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♪ Who put the
"glad" in gladiator? ♪
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00:00:10,625 --> 00:00:11,959
♪ Hercules ♪
3
00:00:12,041 --> 00:00:14,458
♪ Whose daring deeds
are great theater? ♪
4
00:00:14,542 --> 00:00:16,333
♪ Hercules ♪
5
00:00:16,417 --> 00:00:17,333
♪ Is he bold? ♪
6
00:00:17,417 --> 00:00:18,417
♪ No one braver ♪
7
00:00:18,458 --> 00:00:19,291
♪ Is he sweet? ♪
8
00:00:19,375 --> 00:00:21,834
♪ Our favorite
flavor, Hercules ♪
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00:00:21,917 --> 00:00:23,917
- ♪ What a guy ♪
- ♪ Hercules ♪
10
00:00:24,000 --> 00:00:25,750
- ♪ Ask his friends ♪
- ♪ Hercules ♪
11
00:00:25,834 --> 00:00:26,750
♪ Honey, they won't lie ♪
12
00:00:26,834 --> 00:00:28,834
- ♪ Hercules ♪
- ♪ Ahh, Hercules ♪
13
00:00:28,917 --> 00:00:31,959
♪ Hercules ♪
14
00:00:32,041 --> 00:00:33,321
- ♪ Come on ♪
- ♪ No one's fool ♪
15
00:00:33,375 --> 00:00:35,166
♪ Now, the boy's in school ♪
16
00:00:35,250 --> 00:00:36,625
♪ He's in trainin' ♪
17
00:00:36,709 --> 00:00:37,625
♪ Sun is shinin' ♪
18
00:00:37,709 --> 00:00:38,875
♪ And the nicest guy ♪
19
00:00:38,959 --> 00:00:40,750
♪ No complainin' ♪
20
00:00:40,834 --> 00:00:41,917
♪ He was a no one ♪
21
00:00:42,000 --> 00:00:43,583
♪ Zero, zero, give
him a quick deed ♪
22
00:00:43,667 --> 00:00:44,792
♪ He's our hero ♪
23
00:00:44,875 --> 00:00:47,959
♪ He's the most
likely to succeed ♪
24
00:00:48,041 --> 00:00:50,208
♪ From zero to hero ♪
25
00:00:50,291 --> 00:00:52,417
♪ Herc is a hero ♪
26
00:00:52,500 --> 00:00:57,500
♪ He'll be a hero ♪
27
00:00:57,583 --> 00:00:59,291
Wait and see!
28
00:01:06,583 --> 00:01:10,041
The ancient Greeks
delighted in sports of all kinds.
29
00:01:10,125 --> 00:01:14,041
They held great games to
celebrate human athletic endeavor...
30
00:01:14,125 --> 00:01:18,375
The Panhellenic Games,
the Pythian Games,
31
00:01:18,458 --> 00:01:22,417
and some very famous
games held every four years
32
00:01:22,500 --> 00:01:25,792
in the historic city of Olympia.
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00:01:25,875 --> 00:01:29,125
Games so important
that all wars ceased,
34
00:01:29,208 --> 00:01:32,625
so important that they
continue even to the modern day,
35
00:01:32,709 --> 00:01:37,125
games which we can't mention
due to trademark restrictions.
36
00:01:37,208 --> 00:01:40,417
But our story concerns a
less famous competition...
37
00:01:40,500 --> 00:01:43,208
The bitter rivalry between
the fighting war dogs
38
00:01:43,291 --> 00:01:45,667
of Spartan Military High
39
00:01:45,750 --> 00:01:49,000
and the eagles of the
Athenian Prometheus Academy.
40
00:01:50,375 --> 00:01:53,417
OK, OK, let's pick up
the slack, everyone.
41
00:01:53,500 --> 00:01:56,834
This year we're finally
going to beat Sparta.
42
00:01:56,917 --> 00:02:01,000
Athletes... Jocks... The enemy.
43
00:02:01,083 --> 00:02:03,834
Don't you feel kind of
sorry for them? I mean...
44
00:02:03,917 --> 00:02:06,250
They've lost 12
big games in a row.
45
00:02:06,333 --> 00:02:07,709
Help me!
46
00:02:07,792 --> 00:02:09,125
Hey! Maybe I could help out.
47
00:02:09,208 --> 00:02:10,917
Show no pity, Hercmeister.
48
00:02:11,000 --> 00:02:12,750
Jocks are our natural enemies.
49
00:02:12,834 --> 00:02:13,709
Right, sugar plum?
50
00:02:13,792 --> 00:02:16,583
Actually, you're
my natural enemy.
51
00:02:16,667 --> 00:02:18,083
Jocks are a close second.
52
00:02:18,166 --> 00:02:20,208
Eh! Who needs them?
53
00:02:20,291 --> 00:02:23,625
Sure, they're more popular,
and more successful than us,
54
00:02:23,709 --> 00:02:27,166
but we're the ones
with the good looks...
55
00:02:27,250 --> 00:02:29,166
And the winning personalities.
56
00:02:29,250 --> 00:02:32,917
Yeah, but they're the
ones with the cheerleaders.
57
00:02:33,000 --> 00:02:35,083
♪ Don't dry it or wash it ♪
58
00:02:35,166 --> 00:02:37,750
♪ Just grab that
plate and toss it ♪
59
00:02:39,375 --> 00:02:41,458
Well, I've got a
training session with...
