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1
00:00:22,800 --> 00:00:23,650
Elbows.
2
00:00:28,950 --> 00:00:30,540
Why can't we have milk in our cereal?
3
00:00:30,540 --> 00:00:31,830
What's your problem?
4
00:00:31,830 --> 00:00:35,523
The main ingredients in
cereal is cereal and fat.
5
00:00:36,991 --> 00:00:38,930
Delicious fat.
6
00:00:38,930 --> 00:00:39,763
Get it.
7
00:00:46,281 --> 00:00:47,550
What's your problem?
8
00:00:47,550 --> 00:00:49,230
Milk is too white for me.
9
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Almost racistly white.
10
00:00:54,150 --> 00:00:55,710
Sit down.
11
00:00:55,710 --> 00:00:56,993
I don't want to sit down.
12
00:00:59,669 --> 00:01:01,560
Oi!
- Sit down, bastard.
13
00:01:01,560 --> 00:01:03,390
Okay, okay, okay, sorry.
14
00:01:03,390 --> 00:01:05,553
- It's my rules in this house.
- Sit down.
15
00:01:10,512 --> 00:01:11,577
Shoo!
16
00:01:11,577 --> 00:01:13,500
Hey, hey, hey, hey.
17
00:01:13,500 --> 00:01:15,079
You're not going anywhere
dressed like that.
18
00:01:15,079 --> 00:01:16,560
- Dressed like what?
- You look like a criminal.
19
00:01:16,560 --> 00:01:17,960
I'm not taking a criminal
to the food bank.
20
00:01:17,960 --> 00:01:19,560
We can play banks and robbers.
21
00:01:20,430 --> 00:01:23,250
Because I'm in the black
hoodie and the black joggers,
22
00:01:23,250 --> 00:01:24,500
I'm a criminal now, yeah?
23
00:01:25,665 --> 00:01:27,421
Okay, you've been listening
to Farage on LBC, innit?
24
00:01:27,421 --> 00:01:28,254
No.
25
00:01:28,254 --> 00:01:30,390
He's making the Britain great again.
26
00:01:30,390 --> 00:01:32,228
That was wicked. Mashallah.
27
00:01:32,228 --> 00:01:34,050
Can you just go and get changed?
28
00:01:34,050 --> 00:01:36,150
- No.
- For me.
29
00:01:36,150 --> 00:01:37,260
You know what, something
funny is going on,
30
00:01:37,260 --> 00:01:39,084
because you-
- Shh.
31
00:01:39,084 --> 00:01:40,857
You've changed since you
been going to this food bank,
32
00:01:40,857 --> 00:01:42,807
and I want to find out what's going on.
33
00:01:44,460 --> 00:01:47,943
Please don't wear that big
onesie jacket thing, yeah?
34
00:01:47,943 --> 00:01:49,927
It's not flattering
towards your titty-meat.
35
00:01:49,927 --> 00:01:52,830
Hey! How you make me feel
when you say them shits.
36
00:01:52,830 --> 00:01:54,356
I like your titty-meat.
37
00:01:56,730 --> 00:01:58,020
What?
38
00:01:58,020 --> 00:01:59,340
Hold it.
39
00:01:59,340 --> 00:02:00,830
Oh, he's coming.
40
00:02:00,830 --> 00:02:05,830
What? What are you saying?
41
00:02:06,161 --> 00:02:07,537
Nothing.
42
00:02:07,537 --> 00:02:09,603
Yeah, walk away, bitch.
43
00:02:15,907 --> 00:02:17,952
Oi, what are you doing here?
44
00:02:17,952 --> 00:02:19,080
Is Shady here?
45
00:02:19,080 --> 00:02:19,980
Come inside now.
46
00:02:20,940 --> 00:02:23,490
Right, tell me. What is
it with you and Shady?
47
00:02:23,490 --> 00:02:24,380
He was...
48
00:02:25,981 --> 00:02:27,540
What?
49
00:02:27,540 --> 00:02:29,570
When I was a kid, he used to...
50
00:02:30,482 --> 00:02:32,190
He used to what?
51
00:02:32,190 --> 00:02:33,570
Be my physics tutor.
52
00:02:33,570 --> 00:02:35,141
Yeah, okay.
53
00:02:35,141 --> 00:02:36,600
To help me get into boarding school.
54
00:02:36,600 --> 00:02:37,433
Yeah.
55
00:02:39,630 --> 00:02:40,660
Every time
56
00:02:41,760 --> 00:02:44,310
I forgot Crooks fluctuation theorem...
57
00:02:44,310 --> 00:02:45,780
What did he do?
58
00:02:45,780 --> 00:02:47,340
He used to...
59
00:02:47,340 --> 00:02:48,900
hit the tip...
60
00:02:48,900 --> 00:02:49,910
The tip of your what?
61
00:02:49,910 --> 00:02:53,159
of my fingers with a tiny hammer.
62
00:02:53,159 --> 00:02:54,800
Oh, my God, thank goodness.
63
00:02:54,800 --> 00:02:56,310
I thought he bummed the days out of you.
64
00:02:56,310 --> 00:02:58,110
- What? No, that's disgusting.
- You made it sound like
65
00:02:58,110 --> 00:02:58,943
he'd bummed you.
- No, I did not.
66
00:02:58,943 --> 00:03:00,050
That was how you were making it sound.
67
00:03:00,050 --> 00:03:00,990
- You have a filthy mind.
- No, I'm just saying.
68
00:03:00,990 --> 00:03:01,950
It's good that he didn't.
69
00:03:01,950 --> 00:03:03,300
What do you want?
70
00:03:03,300 --> 00:03:04,980
We have to do a thing for Uncle.
71
00:03:04,980 --> 00:03:05,813
What's that?
72
00:03:05,813 --> 00:03:08,190
He wants us to hook him
up with some rice and peas.
