All language subtitles for Baby Daddy 4x08 - House of Cards_Subtítulos01.UND

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:09,800 --> 00:00:12,183 OKAY. NOW, EMMA, SAY "DADDY." 2 00:00:12,183 --> 00:00:13,514 COME ON. YOU CAN SAY IT. 3 00:00:13,514 --> 00:00:16,267 IT'S JUST "DA" WITH A "D" ON THE END OF IT. 4 00:00:16,267 --> 00:00:17,938 "DADA" IS ALSO ACCEPTABLE. 5 00:00:18,979 --> 00:00:20,561 JUST KEEP REPEATING IT. 6 00:00:20,561 --> 00:00:22,143 KIDS SAY WHAT THEY HEAR ALL DAY. 7 00:00:22,143 --> 00:00:24,905 THATS WHY I'M PRETTY SURE MY FIRST WORDS WERE "I'M SORRY, OFFICER." 8 00:00:27,818 --> 00:00:29,990 OKAY, PEOPLE, SHE IS ON THE MOVE. 9 00:00:29,990 --> 00:00:32,243 SONDRA JUST TEXTED AND SHE'S ON HER WAY DOWN. 10 00:00:32,243 --> 00:00:33,994 BRO, I DON'T THINK I CAN BREAK UP WITH HER, MAN. 11 00:00:33,994 --> 00:00:35,826 SHE'S NOT GONNA TAKE IT WELL. 12 00:00:35,826 --> 00:00:36,957 OH, I KNOW. 13 00:00:36,957 --> 00:00:39,120 TELL HER I MOVED, OR-- OR DIED, 14 00:00:39,120 --> 00:00:41,292 OR DIED ON THE MOVE. 15 00:00:41,292 --> 00:00:42,833 DUDE, CALM DOWN. 16 00:00:42,833 --> 00:00:43,964 JUST DO IT LIKE WE REHEARSED, 17 00:00:43,964 --> 00:00:47,128 WHERE, MAY I SAY, DANNY PLAYED A SPOT-ON SONDRA. 18 00:00:47,128 --> 00:00:49,340 (mimics Sondra) OH MY GOD, TUCKER, YOU'RE ADORABLE! 19 00:00:49,340 --> 00:00:50,801 I'M ADORABLE! WE'RE ADORABLE! 20 00:00:50,801 --> 00:00:51,932 A-DOR-ABLE! 21 00:00:55,226 --> 00:00:57,348 HEY, WE'RE HERE FOR YOU, MAN. 22 00:00:57,348 --> 00:00:58,389 (knocking) 23 00:00:58,389 --> 00:01:00,020 GO! GO! OH, GOD! 24 00:01:01,812 --> 00:01:03,734 (sighs) 25 00:01:03,734 --> 00:01:06,817 OH MY GOD, I WAS JUST GONNA TEXT YOU WHEN YOU TEXTED ME. 26 00:01:06,817 --> 00:01:08,319 IT'S LIKE WE'RE ON THE SAME WAVELENGTH, 27 00:01:08,319 --> 00:01:09,990 WHICH IS WEIRD, 'CAUSE WE ARE NOT, AT ALL. 28 00:01:09,990 --> 00:01:11,192 (laughing nervously) 29 00:01:11,192 --> 00:01:12,283 YEAH, ABOUT THAT... 30 00:01:12,283 --> 00:01:13,654 TUCKER, WE NEED TO TALK. 31 00:01:13,654 --> 00:01:14,695 HEY, THAT'S MY LINE. 32 00:01:14,695 --> 00:01:15,996 IT'S NOT YOU, IT'S ME. 33 00:01:15,996 --> 00:01:16,867 HEY, THAT'S ALSO MY LINE. 34 00:01:16,867 --> 00:01:18,659 TUCKER, CAN YOU PAY ATTENTION? 35 00:01:18,659 --> 00:01:20,791 I AM BREAKING UP WITH YOU! 36 00:01:20,791 --> 00:01:22,833 OH MY GOD, THAT WASN'T AS HARD AS I THOUGHT IT WAS GONNA BE. 37 00:01:24,205 --> 00:01:26,006 SO, SEE YOU AROUND THE BUILDING. 38 00:01:31,592 --> 00:01:33,344 WHAT JUST HAPPENED? 39 00:01:33,344 --> 00:01:35,386 WOW, WE DID NOT REHEARSE THAT VERSION. 40 00:01:37,057 --> 00:01:38,599 DUDE, YOU ARE SO LUCKY. 41 00:01:38,599 --> 00:01:42,102 YOU GET ALL THE BENEFITS OF BREAKING UP, BUT ALL THE SYMPATHY OF BEING DUMPED. 42 00:01:42,102 --> 00:01:43,434 GOD, I ENVY YOU! 43 00:01:44,985 --> 00:01:46,687 WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME? 44 00:01:46,687 --> 00:01:49,440 I CAN'T EVEN KEEP SOMEBODY THAT I DON'T WANT. 45 00:01:49,440 --> 00:01:51,362 I'M PATHETIC. (mimics Sondra) PATHETIC! 46 00:01:53,113 --> 00:01:55,196 ACTUALLY, TUCK, IT'S MORE LIKE... (high-pitched) PATHETIC! 47 00:01:57,498 --> 00:01:58,909 (theme music playing) 48 00:01:58,909 --> 00:02:02,002 ♪ IT'S AMAZING HOW THE UNEXPECTED ♪ 49 00:02:02,002 --> 00:02:05,045 ♪ CAN TAKE YOUR LIFE AND CHANGE DIRECTION ♪ 50 00:02:15,846 --> 00:02:17,308 MAN, I DON'T THINK THIS IS WORKING. 51 00:02:17,308 --> 00:02:19,970 MY LAP IS WET, MY BOYS ARE NUMB, AND I'M STILL DEPRESSED. 52 00:02:22,022 --> 00:02:23,314 ICE CREAM SUCKS. 53 00:02:24,525 --> 00:02:26,817 YEAH, I AGREE, BUT MR. ROMANTIC COMEDY OVER HERE 54 00:02:26,817 --> 00:02:28,899 THINKS WE HAVE TO EAT OUR FEELINGS. 55 00:02:28,899 --> 00:02:30,981 AND HOW'D I GET STUCK WITH SHERBERT? 56 00:02:30,981 --> 00:02:32,573 SHERBERT NEVER FIXED ANYTHING. 57 00:02:34,445 --> 00:02:36,907 "I'M JUST A GIRL STANDING IN FRONT OF A BOY 58 00:02:36,907 --> 00:02:38,699 "ASKING HIM TO LOVE ME." 59 00:02:40,451 --> 00:02:41,832 GETS ME EVERY TIME. 60 00:02:43,874 --> 00:02:45,996 I JUST WISH I KNEW WHY EVERY RELATIONSHIP I'M IN 61 00:02:45,996 --> 00:02:48,379 ENDS IN COMPLETE AND TOTAL FAILURE. 