Original subtitles

I AM WEARING A TOUPEE.

IF THEY OFFER YOU THIS JOB,

WE'LL HAVE A LOT TO TALK ABOUT. WON'T WE?

THE NEW PROMOTIONS...

WHO GOT PROMOTED, PHIL? WHO?

I GET THIS WAY WHEN I'VE BEEN UP ALL NIGHT

PHONING A HOTEL WHERE YOU NEVER CHECKED IN.

YOU TOOK ME TO DINNER EVERY SATURDAY NIGHT FOR A MONTH.

I WANT TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENED TO US.

THE SIMPLE TRUTH IS THAT I MET SOMEBODY ELSE.

I STAYED THERE BECAUSE IT WAS NICER THAN A HOTEL ROOM,

AND HE WAS NICE ENOUGH TO OFFER.

I HAVE TO KNOW. DID YOU SLEEP WITH THIS GUY?

ITEM NINE. PEOPLE, A LITTLE FORBEARANCE, PLEASE.

THANK YOU.

YOU WILL NOTE, OFFICER BOGBURN

PASSING OUT AMONGST YOU

THE NEW 1983 REVISED AND UNEXPURGATED EDITION

OF THE DEPARTMENTAL MANUAL.

I CAN WELL UNDERSTAND YOUR DISMAY

AS I MYSELF DO NOT LOOK FORWARD TO AN IN-DEPTH STUDY

OF THIS MATERIAL.

CHAPTER HEADINGS SUCH AS "THE DENVER BOOT...

INNOVATIONS IN VEHICULAR IMMOBILIZATION"

DO NOT WHET ONE'S APPETITE FOR LEARNING.

NEVERTHELESS IT REMAINS OUR DUTY

TO STAY CURRENT WITH OUR AGENCY'S RULES AND PROCEDURES,

SO I IMPLORE YOU,

PLEASE TAKE A FEW PRECIOUS OFF-DUTY HOURS

IN THE PERUSAL OF SAID TOME.

JUST WHAT I'M GOING TO DO.

ALL RIGHT, ITEM 10. WANTS AND WARRANTS.

SHORT AND SWEET, SO LISTEN UP.

BE ON THE LOOKOUT

FOR ONE ROLAND J. THOMPSON.

ALSO KNOWN AS HARDBALL, CUE BALL, OR DR. T.

HE'S A MALE BLACK, 5'7", 145 POUNDS,

DISTINGUISHING CHARACTERISTIC

BEING A TOTALLY BALD PATE.

LAST SPOTTED DRIVING

A '76 GRAY CUTLASS,

LICENSE PLATE 053 APPLE, DAVID, BAKER.

ALSO BE ON THE ALERT THIS A.M.

FOR A HERBERT D. PONZATINO,

A MALE CAUCASIAN, BROWN HAIR, BROWN EYES,

5'10", HEAVY SET,

PRIME SUSPECT

IN THE AVENUE B HOUSING PROJECT RAPES.

LET'S PUT A LITTLE EXTRA INTO THAT ONE, PEOPLE,

AS MR. PONZATINO'S ABERRANT APPETITES

APPEAR TO BE ON THE RISE.

ITEM 11...

DETECTIVE BELKER WILL BE STAKING OUT

THE SHOP-N-SAVE 24-HOUR MARKET THIS A.M.

PURSUANT TO A 34% INCREASE

IN PURSE SNATCHING AND ROB ASSAULTS

ON THE PATRONS OF SAID ESTABLISHMENT.

MOTOR PATROLS, BE ALERT TO THAT SITUATION.

ITEM LAST...

THE SENIOR CRIMINOLOGY CLASS

OF THE ST. MARY'S GIRLS HIGH SCHOOL

WILL BE GUESTS ON THE PREMISES THE NEXT THREE DAYS,

UNDER MY DIRECT SUPERVISION.

NEEDLESS TO SAY,

THESE YOUNG LADIES ARE TO BE SHOWN THE UTMOST COURTESY

BY THE OFFICES OF THIS PRECINCT.

AND BE REMINDED AS WELL, THAT I EXPECT A CODE OF CONDUCT

THAT IS EXEMPLARY,

LANGUAGE WISE, BEHAVIOR WISE

AND EVERY WHICH WAY OTHERWISE.

ALL RIGHT, THAT'S IT. LET'S ROLL.

AND HEY, HEY, HEY!

LET'S BE CAREFUL OUT THERE.

HEY, SARGE, YOU SURE YOU DON'T NEED ANY HELP ON THAT SUPERVISION?

MY GOD, NEAL, HAVE YOU EVER SEEN

SOME OF THESE TEENAGE CHICKS' FIRM YOUNG BOSOMS

BURSTING TO BE FREE,

SHORT PLEATED SKIRTS,

CARESSING GOLDEN DOWN

ACROSS AN EXPANSE OF FIRM, WHITE THIGHS.

YOU ARE A SICK MAN, J.D.

I KNOW. I KNOW. I JUST CAN'T HELP IT.

YEAH, I THINK I'M GOING TO TAKE THIS NEW DEPARTMENTAL MANUAL

TO MY PIT STOP THIS MORNING

IN CASE THEY RUN OUT OF SANITARY WIPES.

MA, THERE'S NOTHING TO BE CONCERNED ABOUT.

YES, THEY CALLED ME,

SO I KNOW THEY PUT HIM IN THE HOSPITAL WARD,

BUT THE DOCTOR SAID IT'S ONLY A COLD.

IT'S A SIMPLE PRECAUTIONARY, MA.

THE DOCTOR SAID

AT THAT AGE, IF YOU DON'T IT...

IT'S NOT PNEUMONIA, MA.

DON'T BE SILLY.

THEY'RE ONLY CONCERNED THAT IT SHOULD GET INTO THE LUNG.

THAT'S ALL.

THEY'RE GIVING HIM...

TETRACYCLINE.

DON'T WORRY ABOUT THE MONEY. WOULD YOU, PLEASE?

I ALREADY AUTHORIZED THE ADDITION.

DON'T KEEP SAYING THAT.

ACCORDING TO THE DOCTOR,

IT'S A SIMPLE PROPHYLACTIC MEASURE.

MA. MA, MA. MA!

IT DOESN'T MEAN WHAT YOU THINK IT MEANS.

IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH SEX.

SURE.

SURE, A WEEK BEFORE THE CLEANING WILL BE FINE.

UH-HUH. YEAH, THANKS, TOM.

YO, FRANK,

I'VE GOT A DRIVER WAITING FOR ME OUTSIDE,

AND I'VE BEEN COOLING MY HEELS HERE 12 MINUTES ALREADY.

I GOT A 9:00 CROSS-TOWN BRUNCH WITH MY BROKER.

SO WHAT'S UP?

THIS IS WHAT'S UP.

YOU WANNA FILL ME IN?

LOOKS LIKE A STANDARD FINANCIAL DISCLOSURE

FOR THE UNION SECURITY EXCHANGE.

UH-HUH, WITH YOUR SIGNATURE AT THE BOTTOM

AND MY NAME IN IT AS YOUR PRIME CREDIT REFERENCE.

OH. I WOULD'VE PUT DOWN PEPE HERNANDEZ,

BUT HE GOT TURNED DOWN FOR PAROLE...

WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE, JESUS?