73
00:03:08,190 --> 00:03:09,900
Huh, so, he wants us to collect some
74
00:03:09,900 --> 00:03:11,160
Caribbean food for him, does he?
75
00:03:11,160 --> 00:03:13,410
What? No, peas, money.
76
00:03:13,410 --> 00:03:14,760
He wants us to wash his money.
77
00:03:14,760 --> 00:03:16,230
Urban Dictionary's not
working out for you, is it?
78
00:03:16,230 --> 00:03:17,490
It's just a lot to take in.
79
00:03:17,490 --> 00:03:18,323
Go wait in the car.
80
00:03:18,323 --> 00:03:19,710
I'm not waiting in the car.
81
00:03:19,710 --> 00:03:21,120
If you don't go wait in the car,
82
00:03:21,120 --> 00:03:22,894
I'm going to tell Uncle
Shady you're here. I'm...
83
00:03:22,894 --> 00:03:24,647
- No, no, no.
- Uncle, Uncle.
84
00:03:24,647 --> 00:03:26,511
Uncle, physics boy is back.
85
00:03:26,511 --> 00:03:27,540
Hey.
86
00:03:27,540 --> 00:03:28,829
I know what's going on.
87
00:03:28,829 --> 00:03:29,662
Huh?
88
00:03:30,600 --> 00:03:32,160
Yes. Yes, you do.
89
00:03:32,160 --> 00:03:33,870
Naveed has come to take
us to the food bank.
90
00:03:33,870 --> 00:03:34,703
Good girl, you're very clever.
91
00:03:34,703 --> 00:03:36,210
He's not our cousin, is he?
92
00:03:36,210 --> 00:03:38,730
This is to do with what happened
with Eight and Nate, innit?
93
00:03:38,730 --> 00:03:41,400
You promised you'd sort this.
You're a hypocrite, Mobeen.
94
00:03:41,400 --> 00:03:42,480
Excuse me.
95
00:03:42,480 --> 00:03:44,040
That's a very serious accusation.
96
00:03:44,040 --> 00:03:46,170
You can go to the hellfire for 600 years
97
00:03:46,170 --> 00:03:47,970
for accusing an innocent
person of being a hypocrite.
98
00:03:47,970 --> 00:03:49,740
I'd rather do 600 years in hell
99
00:03:49,740 --> 00:03:51,560
than carry on living with Uncle Shady.
100
00:03:54,210 --> 00:03:56,340
I have almost sorted this, okay?
101
00:03:56,340 --> 00:03:58,511
You have to trust me. Almost.
102
00:03:58,511 --> 00:03:59,787
Okay.
103
00:03:59,787 --> 00:04:02,130
Are you ready to go to the food bank?
104
00:04:02,130 --> 00:04:03,580
You'll know when I'm ready.
105
00:04:04,860 --> 00:04:06,569
You know what? I'm never
having kids of my own.
106
00:04:06,569 --> 00:04:08,753
I just can't deal with
all this sass every day.
107
00:04:09,802 --> 00:04:11,310
Wow.
108
00:04:11,310 --> 00:04:13,500
Nice car, Naveed-
- Thank you.
109
00:04:13,500 --> 00:04:15,893
for a 42- year-old mother
of 17 on a school run, mate.
110
00:04:15,893 --> 00:04:17,372
Get in.
111
00:04:22,773 --> 00:04:23,886
What the...
112
00:04:26,186 --> 00:04:27,614
Put your belt on.
113
00:04:27,614 --> 00:04:28,743
- I put my belt on.
- Hey.
114
00:04:28,743 --> 00:04:31,140
We can't take all of these
lot on a job for Uncle.
115
00:04:31,140 --> 00:04:33,707
We are not taking
them all on a job, yeah?
116
00:04:33,707 --> 00:04:34,603
We've got things to do first.
117
00:04:34,603 --> 00:04:35,760
You need to know, when you're on road,
118
00:04:35,760 --> 00:04:37,860
you have to adapt to the
situation. We've got to-
119
00:04:37,860 --> 00:04:40,890
Hey, why are you still
wearing these clothes?
120
00:04:40,890 --> 00:04:43,685
Because I felt
comfortable in them, okay?
121
00:04:43,685 --> 00:04:46,504
And I need to make a
decision myself sometimes.
122
00:04:46,504 --> 00:04:47,774
How long have you two been together?
123
00:04:47,774 --> 00:04:49,721
- Shut up.
- Shut up, and drive the car.
124
00:04:52,687 --> 00:04:54,937
♪ Say what ♪
125
00:04:59,558 --> 00:05:03,818
Thank you, Mum.
126
00:05:03,818 --> 00:05:05,255
Thank you, Mummy.
127
00:05:05,255 --> 00:05:07,305
He's not your mum.
128
00:05:07,305 --> 00:05:08,242
- Mobeen...
- What?
129
00:05:08,242 --> 00:05:09,075
I've got to go.
130
00:05:09,075 --> 00:05:09,990
Listen, I told you, not now.
131
00:05:09,990 --> 00:05:10,890
Let's go, come on.
132
00:05:19,617 --> 00:05:21,120
Mo, I'm telling you,
133
00:05:21,120 --> 00:05:22,950
eating kiwi fruits with the skin on
134
00:05:22,950 --> 00:05:25,200
would definitely give you herpes.
135
00:05:25,200 --> 00:05:26,303
That is awful.
136
00:05:27,990 --> 00:05:30,930
And as I was saying, we
shouldn't even need food banks.
137
00:05:30,930 --> 00:05:35,130
And if you ask me, the real
heroes here are the staff.
138
00:05:35,130 --> 00:05:36,630
Hi, Michaela.
139
00:05:36,630 --> 00:05:38,400
Nate, how are you?
140
00:05:38,400 --> 00:05:41,415
Well, you know, see, it's...
141
00:05:41,415 --> 00:05:43,921
Okay, so this is why you
come to the food bank, yeah?
