Original subtitles

YOU KILLED MY BROTHER!

PREVIOUSLY ON HILL STREET BLUES.

I SWEAR, CAPTAIN, I NEVER TOUCHED THE GUY.

I GOT A WITNESS RIGHT IN THAT CELL. HE WAS RIGHT THERE.

- I'M PREGNANT, FRANK. - PAUL GROGAN.

MAN, YOU'RE A SCREAM.

YOU KNOW, YOU OUGHTA BE DOING THIS FOR A LIVING.

WHAT DO YOU THINK, I'LL REMEMBER

THE JOINT CHIEFS OF STAFF OR SOMETHING?

THE OFFICER GOES INTO THE CELL...

AND A COP WHACKS HIM. AND THEN HE CHOKES HIM.

I HAVE A SPECIAL CREAM THAT'S MADE FROM

THE SECRETIONS OF QUEEN BEES.

SECRETIONS, HUH?

WHAT'S THE MATTER, CAPTAIN?

IT'S YOUR FATHER. HE PASSED AWAY.

THIS IS 500 BIG ONES IN DEVELOPMENTAL CAPITAL.

MAN, PEOPLE'VE BEEN COMING UP TO ME ALL DAY

TRYING TO GET A PIECE OF THE ACTION.

YOU BULLIED ME INTO TURNING DOWN THIS JOB.

AND THAT I RESENT YOU FOR IT FOREVER.

I HAVE TO BE A VIRGIN FOR THE MAN I MARRY.

I CAN RELATE TO THAT.

THAT DOESN'T MEAN THAT WE CAN'T

MAKE EACH OTHER HAPPY.

I WANNA MAKE A LIFE WITH YOU.

I WANT US TO BE MARRIED.

AND NOW, TONIGHT, ON HILL STREET BLUES.

THANK YOU... THANK YOU.

AND I WANT THIS BABY.

YOU'RE SERIOUS ABOUT THIS, AREN'T YOU?

I'M A FATHER OF A 16-YEAR-OLD DAUGHTER

NAMED KRISTEN MURPHY, SCUZZ-BAG.

AND YOU, MY FRIEND, ARE ONE DEAD CHILD MOLESTER.

I URGE YOU NOT TO

PERJUR YOURSELF, MR. CROCKETT.

GET OUT OF MY FACE, OR I'LL KICK YOUR TEETH IN.

YOU PASSING THE POLYGRAPH HAS GOTTA TELL 'EM SOMETHING.

THEY NEED A SCAPEGOAT FOR WHAT HAPPENED DOWN THERE, AND I'M IT.

HAVE YOU EVER HAD VENEREAL DISEASE?

- DO YOU HAVE IT NOW? - NO.

- MOTHER'S MAIDEN NAME? - ZIRELLI.

HOLD IT RIGHT THERE, POLICE OFFICER.

- LET'S DO IT! - GET OUT OF HERE!

GET OUT OF THE WAY! HE'S GOT A GUN!

FREEZE!

ITEM EIGHT. COME ON PEOPLE, WE'RE ALMOST HALFWAY THERE.

IN RESPONSE TO THE CONTINUED ASSAULTS,

PURSE-SNATCHINGS AND GENERALIZED RAMPAGING

BY A GROUP OF DISENFRANCHISED YOUTH

ON NUMBER 14 LINE OF OUR INNER CITY CITY BUS SYSTEM.

BETTER KNOWN AS THE GATES AVENUE GAUNTLET

OR MORE COLLOQUIALLY, THE NAIROBI JOYRIDE.

WE SHALL COMMENCE THIS A.M. OPERATION BUS STOP.

SAID OPERATION TO PLACE BEHIND THE WHEEL

OF METRO TRANSIT VEHICLE 147-A,

OUR VERY OWN LUCILLE BATES.

STILL ACTIVELY LICENSED CLASS-3 STATE...

FROM A PRIOR AND FORTUITOUS PILOTING STINT

AT PIER 67.

PLAIN-CLOTHES PASSENGER BACKUP

TO BE DISCRETELY SUPPLIED

BY OFFICER HILL AND RENKO.

THAT'S 147-A, PEOPLE. EAST UTICA TO THE RIVER.

SO LET'S KEEP OUR RADIOS PEELED

FOR ADDITIONAL BACKUP, SHALL WE?

ITEM NINE. UM... HEY, HEY,

SCHMELTZER, DO YOU MIND?

ITEM NINE. ON A SOMEWHAT MORE PAROCHIAL NOTE,

REFERENCING THE TRANSFER PER REQUEST

TO WASHINGTON HEIGHTS OF OFFICER ROBIN TATAGLIA.

SAID TRANSFER DULY APPROVED.

EFFECTIVE AS OF A.M. TOMORROW.

THOUGH HER SOJOURN BE REGRETTABLY BRIEF,

SUFFICE IT TO SAY, SHE LEAVES THIS HILL

A GENTLE DOMAIN FOR HER PRESENCE,

A MORE MELANCHOLY ONE FOR HER DEPARTURE.

NOW WE'RE JUST 28 BLOCKS

AND AN INNER PRECINCT PENSION AWAY,

SO LET'S NOT BE A STRANGER, HUH, ROBIN?

ITEM TEN.

REGARDING THE 1:00 PM COMMUNITY MEETING

BEING HELD TODAY AT THE HOLY CHRIST BAPTIST CHURCH.

THEIR CITIZENS GRIEVANCES, RESULTING FROM

THE UNFORTUNATE IN-CUSTODY DEATH

IN CELL FIVE LAST TUESDAY

OF ONE LYNN TATUM.

IN ADDITION TO LOCAL RELIGIOUS AND CIVIC LEADERS,

SAID MEETING IS EXPECTED TO BE DEPARTMENTALLY REPRESENTED

BY CHIEF DANIELS, CAPTAIN FURILLO,

AND LIEUTENANTS GOLDBLUME AND DIBBLE

ALONG WITH COUNCILMAN MANGIATTI OF THE 17TH DISTRICT.

I DON'T NEED TO TELL YOU WHAT THE HIGH TEMPERATURE

OF THE CITY IS EXPECTED TO BE RECORDED TODAY.

IN ANTICIPATION OF WHICH THE FOLLOWING OFFICERS

ARE HEREBY ASSIGNED TO PERIMETER DUTY.

PETERSEN, JOYCE, TEPAZ, DeCARLO,

MILLITELLO, HURLEY.

AS A TENDENTIAL CAUTIONARY, PEOPLE,

GIVEN THE SOMEWHAT STRONG BACKLASH ON THIS ONE,

LET'S BE ESPECIALLY CIRCUMSPECT

IN OUR DEALINGS WITH THE CITIZENRY

THESE NEXT FEW DAYS, SHALL WE?

PARTICULARLY WITH REGARDS

TO THE APPLICATION

OF PHYSICAL FORCE.

LAST ITEM. I'M SURE MOST OF YOU

ARE AWARE BY NOW THAT DETECTIVE BELKER

LOST HIS FATHER YESTERDAY.

NOW, THOSE OF YOU WISHING TO PAY YOUR RESPECTS

MAY DO SO AT HARMON'S FUNERAL HOME

ON WEST HURON.

9:00 TO 12:00 TODAY.

AT WHICH FUNCTION, THE DEPARTMENT

SHALL BE REPRESENTED BY LT. HOWARD HUNTER.

THOSE OF YOU INCLINED TO CHIP IN FOR A PRECINCT WREATH

MAY DO SO CARE OF LEO AT THE FRONT DESK.

ALL RIGHT. THAT'S IT. LET'S ROLL.

AND HEY-HEY-HEY-HEY!

LET'S BE CAREFUL OUT THERE.

BUGS ON YOUR FACE.

BUGS ALL ON YOUR FACE.

YOU CAN JUST LIGHTEN UP, PALLY.

WHATEVER HAPPENED BETWEEN ME AND KRISTEN OUT THERE

IS MY BUSINESS.

HEY, MICK, WHAT'RE YOU DOING?

I DON'T KNOW. I WOKE UP ABOUT TWO O'CLOCK THIS MORNING.

I COULDN'T GET BACK TO SLEEP.

MY MOM IS SLEEPING AT MY SISTER'S.

I'M GONNA GO OVER THERE IN A LITTLE WHILE.

BRING HER SOME BREAKFAST.

JUST THOUGHT I'D CATCH UP ON SOME PAPERWORK.

IT'S TOO COLD OUT TO WALK.

MICK, ARE YOU SURE YOU'RE ALL RIGHT ABOUT MY TRANSFER?

YEAH, I'M OKAY.

I'D BETTER BE GOING. I'LL SEE YOU AT YOUR MOM'S AT FOUR, OKAY?

YEAH.

OKAY.

WE HAVE A 9-11.

ARMED ROBBERY IN PROGRESS.

SEE SURPLUS STORE.

CORNER PEOPLE'S DRIVE.

124th STREET.

NICE MOVE, MORON!

♪♪

35 CENTS, AND I GET

A ROLLER-COASTER RIDE ALREADY.

DID YOU... DID YOU HEAR

THE MOUTH ON THAT WOMAN?

NASTY. SHE...

HERE'S A PERFECTLY GOOD TRANSFER.

SHE WOULDN'T TAKE IT. SEE?

PERFECTLY GOOD.

MA'AM, THIS TRANSFER EXPIRED SIX MONTHS AGO.

OH, IS THAT SO, MR. BUS COMMISSIONER?

WELL, LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING, PROFESSOR KNOW-IT-ALL.

OH, P-U.

TALK ABOUT SOMETHING EXPIRING.

OH, THAT'S DISGUSTING.

MA'AM, THAT WASN'T ME.

HEY, LOOK, IT WAS THE GUY RIGHT BEHIND ME.

OH.

THE BUS FUMES AREN'T BAD ENOUGH, MR. STINKO.

YOU GOTTA PUT YOUR TWO CENTS IN.

IN A BARN WITH LIVESTOCK, YOU WERE BROUGHT UP, I SUPPOSE.

MA'AM, IF YOU DON'T LIKE THE AMBIENCE BACK HERE,

I SUGGEST YOU VAMOOSE

TO ANOTHER SECTION OF THE BUS.

ANOTHER SECTION OF THE BUS?

ANOTHER SECTION OF THE STATE, MORE LIKE IT.

MOVE IT, BUB.

GO AWAY!

AND YOU, WITH THE BIG MOUTH AND NO RESPECT.

HEY, SID VICIOUS,

I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU TO TURN THAT THING OFF.

I CAN'T HEAR YOU, STRETCH.

THE RADIO'S ON.

YOU HEARD ME. AND WHILE YOU'RE AT IT,

PUT OUT THAT CIGARETTE.

WHAT'RE YOU, MY MOTHER?

DO I LOOK LIKE A TEST TUBE?

I SAID TURN IT DOWN.

CAN YOU READ THE SIGN? OBVIOUSLY YOU CAN'T,

BECAUSE THEY DON'T TEACH 'EM TO READ ON MARS.

SO LISTEN TO THIS, NO MUSIC, NO SMOKING.

NO FOOD OR DRINK, NO TALKING TO THE DRIVER,

AND NO SPITTING, SWEETHEART.

SO FAR, YOU'RE BATTING .800.

OKAY, THAT'S FUNNY.

MAKE THAT FIVE FOR FIVE, SWEET MEAT.

NO, REALLY, THAT'S VERY FUNNY.

COME HERE. GET OUT!

FRANK, I'VE MADE UP MY MIND.

FAY?

I'M GONNA HAVE THE BABY.

ARE YOU SURE YOU'VE GIVEN ENOUGH THOUGHT

TO HOW THIS IS GONNA AFFECT YOU, FINANCIALLY?

EMOTIONALLY?

SOCIALLY?

FRANK, I HAVE THOUGHT OF PRACTICALLY

NOTHING ELSE FOR THE LAST THREE DAYS.

WHAT ABOUT GROGAN? IS HE STILL TAKING A HARD LINE?

OH, I DON'T KNOW. I GUESS SO. IT DOESN'T MATTER.

I MEAN, I WOULDN'T EVEN TAKE DIAPER MONEY FROM THAT WORM NOW.

AND AS FAR AS THOSE SOCIAL SERVICES ARE CONCERNED,

WELL, I'VE RUN THAT GAUNTLET,

AND YOU WANNA KNOW SOMETHING, FRANK?

I DON'T NEED THEM.

I... WOKE UP THIS MORNING

WITH...

THE MOST WARM, BEAUTIFUL MEMORY

OF GIVING BIRTH TO FRANK JR.

AND SUDDENLY IT WAS ALL CLEAR TO ME.

I'M HEALTHY.

I HAVE RESOURCES.

AND I WANT THIS BABY.

YOU'RE SERIOUS ABOUT THIS, AREN'T YOU?

I HAVE NEVER BEEN MORE SERIOUS

ABOUT ANYTHING IN MY LIFE.

THEN I'M WITH YOU.

I FEEL STRONGER

AND... AND MORE DIRECTED ABOUT MYSELF

THAN I HAVE IN YEARS.

I EVEN HAVE THE MAKINGS FOR A WONDERFUL ARTICLE

THAT I'M GOING TO MEET WITH METRO-GAZETTE ON THIS MORNING.

WHAT DO YOU THINK? UH,

"DIVORCED, PREGNANT, AND ALONE.

ONE WOMAN'S ODYSSEY THROUGH THE BUREAUCRATIC MAZE."

HAS A RING TO IT.

NEVER SAY RING TO AN UNMARRIED MOTHER.

OH, GOD, PARTICULARLY ONE

WHO'S LATE FOR A NINE O'CLOCK APPOINTMENT.

THANKS, FRANK.

IS YOUR FIRST NAME JOSEPH?

YES.

DID YOU ENTER LYNN TATUM'S HOLDING CELL

ON THE 14th OF THIS MONTH?

NO.

PRIOR TO THIS MONTH, DID YOU USE

MORE FORCE THAN WAS NECESSARY

IN THE COURSE OF AN ARREST?

YES.

ANY COP WHO SAYS "NO" TO THAT IS FULL OF IT...

JUST ANSWER YES OR NO.

ARE YOU CURRENTLY AN OFFICER OF THE HILL STREET PRECINCT?

YES.

DID YOU CHOKE LYNN TATUM AT ANY TIME

THE MAN WAS IN CUSTODY?

NO.

I MEAN, OUT ON THE STREET, YES.

BUT NOT WHILE HE WAS IN CUSTODY.

DID YOU CHOKE LYNN TATUM AT ANY TIME

AFTER HIS ARRIVAL IN THE PRECINCT HOUSE?

NO.

FRANK.

EVERYONE IS CANCELING FROM THE TOWN MEETING.

IF YOU WANT TO RESCHEDULE,

I'D BETTER LET THE REVEREND KNOW QUICKLY.

WHO'S PULLING OUT?

THE MAYOR. CHIEF DANIELS.

SCHEDULING CONFLICTS.

I GET THE FEELING THIS IS CHRONIC.

WELL, LET'S GO AHEAD AND TAKE OUR MEDICINE.

DO YOU WANT ME TO COME WITH YOU?

NO, I NEED YOU HERE, RAY.

AND YET HENRY GOLDBLUME IS GOING WITH YOU.

RAY, PART OF HENRY'S JOB IS PUBLIC RELATIONS.

PART OF YOUR JOB IS TO BE HERE WHEN I NEED YOU.

YOU DOUBT MY ABILITY FOR LEADERSHIP, FRANK,

BUT WHEN DO YOU ALLOW ME TO LEAD?

LISTEN TO ME, RAY.

AFTER OUR TALK THE OTHER DAY,

I PULLED YOUR EVALUATION FORMS.

NOW, THEY COULD BE STRONGER, PROBABLY.

BUT I THINK YOU'LL HAVE TO AGREE THAT, OVERALL,

THEY'RE PRETTY POSITIVE.

I HAVE EVERY CONFIDENCE THAT LT. CALLETANO'S

LEADERSHIP ABILITIES WILL CONTINUE TO DEVELOP OVER TIME.

AND THAT'S AN ACCURATE EXPRESSION OF MY OPINION.

NOW, THAT'S ONLY ONE OF NINE CATEGORIES,

BUT OVERALL, IS THE EVALUATION POSITIVE?

YES.

AND STILL, THERE'S NO GUARANTEE OF YOUR CAPTAINCY.

I MEAN, WHETHER YOU GET IT OR NOT OR WHETHER

I'M FAIR TO YOU ALL THE TIME,

YOU STILL HAVE A JOB TO DO HERE.

- HAVE I EVER NOT DONE IT? - NO.

HAVE YOU EVER HAD REASON TO DOUBT MY LOYALTY?

- NO, NEVER. - I'LL DO MY JOB, FRANK.

THAT DOESN'T MEAN I HAVE TO BE HAPPY.

FAIR ENOUGH.

AND AGAIN, SOMEDAY,

I AM GOING TO BE CAPTAIN.

I DON'T DOUBT THAT, RAY.

MS. DAVENPORT.

HI.

FRANK. HAVE YOU EVER HAD VENEREAL DISEASE?

DO YOU HAVE IT NOW?

N... NO.

MOTHER'S MAIDEN NAME.

ZIRELLI. ONE R, TWO L'S.

UH...

DATE OF YOUR FINAL DIVORCE.

DATE YOUR DIVORCE WAS FINAL, I MEANT.

JANUARY 16TH, 1979.

WHAT IS THAT?

A MARRIAGE LICENSE, FURILLO.

CLERK'S OFFICE

WAIVED THE THREE-DAY WAIT.

THEY'RE GONNA TRUST US ON THE WASSERMANS.

CARE TO PUT YOUR MONEY WHERE YOUR MOUTH IS?

WE'RE GATHERED HERE IN THE PRESENCE OF THIS WITNESS

FOR THE PURPOSE OF UNITING THIS COUPLE IN MATRIMONY.

THIS CONTRACT IS MOST SOLEMN.

NOT TO BE TAKEN LIGHTLY.

BUT THOUGHTFULLY.

DEEPLY.

AND WITH THE FULL UNDERSTANDING

OF THE RESPONSIBILITY OF THE COMMITMENT

YOU ARE ABOUT TO MAKE.

DO YOU, FRANCIS FURILLO,

TAKE THIS WOMAN TO BE YOUR LAWFULLY-WEDDED WIFE?

I DO.

DO YOU, JOYCE DAVENPORT,

TAKE THIS MAN TO BE YOUR LAWFULLY-WEDDED HUSBAND?

I DO.

DO YOU EACH PROMISE TO LOVE AND COMFORT ONE ANOTHER

IN ADVERSITY, AS WELL AS IN PROSPERITY,

IN SICKNESS, AS WELL AS IN HEALTH,

AND FORSAKING ALL OTHERS

REMAIN FAITHFUL TO EACH OTHER?

- WE WILL. - WE DO.

BY THE POWER INVESTED IN ME BY THIS STATE,

I PRONOUNCE YOU HUSBAND AND WIFE.

YOU MAY KISS THE BRIDE, SHOULD YOU FEEL SO INCLINED.

YOU KNOW WHY THEY CALL 'EM PUNKS?

BECAUSE THEY LOOK LIKE PUNKS.

IF I WENT TO THE STUDIO, TAKE BLUE HAIR LIKE THAT...

I THINK YOU WOULD LOOK GOOD WITH BLUE HAIR.

HEY, JOE. NICE TO SEE YOU

OUT OF THE OLD SALT MINES, BUDDY.

IT'S NICE TO BE OUT.

HEY, HOW'D LUCE MAKE OUT THIS MORNING?

SHE DID REAL GOOD. THAT GIRL COULD'VE BEEN

A TANK DRIVER IN 'NAM, THE WAY SHE MOVES

THAT CATTLE CAR UP AND DOWN THE STREET.

SHE TOOK THIS HERE... THIS PUNK, THIS...

HEY, RALPH KRAMDEN, HOW'RE YOU DOING?

ONE OF THESE DAYS, NORTON, HUH?

- UGH. - AND THEY TELL ME

YOU HAVE A FUTURE IN TRANSPORTATION.

YEAH, I GOT A REAL FUTURE.

IT'S ABOUT AS PROMISING AS A SHIN-SPLINT.

YOU KNOW, SO FAR THIS MORNING,

I GOT TWO JUNKIES LOSE THEIR LUNCH IN THE BACK SEAT.

I GOT THREE CABBIES SHOOTING ME THE BIRD.

I GOT THIS JOHNNY ROTTEN CLONE

WHO SPITS UP GRAPE SODA ON MY SHOES.

AND I GOT A 'LUDE FREAK WHO GETS HIS HAND STUCK

IN THE REAR EXIT.

SO YOU GET THE RESULTS?

WHAT, THE LIE DETECTOR TEST?

NO, YOUR PAP SMEAR, JOE. COME ON.

I GOT STRAIGHT-A'S. PASSED WITH FLYING COLORS.

SO WHAT ELSE IS NEW?

YEAH, IT DOESN'T MEAN ANYTHING.

WHAT'RE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

YOU PASSING THE POLYGRAPH HAS GOTTA TELL 'EM SOMETHING.

HEY, IT'S INADMISSIBLE IN COURT.

IT ISN'T EVEN GONNA GET TO COURT.

YOU STILL DON'T GET IT, DO YOU, LUCE?

THEY NEED A SCAPEGOAT FOR WHAT HAPPENED DOWN THERE,

AND I'M IT.

YOU KNOW SOMETHING, JOE? YOU'RE GETTING PARANOID.

I'M NOT PARANOID. I'M JUST FACING FACTS.

I'M HAVING THE CHOW MEIN.

I CAN ONLY REPEAT

THAT WE UNDERSTAND YOUR FRUSTRATION,

AND WE SHARE YOUR CONCERN.

CAPTAIN.

MAY I POINT OUT THE ABSENCE

OF A FEW PROMINENT INVITEES.

LIKE THE MAYOR AND THE CHIEF OF POLICE.

YES, WHERE ARE THEY?

IS THAT THE KIND OF CONCERN YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT?

NOBODY'S GONNA DENY THAT THIS IS

A POLITICAL HOT POTATO, REVEREND.

WE'RE ALSO NOT ABOUT TO DENY THAT THERE HAVE BEEN TIMES

WHEN PEOPLE IN POLICE CUSTODY

HAVE DIED AT POLICE HANDS.

IT'S HAPPENED.

IT'S HAPPENED TO BLACK PEOPLE.

AND WE CAN UNDERSTAND YOU THINKING

THAT IT MAY HAVE HAPPENED TO LYNN TATUM.

ON THE OTHER HAND,

WE HAVE NO CHOICE

BUT TO CONDUCT THE INVESTIGATION

ENTIRELY AS THE EVIDENCE LEADS US.

I WAS ON THAT STREET!

I SAW THAT COP CHOKING THAT BOY!

HE HATED THAT BOY!

CAPTAIN.

IN THE LAST FIVE YEARS,

THERE HAS BEEN 14 CUSTODY DEATHS

IN THE POLICE STATIONS OF THIS CITY.

13 OF THE PEOPLE WHO DIED WERE BLACK.

THE OTHER HISPANIC.

NOW, THERE'S A MESSAGE IN THOSE FIGURES,

AND WE READ IT LOUD AND CLEAR.

THE MESSAGE IS THAT STATISTICALLY

89% OF THE POPULATION

OF THE HILL IS BLACK AND HISPANIC.

THAT MEANS THAT AN OVERWHELMING PERCENTAGE

OF THE PEOPLE ARRESTED THERE

ARE GOING TO BE BLACK OR HISPANIC.

LISTEN, I DON'T CARE ANYTHING ABOUT SISTISTICS!

MY SON IS DEAD!

- YES. - AND THERE'S NO REASON FOR IT.

NOW, I HAD A GOOD SON.

HE DIDN'T GO AROUND MAKING TROUBLE.

LOOK. AN INVESTIGATION IS BEING CONDUCTED

INTO THE DEATH OF LYNN TATUM.

IF THAT INVESTIGATION POINTS TO A POLICE OFFICER,

THAT OFFICER WILL BE CHARGED AND BROUGHT TO TRIAL.

CAPTAIN.

HOORAY FOR YOU.

I CAN ONLY PROMISE YOU

THAT EVERY EFFORT WILL BE MADE

TO GET TO THE BOTTOM

OF THIS PRISONER'S DEATH.

YOU'RE GONNA BE REMEMBERED AS THAT BANKRUPT

WATERMELON-HEADED CLUB OWNER OUT ON HIGHWAY NINE

THAT BLEW A CHANCE TO BOOK VIC HITLER'S COMIC DEBUT

FOR NOTHING!

YOU THINK YOU GOT IT ROUGH? FELLA WALKS UP TO ME,

SAYS, "YOU SEE A COP AROUND HERE?"

I SAY NO, HE SAYS, "OKAY, STICK 'EM UP."

DID YOU HEAR THE ONE ABOUT THE OVERLY FAMILIAR MIDGET?

WALKS INTO THIS BAR? KISSED EVERYONE IN THE JOINT.

SWEETHEART, HOW ARE YOU?

OH, I AM PUMPED. I AM PUMPED.

I STAYED UP HALF THE NIGHT, YOU KNOW,

WORKING UP NEW MATERIAL IN MY HOTEL ROOM.

SO. HOW'RE WE DOING ON BOOKINGS?

- OH, GREAT. JUST GREAT. - GOOD. GOOD.

I... I GOTTA TELL YOU, THOUGH.

I'VE BEEN RUNNING INTO A LOT OF STATIC

ON ACCOUNT OF THE NAME THING.

- OH, COME ON. - LOOK. LOOK, LOOK, LOOK.

BEFORE YOU PUT THE IDEA OUT OF YOUR MIND COMPLETELY,

JUST DO ME A FAVOR.

JUST CONSIDER THESE ALTERNATIVES THAT I COOKED UP.

VIC ROMA. VIC DAKOTA. THAT'S CUTE.

VIC ANTHONY. VIC VEGAS?

UGH.

SWEETHEART, I'M ABOUT TO THROW MY LUNCH OVER A FENCE,

AND I AIN'T EVEN HAD BREAKFAST YET.

COME ON, VIC. WHAT'S THE BIG DEAL?

- IT'S ONLY A NAME. - YEAH. ONLY A NAME

BEEN IN MY FAMILY FOR OVER 400 YEARS.

THAT'S A GOOD 320 LONGER

THAN THAT DERANGED HOUSE-PAINTER ADOLF,

IF THE TRUTH BE KNOWN, CAME INTO THE WORLD

THE SON OF AN AUSTRIAN PENCIL-PUSHER

BY THE NAME OF SCHICKLGRUBER.

- NO KIDDING. - YEAH.

I DON'T EVEN WANNA TELL YOU WHAT MY GRANDFATHER TOLD ME

ON HIS DEATHBED 30 YEARS AGO.

HE SAID, "VIC,

"YOU'RE GONNA GO THROUGH A LOT OF PAIN IN THIS LIFE

ON ACCOUNT OF IT."

PROMISE ME, SON.

PROMISE ME YOU'LL NEVER FORSAKE THE...

FAMILY NAME.

I'M SORRY, JOHN, BUT...

WORK WITH THE CARDS I WAS DEALT.

VIC HITLER IT STAYS.

THE HELL WITH HIS POLYGRAPH, FRANK.

I'VE GOT HALF THE POPULATION

OF YOUR PRECINCT SCREAMING BLOODY MURDER.

THAT'S NO BASIS FOR CONVENING A GRAND JURY.

LOOK, I'M NOT SAYING WE'RE COMING DOWN

WITH AN INDICTMENT ON YOUR CLIENT,

BUT WE'RE CERTAINLY JUSTIFIED HAVING THIS BIKER TESTIFY.

YOU REALLY WANNA GREASE THE WHEELS OF JUSTICE,

YOU TAKE A CLOSER LOOK AT YOUR STAR WITNESS.

CROCKETT HAD MOTIVE, ACCESS,

AND A RECORD OF VIOLENT CRIMES TWO INCHES THICK.

THERE ISN'T A SHRED OF EVIDENCE AGAINST CROCKETT,

AND YOU KNOW IT, FRANK.

WHAT THERE IS, SINCE 11 O'CLOCK THIS MORNING,

IS A FORENSICS REPORT SHOWING

MICROFIBERS FROM COFFEY'S SHIRT ON LYNN TATUM'S NECK.

EVERYBODY KNOWS COFFEY USED A CHOKE-HOLD MAKING THE ARREST.

NO FIBERS FROM CROCKETT ANYWHERE ON TATUM'S PERSON.

AND CROCKETT WAS WEARING A SHIRT...

WHOSE SLEEVES WERE PROBABLY ROLLED UP.

YOU... YOU CARE TO JOIN IN THIS DISCUSSION, COUNSELOR?

WHAT DISCUSSION? MAN'S MIND IS MADE UP.

SO ARE WE FINISHED HERE?

OH YEAH. YEAH. BEFORE WE BEGAN.

IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME, GENTLEMEN.

ALL RIGHT.

WILL YOU BE AT THE GRAND JURY HEARING?

IF MY OFFICER HAS TO BE.

I GOTTA GET OFF THIS BUS.

WHAT'RE YOU, CRAZY?

I'M SORRY, LUCE, MY BLADDER SOUNDED A TEN-MINUTE WARNING

ABOUT FIVE BLOCKS AGO,

AND I GOT TO GET OFF.

IT'S GONNA LOOK A LITTLE CONSPICUOUS

- IF I HAVE TO WAIT FOR YOU. - WELL, IT'S GONNA LOOK

A LOT MORE CONSPICUOUS IF I DON'T GET OFF THIS BUS,

IF YOU CATCH MY DRIFT.

OKAY. OKAY.

YOU'D BETTER BE QUICK.

EXCUSE ME, MA'AM, FOR HAVING BODILY FUNCTIONS.

YO! MOVE BACK. EVERYBODY JUST BE COOL.

AND GIVE UP THE GOODIES. IF YOU THINK ABOUT MOVING,

I'LL BLOW YOUR HEAD OUTSIDE THIS BUS,

AND YOU KNOW THAT. HAND OVER YOUR PURSE, MAMA.

- HURRY UP! - COME ON, QUICK!

GIVE ME THE MONEY. COME ON.

HOLD IT RIGHT THERE. POLICE OFFICER.

HEY! GET OUT.

GET OUT OF THE WAY! HE'S GOT A GUN!

FREEZE!

IF YOU WANNA SHACK UP IN SOME VAN WITH A 16-YEAR-OLD,

THAT'S YOUR BUSINESS, BABE.

BUT DON'T CALL ME INTO THE TRIAL AS A CHARACTER WITNESS.

OH, MAN.

OH, LEO, FOR GOD'S SAKE. NOT HERE.

BETTER IN HERE THAN ALL OVER THE FRONT DESK.

I'M TELLING YOU, MAN. KRISTEN IS

A VERY MATURE 16-YEAR-OLD.

AND HEY, HEY, I'M A YOUNG 35.

HUH, YEAH. 35 GOING ON

10 TO 20 UPSTATE.

THANKS FOR THE ADVICE, YOU DRIED-UP

REFRIED BAPTIST PRUDE.

YOU JOHN D. LARUE?

YEAH, WHO WANTS TO KNOW?

JUST A GUY WHO'S GONNA BREAK BOTH YOUR LEGS

AND FLUSH YOU DOWN THE TOILET.

HEY, IF IT'S ABOUT MINUSCO, YOU TELL HIM

HE'LL HAVE HIS BREAD BY TUESDAY.

UH-UH. OH. SHEILA.

YEAH, WELL, THE KID AIN'T MINE, I SWEAR TO GOD.

- UH-UH. - OKAY, WELL THEN, WHY DON'T YOU

JUST CUT THIS GHOST OF CHRISTMAS PAST ROUTINE?

TELL ME WHO THE HELL ARE YOU.

I'M A FATHER OF A 16-YEAR-OLD

JEWEL OF A DAUGHTER NAMED KRISTEN MURPHY, SCUZZ-BAG.

AND YOU, MY FRIEND, ARE ONE DEAD

CHILD MOLESTER.

I SWEAR TO GOD, MR. MURPHY.

HEY, IT WAS A FIELD TRIP.

I MEAN... I MEAN, WE WERE TALKING ABOUT CRIMINOLOGY, YOU KNOW?

BASIC SURVEILLANCE?

I NEVER LAID A HAND ON HER.

I LEFT HER IN THE VAN. I DIDN'T EVEN GO BACK.

IF SHE SAYS I TOUCHED HER, SHE'S LYING.

ARE YOU CALLING MY BABY LIAR?

OF COURSE NOT. IT'S JUST... OH MY GOD.

DON'T TELL ME THAT'S A GUN.

SAY YOUR PRAYERS, SCUZZ-BAG.

PLEASE, MAN. PLEASE?

I'LL NEVER TOUCH A GIRL UNDER 18

AS LONG AS I LIVE.

OKAY, 25.

30.35.

GO AHEAD. GO AHEAD AND SHOOT.

YOU GOTTA SHOOT THE JUNKIE FIRST.

JACK HAGGERTY, ROMAN.

ALL THE WAY FROM MIDTOWN.

VICE.

KRISTEN. OH, HI.

HI. I WAITED FOR YOU IN THE VAN

FOR AN HOUR LAST NIGHT.

YEAH. I KNOW. I KNOW.

LOOK, UH, I TRIED TO CALL YOU AT SCHOOL.

CAN WE TALK HERE FOR A MINUTE?

SURE.

OKAY. CAN I GET YOU A CHAIR?

IT'S OKAY. I'M FINE.

I, UH...

I'VE BEEN DOING A LOT OF SOUL-SEARCHING.

ABOUT US, I MEAN.

I WANT YOU TO KNOW THIS IS

VERY, VERY HARD FOR ME TO SAY.

I MEAN, I LIKE YOU A LOT.

MORE THAN THAT, I RESPECT YOU.

WELL, YOU'RE PROBABLY THE GREATEST

16-YEAR-OLD I'VE EVER KNOWN.

BUT I DON'T THINK IT'S A GOOD IDEA.

YOU AND ME. IT JUST WON'T WORK.

YOU NEED SOMEBODY YOUR OWN AGE.

NOW LOOK. IF YOU EVER

GET IN A REAL JAM, AN EMERGENCY OR SOMETHING.

AND IF YOU'RE EVER LONELY, IF YOU'RE EVER LONELY,

YOU CAN ALWAYS CALL ME.

BUT US AS A STEADY THING.

I THINK WE'D BETTER CALL IT OFF.

OKAY.

BYE.

YEAH. YEAH.

YEAH, IT'S HIM SPEAKING. WHO IS THIS?

TONY WHO?

T... TONY FROM EUGENE'S.

TONY, HEY! TONY BABY, WHAT'S HAPPENING?

REALLY?

HEY, THAT'S TOO BAD.

UH, WHAT'S WRONG WITH THE GUY?

APPENDICITIS.

MM.

WELL, S... WELL, SURE WE CAN MAKE IT.

YOU BET. 7:30. SEE YOU THERE. BYE.

HA-HEY!

LEO, LEO, HAVE YOU SEEN VIC?

LAST I HEARD, HE WAS DOWN IN THE LOCKER ROOM,

TRYING TO COP SOME Z'S. ANY NEWS?

JUST KEEP YOUR DANCE CARD CLEAR FOR TONIGHT, HONEY.

BOBBY.

CAPTAIN.

HOW'D IT GO?

WE GOT TWO OF 'EM. THE OTHER TWO GOT AWAY.

ONE OF THE KIDS WHO ESCAPED TOOK A SHOT AT ME.

AND I HAD HIM RIGHT IN MY SIGHTS, AND THEN...

I COULDN'T PULL THE TRIGGER.

WHAT WAS THE CROWD SITUATION?

THERE WERE OTHER PEOPLE AROUND.

I'D SAY YOU SHOWED GOOD JUDGMENT.

MAYBE.

BUT I GOTTA TELL YOU, CAPTAIN, PART OF WHY I DIDN'T

PULL THAT TRIGGER WAS BECAUSE I DIDN'T WANNA GET HUNG UP

- LIKE JOE COFFEY. - I UNDERSTAND.

IT MAKES ME ANGRY

TO HAVE THOUGHTS LIKE THAT RUNNING THROUGH MY MIND

WHEN I'M OUT ON THE STREETS.

BOBBY, THE HILL'S BEEN A POWDER KEG LATELY.

AND YOUR DECIDING NOT TO BRING DOWN A PERPETRATOR

IN A SITUATION WHERE A MISTAKE MIGHT BUY A RIOT

STRIKES ME AS EXERCISING SENSIBLE RESTRAINT.

THAT KIND OF RESTRAINT, CAPTAIN, COULD COST LIVES TOO.

IT'S A DELICATE BALANCE.

BUT, GIVEN THE EXISTING ATMOSPHERE,

I'D SAY YOU MADE THE RIGHT CHOICE.

UH, BOBBY.

I GOT MARRIED THIS AFTERNOON.

YOU'RE KIDDING.

CONGRATULATIONS, CAPTAIN.

- THANKS. - MY BEST TO THE BRIDE.

I'LL TELL HER.

IS IT... IS IT SECRET?

NO.

EUGENE'S COMEDY EMPIRE.

YOU GOT IT VIC. DID YOUR BUDDY JOHN COME THROUGH?

YOU KNOW THE TRADITION THAT PLACE HAS?

ALL RIGHT, SO THEY SERVED A COUPLE OF MINORS ONCE.

NOW WAIT A MINUTE. I'M GOING BACK 15, 20 YEARS.

EUGENE'S IS ONE OF THE CLASSIC TOILETS.

HEY, LOOK, BEGGARS CAN'T BE CHOOSERS.

YOU'RE STILL NOT GETTING IT.

I MEAN, SOME OF THE TOP GUYS STARTED THERE.

YOU KNOW, SHECKY, DON. I THINK THAT'S EVEN

WHERE LENNY BRUCE O.D.ed. WHY DIDN'T YOU

WAKE ME UP SOONER? I GOT A MILLION THINGS

I GOTTA DO. I MEAN, MY WHOLE TIME CLOCK

- IS GONNA BE OFF. - HEY, HEY. AS LONG AS

THE GAG-METER'S RUNNING.

THAT'S LIKE RIDING A BIKE.

YEAH, A LOT OF PEOPLE AROUND HERE ARE GONNA BE SORRY

THEY MISSED THE BOAT. GOOD THING LEO HAD SOME...

HEY, GOOD NEWS, FRANK.

METRO GAZETTE IS VERY ENTHUSIASTIC ABOUT MY ARTICLE.

THEY WANNA SEE A ROUGH DRAFT BY FRIDAY.

OH, GREAT, FAY.

HEY, LISTEN, I'M MISSING ONE OF MY FOLDERS.

I THINK I MAY HAVE LEFT IT IN YOUR OFFICE.

CONGRATULATIONS, CAPTAIN.

- THANKS, LEO. - WONDERFUL NEWS.

- CONGRATULATIONS FOR WHAT? - COME ON.

- WHAT? - WE HAVE TO TALK, FAY.

SO WHAT'S THE BIG MYSTERY?

UH, FAY, LISTEN, UH...

I WAS GONNA TELL YOU THIS

UNDER BETTER CIRCUMSTANCES.

UM... I MEAN, I WAS GONNA COME BY AFTER WORK

AND, UH...

WHAT?

I GOT MARRIED THIS AFTERNOON.

MARRIED?

YUP.

REALLY, FRANK? MARRIED?

YES.

OH BOY.

SIT DOWN. SIT DOWN.

OH BOY.

YOU OKAY?

UH, JOYCE DAVENPORT?

AH!

WHAT A STUPID THING TO ASK.

OF COURSE IT'S JOYCE.

IT'S JUST THAT, WELL,

I'M JUST SO SURPRISED, FRANK.

IT'S, UH,

I'M HAPPY FOR YOU. REALLY, I AM.

I'M... I KNOW THAT

YOU'RE GONNA BE VERY HAPPY,

AND THAT... THAT JOYCE IS.

THANK YOU.

OF COURSE, YOUR TIMING'S REALLY DAMN LOUSY.

- I HAVE TO SAY THAT. - HOW DO YOU MEAN?

WELL...

WELL, YOU KNOW, IT'S JUST THAT I'M PREGNANT.

AND THEN... AND THEN I'M JUST

REALLY TRYING TO GET IT ALL TOGETHER.

AND I'M FINALLY SEEING THE LIGHT AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL,

AND THEN... YOU TURN IT INTO ANOTHER TRAIN.

FRANK, HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME?

IS THIS WHAT YOU MEANT WHEN YOU SAID THAT

NO MATTER WHAT I DECIDED, YOU'D BE THERE FOR ME?

I MEAN... YOU CALL THIS HELP?

OH, COME ON, FAY. WE BOTH HAVE LIVES TO LIVE.

LET ME LIVE MINE.

I'M SORRY, FRANK. REALLY, I'M SORRY. I...

I'M OKAY. REALLY.

I'M STILL GONNA BE THERE FOR YOU AND FRANK JR.

AND ANY NEW STARTERS.

I REALLY AM HAPPY FOR YOU, FRANK.

I KNOW YOU WANTED THIS.

I'M ALL RIGHT. I'M OKAY.

CONGRATULATIONS.

THANK YOU.

AND... AND, UM,

PLEASE GIVE MY BEST WISHES

TO MRS...

JOYCE.

OH.

YOU WANNA HEAR THE STUPIDEST THING, FRANK?

HMM?

UP TO TWO MINUTES AGO...

I MEAN, WITH EVERYTHING

THAT'S HAPPENED BETWEEN US,

UP TO TWO MINUTES AGO, UH...

I ALWAYS THOUGHT WE'D GET BACK TOGETHER.

MISS TASTY-FREEZE.

FIVE MINUTES.

OH, IT DOESN'T HAVE TO HAPPEN THAT FAST.

I'M HERE TO PREPARE YOU FOR YOUR GRAND JURY TESTIMONY.

OUTSTANDING.

YOU'RE GOING TO BE QUESTIONED ABOUT EVENTS

LEADING TO THE DEATH OF LYNN TATUM.

YOU'LL BE GIVING TESTIMONY UNDER OATH.

YOU'RE EXPECTED TO ANSWER TRUTHFULLY.

YOU HAVE THE RIGHT NOT TO INCRIMINATE YOURSELF.

I CAN'T COME INTO THE HEARING ROOM.

BUT IF YOU'RE CONFUSED BY A QUESTION,

OR YOU WANNA TALK TO ME FOR ANY OTHER REASON,

THE JUDGE WILL GRANT A RECESS,

AND WE CAN CONFER IN THIS ROOM. DO YOU UNDERSTAND?

I DON'T THINK WE'LL BE DOING TOO MUCH CONFERRING.

THAT'S YOUR PREROGATIVE, MR. CROCKETT.

COPS WANT THAT GUINEA,

I'M GONNA GIVE HIM TO 'EM.

THEY WANT THE TRUTH, MR. CROCKETT.

LISTEN, LADY, YOU PEOPLE HAVE BEEN ON MY CASE

SINCE I WAS FIVE YEARS OLD.

YOU GIVE ME A CHANCE TO HAND SOME OF IT BACK,

YOU BET I'M GOING TO.

I'M GONNA JIVE, I'M GONNA LIE.

I'M GONNA TEACH THAT GUINEA COP JUST WHAT IT MEANS

MR. CROCKETT. YOU'VE JUST TOLD ME

YOU INTEND TO LIE IN A COURT PROCEEDING.

THIS WOULD BE A CRIME, AND I URGE AS YOUR ATTORNEY

AND AN OFFICER OF THE COURT NOT TO DO IT.

OH, WELL, SURE. IF YOU URGE ME.

IF YOU DON'T RECONSIDER,

I'LL HAVE TO WITHDRAW AS YOUR COUNSEL.

YOU MUST NOT STAY ON TOO MANY CASES, HUH?

I COOLED THAT NIGGER.

YOU BETCHA I'M GONNA LIE.

I URGE YOU NOT TO

PERJUR YOURSELF, MR. CROCKETT.

YOU SAID THAT.

WILL YOU RECONSIDER?

GET OUT OF MY FACE.

OR I'LL KICK YOUR TEETH IN.

YOU'LL HAVE TO DELAY CROCKETT'S TESTIMONY.

- I CAN'T REPRESENT HIM. - WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

I CAN'T REPRESENT. GET HIM ANOTHER LAWYER.

NOW LOOK, I KNOW THE GUY'S NO DAY AT THE BEACH...

LOOK, IT'S NOT A PERSONALITY CONFLICT.

WOULD YOU MIND TELLING ME WHAT IT IS?

I CAN'T REPRESENT. I'LL INFORM JUDGE MICHAELS.

HEY, JOYCE. TELL ME WHAT'S GOING ON.

IS HE LYING ABOUT SEEING COFFEY MURDERED, THIS GUY?

I CAN'T TELL YOU MORE.

YOU KNOW THAT PRIVILEGE APPLIES.

HEY COUNSELOR, COME... WHAT ARE YOU PULLING?

SOME KIND OF PHONY DELAY?

LOOK. JUST REPRESENT HIM ANOTHER HOUR.

I'VE GOT PRESSURE ON ME, JOYCE.

YOU'LL RESIGN RIGHT AFTER HE TESTIFIES, ALL RIGHT?

NO.

WHAT'S GOING ON?

UH, IF I'M NOT CROSS-EYED

MS. DAVENPORT HAS JUST PRESERVED

THE LAWYER-CLIENT PRIVILEGE WHILE INFORMING

THE DISTRICT ATTORNEY THAT MY CLIENT IS INNOCENT?

I WOULDN'T GO THAT FAR.

- HOW FAR WOULD YOU GO? - COME ON, ALVAREZ.

IF IT WAS ANYTHING BUT PERJURY,

SHE COULD'VE STUCK AROUND ANOTHER HOUR.

CROCKETT WAS GONNA GO IN THERE, COMMIT A CRIME.

- SHE WALKED AWAY. - LET'S QUIT DANCING, ALVAREZ.

ALL RIGHT.

IN CONSCIENCE, THE INFERENCE I DRAW IS

THAT CROCKETT'S LYING.

NO GRAND JURY FOR NOW.

OKAY.

AM I OKAY?

WELL, BETTER THAN YOU WERE FIVE MINUTES AGO.

LOOKS LIKE WE LICKED 'EM ON THE CRIMINAL CHARGES.

HEY, WHAT ABOUT HIM? HE'S THE ONE WHO SHOULD BE CHARGED.

OKAY, LOOK, WE GOT A GOOD CASE, OKAY?

I'M GONNA HUSTLE DOWN TO MICHAELS' COURT.

SEE IF I CAN PICK UP ANYTHING ELSE, HUH?

HEY, THANKS A LOT, SAM.

YEAH, SURE.

GO SLOW.

HOW DO YOU FEEL?

I'M OKAY.

I'M MAD.

I'D SAY IT'S A HURDLE OVERCOME.

NO, IT'S MORE LIKE I JUST STARTED OUT ON A MARATHON.

I MEAN, ISN'T THAT WHAT SHE DID?

THEY CAN'T USE THAT, RIGHT?

HURDLE AND THE D.A. KNOW THAT CROCKETT WAS GONNA LIE.

THAT'S PRIVILEGED COMMUNICATION.

BUT PEOPLE ARE STILL GONNA THINK THAT I DID IT.

SOME WILL, SURE.

AND I COULD STILL GET SUED.

JOE, LOOK. I'VE ALWAYS THOUGHT OF YOU

AS A SURVIVOR. IF YOU'RE GONNA SURVIVE THIS,

YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO DO IT ONE DAY AT A TIME.

YOU START CHEWING ON ALL THE POSSIBILITIES...

NO, I'M GONNA SURVIVE. I'LL SURVIVE.

I'M GONNA GO HOME TONIGHT AND FIGURE OUT MY FUTURE.

I HOPE YOU'RE NOT CONSIDERING LEAVING THE FORCE.

I'M NOT GONNA RESIGN.

I JUST KNOW I'M A GOOD COP, CAPTAIN.

IT'S JUST SO DAMN UNFAIR.

♪ TALKING IT OVER ♪

♪ JUST THE TWO OF US ♪

♪ WORKING TOGETHER ♪

♪ DAY TO DAY ♪

♪ TOGETHER ♪

I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU, SCHNITZ.

EVERYONE WHO CAN DO YOU

ABSOLUTELY NO GOOD. AND THAT NAME.

MYRNA, WILL YOU GIVE THE GUY A CHANCE?

I TELL YA, HE'S A MILLION LAUGHS.

ALL I HAD TO HEAR WAS WHO'S MANAGING HIM.

THE BLIND LEADING THE UNMENTIONABLE.

WE GOT STRICT FINANCIAL OVERSIGHT, MRS. SCHNITZ.

OUTSIDE ACCOUNTING.

I'LL GIVE YOU OUTSIDE ACCOUNTING.

I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS, LEO.

I HOPE THIS IS WORTH A LIFE WITHOUT SEX.

HEY, LEO. MYRNA.

SHOWTIME.

- SO HOW'S OUR BOY? - THANK YOU.

OH, MONEY IN THE BANK. HE'S FEELING GREAT.

THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

ISN'T SHE SOMETHING ELSE?

COME ON, LET'S GIVE HER A BIG ROUND OF APPLAUSE.

AND NOW, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,

FOR YOUR LAUGHING AND LISTENING PLEASURE.

EUGENE'S PROUDLY PRESENTS THE COMEDY STYLINGS

OF VIC HITLER JR. LET'S BRING HIM ON.

HEY, VIC! HEY, VIC!

ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT. THANK YOU VERY MUCH

FOR THAT MOVING INTRODUCTION.

REMIND ME TO USE YOU NEXT TIME I APPLY FOR A LOAN,

- ALL RIGHT? - THAT SAID, GOOD.

ALL RIGHT. HERE WE ARE, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.

WHAT IS THIS, A CONVENTION OF MONKS

OR IS SOMEONE JUST, E.F. HUTTON?

I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE'RE GOING HERE.

EXCUSE ME, DO YOU ANYTHING ABOUT REAL ESTATE AT ALL?

ANYTHING? LITTLE BIT. TELL ME, IS THIS A LOT?

I'M KIDDING. I'M KIDDING.

YOU KNOW, I DIDN'T MEAN THAT.

WELL, GOOD EVENING, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.

SUBMITTED FOR YOUR CONSIDERATION.

AGING ENTERTAINER.

ON A ONE-WAY TICKET.

TO COMEDY HELL.

ANYWAY, IT'S AN HONOR TO PLAY HERE,

TO BE WORKING HERE AT... WHERE AM I?

- EUGENE'S! - THANK YOU, EUGENE'S.

RIGHT. IT'S EUGENE'S, ISN'T IT?

WELL, MAYBE NOT AN HONOR, BUT AT LEAST

IT GETS ME OUT OF THE HOUSE, YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

I MEAN, NOT THAT I DON'T HAVE AN ABSOLUTELY LOVELY WIFE.

WHY, JUST LAST WEEK, SHE GOT A MUDPACK AT THE BEAUTY SHOP.

LOOKED TERRIFIC FOR THREE DAYS.

THEN THE MUD CAME OFF. WENT BACK THE NEXT DAY,

SPENT OVER $500.

AND THAT WAS JUST FOR THE ESTIMATE.

SERIOUSLY, I TOLD HER THIS MORNING,

I SAID, "SASQUATCH"...

NO, COME ON. COME ON. SERIOUSLY.

OH, PAYDAY, MY HOUSE? IT'S LIKE THE ACADEMY AWARDS.

MY WIFE SAYS, "MAY I HAVE THE ENVELOPE PLEASE?"

I'VE BEEN MARRIED FOR TEN YEARS. I'M STILL IN LOVE

WITH THE SAME WONDERFUL WOMAN.

AND IF MY WIFE EVER FINDS OUT, SHE'S GONNA KILL ME.

YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

WHAT IS THE... THE SLEEPING ROUTINE HERE?

PURE IMPROVISATIONAL GENIUS.

OH, YES SIR. DO YOU KNOW WHAT?

I, UH, JUST CAME BACK FROM A PLEASURE TRIP.

I TOOK MY MOTHER-IN-LAW TO THE AIRPORT.

LAST WEEK I TOLD HER, I SAID "MY HOUSE IS YOUR HOUSE."

TWO DAYS LATER, SHE SOLD IT.

AHH, BOY.

LAST WEEK, MY BROTHER-IN-LAW

WHAT A CHARACTER HE IS, I'LL TELL YOU.

LAST WEEK, UH, I ASKED HIM

WHAT HE WAS DOING WEARING MY TRENCHCOAT.

HE SAYS, "WELL, YOU WOULDN'T WANT ME TO GET

YOUR NEW SUIT WET, WOULD YOU?"

THAT SLEEPING ROUTINE'S RATHER AMUSING.

I DON'T GET IT.

YEAH.

I THINK HE'S CARRYING IT TOO FAR THOUGH.

VIC?

VIC! COME ON, VIC.

- VIC. - BUT SERIOUSLY, FOLKS.

- I... MY BROTHER... - SAVE IT, VIC.

DID I GO OUT?

YOU WENT OUT.

IS THERE, UH, SOMETHING

YOU WANNA TELL ME, VIC?

LOOKS LIKE YOU ALREADY FOUND OUT.

WHAT THE HELL'S THE MATTER WITH YOU?

NARCOLEPSY.

BUT I SWEAR TO YOU, J.D. I THOUGHT I HAD IT LICKED.

COOK. SHORT ORDER, FOUR YEARS IN ST. LOUIS.

THEY HAD THIS CLINIC, AND, UH...

THEY WERE GIVING ME TREATMENTS.

THEY SAID I WAS CURED.

40% CHANCE.

VIC HITLER.

THE NARCOLEPTIC COMIC.

WAS I OUT LONG?

LONG ENOUGH.

J.D., IS THERE ANY WAY I CAN MAKE IT UP TO YOU?

YOU AND YOUR BEAUTIFUL GUYS?

VIC HITLER.

THE NARCOLEPTIC COMIC.

WHAT WENT ON?

TWO PERPETRATORS HELD UP A LIQUOR STORE

ONE BLOCK EAST OF HERE, ON UTICA.

HOLDER CALLED IT IN.

OFFICER HARDY AND WELSH RESPONDED.

CHASED 'EM TO THIS WAREHOUSE, WHERE A SHOOTOUT OCCURRED.

HARDY'S IN I.C.U.

ONE OF THE PERPETRATORS IS KILLED.

AND THE OTHER?

HE WAS APPREHENDED BY YOUR DAY GUY, BELKER.

HE WAS DRIVING NEARBY, AND HE CALLED IT IN.

WHAT ABOUT THE PERPETRATORS? BLACK? WHITE?

WHITE.

WHERE'S BELKER?

I... I WAS JUST DRIVING AROUND.

I HEARD IT ON THE RADIO. SO I...

I JUST CAME OVER. I DON'T KNOW.

YOU OKAY?

I'M FINE.

MOTHER?

SHE'S OKAY. DOCTOR GAVE HER A SEDATIVE.

CAPTAIN, I HEARD YOU GOT MARRIED TODAY.

I'M VERY HAPPY FOR YOU.

SORRY YOU HAD TO COME OUT TONIGHT.

THAT'S OKAY. YOU HAVE SOMEPLACE TO GO...

MICK, WHERE'S ROBIN?

HOW'D YOU KNOW ABOUT THAT?

PRECINCT'S A HARD PLACE TO KEEP A SECRET.

YEAH, I GUESS SO.

I DON'T KNOW, CAPTAIN.

I'VE BEEN WITH PEOPLE ALL DAY.

I JUST WANTED TO GET OUT BY MYSELF

FOR A WHILE.

DO YOU WANNA TALK?

I'M OKAY.

YOU SHOULD'VE KNOWN MY DAD, CAPTAIN.

LAST FEW MONTHS, HE WASN'T REALLY HIMSELF,

BUT HE USED TO BE SOMETHING ELSE.

YOU THINK I CAN BITE?

ONCE WHEN I WAS FIVE YEARS OLD,

I SAW MY DAD GET INTO A FIGHT WITH A GUY

THAT WAS ABOUT THE SIZE OF A MACK TRUCK.

AND MY DAD WAS A LITTLE GUY, JUST LIKE ME.

HE TOOK A BITE ON THIS HAIRBALL'S ARM,

AND HE HELD ON FOR LIFE.

AND THIS BIG GUY IS SHAKING HIS ARM UP AND DOWN,

UP AND DOWN, AND MY DAD IS GOING

RIGHT UP AND DOWN WITH HIM.

HE WAS ONE TOUGH LITTLE GUY,

MY OLD MAN.

I'M GONNA MISS HIM A LOT.

UH.

CAN I BUY YOU A CUP OF COFFEE?

YOU KNOW WHAT YOU SHOULD DO? YOU SHOULD

GO HOME TO YOUR MISSUS.

I'LL SEE YOU AT WORK TOMORROW MORNING.

YOU SURE?

THINK WE'RE GOING TO LOSE THE ROMANCE, FURILLO?

MM-MM.

I DON'T THINK SO.

I DON'T KNOW.

WE'VE GOT ALL THIS DISGUSTING RESPECTABILITY.

TRUST ME, JOYCE.

DOING ALL RIGHT SO FAR.

WE'RE GOING TO DO THINGS, FRANK.

AMEN.

NO.

- LET'S TRAVEL, HMM? - HMM?

EUROPE? JAPAN?

LET'S REDECORATE MY APARTMENT.

- LET'S LIVE WITHIN OUR MEANS. - WE WILL.

I'M GOING TO LOVE BEING MARRIED TO YOU.

MRS. FURILLO?

SUPPOSE I COULD HAVE A KISS?

THE NAME'S DAVENPORT, PIZZA MAN.

REALLY?

REALLY.

I CAN LIVE WITH THAT.