All language subtitles for The.Conners.S07E03.Applications.Accusations.and.a.Man-Bag.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP5.1.H.264-FLUX

So, Neville, would you like to pretend
you're not wearing a child's jacket,

or do you wanna be
held accountable?

Come on, Dad. He's just trying to fit
in. All the girls in 5th grade have one.

This is the jacket from my new job
as a vet at the Kane County Zoo,

and I came here straight from work,
so I didn't have time to change.

Yeah, we all know that it does
take a while to take off a jacket.

Well, I'm proud, okay?

Ooh.

Wow.

Whoo!

When I roll up to "the show,”

I'm the go-to doctor for
Pauline the Polar Bear.

And as his wife, I got a private tour
and a free bucket of fish to throw.

Pauline's not just any bear. She's
a star. She's got 200,000 followers.

And I'm one of 'em.

Oh, just be careful when you go
online to search for "the Bears."

There's a lot of
different kinds of bears.

So, um, I have some
job news of my own.

With Neville spending more and more
time at the zoo and the clinic,

I've decided that there's
something that I would like to do.

- What is it you wanna do?
- Well, The Lanford PD

is rehiring ex-cops to
deal with a shortage,

and I'm gonna apply.

So...

...I'm gonna be a cop again.

Mmm, who wants to go first?

I mean, I've got stuff, but I just
want some time to sort it out.

No, come on, everybody.
Isn't this exciting?

I would join this conversation,
but I was sworn to secrecy.

So I kept my opinion

that this is the most ridiculous
thing I've ever heard to myself,

and I intend to
keep it to myself.

Yeah. I assume you're talking
about a desk job, right?

No, no. I wanna be
out in the field.

The last time you
were in the field,

you had to leave the force because
you shot yourself in the leg.

Or as we like to call it,
the "dishonorable discharge."

It happens a lot.

Otherwise, you wouldn't
have the expression,

"Shoot yourself in the leg."

It's "Shoot yourself
in the foot."

It's "leg."

In Europe.

Look, if there's
anything I've learned

from watching my 96-year-old mother
take a train across this great land

is that we have to never
stop challenging ourselves.

Then pick up the mandolin.

Don't endanger everyone
in the community.

I'm not endangering anybody.

And the force doesn't
have a specific age limit.

So if they think it's safe,
then I think it's safe.

I-I think we should
talk about this at home.

It's-It's dangerous.

Oh, you think working with lions
and polar bears isn't dangerous?

The guy you're replacing
has a plaque on the ground

next to the churros stand.

You know, I knew the family
would go to town on this,

but I've always supported
you in everything.

Why can't you support me?

Ooh. I'd be careful, Neville.

When she gets mad, she goes
after what you love most.

Well, that's not gonna happen
because she's what I love most.

But if you could hold on to this
jacket just for a day or two,

I'd really appreciate it.

Okay, we're here,
Dad. What do you need?

My lawyer asked me to
fill out these forms

for my lawsuit against
the opioid company,

and I need you, guys, to
help me remember the details.

We have to prove
that her overdose

was entirely the fault
of the drug company

and none of us could have
done anything to prevent it.

Okay. Um,

they wanna know when Mom got her
first prescription for pain pills.

- Um...
- Oh, well,

I know it was a Monday
in mid-September.

I remember I was working at the
casino in that skimpy outfit.

I had just gotten my ass
grabbed for the first time.

Then, I came home. I
caught Harris shoplifting,

and Mark had just gotten beaten up
at school again for wearing a dress.

And then I was telling Mom
about it, and she said,

"I'm not sure of
anything you're saying

because I've just taken
my first pain pill."

Uh, it was the 14th.
It was September 14th.

Definitely, definitely
September 14th.

How in the hell did
you remember all that?

Well, I might be a
little Rain Man -y.

A lot of girls don't
get tested for that.

Okay, when did the
doctor cut her off,

and she had to start
getting pills from friends?

The doctor never cut her off.

He kept upping her dosage

because she kept complaining
that it wasn't stopping the pain.

Then I found the extra pills that
she was getting from her friends.

Yeah, that's also when we
found out she had friends.

I knew she had friends, I just
didn't know they were swapping pills

like a bunch of San
Francisco hippies.

But you knew she was
doing it at some point?

Yeah, but after the surgery, I
thought she was done with all that.

It would've seemed
that way to anybody.

Uh, I gotta go to work.

