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1
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♪ Who put the
"glad" in gladiator? ♪
2
00:00:10,625 --> 00:00:11,959
♪ Hercules ♪
3
00:00:12,041 --> 00:00:14,500
♪ Whose daring deeds
are great theatre? ♪
4
00:00:14,583 --> 00:00:16,333
♪ Hercules ♪
5
00:00:16,417 --> 00:00:17,333
♪ Is he bold? ♪
6
00:00:17,417 --> 00:00:18,417
♪ No one braver ♪
7
00:00:18,500 --> 00:00:19,333
♪ Is he sweet? ♪
8
00:00:19,417 --> 00:00:21,834
♪ Our favorite
flavor, Hercules ♪
9
00:00:21,917 --> 00:00:23,917
- ♪ What a guy ♪
- ♪ Hercules ♪
10
00:00:24,000 --> 00:00:25,750
- ♪ Ask his friends ♪
- ♪ Hercules ♪
11
00:00:25,834 --> 00:00:26,750
♪ Honey, they won't lie ♪
12
00:00:26,834 --> 00:00:29,000
- ♪ Hercules ♪
- ♪ Ahh, Hercules ♪
13
00:00:29,083 --> 00:00:31,959
♪ Hercules ♪
14
00:00:32,041 --> 00:00:33,625
- ♪ Come on ♪
- ♪ No one's fool ♪
15
00:00:33,709 --> 00:00:35,166
♪ Now, the boy's in school ♪
16
00:00:35,250 --> 00:00:36,458
♪ He's in trainin' ♪
17
00:00:36,542 --> 00:00:37,625
♪ Sun is shinin' ♪
18
00:00:37,709 --> 00:00:39,208
♪ And the nicest guy ♪
19
00:00:39,291 --> 00:00:40,750
♪ No complainin' ♪
20
00:00:40,834 --> 00:00:41,750
♪ He was a no one ♪
21
00:00:41,834 --> 00:00:43,583
♪ Zero, zero, give
him a quick deed ♪
22
00:00:43,667 --> 00:00:44,792
♪ He's our hero ♪
23
00:00:44,875 --> 00:00:47,750
♪ He's the most
likely to succeed ♪
24
00:00:47,834 --> 00:00:50,208
♪ From zero to hero ♪
25
00:00:50,291 --> 00:00:52,417
♪ Herc is a hero ♪
26
00:00:52,500 --> 00:00:57,917
♪ He'll be a hero ♪
27
00:00:58,000 --> 00:00:59,291
Wait and see!
28
00:01:06,542 --> 00:01:08,500
The city-state of Athens,
29
00:01:08,583 --> 00:01:10,667
domain of Athena,
goddess of wisdom.
30
00:01:10,750 --> 00:01:13,500
The luminous jewel
of Grecian culture,
31
00:01:13,583 --> 00:01:17,417
home of great architecture,
theater, philosophy,
32
00:01:17,500 --> 00:01:19,750
and the ten-for-a-drachma
pita special.
33
00:01:19,834 --> 00:01:22,417
Everyone loves Athens.
34
00:01:22,500 --> 00:01:25,291
Everyone, that
is, except Sparta...
35
00:01:25,375 --> 00:01:29,875
A vicious haven of hotheads
ruled by Ares, the god of war.
36
00:01:29,959 --> 00:01:33,917
For generations, Sparta and
Athens have been sworn enemies.
37
00:01:34,000 --> 00:01:35,792
The question is, why?
38
00:01:35,875 --> 00:01:39,291
What was it that kept these
two great city-states at odds?
39
00:01:39,375 --> 00:01:40,500
For cryin' out loud.
40
00:01:40,583 --> 00:01:42,500
That's no unsolved
mystery, baby.
41
00:01:42,583 --> 00:01:45,750
Yeah. It's not like it's
the secret of the ages.
42
00:01:45,834 --> 00:01:49,500
It's because Athena
and Ares hate each other.
43
00:01:50,458 --> 00:01:51,917
♪ She's smart as a whip ♪
44
00:01:52,000 --> 00:01:53,834
♪ He's not bad as a Titan ♪
45
00:01:53,917 --> 00:01:55,166
♪ On a rivalry trip ♪
46
00:01:55,250 --> 00:01:56,917
♪ Always fussin' and fightin' ♪
47
00:01:57,000 --> 00:02:00,041
♪ From the time They
were waddlin', toddlin' gods ♪
48
00:02:00,125 --> 00:02:03,417
♪ These quibbling siblings
Were always at odds ♪
49
00:02:03,500 --> 00:02:06,834
♪ They're dueling deities ♪
50
00:02:06,917 --> 00:02:09,417
♪ Dueling deities ♪
51
00:02:09,500 --> 00:02:11,542
♪ She's all over Athens ♪
52
00:02:11,625 --> 00:02:13,250
♪ He's special in Sparta ♪
53
00:02:13,333 --> 00:02:14,500
♪ He's badder in battle ♪
54
00:02:14,583 --> 00:02:16,291
♪ She's wiser and smarter ♪
55
00:02:17,542 --> 00:02:21,125
♪ They're dueling deities ♪
56
00:02:21,208 --> 00:02:24,208
♪ Dueling deities ♪
57
00:02:24,291 --> 00:02:27,375
♪ Shaking down the family tree ♪
58
00:02:27,458 --> 00:02:28,959
♪ He's Ares ♪
59
00:02:29,041 --> 00:02:30,500
♪ She's Athena ♪
60
00:02:30,583 --> 00:02:36,583
♪ They're dueling deities ♪
61
00:02:39,917 --> 00:02:43,625
Could you hurry this up,
Hephaestus? It's hot as Hades in here!
