
I just feel like I'm 21,
55
00:02:16,501 --> 00:02:18,981
I still haven't lost
my penetrative virginity,
56
00:02:19,021 --> 00:02:21,501
and it's like, how do I have
a contactless debit card
57
00:02:21,541 --> 00:02:23,421
and I still haven't been bummed?
58
00:02:23,461 --> 00:02:25,501
HE LAUGHS
59
00:02:25,541 --> 00:02:28,141
HE THUDS AGAINST SEAT
Oh, fuck's sake, Danny!Whoa!
60
00:02:28,181 --> 00:02:31,301
Get it out!
All right, all right. Now.
61
00:02:31,341 --> 00:02:33,341
Urgh. Jesus.
There's barely anything in it.
62
00:02:33,381 --> 00:02:35,261
Yes, there is, Danny.
63
00:02:35,301 --> 00:02:38,661
For fuck's sake. Not-not everything
has to be laddy fucking banter,
64
00:02:38,701 --> 00:02:42,221
all right? All right, chill out.
It was an accident.
65
00:02:42,261 --> 00:02:43,261
No need to be a...
66
00:02:43,301 --> 00:02:45,821
BINGO CALLER: Prick on my knee! 23.
67
00:02:45,861 --> 00:02:47,141
How ya doin', Nan?
68
00:02:47,181 --> 00:02:49,221
Shut up. I'm doing well. Shut up.
Soz.
69
00:02:49,261 --> 00:02:53,621
One fat lady
with a walking stick. 81.
70
00:02:53,661 --> 00:02:56,021
I do wish they wouldn't fat shame
the number eight.
71
00:02:56,061 --> 00:03:00,861
My wife's a cancer
on all our lives. 65.
72
00:03:00,901 --> 00:03:02,621
That's number 65.
73
00:03:07,021 --> 00:03:09,501
You've a Code Two, Shan.
74
00:03:09,541 --> 00:03:12,421
Oh, my God. Code Two alert. Yep.
75
00:03:12,461 --> 00:03:14,541
Tweak of the thumb, 51.
76
00:03:14,581 --> 00:03:16,981
Red raw, 64.
77
00:03:17,021 --> 00:03:20,061
Down on your knees, 43.
78
00:03:20,101 --> 00:03:23,221
Granny's getting frisky,
it's number 60!
79
00:03:23,261 --> 00:03:27,341
THEY SCREAM
80
00:03:27,381 --> 00:03:31,621
FUCKING BINGOOOOOOOOOOOO!
81
00:03:38,581 --> 00:03:41,581
Mum threw me a 21st B-day buffet
82
00:03:41,621 --> 00:03:45,021
which got upstaged by my cousin,
Shannon, winning....
83
00:03:45,061 --> 00:03:47,541
๏ฟฝ17,000!
84
00:03:47,581 --> 00:03:49,981
I know - it's a life-changing
amount of money.
85
00:03:50,021 --> 00:03:51,021
That's not that much.
86
00:03:51,061 --> 00:03:52,381
You're secretly a Tory
and I hate it.
87
00:03:52,421 --> 00:03:54,141
So I'm going to spend some of it
on setting up
88
00:03:54,181 --> 00:03:56,941
ShanAndNan-nigans Party Planners
LTD Incorporated
89
00:03:56,981 --> 00:04:01,941
and then an all-incluse
holibobs-your-uncle to Greece.
90
00:04:01,981 --> 00:04:03,421
And you're all invited!
91
00:04:03,461 --> 00:04:04,541
What? Yes!
92
00:04:04,581 --> 00:04:06,501
You're not ALL invited.
You lot, no.
93
00:04:06,541 --> 00:04:08,901
Just invest it, Shan.
94
00:04:08,941 --> 00:04:12,621
What in? oil and gas?
Nan, please, the world's on fire.
95
00:04:12,661 --> 00:04:14,141
Have you not heard
of climate change?
96
00:04:14,181 --> 00:04:17,701
No, instead,
we are all flying to Greece.
97
00:04:17,741 --> 00:04:19,061
Nan's right, Shan.
98
00:04:19,101 --> 00:04:21,701
Well, Nan isn't coming, is she?
Because she doesn't fly
99
00:04:21,741 --> 00:04:24,141
ever since Jack made her watch
that 9/11 documentary.
100
00:04:24,181 --> 00:04:25,181
Sorry, Nan.
101
00:04:25,221 --> 00:04:28,221
I just really want to connect
with my late father's culture.
102
00:04:28,261 --> 00:04:30,901
You know, I just want to celebrate
the fact that I'm actually Greek.
103
00:04:30,941 --> 00:04:32,381
You're barely Greek.
104
00:04:32,421 --> 00:04:34,501
You're not the only one
with a dead dad, Jack, all right?
105
00:04:34,541 --> 00:04:37,421
I have a dead dad, too - I just
don't go on about it every day.
106
00:04:41,261 --> 00:04:42,661
I'm sorry about saying that,
107
00:04:42,701 --> 00:04:44,381
but there's loads
of gay bars in Faliraki -
108
00:04:44,421 --> 00:04:45,901
you're going to love it.
109
00:04:45,941 --> 00:04:49,341
Now, as an apology,
you can bring one pal.
110
00:04:49,381 --> 00:04:51,821
Yemi. I need a wingman.