62 00:02:48,379 --> 00:02:50,631 MAYBE YOU'RE LOOKING IN ALL THE WRONG PLACES 63 00:02:50,631 --> 00:02:52,092 ONLY TO REALIZE THAT THE PERFECT GIRL 64 00:02:52,092 --> 00:02:54,215 WAS RIGHT THERE, ALL ALONG. 65 00:02:54,215 --> 00:02:56,927 MAYBE SHE WAS THE BEST FRIEND AT YOUR BEST FRIEND'S WEDDING? 66 00:02:57,928 --> 00:03:01,512 WOW, YOU TOTALLY GOT DAD'S GENES. 67 00:03:01,512 --> 00:03:03,143 ACTUALLY, THESE ARE MOM'S. 68 00:03:06,227 --> 00:03:07,768 DON'T WORRY, TUCKER. 69 00:03:07,768 --> 00:03:09,770 OKAY, YOU JUST HAVEN'T MET "THE ONE" YET. 70 00:03:09,770 --> 00:03:11,482 WELL, YOU'VE MET THE CRAZY ONE, 71 00:03:11,482 --> 00:03:12,573 THE WEIRD ONE, 72 00:03:12,573 --> 00:03:14,485 THE ONE-YOU-WEREN'T-EVEN- SURE-WAS-A-GIRL ONE. 73 00:03:16,156 --> 00:03:18,198 YOU JUST HAVEN'T MET THE ONE ONE. 74 00:03:19,910 --> 00:03:21,582 YEAH, I HAVE. 75 00:03:21,582 --> 00:03:23,414 OLIVIA JONES. 76 00:03:23,414 --> 00:03:26,627 WE WENT OUT IN COLLEGE, AND SHE LOVED AND LEFT ME. 77 00:03:26,627 --> 00:03:28,829 IT'S KIND OF BECOMING MY LIFE STORY. 78 00:03:28,829 --> 00:03:30,090 YOU SHOULD MAKE THAT INTO A MOVIE. 79 00:03:30,090 --> 00:03:31,632 THEY ALREADY HAVE. 80 00:03:31,632 --> 00:03:34,335 IT'S SUPER ROMANTIC UNTIL THE END... 81 00:03:34,335 --> 00:03:35,336 (whispers) WHEN SHE DIES. 82 00:03:39,300 --> 00:03:42,723 "101 WAYS TO PLEASE YOUR MAN." 83 00:03:42,723 --> 00:03:45,015 IF YOU NEED MORE THAN ONE, YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG. 84 00:03:47,268 --> 00:03:49,400 OH MY GOD, I'M SO GLAD YOU'RE HOME! 85 00:03:49,400 --> 00:03:51,021 WELL, THAT MAKES ONE OF US. 86 00:03:51,942 --> 00:03:54,234 I REALLY, REALLY NEED TO TALK TO ANOTHER WOMAN, 87 00:03:54,234 --> 00:03:55,816 AND NONE OF MY GIRLFRIENDS ARE AROUND, 88 00:03:55,816 --> 00:03:58,409 MY MOTHER'S IN EUROPE, AND MY MOM-AUNT IS ON TOUR, 89 00:03:58,409 --> 00:04:00,281 AND MY SISTER, WELL, UGH, I HATE HER, 90 00:04:00,281 --> 00:04:02,823 SO... HERE I AM. 91 00:04:02,823 --> 00:04:05,536 WELL, OBVIOUSLY, I'M FLATTERED. 92 00:04:07,207 --> 00:04:10,461 THIS GUY AT WORK WHO WAS HIRED AFTER I WAS 93 00:04:10,461 --> 00:04:11,792 JUST GOT PROMOTED. 94 00:04:11,792 --> 00:04:14,134 THIS IS JUST A THEORY, 95 00:04:14,134 --> 00:04:16,587 BUT IS HE A BETTER LAWYER THAN YOU ARE? 96 00:04:17,968 --> 00:04:19,009 NO. 97 00:04:19,009 --> 00:04:20,471 AND IT'S TOTALLY UNFAIR. 98 00:04:20,471 --> 00:04:24,975 BECAUSE JEREMY IS ALWAYS TAKING HIS FRAT BUDDIES TO CLUBS AND EXPENSIVE LUNCHES 99 00:04:24,975 --> 00:04:26,056 WITH HIS CORPORATE CARD 100 00:04:26,056 --> 00:04:30,270 WHILE I SLAVE AWAY AT THE OFFICE, AND USE MY CARD FOR ACTUAL BUSINESS! 101 00:04:30,270 --> 00:04:31,812 JUST LIKE, LIKE YESTERDAY, 102 00:04:31,812 --> 00:04:34,605 WHEN I TOOK MY CLIENT, JILL, FOR A LATTE. 103 00:04:34,605 --> 00:04:37,448 BUT, DO I GET PROMOTED? OH NO! 104 00:04:37,448 --> 00:04:39,820 MEANING NO MATTER WHAT I HAVE UP HERE, 105 00:04:39,820 --> 00:04:42,743 I WILL NEVER HAVE WHAT HE HAS DOWN THERE. 106 00:04:46,537 --> 00:04:48,959 GREAT SPEECH. YES, AND REALLY GOOD STUFF. 107 00:04:50,831 --> 00:04:52,002 LISTEN, CUPCAKE, 108 00:04:52,002 --> 00:04:55,836 WHY DO YOU THINK THEY GAVE YOU A CORPORATE CARD IN THE FIRST PLACE? 109 00:04:55,836 --> 00:04:58,509 TO GET OUT THERE AND DRUM UP BUSINESS! 110 00:04:58,509 --> 00:05:02,593 OKAY, WHEN ONE OF THOSE FRAT BUDDIES ACCIDENTALLY KILLS A HOOKER IN VEGAS, 111 00:05:02,593 --> 00:05:03,844 WHO DO YOU THINK HE'S GONNA CALL? 112 00:05:06,807 --> 00:05:08,188 -HOUSEKEEPING? -NO! 113 00:05:11,141 --> 00:05:14,895 NO, HIS LAWYER, JEREMY. 114 00:05:14,895 --> 00:05:18,489 IF YOU WANT TO GET AHEAD, YOU NEED TO START PLAYING BY THEIR RULES. 115 00:05:19,740 --> 00:05:20,941 -I NEED TO KILL A HOOKER? -(groans) 116 00:05:23,243 --> 00:05:24,324 NO! 117 00:05:24,324 --> 00:05:27,207 NO, YOU NEED TO REEL IN THE BIG FISH! 118 00:05:27,207 --> 00:05:28,619 OKAY, TRUST ME. 119 00:05:28,619 --> 00:05:31,412 YOU GOTTA SCHMOOZE 'EM AND BOOZE 'EM, OR YOU'RE GONNA LOSE 'EM. 120 00:05:32,913 --> 00:05:35,045 I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHERE TO START! 121 00:05:35,045 --> 00:05:37,007 WHERE DO I GO? WHAT DO I DO? 122 00:05:37,007 --> 00:05:38,919 OKAY, FIRST OFF, JUST PULL YOURSELF TOGETHER! 