Dad, you spin things however you
need to make it sound like that.

Hey, Mom.

Oh. Hey.

You know, since you're always
working late at your new job,

why don't I drop by
tonight, see where you work,

and you can take
me out to dinner?

I'd love to, but we're
really up against it

and there's only fancy
restaurants around there.

- Sorry.
- I can do fancy.

I bought an extra long flannel
that I can just belt like a dress.

Uh, I don't think so.

All right. How about lunch?

I'll let you know
when things let up.

Oh, wait. I got you those
Jingle Jangle pretzel twists

that you wanted
from Trader Joe's.

It's okay, Mom. I can
pack my own backpack.

Oh, no. You're
too important now.

You gotta get used to letting
people do things for you.

Where'd you get this?

"Balenciaga"? It's
super expensive, right?

Some of the corporate
guys at the office

were teasing me about
my Old Navy backpack.

I was just trying to get one nice
thing so they'd get off my back.

Holy crap. That
little bag is $1,300.

I hope there was $1,200 in
there when you bought it.

It's-It's not even real.

I bought it in the alley
behind the 7-Eleven.

If you look closer,
it says Balenci-gaga.

Oh, 7-Eleven. That's where people
get all their fashion knockoffs.

Can we go there tomorrow? I'd like to
get a pair of counterfeit Skechers.

Nobody makes
counterfeit Skechers.

A knockoff would be almost the
same price as the real thing.

Oh, "almost." Well, excuse
me, Mr. One Percenter.

Okay, Mom. I really gotta go.

Yeah, I bet you do.

Harris and I were really surprised
you came down to pitch in.

She says that's 'cause
you really care,

and I bet her five bucks it's 'cause
you're still fighting with Neville.

Well, uh, Becky,
sometimes in a marriage,

the mature thing to do
is separate and cool off.

And throw his favorite giraffe
figurine into the fireplace.

Thank you.

Hey, can we talk?

We have some stuff to work out,

but I think you should
talk to your wife first.

Yes, Neville, we can,
but just for a second

'cause it's really busy in here.

Okay. I've been
thinking about things,

and it's not fair to ask you
to forget about being a cop

if I'm gonna be spending
all that time at the zoo,

which I agree, also has
an element of danger.

- Thank you.
- So, here's the deal.

I'll quit the job at the zoo, and
you forget about the whole cop thing.

I can't believe you'd
give that up for me.

- That's who I am.
- Well, that's what I love about you,

and you should do that, but
I'm still gonna be a cop.

Wait, that's not how this works.

I give up the thing I
love more than anything,

and you give up the thing that
flew into your mind yesterday,

and we both lose
and are unhappy.

That's what makes a marriage.

It didn't just fly
into my mind yesterday.

You know I'm always talking about
what it was like being a cop,

and how much I miss it.

Well, you gotta
compromise, damn it.

I mean, forget about the field.

You could actually die
during the physical.

I'm in great shape!
Do I need to prove it?

Wow. That was weird
and impressive.

Now, what if the menu had
just robbed a bank and said,

"I'd rather die than
go back to the joint"?

Okay. That's enough. I'm sorry.

Excu... Sir, you're causing a
disturbance at this place of business,

and I'm gonna have
to ask you to leave!

Fine. But you owe me

a beautifully carved porcelain figurine
of a giraffe wearing a top hat.

The monocle was painted
on. I did that myself.

Oh, hey. Do you
mind if I join ya?

Sure, I'm just sitting
here all alone.

Um...

My, uh, barfly buddy left
early to go to couples therapy.

He likes to go in
a little drunk,

so he has an excuse when he says
horrible things about his wife.

I get it.

I mean, that's why I'm here.
Jackie won't even talk to me.

I can't believe she didn't tell me she
was thinking about being a cop again.

Sorry, what?

Are you... Are you okay? You look like
something's got you in a dark place.

Oh, how can you tell?

Are you sure it's not just my
normal "resting Darlene face"?

Oh.

No, "resting Darlene
face" looks like this.

Okay. Now watch the difference.

Yeah. Yeah, I see
it. It's subtle.

Yeah. Yeah.

So, what's going on?

It's Mark.

He's acting really weird and
secretive about where he works,

and then he's out all night,

and I don't even have Ben around
to try to help me deal with it.

I'm here. Keep going.

All right. Well, this morning,

I found a Balenciaga man
purse in his backpack.