111
00:04:51,861 --> 00:04:54,981
Fine. I'll come to sit on
the beach and read.
112
00:04:55,021 --> 00:04:56,821
You'll love
the hairy Greek guys, Jack.
113
00:04:56,861 --> 00:05:00,261
You're pulling pubes out your teeth
for days, but...the meat?
114
00:05:00,301 --> 00:05:01,821
What's your favourite type
of hols, then?
115
00:05:01,861 --> 00:05:04,501
Well, I love wild camping
in the Highlands.
116
00:05:04,541 --> 00:05:07,941
Yeah, just exposed,
against the elements,
117
00:05:07,981 --> 00:05:10,581
and, like, reconnecting with nature.
You?
118
00:05:11,621 --> 00:05:12,901
Ayia Napa is sick.
119
00:05:12,941 --> 00:05:15,221
Hey, Corranny...
Urgh, please don't call us that.
120
00:05:15,261 --> 00:05:16,581
I like it. OK.
121
00:05:16,621 --> 00:05:18,861
Well, you're v-v welcome to join.
122
00:05:18,901 --> 00:05:21,941
Aww. Really? But, um...
I can only cover airport transfers.
123
00:05:21,981 --> 00:05:23,981
Yeah, of course. Like,
I've actually got some savings
124
00:05:24,021 --> 00:05:25,661
and I'd love to take
the missus on holiday.
125
00:05:25,701 --> 00:05:27,061
Oh, please don't call me
"the missus".
126
00:05:27,101 --> 00:05:28,541
Although I am
financially dependent on you
127
00:05:28,581 --> 00:05:30,541
until my Student Loan comes in.
Are you?
128
00:05:30,581 --> 00:05:32,661
I thought all uni was all free
if you're from Scotland?
129
00:05:32,701 --> 00:05:33,941
Only if you study in Scotland.
130
00:05:33,981 --> 00:05:36,341
LAUGHING: Right, well, you're
a silly cow, then, aren't you?
131
00:05:36,381 --> 00:05:39,181
Oh, you lot crack me up,
getting into all that debt.
132
00:05:39,221 --> 00:05:41,781
You're still paying your
Wonga payday loans, aren't you?
133
00:05:42,981 --> 00:05:45,541
What have I told you
about mentioning Wonga?
134
00:05:45,581 --> 00:05:48,581
You just have to ruin
your birthday for me, don't you?
135
00:05:48,621 --> 00:05:51,221
MUSIC: Don't Mug Yourself
by The Streets
136
00:05:51,261 --> 00:05:53,101
# A new day, another morning after
137
00:05:53,141 --> 00:05:56,501
# Leanin' back on my chair
in a greasy spoon cafeteria
138
00:05:56,541 --> 00:05:59,781
# Last night was some
beer-lairy-ness done our way
139
00:05:59,821 --> 00:06:01,701
# But again, we're back
in the light of day... #
140
00:06:01,741 --> 00:06:03,861
Oh, no. Oh, no!
141
00:06:03,901 --> 00:06:07,141
I'm... Guys...
Guys, I'm stuck in the thing.
142
00:06:07,181 --> 00:06:08,661
Ow, Danny. Oh, sorry.
143
00:06:08,701 --> 00:06:11,181
Why is the suitcase so big?
We're here four nights.
144
00:06:11,221 --> 00:06:13,941
You'll find out, all right? Just go
in with them. I won't be a sec.
145
00:06:13,981 --> 00:06:16,421
No, I don't like it.
I don't like it in here!
146
00:06:16,461 --> 00:06:17,941
Right, Jack, help me.
147
00:06:17,981 --> 00:06:20,261
Corinne! Stop push...
148
00:06:20,301 --> 00:06:22,861
# You need to hold it down, Jack,
put your phone back
149
00:06:22,901 --> 00:06:25,421
# Quit starin' into space
and eat your snack, that's that
150
00:06:25,461 --> 00:06:28,341
# She'll want you much more
for not hangin' on
151
00:06:28,381 --> 00:06:30,661
# Stop me if I'm wrong,
stop me if I'm wrong... #
152
00:06:32,341 --> 00:06:34,181
This is all so,
so generous of you, Shan.
153
00:06:34,221 --> 00:06:35,221
Yeah.
154
00:06:36,541 --> 00:06:39,101
It's our holiday.
BABY COOS
155
00:06:41,181 --> 00:06:43,941
Er, excuse me, Rolf Harris?
156
00:06:43,981 --> 00:06:45,621
Sorry, sorry. I thought...
157
00:06:47,981 --> 00:06:50,101
Are we not all staying
in a big family bed?
158
00:06:50,141 --> 00:06:53,101
Oh, my God, Tariq.
We haven't even had a first date.
159
00:06:53,141 --> 00:06:54,661
We had a kebab in my van?.
160
00:06:54,701 --> 00:06:57,781
No, that was a legally advised
informal meeting
161
00:06:57,821 --> 00:07:00,141
to discuss the terms
of our co-parenting.
162
00:07:00,181 --> 00:07:01,861
Sorry, I just...
I just presumed that we...
163
00:07:01,901 --> 00:07:03,341
Right, well, never presume.
164
00:07:03,381 --> 00:07:05,461
It makes an ass out of you and me.
