All language subtitles for The.Last.Drive-in.with.Joe.Bob.Briggs.S33E03.Intruder.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP2.0.H.264-BFM_track3_[eng]

-♪ Hey, everybody,
have you heard the news? ♪

♪ Joe Bob is back in town ♪

♪ He's over at the drive-in,
hanging around ♪

♪ Watching crazy movies,
so come on down ♪

♪ To Joe Bob's
"Last Drive-In" show ♪

♪ Blood, beasties,
boobies, and more ♪

♪ Joe Bob's
"Last Drive-In" show ♪

♪ It's a spooky good time
with monsters and ghosts ♪

♪ Crazy, kooky fun with
the world's greatest host ♪

♪ Joe Bob's
"Last Drive-In" show ♪

♪ It's gonna be legendary ♪

♪ Joe Bob's
"Last Drive-In" show ♪

♪ It's gonna be very scary ♪

♪ Joe Bob's
"Last Drive-In" show ♪

♪ Let's go ♪

-Tonight we go to
the mountaintop.

We go to the pinnacle
of motion picture history.

We climb Everest
and we don't stop for water.

We buy one of
those mountain climbing outfits

with the harness
and the gear loops.

We --

Yeah, I know, I know, I know.

Okay.

As everybody knows,

there are only six
major events in the creation

of motion picture technology.
-People don't know that.

-They don't know?

-No, of course not.
You just made it up.

-Darcy the Mail Girl,
ladies and gentlemen!

I should go ahead
and introduce you because,

Darcy, you tonight...
-Yes.

-...are my Sherpa
on the way up the mountain.

-Alright. Is that the people who
live in Nepal and carry stuff?

-Yeah, they're the guides...
-Alright.

-...when you climb Everest.

-Do I get one of
those cool hats with earflaps?

-We can definitely arrange
cool hat with earflaps.

-Then I'm so in! Yes.
-Alright.

Our Sherpa is here
to handle all your tweets

and your Insta posts
and your TikToks and whatevers.

-That I can do.

Don't Sherpas carry
oxygen canisters?

-They definitely carry
oxygen canisters. Yes.

-I got that covered, too.
-Okay.

Make sure it's just oxygen
in those canisters, Darcy.

As most people know,

there are only six
major events in the creation

of motion picture technology.

August 24th, 1891.
West Orange, New Jersey.

Invention of the Kinetoscope.

Thomas Edison.

-Thomas Edison
claimed to be the inventor. Yes.

-"Claimed"?

Oh, you are starting things off

all controversial and shit.

-William Kennedy Dickson was
a Thomas Edison fanboy

who worked for him and
apparently did most of the work.

But it's a better story if
Edison invented the Kinetoscope.

-Alright, well, we
can send out some love for Bill.

-Okay. Second of six events.

March 23rd, 1911.
Inglewood, California.

D.W. Griffith invents
the close-up.

-Is that something
you have to invent?

-Yeah.
Before that,

they would always show
the whole body of the actor.

The name of that movie
was "The Lonedale Operator."

December 9th, 1926.
Hollywood, California.

Cinematographer
H. Kinley Martin uses

the Rolla T. Flora
Paramount zoom lens

to photograph the upper torso
of Clara Bow.

-Is that true?
-Of course it's true.

They were testing the Rolla T.
Flora zoom on the Paramount lot

while making the movie "It."

We never saw Clara Bow's boobs,

but we had the technology
to photograph them if necessary.

-And that's the third
most important moment in film.

-It's the third
in chronological order.

Yes.
-Oh, okay.

-October 6th, 1927.
Burbank, California.

Alan Crosland directs
the first picture with sound.

-"The Jazz Singer."

-Correct-a-mundo!
-Yay!

-April 17th, 1948.
Shelton, Connecticut.

Joseph Talalay
perfects molded latex.

-Latex?
-Yes.

-Like, just normal latex?

-There's nothing normal
about latex, Darcy.

Joseph Talalay was a genius.

And of course,

the final of the six
big technological achievements.

March 24th, 1963.

We all know that date.
Coral Gables, Florida.

Herschell Gordon Lewis takes
theatrical stage makeup

supplied by Barfred Cosmetics,

combines it with
corn syrup and food coloring,

and simulates the consistency
of human blood.

It took the motion picture
industry 75 years to get there,

but the technology was
finally in place

for the world's highest
expression of cinematic truth,

the genre that would
reign supreme

for the rest
of recorded time.

I speak, of course...
of the slasher.

Whoo! Yeah!

-Do you realize, Darcy,

that there are directors who
spend a lifetime in Hollywood

and never even get a chance
to make a slasher?

-That is so hard to believe.

-So, tonight we celebrate
the slasher genre

in all its aspects, and
we settle two questions forever.

One is,
what movie is the first slasher?

Do you have an opinion
about that?

I can make a guess.

-I'll give you some titles

that have been put forward
for the first slasher.

-Alright.

-"Psycho."

-Definitely
some people will say that.

-"Peeping Tom."

-I can see that, too.

-"Black Christmas," 1974.

-That's the one
I was gonna say.

-It fails on a couple
of the elements.

"The Texas Chain Saw Massacre."

-I feel like
"Psycho" is gonna be

the popular choice, honestly.

-Well, most people
would be wrong

if that's the popular choice.

And the first slasher is not any
of the titles I just listed.

-Okay. Are you gonna tell us
what it is?

-No, I am,
but I'm gonna make you wait.

-Of course you are.

-So, to cover the whole
50-year history of slashers,

we are going to show
a really early one tonight

and then a really recent one.

The first movie, "Intruder,"
came out in 1989,

but it's kind of the best
1981 movie to come out in 1989.

Um, the short film

that it's based on
was actually made in 1979

by the same group of young guys
who made "The Evil Dead."

It's got all the early
slasher elements.

Uh, Ted Raimi,
the great character actor --

I see you're cosplaying
Ted Raimi.

-Again.
-...is featured in it,

along with his famous
director brother, Sam Raimi.

And then for our second feature,

we've got "In a Violent Nature,"
a 2024 slasher

that contains all
the postmodern elements

of what is often called the
neo-slasher genre.

Or does it?
We'll debate that later.

And then while we're at it,

we're gonna do slasher history,
slasher tropes,

and show a whole lot
of slasher love.

-Yeah, we are.

You said there were two things
we were gonna do tonight,

and one was name
the original slasher,

but what was the other one?

-Oh, define what
a slasher actually is.

-Okay.
-In fact, come on out, guys.

Come on out.
Because, Darcy...

Yes.
-Every slasher movie

needs to have 24 things in it,

or else it's not a slasher.

-And you are gonna tell us
what all of those are.

-Yes, I'm gonna reveal
a few items at each break

and we're gonna argue
about them.

-How do you know
we're gonna argue?

-Ah, just a premonition.
-Alright. Tell me one of 'em.

-Right now? Right now?
-Yeah, right now.

Right now.

-Um, okay.

A slasher must start
with a kill scene

in which
the killer is not revealed.

-Oh, no. Oh, no.
Already disagree.

There are slow-burn slashers.

-Oh, oh, I know that.
I'm agreeing with --

agreeing with that,
but here's the principle.

Is it a better slasher if it
starts with that big kill scene?

-Yeah, it definitely is.
-So, that's the point.

We're defining what's
in the perfect slasher.

