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00:00:02,021 --> 00:00:05,181
Brent Uni grew on me as a pretty
cool place to study, but sadly
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00:00:05,181 --> 00:00:08,261
a couple of freshers left
then ended up in the news.
3
00:00:08,261 --> 00:00:10,941
Here I am trying to help the
students with their job interviewing
4
00:00:10,941 --> 00:00:13,541
skills and they keep dropping out
to go and wage holy war.
5
00:00:13,541 --> 00:00:15,941
It's not your fault if people
leave to join Isis, Jules.
6
00:00:15,941 --> 00:00:17,981
It might be. Right!
7
00:00:17,981 --> 00:00:21,621
Jules and Danny, idea is you talk
to camera bigging up the uni.
8
00:00:21,621 --> 00:00:23,861
Jack and I will edit it a treat.
9
00:00:23,861 --> 00:00:25,981
And I get to put
video director on my CV.
10
00:00:25,981 --> 00:00:29,661
Right. Jules, why don't you
kick us off with
11
00:00:29,661 --> 00:00:33,461
what makes Brent Uni unique.
And action!
12
00:00:33,461 --> 00:00:36,261
Hi, I'm Jules Handy.
And I'm Danny King.
13
00:00:36,261 --> 00:00:40,621
I've dedicated the last ten years
of my life to Brent University.
14
00:00:40,621 --> 00:00:42,421
Want to know why?
15
00:00:42,421 --> 00:00:44,341
Stick around and watch till the end.
16
00:00:44,341 --> 00:00:48,461
Now the gym at uni is a little bit
pubey, so when the weather's good,
17
00:00:48,461 --> 00:00:50,621
why not come to our outdoor gym?
18
00:00:50,621 --> 00:00:53,261
But don't come after dark.
19
00:00:53,261 --> 00:00:54,941
Please.
20
00:00:54,941 --> 00:00:56,941
Is that good, Jack?
21
00:00:56,941 --> 00:01:00,701
Jack? Maybe it's your first
time away from Mum and Dad,
22
00:01:00,701 --> 00:01:02,261
but don't worry about that.
23
00:01:02,261 --> 00:01:04,221
We can all be your mum now.
24
00:01:04,221 --> 00:01:08,141
Because here at Brent,
we have these fantastic facilities.
25
00:01:08,141 --> 00:01:11,501
If you need to focus
on your work... Sh!
26
00:01:11,501 --> 00:01:13,301
Or you're a massive dweeb,
27
00:01:13,301 --> 00:01:18,341
then why not come and work in
silence in our university library?
28
00:01:18,341 --> 00:01:19,701
Whoa.
29
00:01:19,701 --> 00:01:21,341
Not... That can't...
Absolutely not!
30
00:01:21,341 --> 00:01:22,741
You're right by the books!
31
00:01:22,741 --> 00:01:26,501
Go down to the accessible loo if
you have to do it. Absolutely not.
32
00:01:26,501 --> 00:01:29,101
So you've heard from the students.
33
00:01:29,101 --> 00:01:30,701
And the SU.
34
00:01:30,701 --> 00:01:35,301
And now that all remains for us
to say is... BOTH: Get Brent!
35
00:01:35,301 --> 00:01:36,781
And cut!
36
00:01:36,781 --> 00:01:39,741
Surprise!
CHEERING
37
00:01:39,741 --> 00:01:42,381
You remembered.
Yeah, I always remember.
38
00:01:42,381 --> 00:01:44,501
Happy birthday, mate.
39
00:01:44,501 --> 00:01:46,581
Happy birthday.
40
00:01:46,581 --> 00:01:51,101
You going to get a new bloody
birthday suit then, mate, or what?
41
00:01:51,101 --> 00:01:53,101
Sorry, I forgot what it meant.
42
00:01:57,381 --> 00:02:00,741
I'd been dreaming up this surprise
day all year to give you the best
43
00:02:00,741 --> 00:02:02,701
27th B-day ever.
44
00:02:02,701 --> 00:02:06,101
OK, so remember last birthday
when you shat yourself?
45
00:02:06,101 --> 00:02:08,621
Yeah. Sort of drugged us all. Yeah.
46
00:02:08,621 --> 00:02:11,221
Lied to us all that you were taking
medication when you weren't.
47
00:02:11,221 --> 00:02:13,421
Yeah, all right! It's my birthday.
48
00:02:13,421 --> 00:02:17,381
Well, to avoid that, I've planned
a day of all your favourite things.
49
00:02:17,381 --> 00:02:20,701
And to start with, we're going
to your favourite place.
50
00:02:20,701 --> 00:02:23,021
The pervy old man pub on
the ring road that does Thai food?
51
00:02:23,021 --> 00:02:24,781
Your second favourite place?
52
00:02:24,781 --> 00:02:27,341
Fleet services! It's one of
your favourite places.
53
00:02:27,341 --> 00:02:30,981
Look, if it's Pizza Express and a
promo code like it's fine, but...
54
00:02:30,981 --> 00:02:32,061
No!
55
00:02:32,061 --> 00:02:34,021
Is it bingo? Bingo!
56
00:02:34,021 --> 00:02:37,941
Oh, mate! See, I know how much you
miss going with your nan, so...
57
00:02:37,941 --> 00:02:39,661
Oh, f...
58
00:02:39,661 --> 00:02:41,181
Listen, er. Fuck.
59
00:02:41,181 --> 00:02:42,621
My dad's driving up to have lunch.