ACCORDING TO THIS, YOU'VE INVESTED NEARLY $50,000

IN SOME KIND OF COMMODITY FUTURES DEAL.

BEANS.

MY BROKER TELLS ME,

IF IT RAINS IN GEORGIA NEXT MONTH,

I CAN TURN THIS PAPER OVER

FOR A COOL 1.5 MILLION.

UNLESS YOU'D RATHER I GO OFF BOOK

AND DEAL PERUVIAN...

LIKE MOST OF THE DUDES IN MY SOCIAL-ECONOMIC TIDE POOL.

COME ON, FRANKIE.

LET ME GET MY NOSE ON THE WHITE MAN'S TROPHY.

IN CASE YOU'VE FORGOTTEN, JESUS,

THE GRAND PROPOSAL YOU SUBMITTED

WAS FOR A LOCAL YOUTH RECREATION PROGRAM.

WHAT'S 5O LOUSY Gs

WORTH OF BASKETBALL AND HIGH-TOPS?

BESIDES PRELIMINARY ACCOUNTS TO THE FED

IS NOT DUE FOR FIVE WEEKS.

BY THEN I'LL HAVE ENOUGH MONEY

TO BUY MY OWN DAMN COUNTRY CLUB.

GET MY NAME OFF YOUR CREDIT REFERENCE.

YOU WANT TO SPEND THE NEXT FIVE YEARS UPSTATE,

DO IT WITHOUT MY HELP. OKAY?

OKAY, FRANKIE.

MARK MY WORDS.

WHAT YOU SEE STANDING HERE BEFORE YOU TODAY

IS THE NEXT ROBERT VESCO.

ROBERT VESCO

IS WANTED IN OVER 14 COUNTRIES,

ON ABOUT FIVE DOZEN COUNTS

OF INTERNATIONAL SECURITIES FRAUD.

WHATEVER.

I'M NOT EVEN GOING TO ASK WHAT THAT WAS ABOUT.

BELIEVE ME, YOU'RE BETTER OFF.

AREN'T YOU A FEW HOURS EARLY?

I'VE GOT AN ASSAULT CASE LEFT OVER FROM LAST NIGHT.

REGULAR ONE-MAN WRECKING CREW,

ACCORDING TO HIS ARREST SHEET.

WE'LL STATION A UNIFORM IN THERE WITH HIM.

THAT'S OKAY. I'VE GOT A GOOD 10 ROUNDS LEFT IN MY MACE CANISTER.

FRANK, DO YOU MIND IF I TAKE A RAIN CHECK ON LUNCH TODAY?

CLARK GALLOWAY IS FLYING OUT FROM WASHINGTON

ON THE MORNING SHUTTLE.

I TAKE IT YOU GOT THE JOB.

I SUPPOSE I'LL FIND THAT OUT AT LUNCH.

REALLY, FRANK, I HAVE NO IDEA.

EXCUSE ME, MISS DAVENPORT.

YOUR SUSPECT IS IN INTERROGATION ONE.

THANK YOU, SERGEANT.

I'LL LET YOU KNOW AFTER LUNCH.

A SENIOR OFFICER OF THE POLICE...

RANK OF THE...

WHEN AN INCIDENT HAS REACHED...

- IN ORDER TO... - WHEN AN INCIDENT

HAS REACHED THE POINT

WHERE THE REMAINING FUNCTIONS ARE INVESTIGATED,

- AND THE SENIOR CONCERN... - WHAT INVESTIGATIVE FUNCTIONS?

DETECTIVE SHOULD BE IN COMMAND,

ASSUMING SUCH COMMAND BY IDENTIFYING HIMSELF,

AND INFORMING THE OFFICERS THEN IN COMMAND.

WHICH YOU NEVER REALLY DID IDENTIFY YOURSELF.

WHAT DO YOU WANT IT IN, NEON?

FOR GOD'S SAKE, HERE YOU GO.

DETECTIVE LIEUTENANT, LIEUTENANT.

DETECTIVE.

YOU MIND TELLING ME WHAT'S GOING ON?

I WAS MERELY INSTRUCTING THE JUNIOR LIEUTENANT

THE FINE POINTS OF RIGHT DETERMINATION.

OUR HOUSE JUNKY GOT SICK ON SOME LAWYER'S CAR IN THE LOT, FRANK.

IT WAS A... AND I GOT THERE FIRST.

I WAS JUST TRYING TO BREAK UP A FIGHT, FOR GOD'S SAKE.

I HAD THE SITUATION UNDER CONTROL.

GENTLEMEN. GENTLEMEN!

I THINK IT'S TIME WE ALL THREE HAD A TALK. DON'T YOU?

SINCE I SUDDENLY FIND MYSELF A LITTLE BEFORE LUNCH,

SUPPOSE WE MEET IN A FEW HOURS

AND GET TO THE BOTTOM OF THIS?

I'LL PHONE THE GALLEY FOR A TABLE.

THAT'S OVER 20 BLOCKS FROM HERE.

- I'LL CALL LOUISA'S. - LOUISA'S?

I'LL PICK THE RESTAURANT. OKAY, GENTLEMEN?

AGREED?

STATE HEALTH FOUND A DOG COLLAR BEHIND LOUISA'S LAST MONTH.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT.

I WAS SIPPING A BEER, MINDING MY OWN BUSINESS,

WHEN THIS BIG WEIGHTLIFTER TYPE COMES OVER, AND HE STARTS TO...

5'7", 145 LBS,

MUST'VE BEEN THE LIGHTING.

ANYWAY, HE FOLLOWS ME TO THE JOHN.

HE STARTS PHYSICALLY ATTACKING ME.

IT WAS TERRIBLE.

I'VE GOT STATEMENTS HERE ON THE CRIME REPORT

FROM THREE WITNESSES

THAT YOU FOLLOWED HIM INTO THE WASHROOM.

NO, YOU'RE KIDDING.

MR. CROCKETT, IT'S NOT EXACTLY CLASSIFIED INFORMATION

THAT YOU'VE BEEN WORKING AS A COLLECTION ENFORCER

FOR A LOAN SHARK

BY THE NAME OF TOBIAS WOLF

FOR THE PAST SEVERAL YEARS.

IT'S ALSO A MATTER OF RECORD

THAT THE VICTIM OF THIS ASSAULT

WAS IN ARREARS TO MR. WOLF

FOR THE AMOUNT OF $8,000.

YOU GOT A GREAT BOD, MAMA.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING FOR BREAKFAST TOMORROW?

QUIT WASTING MY TIME, CROCKETT.

IN CASE YOU SLEPT THROUGH THE INTRODUCTIONS, I'M YOUR LAWYER.

I'M REPRESENTING YOU.

SO UNLESS YOU WANT TO WALK INTO THAT COURTROOM

WITH JUST YOUR QUESTIONABLE WIT

AND A THREE-PAGE WRAP SHEET,

I SUGGEST YOU CUT THE CRAP

AND TELL ME WHAT REALLY HAPPENED,

OR I'M OUT OF HERE.

KEEP A SECRET?

ALL LAWYER-CLIENT CORRESPONDENCE

IS REGARDED BY LAW

AS PRIVILEGED COMMUNICATION.

WELL, IN THAT CASE,

A TOTALLY UNPROVOKED ASSAULT.

I USED THE CREEP'S FACE LIKE A VOLLEYBALL

AGAINST THE JOHN DOOR FOR AT LEAST FIVE MINUTES.

