All language subtitles for Fresh Off the Boat (2015) - S06E07 - Practicum! (1080p AMZN WEB-DL x265 Silence)_Track03

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:05,701 --> 00:00:07,616 Unprompted Mandarin? 2 00:00:07,659 --> 00:00:08,834 What do you want? 3 00:00:08,878 --> 00:00:11,315 I already told you we are not getting a monkey. 4 00:00:11,359 --> 00:00:13,317 We already have to take care of your grandma. 5 00:00:13,361 --> 00:00:15,319 Fine, but there's an autograph signing at the mall this week, 6 00:00:15,363 --> 00:00:16,494 and it's during school hours. 7 00:00:16,538 --> 00:00:17,495 No skipping school. 8 00:00:17,539 --> 00:00:18,931 Even if the building's on fire, 9 00:00:18,975 --> 00:00:20,977 you wait for the bell and die with honor. 10 00:00:21,021 --> 00:00:23,153 But it's my new favorite basketball player -- Allen Iverson! 11 00:00:24,241 --> 00:00:25,286 A.I.? 12 00:00:26,548 --> 00:00:28,724 "The Answer"? The All-Star for the Sixers. 13 00:00:28,767 --> 00:00:31,118 Got a crossover so smooth,it'll put a baby in your sister? 14 00:00:31,161 --> 00:00:34,512 Connie? Don't bring my sister into this! 15 00:00:34,556 --> 00:00:36,340 Come on, Dad, please? You love hoops. 16 00:00:36,384 --> 00:00:38,690 And you know how hard I've beenworking on this college stuff. 17 00:00:38,734 --> 00:00:41,258 Sorry, but I'm with your motheron this one. No skipping school. 18 00:00:41,302 --> 00:00:44,087 But I think you should leave if there's a fire. 19 00:00:44,131 --> 00:00:46,176 You smell smoke, you run. 20 00:00:46,220 --> 00:00:48,178 C'mon, Ma, it's just half a day. 21 00:00:48,222 --> 00:00:49,353 This is so unfair! 22 00:00:49,397 --> 00:00:50,311 Unfair? 23 00:00:50,354 --> 00:00:52,139 Wimbledon requiring Pete Sampras 24 00:00:52,182 --> 00:00:54,576 to play wearing a shirt is unfair. 25 00:00:54,619 --> 00:00:58,710 Denzel having to act wearing a shirt is unfair. 26 00:00:58,754 --> 00:01:02,584 Me having to complete a stupid academic practicum 27 00:01:02,627 --> 00:01:04,890 in order to become teacher boss... 28 00:01:04,934 --> 00:01:06,544 definitely unfair. 29 00:01:06,588 --> 00:01:07,937 What's a practicum? 30 00:01:07,980 --> 00:01:09,373 I have to spend 100 hours 31 00:01:09,417 --> 00:01:11,375 shadowing a teacher at some school 32 00:01:11,419 --> 00:01:12,768 in order to finish my degree. 33 00:01:12,811 --> 00:01:17,381 Apparently, "practicum" is Latinfor "waste Jessica's time." 34 00:01:17,425 --> 00:01:18,382 Practicum? 35 00:01:18,426 --> 00:01:19,731 We're talking about practicum? Really? 36 00:01:19,775 --> 00:01:21,255 I'm in here trying to get an autograph, 37 00:01:21,298 --> 00:01:22,778 and we're talking about practicum? 38 00:01:22,821 --> 00:01:24,214 Practicum?! 39 00:01:24,954 --> 00:01:26,390 100 hours is a lot. 40 00:01:26,434 --> 00:01:27,348 For everyone involved. 41 00:01:27,391 --> 00:01:30,351 Yes, but in order to achieve your goals, 42 00:01:30,394 --> 00:01:33,180 you need to keep your head downand stay the course. 43 00:01:33,223 --> 00:01:34,920 Look at your brother Evan. 44 00:01:34,964 --> 00:01:36,270 He wants to be Doctor-President, 45 00:01:36,313 --> 00:01:39,534 and he has neverveered from the path. 46 00:01:39,577 --> 00:01:42,276 He's predictable, reliable -- 47 00:01:42,319 --> 00:01:43,407 Aloha! 48 00:01:46,758 --> 00:01:49,021 What have you done to your neck?! 49 00:01:49,065 --> 00:01:50,719 It's ruined! 50 00:01:50,762 --> 00:01:53,200 --Captions by VITAC-- 51 00:01:53,243 --> 00:01:54,418 ♪ Fresh off the boat 52 00:01:54,462 --> 00:01:56,028 ♪ I'm gettin' mine everywhere I go ♪ 53 00:01:56,072 --> 00:01:58,422 ♪ If you don't know, homey, now you know ♪ 54 00:01:58,466 --> 00:01:59,510 ♪ Fresh off the boat 55 00:01:59,554 --> 00:02:01,947 ♪ Homey, you don't know where I come from ♪ 56 00:02:01,991 --> 00:02:03,297 ♪ But I know where I'm goin' 57 00:02:03,340 --> 00:02:05,125 ♪ I'm fresh off the boat 58 00:02:07,475 --> 00:02:10,391 Evan, why do you have sea creatures on your neck?! 59 00:02:10,434 --> 00:02:13,045 Oh, my puka shells? Geoff got me into them. 60 00:02:13,089 --> 00:02:14,264 Geoff? Who's Geoff? 