165
00:07:08,821 --> 00:07:11,581
Sorry, Jack. I'll have the baby
monitor next to my bed,
166
00:07:11,621 --> 00:07:14,621
and I do suffer
with severe sleep apnoea.
167
00:07:14,661 --> 00:07:16,261
Hope that's OK.
168
00:07:27,141 --> 00:07:29,501
SHE CHUCKLES
169
00:07:29,541 --> 00:07:30,821
Aww...
170
00:07:36,101 --> 00:07:37,461
Miss Gahimiri?
171
00:07:39,981 --> 00:07:42,741
Huh!
# Ta-da! #
172
00:07:42,781 --> 00:07:44,541
I hope this is a joke.
173
00:07:45,941 --> 00:07:46,941
No.
174
00:07:48,341 --> 00:07:51,261
I mean, you said how much you love,
you know, wild camping and...
175
00:07:51,301 --> 00:07:52,861
I mean, the hotel was a bit
on the spenny side,
176
00:07:52,901 --> 00:07:56,301
so I thought, you know, why not
fuse your favourite holiday...
177
00:07:57,501 --> 00:08:00,461
..with the delights
of outdoor Greece?
178
00:08:00,501 --> 00:08:03,421
It is 36 degrees, Danny.
179
00:08:03,461 --> 00:08:07,621
FLIES BUZZ
Yeah, it's hot.
180
00:08:07,661 --> 00:08:09,221
It's boiling.
181
00:08:09,261 --> 00:08:11,501
It'll be cooler in there.
182
00:08:11,541 --> 00:08:12,581
Ah...
183
00:08:12,621 --> 00:08:15,141
Oh, my God, I'm melting. Oh, it is,
it's bad. It is bad. It's awful.
184
00:08:15,181 --> 00:08:16,941
Do you think you're going to
be able to have sex with me?
185
00:08:16,981 --> 00:08:18,781
I drank a lot of water before.
I don't want that on top of me.
186
00:08:18,821 --> 00:08:20,301
We're not allowed to use
the hotel shower. But...
187
00:08:20,341 --> 00:08:21,501
So where are we supposed to wash?
188
00:08:21,541 --> 00:08:23,181
And if you fucking say,
"The sea," Danny,
189
00:08:23,221 --> 00:08:25,701
I... Honest, I swear to god...
190
00:08:25,741 --> 00:08:27,581
Is that honestly where you thought
we were gonna wash?!
191
00:08:27,621 --> 00:08:29,581
Obviously I was gonna say the sea!
What else was I gonna say?
192
00:08:29,621 --> 00:08:31,141
You turned your nose up
at the neck fan...
193
00:08:31,181 --> 00:08:33,741
Get that away from me.
..and we've not even... Just...
194
00:08:33,781 --> 00:08:35,501
FAN WHIRS QUIETLY
195
00:08:42,301 --> 00:08:43,621
Hmph!
196
00:08:49,541 --> 00:08:51,061
What a plonker.
CORINNE SOBS
197
00:08:52,501 --> 00:08:53,981
You are staying with me.
198
00:08:56,101 --> 00:08:59,061
Shall we have a spliff
on the balcony? Mm?
199
00:08:59,101 --> 00:09:01,701
I smuggled in some hash
in my carry-on.
200
00:09:01,741 --> 00:09:03,661
Yes, please. Yes?
201
00:09:08,381 --> 00:09:10,381
Ooooh! Yeah.
202
00:09:10,421 --> 00:09:13,181
Oh! Thank you.
203
00:09:13,221 --> 00:09:14,861
Shannon... Yeah?
204
00:09:14,901 --> 00:09:17,621
..what drove you to set up
your own party-planning company?
205
00:09:17,661 --> 00:09:19,461
Aww, Yemi. Um...
206
00:09:19,501 --> 00:09:22,541
I love a party, I love a plan,
207
00:09:22,581 --> 00:09:26,221
and I love working for me,
although ultimately the main goal
208
00:09:26,261 --> 00:09:28,421
is to be Lord Sugar's
next Apprentice, so...
209
00:09:28,461 --> 00:09:31,181
So, Yemi, you thinking
of starting your own business, then?
210
00:09:31,221 --> 00:09:34,741
Yep. My dream
is my own forward-thinking,
211
00:09:34,781 --> 00:09:37,141
convention-challenging
womenswear brand.
212
00:09:37,181 --> 00:09:38,861
Wow!
213
00:09:38,901 --> 00:09:40,581
Do you like my Bonmarche kaftan?
214
00:09:40,621 --> 00:09:42,501
Cos I think that's pretty
convention challenging?
215
00:09:42,541 --> 00:09:44,461
Yeah, it's, um... Yeah.
216
00:09:44,501 --> 00:09:46,541
Yeah, I'll a design kaftan one day -
you can model.
217
00:09:47,901 --> 00:09:50,421
Did you hear that, Pegs? Yeah!
Oh, my God!
218
00:09:50,461 --> 00:09:51,581
Tariq, did you hear that?
219
00:09:51,621 --> 00:09:52,861
OVER MONITOR: Yeah. It's amazing.
220
00:09:52,901 --> 00:09:54,021
Did you hear that, Jack?
221
00:09:54,061 --> 00:09:58,101
Yes, we all fucking heard it!
We're all literally sat together!
222
00:09:59,741 --> 00:10:01,181
OK.
