Original subtitles

♪ Who put the glad in gladiator ♪

♪ Hercules ♪

♪ Whose daring deeds are great theatre ♪

♪ Hercules ♪

♪ Is he bold ♪

♪ No one braver ♪

♪ Is he sweet ♪

♪ Our favorite flavor Hercules ♪

♪ What a guy ♪

♪ Ask his friends ♪

♪ Honey they won't lie ♪

♪ Oh Hercules ♪

♪ Hercules ♪

♪ No one's fool ♪

♪ Now the boy's in school ♪

♪ He's in trainin' ♪

♪ Smart and shy ♪

♪ And the nicest guy ♪

♪ No complainin' ♪

♪ He was a no one a zero zero ♪

♪ He'll never quit till he's a hero ♪

♪ He's the most likely to succeed ♪

♪ From zero to hero ♪

♪ Herc is a hero ♪

♪ He'll be a hero ♪

Wait and see.

Okay, so then the crowd will be all like, "Ah! A monster!

Somebody save that D.I.D.!"

That's "Damsel in Distress."

I whip out my sword,

strike a few heroic poses, and...

Oh, sorry, Ajax.

Anyway, so our float's theme is the hero's quest,

and we'll rule the homecoming parade totally,

especially when the judges see me plug up the fake volcano.

Oh. Oops.

By the salt of the sea, you call yourself a serpent?!

Ha ha! You'll have to do better

if you want to lock fins with Poseidon,

God of the Sea!

Ugh!

Uh! Ah! Ugh!

Dad, can we talk?

Not right now, Triton. I'm a little busy.

Now, hand me that swordfish, will you?

Come on, Dad. This is important.

Remember what we talked about?

Sawfish!

You said you'd think about it. Did you? Did you?

Did you think about it?

Come on!

Ahhh!

What's the point? You never... Trident!

Hear a word I say.

Ohhh! Barnacles!

I said my trident, boy!

Hand me my trident!

Ha ha! You chicken of the sea!

Okay. I thought about it,

but are you sure it's what you really want?

Well, yeah.

Then move your fins and let's go!

Yes!

Well, at least you won't have to mop the decks for a while.

Whoa!

Need a hand?

Uncle Po-po?

Hi, Hercules. Remember me?

Your cousin Triton. Remember?

Triton. Cousin Triton. Ring a bell?

Uh, yeah, hi.

Triton, Triton, Triton. T-r-i...

Right. Got it. Got it. Triton. Yeah.

Well, a school of fish isn't good enough for your cousin.

No. He wants to go to landlubbers' school with you.

With me? At Prometheus Academy?

Pro-ac rules! Sparta drools!

Go, Eagles!

I am so ready for this.

Ugh! Okay. Great.

Then it's settled. Off you go.

Make a splash, boy! Make me proud!

Ha ha!

So, which is scarier... The dragon head or the cyclops head?

I'd have to go with the hideous monster head

you're wearing now.

You kill me!

I just love that bone-dry sense of humor!

No, you got me! I'm busting a gut here!

If only that were true.

Well, I guess I'll just leave the big decision to Herc.

Monsters are his department.

Whoa.

I just had a vision that washing my hair

was a complete waste of time.

Welcome to Prometheus Academy!

Rrraarr raarra rraraarr!

Herc-man!

You're just in time to help finish our float!

Sorry, Icarus. I have to show my cousin around the campus.

Triton, this is... Cassandra. I know.

Okay.

I know everything about my cousin.

- You do? - And you're the flew-too-

close-to-the-sun guy, right?

That's Icarus, also known as Herc's best buddy!

Yeah, well, good for you.

I'm family.

Isn't my cousin just the greatest?

And I'm gonna be just like him...

except for the scales and the fins and the gills.

I breathe with gills. See?

Gum?

Cute kid. Seems kind of smart, too.

And so this is our volcano float

for tomorrow's homecoming parade.

Say, this gum is... What, spearmint?

No, pickled herring... my fave.

That's pretty good.

Come on, coz, let me introduce you around.

That's Adonis, Prince of Thrace.

Wow. What a big head.

Yeah. Big float, too.

Ah, what a visage.

What better way to celebrate the joy of homecoming

than with the joy of me?

Now, if you'll excuse me,

I've got petunias growing out of my nose.

Someone, some help, please. Let's prune, people.

This costume is way too tight.

Could someone give me a hand?

Right here!

