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1
00:00:05,005 --> 00:00:08,834
♪♪
2
00:00:08,921 --> 00:00:11,185
[man singing in Spanish]
3
00:00:17,626 --> 00:00:20,542
[woman singing in Spanish]
4
00:00:20,629 --> 00:00:24,024
♪♪
5
00:00:25,895 --> 00:00:29,899
♪♪
6
00:01:07,328 --> 00:01:09,634
♪ Four and three
and two and one ♪
7
00:01:09,721 --> 00:01:13,725
♪♪
8
00:01:17,164 --> 00:01:20,558
[woman singing on radio][knocking]
9
00:01:23,561 --> 00:01:24,867
Jeremy!
10
00:01:24,954 --> 00:01:26,738
Hi.Hi.
11
00:01:26,825 --> 00:01:29,045
Uh, I was just gonna see
what you're up to today,
12
00:01:29,132 --> 00:01:30,699
but you're obviously
going to work, so.
13
00:01:30,786 --> 00:01:33,093
This is a joke shirt.
14
00:01:33,180 --> 00:01:35,704
'Cause I'm a trainer.Oh.
15
00:01:35,791 --> 00:01:40,796
Yeah, I sometimes train, um,
VIP clients at night.
16
00:01:40,883 --> 00:01:42,885
Like Shania... Twain.
17
00:01:42,972 --> 00:01:44,365
Wow.
18
00:01:44,452 --> 00:01:46,802
And then I come
back here during the day
19
00:01:46,889 --> 00:01:49,413
and I'm just free to do
whatever happens.
20
00:01:49,500 --> 00:01:51,633
You know...Well, I know we don't know
each other that well,
21
00:01:51,720 --> 00:01:54,201
but I'm heading upstate today
to pick up some
22
00:01:54,288 --> 00:01:56,290
salvaged beams
from an abandoned barn...Oh.
23
00:01:56,377 --> 00:01:59,597
And I was just wondering
if you...
24
00:01:59,684 --> 00:02:01,208
could sign for a package
for me that I'm expecting.
25
00:02:01,295 --> 00:02:02,513
Oh.
26
00:02:02,600 --> 00:02:03,862
I mean, only if you're
going to be home anyway.
27
00:02:03,949 --> 00:02:06,213
Totally, totally.Amazing, okay.
28
00:02:06,300 --> 00:02:07,866
I'll leave
a note on my door
29
00:02:07,953 --> 00:02:09,041
and tell them to
drop it off here.
30
00:02:09,129 --> 00:02:10,347
The window's between
10:00 and 4:00.
31
00:02:10,434 --> 00:02:12,741
Okay.I really appreciate it.
32
00:02:12,828 --> 00:02:15,004
Yeah.I owe you one.
33
00:02:15,091 --> 00:02:17,572
Okay, I love you too.
34
00:02:17,659 --> 00:02:19,400
I'm sorry, did you
just say something?
35
00:02:19,487 --> 00:02:21,793
No, I think that you said--
you said something to me.
36
00:02:21,880 --> 00:02:24,187
Yeah, I said, "Can you sign
for a package for me
37
00:02:24,274 --> 00:02:25,493
that I'm expecting,"
and then you said...
38
00:02:25,580 --> 00:02:28,452
And then I didn't--
I don't think I said anything.
39
00:02:28,539 --> 00:02:30,367
You're hearing things, man.I might be.
40
00:02:30,454 --> 00:02:32,674
You better get those beams.
41
00:02:32,761 --> 00:02:35,198
You can sign for the
package, though, right?I can totally do that.
42
00:02:35,285 --> 00:02:37,940
Okay.Great signature.
43
00:02:38,027 --> 00:02:39,594
All right, love you too.
44
00:02:39,681 --> 00:02:41,161
Oh, my God.
45
00:02:42,466 --> 00:02:46,557
[snoring loudly]
46
00:02:46,644 --> 00:02:48,559
Ilana?
47
00:02:48,646 --> 00:02:51,432
Hey, Ilana.
48
00:02:51,519 --> 00:02:52,868
What?
49
00:02:52,955 --> 00:02:54,348
What time is it?
50
00:02:54,435 --> 00:02:56,263
Were you just sleeping
with your eyes open?
51
00:02:56,350 --> 00:02:57,568
No.
52
00:02:57,655 --> 00:02:59,483
Of course not.
53
00:02:59,570 --> 00:03:03,487
Um, that would take, like,
super long to perfect.
54
00:03:03,574 --> 00:03:04,967
Computer's not on.
55
00:03:05,054 --> 00:03:06,403
It's just idle, I think.[computer starting up]
56
00:03:06,490 --> 00:03:08,100
It's not on.
57
00:03:11,800 --> 00:03:15,499
Look, I need you to read and
sign the employee manual.
58
00:03:15,586 --> 00:03:17,632
Details a lot of
the workplace policies.
59
00:03:17,719 --> 00:03:22,202
One of them is, um,
proper workplace attire.
60
00:03:22,289 --> 00:03:23,203
Oh, okay.
61
00:03:23,290 --> 00:03:25,553
Well, I can just
cover this.
62
00:03:25,640 --> 00:03:27,598
Oops.
63
00:03:27,685 --> 00:03:28,817
Oop.
64
00:03:28,904 --> 00:03:31,907
"Sophie's Choice."
65
00:03:31,994 --> 00:03:33,474
[high-pitched voice]
Hey.
66
00:03:33,561 --> 00:03:35,432
It also details our sexual
harassment policies.