IT WAS A REAL UGLY SCENE.

I'M JUST GLAD THERE WASN'T ANYBODY IN THERE TO SEE IT.

THAT LITTLE TRAMP WON'T SIGN A COMPLAINT AGAINST ME

FOR A MILLION BUCKS, COUNSELOR.

IF HE DOES, HE'S FISH FOOD IN THE RIVER BY THE END OF THE WEEK.

NO COMPLAINT, NO CHARGES.

I'M OUT OF THIS STINK HOLE BY 4:00 AT THE LATEST.

I IMAGINE YOU WILL BE, MR. CROCKETT.

BETTER WATCH OUT. GOTTA BE ON DUST.

WE WENT OUT THERE, AND HE TRIED TO KARATE CHOP MY HEAD.

YOU THINK WE SHOULD CALL FOR PARAMEDICS?

DON'T WASTE YOUR TIME.

YOU COULDN'T GET A NEEDLE UNLESS YOU HAD A BLOWGUN OUT THERE.

WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO? HE'S GOING TO GET RUN OVER.

WELL, WE COULD TALK TO HIM.

ALL OF US.

SO, BRUCE LEE, HOW YOU DOING?

YOU GOTTA BE COLD STANDING OUT THERE LIKE THAT.

I'M TELLING THE CARS WHERE TO GO, MAN.

I TELL THE CARS WHERE TO GO!

LISTEN, THERE'S NO LAW AGAINST TELLING THE CARS WHERE TO GO.

WE JUST THOUGHT THAT MAYBE YOU WERE FREEZING OUT THERE.

WANT MY JACKET?

I GOT IT.

GIVE IT TO ME.

THROW IT NOW!

ALL RIGHT, LOOK. IF I GIVE YOU MY COAT,

YOU GOTTA COME WITH US.

LET GO. I GOT A CUFF.

I DON'T CARE IF HE RAN A PURPLE LIGHT,

I'M ABOUT TO BUST A MAJOR ORGAN HERE.

I GAVE YOU 15 MINUTES FOR A SIT DOWN.

IS IT MY FAULT THAT JEKILEK WAS HOGGING THAT STOOL AS PER USUAL?

JUST MAKE IT FAST.

LORD, I'M DYING HERE, BOBBY,

SO JUST DO THE STANDARD ROUTINE, OKAY?

LICENSES, REGISTRATION, SCRIBBLE A FEW NOTES,

THEN ADIOS, MARIO. YOU GOT THAT?

LICENSE AND REGISTRATION, PLEASE.

DON'T TELL ME. THE SOCKS, RIGHT?

BLUE SOCKS, BROWN SHOES. I'VE OFFENDED YOU.

NO, WAIT, IT'S THAT FAMILY OF 12

THAT I RESCUED FROM A BURNING BUS LAST WEEK,

AND YOU WANT TO GIVE ME A MEDAL.

OH, PLEASE.

LOOK, YOU RAN A RED LIGHT BACK THERE,

SO WOULD YOU JUST GIVE US YOUR LICENSE AND REGISTRATION, PLEASE?

OH, YOU MEAN THE LICENSE.

TRIPLE A CARD DO?

HOW ABOUT A DOUBLE-A CARD?

INSTEAD OF A TOE TRUCK, THEY SEND YOU A FIFTH OF SCOTCH.

WHAT A MORNING THIS TURNED OUT TO BE, HUH?

GUY COMES UP TO ME AND SAYS,

"YOU KNOW WHERE DELAWARE PARK IS?"

I SAY, "NO. IT'S OKAY, I'M LUCKY HERE."

ASKED YOU FOR YOUR LICENSE AND REGISTRATION THERE, SLICK.

RELAX, PAL. IT'S, UH, PROBABLY IN THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT.

YOU'VE GOT SEVERAL HUNDRED DOLLARS WORTH OF PARKING TICKETS IN THERE.

WELL, I'LL BE DARNED.

YOU CAN HAVE THE ENTIRE LOT FOR 29.95.

BOBBY, COULD WE JUST PLEASE...

WOULD YOU MIND STEPPING OUT OF THE CAR?

OH, WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO, SHOOT ME?

BEAT ME UP WITH THOSE RUBBER HOSES?

YOU DON'T LOOK TOO GOOD, PAL.

LOOK, WE'RE GOING TO TAKE YOU DOWN TO THE STATION.

JUST STEP OUT OF THE CAR.

OKAY, OAKY. LOCK ME UP, PERSECUTE ME.

PUT THE NAILS RIGHT IN THE HANDS,

AND FEED ME TO SMALL ANIMALS, BUT REMEMBER THIS.

I'M A PERSONAL FRIEND OF JOEY BISHOP.

WAIT RIGHT HERE. BELKER.

LET'S MOVE.

I'M DEATHLY ASHAMED, DEATHLY ASHAMED.

OH, BARNEY, WOULD YOU STOP ALL THAT OLD JIVE WHINING?

IF YOU HADN'T HAVE STOPPED LIKE WE DID,

WE'D HAVE OUTRUN THAT WHITE BOY.

WELL, IF YOU HADN'T HAVE WASTED TIME ROUSTING THAT POT ROAST,

I WOULDN'T HAVE HAD TO STOP FOR A WHITE BOY.

WHO'S IT BEEN TELLING ME

HE'D RATHER GO OUT IN A BLAZE OF GUNFIRE

THAN EAT ANOTHER PLATE OF BEANS?

WILL YOU SHUT UP?

NAME. YOU FIRST.

FREDDIE JONES,

AND I AIN'T NEVER BEEN OUTSIDE OF THE LAW IN MY LIFE

EXCEPT FOR THE TIME

I BORROWED SOME WEEKEND MONEY

FROM THE LIQUOR STORE.

THAT WAS 38 LONG YEARS AGO.

I'VE BEEN HAVING MYSELF A CLEAN SLATE EVER SINCE.

THAT'S THE LORD'S TRUTH, SON.

HOME ADDRESS.

WE GOT US A ROOM DOWN ON DECKER.

THERE AIN'T NO ADDRESS

ON ACCOUNT OF THEY TORE IT DOWN

WHEN THEY CONDEMNED THE BUILDING.

AIN'T THAT RIGHT?

I'M MOVING OUT ON YOU, FREDDIE.

IT'S THE LAST TIME I LET YOU GET ME IN ANY TROUBLE.

DON'T LET THE SCREEN DOOR HIT YOU ON YOUR WAY OUT.

HEY, GUYS, I DON'T THINK YOU UNDERSTAND.

YOU PULLED AN ARMED ROBBERY.

EVEN THOUGH THE GUN WASN'T LOADED,

YOU'RE PROBABLY GOING TO JAIL.

SEE WHAT YOU DONE DONE?

LORD, WE GOING TO JAIL.

DOES JAIL HAVE BATHROOMS WITH HOT RUNNING WATER NOWADAYS?

YEAH, SURE.

THEN WE BETTER OFF THAN WE'VE BEEN.

- IS THERE FOOD IN JAIL? - YEAH.

BARNEY HERE, HE DON'T EAT ON SATURDAY.

AND I DON'T EAT ON SUNDAY.

AND THAT GETS US THROUGH THE WEEK.

THEY HAVE DOCTORS IN JAIL?

