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1
00:00:02,698 --> 00:00:04,308
This is so gross.
2
00:00:04,395 --> 00:00:06,397
I don't understand why they
don't just hire an exterminator.
3
00:00:06,484 --> 00:00:08,486
It's like, what is my rent
even going to?
4
00:00:08,573 --> 00:00:10,488
Well, they gave you the
bug bombs for free, right?
5
00:00:10,575 --> 00:00:12,490
Yeah, great, so, like,
everyone in the building
6
00:00:12,577 --> 00:00:14,405
can just, like, mass murder
all their own cockroaches?
7
00:00:14,492 --> 00:00:15,537
Ridiculous.
8
00:00:15,624 --> 00:00:17,147
Coming up on
1600 hours here.
9
00:00:17,234 --> 00:00:19,584
No, 4:00 p.m. sharp, are you
kidding?
10
00:00:19,671 --> 00:00:20,977
Everyone in the building is
doing it at 4:00 p.m. sharp.
11
00:00:21,064 --> 00:00:22,848
That-- that's what
that is, 4:00.
12
00:00:22,935 --> 00:00:24,850
Okay, I knew that.
13
00:00:24,937 --> 00:00:25,721
Zero dark thirty!
14
00:00:25,808 --> 00:00:27,766
Zero dark 29!
15
00:00:27,853 --> 00:00:29,681
Zero dark 28!
16
00:00:29,768 --> 00:00:31,770
Zero dark 27!
17
00:00:31,857 --> 00:00:33,598
Zero dark 26!
18
00:00:33,685 --> 00:00:35,339
... Zero dark three!
19
00:00:35,426 --> 00:00:37,385
Zero dark two!
20
00:00:37,472 --> 00:00:38,603
Zero dark one!
21
00:00:38,690 --> 00:00:40,736
Zero dark zero!
22
00:00:40,823 --> 00:00:42,259
Go! Go!
Go, go, go!
23
00:00:52,835 --> 00:00:55,794
Hey, Ab.Oh.
24
00:00:55,881 --> 00:00:57,753
What's up, Jer?
It's crazy.
25
00:00:57,840 --> 00:00:59,015
Nothing like the smell of
a million dead bugs in the
26
00:00:59,102 --> 00:01:00,712
morning, right?I know.
27
00:01:00,799 --> 00:01:03,411
It's like an insect Holocaust
in here or something.
28
00:01:03,498 --> 00:01:06,936
It would make us
Mr. and Mrs. Hit-- Hitler.
29
00:01:07,023 --> 00:01:09,417
Like Nazis?Yeah, like the--
30
00:01:09,504 --> 00:01:12,246
I mean, I just was--Yeah, have a good 24 hours.
31
00:01:12,333 --> 00:01:13,638
I wouldn't--
32
00:01:13,725 --> 00:01:15,379
[coughing violently]
33
00:01:15,466 --> 00:01:16,772
It's in my mouth!
34
00:01:16,859 --> 00:01:19,035
♪ Four and three
and two and one, one ♪
35
00:01:23,648 --> 00:01:26,869
And another thing, I know
a girl who returned a vacuum
36
00:01:26,956 --> 00:01:30,177
after three years of
using it, dude.
37
00:01:30,264 --> 00:01:31,874
They just gave
her her money back.
38
00:01:31,961 --> 00:01:33,615
They really care about
their customers.
39
00:01:33,702 --> 00:01:35,399
Okay, Ab, you know, you're
spending the entire weekend
40
00:01:35,486 --> 00:01:37,358
at my place, just--
41
00:01:37,445 --> 00:01:39,011
Spread out the Bed Bath
& Beyond lectures.
42
00:01:39,099 --> 00:01:40,622
I love the place, you know?
I just.
43
00:01:40,709 --> 00:01:42,841
Yeah, fine, I just have a lot
more to say about it, so.
44
00:01:42,928 --> 00:01:44,930
Great, you should tell me more
while I transform my room
45
00:01:45,017 --> 00:01:46,323
into a walk-in closet.
46
00:01:46,410 --> 00:01:47,977
Dude, you're not doing
the pole right now.
47
00:01:48,064 --> 00:01:50,153
It's gonna take
me ten minutes, dude.
48
00:01:50,240 --> 00:01:53,113
Okay, it's gonna take you three
months, like everything does.
49
00:01:53,200 --> 00:01:54,418
Did you forget
about my art show?No, no.
50
00:01:54,505 --> 00:01:55,419
This is a big deal.
51
00:01:55,506 --> 00:01:57,247
Your first gallery
opening is...
52
00:01:57,334 --> 00:01:58,857
I mean, this is the
biggest moment of our lives.
53
00:01:58,944 --> 00:02:00,642
It's my life, but--
54
00:02:00,729 --> 00:02:02,296
I mean, you're with--
you're with me.
55
00:02:02,383 --> 00:02:03,688
So when we get inside,
I'm gonna shower first, okay,
56
00:02:03,775 --> 00:02:06,561
and then I'm gonna pluck my
eyebrows, get my make-up on.
57
00:02:06,648 --> 00:02:09,172
I'll Nair, like, a bunch
of different areas.
58
00:02:09,259 --> 00:02:10,826
Maybe you could massage my
shoulders for a second, but,
59
00:02:10,913 --> 00:02:13,002
like, not like last time
'cause that wasn't cool.
