Original subtitles

♪ Who put the "glad" in gladiator? ♪

♪ Hercules ♪

♪ Whose daring deeds are great theater? ♪

♪ Hercules ♪

- ♪ Is he bold? ♪ - ♪ No one braver ♪

- ♪ Is he sweet? ♪ - ♪ Our favorite flavor, Hercules ♪

- ♪ What a guy ♪ - ♪ Hercules ♪

- ♪ Ask his friends ♪ - ♪ Hercules ♪

♪ Honey, they won't lie ♪

- ♪ Hercules ♪ - ♪ Ahh, Hercules ♪

♪ Hercules ♪

- ♪ Come on ♪ - ♪ No one's fool ♪

♪ Now the boy's in school ♪

♪ He's in trainin' ♪

♪ Smart and shy ♪

- ♪ And the nicest guy ♪ - ♪ No complainin' ♪

♪ He was a no one ♪

♪ Zero, zero ♪

♪ Give him a quick deed ♪

♪ He's our hero ♪

♪ He's the most likely to succeed ♪

♪ From zero to hero ♪

♪ Herc is a hero ♪

♪ He'll be a hero ♪

Wait and see!

I don't know who I pity more.

You or moth boy over there.

Oh, man!

Herc, I did it again!

Hurry! I don't wanna be late for lunch.

It's Frog Leg Friday.

I'll meet you guys in the cafeteria.

I gotta wait for my... girlfriend.

Ha ha ha!

Ahh! I just love saying that.

My girlfriend, my girlfriend,

my girl... Anaxerete!

Hi! Uh... Ready for lunch?

Uh, Hercules, we have to talk.

Here.

I have to give this back.

Wha... But I conquered that cyclops for you!

And I'll never forget it.

But I can't go on living this lie.

Oh, I wouldn't lie about something like that.

I mean, yeah, sure, some heroes may exaggerate their exploits.

Oh, Herc, the last thing I want to do is hurt you,

but you deserve the truth.

Um, and the truth is?

I wanna break up.

- Break up? - Uh-huh.

And then... and then she said it was really as painful for her

as it is for me.

Can you believe that?

Actually, I foresaw it.

You knew?

I wanted to tell you,

but you looked so happy, it gave me the creeps.

I was happy.

I thought we both were.

Oh, Herc!

Hercy, perky, perky, perky, perky poo.

For a relationship to work, you gotta read the signs.

The unspoken clues.

The teensy, tiny, subtle hints

that speak volumes. Ah!

You follow what I'm saying?

OK. We're going for quick, evasive maneuvers here.

I recommend dodging.

Ducking works, too.

Hmm.

Uh, not to pry, but you seem... down.

So Anaxerete gave you the ax, huh?

Yeah.

Kid, just 'cause you're a hero in training

doesn't mean you have to act like it doesn't hurt.

Open up. Let it all out.

Just don't cry or anything.

Oh, Phil, my heart has been ripped out

and my world has no meaning.

Whoa! I had no idea how serious you two were.

You must've been an item for some time now.

Yeah! Three days!

Days? Uh, maybe it was for the best.

Nothing this painful could ever be for the best.

I know it hurts, but take it from someone who knows.

The best way to get over your old girlfriend

is to get yourself a new one.

Ohh!

Come on! When you fall off your winged horse,

you gotta dust yourself off and get right back on again.

But she was my world!

How can I go on without that quirky smile?

Those laughing freckles,

and the way her eyes kind of sparkled and...

Get over it, already!

Puh-lease!

You know what you need?

- A towel? - Adventure!

Real life or death heroic escapades!

And I've got just the thing.

"Hero wanted. Guts a must."

That's you.

You got monsters?

Hercules here is the hero for you, King Tivius.

Well... Geryon is no ordinary monster.

Your Majesty, Herc has fought 'em all.

Your minotaurs, your sea serpents,

cyclops, you name it. Isn't that right, Herc?

I guess.

Aw!

I don't know.

Oh, Father, hire him.

He's so cute!

But, darling, Livinia,

cute is not a reasonable criteria.

My daughter is a hopeless romantic.

Do tell.

I need brute force.

Only the strongest hero will be able to...

Ohh!

Huh, huh?

Oh, my!

He's hired.

Ahh!

Wah-hoo!

Out of my way!

The king was right. He isn't ordinary.

I'm mad!

Me, too!