BUT FREDDIE HERE,

HE'S GOT DIABETES AND PHLEBITIS.

HE CAN'T GO BACK TO THE HOSPITAL ANYMORE

'CAUSE HE DONE USED UP ALL OF HIS BENEFITS.

AND BARNEY HERE, HE'S GOT A BAD HEART.

YEAH, THEY SAY I HAVE TO HAVE A TRIPLE OVERPASS,

AND I'M ON THE LIST FOR ONE OF THOSE OPERATIONS.

WHAT HE NEEDS IS ONE OF THOSE MECHANICAL HEARTS.

A WHOLE LOT OF WHITE MEN HAVE TO GET ONE

BEFORE HE GETS ONE.

FREDDIE, I LEFT MY PILLS.

I THOUGHT WE'D BE HOME FREE BY NOW.

TAKE HIM DOWNSTAIRS.

WE'LL BOOK HIM WHEN HE'S STRAIGHT.

WHY'D YOU DO THAT, MICK? WHY DID YOU HOLD ME BACK?

BECAUSE YOU COULD'VE GOT HURT.

WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR FACE?

I'M GOING TO GET HURT. THAT'S MY JOB.

YOU'RE TOO LITTLE FOR A PSYCHO LIKE THAT.

I CAN LOOK YOU IN THE EYE, HOTSHOT.

YOU'RE RIGHT. I'M SORRY. I GOT A LITTLE CARRIED AWAY.

YOU EMBARRASSED ME, MICK.

DON'T EVER DO IT AGAIN.

YOU BETTER PUT SOME PEROXIDE ON THAT. THOSE THINGS...

BON JOUR. HI, CAN I HELP YOU?

YEAH, COULD YOU TELL US WHERE SGT. ESTERHAUS IS, PLEASE?

OH, HE'S THAT TALL ELDERLY GENTLEMEN OVER THERE,

BUT IT LOOKS LIKE HE MIGHT BE A LITTLE BUSY, SO...

HONORABLE BELLES OF ST. MARY.

- SGT. ESTERHAUS? - THAT'S CORRECT.

AND WHO MIGHT YOU BE?

- I'M KRISTIN. - AND YOUR LAST NAME?

- MURPHY. - AND YOU?

UH-UH-UH.

COLD SHOWERS, BABE.

PUSHUPS.

CRIMINAL NEAL, ESTERHAUS MONOPOLIZING ALL THAT YOUNG FLESH.

HEY, I'M A DANGEROUS MAN.

ALL RIGHT, STAND HERE, FACE THIS MAN.

KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT.

YOU KNOW WHAT I DID?

I YELLED FIRE AT A UROLOGIST CONVENTION ONCE.

THAT'S DANGEROUS.

DID YOU EVER TRY A LITTLE HUMOR IN YOUR WORK?

YOU EVER TRY PAYING YOUR PARKING TICKETS?

ONCE. IT COST ME MONEY.

ALL RIGHT, SHECKY'S ALL YOURS, BOY SCOUT.

I'VE GOT A DATE WITH SOME PORCELAIN.

ANGRY WIFE WANTS TO VISIT HER HUSBAND IN THE JOINT.

"I'M FED UP," SHE SAYS. "LOOK AT YOUR LIFE.

"ATTEMPTED ROBBERY, ATTEMPTED BURGLARY, ATTEMPTED MURDER.

CAN'T YOU FINISH ANYTHING?"

MY UNCLE, AN INCREDIBLE MAN, A PSYCHIC.

KNEW THE EXACT DAY HE WAS GOING TO DIE.

THE WARDEN TOLD HIM.

THAT'S PRETTY GOOD.

HEY, YOU'RE A PRETTY FUNNY GUY.

LITTLE OLD LADY WALKS UP TO A COP AND SAYS,

"I WAS ATTACKED. I WAS ATTACKED."

HE SAYS, "WHEN?" SHE SAYS, "20 YEARS AGO."

HE SAYS, "WHAT ARE YOU TELLING ME NOW FOR?"

SHE SAYS, "BECAUSE I JUST LIKE TO TALK ABOUT IT EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE."

MAN, YOU'RE A SCREAM.

YOU KNOW, YOU OUGHT TO BE DOING THIS FOR A LIVING.

THANKS, EINSTEIN.

I MEAN, WHAT DO YOU THINK, I'M A MEMBER OF THE JOINT CHIEFS OF STAFF OR SOMETHING?

I DO DO THIS FOR A LIVING.

YEAH? NO KIDDING, HUH?

PROFESSIONAL COMIC.

HEY, YOU WORK ANY OF THE CLUBS AROUND TOWN?

MAYBE I CAN CATCH YOUR ACT.

WELL, I'M KIND OF IN BETWEEN GIGS RIGHT NOW.

IT TAKES A LITTLE TIME TO GET ESTABLISHED,

AND SINCE I JUST HIT TOWN SIX MONTHS AGO FROM MIAMI...

YOU'VE BEEN OUT OF A GIG FOR SIX MONTHS,

A GUY WITH YOUR TALENT?

HEY, IT'S THE DAMN NEPOTISM IN THIS BUSINESS, RIGHT?

IT'S WHO YOU KNOW.

AM I RIGHT OR AM I RIGHT? NOT TO MENTION AGENTS.

I MEAN, YOU SIGN WITH THE WRONG ONE.

NEXT STOP... TOILET TOWN.

MY OLD LADY, I TOOK HER TO A WIFE SWAPPING PARTY LAST WEEK.

I HAD TO THROW IN SOME CASH.

NAME, SIR?

VIC. PUBLIC RELATIONS.

I MEAN, I DON'T WANT TO MAKE EXCUSES OR NOTHING,

BUT HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LAND A GIG

WEARING THIS CLOWN SUIT?

SORRY, I NEED YOUR FULL NAME.

- VIC, SWEETHEART. VIC. - YEAH, I GOT THAT.

PANTS. I HAVEN'T HAD A DECENT RAZOR CUT OR MANICURE

IN TWO YEARS.

SHOULD'VE CAUGHT MY ACT IN RENO, '72.

MAN, DID I LOOK SHARP.

SIR, I NEED YOUR LAST NAME.

IT'S HITLER. AND THEN THERE'S MY CAR.

I MEAN, THAT'S A JOKE IN ITSELF RIGHT THERE.

HITLER?

YEAH, VIC HITLER. READ MY LIPS. VIC HITLER.

I MEAN, YOU DON'T THINK THE GUYS THAT PARK THE CAR

DON'T TELL THE CLUB OWNERS THAT I DRIVE A 15-YEAR-OLD DODGE?

MONEY CHASES MONEY, RIGHT?

- HITLER? - THAT'S MY LIFE STORY.

THAT'S IT IN A NUTSHELL.

HEY, HEY.

YOU EVER THOUGHT OF CHANGING YOUR NAME?

WHY?

HEY, TATUM, YOU SANE YET?

YOU TELL ME HOW SANE I'M SUPPOSED TO BE

AFTER YOU GUYS BEAT ME EVERY WAY BUT SUNDAY.

HEY, PAL, WHAT DO YOU CALL THIS, A ROSE?

PUT THESE ON.

LOOKING FORWARD TO A LAW SUIT, JACK.

I GOT RIGHTS.

YOU KNOW, WHERE I COME FROM,

WE DON'T TAKE THAT KIND OF STUFF OFF OF HIM.

