Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:05,701 --> 00:00:07,616
Unprompted Mandarin?
2
00:00:07,659 --> 00:00:08,834
What do you want?
3
00:00:08,878 --> 00:00:11,315
I already told you
we are not getting a monkey.
4
00:00:11,359 --> 00:00:13,317
We already have to take care
of your grandma.
5
00:00:13,361 --> 00:00:15,319
Fine, but there's an autograph
signing at the mall this week,
6
00:00:15,363 --> 00:00:16,494
and it's during
school hours.
7
00:00:16,538 --> 00:00:17,495
No skipping school.
8
00:00:17,539 --> 00:00:18,931
Even if the building's
on fire,
9
00:00:18,975 --> 00:00:20,977
you wait for the bell
and die with honor.
10
00:00:21,021 --> 00:00:23,153
But it's my new
favorite basketball
player -- Allen Iverson!
11
00:00:24,241 --> 00:00:25,286
A.I.?
12
00:00:26,548 --> 00:00:28,724
"The Answer"?
The All-Star for the Sixers.
13
00:00:28,767 --> 00:00:31,118
Got a crossover so smooth,it'll put a baby in your sister?
14
00:00:31,161 --> 00:00:34,512
Connie? Don't bring my sister
into this!
15
00:00:34,556 --> 00:00:36,340
Come on, Dad, please?
You love hoops.
16
00:00:36,384 --> 00:00:38,690
And you know how hard I've beenworking on this college stuff.
17
00:00:38,734 --> 00:00:41,258
Sorry, but I'm with your motheron this one. No skipping school.
18
00:00:41,302 --> 00:00:44,087
But I think you should leave
if there's a fire.
19
00:00:44,131 --> 00:00:46,176
You smell smoke,
you run.
20
00:00:46,220 --> 00:00:48,178
C'mon, Ma,
it's just half a day.
21
00:00:48,222 --> 00:00:49,353
This is so unfair!
22
00:00:49,397 --> 00:00:50,311
Unfair?
23
00:00:50,354 --> 00:00:52,139
Wimbledon requiring
Pete Sampras
24
00:00:52,182 --> 00:00:54,576
to play wearing a shirt
is unfair.
25
00:00:54,619 --> 00:00:58,710
Denzel having to act
wearing a shirt is unfair.
26
00:00:58,754 --> 00:01:02,584
Me having to complete
a stupid academic practicum
27
00:01:02,627 --> 00:01:04,890
in order to become
teacher boss...
28
00:01:04,934 --> 00:01:06,544
definitely unfair.
29
00:01:06,588 --> 00:01:07,937
What's a practicum?
30
00:01:07,980 --> 00:01:09,373
I have to spend 100 hours
31
00:01:09,417 --> 00:01:11,375
shadowing a teacher
at some school
32
00:01:11,419 --> 00:01:12,768
in order to finish
my degree.
33
00:01:12,811 --> 00:01:17,381
Apparently, "practicum" is Latinfor "waste Jessica's time."
34
00:01:17,425 --> 00:01:18,382
Practicum?
35
00:01:18,426 --> 00:01:19,731
We're talking about practicum?
Really?
36
00:01:19,775 --> 00:01:21,255
I'm in here
trying to get an autograph,
37
00:01:21,298 --> 00:01:22,778
and we're talking
about practicum?
38
00:01:22,821 --> 00:01:24,214
Practicum?!
39
00:01:24,954 --> 00:01:26,390
100 hours is a lot.
40
00:01:26,434 --> 00:01:27,348
For everyone involved.
41
00:01:27,391 --> 00:01:30,351
Yes, but in order
to achieve your goals,
42
00:01:30,394 --> 00:01:33,180
you need to keep your head downand stay the course.
43
00:01:33,223 --> 00:01:34,920
Look at
your brother Evan.
44
00:01:34,964 --> 00:01:36,270
He wants to be
Doctor-President,
45
00:01:36,313 --> 00:01:39,534
and he has neverveered
from the path.
46
00:01:39,577 --> 00:01:42,276
He's predictable,
reliable --
47
00:01:42,319 --> 00:01:43,407
Aloha!
48
00:01:46,758 --> 00:01:49,021
What have you done
to your neck?!
49
00:01:49,065 --> 00:01:50,719
It's ruined!
50
00:01:50,762 --> 00:01:53,200
--Captions by VITAC--
51
00:01:53,243 --> 00:01:54,418
♪ Fresh off the boat
52
00:01:54,462 --> 00:01:56,028
♪ I'm gettin' mine
everywhere I go ♪
53
00:01:56,072 --> 00:01:58,422
♪ If you don't know, homey,
now you know ♪
54
00:01:58,466 --> 00:01:59,510
♪ Fresh off the boat
55
00:01:59,554 --> 00:02:01,947
♪ Homey, you don't know
where I come from ♪
56
00:02:01,991 --> 00:02:03,297
♪ But I know where I'm goin'
57
00:02:03,340 --> 00:02:05,125
♪ I'm fresh off the boat
58
00:02:07,475 --> 00:02:10,391
Evan, why do you have
sea creatures on your neck?!
59
00:02:10,434 --> 00:02:13,045
Oh, my puka shells?
Geoff got me into them.
60
00:02:13,089 --> 00:02:14,264
Geoff? Who's Geoff?
61
00:02:14,308 --> 00:02:15,396
He's my friend
from school.
62
00:02:15,439 --> 00:02:17,398
He spells his name
G-E-O-F-F.
63
00:02:17,441 --> 00:02:18,529
Isn't that cool?
64
00:02:18,573 --> 00:02:19,965
G-off?
65
00:02:20,009 --> 00:02:20,749
Jeff.
66
00:02:20,792 --> 00:02:22,446
G-off.
Jeff.
67
00:02:22,490 --> 00:02:24,187
How come you never
mentioned him before?
68
00:02:24,231 --> 00:02:26,233
I guess that's 8th grade
for you, always moving.
69
00:02:26,276 --> 00:02:28,409
Well, I better go,
or else I won't get a seat
70
00:02:28,452 --> 00:02:29,540
in the back of the bus.
