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1
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♪ Who put the
glad in gladiator ♪
2
00:00:10,125 --> 00:00:11,959
♪ Hercules ♪
3
00:00:12,041 --> 00:00:14,625
♪ Whose daring deeds
are great theatre? ♪
4
00:00:14,709 --> 00:00:16,208
♪ Hercules ♪
5
00:00:16,291 --> 00:00:17,291
♪ Is he bold ♪
6
00:00:17,375 --> 00:00:18,417
♪ No one braver ♪
7
00:00:18,500 --> 00:00:19,667
♪ Is he sweet ♪
8
00:00:19,750 --> 00:00:21,834
♪ Our favorite flavor Hercules ♪
9
00:00:21,917 --> 00:00:23,875
♪ What a guy ♪
10
00:00:23,959 --> 00:00:25,792
♪ Ask his friends ♪
11
00:00:25,875 --> 00:00:27,250
♪ Honey they won't lie ♪
12
00:00:27,333 --> 00:00:28,542
♪ Oh Hercules ♪
13
00:00:28,625 --> 00:00:32,583
♪ Hercules ♪
14
00:00:32,667 --> 00:00:33,583
♪ No one's fool ♪
15
00:00:33,667 --> 00:00:35,125
♪ Now the boy's in school ♪
16
00:00:35,208 --> 00:00:36,500
♪ He's in trainin' ♪
17
00:00:36,583 --> 00:00:37,500
♪ Smart and shy ♪
18
00:00:37,583 --> 00:00:39,166
♪ And the nicest guy ♪
19
00:00:39,291 --> 00:00:40,417
♪ No complainin' ♪
20
00:00:40,500 --> 00:00:42,750
♪ He was a no one a zero zero ♪
21
00:00:42,917 --> 00:00:44,709
♪ He'll never quit
till he's a hero ♪
22
00:00:44,875 --> 00:00:47,625
♪ He's the most
likely to succeed ♪
23
00:00:47,709 --> 00:00:50,125
♪ From zero to hero ♪
24
00:00:50,291 --> 00:00:52,375
♪ Herc is a hero ♪
25
00:00:52,500 --> 00:00:57,166
♪ He'll be a hero ♪
26
00:00:57,250 --> 00:00:59,417
Wait and see.
27
00:01:06,750 --> 00:01:08,667
No, no, no. I won't go.
28
00:01:08,750 --> 00:01:10,208
I won't. I can't.
29
00:01:10,291 --> 00:01:12,458
Please, no. You can't make me.
30
00:01:12,542 --> 00:01:14,875
You have to go.
This is important.
31
00:01:14,959 --> 00:01:17,625
I can't face that
monster. I can't!
32
00:01:17,709 --> 00:01:19,583
Come on! You faced worse!
33
00:01:19,667 --> 00:01:21,083
That's where
you're wrong, rookie.
34
00:01:21,166 --> 00:01:24,375
This one sucks
the life out of me!
35
00:01:24,458 --> 00:01:25,709
Aw, Phil, come on.
36
00:01:25,792 --> 00:01:27,041
Be a half-man about this.
37
00:01:27,125 --> 00:01:28,208
Half, no!
38
00:01:28,291 --> 00:01:30,417
I won't take "Half,
no" for an answer.
39
00:01:30,500 --> 00:01:32,500
It can't be that bad, Phil.
40
00:01:32,583 --> 00:01:34,625
I mean, she's your mother.
41
00:01:34,709 --> 00:01:36,583
Nooooooooooooo!
42
00:01:36,667 --> 00:01:37,987
At least you're
allowed to visit.
43
00:01:38,041 --> 00:01:41,250
I can't even get past the front
gate of my mom and dad's place.
44
00:01:41,375 --> 00:01:42,417
You're lucky, really.
45
00:01:42,500 --> 00:01:44,875
You're lucky to have
parents behind bars.
46
00:01:52,583 --> 00:01:55,375
The chamber of horrors!
47
00:01:55,500 --> 00:01:56,792
Would you stop?
48
00:01:56,875 --> 00:01:58,166
Ugh.
49
00:02:00,291 --> 00:02:01,917
Late as usual.
50
00:02:02,000 --> 00:02:03,667
Hi, Ma.
51
00:02:03,750 --> 00:02:06,333
Oh, let me look
at you, Philly Goat.
52
00:02:06,417 --> 00:02:08,333
Philly Goat?
53
00:02:08,417 --> 00:02:10,000
Yeah, yeah.
54
00:02:10,083 --> 00:02:11,834
Have you been
eating your greens?
55
00:02:11,917 --> 00:02:12,917
You're bloating.
56
00:02:13,000 --> 00:02:15,500
Aw, come on, Ma!
I'm a big boy now.
57
00:02:15,583 --> 00:02:17,959
Oh, well, you were always husky.
58
00:02:18,041 --> 00:02:19,309
Here...
59
00:02:19,333 --> 00:02:22,291
this will cover the fare and
a little something for you.
60
00:02:22,375 --> 00:02:23,792
Ma, he's not a cabby.
61
00:02:23,875 --> 00:02:26,125
He's Hercules.
The son of Zeus...
62
00:02:26,208 --> 00:02:27,542
My hero in training.
63
00:02:27,625 --> 00:02:29,083
Nice to meet you Mrs...
64
00:02:29,166 --> 00:02:31,000
You can call me Cacophony.
65
00:02:31,083 --> 00:02:32,709
Be a darling, Hercules.