67
00:03:35,519 --> 00:03:37,652
Got it, got it, got it,
got it, got it.
68
00:03:37,739 --> 00:03:38,914
Cool.
69
00:03:39,001 --> 00:03:41,699
Um, well, I will get
right on that, sire.
70
00:03:41,786 --> 00:03:44,702
But first, I'm going to take my
top-o'-the-morning-dump-to-you.
71
00:03:44,789 --> 00:03:48,445
So um, I'll see you
in a couple--Couple hours.
72
00:03:48,532 --> 00:03:50,665
Yeah, you know, it started
as a sore throat,
73
00:03:50,752 --> 00:03:53,189
but I'm feeling
really feverish now.
74
00:03:53,276 --> 00:03:55,626
It's escalating quickly.
75
00:03:55,713 --> 00:03:58,107
A clump of my hair
just fell out actually.
76
00:03:58,194 --> 00:03:59,413
Somebody had an accident
in the steam room
77
00:03:59,500 --> 00:04:01,458
and I kind of want
you to handle that.
78
00:04:01,545 --> 00:04:02,894
It's getting worse
as we're talking.
79
00:04:02,981 --> 00:04:04,505
All right,
let's wheelbarrow, come on.
80
00:04:04,592 --> 00:04:06,637
I really think
I should stay home.
81
00:04:06,724 --> 00:04:08,726
Fine, take the day off, but
this is what I want you to do.
82
00:04:08,813 --> 00:04:11,816
Run a quick 5K, sweat it out,
then take an eight-minute nap.
83
00:04:11,903 --> 00:04:13,644
Wake up,
do a shot of Echinacea,
84
00:04:13,731 --> 00:04:15,559
and then jump right
into an ice bath.
85
00:04:15,646 --> 00:04:18,127
Immediately after that,
suck on some ice chips,
86
00:04:18,214 --> 00:04:21,043
then urinate as
hard and as fast as you can.
87
00:04:21,130 --> 00:04:23,524
Then eat a full onion, rub that
onion underneath your armpits,
88
00:04:23,611 --> 00:04:26,091
any kind of gland, any kind
of mucal cavity, okay?
89
00:04:26,178 --> 00:04:28,050
It's called
cellular confusion.
90
00:04:28,137 --> 00:04:30,313
All right, back on
that bench, let's go!
91
00:04:30,400 --> 00:04:32,097
I'll give that a try
if I can muscle it.
92
00:04:32,184 --> 00:04:33,925
And then you just gotta veg.
93
00:04:34,012 --> 00:04:35,797
They just put all of
"Smallville" on Netflix.
94
00:04:35,884 --> 00:04:37,538
But Abbi, promise me you'll
watch from the beginning, okay?
95
00:04:37,625 --> 00:04:38,930
It really builds.
96
00:04:39,017 --> 00:04:41,629
Thanks, Trey.No problem, Bob,
feel better.
97
00:04:41,716 --> 00:04:43,892
All right, you want your ass
tight for reunion or what?
98
00:04:43,979 --> 00:04:45,459
Finish strong.
99
00:04:45,546 --> 00:04:47,069
Nice work, Gloria.
100
00:04:47,156 --> 00:04:48,897
All right,
hit the showers.
101
00:04:48,984 --> 00:04:51,987
Okay.
102
00:04:52,074 --> 00:04:54,076
Join me in the showers.
103
00:04:54,163 --> 00:04:57,558
I'm not on my period.
104
00:04:57,645 --> 00:05:01,953
[snoring][cell phone vibrating]
105
00:05:02,040 --> 00:05:03,825
Hello?Ilana Wexler?
106
00:05:03,912 --> 00:05:05,479
Maybe...
Who is this?
107
00:05:05,566 --> 00:05:07,785
It's Linda Lodi, from the
Linda Lodi Temp Agency.
108
00:05:07,872 --> 00:05:10,353
Listen, um, I know we haven't
called you in since that whole
109
00:05:10,440 --> 00:05:12,660
Popsicle incident.I totally forgot about that.
110
00:05:12,747 --> 00:05:14,836
Would you be available for some
temp work this afternoon?
111
00:05:14,923 --> 00:05:17,447
Uh...
112
00:05:17,534 --> 00:05:19,014
yeah, I'm available.
113
00:05:19,101 --> 00:05:20,798
Great, just come over
as soon as you can.
114
00:05:20,885 --> 00:05:26,238
♪♪
115
00:05:26,326 --> 00:05:27,457
Ilana, listen, this delivery
window starts in like,
116
00:05:27,544 --> 00:05:29,198
20 minutes,
I really gotta go.
117
00:05:29,285 --> 00:05:29,938
[Ilana]
Okay, one last thing.
118
00:05:30,025 --> 00:05:31,809
Dude, this is huge.
119
00:05:31,896 --> 00:05:33,333
Not that big of a deal.
120
00:05:33,420 --> 00:05:35,160
Once you get this package,
he's going to think of you
121
00:05:35,247 --> 00:05:37,467
as someone he can trust.With his mail.
122
00:05:37,554 --> 00:05:38,729
Next thing you know, you're
pregnant with his sperm
123
00:05:38,816 --> 00:05:41,732
and he's sanding down
your headboard shirtless.
124
00:05:41,819 --> 00:05:43,517
I mean, I don't know if I'd
get pregnant like, right away.
125
00:05:43,604 --> 00:05:45,432
I've heard from like, lots of
women that the sex gets bad
126
00:05:45,519 --> 00:05:47,434
after you have kids.Totally.