71
00:02:29,584 --> 00:02:31,368
Then I'll have to sit
on the wheel hump.
72
00:02:36,373 --> 00:02:39,637
Puka shells, back of the bus,
single-strap backpack.
73
00:02:39,681 --> 00:02:41,204
This is not like Evan.
74
00:02:41,248 --> 00:02:42,901
What is going on with him
at school?
75
00:02:42,945 --> 00:02:45,730
How would I know? We don't go
to the same school anymore.
76
00:02:46,644 --> 00:02:47,863
I'm in high school now.
77
00:02:48,864 --> 00:02:51,258
I graduated junior high
last June?
78
00:02:52,563 --> 00:02:54,391
There was a ceremonywhere you shouted out, "Boring"?
79
00:02:54,435 --> 00:02:56,263
Oh, right.
80
00:02:56,306 --> 00:02:58,917
That poor girl sang
"The Greatest Love of All."
81
00:02:58,961 --> 00:03:01,877
Don't try Whitney
if you can't do Whitney.
82
00:03:01,920 --> 00:03:03,444
Okay.
83
00:03:03,487 --> 00:03:05,924
You're worried about Evan
because of puka shells?
84
00:03:05,968 --> 00:03:08,318
Puka shells
lead to shady friends,
85
00:03:08,362 --> 00:03:11,495
which leads to distraction,
which leads to bad grades!
86
00:03:11,539 --> 00:03:14,672
Next thing you know,Evan won't be Doctor-President.
87
00:03:14,716 --> 00:03:15,673
I don't know, Mom.
88
00:03:15,717 --> 00:03:17,371
Puka shells
are just casual beachwear
89
00:03:17,414 --> 00:03:18,894
that also work
in the city.
90
00:03:18,937 --> 00:03:21,070
Well, you know what else works
in the city?
91
00:03:21,113 --> 00:03:22,637
Institutional racism.
92
00:03:29,426 --> 00:03:30,688
Nice form!
93
00:03:30,732 --> 00:03:32,037
The sleeve helps.
94
00:03:32,081 --> 00:03:34,692
It's good for my ligaments,
and sometimes it's a napkin.
95
00:03:34,736 --> 00:03:37,260
Well, sorry we can't let you
skip school, but I amproud
96
00:03:37,304 --> 00:03:40,220
of all the hard work
you've been doing for college.
97
00:03:43,745 --> 00:03:45,486
An A.I. jersey!
98
00:03:45,529 --> 00:03:47,444
I know you're a fan
of "The Big Response."
99
00:03:47,488 --> 00:03:48,271
It's "The Answer."
100
00:03:48,315 --> 00:03:49,838
Oh. That's catchier.
101
00:03:49,881 --> 00:03:51,143
Thanks, Dad.
102
00:03:51,187 --> 00:03:53,537
Oh. I've been thinking about
how to help pay for tuition.
103
00:03:53,581 --> 00:03:56,323
Four words --
basketball scholarship.
104
00:03:56,366 --> 00:03:57,454
Okay.
105
00:03:57,498 --> 00:03:59,456
I'm gonna put together
a reel of all my hoop skills
106
00:03:59,500 --> 00:04:02,329
and send it to Georgetown,
Duke, Kentucky...
107
00:04:04,548 --> 00:04:07,682
Oh, son, this is the hard part
of being a dad
108
00:04:07,725 --> 00:04:09,249
they never show on TV.
109
00:04:11,207 --> 00:04:14,558
The truth is, you are unlikelyto get a basketball scholarship.
110
00:04:14,602 --> 00:04:16,299
You are a clumsy boy
with a heart of gold.
111
00:04:17,605 --> 00:04:19,433
Maybe if you hustle,
you can get a cup of coffee
112
00:04:19,476 --> 00:04:20,999
in some third-tier
Euro league,
113
00:04:21,043 --> 00:04:23,001
but even then,
you'll just be a curiosity,
114
00:04:23,045 --> 00:04:25,352
an Asian spectacle
for the Slavs to jeer at.
115
00:04:25,395 --> 00:04:26,570
I don't want that.
116
00:04:26,614 --> 00:04:28,442
No.
117
00:04:28,485 --> 00:04:30,313
No, you don't.
118
00:04:31,401 --> 00:04:32,968
But what you do have
119
00:04:33,011 --> 00:04:36,014
is a great imagination,
intelligence, and personality,
120
00:04:36,058 --> 00:04:37,712
and there's plenty
of scholarships for that.
121
00:04:37,755 --> 00:04:38,887
Thanks, Dad.
122
00:04:40,149 --> 00:04:41,106
Wait.
123
00:04:41,150 --> 00:04:42,934
They spelled "Iverson"
with a "Q."
124
00:04:44,153 --> 00:04:45,328
"Iversqn"?
125
00:04:45,372 --> 00:04:47,112
Is this fake?
126
00:04:47,156 --> 00:04:49,593
Explains why it was
in the clearance bin.
127
00:04:49,637 --> 00:04:52,335
That Michael Gordan jersey
makes a lot more sense now.
128
00:04:55,599 --> 00:04:57,906
Hunter, what kind
of a child zoo is this?
129
00:04:57,949 --> 00:04:59,777
You've let Evan
slip through the cracks.
130
00:04:59,821 --> 00:05:00,909
Evan?
131
00:05:00,952 --> 00:05:03,607
He's got straight A's,
a can-do attitude,
132
00:05:03,651 --> 00:05:04,608
making new friends.
133
00:05:04,652 --> 00:05:06,131
Aside from
one little detention --
134
00:05:06,175 --> 00:05:07,959
Detention?!
135
00:05:08,003 --> 00:05:10,788
Well, the whole class got it
for tardiness.
136
00:05:10,832 --> 00:05:12,442
The whole class?!
137
00:05:12,486 --> 00:05:13,922
How are you teacher boss
138
00:05:13,965 --> 00:05:15,706
and I still have to
take practicum?
139
00:05:15,750 --> 00:05:17,491
Trust me,
Evan's doing just fine.
140
00:05:17,534 --> 00:05:19,493
You have nothing
to worry about.
141
00:05:19,536 --> 00:05:20,494
False.