ANOTHER COUNTY HEARD FROM.

WHERE I COME FROM,

WE EAT YOUR TURKEY FACE FOR BREAKFAST.

I'M RIGHT HERE. COME ON.

HEY, HARLEY, TURN IT OFF.

YEAH? OR WHAT?

GONNA COME SIT ON ME, RIGHT?

YOU WANNA GET ON MY CASE?

WHITE MEN AIN'T GOT NO RIGHTS NO MORE.

WHY DON'T YOU GIVE IT A REST, BOTH OF YOU.

IF NOW IS NOT THE MOST OPPORTUNE TIME, AMIGO,

THIS OLD EX-CHECKER CAN WAIT A WHILE.

THANK YOU VERY MUCH, LIEUTENANT,

BUT I THINK I OUGHT TO PAY YOU WHILE I STILL HAVE IT.

I UNDERSTAND.

HOW IS THE OLDER TIMER DOING, MICK?

MY FATHER?

MOST OF THE TIME HE AIN'T SO GOOD.

DOCTOR SAYS HE'S GOT ALZHEIMER'S DISEASE.

A FRIEND OF THE FAMILY?

WHO?

THIS ZHEIMER INDIVIDUAL.

NO, PROBABLY JUST SOME GUY

THEY JUST NAME DISEASES AFTER.

IT'S A SURE THING, NEAL.

ALL THE GUY NEEDS IS SOME FRONT MONEY,

SOMETHING FOR A SUIT,

A LITTLE SOMETHING FOR SOMETHING FOR SOME PROMOTION.

MAYBE WE TAKE OUT ONE OR TWO ADS

IN ONE OF THOSE IN ONE OF THEM PAPERS, AND...

HE'S GONE.

VEGAS, ATLANTIC CITY, JOHNNY CARSON.

MAN, YOU SAW HIM. HE'S GOT IT ALL...

DELIVERY, TIMING, INSTINCT.

YEAH, PARKING TICKETS.

WHAT'S THAT GOT TO DO WITH ANYTHING?

ALL ARTISTS GOT QUIRKS.

YEAH, DO THEY HAVE THE NAME HITLER?

MAN, YOU CAN'T SEE A STROKE OF GENIUS

WHEN IT FLAPS YOU IN THE FACE.

IN THE BUSINESS, IT'S WHAT'S KNOWN AS A HOOK.

WHO EVER HEARD OF A COMIC WITH THE NAME HITLER?

I THINK THERE'S A REASON FOR THAT, BABE.

YEAH, I'VE GOT TO ADMIT, I'VE BEEN TOYING WITH A MINOR NAME CHANGE.

VIC HITLER JR.

I'M TELLING YOU, NEAL, HITLER IS THE BEST THING THAT EVER HAPPENED TO US.

J.D., YOU MIGHT AS WELL TURN OFF THE FAUCET, BABE,

'CAUSE YOU CAN'T GET DOLLAR ONE OUT OF THIS COP.

UH-UH, DON'T EVEN BOTHER MENTIONING THE AMOUNT.

200.200 INFLATION-RIDDEN DOLLARS

TO HELP LAUNCH A CAREER

THAT'LL LAND THE BOTH OF US

IN MONEY CITY FOR LIFE.

YOU GOING TO PASS UP A CHANCE LIKE THAT?

MM-HM, EVER TIME.

I HAD A TALK WITH DEPARTMENTAL MAINTENANCE THIS MORNING.

WE SHOULD GET ANOTHER FURNACE IN A COUPLE MONTHS.

GREAT. JUST TIME FOR SUMMER.

HOW'S YOUR BEEF?

ROSA MAKES IT BETTER.

- HOW'S YOUR FISH? - FINE.

A LITTLE TOO MUCH BUTTER.

VEAL'S GOOD.

I ALMOST GOT THE VEAL.

THIS IS CRAZY.

WE'VE BEEN HERE FOR HALF AN HOUR.

WE'VE COVERED EVERY SUBJECT

FROM FURNACES TO VEAL

EXCEPT WHAT WE CAME HERE TO TALK ABOUT.

HENRY SHOULD GO FIRST.

AFTER ALL, IT'S HIS SITUATION

THAT HAS CHANGED, NOT MINE.

I'M STUCK IN THE SAME HOLE.

GREAT, RAY, BLEED ALL OVER THE TABLE.

WE'RE HERE BECAUSE OF YOU.

WHAT'S THE PROBLEM, RAY?

IT'S JUST THAT... DAMN IT, FRANK.

I DON'T GET ANY RESPECT FROM ANYONE.

HOW CAN I?

I SPEND THE WHOLE DAY TAKING PHONE CALLS, FRANK.

YOUR CAR IS READY.

I FEEL USELESS.

I FEEL LIKE EVERYONE IS MOVING UP EXCEPT ME.

I FEEL LIKE I'M BEING LEFT BEHIND BY YOU, FRANK,

AND IT STINKS.

OKAY, NOW WE'RE GETTING SOMEWHERE.

WOULD YOU MIND PUTTING OUT THAT CIGAR, SIR?

THIS IS THE SMOKING SECTION.

DOESN'T GIVE YOU THE RIGHT TO RUIN MY MEAL.

- SO CALL A COP. - I AM A COP.

SO BIG DEAL, YOU'RE A COP.

WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO, SET ME UP A RIVER?

I PAID A BUCK FOR THIS CIGAR. I WANT TO ENJOY IT.

HERE.

HEY, THAT'S GONNA COST YOU MORE THAN A BUCK.

THIS IS A DESIGNATED SMOKING AREA, SIR.

I'D HATE TO HAVE TO ASK YOU TO LEAVE.

YOU DON'T HAVE TO.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT GOT INTO ME.

ASK ME, I'D THINK YOU WERE DISPLACING ANXIETY.

NO PSYCHOANALYSIS, HENRY. OKAY?

ALL RIGHT. YOU'RE RIGHT.

BESIDES, WE HAVE OTHER THINGS TO TALK ABOUT.

PROVIDED WE DON'T DIE OF OLD AGE GETTING TO THE POINT.

I'M JEALOUS.

I'M JEALOUS, I AM AMBITIOUS,

AND I AM AFRAID.

WELCOME TO THE HUMAN RACE, RAY.

I'M AFRAID YOU DON'T THINK I'M GOOD ENOUGH TO BE A CAPTAIN.

DID I GIVE YOU ANY INDICATION OF THAT?

FRANK, MY SCORES ARE HIGH.

I'M A HARD WORKER.

THE DEPARTMENT IS READY TO PROMOTE HISPANICS.

I'M OUT OF ANSWERS,

SO I HAVE TO ASK MYSELF IF IT'S YOU.

I'VE RECOMMENDED YOU FOR EVERY VACANCY.

HOW STRONGLY?

FRANK, BE HONESTY WITH ME.

DO YOU BELIEVE I HAVE LEADERSHIP ABILITY?

I THINK THERE'S NO BETTER MAN IN THE DEPARTMENT,

NO MORE DECENT HUMAN BEING.

I THINK YOU'RE A GIFTED ORGANIZER

AND ADMINISTRATOR.

BUT...

DO I SEE CLEAR CAPACITY FOR LEADERSHIP?

SOMETIMES.

SOMETIMES NOT.

I SEE.

YOU FIELD 80% OF THE PRECINCT'S BUSINESS.