142
00:05:43,921 --> 00:05:46,531
- Mashallah!
- Sorry?
143
00:05:46,531 --> 00:05:48,750
Uh, this is Mobeen.
144
00:05:48,750 --> 00:05:49,997
Very nice to meet you, mate, you okay?
145
00:05:49,997 --> 00:05:51,940
- You all right?
- And this is Eight.
146
00:05:51,940 --> 00:05:54,350
And Aks and...
147
00:05:55,500 --> 00:05:56,333
Nav.
148
00:05:57,510 --> 00:05:58,890
Thanks for coming today, guys.
149
00:05:58,890 --> 00:06:00,690
Yeah, I was saying that volunteers
150
00:06:00,690 --> 00:06:02,640
is the most important
part of this operation.
151
00:06:02,640 --> 00:06:03,473
He was saying that, yeah.
152
00:06:03,473 --> 00:06:05,970
Actually, food and money
are the most important things,
153
00:06:05,970 --> 00:06:07,620
and we don't have enough of either.
154
00:06:07,620 --> 00:06:09,676
That's why people are going hungry, again.
155
00:06:09,676 --> 00:06:12,540
Exactly. (chuckles) It's true.
156
00:06:12,540 --> 00:06:15,510
Volunteers don't mean shit.
157
00:06:15,510 --> 00:06:17,280
Volunteers are everything.
158
00:06:17,280 --> 00:06:20,033
Yes.
159
00:06:20,033 --> 00:06:21,133
Yeah, that's right.
160
00:06:21,133 --> 00:06:22,830
Volunteers are everything.
161
00:06:22,830 --> 00:06:24,980
They're everything.
Everything, they are.
162
00:06:25,960 --> 00:06:27,110
You're about to lose...
163
00:06:27,960 --> 00:06:30,300
So, is there anything
that we can help you with?
164
00:06:30,300 --> 00:06:33,660
Uh, well, we need some food
parcels putting together.
165
00:06:33,660 --> 00:06:35,130
Why don't you show this lot the ropes
166
00:06:35,130 --> 00:06:36,690
and then me and you can grab a coffee?
167
00:06:36,690 --> 00:06:39,930
Great. I mean, yeah, go on.
168
00:06:39,930 --> 00:06:42,540
We still need to talk fundraising.
169
00:06:42,540 --> 00:06:45,810
We're still very short of
our targets for this quarter.
170
00:06:45,810 --> 00:06:47,460
Any questions, guys?
171
00:06:47,460 --> 00:06:49,410
Yeah, is it all for free, this one?
172
00:06:49,410 --> 00:06:51,750
Is everyone who uses this place a tramp?
173
00:06:51,750 --> 00:06:54,150
I apologize, his mum is Priti Patel.
174
00:06:54,150 --> 00:06:55,380
What? Excuse me.
175
00:06:55,380 --> 00:06:56,820
If it wasn't for the Conservative Party,
176
00:06:56,820 --> 00:06:58,200
you wouldn't have this place.
177
00:06:58,200 --> 00:06:59,730
Aa gaya Margaret Thatcher.
178
00:06:59,730 --> 00:07:00,563
What?
179
00:07:06,828 --> 00:07:08,610
Hey.
- What? What?
180
00:07:08,610 --> 00:07:09,750
We have to go, okay?
181
00:07:09,750 --> 00:07:12,150
I do enough for these people
with the tax that I pay.
182
00:07:12,150 --> 00:07:12,983
Do you?
183
00:07:12,983 --> 00:07:14,010
All the tax that you and your uncle pay
184
00:07:14,010 --> 00:07:15,540
on the heroin you import?
185
00:07:15,540 --> 00:07:18,510
Look, we've got to get
that 25,000 pound laundered.
186
00:07:18,510 --> 00:07:19,440
Why do you speak like this?
187
00:07:19,440 --> 00:07:20,820
We have been through this already.
188
00:07:20,820 --> 00:07:22,620
You might as well call the police yourself
189
00:07:22,620 --> 00:07:23,520
and tell them what we're doing.
190
00:07:23,520 --> 00:07:25,590
Oh, it's not like
they're listening to us.
191
00:07:25,590 --> 00:07:27,270
Rule number one of the roads, my friend,
192
00:07:27,270 --> 00:07:29,673
the police are always listening.
193
00:07:31,277 --> 00:07:32,437
Can you hear that?
194
00:07:32,437 --> 00:07:33,720
Yeah?
195
00:07:33,720 --> 00:07:35,520
Is there anything else I need to know?
196
00:07:35,520 --> 00:07:39,510
Yes, um, that you should fuck off.
197
00:07:39,510 --> 00:07:40,803
How is that for you? Hmm?
198
00:07:42,666 --> 00:07:44,799
You... fuck off.
199
00:07:48,780 --> 00:07:49,663
Nate, I've got to go.
200
00:07:49,663 --> 00:07:51,660
Absolutely no chance.
201
00:07:51,660 --> 00:07:52,890
Listen, it's not like you've been honest
202
00:07:52,890 --> 00:07:54,300
about why you're here, Romeo.
203
00:07:54,300 --> 00:07:56,343
What?
204
00:07:57,720 --> 00:07:58,680
I'm here to help.
205
00:07:58,680 --> 00:08:01,470
There's so much I need
to get on top of today.
206
00:08:01,470 --> 00:08:03,990
- Oh, I know.
- Don't...
207
00:08:03,990 --> 00:08:05,610
This place matters, Mobes, you know that?
208
00:08:05,610 --> 00:08:07,397
Yeah, I know, I know.
209
00:08:08,621 --> 00:08:09,454
What have you got to do
210
00:08:09,454 --> 00:08:10,560
that's so important today, anyways?
211
00:08:10,560 --> 00:08:11,760
Nothing. Nothing.