142
00:05:20,537 --> 00:05:21,843
I need you to follow him
to every class
143
00:05:21,886 --> 00:05:23,410
and report back to me.
144
00:05:23,453 --> 00:05:24,541
Be sly about it.
145
00:05:24,585 --> 00:05:26,630
Peek around corners.
Use binoculars.
146
00:05:26,674 --> 00:05:28,197
You know
what I'm talking about.
147
00:05:28,240 --> 00:05:30,373
I can't follow one child
all day.
148
00:05:30,417 --> 00:05:32,114
Who has time for that?
149
00:05:34,551 --> 00:05:38,512
One last Huang,
one more year.
150
00:05:39,556 --> 00:05:41,166
You can do this.
151
00:05:44,213 --> 00:05:46,824
Dad, I took your advice and
found an awesome scholarship.
152
00:05:46,868 --> 00:05:48,217
Oh!
153
00:05:48,260 --> 00:05:51,220
"The Wesley Snipes Scholarship
for Orlando Youth."
154
00:05:51,263 --> 00:05:53,657
Smart. Channeling some of
that "Passenger 57" money
155
00:05:53,701 --> 00:05:55,529
into a charitable cause.
156
00:05:55,572 --> 00:05:57,400
He must have
a great tax guy.
157
00:05:57,444 --> 00:05:58,880
The scholarship
will be enough
158
00:05:58,923 --> 00:06:00,534
to buy a dope-ass massage chairfor my dorm room.
159
00:06:00,577 --> 00:06:01,622
It's gonna be pimp.
160
00:06:01,665 --> 00:06:04,625
Anyways, I have to writean essay about my biggest hero.
161
00:06:04,668 --> 00:06:07,279
Oh. So, uh,
who do you have in mind?
162
00:06:07,323 --> 00:06:08,498
It was an obvious choice.
163
00:06:08,542 --> 00:06:10,326
A man who's really
impacted my life.
164
00:06:10,370 --> 00:06:11,327
I'm listening.
165
00:06:11,371 --> 00:06:13,329
Someone who embodies
the American dream.
166
00:06:13,373 --> 00:06:14,504
He came from nothing,
167
00:06:14,548 --> 00:06:16,506
has a tireless work ethic
and amazing hair.
168
00:06:16,550 --> 00:06:17,638
That doesn't just happen.
169
00:06:17,681 --> 00:06:19,074
That's that work ethic
you mentioned.
170
00:06:19,117 --> 00:06:20,858
My hero...
171
00:06:20,902 --> 00:06:21,903
Allen Iverson.
172
00:06:23,948 --> 00:06:25,863
That's great.
173
00:06:25,907 --> 00:06:27,561
Great choice. Yes.
174
00:06:30,085 --> 00:06:31,913
Alright, Geoff,
is this your card?
175
00:06:31,956 --> 00:06:32,914
No.
176
00:06:33,828 --> 00:06:35,046
Is this your card?
177
00:06:35,090 --> 00:06:35,830
Nope.
178
00:06:36,918 --> 00:06:38,876
I'm such a bad magician.
179
00:06:38,920 --> 00:06:41,009
Hey.
That's my card!
180
00:06:41,052 --> 00:06:41,836
Or amI?
181
00:06:41,879 --> 00:06:43,446
Dude,
how did you do that?
182
00:06:43,490 --> 00:06:45,840
A magician
never reveals his secrets.
183
00:06:45,883 --> 00:06:48,103
That's why they're not
in relationships for long.
184
00:06:48,146 --> 00:06:49,713
That was awesome.
185
00:06:49,757 --> 00:06:51,715
Hey, you should come
to my Bar Mitzvah.
186
00:06:51,759 --> 00:06:53,891
Really? Isn't that
for close friends and family?
187
00:06:53,935 --> 00:06:56,067
I mean,
we arefriends, right?
188
00:06:57,329 --> 00:07:00,463
One question -- how early
is too early to show up?
189
00:07:01,290 --> 00:07:02,944
Show up to what?
190
00:07:02,987 --> 00:07:04,119
Mommy?
191
00:07:04,162 --> 00:07:07,122
Good news, Evan.
I'm doing my practicum here.
192
00:07:07,165 --> 00:07:08,732
We're going to school
together!
193
00:07:10,386 --> 00:07:12,693
Now, which one of
you bed-wetters is G-off?
194
00:07:20,701 --> 00:07:22,398
You're doing
your practicum here?Isn't it great?
195
00:07:22,442 --> 00:07:23,921
Instead of wasting my time
196
00:07:23,965 --> 00:07:26,837
following dummy teachers
at some random school,
197
00:07:26,881 --> 00:07:29,144
I can spend my 100 hours
with you
198
00:07:29,187 --> 00:07:30,711
and still get credit!
199
00:07:30,754 --> 00:07:31,712
100 hours is a lot.
200
00:07:31,755 --> 00:07:33,278
A lot of fun.
201
00:07:33,322 --> 00:07:35,716
I guess
we could carpool together.
202
00:07:35,759 --> 00:07:38,414
And the field trip
permission slip process
will be streamlined.
203
00:07:38,458 --> 00:07:39,415
Cards?
204
00:07:39,459 --> 00:07:40,721
Are you playing poker?
205
00:07:40,764 --> 00:07:42,200
Did you put him up to this,
G-off?
206
00:07:42,244 --> 00:07:43,506
Uh, it's Geoff,
207
00:07:43,550 --> 00:07:46,204
and Evan was just showing us
some magic tricks.
208
00:07:46,248 --> 00:07:48,990
Trix? Like that drunk
cartoon rabbit? No.
209
00:07:49,599 --> 00:07:50,731
Applesauce?
210
00:07:50,774 --> 00:07:53,124
You know that gives you
bad boom booms.
211
00:07:57,041 --> 00:08:00,001
Boo-yah. Dropped off 10 meals
in under two hours.
212
00:08:00,044 --> 00:08:02,786
The trick is,
never put the car in "park."
213
00:08:02,830 --> 00:08:04,788
How would that even --So, can I take
the afternoon off?
214
00:08:04,832 --> 00:08:06,398
I want to work on
my hero essay.
