Original subtitles

♪ Who put the glad in gladiator ♪

♪ Hercules ♪

♪ Whose daring deeds are great theatre ♪

♪ Hercules ♪

♪ Is he bold ♪

♪ No one braver ♪

♪ Is he sweet ♪

♪ Our favorite flavor ♪

♪ Hercules ♪

♪ What a guy ♪

♪ Ask his friends ♪

♪ Honey they won't lie ♪

♪ Oh Hercules ♪

♪ Hercules ♪

♪ No one's fool ♪

♪ Now the boy's in school ♪

♪ He's in trainin ♪

♪ Smart and shy ♪

♪ And the nicest guy ♪

♪ No complainin ♪

♪ He was a no one ♪

♪ A zero zero ♪

♪ He'll never quit till he's a hero ♪

♪ He's the most likely to succeed ♪

♪ From zero to hero ♪

♪ Herc is a hero ♪

♪ He'll be a hero ♪

Wait and see.

Creamed hummus, hummus tots, and...

Hummus Brown Betty. Next.

Pardon me. Sorry. Excuse me.

Ahhh!

That wasn't very... nice!

Oh, real smart, Andromeda.

Your first day and you dump hummus on some guy's chiton.

Andromeda? Wow, that's a great name.

I-I-I'm Hercules.

Please t-t-take this seat.

What about you?

Oh, I'll just stand here staring...

I mean, uh... you know, eating.

He's coming! He is coming!

Icarus, this is Andromeda.

Hi, I'm new... Like first-day new.

Uh, yeah. Usually, I would be there for you, but not today.

Herc, buddy, I have got big news... the biggest!

It doesn't get any huger than this!

Myklos is coming!

Myklos!

Defender of the meek, righter of wrongs,

punisher of naughtiness.

He gets very, uh, excited.

Myklos! He's gonna be at the Agora tonight!

One show only!

I heard of the Agora,

but I don't even know where it is.

Oh, I could go with you.

Yes, that's what I was hoping you'd say, buddy!

- Wait, I was talking to... - You and me!

Up close and personal with the mighty Myklos.

Oh, the greatest hero the world has ever known!

I see his tenuous grip on reality has loosened entirely.

Cassandra... Andromeda.

Hi. I'm new.

Enjoy it. This place gets old fast.

Greetings, my little butter squash.

It might interest you to know

that my main man Herc

will be joining me at the Myklos extravaganza.

Yes! Finally the lump has found somebody other than me

to drag to that stupid convention

for that stupid Myklos!

- I'm lost. - Me too.

Him three.

What's this all about?

It's about respect. It's about loyalty.

It's about finding just the right piece of merchandise

that says "Myklos rules."

Myklos is a comic-scroll character?

Correction... the comic-scroll character.

Oh, Goat Boy, did you hear the forecast for the Myklos convention?

100% chance of raving fan boys.

Shut up! Laugh if you will, Adonis.

I am proud to be a fan of Myklos!

I am honored to buy...

I gotta run to class.

It was nice meeting you, Hercules.

Oh, see you around, I-I-I hope.

I don't wanna go to a comic-scroll convention.

Ah, it all becomes clear.

You're afraid that if you go,

you'll be laughed at by Fluffy.

That's not her name.

No, it's her species.

Hey, Icarus...

honesty, bravery, and fair play.

I hear convention tickets are moving faster

than Myklos' evil twin, Emishu XXIV.

Wanna get one?

I need two tickets, for I shall be accompanied by

the finest friend ever to walk Zeus' great earth...

A man they call Hercules.

Right? Right, buddy?

Heh heh.

Maybe it won't be so embarrassing.

Honesty, bravery, and fair play!

I'm doomed.

Just tell him you forgot you already made plans.

But I-I promised I'd go!

Besides, I-I haven't made any plans.

So lie.

I can't lie. It's wrong.

Just a little one.

It won't hurt anything.

Sorry. Heroes don't lie.

All right, come on, boys, report time.

You've been on new-disease duty for a month already!

What do you got to show for it?

I got a rash you would not believe!

Oh, my goodness, is that so?

Well, step up and I'll scratch it!

Uh, uh, I'll... I'll stick to the ointment.

Enough chatting, all right? Enough fun.