123 00:05:38,919 --> 00:05:40,551 OW! 124 00:05:42,302 --> 00:05:43,844 BUT, MORE IMPORTANTLY, 125 00:05:43,844 --> 00:05:47,598 WHY DON'T YOU TAKE ME TO LUNCH, AND WE CAN JUST BOUNCE AROUND SOME IDEAS? 126 00:05:47,598 --> 00:05:49,930 I'M THINKING CHEZ LUMIERE. 127 00:05:49,930 --> 00:05:52,933 OOH, THAT PLACE IS REALLY EXPENSIVE. 128 00:05:52,933 --> 00:05:55,896 WELL, THEN IT'S A GOOD THING YOU'RE NOT PAYING FOR IT. 129 00:05:55,896 --> 00:05:57,147 GOD, YOU'RE SLOW. 130 00:06:01,782 --> 00:06:03,824 HEY, BEN, GUESS WHO THAT IS. 131 00:06:04,825 --> 00:06:07,408 -NO IDEA. -IT'S TUCKER'S EX-GIRLFRIEND OLIVIA. 132 00:06:07,408 --> 00:06:08,749 I FOUND HER ONLINE! 133 00:06:08,749 --> 00:06:09,830 WHY'D YOU DO THAT? 134 00:06:09,830 --> 00:06:10,991 WE'RE GETTING THEM BACK TOGETHER. 135 00:06:10,991 --> 00:06:12,332 WHY WOULD WE DO THAT? 136 00:06:12,332 --> 00:06:13,954 BECAUSE SHE'S THE ONE THAT GOT AWAY, 137 00:06:13,954 --> 00:06:15,295 THE LOVE OF HIS LIFE! 138 00:06:15,295 --> 00:06:18,128 IT'S NEARLY IMPOSSIBLE TO GET OVER SOMEONE IF YOU'VE LOVED THEM YOUR WHOLE LIFE. 139 00:06:18,128 --> 00:06:19,670 OH, YOU MEAN LIKE ME AND RILEY? 140 00:06:20,881 --> 00:06:22,092 YEAH, THAT COULD BE WHAT I MEAN. 141 00:06:22,092 --> 00:06:23,924 DO I GET CREDIT FOR HELPING? 142 00:06:23,924 --> 00:06:26,887 -TOTALLY. -GOD, TUCKER'S LUCKY TO HAVE US. 143 00:06:27,808 --> 00:06:29,600 OLIVIA, HI, I'M BEN WHEELER... 144 00:06:29,600 --> 00:06:30,891 -HI. -...TUCKER'S BEST FRIEND. 145 00:06:30,891 --> 00:06:32,933 IT WAS MY IDEA TO BRING YOU HERE TODAY. 146 00:06:32,933 --> 00:06:35,976 OH, THIS IS SO WEIRD. ARE YOU SURE HE EVEN WANTS TO SEE ME AGAIN? 147 00:06:35,976 --> 00:06:38,819 WELL, YOU'RE HOT, SO I'LL GO WITH YES. 148 00:06:38,819 --> 00:06:42,943 AND HE'S DESPERATE, SO I'LL ALSO GO WITH YES. 149 00:06:42,943 --> 00:06:45,025 I DON'T KNOW. TUCKER WAS SWEET. 150 00:06:45,025 --> 00:06:47,528 HE JUST NEVER REALLY HAD A SENSE OF DIRECTION, 151 00:06:47,528 --> 00:06:48,909 WASN'T MUCH OF A GO-GETTER. 152 00:06:48,909 --> 00:06:51,792 WELL, HE'S TOTALLY GOING AND GETTING STUFF NOW. 153 00:06:51,792 --> 00:06:54,535 HE'S A SUPER SUCCESSFUL PRODUCER ON A BIG TV SHOW. 154 00:06:54,535 --> 00:06:56,336 TO BE HONEST, WE BOTH LOOK UP TO HIM. 155 00:06:57,458 --> 00:06:59,880 THAT'S FIGURATIVE. HE PROBABLY HASN'T GROWN SINCE YOU'VE SEEN HIM. 156 00:07:03,714 --> 00:07:06,677 MRS. LOBSTER, I'M SORRY. 157 00:07:06,677 --> 00:07:09,550 YOUR HUSBAND WON'T BE MAKING IT HOME TONIGHT. 158 00:07:09,550 --> 00:07:10,811 HE HAD A LATE DINNER. 159 00:07:10,811 --> 00:07:13,433 (laughing) 160 00:07:13,433 --> 00:07:16,396 HERE'S TO CORPORATE CARDS. 161 00:07:16,396 --> 00:07:19,650 -THAT WAS BUTTER. -I KNOW THAT NOW. 162 00:07:19,650 --> 00:07:22,983 DOESN'T IT FEEL GOOD TO BE SPLURGING LIKE THE BIG BOYS? 163 00:07:22,983 --> 00:07:26,236 WELL, IT'S DEFINITELY EASIER THAN KILLING A HOOKER. 164 00:07:26,236 --> 00:07:27,868 I DO FEEL A LITTLE GUILTY. 165 00:07:27,868 --> 00:07:30,661 HEY, I COULD BE YOUR CLIENT SOMEDAY. 166 00:07:30,661 --> 00:07:34,034 THINGS DON'T PICK UP IN THE REAL ESTATE BUSINESS, I COULD SUE THIS PLACE. 167 00:07:34,034 --> 00:07:37,287 ALL IT TAKES IS ONE HOT COFFEE SPILLED ON YOUR LAP, AND... 168 00:07:37,287 --> 00:07:38,839 OH, DAMN IT! 169 00:07:38,839 --> 00:07:39,960 I REALLY DID SPILL COFFEE! 170 00:07:41,582 --> 00:07:43,794 OH, THANK YOU. 171 00:07:43,794 --> 00:07:46,006 OH MY GOD, IT'S ACTUALLY NOT THAT BAD. 172 00:07:46,006 --> 00:07:47,888 OH, THAT'S JUST THE TAX. 173 00:07:48,849 --> 00:07:50,180 PERRIN? 174 00:07:50,180 --> 00:07:51,892 MR. REYNOLDS, HI! OH MY GOSH, HI! 175 00:07:51,892 --> 00:07:55,475 I'M JUST FINISHING UP, AND I WILL BE BACK AT THE OFFICE IN NO TIME. 176 00:07:55,475 --> 00:07:57,097 I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHY I'M HERE. 177 00:07:57,097 --> 00:08:00,480 WELL, DON'T LOOK AT ME FOR ANSWERS, I DRANK MY LUNCH. 178 00:08:00,480 --> 00:08:02,773 I CAN SEE YOU'RE ENTERTAINING A CLIENT HERE, 179 00:08:02,773 --> 00:08:04,194 SO TAKE ALL THE TIME YOU NEED. 180 00:08:04,194 --> 00:08:06,156 ALTHOUGH, FAIR WARNING, 181 00:08:06,156 --> 00:08:07,778 IF IT'S BOB FROM THE THATCHER CASE, 182 00:08:07,778 --> 00:08:09,409 HE'LL DRINK YOU UNDER THE TABLE, 183 00:08:09,409 --> 00:08:11,371 AND YOU'LL END UP IN BED WITH HIS WIFE. 184 00:08:11,371 --> 00:08:14,074 -(laughing) -IT'S-- IT'S NOT. 185 00:08:14,074 --> 00:08:16,456 HEY, PERRIN, YOU PLAY GOLF? 186 00:08:16,456 --> 00:08:18,879 UM, NOT REALLY. 