62
00:02:49,792 --> 00:02:51,625
What's going on?
Why are you stopping?
63
00:02:51,709 --> 00:02:53,834
Work, man, work!
64
00:02:53,917 --> 00:02:55,709
Can do.
65
00:02:57,875 --> 00:03:01,083
Oooh. Quit clowning
around, Heph.
66
00:03:01,166 --> 00:03:02,750
I need this firepower!
67
00:03:02,834 --> 00:03:05,291
What about those iron
cudgels I made you?
68
00:03:05,375 --> 00:03:07,792
Oh, well, they
were very... uh...
69
00:03:07,875 --> 00:03:09,500
You know, cudgel-ly!
70
00:03:09,583 --> 00:03:12,208
But I need this weapon
to be the ultimate...
71
00:03:12,291 --> 00:03:15,291
The most ruinous force
the cosmos has ever seen.
72
00:03:15,375 --> 00:03:17,291
I'm talking about
a real hair-curling,
73
00:03:17,375 --> 00:03:21,709
head-bashing,
bone-crunching, manly weapon!
74
00:03:21,792 --> 00:03:24,458
"Manly weapon," you say?
75
00:03:24,542 --> 00:03:26,709
Check... I'm looking for a real
76
00:03:26,792 --> 00:03:29,792
meat-and-potatoes kind
of destruction device here.
77
00:03:29,875 --> 00:03:32,041
Unh-unh-unh. No bolts, Ares.
78
00:03:32,125 --> 00:03:35,083
I make them under
exclusive contract for Zeus.
79
00:03:35,166 --> 00:03:36,166
Yeah, yeah, I know.
80
00:03:36,250 --> 00:03:38,333
But I want something
just as one-of-a-kind.
81
00:03:38,417 --> 00:03:39,291
Something that says,
82
00:03:39,375 --> 00:03:42,542
"Congratulations, you've
just been slaughtered
83
00:03:42,625 --> 00:03:45,542
by Ares, the God of War."
84
00:03:46,792 --> 00:03:49,917
There. It is finished.
85
00:03:51,917 --> 00:03:58,834
Finally, I... Oooh!
Oh! Oh! Aah! Aah!
86
00:03:59,917 --> 00:04:01,959
Careful. It's a bit warm.
87
00:04:04,333 --> 00:04:07,917
Hello. What have we here?
88
00:04:08,000 --> 00:04:11,667
I call it "The Armageddon Bow."
89
00:04:11,750 --> 00:04:12,917
Hmmm. Armageddon?
90
00:04:13,000 --> 00:04:15,000
Kind of an egghead word, but...
91
00:04:16,125 --> 00:04:17,792
Doesn't matter. This feels good.
92
00:04:18,166 --> 00:04:20,041
Where are my Armageddon arrows?
93
00:04:20,583 --> 00:04:22,250
You don't need arrows.
94
00:04:22,333 --> 00:04:23,959
Ha! Get out!
95
00:04:25,834 --> 00:04:27,583
W... W... don't! W... W... Wait!
96
00:04:34,959 --> 00:04:36,500
I like it!
97
00:04:37,875 --> 00:04:42,000
Hephaestus, I have a few dents
I need tapped out of me shield.
98
00:04:42,083 --> 00:04:44,583
Oh. Hello, brother.
99
00:04:44,667 --> 00:04:47,542
Goodbye, sister.
100
00:04:47,625 --> 00:04:49,417
Hyah! Hyah!
101
00:04:50,792 --> 00:04:52,709
He ran out of cudgels?
102
00:04:52,792 --> 00:04:54,959
Heh-heh. It's a secret.
103
00:04:55,041 --> 00:04:57,709
Weapon? Thank you, Hephaestus.
104
00:04:59,208 --> 00:05:02,458
So, my brother has
a secret weapon.
105
00:05:02,542 --> 00:05:04,166
You didn't hear it from me.
106
00:05:04,250 --> 00:05:05,250
Twit.
107
00:05:05,333 --> 00:05:06,625
No comment.
108
00:05:06,709 --> 00:05:09,458
I don't get in the middle
of these family squabbles.
109
00:05:11,625 --> 00:05:15,041
OK, everybody, remember
we're parked in "muse."
110
00:05:15,125 --> 00:05:17,917
A night at the amphitheater.
111
00:05:19,208 --> 00:05:22,667
Ah! What'll it be?
Comedy or tragedy?