223
00:10:03,021 --> 00:10:05,341
What's the story in Balamory?
224
00:10:05,381 --> 00:10:08,861
Oh, I don't know,
maybe sharing a room with four men,
225
00:10:08,901 --> 00:10:11,061
one of whom snores
like he cannot breathe.
226
00:10:11,101 --> 00:10:13,141
TARIQ: Sorry. I am waiting for
227
00:10:13,181 --> 00:10:15,541
an NHS procedure
to widen my left nostril.
228
00:10:15,581 --> 00:10:18,741
Ooh! Daniel Craig at 12 o'clock.
229
00:10:23,661 --> 00:10:25,501
Is Danny' middle name Craig?
230
00:10:29,981 --> 00:10:31,141
Oh, my God.
231
00:10:31,181 --> 00:10:33,261
Wow. What a woman.
232
00:10:33,301 --> 00:10:35,981
She's like something
out of a Special K advert!
233
00:10:50,901 --> 00:10:53,661
She's been with those lads
for hours.
234
00:10:53,701 --> 00:10:55,701
Yes, noted.
235
00:10:59,181 --> 00:11:01,541
Do you know what? I reckon we should
all go to a gay bar tonight.
236
00:11:01,581 --> 00:11:03,061
You know? Or just...
237
00:11:03,101 --> 00:11:04,581
..anywhere where
there's less Greek fellas
238
00:11:04,621 --> 00:11:06,941
who clearly
want to just shag my girlfriend.
239
00:11:06,981 --> 00:11:07,981
Jack?
240
00:11:09,501 --> 00:11:11,461
Jack!
241
00:11:11,501 --> 00:11:13,581
Oh, my Christ!
242
00:11:13,621 --> 00:11:16,661
OTHERS CHUCKLE
243
00:11:16,701 --> 00:11:18,741
Your second-degree burns
aren't going down well
244
00:11:18,781 --> 00:11:20,621
with the Faliraki gay community.
245
00:11:20,661 --> 00:11:22,901
The Faliraki gay community
are amazing.
246
00:11:22,941 --> 00:11:25,421
I've just met a drag queen
called Sue Vlacki.
247
00:11:25,461 --> 00:11:26,741
Everyone keeps buying me drinks.
248
00:11:26,781 --> 00:11:28,581
Yeah, cos they think you're gay.
249
00:11:28,621 --> 00:11:30,821
Duh. I'm secure enough
in my sexuality
250
00:11:30,861 --> 00:11:32,741
not to worry
if people think I'm gay.
251
00:11:32,781 --> 00:11:35,181
And I can't help it, Jack,
if I'm the masculine Adonis
252
00:11:35,221 --> 00:11:36,541
of Greek gay boys' dreams.
253
00:11:38,341 --> 00:11:41,461
Maybe I should buy a guy a drink!
That's it.
254
00:11:41,501 --> 00:11:44,581
To be honest, Jack, I think
that may be your only tactic.
255
00:11:44,621 --> 00:11:48,021
Every guy here is very much giving
masc looking for masc, and you?
256
00:11:48,061 --> 00:11:49,141
You look like a prawn.
257
00:11:50,341 --> 00:11:52,341
TAP RUNS
258
00:11:55,661 --> 00:11:57,861
TAP STOPS
Right, Peg, bathroom's all yours.
259
00:11:57,901 --> 00:12:02,221
Oh, you look gorgeous.
Like a young Neneh Cherry.
260
00:12:02,261 --> 00:12:05,621
I don't know who that is,
but I bet she's as fit as fuck.
261
00:12:05,661 --> 00:12:07,461
THEY LAUGH
I won't be back late.
262
00:12:07,501 --> 00:12:09,101
Be as late as you like.
263
00:12:12,141 --> 00:12:13,141
CAMERA CLICKS
264
00:12:19,621 --> 00:12:20,701
Where's Corinne?
265
00:12:20,741 --> 00:12:23,061
The lesbians keep buying her shots.
266
00:12:24,981 --> 00:12:27,781
Oh...there she is.
267
00:12:27,821 --> 00:12:29,541
Hmm. You all right?
268
00:12:30,741 --> 00:12:32,141
Why aren't you chatting up
any Greek lads?
269
00:12:32,181 --> 00:12:33,461
I ain't seen you on Grindr once.
270
00:12:33,501 --> 00:12:37,021
Because I am here in Greece,
Danny, not for her but for here.
271
00:12:37,061 --> 00:12:40,741
And on holidays like these, Danny,
I am so often fetishised by gay men
272
00:12:40,781 --> 00:12:43,261
that I will no longer allow that
for myself.
273
00:12:43,301 --> 00:12:44,421
Look around.
274
00:12:44,461 --> 00:12:47,701
This place is whiter than being
outside the M25 on Christmas Day.
275
00:12:50,221 --> 00:12:51,421
Now, are you OK?
276
00:12:51,461 --> 00:12:52,941
Yeah.
277
00:12:52,981 --> 00:12:54,621
Yeah, yeah. We're...
278
00:12:55,701 --> 00:12:57,261
..very secure, so...
279
00:12:57,301 --> 00:13:00,541
THEY CHANT: Corinne! Corinne!
Corinne! Corinne!
280
00:13:00,581 --> 00:13:02,381
That's massive. I'm just...