127
00:05:47,521 --> 00:05:49,349
We haven't even
had sex once,
128
00:05:49,436 --> 00:05:50,611
but I just want to, like,
make sure we do it enough
129
00:05:50,698 --> 00:05:55,703
before I would have
a kid, you know?
130
00:05:55,790 --> 00:05:58,227
Even if it didn't happen
exactly like that, like,
131
00:05:58,314 --> 00:05:59,881
I think this was
a huge step for us for real,
132
00:05:59,968 --> 00:06:01,926
because he said
he owes me one.
133
00:06:02,013 --> 00:06:04,146
Owes you one?
134
00:06:04,233 --> 00:06:06,017
His dick, dude!
135
00:06:06,104 --> 00:06:07,149
You think so?
136
00:06:07,236 --> 00:06:09,194
Oh, he's gonna thank you.
137
00:06:09,281 --> 00:06:11,327
So wear that candy thong
I got you from Spencer's.
138
00:06:11,414 --> 00:06:13,373
You ate it like, as soon as
you gave it to me.
139
00:06:13,460 --> 00:06:15,113
Listen, I really gotta go.I gotta let you go, sweetie.
140
00:06:15,200 --> 00:06:20,467
I'm about to start
at this temp job-- Bye bye.
141
00:06:20,554 --> 00:06:22,860
Sorry, I had to take that.
142
00:06:22,947 --> 00:06:25,210
You made that call in the
middle of our conversation.
143
00:06:25,297 --> 00:06:26,908
Did I?
144
00:06:26,995 --> 00:06:28,736
I'm really scraping the bottom
of the barrel here.
145
00:06:28,823 --> 00:06:31,086
Look, my whole staff
is out with food poisoning.
146
00:06:31,173 --> 00:06:33,262
I took them to lunch, that sushi
place underneath Penn Station.
147
00:06:33,349 --> 00:06:34,742
Oh, I love that place.
148
00:06:34,829 --> 00:06:36,613
Yeah, it's
usually good, right?
149
00:06:36,700 --> 00:06:38,441
Anyway, look, when a call comes
in, just check the database,
150
00:06:38,528 --> 00:06:40,182
send out the first person
available,
151
00:06:40,269 --> 00:06:41,226
and that's pretty much it.
152
00:06:41,313 --> 00:06:42,489
Got it?Yeah.
153
00:06:42,576 --> 00:06:43,751
Okay, I'm going to
leave you on your own.
154
00:06:43,838 --> 00:06:45,100
I gotta go get
my hair fixed.
155
00:06:45,187 --> 00:06:47,058
Yeah,
what happened there?
156
00:06:47,145 --> 00:06:48,277
I tried this new stylist.
157
00:06:48,364 --> 00:06:49,583
I said,
"Do whatever you want."
158
00:06:49,670 --> 00:06:52,063
I am way too trusting
of strangers.
159
00:06:52,150 --> 00:06:53,891
Anyway, here's the keys.
160
00:06:53,978 --> 00:06:55,110
I'll catch you later,
okay?
161
00:06:55,197 --> 00:06:56,894
Good luck.Bye.
162
00:07:05,947 --> 00:07:07,949
[high-pitched noise]
163
00:07:08,036 --> 00:07:09,211
Are you okay?
164
00:07:09,298 --> 00:07:13,433
[high-pitched ringing]
165
00:07:18,699 --> 00:07:21,876
No, man, athlete's foot
is a forever thing.
166
00:07:21,963 --> 00:07:24,400
Hey, Bevers, you hear
the door knock earlier?
167
00:07:24,487 --> 00:07:26,446
Mm-hmm.Why didn't you answer it?
168
00:07:26,533 --> 00:07:27,664
I know you don't like me
to answer the door
169
00:07:27,751 --> 00:07:30,406
because I don't
technically live here.
170
00:07:30,493 --> 00:07:32,103
Yeah, you don't
technically live here,
171
00:07:32,190 --> 00:07:34,584
but when I'm not home,
feel free to answer the door.
172
00:07:34,671 --> 00:07:36,064
It could be something
important.
173
00:07:36,151 --> 00:07:37,718
Okay, now we've
worked that out.
174
00:07:37,805 --> 00:07:39,023
Yeah, great.
175
00:07:39,110 --> 00:07:40,895
Hi, thanks for holding.
So your package is
176
00:07:40,982 --> 00:07:42,636
still on the truck,
but you can pick it up
177
00:07:42,723 --> 00:07:44,551
from the distribution center
after 4:30.
178
00:07:44,638 --> 00:07:46,291
[Abbi]
I'm just confused.
179
00:07:46,378 --> 00:07:50,470
Why was the package delivered at
9:49 when the delivery window
180
00:07:50,557 --> 00:07:52,210
was supposed to
start at 10:00?
181
00:07:52,297 --> 00:07:53,951
It's a flexible window.
182
00:07:54,038 --> 00:07:55,257
Windows are
never flexible.
183
00:07:55,344 --> 00:07:56,911
That's not how they work.Sorry.
184
00:07:56,998 --> 00:07:59,391
Your borough's
distribution center is on
185
00:07:59,479 --> 00:08:01,655
North Brother Island.Is that in New York?
186
00:08:01,742 --> 00:08:02,873
I've never even
heard of that.
187
00:08:02,960 --> 00:08:04,222
Yes, in the East River.
188
00:08:04,309 --> 00:08:06,573
Take the 6 train
to the last stop
189
00:08:06,660 --> 00:08:08,879
and transfer to the M83 bus
to the water taxi.
190
00:08:08,966 --> 00:08:11,316
Boom, you're there.Thank you, I guess?