Me, three!

Aah!

There you go. Easy, girl.

Well, guess it's time for some real life or death heroics.

It's the "or death" part I'm worried about.

Kid, you could get hurt here.

Ugh! No monster could hurt me worse than that breakup did.

OK. You see, that's what we satyrs call crazy talk.

Hey!

Did you hear me?

I'm mad!

Oh, yeah? Well, it's your turn to listen, Geryon.

You're done terrorizing this island,

so I suggest you leave or you'll have to answer to me.

You?

A fight to the finish, Geryon.

I've got nothin' to lose.

Except for a couple arms and legs.

Me, I can spare a few.

Grrraah!

Oh... my...

Here, take the club.

Aah!

OK. Just a little off your game.

Concentrate.

Take the sword.

Come on, kid, focus!

Here! Take, uh... This!

Aah!

Herc, forget the girl and get him!

I can't forget Anaxerete,

and this heroic stuff isn't helping one bit.

Aah!

You are so dead.

But then, I could give this heroic stuff another shot.

Unh!

Me, six fists.

You, one face.

Do the math.

Huh? Aah!

Huh?

Oh! Aah!

I am fueled by anger!

I can do this all day.

Whoa!

I hate to tell you this, Geryon,

but you caught me on a really bad day.

Accept defeat... like a man...

And... and... and I'll let you... live!

Where's my hero? Hercules!

Attaboy, Herc!

You did it! You scared him off!

Ah! What a strong, courageous hero!

Well... what do you think did it?

My savage strength, my... my nerves of steel?

Oh! I bet it was my "I'm a hero, so don't mess with me" look.

That did the trick.

And that look can't be taught, kid.

Maybe you're right about this heroic stuff, Phil.

I'm feeling better already.

Well, I hope you feel hungry.

I'm throwing a royal feast in your honor.

Oh, say you'll come.

Please?

Of course he'll come, princess.

Come on, Herc. Out with the old, in with the new.

Eh? Eh?

Get out! No!

You're in high school, too?

What a coincidence! So is Hercules.

Wow. Philoctetes was right.

We do have a lot in common.

Heh heh. Herc's a little shy with the ladies.

He needs someone who's not afraid to, you know,

take the initiative.

He likes you, though, I can tell.

You gotta read between the... ribs.

Uh, pardon me. Could you please pass the squid?

See?

L-o-v-e.

You know, I like squid, too.

It's, like, magical how similar we are.

Mm-hmm. Mmrgh.

Forgive me for taking the initiative,

but, Hercules, you and I were made for ea...

- Aah! - Oh, no!

Geryon is rearranging the mountains again.

Don't worry, Your Highness.

I'll put that monster in his place.

Oh, yeah. This one's a keeper.

I am so...

Not happy!

Put the mountain down, Geryon.

Oh, you again!

I could take you with five hands tied behind my backs!

Aah! Aah! Aah!

Ha ha ha!

Doesn't look like our triple threat's gonna run this time.

Neither am I.

Face it, Geryon! You can't win!

I'll take my chances.

Huh? Whoo!

Had enough?

Now have you had enough?

Yes.

The locket! My love!

No!

Kid, watch out!

Aah!

Go ahead. Do what you have to do.

It doesn't matter anyway.

My hearts have been ripped out.

My world has no meaning. Ohh!

You heard the triple-header, Herc.

Do what you have to do.

So, how long were you two an item?

Four days!

Ohh! Whoa!

And I thought I knew heartache.

Oy!

The princess and I,

we had something so... special.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait. You and the... princess?

Yeah. That's why I ran away before, OK?

I saw her standing there.

A rose among thorns.

I have so much baggage!

So it wasn't my "I'm a hero, so don't mess with me" look

that scared you off?

No. When I see the princess...

my heads swim.

I can barely breathe. I...

I keep thinking about what we had.

It was so beautiful.

Ha ha ha!

I know. I know.

You're probably gonna say it was for the best.

No, man. Hey, I've been there.

You have? You have?

Oh, yeah. I know it hurts.

I know, I know. And just because you're a monster,

it doesn't mean that you gotta act like it doesn't.

Open up, man.

Let it out. Let it all out.

How could she dump me?

I'm three times the guy... her last boyfriend was.

I know, I know, man.

Anybody could see that.

Oh, please! Get over it, already!

You are a hero.