-Oh. Well, then I agree.

-Okay, one down, 23 to go.

-Okay. Should I be
taking notes on this?

-No, I got that covered.
-Actually, yes, I see.

-We're gonna rip off
number 15 here.

"Starts with a kill."
-Okay.

-We're going to school
tonight, Darcy.

But first,
how about showing the movie?

-Wha...?!
I am shocked by that.

-What we have here
is the sensitive story

of the night shift crew
down at the local supermarket,

putting out baked bean
and pineapple displays

marked half off because they've
just been told they're fired

because the place is being sold.

Meanwhile, the abusive
ex-boyfriend of cashier Jennifer

has just gotten out of jail,

determined
to repeatedly declare his love

despite being beaten up
by several of the stock boys.

So he hides behind
the meat racks and beer cases,

playing cat and mouse

with various employees
who are being splintered

and splattered like discount
salami at the deli counter

by a lover of sharp instruments.

Sure, we've seen it before,

but have we seen it with
insider grocery store subtext?

I think not.

Let's take a look at those
drive-in totals and get started.

We have eight dead bodies,

zero breasts...

I'm sorry, but an '80s slasher
with no boob action?

What were they thinking?

That's got to be
a half-point deduction.

We can get into that later,
Darcy.

-Oh, I agree.

-Hammer to the cranium.
Knife to the cranium.

Bottle to the cranium.
Wheat germ to the cranium.

Strangulation with spike
to the eyeball.

Butcher knife to the belly.

Hydraulic press head crushing.

Meathook to the jaw.
Cleaver to the face.

Bandsaw through the face.

Stabbing.

One pickled eyeball.

Unintentional eyeball stomping.

One head beating with a head,
which could also be called

giving head to a head,

or head-on-head battering

or head-battering
of a battered head.

Phone booth destruction
with the user inside.

Brawl in aisle four.

Persistent bloody nose.

Heads roll.

Hand rolls, twice.

Feet roll. Face rolls.

Eyeballs roll.

Gratuitous cereal stocking.

Butcher knife fu.
Cleaver fu.

Decapitated head fu.

Drive-In Academy Award
nominations

for David Byrnes

as abusive ex-boyfriend Craig,

for skulking around the store

and for saying,
"Give me my change."

Burr Steers as Bub,

for being saddled with
explaining Craig's backstory

and for saying Craig
really used to be quite cool.

Ted Raimi as Produce Joe,

for wearing his Walkman
while chopping produce

and for saying, "Craig Peterson?
I remember him.

We got into a fight this
one time and I kicked his ass."

Sam Raimi as Randy, for taking
a meat hook to the jaw

and for saying,
"What the hell is this?"

Elizabeth Cox as Jennifer for
having a badly timed bloody nose

and for saying, "You're crazy!"

Danny Hicks as Bill Roberts

for loving the grocery store
just a little too much,

and for saying,
"Don't you see?

I'm just crazy about
this store."

And Scott Spiegel, the director,

for finding point-of-view shots

where there's no point of view.

3 1/2 stars.
Joe Bob says check it out.

You know, I didn't put
"nekkidity"

on the 24-point
slasher trope list,

but I think it needs to be
there.

-Oh, it should.

-People say, "Why do they
always have to be nekkid?"

Because they're more vulnerable
when they're nekkid.

It is scarier.

And there's an assumption that
they're less likely to escape

if they're nekkid.

I'm not sure that's true,
though.

-It's not.

I feel like there's nothing
to slow you down

if you have no clothes on.

-Yeah. Maria Ford.

-Maria Ford what?

-Maria Ford proved that

when she did extended
kung fu in the nude.

-Oh, yeah!
What movie was that?

-A Roger Corman movie
in the '90s.

I don't remember the name of it,
but she should, you know --

she should go into
the Drive-In Hall of Fame

just for that one scene.

She was trying to find out
what happened to her sister,

Charlie Spradling, in, um...

-"Angel of Destruction."

-"Angel of Destruction"!
I bet you only watched that

'cause you thought
it was a sequel to "Angel."

-What?!

I mean, that would've been
awesome, but no.

Oh, one that always
stands out to me, though.

Betsy Rue's extended
fully nekkid nude scene

in "My Bloody Valentine 3D."

She's amazing in that.
-Oh, yeah.

When the killer is trying
to get her with the pickax?

-Yes, she does not make it,

but I still feel the scene
deserves to be singled out.

-That whole movie is underrated.

-Oh, my God. Agreed.

-That's actually fighting
full-frontal nekkid

in front of a 3D camera,

which takes bravery.
-Yes!

-Nekkid stuntwork
should be a category.

Absolutely.

-There you go. Thanks a lot.

Good evening,
Walnut Lake shoppers.

The store will be closing
in 15 minutes,

so please make
your final selection

and bring them
to the front of the store,

and our cashier will be
happy to check you out.

Thank you for shopping
at Walnut Lake Market.

-Jen?

-Yeah?
-How much is this?

-Uh, it's $1.89.
-Okay, thanks.

-Sure, no problem.

-Jen?

Yeah?

-Has Dave asked you out yet?

-No, he's still seeing Carrie.

-Uh-uh.
I heard they broke up.

-Am I interrupting something?

Uh, you know...
-No, no, no.

-Oh! Well!
I thought, oh, you know...

-No, no, no.
-I could hear everything.

Yeah.

-Here's your bag, Mr. Abernathy.
-Oh.

-You got this. Ready now?
-Yeah. Oh, yeah.

-Wait, I don't want you to
forget your plant here.

-Oh, well, of course.
Thank you, very kind.

Oh!

-Good grief!

-Oh, Mr. Abernathy,
I am sorry about that!

-Yeah, well, I'm sorrier.

There's no discount for seniors?
Nothing, huh?

Excuse me!

Hold hands, you love birds!

-Linda, I'm gonna go
round up some carts.

-Watch out for him
in the parking lot.

-Thank you.
Have a good night.

-Thank you.

-Hi--

-Long time, no see.

-Craig.

-How come you haven't
returned my calls?

-I haven't checked my
answering machine in two days.

Yeah, like I
really can believe that.

You know, I got a gimp hand
from writing you

letter after letter, just hoping
you'd write one back to me.

-Craig, this is no time --

-When is a good time,
Jennifer, huh?

A year from now, maybe two?

You don't know what
I've been going through,

and what's worse is
you don't even care.

-Is there a problem, Jen?
-Look, fuck off!

-Where are you going?

-See what the trouble is.

-Never once do those girls
work that alarm properly.

Just finish looking over
the contracts,

then check on the girls,
then close the store.

-Well, at least let me
check out the window.

-Fine.

-It's $1.35 for the cigarettes.

-Jennifer...

Look, I've been thinking
about you for a long time now.

-Craig, I'm sorry about
what happened, I really am,

but as far as you and I
are concerned,

it's over, and it's been
over for a year now.

-Shh.

Now listen to me.

I've kept it alive
for a long time.

-Well, I haven't,
and if you can't see why,

my telling you is not gonna
make any difference --

-Jennifer.
-Please, Craig!

Now, I have to get back to work.

You owe me $1.35
for the cigarettes.

-You owe me an explanation!

-Well, you're
not listening to me!

-Listen, Jennifer, I've been
waiting too long for this.

-You're hurting me!