191
00:08:11,403 --> 00:08:12,579
You'll never
get off the island.
192
00:08:12,666 --> 00:08:14,363
What did you just say?I'm sorry.
193
00:08:14,450 --> 00:08:15,930
I'm watching
"Shutter Island."
194
00:08:16,017 --> 00:08:18,498
Good luck.
195
00:08:23,241 --> 00:08:25,722
[phone ringing]
196
00:08:30,205 --> 00:08:33,556
[ringing continues]
197
00:08:33,643 --> 00:08:35,166
What up?
198
00:08:35,253 --> 00:08:36,254
[man]
Is this Linda?
199
00:08:36,341 --> 00:08:37,865
No, I'm just a temp.
200
00:08:37,952 --> 00:08:40,955
You're a temp
at a temp agency?
201
00:08:41,042 --> 00:08:42,696
Touche.
202
00:08:42,783 --> 00:08:44,219
What up? This is Wet Nose Walkers.
203
00:08:44,306 --> 00:08:46,743
We need a temp to cover one
of our dog walker routes.
204
00:08:46,830 --> 00:08:49,572
Absolutely, sir,
that's what we do best.
205
00:08:49,659 --> 00:08:52,096
Um...
206
00:08:52,183 --> 00:08:54,142
What's the address?
207
00:08:54,229 --> 00:08:57,928
♪♪
208
00:08:58,015 --> 00:09:00,496
Yeah!
209
00:09:00,583 --> 00:09:03,455
I'm making bank, bitch!
210
00:09:03,543 --> 00:09:06,284
Oh, my God.
You are insane.
211
00:09:06,371 --> 00:09:09,331
Ab, I'm becoming a mogul a la
Jay-Z, a la Martha Stewart,
212
00:09:09,418 --> 00:09:10,985
a la Bethenny Frankel.
213
00:09:11,072 --> 00:09:12,377
From "Housewives"?Yeah.
214
00:09:12,464 --> 00:09:13,683
Next thing you know, I'm
backstage at Barclays
215
00:09:13,770 --> 00:09:15,337
with RiRi and Bebe--Who?
216
00:09:15,424 --> 00:09:16,860
Rihanna and Beyonce.
217
00:09:16,947 --> 00:09:18,906
And we're just laughing
and sipping on champagne
218
00:09:18,993 --> 00:09:20,734
with like, candlelight.'Cause that happens
all the time.
219
00:09:20,821 --> 00:09:23,475
RiRi leans in for a kiss
and then she--
220
00:09:23,563 --> 00:09:25,695
Goes down on you.Yeah.
221
00:09:25,782 --> 00:09:27,741
Yeah, you-- you say
that story a lot.
222
00:09:27,828 --> 00:09:29,003
Oh... cool.
223
00:09:29,090 --> 00:09:31,571
Oh, my God!
224
00:09:31,658 --> 00:09:33,964
I didn't know you had
plans with Lincoln.We don't have plans.
225
00:09:34,051 --> 00:09:35,923
We're just going to have sex at
one of these dogs' apartments.
226
00:09:36,010 --> 00:09:37,098
Super classy.
227
00:09:37,185 --> 00:09:38,795
I'd do it.
228
00:09:38,882 --> 00:09:40,362
I'd pick up your poop,
you're worth it.
229
00:09:40,449 --> 00:09:41,885
So I know why I missed
the window.
230
00:09:41,972 --> 00:09:43,757
I jinxed myself.Why, what do you mean?
231
00:09:43,844 --> 00:09:45,149
'Cause I bought
too many condoms.
232
00:09:45,236 --> 00:09:46,324
It's the story
of my life,
233
00:09:46,411 --> 00:09:47,761
so just gonna
deal with it.
234
00:09:47,848 --> 00:09:48,805
But I won't
make out with you.
235
00:09:48,892 --> 00:09:50,851
That's what white people do,
that dog thing.
236
00:09:50,938 --> 00:09:52,069
Black people don't
make out with dogs.
237
00:09:52,156 --> 00:09:53,984
So what do you think is in
Jeremy's package?
238
00:09:54,071 --> 00:09:55,159
Oh, look at you.
239
00:09:55,246 --> 00:09:56,508
You're standoffish, huh?
240
00:09:56,596 --> 00:09:58,510
I've narrowed it down
to a bunch of things.
241
00:09:58,598 --> 00:10:00,034
I made a little list here.
242
00:10:00,121 --> 00:10:02,427
Okay, so I think it's either,
um, clues to a mystery
243
00:10:02,514 --> 00:10:04,386
that he's gonna solve,
244
00:10:04,473 --> 00:10:06,518
a manly handcrafted axe,
245
00:10:06,606 --> 00:10:08,782
or a really great belt.
246
00:10:08,869 --> 00:10:10,871
Nah, dude,
it's a Fleshlight.
247
00:10:10,958 --> 00:10:12,524
Ilana, why do you have to
ruin him for me?
248
00:10:12,612 --> 00:10:13,351
It's not a Fleshlight.[text alert]
249
00:10:13,438 --> 00:10:15,658
It's healthy.
250
00:10:15,745 --> 00:10:17,181
I gotta head back
to the office.
251
00:10:17,268 --> 00:10:19,662
One of these dumb kids broke
his jaw on a Jawbreaker.
252
00:10:19,749 --> 00:10:21,142
Why would you even do that?
253
00:10:21,229 --> 00:10:23,274
It does exactly what
it says it's gonna do.