60
00:02:42,621 --> 00:02:44,941
Like, I didn't say anything
because I thought he was going to
61
00:02:44,941 --> 00:02:48,181
let me down, but, like,
he's nearly here. OK.
62
00:02:48,181 --> 00:02:49,901
Right. Well, not to panic.
63
00:02:49,901 --> 00:02:52,621
I can ring and add him on.
Will he need parking?
64
00:02:52,621 --> 00:02:54,181
What's his vehicle registration?
65
00:02:54,181 --> 00:02:56,101
I mean, I've been a stranger to
the bloke for years.
66
00:02:56,101 --> 00:02:59,221
Parking's scarce. Hey, I think
we can just bingo another time.
67
00:02:59,221 --> 00:03:01,221
Yes? You go
have a nice lunch with your dad.
68
00:03:01,221 --> 00:03:02,541
Jack, help me edit the film.
69
00:03:02,541 --> 00:03:05,821
And Danny can meet us in the SU
for a drink later. Lovely bubbly.
70
00:03:05,821 --> 00:03:09,021
Um, sorry, guys. To be quite H,
we actually need to get on.
71
00:03:09,021 --> 00:03:13,021
We're asking everyone on campus one
a pivotal question today, aren't we?
72
00:03:13,021 --> 00:03:16,341
Is it white and gold
or is it blue and black?
73
00:03:16,341 --> 00:03:18,981
I'm actually seeing blue and gold.
74
00:03:18,981 --> 00:03:21,421
I can't believe this is
what our tuition fees pay for.
75
00:03:21,421 --> 00:03:23,381
Oh, that's very sweet of you.
Thank you.
76
00:03:23,381 --> 00:03:27,101
I asked my mum and Shannon to get
in a cake for a surprise party,
77
00:03:27,101 --> 00:03:31,061
which naturally meant going
to the best bakery in Britain.
78
00:03:31,061 --> 00:03:32,301
Costco.
79
00:03:33,501 --> 00:03:35,621
That bloke's checking you out.
80
00:03:36,901 --> 00:03:41,141
No! Er, that's a bit pervy
when you're eating Italian sausage.
81
00:03:41,141 --> 00:03:43,421
I'm lucky if I get looked at at all.
82
00:03:43,421 --> 00:03:44,621
Come off it!
83
00:03:44,621 --> 00:03:47,741
I keep telling you
to get on the dating apps.
84
00:03:47,741 --> 00:03:50,021
Look, there is no pressure
to meet anyone.
85
00:03:50,021 --> 00:03:52,661
Just a laugh. It's just a laugh.
86
00:03:52,661 --> 00:03:55,101
Not for me, thank you. Why?
87
00:03:55,101 --> 00:03:59,021
I'm sorry, but you keep delaying
suggestions to get meeting blokes,
88
00:03:59,021 --> 00:04:00,621
and I get it, right?
89
00:04:00,621 --> 00:04:03,741
But wouldn't it be nice
for you to have a companion?
90
00:04:03,741 --> 00:04:06,581
Like not be sat here with me
in a taxi eating Frankfurters?
91
00:04:06,581 --> 00:04:08,141
OK, fine.
92
00:04:08,141 --> 00:04:10,661
Look, I've only just worked out
how to send a Twitter.
93
00:04:10,661 --> 00:04:15,501
And Jack absolutely must not
under any circumstance find out.
94
00:04:15,501 --> 00:04:17,381
No, no, no, I know, no, no.
95
00:04:17,381 --> 00:04:20,741
I actually DM'd Cher
earlier on today.
96
00:04:22,101 --> 00:04:23,741
What did you say?
97
00:04:23,741 --> 00:04:25,821
Hello, Cher.
98
00:04:25,821 --> 00:04:27,821
Big fan.
99
00:04:27,821 --> 00:04:29,141
How are you?
100
00:04:29,141 --> 00:04:30,341
Any reply?
101
00:04:30,341 --> 00:04:31,941
No.
102
00:04:31,941 --> 00:04:33,261
What a bitch.
103
00:04:38,541 --> 00:04:40,141
Hello, mate! You all right?
104
00:04:40,141 --> 00:04:42,221
Yeah. You good? Yeah.
105
00:04:42,221 --> 00:04:43,461
Come here.
106
00:04:45,661 --> 00:04:47,141
You all right? Yeah.
107
00:04:47,141 --> 00:04:49,021
Lovely. How was the drive?
108
00:04:49,021 --> 00:04:51,061
Nah, it's all right.
Yeah, yeah. Yeah.
109
00:04:51,061 --> 00:04:52,221
I hate London, though.
110
00:04:52,221 --> 00:04:53,541
It's just traffic, innit?
111
00:04:53,541 --> 00:04:55,341
Traffic and Pret.
112
00:04:55,341 --> 00:04:56,941
Yeah.
113
00:04:56,941 --> 00:04:59,101
I got you something.
114
00:04:59,101 --> 00:05:00,461
Nice one. Yeah.
115
00:05:03,541 --> 00:05:06,581
Oh. I know you like writing,
116
00:05:06,581 --> 00:05:09,781
and you got
your journalism and all that.
117
00:05:09,781 --> 00:05:11,341
Yeah. It's lined.
118
00:05:11,341 --> 00:05:12,941
Right, yeah. Thanks, dad.
119
00:05:12,941 --> 00:05:14,141
Yeah. Well...
120
00:05:17,221 --> 00:05:18,621
Fancy a pint?
121
00:05:18,621 --> 00:05:22,301
Are you having a drink? Yeah, gonna
have a little, little snifter.