Let's seize the disease, you know what I'm saying?

For those trendsetters who absolutely must have the latest in sickness,

we proudly present the Spring collection.

My, isn't she fetching?

You can be, too, if you catch a case of... the fruzz.

A delightful malady replete with hacking cough

and a stench that is strangely attractive to gophers.

Ahhh! Back off, rodents!

- Uh-huh. - Who likes bubbles?

We like bubbles.

And that's why...

- Wahhhh-hah! - I get... the picture!

I ask for deadly diseases, what do I get? Fashion victims.

My legendary patience is wearing thin, boyos.

Please, boss, we saved the best disease for last.

One last chance.

Bottom-line it for me. Come on.

Well, it starts with fever and boils.

And that's the fun part.

Within a week, victims will be looking for a new home!

Underground!

It's called... Catastrophia!

Catastrophia, huh?

He came up with the name.

I wanted to call it "Hade-verticulitis."

I like it. I like it. It's got a little zip.

It's nice. Saddle up, boys.

I want this Catastrophia spread

like hummus on a fresh-baked pita.

And where shall we put the cure?

Cure?

Yeah, um, you remember Zeus' rule...

Every sickness must have a cure.

What is the point...

of having a disease... if there's a cure?

He didn't say the cure had to be easy to get.

Ah, interesting. So we dump the cure in Nowheresville,

the letter of the law is obeyed,

an epidemic rages, and everybody's happy!

Well, me... I'm happy.

Everybody else is wracked with pain.

Nice.

Now, remember... the disease you spread all over!

The cure you put where Apollo don't shine, literally. Capisce?

On the case, boss.

Ahh!

Ohh!

Awful! Terrible! Embarrassing!

If that had been a real giant,

you'd be wearing your eyeballs for earrings.

Oh, sorry, Phil. I can't stop worrying about this comic-scroll convention.

How can I tell my best friend that I don't wanna be seen at it?

Look, Kid, You can't let every problem get in the way of your training.

There are too many. Look at the news scroll.

"Catastrophia epidemic strikes Athens."

Sounds nasty. There's nothing you can do about it.

Just like there's nothing you can do about that convention.

I could... lie.

What? One word, kid... Forgetaboutit!

Why? Because heroes aren't supposed to lie?

Because they stink at it. Trust me, kid. Honesty is the best policy.

And it's hero rule number 189.

Hey, Phil! How come you're not at the Athens Amphitheater

for the big nymph rodeo?

Yeeee-haaaah!

I didn't hear anything about a nymph rodeo.

I made it up.

You lied?

See how easy it is? You can do it, too...

after a lesson at Cassandra's school for shading the truth.

We'll start easy. Say your name is Androcles.

But... Practice makes perfect.

Now, then... hi, big fella. What's your name?

Androcles.

But my friends call me Herc, 'cause that's my real name...

not Androcles.

This is gonna take work.

Where did you get the money?

I work at Speedy Pita.

So where's your uniform?

I'm in the plain-clothes division.

Not bad, mister.

What did you say your name was?

Androcles, but my friends call me Herc, 'cause that's my real name.

I can't do it. I can't... I can't lie!

I'll go to the convention and Andromeda will see me,

and she'll laugh all the way into somebody else's arms.

Don't worry. I bet she'll like you just for being you.

Really? You mean it?

Yeah. And my name is Androcles.

Nobody's ever gonna find that cure out here!

If they do, they're sure not gonna get away with it.

Let's go spread some more disease! Ha!

I love my work.

Ohhh!

Whoa!

Oww! Ow.

Yes, these are my people, baby! Yes!

Help the victims of the Catastrophia epidemic!

Well, if it isn't the "Geeklos" convention.

Belittling the commoner simply never gets old...

and I rue the day that it does.

Andromeda!

We've pretty much seen it all. Let's go home.

And now, ladies and gentlemen... Mostly gentlemen...

The moment you've all been waiting for is at hand.

This is it.

Fresh from single-handed defeat of the evil Senator Warthole,

the one, the only Myklos the Magnificent!

Myklos, you rock!

Honesty, bravery, and fair play in Athens!

I feel a swoon comin' on. Oh.

And now, for our raffle.