60
00:02:41,542 --> 00:02:42,625
Ohh!
61
00:02:44,542 --> 00:02:46,291
Hey, here you go.
62
00:02:46,375 --> 00:02:48,458
Aah!
63
00:02:48,542 --> 00:02:50,417
Oh, sorry.
64
00:02:50,500 --> 00:02:53,208
Oh, never apologize
for who you are.
65
00:02:53,291 --> 00:02:54,667
Who are you again?
66
00:02:54,750 --> 00:02:55,583
Hercules.
67
00:02:55,667 --> 00:02:59,959
Of course! The inconceivably
strong hero-in-training.
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00:03:00,041 --> 00:03:02,000
Why haven't you
tried out for the team?
69
00:03:02,083 --> 00:03:04,834
Well, uh, I'm pretty busy
with my training, and, uh...
70
00:03:04,917 --> 00:03:07,917
And he's not falling
for your siren song
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00:03:08,041 --> 00:03:10,542
of the jock's life, are
you, Hercaburger?
72
00:03:10,625 --> 00:03:12,000
Well, I don't know. I...
73
00:03:12,083 --> 00:03:17,375
You know, being on the
varsity does have its advantages.
74
00:03:17,458 --> 00:03:19,959
Hi, Hercules.
75
00:03:20,041 --> 00:03:22,250
I guess I could give it a try.
76
00:03:22,333 --> 00:03:26,291
No! He's become one of them.
77
00:03:26,375 --> 00:03:29,166
Them... them... them.
78
00:03:31,583 --> 00:03:34,625
My son's going to
be in the big games?
79
00:03:34,709 --> 00:03:37,583
Oh, that is great!
80
00:03:37,667 --> 00:03:39,417
So, you don't think
being a jock is,
81
00:03:39,500 --> 00:03:42,083
well, evil, like...
like Icarus says?
82
00:03:42,166 --> 00:03:43,709
Evil? Bah.
83
00:03:43,792 --> 00:03:46,750
Why, I was a pretty
good wrestler in my day.
84
00:03:46,875 --> 00:03:48,959
Zeus the moose, they called me.
85
00:03:49,041 --> 00:03:50,417
Sorry to interrupt, big Z.,
86
00:03:50,500 --> 00:03:54,500
but you're late for the,
uh, gods' gala on Olympus.
87
00:03:54,583 --> 00:03:56,208
Tell them I'll be
there in a minute.
88
00:03:56,291 --> 00:03:57,417
All righty, babe.
89
00:03:57,500 --> 00:04:00,959
Now tell me again
about that discus toss.
90
00:04:02,542 --> 00:04:06,875
So, are you going to the
games tomorrow, brother?
91
00:04:06,959 --> 00:04:09,166
You know I hate
sports, Athena...
92
00:04:09,250 --> 00:04:10,834
A total waste of
the human instinct
93
00:04:10,917 --> 00:04:12,667
to kill and maim.
94
00:04:12,750 --> 00:04:14,959
Spoken like a true war god.
95
00:04:15,041 --> 00:04:16,834
And I suppose you're going?
96
00:04:16,917 --> 00:04:21,000
Oh, yes. I go every year to
cheer on my loyal Athenians.
97
00:04:21,083 --> 00:04:23,291
This year we're
going to win for certain.
98
00:04:23,375 --> 00:04:25,458
Sorry, cats. Zeus
is running late.
99
00:04:25,542 --> 00:04:27,291
Hey, did you try
the ambrosia bars?
100
00:04:27,375 --> 00:04:29,291
Bacchus manifested
them fresh today.
101
00:04:29,375 --> 00:04:31,667
- They are so nutty.
- I don't like nuts.
102
00:04:31,750 --> 00:04:36,125
Oh, gods. I hate these
monthly meeting Greek mixers.
103
00:04:36,208 --> 00:04:38,750
I think Hades is the only
one who enjoys them.
104
00:04:38,834 --> 00:04:41,250
Athena, looking
good. Nice smile.
105
00:04:41,333 --> 00:04:43,750
Uh, let me borrow
your bro for a sec, OK?
106
00:04:43,834 --> 00:04:46,834
Ares, babe... may
I call you babe?
107
00:04:46,917 --> 00:04:49,041
Oh, war god supremo, huh?
108
00:04:49,125 --> 00:04:51,709
Hey, you remember
the bronze age, huh?
109
00:04:51,792 --> 00:04:53,917
Remember that...
wiping out the Minoans?
110
00:04:54,000 --> 00:04:56,083
You slayed them. I buried them.
111
00:04:56,166 --> 00:04:57,875
Good times, huh? Good times.
112
00:04:57,959 --> 00:05:00,250
All right, Hades,
what do you want?
113
00:05:00,333 --> 00:05:01,542
All right, look, OK?
114
00:05:01,625 --> 00:05:03,542
Things are kind of dead
down in the underworld.
115
00:05:03,625 --> 00:05:05,917
Or actually, they're
not dead enough.
116
00:05:06,000 --> 00:05:07,208
Know what I'm saying?
117
00:05:07,291 --> 00:05:10,291
Our soul index
is at a 2-year low.