187 00:08:18,879 --> 00:08:21,461 I TOLD THE OTHER PARTNERS YOU WEREN'T A LESBIAN! 188 00:08:21,461 --> 00:08:22,883 HEY, YOU KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK! 189 00:08:24,925 --> 00:08:26,587 -WHO WAS THAT? -MY BOSS. 190 00:08:26,587 --> 00:08:28,969 AND HE TOLD ME TO KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK. 191 00:08:28,969 --> 00:08:31,511 AS IN, I'M DOING GOOD WORK. AS IN, THIS IS WORKING! 192 00:08:31,511 --> 00:08:34,264 WELL, IF WORK WE MUST, 193 00:08:34,264 --> 00:08:38,599 MAY I SUGGEST WE CONTINUE SLAVING AWAY OVER PEDICURES? 194 00:08:38,599 --> 00:08:41,902 WELL, IT WOULD BE CRIMINAL NOT TO. 195 00:08:43,814 --> 00:08:44,815 CHEERS! 196 00:08:46,817 --> 00:08:49,740 TUCKER, WE GOT A SURPRISE FOR YOU! 197 00:08:49,740 --> 00:08:52,362 UH-HUH. YEAH. 198 00:08:52,362 --> 00:08:55,916 LAST TIME YOU TWO HAD A SURPRISE FOR ME, WE HAD TO CALL ANIMAL CONTROL. 199 00:08:57,207 --> 00:08:58,999 DUDE, THIS IS EVEN BETTER THAN THE FERRET, 200 00:08:58,999 --> 00:09:01,211 AND I HIGHLY DOUBT THIS SURPRISE WILL DIE IN YOUR WALL. 201 00:09:02,422 --> 00:09:04,795 TUCK, YOU DON'T NEED TO BE SAD AND LONELY ANYMORE! 202 00:09:04,795 --> 00:09:06,797 -WE FOUND OLIVIA! -OLIVIA? 203 00:09:06,797 --> 00:09:08,008 WAIT, MY OLIVIA? 204 00:09:08,008 --> 00:09:12,092 SHE BROKE MY HEART, MY SPIRIT, AND MY STEREO SYSTEM, ALL IN ONE DAY! 205 00:09:13,724 --> 00:09:15,976 OKAY, MAYBE THIS ISN'T BETTER THAN THE FERRET. 206 00:09:15,976 --> 00:09:17,848 YOU GUYS DON'T GET IT. 207 00:09:17,848 --> 00:09:20,981 SHE'S NOT JUST MY EX-GIRLFRIEND, SHE'S MY EX-WIFE! 208 00:09:20,981 --> 00:09:21,942 YOUR EX WHAT? 209 00:09:21,942 --> 00:09:26,146 ACTUALLY, THAT'S NOT TRUE. WE'RE STILL MARRIED. 210 00:09:26,146 --> 00:09:28,318 HELLO, TUCKER. 211 00:09:33,073 --> 00:09:35,155 WHAT DO YOU MEAN, WE'RE STILL MARRIED? 212 00:09:35,155 --> 00:09:37,868 WHAT DO YOU MEAN, YOU WERE MARRIED? 213 00:09:37,868 --> 00:09:41,622 AM I THE ONLY ONE THAT FEELS LIKE I MISSED A CRUCIAL PIECE OF THE STORY? 214 00:09:41,622 --> 00:09:43,964 I FELL IN LOVE MY SENIOR YEAR OF COLLEGE. 215 00:09:43,964 --> 00:09:46,917 AND I WAS ABOUT TO GET DEPORTED, SO TUCKER OFFERED TO MARRY ME. 216 00:09:46,917 --> 00:09:48,879 SO SHE COULD GET A GREEN CARD, 217 00:09:48,879 --> 00:09:52,472 NOT RUN OFF WITH A BARTENDER NAMED ALFREDO THE SECOND SHE GOT IT. 218 00:09:52,472 --> 00:09:55,475 OH MY GOD, I LOVE A TWIST. WHAT HAPPENED NEXT? 219 00:09:58,018 --> 00:10:00,851 I FILED FOR DIVORCE. END OF STORY. 220 00:10:00,851 --> 00:10:02,312 WAS IT? 221 00:10:03,894 --> 00:10:07,898 YEAH, IT TURNS OUT I ACTUALLY FORGOT TO SIGN AND MAIL THOSE PAPERS. 222 00:10:07,898 --> 00:10:10,861 GOD, I KNEW THAT LITTLE MISTAKE WOULD PAY OFF FOR ME SOME DAY. 223 00:10:10,861 --> 00:10:13,363 YEAH, WELL, THOSE ARE GETTING MAILED IN TODAY. 224 00:10:13,363 --> 00:10:15,325 OKAY, FINE. FILE FOR DIVORCE. 225 00:10:15,325 --> 00:10:16,697 I'LL TAKE HALF OF EVERYTHING YOU HAVE, 226 00:10:16,697 --> 00:10:18,909 WHICH, ACCORDING TO THESE TWO DINGOES, IS A LOT. 227 00:10:18,909 --> 00:10:23,373 NOW, WHICH ONE OF THESE ROOMS IS OURS? I'D LIKE TO DO A QUICK LITTLE INVENTORY, 228 00:10:23,373 --> 00:10:26,046 BECAUSE, YOU KNOW, AFTER ALL, WHAT'S YOURS IS MINE, 229 00:10:26,046 --> 00:10:27,627 AND WHAT'S MINE WAS YOURS. 230 00:10:30,510 --> 00:10:31,922 WHAT HAVE YOU DONE? 231 00:10:33,343 --> 00:10:35,926 ALL RIGHT, LOOK, I DON'T WANT TO POINT ANY FINGERS, BUT THIS WAS ALL DANNY'S IDEA. 232 00:10:38,598 --> 00:10:39,720 THANK YOU! 233 00:10:39,720 --> 00:10:41,351 FINALLY, I GET SOME CREDIT AROUND HERE, MAN! 234 00:10:44,855 --> 00:10:48,268 NOW THIS IS WHY I BECAME A LAWYER. 235 00:10:50,070 --> 00:10:53,774 I ALWAYS SAY, IF YOU'RE GONNA KICK OUT THAT GLASS CEILING, 236 00:10:53,774 --> 00:10:56,777 DO IT WITH BEDAZZLED TOES. 237 00:10:56,777 --> 00:10:58,699 (cell phone rings) 238 00:10:58,699 --> 00:11:00,160 (gasps) OH, OH, IT'S MY BOSS! 239 00:11:01,661 --> 00:11:04,705 HELLO, MR. REYNOLDS. 