66
00:02:32,792 --> 00:02:36,542
Close the door behind
you. There's a draft.
67
00:02:36,625 --> 00:02:37,792
Ow!
68
00:02:37,875 --> 00:02:39,875
So, why haven't you written?
69
00:02:39,959 --> 00:02:42,709
I guess Mr. Big-shot
coach is too busy
70
00:02:42,792 --> 00:02:46,625
to scribble a few words
to his old, forgotten mother.
71
00:02:46,709 --> 00:02:48,375
Ma, I've been busy! Come on.
72
00:02:48,458 --> 00:02:50,000
Training heroes is a big job.
73
00:02:50,125 --> 00:02:52,542
Your brother Saul always writes.
74
00:02:52,625 --> 00:02:55,250
So busy selling
sandals door-to-door,
75
00:02:55,333 --> 00:02:57,667
but he sends me a scroll a week.
76
00:02:57,750 --> 00:03:00,309
Did you hear he's been promoted
77
00:03:00,333 --> 00:03:02,959
to Aegean Regional
Sales Manager?
78
00:03:03,041 --> 00:03:05,625
He's a retail juggernaut!
79
00:03:05,709 --> 00:03:07,959
Hey! Who's this?
80
00:03:08,083 --> 00:03:11,375
Oh, that's my Philly Goat
when he was just a kid
81
00:03:11,458 --> 00:03:14,875
training the next-door
neighbor to fend off a bully.
82
00:03:14,959 --> 00:03:17,542
Even then I had
coaching in my blood.
83
00:03:17,625 --> 00:03:19,625
And blood all over the house.
84
00:03:19,709 --> 00:03:22,041
Here they are an hour later.
85
00:03:22,125 --> 00:03:24,083
Hmm... didn't work out.
86
00:03:24,375 --> 00:03:25,250
Who's that?
87
00:03:25,333 --> 00:03:28,542
Oh, that's my other
baby, Saulmenaus.
88
00:03:28,625 --> 00:03:31,917
Oh, that kid had goals!
89
00:03:32,000 --> 00:03:35,208
Did I tell you Saul was
named sale Satyr of the year?
90
00:03:35,291 --> 00:03:38,208
Philly Goat, why don't you
show him around Satyville?
91
00:03:38,291 --> 00:03:39,709
And I'll start dinner.
92
00:03:39,792 --> 00:03:41,000
Do me a favor, kid.
93
00:03:41,125 --> 00:03:44,125
Use your demigod strength to
squash my head like a melon.
94
00:03:44,208 --> 00:03:46,166
- Phil!
- You're right. It'll stain her porch.
95
00:03:46,250 --> 00:03:47,125
She'll kill me.
96
00:03:47,208 --> 00:03:49,583
I think you're
overreacting, Phil.
97
00:03:49,667 --> 00:03:54,166
I mean, your mom loves
you... in her own special way.
98
00:03:54,250 --> 00:03:56,375
Loves me?! She
thinks I'm worthless!
99
00:03:56,458 --> 00:03:58,959
I'd give anything if
she'd be as proud of me
100
00:03:59,041 --> 00:04:00,417
as she is of my brother.
101
00:04:00,500 --> 00:04:04,709
Why wouldn't she be? You're
Philoctetes... Trainer of heroes!
102
00:04:04,792 --> 00:04:07,333
Pbht! Like who?
Achilles, Perseus?
103
00:04:07,417 --> 00:04:10,208
I'm the trainer of
losers. No offense, kid.
104
00:04:10,291 --> 00:04:12,166
Pride starts with you.
105
00:04:12,250 --> 00:04:13,458
It starts with a "p."
106
00:04:13,542 --> 00:04:15,667
What do they teach
you in that school?
107
00:04:15,750 --> 00:04:18,500
All I ever hear is
Saul this and Saul that.
108
00:04:18,583 --> 00:04:21,166
Why can't she talk
about me for once?
109
00:04:21,250 --> 00:04:23,041
Well, at least you
can talk to her.
110
00:04:23,125 --> 00:04:25,208
When I want a face
to face with my folks,
111
00:04:25,291 --> 00:04:26,542
I have to speak to statues.
112
00:04:27,959 --> 00:04:30,667
Wow! Would you look at that?
113
00:04:30,750 --> 00:04:33,917
"Coming soon,
The Temple of Pan."
114
00:04:34,000 --> 00:04:36,125
But I thought only
Gods get temples.
115
00:04:36,208 --> 00:04:38,709
Hey, he's Pan... Pan da man!
116
00:04:38,792 --> 00:04:41,500
I bet his mother
is proud of him.
117
00:04:41,583 --> 00:04:44,083
I have the results
of this year's audit.
118
00:04:44,166 --> 00:04:46,875
I'm afraid offerings
and sacrifices to you
119
00:04:46,959 --> 00:04:48,375
are way down, Demeter.
120
00:04:48,458 --> 00:04:50,792
Oh, Nemesis,
that can't be right.
121
00:04:50,875 --> 00:04:53,667
After the bountiful
harvest I sent this year?
122
00:04:53,750 --> 00:04:56,000
Did you know that gourds
are high in riboflavin?
123
00:04:56,083 --> 00:04:58,667
I figured something this ugly
should at least be good for you.
124
00:04:58,750 --> 00:05:01,291
Yeah. According to the
Infernal Retribution Service,
125
00:05:01,375 --> 00:05:06,000
Idomeneus of Crete offered
some okra out of season.