61 00:02:14,308 --> 00:02:15,396 He's my friend from school. 62 00:02:15,439 --> 00:02:17,398 He spells his name G-E-O-F-F. 63 00:02:17,441 --> 00:02:18,529 Isn't that cool? 64 00:02:18,573 --> 00:02:19,965 G-off? 65 00:02:20,009 --> 00:02:20,749 Jeff. 66 00:02:20,792 --> 00:02:22,446 G-off. Jeff. 67 00:02:22,490 --> 00:02:24,187 How come you never mentioned him before? 68 00:02:24,231 --> 00:02:26,233 I guess that's 8th grade for you, always moving. 69 00:02:26,276 --> 00:02:28,409 Well, I better go, or else I won't get a seat 70 00:02:28,452 --> 00:02:29,540 in the back of the bus. 71 00:02:29,584 --> 00:02:31,368 Then I'll have to sit on the wheel hump. 72 00:02:36,373 --> 00:02:39,637 Puka shells, back of the bus, single-strap backpack. 73 00:02:39,681 --> 00:02:41,204 This is not like Evan. 74 00:02:41,248 --> 00:02:42,901 What is going on with him at school? 75 00:02:42,945 --> 00:02:45,730 How would I know? We don't go to the same school anymore. 76 00:02:46,644 --> 00:02:47,863 I'm in high school now. 77 00:02:48,864 --> 00:02:51,258 I graduated junior high last June? 78 00:02:52,563 --> 00:02:54,391 There was a ceremonywhere you shouted out, "Boring"? 79 00:02:54,435 --> 00:02:56,263 Oh, right. 80 00:02:56,306 --> 00:02:58,917 That poor girl sang "The Greatest Love of All." 81 00:02:58,961 --> 00:03:01,877 Don't try Whitney if you can't do Whitney. 82 00:03:01,920 --> 00:03:03,444 Okay. 83 00:03:03,487 --> 00:03:05,924 You're worried about Evan because of puka shells? 84 00:03:05,968 --> 00:03:08,318 Puka shells lead to shady friends, 85 00:03:08,362 --> 00:03:11,495 which leads to distraction, which leads to bad grades! 86 00:03:11,539 --> 00:03:14,672 Next thing you know,Evan won't be Doctor-President. 87 00:03:14,716 --> 00:03:15,673 I don't know, Mom. 88 00:03:15,717 --> 00:03:17,371 Puka shells are just casual beachwear 89 00:03:17,414 --> 00:03:18,894 that also work in the city. 90 00:03:18,937 --> 00:03:21,070 Well, you know what else works in the city? 91 00:03:21,113 --> 00:03:22,637 Institutional racism. 92 00:03:29,426 --> 00:03:30,688 Nice form! 93 00:03:30,732 --> 00:03:32,037 The sleeve helps. 94 00:03:32,081 --> 00:03:34,692 It's good for my ligaments, and sometimes it's a napkin. 95 00:03:34,736 --> 00:03:37,260 Well, sorry we can't let you skip school, but I amproud 96 00:03:37,304 --> 00:03:40,220 of all the hard work you've been doing for college. 97 00:03:43,745 --> 00:03:45,486 An A.I. jersey! 98 00:03:45,529 --> 00:03:47,444 I know you're a fan of "The Big Response." 99 00:03:47,488 --> 00:03:48,271 It's "The Answer." 100 00:03:48,315 --> 00:03:49,838 Oh. That's catchier. 101 00:03:49,881 --> 00:03:51,143 Thanks, Dad. 102 00:03:51,187 --> 00:03:53,537 Oh. I've been thinking about how to help pay for tuition. 103 00:03:53,581 --> 00:03:56,323 Four words -- basketball scholarship. 104 00:03:56,366 --> 00:03:57,454 Okay. 105 00:03:57,498 --> 00:03:59,456 I'm gonna put together a reel of all my hoop skills 106 00:03:59,500 --> 00:04:02,329 and send it to Georgetown, Duke, Kentucky... 107 00:04:04,548 --> 00:04:07,682 Oh, son, this is the hard part of being a dad 108 00:04:07,725 --> 00:04:09,249 they never show on TV. 109 00:04:11,207 --> 00:04:14,558 The truth is, you are unlikelyto get a basketball scholarship. 