212
00:08:11,760 --> 00:08:14,700
Nothing is more important to
me than being here with you,
213
00:08:14,700 --> 00:08:16,080
fighting the good fight against-
214
00:08:16,080 --> 00:08:17,086
Calm down, Akala.
215
00:08:17,086 --> 00:08:19,230
It's more about the people
than the politics in here.
216
00:08:19,230 --> 00:08:20,550
You know what?
217
00:08:20,550 --> 00:08:22,950
You're real sexy when you're
making a point, you know.
218
00:08:22,950 --> 00:08:25,143
She's gonna love that.
- Stop being silly.
219
00:08:27,840 --> 00:08:29,753
Do you think she's gonna
like it, though, yeah?
220
00:08:31,680 --> 00:08:32,820
You know what, I'm so happy for you.
221
00:08:32,820 --> 00:08:33,653
Thanks, man.
222
00:08:34,656 --> 00:08:36,143
They call me Uncle Nav...
223
00:08:36,143 --> 00:08:38,133
because I run these ends.
224
00:08:40,650 --> 00:08:42,090
Yeah?
225
00:08:42,090 --> 00:08:45,990
They call me Uncle Nav,
'cause I run these ends.
226
00:08:48,290 --> 00:08:49,923
Me waan call myself...
227
00:08:49,923 --> 00:08:50,858
Oh, God.
228
00:08:50,858 --> 00:08:51,930
Hiya, mate.
229
00:08:51,930 --> 00:08:54,543
Where's the food bank?
- Uh, it's in there.
230
00:08:56,880 --> 00:08:57,930
Yes!
231
00:08:57,930 --> 00:09:00,380
Now, take one off without
making the rest fall.
232
00:09:01,921 --> 00:09:03,365
Not the easiest ones.
233
00:09:03,365 --> 00:09:04,882
I was gonna ask if you two had a minute,
234
00:09:04,882 --> 00:09:07,242
but I think I already know the answer.
235
00:09:07,242 --> 00:09:09,030
How is everything with Michaela?
236
00:09:09,030 --> 00:09:12,000
Well, we had a very
productive fundraising meeting.
237
00:09:12,000 --> 00:09:12,903
Did you kiss?
238
00:09:13,740 --> 00:09:15,002
Is that why you've been working out?
239
00:09:15,002 --> 00:09:15,835
No.
240
00:09:15,835 --> 00:09:17,793
Working out why she won't
go on a date with you?
241
00:09:19,025 --> 00:09:21,390
Listen, Aks,
242
00:09:21,390 --> 00:09:23,160
why is Mobeen hanging
around with that Nav guy?
243
00:09:23,160 --> 00:09:24,475
I know he isn't your cousin.
244
00:09:24,475 --> 00:09:26,160
He is, deffo.
245
00:09:26,160 --> 00:09:27,510
Something smells funny.
246
00:09:27,510 --> 00:09:29,703
Yeah, like my neighbor's cat's bum hole.
247
00:09:31,110 --> 00:09:32,400
How do you know what that smells like?
248
00:09:32,400 --> 00:09:34,470
Because I smelled it, innit.
249
00:09:34,470 --> 00:09:36,120
Just keep an eye out.
250
00:09:36,120 --> 00:09:37,995
Like you do with Michaela.
251
00:09:39,330 --> 00:09:40,800
Are you going to smell
her bum hole as well?
252
00:09:40,800 --> 00:09:43,697
Huh?!
253
00:09:44,940 --> 00:09:46,020
Hi, Michaela.
254
00:09:46,020 --> 00:09:47,620
He's gonna smell her bum hole.
255
00:09:49,200 --> 00:09:50,700
Hey, uh, excuse me, big man.
256
00:09:52,230 --> 00:09:53,580
Oh, shit.
257
00:09:53,580 --> 00:09:54,533
Brother Ahmed.
258
00:09:55,977 --> 00:09:59,670
And I thought my day
couldn't get any bloody worse.
259
00:09:59,670 --> 00:10:03,450
Well, uh, it's good to
see you here volunteering.
260
00:10:03,450 --> 00:10:04,620
Great for the community and that.
261
00:10:04,620 --> 00:10:05,790
Yeah, well.
262
00:10:05,790 --> 00:10:07,590
It's good to do your bit, innit.
263
00:10:07,590 --> 00:10:10,983
Sorry, we're out of pasta.
It's all rice this week.
264
00:10:13,650 --> 00:10:15,180
Thank you.
265
00:10:15,180 --> 00:10:16,166
You're here to-
266
00:10:16,166 --> 00:10:16,999
Yeah, well, it's not
just homeless people
267
00:10:16,999 --> 00:10:18,000
that use this place, is it?
268
00:10:18,000 --> 00:10:20,000
Hey, listen, I know that, I know that.
269
00:10:21,570 --> 00:10:22,403
Good luck, mate.
270
00:10:23,400 --> 00:10:24,620
If you must know...
271
00:10:26,700 --> 00:10:28,290
I had an operation.
272
00:10:28,290 --> 00:10:29,493
I couldn't work anymore.
273
00:10:30,510 --> 00:10:32,250
I ended up with some payday loans.
274
00:10:32,250 --> 00:10:33,900
Payday loans, yeah?
275
00:10:33,900 --> 00:10:34,920
Three of the scariest words
276
00:10:34,920 --> 00:10:36,570
in the English dictionary, those.
277
00:10:37,830 --> 00:10:39,210
Best of luck mate, yeah.
278
00:10:39,210 --> 00:10:41,283
400% interest they charge.
279
00:10:42,180 --> 00:10:44,464
But do you know what really
started the whole thing off?
280
00:10:46,200 --> 00:10:48,243
What really killed me?
281
00:10:50,250 --> 00:10:51,540
No.
282
00:10:51,540 --> 00:10:54,636
The cost of cleaning that bloody carpet.
283
00:10:54,636 --> 00:10:55,725
Your racistly white carpet?