-Would you leave her alone?

-Look, get lost!

-You're crazy!

-Don't ever call me that.

-What the hell's
your problem, man?

-Stop it!
-Make him stop!

-Cut it out!
-Guys, stop fighting!

-Stop it!

Cut it out!
-Stop it!

You guys, just stop fighting!

-Bill!
Just leave him alone!

-Hey! Back!

Jesus.

Wait. Chill out, chill out.

Come on.

Come on.

-What the hell's goin' on?

-Hey! What the...?

-Son of a bitch!

-Jennifer, call the police.
-Did you hear that?

-Alright, alright.
-No, I'm not alright.

-Alright, come on,
now listen up!

Listen up. Everybody
check out the store, okay?

But be careful.

If you find him,
yell loud and clear,

but stay away from him,
you understand?

Alright, let's go.

Shit!

-Police Department.
-Hi.

Please hold.

Don't put me on hold.

-Jesus Christ, you
scared the shit outta me!

What're you doin'
working tonight?

-Working.

I thought
you were Craig.

-Craig?
-Craig Peterson.

-Craig Peterson!

Hey, I remember him!

One time, we got into this fight
and I kicked his ass.

-Yeah? Yeah, well, we just
got in a big fight with him,

up front of the store.
-Oh.

-He's in here somewhere.

So if you see him,
keep your eyes peeled.

-Now?

Tonight?

-Tonight, now.

-Oh.

You ass!

You practically
scared me to death!

-What?
I'm sorry. I couldn't help it.

-Hey, what happened?
Did you see him?

Did you see him anywhere?
-No, it's just Tim scaring me.

-You are such a dick, Tim.

-Jackass, come on!

-This is so typical of you, Tim.

-Quit screwing around, damn it.

This is serious business!

-I think -- I think I know where
Craig might be hiding.

-Where?

-The attic.

-"The attic."
-The attic!

-Hey! Shut up.

Up there where I caught you guys
smokin' that wacky tobacky?

Aw, come on, Bub.

Let's check it out.

-Me?
-Yeah, you!

Come on, damn it!

-You got me in trouble.
What?

You wanna have a beer
with me back here?

-Hey, I heard that!
No beer!

-Come on, help me find him.
-What? What?

-I can't see nothin' up here
but a whole bunch of darkness.

Give me a flashlight.

Come on.

Son of a whore!

-Outstanding, Bill.

-Well, if he's up there,

he's gonna have a hell
of a time gettin' down.

Hello, police
emergency services.

May I help you?

-Thank God!

- Sergeant Andrews.
- May I help you?

-It's Jennifer Ross,
and there's someone --

What's your name and location?

-I-I told you, 2100...

Are you in danger, ma'am?

-Now give me my change.

-Are you kidding?

-Does it look like I'm kidding?

-Phone the police?
-I...

-Call them, now!
-I tried!

-You're done!

-Right, now, you listen
and you listen good.

If I ever catch you
around here anymore,

you're gonna have more to
deal with than the police.

You're gonna deal with me.
You understand?

And you better hope that
the cops get you before I do.

Bill, unlock the door.

Come on.

-Punk!

-Be gone with ya.

-Come on!

-Go home!
-God damn it.

-You punk.
-Get the hell outta here!

-Roll the fuck off!
-Beat it!

-Fuck.

-Beat it.

-Go back to work, come on.

-The police said that
they'd send a squad car

as soon as possible.

-You gonna be alright,
Jennifer?

-Yeah, I'll be fine.

-Well, I think we have enough
excitement for one night.

-Yeah.
-Yeah.

-Danny and I wanna
congratulate y'all

on the way you handled
this situation this evening.

Y'all did a fine job.

-Does this mean we get a raise?

-Unfortunately, no.

As a matter of fact, tonight
we start marking down

everything in the store
half price.

-Why?

-Bill and I are
selling the store.

-What?
-Aww!

-Now, now, calm down,
everybody, calm down!

Just hear the man out.

-Well, Bill and I, well,
we've agreed to sell the store

to the city,
and your jobs will end

about the first of next month.

However...

However, look, Bill and I want
you all to know we appreciate

the years that you've
been loyal to us,

and you'll find a nice
bonus check from us

as a little token
of our appreciation.

-And if any of you kids need
any kind of a recommendation,

you know we'll give you
the best one in the world.

-Right.
-Wonderful.

-I'll be in the back.

Oh, you guys, clean up
this mess, okay?

-Okay.

-And I just got a raise.
-Yeah.

-Jesus, I don't believe this.

-Oh, man. Three years of
seniority down the toilet.

-What about me?
What about my job?

-I had two weeks' paid vacation
comin' to me.

-It's not so bad.
I can get unemployment now.

-Right, right.
-You're never working anyway.

-Get that straight.

You would say that.

He did.

We should've joined the union.

-Look, look, I'm not the one
that wanted to sell the store.

Believe me! I've been here
for over 10 years.

I've made this store my life.

Randy, I started out here
as a butcher, just like you,

and finally worked my way up
to co-owner of this place.

It's my home away from home.

-If that's so true, Bill, then
why'd you give in to Danny?

-I didn't.

Not voluntarily, mind you.

Aw hell, let me put it this way.

I own 49% of this place,
he owns 51.

That about says it all.

-Yeah.

Gonna miss this old place.

-Me too.

More than you'll ever know.

Now, does everybody know
what they're doin' tonight?

-Yeah.
-Yeah.

-Good. I gotta take a fastie.

-Okay, Darcy. We already had
one slasher evergreen.

When Craig runs off
into the store

and they don't know where he's
hiding, they decide to split up.

There's always a "decide
to split up" scene, right?

-Yeah, but nothing happened.
-Well, I know,

but maybe it was a false flag
split-up moment.

-If that's a thing,
then yes.

-Alright, so we're gonna
go ahead and rip off number 22.

"Never split up."

I mean, you watch them
decide to split up,

you're thinking, "Okay,
the kills start now."

But they don't.
It's a fake-out.

-We should have had
a kill by now.

-True.
We're 20 plus minutes in,

and that's a long time
to wait for some red meat.

What do you think about setting
a slasher in a supermarket?

-I like it.
It has lots of hiding places

and lots of things to kill with.
-True.

Which leads me to two more
of my slasher essentials.

One, the story must take place
in an isolated location.

We're going to rip off
number four for that.

"Isolated setting."
Um...

-Hmm.
-Agreed?

-I feel like a supermarket's
not that isolated.

-Well, except a supermarket
when it's the after-hours crew

and they're closing forever.

-Okay, fair. Yeah.

-Um, they actually found
a supermarket

that was closing forever.

The Ranch Market
in Bell Gardens, California.

They paid a guy
to let him use it

while the owner was out of town.

And they also got use of his
damaged and dented grocery stock

so they could fill up
the shelves

with defective cereal
and canned food.

But you'll notice that
when they talk on the phone,

they call it
the Walnut Lake Market.

That's because Scott Spiegel,
the director,

had worked at a grocery store
in Michigan

called the Walnut --
Walnut Lake Market.

Um, I don't think
it's there anymore,

but it was -- it was
in that wealthy suburban area

where Sam Raimi also grew up.

Sam -- Sam is seen here
as Randy,

the stock boy getting tossed
around by Craig.