112
00:05:22,750 --> 00:05:25,834
Um, three students and
one satyr for "Troy story."
113
00:05:25,917 --> 00:05:27,083
Sorry. That was last week.
114
00:05:27,166 --> 00:05:28,583
Sophocles' Choice.
115
00:05:28,667 --> 00:05:29,750
Zephyrus Gump.
116
00:05:29,834 --> 00:05:32,291
Acropolis Now! Acropolis Now!
117
00:05:32,375 --> 00:05:34,667
Uh, OK, um,
Acropolis Now please.
118
00:05:34,750 --> 00:05:37,375
Phil says, "Jump,"
Herc says, "How high?"
119
00:05:37,458 --> 00:05:39,792
He's just a tool of the goatman.
120
00:05:39,875 --> 00:05:42,959
Hey, I'm a hero in training.
I have to listen to my coach.
121
00:05:43,041 --> 00:05:44,208
That's right, kid.
122
00:05:44,291 --> 00:05:48,834
Hero rule number 2-2-6,
a hero does what he's told.
123
00:05:48,917 --> 00:05:52,166
But Herc is also a teenager.
124
00:05:52,250 --> 00:05:54,083
And teen rule number one
125
00:05:54,166 --> 00:05:57,291
is never do anything
that you're told!
126
00:05:57,375 --> 00:06:00,125
Um, could you hurry?
We're missing the show.
127
00:06:00,208 --> 00:06:02,500
No, we're not. The
show's out here!
128
00:06:03,542 --> 00:06:05,959
Icarus? Cassandra?
129
00:06:07,000 --> 00:06:10,959
Uh, Phil, what's going on?
130
00:06:18,291 --> 00:06:19,792
Olympus calling.
131
00:06:20,917 --> 00:06:25,291
It is I, Athena,
goddess of wisdom.
132
00:06:25,375 --> 00:06:28,309
Wow! What play are you going to?
133
00:06:28,333 --> 00:06:29,959
That's not why I'm here.
134
00:06:30,041 --> 00:06:31,625
He knew that! Careful, kid.
135
00:06:31,709 --> 00:06:34,250
Athena is not one
of the fun gods.
136
00:06:34,333 --> 00:06:35,834
Oh! Hercules!
137
00:06:35,917 --> 00:06:37,709
Look at how you've sprouted up!
138
00:06:37,792 --> 00:06:41,125
It seems like only yesterday
you were just a divine little tot.
139
00:06:41,208 --> 00:06:42,542
Yeah.
140
00:06:42,625 --> 00:06:45,291
Time flies when
you're half mortal.
141
00:06:45,375 --> 00:06:48,709
Hmmm. Maybe she just
gets a bad rap in the press.
142
00:06:48,792 --> 00:06:50,959
Philoctetes.
Pleased to meet you.
143
00:06:51,041 --> 00:06:52,917
You will not speak
unless spoken to.
144
00:06:53,000 --> 00:06:56,542
- Check.
- Hercules, I have chosen you.
145
00:06:56,625 --> 00:06:58,375
Chosen? Really?
146
00:06:58,458 --> 00:07:01,083
Whoa. Sacrifice or mission?
147
00:07:01,166 --> 00:07:03,375
It is a mission. And
not another word!
148
00:07:03,458 --> 00:07:05,542
- OK! OK! I... I was just...
- Zip it.
149
00:07:05,625 --> 00:07:11,000
Hercules, I know of your
quest to become a hero.
150
00:07:11,083 --> 00:07:12,125
You... You do?
151
00:07:12,208 --> 00:07:13,667
Oh, yes.
152
00:07:13,750 --> 00:07:16,291
And helping me will help you.
153
00:07:16,375 --> 00:07:18,166
Oh! You got it! Oh, I mean, uh,
154
00:07:18,250 --> 00:07:20,834
wise Athena, I
await your bidding.
155
00:07:20,917 --> 00:07:23,000
His attitude, I like.
156
00:07:24,333 --> 00:07:26,750
My brother, Ares,
157
00:07:26,834 --> 00:07:29,834
has had Hephaestus
forge a secret weapon.
158
00:07:29,917 --> 00:07:32,417
If I know Ares... and I do...
159
00:07:32,500 --> 00:07:34,583
He's taking it to the Spartans.
160
00:07:34,667 --> 00:07:38,250
You, Hercules,
must infiltrate Sparta
161
00:07:38,333 --> 00:07:41,291
and destroy the secret weapon.
162
00:07:41,375 --> 00:07:43,875
Whoa! Going behind
the olive curtain?
163
00:07:43,959 --> 00:07:45,542
He's still pretty green!
164
00:07:45,625 --> 00:07:49,250
This is why you,
Philoctetes, shall go with.
165
00:07:49,333 --> 00:07:51,750
Oy. I should have
kept it zipped.
166
00:07:57,333 --> 00:07:59,000
Hey! Where you going?
167
00:07:59,083 --> 00:08:00,625
Hero stuff. Hush-hush.
168
00:08:00,709 --> 00:08:02,250
Uh, what Phil said.