122
00:05:22,301 --> 00:05:25,021
Special occasion, isn't it?
All right. Just one though, yeah?
123
00:05:25,021 --> 00:05:28,101
Yeah, just the one? Mm-hm.
Coming up.
124
00:05:28,101 --> 00:05:29,741
Let the dog see the rabbit!
125
00:05:33,901 --> 00:05:36,061
Oh, sorry! You all right?
126
00:05:36,061 --> 00:05:39,581
Yeah. You go to Costco for booze,
you come back with a pram.
127
00:05:39,581 --> 00:05:42,381
Aw. Are you getting excited now?
128
00:05:42,381 --> 00:05:44,221
I really am, actually.
129
00:05:44,221 --> 00:05:47,341
The other day in the shop, right,
there was this little boy,
130
00:05:47,341 --> 00:05:49,861
and he was like, "Oh, mummy, mummy!"
131
00:05:49,861 --> 00:05:54,741
And I just went, "Yeah?"
Just, just to see what it was like!
132
00:05:54,741 --> 00:05:56,821
It turned out he was lost.
133
00:05:56,821 --> 00:05:58,021
That was awful.
134
00:05:58,021 --> 00:06:01,221
And have you talked to Tarik,
the baby daddy?
135
00:06:01,221 --> 00:06:03,981
He texts me every single day
for how I am.
136
00:06:03,981 --> 00:06:07,141
I've had to start sending him other
women's scan pics from Google images
137
00:06:07,141 --> 00:06:08,741
just to get him off my back.
138
00:06:08,741 --> 00:06:10,541
PHONE PINGS
Ooh!
139
00:06:10,541 --> 00:06:12,381
I've been matched with John.
140
00:06:12,381 --> 00:06:16,501
Oh, no, no, no, you can't
date a man called John.
141
00:06:16,501 --> 00:06:19,941
That is the most common name
on the UK sex offenders register.
142
00:06:19,941 --> 00:06:21,501
I nearly called Jack John.
143
00:06:21,501 --> 00:06:24,141
Oh, my God!
This woman from Take A Break,
144
00:06:24,141 --> 00:06:27,901
she asked the Metropolitan Police
in a Freedom of Information request.
145
00:06:27,901 --> 00:06:32,341
"I would like to know
the ten most common first names
of sex offenders."
146
00:06:32,341 --> 00:06:34,381
John comes in at number one.
147
00:06:34,381 --> 00:06:38,421
Followed by David, Michael,
Peter and Andy.
148
00:06:38,421 --> 00:06:42,381
Which honestly has really made me
feel weird about Andi Peters.
149
00:06:45,981 --> 00:06:47,341
I liked him before.
150
00:06:51,741 --> 00:06:53,261
You heard from your mum?
151
00:06:53,261 --> 00:06:56,501
Uh, I mean, she sent me
an e-card, if that counts.
152
00:06:56,501 --> 00:06:57,821
Like, we don't really speak.
153
00:06:57,821 --> 00:07:00,141
She don't send me e-cards.
154
00:07:00,141 --> 00:07:02,941
Yeah, it's almost like you're
divorced and you hate each other.
155
00:07:02,941 --> 00:07:04,061
Hah! Wise words.
156
00:07:05,221 --> 00:07:06,381
Well, it's true, actually.
157
00:07:06,381 --> 00:07:09,901
Every time I try and call her,
she's like, "Oh, I can't talk
because of the time difference."
158
00:07:09,901 --> 00:07:12,741
She's in Spain!
Yeah, I know. Not fucking Barbados.
159
00:07:14,661 --> 00:07:17,741
Yeah, well, I don't love
talking to her, to be honest.
160
00:07:17,741 --> 00:07:20,181
I can just hear it in her voice
that she still feels guilty.
161
00:07:20,181 --> 00:07:22,261
And it's just like, I'm done.
162
00:07:22,261 --> 00:07:23,581
Man.
163
00:07:23,581 --> 00:07:25,661
That'll happen
if you leave your family.
164
00:07:28,741 --> 00:07:31,181
Well, it's not like you made it
easy for her, is it?
165
00:07:41,301 --> 00:07:42,861
Any news on your nan?
166
00:07:44,821 --> 00:07:46,901
Yeah, she's stable, so...
167
00:07:46,901 --> 00:07:49,061
I suppose at this stage,
it's just...
168
00:07:49,061 --> 00:07:51,101
It's just a waiting game, isn't it?
169
00:07:51,101 --> 00:07:53,061
Yeah, all right, steady on.
170
00:07:53,061 --> 00:07:56,061
Oh, sorry. I...
Fucking hell, I know I...
171
00:07:56,061 --> 00:07:58,621
I'm getting this all wrong, I...
172
00:07:58,621 --> 00:08:00,261
It's all right, it's all right.
173
00:08:03,661 --> 00:08:04,981
Shagging anyone?
174
00:08:10,221 --> 00:08:13,301
Honestly, I now have so many
bags for life, I actually believe
175
00:08:13,301 --> 00:08:15,141
many of them will outlive me.
176
00:08:15,141 --> 00:08:17,261
I've still got
Laurie's bag for life.
177
00:08:17,261 --> 00:08:19,421
He always shopped in Budgens.
178
00:08:19,421 --> 00:08:22,421
Oh, I love Budgens.
179
00:08:22,421 --> 00:08:27,661
It's like, not Tesco's,
not Saino's, not Asda,
180
00:08:27,661 --> 00:08:31,901
but like... it's Budgens,
do you know what I mean?
