All language subtitles for The.Sex.Lives.Of.College.Girls.S01E09.PROPER.WEBRip.x264-ION10_English

- Okay, who ate
my last applesauce?

- You did; I saw you eating it
with your hands

the last time you were drunk.

Oh, good to know.

- Hey, ladies, have you guys
read the paper today?

- Our school paper?
- Mm-hmm.

- I have never
looked at it once.

Look.

Whitney,
apparently your soccer coach

had an affair with a player
and was fired.

Dude, are you serious?

Yeah, I've heard about it,

but the details
are pretty vague.

Whoa, this is juicy.

This is, like,
"Red Table Talk"-level juice.

Wait, is this coach hot?
Is the girl hot?

Did they get caught having
steamy sex in the showers?

We want every lurid detail.

It's...

Me.

- What?
- Seriously?

- Well, it was me, but we
ended things a while ago.

And you can't
say anything to anyone.

If my mom finds out,
she will kill us all.

I'm not even sure
if I'm exaggerating.

Yeah, okay, of course.

- Whatever you need.
- Thanks.

- Whitney, you might
want to read this.

You know what? I don't.

- No, it says he did this
with another girl

when he worked at Ithaca.

What the fuck?

Doesn't matter.

It's done,
so doesn't change anything.

I'm gonna go take a shower.

- So you're going
to the Title IX office?

- Yeah, Alicia said I should
go learn about all my options.

Figure out the best way
to handle

a gross dude
with a weirdly shaped dick.

Weirdly shaped how?

- I mean, I only felt it
against my back,

but it felt like a can of soup
but squishier.

- You might not need
to mention his dick shape.

- I think it's best
to lay it all on the table.

Ladies, I will see you all
on the other side.

- Good luck, Bela.
Yes, all women.

- So what about you,
Miss Thing?

How you doing since Nico's?

I'm hanging in there.

Oh, shit.

Have y'all not talked
about this?

- Should I go?
- No.

No, no, no,
let's talk about it.

- Totally, let's do it.
I'll start.

I know that I sort of kept it
from you, and that wasn't cool.

In the future,
I'll be more honest.

In that spirit,

my UTI was not
from a wet library chair.

It was from repetitive sex
with your brother.

Okay, that's haunting.

And yes, it kind of sucked
to figure out

that everybody was keeping
this big secret behind my back.

- I should've told you.
- Yes.

Yes, you should have,
because I would've told you

not to sleep with him,
'cause I would've told you

he has a girlfriend.

Yeah, that's a good point.

Leighton,
your brother looks good,

but that boy
wasn't raised right.

- Why are you telling me?
I'm not him.

- But at least
you got to hook up

with a guy who's
way out of your league.

- Hey!
- Listen, I don't take sides.

I just tell the truth.

- His penis felt like
a can of soup?

- Yeah, I only mention it
in case I need

to identify his penis, like,
in a police lineup situation.

Right.

Well, I will note that.

So now what?

Do you tell Ryan,

or when exactly do you tell
my strict Indian parents?

I need to warn them
and possibly flee the country.

Or do you provide any sort

of sexual witness protection
program?

- If that's an option,
I'd like to hear about that.

- There's no need to get
ahead of yourselves here.

This is our first talk.

The next step would be
to submit a written statement,

and based on that,
my colleagues and I

would decide
if we need to intervene

to protect
the larger community.

Otherwise, it's your choice

if we move forward
with an investigation.

At this time,
my recommendation would be

for you to do everything
you can to avoid Ryan,

which means taking a break
from "The Catullan."

Uh, no.

Ricky, do you know
how far behind you can fall

in camaraderie building
if you miss two or three days?

- I was actually gonna
suggest a few weeks.

A few weeks?

Okay, Ricky, it's official.

You do not know
how comedy works.

And I'm fine with that.

- And that's why
I was late all the time

and slacking off
and just, like,

ruining every other aspect
of my life.

And little did I know,
I was getting two-timed

by that mother-effer.

- Go off, girl.
- Yeah.

- And when you do, can you
do it near the milk frother?

Because I've asked you
to clean it repeatedly.

I will. I'm sorry.

I just get so angry
when I talk about Nico.

I could just...

- Damn,
I've never seen you like this.

It's kind of cute.

Like when Nemo gets mad
at his dad.

- He just made me
feel like such an idiot.

- Yeah,
well, for what it's worth,

I see you with more
of a sweet boy.

You know,
someone named Eugene or Glenn.

Type of guy
who likes to play board games,

wears New Balances
with cargo shorts.

- You're describing nerds.
- Yes. Yes, I am.

I think you should date a nerd.
I'm glad you picked up on that.