126
00:05:06,083 --> 00:05:08,041
Of course, this incident
will be answered
127
00:05:08,125 --> 00:05:09,750
with the proper smiting.
128
00:05:09,834 --> 00:05:12,000
Oh, oh, please. Over okra?
129
00:05:12,083 --> 00:05:13,417
Smiting seems a bit harsh.
130
00:05:13,500 --> 00:05:16,291
Okra really wasn't the best
veggie I ever came up with...
131
00:05:16,375 --> 00:05:18,542
No taste, yuh! Too slimy.
132
00:05:18,625 --> 00:05:20,518
What was I thinking?! I
must've been out of my head!
133
00:05:20,542 --> 00:05:23,125
Fine. Another vote for leniency.
134
00:05:23,208 --> 00:05:25,834
Okay, how about
Sanctimonious of Smyrna?
135
00:05:25,917 --> 00:05:27,291
His pitiful tribute to you...
136
00:05:27,375 --> 00:05:30,125
A burnt offering
of rotten potatoes.
137
00:05:30,208 --> 00:05:34,834
Sanctimonious, Sanctimonious.
Oh! The hash-brown guy!
138
00:05:34,917 --> 00:05:35,959
They were rotten?
139
00:05:36,041 --> 00:05:38,625
This mortal has a smite wish.
140
00:05:38,709 --> 00:05:45,041
Would you be a dear?
141
00:05:45,125 --> 00:05:46,583
You don't have to smite him.
142
00:05:46,709 --> 00:05:48,750
I'll just send a few
warning locusts.
143
00:05:48,834 --> 00:05:51,250
Ugh! Fine.
144
00:05:54,834 --> 00:05:56,959
Aha. This is a smitable offense.
145
00:05:57,041 --> 00:05:58,417
King Pan of Satyville
146
00:05:58,500 --> 00:06:01,041
hasn't made an
offering to you all year.
147
00:06:01,125 --> 00:06:03,542
Well, that's not so bad.
148
00:06:03,625 --> 00:06:07,208
And he hasn't visited your
temple in months because...
149
00:06:07,291 --> 00:06:10,667
he's too busy
building one to himself.
150
00:06:10,834 --> 00:06:13,583
- Excuse me?
- It seems that he's taken credit
151
00:06:13,667 --> 00:06:17,709
for all the Satyrs' good fortune...
Including the bountiful harvest.
152
00:06:17,792 --> 00:06:19,500
Ohh.
153
00:06:19,583 --> 00:06:21,542
Apparently, the
King of the Satyrs
154
00:06:21,625 --> 00:06:24,041
wants his people to worship him.
155
00:06:24,125 --> 00:06:27,417
Feeling like a wrathful God yet?
156
00:06:27,500 --> 00:06:30,166
I'm getting there.
157
00:06:30,250 --> 00:06:38,166
Pan! Pan! You da man!
158
00:06:38,250 --> 00:06:42,500
I accept your glory!
Same time tomorrow.
159
00:06:45,375 --> 00:06:48,208
- Aah!
- Maybe... maybe not.
160
00:06:48,291 --> 00:06:50,834
Oh! Oh! Demeter!
Your Goddessness!
161
00:06:50,917 --> 00:06:53,375
Uh... you're
looking crisp today!
162
00:06:53,458 --> 00:06:55,625
How is my favorite earth mother?
163
00:06:55,709 --> 00:06:57,875
Feeling a little soiled.
164
00:06:57,959 --> 00:07:01,250
Is it true you haven't made
any offerings to me this year?
165
00:07:01,333 --> 00:07:02,917
Oh, I would've, really, really.
166
00:07:03,000 --> 00:07:04,667
But you don't know
what happened.
167
00:07:04,750 --> 00:07:07,375
The harvest was
really bad this year...
168
00:07:07,458 --> 00:07:09,667
Tomatoes the size of chickpeas.
169
00:07:09,750 --> 00:07:10,750
Oh, get out of here.
170
00:07:10,792 --> 00:07:12,625
I sent the best harvest ever.
171
00:07:12,709 --> 00:07:14,041
Oh, oh! This year!
172
00:07:14,125 --> 00:07:16,667
This... y-you said, "this
year," right, right, right.
173
00:07:16,750 --> 00:07:19,542
Well, there was this
marauding band of vegetarians.
174
00:07:19,625 --> 00:07:20,625
They wiped us out.
175
00:07:20,709 --> 00:07:23,250
Ha ha. It looks to me
like they left plenty.
176
00:07:23,333 --> 00:07:26,750
And what's this I hear
about a Temple of Pan?
177
00:07:26,834 --> 00:07:28,542
Uh... what temple?
178
00:07:28,625 --> 00:07:29,500
That one!
179
00:07:29,583 --> 00:07:32,250
Oh, no, no, no, no, no,
no. No, that's not a temple.
180
00:07:32,333 --> 00:07:35,041
See, that's a... it's
a... It's a fast-food joint.
181
00:07:35,125 --> 00:07:37,000
See, uh, Pan pizza.
182
00:07:37,083 --> 00:07:38,500
You should try some... terrific!
183
00:07:38,583 --> 00:07:41,166
Don't you lie to
me, grass stain!
184
00:07:41,291 --> 00:07:44,959
"Praise Pan from
whom all blessings flow"?
185
00:07:45,041 --> 00:07:46,792
Did you write that?!
186
00:07:46,875 --> 00:07:53,542
Ugh. I am so angry,
I'm slipping into fall!