And Ted Raimi is seen here as
the produce guy with headphones

who brags not very convincingly
about the time

he beat Craig's ass.
-Craig!

-I'm gonna ask Ted
about this someday.

But this particular part
of suburban Detroit

was just chock full
of boys making Super 8 films

who would go on
to huge Hollywood careers,

including the stoner Bub,
played by Burr Steers,

who would go on to direct

fucking "Pride and Prejudice
and Zombies."

Who knew?
-What?! No way!

-Uh, anyway,
just one more slasher essential

before we move on.
-Okay.

-Uh, we're going
to rip off number eight here.

Um, the story must be limited
to one location,

and that location must be one
of the three C's.

And the three C's are
camp, campus, or country.

So, the movie can be set in
a camp like "Friday the 13th,"

or a campus like "Sorority House
Massacre" or "Carrie,"

or country, which can be either
a small town,

like "The Texas
Chain Saw Massacre,"

or a suburb, like "Halloween."

In this case, it's a suburb.

The point is that it's
a group of people

whose options are limited by
wherever they are living.

So, suburban supermarket,

certain kind of people
can't escape it

'cause you're a cashier
or a stock boy.

Um, and this is the only slasher
I can ever remember

that's set
entirely in a supermarket.

But good choice.

Alright!
Let's go back to the movie.

-Okay.

-A lot of people get confused

in that very first scene
because, well,

first they get confused
because Scott Spiegel does

a grocery cart
point-of-view shot.

Scott Spiegel likes --

likes inanimate object POV,
like shots from the inside

of telephones and stuff.

But then there's this old guy.

That old guy in the porkpie hat
who's trying to check out,

and he drops his groceries
and he mumbles a lot.

That was an Easter egg.
You know who that was?

-Emil Sitka.
-That's right. Emil Sitka.

A regular
in Three Stooges films.

He was in 35
Three Stooges films.

Columbia contract player who did
a lot of slapstick comedy.

Um, most famous role that he had
was as a justice of the peace

who begins every service with,
"Hold hands, you lovebirds."

So they have him say
that signature line there

at the beginning of the movie.
Why?

Doesn't --
Doesn't belong in the movie.

But Scott Spiegel and all
his friends grew up watching --

they were massive
Three Stooges fans,

and their first Super 8 films
were virtual remakes

of Three Stooges shorts.

So anyway, Emil Sitka
was a bit player

in hundreds of films,

the favorite foil
of the Stooges,

the only actor
who worked with all Six stooges,

and for most of his life

he had the California
license plate "STOOGES."

And if you go to his grave
in Camarillo --

he died in 1998
at the age of 84 --

uh, the inscription
on his tomb is,

"Hold hands, you lovebirds."

Aww!

-So, very deep dive
Easter egg stuff,

right at the beginning
of the movie.

That was Emil Sitka's
next-to-last movie.

Um, Scott Spiegel and Sam Raimi

used him again in their
1992 movie "The Nutt House."

But most people don't know
that film even exists

'cause they lost control of it
to a producer

who didn't like them, and so
they took their names off of it.

But anyway, let's have a moment
of appreciation for Emil Sitka,

the last living Stooge, because
he actually replaced Larry Fine,

um, after Larry suffered
a stroke

and went to the Motion Picture
Actors Home in Woodland Hills.

Um, but they don't
make Stooges anymore, Darcy.

-No, they don't.
-And that is a damn shame.

-Lost your job, Joe!

-No wonder Danny's got
the whole crew working tonight.

It's going to be a bitch
changing all these prices.

Are you okay, Jen?

-I've been better.

Aw, it's okay!

-Know anybody
who needs a new cashier?

I'll get it.

-See? Opportunity
calling right now.

-Ha-ha.

Walnut Lake Market.
This is Jennifer.

Hello?

Hello?

Hello, Jennifer.

-What do you want?

You.

You standing there.
You look so beautiful.

-I called the police.

Am I supposed
to be scared or what?

-Leave me alone!

Don't answer that.

-This guy is a total creep!

You really went out with him?

-For two months,
about a year ago.

That was the last time
I saw him.

-Where's he been?

-Prison.

-You're kidding!

-I wish I was.

-Why? What happened?

-Craig took me to
this bar, Dillon's.

You know Dillon's.

And I told him I didn't
want to see him anymore.

And the bouncer came over
and told Craig to settle down

'cause Craig was
starting a fight.

-That's not surprising.

-And when they pulled Craig
off of the guy, he was dead.

-You mean he actually
killed someone?

-It was an accident.

I guess.

-That's just great.
And now he's out.

Felt like
someone was watching me.

Not again!

-You know, if Craig's
gonna keep calling you,

he's gonna have to
take some abuse.

Look here, shithead,
if you call here one more --

Linda?

-Oh, Teddy. Sorry.
-What's goin' on?

That's no way to
answer the phone.

-No.

Yes.

-I want some beer.
-What kind of beer?

- I don't know.
- Bring home some Coronas.

-Okay.

You're gonna
be alright, aren't ya?

-No, no, just this creep
keeps calling here.

He's driving us nuts.

Yeah, he came in and
he started a fight.

Yeah, okay, I'll tell you
about it when I get home.

Do that.

-Okay, I'll talk to you later.

-Love you.
-Bye.

-This thing is not childproof.
I'm sorry.

-Hey, Jen?
-Hm?

-Give it.

-Thanks, Dave.

-You need anything else?

-Yeah, a new job.

-You and me both.

Listen, Saturday night
I'm having a few people over.

Maybe you'd like to join us.

-Are you still seeing Carrie?

-Uh...

Well, no.

-I'm -- I'm sorry. I shouldn't
have asked you that.

-Oh, no. No, that's okay.

Listen, how 'bout if we
blow off everybody else

and just you and I
go out on Saturday?

-I'd like that.
-Yeah?

-Dave, you better
get back to work.

-Danny? Ooh!

-Nice imitation there, Bill.

-Dave, I want you to
bring out all them cases

of baked beans and pineapple.

I'm gonna make
a display of that stuff.

-You wanna make
a display of both

baked beans and pineapple? -Yep,

And I think I'll call 'er
my fartblossom special.

-Okay.

-How many times have I told you

not to ride on that damn thing?

-Hey, Jen. I'll pick you up
around eight. It's a date.

-Okay!

-You know, sometimes
I think half the people

in this damn store are half
backwards, except for you.

You know, Jenny,
my old buddy Jack Lehey's

opening up a new place over
at Nine Mile in Shiawassee.

I'll bet you he could use
a good cashier.

I'll give you his number,
if you'd like.

-Yeah, that would be great.

Do you have any idea how much
the starting pay would be?

-Well, you'd have to
take that up with Lehey,

but I'm sure it'd be close
to what you're gettin' now.

-Thanks.

-So, you and Craig
used to be friends?

-Yeah, he got me this job.

I was his best friend
for a while.

-That's nothing to brag about.

-Well, Craig used to be
really quite cool, you know.

I don't know why he went nuts.

I figure it's because
his old man died.

That must've really
freaked him out.

After that, he started
acting really weird.

-Weird?
-Yeah.

He started stealing
money from me,

and then he needed more money,
to buy drugs.

I mean, like,
very serious drugs.

He was dealing them and
then he became addicted.

He started treating
Jennifer like shit.

He and I got into it one night
and I swear to God,

if my brother hadn't hit him

in the head repeatedly
with a blender,

he would've killed me.