Oh, getting ready
for tomorrow's econ midterm?

- Mm-hmm.
- Is this the practice test?

- Wait, please don't. I--

Oh, shit.

This is the test.

Are you gonna use this?

- I am
but only 'cause I have to.

It's my only way
to stay on track.

Otherwise, my whole life plan
is gonna be thrown off

because I have
a D on my transcript.

- Yeah, but, like,
you're gonna get caught.

You're not smooth enough
to cheat.

I most certainly am.

No, lies. You're not.

The test is, like,
three hours long.

Even if you had a basic
understanding of econ,

which you don't,

it's hard as hell
to memorize all that.

- Well, that's why
I have a little plan.

A little plan?

What are you gonna--
you know what?

No, don't tell me.
Just please don't cheat.

You are not equipped
to pull that off.

I am.

- You're sweating
just talking about it.

That's not sweat.

I don't know what that is.

Okay.

What's up?

What's up? Are you serious?

You hooked up with my roommate
and made me look like an idiot.

- That's what's up.
- Okay, can you

keep your voice down?
Maya's upstairs.

Oh, my God, you are so gross.

Okay, I get it. You're mad.

But what did you
want me to do,

text you and say,
"Hey, Leight, is it cool

if I bone your roommate
real quick?"

- Yeah, well I, didn't think
I had to tell you

not to fuck
any of my roommates,

but now
I will make it official.

Do not have sex
with any of my roommates.

She's really upset, by the way.

Okay, she's not used
to guys like you.

You should've seen the boy
who came to visit her.

He looked like a goat.

- What do you want me
to do about it?

- Oh, I don't know, try not
being such a total D-bag

and make things right
with Kimberly.

- Okay, I will.
- Today.

- Fine.
- Like, in person.

- Great.
- Good.

Nico, are you downstairs?

- Yeah, I'm just dealing
with something.

I'll be right up.

- You are one of the grossest
men I am related to.

Worse than weird Uncle Mark.

Apologize today, Nico.

- We get the opportunity
to just show up.

Everything that
we've trained in,

everything that
we've done before this,

we can do it;
we can do it again.

We can adapt on our feet.

We're a good team
that knows what to do.

- Yeah.
- And it's just...

- Hey, can I talk
to everyone for a sec?

I take full responsibility
for what happened.

I basically did the dumbest
thing of my entire life.

I messed up.

Both of our coaches got fired,

and now we're in a tournament
with no leader,

and it's probably gonna cost us

everything we've worked
so hard for.

And I can't fix that, but...

I hope you can forgive me.

It's not your fault.

No, it really is,

unless someone else
was also sleeping with him,

which I guess is possible.

- Dalton is clearly
the problem here.

He's older,
and he was your coach.

That's just
fucking nasty and wrong.

- Yeah.
- And let's be real.

That man was low-key very dumb.

- Yes.

And he always had a pee spot

on his pants
after he went to the bathroom.

- It's so true.

- Now, can we
go practice, please?

all: Yes.

Fuck it.

- I know,
he's, like, 5'6".

So I'm borrowing this suit,
and it's like--

I'm like this.

And neither of us
got the job.

- Neither of you got the job?

- Neither of us got the job,
after all that.

No, it gets--he's about to flex
and bust out of the suit.

He's like...

- I mean yeah, you're, like,
Hulking out of the suit.

- Yeah, I don't know
what to do.

I can't let Ryan
get away with all this,

but I don't think I want
to Title IX his ass either.

Why not? He deserves

absolutely everything
that's coming for him.

- Yeah, but what if
I don't want to deal with this?

I'll get examined
and picked apart too.

Yeah, she's right.

Reporting it might not
be a good idea.

- Thank you.
- Really?

- Seriously?
- Hey, I don't like it.

All right, I'm just saying,
Bela has a point.

Sometimes bad shit happens
to women who report stuff.

- Nuh-uh, don't listen to her.

Okay, this guy sneak attacked
you with his dick.

He needs to pay.

I say you Title IX
his bitch ass.

- Hold on,
maybe as a first step,

you could go
to another upperclassman

at "The Catullan"
and ask them what they think.

- Literally all those options
sound so stressful.

- Well, do you wanna
squeeze my stress ball?

I've been squeezing it a lot,
so it's pretty flat.

Hey, it's late.

- Yeah, it's just,
there's so much shit going down

with my roommates and, um,

I really wanted to see you.

How's Bela holding up?

- She ate a bunch of
gummy worms before breakfast.

Couldn't tell you
if that's good or bad,

but I think she'll be okay.

What's in the bag?

Is it a gift to make up

for freezing me out
of your social life?

- Basically.
- Mm.

Yes, I got you one of those

grocery store cakes
you so weirdly love.