215
00:08:06,442 --> 00:08:07,922
Oh. Uh, sure.
216
00:08:07,965 --> 00:08:10,228
Uh, are you still writing
about Allen Iverson?
217
00:08:10,272 --> 00:08:11,665
'Cause I was just thinking,
218
00:08:11,708 --> 00:08:13,797
maybe there's another hero
in your life
219
00:08:13,841 --> 00:08:14,798
you'd rather write about,
220
00:08:14,842 --> 00:08:16,452
someone closer to home?
221
00:08:17,497 --> 00:08:18,585
You mean Uncle Marvin?
222
00:08:18,628 --> 00:08:19,586
I do thank you
for your service.
223
00:08:19,629 --> 00:08:20,587
Oh.
224
00:08:20,630 --> 00:08:22,937
You want to thank me?
Enlist.
225
00:08:23,720 --> 00:08:26,201
I was, um, actually thinking
even closer to home.
226
00:08:26,244 --> 00:08:29,465
Maybe an unsung hero
you've known since birth.
227
00:08:29,509 --> 00:08:30,597
I don't want
to write about Mom.
228
00:08:30,640 --> 00:08:33,164
She already made me do that
for Mother's Day.
229
00:08:33,208 --> 00:08:34,165
I'll just stick with A.I.
230
00:08:36,516 --> 00:08:38,735
I'll be honest, Lou,
I'm a little soused,
231
00:08:38,779 --> 00:08:42,652
but I think maybe you wishthat Eddie saw
youas his hero.
232
00:08:42,696 --> 00:08:44,567
Oh, yeah, I did,
but I know how I get.
233
00:08:44,611 --> 00:08:46,221
I'm probably
just overthinking it.
234
00:08:46,264 --> 00:08:47,352
No, no, no.
235
00:08:47,396 --> 00:08:49,659
If anything,
you're underthinkingit.
236
00:08:49,703 --> 00:08:51,835
Nicole used to think of me
as her hero,
237
00:08:51,879 --> 00:08:54,446
and then -- pfft --
gonzo.
238
00:08:54,490 --> 00:08:56,797
Was it the...uh...
239
00:08:56,840 --> 00:08:57,798
What?
240
00:08:57,841 --> 00:08:58,842
The lesbian thing?
241
00:08:58,886 --> 00:09:00,017
No, no. That was great.
242
00:09:00,061 --> 00:09:01,018
I don't know
what happened.
243
00:09:01,062 --> 00:09:02,629
You know, I used to
fix her car for her.
244
00:09:02,672 --> 00:09:05,022
I'd teach her
about classic rock.
245
00:09:05,066 --> 00:09:06,458
I'm a big
Pink Zeppelin fan.
246
00:09:06,502 --> 00:09:08,983
And then at some point,
you know, she just...
247
00:09:09,026 --> 00:09:11,463
stopped seeing me
as her hero.
248
00:09:11,507 --> 00:09:13,465
And then
she moved away and...
249
00:09:13,509 --> 00:09:15,380
we haven't been
as close since.
Really?
250
00:09:15,424 --> 00:09:17,992
Hey, if Eddie leaves the house
and you're not his hero,
251
00:09:18,035 --> 00:09:19,080
it's over.
252
00:09:20,298 --> 00:09:22,474
But Eddie only has
one year of school left.
253
00:09:22,518 --> 00:09:24,955
Well, then you have time
to turn things around.
254
00:09:26,000 --> 00:09:27,784
Hey, and if you don't,
255
00:09:27,828 --> 00:09:29,786
that's what whiskey is for.
256
00:09:33,921 --> 00:09:35,270
Great job, Ev.
257
00:09:35,313 --> 00:09:37,881
Ev? No, no.
His name is Ev-an.
258
00:09:37,925 --> 00:09:39,883
Trust me,
I named him myself.
259
00:09:39,927 --> 00:09:41,885
It's a new nickname
I'm trying out.
260
00:09:43,147 --> 00:09:45,106
Did your new friends
put you up to this?
261
00:09:45,149 --> 00:09:47,761
Lose it.Presidents don't have nicknames.
262
00:09:47,804 --> 00:09:49,023
What about Abe Lincoln?
Dead.
263
00:09:49,066 --> 00:09:50,241
Teddy Roosevelt?
Dead.
264
00:09:50,285 --> 00:09:51,678
Jimmy Carter?
Ineffective.
265
00:09:53,941 --> 00:09:54,681
Yes, Ev?
266
00:09:54,724 --> 00:09:56,726
Actually, Ev is no more.
267
00:09:56,770 --> 00:09:57,814
It's back to Evan now.
268
00:09:57,858 --> 00:09:59,686
May I please be excused
to the bathroom?
269
00:09:59,729 --> 00:10:00,861
Yes.
270
00:10:00,904 --> 00:10:04,125
Remember, sitting down to pee
doesn't make you a lesser boy.
271
00:10:09,913 --> 00:10:12,742
Everything okay? They said
it was a family emergency.
272
00:10:12,786 --> 00:10:14,222
It's our mother. Oh, God.
273
00:10:14,265 --> 00:10:15,789
She's ruining 8th grade
for me.
274
00:10:15,832 --> 00:10:17,007
That'sthe emergency?
275
00:10:17,051 --> 00:10:19,314
Remember how hard it was for meafter skipping a grade?
276
00:10:19,357 --> 00:10:22,012
I'm finally starting to fit in,and then Mommy shows up.
277
00:10:22,056 --> 00:10:24,449
Gentle suggestion?
Stop calling her Mommy.
278
00:10:24,493 --> 00:10:25,755
She won't give me
any space.
279
00:10:25,799 --> 00:10:26,800
She took over my locker,
280
00:10:26,843 --> 00:10:28,802
threw away
my "frivolous" colored pens,
281
00:10:28,845 --> 00:10:30,107
and you know what she said
282
00:10:30,151 --> 00:10:31,282
when I brought up
Geoff's Bar Mitzvah?
283
00:10:31,326 --> 00:10:32,893
"A boy doesn't become a man
284
00:10:32,936 --> 00:10:34,459
until he earns
his first paycheck.