169
00:08:02,333 --> 00:08:05,750
Tool of the goatman.
170
00:08:05,834 --> 00:08:09,000
Exchange, give me
Sophocles' Choice,
171
00:08:09,083 --> 00:08:11,375
and Zephyrus Gump
for the lump here.
172
00:08:17,125 --> 00:08:19,125
- Synchronize sundials.
- Night.
173
00:08:19,208 --> 00:08:20,792
Check.
174
00:08:20,875 --> 00:08:22,166
Rendezvous at 0500.
175
00:08:24,291 --> 00:08:27,583
OK, rookie. Just like
we rehearsed. Hit it!
176
00:08:47,542 --> 00:08:49,333
Nice dismount.
177
00:08:49,417 --> 00:08:50,875
Work on the landing.
178
00:08:52,625 --> 00:08:56,083
Now all we have to do
is find the secret weapon.
179
00:08:56,166 --> 00:08:57,500
Like that's gonna be easy.
180
00:08:57,583 --> 00:08:59,583
We don't even know
where to start looking!
181
00:08:59,667 --> 00:09:01,417
How about that over there?
182
00:09:02,166 --> 00:09:03,500
- Shh!
- Shh!
183
00:09:04,291 --> 00:09:05,625
- Shh!
- Shh!
184
00:09:06,625 --> 00:09:07,792
- Shh!
- Shh!
185
00:09:09,125 --> 00:09:10,583
- Shh!
- Shh!
186
00:09:11,500 --> 00:09:15,333
- Shh!
- Shh!
187
00:09:15,458 --> 00:09:18,041
Spartans, why don't
they just carry a big sign
188
00:09:18,125 --> 00:09:20,083
that says "secret weapon"?
189
00:09:20,166 --> 00:09:23,250
OK. Plan Alpha.
Here's what we do.
190
00:09:23,333 --> 00:09:25,417
We go...
191
00:09:28,166 --> 00:09:30,208
Are you sure that'll work?
192
00:09:30,291 --> 00:09:32,709
Hey! Hero rule number 2-2-6?
193
00:09:32,792 --> 00:09:35,250
Right. Right. You're
the coach, coach.
194
00:09:35,333 --> 00:09:36,667
Well said.
195
00:09:38,333 --> 00:09:40,041
- Shh!
- Shh!
196
00:09:43,417 --> 00:09:44,458
Whoa!
197
00:09:44,542 --> 00:09:45,667
Aah!
198
00:09:45,750 --> 00:09:48,458
OK. On to plan Beta.
199
00:09:49,959 --> 00:09:51,875
Aaaaaah!
200
00:09:55,709 --> 00:09:57,333
Plan Gamma.
201
00:10:02,208 --> 00:10:03,208
Aaaah!
202
00:10:03,834 --> 00:10:06,834
OK, plan Delta. Go! Go!
203
00:10:06,917 --> 00:10:08,041
Aaaah!
204
00:10:08,125 --> 00:10:09,125
Stop.
205
00:10:12,000 --> 00:10:13,583
Try plan pi.
206
00:10:13,667 --> 00:10:15,125
Up! Up!
207
00:10:16,041 --> 00:10:18,375
Down... Oy.
208
00:10:18,458 --> 00:10:19,750
Plan Sigma.
209
00:10:19,834 --> 00:10:21,917
Watch out for that... tree!
210
00:10:23,583 --> 00:10:25,792
Come on, plan Omega!
211
00:10:25,875 --> 00:10:27,208
Yow!
212
00:10:39,792 --> 00:10:44,250
Oy. We're out of time,
and, I'm out of alphabet, kid.
213
00:10:44,333 --> 00:10:45,333
Kid?
214
00:10:46,125 --> 00:10:47,333
Kid! Whoa!
215
00:10:47,417 --> 00:10:48,834
Whoa! Whoa! Time out!
216
00:10:48,917 --> 00:10:50,834
A rookie can't
call his own plays!
217
00:10:51,625 --> 00:10:52,750
Excuse me, sirs?
218
00:10:52,834 --> 00:10:55,667
I'm going to have to
ask you to surrender now.
219
00:10:55,750 --> 00:10:57,208
All that training... Pfft!
220
00:11:11,417 --> 00:11:12,750
Stee-rike!
221
00:11:14,250 --> 00:11:16,959
Whoa! Whoa! Wh-o-o-o-oa!
222
00:11:18,583 --> 00:11:20,500
Ah-ha-ha! Yes! Yes!
223
00:11:20,583 --> 00:11:22,166
Huh?
224
00:11:23,583 --> 00:11:24,959
Whaa!
225
00:11:28,959 --> 00:11:32,250
Wh-o-o-o-o-oa!
226
00:11:35,208 --> 00:11:36,667
Uh... oops.
227
00:11:36,750 --> 00:11:37,959
Sorry, Phil.
228
00:11:38,041 --> 00:11:39,125
The box!
229
00:11:43,750 --> 00:11:45,750
Greetings, my Spartans.