181
00:08:31,901 --> 00:08:33,461
Completely.
182
00:08:33,461 --> 00:08:34,901
Uh, Peggy?
183
00:08:34,901 --> 00:08:38,741
Sorry, babe, but your Tinder
photo has got Laurie in it.
184
00:08:38,741 --> 00:08:42,621
Oh, I know I haven't got any nice
photos without him in them.
185
00:08:42,621 --> 00:08:45,021
Yeah, babe, not being rude
or nothing, but you can't
186
00:08:45,021 --> 00:08:46,941
have your dead husband
in your dating pics.
187
00:08:46,941 --> 00:08:50,181
I tried to crop him out,
but I couldn't.
188
00:08:50,181 --> 00:08:51,821
Aw, Pegs.
189
00:08:53,221 --> 00:08:55,781
Let me do the cropping, yeah?
190
00:08:55,781 --> 00:08:59,221
Right, just lean forward a bit
and let me take some new pics.
191
00:08:59,221 --> 00:09:01,221
All right? I can't. Guys!
192
00:09:02,581 --> 00:09:04,061
You've barely set up.
193
00:09:05,141 --> 00:09:07,021
I want Danny to have a great night.
194
00:09:07,021 --> 00:09:09,781
Don't worry. I'm going to make
cheese and pickle sandwiches now.
195
00:09:09,781 --> 00:09:11,221
Cut off the crusts.
196
00:09:11,221 --> 00:09:13,941
He's 27. We just need booze.
197
00:09:13,941 --> 00:09:16,061
I can't even see any plastic cups.
198
00:09:16,061 --> 00:09:19,941
Huh? Well, I got you red plastic
cups because I wanted you to feel
199
00:09:19,941 --> 00:09:22,741
like you were in a crazy
American music video, OK?
200
00:09:22,741 --> 00:09:25,741
Like you were having
some Skins party in LA.
201
00:09:25,741 --> 00:09:27,421
Skins is set in Bristol.
202
00:09:27,421 --> 00:09:29,821
Oh, you are being
a contrary bitch today, Jack.
203
00:09:29,821 --> 00:09:31,741
I am seven months pregnant.
204
00:09:31,741 --> 00:09:35,261
Do you think I give
a fucking shit about Skins?
205
00:09:35,261 --> 00:09:36,661
Agh!
206
00:09:36,661 --> 00:09:40,261
So that night for your surprise
party, I'd invited an odd mishmash
207
00:09:40,261 --> 00:09:44,101
of my family, uni staff and
random girls that you had tagged
208
00:09:44,101 --> 00:09:46,021
in Facebook club night photos with.
209
00:09:46,021 --> 00:09:47,461
I was very stressed.
210
00:09:48,661 --> 00:09:50,261
He's here! He's here, he's here.
211
00:09:50,261 --> 00:09:52,741
OK, everyone get down! Shannon.
212
00:09:52,741 --> 00:09:55,301
What's the food sitch?
Um, there's sandwiches.
213
00:09:55,301 --> 00:09:56,941
Yeah, but there's no allergen info,
214
00:09:56,941 --> 00:09:59,221
and Kelly is sensitive
to wheat gluten.
215
00:09:59,221 --> 00:10:01,501
OK, well, it's bread, isn't it?
216
00:10:01,501 --> 00:10:02,781
Surprise!
217
00:10:04,661 --> 00:10:05,741
Oh, my God.
218
00:10:07,101 --> 00:10:09,861
Oh. Oh, are you Danny's dad?
219
00:10:09,861 --> 00:10:12,981
All right?
Can I just ask you for a quickie?
220
00:10:12,981 --> 00:10:15,061
Yeah, OK. Um, this dress.
221
00:10:15,061 --> 00:10:16,941
What colour, would you say?
222
00:10:25,981 --> 00:10:27,141
Popcorn?
223
00:10:28,621 --> 00:10:30,181
I mean, take your time.
224
00:10:30,181 --> 00:10:31,381
Popcorn?
225
00:10:31,381 --> 00:10:33,821
Jack, just relax, all right?
Popcorn?
226
00:10:33,821 --> 00:10:36,101
Yemi, the empties!
227
00:10:36,101 --> 00:10:37,421
Popcorn, guys?
228
00:10:40,181 --> 00:10:43,741
♪ Don't, don't, don't, don't
229
00:10:43,741 --> 00:10:45,981
♪ Say another sorry today...
230
00:10:45,981 --> 00:10:47,981
Excuse me, mate. Is there any ice?
231
00:10:47,981 --> 00:10:50,941
Does it look like there's any ice?
232
00:10:50,941 --> 00:10:53,101
Shannon, where's the ice?
233
00:10:53,101 --> 00:10:54,821
Oh, um, the ice?
234
00:10:54,821 --> 00:10:57,221
Let me have a think.
Yeah, it's in the shop.
235
00:10:57,221 --> 00:10:58,981
Argh!
236
00:10:58,981 --> 00:11:01,061
Ah. Honestly.
237
00:11:01,061 --> 00:11:02,581
Right, look.
238
00:11:02,581 --> 00:11:06,621
♪ I'm so out of touch
239
00:11:06,621 --> 00:11:08,661
♪ I started to levitate
240
00:11:09,941 --> 00:11:12,821
♪ Now we just hang around... ♪
241
00:11:12,821 --> 00:11:15,461
Shan, I've matched with Russell.