285
00:10:34,503 --> 00:10:36,679
That's a
Chinese Bar Mitzvah.""...Chinese Bar Mitzvah."
286
00:10:36,723 --> 00:10:38,289
I went through
something similar
287
00:10:38,333 --> 00:10:39,943
with my friend Marta's
quinceañera.
288
00:10:39,987 --> 00:10:41,336
So, what should I do?
289
00:10:41,379 --> 00:10:42,772
Just ask Mom
to pick a new school.
290
00:10:42,816 --> 00:10:44,469
And interfere
with her practicum?
291
00:10:44,513 --> 00:10:46,689
I'm a lot of things,
but I'm not a saboteur.
292
00:10:46,733 --> 00:10:48,256
Then just figure out
a way to avoid her.
293
00:10:48,299 --> 00:10:49,257
It's a big school.
294
00:10:49,300 --> 00:10:50,824
Yeah, I guess.
295
00:10:50,867 --> 00:10:52,347
Look, I gotta go.
296
00:10:52,390 --> 00:10:53,957
Please don't tell Mom
we talked.
297
00:10:54,001 --> 00:10:55,829
I'm already too involved.
298
00:10:59,006 --> 00:11:00,485
The office said
to come meet you.
299
00:11:00,529 --> 00:11:01,573
What's going on?
300
00:11:01,617 --> 00:11:03,924
Is it Grandma's bookie?
We gotta move again?
301
00:11:03,967 --> 00:11:05,186
What? No.
302
00:11:05,229 --> 00:11:07,841
I just thought I'd stop by
and say hello and, uh...
303
00:11:07,884 --> 00:11:10,147
take you to get
Allen Iverson's autograph.
304
00:11:10,191 --> 00:11:11,888
For real?
You're not clowning me?
305
00:11:11,932 --> 00:11:13,281
Lou don't clown.
306
00:11:13,324 --> 00:11:15,587
Well, your mother doesn't alwayssee the whole picture.
307
00:11:15,631 --> 00:11:18,808
Yes, school is important,
but so is your happiness.
308
00:11:18,852 --> 00:11:20,767
You needed someone to swoop in
and save the day.
309
00:11:20,810 --> 00:11:23,378
I don't know what you would
call someone like that.
310
00:11:23,421 --> 00:11:25,510
I'd call them awesome.
311
00:11:26,903 --> 00:11:28,165
Seed planted.
312
00:11:28,209 --> 00:11:31,342
Well, nothing but pavement
between us and --
313
00:11:31,386 --> 00:11:32,953
Oh, no! Obstacle!
314
00:11:32,996 --> 00:11:33,736
What is it, Dad?
315
00:11:33,780 --> 00:11:35,651
Uh, oh, uh...car trouble.
316
00:11:35,695 --> 00:11:37,609
Now?
We're not gonna make it.
317
00:11:37,653 --> 00:11:39,873
Don't worry, son.I will get you to that signing.
318
00:11:39,916 --> 00:11:41,135
Your old man
knows his way around
319
00:11:41,178 --> 00:11:42,789
the hood area
of an automobile.
320
00:11:44,791 --> 00:11:47,010
Yup.
Just what I thought.
321
00:11:47,054 --> 00:11:50,535
A cracked flange belt...
plug.
322
00:11:50,579 --> 00:11:52,668
I'll have her fixed in a jiff.
323
00:11:52,712 --> 00:11:54,017
You sure
you don't need any help?
324
00:11:54,061 --> 00:11:55,627
Oh -- Oh, no.
Do not come out here.
325
00:11:55,671 --> 00:11:57,760
But, uh, you know
what couldhelp?
326
00:11:57,804 --> 00:12:00,502
Some tunes.
Hit "play" on the stereo.
327
00:12:02,460 --> 00:12:04,898
♪ I need a hero♪
328
00:12:04,941 --> 00:12:09,206
♪ I'm holding out for a hero
till the morning light♪
329
00:12:09,250 --> 00:12:12,209
♪ He's gotta be sure,
and it's gotta be soon♪
330
00:12:12,253 --> 00:12:14,995
♪ And he's gotta be
larger than life♪
331
00:12:15,038 --> 00:12:17,388
♪ Larger than life♪
332
00:12:18,433 --> 00:12:20,043
Oh, no! Oh, no.
333
00:12:20,087 --> 00:12:21,218
Damn it, Louis,
this is why
334
00:12:21,262 --> 00:12:23,438
you should always stick
to air guitar.
335
00:12:26,049 --> 00:12:27,442
Oh. I was thinking
we'd buy lunch.
336
00:12:27,485 --> 00:12:28,617
Today is pizza day.
337
00:12:28,660 --> 00:12:31,402
Yes, but at home,
it's expiration date day.
338
00:12:31,446 --> 00:12:33,013
Quick, eat up
before they turn.
339
00:12:34,231 --> 00:12:36,364
Mommy,
I was thinking...
340
00:12:36,407 --> 00:12:38,845
instead of going to
my boring honors classes,
341
00:12:38,888 --> 00:12:40,585
maybe you'd be more help
with the classes
342
00:12:40,629 --> 00:12:42,152
with the "visual learners."
343
00:12:42,196 --> 00:12:43,414
Nope. Sounds bad.
344
00:12:43,458 --> 00:12:44,807
Hey, guys.
345
00:12:44,851 --> 00:12:46,896
Wanna join?
Please?
346
00:12:46,940 --> 00:12:49,246
Maybe another time,
when things are...
347
00:12:50,465 --> 00:12:51,466
...different.
348
00:12:53,729 --> 00:12:55,426
You sure you don't want
to switch classes?
349
00:12:55,470 --> 00:12:57,646
Consider it a challenge.
350
00:12:57,689 --> 00:12:59,822
One of the teachersdoesn't even have a lesson plan.
351
00:12:59,866 --> 00:13:02,172
He just makes up facts
and plays the guitar.
352
00:13:02,216 --> 00:13:04,827
Tempting, but I already
lined up our schedules
353
00:13:04,871 --> 00:13:06,611
and turned in my timecard
to Principal Hunter.
354
00:13:06,655 --> 00:13:07,961
We're set.
