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1
00:00:07,141 --> 00:00:09,581
Oh! Bloody hell.
2
00:00:09,581 --> 00:00:12,221
What's the word for a group
of reindeer?
3
00:00:12,221 --> 00:00:13,701
Uh. An orgy, Nan.
4
00:00:13,701 --> 00:00:15,981
It's an orgy of reindeer.
5
00:00:15,981 --> 00:00:18,461
Oh! We're doing a 12 pubs
of Christmas session.
6
00:00:18,461 --> 00:00:19,821
Although we can only do five pubs
7
00:00:19,821 --> 00:00:22,381
because there's only five pubs in
Kent Mark's not barred from.
8
00:00:22,381 --> 00:00:25,941
Your cousin Mark was the only bloke
in your family you spoke fondly of.
9
00:00:25,941 --> 00:00:27,221
He once went on Tipping Point
10
00:00:27,221 --> 00:00:29,341
and kept calling drop zone 3
a cunt.
11
00:00:29,341 --> 00:00:31,101
The ep was never aired.
12
00:00:31,101 --> 00:00:33,861
Hello, Nan. What's pink and going to
get your head in a spin?
13
00:00:33,861 --> 00:00:36,181
It's not your little knob, is it?
Even better! Yay!
14
00:00:37,621 --> 00:00:40,541
Best Christmas present ever,
Danny boy.
15
00:00:40,541 --> 00:00:42,221
It's quality.
16
00:00:42,221 --> 00:00:44,501
Oi! Boys, boys, just come here a
minute. Come here.
17
00:00:44,501 --> 00:00:47,301
Your dad was a bit of a
Larry loner in Margate.
18
00:00:47,301 --> 00:00:49,781
Mostly because he'd slept
with everyone's missus
19
00:00:49,781 --> 00:00:52,541
and had really shit chat.
20
00:00:52,541 --> 00:00:53,901
The challenge in this pub is
21
00:00:53,901 --> 00:00:55,701
we've got to hold hands
the whole time.
22
00:00:55,701 --> 00:00:57,101
And if you let go even for a second,
23
00:00:57,101 --> 00:00:59,221
then you get the next round in, right?
24
00:00:59,221 --> 00:01:00,581
Wait, wait, wait.
25
00:01:00,581 --> 00:01:02,381
I'm not... I'm not holding
a bloke's hand.
26
00:01:02,381 --> 00:01:03,581
What?
27
00:01:03,581 --> 00:01:05,781
What about if I need to go
for a piss?
28
00:01:05,781 --> 00:01:08,501
I need to get my dick out to piss.
I don't want you staring at my dick.
29
00:01:08,501 --> 00:01:10,941
Shut up, give us your hand, you
ponce! What's wrong with you?
30
00:01:10,941 --> 00:01:12,901
Right, five, four...
31
00:01:12,901 --> 00:01:14,901
Three, two, one.
32
00:01:14,901 --> 00:01:17,301
THEY CHEER
33
00:01:17,301 --> 00:01:18,741
Hey!
34
00:01:18,741 --> 00:01:20,661
You all right? All right.
35
00:01:20,661 --> 00:01:22,981
Fucking hell. You look like
a bunch of fucking woofters.
36
00:01:22,981 --> 00:01:25,981
Shut up, Scrooge, you mug!
37
00:01:25,981 --> 00:01:27,021
Scrooge?
38
00:01:31,821 --> 00:01:33,181
Huh.
39
00:01:33,181 --> 00:01:35,181
Give us a kiss.
40
00:01:36,461 --> 00:01:38,341
SHOUTING
41
00:01:40,141 --> 00:01:43,021
GLASSES CRASH
42
00:01:46,661 --> 00:01:48,501
Fag?
43
00:01:48,501 --> 00:01:50,981
No, I'm not.
44
00:01:50,981 --> 00:01:52,781
No! I meant like a smoke.
45
00:01:52,781 --> 00:01:55,461
Oh. Right.
46
00:01:55,461 --> 00:01:58,301
You once told me how Chappy turned
out to be the first gay person
47
00:01:58,301 --> 00:02:00,101
you'd ever met.
48
00:02:00,101 --> 00:02:02,381
He now runs a nail salon
in Gravesend.
49
00:02:02,381 --> 00:02:04,221
♪ That's too strong
50
00:02:04,221 --> 00:02:05,701
♪ Cos it is my favourite holiday
51
00:02:05,701 --> 00:02:07,941
♪ But all this year's
been a busy blur
52
00:02:07,941 --> 00:02:10,781
♪ Don't think I have the energy... ♪
53
00:02:13,021 --> 00:02:14,661
Fuck, he's fit!
54
00:02:14,661 --> 00:02:17,901
Oh, mate, you really need to get
your end away.
55
00:02:17,901 --> 00:02:19,981
I just keep fancying straight guys.
56
00:02:19,981 --> 00:02:21,141
Yeah.
57
00:02:21,141 --> 00:02:23,141
That is going to be an issue.
58
00:02:23,141 --> 00:02:25,461
I'm the exception that proves
the rule, obviously,
59
00:02:25,461 --> 00:02:27,981
but, like, as like a genre of human,
60
00:02:27,981 --> 00:02:29,341
like, we're just the worst.
61
00:02:39,661 --> 00:02:42,061
I don't know. I've always got a bit
of a gay vibe off Tim.
62
00:02:42,061 --> 00:02:43,501
He dresses nice.
63
00:02:43,501 --> 00:02:44,661
Stretching.
64
00:02:44,661 --> 00:02:46,701
Have you ever smelt his hair?
65
00:02:46,701 --> 00:02:49,501
No. Have you?
66
00:02:49,501 --> 00:02:50,821
Yeah.