240 00:11:04,705 --> 00:11:07,377 WHY AM I NOT BACK IN THE OFFICE YET? 241 00:11:07,377 --> 00:11:08,959 UM... 242 00:11:08,959 --> 00:11:12,843 CHATTY. CHATTY POTENTIAL CLIENT THAT I AM WOOING RIGHT NOW. 243 00:11:12,843 --> 00:11:15,716 SO MUCH WOO GOING ON, YEAH. 244 00:11:15,716 --> 00:11:18,678 YEAH, HE'S-- HE'S BIG! 245 00:11:18,678 --> 00:11:20,721 HE'S A HUGE CLIENT. 246 00:11:20,721 --> 00:11:23,433 YES, HE'S A SWIMMER-- 247 00:11:23,433 --> 00:11:24,805 A MOUTHBREATHER-- 248 00:11:24,805 --> 00:11:27,567 OH. OH, HE'S A FISH! 249 00:11:27,567 --> 00:11:29,609 HE'S A BIG, BIG FISH, SIR. 250 00:11:29,609 --> 00:11:31,812 I'M SORRY, WHAT WAS THAT? 251 00:11:31,812 --> 00:11:35,155 CAN YOU HOLD ON FOR ONE SECOND, MR. REYNOLDS? 252 00:11:35,155 --> 00:11:37,447 OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD. 253 00:11:37,447 --> 00:11:39,820 HE WANTS TO MEET MY POTENTIAL CLIENT AND HELP ME SEAL THE DEAL. 254 00:11:39,820 --> 00:11:41,241 WHAT AM I GONNA DO? 255 00:11:41,241 --> 00:11:42,702 HOW SHOULD I KNOW? 256 00:11:44,244 --> 00:11:45,916 THIS WAS ALL YOUR IDEA! 257 00:11:45,916 --> 00:11:49,669 WHY CAN'T YOU JUST LIE AND PRETEND THAT YOU HAVE A CLIENT? 258 00:11:49,669 --> 00:11:52,132 MRS. WHEELER, I CAN'T JUST PRETEND... 259 00:11:52,132 --> 00:11:54,755 OH MY GOD, THAT'S BRILLIANT. 260 00:11:54,755 --> 00:11:57,798 HELLO, MR. REYNOLDS, I AM SO SORRY ABOUT THAT. 261 00:11:57,798 --> 00:12:01,011 MY CLIENT WAS JUST... GETTING ONTO HIS HELICOPTER. 262 00:12:01,011 --> 00:12:02,893 YES, UH-HUH. 263 00:12:02,893 --> 00:12:04,394 WHAT WAS THAT? 264 00:12:04,394 --> 00:12:06,186 RIGHT. YES, SIR. 265 00:12:06,186 --> 00:12:09,609 HOW ABOUT I SET UP THAT MEETING FOR TOMORROW? 266 00:12:09,609 --> 00:12:12,612 GREAT, I WILL SEE YOU THEN. 267 00:12:12,612 --> 00:12:13,774 OKAY, BYE-BYE, NOW. 268 00:12:13,774 --> 00:12:15,025 YEAH! 269 00:12:15,025 --> 00:12:16,486 HUH? 270 00:12:21,071 --> 00:12:22,622 TUCKER, WE'RE SORRY, 271 00:12:22,622 --> 00:12:24,995 BUT HOW WERE WE SUPPOSED TO KNOW SHE WAS A NIGHTMARE, 272 00:12:24,995 --> 00:12:26,246 WRAPPED IN A CATASTROPHE, 273 00:12:26,246 --> 00:12:27,367 COVERED IN SEXY? 274 00:12:28,919 --> 00:12:30,961 YOU KNOW WHAT OUR MISTAKE WAS? 275 00:12:30,961 --> 00:12:32,793 TELLING HER HOW AWESOME YOU WERE. 276 00:12:32,793 --> 00:12:34,795 YOU KNOW HOW TO FIX THIS? WE TELL HER THE TRUTH. 277 00:12:34,795 --> 00:12:36,636 (scoffs) THAT I'M AWESOME? 278 00:12:36,636 --> 00:12:37,968 (scoffs) NO. 279 00:12:37,968 --> 00:12:39,339 FOLLOW MY LEAD, OKAY? 280 00:12:39,339 --> 00:12:40,590 HEY, OLIVIA. 281 00:12:40,590 --> 00:12:41,641 LOOK, WE LIED TO YOU. 282 00:12:41,641 --> 00:12:44,514 TUCKER'S ACTUALLY A LOSER WHO HAS NOTHING. 283 00:12:44,514 --> 00:12:46,436 YEAH, YOU GOT THAT RIGHT. 284 00:12:46,436 --> 00:12:47,938 THESE WATCHES ARE KNOCKOFFS. 285 00:12:47,938 --> 00:12:50,190 YEAH, LOOK AT HIM. HE'S PATHETIC. 286 00:12:50,190 --> 00:12:52,272 HE SENT HIS FRIENDS OUT TO FIND HIM A GIRL. 287 00:12:52,272 --> 00:12:54,194 GUILTY. 288 00:12:54,194 --> 00:12:56,696 DA. 289 00:12:56,696 --> 00:12:58,608 -WHAT IS THAT? -UH... 290 00:12:58,608 --> 00:13:01,701 THAT-- THAT IS THE REASON TUCKER HAS NO MONEY, 291 00:13:01,701 --> 00:13:04,825 BECAUSE ALL OF IT GOES TO HIS DAUGHTER, EMMA. 292 00:13:04,825 --> 00:13:06,827 YOU WANT ME TO BELIEVE THAT'S YOUR BABY? 293 00:13:06,827 --> 00:13:08,999 WHAT ARE YOU SAYING? 294 00:13:08,999 --> 00:13:10,871 WHAT? THAT I CAN'T HAVE A WHITE BABY? 295 00:13:10,871 --> 00:13:13,583 NOW THAT'S JUST RACIST. 296 00:13:15,085 --> 00:13:16,296 (mouths) 297 00:13:16,296 --> 00:13:17,918 -DADA. -OH MY GOD! 298 00:13:17,918 --> 00:13:19,299 OH MY GOD, YOU SAID "DADA"! 299 00:13:19,299 --> 00:13:21,511 I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU FINALLY SAID IT! 300 00:13:23,473 --> 00:13:27,307 TUCKER! YOU MUST BE SO HAPPY, MAN! 301 00:13:27,307 --> 00:13:29,019 I AM! 302 00:13:29,019 --> 00:13:30,851 -SO PROUD... -OH. 303 00:13:30,851 --> 00:13:32,312 ...OF MY WHITE BABY. 304 00:13:33,984 --> 00:13:36,606 HI, TUCKER. I FEEL REALLY AWFUL ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED. 305 00:13:36,606 --> 00:13:38,608 WELL, I FEEL SURPRISINGLY FINE. BYE NOW. 306 00:13:38,608 --> 00:13:40,400 BUT I'M HERE TO TAKE YOU BACK. 307 00:13:40,400 --> 00:13:42,362 GIVE BEN BACK HIS BABY, SO I CAN HUG YOU! 308 00:13:43,783 --> 00:13:45,825 -WHO IS SHE? -I'M HIS WIFE. 309 00:13:45,825 --> 00:13:47,577 HIS WHAT? 310 00:13:47,577 --> 00:13:50,871 YOU WERE CHEATING ON YOUR WIFE WITH ME WHILE I WAS CHEATING ON MY HUSBAND WITH YOU? 311 00:13:50,871 --> 00:13:53,373 YOU ARE A HORRIBLE PERSON! HORRIBLE! 