60
00:02:13,089 --> 00:02:16,397
Abbi,
I have some bad news,
61
00:02:16,484 --> 00:02:19,487
but it's white people
problems, so let's see if you
62
00:02:19,574 --> 00:02:21,010
can keep it in
perspective.
63
00:02:21,097 --> 00:02:24,579
I-- I don't have my key.
64
00:02:24,666 --> 00:02:26,494
Okay, first of all,
I'm allowed to be upset
65
00:02:26,581 --> 00:02:28,757
even though I'm white.Typical honky.
66
00:02:28,844 --> 00:02:29,932
All right, we don't have time
to be locked out.
67
00:02:30,019 --> 00:02:31,499
Is Jaimé home?
68
00:02:31,586 --> 00:02:34,241
He is in Vermont
for a straight wedding.
69
00:02:34,328 --> 00:02:36,286
Let's just call a locksmith.No, I'm not calling
a locksmith.
70
00:02:36,373 --> 00:02:37,766
They take forever
to get here.
71
00:02:37,853 --> 00:02:39,637
I think we can get in--
We have street smarts.
72
00:02:39,724 --> 00:02:41,335
All right, there's got
to be at least, like,
73
00:02:41,422 --> 00:02:43,075
one person home in
your building, right?
74
00:02:43,163 --> 00:02:44,512
Yeah, just a--
Hey, don't, don't--
75
00:02:44,599 --> 00:02:46,731
Use the wood, dude.Oh, my God, all right.
76
00:02:46,818 --> 00:02:49,299
Wood, I mean...
77
00:02:49,386 --> 00:02:51,562
[electric buzzing]Jesus!
78
00:02:51,649 --> 00:02:53,695
Okay, okay, you need
to move at some point.
79
00:02:53,782 --> 00:02:54,739
I know.
80
00:02:54,826 --> 00:02:56,741
All right.
81
00:02:56,828 --> 00:02:58,134
Where's your fire escape?
82
00:02:58,221 --> 00:03:00,832
Okay, hands on my shoulders
on three.
83
00:03:00,919 --> 00:03:04,445
One, two...
84
00:03:04,532 --> 00:03:05,359
Jesus.
85
00:03:05,446 --> 00:03:07,056
Sorry,
I released too early.
86
00:03:07,143 --> 00:03:08,492
Okay, we got this.
87
00:03:08,579 --> 00:03:10,451
One, two...
88
00:03:10,538 --> 00:03:11,930
Okay.
89
00:03:12,017 --> 00:03:14,324
Okay.Okay.
90
00:03:14,411 --> 00:03:18,067
[grunting]Just one pull-up.
91
00:03:18,154 --> 00:03:20,722
I should be supporting myself--
dude, I work at a gym.
92
00:03:20,809 --> 00:03:23,725
There are so many
upper-body strength classes.
93
00:03:23,812 --> 00:03:25,292
Okay, you got it?
94
00:03:25,379 --> 00:03:26,380
You got it?
95
00:03:26,467 --> 00:03:27,511
Do you have me?Here, I got you.
96
00:03:27,598 --> 00:03:28,730
Okay.
97
00:03:28,817 --> 00:03:30,862
I don't think it's
gonna work out.
98
00:03:30,949 --> 00:03:33,952
[laughing]That was my bad, dude.
99
00:03:34,039 --> 00:03:35,606
Okay, you just, like--
100
00:03:35,693 --> 00:03:37,782
You just went up
inside me.
101
00:03:37,869 --> 00:03:39,436
Okay.That's just what happened.
102
00:03:39,523 --> 00:03:41,090
It was honestly
not intentional.
103
00:03:41,177 --> 00:03:43,092
It was natural for me.
104
00:03:43,179 --> 00:03:46,269
Okay, who would you rather
have go down on you?
105
00:03:46,356 --> 00:03:50,447
Michael Buble
or Janet Jackson?
106
00:03:50,534 --> 00:03:52,754
Oh, okay.
107
00:03:52,841 --> 00:03:55,017
What Buble are we
talking about, though?
108
00:03:55,104 --> 00:03:56,801
I don't know, the optimal
Michael Buble.
109
00:03:56,888 --> 00:03:58,194
His weight fluctuates.
110
00:03:58,281 --> 00:03:59,630
Yeah.So does hers.
111
00:03:59,717 --> 00:04:01,153
Yeah.So does mine.
112
00:04:01,241 --> 00:04:02,633
Yeah.But then again,
113
00:04:02,720 --> 00:04:04,853
Michael Buble is,
like, such a crooner.
114
00:04:04,940 --> 00:04:06,855
I feel like he could do
stuff with his mouth that,
115
00:04:06,942 --> 00:04:08,639
like, most people
couldn't.
116
00:04:08,726 --> 00:04:12,034
[distant shouting]
117
00:04:12,121 --> 00:04:15,777
Somebody call
a locksmith?
118
00:04:15,864 --> 00:04:19,694
Yeah.
119
00:04:19,781 --> 00:04:23,219
I'm gonna look disgusting
for tonight is all.
120
00:04:23,306 --> 00:04:25,047
No, you're gonna
look hot and cool.
121
00:04:25,134 --> 00:04:26,875
Your shower is just
a lockpick away.
