Original subtitles

♪ Who put the "glad" in gladiator? ♪

♪ Hercules ♪

♪ Whose daring deeds are great theater? ♪

♪ Hercules ♪

♪ Is he bold? ♪

♪ No one braver ♪

♪ Is he sweet? ♪

♪ Our favorite flavor, Hercules ♪

- ♪ What a guy ♪ - ♪ Hercules ♪

- ♪ Ask his friends ♪ - ♪ Hercules ♪

♪ Honey, they won't lie ♪

- ♪ Hercules ♪ - ♪ Ahh, Hercules ♪

♪ Hercules ♪

- ♪ Come on ♪ - ♪ No one's fool ♪

♪ Now the boy's in school ♪

♪ He's in trainin' ♪

♪ Sun is shinin' ♪

♪ And the nicest guy ♪

♪ No complainin' ♪

♪ He was a no one ♪

♪ Zero, zero, give him a quick deed ♪

♪ He's our hero ♪

♪ He's the most likely to succeed ♪

♪ From zero to hero ♪

♪ Herc is a hero ♪

♪ He'll be a hero ♪

Wait and see!

Another day at the prestigious Prometheus Academy,

where the finest teachers in Greece enlighten young minds.

History with Herodotus.

Home economics with Euphrosyne.

Gym with Physedipus.

Theater arts with Miss Thespis.

And then there was shop class,

taught by one of the ancient world's most... unique minds.

Dad-alus.

That's Daedalus, but on with the story.

Hello, son.

Today, young artificers,

we shall begin a new project.

My original course plan called for a flying device,

fashioned of cypress reeds and sheep's bladders,

but the school board feels it's too edgy.

So, instead, we shall spit in the eye

of divine inspiration and construct...

a birdhouse. Uhh.

Your father is a... how should I put this?

A loon.

Ha ha ha ha, Adonis,

shut up! You're just jealous of his genius.

Puh-lease. My father is a king.

Oh, yeah? Well, my father is the greatest inventist of our age.

I don't want to brag,

but he did whip up these wax wings.

Oh, yes, and as I remember,

That worked out quite well.

Oh, yeah? Well, some day Daedalus will build a wonder of the world.

Dream on! Silly little boy.

Well put, Prince Adonis, for it is my dream.

But for now we build birdhouses.

Whoo-hoo.

Puff. Ah, Hercules, why do I even try?

Ow!

"Dear Daedalus, you are wasting your talents as a teacher.

"Come to Crete." Ohh.

Ow!

This is my second offer.

"If you come, oh, whoa, they will build it." Ohh.

Ow!

Oh, come on.

"No one says no to King Minos.

Final offer... your opportunity to design a wonder of the world. Ha ha"

I'm going to Crete.

Crete?

As in the island of Crete?

As in the enemy of half of Greece?

As in ruled by King Minos?

As in the most twisted tyrant in the entire Aegean region?

As in the patron of my genius.

Gently, gently with the crates.

They contain my life's work.

Oops! Oh, well.

That's not gently!

Be careful. This is one of my greatest inventions.

The pulley!

What's a pulley?

That's a pulley.

It's a system of moveable rotators

which give a mechanical advantage to lift a heavy load with comparative ease.

Hey, can we use it on these backbreaking boxes then? What do you say?

No, you'll scratch it.

But, Daedalus, do we really want your genius

at the disposal of a twisted and evil cretin?

I care not about his politics.

I care only that he is my stepping stone to g-g-r-r-reatness!

For he has commissioned me

to build this most excellent and enormous maze.

My labyrinth.

It looks ridiculously complicated.

Well, that's the point.

Come, Icarus, next, port Crete.

There it is, son, Crete!

The future site of my greatest triumph!

Oh, but, Daedalus, teaching was good, right?

You got summers off... Whoa!

What is that?

Ah, metalus robot, crude and effective invention,

Crete's most famous attraction.

There, see how he lifts the boulder,

ready to hurl it at an incoming ship.

Yeah, wouldn't you say we're on the incoming ship?

Well, technically, yes,

but I am an honored guest of King Minos.

Whoa! Someone should tell Talos that!

Oh, it's a welcome rock.

Run away!

Ha ha ha! Oh Oh!

A hole in one barge.

Nice work, Talos.

You're worth every drachma.

Help! Ahh. Ahh.

That sounds like my new hired genius.

Better fish him out.

Ho ho. Those Athenians are real drowners. Ho ho!

That's a birdhouse?

Shh. It's going to be a flying device

fashioned of cypress reeds and sheep's bladders.

OK.

One day with a substitute teacher

and this is what happens.

It's what Daedalus and Icarus would have wanted.

It's edgy. Ab-normally so.

Yeah, that's true.

Hmm. A flying machine.

Huh. He's had worse ideas, I guess.

Whoo-hoo. Sheep's bladders.

Good point.