187
00:07:53,625 --> 00:07:58,333
You have got till the
harvest-moon festival
188
00:07:58,417 --> 00:08:04,291
to pay up your back offerings
or you are taking a fall!
189
00:08:08,417 --> 00:08:09,875
Yo, come here, come here.
190
00:08:09,959 --> 00:08:12,166
Now listen to me. We got
to turn over every offering.
191
00:08:12,250 --> 00:08:13,333
We can lay our hands on.
192
00:08:13,417 --> 00:08:15,875
Well, the treasury is
bare, your goatishness.
193
00:08:15,959 --> 00:08:17,166
We ate a lot of grass
194
00:08:17,250 --> 00:08:19,250
at the ground-breaking
for your temple.
195
00:08:19,333 --> 00:08:21,125
Hey, hey! It's not
a temple, all right?
196
00:08:21,208 --> 00:08:22,792
How many times I gotta tell you?
197
00:08:22,875 --> 00:08:25,125
It's a restaurant!
198
00:08:25,208 --> 00:08:28,125
He don't know what he's
talking about. He didn't mean that.
199
00:08:28,208 --> 00:08:30,458
Do you know what it's
like to be second best
200
00:08:30,542 --> 00:08:32,000
to a sandals salesman?
201
00:08:32,083 --> 00:08:34,959
Why would Ma be prouder of a
son who makes his living saying,
202
00:08:35,041 --> 00:08:37,709
"Yeah, I have that
size in brown, too."
203
00:08:37,792 --> 00:08:41,000
Maybe you could beseech Athena,
Goddess of Wisdom, for advice.
204
00:08:41,083 --> 00:08:43,208
You know what? You
could talk to my dad.
205
00:08:46,000 --> 00:08:49,166
Say! You may be
on to something, kid!
206
00:08:49,250 --> 00:08:50,750
I'll ask King Pan.
207
00:08:50,834 --> 00:08:52,458
But he's not a God.
208
00:08:52,542 --> 00:08:54,583
He thinks he is. And he's local!
209
00:08:54,667 --> 00:08:55,667
But...
210
00:09:00,000 --> 00:09:01,166
King Pan!
211
00:09:01,250 --> 00:09:03,417
Name's Philoctetes.
Call me "Phil."
212
00:09:03,500 --> 00:09:04,917
Can't you see the king is busy?
213
00:09:05,000 --> 00:09:06,000
I'm in a jam!
214
00:09:06,083 --> 00:09:07,959
How can I get my
mother to show respect?
215
00:09:08,041 --> 00:09:10,291
Everybody respects you.
I thought you might know.
216
00:09:10,375 --> 00:09:12,542
Uh, sir?
217
00:09:16,083 --> 00:09:17,959
I just might be able to help.
218
00:09:18,917 --> 00:09:20,583
- You know, Bill...
- That's Phil.
219
00:09:20,667 --> 00:09:24,166
Whatever. I gotta be out of
town for the harvest-moon festival,
220
00:09:24,250 --> 00:09:26,000
and I need somebody
to take my place.
221
00:09:26,083 --> 00:09:28,834
You know, oversee the
rituals, take care of the offerings,
222
00:09:28,917 --> 00:09:34,125
deal with any crises
that, uh, might come up.
223
00:09:34,208 --> 00:09:39,250
I crown you Temporary
King of the Satyrs.
224
00:09:39,333 --> 00:09:41,000
That ought to impress your mom.
225
00:09:41,083 --> 00:09:42,250
Problem solved!
226
00:09:42,333 --> 00:09:44,583
My problem. Heh heh heh heh.
227
00:09:45,917 --> 00:09:48,417
Sheep are not dependents.
228
00:09:48,500 --> 00:09:50,500
No receipts, no beseech.
229
00:09:50,583 --> 00:09:52,458
You can't depreciate
your chariot!
230
00:09:52,542 --> 00:09:55,291
Sorry, your ski vacation
at Mount Parnassus
231
00:09:55,375 --> 00:09:56,583
is not deductible.
232
00:09:56,667 --> 00:09:58,125
Apples?
233
00:09:58,208 --> 00:10:00,959
What kind of offering is
this for the God of War?!
234
00:10:01,041 --> 00:10:02,542
I'm a red-meat type of God.
235
00:10:02,625 --> 00:10:05,417
This is the type of garbage
Demeter would want!
236
00:10:08,125 --> 00:10:10,458
Oh, sorry, Demeter.
Didn't see you there.
237
00:10:10,542 --> 00:10:11,542
Snack?
238
00:10:11,625 --> 00:10:14,542
So... when can you
take out the bum?
239
00:10:14,667 --> 00:10:17,542
I'll be in that area
next Tuesday.
240
00:10:17,667 --> 00:10:21,709
Fine! Just make
sure it's agonizing.
241
00:10:21,792 --> 00:10:25,208
Oh, Nemesis, you were so
right about the King of the Satyrs.
242
00:10:25,291 --> 00:10:28,000
If he hasn't made an offering
to me by the harvest moon,
243
00:10:28,083 --> 00:10:29,083
waste him!
244
00:10:29,166 --> 00:10:30,834
Ooh, you're in luck.
245
00:10:30,959 --> 00:10:33,000
The harvest moon's
tomorrow night.
246
00:10:33,083 --> 00:10:36,125
And I have an opening.
247
00:10:36,208 --> 00:10:41,208
"Harvest moon...
Smite King of Satyrs."