284
00:10:55,725 --> 00:10:58,308
How could a carpet be racist?
285
00:11:01,336 --> 00:11:03,630
Are you having a stroke?
286
00:11:03,630 --> 00:11:04,580
I'm going home now.
287
00:11:06,355 --> 00:11:08,760
Hey. If you tell anyone
you've seen me here,
288
00:11:08,760 --> 00:11:10,641
I'll cook you and eat you.
289
00:11:13,312 --> 00:11:14,970
Yeah, just leave it with me, okay?
290
00:11:14,970 --> 00:11:16,830
I've got big plans for this fundraising.
291
00:11:16,830 --> 00:11:18,930
I'm glad to hear it.
We are getting desperate.
292
00:11:18,930 --> 00:11:21,140
Hello, Nate, hello Mrs. Nate.
293
00:11:21,140 --> 00:11:23,394
Oh, my God. This is
a private conversation.
294
00:11:23,394 --> 00:11:26,100
Don't be like that. I'd love
to get to know your friend.
295
00:11:26,100 --> 00:11:27,750
Listen, Mrs. Nate, are you from
296
00:11:27,750 --> 00:11:29,670
a less sunny part of Africa than him?
297
00:11:29,670 --> 00:11:31,584
Because you look a bit different?
298
00:11:31,584 --> 00:11:32,877
It's just...
299
00:11:32,877 --> 00:11:34,743
Listen, it's a joke.
300
00:11:41,100 --> 00:11:42,420
Nate, listen.
301
00:11:42,420 --> 00:11:43,500
You need to go, yeah?
302
00:11:43,500 --> 00:11:45,000
And take Eight and Aqsa with you.
303
00:11:45,000 --> 00:11:47,580
They're embarrassing me.
Get them out of here.
304
00:11:47,580 --> 00:11:50,430
I'll take him, you keep her.
305
00:11:50,430 --> 00:11:51,669
- Done deal.
- Yeah?
306
00:11:51,669 --> 00:11:52,502
- Yeah. Yeah.
- Yeah?
307
00:11:52,502 --> 00:11:54,060
- Mm. Mm-hm.
- Let me just confirm this,
308
00:11:54,060 --> 00:11:54,960
you're not in a mood with me?
309
00:11:54,960 --> 00:11:56,400
No, no, no, no, no.
310
00:11:56,400 --> 00:11:57,960
Just get rid of Eight and I promise
311
00:11:57,960 --> 00:11:59,430
I'll make you your favorite tonight.
312
00:11:59,430 --> 00:12:00,423
Peach cobbler?
313
00:12:01,320 --> 00:12:03,717
With the whipped cream?
- If you're lucky.
314
00:12:06,840 --> 00:12:10,021
Hey!
315
00:12:11,760 --> 00:12:13,410
Come, let's do this thing.
316
00:12:15,411 --> 00:12:17,400
Give me those.
317
00:12:17,400 --> 00:12:18,840
They're supposed to be for hungry people.
318
00:12:18,840 --> 00:12:20,040
I am hungry people.
319
00:12:20,040 --> 00:12:20,873
Why is he coming?
320
00:12:20,873 --> 00:12:21,706
Because if we leave him here,
321
00:12:21,706 --> 00:12:23,250
he's going to empty the food bank.
322
00:12:23,250 --> 00:12:25,950
I am not taking your
thick-as-dog-shit cousin with us.
323
00:12:25,950 --> 00:12:28,500
Yo, don't you ever say that about him.
324
00:12:28,500 --> 00:12:29,850
He's not my cousin.
325
00:12:29,850 --> 00:12:30,780
He's a liability.
326
00:12:30,780 --> 00:12:32,190
I'll decide what the liabilities are.
327
00:12:32,190 --> 00:12:34,323
Remember, your uncle sent
you to learn from me.
328
00:12:34,323 --> 00:12:35,640
Now, do as you're told.
329
00:12:35,640 --> 00:12:37,050
Yeah, do as you're told,
330
00:12:37,050 --> 00:12:39,270
otherwise I'll do a fart in your car,
331
00:12:39,270 --> 00:12:40,797
like this.
332
00:12:46,350 --> 00:12:48,152
Ah, that's disgusting.
333
00:12:50,520 --> 00:12:51,720
What's wrong with him?
334
00:12:54,000 --> 00:12:54,920
Give me more peri salt then, innit.
335
00:12:54,920 --> 00:12:56,700
If I sniff this shit any more,
336
00:12:56,700 --> 00:12:58,560
I'm gonna get some kind of nasal cancer
337
00:12:58,560 --> 00:13:00,613
with the shit coming out of you.
338
00:13:05,580 --> 00:13:06,853
Hey, yo, Zaki.
339
00:13:06,853 --> 00:13:08,823
Jaldi bey, my brother, hurry up.
340
00:13:10,677 --> 00:13:12,690
- 10 minutes.
- 10...
341
00:13:12,690 --> 00:13:13,620
Two minutes, my brother.
342
00:13:13,620 --> 00:13:14,820
I just heard him say 10 minutes.
343
00:13:14,820 --> 00:13:15,933
No, he's Spanish.
344
00:13:17,940 --> 00:13:20,610
Mobeen, while you're waiting, yeah?
345
00:13:20,610 --> 00:13:21,443
My brother.
346
00:13:21,443 --> 00:13:23,100
Hey, no, no, no, it's on the house, bro.
347
00:13:23,100 --> 00:13:24,960
Any bredren of Mr Khan's, innit?
348
00:13:24,960 --> 00:13:26,880
Gets free family buckets for life, yeah.
349
00:13:26,880 --> 00:13:28,483
Good man, Zaki.
350
00:13:28,483 --> 00:13:29,673
1.20, my G.
351
00:13:31,530 --> 00:13:33,660
What? But I'm his nephew.
352
00:13:33,660 --> 00:13:34,809
Don't give a fuck.