312 00:13:53,373 --> 00:13:54,834 HE IS ALL YOURS. 313 00:13:54,834 --> 00:13:57,918 THANKS, BUT I DON'T NEED ANOTHER BROKE LOSER IN MY LIFE, 314 00:13:57,918 --> 00:14:00,260 SO I GUESS I'LL DIVORCE HIM AFTER ALL. 315 00:14:00,260 --> 00:14:01,801 WELL, HE OWNS THIS APARTMENT. 316 00:14:01,801 --> 00:14:03,673 BY LAW, YOU GET HALF OF THAT. 317 00:14:03,673 --> 00:14:05,225 IT'S HOW I GOT MINE. 318 00:14:07,137 --> 00:14:09,809 OKAY, NEW PLAN. 319 00:14:09,809 --> 00:14:11,471 I GIVE YOU A DIVORCE, 320 00:14:11,471 --> 00:14:12,893 AND YOU GIVE ME THIS APARTMENT. 321 00:14:15,605 --> 00:14:17,437 OH, HEY, IS IT COOL IF WE STAY? 322 00:14:17,437 --> 00:14:18,688 I GOT A KID. 323 00:14:18,688 --> 00:14:20,190 AND I'M ON THE ROAD A LOT. 324 00:14:20,190 --> 00:14:21,741 YOU WON'T EVEN KNOW I'M HERE. 325 00:14:27,287 --> 00:14:29,910 HI. I NEED YOU TO BE A FAKE CLIENT FOR A REAL CRISIS. 326 00:14:29,910 --> 00:14:31,291 AND I NEED YOU TO BE A REAL LAWYER 327 00:14:31,291 --> 00:14:32,702 -FOR SOME FAKE DOCUMENTS. -WHEN? 328 00:14:32,702 --> 00:14:33,793 -TOMORROW. -NO GOOD. 329 00:14:33,793 --> 00:14:34,915 -WHEN DO YOU NEED ME? -TOMORROW. 330 00:14:34,915 --> 00:14:36,876 -NO GOOD. -YOU KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS. 331 00:14:36,876 --> 00:14:37,958 WE NEED THE WHEELERS. 332 00:14:37,958 --> 00:14:39,879 Both: DAMN IT. 333 00:14:39,879 --> 00:14:42,302 -I'LL TAKE BEN. -I GUESS I'LL TAKE MRS. WHEELER. 334 00:14:42,302 --> 00:14:43,673 ROCK-PAPER-SCISSORS FOR DANNY? 335 00:14:44,764 --> 00:14:46,096 -(chuckles) -OH, FINE, I'LL TAKE HIM. 336 00:14:52,142 --> 00:14:54,014 OKAY, NOW REMEMBER, 337 00:14:54,014 --> 00:14:56,776 YOU ARE THE RICH, SILENT INVESTOR-- 338 00:14:56,776 --> 00:14:58,608 EMPHASIS ON THE SILENT. 339 00:14:58,608 --> 00:15:01,861 AND YOU ARE THE HIPSTER, TECHIE GENIUS WHO'S AN INTROVERT. 340 00:15:01,861 --> 00:15:03,233 THAT MEANS YOU DON'T TALK EITHER. 341 00:15:03,233 --> 00:15:05,235 OH, HERE HE IS. 342 00:15:05,235 --> 00:15:07,197 OKAY, PLEASE, PLEASE, DON'T EMBARRASS ME. 343 00:15:07,197 --> 00:15:09,489 OH! 344 00:15:09,489 --> 00:15:11,992 WOW. SMOOTH MOVE, PERRIN. 345 00:15:11,992 --> 00:15:14,955 IF SOMEONE SLIPS ON THAT, MAKE SURE WE REPRESENT THEM. 346 00:15:14,955 --> 00:15:17,417 JUST WHAT I WAS THINKING, SIR. 347 00:15:17,417 --> 00:15:19,799 SO, THESE ARE... THE GUYS. 348 00:15:19,799 --> 00:15:22,592 THEY ARE HUGE, HUGE BIGWIGS IN THE TECH WORLD, 349 00:15:22,592 --> 00:15:24,004 BUT THEY'RE TALKING TO A TON OF OTHER FIRMS, 350 00:15:24,004 --> 00:15:25,805 SO WHO KNOWS IF THEY'RE EVEN GONNA WANT TO SIGN WITH US. 351 00:15:25,805 --> 00:15:26,846 HEY, PERRIN, 352 00:15:26,846 --> 00:15:28,638 UNLESS I READ YOUR CONTRACT WRONG, 353 00:15:28,638 --> 00:15:30,010 YOU DON'T GET PAID BY THE WORD, 354 00:15:30,010 --> 00:15:31,931 SO SHALL WE LET THESE GUYS TALK? 355 00:15:31,931 --> 00:15:33,143 OR ME? 356 00:15:34,224 --> 00:15:36,396 UM, YOU GUYS HAVE ANY QUESTIONS? 357 00:15:36,396 --> 00:15:39,939 I DID WHEN WE STARTED, BUT TECHNOLOGIES CHANGE SO QUICKLY, 358 00:15:39,939 --> 00:15:41,731 THEY ARE NOW OBSOLETE. 359 00:15:43,403 --> 00:15:45,565 OKAY. 360 00:15:45,565 --> 00:15:48,368 ACTUALLY, JASON, I'VE GOT SEVERAL QUESTIONS. 361 00:15:48,368 --> 00:15:49,409 FIRST OF ALL, 362 00:15:49,409 --> 00:15:52,912 HOW MANY ATTORNEYS DO YOU EVEN HAVE IN YOUR INTELLECTUAL PROPERTIES DEPARTMENT? 363 00:15:52,912 --> 00:15:54,284 AND, CONFIDENTIALLY, 364 00:15:54,284 --> 00:15:55,996 WE'RE MAKING AN I.P.O. IN THE NEXT FEW MONTHS, 365 00:15:55,996 --> 00:15:59,709 SO I NEED TO BE SURE THAT YOUR FIRM HAS A BACKGROUND IN SECURITIES, AS WELL. 366 00:16:02,002 --> 00:16:02,792 THAT'S A GOOD QUESTION. 367 00:16:02,792 --> 00:16:06,256 UM, WHAT WOULD YOU SAY THE MARKET VALUE OF YOUR I.P.O. IS? 368 00:16:07,847 --> 00:16:09,259 YOU KNOW WHAT, JASON? 369 00:16:09,259 --> 00:16:10,640 I DON'T WANT TO WASTE YOUR TIME. 370 00:16:10,640 --> 00:16:12,392 WE'RE GOING WITH WASSERMAN & PETERMAN. 