230
00:11:45,834 --> 00:11:50,333
It is I, Ares, your god of
war, your commander in chief,
231
00:11:50,417 --> 00:11:51,667
your... What?
232
00:11:51,750 --> 00:11:54,125
Who's responsible
for this carnage?
233
00:11:54,208 --> 00:11:56,125
Uh-oh.
234
00:12:00,125 --> 00:12:02,041
I haven't seen mayhem like this
235
00:12:02,125 --> 00:12:04,000
since the
Peloponnesian conflict.
236
00:12:04,083 --> 00:12:07,166
And you did all of this
just to get at this box?
237
00:12:07,250 --> 00:12:09,208
Yes, Ares. It was my duty.
238
00:12:10,583 --> 00:12:14,041
Hey! The high laundress
got out those bloodstains!
239
00:12:14,125 --> 00:12:15,250
That's your laundry?
240
00:12:15,333 --> 00:12:17,875
Anybody who kicks
butt on a whole battalion
241
00:12:17,959 --> 00:12:21,875
just to carry my laundry
is a-OK in my book.
242
00:12:21,959 --> 00:12:22,959
Ugh!
243
00:12:26,875 --> 00:12:28,041
Wait! Wait! Herc!
244
00:12:28,166 --> 00:12:29,333
Ooh!
245
00:12:29,417 --> 00:12:32,834
So, uh, you were
really impressed, huh?
246
00:12:32,917 --> 00:12:35,667
'Cause... I'm... I'm training
to be, you know, uh...
247
00:12:35,750 --> 00:12:37,208
You're a natural-born warrior,
248
00:12:37,291 --> 00:12:39,375
just like me... strong, sweaty,
249
00:12:39,458 --> 00:12:42,291
scant control of your
own mighty paws.
250
00:12:42,375 --> 00:12:44,083
I... I'm working on that.
251
00:12:44,166 --> 00:12:45,667
But you're just a newbie.
252
00:12:45,750 --> 00:12:46,667
Yeah.
253
00:12:46,750 --> 00:12:48,166
Still angling for that big break
254
00:12:48,250 --> 00:12:50,542
that's gonna send you
to the top of the hot list.
255
00:12:50,667 --> 00:12:53,083
- Yes!
- Well, today's your lucky day.
256
00:12:53,166 --> 00:12:55,041
- Now what's your name, sport?
- I'm Herc...
257
00:12:55,125 --> 00:12:56,375
Herc? Dumb name.
258
00:12:56,458 --> 00:12:59,250
You're now "Sport...
envoy of Ares."
259
00:13:00,000 --> 00:13:02,542
Here. Had Hephaestus
whip this up.
260
00:13:02,625 --> 00:13:03,875
Handsome, eh?
261
00:13:03,959 --> 00:13:06,875
It's the Armageddon Bow,
rubble maker of the gods.
262
00:13:06,959 --> 00:13:09,166
Go ahead. Give it a try, sport.
263
00:13:09,291 --> 00:13:11,625
Oh, wow, but I... I
don't have any arrows.
264
00:13:11,709 --> 00:13:13,750
Did I say you needed arrows?
265
00:13:13,834 --> 00:13:17,083
Look, you see that target
range on the other side of town?
266
00:13:17,166 --> 00:13:20,208
Uh... mmmm... Oh, yeah!
267
00:13:20,291 --> 00:13:21,875
Hit the middle one.
268
00:13:22,917 --> 00:13:24,041
Hey!
269
00:13:29,709 --> 00:13:31,125
Oooh!
270
00:13:32,834 --> 00:13:33,834
Aaah!
271
00:13:37,125 --> 00:13:38,458
Whoa.
272
00:13:38,542 --> 00:13:40,917
I said the middle target!
What's the matter with you?
273
00:13:41,000 --> 00:13:41,875
You're fired!
274
00:13:41,959 --> 00:13:43,208
I am?
275
00:13:43,291 --> 00:13:46,458
Nah. I'm just kidding.
You're the tops.
276
00:13:46,542 --> 00:13:47,625
I am?
277
00:13:47,709 --> 00:13:49,959
Come with me.
You're officially chosen.
278
00:13:50,041 --> 00:13:52,291
- I am?
- You wanna be a hero, don't you?
279
00:13:52,375 --> 00:13:55,041
I know that look, sport.
Don't try to kid me.
280
00:13:55,125 --> 00:13:56,625
Oww! I mean, yeah!
281
00:13:56,709 --> 00:13:59,166
Because there's
nothing like a war hero.
282
00:13:59,250 --> 00:14:01,166
They'll write epic
poems about you,
283
00:14:01,250 --> 00:14:03,166
build gigantic monuments.
284
00:14:03,250 --> 00:14:06,750
I'm telling you,
sport... it's the stuff.
285
00:14:07,834 --> 00:14:09,583
Oy.
286
00:14:12,709 --> 00:14:14,226
Wait here, sport,
while I change into my
287
00:14:14,250 --> 00:14:15,834
"destroy Athens" armor.
288
00:14:15,917 --> 00:14:16,792
Athens?