118
00:05:10,375 --> 00:05:12,875
Now for a quick boost in the
souls receivable department,
119
00:05:12,959 --> 00:05:16,500
there is nothing like a war,
but we've had a total of, like,
120
00:05:16,583 --> 00:05:19,125
zero wars lately. So,
like, what's up with that?
121
00:05:19,208 --> 00:05:21,917
What do you mean?
There's been lots of wars...
122
00:05:22,000 --> 00:05:25,000
The siege of Carthage,
uh, the occupation of Sicily,
123
00:05:25,083 --> 00:05:26,667
the... the, you know...
124
00:05:26,750 --> 00:05:30,250
Come on, come on. Border
skirmishes, police actions.
125
00:05:30,333 --> 00:05:33,291
I mean war!
126
00:05:33,375 --> 00:05:36,083
I'm thinking the big kalamada...
127
00:05:36,166 --> 00:05:39,291
Sparta versus Athens.
128
00:05:39,375 --> 00:05:41,709
Boom, huh? 15, 20k souls easy.
129
00:05:41,792 --> 00:05:43,375
Come on! What do you say?
130
00:05:43,458 --> 00:05:47,333
You know I'd love to order my
Spartans to invade my sister's turf, but...
131
00:05:47,417 --> 00:05:50,166
All right! I'll tell you
what, to sweeten the deal,
132
00:05:50,250 --> 00:05:51,351
I can't believe I'm doing this,
133
00:05:51,375 --> 00:05:52,792
I will throw in
134
00:05:52,875 --> 00:05:56,417
my patented Hadean
shield of invincibility.
135
00:05:56,500 --> 00:05:58,101
Nothing can touch you
when you have this baby.
136
00:05:58,125 --> 00:05:59,542
Top secret here.
137
00:05:59,625 --> 00:06:01,375
Check out the
brochure. You like it?
138
00:06:01,458 --> 00:06:03,959
Ooh. Oh, that looks neat-o.
139
00:06:04,041 --> 00:06:05,458
Invincibility, huh?
140
00:06:05,542 --> 00:06:07,667
Absolutely guaranteed
to protect your Spartans
141
00:06:07,750 --> 00:06:10,291
from dismemberment, death,
and a variety of boo-boos.
142
00:06:10,375 --> 00:06:11,625
It's a deal.
143
00:06:11,709 --> 00:06:16,542
You'll need a new sack-of-Athens
wing just to hold all my victims.
144
00:06:16,625 --> 00:06:18,000
Ha ha.
145
00:06:18,083 --> 00:06:19,291
New wing, huh?
146
00:06:19,375 --> 00:06:22,166
Ooh, I like it.
Ares, you the god.
147
00:06:23,667 --> 00:06:27,667
No such thing as a Hadean
shield of invincibility, is there?
148
00:06:27,750 --> 00:06:30,792
Yeah, right. Hello?
Helmet on too tight today?
149
00:06:30,875 --> 00:06:32,351
Sounded good, though,
didn't that, though?
150
00:06:32,375 --> 00:06:34,750
Hey, Bacchus, what is
that, rack of Minotaur? Nice.
151
00:06:36,583 --> 00:06:39,125
Your city-state's
going down, Athena.
152
00:06:39,208 --> 00:06:42,500
I've got the Hadean
shield of invincibility.
153
00:06:42,583 --> 00:06:45,500
Oh, don't be absurd.
There is no such thing.
154
00:06:45,583 --> 00:06:48,083
Is so. I have a brochure.
155
00:06:48,166 --> 00:06:52,166
My Sparta's invading your
Athens tomorrow, baby.
156
00:06:52,250 --> 00:06:53,667
Oh, no, you're not.
157
00:06:53,750 --> 00:06:56,166
Tomorrow's the big games,
158
00:06:56,250 --> 00:06:59,417
Prometheus Academy
versus Spartan Military,
159
00:06:59,500 --> 00:07:03,000
and my boy is
playing for Athens.
160
00:07:03,083 --> 00:07:06,417
Oh, come on. There's a war on.
161
00:07:06,500 --> 00:07:09,166
I'm going to wipe
Athens off the map.
162
00:07:09,250 --> 00:07:10,750
Put a sock in it.
163
00:07:10,834 --> 00:07:12,500
We'd mop up the
Parthenon with you.
164
00:07:12,583 --> 00:07:15,041
Yeah? You and whose navy?
165
00:07:15,125 --> 00:07:17,041
The Athenian navy, you dolt.
166
00:07:17,125 --> 00:07:21,208
Silence! I am sick and
tired of you two bickering
167
00:07:21,291 --> 00:07:23,375
like a couple of 2000-year-olds.
168
00:07:23,458 --> 00:07:26,208
I will not allow your
Athens-Sparta war
169
00:07:26,291 --> 00:07:29,375
to ruin the Athens-Sparta games.
170
00:07:29,458 --> 00:07:35,875
Say, war... games...
Athens... Sparta...
171
00:07:35,959 --> 00:07:38,458
Now that is a godly idea.
172
00:07:38,542 --> 00:07:42,291
We'll decide the war on
the athletic field. Ha ha.
173
00:07:42,375 --> 00:07:45,417
What? My armies won't
fit on an athletic field.
174
00:07:45,500 --> 00:07:46,917
No, no.
175
00:07:47,000 --> 00:07:50,500
Hermes, take down a decree.
176
00:07:50,583 --> 00:07:52,166
Here for you, babe.