67
00:02:50,821 --> 00:02:53,981
This one time we were in the gym together,
68
00:02:53,981 --> 00:02:56,861
and I've looked over at the water fountain
69
00:02:56,861 --> 00:02:59,181
and there's like, this moment,
70
00:02:59,181 --> 00:03:02,901
but who's going to go first,
you know,
71
00:03:02,901 --> 00:03:04,581
and I've gone in... Did you kiss?
72
00:03:04,581 --> 00:03:06,781
No, but I just went...
HE SNIFFS
73
00:03:08,141 --> 00:03:09,381
HE EXHALES
74
00:03:10,541 --> 00:03:11,861
Lily of the valley.
75
00:03:11,861 --> 00:03:13,421
Oh? Yeah.
76
00:03:13,421 --> 00:03:16,541
I just want to find out
if Tim's gay once and for all.
77
00:03:16,541 --> 00:03:17,901
Yeah. Look.
78
00:03:17,901 --> 00:03:19,541
I'm Facebook friends with him.
79
00:03:19,541 --> 00:03:20,941
Oh. What?
80
00:03:20,941 --> 00:03:23,861
Yeah, he's sort of sympathy-added
me, like, after my wobble last year.
81
00:03:23,861 --> 00:03:26,341
So... Yeah. There'll be some
evidence on there, man.
82
00:03:26,341 --> 00:03:28,421
Sorry. Where is Corinne?
83
00:03:28,421 --> 00:03:31,621
You're pregnant?
It's not ideal, no.
84
00:03:31,621 --> 00:03:32,941
What are you going to do?
85
00:03:32,941 --> 00:03:34,661
Well, second and third year
of uni count.
86
00:03:34,661 --> 00:03:36,061
So if I was to delay by two years,
87
00:03:36,061 --> 00:03:38,621
then I would be delaying my masters,
88
00:03:38,621 --> 00:03:40,141
which would delay my PhD,
89
00:03:40,141 --> 00:03:43,581
which could delay me making any
30 Under 30s list. So...
90
00:03:43,581 --> 00:03:45,301
Right.
91
00:03:45,301 --> 00:03:47,701
You're joking there, right?
Half joking.
92
00:03:47,701 --> 00:03:50,221
And who's the father?
Spencer, obviously.
93
00:03:50,221 --> 00:03:52,381
Well, I don't know.
We still haven't even met the guy.
94
00:03:52,381 --> 00:03:54,821
I was beginning to wonder
if you'd gone and made him up,
95
00:03:54,821 --> 00:03:57,021
but clearly not.
96
00:03:57,021 --> 00:04:00,221
There's nothing on there
to suggest he's gay or not gay.
97
00:04:00,221 --> 00:04:03,261
Right, everyone, today
we will be looking at phone hacking.
98
00:04:03,261 --> 00:04:06,181
Oh, my God, I was once a victim
of phone hacking.
99
00:04:06,181 --> 00:04:08,221
You know what? It was bloody
horrible, actually.
100
00:04:08,221 --> 00:04:10,621
A man in Bogota got into my Facey B
101
00:04:10,621 --> 00:04:14,021
and then my whole wall
became like a retail hub
102
00:04:14,021 --> 00:04:15,461
for Ray-Ban sunglasses.
103
00:04:15,461 --> 00:04:18,261
Right, Jules, you've got 30 seconds
to interrupt this class.
104
00:04:18,261 --> 00:04:21,141
OK, um, we'll just be really
quick, then, for you.
105
00:04:21,141 --> 00:04:22,381
At the end of the week,
106
00:04:22,381 --> 00:04:24,941
it's the second year's
BA Fashion Showcase.
107
00:04:24,941 --> 00:04:26,581
So come on down.
108
00:04:26,581 --> 00:04:29,381
All bottles of cheeky VK £1.50.
109
00:04:29,381 --> 00:04:33,981
And I'll be selling the leftover
Punanis for a pound. Paninis.
110
00:04:33,981 --> 00:04:36,181
I'll take a couple of festive
punanis off you.
111
00:04:36,181 --> 00:04:37,541
Paninis. Yeah. Lovely.
112
00:04:37,541 --> 00:04:39,221
Thank you, Danny and Tim.
113
00:04:39,221 --> 00:04:40,261
Oh, yeah.
114
00:04:40,261 --> 00:04:43,101
Jules has manipulated me
into donating something
115
00:04:43,101 --> 00:04:45,141
for the festive fundraiser.
116
00:04:45,141 --> 00:04:47,621
And, uh, since I'm moving anyway,
117
00:04:47,621 --> 00:04:50,301
I'll be flogging this - £50
donation.
118
00:04:50,301 --> 00:04:52,021
Come and collect it ASAP.
119
00:04:52,021 --> 00:04:55,381
Table tennis. Pretty gay.
120
00:04:55,381 --> 00:05:00,061
Diamond Veins
by French 79
121
00:05:04,421 --> 00:05:07,021
♪ You are the diamonds in my veins
122
00:05:07,021 --> 00:05:10,501
♪ Baby, you cut me... ♪
123
00:05:15,661 --> 00:05:17,621
You don't even do sport.
124
00:05:17,621 --> 00:05:19,781
If I buy this, I can go to Tim's
house,
125
00:05:19,781 --> 00:05:23,421
do some investigative journalism
to find out if he's gay.
126
00:05:23,421 --> 00:05:25,261
Anyone? We are literally in a lecture
127
00:05:25,261 --> 00:05:27,061
about the invasion of privacy. So...
128
00:05:27,061 --> 00:05:28,941
Oh, shut up, Corinne.
129
00:05:28,941 --> 00:05:31,061
Fine. Sold to Jack.