355
00:13:08,004 --> 00:13:10,920
If it were up to me, we'd be
in school together forever.
356
00:13:10,964 --> 00:13:12,922
Forever.
357
00:13:12,966 --> 00:13:14,881
Jessica: Go, go, go!
358
00:13:14,924 --> 00:13:17,231
You call that rowing?!
I call it pathetic!
359
00:13:17,274 --> 00:13:19,450
No wonder
you're all still virgins!
360
00:13:19,494 --> 00:13:22,540
Sweetie,
how are your boom booms?
361
00:13:24,891 --> 00:13:26,631
This is too cold.
362
00:13:26,675 --> 00:13:28,895
I'm gonna go sweet-talk
that hairy lunch lady
363
00:13:28,938 --> 00:13:30,331
into using the microwave.
364
00:13:30,374 --> 00:13:32,724
And a hair net.
365
00:13:32,768 --> 00:13:36,119
I must get rid of Mommy.
366
00:13:37,425 --> 00:13:39,775
♪ I'm holding out for a hero♪Is this whole tape
just this one song?
367
00:13:39,819 --> 00:13:41,037
♪ Till the end of the night♪
368
00:13:41,081 --> 00:13:43,518
Dad, we're running out of time
for the autograph signing.
369
00:13:43,561 --> 00:13:45,781
Uh, don't worry.
It's just the flux capacitor.
370
00:13:45,825 --> 00:13:47,304
I'll have it fixed
in a minute.
371
00:13:47,348 --> 00:13:49,480
♪ I need a hero♪
372
00:13:52,048 --> 00:13:54,311
Flux capacitor? That's from
"Back to the Future."
373
00:13:54,355 --> 00:13:56,009
I thought you said
you knew what you were doing.
374
00:13:56,052 --> 00:13:57,271
Yeah, yeah.
I got it.
375
00:13:57,314 --> 00:13:59,447
See?
376
00:13:59,490 --> 00:14:00,535
Uh...that --
377
00:14:00,578 --> 00:14:01,710
Oh!
378
00:14:01,753 --> 00:14:04,147
Why are there so many things
in here?!
379
00:14:04,191 --> 00:14:06,149
Alright, I don'tknow
what I'm doing.
380
00:14:06,193 --> 00:14:07,977
I was pretending
the car broke down,
381
00:14:08,021 --> 00:14:09,152
and then I broke it
for real.
382
00:14:09,196 --> 00:14:11,328
What?
Why would you do that?
383
00:14:11,372 --> 00:14:12,286
I don't know.
384
00:14:12,329 --> 00:14:13,940
So you would see me
as your hero.
385
00:14:13,983 --> 00:14:15,680
By playing mechanic?
386
00:14:15,724 --> 00:14:18,118
Well, now I don't
get to meet Allen Iverson.
387
00:14:18,161 --> 00:14:19,293
Some hero you are.
388
00:14:22,383 --> 00:14:23,906
Aah! Oh, no! Again!
389
00:14:27,954 --> 00:14:29,956
Hunter, your microwave
destroyed my spoon.
390
00:14:29,999 --> 00:14:31,174
You owe me a spoon.
391
00:14:31,218 --> 00:14:32,088
Evan?!
392
00:14:33,002 --> 00:14:34,569
Is that my timecard?
393
00:14:34,612 --> 00:14:37,180
I was just checking
your math.
394
00:14:37,224 --> 00:14:38,747
Uh, 10, carry the 1...
395
00:14:38,790 --> 00:14:39,922
Oh.
Yep, looks good.
396
00:14:39,966 --> 00:14:43,926
We both know my math
doesn't need to be checked.
397
00:14:43,970 --> 00:14:45,580
Youneed to be checked.
398
00:14:46,581 --> 00:14:48,626
Sneaking into
Principal Hunter's office?
399
00:14:48,670 --> 00:14:51,107
Did your new sketchy friends
put you up to this?
400
00:14:51,151 --> 00:14:52,935
They didn't make me.
Youdid!
401
00:14:52,979 --> 00:14:55,807
I was padding your hoursto get you out of school faster.
402
00:14:55,851 --> 00:14:56,896
I don't want you here!
403
00:15:00,725 --> 00:15:02,989
You don't want me here?No.
You're messing up my life.
404
00:15:03,032 --> 00:15:05,774
Me?! You're the one
who's getting detention
405
00:15:05,817 --> 00:15:07,558
and breaking
into offices.
406
00:15:07,602 --> 00:15:09,212
This is so unlike you,
Evan.
407
00:15:09,256 --> 00:15:11,345
Very unpresidential.
408
00:15:11,388 --> 00:15:12,346
Well, except for Nixon.
409
00:15:12,389 --> 00:15:14,043
But at least
he had the good sense
410
00:15:14,087 --> 00:15:15,218
to pay other people
to do it!
411
00:15:15,262 --> 00:15:17,568
We all got detention,
but we weren't late.
412
00:15:17,612 --> 00:15:19,353
Mr. Marsh is a hardliner
from Arizona
413
00:15:19,396 --> 00:15:21,355
who doesn't believe
in Daylight Savings.
414
00:15:21,398 --> 00:15:24,010
You're still
veering off course.
415
00:15:24,053 --> 00:15:27,578
That's why I'm here --
to get you back on track.
416
00:15:27,622 --> 00:15:30,103
I mean, puka shells,
magic tricks,
417
00:15:30,146 --> 00:15:31,800
Geoff with a "G"?
418
00:15:31,843 --> 00:15:33,236
Well, you're a jerk
with a "J"!
419
00:15:34,716 --> 00:15:37,414
If you really think these puka
shells are the problem, here.
420
00:15:38,546 --> 00:15:40,896
I dare you to not try this on
when you're alone.
421
00:15:48,860 --> 00:15:49,992
Hey. Good news.
422
00:15:50,036 --> 00:15:51,559
Marvin said
he could fix the van.
423
00:15:51,602 --> 00:15:54,040
Turns out the problem was
I jammed a screwdriver in it.
424
00:15:54,083 --> 00:15:55,345
Looks like
you saved the day again.
425
00:15:55,389 --> 00:15:56,781
Good job, hero.