177
00:07:52,250 --> 00:07:55,208
Instead of war, human
athletic endeavor
178
00:07:55,291 --> 00:07:58,375
shall decide whose
city-state is superior.
179
00:07:58,458 --> 00:08:00,208
You are so wise.
180
00:08:00,291 --> 00:08:01,500
Whichever high school wins
181
00:08:01,583 --> 00:08:04,000
the most laurel wreaths
in tomorrow's games
182
00:08:04,083 --> 00:08:06,000
shall win permanent
bragging rights
183
00:08:06,083 --> 00:08:09,542
for their city-state forever.
184
00:08:09,625 --> 00:08:12,542
Signed Zeus, ruler of
the cosmos, et cetera.
185
00:08:12,625 --> 00:08:13,625
What does all that mean?
186
00:08:13,667 --> 00:08:15,875
Our high school teams
will decide the war
187
00:08:15,959 --> 00:08:18,750
instead of armies. I like it.
188
00:08:18,834 --> 00:08:23,083
No! I am the God
of War, and I... Aah!
189
00:08:23,166 --> 00:08:25,458
Will support them
in light competition.
190
00:08:27,208 --> 00:08:29,792
Dig the new luxury boxes, babe.
191
00:08:29,875 --> 00:08:33,917
Hah! Corporate sponsors...
You've got to love them.
192
00:08:34,000 --> 00:08:38,792
And 5 and 6 and 7 and
8, and work those abs.
193
00:08:38,875 --> 00:08:42,291
Everybody get in touch
with your inner winner.
194
00:08:42,375 --> 00:08:44,041
Is that guy training
them for the game
195
00:08:44,125 --> 00:08:46,333
or getting them ready
for bikini season?
196
00:08:46,417 --> 00:08:48,667
Well, that's Physoedipus.
He... He's my coach.
197
00:08:48,750 --> 00:08:51,250
- Herc, hey!
- Hercules!
198
00:08:51,333 --> 00:08:54,166
Hey, hey, hey, I'm your
coach, and don't you forget it.
199
00:08:54,250 --> 00:08:56,083
Hey, guys.
200
00:08:56,166 --> 00:08:58,333
I'm glad you guys
came out to cheer me on.
201
00:08:58,417 --> 00:09:00,083
These Spartans look tough.
202
00:09:00,166 --> 00:09:02,166
We came to make one last effort
203
00:09:02,250 --> 00:09:04,125
to keep you on
the side of the few,
204
00:09:04,208 --> 00:09:06,709
The proud, the geeky.
205
00:09:06,792 --> 00:09:08,625
O... OK, kid, let
me get this straight.
206
00:09:08,709 --> 00:09:10,542
You throw this spear at who?
207
00:09:10,625 --> 00:09:14,518
It's a javelin. I'm not
aiming it at anyone.
208
00:09:14,542 --> 00:09:17,333
If I throw it farther
than the other guy, I win.
209
00:09:17,417 --> 00:09:20,000
Oh, you win. You win what?
210
00:09:20,083 --> 00:09:22,166
Well, a laurel wreath.
211
00:09:22,250 --> 00:09:24,834
A bunch of leaves on a stick.
212
00:09:24,917 --> 00:09:27,709
And the cheerleaders
will think I'm a hero.
213
00:09:27,792 --> 00:09:29,542
Look, kid, I know
you're excited,
214
00:09:29,625 --> 00:09:31,792
but there's more to being
a hero than that stuff.
215
00:09:31,875 --> 00:09:33,458
- Kid...
- The games are starting!
216
00:09:37,875 --> 00:09:40,583
Sparta! Sparta! Sparta!
217
00:09:40,667 --> 00:09:43,583
Your muscle-bound
muttonheads don't stand a chance.
218
00:09:43,667 --> 00:09:47,834
Oh, yeah? A 2-eon supply
of nectar says otherwise.
219
00:09:47,917 --> 00:09:51,333
- You're on, brother.
- Psst, Ares, you got a minute?
220
00:09:51,417 --> 00:09:53,625
Hey, what kind of
war god are you?
221
00:09:53,709 --> 00:09:57,875
I've got construction workers
starting on my sack-of-Athens wing,
222
00:09:57,959 --> 00:10:00,041
and you're making
book with Athena.
223
00:10:00,125 --> 00:10:02,417
Hello? What happened to our war?
224
00:10:02,500 --> 00:10:04,166
Sorry, Hades, deal's off.
225
00:10:04,250 --> 00:10:06,625
- What?
- You get copied on the decree?
226
00:10:06,709 --> 00:10:10,041
Hey, decree... no
decree is set in stone.
227
00:10:10,125 --> 00:10:11,458
"Human endeavor...
228
00:10:11,542 --> 00:10:13,375
bragging rights forever..."
229
00:10:13,458 --> 00:10:16,166
OK, well, this
one's set in stone.
230
00:10:16,250 --> 00:10:19,542
Leave it to Zeus to chisel me out
of 20,000 souls before breakfast.
231
00:10:19,625 --> 00:10:22,834
Games... no blood, no bodies.
232
00:10:22,917 --> 00:10:24,333
Who cares?
233
00:10:24,417 --> 00:10:25,792
Some turnout, huh?
234
00:10:25,875 --> 00:10:28,500
Every living Spartan and
Athenian soul must be in here.