371 00:16:12,392 --> 00:16:14,724 THEY JUST FEEL MORE... REAL. 372 00:16:14,724 --> 00:16:17,897 OH, THEY'RE REAL. I TOTALLY UNDERSTAND. 373 00:16:17,897 --> 00:16:21,481 BECAUSE I PREFER REAL CLIENTS, AS WELL, 374 00:16:21,481 --> 00:16:23,273 CONSIDERING YOU'RE A NEW YORK RANGER. 375 00:16:23,273 --> 00:16:25,735 I HAVE SEASON TICKETS, OKAY? 376 00:16:25,735 --> 00:16:29,409 AND YOU, YOU'RE THE GENIUS WHO ALWAYS GETS MY ORDER WRONG. 377 00:16:29,409 --> 00:16:31,411 OH YEAH, MR. SCOTCH AND SODA. 378 00:16:31,411 --> 00:16:34,244 -IT'S GIN AND TONIC. -ARGH! 379 00:16:34,244 --> 00:16:35,825 MR. REYNOLDS, I CAN EXPLAIN. 380 00:16:35,825 --> 00:16:37,877 I THINK YOU SHOULD EXPLAIN IT TO H.R. 381 00:16:37,877 --> 00:16:39,039 I THINK WE'RE DONE HERE. 382 00:16:39,039 --> 00:16:41,751 MR. REYNOLDS, I'M SO SORRY I LIED. I PROMISE IT'S NOT WHAT YOU THINK. 383 00:16:41,751 --> 00:16:42,792 OH, REALLY? 384 00:16:42,792 --> 00:16:45,885 I THINK YOU USED THE COMPANY CARD TO BUY SOME LIP GLOSS 385 00:16:45,885 --> 00:16:47,507 AND MAYBE COCKTAILS OUT WITH THE GIRLS, 386 00:16:47,507 --> 00:16:48,798 AND YOU GOT CAUGHT. 387 00:16:48,798 --> 00:16:50,840 I KNEW YOU WERE A LIGHTWEIGHT WHEN I MET YOU. 388 00:16:50,840 --> 00:16:52,722 WHOA-OH-OH, WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT? 389 00:16:52,722 --> 00:16:55,515 I KNEW THAT YOU WERE A POMPOUS JERK. 390 00:16:55,515 --> 00:16:58,268 OKAY, SO I TOOK A FRIEND TO LUNCH... 391 00:16:58,268 --> 00:16:59,399 ON A YACHT. 392 00:16:59,399 --> 00:17:01,441 BUT, YOU KNOW, WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THAT 393 00:17:01,441 --> 00:17:03,273 AND GOLF AND MARTINIS WITH YOUR BUDDIES? 394 00:17:03,273 --> 00:17:04,904 UH, NOTHING, I SAY. 395 00:17:04,904 --> 00:17:06,906 EXCEPT, PERHAPS, A PENIS! 396 00:17:06,906 --> 00:17:09,609 YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT. I SAID IT! 397 00:17:09,609 --> 00:17:11,361 BECAUSE ALL THE GUYS AT THE FIRM DO IT, 398 00:17:11,361 --> 00:17:12,782 AND ALL OF THEM GET APPLAUDED. 399 00:17:12,782 --> 00:17:15,115 NO, NO, NO, THEY GET PROMOTED! 400 00:17:15,115 --> 00:17:16,916 JUST LIKE YOUR DARLING JEREMY, 401 00:17:16,916 --> 00:17:19,289 WHO, BY THE WAY, DOES THE PERFECT IMPRESSION OF YOU 402 00:17:19,289 --> 00:17:21,000 LOOKING FOR YOU CAR IN THE PARKING GARAGE. 403 00:17:21,000 --> 00:17:23,333 "HAS ANYONE SEEN MY 'PORSCH-UH'?" 404 00:17:23,333 --> 00:17:25,425 IT'S "PORSCHE," OKAY? 405 00:17:25,425 --> 00:17:26,926 BUT DOES JEREMY GET FIRED? 406 00:17:26,926 --> 00:17:30,510 OH NO, BECAUSE JEREMY IS JUST PERFECT! 407 00:17:30,510 --> 00:17:33,883 MEANING HE'S A GUY, AND YOU ALL JUST STICK TOGETHER. 408 00:17:33,883 --> 00:17:35,435 (applause) 409 00:17:38,978 --> 00:17:40,640 AND THAT'S NOT FOR ME. 410 00:17:42,142 --> 00:17:44,684 UM, ACTUALLY, JEREMY WAS FIRED THIS AFTERNOON 411 00:17:44,684 --> 00:17:46,896 AFTER WE REVIEWED HIS EXPENSE REPORT 412 00:17:46,896 --> 00:17:49,779 AND THE ELEVATOR VIDEO OF HIM IMITATING ME. 413 00:17:49,779 --> 00:17:54,364 DID I MENTION THAT I AM A HUGE "PORSCH-UH" FAN? 414 00:17:54,364 --> 00:17:56,956 I THINK WE'RE FAR PAST THE ASS-KISSING PHASE HERE, 415 00:17:56,956 --> 00:17:58,908 BUT I LIKE SPUNKY PERRIN. 416 00:17:58,908 --> 00:18:00,370 SHE SHOULD SHOW UP IN THE COURTROOM! 417 00:18:00,370 --> 00:18:02,792 SHE'S THE WOMAN I WANT TO BELIEVE I HIRED. 418 00:18:02,792 --> 00:18:04,124 OH, YOU DID, SIR, YOU DID. 419 00:18:04,124 --> 00:18:05,915 WELL, THE JURY'S STILL OUT, 420 00:18:05,915 --> 00:18:10,009 BUT MAKE SURE THAT WOMAN SHOWS UP TO WORK ON MONDAY MORNING. 421 00:18:10,009 --> 00:18:12,842 OH, AND PERRIN, JUST SO YOU KNOW, 422 00:18:12,842 --> 00:18:14,174 I AM NOW DRIVING 423 00:18:14,174 --> 00:18:16,176 A "JAG-U-AR." 424 00:18:22,432 --> 00:18:23,433 WHAT? 425 00:18:24,524 --> 00:18:26,726 -YOU SAID "PENIS." -(laughing) 426 00:18:33,693 --> 00:18:37,197 AS TUCKER'S ESTEEMED ATTORNEY, ESQUIRE-AT-LAW, 427 00:18:37,197 --> 00:18:41,080 COUNSELOR, PRO BONO, IPSO FACTO, 428 00:18:41,080 --> 00:18:43,953 WE WOULD LIKE TO SETTLE THIS THING AS QUICKLY AS POSSIBLE. 429 00:18:43,953 --> 00:18:46,666 YOU GET THE APARTMENT. HE GETS THE DIVORCE PAPERS. 