Unh! Unh! I knew I'd miss Icarus,

but I actually miss that big crazy inventist, too.

Unh. Whoops.

Saw that coming.

Ow!

That'll be a bump. Ahh.

Sorry.

All this is at your disposal.

Just build me the best labyrinth in the world.

All this, and no ab-normally strong students

to wreck it.

Dad, just ask him what it's for. Hmm?

I can't ask him what it's for. No, I can't. He's a king. I can't just...

I'm not going to...

Uh, tell me, King Minos, for what purpose do I create this labyrinth?

Hmm, kind of nosy for an inventor.

Ha ha. That's actually inventist,

but, you know, that's a common mistake.

I ask only because I have heard vivid and ugly rumors.

About your highness.

Oh, ho ho, really? Which ones have you heard?

Oh, well, I don't know,

the one where you hurl boulders at innocent people!

Oh, ho ho, a bit of shipwrecking never hurt anyone.

And this nasty gossip you've heard about me

is all in the past.

I have reformed.

Crete is chummy with Athens now.

We just signed a new treaty. So there.

Indeed there was a treaty between Crete and Athens,

but peace came at a terrible price.

An Athenian youth was to be sent to Crete to face his doom.

King Minos was a most twisted fiend

yet with a keen sense of marketing.

For, instead of doom, King Minos merely insisted

that Athens send a youth to participate in something called.

Extremely Ultimate Vicious Combat.

Which didn't really sound so bad.

Oh, have you heard the news about Crete?

They're demanding a brave Athenian youth

to face Extremely Ultimate Vicious Combat.

Of course, I'd go, but technically, being the prince of Thebes,

I'm not an Athenian youth, now, am I?

Hey, what's a little extremely ultimate vicious combat

if I get to see Icarus?

And so, after turning in his permission slip

and signing a personal damage waiver,

Hercules set sail for Crete.

Oh, that's going to be a lovely blind alley right there.

Yes. My labyrinth could bump that overrated.

Hanging Garden of Babylon

right off the seven wonders list.

So, Daedalus, what's this?

What's what? Ohh.

Our workers use that when they're lost in the maze.

It's magic thread.

It shows them the way out.

Oh, cool, going to make me some magic socks.

Son, why don't you go unpack that new crate that King Minos brought?

He said it's crucial to Project I.

Keep your pokey sticks to yourself, boy.

Oh, man, oh, man, oh, man!

Oh, tar, kid.

A minotaur?

This is why I brought you here, Daedalus.

That beast has been the scourge of Crete for generations.

We need your labyrinth to imprison it

and keep my people safe.

Oh, well, that is truly a noble goal

and a great challenge for a manipulator of mazes.

No monster will ever find its way out of the labyrinth of Daedalus.

Oh, I'm a monster, now? I couldn't pick my parents, you know.

Man, you know, it's funny,

it looks like that big huge metal guy is...

Is gonna throw a rock at us.

Wouldn't that be weird?

He's throwing a rock at us!

Yo-ho! Wow!

Sinking Athenian ships is like taking candy from a baby.

Oh, and almost as fun.

Oh! My Athenian victim.

Go ahead and fish him out, then,

And prepare him... for combat!

Unh!

Hmm. Dead end.

Hmm. Another dead end.

Aarrgh!

Huh. This is getting monotonous.

What's the matter, bull-head?

Didn't they teach you about labyrinths back on the farm? Ho ho!

Man, what is up with this place?

Ho ho ho, well, you've really done it, Daedalus.

I think we might just have a wonder of the world on our hands.

Hey, yo, why don't you try the next hole over?

That's a dead end, too!

Ha! In your face, moo-boy! Ha ha ha ha!

Moo! Ha ha.

Daedalus, please, gloating does not become you.

Ha ha! Now for the real fun.

Hey, herky-berky-poo,

What are you doing in Crete?

Uh, I'm on some ultimate combat deal.

I figured it was the only way to visit you.

So this is where the combat happens, huh?

Combat? Don't be ridiculous, young Hercules.

The labyrinth below is for Minotaur containment only.

Isn't that right, King Minos?

Actually, yes and no.

Yes, the combat does happen down there,

and, no, the Athenian youth won't survive.

My wonder of the world is to be used for such an atrocity?

It is not possible.

Ha ha. It is too possible.

Oh, man. We got to help Herc.

Now, that's not possible. It would ruin my fun.

Let me give you a little advice, son.

Scream loudly.

The name's Hercules.

I'm a fighter, not a screamer.

Oh, really?

Aah!

Herc!

Ho ho. Not a screamer?

That's a beautiful scream.

Kid's got great pipes.

Hercules, go to the left,

then take the third right, and then go to the corner and...

Uh-uh. That's cheating.

As a former teacher, you should know that.

Uh, I-Is that your left or mine?

Warmer. Uh-huh. Warmer.

Ooh. Ah. Cooler.

Much colder.

Freezing. Ooh. Like ice, baby. Ha ha ha.