254
00:10:23,361 --> 00:10:25,537
Lincoln, you gave all these dogs
all your love and now you're
255
00:10:25,625 --> 00:10:27,148
leaving me like,
tight and dry.
256
00:10:27,235 --> 00:10:28,845
I'll kick it
with you later.Okay, cool.
257
00:10:28,932 --> 00:10:30,020
See you later,
General Tso.
258
00:10:30,107 --> 00:10:31,500
Is that his name?
259
00:10:31,587 --> 00:10:32,806
Yeah, I name them based on
their personalities.
260
00:10:32,893 --> 00:10:35,809
There's General Tso,
there's Dumbface.
261
00:10:35,896 --> 00:10:37,680
That's Ballsack,
262
00:10:37,767 --> 00:10:40,640
and that is star
of "Ugly Betty"
263
00:10:40,727 --> 00:10:42,511
and "Who's the Boss?"
264
00:10:42,598 --> 00:10:46,254
The wonderful,
the esteemed...
265
00:10:46,341 --> 00:10:47,559
Judith Light!
266
00:10:47,647 --> 00:10:49,649
[Abbi]
Oh, my God.
267
00:10:49,736 --> 00:10:50,824
She is!
268
00:10:50,911 --> 00:10:53,000
That's so Judith!That is dead on!
269
00:10:53,087 --> 00:10:53,870
All right,
I'll see y'all later.
270
00:10:53,957 --> 00:10:55,872
All right, peace.Later, Judith.
271
00:10:55,959 --> 00:10:57,700
Judith, now that I know that
you are Judith Light,
272
00:10:57,787 --> 00:10:59,702
I can't let you back
in that tiny-ass apartment.
273
00:10:59,789 --> 00:11:01,051
We'll drop
these bitches off
274
00:11:01,138 --> 00:11:02,444
and you're chilling
with me all day.
275
00:11:02,531 --> 00:11:03,663
[whimpering]
276
00:11:08,624 --> 00:11:10,234
[beeping]
277
00:11:10,321 --> 00:11:12,280
[woman on PA]
Last stop in Manhattan.
278
00:11:12,367 --> 00:11:14,064
The train will now be going
express to 37th Street.
279
00:11:14,151 --> 00:11:16,240
Sorry.
280
00:11:16,327 --> 00:11:17,372
Oh.
281
00:11:17,459 --> 00:11:20,549
All right.
282
00:11:22,638 --> 00:11:24,727
[beeping]
283
00:11:28,209 --> 00:11:33,301
♪♪
284
00:11:33,388 --> 00:11:36,826
♪♪
285
00:11:44,051 --> 00:11:46,836
♪♪
286
00:11:50,927 --> 00:11:55,932
♪♪
287
00:12:00,110 --> 00:12:02,939
♪♪
288
00:12:08,292 --> 00:12:10,425
♪♪
289
00:12:17,737 --> 00:12:20,261
Uh, hello...
290
00:12:20,348 --> 00:12:21,871
Garol.
291
00:12:21,958 --> 00:12:23,699
I'm not sure if I'm in
the right place--
292
00:12:23,786 --> 00:12:26,746
You are.Okay.
293
00:12:26,833 --> 00:12:29,009
I'll just hand that--
All right.
294
00:12:33,100 --> 00:12:34,362
Oh, Jesus.
295
00:12:34,449 --> 00:12:35,406
Thank you so much.
296
00:12:35,493 --> 00:12:38,018
It took me so long--ID.
297
00:12:38,105 --> 00:12:39,497
Jeremy Santos.
298
00:12:39,584 --> 00:12:42,805
No, I'm not a man.
299
00:12:42,892 --> 00:12:47,897
Jeremy's actually my--
he's my husband, so...
300
00:12:47,984 --> 00:12:50,073
We both work so much.
You know how it is.
301
00:12:50,160 --> 00:12:52,206
But when we're home,
we're home and we--
302
00:12:52,293 --> 00:12:56,384
I need his ID or he can
come down here
303
00:12:56,471 --> 00:13:00,083
with two pieces of
mail with his name on it.
304
00:13:00,170 --> 00:13:04,566
Gar... ol, you seem like,
so great.
305
00:13:04,653 --> 00:13:07,177
I can just tell
from this interaction.
306
00:13:07,264 --> 00:13:09,527
Can you just like, look
the other way this time?
307
00:13:09,614 --> 00:13:11,616
I'm sorry, I can't.
308
00:13:11,703 --> 00:13:14,402
My supervisor's watching.
309
00:13:18,275 --> 00:13:21,148
I'm sorry, I will have
someone there right away.[phone ringing]
310
00:13:21,235 --> 00:13:22,714
Linda Lodi Temp Agency,
please hold.
311
00:13:22,802 --> 00:13:24,891
Hey.Where have you been?
312
00:13:24,978 --> 00:13:26,893
I've got no temps sent out,
I've got the phone ringing
313
00:13:26,980 --> 00:13:28,503
off the hook, I'm getting
threatening e-mails.
314
00:13:28,590 --> 00:13:31,985
My scalp is burning.
315
00:13:32,072 --> 00:13:32,899
What are you doing?
316
00:13:32,986 --> 00:13:33,987
Have you been
eating those?
317
00:13:34,074 --> 00:13:35,510
Yeah.How many have you had?
318
00:13:35,597 --> 00:13:37,338
30 or like, 100.
319
00:13:37,425 --> 00:13:39,906
30 or 100?
320
00:13:39,993 --> 00:13:42,691
These are for a guess-
how-many contest!
321
00:13:42,778 --> 00:13:44,258
Well, you should
label every side.