248
00:10:41,291 --> 00:10:42,375
Ahhh.
249
00:10:42,458 --> 00:10:45,500
Philoctetes...
King of the Satyrs.
250
00:10:45,583 --> 00:10:46,583
Ooh-hoo!
251
00:10:46,667 --> 00:10:49,709
I'm sittin' pretty now.
252
00:10:53,166 --> 00:10:55,583
Pan! You da man!
253
00:10:55,667 --> 00:10:58,417
Aw, you guys are the
best. Aw, come on, come on!
254
00:10:58,500 --> 00:11:00,208
You guys... you give good glory.
255
00:11:00,291 --> 00:11:02,250
But even a king
needs some downtime.
256
00:11:02,333 --> 00:11:04,750
So, Phil, here, he's
gonna be the king for, oh...
257
00:11:04,834 --> 00:11:06,333
about a day and a half.
258
00:11:06,417 --> 00:11:08,017
See you after the
harvest-moon festival!
259
00:11:08,083 --> 00:11:09,709
Run.
260
00:11:09,792 --> 00:11:12,875
Phil! Phil!
261
00:11:12,959 --> 00:11:15,041
You da new man!
262
00:11:15,125 --> 00:11:17,667
Huh, he sure seems in a hurry.
263
00:11:17,750 --> 00:11:19,709
There's something
fishy about this, Phil.
264
00:11:19,792 --> 00:11:22,083
That's King Phil now.
265
00:11:22,166 --> 00:11:25,583
Ohh, excusez-moi, King Phil.
266
00:11:25,667 --> 00:11:27,917
And I dub you the
royal bodyguard.
267
00:11:28,000 --> 00:11:30,208
Well, you're gonna
need one, your highness,
268
00:11:30,291 --> 00:11:31,643
because you're late
for your mom's dinner.
269
00:11:31,667 --> 00:11:33,500
Yikes! I totally forgot!
270
00:11:33,583 --> 00:11:35,750
Get the sedan chair!
271
00:11:35,834 --> 00:11:37,250
Sorry, I'm late, Ma.
272
00:11:37,333 --> 00:11:39,583
I was busy becoming King.
273
00:11:39,709 --> 00:11:40,917
Hmm, that's nice.
274
00:11:41,000 --> 00:11:43,375
Nice? Ma, I'm the king!
275
00:11:43,458 --> 00:11:46,041
That's no excuse for
being late for dinner.
276
00:11:46,125 --> 00:11:48,291
Even on the day
your brother Saul
277
00:11:48,375 --> 00:11:53,458
got the golden-insole award,
he was at the table on time.
278
00:11:53,542 --> 00:11:57,709
What have I got to do to
prove myself to that woman?
279
00:11:57,792 --> 00:11:59,875
Oh, come on. Cheer up, Phil.
280
00:11:59,959 --> 00:12:01,458
She'll come around.
281
00:12:01,542 --> 00:12:04,667
The harvest-moon festival
has got to impress her.
282
00:12:12,583 --> 00:12:15,583
Man, oh, man...
Fescue fricassee.
283
00:12:17,166 --> 00:12:18,792
Mmm, delish.
284
00:12:18,875 --> 00:12:19,875
Mmm.
285
00:12:21,125 --> 00:12:22,625
What a party!
286
00:12:22,709 --> 00:12:24,000
And it's all for me.
287
00:12:24,083 --> 00:12:26,291
- Do me a favor, Herc, and go get Ma.
- Sure, Phil.
288
00:12:26,375 --> 00:12:29,166
She's gonna be proud
of me tonight if it kills me.
289
00:12:37,333 --> 00:12:40,208
Saul never had a party in
his honor like this, huh, Ma?
290
00:12:40,291 --> 00:12:45,250
Being king sure beats being
Aegean regional sales manager.
291
00:12:45,333 --> 00:12:47,583
Oh, really? Do you get benefits?
292
00:12:47,917 --> 00:12:50,917
- Benefits?!
- Health insurance, a pension.
293
00:12:51,000 --> 00:12:52,250
You know, perks!
294
00:12:52,333 --> 00:12:54,417
I-I-I don't know. I didn't ask.
295
00:12:54,500 --> 00:12:56,125
Saul always asks.
296
00:12:56,250 --> 00:12:58,750
You got to look out
for yourself in this world
297
00:12:58,834 --> 00:13:00,166
if you want to get ahead.
298
00:13:00,291 --> 00:13:02,291
I'm the king!
299
00:13:02,375 --> 00:13:04,208
How much more ahead can I get?!
300
00:13:04,291 --> 00:13:05,458
Never settle.
301
00:13:05,542 --> 00:13:08,834
Where would your brother
Saul be if he didn't have goals?
302
00:13:08,917 --> 00:13:10,166
Still a stock goat
303
00:13:10,250 --> 00:13:12,625
at Discount Draco
the Sandal Vandal.
304
00:13:12,709 --> 00:13:15,417
Now move!! The
floor show is starting!
305
00:13:15,500 --> 00:13:17,375
Mother of Zeus!
306
00:13:17,417 --> 00:13:19,417
I'm coming apart!
307
00:13:19,500 --> 00:13:20,625
Shush!
308
00:13:30,041 --> 00:13:32,875
Your grateful subjects are
ready to present you with gifts,
309
00:13:32,959 --> 00:13:34,041
Oh, King.
310
00:13:34,125 --> 00:13:36,083
You hear that, Ma? Presents!