430 00:18:46,666 --> 00:18:48,047 MINT? 431 00:18:48,047 --> 00:18:50,550 TUCKER, I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'RE BEING SO REASONABLE. 432 00:18:50,550 --> 00:18:53,213 YOU KNOW, I CAME TO THIS COUNTRY WITH NOTHING, 433 00:18:53,213 --> 00:18:55,014 AND NOW I'LL BE A HOMEOWNER. 434 00:18:55,014 --> 00:18:56,676 IT'S THE AMERICAN DREAM. 435 00:18:56,676 --> 00:19:01,521 AND NOW TUCKER WILL BE A 25-YEAR-OLD DIVORCEE WHO RENTS. 436 00:19:01,521 --> 00:19:03,062 IT'S THE AMERICAN REALITY. 437 00:19:03,062 --> 00:19:05,475 (laughing) 438 00:19:07,357 --> 00:19:10,029 WELL, TUCKER, IT'S BEEN NICE DOING BUSINESS WITH... 439 00:19:10,029 --> 00:19:11,441 YOU! 440 00:19:11,441 --> 00:19:14,944 I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU WERE MARRIED THE WHOLE TIME WE WERE TOGETHER! 441 00:19:14,944 --> 00:19:18,238 BUT NOW YOU'RE GONNA PAY FOR CHEATING ME AND OUR COUNTRY. 442 00:19:20,330 --> 00:19:22,492 WHAT'CHU TALKIN' 'BOUT, SONDRA? 443 00:19:22,492 --> 00:19:25,835 YOUR ROOMMATES, REGULAR AND EXTRA LARGE, 444 00:19:25,835 --> 00:19:28,588 TOLD ME ALL ABOUT YOUR LITTLE GREEN-CARD MARRIAGE, 445 00:19:28,588 --> 00:19:30,840 SO I CALLED IMMIGRATION, AND GUESS WHAT? 446 00:19:30,840 --> 00:19:32,292 THEY'RE ON THEIR WAY OVER NOW. 447 00:19:32,292 --> 00:19:35,345 YOU ARE GETTING DEPORTED, AND YOU ARE GOING TO PRISON. 448 00:19:35,345 --> 00:19:36,386 PRISON! 449 00:19:37,887 --> 00:19:39,849 WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, YOU'RE GETTING ME DEPORTED? 450 00:19:39,849 --> 00:19:42,932 I CAN'T GO BACK TO MY COUNTRY! I'M WANTED FOR 16 COUNTS OF... 451 00:19:42,932 --> 00:19:45,184 WELL, DOING THIS KIND OF THING. 452 00:19:45,184 --> 00:19:46,856 NEED A GOOD LAWYER? 453 00:19:46,856 --> 00:19:48,858 OH, WAIT, YOU KNOW WHAT? THAT'S MY YOGURT PUNCH CARD. 454 00:19:48,858 --> 00:19:51,611 YOU KNOW WHAT? I GOTTA GET OUT OF HERE. 455 00:19:51,611 --> 00:19:54,814 LOOK, YOU CAN HAVE THE DIVORCE PAPERS, JUST PRETEND YOU NEVER SAW ME. 456 00:19:54,814 --> 00:19:56,316 -OKAY, DEAL? -DEAL. 457 00:19:56,316 --> 00:19:57,527 (door slamming) 458 00:19:57,527 --> 00:19:58,948 WHAT ABOUT ME? 459 00:19:58,948 --> 00:19:59,989 I CAN'T GO TO JAIL! 460 00:19:59,989 --> 00:20:01,951 YOU KNOW I CAN'T PEE IF SOMEONE'S WATCHING. 461 00:20:01,951 --> 00:20:03,413 (mouths) 462 00:20:04,784 --> 00:20:06,496 WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS TO ME? 463 00:20:06,496 --> 00:20:08,127 BECAUSE YOU'RE THE ONE. 464 00:20:08,127 --> 00:20:10,460 I DIDN'T ACTUALLY CALL IMMIGRATION. 465 00:20:10,460 --> 00:20:11,791 I WAS JUST HELPING YOU GET RID OF HER. 466 00:20:11,791 --> 00:20:13,593 WASN'T I GREAT, TICKLE-BEAR? 467 00:20:15,385 --> 00:20:17,677 WAIT, WAIT, SO WE'RE BACK TOGETHER? 468 00:20:17,677 --> 00:20:20,470 I KNOW! I'M REALLY EXCITED, TOO! 469 00:20:22,472 --> 00:20:24,514 OH, HEY, SONDRA. WHAT HAPPENED HERE? 470 00:20:24,514 --> 00:20:28,688 WELL, OLIVIA'S GONE, AND I GET TO KEEP SONDRA. 471 00:20:28,688 --> 00:20:29,809 (half-heartedly) YAY. 472 00:20:32,312 --> 00:20:33,903 LOOK HOW HAPPY HE IS! 473 00:20:33,903 --> 00:20:36,065 HE'S CRYING! 474 00:20:37,857 --> 00:20:38,908 WOW! 475 00:20:38,908 --> 00:20:41,531 YOU STARTED OFF IN A RELATIONSHIP, THEN YOU GOT DUMPED, 476 00:20:41,531 --> 00:20:43,493 THEN YOU GOT MARRIED, THEN YOU GOT DIVORCED, 477 00:20:43,493 --> 00:20:45,665 THEN YOU GOT BACK TOGETHER WITH SONDRA! 478 00:20:45,665 --> 00:20:47,707 MAN, YOU CAN'T WRITE THIS STUFF! 479 00:20:49,869 --> 00:20:51,461 DANNY, ARE THOSE MY JEANS? 480 00:20:56,966 --> 00:20:58,548 EMMA, WHAT'S MY NAME? 481 00:20:58,548 --> 00:20:59,799 DADA. 482 00:20:59,799 --> 00:21:04,804 YOU ARE JUST THE SMARTEST, SWEETEST, BEST BABY IN THE WHOLE WORLD. 483 00:21:04,804 --> 00:21:05,935 I'M SERIOUS, MAN. 484 00:21:05,935 --> 00:21:10,520 I THINK I MIGHT GET HER TESTED FOR GENIUS...NESS. 485 00:21:10,520 --> 00:21:11,561 WHO DO YOU LOVE, EMMA? 486 00:21:11,561 --> 00:21:12,982 DADA. 487 00:21:12,982 --> 00:21:15,154 OH, WAY TO GO, EMMA! 488 00:21:15,154 --> 00:21:16,736 DADA. 489 00:21:18,318 --> 00:21:19,739 DADA. 490 00:21:20,950 --> 00:21:22,992 HEY, AT LEAST YOU CAN SKIP THE GENIUS TEST. 491 00:21:22,992 --> 00:21:24,664 DADA. 492 00:21:24,664 --> 00:21:25,865 DA. DADA. 36349

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