322
00:13:44,345 --> 00:13:46,173
Well, now I have to count
the whole thing over again.
323
00:13:46,260 --> 00:13:47,261
[Linda]
I don't believe this.
324
00:13:47,348 --> 00:13:48,610
You don't even know
how many you had?
325
00:13:48,697 --> 00:13:51,700
Jesus, what a day.
326
00:13:51,787 --> 00:13:53,920
One, two, three,
four, five.
327
00:13:54,007 --> 00:13:55,617
Ten.Six, seven,
eight, nine, 10.
328
00:13:55,704 --> 00:13:59,142
15... five, six, seven,
eight, nine...17, 18...
329
00:13:59,229 --> 00:14:00,187
You're messing me up.
330
00:14:00,274 --> 00:14:02,450
Now I have to
start over.
331
00:14:02,537 --> 00:14:05,453
One, two, three,
four, five.
332
00:14:05,540 --> 00:14:07,803
Oh, my God,
I killed her!
333
00:14:07,890 --> 00:14:12,939
Judith Light!... 59, 60.
334
00:14:16,681 --> 00:14:18,205
[cell phone ringing]
335
00:14:18,292 --> 00:14:20,120
[Bevers]
Hello? Bevers.
336
00:14:20,207 --> 00:14:22,470
I need you to steal two pieces
of Jeremy's mail from like,
337
00:14:22,557 --> 00:14:24,646
the front hall and bring them
to North Brother Island
338
00:14:24,733 --> 00:14:26,604
like, immediately, okay?
339
00:14:26,691 --> 00:14:28,171
And then you're going to
have to pretend to be him.
340
00:14:28,258 --> 00:14:29,999
I'd love to,
but I'm actually out
341
00:14:30,086 --> 00:14:31,740
with some friends
right now.
342
00:14:31,827 --> 00:14:33,133
You're not
in the apartment?
343
00:14:33,220 --> 00:14:34,264
No, we're on
the same schedule.
344
00:14:34,351 --> 00:14:36,092
If you're not there,
I'm not there.
345
00:14:36,179 --> 00:14:38,007
When you're there,
I'm there.
346
00:14:38,094 --> 00:14:39,530
Okay,
just shut up, listen.
347
00:14:39,617 --> 00:14:43,099
If you do this for me
right now, I'm gonna...
348
00:14:43,186 --> 00:14:46,363
I will buy you a Costco
rotisserie chicken.
349
00:14:46,450 --> 00:14:48,191
Uh, sold.
350
00:14:48,278 --> 00:14:49,540
I'll head over as soon
as I finish my mimosa.
351
00:14:49,627 --> 00:14:51,586
Okay.
352
00:14:51,673 --> 00:14:52,979
Jesus Christ.
353
00:14:56,373 --> 00:14:57,766
Hi.
354
00:14:57,853 --> 00:14:59,289
Oh, my God, Judith.
355
00:14:59,376 --> 00:15:01,291
We induced vomiting,
he's gonna be fine.
356
00:15:01,378 --> 00:15:02,379
He?Yeah.
357
00:15:02,466 --> 00:15:03,903
Oh, my God.
358
00:15:03,990 --> 00:15:05,513
I looked for
his dick forever.
359
00:15:05,600 --> 00:15:07,297
All that hair.
360
00:15:07,384 --> 00:15:09,996
Well, he's probably
stressed from the day.
361
00:15:10,083 --> 00:15:11,649
Do you guys
have dog Xanax?
362
00:15:11,736 --> 00:15:13,521
For him, Judith Light.
363
00:15:13,608 --> 00:15:15,305
We do, but I don't think
it's necessary.Cool.
364
00:15:15,392 --> 00:15:17,699
If I wrapped it up in a piece
of cheese for him to eat
365
00:15:17,786 --> 00:15:20,876
and then I accidentally
swallowed that piece of cheese,
366
00:15:20,963 --> 00:15:24,140
would I die or
be like, super chill?
367
00:15:24,227 --> 00:15:26,229
I'm not going to prescribe
you dog Xanax.
368
00:15:26,316 --> 00:15:27,796
Oh, no.
369
00:15:27,883 --> 00:15:28,753
No, I didn't mean--No.
370
00:15:28,840 --> 00:15:31,452
I see how--
No, no, no.
371
00:15:31,539 --> 00:15:32,583
Cool.
372
00:15:32,670 --> 00:15:35,195
One last quick "Q."
373
00:15:35,282 --> 00:15:38,372
Um, are human hemorrhoids
the same as dog hemorrhoids,
374
00:15:38,459 --> 00:15:41,766
and if so, does dog
hemorrhoid cream work
375
00:15:41,853 --> 00:15:44,030
on human buttholes?
376
00:15:48,251 --> 00:15:49,731
No.
377
00:15:53,256 --> 00:15:55,258
Yeah, I got here
as soon as I could.
378
00:15:55,345 --> 00:15:57,086
How did you get a cab
to come here?
379
00:15:57,173 --> 00:15:59,741
The Whitestone Bridge
is right over there.
380
00:15:59,828 --> 00:16:01,308
Okay, come on, let's go.
381
00:16:01,395 --> 00:16:05,007
Do you have 70 bucks
to pay the driver?
382
00:16:05,094 --> 00:16:07,488
Remember, you're my husband,
Jeremy Santos.
383
00:16:07,575 --> 00:16:09,577
Right. Got it.
384
00:16:09,664 --> 00:16:13,537
I'm not your roommate's
boyfriend, I'm your husband.
385
00:16:13,624 --> 00:16:14,799
Don't worry.