235
00:10:28,583 --> 00:10:31,792
Hey, what a minute. Living...
Hah! That could change.
236
00:10:31,875 --> 00:10:33,542
Uh, I've got to
see an old friend.
237
00:10:39,208 --> 00:10:42,125
Hi. Is your mommy home?
238
00:10:42,250 --> 00:10:44,041
Mom...
239
00:10:44,125 --> 00:10:46,500
The Lord of the
Dead's here to see you.
240
00:10:46,583 --> 00:10:49,792
Oh, Hades, what a surprise.
241
00:10:49,875 --> 00:10:52,583
Echidna, you look great.
242
00:10:52,667 --> 00:10:54,625
The horns were
polished, were they?
243
00:10:54,709 --> 00:10:56,226
Listen, I'm sorry
to drop in like this,
244
00:10:56,250 --> 00:10:57,875
but I know how you love to eat.
245
00:10:57,959 --> 00:11:00,000
I've found this great joint...
246
00:11:00,083 --> 00:11:01,625
Had to tell you
about it right away.
247
00:11:01,709 --> 00:11:04,208
Oh, really? Well, come in.
248
00:11:04,291 --> 00:11:07,041
I am talking a huge spread
249
00:11:07,125 --> 00:11:10,709
of bite-sized human morsels...
250
00:11:10,792 --> 00:11:14,417
Sort of an
all-you-can-eat buffet.
251
00:11:14,500 --> 00:11:16,333
Ha ha ha.
252
00:11:19,875 --> 00:11:23,875
Oh, and here's one of Typhon
and I on rampage in Naxos last year.
253
00:11:23,959 --> 00:11:27,041
We ate the nicest little
couple from Corinth.
254
00:11:27,125 --> 00:11:28,250
Uh, look, Echidna...
255
00:11:28,333 --> 00:11:29,667
And by the way, did I mention
256
00:11:29,750 --> 00:11:31,917
you look positively
nauseating today?
257
00:11:32,000 --> 00:11:36,333
Hades, you old
smoothie, talk to me.
258
00:11:36,417 --> 00:11:38,917
Well, I'm in kind of a rush, so
here's the deal, broad-strokes,
259
00:11:39,000 --> 00:11:40,917
there's a special
on sitting ducks
260
00:11:41,000 --> 00:11:42,583
at Speedy Pita Park today.
261
00:11:42,667 --> 00:11:43,917
I'm thinking this...
262
00:11:44,000 --> 00:11:46,291
You get a nice meal,
I get 100,000 souls
263
00:11:46,375 --> 00:11:48,291
and a couple of
vacant city-states.
264
00:11:48,375 --> 00:11:49,834
What do you say, huh, deal?
265
00:11:49,917 --> 00:11:53,917
Oh, I'd love to, Hades,
really, but 100,000?
266
00:11:54,000 --> 00:11:56,041
I can't eat like that anymore.
267
00:11:56,125 --> 00:11:57,709
Hey, big order. I know.
268
00:11:57,792 --> 00:12:01,125
That's why I came to
you, mother of all monsters.
269
00:12:01,208 --> 00:12:03,750
I thought maybe you could
hit up some of your relatives...
270
00:12:03,834 --> 00:12:05,667
You know, like, subcontract.
271
00:12:05,750 --> 00:12:08,000
Oh, a family outing.
272
00:12:08,083 --> 00:12:09,333
What fun!
273
00:12:09,417 --> 00:12:11,291
I'm sure Chimera will go
274
00:12:11,375 --> 00:12:13,458
and my little Cyclops here,
275
00:12:13,542 --> 00:12:16,208
if you've done your
homework, you stinkpot.
276
00:12:16,291 --> 00:12:17,709
Ladon, of course.
277
00:12:17,792 --> 00:12:20,709
Oh, Gegeneis, he loves Athenian
278
00:12:20,792 --> 00:12:23,208
with a little olive oil
and myrrh, don't you?
279
00:12:23,291 --> 00:12:26,542
Oh, I just got hungry.
280
00:12:26,625 --> 00:12:29,208
Nice.
281
00:12:29,291 --> 00:12:33,375
While Hades and Echidna
prepared to go big-games hunting,
282
00:12:33,458 --> 00:12:37,792
the games themselves were
well underway with a new star.
283
00:12:37,875 --> 00:12:40,500
Hello, sports fans, and
welcome to sports centaur.
284
00:12:40,583 --> 00:12:41,959
I'm Dan Fetlock.
285
00:12:42,041 --> 00:12:44,458
It's half time here
at Speedy Pita Park.
286
00:12:44,542 --> 00:12:47,792
We've got a story as big
as Olympus... Hercules.
287
00:12:47,875 --> 00:12:49,375
This kid has come
out of nowhere,
288
00:12:49,458 --> 00:12:53,041
and he's producing laurel
branches like an overfertilized tree.
289
00:12:53,125 --> 00:12:54,417
Let's go to the highlights.
290
00:12:54,500 --> 00:12:56,750
He dominates the triple jump,
291
00:12:56,834 --> 00:12:58,333
- but also the long jump...
- Good!
292
00:12:58,417 --> 00:13:00,083
- The high jump...
- Good!
293
00:13:00,166 --> 00:13:03,000
- The pole vault, even without a pole.
- Good!