281
00:13:03,981 --> 00:13:05,181
Ugh...
282
00:13:05,221 --> 00:13:07,741
Do you know Tariq
tried to kiss me yesterday?
283
00:13:07,781 --> 00:13:08,781
SHE SCOFFS
284
00:13:08,821 --> 00:13:11,261
It's like, "OK, we're not
on Hollyoaks Later or something."
285
00:13:11,301 --> 00:13:12,821
But you like him, don't you?
286
00:13:12,861 --> 00:13:15,861
What? No. What?
Where have you got that from?
287
00:13:15,901 --> 00:13:17,541
You had a baby together.
288
00:13:17,581 --> 00:13:19,141
Oh, right, OK!
289
00:13:19,181 --> 00:13:20,701
What, cos I have a baby
with someone,
290
00:13:20,741 --> 00:13:23,861
it means I'm just giving it away,
does it? It's 2015, Peggy.
291
00:13:23,901 --> 00:13:26,821
I think you need to read
some Caitlin Moran - immediately.
292
00:13:26,861 --> 00:13:30,021
Well, I don't understand
this modern dating.
293
00:13:30,061 --> 00:13:33,821
Russell has seen my towel selfie
and he ain't messaged me since.
294
00:13:33,861 --> 00:13:35,341
Really?
295
00:13:35,381 --> 00:13:36,781
Blue ticks, no reply.
296
00:13:36,821 --> 00:13:39,901
Oh, my God, that is a red flag,
Peggy. That's a flag de rouge.
297
00:13:39,941 --> 00:13:41,341
No. Get it up on Facey-B,
298
00:13:41,381 --> 00:13:43,621
get the likes coming in,
get the comments coming in -
299
00:13:43,661 --> 00:13:45,621
we'll show him
what he's missing out on.
300
00:13:50,621 --> 00:13:53,341
All right, geez.
How's it hanging, man?
301
00:13:53,381 --> 00:13:55,541
Er...OK.
302
00:13:55,581 --> 00:13:57,101
Do-do you want a drink?
303
00:13:57,141 --> 00:13:58,981
Er, yeah, mate, nice.
304
00:13:59,021 --> 00:14:03,861
I'm just a normal bloke,
so just a big...beer would do me.
305
00:14:05,581 --> 00:14:06,701
Er...
306
00:14:06,741 --> 00:14:10,301
Corinne! Can I have a chat?
307
00:14:10,341 --> 00:14:11,541
Yep.
308
00:14:12,861 --> 00:14:17,301
Are you, like, purposely trying
not to spend time with me, or...?
309
00:14:17,341 --> 00:14:18,941
Like, I know I fucked it
with the accommodation,
310
00:14:18,981 --> 00:14:21,101
but, like, I had good intent.
311
00:14:21,141 --> 00:14:22,381
Sorry, 'scuse the pun.
312
00:14:22,421 --> 00:14:26,301
What? You jumped around with
three Greek fellas all afternoon.
313
00:14:26,341 --> 00:14:27,861
The Greek fellas?
314
00:14:27,901 --> 00:14:30,501
Yep, the ones that I kept gesturing
for you to come and join,
315
00:14:30,541 --> 00:14:32,981
who are now all
snogging each other in the corner?
316
00:14:34,421 --> 00:14:35,421
Yep.
317
00:14:38,301 --> 00:14:39,901
Well, I mean... Yeah.
318
00:14:39,941 --> 00:14:41,941
..you're enjoying the attention
of these girls now.
319
00:14:41,981 --> 00:14:44,141
Oh, wow. Just cos I'm bi,
320
00:14:44,181 --> 00:14:46,021
then surely I must want to eat
all these girls out, right?
321
00:14:46,061 --> 00:14:47,821
You just munched through a kofte
with that one.
322
00:14:47,861 --> 00:14:49,461
You're ridiculous sometimes, Danny.
323
00:14:49,501 --> 00:14:52,221
If you're upset because I haven't
been spending enough time with you,
324
00:14:52,261 --> 00:14:54,221
then, yes, actually,
for that I'm sorry, OK?
325
00:14:54,261 --> 00:14:55,821
I was fucked off and I wanted space.
326
00:14:55,861 --> 00:14:58,541
But all your other qualms
can truly get to fuck.
327
00:14:59,661 --> 00:15:01,981
Sorry, can I just get my bag?
Nice to meet you.
328
00:15:02,021 --> 00:15:03,101
Corinne, I'm...
329
00:15:03,141 --> 00:15:05,141
So whilst you were in the doghouse,
330
00:15:05,181 --> 00:15:10,581
Dmitri here sweetly ordered me the
girliest, coldest drink possible.
331
00:15:10,621 --> 00:15:11,661
Argh!
332
00:15:11,701 --> 00:15:13,821
FISHBOWL SHATTERS
Argh, my skin!
333
00:15:14,901 --> 00:15:17,901
Ah... Oi! Ah, I'm sorry.
334
00:15:17,941 --> 00:15:19,901
Argh! Argh! All right, all right...
335
00:15:19,941 --> 00:15:22,141
It burns! It burns!
336
00:15:29,021 --> 00:15:33,061
Still no reply from Russell,
but my Facey-B is popping off.
337
00:15:33,101 --> 00:15:35,341
Oh, how many comments? Four.