-A blender?

-Yeah, a Hamilton Beach blender.

- Break time.
- Sorry 'bout that, guys.

-No.
-Try 'em, they're good for ya!

-They look gross. Greasy.

-They're not gross and greasy!

Back home, those are
considered health food.

-Well, maybe I will try one.

-Where's Linda?
-Shopping.

-Yeah, that's right.

She's working
the early shift now.

-No Produce Joe?

-I told him it was lunch.

I don't know where
the hell he is.

-The police
haven't arrived yet.

-The only time they show up
is when you're speeding.

Then they're on your ass
immediately.

-Yeah, they're almost as slow
as the fire department.

-Hey, watch it, Dave. I used
to be a volunteer fireman.

-Yeah?
-Yep.

Gave her up, though.
-Why?

Too dangerous?

-No, not that it was
too dangerous.

Mind you, we didn't
always just put out fires.

A lot of times we get
called out on accidents,

and I'm here to tell ya,
that last accident I was at

was enough to make
anybody give her up.

-Why? What happened?

Not that I'm interested, but
he's gonna tell us anyways.

-Well, what happened was,
we was all sittin' around

the station one evening having
dinner and we got this call

that there'd been an accident

out on Nine Mile in Middlevale.

So, we all dropped
what we was eatin'

and run out of the station.

Well, that is everybody
except for god damn Parker.

Took his hamburger
right with him!

And the first thing we
get to the scene there,

the first thing we see
is this headless corpse

layin' right in the
middle of the road,

and they can't find
the guy's head!

-Oh, that's sick.

-Guy lost his head.

-So, Parker goes walkin'
off down Nine Mile

lookin' for the head, still
eatin' his god damn hamburger!

So, everybody,
everybody just gets through.

They gets themselves
composed a little bit

so they can do
somethin' constructive.

They walk between
the engine and the squad

where the accident was and
the godawful putrescence

was layin' there and everything,

and here comes fuckin' Parker.

Walkin' down Nine Mile,
swinging the head by the hair

in one hand and his
hamburger in the other,

and he's still eatin' it!

Then, of course,
needless to say,

everybody just
lost their cookies.

-Wow.

-What the hell was that?

-Police! Police!

-Yeah, I'm comin', I'm comin'!
Hold on.

-Hello, good evening.
-Evening.

-I'm, uh, Officer Dalton.

This is Officer Matthews.
-Evening.

-How do you do, sir?
-I'm Bill Roberts.

Jennifer here called you.

-Hi.

-Hi.
-How you doin', ma'am?

-Uh, had any more trouble with
that guy since we've talked?

-Have we?

-Well, he called
a little while ago.

-Well, did he make any
threats or obscenities?

-Nope.

-Mm, we ran a check
on this guy, um...

-Craig Peterson.
-Craig Peterson, yes.

Well, all we know is that
he's out on parole now.

Well, if you see him
around here again, why,

don't hesitate to call,
and here's my card.

No, that's not my card.

That's my card. Yeah.

Well, as I said,
don't hesitate to call.

Matthews?

-Y'all have a nice night.

-You can't get in,
you can't get out.

-I feel a lot safer already.

-Our boys in blue.

-Let's get to it, come on.

-Those guys couldn't
catch a cold.

-Hey, were the cops just here?

-Yep.

-Did they pick up Craig?

-No. Not yet.

-Teddy is waiting
for me at home,

and he hates it when I'm late.

Jen, your nose. You're...

Here, I think I have a tissue.

Are you okay?

-Oh.

-Who's there?

-Okay.

I cut that right outta there.
That's what I'm gonna do.

-I still can't believe
we've been losin' money

consistently now
for the past two years.

-Sad but true.

-Well, Danny, what the hell
do you expect me to do?

Just sit around here and
watch 'em bulldoze this place

to the ground
come the first of the month?

-As long as that check clears,

they could turn this place into
a porno shop for all I care.

Now, look, you're getting
some cash out of the deal.

You've looked over
the contract, now sign it.

-Danny, I can't --
-Sign it.

Alright, I've got
a shitload of work to do.

Why don't you go downstairs
and make sure

those jokers aren't
rippin' us off blind, hm?

Close the door on your way out.

-You scared the hell
outta here, little feller.

Get outta here, scat!

Son of a bitch.

-Okay, so we finally had
a kill, but it was off camera.

Cut to a sliced watermelon.

Ha ha ha!
I hate when they do that.

-I mean, really, that sucks.

-And that dead cashier was
Renée Estevez.

You would expect them
to use her a little more.

Daughter of Martin Sheen,
little sister of Charlie Sheen.

Actually, little sister
of Charlie,

Emilio Estevez and
Ramon Estevez,

probably best remembered
by the general public

as the geeky girl Betty Finn
in "Heathers."

But this --
-"Sleepaway Camp 2."

-What?
-"Sleepaway Camp 2."

-"Sleepaway Camp 2"?
Well, yeah.

Also, this audience
may be more familiar with her

as Molly in "Sleepaway Camp 2."
-Yes.

But either way,
she was known for being related

to all the Estevezes
and the Sheens,

and was pretty much done
with acting by the early 2000s.

So she's dead girl number one.

And we also fulfilled another
essential of the slasher,

which is, uh, number 14...

The cops are idiots.

Uh, in all slashers,
law enforcement is

either non-existent,
extremely slow, or clueless.

And speaking of clueless,
Ted Raimi,

as Produce Joe, continues
to groove to his own beat.

And originally we were planning
to have him on as a guest.

But all kinds of problems
with weather and plane

cancelations and other
bull stuff made it impossible.

But, Ted, we're
thinking about you.

And, Darcy,
you're crazy about Ted Raimi.

This is the second time
you've done Ted Raimi cosplay

on this show.
-Yes.

-I am so sad
he couldn't make it.

-The first time was
"Blood Rage,"

where Ted is the condom salesman
in the men's room

of the historic Route 35
Drive-In in Hazlet, New Jersey.

Although I realize they
probably didn't shoot the scene

at the drive-in,
but that was Ted's scene.

One thing I wanted to ask Ted
is how it came about

that all the Raimi brothers
and Scott Spiegel

and these other guys who lived
in the suburbs of Detroit

were just churning out these
Super 8 movies in the '70s.

What was going on there?

'Cause a lot of these guys,
including Ted and Scott and Sam,

ended up in Hollywood

and what was going on
in West Bloomfield Township

to create all
this cinematic frenzy?

'Cause all these guys are
still friends today,

still appear in
one another's films.

All of them grew up making Three
Stooges style comedies together,

and then they all
went to Hollywood together,

and they lived in a big house

with the Coen brothers
and Holly Hunter

and Kathy Bates.
-What?!

That's crazy.
-And then at some point,

Quentin Tarantino
joins the group.

He enters the picture.

It was actually Scott Spiegel

who introduced Tarantino
to Lawrence Bender,

the producer of this movie.

And that's how
"Reservoir Dogs" got made.

And then there's a forgotten
Raimi brother, Ivan Raimi,

who is a Hollywood screenwriter.

So, anyway, all you need to know
about Ted Raimi

in this movie is that he's
the standard goofball character.

And you know what happens
to goofballs in slashers?

-They live forever.
-We know that from number 24.

"Goofballs must die."
-Aww.