289
00:14:16,875 --> 00:14:21,083
Yeah. That bow will turn
Athens into a vacant lot.
290
00:14:21,166 --> 00:14:24,041
My know-it-all sister's
gonna be so peeved,
291
00:14:24,125 --> 00:14:25,917
she'll bust!
292
00:14:26,000 --> 00:14:27,583
- But...
- No buts, sport.
293
00:14:27,667 --> 00:14:31,166
- Yes, sir!
- That's what I like best about you, boy.
294
00:14:31,250 --> 00:14:32,458
You follow orders.
295
00:14:32,542 --> 00:14:34,458
You're perfect for this mission!
296
00:14:39,959 --> 00:14:41,083
Oooh.
297
00:14:42,125 --> 00:14:43,625
Kid! What are you doing?
298
00:14:43,709 --> 00:14:46,125
I'm trying to sort
out the particulars.
299
00:14:46,208 --> 00:14:48,750
Ares gave me a
special mission, too.
300
00:14:48,834 --> 00:14:50,959
Perfecto! This'll look
great on a resume,
301
00:14:51,041 --> 00:14:52,875
any luck on the
"secret weapon" front?
302
00:14:52,959 --> 00:14:54,041
I got it right here.
303
00:14:54,125 --> 00:14:56,250
Outstanding! A sweep!
304
00:14:56,375 --> 00:14:58,750
Ares told me to
destroy Athens with it.
305
00:14:58,834 --> 00:15:01,375
Oh, ugh.
306
00:15:01,458 --> 00:15:03,458
What do I do? I... I've
been chosen by two gods.
307
00:15:03,542 --> 00:15:05,125
I can't obey them both!
308
00:15:05,208 --> 00:15:07,166
Let me think. Let
me think. OK, I got it.
309
00:15:07,250 --> 00:15:10,041
First you destroy Athens,
and then destroy the bow.
310
00:15:10,125 --> 00:15:11,583
- Phil!
- What am I thinkin'?
311
00:15:11,667 --> 00:15:14,458
Of course you can't destroy
Athens. They'd kick you out of school.
312
00:15:14,542 --> 00:15:16,125
And he can't destroy the bow.
313
00:15:16,208 --> 00:15:17,208
Why not?
314
00:15:17,250 --> 00:15:18,125
I didn't say anything.
315
00:15:18,208 --> 00:15:20,375
Kid, uh, could you
just move your fingers?
316
00:15:20,458 --> 00:15:21,959
I... I can't see!
317
00:15:23,500 --> 00:15:24,625
Aaah!
318
00:15:24,709 --> 00:15:25,792
Ooh!
319
00:15:27,500 --> 00:15:28,834
Ow! Don't do that!
320
00:15:30,208 --> 00:15:33,000
Uh, oh, I'm sorry, sir...
Thing... ma'am... oh!
321
00:15:33,083 --> 00:15:35,458
No, my fault... laying
waste everything in sight
322
00:15:35,542 --> 00:15:37,375
isn't probably the best
way to make friends.
323
00:15:37,458 --> 00:15:40,083
I... I... I... I probably
deserve to be destroyed.
324
00:15:40,166 --> 00:15:41,834
OK, make it quick, OK?
325
00:15:41,917 --> 00:15:43,750
A good, solid snap should do it.
326
00:15:43,834 --> 00:15:46,208
What do I do, Phil?
I can't destroy it...
327
00:15:46,291 --> 00:15:49,041
I mean, her. She talks!
328
00:15:49,125 --> 00:15:51,417
I never wanted to be a
weapon of war. I hate war!
329
00:15:51,500 --> 00:15:53,125
Famine, pestilence,
and death, too...
330
00:15:53,208 --> 00:15:54,917
All the horsemen,
especially death.
331
00:15:55,000 --> 00:15:56,875
What would war be
without death? Sports!
332
00:15:56,959 --> 00:15:58,834
Pestilence would
be widespread ickies.
333
00:15:58,917 --> 00:16:01,000
And famine would be
just really slow service...
334
00:16:01,083 --> 00:16:03,083
Slow service and small portions,
335
00:16:03,166 --> 00:16:04,750
like those mushrooms
stuffed with crab,
336
00:16:04,834 --> 00:16:06,754
but there's only one per
person and one left over
337
00:16:06,834 --> 00:16:08,208
that you have to
split three ways,
338
00:16:08,291 --> 00:16:09,542
but you just end up mushing it,
339
00:16:09,625 --> 00:16:11,226
'cause mushroom
doesn't really cut that well.
340
00:16:11,250 --> 00:16:12,309
Break the bow, Herc!
341
00:16:12,333 --> 00:16:15,083
I can't. What am I gonna do?
342
00:16:15,166 --> 00:16:18,208
Herc, honey, you're caught
between a rock and a hard place.