426
00:15:56,825 --> 00:15:58,348
Sorry.
427
00:15:58,392 --> 00:16:00,437
It's just that
when you chose Allen Iverson
428
00:16:00,481 --> 00:16:02,657
for your essay instead of me,
I freaked out.
429
00:16:02,700 --> 00:16:05,268
And then
Marvin got in my head,
430
00:16:05,312 --> 00:16:08,576
and with you going off
to college so soon...
431
00:16:08,619 --> 00:16:10,404
I just don't want us
to grow apart.
432
00:16:11,448 --> 00:16:13,233
This is ridiculous.
433
00:16:13,276 --> 00:16:14,451
I know. I'm sorry.
434
00:16:14,495 --> 00:16:16,627
No, I mean, I can't believe
you'd ever think that.
435
00:16:17,541 --> 00:16:19,021
You've always been there
for me.
436
00:16:19,065 --> 00:16:21,154
You taught me how to drive,
gave me my first job,
437
00:16:21,197 --> 00:16:22,677
helped me
with my girl problems --
438
00:16:22,720 --> 00:16:24,809
I mean, womenproblems.
439
00:16:24,853 --> 00:16:25,810
Good catch.
440
00:16:25,854 --> 00:16:27,638
You have nothing
to worry about.
441
00:16:27,682 --> 00:16:30,815
Sure, A.I. is awesome,
but you're more than a hero.
442
00:16:30,859 --> 00:16:32,904
You're my dad.
443
00:16:32,948 --> 00:16:34,036
I'm always
going to need you,
444
00:16:34,080 --> 00:16:36,169
and we're never
going to grow apart.
445
00:16:37,779 --> 00:16:39,607
You want a hug, don't you?
446
00:16:39,650 --> 00:16:42,262
Whatever.
I could go either way.
447
00:16:46,005 --> 00:16:47,093
Hey.
I have an idea.
448
00:16:47,136 --> 00:16:49,356
Quick, grab your Iversqn.
Let's go.
449
00:16:52,315 --> 00:16:55,188
Three more minutes on your test,then pencils down.
450
00:16:57,494 --> 00:16:59,105
What's wrong with Evan?
451
00:17:00,584 --> 00:17:02,282
Excuse me, ma'am.
Who are you?
452
00:17:02,325 --> 00:17:03,631
A concerned parent.
453
00:17:03,674 --> 00:17:06,895
God, I miss the WASPy coldness
of private school parents.
454
00:17:06,938 --> 00:17:08,418
I don't get it.
455
00:17:08,462 --> 00:17:10,072
Evan's not himself
anymore.
456
00:17:10,116 --> 00:17:13,075
He's ruining his dreams
of becoming Doctor-President.
457
00:17:13,119 --> 00:17:14,468
No, he's not.
458
00:17:14,511 --> 00:17:17,166
Last night, he held a model U.N.with his Beanie Babies.
459
00:17:17,210 --> 00:17:19,299
They executed Oinker
for war crimes.
460
00:17:19,342 --> 00:17:21,083
But was he wearing
his puka shells?
461
00:17:21,127 --> 00:17:23,172
Evan's just getting older
and trying new things.
462
00:17:23,216 --> 00:17:24,739
That doesn't make him
a different person.
463
00:17:24,782 --> 00:17:27,133
But I don't recognize him
anymore.
464
00:17:27,176 --> 00:17:29,178
Every day,
it's something new.
465
00:17:29,222 --> 00:17:30,527
Mom, 8th grade's tough.
466
00:17:30,571 --> 00:17:32,486
It's that awkward time
before high school.
467
00:17:32,529 --> 00:17:34,357
Remember when I got that zit
on my lip
468
00:17:34,401 --> 00:17:36,229
and no one spoke to me
for a week --
469
00:17:36,272 --> 00:17:37,969
at school orat home?
470
00:17:38,013 --> 00:17:39,493
Oh, I popped it
in your sleep,
471
00:17:39,536 --> 00:17:42,104
but by morning,
it had grown back stronger...
472
00:17:42,148 --> 00:17:43,192
and angrier.
473
00:17:43,236 --> 00:17:45,542
Evan's just trying
to figure it all out.
474
00:17:45,586 --> 00:17:47,370
If you really want to help him,give him space.
475
00:17:48,632 --> 00:17:50,286
It's not easy having your mom
at school with you.
476
00:17:51,287 --> 00:17:53,898
Time.
Hand your tests forward.
477
00:17:54,986 --> 00:17:58,207
"C," "D,"
not enough information, "A"...
478
00:17:59,991 --> 00:18:02,951
Good news, bad news,
good news, bad news.
479
00:18:02,994 --> 00:18:04,605
Good news,
I got past security
480
00:18:04,648 --> 00:18:06,607
with a classic
Louis Huang fakeout.
481
00:18:09,392 --> 00:18:11,351
Shark!
482
00:18:16,399 --> 00:18:17,966
I fell for that, too.
483
00:18:18,009 --> 00:18:20,055
An escaped shark?
That's not what you want.
484
00:18:20,099 --> 00:18:21,535
Okay, bad news --
485
00:18:21,578 --> 00:18:23,841
Allen Iverson wouldn't sign
your fake jersey.
486
00:18:23,885 --> 00:18:26,366
Agh. Iversqn.
That damn "Q."
487
00:18:26,409 --> 00:18:28,368
Good news --
I told him he's your hero,
488
00:18:28,411 --> 00:18:29,586
and he signed this instead.
489
00:18:29,630 --> 00:18:32,154
This is a real jersey.
490
00:18:32,198 --> 00:18:33,199
And it's game-worn.
491
00:18:35,114 --> 00:18:36,376
It reeks.
492
00:18:36,419 --> 00:18:37,377
Like 46 points.
493
00:18:37,420 --> 00:18:38,813
Thanks, Dad.
494
00:18:38,856 --> 00:18:40,771
Oop. Last bad news.
495
00:18:40,815 --> 00:18:43,209
I have a lifetime ban
from all NBA events.
496
00:18:43,252 --> 00:18:44,732
Sorry, son.
497
00:18:44,775 --> 00:18:46,386
I gotta remove him
from the property.