311
00:13:36,166 --> 00:13:40,333
Did I tell you Saul got a
granite gorgon paperweight
312
00:13:40,417 --> 00:13:42,291
when they made him
sale Satyr of the year.
313
00:13:43,667 --> 00:13:46,750
It's not the gift that
counts, it's the thought!
314
00:13:46,834 --> 00:13:50,000
And all these guys have
been thinking about me!
315
00:13:55,125 --> 00:13:57,709
Hey! No cuts!
316
00:13:57,834 --> 00:13:59,750
I'm sure I could arrange one.
317
00:13:59,834 --> 00:14:02,041
Heh, heh. A-after you!
318
00:14:05,625 --> 00:14:08,500
Nobody ever gave
Saul tribute like this.
319
00:14:08,583 --> 00:14:10,709
Melon makes me gassy.
320
00:14:10,792 --> 00:14:13,125
Ooh, a sword! Can't
have too many of those!
321
00:14:13,208 --> 00:14:14,500
Thanks, Toots.
322
00:14:15,583 --> 00:14:17,250
Hey, what's the big idea?
323
00:14:17,333 --> 00:14:22,083
I seek the King of the Satyrs.
324
00:14:22,166 --> 00:14:24,792
Well, you found him, sister.
325
00:14:24,875 --> 00:14:29,083
And as the head honcho,
big cheese, and top goat,
326
00:14:29,166 --> 00:14:33,417
I decree that you stop
spooking my loyal subjects.
327
00:14:33,500 --> 00:14:35,750
Bow down, arrogant offender!
328
00:14:35,834 --> 00:14:38,709
I, Nemesis, demigoddess
of vengeance,
329
00:14:38,792 --> 00:14:42,208
will now smite the
wicked King of the Satyrs.
330
00:14:42,291 --> 00:14:43,417
Smite?
331
00:14:43,500 --> 00:14:46,041
Me?! What are you talking about?
332
00:14:46,125 --> 00:14:46,959
You stand accused of hubris.
333
00:14:47,041 --> 00:14:50,750
Hubris? No, really, what
are you talking about?
334
00:14:50,834 --> 00:14:52,959
It means you've gotten
too big for your fur pants.
335
00:14:53,041 --> 00:14:55,041
So I overdid it
a little tonight...
336
00:14:55,125 --> 00:14:57,875
A brisk jog, a few
sit-ups, I'll work off the flab.
337
00:14:57,959 --> 00:14:59,917
Don't worry. I'll cut
you down to size.
338
00:15:00,000 --> 00:15:03,000
That's slick how you do that
weapon thing with your hands.
339
00:15:03,083 --> 00:15:04,309
A little close to
my skull, though.
340
00:15:04,333 --> 00:15:05,792
Quiet, Demeter defier!
341
00:15:05,875 --> 00:15:09,750
What made you think you could
get away with acting like a God?
342
00:15:09,834 --> 00:15:13,083
I'm a Demigoddess, and
even I don't get my own temple.
343
00:15:13,166 --> 00:15:14,291
I time share!
344
00:15:14,375 --> 00:15:16,583
Oh, no, no! You
got this all wrong!
345
00:15:16,667 --> 00:15:18,709
I-I've only been king for a day!
346
00:15:18,792 --> 00:15:20,709
Prepare for early retirement.
347
00:15:20,792 --> 00:15:23,834
She's a Demigoddess, Phil.
You need the help of a Demigod.
348
00:15:23,917 --> 00:15:26,834
Wait! I can't back
down in front of Ma!
349
00:15:26,917 --> 00:15:29,375
She'd never let me live it down.
350
00:15:29,458 --> 00:15:30,500
Aah!
351
00:15:32,667 --> 00:15:35,125
Whoa! Watch it! I don't
get health insurance!
352
00:15:35,208 --> 00:15:37,875
Are you gonna let
her treat you that way?
353
00:15:37,959 --> 00:15:40,375
You're a king, act like one!
354
00:15:40,458 --> 00:15:41,959
Your brother would.
355
00:15:42,041 --> 00:15:44,208
You're right, Ma. I am king.
356
00:15:44,291 --> 00:15:47,000
I have an entire
army at my disposal.
357
00:15:47,083 --> 00:15:49,709
Behold my mighty legion!
358
00:15:53,125 --> 00:15:54,291
Ooh! Ah!
359
00:15:54,375 --> 00:15:55,667
Eh! Ow!
360
00:15:55,750 --> 00:15:59,667
Ha ha ha. Is that
the best you can do?
361
00:16:01,417 --> 00:16:03,583
Aah!
362
00:16:03,667 --> 00:16:06,041
Heh heh... draftees.
363
00:16:07,875 --> 00:16:09,834
Prepare to be smitten!
364
00:16:12,333 --> 00:16:14,417
All right, my mom is watching,
365
00:16:14,500 --> 00:16:16,917
so I'm not fleeing,
I'm coaching. Got it?
366
00:16:17,000 --> 00:16:18,875
Nod like I said
something useful.
367
00:16:18,959 --> 00:16:22,250
Okay. Uh... - Phil?
- Yeah, kid?
368
00:16:22,333 --> 00:16:24,083
Start coaching.
369
00:16:24,166 --> 00:16:25,083
Aaaah!
370
00:16:25,166 --> 00:16:28,417
So this is your
hotshot trainee, Philly?
371
00:16:28,500 --> 00:16:29,750
Aaaaaah!
372
00:16:29,834 --> 00:16:32,917
L-look, lady, y-you
got the wrong guy.