Which lucky Mykloid will get to have his picture engraved

with Myklos himself?

Ooh! Herc, here's your ticket!

No, thanks, you keep it. I-I don't want it.

And the winner is... numeral XVII!

Ohhhh!

Ohhhhhh!

You won! You won!

There he is.

Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!

Ha ha ha ha. Look at him.

Oh, come on, get up there!

Heroes never lie! Heroes never lie!

No-o-o-o!

I can't go up there. I-I'm sick.

Oh, go on.

No, really, I-I have, uh...

Catastrophia. Gotta go!

What's with you?

I'm no hero, Phil.

I told a lie.

Whoa!

I lied!!

You told Icarus you have Catastrophia?!

Yes, I-I lied. I lied to my best friend.

I-I' scum. I'm... I'm lower than scum.

I'm the sludge at the bottom of the River Styx.

Stop me at any time.

Kid, you messed up. Now do the heroic thing.

Tell him the truth.

You're right, Phil. Of course, it won't be easy.

I'll just think about the best way to explain it,

- and some day... - Now.

I'll go tell him now.

Man, I'm getting tired of spreading this Catastrophia stuff around!

So, why not let these young food-service workers

do the job for us?

Excellent idea, Mr. Panic.

Good day, fine sir.

We've been sent by corporate

to hand out a new ingredient for the...

Secret sauce.

Yeah, and, uh, to get a wacky meal!

Don't forget my toy.

It comes with a toy? Oh, goodie!

Hey, Nero... where's the fire?

Oh, my darling, my summer bloom.

Brace yourself, I have horrible news.

Hercules has Catastrophia! A-hoo!

He caught it so suddenly at the Myklos convention

right when he was about to go onstage

with the defender of the oppressed himself!

Good for him.

Yeah, g... what?

Oh, my thorny rose,

how can you be so callous?

Herc is our friend.

And that's why I'm going to bring comfort food to his sickbed.

Yes, to lighten his burden,

to ease the pain of his suffering.

Icarus, I see you in the Land of Briarius,

the hundred-handed giant,

grabbing a red-berry bush, the cure for Catastrophia.

There's a cure?!

And I find it?! Oh, yes!

Call me Icarus, defender of the sickarus!

So, where can I find this Briarius guy, anyway?

Fly past Mount Parnassus,

and hang a left into the dark, Foreboding Valley.

Icarus, this could be dangerous.

Briarius has giant hands... A hundred of them!

Ah! Oh, my dear,

you are sweeter than a fig smoothie with half the grit,

but my best friend is hurtin' and that's for certain!

Neyyyyy!

- We gotta stop him. - Wait! Look!

I see Icarus in the Land of Briarius

being crushed by a giant hand.

Oh, no... a double vision! I've gotta find Herc!

♪ Swing low sweet chariot ♪

Ay-yi-yi. What if they gave an afterlife and nobody came?

Welcome! Grab a nametag and I'll show you to your sulfur pit.

Ay, you two.

Great news, your crustiness!

Nice. Good. First let me ask you this, however...

Where is everybody?!!

Diseases take time. But get this...

Hercules has Catastrophia!

- Go on! - No lie!

And I got a Myklos pop 'n' drop.

No, wait, I can make it work.

No, you have to wind it counterclockwise, like this.

Hello!

No!

So...

we'll be seeing Zeus Junior real soon, right?

Nothing's gonna come along and suddenly, oh, I don't know,

make him, uh, better.

Right? Right?

Well, we overheard a vision

that someone was gonna find a cure.

What?!!

But he'll be crushed by Briarius,

the hundred-handed giant.

Look, you little fish heads,

you make sure that cure never gets to "Jerkules,"

or I've got some nametags with your names on them!

- Owww! - Owww!

Almost forgot my...

Yah! I'll just get it next time!

- Cassandra. - Hercules.

I lied to Icarus. I know.

I have to set him straight.

Good luck. He ran off to get the cure for Catastrophia

from the land of Briarius.

The hundred-handed giant?!

Yep. I had a vision that he'll be crushed.

Oh, this is all my fault!

Well, it's your fault, too, if you think about it.

Thank you, Mr. Honesty.

I've got to save him!

Pass Mount Parnassus, left at the Foreboding Valley.

Right.