353
00:13:41,490 --> 00:13:42,990
And I want the change.
354
00:13:42,990 --> 00:13:44,370
Who is Uncle Khan?
355
00:13:44,370 --> 00:13:46,860
He's from Star Trek. We'll
watch it later on, yeah?
356
00:13:46,860 --> 00:13:47,693
Nice one, Zaki.
357
00:13:49,290 --> 00:13:50,123
Go on now.
358
00:13:55,170 --> 00:13:57,513
Here, you eat it. Good boy.
359
00:14:02,070 --> 00:14:04,906
Mm, that's wicked.
360
00:14:04,906 --> 00:14:07,464
Mobeen, it tastes like that
school nurse that I shagged.
361
00:14:08,297 --> 00:14:10,343
How come you haven't
brought me here before?
362
00:14:11,970 --> 00:14:14,918
The rumor on the street
is that these lot were
363
00:14:14,918 --> 00:14:17,610
shotting fake halal
meat certificates, so...
364
00:14:17,610 --> 00:14:18,443
- Huh.
- Mm.
365
00:14:18,443 --> 00:14:21,300
Oi, them allegations
weren't true though, yeah.
366
00:14:21,300 --> 00:14:23,214
- All right.
- That's good.
367
00:14:27,090 --> 00:14:29,713
Hi, Uncle. Yeah, yeah.
368
00:14:29,713 --> 00:14:31,066
- Mobeen.
- No, no, we're...
369
00:14:31,066 --> 00:14:32,639
Can I have some more?
370
00:14:32,639 --> 00:14:34,320
You're gonna be sick.
371
00:14:34,320 --> 00:14:35,610
Yeah, you're right.
372
00:14:35,610 --> 00:14:37,980
Can I have only four more portions please?
373
00:14:37,980 --> 00:14:39,240
Give me four more portions, bruv.
374
00:14:39,240 --> 00:14:42,210
Yeah, yeah. Sorry,
Uncle, we're on our way.
375
00:14:42,210 --> 00:14:44,060
Hey, yo, Zaki, come on, my brother.
376
00:14:45,060 --> 00:14:46,200
There's your wings, Eight.
377
00:14:46,200 --> 00:14:48,020
- That mine?
- Yeah. Mobeen...
378
00:14:50,310 --> 00:14:53,298
These ones, that's, uh, for you.
379
00:14:53,298 --> 00:14:55,193
My G, come on.
380
00:14:55,193 --> 00:14:56,827
Look after yourself, bro, salaam.
381
00:14:56,827 --> 00:14:58,602
- Salaam.
- Wicked.
382
00:14:58,602 --> 00:15:00,168
- Is it halal, yeah?
- Halal vegan.
383
00:15:00,168 --> 00:15:01,389
Thanks, bro.
384
00:15:03,867 --> 00:15:06,534
Come on, man, get busy.
385
00:15:07,902 --> 00:15:10,887
Out, you kutta! It stinks in here.
386
00:15:10,887 --> 00:15:11,790
Yo, Eight, before you go,
387
00:15:11,790 --> 00:15:14,620
make sure you wipe your hands, yeah?
388
00:15:14,620 --> 00:15:18,288
- Smell like a dog!
- Oh, come on!
389
00:15:18,288 --> 00:15:19,410
Find your biting point.
390
00:15:19,410 --> 00:15:21,147
Find your biting point. There we go.
391
00:15:23,160 --> 00:15:25,320
You just wait
until he hears about this.
392
00:15:25,320 --> 00:15:26,153
Where is he?
393
00:15:27,240 --> 00:15:28,073
Uncle?
394
00:15:29,040 --> 00:15:31,110
Why are you late?
395
00:15:31,110 --> 00:15:32,610
Mobeen made us late by hanging about
396
00:15:32,610 --> 00:15:33,840
with a bunch of tramps.
397
00:15:33,840 --> 00:15:35,880
Stop your fucking snitching.
398
00:15:35,880 --> 00:15:37,293
You make me sick.
399
00:15:39,270 --> 00:15:40,103
Food bank?
400
00:15:40,979 --> 00:15:41,812
Yeah. I know.
401
00:15:42,660 --> 00:15:46,680
Naveed, don't be such a degenerate, huh?
402
00:15:46,680 --> 00:15:49,290
20 years ago, I would have
given anything for a food bank.
403
00:15:49,290 --> 00:15:51,750
You know, when I was at my lowest point.
404
00:15:51,750 --> 00:15:53,340
Fortunately, I saw sense
405
00:15:53,340 --> 00:15:55,533
and started to deal in class-A drugs.
406
00:15:56,700 --> 00:15:59,446
Now get my money out
and start counting it.
407
00:15:59,446 --> 00:16:00,466
- Yes, Uncle.
- Yes, Uncle.
408
00:16:07,560 --> 00:16:08,590
You counting with your gloves on, yeah?
409
00:16:08,590 --> 00:16:10,355
I was gonna take them off.
410
00:16:10,355 --> 00:16:12,012
Sure you were.
411
00:16:20,367 --> 00:16:22,410
20, 40, 60, 80, five bags.
412
00:16:22,410 --> 00:16:24,363
You are slow.
- Don't worry about me.
413
00:16:28,452 --> 00:16:30,352
Are you counting that money or what?
414
00:16:31,211 --> 00:16:32,044
Uh-huh.
415
00:16:34,581 --> 00:16:35,573
Hm?
416
00:16:44,311 --> 00:16:45,993
Naveed.
417
00:16:45,993 --> 00:16:47,223
What is this?
418
00:16:48,804 --> 00:16:51,053
They're
chicken... Chicken wings.
419
00:16:54,764 --> 00:16:57,930
I know it's fucking
chicken, Mo-fucking-been.
420
00:17:03,480 --> 00:17:05,190
Uncle, listen to me.
421
00:17:05,190 --> 00:17:06,210
I know exactly what's happened.