130
00:05:31,061 --> 00:05:34,061
Oh, will you help me collect it?
No. Little creep.
131
00:05:34,061 --> 00:05:37,141
I'm busy tomorrow anyway.
Right. We'll get out of your hair.
132
00:05:37,141 --> 00:05:39,941
Um, we've actually got tickets
to be in the audience
133
00:05:39,941 --> 00:05:41,621
for Harry Hill's TV Burp.
134
00:05:41,621 --> 00:05:43,221
HE SINGS COUNTDOWN THEME
135
00:05:43,221 --> 00:05:45,141
Piss off!
136
00:05:45,141 --> 00:05:47,621
Right, phone hacking.
137
00:05:47,621 --> 00:05:49,861
Some people say it can ruin people's
lives,
138
00:05:49,861 --> 00:05:52,501
and a reasonable misunderstanding of
the legislation around it
139
00:05:52,501 --> 00:05:54,021
can also ruin people's careers.
140
00:05:54,021 --> 00:05:57,541
So I'm going to terminate
the pregnancy tomorrow,
141
00:05:57,541 --> 00:06:00,301
and I don't want to go by myself.
142
00:06:00,301 --> 00:06:02,821
So will you come with me?
143
00:06:02,821 --> 00:06:05,061
Of course, babe.
Thank you.
144
00:06:05,061 --> 00:06:08,141
But why is Spencer not going
with you? I asked Spencer, but...
145
00:06:08,141 --> 00:06:11,581
Babe. I would come, you know,
I would love to come,
146
00:06:11,581 --> 00:06:15,221
but I've got this feminist
poetry podcast tomorrow,
147
00:06:15,221 --> 00:06:18,821
um, talking about toxic masculinity
and outdated notions
148
00:06:18,821 --> 00:06:21,341
of patriarchal superiority.
149
00:06:21,341 --> 00:06:24,581
So I, uh, I can't really come
with you to the borsh.
150
00:06:24,581 --> 00:06:26,461
Your boyfriend sounds like a prick.
151
00:06:26,461 --> 00:06:29,221
I know. But, yes, I shall
come with you.
152
00:06:29,221 --> 00:06:31,581
I just have two days
in which to find a model
153
00:06:31,581 --> 00:06:32,741
for my fashion showcase.
154
00:06:32,741 --> 00:06:36,621
So I may be scouting for talent
on the abortion ward.
155
00:06:36,621 --> 00:06:38,981
Please don't do that.
156
00:06:38,981 --> 00:06:41,541
Babe, every single model
at this university is taken.
157
00:06:41,541 --> 00:06:42,941
I even just had to ask...
158
00:06:42,941 --> 00:06:45,141
Would I have to walk
in a straight line?
159
00:06:45,141 --> 00:06:46,781
Well, yes.
160
00:06:46,781 --> 00:06:48,261
No can do.
161
00:06:48,261 --> 00:06:49,781
Contrary to my confident persona,
162
00:06:49,781 --> 00:06:52,581
I've actually got quite
a nervous disposition.
163
00:06:52,581 --> 00:06:53,741
Right.
164
00:06:55,381 --> 00:06:56,381
Right.
165
00:06:58,101 --> 00:06:59,381
No.
166
00:07:09,741 --> 00:07:11,141
Yay! Hey!
167
00:07:11,141 --> 00:07:12,941
Look who it is! Danny boy!
168
00:07:12,941 --> 00:07:14,141
Merry Christmas.
169
00:07:14,141 --> 00:07:16,421
Hey, listen.
170
00:07:17,581 --> 00:07:19,141
Did you bring a handgun
and ten grand?
171
00:07:19,141 --> 00:07:22,301
Yeah, I'll sneak it to you after
we've had these watery coffees.
172
00:07:22,301 --> 00:07:24,021
All right?
173
00:07:24,021 --> 00:07:26,461
Oh, no. I'm off the caffeine.
What?
174
00:07:26,461 --> 00:07:29,261
Yeah, yeah, I've quit anything
that's remotely a drug.
175
00:07:29,261 --> 00:07:30,981
Finally! If only you'd been supplying
176
00:07:30,981 --> 00:07:33,981
the people of Margate with arabica
beans instead of dodgy class As.
177
00:07:33,981 --> 00:07:36,381
Yeah, yeah. Any jokes how
we're the only two
178
00:07:36,381 --> 00:07:39,581
that's left Margate and moved up to
London?
179
00:07:39,581 --> 00:07:42,621
I mean, you're in prison, Mark.
180
00:07:42,621 --> 00:07:45,901
Yeah, well, it's a very desirable
West London postcode.
181
00:07:45,901 --> 00:07:47,381
OK. Fair enough.
182
00:07:48,621 --> 00:07:51,741
No, I'm... I'm proper sorting myself out.
183
00:07:51,741 --> 00:07:53,101
Good, good.
184
00:07:54,381 --> 00:07:57,341
Anyway, to what do I owe
the pleasure of this visit?
185
00:07:57,341 --> 00:08:00,581
Uh, it's, it's my old man.
Is he dead?
186
00:08:00,581 --> 00:08:02,661
No, no, he's just texted me
out of the blue.
187
00:08:02,661 --> 00:08:05,701
He wants to meet up.
Oh, shit.
188
00:08:05,701 --> 00:08:06,981
Even worse.
189
00:08:12,341 --> 00:08:15,341
I knew Tim was my lecturer
and nothing would happen,
190
00:08:15,341 --> 00:08:18,301
but I felt I needed to know
if he was gay,
191
00:08:18,301 --> 00:08:22,061
like Louis Walsh or
the Go Compare Man.
192
00:08:22,061 --> 00:08:25,181
It was one of life's mysteries.
193
00:08:25,181 --> 00:08:26,581
Hey.
194
00:08:26,581 --> 00:08:27,621
Hello, Jack.
195
00:08:27,621 --> 00:08:29,181
The table's just here.
196
00:08:29,181 --> 00:08:30,261
Cool.
197
00:08:30,261 --> 00:08:32,381
I just love tennis... table tennis.
198
00:08:34,021 --> 00:08:36,341
Just don't touch anything.
199
00:08:36,341 --> 00:08:38,581
So, have you not brought
a vehicle with you?
200
00:08:38,581 --> 00:08:39,981
Nah.
201
00:08:39,981 --> 00:08:41,941
So how are you going to get
this home?
202
00:08:41,941 --> 00:08:43,381
Oh, uh, yeah.
203
00:08:43,381 --> 00:08:44,741
I hadn't thought about that.
204
00:08:44,741 --> 00:08:46,621
So who do you live with?
205
00:08:46,621 --> 00:08:47,781
It's just me.
206
00:08:47,781 --> 00:08:50,861
Oh, well, who would you play
table tennis with?
207
00:08:50,861 --> 00:08:53,541
Well, normally I'd fold up one side
208
00:08:53,541 --> 00:08:56,141
and, uh, play solo. Right.
209
00:08:56,141 --> 00:08:58,821
Maybe I'll start playing
with myself.
210
00:09:00,341 --> 00:09:04,901
You know, Jack, you can play
with yourself as much as you like,
211
00:09:04,901 --> 00:09:07,181
but get a van first.
212
00:09:07,181 --> 00:09:08,901
Oh, she is stunning.
213
00:09:08,901 --> 00:09:10,981
I'm pretty sure that NHS staff
don't want to model
214
00:09:10,981 --> 00:09:13,381
for fashion students.
215
00:09:13,381 --> 00:09:16,021
Are you OK?
You've asked me that eight times.
216
00:09:16,021 --> 00:09:18,701
This is pretty normal stuff. OK?
217
00:09:18,701 --> 00:09:20,261
I just wanted a pal to chat to.
218
00:09:20,261 --> 00:09:21,701
Oh, aye-aye!
219
00:09:21,701 --> 00:09:23,861
Look, it's you.
Oh, my fucking God.
220
00:09:23,861 --> 00:09:26,141
Hello, my dolls.
221
00:09:26,141 --> 00:09:27,821
I'm having my three-month scan.
222
00:09:27,821 --> 00:09:30,261
Oh, wow. Congrats. Can I pinch your
lighter, sweetheart?
223
00:09:30,261 --> 00:09:31,621
Of course you can.
224
00:09:31,621 --> 00:09:33,981
So, what are you two doing here?
I didn't know you smoked.
225
00:09:33,981 --> 00:09:35,701
I'm just a bit stressed.
226
00:09:35,701 --> 00:09:37,701
Um, yeah, because, uh...
227
00:09:37,701 --> 00:09:40,021
Yemi's having his haemorrhoids removed.
228
00:09:40,021 --> 00:09:41,141
Oh, hon.
229
00:09:41,141 --> 00:09:43,621
What treatment are you having?
230
00:09:43,621 --> 00:09:44,821
I'm not so sure.
231
00:09:44,821 --> 00:09:47,261
OK, they can wrap a rubber band
around a haemorrhoid
232
00:09:47,261 --> 00:09:49,861
to make it drop off, or they can put
an electric current through.
233
00:09:49,861 --> 00:09:52,421
But actually, with mine,
they just used infrared light.
234
00:09:52,421 --> 00:09:55,061
Well, you haven't actually chosen
yet, have you?
235
00:09:55,061 --> 00:09:56,941
It's just a pretty big decision.
236
00:09:56,941 --> 00:09:59,781
Oh, well. It's good to know you have
options, darling.
237
00:09:59,781 --> 00:10:02,301
Yes. That's good.
238
00:10:03,861 --> 00:10:05,581
You look ridiculous.
239
00:10:05,581 --> 00:10:09,181
Nan! I need something in between my
fingers to keep the smoking habit.
240
00:10:09,181 --> 00:10:11,381
OK? How many have you had today?
241
00:10:11,381 --> 00:10:12,701
About five.
242
00:10:12,701 --> 00:10:15,941
Well, that amount of spicy pork
can't be good for a baby.
243
00:10:15,941 --> 00:10:16,981
Oh, God.
244
00:10:23,861 --> 00:10:25,541
Hi, boys.
245
00:10:25,541 --> 00:10:27,741
Boys, boys. Boys. Boys.
246
00:10:29,301 --> 00:10:30,941
It's me.
247
00:10:30,941 --> 00:10:32,621
Oh, Tim.
248
00:10:32,621 --> 00:10:34,381
Lush old pad.
249
00:10:34,381 --> 00:10:36,061
Do you know what it's like?
250
00:10:36,061 --> 00:10:37,901
The house on The Apprentice,
isn't it?
251
00:10:37,901 --> 00:10:38,981
Right.
252
00:10:38,981 --> 00:10:41,501
Put the kettle on, then, Tim,
in I come for a cup of tea.
253
00:10:41,501 --> 00:10:43,581
- Absolutely not.
- OK.
MOBILE RINGS
254
00:10:43,581 --> 00:10:46,341
Uh, can you two load and go, please?
I've got to take this phone call.
255
00:10:46,341 --> 00:10:49,381
No, I've just had a tea. It's fine.
256
00:10:49,381 --> 00:10:52,141
OK. Mind your toes.
257
00:10:52,141 --> 00:10:53,421
Um...
258
00:10:53,421 --> 00:10:55,661
Hold on, Jules, I'm just going to
nip to the loo.
259
00:10:55,661 --> 00:10:59,221
Oh, OK. Oh. Um...
Uh, steal me a bog roll. What?
260
00:10:59,221 --> 00:11:02,461
It's what people do at
Buckingham Palace, isn't it?
261
00:11:02,461 --> 00:11:04,581
Um, Mel B has four, apparently...
262
00:11:05,981 --> 00:11:09,101
Well, yeah. You come round around
6.00 tomorrow,
263
00:11:09,101 --> 00:11:10,701
I'll pop open some wine.
264
00:11:10,701 --> 00:11:12,301
We'll just have a lovely evening in,
265
00:11:12,301 --> 00:11:14,181
just us, you know?
266
00:11:14,181 --> 00:11:17,701
Well, if you're lucky,
there'll be some mischief.
267
00:11:23,221 --> 00:11:25,421
I spoke to him briefly on the phone,
but I don't know,
268
00:11:25,421 --> 00:11:27,981
I just... I don't think I'm ready to
let him back in, you know?
269
00:11:27,981 --> 00:11:29,381
Well, I'm not surprised. I mean,
270
00:11:29,381 --> 00:11:32,221
he's been an almighty tosser
most of our lives. Yeah, he has.
271
00:11:33,581 --> 00:11:34,901
But then, you know, so have I.
272
00:11:34,901 --> 00:11:36,781
Because, you know, when I get
out of here, Dan,
273
00:11:36,781 --> 00:11:38,901
I'm going to be asking everyone
for a second chance.
274
00:11:38,901 --> 00:11:40,541
Yeah, but that's different,
isn't it?
275
00:11:40,541 --> 00:11:42,781
He's had his second chance
and his third and his fourth.
276
00:11:42,781 --> 00:11:44,781
What I'm saying is, I suppose
you just don't know
277
00:11:44,781 --> 00:11:48,301
when someone's ready to properly
change. How's Nan doin'?
278
00:11:48,301 --> 00:11:50,261
Yes. Stable.
279
00:11:50,261 --> 00:11:52,621
I mean, she likes her carer a lot.
280
00:11:52,621 --> 00:11:54,981
Yeah, she flashed him last month.
281
00:11:54,981 --> 00:11:58,221
Seriously. I mean, she said it was
an accident, but, you know...
282
00:11:58,221 --> 00:12:00,781
It sounds like her.
283
00:12:02,941 --> 00:12:06,661
Sorry I weren't about when,
you know, when she's gone downhill.
284
00:12:06,661 --> 00:12:09,021
No. It's fine. You know, I mean,
it's the thing.
285
00:12:09,021 --> 00:12:10,621
Neither was Dad, you know?
286
00:12:10,621 --> 00:12:12,461
At least you've got an excuse.
287
00:12:12,461 --> 00:12:15,021
Only you can decide if you want
to forgive him, mate.
288
00:12:15,021 --> 00:12:16,901
There's a lot of time to think
in here.
289
00:12:16,901 --> 00:12:19,101
I mean, mostly, don't get me wrong.
290
00:12:19,101 --> 00:12:20,981
Prison's just shit food, daytime telly
291
00:12:20,981 --> 00:12:22,901
and slinging one up a sock every
now and then.
292
00:12:22,901 --> 00:12:24,341
Sounds like uni. Yeah? Yeah.
293
00:12:24,341 --> 00:12:26,821
But I think
the hardest thing is the fact
294
00:12:26,821 --> 00:12:28,781
that I might not get to say goodbye
to Nan,
295
00:12:28,781 --> 00:12:31,061
and that's fucking hard, Dan.
That hurts.
296
00:12:32,301 --> 00:12:34,341
Patch things up with your old man.
297
00:12:34,341 --> 00:12:37,181
I'm telling you, you don't want
that regret.
298
00:12:39,141 --> 00:12:43,261
Listen, I didn't manage
to sneak you in any dirty mags,
299
00:12:43,261 --> 00:12:46,181
but I did manage to get you this.
300
00:12:50,781 --> 00:12:52,101
There you go.
301
00:12:52,101 --> 00:12:54,341
Oh, no. You can't give it to me,
mate!
302
00:12:54,341 --> 00:12:56,701
Mate, it's just a spinning bowtie!
303
00:12:56,701 --> 00:12:58,941
It could have concealed drugs
or be used as a blade.
304
00:12:58,941 --> 00:13:01,581
It's a novelty spinning bow tie,
mate. All right? Don't hurt him!
305
00:13:01,581 --> 00:13:03,741
It's all right, Dan. It's all right.
It's all right.
306
00:13:03,741 --> 00:13:06,941
So seeing you was the best present
I could have asked for, mate.
307
00:13:09,461 --> 00:13:12,421
The local abortion clinic was mostly
populated by women
308
00:13:12,421 --> 00:13:15,141
who chose not to go with boyfriends,
309
00:13:15,141 --> 00:13:18,341
but instead with a trusted gay best friend.
310
00:13:18,341 --> 00:13:22,621
Come 'ere. Can we keep this
termination between us, please?
311
00:13:22,621 --> 00:13:26,261
I'm only telling you as the closest
thing I have to a girlfriend.
312
00:13:26,261 --> 00:13:28,341
Yeah. Thanks, bitch.
313
00:13:28,341 --> 00:13:30,021
Oh, my God!
314
00:13:30,021 --> 00:13:32,501
That just gave me an idea.
What?
315
00:13:32,501 --> 00:13:35,221
Maybe I don't need some other basic
fashion bish to wear my designs.
316
00:13:35,221 --> 00:13:36,701
Here we go.
317
00:13:37,941 --> 00:13:41,101
Maybe... Maybe I pick me.
318
00:13:41,101 --> 00:13:42,941
Oh, OK.
319
00:13:42,941 --> 00:13:45,221
No. To be fair, that's a very good idea.
320
00:13:45,221 --> 00:13:46,821
Why not be my own model?
321
00:13:46,821 --> 00:13:49,941
Yeah. It feels like something
I should have always done.
322
00:13:49,941 --> 00:13:52,501
You saying you're questioning
your gender?
323
00:13:52,501 --> 00:13:55,181
Corinne, I know you want
a friend of every single letter
324
00:13:55,181 --> 00:13:56,221
of the LGBT umbrella.
325
00:13:56,221 --> 00:13:58,341
I'm just saying that men
can look cute in skirts, no?
326
00:13:58,341 --> 00:14:00,381
You're talking to a Scot, babe.
327
00:14:00,381 --> 00:14:01,941
It's called kilt. Ms Gahamire?
328
00:14:04,021 --> 00:14:05,181
Yes.
329
00:14:14,741 --> 00:14:16,781
What the fuck?
330
00:14:16,781 --> 00:14:19,341
Look, I'm sorry to take over,
but I have to redesign,
331
00:14:19,341 --> 00:14:21,741
alter and expand all of these
garments to fit me.
332
00:14:21,741 --> 00:14:23,101
And I've got 36 hours to do it.
333
00:14:23,101 --> 00:14:25,941
I mean, I used to sew my name into
my PE kit when I was a kid.
334
00:14:25,941 --> 00:14:28,461
Do you want a hand?
Yes, please. Thank you.
335
00:14:28,461 --> 00:14:30,861
Where's Corinne? She could help.
No, no, she's in her room.
336
00:14:30,861 --> 00:14:31,981
She, um...
337
00:14:31,981 --> 00:14:35,301
She's feeling a little bit poorly.
338
00:14:35,301 --> 00:14:37,381
Oh, look who it is.
339
00:14:37,381 --> 00:14:38,861
The stalker.
340
00:14:38,861 --> 00:14:40,421
Any gay Tim info?
341
00:14:40,421 --> 00:14:43,461
No, but I found out he has
a date tomorrow,
342
00:14:43,461 --> 00:14:46,661
so trying to figure out
a way to spy on that.
343
00:14:46,661 --> 00:14:48,901
Jack, you're actually starting
to worry me.
344
00:14:48,901 --> 00:14:50,661
I've just been to see my cousin
in prison,
345
00:14:50,661 --> 00:14:52,981
and you would not last five minutes
in there.
346
00:14:52,981 --> 00:14:57,261
All right, they ain't got Wi-Fi
or tiger bread.
347
00:14:57,261 --> 00:14:59,821
Jack, I'm trying to make my dream collection.
348
00:14:59,821 --> 00:15:01,541
And your table tennis table is literally
349
00:15:01,541 --> 00:15:03,181
getting in the way of that. Literally.
350
00:15:03,181 --> 00:15:04,941
But there's nowhere else it can go.
351
00:15:04,941 --> 00:15:06,781
Then take it back from whence
it came.
352
00:15:06,781 --> 00:15:08,701
This shed has youth club vibes
enough already.
353
00:15:08,701 --> 00:15:11,141
Thank you very much.
354
00:15:11,141 --> 00:15:15,141
Oh, this could give me a reason to
go back to Tim's tomorrow.
355
00:15:16,221 --> 00:15:17,261
You're obsessed.
356
00:15:19,541 --> 00:15:24,061
♪ I knew when you told me
you don't want to go home tonight
357
00:15:25,661 --> 00:15:29,541
♪ And you tried to just shrug
it off when I asked why
358
00:15:29,541 --> 00:15:33,461
♪ Somebody hurt you,
somebody hurt you
359
00:15:33,461 --> 00:15:36,181
♪ But you're here by my side
360
00:15:36,181 --> 00:15:38,781
♪ And I knew
361
00:15:38,781 --> 00:15:42,861
♪ Cos I can recall when
I was the one in your seat
362
00:15:42,861 --> 00:15:46,821
♪ I've still got the scars
and they occasionally bleed
363
00:15:46,821 --> 00:15:51,461
♪ Cos somebody hurt me,
somebody hurt me
364
00:15:51,461 --> 00:15:53,741
♪ But I'm staying alive
365
00:15:53,741 --> 00:15:56,901
♪ And I can tell
When you get nervous
366
00:15:56,901 --> 00:16:01,701
♪ You think being yourself
Means being unworthy
367
00:16:01,701 --> 00:16:03,701
♪ And it's hard to love
368
00:16:03,701 --> 00:16:05,981
♪ With a heart that's hurting
369
00:16:05,981 --> 00:16:10,421
♪ But if you want to go out dancing
370
00:16:10,421 --> 00:16:15,141
♪ I know a place... ♪
371
00:16:15,141 --> 00:16:19,181
And there Tim was, having a romantic
meal with a boy.
372
00:16:20,901 --> 00:16:21,941
And her.
373
00:16:30,061 --> 00:16:33,221
Hello. How can I help you, Jack?
374
00:16:33,221 --> 00:16:35,221
Yeah. This table.
375
00:16:35,221 --> 00:16:37,581
Um, yeah. Sadly, it's not for me.
376
00:16:37,581 --> 00:16:39,861
Well, I'm not going to take it back.
OK?
377
00:16:41,261 --> 00:16:43,221
Right. Um...
378
00:16:43,221 --> 00:16:44,421
Fair enough.
379
00:16:45,581 --> 00:16:47,021
Can I use your loo?
380
00:16:47,021 --> 00:16:49,461
Can you not? OK.
381
00:16:49,461 --> 00:16:52,421
And, um... what's going on here?
Goodbye, Jack.
382
00:16:54,541 --> 00:16:56,981
OK. Cool. See ya.
383
00:17:07,141 --> 00:17:08,461
Hey, guys.
384
00:17:10,541 --> 00:17:11,901
Is that Spencer?
385
00:17:11,901 --> 00:17:13,861
Yes, that is Spencer.
386
00:17:13,861 --> 00:17:15,381
She's dumped me!
387
00:17:15,381 --> 00:17:17,701
Nice to meet you, guys.
388
00:17:17,701 --> 00:17:19,421
That's why she's been in her room.
389
00:17:19,421 --> 00:17:21,461
Oh, God. I hate breaking up
with people.
390
00:17:21,461 --> 00:17:23,461
Yeah, it's a lot.
You know, I had to leave my ex
391
00:17:23,461 --> 00:17:25,501
because she was addicted
to online shopping.
392
00:17:25,501 --> 00:17:28,101
I mean, I was down the post office
so much returning her parcels,
393
00:17:28,101 --> 00:17:30,221
I ended up shagging the girl
on the Bureau de Change.
394
00:17:30,221 --> 00:17:31,301
You're so feisty!
395
00:17:36,101 --> 00:17:38,381
Do you understand the English
I speak in this house?
396
00:17:38,381 --> 00:17:39,661
What did I say?
397
00:17:39,661 --> 00:17:41,061
No table.
398
00:17:41,061 --> 00:17:45,461
Look, I just pushed it on a
four-mile round trip to see Tim
399
00:17:45,461 --> 00:17:48,021
with a guy and a girl.
400
00:17:48,021 --> 00:17:50,381
So I still don't know
if he's fucking gay.
401
00:17:50,381 --> 00:17:51,461
Good.
402
00:17:51,461 --> 00:17:53,981
Danny told me about your little escapade.
403
00:17:53,981 --> 00:17:56,741
So let me tell you something, Jack.
404
00:17:56,741 --> 00:17:59,621
It's actually none of your business
what someone else's sexuality is.
405
00:17:59,621 --> 00:18:01,981
Yeah, I know, but...
There are no buts, Jack.
406
00:18:03,021 --> 00:18:06,101
I was outed by a lady from my church
who just saw me having a drink
407
00:18:06,101 --> 00:18:08,621
with a guy, then ran to go
and tell our pastor.
408
00:18:08,621 --> 00:18:09,901
Oh, yeah.
409
00:18:09,901 --> 00:18:12,261
So, no, we don't go uncovering,
410
00:18:12,261 --> 00:18:15,221
no matter what stupid crushes
we have.
411
00:18:15,221 --> 00:18:17,381
You're right.
It's like me in Year 7,
412
00:18:17,381 --> 00:18:20,101
you know, when I used to chat
up the sixth formers. What?
413
00:18:20,101 --> 00:18:22,341
I think you were going
for someone you knew
414
00:18:22,341 --> 00:18:25,861
you couldn't have so you wouldn't
get hurt, you know?
415
00:18:25,861 --> 00:18:27,181
But you do, right?
416
00:18:29,461 --> 00:18:31,381
Lindsay Hawkins.
417
00:18:31,381 --> 00:18:33,341
OK.
418
00:18:33,341 --> 00:18:34,381
Sorry, Yemi.
419
00:18:34,381 --> 00:18:35,781
The worst part is you've actually
420
00:18:35,781 --> 00:18:37,501
completely upstaged my outfit reveal.
421
00:18:37,501 --> 00:18:39,141
Oh. Come on. Come on!
422
00:18:43,341 --> 00:18:45,741
♪ I know a place...
423
00:18:45,741 --> 00:18:47,181
Whoa!
424
00:18:47,181 --> 00:18:48,261
Yes!
425
00:18:51,221 --> 00:18:53,821
You look beautiful.
426
00:18:53,821 --> 00:18:56,661
♪ ..just lay down their weapon,
lay down your weapon... ♪
427
00:18:58,261 --> 00:19:01,141
Although maybe
we lose the sunglasses.
428
00:19:02,741 --> 00:19:04,621
Look a bit like Jimmy Saville.
429
00:19:14,261 --> 00:19:16,341
Corinne, Corinne. What?
Hey, Corinne! Oh, Jesus.
430
00:19:18,941 --> 00:19:22,261
I know I fucked up, so I'm here
to show you
431
00:19:22,261 --> 00:19:24,141
that I still believe in us.
432
00:19:24,141 --> 00:19:26,141
Oh, no. He's not going to do
a poem, is he?
433
00:19:26,141 --> 00:19:29,381
I can't watch this.
434
00:19:29,381 --> 00:19:35,221
In this city of chicken bones
and mobile phones
435
00:19:35,221 --> 00:19:40,901
You and me are meant to be
a cacophony of chemistry
436
00:19:40,901 --> 00:19:45,501
I'm sorry, I still see among these
skyscraper lined streets...
437
00:19:45,501 --> 00:19:48,701
Skyscrapers?
We're in fucking Zone 6.
438
00:19:48,701 --> 00:19:50,701
So I plead to thee
439
00:19:50,701 --> 00:19:52,741
That we'll never flee
440
00:19:52,741 --> 00:19:55,221
I don't see you and me condemned
to history...
441
00:19:55,221 --> 00:19:57,621
Spencer... Please believe
in this city...
442
00:19:57,621 --> 00:19:59,781
Spencer. Yes.
443
00:19:59,781 --> 00:20:01,501
Fuck off.
444
00:20:08,141 --> 00:20:11,381
♪ Rockin' around the Christmas tree
445
00:20:11,381 --> 00:20:14,421
♪ At the Christmas party hop... ♪
Merry Christmas! Merry Christmas!
446
00:20:15,661 --> 00:20:18,701
Are you all right? Yeah.
447
00:20:18,701 --> 00:20:21,341
Oh, I'm going to get in my
jimmy-jams too.
448
00:20:21,341 --> 00:20:22,381
Go on, then, do it.
449
00:20:24,021 --> 00:20:27,021
My mum also got you matching pyjamas
for Christmas
450
00:20:27,021 --> 00:20:30,021
so you could stay and not be on your
tod at your nan's flat.
451
00:20:30,021 --> 00:20:33,501
But you said you had something
you needed to do.
452
00:20:36,821 --> 00:20:38,021
You all right, Dad?
453
00:20:40,901 --> 00:20:42,461
All right, son?
454
00:20:42,461 --> 00:20:45,341
♪ Voices singing let's be jolly...
455
00:20:45,341 --> 00:20:48,541
BABY MUSICAL BOX FINISHES MELODY
456
00:20:48,541 --> 00:20:51,141
Whoa!
Hello, hello, hello.
457
00:20:51,141 --> 00:20:52,821
Ah?
458
00:20:52,821 --> 00:20:54,621
I'd give the bathroom five mins
459
00:20:54,621 --> 00:20:56,821
cos a hot bath always makes me want
to go.
460
00:20:56,821 --> 00:20:58,741
Have you moved into my room?
461
00:20:58,741 --> 00:21:01,021
OK, here we go. All right.
462
00:21:01,021 --> 00:21:03,461
Well, listen, me and Nan
kept falling out, OK?
463
00:21:03,461 --> 00:21:04,981
You have fucked off.
464
00:21:04,981 --> 00:21:07,781
And Peggy's quite lonely, so,
ta-da!
465
00:21:07,781 --> 00:21:09,301
I've been here three weeks.
466
00:21:09,301 --> 00:21:12,381
Shannon! We went and bought mum
an iPhone...
467
00:21:12,381 --> 00:21:16,101
iPhone for Christmas last
Tuesday. You didn't mention it.
468
00:21:16,101 --> 00:21:20,341
I forgot! I've got you a lovely
airbed off the Argos catalogue.
469
00:21:20,341 --> 00:21:22,741
Merry Christmas to you.
470
00:21:22,741 --> 00:21:26,741
But I did want to show you these.
471
00:21:28,981 --> 00:21:30,541
Oh, Shan!
472
00:21:30,541 --> 00:21:32,661
Oh, this is so cool.
473
00:21:32,661 --> 00:21:33,701
Isn't it?
474
00:21:35,301 --> 00:21:38,901
Can you scan those for me
at your fancy uni library,
475
00:21:38,901 --> 00:21:41,261
so I can put them on Facey B in HD?
476
00:21:41,261 --> 00:21:43,221
Sweet.
477
00:21:43,221 --> 00:21:44,621
Oh.
478
00:21:48,861 --> 00:21:51,461
We've recently moved
your grandmother up a floor
479
00:21:51,461 --> 00:21:53,381
as her condition has worsened.
480
00:21:53,381 --> 00:21:55,781
Right.
481
00:21:55,781 --> 00:21:57,101
Is she...?
482
00:21:58,301 --> 00:22:00,341
Merry Christmas to you, too.
483
00:22:00,341 --> 00:22:02,261
♪ Do you want to spend the day?... ♪
484
00:22:02,261 --> 00:22:03,501
Hello, Nan.
485
00:22:03,501 --> 00:22:05,181
♪ A day in the water... ♪
486
00:22:06,501 --> 00:22:07,501
It's me.
487
00:22:08,981 --> 00:22:11,661
♪ When nothing hurts your skin.... ♪
488
00:22:11,661 --> 00:22:14,421
Look, I've got you some
nice flowers.
489
00:22:14,421 --> 00:22:17,901
♪ Do you want to know?
490
00:22:17,901 --> 00:22:20,541
♪ Do you want to feel the sun...? ♪
491
00:22:22,021 --> 00:22:25,421
Your nighty looks nice, doesn't it?
492
00:22:25,421 --> 00:22:29,301
You ain't got
any porridge down it this time.
493
00:22:29,301 --> 00:22:31,901
It's a start.
494
00:22:31,901 --> 00:22:34,341
♪ Do you want know?...
495
00:22:37,341 --> 00:22:40,421
♪ Deeper, and the deeper,
and the deeper
496
00:22:40,421 --> 00:22:42,221
♪ And the deeper that I go
497
00:22:42,221 --> 00:22:44,501
♪ Softer, I get softer,
I get softer
498
00:22:44,501 --> 00:22:47,181
♪ I get softer, I don't know
499
00:22:47,181 --> 00:22:51,661
♪ Father, oh, father, oh, father
oh, father, let me go
500
00:22:51,661 --> 00:22:54,741
♪ I don't want no more
501
00:22:54,741 --> 00:22:58,301
♪ I hear them talking about it
502
00:22:58,301 --> 00:23:01,781
♪ It sounds like the same old song
503
00:23:03,421 --> 00:23:05,661
♪ I see they worry about it
504
00:23:07,701 --> 00:23:10,021
♪ I'm so far ago,
they can't be wrong
505
00:23:11,861 --> 00:23:15,261
♪ I know it's obvious
506
00:23:16,901 --> 00:23:20,781
♪ I'm flying from what I can see
507
00:23:20,781 --> 00:23:24,461
♪ So let me be
508
00:23:26,821 --> 00:23:29,021
♪ Let me
509
00:23:30,621 --> 00:23:32,781
♪ Do you want to spend a day? ♪
510
00:23:32,781 --> 00:23:35,021
Subtitles by Red Bee Media
37659
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