Original subtitles

Honey, I'm home.

Waah! Waah!

I'm crying. That means I'm up!

Earl?

- What? - Come on, Earl.

You get up for once.

Earl, feed the baby.

Why?

Because if you don't feed it it'll die.

How many other kids we got?

Two.

Giddyup, Mommy. Giddyup.

♪ Da, da-da, da-da, da-da ♪

Giddyup.

Faster. Faster!

Move along, little mommy.

Move along, move along.

♪ Da-da dee ♪

♪ Da da da da da dee dee doo ♪

It's the middle of the night.

Why don't you sleep?

No concept of time. Wide awake.

Let's dance!

♪ Da da da da da-da do ♪

Please, please. Mommy needs some sleep.

I haven't had any sleep

since the night you hatched.

I love being up with the mama.

Ah, is that why you wake me up at 3:00 in the morning,

just to be with me?

Yeah. Well, that and I'm hungry! Feed my mouth!

Fill my belly!

Ohh, ohh, ohh.

- Back. Back! - Mine! Mine!

It's 3:00 in the morning.

OK.

- OK. - Hurry, Mommy.

Hurry. Give it. Give it, Mommy!

Here you go, sweetheart.

Right there.

Delish!

Uh-oh.

Uh-oh!

Oh. Stomach growling.

Pressure. I'm gonna blow up! I'm gonna blow up!

Oh, I'm gonna blow!

Oh, I'm gonna blow! Clear!

Ahh. Good job.

Well!

Now you really must, must go to sleep.

Whoa, hey!

We're gonna walk.

We're gonna do the tour.

Wow! I love the tour.

I'm gaga for the tour.

Walk, walk, walk. Hey, wait a minute!

You're trying to put me to...

I don't believe you.

I don't blame you.

I'm gonna do this all night.

♪ Bop bop bop ba da dee doop ♪

♪ Bop bop ba da do dow ♪

♪ Oh, yeah ♪

Hey, Mom, did you make breakfast?

You're always saying

that breakfast is the most important meal of the day.

I understand that from a nutrition point of view.

You're always saying I'm still growing into my body,

and that if I don't have breakfast,

I'll just end up looking like a little stunted anthropod.

I appreciate that and everything,

I really do.

Uh... except today.

I don't have time for breakfast.

I've got early practice for the game against Mesopotamia.

Cereal?

Come on. Cereal?

I want something hot.

I want two waffles with an animal in the middle.

Can you whip that up? Huh?

Don't give me any trouble.

There's my ride.

Oh! Bruno's in the car!

Oh! How do I look? How do I look, huh?

Charlene?

Mom, get some sleep.

Bye.

Gimme. Gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme!

Waffles!

Frannie, I know your days are awful full,

what, with your bonbon lunches

and girl chat at the produce counter,

but maybe you could put a button on this shirt

I've been asking you to put on since last night.

I've been up since 3:30 this morning,

and the baby wouldn't stop crying.

You had a tough night with junior?

Robbie came in and said, "I want."

And Charlene came in and said, "I want."

All right, here's what I'll do.

I'll run over an antelope on my way to work,

have some for breakfast, put the rest in the lunchbox,

I'm covered.

You stop talking! You're talking too loud.

Wake that baby, I'll bite your head off.

Well, nobody wants that.

All I do is cook and clean

and clean and cook, that's all I ever do.

I'm turning into a drudge.

Earl, am I a drudge?

Uh... uh...

I love you?

Oh. Cook and clean, clean and cook.

That's all I ever do.

These are the tools of my trade.

How's my favorite married couple?

Fran, put the knife down.

OK, see you at work.

Right behind you.

Oh! Whoa!

I don't get what the big deal is.

We all have our parts to play.

I'm the breadwinner, and she's the drudge.

Where's the problem?

Well, we are in uncharted territory now, pally boy.

This new thing with dinosaurs getting married

has thrown the conventional wisdom out the window.

All right, all right. Let's get a handle on this.

I've got a wife's who's unhappy about something.

This is without historical precedent.

OK. Let's think.

Yeah. We should be able to figure this out.

Yeah, we got brains the size of walnuts.

All right. What about this?

Fran's, like, broken, right?

I got a broken wife.

What do you do if your car is broken?

Uh... you kick it and leave it by the road.

Yeah, but what if you're used to your car,

and you've put on a few pounds since you met your car,

and you're not sure if you can attract another car?