No problem!

Uh-oh.

M.I.D.!

- M.I.D.? - Mermaid in distress!

Oh. No, no, Triton, wait!

Look what you've done to her.

Demons! You demons!

Oh. Ohhh.

Let me out! Someone, help!

Hercules.

A mermaid with legs.

Mm. Yeah. I've heard stories about your type.

Mmm. Lobster.

He's eating my float.

We were just leaving.

Gum?

No, Triton.

Okay. This is our cafetorium... Bad food in large quantities.

And over here, we have... Triton?

Triton! What are you doing?!

A little trick a dolphin taught me.

You talk to dolphins?

Can't shut 'em up.

Yuuhh. Fish sticks again?

Fish sticks? Oh, come to mama, baby.

Yeah, my fave.

Triton, wait! You still got... Whooooaaa!

Whoooa!

Bowls on your head.

Mmm. Mmm.

Tasty, but can't beat a nice steamy bowl

of mashed codfish and kelp.

Uh, yeah, I'll take your word for it.

Ah, fish sticks.

You know, Iccy, fish is brain food,

so salad should be enough for you, hmm?

Adonis just never learns.

Don't worry. I'll take care of that jerk.

Ooh.

Now that I'm eating healthier,

I've really got to cut all this butter out of my diet.

Adonis, give back that... Whooooa!

Yaaahhh!

Whoa!

It's okay, Triton! I've got...

You.

Mmm. Clam sauce.

That was the hero thing to do, right?

I mean, I felt very Herc-ish there.

That was what you would have done, right?

Yep. Yeah.

Pretty much.

Triton! You don't swim in those.

Then what good are they?

Look, why don't you just towel off?

I'll meet you back at the floats.

Okay.

And remember, no... Cannonball!

Diving.

All right and cue the hero.

Uh. Ow.

In the event of an actual hero situation,

you won't do that, right?

I'm sorry. I was thinking about my cousin.

And how I haven't seen him for a while!

I don't even want to know how this happened.

I guess oafish runs in the family.

Maybe that's what he is... An oaf fish.

Oaf fish.

That's good. Is anybody getting this down?

Back off, Adonis, okay?

He's just having a few first-day jitters.

Other than that, he's the same as anyone.

The same as anyone in your family.

That's it. I can't take it.

My cousin is a fish out of water!

Whew.

He's an embarrassment, a disaster.

He's the world's biggest geek!

He's also right behind you.

Triton.

I, uh, I... Oh, no.

Um, uh, excuse me.

So, what did you do at school today, dear?

You know, stuff.

How nice. And what about you, dear?

How was your day patrolling the seven seas?

Ah, Amphitrite, my sweet,

it's always the same old grind.

Rampaging giant squids, delinquent, monstrous eels,

marauding man-eating sharks.

But I let them all know who's boss!

Elbows off the table.

Yes, angelfish.

You can't let others bully you around, son.

You're talking with your mouth full again.

Sorry.

You've got to show folks who's in charge,

who wears the chiton, who holds the trident!

The trident.

Your turn to clear the table.

Okey-dokey.

If you want respect, you command it!

I can pinch an inch.

Looks like someone needs to do a few sit-ups.

Well, it's good for flotation.

That's it! They'll see!

I'm not a geek!

I'm show them all, especially Hercules!

Hercster, this is no time to sit and mope.

The parade's in an hour.

We gotta practice our routine.

You know, where you rescue Cassandra,

the damsel in distress, from me, the vile creature.

Art imitates life yet again.

Uh-oh.

Someone has a bad case of the guilts.

I-I don't know what you're talking about.

Okay! You're right! I confess!

I sent you the heart-shaped mosaic

made from toenail clippings!

I meant him.

Oh.

What was Triton doing standing there anyway?

He's too quiet. He snuck up on me.

If he wasn't there, he wouldn't have heard me call him a geek.

Yeah. Where does he get off

listening in while you put your foot in your mouth?

Yeah! Who does he think he is?!

All right. All right. But can you blame me?

Have you ever seen

such a bumbling, stumbling, uncoordinated goof?

Well, let's see.

Yes, that would be you on your first day of school.

In fact, that was you last week.

And next week, too.

Could it be that seeing your flaws in someone else

pushed you over the edge?

My flaws? What do you mean?

Okay. Good point.

I just hope I didn't hurt Triton's feelings too much.

It's the fish kid!