373
00:16:33,000 --> 00:16:34,542
Sorry. The kid got in the way.
374
00:16:34,625 --> 00:16:36,417
I mean me!
375
00:16:36,500 --> 00:16:39,917
Now bow down!
376
00:16:40,000 --> 00:16:41,667
Do what Saul would do!
377
00:16:41,750 --> 00:16:45,583
I don't have anything
in a size 9, ma!
378
00:16:51,333 --> 00:16:54,834
Nemesis, you seem like a
reasonable Demigoddess.
379
00:16:54,917 --> 00:16:56,500
Eh!
380
00:16:57,458 --> 00:16:58,875
Aah!
381
00:17:00,625 --> 00:17:03,500
Won't you stand still and
take your smiting like a man?
382
00:17:03,583 --> 00:17:06,625
I'm only half a man! Can
you give me half a smiting?
383
00:17:08,250 --> 00:17:12,000
I haven't had a campout since
my days in the satyr scouts.
384
00:17:12,083 --> 00:17:14,000
Aaaaaaaaah!
385
00:17:14,083 --> 00:17:15,542
Huh?
386
00:17:15,625 --> 00:17:16,625
Aaaaaaaaah!
387
00:17:18,208 --> 00:17:21,000
Wow, you don't see
stuff like that in the city.
388
00:17:22,750 --> 00:17:25,458
Aaaaaaah!
389
00:17:30,417 --> 00:17:32,250
Thanks, Pegasus.
390
00:17:32,333 --> 00:17:34,834
We gotta get back to Phil!
391
00:17:40,959 --> 00:17:42,125
Huh?
392
00:17:42,208 --> 00:17:44,709
Pegasus, take it down.
393
00:17:44,792 --> 00:17:48,083
Oh, whoa! What's the big
idea? Do you know who I am?
394
00:17:48,166 --> 00:17:49,750
Yeah, the jerk who set Phil up.
395
00:17:49,834 --> 00:17:52,714
Hey, who... who you calling a jerk?
Let me tell you something, all right?
396
00:17:52,750 --> 00:17:54,750
If Phil can't handle
being the king,
397
00:17:54,834 --> 00:17:56,250
it's not my fault.
398
00:17:56,333 --> 00:18:00,083
Well, let's just see what
Nemesis has to say about that.
399
00:18:02,542 --> 00:18:07,083
I am on a very
tight schedule here.
400
00:18:07,166 --> 00:18:08,333
Owwww!
401
00:18:09,375 --> 00:18:13,500
Say goodbye to your
crown and your head!
402
00:18:13,583 --> 00:18:15,208
Don't touch that Satyr, Nemesis!
403
00:18:15,291 --> 00:18:16,709
Ugh! You again?
404
00:18:16,792 --> 00:18:19,041
Can I just do my job
and get out of here?!
405
00:18:19,125 --> 00:18:20,792
Here's the real
King of the Satyrs!
406
00:18:20,875 --> 00:18:24,875
Oh, nice try, but he's wearing
the crown. He loses his head.
407
00:18:26,166 --> 00:18:27,000
Ugh!
408
00:18:27,083 --> 00:18:28,834
But Phil's innocent!
409
00:18:28,917 --> 00:18:30,083
I don't care.
410
00:18:30,166 --> 00:18:31,917
I have my orders from Demeter.
411
00:18:32,000 --> 00:18:34,250
There's gotta be a
mistake. Demeter!
412
00:18:34,333 --> 00:18:36,333
Beseeching Demeter!
413
00:18:39,083 --> 00:18:40,834
This had better be good.
414
00:18:40,917 --> 00:18:43,083
I was about to have
my head fertilized.
415
00:18:43,166 --> 00:18:44,583
Per your orders,
416
00:18:44,667 --> 00:18:48,000
this grass-grazing runt is
bound for the underworld!
417
00:18:48,083 --> 00:18:51,125
Oh, Nemesis, not that
grass-grazing runt...
418
00:18:51,208 --> 00:18:53,083
That grass-grazing runt!
419
00:18:53,166 --> 00:18:55,834
He's the King of
the Satyrs! Get real!
420
00:18:55,917 --> 00:18:57,250
Fine. Great.
421
00:18:57,333 --> 00:19:00,000
I'd really like to
punish somebody here,
422
00:19:00,083 --> 00:19:03,375
so this night isn't a
total waste of my time!
423
00:19:04,250 --> 00:19:06,041
How about c-community service?
424
00:19:06,125 --> 00:19:08,291
Oh, maybe you could
pay back offerings.
425
00:19:08,375 --> 00:19:10,208
What? Sure, sure,
yeah. Whatever it takes.
426
00:19:10,291 --> 00:19:13,542
Hold it. Hold it. All
right, Pan. This is it.
427
00:19:13,625 --> 00:19:16,542
Your one and only
chance to survive this mess.
428
00:19:16,625 --> 00:19:19,291
Fill this with all the gifts you
got at the harvest-moon festival
429
00:19:19,375 --> 00:19:21,250
and maybe... I won't
have you smitten.
430
00:19:21,333 --> 00:19:22,917
My tribute?
431
00:19:23,000 --> 00:19:24,542
If you don't like the deal,
432
00:19:24,625 --> 00:19:27,750
maybe Nemesis will
cut you a better one.
433
00:19:27,834 --> 00:19:32,375
Uh... bring on the gifts.
434
00:19:36,917 --> 00:19:39,667
Oh, not enough. Not enough!