Are we really talking about cars, here, pally boy?

I don't know what the problem is.

She's been upset ever since the baby was born.

She wasn't upset before the baby.

Before the baby, not upset.

After the baby, upset.

Baby, upset. No baby, no upset.

You lost me completely.

It's the baby! It's the baby and the house and the kids.

It's too much for her. She needs some time off.

If she takes time off,

then who looks after the kids?

I am so hungry.

You could do it.

Huh?

You could take the kids for a weekend.

Why would I want to do that?

Well, because it's just one weekend.

And when she gets back,

she'll be relaxed and refreshed

and ready to go again like a brand-new drudge.

Yeah. I guess I could look after my kids

for a couple of days,

seeing as how it's in my own self-interest.

Well, we did it.

We had a problem, gave it some thought,

and we solved it.

And I feel pretty good.

Me too.

What day is this?

I have no idea.

Oh.

Not the mama! Not the mama!

Not the mama! Not the mama!

Not the mama! Not the mama! Not the mama!

You do that one more time,

and I'm gonna throw you across the room!

- Not the mama! - Ahh!

Wee! Oof!

Again!

What's for dinner?

I don't like your attitude.

It doesn't look done to me.

It's done. It's damn done.

Hey! You give me that back, or I'll kill you.

Here you go, ace.

Next time you might want to turn the oven on.

Uh, just a thought.

So, what do you think really happened to Mom?

Nervous breakdown, carried off by predators? What?

Dad said she's at Grandma's.

Isn't that what they always tell the children.

Hey, Dad, when's Mom coming back from Grandma's?

When she's recuperated from you.

Until then, I'm the mother.

OK, Mom, can I go to a movie tonight?

Not a chance!

Dad said I could.

Uh... he really did?

Mm-hmm.

Dad, I had a late lunch. See you later.

Where are you going?

Out with the guys to mark some territory.

Take a sweater.

Wait! If he gets to go out, I do too.

Ahh!

Oh! Oh!

I slaved over a hot oven

making a nice dinner for you kids,

and now you'll sit at this table

and eat that dinner

and express proper gratitude

to your mother/father!

He's stuck there.

And yet we can move freely.

- 'Night! - 'Night!

You don't think I'll let go of this table

to come after you two?

I'm telling you, you're playing with fire!

No. I'm playing with fire.

What?

Ooh.

Oh!

Oh! Oh! Oh!

- Daddy! - What?

- Hot. - Oh!

Where are we going?

Again!

Not again! Not ever again!

No more of this for me.

Tomorrow I go back to work, and I'm only grateful

that I am not the one who has to do this

for the rest of my life.

The mama.

Hi, honey.

How was your day?

No, no, no, Fran. Don't explode.

Everything's all right.

Take another day away.

I don't want another day away. I missed it here.

But you were unhappy here.

But I was unhappy away.

Now, Fran, make sense. There's only here and away.

The kids made you unhappy,

I gave you a whole weekend off from the kids. Now you're fixed.

It's not the kids.

Earl, there's something wrong in my life,

and I don't know what it is.

Your life? What life? Your life is me and the kids.

All right, look. Here's your life.

This is the kids.

OK?

And this is... this is me.

OK, now, if it's not the kids...

what is it?

Hello. Roy?

It's me.

You should have seen her, Roy,

just standing there looking at me.

It made me feel so bad, it was all I could do

to leave the house and come down to the bar.

What does she want?

She doesn't know.

As I understand it, she does not know.

So why do you have to do anything?

Because I'm the problem.

Look, Earl, I've known you 27 years.

That's longer than Fran's known you.

And in all that time,

I never thought of you as a problem once.

Yeah, but you're my pal.

Well, what about the rest of you guys? You know Earl.

Anybody got a problem with him?

- He's a good guy. - We love you, big guy.

Look, you're a room full of guys,

and the problem's with the wife.

And the wife is female,

so maybe what you've got

is a male/female problem.

What kind of male/female problem?

We're married a good long time,

and we just had a new kid.

Anyway, just this morning I said, "I love you."

Did you say it sincerely?

Nah. It was a defense mechanism.

When was the last time you did the mating dance?

What are you talking about?

The mating dance,

the ultimate expression

of a male's absolute commitment

to a female.

I myself do it three, four times a week.

The mating dance is a courtship ritual.