294
00:13:03,083 --> 00:13:06,333
How did he do in the
world's fastest man footrace?
295
00:13:07,458 --> 00:13:10,583
The record for the
100 meters crumbles,
296
00:13:10,667 --> 00:13:13,542
and so does the
stadium's east wall.
297
00:13:13,625 --> 00:13:15,265
The bottom line is,
the fighting war dogs
298
00:13:15,291 --> 00:13:18,458
roll over and play dead while
Hercules and the eagles soar
299
00:13:18,542 --> 00:13:21,041
to a
20-laurel-wreath-to-nothing lead.
300
00:13:21,125 --> 00:13:24,125
Ares is just getting
humiliated in this sibling rivalry.
301
00:13:24,208 --> 00:13:27,083
20 to zip... even
if my Spartans win
302
00:13:27,166 --> 00:13:30,083
every event from now
on, we can't catch up.
303
00:13:30,166 --> 00:13:33,041
We are actually
going to win this year.
304
00:13:33,125 --> 00:13:36,125
Oh. Oh, rah.
305
00:13:36,208 --> 00:13:39,875
Ha! Sorry, Ares, but
my little Demigodling
306
00:13:39,959 --> 00:13:42,875
is kicking your
keister. Ha ha ha.
307
00:13:42,959 --> 00:13:46,417
What a gas! You know, I just love
these human athletic endeavor thingies.
308
00:13:46,500 --> 00:13:49,500
Nectar, get your nectar here.
309
00:13:49,583 --> 00:13:51,041
Yo, nectar.
310
00:13:51,125 --> 00:13:54,291
Immortals only. ID, please.
311
00:13:54,375 --> 00:13:56,875
ID? Of course I'm immortal.
312
00:13:57,000 --> 00:13:59,333
Only immortals are
allowed in this section,
313
00:13:59,417 --> 00:14:02,291
you... you speck of a human.
314
00:14:02,375 --> 00:14:06,500
Human? Human athletic
endeavor. Ha ha ha.
315
00:14:06,583 --> 00:14:08,458
Oh, that's it!
316
00:14:08,542 --> 00:14:09,959
♪ Give me an "H,"
give me an "E" ♪
317
00:14:10,041 --> 00:14:11,709
♪ Give me an R-C-U ♪
318
00:14:11,792 --> 00:14:13,291
♪ Give me an "L,"
give me an "E" ♪
319
00:14:13,375 --> 00:14:15,417
♪ Give me a final "S" ♪
320
00:14:15,500 --> 00:14:17,083
♪ What's that spell? ♪
321
00:14:17,166 --> 00:14:20,667
Uh, uh... Is that a silent "E"?
322
00:14:20,750 --> 00:14:22,917
Hercules.
323
00:14:23,000 --> 00:14:25,083
- Oh, OK, now we get it.
- Yeah, of course!
324
00:14:25,166 --> 00:14:26,500
Hercules!
325
00:14:26,583 --> 00:14:29,333
- Way to go, Herc.
- You're the best.
326
00:14:29,417 --> 00:14:31,583
Way to go, Herc.
327
00:14:31,667 --> 00:14:33,667
Ha ha. This is great.
328
00:14:33,750 --> 00:14:35,959
I am finally a hero!
329
00:14:36,041 --> 00:14:38,959
Correction, kid.
You're a sports hero...
330
00:14:39,041 --> 00:14:40,792
Not the same thing.
331
00:14:40,875 --> 00:14:43,250
OK, OK, a sports
hero, but still...
332
00:14:44,125 --> 00:14:47,834
We really gave 110% and kicked
us some Spartan tail out there.
333
00:14:47,917 --> 00:14:52,083
- You know?
- It's happened. He's speaking jock.
334
00:14:52,166 --> 00:14:53,166
Oh!
335
00:14:53,208 --> 00:14:56,917
I see blood,
Hercules, your blood.
336
00:14:57,041 --> 00:15:01,083
Blood, sweat, tears... Whatever
it takes to win, you know?
337
00:15:01,166 --> 00:15:02,500
Excuse me, Hercules?
338
00:15:02,583 --> 00:15:04,875
Please, please. Come
on, no autographs.
339
00:15:04,959 --> 00:15:08,000
- We're from PHAAA.
- Wow! You're from far? How far?
340
00:15:08,083 --> 00:15:10,417
I mean, I live a couple
of leagues away myself.
341
00:15:10,500 --> 00:15:12,417
No, we're from the P-H-AAA...
342
00:15:12,500 --> 00:15:14,583
Panhellenic Amateur
Athletic Association.
343
00:15:14,667 --> 00:15:16,250
And according to our guidelines,
344
00:15:16,333 --> 00:15:18,208
we need to do a blood test.
345
00:15:18,291 --> 00:15:19,458
Bingo.
346
00:15:19,542 --> 00:15:21,125
A... A blood test?
347
00:15:21,208 --> 00:15:22,368
This will only take a second.
348
00:15:30,583 --> 00:15:31,768
You were right, almighty Ares.
349
00:15:31,792 --> 00:15:33,542
The boy's DG-positive.
350
00:15:33,625 --> 00:15:35,875
Ares, what are you... I'm what?
351
00:15:35,959 --> 00:15:39,333
Demigod-positive,
Mr. Son of Zeus.
352
00:15:39,417 --> 00:15:40,333
I... I...