242
00:11:15,461 --> 00:11:16,621
Is he fit?
243
00:11:16,621 --> 00:11:17,821
Well...
244
00:11:17,821 --> 00:11:20,941
He's a minicab driver
with all his own teeth, so.
245
00:11:20,941 --> 00:11:22,021
Wow.
246
00:11:22,021 --> 00:11:24,701
You are kicking off with the tens
there, Pegs. Good stuff.
247
00:11:24,701 --> 00:11:25,981
But what do I do?
248
00:11:25,981 --> 00:11:27,541
Er...
249
00:11:27,541 --> 00:11:28,781
Just chat.
250
00:11:28,781 --> 00:11:31,421
I don't know what to say.
251
00:11:31,421 --> 00:11:34,141
Message him what
you messaged Cher, yeah?
252
00:11:38,741 --> 00:11:40,461
Right. Here we are.
253
00:11:40,461 --> 00:11:44,341
What brought the orgy
to a grinding halt?
254
00:11:45,581 --> 00:11:48,861
Er... No, I wouldn't say
child protection services, no.
255
00:11:48,861 --> 00:11:50,821
Choose a different one if you can.
256
00:11:50,821 --> 00:11:53,301
Er... White privilege?
257
00:11:53,301 --> 00:11:56,021
No, that did not make me laugh.
258
00:11:56,021 --> 00:11:59,541
So basically, I was involved
in major youth tenpin bowling
259
00:11:59,541 --> 00:12:01,181
tournaments around the UK.
260
00:12:01,181 --> 00:12:04,101
I actually won
the Margate regionals.
261
00:12:04,101 --> 00:12:07,981
I've got a photo
of me with my balls.
262
00:12:07,981 --> 00:12:10,221
Holding them, like that.
263
00:12:10,221 --> 00:12:13,101
Go easy on those.
What else have I got?
264
00:12:13,101 --> 00:12:16,581
Some people say I was one
of the most successful under-17...
265
00:12:19,421 --> 00:12:23,141
Jules? I got Kelly a pack of
chicken Fridge Raiders.
266
00:12:23,141 --> 00:12:24,581
It's the best I can do.
267
00:12:24,581 --> 00:12:28,501
Oh. Kelly was just about to
come out to everyone as vegan.
268
00:12:28,501 --> 00:12:29,821
Argh!
269
00:12:31,341 --> 00:12:34,181
Oh. Jack, calm down.
270
00:12:34,181 --> 00:12:36,901
Look, it's going grand.
Yeah, look, I'm having a great time.
271
00:12:36,901 --> 00:12:40,381
Listen, have either of you
spoke to my dad yet? Erm, not yet.
272
00:12:40,381 --> 00:12:41,741
No, I...
273
00:12:41,741 --> 00:12:45,301
nipped out and got some ice
for your straight footy mates.
274
00:12:45,301 --> 00:12:48,221
Oh, no, they're not straight. What?
275
00:12:48,221 --> 00:12:50,661
No, they're a couple of gay fellas
I work out at the gym with.
276
00:12:50,661 --> 00:12:53,141
I was just really rude to them!
you shouldn't be rude to people
277
00:12:53,141 --> 00:12:55,261
just because you think
they're straight, Jack.
278
00:12:55,261 --> 00:12:57,261
Get out of my way. For God's sake!
279
00:13:02,541 --> 00:13:05,101
You having a nice time?
Yeah, no, I am, actually.
280
00:13:05,101 --> 00:13:07,021
And your dad? All going good?
281
00:13:07,021 --> 00:13:08,661
Yeah. Yeah.
282
00:13:09,861 --> 00:13:11,261
OK.
283
00:13:11,261 --> 00:13:12,661
So what did Russell say?
284
00:13:12,661 --> 00:13:15,821
Well, he's also
just started using Tinder.
285
00:13:15,821 --> 00:13:19,661
Oh, no. Red flag, Peggy, red flag.
Flag de rouge.
286
00:13:19,661 --> 00:13:22,781
I bet he's had six dates
on there this month. No!
287
00:13:22,781 --> 00:13:24,701
Yeah. No, he seems nice.
288
00:13:24,701 --> 00:13:28,221
He lives in Wembley
with two dogs called Sue and Mel.
289
00:13:28,221 --> 00:13:31,661
What? We're just
making pleasantries.
290
00:13:31,661 --> 00:13:36,621
OK. Well, make sure you know
what his income is per annum.
291
00:13:36,621 --> 00:13:39,261
Then we can find out if you need
more cleavage in the main pic.
292
00:13:39,261 --> 00:13:41,261
Oh, blimey.
I can't get any more out.
293
00:13:41,261 --> 00:13:43,261
You can, Peggy! You know you can.
294
00:13:47,901 --> 00:13:51,421
Shannon, loads of guys are leaving
to go shop because all the beers
295
00:13:51,421 --> 00:13:53,261
are alcohol-free.
296
00:13:53,261 --> 00:14:00,381
Yes, and? Mum said at Costco
you got 80 cans of Red Stripe beer.
297
00:14:00,381 --> 00:14:02,661
Danny's favourite drink.
298
00:14:02,661 --> 00:14:05,141
Sorry. Are you now annoyed
that the drinks have been drinked?
299
00:14:05,141 --> 00:14:07,381
The clue is in the name Jack.
They're drinks.
300
00:14:07,381 --> 00:14:09,221
People drink drinks, OK?
301
00:14:09,221 --> 00:14:10,941
They are thirsty at parties.