122
00:04:26,962 --> 00:04:28,746
Very hot.
123
00:04:28,833 --> 00:04:31,271
Very cool.
124
00:04:31,358 --> 00:04:32,663
What's your name,
sweetheart?
125
00:04:32,750 --> 00:04:34,709
Uh...
126
00:04:34,796 --> 00:04:36,624
Yolanda.
127
00:04:36,711 --> 00:04:39,191
Mmm.
Yolanda.
128
00:04:39,279 --> 00:04:40,715
So where is it
you sleep?
129
00:04:40,802 --> 00:04:42,325
What?
130
00:04:42,412 --> 00:04:44,327
Which apartment's yours?
131
00:04:44,414 --> 00:04:46,024
Um...
132
00:04:46,111 --> 00:04:47,852
Do you have any, like,
credentials?
133
00:04:47,939 --> 00:04:49,854
Or, like, a license to be
a locksmith that you could
134
00:04:49,941 --> 00:04:51,639
just show us?
135
00:04:51,726 --> 00:04:53,162
No, the only thing you
need to be a locksmith is
136
00:04:53,249 --> 00:04:55,773
you gotta want it.
137
00:04:55,860 --> 00:04:59,473
Real bad.
138
00:05:00,822 --> 00:05:02,432
That one.
139
00:05:02,519 --> 00:05:03,912
Yeah, it's this one,
the 6--
140
00:05:03,999 --> 00:05:06,480
6C.
141
00:05:12,703 --> 00:05:16,098
[amorous groaning]
142
00:05:19,144 --> 00:05:21,843
They call this
a whore door.
143
00:05:21,930 --> 00:05:24,672
'Cause it's so easy.
144
00:05:24,759 --> 00:05:26,326
Okay.
145
00:05:26,413 --> 00:05:30,895
Thank you for your
terrifying services
146
00:05:30,982 --> 00:05:32,680
and don't call us,
we'll call you.
147
00:05:32,767 --> 00:05:35,509
Oh yeah.
148
00:05:37,685 --> 00:05:39,948
Oh, you'll call me, huh?
149
00:05:43,908 --> 00:05:46,563
[whistling]
150
00:05:50,828 --> 00:05:52,569
God.
151
00:05:52,656 --> 00:05:55,224
Look at this gorgeous
immigrant family.
152
00:05:55,311 --> 00:05:56,704
At least
they're not home.
153
00:05:56,791 --> 00:05:59,271
How do I not know them?I don't know.
154
00:05:59,359 --> 00:06:02,318
New Yorkers don't usually
know their neighbors.
155
00:06:02,405 --> 00:06:03,667
Except for me and Jeremy,
156
00:06:03,754 --> 00:06:05,626
just 'cause that's
a special relationship.
157
00:06:05,713 --> 00:06:07,715
Yeah, I would know
Jeremy, too.
158
00:06:07,802 --> 00:06:10,761
I'd know him in and up
and all around.
159
00:06:10,848 --> 00:06:13,895
Cute little
Mexican candies.
160
00:06:13,982 --> 00:06:16,027
They're Nerds.
161
00:06:19,770 --> 00:06:20,641
I am the problem.
162
00:06:20,728 --> 00:06:23,948
I am gentrification,
you know.
163
00:06:24,035 --> 00:06:25,820
In three generations,
gentrification is gonna be
164
00:06:25,907 --> 00:06:27,996
a non-issue because
statistically,
165
00:06:28,083 --> 00:06:29,693
we're headed toward an age
where everybody's gonna be like
166
00:06:29,780 --> 00:06:31,608
caramel and queer and
everybody's gonna live
167
00:06:31,695 --> 00:06:36,744
where they're gonna--[doorknob turning]
168
00:06:36,831 --> 00:06:38,223
What the hell is this?
169
00:06:38,310 --> 00:06:39,486
I live next door,
I live here!
170
00:06:39,573 --> 00:06:40,878
I've never
seen you before!
171
00:06:40,965 --> 00:06:42,576
We got locked out and I was
gonna make my room
172
00:06:42,663 --> 00:06:43,925
a walk-in closet and--Robbers!
173
00:06:44,012 --> 00:06:47,581
[screaming]
174
00:06:52,760 --> 00:06:53,804
I'm gonna shoot you
in the face!
175
00:06:53,891 --> 00:06:55,023
Wait, wait!
176
00:06:55,110 --> 00:06:56,111
I can prove that
I live here, okay?
177
00:06:56,198 --> 00:06:57,982
Uh...
178
00:06:58,069 --> 00:06:59,636
Three-- three months ago,
that old white dude
179
00:06:59,723 --> 00:07:01,464
was found chopped up
in our dumpster.
180
00:07:01,551 --> 00:07:03,771
That happens all
the time in Gowanus.Okay.
181
00:07:03,858 --> 00:07:06,513
Last week, one of you
farted and I heard it
182
00:07:06,600 --> 00:07:07,862
'cause the walls are
so thin and I laughed
183
00:07:07,949 --> 00:07:10,995
and then you heard me,
so you laughed.
184
00:07:11,082 --> 00:07:12,649
That did happen.
185
00:07:12,736 --> 00:07:14,042
Why are you
in our apartment then?