353
00:15:40,417 --> 00:15:43,041
You... You what,
didn't know demigods
354
00:15:43,125 --> 00:15:45,500
aren't allowed to compete
against normal mortals?
355
00:15:45,583 --> 00:15:49,125
Well, it's right here in
your daddy's decree.
356
00:15:49,208 --> 00:15:54,250
These games are for, open
quotes, "Human athletic endeavor."
357
00:15:54,333 --> 00:15:55,667
Close quotes, Ha ha ha.
358
00:15:55,750 --> 00:15:58,000
Because Hercules is
half-human and half-god,
359
00:15:58,083 --> 00:16:00,041
only half of his
victories will count,
360
00:16:00,125 --> 00:16:02,500
and he is hereby disqualified
361
00:16:02,583 --> 00:16:04,959
from further competition.
362
00:16:05,041 --> 00:16:06,208
No.
363
00:16:06,291 --> 00:16:11,125
Yes! It's comeback
time for my fighting dogs.
364
00:16:11,208 --> 00:16:12,834
Flunked his blood test?
365
00:16:12,917 --> 00:16:15,208
Totally... disqualified.
366
00:16:15,291 --> 00:16:16,792
What a loser.
367
00:16:18,834 --> 00:16:20,667
I heard the news.
368
00:16:20,750 --> 00:16:22,250
Don't let it get you down, son.
369
00:16:22,333 --> 00:16:24,250
It's only a games.
370
00:16:24,333 --> 00:16:25,500
But I liked being an athlete.
371
00:16:25,583 --> 00:16:28,166
I, I felt like a hero.
372
00:16:28,250 --> 00:16:31,750
You know, all those
cheers and cheerleaders.
373
00:16:31,834 --> 00:16:35,667
Is that what you think
being a hero's all about?
374
00:16:35,750 --> 00:16:40,041
No, of course not,
but it was so cool.
375
00:16:40,125 --> 00:16:43,375
Son, I think you may
have become an athlete
376
00:16:43,458 --> 00:16:45,041
for the wrong reasons.
377
00:16:45,125 --> 00:16:47,917
Athletics are valuable
for what they teach you,
378
00:16:48,000 --> 00:16:50,125
not what they do
for your social life.
379
00:16:50,208 --> 00:16:51,792
Don't worry, son.
380
00:16:51,875 --> 00:16:54,250
Why, your chance
to be a real hero
381
00:16:54,375 --> 00:16:58,458
could be waiting
just over the next rise.
382
00:16:59,875 --> 00:17:02,917
Over this rise,
ladies, gentlemen,
383
00:17:03,000 --> 00:17:04,834
and unidentified others.
384
00:17:04,959 --> 00:17:10,250
Awaits your big chance to
become legendary monsters.
385
00:17:10,333 --> 00:17:12,542
So after some quick
thanks and much ado...
386
00:17:12,625 --> 00:17:14,375
And to your mother
of all monsters
387
00:17:14,458 --> 00:17:16,834
for bringing you together
on such short notice...
388
00:17:17,375 --> 00:17:20,834
I will just say,
eat up, everybody.
389
00:17:26,333 --> 00:17:28,083
Welcome back to Sports Centaur.
390
00:17:28,166 --> 00:17:31,208
The big news in the second
half is the banning of Hercules.
391
00:17:31,291 --> 00:17:32,917
With the demigod
out of the lineup,
392
00:17:33,000 --> 00:17:35,959
Sparta is making an
amazing comeback.
393
00:17:36,083 --> 00:17:38,083
It's another wreath for Sparta,
394
00:17:38,166 --> 00:17:40,375
and they've come
back to tie the score,
395
00:17:40,500 --> 00:17:42,375
and the crowd is into it.
396
00:17:44,542 --> 00:17:46,959
Here's a surprise
play... monsters.
397
00:17:47,041 --> 00:17:49,041
There's Chimera,
fabulous 2-headed beast...
398
00:17:49,125 --> 00:17:50,583
Head of a lion, body of a goat,
399
00:17:50,667 --> 00:17:53,083
tail of a serpent. Talk
about a triple threat.
400
00:17:53,208 --> 00:17:54,458
And there's Ladon...
401
00:17:54,542 --> 00:17:57,125
Just a kid, oh,
but what potential.
402
00:17:57,208 --> 00:17:58,750
And here comes Cyclops...
403
00:17:58,834 --> 00:18:01,208
Ocularly challenged,
but don't let that fool you.
404
00:18:01,291 --> 00:18:03,291
He had a terrific
season last year...
405
00:18:03,375 --> 00:18:05,041
Just ate people alive.
406
00:18:05,125 --> 00:18:08,250
This is certainly an
all-star monster lineup.
407
00:18:08,875 --> 00:18:10,417
Father, what do we do?
408
00:18:10,500 --> 00:18:14,458
Offhand, I'd say
we need a real hero.
409
00:18:14,959 --> 00:18:16,834
Go get them, tiger.
410
00:18:16,917 --> 00:18:18,750
Huh? But I can't...
411
00:18:19,041 --> 00:18:20,375
Kid, what are you waiting for?
412
00:18:20,458 --> 00:18:23,166
This is your big
shot. Get in there!
413
00:18:23,250 --> 00:18:27,083
OK, I won't let you down, coach.
414
00:18:27,166 --> 00:18:28,458
Heh heh heh.