-Roll the movie.

And speaking -- you know,
speaking of Three Stooges,

Sam Raimi invented
the term "fake Shemp."

Right?
-I think he did. Yeah.

-Yeah, and both Ted Raimi
and Scott Spiegel

have both gotten the credit
"Fake Shemp"

in Sam Raimi movies.

Can you explain for
the uninitiated how that works?

Or, I'll try, okay?
-Okay, go for it.

I'll correct you.
-For those of you who don't know

your Three Stooges history,
in 1955,

Shemp Howard died,

and the Three Stooges
still had contracts

to use him in four more movies.

So they disguised Joe Palma,

who was his stand-in
as Shemp Howard,

and somehow got away with it
and completed those movies.

So, a fake Shemp is

when they photograph
the actual stand-in

but you think it's
the real actor, right?

-I feel like there's a little
bit more to it than that,

but that's the gist of it, yes.

-Alright.
Can we have a fake Shemp

be me at the next break,
and I could...?

-We could try, but
no one's gonna believe it.

-Why?
Why wouldn't anybody believe it?

-'Cause no fake Shemp
can talk that much.

-What?

-Help me!

-Oh, man.

-Brain hemorrhage!

-Walnut Lake Market.

-Hi, Jen.
-Hi, Teddy.

-Is Linda still there?
-No, she left a while ago.

Hey, Jen.

I'm sorry.

-What's the matter?

-My nose won't stop bleeding,

Craig was staring
at me in the window,

and Teddy called and
Linda's not back yet!

-Hey, hey, hey. Hey.

Just relax. Look at
yourself, you're shaking.

The police are gonna get Craig.

You're safe here with all of us.

Don't worry.

Wait, wait!

Oh, my God! We're gonna
get in so much trouble!

Stop!

-Oh, shit!
I hate when that happens.

Typical.

-What the hell? Here.

Hey, asswipe, cut it out!

-Oh, it hurts.

Hey, Dave, throw me your cutter.

-Get your own cutter.

-Just let me have it.
Mine broke.

-Fine.

Here it comes.

-Got it. Thanks, Dave.

-Hey, Danny?

Bill?

Where the hell did they go?

What stupid idiot put this...

Oh.

I did.

Ah, get outta the way!

-Shit.

Hey, shut the fuckin' door!

Bub?

Man, what're you doin'?

Shut the door, man!

Bub?

Can you guys quit screwin'
around here? I'm trying to work!

Don't leave the beer cooler door
open either, please!

Jeez.

-Hey.

Who is that?

Tim?

Tim, I know it's you.

Very funny, Tiiiim!

Tim?

This isn't amusing, Tim.

Think you're gonna give
ol' Bub another wedgie?

Well, you know,
I really think not,

'cause I had the foresight not
to wear any underwear, Tim!

Very funny, you dick.

What the fuck?

Tim?

You're screwed, Tim!

Oh, whoa, it's Tim.
What a surprise.

Tim, you look horrible.

Anal itch got you down?

Can you actually speak, Tim?

What are you, catatonic?

No!

Nooo!

No! No!

No!

No!

-That would be death
by box compressor,

I do believe.

I think that machine is called
a box compressor.

But you don't realize
how much murderous technology

exists in the back rooms
of a supermarket

until you watch this movie.

And that was a pretty good knife
to Ted Raimi's head.

But this killer,
whoever he is,

is just getting started.

-It starts out slow, but some
of these kills are outstanding.

-And I think
we can now concede

that the movie satisfies slasher
principle number 11.

At least --

There must be at least six
extremely grisly kills.

Um, that's a little bit
of a spoiler

because the best two
are yet to come.

I think we've also sort of
satisfied principle number 3,

which is...

...the cast must be young people
who have vices --

sex, drugs, alcohol.

So, go ahead
and take that one off.

We got a beer guzzler.
We got a stoner.

We don't really have sex,

but we have Dave and Jennifer
thinking about sex.

What do you think
of Elizabeth Cox

as the final girl role?

-Ah, she totally kicks ass
in the end, so I approve.

-She was only in Hollywood
a short time,

but she made the most of it.

She was in "The Wraith."
-Yeah.

-Uh, "Night of the Creeps,"
"16 Candles," "The Allnighter."

She was a model from Chicago

who went to the University
of Southern California,

majored in broadcast journalism,
and as soon as she got a TV job,

she left the coast and
settled in at KDBC in El Paso

as a news anchor.

Later moved on to talk radio
at KMJ in Fresno, California,

where her name now is Liz Kern.

Um, one of the few people
in the cast

who did not stay
in the business.

I also think we've gone
long enough into the movie

that we can safely say
that Craig,

the ex-con stalker ex-boyfriend
with a creepy attitude,

is not the killer, because
that would just be too obvious,

illustrating slasher
principle number 23 --

The obvious killer is
never the killer.

Um, otherwise known
as the red herring principle.

We also know that since we're
this deep into the movie,

we have seen the killer.
And in fact,

people watching this
on their VCRs

had seen way too much
of the killer

because the video company put
the killer on the cover art --

a total no-no
in slasher marketing.

You know,
so many people figured it out

not from the movie itself,

but from just looking
at the box.

So, let's get back to the movie.

Does it seem like all they sell
in this grocery store

is cereal and beer?

-And sides of beef.
-Sides of beef.

I'm assuming
they're in a freezer

when you see those sides
of beef hanging on hooks,

but it doesn't look
like they are.

And the meat doesn't look
very frozen.

-It doesn't look frozen.

It doesn't look
like it was full at all.

-That's true.
Just an occasional side of beef

hanging there like a lonely,
dead animal.

-Aww, it isa lonely,
dead animal.

-Well, that's true, Darcy,

and that's what makes
red meat humane.

Because those cows are dead
before they know what hits them.

So they never suffer.

-Oh, wow. That makes me feel
so much better.

-Nobody likes killing, Darcy.

-You sound like the guy
in "Texas Chain Saw Massacre."

-You can't eat 'em
unless you kill 'em first, so...

-But you actually
don't need to eat 'em.

I am from Texas, Darcy.

-Oh, yeah, I forgot.
Whatever.

♪ All the songs
that you sang to... ♪

-Some more of those ribs.

Two rumps.

Okay.

This is Moss's.

This is Marge's.

What the hell is this?

You're goin' on special
tomorrow in a big way.

The hell is this?

Tape these suckers up here.

Hey, Bub. Throw me
my cutter, will ya?

I'm over here in aisle seven.

Hey, asshole!

Why didn't you close the cover
before you threw it over?

Randy?

Left the slicer on.

Ah.

Never any of the big ones.

Bathroom.

Randy?

Bub?

Who's in here?

Very funny, guys,
with the pig's feet.

Randy?

Aw, shit.

Randy, you got some blood
to clean up out here.

Bub?

Hey, Bub, I know you're
up there, screwin' around.

Very funny.

Bub?

I know you're up here.
Stop foolin' around, man.

Bub? I know you're --

Ah, Jennifer!

Jennifer!

Behind you!

Jennifer!

-Please help me, please! Help!

No!

Nooo!

No!

Oh, no!

No!

-Dave?

Tim?

Bub?

Randy?

Dave?

Where is everybody?

Dave?

Dave?

Hello?

Randy?

I thought you were supposed
to clean up in here.