186
00:07:14,129 --> 00:07:17,654
We got locked out and we
called this locksmith
187
00:07:17,741 --> 00:07:20,614
and he was really
scary, he was so creepy.
188
00:07:20,701 --> 00:07:22,833
We couldn't let him
into our apartment,
189
00:07:22,920 --> 00:07:27,098
so we had him let us
in, uh, to your--
190
00:07:27,185 --> 00:07:29,057
Unbelievable!
191
00:07:29,144 --> 00:07:32,364
Now that I say it out loud, I
realize I led the creepy dude
192
00:07:32,452 --> 00:07:36,368
to your apartment
and I am so sorry.
193
00:07:36,456 --> 00:07:38,414
I'm so sorry.
194
00:07:38,501 --> 00:07:41,112
'Cause of the--
I threw up.
195
00:07:41,199 --> 00:07:42,636
'Cause of the--
It was because of the mace.
196
00:07:42,723 --> 00:07:44,289
'Cause I never thought--
197
00:07:44,376 --> 00:07:46,466
I haven't thrown up in like
a year, I'm so sorry.
198
00:07:48,946 --> 00:07:50,644
Oh, yes.Oh.
199
00:07:50,731 --> 00:07:52,080
Oh, my God.
200
00:07:52,167 --> 00:07:53,385
I'm sorry I got you maced.
201
00:07:53,473 --> 00:07:54,561
That's okay.
202
00:07:54,648 --> 00:07:56,127
It's not your fault.
203
00:07:56,214 --> 00:07:58,782
We're just technically
homeless right now, so.
204
00:07:58,869 --> 00:08:01,829
Ben Affleck was homeless
for a night for charity.
205
00:08:01,916 --> 00:08:04,919
We're, like, doing that,
just involuntarily.
206
00:08:05,006 --> 00:08:07,312
Yeah, we're just
a regular Matt and Ben.
207
00:08:07,399 --> 00:08:10,446
Exactly what's happening.
208
00:08:17,801 --> 00:08:19,760
[beeping]
209
00:08:25,635 --> 00:08:28,203
[beeping]
210
00:08:33,600 --> 00:08:34,470
Oh, God.
211
00:08:34,557 --> 00:08:36,777
I am--
I'm so sorry.
212
00:08:39,736 --> 00:08:40,868
Listen, don't mess
this up for me.
213
00:08:40,955 --> 00:08:43,044
I'm gonna be
a teacher here one day.
214
00:08:43,131 --> 00:08:45,307
We are just gonna shower really
quick and get to the gallery,
215
00:08:45,394 --> 00:08:47,875
and honestly, probably look
better than if we hadn't been
216
00:08:47,962 --> 00:08:49,790
maced 'cause our pores are
tight and burning.
217
00:08:49,877 --> 00:08:51,356
It's like we had
a chemical peel.
218
00:08:51,443 --> 00:08:53,533
I-- I highly doubt that, so
going right to the locker room,
219
00:08:53,620 --> 00:08:55,926
if anyone sees me,
it's gonna be a whole thing.Okay, okay, okay.
220
00:08:57,537 --> 00:08:59,016
Oh, my God,
there's Trey.
221
00:08:59,103 --> 00:09:00,975
Gonna really feel it in
those glutes, okay?
222
00:09:01,062 --> 00:09:02,890
Okay, give me your stuff,
give me your stuff.
223
00:09:02,977 --> 00:09:05,501
I'm out, I'm out,
I'm out, I'm out.
224
00:09:05,588 --> 00:09:07,808
[Trey]Hey, Ab.
225
00:09:07,895 --> 00:09:09,897
Hey.
226
00:09:09,984 --> 00:09:11,768
Trey, I didn't think--Whoa.
227
00:09:11,855 --> 00:09:13,509
What happened to your face?
228
00:09:13,596 --> 00:09:17,034
Oh, it's-- It's really
embarrassing, actually.
229
00:09:17,121 --> 00:09:20,168
I was-- I was doing
parkour just now.
230
00:09:20,255 --> 00:09:21,952
Abbi, that's great.
231
00:09:22,039 --> 00:09:23,867
Using the city as your gym,
very solstice.
232
00:09:23,954 --> 00:09:27,001
I did a backflip...
off of a car
233
00:09:27,088 --> 00:09:30,134
and I fell right
into a fire hydrant.
234
00:09:30,221 --> 00:09:32,006
That's-- It's a pretty
advanced technique.
235
00:09:32,093 --> 00:09:34,008
You can't take a break from
fitness, that's what I say.
236
00:09:34,095 --> 00:09:36,401
To myself.I wish I was
as strong as you.
237
00:09:36,488 --> 00:09:39,056
I mean, sometimes I just go
to Quizno's and I go nuts.
238
00:09:39,143 --> 00:09:40,231
It's bad.
239
00:09:40,318 --> 00:09:41,755
Quizno's is
my guilty pleasure.
240
00:09:41,842 --> 00:09:43,147
Dennis, relax that face,
buddy, okay?
241
00:09:43,234 --> 00:09:44,932
Relax that face.
242
00:09:45,019 --> 00:09:47,108
While I'm here, you know what,
I should check out the locker
243
00:09:47,195 --> 00:09:49,632
room just to make sure that
it's, like, up to code,
244
00:09:49,719 --> 00:09:52,809
nice and clean, just the way you
like it, I'm gonna check it out.