302
00:14:10,941 --> 00:14:14,621
And I'm so sorry
for providing drinks for people!
303
00:14:14,621 --> 00:14:16,541
But these people need drinks.
304
00:14:16,541 --> 00:14:19,261
And, yes, they might have
drunk them all up.
305
00:14:29,621 --> 00:14:31,101
How you doing?
306
00:14:31,101 --> 00:14:32,581
All right. Yeah.
307
00:14:33,861 --> 00:14:36,181
DJ's a bit shit.
308
00:14:36,181 --> 00:14:38,941
This place is a bit of a dive,
isn't it?
309
00:14:38,941 --> 00:14:42,141
There's a massive fucking
Scotland flag on the wall.
310
00:14:42,141 --> 00:14:44,901
Whoopsy-daisy. That's me.
311
00:14:44,901 --> 00:14:46,301
Yeah, Danny got it for me.
312
00:14:46,301 --> 00:14:47,701
All right, Jock?
313
00:14:49,941 --> 00:14:51,821
Your son's amazing, you know?
314
00:14:51,821 --> 00:14:53,301
Leave it out.
315
00:14:53,301 --> 00:14:55,421
He's a f... He's a plum.
316
00:14:55,421 --> 00:14:57,381
Hello, dickheads!
317
00:14:57,381 --> 00:14:59,301
Jack's just gone to get
some more booze,
318
00:14:59,301 --> 00:15:01,181
and he's going to set up
a beer pong table.
319
00:15:01,181 --> 00:15:03,741
But I've never played beer pong.
You're very beer pong.
320
00:15:03,741 --> 00:15:05,981
Do you know what I mean?
321
00:15:05,981 --> 00:15:07,941
I'll go get some balls. All right.
322
00:15:14,141 --> 00:15:16,261
Look, I'm really glad
you came today.
323
00:15:16,261 --> 00:15:18,101
Yeah. Great, mate, yeah.
324
00:15:18,101 --> 00:15:21,421
It's.... It's nice to see you
settled in.
325
00:15:21,421 --> 00:15:24,981
I, um, I did want to
have a chat, though.
326
00:15:27,141 --> 00:15:28,941
Nan's flat.
327
00:15:28,941 --> 00:15:31,061
I think I should take it.
328
00:15:31,061 --> 00:15:33,341
I mean, it's bigger than mine.
329
00:15:33,341 --> 00:15:36,021
It's nearer to town and stuff.
330
00:15:36,021 --> 00:15:37,901
What are you talking about?
331
00:15:37,901 --> 00:15:40,901
I'm going to apply
for succession of the flat.
332
00:15:40,901 --> 00:15:42,341
What do you mean?
333
00:15:42,341 --> 00:15:46,261
Well, I'm after a council flat
swap, and I want Nan's.
334
00:15:46,261 --> 00:15:48,541
No, she doesn't...
She doesn't want you there.
335
00:15:48,541 --> 00:15:50,021
That's... That's our home.
336
00:15:50,021 --> 00:15:52,141
Well, you live here now.
337
00:15:52,141 --> 00:15:54,461
Anyway. Just play along
with the council,
338
00:15:54,461 --> 00:15:56,381
help me out a bit.
339
00:15:56,381 --> 00:15:58,421
Is this why you actually came?
340
00:15:58,421 --> 00:16:00,141
All right, mate,
no need to get arsey.
341
00:16:00,141 --> 00:16:01,981
I could have just
texted you, couldn't I?
342
00:16:01,981 --> 00:16:04,341
You know, technically,
I'm just like a lodger here.
343
00:16:04,341 --> 00:16:07,061
Like I haven't got any tenants
rights. It's a fucking shed, right?
344
00:16:07,061 --> 00:16:08,581
Nan's flat's my flat. OK?
345
00:16:08,581 --> 00:16:10,541
That's mine and Nan's flat.
It's not yours.
346
00:16:10,541 --> 00:16:12,781
Well, I'm next of kin, so...
347
00:16:14,621 --> 00:16:17,421
Guess we'll both
have to apply for it.
348
00:16:17,421 --> 00:16:18,661
She ain't even...
349
00:16:20,021 --> 00:16:23,701
She might need to come back there
one day. Come off it.
350
00:16:23,701 --> 00:16:27,981
We both know she is never
coming back to that flat.
351
00:16:27,981 --> 00:16:30,581
Yeah, I KNOW, all right?
352
00:16:30,581 --> 00:16:32,301
All right, mate.
353
00:16:32,301 --> 00:16:35,741
Slow down. I thought you lot
were supposed to be able
to handle your drink.
354
00:16:35,741 --> 00:16:39,381
Fucking amateurs.
Fuck you. You now what? Fuck you.
355
00:16:39,381 --> 00:16:42,381
I have been grieving Nan
ever since I got here.
356
00:16:42,381 --> 00:16:44,621
You know, this is the reason
that I actually reached out
357
00:16:44,621 --> 00:16:46,261
to you and tried to let you back in.
358
00:16:46,261 --> 00:16:48,101
Because I thought maybe,
just for a second,
359
00:16:48,101 --> 00:16:49,941
he might be
as cut up about this as me.
360
00:16:49,941 --> 00:16:52,061
Well, of course,
I mean, it's sad, isn't it,
361
00:16:52,061 --> 00:16:53,981
yeah, but...
362
00:16:53,981 --> 00:16:55,421
You know.
363
00:16:55,421 --> 00:16:56,861
I mean, look at you.