422
00:17:06,210 --> 00:17:07,781
I'm gonna go and sort it right now.
423
00:17:07,781 --> 00:17:08,906
Yeah, we'll sort it.
424
00:17:08,906 --> 00:17:09,810
We'll sort it now.
425
00:17:09,810 --> 00:17:11,013
You will fix it,
426
00:17:11,910 --> 00:17:16,140
because this is very, very serious.
427
00:17:16,140 --> 00:17:20,793
This is peri peri serious.
428
00:17:26,313 --> 00:17:28,710
Pretty funny.
429
00:17:28,710 --> 00:17:29,580
I was sneaky about that, huh?
430
00:17:29,580 --> 00:17:31,195
Very sneaky about it.
431
00:17:31,195 --> 00:17:32,640
Fuck off!
432
00:17:32,640 --> 00:17:34,320
Are you sure Mobeen's
working for Uncle Khan?
433
00:17:34,320 --> 00:17:36,090
The guy from Star Trek,
yeah, that's what I said.
434
00:17:36,090 --> 00:17:37,517
Did you know about this?
435
00:17:37,517 --> 00:17:38,983
No.
436
00:17:40,504 --> 00:17:42,600
Nathaniel.
437
00:17:42,600 --> 00:17:44,490
- I can't believe this.
- Huh?
438
00:17:44,490 --> 00:17:46,913
You did have big plans
for fundraising, didn't you?
439
00:17:54,365 --> 00:17:58,365
This is going to change
a lot of people's lives.
440
00:18:07,380 --> 00:18:09,083
Star Trek is gonna kill us.
441
00:18:14,099 --> 00:18:15,372
What the?
442
00:18:15,372 --> 00:18:18,203
Hey.
443
00:18:18,203 --> 00:18:19,710
Hey!
444
00:18:19,710 --> 00:18:21,150
You've just ruined my average MPG
445
00:18:21,150 --> 00:18:22,770
with your reckless driving.
446
00:18:22,770 --> 00:18:24,835
Average MPG, shut up!
447
00:18:29,880 --> 00:18:30,900
She told him everything
448
00:18:30,900 --> 00:18:32,280
about you working for Star Trek, man.
449
00:18:32,280 --> 00:18:33,113
Shut up.
450
00:18:33,113 --> 00:18:34,500
Why did you do that?
451
00:18:34,500 --> 00:18:35,333
I never.
452
00:18:35,333 --> 00:18:36,952
You pishaab kutta!
453
00:18:36,952 --> 00:18:38,700
Mobeen, you have some explaining to do.
454
00:18:38,700 --> 00:18:39,870
I'll explain everything but right now
455
00:18:39,870 --> 00:18:41,310
I need that chicken box, Nate, please.
456
00:18:41,310 --> 00:18:43,260
Mrs. Nate took it for the hungry people.
457
00:18:43,260 --> 00:18:44,250
Nate.
458
00:18:44,250 --> 00:18:45,303
Sorry, mate.
459
00:18:47,258 --> 00:18:48,570
Why do you tell him everything?
460
00:18:48,570 --> 00:18:51,235
He just gave it to me and...
461
00:19:04,289 --> 00:19:05,622
Everything okay?
462
00:19:11,980 --> 00:19:13,863
She's never gonna talk to me again.
463
00:19:15,030 --> 00:19:16,143
Relax, babes.
464
00:19:17,550 --> 00:19:19,320
The money stays with the food bank.
465
00:19:19,320 --> 00:19:21,840
- Isn't it bad money?
- Shut up.
466
00:19:21,840 --> 00:19:23,040
She's right, it is bad money.
467
00:19:23,040 --> 00:19:24,810
But it's gonna do good things here,
468
00:19:24,810 --> 00:19:25,800
and who am I to argue?
469
00:19:25,800 --> 00:19:26,940
Who are you lot to argue with that?
470
00:19:26,940 --> 00:19:27,870
Yeah, yeah, I agree, I agree.
471
00:19:27,870 --> 00:19:29,567
The money should definitely
stay with Michaela.
472
00:19:30,480 --> 00:19:31,800
But if you've given her all the money,
473
00:19:31,800 --> 00:19:32,670
then I'm definitely gonna take
474
00:19:32,670 --> 00:19:33,930
another packet of crisps then.
475
00:19:33,930 --> 00:19:34,763
Eight.
476
00:19:36,570 --> 00:19:37,560
You're right.
477
00:19:37,560 --> 00:19:38,942
- Shall we get the sweetcorn?
- Of course.
478
00:19:38,942 --> 00:19:40,080
Yeah, yeah.
- Yeah, sweetcorn.
479
00:19:40,080 --> 00:19:41,520
You put that there.
480
00:19:41,520 --> 00:19:43,195
Cornflakes, I want a cornflake tart.
481
00:19:43,195 --> 00:19:45,780
Aqsa, get custard.
482
00:19:45,780 --> 00:19:46,860
- Do you want baby food?
- Yeah.
483
00:19:46,860 --> 00:19:48,853
This is the best day ever.
484
00:19:58,937 --> 00:20:00,510
I hope you enjoyed your life.
485
00:20:00,510 --> 00:20:02,337
They're gonna kill you.
486
00:20:02,337 --> 00:20:03,170
What?
487
00:20:03,170 --> 00:20:04,191
- They're gonna kill me.
- He's not gonna kill me,
488
00:20:04,191 --> 00:20:05,587
I'm his nephew, he's gonna kill you.
489
00:20:05,587 --> 00:20:06,720
He's gonna throw us off the roof.
490
00:20:06,720 --> 00:20:08,070
I hope I land on you then.
491
00:20:08,070 --> 00:20:09,930
You took it upon yourselves
492
00:20:09,930 --> 00:20:12,573
to give my money to charitable causes?
493
00:20:14,940 --> 00:20:16,050
Yes, Uncle.