386
00:16:14,886 --> 00:16:16,192
I'll do it good.Okay.
387
00:16:16,279 --> 00:16:22,546
But don't tell Melody.Tell Melody what?
388
00:16:22,633 --> 00:16:26,550
Oh, God.
389
00:16:26,637 --> 00:16:29,118
That was, uh, great...
390
00:16:29,205 --> 00:16:31,077
that was a great kiss
from my husband.
391
00:16:31,164 --> 00:16:32,600
Garol, hi.
392
00:16:32,687 --> 00:16:35,907
So this is Jeremy, my husband
I told you about earlier.
393
00:16:35,995 --> 00:16:38,954
You're Jeremy Santos.
394
00:16:39,041 --> 00:16:44,699
No, I'm Matty Bevers.
395
00:16:44,786 --> 00:16:46,353
No, Abbi, don't!
396
00:16:46,440 --> 00:16:48,398
No, no, no, I'm gonna
lose a flip flop!
397
00:16:48,485 --> 00:16:50,661
[Bevers]
No, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no.
398
00:16:50,748 --> 00:16:51,532
No, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no.
399
00:16:51,619 --> 00:16:54,187
No, no, no, no!
400
00:16:54,274 --> 00:16:58,365
Chicken!
401
00:17:01,716 --> 00:17:03,413
Oh... hey.
402
00:17:03,500 --> 00:17:05,850
You know, it's really not cool
to have such a big dog
403
00:17:05,937 --> 00:17:07,417
in such a
tiny apartment all day.
404
00:17:07,504 --> 00:17:09,637
It's irresponsible,
to tell you the truth.
405
00:17:09,724 --> 00:17:11,595
That is not my dog.Hmm?
406
00:17:11,682 --> 00:17:14,033
My dog is a teacup Yorkie
named Cherish.
407
00:17:14,120 --> 00:17:17,819
Where is Cherish?Huh, right.
408
00:17:17,906 --> 00:17:20,430
If the Yorkie belongs here, then
the retriever should have gone
409
00:17:20,517 --> 00:17:25,696
to the place
above the liquor store.
410
00:17:25,783 --> 00:17:26,828
I see what I did.
411
00:17:26,915 --> 00:17:28,308
This is so me, dude.
412
00:17:28,395 --> 00:17:30,527
All the dogs
are off by one.
413
00:17:30,614 --> 00:17:31,789
Oh, my God.
414
00:17:31,876 --> 00:17:33,487
The Chihuahua should
be the in the loft.
415
00:17:33,574 --> 00:17:36,577
Which means you should be
in Chinatown, Judith Light.
416
00:17:36,664 --> 00:17:37,795
Oh, man.
417
00:17:37,882 --> 00:17:39,623
No worries, dude,
Cherish is totally fine.
418
00:17:39,710 --> 00:17:41,799
She's just in a tenement
building on Avenue D.
419
00:17:41,886 --> 00:17:46,021
I'll have her back in one...
closer to three hours.
420
00:17:47,675 --> 00:17:50,199
Cherish!
421
00:17:53,942 --> 00:17:55,422
No, Mom, it was good.
422
00:17:55,509 --> 00:17:57,032
Yeah, it was good.
423
00:17:57,119 --> 00:18:00,427
I actually drew today,
all day.
424
00:18:00,514 --> 00:18:02,037
I gotta go--
I love you.
425
00:18:02,124 --> 00:18:04,387
Okay, talk to you later,
bye.
426
00:18:04,474 --> 00:18:05,997
Abbi, it's fine.
427
00:18:06,085 --> 00:18:07,564
I just think
you owe me an apology.
428
00:18:07,651 --> 00:18:10,132
Are you kidding me?
You owe me an apology.
429
00:18:10,219 --> 00:18:12,743
Well, you did ruin
a perfectly good chicken.
430
00:18:12,830 --> 00:18:14,789
It's a rotisserie chicken.
431
00:18:14,876 --> 00:18:17,052
You can get one anywhere.What does it matter
how it's prepared?
432
00:18:17,139 --> 00:18:18,488
You know what, Bevers?
433
00:18:18,575 --> 00:18:19,881
You need to like,
just shut up right now
434
00:18:19,968 --> 00:18:21,317
because I can't even
handle this.
435
00:18:21,404 --> 00:18:23,928
You got me to commit
a federal offense today.
436
00:18:24,015 --> 00:18:27,149
We borrowed neighbor's mail
to go get a neighbor's package.
437
00:18:27,236 --> 00:18:28,498
You were not a good kisser.
438
00:18:28,585 --> 00:18:30,674
You messed up
my entire thing today.
439
00:18:30,761 --> 00:18:33,155
I think we should talk.We're talking right now.
440
00:18:33,242 --> 00:18:35,244
[knocking]I think what needs to happen
is you need to go home
441
00:18:35,331 --> 00:18:37,333
'cause you
don't live here.What?
442
00:18:37,420 --> 00:18:39,292
[knocking continues]You need to grab all
your little flip flops
443
00:18:39,379 --> 00:18:40,945
and all your socks
and you need to get out.
444
00:18:41,032 --> 00:18:42,556
[knocking continues]
445
00:18:42,643 --> 00:18:44,645
Jesus, what?
446
00:18:44,732 --> 00:18:46,473
Whoa.Jeremy.
447
00:18:46,560 --> 00:18:47,909
Okay, I don't
have the package.
448
00:18:47,996 --> 00:18:49,606
I don't have it.