498
00:18:46,429 --> 00:18:49,171
But I must say,
you got a pretty cool dad.
499
00:18:49,215 --> 00:18:50,999
The best.
500
00:18:52,479 --> 00:18:54,220
Just so you know,
I knew there wasn't a shark.
501
00:18:54,263 --> 00:18:57,745
But, you know...
safety first.
502
00:18:59,703 --> 00:19:01,792
♪ Dale a tu cuerpo
alegría, Macarena♪
503
00:19:01,836 --> 00:19:04,230
♪ Que tu cuerpo es pa' darle
alegría y cosa buena♪
504
00:19:04,273 --> 00:19:06,623
♪ Dale a tu cuerpo
alegría, Macarena♪
505
00:19:06,667 --> 00:19:08,843
Mommy?
What are you doing here?
506
00:19:08,886 --> 00:19:10,410
I'm giving you your space.
507
00:19:10,453 --> 00:19:12,238
So, you crashed
my friend's Bar Mitzvah?
508
00:19:12,281 --> 00:19:13,413
School wasn't enough?
509
00:19:13,456 --> 00:19:15,806
♪ Dale a tu cuerpo
alegría, Macarena♪
510
00:19:15,850 --> 00:19:16,981
♪ Hey, Macarena♪
511
00:19:17,025 --> 00:19:18,026
About that.
512
00:19:18,069 --> 00:19:20,898
It's possible
I may have overreacted.
513
00:19:20,942 --> 00:19:22,900
A little bit.
Like just barely.
514
00:19:22,944 --> 00:19:24,250
Barely?
515
00:19:24,293 --> 00:19:27,340
When you showed up withthe puka shells on, I panicked!
516
00:19:27,383 --> 00:19:29,255
That's not
the Evan I know.
517
00:19:29,298 --> 00:19:30,430
We're always
on the same page.
518
00:19:30,473 --> 00:19:33,389
I'm used to you
telling me everything --
519
00:19:33,433 --> 00:19:36,479
what you're thinking,
how your day went,
520
00:19:36,523 --> 00:19:38,655
what Grandma writes about me
in her journal.
521
00:19:38,699 --> 00:19:40,266
I didn't tell you
about the necklace
522
00:19:40,309 --> 00:19:41,571
because I knew
you'd hate it.
523
00:19:41,615 --> 00:19:43,834
You hate a lot of stuff.I do.
524
00:19:43,878 --> 00:19:45,706
I just want to be able
to try things on my own.
525
00:19:45,749 --> 00:19:47,098
I know.
526
00:19:47,142 --> 00:19:50,058
You have to find out foryourself that things are stupid.
527
00:19:50,101 --> 00:19:52,321
And you wonder
why I don't tell you things.
528
00:19:53,279 --> 00:19:55,672
I'm sorry
I called you the J-word.
529
00:19:57,413 --> 00:19:58,371
"Jerk."
530
00:19:58,414 --> 00:20:00,590
Man: Oh.
531
00:20:00,634 --> 00:20:03,376
I promise
to give you your space.
532
00:20:03,419 --> 00:20:07,336
But if you ever need the truth,you know where to find me.
533
00:20:07,380 --> 00:20:08,337
Deal?
534
00:20:08,381 --> 00:20:09,643
Deal.
535
00:20:10,600 --> 00:20:12,689
I shouldn't have changed
your timecard.
536
00:20:12,733 --> 00:20:14,082
That was a low moment.
537
00:20:14,125 --> 00:20:15,953
It was, but good news --
538
00:20:15,997 --> 00:20:18,347
no more timecards,
no more practicum.
539
00:20:18,391 --> 00:20:19,261
What?
540
00:20:19,305 --> 00:20:20,915
Emery's cranky teacher
told me
541
00:20:20,958 --> 00:20:23,526
private schools don't require
any of that nonsense.
542
00:20:23,570 --> 00:20:25,659
I could become a teacher boss
right away!
543
00:20:25,702 --> 00:20:26,703
Mazel tov.
544
00:20:26,747 --> 00:20:28,139
That means "congrats."
545
00:20:29,445 --> 00:20:30,620
Are you wearing cologne?
546
00:20:30,664 --> 00:20:33,188
CK One.
It's a unisex fragrance.
547
00:20:33,232 --> 00:20:36,147
Ohhh, that's so...
548
00:20:37,148 --> 00:20:39,063
...interesting.
549
00:20:39,107 --> 00:20:39,890
I know, right?
550
00:20:47,942 --> 00:20:50,118
Hey, Coach, all my life,
I've wanted to go
551
00:20:50,161 --> 00:20:53,121
to your college, university,
or institute of technology.
552
00:20:53,164 --> 00:20:55,428
Now, anyone can send you
a video of their dunks,
553
00:20:55,471 --> 00:20:57,386
but I'm not anyone.
554
00:20:57,430 --> 00:20:58,344
♪ Y'all ready for this?♪
555
00:20:58,387 --> 00:21:00,433
Inbound passes.
556
00:21:02,609 --> 00:21:04,306
Taking charges.
557
00:21:06,613 --> 00:21:08,702
Ugh!
558
00:21:08,745 --> 00:21:10,312
Floor spacing.
559
00:21:12,749 --> 00:21:14,316
Bench support. Hustle up.
560
00:21:14,360 --> 00:21:15,143
Good defense!
561
00:21:15,186 --> 00:21:15,970
Find the opening.
562
00:21:16,013 --> 00:21:17,101
You got this.
563
00:21:17,145 --> 00:21:18,581
C'mon, ref!
Are you blind?
564
00:21:18,625 --> 00:21:20,104
They're in the zone! Grandma, get out of the street!
565
00:21:21,192 --> 00:21:22,585
Thanks for watching.
566
00:21:22,629 --> 00:21:23,673
Swish!
567
00:21:23,717 --> 00:21:24,674
♪ Hey♪
568
00:21:25,762 --> 00:21:26,546
♪ Hey♪
569
00:21:26,589 --> 00:21:28,199
Think that's a good idea.
570
00:21:28,243 --> 00:21:29,549
Hmm.
40678
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.