Ugh!

That's not funny, Randy!

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God!

Danny!

Bill!

Danny!

Oh...

Oh, my God!

Open!

Oh, my God!

-Shit!

It's closed.

-Wait!

Let me go!

Craig?

Oh, God.

Craig!

Craig!

-Okay, Darcy, I did not put it
on the slasher essentials list,

but the sequence here where
somebody is trying to get away,

but they keep running into dead
bodies from previous scenes --

those are always
delicious sequences.

And actually, that should be

one of the slasher essentials,
right?

-Agreed. Especially when
they keep finding

severed heads
and body parts.

-And they're often
in the fridge.

-Right. Or dead bodies
that fall from the ceiling.

-How great is that effect

when Dave gets his face cut
in half by the bandsaw?

-That is a Hall of Fame kill.

-This is early Greg Nicotero
work, KNB EFX.

But KNB EFX would become
legendary in the effects world

and work for a long time
on these very stages

where we work here.

Um, because they handled
"Walking Dead."

But KNB did this job for $2,100.
-Wow.

-$700 to each of the three guys,
K, N, and B,

which basically covered
the cost of the materials.

But KNB was part of that

Sam Raimi/Bruce Campbell group
that hung around together

and did movies together.

But anyway, the kill wasn't
like that in the script,

but KNB said,

"Hey, we think we can
actually cut through a face

and make it look
like it's Bill Marti's face."

That was the name of the actor,

but it was, of course,
a cast of Bill Marti's face,

and I wouldn't be surprised

if he was traumatized
by the experience

'cause he only had three more
small acting roles

and then he left the business.

Um, but right before
they shot the scene,

Bill Marti said,
"My mom can never see this."

And Joyce Pepper,
the script supervisor,

was sitting on a ladder
when they shot the scene,

but she was so emotionally
distraught by the scene

that she fell off the ladder.

There were tears popping
out of her eyes

and she injured herself.

So, let's do one more
slasher essential

before we go back to the movie.
-Alright, go for it.

-Let's do, uh, number one.
-Ooh.

-The killer must be disguised,
preferably with a mask.

But let me explain this one.

Invisibility is also a disguise.

Meaning the killer can
be revealing himself to people

as he kills them,

but we don't know who it is.

Sometimes the killer has not
just a mask, but a full costume,

like in "Terror Train" --
many costumes.

But the classic killers
have a mask.

Leatherface has
a human skin mask.

He actually has three
human skin masks.

Jason Voorhees has
a hockey mask that he found.

Michael Myers has
the Shape mask.

Ghostface -- I'll defer to you
on that one, Darcy.

-Why, thank you.
-But I think you have to have

the mask and the hood
that goes with the mask,

or else it's not Ghostface.

-I feel like you need
the whole robe, too,

or you see their hair
or their body type.

Like, you need the big disguise.
-Oh, right, right.

-And then Freddy.
Freddy has no mask at all.

He just has a fedora
and a sweater, right?

-Well, he has no reason
to hide at all.

He -- He wants
to flaunt his scars

because they symbolize
the reason

he is hell bent on revenge.

-So, okay, good point.
-He's showing off.

-So, no need for a disguise.
-Exactly.

-Chucky the doll is
a disguise.

-Fair.
-You know?

Um, all he has to do
is not talk,

and he becomes undetectable.

Anyway, the point is,
the killer must be disguised.

And one reason I mention it

is that Dave goes up
that ladder to the attic

and finds a bunch of masks.

-I think they're
just Halloween masks.

-I know, but why are
a bunch of masks in the attic?

Do supermarkets have attics?

-I guess this supermarket
does have an attic.

-But let's go back

to the extended conclusion
of "Intruder"

to answer the question,
who is the intruder?

Roll it.

The original title was
"Night Crew,"

which I think I like better.

"Intruder" reminds me
of that Roger Corman movie

where William Shatner is
a rabble-rouser

stirring up racist sentiment
in a small town in the South.

-Why does it remind you
of that?

-Well, 'cause that movie
was called "The Intruder."

-Oh, well,
that makes sense then.

I feel like, who thinks
of that movie, though?

-I do.

-Well, you are
a Roger Corman fanatic.

Guilty.

God.

Randy.

Bub!

Dave!

"It's a date."

Who's there?

-Aww. There, there, baby.

Everything's gonna be alright.

Everything's gonna be fine.
Everything's gonna be alright.

I tried to stop Craig in
the back of the store,

but the son of a bitch knocked
me out with my own hammer!

-He killed everyone.

-Shh!

Just calm down.

Just calm down.
You're gonna be fine now.

You're gonna be safe.

Just wait here
and I'll go call the police.

No!

No!

You killed them.

You killed all of them.

But why?

-For the store.

Danny was always the big boss.

He always called the shots on
every business deal, until now.

I couldn't let
that son of a bitch

take this store away from me.

This store's my whole life!

I had to kill him!

-The night crew had
nothing to do with it!

-Oh, I couldn't let
anybody stop me.

I guess I just got a little
carried away.

-You're sick!

-Don't you see?

I'm just crazy 'bout
this store!

And I'm sorry, darlin'.

I truly am sorry...

but there's gonna be one more
killin' here tonight.

And Craig'll take all the blame.

Help me!

Someone --

No!

Who's there?

Who's there?

Answer me!

Help me!

Somebody help me!

-Danny?

-Please.

-Danny.

-"Help me!

Somebody help me!"

You're next.

Here comes fucking
Parker

walkin' down Nine Mile,
swingin' a god damn head

by the hair in one hand,

and his sandwich in the other.

You're playin' hard to get.

Writ off!

Jennifer, shh! Shh!

-Now, listen to me.

That son of a bitch Bill
tried to set me up.

That's how come
he didn't kill me.

Now, we were fighting,
he knocked me out.

When I came to,
I saw him kill Linda.

I tried to run after him,
but he ran into the store

and locked the doors
before I could get him.

I even tried callin' the cops.

Now, listen, I got in here
through the bathroom window,

and that's how we're
gonna get out of here.

Leave it to cleaver!

-Suck on this!

-Where'd you get the knife?

Hello, police
emergency services.

- May I help you?
- This is Jennifer Ross.

I'm at 2100 Walnut Lake Road.

This is an emergency.
I need help!

Are you in danger, ma'am?

Do you need us to
send you a squad car?

Ye--

-Yoo-hoo! Where you goin'?

-Alright, freeze!

Drop it!

-We didn't do it!

-I said get down.

Go, go, get it over there.
Kiss that hood, pal.

-Officer!

-What's this, what's this?

-Hey!
-Hey nothin', pal.

-It's my box cutter!

-Shut up!
-What're you doing?

What do you think?

Let's go!
Give me the hand there!

-I'm the one who called you!

-Shut up!
-They did it.

-Aah!

They did it.

They killed everybody
in the store.

-He's lying!
-Oh, wait a minute, no!

He's the murderer, god damn it!

Look!
-Hands down on the car!

Get down!

Unit four?

-This is Officer Adams, yeah.

-What's your 20?
-2100 Walnut Lake.

-We didn't do it!
-Shut up!

-Ow!

-Roll us another vehicle.
Code three. Pronto.

-Leave her alone!

-Aw, Jesus Christ.

It's a bloodbath in there, man.

They got bodies
all over the place.

They're all mutilated.