435
00:19:39,792 --> 00:19:42,333
Pan's mine!
436
00:19:42,417 --> 00:19:44,208
Wait a second.
437
00:19:44,291 --> 00:19:47,250
We have one more offering.
438
00:19:47,333 --> 00:19:49,208
Let's call this a promise
439
00:19:49,291 --> 00:19:52,792
that the new temple will
be dedicated to Demeter.
440
00:19:52,875 --> 00:19:54,625
What?! No smiting?!
441
00:19:54,709 --> 00:19:57,667
Oh, some days I shouldn't
even sharpen my arms!
442
00:19:57,750 --> 00:20:00,458
Philoctetes...
Trainer of heroes.
443
00:20:00,542 --> 00:20:02,458
You are a clever old goat.
444
00:20:02,542 --> 00:20:03,792
Thanks.
445
00:20:03,875 --> 00:20:05,709
- Hercules?
- Yes, ma'am?
446
00:20:05,792 --> 00:20:08,542
Oh, you stick with this guy.
447
00:20:08,625 --> 00:20:11,166
You will be a hero in no time.
448
00:20:11,250 --> 00:20:13,125
Yes, ma'am.
449
00:20:17,333 --> 00:20:18,500
- Bill?
- That's Phil.
450
00:20:18,583 --> 00:20:19,875
Whatever. I owe you one.
451
00:20:19,959 --> 00:20:21,500
I think you owe
me two or three...
452
00:20:21,625 --> 00:20:22,959
My Liege.
453
00:20:23,041 --> 00:20:26,667
Oh, Philly! Do you have a
moment for your mother?
454
00:20:26,750 --> 00:20:28,041
Okay, okay, Ma.
455
00:20:28,125 --> 00:20:30,667
Now you know the truth.
I was never really king.
456
00:20:30,750 --> 00:20:32,917
I was just trying
to make you proud.
457
00:20:33,000 --> 00:20:36,166
Philoctetes, I
have always said...
458
00:20:37,208 --> 00:20:38,583
Saul!
459
00:20:38,667 --> 00:20:41,000
Yeah, that's what
she's always said.
460
00:20:41,083 --> 00:20:45,375
Look, Philly, your
brother Saul is home.
461
00:20:45,458 --> 00:20:48,667
Ohh! What did I
do to deserve this?
462
00:20:48,750 --> 00:20:51,166
I made a surprise for you boys.
463
00:20:51,250 --> 00:20:53,458
Pasture potpie!
464
00:20:54,667 --> 00:20:56,375
I'll be right back
with the grape juice.
465
00:20:56,417 --> 00:20:59,500
Hey, I hear your boy, Herc,
is one great hero-in-training.
466
00:20:59,583 --> 00:21:00,875
A real contender.
467
00:21:00,959 --> 00:21:03,041
Oh, he is. Where'd
you hear that?
468
00:21:03,125 --> 00:21:04,583
The Greekly World News?
469
00:21:04,667 --> 00:21:06,083
No, Ma told me.
470
00:21:06,166 --> 00:21:08,709
And told me and told me.
471
00:21:08,792 --> 00:21:10,834
She never shuts up
about you and your work.
472
00:21:10,917 --> 00:21:13,834
Philoctetes this,
Philoctetes that.
473
00:21:13,917 --> 00:21:17,166
What do you mean? She never shuts
up about you and your sandal sales.
474
00:21:17,250 --> 00:21:19,458
You're pulling my hoof! Really?
475
00:21:19,542 --> 00:21:22,083
You hear that, Herc?
She's proud of me!
476
00:21:22,166 --> 00:21:23,709
She's really proud of me!
477
00:21:23,792 --> 00:21:25,667
Of course, I'm proud of you.
478
00:21:25,750 --> 00:21:28,709
I'm your mother. I'm
proud of both of you.
479
00:21:28,792 --> 00:21:29,917
But how would we know?
480
00:21:30,000 --> 00:21:31,458
Yeah, you never tell us.
481
00:21:31,542 --> 00:21:33,542
Well, it's because you
boys are always bragging
482
00:21:33,625 --> 00:21:35,041
about yourselves.
483
00:21:35,125 --> 00:21:39,166
So when one of you starts in,
I start talking about the other.
484
00:21:39,250 --> 00:21:40,583
Keeps you humble.
485
00:21:40,667 --> 00:21:43,000
I don't want you
to get big heads.
486
00:21:43,083 --> 00:21:45,458
You already have big horns.
487
00:21:45,542 --> 00:21:48,375
Which, incidentally, they
get from their father's side.
488
00:21:48,458 --> 00:21:49,709
Now, dig in, kids,
489
00:21:49,792 --> 00:21:53,000
before the pasture
potpies get cold.
490
00:21:53,083 --> 00:21:55,000
Uh... got any ketchup?
491
00:21:55,083 --> 00:21:57,333
I'll forget I ever heard that.
492
00:21:57,417 --> 00:22:00,458
And don't worry. I know
you're a growing boy.
493
00:22:00,542 --> 00:22:02,709
I have seconds for
you in the kitchen.
494
00:22:04,667 --> 00:22:06,500
So, did you hear
about your sister?
495
00:22:06,583 --> 00:22:09,834
Her pottery business is
shooting through the roof!
496
00:22:09,917 --> 00:22:11,917
Hercules, eat! Eat!
497
00:22:12,000 --> 00:22:14,166
What kind of hero doesn't eat?!
35539
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