494
00:20:16,050 --> 00:20:17,400
Can you believe this guy?
495
00:20:19,590 --> 00:20:22,023
No. I can't.
496
00:20:24,870 --> 00:20:26,270
But you did the right thing.
497
00:20:28,557 --> 00:20:29,850
For fuck's sake, even
when he gets it wrong, he-
498
00:20:29,850 --> 00:20:31,560
Naveed, don't ever fucking swear
499
00:20:31,560 --> 00:20:32,670
in front of me again, huh?
500
00:20:32,670 --> 00:20:34,380
- But, Uncle-
- Ah. Naveed.
501
00:20:34,380 --> 00:20:36,810
Just give us a moment
here. Please, please.
502
00:20:36,810 --> 00:20:40,213
Yeah.
503
00:20:43,140 --> 00:20:45,900
He's got to be the dumbest smart person
504
00:20:45,900 --> 00:20:47,040
I ever met in my life, Uncle,
505
00:20:47,040 --> 00:20:47,873
you know what I'm saying?
506
00:20:47,873 --> 00:20:49,124
Whoa!
507
00:20:49,124 --> 00:20:50,040
Listen, you fucking hairy tatta,
508
00:20:50,040 --> 00:20:53,160
you just gave 5,000 pounds of
my money to a bunch of tramps
509
00:20:53,160 --> 00:20:54,723
who'll spend it all on heroin.
510
00:20:55,920 --> 00:20:56,753
Sorry, Uncle.
511
00:20:56,753 --> 00:20:58,320
You got a problem with people
that spend money on heroin?
512
00:20:58,320 --> 00:20:59,880
'Cause that's bad for your business.
513
00:20:59,880 --> 00:21:01,210
Shut up, Mobeen.
514
00:21:02,910 --> 00:21:04,740
Listen, I didn't say
this in front of Naveed
515
00:21:04,740 --> 00:21:07,410
because I'm trying to
instill into his brain
516
00:21:07,410 --> 00:21:09,630
a little bit of morality, you know?
517
00:21:09,630 --> 00:21:11,940
So, you're trying to
instill morality into him?
518
00:21:11,940 --> 00:21:12,773
- Mm-hm.
- I mean,
519
00:21:12,773 --> 00:21:13,606
you're good at a lot of things
520
00:21:13,606 --> 00:21:14,760
but that's probably not your forte, innit,
521
00:21:14,760 --> 00:21:15,690
is what I'm saying.
522
00:21:15,690 --> 00:21:16,523
You're right.
523
00:21:16,523 --> 00:21:17,940
You know, that's why I spent the best part
524
00:21:17,940 --> 00:21:21,240
of nearly 100 grand on school fees,
525
00:21:21,240 --> 00:21:23,940
you know, so that he could speak Latin.
526
00:21:23,940 --> 00:21:27,060
- He can speak Latin?
- Of course he fucking can't.
527
00:21:27,060 --> 00:21:30,207
Uncle, listen to me,
yeah?
528
00:21:30,207 --> 00:21:31,830
I'm sorry, I'm gonna make this up to you.
529
00:21:31,830 --> 00:21:33,543
I'm gonna get you your five
grand as soon as possible.
530
00:21:33,543 --> 00:21:34,560
No, no, no.
531
00:21:34,560 --> 00:21:35,970
No, Uncle, please, I insist.
532
00:21:35,970 --> 00:21:36,810
No.
533
00:21:36,810 --> 00:21:40,687
It's not 5,000, it's 25,000.
534
00:21:40,687 --> 00:21:41,520
Twenty...
535
00:21:41,520 --> 00:21:44,040
25,000 pounds?
- Mm-hm.
536
00:21:44,040 --> 00:21:46,140
Uncle, that's like 400% interest.
537
00:21:46,140 --> 00:21:48,570
Don't use the word interest. It's haram.
538
00:21:48,570 --> 00:21:49,950
Sorry. Tauba, tauba.
539
00:21:49,950 --> 00:21:51,250
Think of it more like...
540
00:21:52,920 --> 00:21:54,540
bank charges.
541
00:21:54,540 --> 00:21:55,998
Yeah, bank charges.
542
00:21:55,998 --> 00:21:57,540
- Bank charges?
- Uh-huh.
543
00:21:57,540 --> 00:21:58,710
Mr. Payday Loans out here.
544
00:21:58,710 --> 00:22:00,900
Yeah. Exactly, thank you.
545
00:22:00,900 --> 00:22:03,000
Here, have some chicken wings.
546
00:22:03,000 --> 00:22:04,080
Uncle, I'm not hungry right now.
547
00:22:04,080 --> 00:22:05,425
Eat!
548
00:22:09,510 --> 00:22:10,343
Have a seat.
549
00:22:18,780 --> 00:22:19,613
Eat.
550
00:22:23,197 --> 00:22:24,030
I'm not hungry right now, Uncle.
551
00:22:24,030 --> 00:22:24,863
Eat!
552
00:22:31,096 --> 00:22:34,065
♪ I was at the job busy doin' nothin' ♪
553
00:22:34,065 --> 00:22:37,264
♪ Till the door swung open ♪
♪ Whoo ♪
554
00:22:37,264 --> 00:22:38,347
♪ Then you walk in the room ♪
555
00:22:38,347 --> 00:22:40,750
♪ Lookin' like pure perfection ♪
556
00:22:40,750 --> 00:22:43,014
♪ And I was frozen ♪
557
00:22:43,014 --> 00:22:47,572
♪ Hey, should I engage or look away ♪
558
00:22:47,572 --> 00:22:50,774
♪ Or drop my foolish pride ♪
559
00:22:50,774 --> 00:22:52,167
♪ What should I say ♪
560
00:22:52,167 --> 00:22:56,535
♪ How to convey just what I feel inside ♪
561
00:22:56,535 --> 00:23:01,368
♪ I don't think I've
ever seen someone so ♪
38368
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