343
00:16:21,458 --> 00:16:24,125
♪ You followed your orders ♪
344
00:16:24,208 --> 00:16:26,000
♪ Now what do you do? ♪
345
00:16:26,083 --> 00:16:31,834
♪ They're gonna make A
hero sandwich outta you ♪
346
00:16:32,250 --> 00:16:36,792
♪ You're stuck in a
pickle Caught in a jam ♪
347
00:16:36,875 --> 00:16:39,750
♪ Gotta make up your own mind ♪
348
00:16:39,834 --> 00:16:44,709
♪ And stick to your plan ♪
349
00:16:44,792 --> 00:16:46,750
- Well?
- I don't know.
350
00:16:46,875 --> 00:16:49,291
Boy, what I wouldn't give for
a good omen right about now.
351
00:16:49,375 --> 00:16:51,291
An augur from the gods.
352
00:16:52,959 --> 00:16:56,083
What do you think,
sport? It's my stealth armor.
353
00:16:56,166 --> 00:16:57,709
Nice, huh?
354
00:16:57,834 --> 00:16:59,709
Oh, Herc, Herc, Herc!
355
00:16:59,792 --> 00:17:01,875
I have been looking
all over for you.
356
00:17:02,834 --> 00:17:04,893
Cassandra had a vision that
your cover's gonna be blown,
357
00:17:04,917 --> 00:17:07,037
and that Ares... Just a minute, hon.
- Icarus. Icarus.
358
00:17:07,083 --> 00:17:11,000
Ares will find out that
you're really a spy for Athena.
359
00:17:11,083 --> 00:17:13,583
Sport? A spy?
360
00:17:13,667 --> 00:17:16,417
A spy for Athena!
361
00:17:16,500 --> 00:17:19,792
I'll show you how
we treat spies!
362
00:17:23,041 --> 00:17:26,458
So this is how they
treat spies in Sparta.
363
00:17:26,542 --> 00:17:28,291
Weird, huh?
364
00:17:29,333 --> 00:17:30,959
Ha! Well, color me unimpressed.
365
00:17:31,041 --> 00:17:33,417
Execution at dawn
is pretty unoriginal.
366
00:17:33,500 --> 00:17:35,959
They seem to have
found a new wrinkle.
367
00:17:36,083 --> 00:17:37,125
Pull!
368
00:17:40,000 --> 00:17:42,208
Ah, the old man's still frosty.
369
00:17:42,291 --> 00:17:44,333
OK, boys. Load up a live one.
370
00:17:46,125 --> 00:17:47,834
Don't worry, Pegasus.
371
00:17:47,917 --> 00:17:49,291
We're not through yet!
372
00:17:49,375 --> 00:17:50,792
Soon... but not yet.
373
00:17:52,875 --> 00:17:54,792
This'll be fun...
sending you to Hades
374
00:17:54,875 --> 00:17:57,125
with the same weapon
you tried to steal.
375
00:17:57,208 --> 00:17:58,792
Ha! That's irony!
376
00:17:58,917 --> 00:18:01,625
Actually, that's poetic justice.
377
00:18:01,709 --> 00:18:04,291
Irony is the difference between
what is expected to happen
378
00:18:04,375 --> 00:18:05,542
and what actually happens.
379
00:18:05,625 --> 00:18:08,875
It doesn't provide the emotional
closure you're talking about.
380
00:18:08,959 --> 00:18:11,291
What? You... it... My
secret weapon talks...
381
00:18:11,375 --> 00:18:12,875
Like a girl!
382
00:18:12,959 --> 00:18:15,208
OK. Everybody's on
the same page now.
383
00:18:15,291 --> 00:18:17,500
Question is... why did I
have to be a talking bow?
384
00:18:17,583 --> 00:18:19,208
I should have been
a talking zither.
385
00:18:19,291 --> 00:18:21,625
I could have zithered
till the cows come home.
386
00:18:21,709 --> 00:18:25,291
Hephaestus!
387
00:18:25,375 --> 00:18:28,250
Girl bow.
388
00:18:28,333 --> 00:18:31,166
I kill myself.
389
00:18:31,250 --> 00:18:33,417
All right, bow. Lock and load.
390
00:18:33,500 --> 00:18:37,291
That won't hit him. Aim a little
higher. No, lower. More sideways.
391
00:18:37,375 --> 00:18:39,895
O... Other way, other way. Bet
you can't do it with your eyes...
392
00:18:41,583 --> 00:18:43,667
Less talk, more shoot.
393
00:18:43,750 --> 00:18:44,750
Ow!
394
00:18:45,125 --> 00:18:47,417
Just watch the hands, buster.
395
00:18:47,500 --> 00:18:50,208
I would like to terminate
some prisoners here.
396
00:18:50,291 --> 00:18:52,500
I'm told, but I'm not sold.
397
00:18:52,583 --> 00:18:54,333
Would you... Pull!
398
00:18:54,917 --> 00:18:57,208
Aaaaaah!
399
00:19:02,166 --> 00:19:03,041
Huh?
400
00:19:03,125 --> 00:19:06,125
Flap, man! Flap!
401
00:19:06,208 --> 00:19:08,792
Yeah, that'll work.
402
00:19:08,875 --> 00:19:12,667
Wow! Is this what
it's like to fly, Icarus?
403
00:19:12,750 --> 00:19:13,583
Aaaaah!