245
00:09:52,896 --> 00:09:54,594
I'm gonna stop you
right there, Ab.
246
00:09:54,681 --> 00:09:56,639
I know what
this is really about.
247
00:09:56,726 --> 00:09:57,988
You're afraid of your
own failure.
248
00:09:58,075 --> 00:10:01,078
Abbi, parkour
is terrifying, I know.
249
00:10:01,165 --> 00:10:03,080
But you've got to get back
on that urban jungle.
250
00:10:03,167 --> 00:10:05,256
I guess so.
251
00:10:05,343 --> 00:10:06,823
I'm glad to hear you say that
'cause I'm gonna walk you out
252
00:10:06,910 --> 00:10:08,825
and watch you do it,
all right, come on.Okay.
253
00:10:08,912 --> 00:10:10,871
Dennis, keep squatting,
I'm gonna do some parkour.
254
00:10:14,222 --> 00:10:17,834
[classical music playing]
255
00:10:32,109 --> 00:10:33,328
Kiehl's.
256
00:10:37,375 --> 00:10:39,900
Oh, yeah.
257
00:10:58,092 --> 00:10:59,441
All right, you speak
parkour, right?
258
00:10:59,528 --> 00:11:01,748
Yeah, totally.Awesome.
259
00:11:01,835 --> 00:11:03,401
Show me a tic-tac
on the hydrant.
260
00:11:03,488 --> 00:11:04,489
Come on.Okay, tic-tac.
261
00:11:04,576 --> 00:11:09,146
Yeah. Um...
262
00:11:09,233 --> 00:11:10,234
Okay.
263
00:11:10,321 --> 00:11:11,583
That's--
That's pretty good.
264
00:11:11,671 --> 00:11:12,802
Do a cat pass
under the hood.
265
00:11:12,889 --> 00:11:14,195
Cat pass?Do a cat pass.
266
00:11:14,282 --> 00:11:15,544
Okay.
267
00:11:19,156 --> 00:11:20,462
Beautiful.
268
00:11:20,549 --> 00:11:21,463
I want you to tic-tac
right over the car.
269
00:11:21,550 --> 00:11:23,334
Tic-tac right over.
270
00:11:23,421 --> 00:11:24,640
Abbi, you're overcoming
your fear, all right?
271
00:11:24,727 --> 00:11:26,642
Don't give up now, Abbi.
You've got this.
272
00:11:26,729 --> 00:11:28,035
Arch that back,
arch that back.
273
00:11:28,122 --> 00:11:29,645
That's a good hostage,
okay.
274
00:11:29,732 --> 00:11:31,081
Come down
and do a spit roast.
275
00:11:31,168 --> 00:11:32,517
You know what?
276
00:11:32,604 --> 00:11:34,519
Your full body is involved,
so that's good.
277
00:11:34,606 --> 00:11:35,912
Beautiful, Abbi.
278
00:11:35,999 --> 00:11:37,174
Peek-a-boo
Street.
279
00:11:37,261 --> 00:11:39,437
Abbi, you are
a natural traceur.
280
00:11:39,524 --> 00:11:41,875
I want to see a jack in
the pulpit in the bikes.
281
00:11:41,962 --> 00:11:42,919
Jack in the pulpit.Yeah.
282
00:11:43,006 --> 00:11:45,400
Totally.Okay, yeah, pump it.
283
00:11:45,487 --> 00:11:46,836
It's very Grecian.
284
00:11:46,923 --> 00:11:48,708
Tap, tap, tap, tap,
good.
285
00:11:48,795 --> 00:11:51,406
Now I want you to do a Kong
jump and a back handspring
286
00:11:51,493 --> 00:11:54,496
off the car, but don't let
me anticipate the movement.
287
00:11:54,583 --> 00:11:59,283
You know, I-- I bet you that
Dennis is not squatting anymore.
288
00:11:59,370 --> 00:12:01,111
Anticipation.
289
00:12:01,198 --> 00:12:03,157
Abbi, that's the makings
of a great trainer.
290
00:12:03,244 --> 00:12:04,811
I think that I know--Thank God I am one.
291
00:12:04,898 --> 00:12:06,334
Hasta la vista, Abbi.
292
00:12:06,421 --> 00:12:07,161
Dennis!
293
00:12:07,248 --> 00:12:10,947
♪♪
294
00:12:11,034 --> 00:12:12,775
We are officially
homeless.
295
00:12:12,862 --> 00:12:15,082
No, dude, we are
standing and awake.
296
00:12:15,169 --> 00:12:18,476
You gotta be lying down
to be really homeless.
297
00:12:18,563 --> 00:12:20,391
Sorry.
298
00:12:20,478 --> 00:12:22,350
Or officially dicks.
299
00:12:22,437 --> 00:12:25,135
You know what?
This is insane.
300
00:12:25,222 --> 00:12:26,093
I'm changing here, just,
like, cover me.
301
00:12:26,180 --> 00:12:28,269
This is, like,
getting to be ridiculous.
302
00:12:28,356 --> 00:12:30,053
Okay.
303
00:12:30,140 --> 00:12:32,490
Oh, my God.
304
00:12:32,577 --> 00:12:34,318
Ilana.