That is weird. I mean, you don't
hide a Balenciaga bag, you rock it.

Those things go for, like,
1,500 on the RealReal.

How do you know that?

You don't know
everything about me.

Just 'cause I'm a
down-to-earth guy

doesn't mean I didn't
intern for Anna Wintour.

But, look, Mark is
saving up for school.

He can't afford
something like that.

Well, maybe somebody
bought it for him.

Who would buy Mark
something that expensive?

I don't know. I mean, maybe
somebody with the means

to shower a young
man with gifts.

You know, like a sugar daddy?

Whoa.

You know, my mom always
said that if we worked hard

and had bigger boobs, we
could get one someday.

But without a sugar daddy,
how're we gonna get bigger boobs?

It was a circle we
just could not close.

Do you really think
that's a possibility?

I mean, he's a cute young guy
who needs help with college.

He's a vulnerable target

for some old lech with impeccable
taste in designer bags.

Oh, man.

Well, if I've got a
65-year-old son-in-law coming,

I should know about it.

I gotta talk to him.

Aw. That's so cute you think
they're gonna get married.

Oh, I didn't see your truck.

I figured you weren't home.

It's in the shop.

I forgot my fancy water bottle.

I didn't peg you for a
zebra print YETI kinda gal.

I like quality
things, and I'm fun.

Okay, neither of
those things are true,

but they are for whoever
left this at the Lunch Box.

Uh. Hey. Uh...

Boy, I know I'm gonna regret asking this,
but what did you mean when you said,

"spin it" about whose fault
your mother's death was?

Look, I know addiction
is complicated.

But there had to be a moment where
someone could've done something

to stop the worst
from happening.

And what could that
"someone" have done?

Maybe realize that if someone
had an addiction before surgery,

they would still have one after.

She told me once her knee was
fixed, she was done with them.

And you believed that.

Just come out and say whatever
the hell you're gonna say.

Okay. You were with her
all day and all night.

How could you not see that
she was still on something?

Sometimes we want things to go away
so we don't have to deal with them.

Wait, where were you during
all of this? Oh, that's right.

You were too busy with
your own addiction

to notice what was going
on with your mother.

"Sometimes we just
want things to go away

so we don't have
to deal with them."

- Yeah, she was your wife.
- She was your mother.

Keep your own side of the street
clean before you accuse other people.

I knew you wouldn't be
open to talking about this.

I'm way open to talking about it.
I'm not open to being accused.

And by the way, your water
jug may smell like beer.

Why is that?

I went for a walk, and it's
important to stay hydrated.

There, now if anything
happens to me,

you can tell everybody
you saw the signs.

Oh, hey. Hi.

Hey. Hi, we met at The Lobo.

Yeah, you're that crazy old
woman who wants to be a cop.

No, no, no, no, no. I'm
not trying to bother you.

And it's not like I'm trying
to be a cop. I already applied.

And now since you're here,
I could really use a favor.

Well, with everything you've
done for me, how could I say no?

Great. Okay.

So, my husband is trying to stop
me from going back on the force.

Because he's afraid I'm gonna get hurt,
and he's gonna be here any minute now.

So I was just thinking,
maybe you could talk to him

and tell him how the job
isn't all that dangerous.

You know, like in Lanford,

some cops can go their entire
careers without pulling their guns.

So what I'm hearing is, if you
don't get your husband's support,

you don't end up on the force?

- Yeah.
- I'd be happy to help.

Okay. That's...

Sisters in blue
helping each other out.

Hey, lunch is on me.

And here he is now. Honey,
honey, come here a minute.

There's somebody I
want you to meet.

So, this is my very good friend,

um... "Binkowski."

- It's nice to meet you, Officer Binkowski.
- Nice to meet you.

Anyway, Sarge here was just going
on about another boring shift,

and then that got us to talking about
how you might have the wrong idea

about how dangerous
the job really is.

Mostly, you know, it's a lot of
community-relations stuff and...

- Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Yeah.

Community relations when you're
right in the middle of the community

trying to take down some coked-up
wife chasing her cheating husband

into a Forever 21
with a crossbow.

Good Lord.

Yeah, yeah. But there are ways
for you to deal with the stress.

Whenever I leave the house,

my husband takes his anxiety
meds with a fifth of scotch.

Anyway, I gotta go.

It was nice to meet you.

Yeah, you're buying your
own damn lunch, Sarge.

Oh, it was worth it.

Why is this so important to
you that you won't let it go?

Just give me one good reason
why I should be okay with this.

Okay. I have two
reasons right there.

These two come in every day, and
they don't say a word to each other.

And then last week,
I was on a break.

I was eating soup, and I
was watching them eat soup,

and I'm thinking to myself, "My
God, that could be me and Neville

if we give up leading
interesting, challenging lives."

Well, does "interesting and challenging"
have to involve coke and a crossbow?

No, but a little bit
of danger, you know,

keeps us alive and-and excited about
sharing things with each other.

That's what I want for us.

And also, after I shot
myself in the leg,

I lost respect from all
the other officers there,

and, man, I would really
love to rewrite that.

Okay. I get it. Go be a cop.

I'm gonna get us something
sweet to celebrate.

Aw, it won't be as sweet as you.

Well, I hope you're happy. You
may have just killed my wife.

- Hey, Mark. I need to talk to you.
- Um, it'll have to wait.

I really need to go do
some stuff for work.

Uh, no, it's important.

So,

what's the old geezer's name?

Did you meet him having
coffee at McDonald's at 5 a.m.

or pulling up in his Bentley
at the dialysis center?

I-I'm scared. Did
you have a stroke?

Oh. Don't go anywhere. Aunt
Jackie keeps texting me.

She says it's urgent. So...

Oh, man. She didn't
even give me a week.

A week for what?
What's going on, Mark?

Aunt Jackie found out I'm
making money illegally

by hacking corporate
computer data,

and she said she was gonna tell
you or turn me in if I didn't stop.

What? Wait. You're a hacker?

I knew you didn't want
me to come to your work.

Yeah, yeah, but I'm just
hacking email lists.

I-I lied about it because
I didn't want you to worry.

Oh, yeah. What
would I worry about?

Are you out of your damn mind?

It was the only way to make enough
to afford the University of Chicago

and not burden the family.

Really pretty considerate if
you ask me. You're welcome.

What? Do you think
this is like a joke?

There are so many other
things you could've done.

You could've dated a rich old guy.
I would've been fine with that.

That would've been great to
know before I did the hacking.

Look, you have to stop.
It's against the law.

Yeah, I'll quit as soon as
I make enough tuition money.

But for now, it's
what I've gotta do.

Okay, what is
happening with you?

You took somebody
else's ADHD meds,

the police brought
you back drunk

after you ditched a
scooter in a pond,

and now this?

Do you understand that
if you get arrested,

you could go to prison, and then
you could forget about school

or anything else?

All right? It's got
to stop. That's it.

Or what?

Or you can't live here.

You're making me leave? Fine.

Harris left. You chased Dad
away. I guess it's just my turn.

Hey!

What's that supposed to mean?

I don't know. "Hi"?

I just came from
a 12-step meeting

and I realized I need to
make amends for something.

I'm waiting.

I never made amends for chipping
your bowling ball when I was ten.

Hmm.

Darlene said I couldn't
dribble it down the driveway.

That's okay. I appreciate that.

Anything else?

We were talking at the meeting
about guilt and responsibility.

I shouldn't have blamed
you for Mom's death.

I'm sorry.

Um... I think I did it
because, like you said,

if I hadn't been drinking, I
think I could've helped her.

You couldn't have helped her.

I'm sorry. I just said
that 'cause I was mad.

But we're never gonna lose the
feeling that we could've done more.

I just couldn't believe that someone
as strong as her couldn't beat it.

Hmm. If those bastards could've
made the pills taste like broccoli,

she'd still be alive today.

I'm gonna go make amends.

Uh, you wanna come with
me to the gravesite?

Oh, sure. Hey, can you
wait until tonight?

I like to steal flowers for her
from them rich peoples' graves.

Hey, is Mark here?

No. Why?

'Cause I threatened to kick him out
of the house yesterday, and he left.

He's probably fine.

I'm sure he just wants
you to worry for a while.

You kids you to put us
through that all the time.

Well, if you were worried, how
come you never looked for us?

We left the door unlocked. It's
not like we weren't trying.

- Hey.
- Hey.

Uh... I'll have a burger, plain,
fries, and a side of ranch.

Oh, you like ranch
on your fries?

Yeah.

You know, I don't think
we've ever talked before.

You're right.

We probably have a
million things in common.

Yeah.

Why don't you just
make it to go.

- Oh. Wait in your car, I'll have the busboy bring it out to you.
- Thanks.