404
00:19:13,667 --> 00:19:15,834
Yeah, that was pretty much
it. Course, I got more sun.
405
00:19:23,959 --> 00:19:26,208
Oh, I love a hard target.
406
00:19:26,291 --> 00:19:28,583
And, sport, you
don't disappoint.
407
00:19:34,542 --> 00:19:35,458
Kid!
408
00:19:35,542 --> 00:19:39,500
My temple! I blasted
my own temple!
409
00:19:40,875 --> 00:19:43,375
See? Now, that's irony.
410
00:19:44,041 --> 00:19:46,375
Huh?
411
00:19:47,125 --> 00:19:48,417
Uhh!
412
00:19:51,333 --> 00:19:52,834
How'd I do, coach?
413
00:19:52,917 --> 00:19:56,041
Beautiful dismount.
The landing's still... eeeh.
414
00:19:56,125 --> 00:19:59,417
Ugh. That's my bow, sport!
415
00:19:59,500 --> 00:20:01,750
I command you to hand it over!
416
00:20:01,834 --> 00:20:03,834
Fear not, young hero!
417
00:20:03,917 --> 00:20:05,625
You have done well.
418
00:20:05,709 --> 00:20:09,875
And now I shall lay waste
to my brother's city-state.
419
00:20:09,959 --> 00:20:11,166
You and what army?
420
00:20:11,250 --> 00:20:14,542
Some pack of chess-playing
Athenian eggheads? Ha!
421
00:20:14,625 --> 00:20:16,625
Actually, I plan to use
the Armageddon Bow.
422
00:20:16,709 --> 00:20:19,000
No can do. That's
my secret weapon.
423
00:20:19,083 --> 00:20:21,000
Possession is 9/10 of the law.
424
00:20:21,125 --> 00:20:23,125
And my minion possesses it.
425
00:20:23,208 --> 00:20:24,834
He was my minion, too.
426
00:20:24,917 --> 00:20:26,875
You tried to execute him!
427
00:20:26,959 --> 00:20:29,458
Hey! I've got a different
management style!
428
00:20:30,333 --> 00:20:32,500
Well, he was my minion first!
429
00:20:33,417 --> 00:20:35,750
Minion... give me the bow.
430
00:20:35,834 --> 00:20:38,125
Come on, sport. Give me the bow.
431
00:20:38,208 --> 00:20:40,583
Who are you gonna
listen to? The god of war
432
00:20:40,667 --> 00:20:42,291
or the goddess of wisdom?
433
00:20:42,375 --> 00:20:45,583
At least my followers don't
have shot put for brains.
434
00:20:46,458 --> 00:20:47,625
Reading-club geek.
435
00:20:48,166 --> 00:20:50,125
War-mongering moron!
436
00:20:50,959 --> 00:20:52,166
Owl lover!
437
00:20:53,333 --> 00:20:55,125
Poopy head!
438
00:20:55,208 --> 00:20:56,125
Huh?
439
00:20:56,208 --> 00:21:01,834
I am through doing everything
anyone tells me to do!
440
00:21:01,917 --> 00:21:03,834
That's what's got
me into this mess!
441
00:21:03,917 --> 00:21:06,792
I've got the bow.
I'm calling the shots.
442
00:21:06,875 --> 00:21:08,375
I'll decide who gets it!
443
00:21:08,458 --> 00:21:10,041
Whoa, there, sport.
444
00:21:10,125 --> 00:21:13,500
Of course you'll decide!
445
00:21:13,583 --> 00:21:16,750
Just put the bow... down.
446
00:21:21,917 --> 00:21:24,792
Perfect! It's that
poetic-justice thing again.
447
00:21:29,959 --> 00:21:31,166
- Ow!
- Yow!
448
00:21:31,250 --> 00:21:33,375
Aah!
449
00:21:34,709 --> 00:21:36,417
Smartly done, Hercules.
450
00:21:36,500 --> 00:21:38,083
I meant for him to do that.
451
00:21:38,166 --> 00:21:40,875
You did not!
You're alway... wait.
452
00:21:41,250 --> 00:21:44,250
Hercules? That's... He's...
453
00:21:44,375 --> 00:21:46,709
Sport is Zeus' little boy?
454
00:21:46,792 --> 00:21:50,000
I was gonna execute Zeus' kid?
455
00:21:50,083 --> 00:21:52,500
Mm-hmm.
456
00:21:56,333 --> 00:22:00,041
Hero rule number one...
A hero thinks for himself.
457
00:22:00,125 --> 00:22:01,625
Too right, kid.
458
00:22:01,709 --> 00:22:04,875
Wait... That's not
hero rule number one.
459
00:22:04,959 --> 00:22:08,542
It is now, Phil. It is now.
460
00:22:08,667 --> 00:22:10,333
Oh, good. Oh, this is...
461
00:22:10,417 --> 00:22:13,017
Hurry, honey, now get me out of
this. My nose is driving me crazy.
462
00:22:13,041 --> 00:22:14,834
It itches, it itches, it itches.
31958
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