You do it to woo and win.

I wooed. I won. I'm done.

Maybe it's time to re-woo.

I don't have to. I got her. She's in the house.

Maybe the mating dance isn't just to get her.

Maybe it's to keep her.

You don't do the mating dance for a 38-year-old mother.

Why not?

Because.

Because what?

Because... uh...

I forget how.

And finally, in local news,

officials at the city zoo report no luck

in trying to mate Ling-Ling and Chang-Chang,

the two rare imported humans.

Zookeepers are baffled

at why two seemingly healthy cavepeople

have not yet produced offspring.

At this point, it's feared that Ling-Ling is barren.

And now for the weather.

I'm going to bed.

Oh, OK.

I'm not cleaning anything up.

I'm just going to bed.

OK.

Don't expect anything from me.

I wouldn't.

If a button falls off your shirt, whose problem is that?

Mine, all mine.

Good night, dear.

Don't patronize me.

Hey, guys, wanna make more of an impression

with the ladies?

From time immemorial,

dinosaurs have known there's only one way

to a woman's heart.

It's not flowers. It's not candy.

Yes, it's the mating dance.

Whether you're a beginner wanting to learn first steps

for after the prom

or an old married guy

with a wife who's overwhelmed by one kid too many,

Mel Luster's Mating Dance Academy

has the steps for you.

We're open all night

because, let's face it,

when else you gonna come here?

Mel Luster, since 72 million B.C.,

always the same location,

in the heart of the seedy part of town.

Hey, you in the door, how can I help you?

Oh, uh, me?

Well, I'm here for the $29.95 refresher course.

Well, come on. Let's get started.

Let's try, uh, a bob dip.

Can you bob dip for me?

Well, I, uh... uh...

OK. Not at all.

Well, we're open all night.

Bend. Will you bend?

Come on, I've got such a cramp.

I'm not as young as I used to be.

How old are you?

Uh... 28.

Yeah. Right.

Left, right. And left.

Weave.

Turn, kick.

Bob, bob, dip.

Weave.

Weave, turn.

Kick!

Neck.

Neck.

Chin, chin, chin.

Yeah!

Let's see how Marilyn, our blushing bachelorette, liked it.

Oh! I could spend the rest of my life with you.

Thanks. I'm married.

$29.95. Pay Mel.

Yeah, OK.

Mel, it's a beautiful thing you do.

Oh, it's very fulfilling.

Next!

Caveman from the zoo.

Chang-Chang, come on in.

We've been expecting you.

Frannie.

Frannie?

Yoo-hoo.

Frannie?

Mmm.

Earl? Where have you been?

I've been out taking care of your problem.

You'll be happy to know that you don't have a problem anymore.

I'm so happy. Good night.

No, no, no! Look!

You're gonna want to see this. It's important.

I learned it all over again, just for you.

Ahh! Mm-mm.

Ahh. Ahh.

Ooh.

Ooh, ooh, ooh!

Mmm.

Doo, doo, doo.

Da!

Fran?

Your problem is just that you're tired all the time.

I'm up again!

Oh, I'll get it.

No, no, sweetheart. You sleep.

You need your sleep.

What?

Not the mama! Not the mama!

Not the mama! Not the mama!

I really wish you'd grow out of this.

Hey, weekend guy, you think you got what it takes

to put me to sleep?

Please. I've outlasted actual mamas.

Hey, what are you doing?

Hey, this is nice. I like it.

Hey, you like that,

then you'll really like this.

What? Whoa!

Ooh, this is fun.

What are you doing, Daddy?

What are you doing?

Whoa. Daddy's dancing.

♪ La la, hmm hmm hmm ♪

♪ La la la la ♪

♪ La la, hmm hmm hmm ♪

♪ Daddy, Daddy ♪

♪ Dancing, dancing ♪

♪ Dancing for the baby ♪

♪ Goo ga ga goo goo ♪

Look, look. He fell asleep.

I did it.

You put the baby to sleep

with the mating dance.

No, no, no. That was just a baby dance.

I loved it.

But why didn't you like the one I did for you upstairs?

I liked that one 20 years ago.

Now I like this dance,

where you got out of bed in the middle of the night

and helped me.

That's the best mating dance I've ever seen.

Come on.

What are we doing?

What would you like to do?

If it's all the same to you, Fran,

I'd like to catch about 40 winks.

You got it, big boy.