305
00:12:34,405 --> 00:12:37,669
What did you do?
306
00:12:37,757 --> 00:12:39,933
That solstice, like...
307
00:12:40,020 --> 00:12:42,196
They should, like,
give you containers for--
308
00:12:42,283 --> 00:12:44,154
You know, for--For what?
Stealing lotion?
309
00:12:44,241 --> 00:12:46,374
What did you put it in?
310
00:12:46,461 --> 00:12:48,419
Those, like, plastic bags.
311
00:12:48,506 --> 00:12:50,073
Okay.
312
00:12:50,160 --> 00:12:51,727
The plastic bags are for
swimsuits and, like,
313
00:12:51,814 --> 00:12:55,383
dirty gym clothes,
not for loose goo.
314
00:12:55,470 --> 00:12:57,777
Just an FYI, okay?
315
00:12:57,864 --> 00:12:59,474
This is just insane.I know.
316
00:12:59,561 --> 00:13:02,520
I can't believe that I'm gonna
go to my first gallery show
317
00:13:02,607 --> 00:13:04,740
looking like this.
318
00:13:04,827 --> 00:13:06,220
You're ruining
my big break.
319
00:13:06,307 --> 00:13:08,962
I mean, look-- look at me,
I look like garbage.
320
00:13:09,049 --> 00:13:10,572
You know what?
I'm going in.
321
00:13:10,659 --> 00:13:12,704
Wait.What?
322
00:13:12,792 --> 00:13:14,706
This is the gallery?Yeah.
323
00:13:14,794 --> 00:13:18,580
This is a sandwich shop.
324
00:13:18,667 --> 00:13:20,538
Or it's a gallery after 8:00
'cause they make people put
325
00:13:20,625 --> 00:13:22,192
their laptops away.
326
00:13:22,279 --> 00:13:24,716
You have been busting
my balls all day
327
00:13:24,804 --> 00:13:27,241
over a sandwich shop?
328
00:13:27,328 --> 00:13:29,069
You know what, dude?
329
00:13:29,156 --> 00:13:32,289
I think I want you to stay out
here, 'cause I definitely don't
330
00:13:32,376 --> 00:13:34,161
want you coming in there if
you're not gonna be supportive.
331
00:13:34,248 --> 00:13:37,338
Oh, I will absolutely
be coming in.
332
00:13:37,425 --> 00:13:38,948
Oh, Jesus.
333
00:13:39,035 --> 00:13:40,689
You know what?
Fine.
334
00:13:40,776 --> 00:13:42,778
I'll just park myself out here
while you do your thing
335
00:13:42,865 --> 00:13:44,475
and you know what?
336
00:13:44,562 --> 00:13:46,651
In the meantime, I can just
watch your bag and make sure
337
00:13:46,738 --> 00:13:47,957
nobody touches it.Fine, thank you.
338
00:13:48,044 --> 00:13:50,351
Yeah, you're welcome.I appreciate it.
339
00:13:50,438 --> 00:13:52,614
Anytime!God.
340
00:13:56,183 --> 00:13:57,706
♪ My eyes cannot
see the pain ♪
341
00:13:57,793 --> 00:14:02,972
♪ I walk in the dark I cry ♪
342
00:14:03,059 --> 00:14:05,279
I'm sorry,
can I help you?
343
00:14:05,366 --> 00:14:07,063
Oh, I'm one
of the artists.
344
00:14:07,150 --> 00:14:08,412
One of the
sandwich artists?
345
00:14:08,499 --> 00:14:11,111
No, I'm one of the--
the artist artists.
346
00:14:11,198 --> 00:14:13,504
Have any of the pieces
sold yet?
347
00:14:13,591 --> 00:14:16,681
I know it's early.I haven't heard anything.
348
00:14:16,768 --> 00:14:19,641
But I highly doubt it.
349
00:14:19,728 --> 00:14:21,338
Well, no, it's just that people
don't really come in here
350
00:14:21,425 --> 00:14:22,818
for the art.
351
00:14:22,905 --> 00:14:24,472
We're a sandwich shop.
352
00:14:24,559 --> 00:14:27,388
So we sell food.
353
00:14:27,475 --> 00:14:28,998
Would you like some?
354
00:14:29,085 --> 00:14:30,826
Are they...
free sandwiches?
355
00:14:30,913 --> 00:14:33,481
You can order
and then pay.
356
00:14:33,568 --> 00:14:35,700
Okay, so how it
usually works.
357
00:14:35,787 --> 00:14:37,572
It's-- Yeah.
358
00:14:37,659 --> 00:14:40,357
High-quality lotion,
I'm gonna take the lotion.
359
00:14:40,444 --> 00:14:41,881
God.
360
00:14:41,968 --> 00:14:43,970
[scoffs]
Gallery.
361
00:14:44,057 --> 00:14:45,928
Step into reality.
362
00:15:03,467 --> 00:15:06,209
Oh.
363
00:15:06,296 --> 00:15:08,777
Ilana?
364
00:15:08,864 --> 00:15:11,562
Are you eating
garbage bagels?
365
00:15:11,649 --> 00:15:13,260
Why are you here?
366
00:15:13,347 --> 00:15:16,828
Abbi sent me a Facebook invite
to her gallery debut.