- Yeah, they taste better
than fancy ones.

- That's just not true,
but in time, we can fix you.

I--I asked them to write,

"Sorry I was such a bitch,"
with icing,

but apparently,
the Stop and Shop

has a "no swear words" policy.

Try Price Chopper next time.

Anything goes at that place.

I will.

Should we just, like,
get out of town tomorrow?

Go somewhere
we can be ourselves?

Maybe even overnight?

Yeah, sounds nice.

How about this?

I'll drive us
and pick out the place.

And you pay for gas, meals,

and lodging because I'm poor.

- Done.
- Perfect.

Okay, now let me
see this grocery cake.

Oh, yeah, there it is.

Is that a Minion?

Oh, no, wait,
it's a school bus.

No, it's a Minion.

Good luck at your away game.

- You totally got this.
- Thanks.

Hey, good luck on your midterm.

Thanks, I'll need it.

- May I use
the restroom, please?

The test just started.

I have a UTI,

and it's really
flaring up right now.

One symptom
is frequent urination,

- and it's very painful.
- Okay.

Look, in the future,
you can just say medical issue.

- Thank you both so much
for meeting with me.

- Yeah, whatever this is,
can we make it fast?

I got tickets to a Kurosawa
marathon at the film society.

Sure, so...

Ryan kind of assaulted me.

Oh, my God, are you serious?

- Yeah, a couple of weeks ago,
he got me alone,

put a porn on,
and watched it in front of me,

which was weird,
and I ignored it.

But then, um, on the day
of the final submissions, he...

- did something worse.
- Okay.

- Wait, should we be hearing
this, like, alone right now?

Should--should someone be here
with us or--

What did he do?

- He shoved his hard dick
against my back.

Whoa. Okay, his hard dick?

- What the fuck?
- Eric, chill.

- No, I mean,
that's a serious allegation.

- I agree,
and that's why you should

chill the fuck out
and let Bela talk.

I'm so sorry
that this happened.

Are you okay?

- Yeah, I talked
to the Title IX office,

but I'm not sure
if I want to do that.

- Title IX?
You're already going there?

- Eric, please.
- No, I don't want

to be involved in this,
and quite frankly,

I'm not even sure there's
a "this" to be involved in.

It sounds like
a misunderstanding.

Maybe Bela should
just talk to Ryan about it.

- He did it to Carla too.
He showed her his dick.

- What?
- That's why she quit.

- Look, I've known Ryan
for years.

He's--he's not
the kind of person

who's going around shoving
his hard dick against people.

I'm sorry, I--I just--

I don't believe this.

- You know we're supposed to,
like, believe women, right?

- Yeah, and I usually
do believe them.

I'm, like, constantly believing
women, but this is different.

And, you know, next time,
maybe write us an email.

Give us a little warning
before you come in here

and drop a giant bomb on us.

Jesus.

Hey, you did the right thing.

Okay.

Thanks.

Okay, you have to give me

one clue
about where we're going.

I get very stressed
when I don't know

what occasion to dress for.

- Really? 'Cause I feel like
this outfit

could work for lots
of different things.

- Well, sure, but not if we're
going to, like, a Four Seasons.

Alicia, if we are going
to a Four Seasons,

I do need to change.

- I promise, we are not
going to a Four Seasons.

- I got us a cute
bed-and-breakfast

run by a local beekeeper.

It's really quaint,

and they have an option
to sleep in a barn.

- Oh, my God,
that sounds so cool.

What is
their cancellation policy?

- Are you looking up
hotels already?

I am.

Okay, this is more like it.

I mean, it's not a B&B,

but, uh, there's a TV
so we can watch Bravo.

I see a bed.

- That's all I care about.

What about all those
rural Vermont hot spots

you wanted to show me?

- I'm suddenly
less interested in them.

Get on your back.

- Oh, I fucking love your body.
- Good.

Keep doing that.

Did you seriously already
order room service?

- No, I asked them
to send up extra towels.

And leave them outside!

Oh, fuck.

Maddie, I'm open.

- Hey, it's all right.
- I know.

I just really wanted
to win that one.

Look, this is the best season

the team has had
in, like, ten years,

and it's mainly because of you.

And me.

But mainly you.

Next year,
we'll go all the way.

- Okay.

Wait, what?

What the fuck?

Hello.

- I feel like this robe
might be my new everyday look.

- I feel like a hot drug lord.

Okay, where should we go first?

Hmm? Yelp is suggesting
a lot of sad suburban bars

and an ax-throwing brewery.

Smart combo.

Whoa, Alicia, you posted that?
My purse is in the background.

Um, yes in soft focus.

The focal point is obviously me
looking amazing in the robe.