449
00:18:49,693 --> 00:18:51,304
They came here and then
I wasn't here and then
450
00:18:51,391 --> 00:18:52,870
I had to go to
the island to get it
451
00:18:52,957 --> 00:18:54,524
and there was this woman there
and she was eating all this
452
00:18:54,611 --> 00:18:56,265
yogurt and she
wouldn't give it to me 'cause
453
00:18:56,352 --> 00:18:57,658
I didn't have your ID.Whoa, whoa, hey, hey.
454
00:18:57,745 --> 00:19:00,095
I don't have
an ID of yours.It's okay.
455
00:19:00,182 --> 00:19:01,314
I'm sorry.It's not her fault.
456
00:19:01,401 --> 00:19:02,619
It's mine.
457
00:19:02,706 --> 00:19:04,795
I didn't get the door
when the delivery came.
458
00:19:04,882 --> 00:19:07,972
Abbi actually tried really hard
to get your package today.
459
00:19:08,059 --> 00:19:09,713
Abbi, I didn't mean for you
to go through so much trouble.
460
00:19:09,800 --> 00:19:11,193
It's no big deal.
461
00:19:11,280 --> 00:19:14,153
Listen, man, I'm going to
be here all day tomorrow
462
00:19:14,240 --> 00:19:15,937
and the day after that,
all day.
463
00:19:16,024 --> 00:19:18,157
Day after that, all day.
464
00:19:18,244 --> 00:19:20,550
So I can sign for
your package, no problem.
465
00:19:20,637 --> 00:19:22,683
Fantastic, man,
I appreciate that.
466
00:19:22,770 --> 00:19:25,729
I owe you dinner, okay?Oh, you don't--
Yeah, okay.
467
00:19:25,816 --> 00:19:28,776
It'll be fun.I got a lot of planks
I gotta unload, so...
468
00:19:28,863 --> 00:19:30,038
All right.But I'll see
you guys later?
469
00:19:30,125 --> 00:19:30,865
Yeah.Okay.
470
00:19:30,952 --> 00:19:34,477
Just whenever.
471
00:19:34,564 --> 00:19:36,566
[farting]
472
00:19:36,653 --> 00:19:38,089
I thought
he would never leave.
473
00:19:38,177 --> 00:19:39,787
Ooh.[farting]
474
00:19:39,874 --> 00:19:42,790
Ooh, ooh, ooh.
475
00:19:42,877 --> 00:19:45,140
Thank God you got this
toilet paper, Abbi.
476
00:19:45,227 --> 00:19:47,142
Ooh...[farting]
477
00:19:47,229 --> 00:19:49,710
Oh, I totally
missed, Abbi!
478
00:19:49,797 --> 00:19:51,364
[laughing]
Oh!
479
00:19:55,150 --> 00:19:56,630
The graphics are sick.
480
00:19:56,717 --> 00:19:58,284
You can really see like,
the life
481
00:19:58,371 --> 00:20:00,851
drain out of the guy's
eyes-- It's pretty cool.
482
00:20:00,938 --> 00:20:02,940
I'd love to come over
and play sometime.I wish.
483
00:20:03,027 --> 00:20:05,639
Abbi really doesn't like it
when I have friends over.
484
00:20:05,726 --> 00:20:07,902
I'll come to your place?Absolutely.
485
00:20:07,989 --> 00:20:09,904
I'll make my special
rotisserie chicken.
486
00:20:09,991 --> 00:20:11,688
21 seasonings salute.
487
00:20:11,775 --> 00:20:13,168
Dude.
488
00:20:13,255 --> 00:20:14,561
How are you still single?
489
00:20:14,648 --> 00:20:17,128
It's just hard to meet
girls in this city.
490
00:20:17,216 --> 00:20:22,090
Dude, you gotta know
someone you can set me up with.
491
00:20:22,177 --> 00:20:25,833
You know what?
492
00:20:25,920 --> 00:20:28,444
No, I don't.
493
00:20:28,531 --> 00:20:33,188
Sorry.
494
00:20:33,275 --> 00:20:36,322
So this mole has grown like, 10
times bigger in the last year.
495
00:20:36,409 --> 00:20:38,324
Should I be worried?Please.
496
00:20:38,411 --> 00:20:40,543
There's a cat I need
to put to sleep.
497
00:20:40,630 --> 00:20:42,328
Okay, but could you just
touch it really quickly?
498
00:20:42,415 --> 00:20:44,068
[beeping]Am I thin?
499
00:20:44,155 --> 00:20:45,548
Like, for a dog?
500
00:20:45,635 --> 00:20:47,942
[beeping]Well, the cat's dead.
501
00:20:48,029 --> 00:20:49,509
Let's do this.
502
00:20:49,596 --> 00:20:51,815
Wow, these hemorrhoids
really are bad.
503
00:20:51,902 --> 00:20:53,077
I know.
504
00:20:53,164 --> 00:20:54,731
I spend way too much
time on the toilet.
505
00:20:54,818 --> 00:20:56,342
Thanks.
506
00:20:56,429 --> 00:20:57,430
You know, I just can't
even control myself.
507
00:20:57,517 --> 00:20:59,170
Well, this should
do the trick.
508
00:20:59,258 --> 00:21:00,737
Now remember,
no scratching.
509
00:21:00,824 --> 00:21:02,652
Thanks again.
510
00:21:12,445 --> 00:21:15,274
Ugh...
511
00:21:18,929 --> 00:21:21,018
Oh God.
512
00:21:21,105 --> 00:21:23,543
[exhaling]
513
00:21:24,587 --> 00:21:26,763
[exhaling]
36450
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