415
00:18:28,583 --> 00:18:30,041
Who would have thought it?
416
00:18:30,125 --> 00:18:32,458
It's Hercules. What a comeback.
417
00:18:32,542 --> 00:18:34,417
And I don't think those
officials from PHAAA
418
00:18:34,500 --> 00:18:36,792
will be disqualifying
him this time,
419
00:18:36,875 --> 00:18:39,458
'cause they just got devoured.
420
00:18:41,166 --> 00:18:42,333
Work the body, kid!
421
00:19:13,959 --> 00:19:14,959
He shoots...
422
00:19:16,125 --> 00:19:17,709
he scores!
423
00:19:33,125 --> 00:19:35,709
Cyclops... big, scary,
424
00:19:35,792 --> 00:19:37,208
but no depth perception.
425
00:19:37,291 --> 00:19:38,834
Hey, babe, no offense,
426
00:19:38,917 --> 00:19:41,667
but you're not breeding
monsters like you used to.
427
00:19:41,750 --> 00:19:43,709
Ah, kids today.
428
00:19:43,792 --> 00:19:47,583
I guess if you want to
have something done right...
429
00:19:47,667 --> 00:19:49,208
You go, girl.
430
00:19:54,125 --> 00:19:58,166
Ha! Told you my boy could
handle those little creeps.
431
00:19:58,250 --> 00:19:59,834
M... Mother. Aah!
432
00:19:59,917 --> 00:20:03,417
Hermes, don't call for
your mommy. It's ungodly.
433
00:20:03,500 --> 00:20:06,625
No, the mother of all monsters.
434
00:20:08,333 --> 00:20:10,000
Oh, I see.
435
00:20:10,083 --> 00:20:13,333
Hercules may be in a
little over his head here.
436
00:20:15,166 --> 00:20:18,834
Hey! Get the bridge! Move 32-a!
437
00:20:18,917 --> 00:20:22,625
Oy. Gods, I'm
beseeching you here.
438
00:20:22,709 --> 00:20:24,417
She's going to eat my Athenians.
439
00:20:24,500 --> 00:20:25,542
And my Spartans.
440
00:20:25,625 --> 00:20:27,208
We can stop her
together, brother.
441
00:20:27,291 --> 00:20:30,709
Together? You mean me and you?
442
00:20:30,792 --> 00:20:33,333
Why not? We are, after all,
443
00:20:33,417 --> 00:20:36,208
when everything's
said and done, siblings.
444
00:20:37,417 --> 00:20:40,709
Well, I usually work alone,
ah, but what the Hades?
445
00:20:40,792 --> 00:20:41,917
Come on!
446
00:20:45,041 --> 00:20:46,333
Whoa. Wait a minute.
447
00:20:46,417 --> 00:20:48,375
There's been a
last-minute substitution.
448
00:20:48,458 --> 00:20:52,250
It's those gritty, gutty sibling
rivals Ares and Athena.
449
00:20:52,333 --> 00:20:53,834
The monster's down...
450
00:20:55,500 --> 00:20:58,625
The kick is up, and
she is going, going...
451
00:20:58,709 --> 00:21:00,500
She is gone!
452
00:21:00,583 --> 00:21:02,333
Oh, terrible.
453
00:21:04,750 --> 00:21:07,208
Oh, great.
454
00:21:07,291 --> 00:21:09,500
So much for my
sack-of-Athens wing.
455
00:21:09,583 --> 00:21:12,000
Ugh... Now I've got
to fire the contractors,
456
00:21:12,083 --> 00:21:14,542
and, oy, there's all that
brimstone I have to return.
457
00:21:14,625 --> 00:21:16,226
I'll never get my
deposit back, bada bing,
458
00:21:16,250 --> 00:21:17,667
there goes my credit rating.
459
00:21:19,291 --> 00:21:22,333
Thanks for the
assist, guys, uh, gods.
460
00:21:22,417 --> 00:21:24,834
And that was some
kind of hail-Hera kick
461
00:21:24,917 --> 00:21:26,291
from the wise Athena,
462
00:21:26,375 --> 00:21:28,959
but it was Hercules
who proved once again
463
00:21:29,041 --> 00:21:30,709
you can't teach hustle.
464
00:21:30,792 --> 00:21:33,250
The games have been
called on account of monsters.
465
00:21:33,333 --> 00:21:37,792
It ends in a tie!
We didn't lose!
466
00:21:37,875 --> 00:21:41,291
Hercules! Hercules! Hercules!
467
00:21:41,375 --> 00:21:43,875
♪ Adonis and the
others Are all just jocks ♪
468
00:21:43,959 --> 00:21:46,667
♪ But Hercules,
Hercules, Hercules rocks ♪
469
00:21:49,709 --> 00:21:52,667
Ha ha! Well done, my boy.
470
00:21:52,750 --> 00:21:53,750
Ha!
471
00:21:56,458 --> 00:22:00,333
See, kid, this is what it
feels like to be a real hero.
472
00:22:00,417 --> 00:22:02,542
Yeah, I like it.
473
00:22:02,625 --> 00:22:05,166
I foresaw that that whole
jock thing wouldn't stick.
474
00:22:05,250 --> 00:22:07,792
Hey, welcome back to the fold.
475
00:22:07,875 --> 00:22:09,875
High-five, baby!
35071
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