367
00:15:16,916 --> 00:15:20,267
Do you...
look... crazy?
368
00:15:20,354 --> 00:15:23,183
Mm-hmm.
369
00:15:23,270 --> 00:15:25,054
Yeah, I do.
370
00:15:25,141 --> 00:15:27,622
I got locked out
and then I--
371
00:15:27,709 --> 00:15:31,452
I just, like, ruined
her night completely.
372
00:15:31,539 --> 00:15:34,150
I'm an idiot,
I'm like a dumb ass.
373
00:15:34,237 --> 00:15:35,978
I, like, can't function.
374
00:15:36,065 --> 00:15:37,458
Oh, don't be so hard
on yourself.
375
00:15:37,545 --> 00:15:38,894
Nobody's perfect.
376
00:15:38,981 --> 00:15:40,591
I'm not
a perfect dentist.
377
00:15:40,678 --> 00:15:41,810
I eat candy all the time.
378
00:15:41,897 --> 00:15:44,030
I got, like,
six cavities.
379
00:15:44,117 --> 00:15:45,379
Thanks-- thanks for--Ahh!
380
00:15:45,466 --> 00:15:46,597
Ooh, what?
381
00:15:46,684 --> 00:15:47,772
Oh.
382
00:15:47,859 --> 00:15:51,602
Oh, my God.
383
00:15:51,689 --> 00:15:53,735
Oh, my God.
384
00:15:53,822 --> 00:15:55,693
The keys to
my apartment.
385
00:15:55,780 --> 00:15:57,478
Don't you ever
tell Abbi.
386
00:15:57,565 --> 00:15:58,653
You can't ever tell her.
387
00:15:58,740 --> 00:16:00,524
You can't ever tell her this,
this is--
388
00:16:00,611 --> 00:16:04,876
I won't tell Abbi, but I've
told you several times
389
00:16:04,964 --> 00:16:06,182
and I'll
tell you again,
390
00:16:06,269 --> 00:16:07,314
phone, keys, wallet--
Every time.
391
00:16:07,401 --> 00:16:09,881
Phone, keys,
wallet, P-K-W.
392
00:16:09,969 --> 00:16:13,929
Your brain is a muscle, Ilana,
and I feel like that muscle
393
00:16:14,016 --> 00:16:16,018
isn't getting
enough exercise.
394
00:16:16,105 --> 00:16:19,195
You need to do your
brain kegels.
395
00:16:22,720 --> 00:16:23,852
And five.
396
00:16:23,939 --> 00:16:25,332
Crushed it.
397
00:16:29,814 --> 00:16:32,469
That's my--
my drawing up there.
398
00:16:32,556 --> 00:16:34,210
You're in
a good spot for it.
399
00:16:34,297 --> 00:16:36,430
I'll take the hamburger.
400
00:16:36,517 --> 00:16:39,650
Oh, that's actually
not a menu item.
401
00:16:39,737 --> 00:16:41,478
It's art.
402
00:16:41,565 --> 00:16:43,350
We're actually a vegan
sandwich place.
403
00:16:43,437 --> 00:16:44,916
I mean, I guess it's,
like, ironic or something.
404
00:16:48,877 --> 00:16:50,444
Abbi's right.
405
00:16:50,531 --> 00:16:53,055
I'm not gonna make my room
a walk-in closet.
406
00:16:53,142 --> 00:16:55,362
I was always
anti-that idea.
407
00:16:55,449 --> 00:16:57,668
Who would want to live
in a closet?
408
00:16:57,755 --> 00:16:58,974
Oh, my God.
409
00:16:59,061 --> 00:17:02,456
Because then I would
be closeted.
410
00:17:02,543 --> 00:17:05,546
I was thinking more like who
would want to live amongst
411
00:17:05,633 --> 00:17:10,551
their clothes,
but also what you said.
412
00:17:10,638 --> 00:17:13,684
Either one.Let's just go in here.
413
00:17:13,771 --> 00:17:15,773
Okay, yeah.
414
00:17:15,860 --> 00:17:18,385
Is that lotion?Yeah.
415
00:17:18,472 --> 00:17:24,043
God, these bagels here are,
like, very good, so.
416
00:17:27,089 --> 00:17:28,743
How's the, um,
gallery going?
417
00:17:28,830 --> 00:17:30,223
It's not a gallery.
418
00:17:30,310 --> 00:17:31,789
It's a sandwich shop,
you were right.
419
00:17:31,876 --> 00:17:33,922
And they don't really--
420
00:17:34,009 --> 00:17:36,142
They don't even have meat,
so I don't know if I would even
421
00:17:36,229 --> 00:17:38,970
consider it
a sandwich shop,
422
00:17:39,058 --> 00:17:41,712
but... I'm sorry
I was a bitch.
423
00:17:41,799 --> 00:17:44,193
Don't even worry about it,
you know?
424
00:17:44,280 --> 00:17:45,977
When a friend
makes a mistake,
425
00:17:46,065 --> 00:17:46,804
you forgive them
blindly, right?
426
00:17:46,891 --> 00:17:48,502
Cool, yeah.
427
00:17:48,589 --> 00:17:51,418
I'm gonna go
take a dump.Oh... cool, cool.
428
00:17:51,505 --> 00:17:54,116
Hey, Abbi, you gotta
start somewhere.