Okay, don't mind little old me, Mr. Scary Giant.

Red-berry bush.

Come on, red berries!

Oh, there it is!

Time to pluck and run!

One, two, three...

Come on, Pegasus, faster!

- Hey! - Ahhhhhhh!

Yo, little dude,

you're trespassing on the home court of Briarius.

- That's me! - Oh.

So... how come they call you the hundred-handed giant?

Okay! Okay!

Does that answer your question?

Ha ha ho ho ho.

Yes. Enough said.

Hey, what's the deal here?

How come you're berry-picking in my backyard?

Oh, Briarius... you who are good and kind

and really, really, really big...

The berries will cure a terrible disease

that my best friend has.

So you think you could just waltz in and take them?

Think again, brother! In my house, you got to win to take!

Okay. Sure. Fair enough.

Uh... how would I do that?

Absolutely never ever happen.

Heathens are too weak to give me a good game.

Oh, is that right, Mr. Handyman?!

Well, you wouldn't be saying that

if my friend Hercules were here

and not lying prone in his bed of pain.

I'm sorry.

Oh, yeah, yeah. That's another thing about humans.

Always got some kind of excuse.

Oh!

Ah-ah-ah-eehh! Ooh!

All righty, now.

Time to show me what you got.

Stop right there, giant!

Herc, buddy!

You came all this way to help me, and in your condition!

You get right back into bed, mister!

Icarus, we have to talk.

I-I feel terrible.

Well, of course. You're sick.

No, no, I'm fine.

Confused, disoriented...

The fever is making you delirious.

All right, already. Enough talking.

You wanna run with me? Lace 'em up!

Let them go, Briarius.

The lives of innocent people depend on getting that cure.

Here's the deal...

You get the bush, you can keep it,

and I'll let your friends go, too.

And if I can't?

Hey, you wanna play, you gotta pay. Let's do it.

Not bad! You've been working out.

But what about rules?

That's it! Move it, buddy! Shake and bake!

Kid came to play,

but can he raise his game to the next level?

Ahhhhhhh!

Ha ha ha!

Nice hang time.

It would appear Jerkules is barely hanging on.

Perhaps we could be of some assistance.

Knock it off! Come on!

Hey! I play hard, but I play fair.

Yaaaaaahhhhhh!

Oh, and it's unbelievable!

Did you see that drive?! He got out of his sickbed to be here today!

That's it, baby, go!

Hmm. Playing through the pain. Gotta respect that.

Yes! Go, Herc! Yeah, baby!

He will not be denied!

Ahhhhhhh!

Let it go, Briarius!

Game's not over until I say so.

That's not fair.

Who's to say what's fair?

Well, I can tell you what Myklos says about fair play!

Icarus, I don't think this is the time to bring that up!

You talkin' about Myklos, defender of the meek?

Absolutely! Righter of wrongs,

Honesty, bravery, and fair play!

Whoa! You're a Mykloid?!

Myklos taught me all I know. I've got every back issue,

starting with his appearance in Action League of Macedonia.

Myklos rules!

Myklos rocks! You know, it just so happens

that Herc and I were at the Myklos convention

when he came down with Catastrophia.

Icarus, that's what I've been trying to tell you.

I lied about having Catastrophia.

- No! - I just didn't want Andromeda

to see me at the Myklos convention

and think I was a geek.

Well... so you're not sick?

You weren't playing hurt?

You want me to pound him for you?

No, Herc is my bestest bud.

Besides, he came clean, there's nobody braver,

and he always plays fair.

Ha! All the makings of a Mykloid.

You got game. The bush is yours.

Oh, thanks.

Listen, Icarus,

if there's anything I can do to make it up to you...

Well, uh, now that you mention it...

Whoa, I still can't believe that you gave up

your winning raffle ticket!

Hey, it's only fair that the honor goes to a true Mykloid.

Hurry up, will ya?

I'll never forget this moment, Myklos.

I'm touched. Just don't hurt me.

Hi. I heard how you got the cure for Catastrophia.

Maybe we can go out sometime.

Yeah, sure, of course. Anytime.

Cute hat.

Yeah.

Myklos! Myklos! Myklos! Myklos!

- Myklos rules! - Myklos rocks!

Myklos rocks!