338
00:15:35,381 --> 00:15:37,101
Fuck off. What they saying?
339
00:15:37,141 --> 00:15:41,581
Um... "Looks like you're having
a cheeky holiday."
340
00:15:41,621 --> 00:15:43,541
"Bottoms up, girl."
341
00:15:43,581 --> 00:15:46,581
Er, "Nice to see the back of you."
What?
342
00:15:46,621 --> 00:15:49,781
And Gary from the pub has put up,
um...
343
00:15:49,821 --> 00:15:52,621
Ph, "Nice arse, Pegs."
344
00:15:52,661 --> 00:15:56,541
SHE GASPS
Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
345
00:15:56,581 --> 00:15:58,501
Oh, shit. Oh, no.
346
00:15:58,541 --> 00:16:00,821
Oh, shit, Peggy!
347
00:16:00,861 --> 00:16:03,581
I didn't know my arse was out. Oh.
348
00:16:03,621 --> 00:16:06,141
And he still hasn't
fucking replied.
349
00:16:06,181 --> 00:16:09,181
Men are CUNTS!
350
00:16:09,221 --> 00:16:10,861
Big old dooby, Peggy?
351
00:16:10,901 --> 00:16:12,901
Yeah.
352
00:16:12,941 --> 00:16:17,221
# Men are cunts, men are cunts,
men are cunts... #
353
00:16:17,261 --> 00:16:20,981
BOTH: # Men are cunts,
men are cunts, men are cuuu... #
354
00:16:21,021 --> 00:16:22,781
The thing is,
355
00:16:22,821 --> 00:16:25,941
I know Danny messed up with you,
but...
356
00:16:25,981 --> 00:16:27,781
..he's a good boy.
357
00:16:27,821 --> 00:16:30,981
Yeah, he's just such
an insecure prat sometimes.
358
00:16:32,301 --> 00:16:36,421
Do you know, when I was really
scared when I was having the baby...
359
00:16:38,021 --> 00:16:41,061
..Danny held my hand so tight...
360
00:16:41,101 --> 00:16:42,461
Oh...
361
00:16:43,581 --> 00:16:48,021
..and just as I was starting
to push and push and push,
362
00:16:48,061 --> 00:16:52,061
and I was shitting out turds, like,
all over the birthing bed,
363
00:16:52,101 --> 00:16:53,661
just like...
364
00:16:53,701 --> 00:16:59,341
And this toxic stench, honestly,
hit the back of everyone's nostrils.
365
00:16:59,381 --> 00:17:03,341
At the same time, it was like
tarmac filling up a pothole,
366
00:17:03,381 --> 00:17:04,461
And Danny...
367
00:17:05,701 --> 00:17:07,741
I'm going to get emotional,
but Danny...
368
00:17:09,421 --> 00:17:12,501
..just fucking
held my hand even tighter.
369
00:17:14,101 --> 00:17:16,861
And, as far as I'm concerned,
370
00:17:16,901 --> 00:17:19,541
that is the sign
of a really good bloke.
371
00:17:20,861 --> 00:17:23,221
RETCHING AND SPLATTERING
372
00:17:23,261 --> 00:17:26,261
Oh, my God.
Peggy, have you been sick?
373
00:17:28,021 --> 00:17:29,101
CORINNE: Urgh...
374
00:17:33,061 --> 00:17:37,141
Oh, my God,
you look like Michael Jackson!
375
00:17:37,181 --> 00:17:38,301
Ugh...
376
00:17:42,421 --> 00:17:44,981
You know, I spend most
of winnings on this holiday
377
00:17:45,021 --> 00:17:46,981
and everyone just looks
bloody stressed!
378
00:17:47,021 --> 00:17:49,101
Peggy got absolutely rat-arsed
last night,
379
00:17:49,141 --> 00:17:51,981
Yemi's not even bothered to come
down for breakfast, brunch or lunch.
380
00:17:52,021 --> 00:17:54,141
He's having a kip...
381
00:17:54,181 --> 00:17:56,501
..cos none of us
could get any sleep.
382
00:17:56,541 --> 00:17:59,141
I mean, I survived the 2004 tsunami,
383
00:17:59,181 --> 00:18:00,941
so I suppose any holiday's better
than that.
384
00:18:00,981 --> 00:18:03,261
Shh, Tariq. This isn't about you.
385
00:18:03,301 --> 00:18:06,621
Right, OK, tonight,
we need to cheer up,
386
00:18:06,661 --> 00:18:09,981
go beach bar
and take some of this choccy
387
00:18:10,021 --> 00:18:12,101
that I got off a geezer
in the smoking area last night.
388
00:18:12,141 --> 00:18:15,461
Was it a white guy with dreadlocks
that was selling magic mushrooms?
389
00:18:15,501 --> 00:18:17,021
No comment.
390
00:18:22,661 --> 00:18:25,901
All I wanted this trip
was to sit with friends,
391
00:18:25,941 --> 00:18:29,621
have a Fanta Limon,
some nice olives,
392
00:18:29,661 --> 00:18:33,061
and just get fucked up the arse.
But it's just been a disaster.
393
00:18:33,101 --> 00:18:36,341
Honestly, I don't think
you were going to do it anyway.
394
00:18:36,381 --> 00:18:38,821
Your first time should be
with someone you trust.