YOU HAVE A BETTER FLOW CHART IN YOUR HEAD

THAN ANY DUTY OFFICER'S BLACKBOARD.

I'M 48 YEARS OLD.

I HAVE GOALS THAT I WANT TO ACCOMPLISH,

AMBITIONS THAT I SET OUT WITH

WHEN I WAS 20 YEARS OLD,

WHEN I CAME HERE.

AND I APPRECIATE THAT, RAY,

BUT YOU ALSO HAVE TO KEEP IN MIND

THAT EVEN IF YOU DON'T REACH ALL THOSE GOALS,

IT DOESN'T MAKE YOU LESS A PERSON.

SO SAYS THE CAPTAIN.

YOU'RE RIGHT. IT'S EASY FOR ME TO SAY.

THANK YOU FOR YOUR HONESTY, FRANK.

YOU'RE GIVEN ME A LOT TO THINK ABOUT.

WELL, I HOPE YOU HEARD EVERYTHING I SAID,

THE GOOD AS WELL.

I HEARD EVERYTHING.

LADIES, HERE IN THE VENDING AREA,

THE OFFICERS TAKE SUSTENANCE.

IN TOWN FOR THE FULL-DRESSED MEAL YOU MIGHT LIKE TO ENJOY.

HOW COULD I THINK THAT LONG?

GET OUT OF HERE, VIC.

DID I DIE? I THINK I DIED AND WENT RIGHT TO HEAVEN.

HEY, I FINALLY MADE IT.

AMERICAN BANDSTAND.

♪♪

HEY, SPOTLIGHT ON RICO.

LADIES, SHALL WE LEAVE THE AREA, PLEASE?

PLEASE.

- FAY? - FRANK.

HOW ARE YOU?

UH...

I'M PREGNANT, FRANK.

YOU SURE?

PAUL GROGAN.

WHO ELSE?

WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO?

I DON'T KNOW.

YOU KNOW HOW I FEEL ABOUT ABORTION,

AND I'M GOING TO BE 39 YEARS OLD, FRANK.

I'M PREGNANT BY A MAN

WHO WON'T EVEN TAKE THE RESPONSIBILITY

FOR RETURNING MY PHONE CALLS,

LET ALONE SUPPORTING A CHILD.

YOU'RE ALWAYS ILLOGICAL, FRANK.

PLEASE BE LOGICAL FOR ME NOW.

I CAN'T TELL YOU WHAT TO DO, FAY.

IF YOU ASK MY OPINION,

AND I CAN'T REALLY SEE AN UPSIDE TO THIS.

I MEAN YOU MORAL CONVICTIONS ABOUT ABORTION NOTWITHSTANDING,

YOU'RE ALREADY RAISING AN EIGHT YEAR OLD

WHO'S QUITE A HANDFUL.

I KNOW.

YOU KNOW MY FINANCIAL SITUATION.

YOUR RENT AND FRANK JR'S EXPENSES.

I GUESS YOU'D HAVE TO ASK THE FATHER FOR SUPPORT,

AND THAT MIGHT MEAN COURT APPEARANCES, TESTIMONY.

I KNOW.

AND THERE ARE POSSIBLE HEALTH CONSIDERATIONS.

I KNOW, FRANK.

IT'S JUST THAT THERE'S...

THERE'S LIFE IN ME,

AND I'M SO MOVED.

IT'S AS IF PAUL HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH IT.

I KNOW YOU THINK I'M A FLAKE, FRANK.

STOP IT.

- BUT I RAISED YOUR SON. - YES.

I MEAN, IS THERE ANYTHING ABOUT HIM YOU'D HAVE DIFFERENT?

NOPE.

IT'S JUST...

AND I KNOW EVERYTHING YOU SAY IS TRUE, BUT...

I HAVE LIFE IN ME.

YOU ASKED ME WHAT I THINK.

NO MATTER HOW IT IS BETWEEN US,

WE'RE STILL A FAMILY, YOU KNOW,

SO NO MATTER WHAT YOU CHOOSE, I'LL STILL BE THERE,

AND I'LL DO WHATEVER I CAN.

I LOVE YOU, FRANK.

AND I ALWAYS HAVE.

AND I ALWAYS WILL.

YOUR GARDEN-LEVEL HOLDING FACILITY,

A RECENTLY ADDED TRANSITIONAL ACCOMMODATION

FOR OUR PRECINCT'S ALLEGED PERPETRATORS.

HERE ON THE LEFT,

PRESENTLY IN THE ARMS OF MORPHEUS,

IS A GENTLEMAN ARRESTED IN AN ACUTE DELUSIONAL STATE,

DIRECTLY RESULTING FROM HIS INGESTION

OF DANGEROUS DRUGS.

DO YOU SEE ANYTHING GLAMOROUS IN THAT, LADIES?

HM?

ANYTHING THAT LOOKS LIKE FUN?

MR. TATUM.

HM.

YOU ALL RIGHT, YOUNG MAN?

YOU KNOW, YOUR HOLDING CELLS ARE GETTING LIKE THE FIRING RANGE, CAPTAIN.

YOU PEOPLE HAD THE DUNLUDDY HOMICIDE A WHILE BACK.

LAST THING I NEED RIGHT NOW

IS SOME SMART ASS FROM I.A.D.

TAKING CHEAP SHOTS AT THIS PRECINCT.

- SORRY. - SAVE YOUR SORRIES AND DO YOUR JOB.

IS THIS AREA GENERALLY LEFT UNSUPERVISED?

READ THE MANUAL.

A KHAKI OFFICER'S DOWN HERE TO CHECK THIS FACILITY EVERY HALF HOUR.

ACCORDING TO MY INFORMATION, THE LAST PERSON DOWN HERE

WAS OFFICER COFFEY, WHO WAS NOT A KHAKI OFFICER.

I TOLD YOU. I WAS BRINGING THE GUY SOME CLOTHES.

CAPTAIN, I THINK YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE TO PUT OFFICER COFFEY

ON A DESK PENDING DISPOSITION.

MY ACCOUNTS HAD HIM CHOKING THE MAN OUT AT THE BUST

AND MAKING A TRIP TO SEE HIM IN HIS CELL.

- CAPTAIN... - IS THAT IT?

FOR NOW.

UNTIL WE GET FORENSICS.

I SWEAR, CAPTAIN, I NEVER TOUCHED THE GUY.

I GOT A WITNESS RIGHT IN THAT CELL.

HE WAS RIGHT IN THAT CELL.

YOU'LL BE QUESTIONED. DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT.

- YEAH, B... - IT'S PROCEDURE, JOE.

JUST GOING TO BE A COUPLE DAYS.

I DON'T BELIEVE THIS.

HI, FRANK.

I'M DEAD. GUY'S GOING TO CONVICT ME OF THE KOREAN WAR.

WALLY.

I UNDERSTAND ONE OF YOUR BOYS CHOKED TO DEATH.

WELL, THAT'S SPECULATIVE AT BEST.

NOW, LISTEN, FRANK.

I OWE YOU ONE.

YOU JUST TELL ME HOW YOU WANT IT.

I WANT IT BY THE NUMBERS, CORONER NYDORF.

HUH. SURE.

I JUST...

OF COURSE. LET'S SEE WHAT WE GOT.

EITHER ONE OF THE BRAWLS COULD'VE KILLED TATUM, FRANK,

BUT I DON'T BUY IT.

THE TIME FAME'S ALL WRONG.

SOME KIND OF PHYSIOLOGICAL REACTION TO THE PCP

COULD'VE DONE IT,

BUT AGAIN THERE'S THE TIME FACTOR.

TATUM WAS COMING DOWN.

THE DRUG WAS DISSIPATED.

NO, WHATEVER KILLED LYNN TATUM

OCCURRED WHILE HE WAS INSIDE THE CELL, FRANK.

I'M CONVINCED OF IT.

NOW, I GOT A THEORY,

ONE THAT'S NOT CONTRADICTED BY CIRCUMSTANCES.

GET IN THE CELL, FRANK. JUST GET IN THE CELL.

NOW, COME ON OVER HERE BY THE BARS OVER HERE.

RIGHT OVER HERE.

THAT'S RIGHT. NOW, TURN AROUND, LIKE THAT.

THAT'S GOOD.

NOW, SEE, WITH MY LEFT ARM LIKE THIS, FRANK,

YOU'D NEVER SHOW BAR BURNS TO THE BACK OF TATUM'S HEAD.

OKAY?

NOW, I LET YOU GO,

AND YOU FALL.

TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK HAPPENED, WALLY.

WILL YOU JUST FALL, FRANK?

YOU SEE? YOU SEE WHERE YOUR HONKER'S HEADED, FRANK?

RIGHT SPLAT IN THE CEMENT.

YOU FALL LIKE THAT IN A DEAD FAINT,

YOU BUY YOURSELF A TRAUMA RIGHT UP HERE IN THE BRIDGE OF THE NOSE.

TATUM HAD A COLLECTION OF BLOOD OF THERE, FRANK.

IT HAD BOWED,

AND THERE WERE BRUISE MARKS ON THE FRONTAL PLANES OF THE FACE.

HE MUST'VE BEEN HIT 30 TIMES

IN THE COURSE OF TWO MAJOR STRUGGLES WITH OFFICERS

AND SURELY HAD TO BE HIT IN THE NOSE.

TIME FRAME, FRANK.

THE TIME.

THE WAY THE BLOOD CLOTTED

THAT HE WAS LYING MOTIONLESS WITHIN MINUTES OF THE INJURY.

SO HE FALLS HERE.

AND THEN PROBABLY A FEW MINUTES LATER,

IN A HALF CONSCIOUS STATE

CONSISTENT WITH THE TRACHEA DAMAGE OBSERVED,

HE STUMBLES OVER TO HIS COT

WHERE HE FAILS TO REGAIN CONSCIOUSNESS...

AND SUFFOCATES

BY REASON OF A FRACTURED LARYNX.

HE WAS SUBDUED BY A CHOKE HOLD DURING THE INITIAL ARREST.

COULDN'T THE INJURY HAVE OCCURRED THEN?

FROM WHAT I HEAR,

HE WAS YELLING HIS LUNGS OUT

FOR NEARLY AN HOUR AFTER THEY DRAGGED HIM IN HERE, FRANK.

WITH A FRACTURE LIKE THAT,

THE VOCAL CORDS ARE SHOT,

15, 20 MINUTES.

FIND ANY BLOOD ON THE FLOOR?

PATIENCE, FRANK. PATIENCE.

WE'LL BE DOWN HERE WITH OUR TONGUES ON THE CEMENT.

COULDN'T COFFEY...

YES, COFFEY COULD'VE KILLED HIM,

BUT IT COULD'VE BEEN THE GUY IN THE NEXT CELL, FRANK.

NOW, I TOOK THE LIBERTY OF ASKING A COUPLE OF QUESTIONS,

AND FROM WHAT I HEAR,

LYNN TATUM'S NEIGHBOR

WASN'T EXACTLY AN ADVOCATE OF BETTER RELATIONS

AMONG THE RACES.

THE TWO GUYS HAD SOME WORDS.

SO TO MY MIND,

GIVEN WHAT YOU SAID ABOUT COFFEY,

I'D AT LEAST PICK THIS GUY UP

AND ASK HIM A FEW QUESTIONS.

WE'RE LOOKING FOR HIM RIGHT NOW.

THANKS, WALLY.

THANK YOU.

HEY, FRANK.

SO WHAT DO YOU THINK?

YOUNG SHERLOCK HOLMES OR WHAT?

YOUR HONOR, MY CLIENTS INFORM ME

THEY MIGHT BE WILLING TO DO A CERTAIN AMOUNT OF LOCAL TIME

IN THIS MATTER, SAY TILL MID MAY,

IF THEY COULD BE ASSURED OF BEING CELL MATES.

THAT'S VERY GENEROUS OF THEM

TO SET SO FEW CONDITIONS, MR. MANCUSO.

NOW, COUNSEL PLEASE APPROACH.

DETECTIVE, YOU AS WELL.

YOUR HONOR, THE PEOPLE ARE NOT UNAWARE OF THE AGE OF THE DEFENDANTS,

BUT THIS WAS AN ARMED ROBBERY WITH A GUN.

UNLOADED GUN.

DETECTIVE,

WHAT'S YOUR IMPRESSION OF THESE THESE TWO OLD COATS?

THEY SEEM TO BE NICE ENOUGH GUYS TO ME, YOUR HONOR.

THEY'RE A LITTLE SHORT OF DOUGH LIKE A LOT OF PEOPLE THESE DAYS,

AND IT'S NONE OF MY BUSINESS,

BUT THEY'RE BOTH SICK.

ONE OF THEM HAS DIABETES.

I'M AWARE OF IT, DETECTIVE.

IT'S ON MY PAPERS HERE.

MR. ALVAREZ,

I'M NOT ABOUT TO HAND THESE MEN LIFE SENTENCES.

WE'RE TALKING ABOUT 18 MONTHS MAX.

WITH THESE GUYS, THAT IS A LIFE SENTENCE.

YOUR HONOR, IF YOU'RE INTENDING TO DISMISS,

THE PEOPLE WILL HAVE TO STRENUOUSLY OBJECT.

BE MY GUEST, MR. ALVAREZ,

BECAUSE THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT I'M GOING TO DO.

STEP BACK.

GENTLEMEN,

YOU COME BACK BEFORE ME AGAIN

ON A CRIME AS HEINOUS AS THIS,

I'LL SEE THAT YOU GET 12 YEARS

OF PEACE

IN SEPARATE CELLS,

IN DIFFERENT PRISONS.

YOU'LL DIE 500 MILES APART.

CASE IS ADJOURNED.

CONTEMPLATION OF DISMISSAL.

STEP OUT.

WHERE DO WE GET OUR STUFF AT?

PROPERTY CLERK. SECOND FLOOR.

DOCKET NUMBER Z637452-458,

VIC... VIC HITLER?

HOW YOU DOING?

I SEE YOUR OCCUPATION'S COMEDIAN, MR. HITLER.

BET YOU'RE A MILLION LAUGHS, HUH?

YOUR HONOR.

YOUR HONOR, DETECTIVE JOHN LaRUE,

HILL STREET STATION.

I JUST WANT TO BE A CHARACTER WITNESS FOR MR. HITLER.

HEY, SONNY,

YOU KNOW THEY WOULDN'T GIVE US OUR GUN BACK?

- YOUR GUN? - YEAH.

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT, YOU HAIRBALL?

YOU HAVE ANY IDEA THE KIND OF BREAKS YOU GUYS GOT TODAY?

YOU GOT A REVOLVING-DOOR JUDGE,

YOU GOT A GOOD WORD FROM ME, AND YOU GOT REAL, REAL LUCKY

WHEN THE GUY IN THE SUPERMARKET DIDN'T HAVE A SHOTGUN UNDER THE COUNTER.

YOU GOTTA KEEP YOUR NOSES CLEAN.

DO YOU HEAR ME?

PULL A STUNT LIKE THIS AGAIN, AND LIKE THE JUDGE SAID,

YOU'RE GOING TO JAIL, AND IF YOU GO TO JAIL,

YOU AIN'T GONNA SEE EACH OTHER ANYMORE.

YEAH, WE KNOW THAT.

THINK WE DON'T KNOW THAT?

WELL, THEN...

YOU CAN'T MAKE US DIG. THAT'S ALL.

WON'T DO NO MORE DIGGING, NEITHER ONE OF US.

WON'T EAT NO MORE DOG FOOD NEITHER.

TOO OLD TO EAT DOG FOOD.

COME ON, FRED.

MR. HITLER,

ARE YOU CAPABLE AT THIS TIME

OF PAYING ALL OR PART OF THE MONEY YOU OWE THIS STATE?

DREAM ON, YOUR HONOR.

I'M SO TAPPED THAT MY BANKER CAME TO MY APARTMENT

AND DEMANDED HIS CALENDAR BACK.

BAILIFF.

SET A HEARING DATE

FOR THE PURPOSE OF CONSTRUCTING A SCHEDULE

BY WHICH MR. HITLER

WILL BE ABLE TO MEET HIS OBLIGATIONS.

IT ISN'T THE INTENT OF THIS COURT

TO PREVENT PARKING VIOLATORS

FROM PRACTICING THEIR TRADE,

REGARDLESS OF THEIR SURNAMES.

YOUR HONOR, THANK YOU SINCERELY AND DEEPLY.

YOU'RE A BEAUTIFUL PERSON,

LIKE DETECTIVE LaRUE HERE.

I DON'T KNOW IF YOU LIKE JOKES, YOUR HONOR...

YEAH, UH, VIC, HUH?

YOU'RE RIGHT. COME ON.

THIS GUY'S THE TYPE OF MAN...

THAT'S TRUE. YOU'RE A BEAUTIFUL PERSON.

YOU ARE.

YOU KNOW WHAT I'M GOING TO DO?

I HAVE AN UNCLE IN THE GRAVEL BUSINESS.

I'M GOING TO CALL HIM TOMORROW.

WE'RE GOING TO GET THE LAWYER.

EVERYTHING'S GOING TO BE FINE.

YOU KNOW, WHATEVER HAPPENED DOWN THERE IN THE CELL,

YOU CAN TELL ME IF YOU WANT.

SEE, I DON'T HAVE A WORD TO ADD,

NOT ONE WORD.

THOSE TWO OLD GUYS WERE JUST...

THEY WEREN'T YOUR FATHER, MICK.

YOUR FATHER'S GOT YOU. YOUR FATHER'S GOT YOUR MOM AND YOUR SISTER.

DOESN'T MATTER.

GET OLD, PEOPLE PUSH YOU OFF.

THEY PUT YOU IN A HOME.

COME ON.

HEY, YOU KNOW SOMETHING?

LET'S GO SEE YOUR OLD MAN.

WHEN, RIGHT NOW?

YEAH, SURE, WHY NOT?

I WAS JUST THERE THIS AFTERNOON.

YEAH, BUT WE COULD GO TOGETHER.

I'D LIKE TO MEET YOUR FATHER.

YOU WOULD, REALLY?

REALLY. I REALLY WOULD.

I'M NOT KIDDING.

WHAT ABOUT THIS MORNING.

OH, FORGET ABOUT IT. IT'S HISTORY.

WE'RE IN THIS THING TOGETHER, MICK.

LET'S GO.

OUR TABLE WILL BE READY IN A FEW MINUTES.

WHERE'S CLARK? DID HE GO BACK?

HE'S STAYING AT THE MARQUIS TONIGHT.

HE'S GOT SOME BUSINESS IN TOWN TOMORROW.

- UH... - HE OFFERED ME THE JOB.

COULD I HAVE SOME WATER WITH LEMON IN IT?

CAN WE SIT OVER THERE?

YOU GOING TO TAKE IT?

I HAVEN'T DECIDED YET.

THANK YOU.

DON'T LOOK AT ME LIKE THAT,

LIKE I'M SOME KIND OF CRIMINAL.

IT'S NOT THAT EASY, FRANK.

YOU'D BE LEAVING MY LIFE.

YOU KEEP SAYING THAT, BUT LISTEN TO ME.

EVEN IF I TAKE IT,

I'D... I'D SEE YOU EVER WEEK.

PLUS TWICE A MONTH I'D BE HERE ON BUSINESS.

THEN MAYBE AFTER 12, 18 MONTHS,

I'D REASSESS.

WITH A JUSTICE DEPARTMENT ANTITRUST BACKGROUND,

THERE'D BE ALL FIRMS IN THIS TOWN

OFFERING ME 70,000 TO START.

IT WOULD OFFER US A WHOLE DIFFERENT KIND OF SECURITY.

MAYBE.

SOMEHOW WHEN I PUT ALL THOSE JOKES TOGETHER,

IT ALL COMES OUT DIFFERENTLY.

YOU GO DOWN TO WASHINGTON, AND YOU WORK OF CLARK.

SUDDENLY YOU REALIZE WHAT'S REALLY ON HIS MIND.

HE'S IN LOVE WITH YOU.

HE'S RICH AND UNENCUMBERED.

WELL, WE DON'T JUST HAVE TO TALK ABOUT CLARK.

WASHINGTON'S FILLED WITH EXCITING MEN,

EXCITING JOBS.

COME HOME A COUPLE OF WEEKENDS.

HERE'S GOOD OLD FRANK FURILLO

IN HIS SLIGHTLY SHINY SUIT.

YOU DON'T WEAR SHINY SUITS, FRANK.

DID YOU TELL HIM YOU HAVE A BOYFRIEND?

YES.

DID YOU SAY, "HE'S A COP" OR "HE WORKS IN LAW ENFORCEMENT"?

FRANK, YOU'RE BEING VERY MEAN RIGHT NOW.

NO, I'M NOT. I'M JUST REFUSING TO BURY MY HEAD IN THE SAND.

I WON'T LIE TO YOU.

EVERYTHING YOU SAY COULD HAPPEN.

MAYBE IT WOULD BE THE END OF US,

BUT LET ME GIVE YOU ANOTHER SCENARIO.

YOU BULLY ME INTO TURNING DOWN THIS JOB,

AND THEN I RESENT YOU FOR IT FOREVER.

I'LL LOVE YOU NO MATTER WHAT YOU DECIDE, JOYCE.

WHAT YOU'RE SAYING IS I CAN'T WIN.

WOULD YOU MIND VERY MUCH

IF WE WERE APART TONIGHT?

I HAVE TO GIVE CLARK A DECISION.

THERE'S JUST SO MUCH, FRANK.

I WANT TO GO HOME,

TAKE A BATH, WRESTLE WITH IT.

WRESTLE ALONE?