Hey, you want to come down here and do this?

No.

Then butt out.

Ooh. Here comes an intersection.

It'll all turn on who sees who first... Ooh...

Or it would if the Minotaur was not blessed

with an uncanny sense of smell.

Hmm. Definitely Athenian.

Human? No, demigod.

Athenian boy!

Let's pick up the pace!

Hey, Herc, grab this magic thread!

Aiee!

Ooh!

Icarus?

Ooh, magic thread. Thanks, kid.

Aw, you're welcome. I got to go.

This extremely ultimate vicious combat is getting good.

Adding a second victim spices it up, huh? Ha ha.

My son.

Rrr. Rrr.

Rawwrr!

I think we're at the vicious part.

Hmm.

Ow.

I'll save you, son.

Ooh.

That is one tough teacher.

Guards! Seize him!

You can make a man make a maze,

but you can't make a maze make a ment...

You can make a man... you can...

Oh. No one touches my boy.

- Ooh! - Oh!

So, Herc, thanks for coming.

You look great. How's Cassandra?

Is she holding up OK without me?

Uh, right now I think she's

doing better than either one of us.

You know, sometimes I wonder,

why have two horns?

Then situations like this arise.

Ha ha ha ha.

Come on. Time-out.

Herc, you can take this bull guy, can't you?

You bet.

Oh, good. 'Cause he's got the magic thread

that will show the way out of here.

I mean, no pressure.

Ahh, so that's what it's for?

First I get out of here,

then I gore that arrogant egghead.

Whoa! Not my Daedalus.

Make that Dead-alus. Kkkk!

Magic thread, go. Go.

Yes. Magic thread.

How are we ever going to find our way out of here?

Maybe we don't need to.

Unh.

Unh!

Wow.

Rrr.

Oh, man. Daedalus is going to freak

when he sees what you're doing to his masterwork.

Ha ha ha ha. Mmm.

I smell egghead.

Ooh.

These robot controls should be greatly simplified.

I mean, really.

As soon as I rescue my boy and Hercules,

I'm fine tuning this monstrosity.

- Aah! Aah! - Whoa!

No, don't pick up the rock, you bronze idiot.

Go around it.

Almost there.

Minos will see that I am no mere shop teacher.

I am a world-class inventist.

Who shall thrash him.

And his bull-headed beast.

You're supposed to be so smart,

yet you stoop to name calling.

Yes, well, when I said "bull-headed,"

what I really meant to say was, "Aah!"

Aah!

Whoa, Herc, are you OK?

Yeah, I'm all right. Thanks.

Just need to take a breather.

OK, I'll do the next one.

No, no. Bad idea.

No, no. Not a problem.

Sit, sit, sit, sit, sit.

Ooh! Oh, man!

And I thought flying into the sun was dumb.

Yeah. That, too.

Help!

It's my Daedalus.

Hey, you, knock it off. Drop it! Drop it!

Hey, this must be the last wall.

Come on, Icarus. Follow me.

W-wait a minute.

Oh. I'm so stupid.

Daedalus installed these secret doors

throughout the labyrinth.

Oh, silly me.

Oh, yeah.

Silly you.

Get away from me.

Paws off, you big bully.

Bully? Was that a shot?

Well, if the hoof fits... Rawwrr!

Ah! Oh.

Oh, good sweet Zeus.

Hang on tight, Daedalus!

Unh!

The boy is strong. Ab-normally so.

Aah!

Rrr.

You're safe now, sir.

Well done, lad.

All right. Come on down, Daedalus.

All's clear.

Rrr.

Um, on second thought, better stay up there for a bit.

We got a situation down here.

- Unh. - Rrr.

Rrr. Ooh. Oh.

If I don't gore someone right now,

You're going to see me really mad.

Ah.

Hold still.

Hercules, think catapult.

Oh, man, that was way back in the first semester.

Eureka!

Unh.

Whoa-oh-oh!

I got it! I got it!

Hey, I got it.

Oh, yes. Nice catch.

Way to hustle.

Ohh.

All right.

Whoever had the bright idea

to take a shortcut through the labyrinth

is in big, big trouble.

Ow.

Ha ha ha ha ha.

Ooh.

Hi.

Hello.

OK. Let's go that way.

Yeow!

Aah!

And so I begin the long journey back to status quo.

Hey, I thought we were going back to Athens.

That's what he's talking about, Icarus.

His dream, it didn't work out.

Oh, right, right.

That wonder of the world thing. Yeah.

I am once again

merely Daedalus the shop teacher.

It cannot be.

Wow. Well, that's edgy.

Ha ha. Hi, guys.

Need a lift?

The Hanging Garden of Babylon

cannot compare with this.

Hercules was the one who started it.

Let's not forget who paid

for all these sheep bladders.

You have made me proud, my once and future students.

You are my legacy.

You are my wonders of the world.

I am happy.

Ab-normally so.