429
00:17:54,203 --> 00:17:55,378
And look at the Hardy boys.
430
00:17:55,465 --> 00:17:58,077
They started out as
kid detectives,
431
00:17:58,164 --> 00:18:00,644
just solving
mysteries in Bayport
432
00:18:00,731 --> 00:18:04,431
and now they have an entire
book series about them.
433
00:18:04,518 --> 00:18:06,607
Yeah, definitely, but you know,
they are, like,
434
00:18:06,694 --> 00:18:10,089
fictional characters,
but I appreciate the...
435
00:18:10,176 --> 00:18:11,699
sentiment behind it.
436
00:18:11,786 --> 00:18:14,354
Thanks for coming, Lincoln.Thanks for inviting me.
437
00:18:14,441 --> 00:18:16,443
They wouldn't accept me
in the bathroom,
438
00:18:16,530 --> 00:18:18,793
so I'll just go
at your place.
439
00:18:18,880 --> 00:18:20,838
We're staying over,
by the way.Sleepover! Yes.
440
00:18:20,925 --> 00:18:22,666
I need this day to end.
441
00:18:22,753 --> 00:18:24,364
Hey, your drawing sold.
442
00:18:24,451 --> 00:18:26,801
Oh, my gosh!
443
00:18:26,888 --> 00:18:29,020
I think I'm gonna quit solstice,
I mean, focus on my art.
444
00:18:29,108 --> 00:18:31,066
So you have two options.
445
00:18:31,153 --> 00:18:34,722
You can take your cut of the
proceeds, which are $17.50,
446
00:18:34,809 --> 00:18:38,291
or you can get a credit
for, like, three sandwiches.
447
00:18:38,378 --> 00:18:40,467
$17.50.Yeah.
448
00:18:40,554 --> 00:18:41,424
Okay.
449
00:18:41,511 --> 00:18:43,774
And there's no meat.No.
450
00:18:43,861 --> 00:18:45,863
Okay, how big are
the sandwiches?
451
00:18:45,950 --> 00:18:46,908
Like, substantial?
452
00:18:46,995 --> 00:18:48,475
We-- Sometimes.
453
00:18:48,562 --> 00:18:50,216
That's not--
That's not like a sandwich.
454
00:18:50,303 --> 00:18:52,261
That's a teeny
sandwich, right?
455
00:18:52,348 --> 00:18:53,654
Some people are full on that.
456
00:18:53,741 --> 00:18:55,177
Okay, well, I'm not
normal people.
457
00:18:55,264 --> 00:18:56,439
Okay.I don't--
458
00:18:56,526 --> 00:18:59,355
Tofu is in them.
Is it thick?
459
00:18:59,442 --> 00:19:01,052
I don't know the degree
of tofu-ness.
460
00:19:01,140 --> 00:19:02,184
You have
no idea the degree.
461
00:19:02,271 --> 00:19:03,707
There should be some
sort of scale.
462
00:19:03,794 --> 00:19:07,189
Okay, to-go coffee mugs,
you guys must have that.
463
00:19:07,276 --> 00:19:08,756
Do you know what
a sandwich is?
464
00:19:08,843 --> 00:19:10,497
Do you?
465
00:19:10,584 --> 00:19:13,500
'Cause you don't have
any meat in them.
466
00:19:13,587 --> 00:19:15,284
There's no meat
in the sandwiches.
467
00:19:15,371 --> 00:19:18,244
Just an FYI, that makes
the sandwich.That's funny.
468
00:19:18,331 --> 00:19:20,159
Do you guys have
Naked juices?
469
00:19:24,685 --> 00:19:26,165
Hello.
470
00:19:26,252 --> 00:19:28,167
Oh, so you bought
the drawing.
471
00:19:28,254 --> 00:19:29,168
Two of my
favorite things.
472
00:19:29,255 --> 00:19:30,299
Art and Abbi?
473
00:19:30,386 --> 00:19:32,388
Um, hamburgers and Abbi.Oh.
474
00:19:45,706 --> 00:19:46,663
Okay, I just--
475
00:19:46,750 --> 00:19:48,970
I kind of want
to hold it.
476
00:19:49,057 --> 00:19:51,712
All right.
477
00:19:58,849 --> 00:20:02,853
[whistling]
478
00:20:07,206 --> 00:20:12,863
[man]
Yolanda.
479
00:20:12,950 --> 00:20:15,605
Yolanda.
480
00:20:15,692 --> 00:20:20,175
I wanna pick
your little keyhole...
481
00:20:20,262 --> 00:20:22,177
Ahh!
482
00:20:22,264 --> 00:20:25,615
Yolanda!
483
00:20:25,702 --> 00:20:27,617
No!
484
00:20:27,704 --> 00:20:29,097
Yolanda!
485
00:20:29,184 --> 00:20:31,578
Why?
486
00:20:31,665 --> 00:20:36,409
Why?
487
00:20:36,496 --> 00:20:39,629
It's just a keyhole!
488
00:20:43,067 --> 00:20:44,243
[locksmith screaming]
489
00:20:44,330 --> 00:20:45,853
Why?
490
00:20:45,940 --> 00:20:50,727
Why?
491
00:20:50,814 --> 00:20:54,775
[screaming]
Yolanda!
34151
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