I mean, after what I said, it might be hard for him

to get back on his feet... Flippers... again.

You know?

He's never gonna want to show his face around here.

Then again, he might just bounce back.

All right! Way to go!

- Triton? - Hello, Coz.

Look, I'm glad you're back,

and I'm sorry about yesterday.

What are you doing with your dad's trident?

Just showing who's a geek and who's not.

Well, don't you think that's kind of dangerous?

Only to your ego.

Do something else. Yeah, please.

- Triton! - Ah, a volunteer from the audience.

Whooooaaa!

Okay, maybe I deserved that.

No, you deserve this.

Ahhh!

Okay, you made your point. Let me down.

Done.

Whoooaaa!

Hey, Jerk-ules, looks like your cousin is okay after all.

You're the only drip around here.

Would you please ride on my float?

Mine.

Excuse me, ladies, but Triton is riding on my float.

Triton, you're asking for trouble.

Oh, what's the matter?

When you don't get to be Mr. Big Shot, you're not happy?

Mr. Big Shot? I'm never Mr. Big Shot...

not even Mr. Small Shot.

I'm usually the outsider, the one who doesn't fit in,

the one who kids poke fun at, which is why I'm sorry

for calling you the world's biggest geek.

That should be reserved for me.

You got that right.

Waaahhh!

How typical of a hero in training.

Still wet behind the ears.

Aah!

We've gotta do something.

Right. You go do, and I'll protect my fragile D.I.D.

That's damsel in distress.

Something tells me I'd be safer with the monster.

Enough! Leave now or prepare to fight to the finish!

Did I say, "fight to the finish"?

No, no, no.

When I say finish...

Too... many... heads.

Once again, Hercules,

you've proven that you're no match for me

when it comes to heroics.

Oh, serpent, prepare to battle!

You're gonna battle the serpent?

Of course not. You are.

You're the one with the trident.

Right. I have the trident.

Right. I had the trident.

Aaaahhhh!

Well, I guess that's why they call them floats.

Oh, no.

Look what I've done.

Hey, it's not your fault.

Well, it is, but... But anyway...

It was my fault first.

Yeah, but when you tried to apologize,

I kept acting like a jerk.

Hercules, could you schedule your family therapy session

for later? A rescue is required.

H-h-help! I can't swim!

This stupid fin.

Hold on, Helen!

We're on our way!

I meant rescue me. Me! Rescue me!

Whoa.

Here. He'll take you to safety.

Thanks.

My cousin talks to dolphins. How cool is that?

Actually, all they ever really want to do

is talk about themselves.

Hey, yo, big guys, try to catch us.

Help! He-e-e-e-lp!

Whoa. Eww. You feel so fishy.

We'll lead them away from the school.

There's some kelp beds over here.

- How do you know? - It's my turf.

Unfortunately, it's also their turf.

Okay, Herc, let's find out if you've got your sea legs yet.

Whoa-whoa-whoa!

Whoa! These guys are kind of slippery.

Hey, it's new to you.

It takes some getting used to.

Yeah. I guess that's true for everybody, huh?

Whoa!

- All right! - Yee-haa!

Giddyup.

Yee-haa!

Git along, little dolphin.

Yee-haaa!

Hey, hey!

Over here!

I'm over here!

Over here! Here!

Hee hee hee hee.

Whoo-hoo! Yeah! We did it!

Uncle Po-Po, Auntie Amphitrite.

Mom! Dad!

Well, just came to pick up my trident!

I've told you not to leave that thing lying around.

Lying around?! The boy snatched it!

Look, I can explain. It's all my fault.

No, no, no.

It's all my fault.

Oh, I know whose fault it is, and there'll be a punishment,

I can tell you that!

Now, sug-ums. What your father means is that part of growing up

is making mistakes.

What I mean is... mistakes?

But that's how we learn.

So don't you ever learn...

and in the end, you made us very proud.

Isn't that right?

Yeah! Mistakes, how we learn.

Very proud, yeah.

Now, hadn't you better put that nasty serpent

back where it belongs?

Oh. Right, yeah.

I'll banish it! That's what I'll do!

To the deepest depths of the sea,

where those weird little squids

with the glow-in-the-dark eyes live.

Yah! Mateys, are you with me?!

- Yes, sir! - Yes, sir!

- You bet! - Uh-huh!

Yes, sir! And how!

Then move 'em out!

Yee-a-haaa!