395
00:18:40,501 --> 00:18:43,021
If you're at all asking me, then no.
396
00:18:43,061 --> 00:18:44,941
Yeah, no, I wasn't asking you.
397
00:18:44,981 --> 00:18:48,421
I mean, it maybe would've been
a good idea, but...
398
00:18:48,461 --> 00:18:50,861
..alas, I am solely here to read,
so...
399
00:18:50,901 --> 00:18:51,901
Of course.
400
00:18:51,941 --> 00:18:57,501
But, er, maaaaybe the thought
of you and me had crossed my mind...
401
00:18:58,741 --> 00:19:02,061
..but we're just friends.
Yeah, we couldn't do that.
402
00:19:02,101 --> 00:19:03,261
Yeah, no, we couldn't.
403
00:19:04,341 --> 00:19:06,061
We couldn't do that.
404
00:19:06,101 --> 00:19:07,301
No, we couldn't do that.
405
00:19:08,501 --> 00:19:11,141
We couldn't do that.
We couldn't...do that.
406
00:19:12,541 --> 00:19:14,061
And we actually can't do that
407
00:19:14,101 --> 00:19:18,781
because Tariq's in our room with
Lauren all night, so...
408
00:19:25,021 --> 00:19:26,261
PHONE CHIMES
409
00:19:26,301 --> 00:19:28,301
FAINT MUSIC
410
00:19:30,381 --> 00:19:31,781
SHOWER DOOR CREAKS
411
00:19:31,821 --> 00:19:33,701
Oh, Danny!
412
00:19:33,741 --> 00:19:35,461
Corinne. I'm really,
really sorry, right?
413
00:19:35,501 --> 00:19:36,981
I was a royal prick last night.
414
00:19:37,021 --> 00:19:41,821
And I was just, like, put out and
paranoid and I just... I'm sorry.
415
00:19:41,861 --> 00:19:43,421
For you.
416
00:19:43,461 --> 00:19:45,381
Thank you.
417
00:19:45,421 --> 00:19:48,141
And I'm sorry
for cold-shouldering you.
418
00:19:48,181 --> 00:19:49,181
It's all right.
419
00:19:49,221 --> 00:19:50,381
MUSIC CONTINUES
#S
420
00:19:51,501 --> 00:19:54,461
Do you remember the routine?
The routine? Yeah.
421
00:19:54,501 --> 00:19:58,901
Of course I remember the routine.
I invented the routine. Yeah.
422
00:20:00,021 --> 00:20:03,101
You ready? five, six,
seven, eight, to the right.
423
00:20:03,141 --> 00:20:05,861
# At night, I think of you... #
424
00:20:05,901 --> 00:20:07,141
And across.
425
00:20:07,181 --> 00:20:11,141
# I wanna be your lady, maybe
426
00:20:11,181 --> 00:20:13,741
# If your game is on,
give me a call, boo... #
427
00:20:15,781 --> 00:20:17,861
Jack, Jack, Jack, why are you always
trying to have sex
428
00:20:17,901 --> 00:20:19,621
in a disabled toilet facility?
429
00:20:19,661 --> 00:20:22,781
Er, well, after my dad died,
430
00:20:22,821 --> 00:20:24,981
when I wanted to have
a cry at school,
431
00:20:25,021 --> 00:20:28,501
I used to go in the disabled loos,
432
00:20:28,541 --> 00:20:31,621
just because it's more spacious,
you know?
433
00:20:31,661 --> 00:20:33,181
I could put my blazer up there,
434
00:20:33,221 --> 00:20:35,061
I could put my laptop here
435
00:20:35,101 --> 00:20:38,981
and watch Lorraine
whilst on the loo.
436
00:20:39,021 --> 00:20:41,661
Right. No, Jack.
437
00:20:41,701 --> 00:20:44,141
If we're going to have a trusting
intimate encounter as friends,
438
00:20:44,181 --> 00:20:46,461
then we do need some modicum
of self-respect.
439
00:20:49,181 --> 00:20:50,301
Ooh, I know!
440
00:20:50,341 --> 00:20:51,341
# I follow you
441
00:20:51,381 --> 00:20:53,581
# I, I follow
442
00:20:53,621 --> 00:20:57,581
# I follow you, dark doom, honey
443
00:20:57,621 --> 00:20:59,061
# I follow you
444
00:20:59,101 --> 00:21:01,461
# I, I follow
445
00:21:01,501 --> 00:21:05,341
# I follow you, deep sea, baby
446
00:21:05,381 --> 00:21:06,861
# I follow you
447
00:21:06,901 --> 00:21:09,341
# I, I follow
448
00:21:09,381 --> 00:21:13,101
# I follow you, dark doom, honey
449
00:21:13,141 --> 00:21:15,501
# I follow you... #
450
00:21:15,541 --> 00:21:17,941
I think I do like Tariq.
451
00:21:17,981 --> 00:21:19,421
DISTORTING: But it just scares me.
452
00:21:19,461 --> 00:21:22,861
Cos, like, what if I fuck him off
one day then he just leaves?
453
00:21:22,901 --> 00:21:26,061
Like, everyone leaves me -
my dad, my mum,
454
00:21:26,101 --> 00:21:27,261
Ginger Spice.
455
00:21:27,301 --> 00:21:29,501
Look, Shan, just go for it
with Tariq.