364
00:16:58,741 --> 00:17:01,501
You're still just looking out
for yourself, aren't you?
365
00:17:01,501 --> 00:17:04,221
This is why you're completely alone.
366
00:17:04,221 --> 00:17:06,901
And do you know what
the worst thing is? So am I.
367
00:17:11,061 --> 00:17:14,781
When she does go, at least I know
I would have sat next to her bed.
368
00:17:16,221 --> 00:17:18,501
How are you going to
fucking live with yourself?
369
00:17:23,541 --> 00:17:25,141
I feel sorry for you, Dennis.
370
00:17:46,941 --> 00:17:50,021
You'd often leave parties
without saying bye.
371
00:17:50,021 --> 00:17:52,621
We'd pretend it's because
you'd pulled some fit girl.
372
00:17:52,621 --> 00:17:55,901
But we all know it's because
something in your head's gone off.
373
00:17:55,901 --> 00:17:57,181
Can we just not!
374
00:17:59,061 --> 00:18:00,581
Sorry.
375
00:18:00,581 --> 00:18:03,461
I just want... Sometimes it's best
if I'm just on my own, OK?
376
00:18:03,461 --> 00:18:04,981
I just. I don't want to...
377
00:18:06,701 --> 00:18:08,901
...like, burden anyone.
378
00:18:08,901 --> 00:18:10,461
You really couldn't burden us, mate.
379
00:18:10,461 --> 00:18:12,941
But I get it.
380
00:18:12,941 --> 00:18:15,581
God, I'm just so sick of...
381
00:18:17,221 --> 00:18:20,741
...like, every time I think it's
going to be different and... Danny.
382
00:18:20,741 --> 00:18:21,781
Are you OK?
383
00:18:23,781 --> 00:18:25,301
Can you come back in, please?
384
00:18:25,301 --> 00:18:27,861
Because they're requesting Candy,
and you're my only white friend
385
00:18:27,861 --> 00:18:30,021
that can do the slide
without me cringing.
386
00:18:30,021 --> 00:18:31,341
Sorry, mate, I just don't...
387
00:18:31,341 --> 00:18:33,901
I just feel a bit embarrassed
by the whole thing.
388
00:18:33,901 --> 00:18:35,181
Danny. I'm sorry about him...
389
00:18:35,181 --> 00:18:37,581
No, no. Look, I get it.
390
00:18:40,861 --> 00:18:44,381
When I was like 15, 16, I started
sneaking into the gay clubs
391
00:18:44,381 --> 00:18:46,181
using someone else's ID.
392
00:18:46,181 --> 00:18:48,861
He was actually Asian,
which is like really bad.
393
00:18:48,861 --> 00:18:51,381
And I was wearing
these horrible sequinned crop tops.
394
00:18:51,381 --> 00:18:52,821
It was a lot.
395
00:18:52,821 --> 00:18:53,861
Anyway...
396
00:18:54,981 --> 00:18:58,261
I pretty soon realised that most
of my mates said they had to find
397
00:18:58,261 --> 00:19:02,501
a chosen family, and that was either
because they couldn't be accepted
398
00:19:02,501 --> 00:19:06,141
by their own or they refused
to accept anything less.
399
00:19:07,821 --> 00:19:10,181
I refuse to accept anything less.
400
00:19:10,181 --> 00:19:12,741
And that isn't because
all my family are homophobes.
401
00:19:12,741 --> 00:19:14,621
They aren't.
402
00:19:14,621 --> 00:19:16,181
But my chosen family...
403
00:19:16,181 --> 00:19:18,021
They love me whatever.
404
00:19:19,941 --> 00:19:21,901
And that shitty shed
405
00:19:21,901 --> 00:19:25,381
is full of people, Danny,
who have chosen you.
406
00:19:25,381 --> 00:19:26,901
So please.
407
00:19:26,901 --> 00:19:28,101
Choose them.
408
00:19:36,901 --> 00:19:38,821
I love you, Yemi.
409
00:19:38,821 --> 00:19:40,541
Of course you do, I'm incredible.
410
00:19:46,141 --> 00:19:47,781
All right.
411
00:19:47,781 --> 00:19:49,741
Shall we go back in? Yeah.
412
00:19:49,741 --> 00:19:51,701
Come on, then.
413
00:19:51,701 --> 00:19:53,901
Come on, then!
414
00:19:53,901 --> 00:19:55,981
Rehearsal. To the right.
415
00:19:57,181 --> 00:19:58,821
To the left. Take it back.
416
00:19:58,821 --> 00:20:01,861
♪ It's nice to hear
your voice again
417
00:20:01,861 --> 00:20:04,301
♪ I've waited all day long
418
00:20:04,301 --> 00:20:06,181
♪ Even wrote a song for you
419
00:20:06,181 --> 00:20:09,181
♪ It's strange
the way you make me feel
420
00:20:09,181 --> 00:20:11,101
♪ With just a word or two... ♪
421
00:20:11,101 --> 00:20:12,301
What?
422
00:20:12,301 --> 00:20:15,821
Oh, babe, I had a right
Jeremy Kyle moment in there.
423
00:20:15,821 --> 00:20:17,021
What happened?
424
00:20:20,341 --> 00:20:22,261
KNOCKING
425
00:20:22,261 --> 00:20:23,461
Are you OK, darl?
426
00:20:23,461 --> 00:20:24,901
Yeah, yeah, I'll be out in a bit.
427
00:20:24,901 --> 00:20:27,781
I'm just... taking a second,
you know?
428
00:20:27,781 --> 00:20:31,421
Well, I wanted to give you
your birthday present.
429
00:20:31,421 --> 00:20:35,501
Because the other day, I came home
and Jack had let himself in,
430
00:20:35,501 --> 00:20:38,901
and I could tell
he'd had a little cry upstairs.
431
00:20:40,221 --> 00:20:42,021
We all still miss Laurie.
432
00:20:43,261 --> 00:20:46,901
Sometimes you just got to
come home and let it all out.
433
00:20:46,901 --> 00:20:49,101
So I wanted to give you this.
434
00:20:51,381 --> 00:20:53,741
That's... That's Laurie's key.
I can't...
435
00:20:53,741 --> 00:20:55,661
It's yours.
436
00:20:55,661 --> 00:20:58,541
It's yours any time
you want to pop round.
437
00:20:58,541 --> 00:21:00,381
Have a bath, a cry.
438
00:21:00,381 --> 00:21:01,781
Raid the fridge.
439
00:21:01,781 --> 00:21:05,261
Use towels that aren't like
pieces of Ryvita.
440
00:21:05,261 --> 00:21:06,381
You come on by.
441
00:21:07,501 --> 00:21:10,461
You know you don't have to do that.
I know. But I want to.
442
00:21:10,461 --> 00:21:14,941
And I promise I'll help you figure
out how to keep your nan's flat, OK?
443
00:21:16,741 --> 00:21:20,461
But for now, you are always welcome
to feel home at mine.
444
00:21:23,581 --> 00:21:24,901
Thanks.
445
00:21:28,901 --> 00:21:31,541
Just make sure that you get
some fabric softener here,
446
00:21:31,541 --> 00:21:34,381
cos them towels in the bathroom,
they're, like, crunchy.
447
00:21:34,381 --> 00:21:35,501
It is suspect.
448
00:21:37,381 --> 00:21:38,461
Yeah.
449
00:21:39,861 --> 00:21:41,261
Does that hurt? Yes!
450
00:21:41,261 --> 00:21:43,981
What about that? Shannon, careful.
451
00:21:43,981 --> 00:21:45,901
What's going on? Danny.
452
00:21:47,821 --> 00:21:49,181
I'm so sorry.
453
00:21:49,181 --> 00:21:52,101
Shan told me what happened,
and I just saw red.
454
00:21:52,101 --> 00:21:54,821
He punched your dad. Hard.
455
00:21:54,821 --> 00:21:56,301
Really? Yeah.
456
00:21:58,261 --> 00:22:00,101
Oh, mate, that's so good.
457
00:22:00,101 --> 00:22:02,941
Ow! Well, what have I taught
you about throwing jabs?
458
00:22:02,941 --> 00:22:05,261
You keep your thumb
out the fist jab.
459
00:22:05,261 --> 00:22:07,661
Right. Get ready, gay boys.
460
00:22:07,661 --> 00:22:09,461
I was editing this for ages.
461
00:22:09,461 --> 00:22:12,301
Oh, come on, I don't think people
want to watch me and Jules
462
00:22:12,301 --> 00:22:13,861
banging on about Brent Uni.
463
00:22:13,861 --> 00:22:15,141
Just watch.
464
00:22:17,021 --> 00:22:18,621
Happy birthday, Danny!
465
00:22:19,941 --> 00:22:21,461
I hope you like this.
466
00:22:21,461 --> 00:22:24,541
Happy birthday, Danny!
467
00:22:24,541 --> 00:22:26,261
Danny! Happy birthday.
468
00:22:26,261 --> 00:22:28,101
I think you're older than me.
469
00:22:28,101 --> 00:22:29,261
Happy birthday, Danny.
470
00:22:29,261 --> 00:22:33,181
Love from Jules Hendy, head of
student union and welfare services.
471
00:22:33,181 --> 00:22:36,541
Happy birthday, Danny.
I hope you had the most amazing day.
472
00:22:36,541 --> 00:22:38,061
It took a lot of planning.
473
00:22:38,061 --> 00:22:39,581
I hope you win at bingo.
474
00:22:39,581 --> 00:22:43,141
I hope you did all the pottery
painting as well that I booked.
475
00:22:43,141 --> 00:22:44,581
Happy birthday, Danny.
476
00:22:44,581 --> 00:22:46,781
Stop eating my Special K.
477
00:22:46,781 --> 00:22:48,741
Happy birthday, Danny.
478
00:22:50,741 --> 00:22:51,741
I love you.
479
00:22:52,861 --> 00:22:55,261
I called the care home
and they sent this.
480
00:22:55,261 --> 00:22:58,341
You know, so she wouldn't forget
to wish you a happy birthday.
481
00:23:00,141 --> 00:23:01,341
Jack...
482
00:23:04,061 --> 00:23:06,181
That's not my nan.
483
00:23:06,181 --> 00:23:07,581
What?
484
00:23:07,581 --> 00:23:09,181
I'm only joking. That is.
485
00:23:15,781 --> 00:23:19,221
♪ Won't you hear me at your door
486
00:23:19,221 --> 00:23:22,821
♪ Singing give me some more
487
00:23:22,821 --> 00:23:28,221
♪ Cos you were never empty
488
00:23:29,341 --> 00:23:32,581
♪ And we've been here before
489
00:23:32,581 --> 00:23:35,141
♪ Yes, we've been here before
490
00:23:36,301 --> 00:23:38,861
♪ And that was always plenty... ♪
491
00:23:38,861 --> 00:23:40,741
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