- Hey, can--can you please
take it down?

- Are you serious?
- Yes.

It--it's my Saint Laurent.

People are
gonna recognize it

and--and know that we are
in a hotel room together.

- Leighton,
you're being ridiculous.

You can barely see it.

No one's gonna zoom in
and know it's your bag.

- Oh, because you hang out
with so many people

who have bags like that?

Okay, Bela just liked it.

I'm serious, take it down.

Fine.

I'll delete it.

Thank you.

Bro, I swear to God,

Stan Lee has a cameo
in "Captain Marvel."

- How's he going
to be in a movie in 2019

when he died in 2018?

- Okay, obviously,
you don't understand

- how movies are made.
- Uh, Canaan?

- Oh, excuse me, miss.
Are you lost?

You don't live at the KJ House.

This is a dorm for people
who answer text messages.

Hey, um,

sorry I've been
dodging your texts.

I was going through
some personal stuff,

but I think it's over.

All right.

Are you mad at me?

Am I mad at you?

No, you just gave me
a super vague,

cryptic explanation
for why you ghosted me.

So I'd say we're all good now.

- Yeah, Whitney, you can't
just come crawling back

thinking he been
sitting around waiting for you.

- Canaan got options.
- That's right.

- A lot of the options
are real ugly,

but they are options.

Okay, well, I am sorry,

- and I could've texted.
- It's good.

By the way,
I heard about your game.

Sorry you lost, but honestly,

I'm kind of happy
soccer's done.

Now you have more time
to hang out with me.

- Mm, you've been
looking me up?

- No, I--I read it on ESPN.

I did have to scroll down
really far, though.

They do not put
women's sports up at the top.

- No, they don't.

Come on.

- So what does this town
have in the way of dinner?

I'm thinking chicken tenders
from a chain restaurant?

I think we need to end this.

What?

- I can't keep dating someone
this closeted.

I can't keep sneaking around.

I feel like you're bringing me
back in the closet with you.

I've already been through this.

I can't go backward.

Okay, but what about me?

I'm just--I'm not ready.

- Exactly, and you might
never feel ready.

So where does that leave me?

Believe me, I get it.

It was really hard coming out
to both my grandmas

on Easter Sunday, but I did it.

And it made me feel
so much better.

- No, I just don't like
the idea of coming out.

I don't feel the need
to announce to the world

what type of people
that I sleep with

and let that detail define me.

- But it doesn't
have to define you.

It totally does.

If you Google a gay person,

the first word
that auto-populates

after their name is "gay."

It becomes their new
main characteristic,

and I don't need that;
I like who I am.

I don't want to come out
and become all political

and have it affect
how I act and speak

and dress and what things I do.

Um...

you're describing me.

The thing you so desperately
don't want to be is me.

Look, I really care about you.

I like--

But if you can't
be out with me,

I can't be with you.

Then I guess we're done.

- So now Eric
officially hates me.

I shouldn't
have said anything.

I think it's good you did.

Staying silent only leads
to regret.

- And you might not
be there yet,

but let me know
when you're ready

to get revenge
on that sick freak.

I will aid and abet you
all day.

Hey, Bela.

Hi.

Guys, this is Eric,
the editor of "The Catullan."

- Oh, nuh-uh.
Not today, sicko.

You get your rape-y dick
out of here

- before I cut it off.
- Yeah, guess what.

It's your turn to get
assaulted, shit bird.

- No, guys, this is Eric,
the other editor.

- Ryan's the handsome one.
- Hey, what the fuck?

- Sorry, it's been a long day.
- Yeah, whatever.

Can we just talk for a sec,
like, alone?

Sure.

- Can I get a glass of water
or something?

- No.
- Oh.

I wrote this down
so I wouldn't get it wrong.

My initial reaction
earlier today sucked.

As an editor and as
a sometimes very awkward

and thoughtless person,
I'm sorry.

I handled myself poorly.

I believe you, and I will
do something about it.

Wow.

Thank you, Eric.

- Yeah, okay, well,
I'm gonna get out of here.

Smells like a candle store
in a mall.

Leighton.

Hey, what's up?

Nothing, just...

going on a brisk walk for
no particular reason at all.

Same, same.

- Why do you
have luggage with you?

Oh, I had, uh,

planned a trip
but then decided not to go.

Mm. Are you okay?

Yeah. Are you okay?

Yeah, yeah.

- Hey--hey,
did Nico talk to you today?

No, no, he did not.

Seriously?

You haven't heard
from him at all?

Okay.

Are you headed home?

- No, I'm headed
somewhere else first.

Okay.

Hey, how's it going?

- Nico was cheating on you.
A lot.

Go to bed.