456
00:21:30,741 --> 00:21:32,701
Only take it slow.
457
00:21:32,741 --> 00:21:34,141
I'm going to find him.
458
00:21:35,901 --> 00:21:37,461
Now. I'm going to go find him now.
459
00:21:37,501 --> 00:21:38,981
Oh, no, I didn't mean... Yep. Oh.
460
00:21:39,021 --> 00:21:40,261
PHONE CHIMES
461
00:21:52,421 --> 00:21:53,541
Ack!
462
00:21:53,581 --> 00:21:55,781
SHE SPLUTTERS
463
00:21:59,381 --> 00:22:02,941
And so this was where I finally lost
my bumming virginity,
464
00:22:02,981 --> 00:22:05,621
with one of my best mates,
on the edge of a Greek cliff,
465
00:22:05,661 --> 00:22:07,541
like George Michael
would've wanted.
466
00:22:07,581 --> 00:22:10,701
Is it weird if I say
I really enjoyed that?
467
00:22:10,741 --> 00:22:13,861
I would hope so! I did, too.
468
00:22:13,901 --> 00:22:15,741
But is it mad that happened?
469
00:22:15,781 --> 00:22:17,581
No, not really.
470
00:22:17,621 --> 00:22:18,981
We would've had sex
the first night we met
471
00:22:19,021 --> 00:22:21,101
if you hadn't ripped out
my septum piercing.
472
00:22:21,141 --> 00:22:22,941
And then I got to know you, Jack,
473
00:22:22,981 --> 00:22:25,661
and I...I really didn't want to
have sex with you,
474
00:22:25,701 --> 00:22:28,941
because you were clearly a novice.
Right.
475
00:22:28,981 --> 00:22:30,461
But now...
476
00:22:30,501 --> 00:22:33,581
..I think you're ready,
and that was nice.
477
00:22:33,621 --> 00:22:35,981
But do you think
we should have done that?
478
00:22:36,021 --> 00:22:37,821
We're not Danny and Corinne.
479
00:22:37,861 --> 00:22:41,261
Look, we are never
going to do that again,
480
00:22:41,301 --> 00:22:42,701
but I don't regret it,
481
00:22:42,741 --> 00:22:46,461
and, actually, you were a lot better
than I thought you'd be.
482
00:22:46,501 --> 00:22:47,901
Aw, thank you, Yemi.
483
00:22:47,941 --> 00:22:52,101
However, I will have to write you
down some pointers for next time.
484
00:22:52,141 --> 00:22:55,501
Pointer one -
do not call anybody "Daddy".
485
00:22:55,541 --> 00:22:57,261
Uh-huh. Yep. No.
486
00:22:57,301 --> 00:22:58,341
Pointer two...
487
00:23:07,701 --> 00:23:10,861
BIRDSONG
488
00:23:13,261 --> 00:23:14,421
Ah! What the fuck?!
489
00:23:14,461 --> 00:23:16,461
Hey.
490
00:23:16,501 --> 00:23:18,781
You OK? Yeah, you?
491
00:23:18,821 --> 00:23:20,061
Yeah.
492
00:23:20,101 --> 00:23:21,341
I'm on mushrooms.
493
00:23:22,581 --> 00:23:25,141
You OK?
Yeah, I just said I'm OK.
494
00:23:25,181 --> 00:23:26,181
OK.
495
00:23:27,341 --> 00:23:29,101
You know, I just feel like...
496
00:23:30,301 --> 00:23:33,021
..me and you, we've drifted a bit,
you know?
497
00:23:34,821 --> 00:23:35,821
And it's just...
498
00:23:35,861 --> 00:23:37,661
Guys, can you whisper, please?
499
00:23:37,701 --> 00:23:39,221
What are you doing in here?
500
00:23:39,261 --> 00:23:42,541
I can't remember,
but Tariq isn't here, is he?
501
00:23:42,581 --> 00:23:43,981
Guys, please can we keep it down?
502
00:23:44,021 --> 00:23:46,701
Corinne, what...?
Is everyone in this room?
503
00:23:46,741 --> 00:23:49,381
TARIQ: I'm actually sleeping
in the bathtub in the bathroom.
504
00:23:49,421 --> 00:23:51,181
Oh, my God! Who's with the baby?
505
00:23:51,221 --> 00:23:52,461
YEMI: I'm with the baby.
506
00:23:52,501 --> 00:23:55,381
We're just sat on the balcony,
watching the sunrise.
507
00:23:55,421 --> 00:23:57,621
Aww, thanks, Yemi.
Yeah, thanks, Yemi.
508
00:23:57,661 --> 00:24:00,181
Shh, Tariq! People are
trying to sleep in here. Sorry.
509
00:24:00,221 --> 00:24:03,341
PEGGY: Shan, you should come out
on the balcon -
510
00:24:03,381 --> 00:24:05,061
the sunrise is gorgeous.
DANNY SINGS TUNELESSLY
511
00:24:05,101 --> 00:24:07,141
Aww! Yeah, OK.
512
00:24:07,181 --> 00:24:10,221
OH, MY GOD! WILL EVERYONE
JUST SHUT THE FUCK U...?!
513
00:24:39,541 --> 00:24:42,541
Subtitles by Red Bee Media
38666
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish (Latin American)
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof