All language subtitles for H.H.S03E06.The.Slimy.Sensation.1080p.HDTV.x264.CRiMSON.65473_track1_[eng]

- You know that myth
about icarus?

The guy with wings
who ignored his dad's warnings

and flew too close to the sun?

I would never condone
such risky behaviour, but...

Ugh, I get it.

I mean, if you got a little
taste of flying

or, you know, fame...

Wouldn't you want to see
how far you could go?

To my adorable boyfriend,
who I admire in a feminist,

partners not-patriarchy
kind of way.

Happy one-month anniversary,
oscar moreno.

- And clink!
(laughing)

and then we cut to the video
that oscar sent me yesterday

of his speech,
and then he spins around

and falls into
the grass beside you,

and you look up at the clouds
and then you smile at each other

and... Wow, I've outdone myself.

Now hashtag "one month"
and "best boyfriend".

(giggling)
and set to post in three days

so you don't have to worry
about posting

on your actual anniversary.

- Perfect, 'cause oscar
actually says

he has a date planned for us.

- Ooh! Make sure to take
tons of pictures

and post those too.
- Of course.

- Now, I have something
super exciting

to share with you.

Look!
- Oh, what's this?

Oh!
(laughing)

it's a cheque for $208.42!
- Eee!

- I cannot believe
that we got this from posting

a few photos and videos.

- Sixty-four perfectly
curated photos

and 18 videos,
but who's counting?

- I think I hear my mom coming.
- Okay.

- I want to go show her.
Okay, can you hold this?

- Yeah.
(car doors closing)

- mom, everyone is going
to wondermental adventure park!

I'm finally old enough to go
on the skycrusher!

It has a 245-foot drop!

- Okay, honestly, heather,
by the time we get the ticket

and then lunch, and then
there's taxes,

and then there's parking,
and then there's gas,

it's just... It becomes
really pricey, okay?

And we just don't have
that kind of cash lying around.

- What if I...
Pay for heather's trip?

- Really? And...
And with what money?

- I just got paid for all
the videos I've been posting.

- You make this kind of money
doing social media?

- Yeah.

- If you want to pay for it...

- How can I deprive heather
the pleasure

of abject terror
and adrenaline?

(chuckling)
- uh, wow. Thank you.

(laughing)

- plus, you can use the rest
to help pay the bills.

- Holly, that's really generous.

- And maybe, when I grow
my following,

I can really start
to help out.

- Ooh, are you gonna be like
empress of slime?

- Who?
- Perfect slime every time?

She's got, like,
three million followers.

- Maybe.

Guess that means I've got
2,990,000 more followers to go.

Better get to work.
(laughing)

♪ you and me
run to a different beat ♪

♪ we are brave,
lead the way, lead the way ♪

♪ be the you inside and watch
the world take flight ♪

♪ we are brave, lead the way
lead the way ♪

♪ be the change ♪

♪ be the change ♪

♪ gotta be the change ♪

- so you're telling me
this gum makes you smarter.

- Technically, it just deploys
anthocyanins

to the sublingual region.

- And for those of us who sit
at the back of the class?

(laughing)

- chew a piece. In five minutes,

you'll be primed to memorize
and recall faster.

- Wow.
(chuckling)

this might be my best
newspaper article yet.

And it really works?
- I've been testing the gum

on a sample group for the last
month and the results

are promising, especially
in the over-40 cohort.

- Right. Didn't dad take part?
- Yes. In fact,

his results were staggering.

After chewing, he had
twice as much recall.

This gum could have
real clinical implications.

- And I might win a nobel prize
for this article.

- No, robbie, you would
win a pulitzer.

I would win the nobel prize.

- Oh, do you mind
if I look at your data?

- Yeah, of course.
I just need to do one more test

with your dad to confirm
results, but after that,

it's all yours.
- Great.

(bright music)

(indistinct chattering)

- ah, 1,271 new likes!

Piper, what's happening?

- You're blowing up!
You have 9,901 new followers.

9,981. 10,081!

(squealing)

thought you didn't care
about that stuff.

- If I get more followers,
I can make more money,

and if I make more money,
I can help my family.

- Now, we need to strike
while the iron's hot.

But if you really
want to make an impact,

you should do something
that's trending right now,

like the "where you at?"
challenge.

- Alright, let me look it up.

(thudding)
ah! Claudia!

- Sorry to intrude, but I need
to solicit your help.

I'm a rapper and I have
aspirations of performing

a music piece at the open mic.

- Oh, it would be
your first performance!

- Yes, but I don't want
to humiliate myself.

If I sent you a track, could you
listen and provide feedback?

- Yes, of course.
After I watch this video.

- Thank you.
- Cool.

- Okay, so it starts with a
rodeo and then a shimmy.

(birds chirping)

- um... Uh...

Ah, sorry, amy, I can't remember
where the other bike is.

- Just take a guess.

(sighing)

I mean, last time, your recall
improved 50% with the gum

and this time...

- Not so great, huh?

- You're actually worse
than you were without the gum.

Did anything change?

- Not that I can think of.

Oh, I did stop taking
the muscle relaxers last week.

- Muscle relaxers.

Being is less pain probably
helped your performance.

- I hope I didn't screw up
your experiment.

- No, it's all just part of it.
- Ah.

- I should tell robbie
to hold off on that article

until I test a wider sample.
Do you know where he is?

- Right here.
- Oh.

Hey, you can't write that
article about my experiment.

- I know, 'cause I already did.
It's in today's paper.

Our astrologist missed
her deadline, so we needed

something to fill the space.

- I thought you were waiting
for data!

- I didn't need it. I decided
to focus on the human angle.

- But your dad's improvements
aren't because of the gum.

It's because he was taking
muscle relaxers.

- What about your other
test subjects?

- There were slight upticks,
but your dad's results

were the most drastic
and they skewed all the data.

You have to unpublish
that story.

- I can't! It's printed. Look.

Okay, just don't worry.

Our readership is very,
very low.

(phone vibrating)

- oh, my gosh. Dr. Manning.

I'm sure this is just
a coincidence.

I mean, she definitely
doesn't read

the collinsville newspaper.
- Yeah, probably not.

Ooh. Although...
I did call her for a quote.

- No.
- Yeah.

- No, no, no. Um...
(phone vibrating)

okay.

Hi! Dr. Manning!

Oh, it's so lovely
to hear from you.

Yeah, my research
is very promising.

You want me to present it?

To your doctoral students.

(laughing)
great.

Yeah, that is just...
So great.

Thanks.

- It's not the worst thing
in the world.

- Yes, it is!

She's gonna think
that I lied about my experiment

in the newspaper
and then my science career

is gonna be over forever.

- Okay, what if you just
didn't tell her the truth?

- I can't do that.
That's cheating.

- Who's gonna know?
You, me, and my dad.

- I mean, einstein did fudge
the numbers on e=mc2

so it would gain
widespread acceptance,

and it was never proven
until after his death.

- And everyone thinks
he's a genius.

(sighing)

- I can't believe I'm actually
considering this.

I need to talk to someone
with a stronger moral compass.

Where's holly?

♪ where you at
where you at ♪

♪ where you at
where you at ♪

♪ where you at
where you at ♪

♪ show me show me ♪

(funky music)

um... What is she doing?

- Taking part in
a cultural movement, I think.

It reminds me
of my theatre days.

(chuckling)

- hey, amy, what's up?

- Uh, do you have a minute?

- For my best friend?
You can have two.

- Can we go somewhere else,
maybe?

- Ugh. I'm so out of sync.
I've got a lot of work to do.

(music playing)
this dance challenge

ends at 8:00. Can it wait?

- Yeah, sure. Meet me here?

Tomorrow, 9 a.M.?
- Okay, cool. Thanks.

(music playing)

people love my video, piper!
Oh, you were right!

(laughing)
someone commented that I should

call my fans
the holly hobbie-ists.

- Write "only a hobbie"
with an upside-down smiley face.

More comments going through!
This one's a hit!

- Oh, cool. The next one says--

- okay, some of us are trying
to get some sleep here.

- And some of us are trying
to engage with our followers.

There's 287 comments.
I have 64 more to go.

- You've been at it for hours.

Can't you just finish them
in the morning?

- Heather, this is my job now.

This is what it takes to get
the followers,

which gets the cheques,
which gets you the ticket

to the amusement park.

- I can still feel the gs
in my bones.

(chuckling)
ah, fine.

- Holly!
- What? What is it?

- Whoa, this is big.
- Well, tell me!

- I can't! It's so big,

I have to record your face
when I tell you.

I'll be there tomorrow morning.
Look cute.

(laughing)

you ready?
- Absolutely.

- The empress of slime
is on a cross-country tour

doing collabs.
She saw your dance video

and she's a huge fan!

So, you are gonna be
her wisconsin stop.

- Oh, the empress of slime?!
- Yep.

- Oh, my gosh, you guys,
that's amazing news!

I-I can't wait to share
her visit with you!

Piper?!
- I know!

- Ah, I wish amy was here
to celebrate.

Oh, no. Amy!

Ah.

Hi. I am so, so sorry.

Piper had some big news
and I got distracted.

I can be there in 15 minutes?

- That's too late.
I have to catch a bus

to ossington university.

- Did I mention that I'm sorry?

- Look, you're busy. I get it.

And now I've gotta go.

- It's okay. We'll catch her up
when she gets back.

Right now, we need to focus
on the slime at hand.

I'm sending you some
essential viewing now.

(laughing)

- and that's it.
You can squish it, swirl it,

poke it, pull it, anything.

(sighing)
- okay, I have to choose

my signature slime. Huh.

The ones with glitter
get 20,000 fewer views.

- Ahem. I have a surprise.

- Oh, hey. What's up?
I'm just watching some videos.

- Our one-month
anniversary date:

Two tickets to
the songwriters roundtable

in madison!
- What?! No way!

Jamie stevens? Sam morris?

Oscar, this is the best
date ever.

- Um, what are you scheming?

- Holly's gonna be in
an empress of slime video.

- She gets at least 500,000
views on each of her videos.

- Half-a-million views? Wow!

When's she getting here?
- This afternoon.

- But the songwriter roundtable
is this afternoon.

- She's only here one night.

This is a once-in-a-lifetime
shot.

(heather): Hey, claudia.
You're here.

- Holly, have you managed
to check out my song?

- Oh, shoot. I'm so sorry,
I haven't checked it out yet.

- It's that bad, huh?

You can't even tell me
the truth.

- No, I just haven't listened
to it yet. I swear.

- How will I know if I'm ready
for the open mic?

- Um, well, we don't have
an open mic scheduled yet.

(chuckling)
- I thought you had one

every week.

- Hey, um, we're kind of
in the middle of something

really important.
- Sorry.

I didn't mean to disturb you.

- Come on. Uh, let's leave
these two

to whatever this is.

- I didn't know
you were so into slime.

- If I do this crossover,
I'll get a ton more followers.

I'm really sorry, oscar.

But hey, at least we can
celebrate tomorrow, right?

- I know we can. I'm not mad.
I'm just wondering.

You've been spending
all your time making videos

for your followers,
but I thought

music was your thing.
- It is.

- When was the last time
you actually wrote a song?

- It's just how it works.

All of these influencers
have songs of their own,

but their songs get way more
views than mine do.

- But they're not known
for their music.

They're known for... Slime.
Is that what you want?

- You just don't understand.
- I'm trying to,

but I see you're giving up...

Open mics, and playing music,

and going on dates
for a few likes.

What about the people
around you?

The people that actually
like you?

Like irl?

- You just don't get it.

(soft music)

- amy abbasi.
The next jennifer doudna.

It's in her dna.

For now.
(laughing)

without further ado,
I turn it over to amy

and her exciting research.

(applause)

- I am so honoured to be here,

where a crispr joke kills.
(laughing)

I'd like to present intelligum,

a gum that uses antioxidants
to enhance memory.

The results...

...Show promise.

- Didn't you conclude
a 50% improvement?

- I did... Conclude that.

- Amy, I must confess
I have an ulterior motive

for bringing you here.

At ou, we offer a summer
enrichment program.

- Oh, I know all about it.

Research funding,
24/7 lab access and ap courses.

- Well, this is the board
that decides the participants.

Amy, tell us more
about your results.

Something that wasn't
in the article.

- That they're all...
A big, fat lie.

(whispering)

(knocking)

- here we go!
(excited laughter)

hi!
- Honoured to meet you,

your majesty.
(laughing)

- nice to meet you.
My mom's in the van

outside with some gear.
She's wondering where to set up.

- I can handle that.
I'll let you two influencers

get acquainted.
- Come in.

(laughing)

- I love your feeds.

It reminds me
of my old life.

And I love your song.

♪ I woke up like this ♪

what's next?

- Oh, I actually haven't
had a chance to write much

with all the posting
I've been doing, but...

I want to get
back to it soon.

- I get that.
I used to tap dance.

- What? I had no idea!
- I did 45 tap videos.

Then I did one slime video
with a tiara

and four years later,
I'm still in that tiara.

- Well, if you ever
want to tap dance,

there's a spot at the open mic
with your name on it.

When I have time
to schedule one.

- Will oscar and amy be there?

And that's piper
with my mom, right?

- Yes. You know my friends?
(laughing)

- I love the posts of you guys
just hanging out.

- Don't you hang out?

- My old friends
didn't understand why

I was always so busy posting.

But you can't disappoint
the fans, because if you do,

they'll go somewhere else.

Sometimes I'm, like:
Get over it, it's slime!

(laughing awkwardly)
- okay, guys,

we are ready to shoot.
- Let's do this.

- And we are rolling.

- Hey, guys! I'm coming to you
with slimer holly hobbie.

Holly, don't you want to tell
everyone about yourself?

- Right. Yes. Um, hi.
I'm holly.

Which you already know.
And, um...

I love music, even though I...

Haven't really been
doing a lot it lately.

And, um...

The most important thing
in my life is...

My friends.

- Great. Now let's make slime.

- I need to call amy.

- Holly, can't we wait
till after the video?

- I need to apologize
for ditching.

This can't wait.
(sighing)

- schedule says I have three
other videos to shoot today.

- And we won't waste
any more of your time.

Right, holly?
- Come on, it's just slime.

What? You said it first.

- I was just venting.
Slime changed my life.

- I'm sorry.
(sighing)

okay, this isn't about you
or slime.

This is about me.

- Suit yourself.
Empress of slime out.

- Uh, just... Just one second!

It's not too late.
Just go and apologize.

- Piper, what am I doing?
I don't want to make slime,

I want to make music.

- Just 20,000 new followers

and then we can relax.

- What, after that,
it's gonna be 50,000?

Piper, I don't want followers.

I want my friends.

I forgot amy,
I'm ditching oscar,

and I'm ignoring claudia.

- What about me?
We worked so hard,

and I finally found
something that I'm good at.

Why are you trying
to throw this away?

- I'm sorry... Piper.

But this isn't who I am.

I can't do this anymore.

(soft music)

- amy, you'd said
that intelligum was effective

and had a 50% improvement.

- I did.

And I believe intelligum
could be effective.

But results
on this experiment...

Were compromised.

(murmurings)
doctor, that article you read,

the profile?

It was published
before I found out

one of my test subjects
had taken muscle relaxers

during the experiment.

The results are inconclusive.

The experiment was a failure.

- So you did not control
for external factors...

And employed
an ineffective methodology.

- Yes... Doctor.

- Good that you found
the undisclosed medication.

You'll know to control for that
in the next experiment.

- Next experiment?

But I messed up.

- You had a flaw in your method,
which you caught.

Good job.

- Good... Good job?

So I didn't just
embarrass myself

in front of wisconsin's
finest scientific minds?

- There are always
all sorts of unforeseen factors.

Trial and error is the process.

Better to not start
tooting your own horn

before you're sure
your results are bulletproof.

- Never again.
(laughing)

- keep up the good work.

And maybe we'll see you
this summer.

(upbeat rap music)

♪ excuse me ♪

♪ why are we
so surprised to see ♪

♪ me commanding rhymes
so extraordinary ♪

♪ always reading fantasy
expanding my vocabulary ♪

♪ introducing claudia
the rapping human dictionary ♪

♪ unstoppable phenomenal
responsible and comical ♪

♪ think my jokes are horrible ♪

♪ don't answer
that's rhetorical ♪

♪ fantasy vibes
doing it live ♪

♪ always believed
in the words of the wise ♪

♪ being yourself
should not be a crime ♪

♪ create jubilation
and give it a try ♪

♪ I'm working my magic
the crowd's ecstatic ♪

♪ my rhymes just flow
it becomes automatic ♪

♪ not monosyllabic
always charismatic ♪

♪ and maybe sometimes
it's a little dramatic ♪

♪ if I may I just
wanted to say ♪

♪ my name is c-l-a-u-d-I-a ♪

(cheering and applause)

- claudia, that was amazing.
You had nothing to worry about.

- Thanks for encouraging me.

- Next up, welcoming back
to the stage from a hiatus,

please welcome tapping tabitha!

(cheering and applause)

(funky music)

(cheering)

- wow. That is the happiest
tap dancer I've ever seen.

- She's glowing.
(laughing)

- you know, holly, I wanted
to say how proud I am of you.

You've really helped the family
out a lot this month,

and I just... Thank you.

- About that, um...

I don't think that there's
gonna be any more

cheques coming any time soon.

At least from posting videos.

It's just I was sacrificing
things that I love,

things that make me... Me.

But I still want to help.
Am I letting the family down?

- Oh, sweetie, no!

No, no, no, no.
Look. It is not your job

to help with the family
finances, okay?

That is for your dad and for me.

I mean, it's more important
for you just to be healthy

and happy.

And you're not happy.

- I let my friends down too.

I mean, I invited them
to this open mic

and I thought
they would come, but...

I guess not.

- You know what? I think that
you are gonna figure that out

one friend at a time.

(sighing)
- I'm sorry, oscar.

You were right.
I need to be...

Making music, not videos.

How was the roundtable?

- Awful. The worst.
You didn't miss out.

(laughing)
- really?

- But if you don't believe me,

I might have it on video
for you.

- Oh! You are the hashtag
"best boyfriend ever."

- happy one month, holly.
(door opening)

- oh.

You came.

I'm a terrible friend

and I deserted you
in a time of crisis,

and there's nothing I can
do to undo that, but...

Can you please forgive me?

- Is that a banana
chocolate chip muffin?

- With candied pecans.

- Okay, we're good.
(holly laughing)

- from now on, I'm here for you.
Whenever you need.

- What if it's telling
a long story

about science and the search
for statistical significance?

- If it's your story,
I'm here for it.

(laughing)

(soft music)

(holly): So going back
to that icarus thing.

Flying to the sun on wax wings?
Not recommended.

But if you build your wings
out of something solid,

something real...

Then why not see
how far you can go?

(chuckling)