-He did it!

-You're under arrest.

Let's go.

-You listen carefully now.

-You have the right
to remain silent.

Anything you say can be
used in a court of law.

You don't understand!

Nooooo!

Okay, so who's the intruder?

The movie is called "Intruder."

And the killer is
not an intruder.

He's the owner!

In fact, this may be the first
and only time in slasher history

that the crazed killer is
motivated by supermarket love.

"I'm just crazy about
this store."

What do you think of that
as a serial killer

motivation, Darcy?
-You know, I loathe shopping,

so I'm probably not the person
to ask that.

-Well, we should
go ahead and reveal

slasher essential numero six-o.

"Compelled to kill."

The slasher killer
must always be

so brain-damaged
that he can't notkill people.

And when they do describe
the reasons for the kills,

it's usually one
of three things --

childhood trauma,
psychotic compulsion or revenge.

And actually,
Jason is all three.

But in this case the only one is
psychotic compulsion.

'Cause we know
why he kills Danny,

because Danny is selling
the store,

but we don't know why he's
killing the rest of the cast.

All he says is, "I kind of
got carried away," you know?

And the killer, by the way,
is played by Danny Hicks,

who was a heavy equipment
operator in the Detroit area

when he discovered acting
at the Farmington Players,

which is a converted barn in
the same county as the Raimis

and the Spiegels
and the Campbells.

And he liked acting so much
that he eventually became

a Hollywood character actor.

Um...

"Evil Dead 2"
was his first feature film,

but often used by Sam Raimi.

So, "Intruder" was supposed
to have a theatrical release,

and it was highly anticipated

because Empire Pictures
had given a lot of gory

kill photos
to Fangoria and Gorezone.

But then Empire Pictures went
bankrupt right at the moment

it was completed,

and the result was
that it became a Paramount

home video release, and not a
very aggressive release either,

since it was heavily censored
in an effort to get an R rating.

So, for years,
the only way you could

watch the uncut version
was to acquire a grainy bootleg.

I still think they could have
had a better title.

Um, I mean, you're working
with a grocery store.

You got all kinds of options.

You got the whole food groups
hodgepodge,

"inconvenience store,"

you know, "clean up
in all aisles," "meat market."

"Attention, shoppers,
you're dead."

You know, "the final checkout."

"All prices slashed,

and all faces."
You know, I don't know.

But the guy playing
Officer Adams in the final scene

is the producer of the film,
Lawrence Bender.

He's actually handcuffing
his girlfriend at the time,

Elizabeth Cox.

And he's the partner of Bruce
Campbell as Officer Howard.

Lawrence Bender was a dancer
turned actor turned producer.

I believe this was
the first film he ever produced,

but he would become one of the
hottest producers in Hollywood.

Scott Spiegel introduced him
to Quentin Tarantino,

and then he produced
"Reservoir Dogs,"

"Inglourious Basterds,"
"Django," "Jackie Brown,"

but he also produced
"Good Will Hunting,"

"An Inconvenient Truth."

He was a Romanian American
from the, uh, from the Bronx.

He grew up poor,

but he made so much in Hollywood

that he has become one of the
city's major philanthropists.

Scott Spiegel would go on
to form a production company

with Eli Roth and end up
directing "Hostel 3"

and "From Dusk Till Dawn 2,"

and he would also continue
producing movies

with Lawrence Bender.

They produced
Martin Scorsese's "Silence,"

Mel Gibson's "Hacksaw Ridge."

The weirdest subsequent
career is Burr Steers, though --

the guy who played
Bub the stoner.

He gets into a partnership
with Zac Efron

and directs several
hit comedies,

but also "Pride and Prejudice
and Zombies,"

um, several TV series,

uh, "Igby Goes Down,"
"The L Word," "17 Again,"

"The New Normal."

Anyway, it's
the greatest slasher

to use psychotic supermarket
love as a killer's motivation.

What we got here, Darcy,
mailbag-wise?

-Mail! We have an upbeat letter
from David and Dre Newton,

father and son
who live in Renton, Washington.

-Okay. Seattle area.
-Yes.

-One of your former hometowns.

-Mm, yes.
-Alright.

"Hello, Joe Bob.

I got the chance to meet you
at Crypticon a few years ago."

That's a horror con there
in SeaTac.

Out by the airport.
-Yeah.

-"I wanted to reach out to you
to say Merry Christmas

and share some photos
of a tradition my son

and I started this year."

I guess this letter came
back in December.

Uh, "My son Dre
is 9 years old with autism.

This has been a long haul
to get him where he is,

but I'm having fun sharing
the joys of my life with him.

He's getting into horror --
'Goosebumps,'

'Tales From the Dark Side,'
'Are You Afraid of the Dark?'

He wants to watch
horror movies with me,

but he gets very squeamish with
blood and too much violence.

He's only nine.

I did introduce him
to 'Killer Klowns

from Outer Space'
and 'Halloween 3.'

He absolutely loves
those two films,

and we have watched
them countless times.

I talked to him
about other movies

I've watched and your show.

He is dying to watch
a show of yours

and wants me to tell you that
you need to show 'Halloween 3'

and 'Killer Klowns
From Outer Space.'"

Darcy.
-Yeah, we do!

-Am I ever going to escape
"Halloween 3"?

-Never!

Show it!
-Anyways.

"In my back room this year,

we decided to put up
a horror-themed Christmas tree.

We have had a blast
choosing some decorations

from companies online,

but we had to put
your action figure on

as the first decoration.

He was so excited to put it on

and wanted to share it
with you."

Here he is.
Can you put that picture up?

Here he is celebrating.

There's where they
strung me up on the tree.

"His second favorite is the
three masks from 'Halloween 3.'"

And there they are.

-Yay!
-On the tree.

-Uh, "This will be
a great tradition to share

my love of horror with him.

Just wanted to share this
with you.

Thanks. David Newton.
Renton, Washington."

Um, now, I hope they ended up
watching "Rare Exports" together

when we did the Christmas show.

'Cause isn't the star
of that movie nine years old?

A nine-year-old
is the star of the movie.

Anyway, David,
thanks for sharing.

-And thank you, Dre,
for the "Halloween 3" love.

-Right.
And, um...

Everybody should
stick around right now for...

Well, not you, Dre.
You should not stick around.

This next one's way too violent.
-I think it's okay.

-It's actually called
"In a Violent Nature."

But the slasher history lesson
is only half done.

So stay with us as Joe Bob's
"Last Drive-In" continues.

And in the meantime,
this is Joe Bob Briggs

speaking for myself
and Darcy the mail girl,

when I say it's time right now
to piss on the campfire

and call the dogs,
but the drive-in will never die.

A golfer goes to
a fortune teller,

and the fortune teller gazes
into her crystal ball

and says, "Hm, I have some
good news and some bad news.

The good news is that there are
several golf courses in heaven,

and they're all
incredibly beautiful."

And the guy says,
"Wow, that's terrific.

What's the bad news?"
And she says,

"You have an 8:30 tee time
tomorrow morning."

Not a golf audience,
-I feel like --

-Not a golf audience
at "The Last Drive-In."

-I think you told us that
before.

-Guy sits down
in a restaurant

and calls the waiter over
and says,

"How do you prepare
your chickens?"

And the waiter says,
"Nothing special.

We just tell them
they're gonna die."