You are a monster. You should be fighting,

not blubbering like a couple of sob sisters!

Oh, what's the use? Fighting won't... unbreak my heart.

Yeah, and let's face it.

Trashing the island won't, either.

I know.

It's just... I had no one to talk to.

Without an appropriate outlet for my emotions, I...

resorted to destructive behavior,

Yeah.

Talk to me, man. Talk to me.

Aurora, Goddess of the Dawn,

comes through again.

You're right, man. A bright new day.

It's kind of a promise.

A promise of something better.

Yeah. You ready to go to the palace?

What? Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!

What does tri-tip here need to go to the palace for?

If Geryon's gonna get on with his life,

he's gotta apologize to the king and the princess

for demolishing the island.

I need closure.

But the princess and you... I mean, I...

Phil, let him do this, brother.

- Let him do this. - OK.

Geryon, admitting you have a problem

is the first step.

I forgive you.

OK. Hard part.

Do you, princess... Can you forgive... me?

Of course, you big lug.

No hard feelings. I'll even invite you to the wedding.

Who's... What? Getting married?

Why, Hercules and I, of course.

What? You!

All that talk about letting go...

when you were holding onto my beloved... the whole time!

No, no, no! Believe me!

I'm just as surprised about this are you are!

Oh, Hercules, come on.

The fates themselves arranged our meeting.

- It was a want ad! - But Phil said...

Ah, one triple-scoop sundae, and you'll forget all this.

I'll forget when Hercules is a memory!

Geryon, please! You know as well as I do

that I'm still mending my own broken heart,

and working through my own emotional vulnerability.

It's way too soon for me to get involved in... in... in a serious relationship.

Oh! So my princess... is just a fling?

No, no! That's not it!

- Aah! - Go get him, fiancé!

You can do it!

I am not your fiancé!

Geryon, listen.

You can work through this,

but first you gotta beating yourself up.

Oh, I'm done with myself.

It's your turn.

OK, unless you channel this anger in a more constructive manner,

I'm going to have to hurt you... whoa!

Aah!

Geryon, please!

If you have the tiniest bit of love for me in one of your hearts,

have mercy on Hercules.

All three of my hearts are broken.

So you break his spinal column?

- That helps. - Whoa!

Ohh... what happened?

You conquered that evil monster,

and we're going to live happily ever after.

I'll go get you some tea.

What... what really happened?

Three card monte wiped the island with your rear,

and somehow the princess still wants to marry you.

Oh, no! What am I gonna do?

I can't marry the princess.

So you don't want a big wedding?

I don't want any wedding!

Oh, I find you a nice girlfriend to help you get over the last one,

- and this is the thanks I get. - Girlfriend?

Try fiancé!

Whatever. Hey, I'm no Aphrodite,

but I think you two make a cute couple.

Phil, she's just not my type.

All right, but you better tell her

before she's hired a caterer.

Oh, I don't wanna hurt her feelings.

You have to tell her!

I know, I know!

I just didn't know it'd be this hard.

There you are, my fiancé.

Ahh!

Fiancé.

Fiancé.

I just love saying that.

Uh, princess... we have to talk.

Princess!

Hey, you...

Believe me, this is as painful for me as it is for you.

Did I just say that?

You... don't... understand.

Our romance was so wonderful, so unique.

Ha ha ha!

Uh, princess, we never did those things.

But we could have!

Ugh! Maybe it's for the best.

Nothing this painful could ever be for the best!

Princess, that's exactly how Geryon felt

when you broke up with him.

Really? I had no idea his feelings for me were so strong.

Are you kidding me?

He is a great guy.

Oh, come on! Six arms to hold ya?

He's a monster hugger. That's what he is.

Hmm... maybe I should give him a second chance.

Oy. Dames.

OK, whatever you do,

don't talk about the big breakup.

I think Herc is still hurtin' inside, poor sap.

Hey, guys.

Gadzooks! You look awful!

Man! Breakin' up with Anaxerete,

that must be eatin' you alive.

Ooh! The pain!

The acid of love gone sour

just tearin' your insides out! Ohh! Oh, man!

Actually, I'm... I'm OK.

I know Anaxerete didn't wanna hurt me.

She just wanted to break up, and I'm fine with that.

So you're fine with the fact

that she just walked in holding hands with Ajax?

What?

Oh, Ajax.

My heart has just been ripped out!

My world has no meaning!

Ohh!