110 00:04:14,602 --> 00:04:16,299 You are a clumsy boy with a heart of gold. 111 00:04:17,605 --> 00:04:19,433 Maybe if you hustle, you can get a cup of coffee 112 00:04:19,476 --> 00:04:20,999 in some third-tier Euro league, 113 00:04:21,043 --> 00:04:23,001 but even then, you'll just be a curiosity, 114 00:04:23,045 --> 00:04:25,352 an Asian spectacle for the Slavs to jeer at. 115 00:04:25,395 --> 00:04:26,570 I don't want that. 116 00:04:26,614 --> 00:04:28,442 No. 117 00:04:28,485 --> 00:04:30,313 No, you don't. 118 00:04:31,401 --> 00:04:32,968 But what you do have 119 00:04:33,011 --> 00:04:36,014 is a great imagination, intelligence, and personality, 120 00:04:36,058 --> 00:04:37,712 and there's plenty of scholarships for that. 121 00:04:37,755 --> 00:04:38,887 Thanks, Dad. 122 00:04:40,149 --> 00:04:41,106 Wait. 123 00:04:41,150 --> 00:04:42,934 They spelled "Iverson" with a "Q." 124 00:04:44,153 --> 00:04:45,328 "Iversqn"? 125 00:04:45,372 --> 00:04:47,112 Is this fake? 126 00:04:47,156 --> 00:04:49,593 Explains why it was in the clearance bin. 127 00:04:49,637 --> 00:04:52,335 That Michael Gordan jersey makes a lot more sense now. 128 00:04:55,599 --> 00:04:57,906 Hunter, what kind of a child zoo is this? 129 00:04:57,949 --> 00:04:59,777 You've let Evan slip through the cracks. 130 00:04:59,821 --> 00:05:00,909 Evan? 131 00:05:00,952 --> 00:05:03,607 He's got straight A's, a can-do attitude, 132 00:05:03,651 --> 00:05:04,608 making new friends. 133 00:05:04,652 --> 00:05:06,131 Aside from one little detention -- 134 00:05:06,175 --> 00:05:07,959 Detention?! 135 00:05:08,003 --> 00:05:10,788 Well, the whole class got it for tardiness. 136 00:05:10,832 --> 00:05:12,442 The whole class?! 137 00:05:12,486 --> 00:05:13,922 How are you teacher boss 138 00:05:13,965 --> 00:05:15,706 and I still have to take practicum? 139 00:05:15,750 --> 00:05:17,491 Trust me, Evan's doing just fine. 140 00:05:17,534 --> 00:05:19,493 You have nothing to worry about. 141 00:05:19,536 --> 00:05:20,494 False. 142 00:05:20,537 --> 00:05:21,843 I need you to follow him to every class 143 00:05:21,886 --> 00:05:23,410 and report back to me. 144 00:05:23,453 --> 00:05:24,541 Be sly about it. 145 00:05:24,585 --> 00:05:26,630 Peek around corners. Use binoculars. 146 00:05:26,674 --> 00:05:28,197 You know what I'm talking about. 147 00:05:28,240 --> 00:05:30,373 I can't follow one child all day. 148 00:05:30,417 --> 00:05:32,114 Who has time for that? 149 00:05:34,551 --> 00:05:38,512 One last Huang, one more year. 150 00:05:39,556 --> 00:05:41,166 You can do this. 151 00:05:44,213 --> 00:05:46,824 Dad, I took your advice and found an awesome scholarship. 152 00:05:46,868 --> 00:05:48,217 Oh! 153 00:05:48,260 --> 00:05:51,220 "The Wesley Snipes Scholarship for Orlando Youth." 154 00:05:51,263 --> 00:05:53,657 Smart. Channeling some of that "Passenger 57" money 155 00:05:53,701 --> 00:05:55,529 into a charitable cause. 156 00:05:55,572 --> 00:05:57,400 He must have a great tax guy. 157 00:05:57,444 --> 00:05:58,880 The scholarship will be enough 158 00:05:58,923 --> 00:06:00,534 to buy a dope-ass massage chairfor my dorm room. 159 00:06:00,577 --> 00:06:01,622 It's gonna be pimp. 160 00:06:01,665 --> 00:06:04,625 Anyways, I have to writean essay about my biggest hero. 161 00:06:04,668 --> 00:06:07,279 Oh. So, uh, who do you have in mind? 162 00:06:07,323 --> 00:06:08,498 It was an obvious choice. 163 00:06:08,542 --> 00:06:10,326 A man who's really impacted my life. 164 00:06:10,370 --> 00:06:11,327 I'm listening. 165 00:06:11,371 --> 00:06:13,329 Someone who embodies the American dream. 166 00:06:13,373 --> 00:06:14,504 He came from nothing, 167 00:06:14,548 --> 00:06:16,506 has a tireless work ethic and amazing hair. 168 00:06:16,550 --> 00:06:17,638 That doesn't just happen. 169 00:06:17,681 --> 00:06:19,074 That's that work ethic you mentioned. 170 00:06:19,117 --> 00:06:20,858 My hero... 171 00:06:20,902 --> 00:06:21,903 Allen Iverson. 172 00:06:23,948 --> 00:06:25,863 That's great. 173 00:06:25,907 --> 00:06:27,561 Great choice. Yes. 174 00:06:30,085 --> 00:06:31,913 Alright, Geoff, is this your card? 175 00:06:31,956 --> 00:06:32,914 No. 176 00:06:33,828 --> 00:06:35,046 Is this your card? 177 00:06:35,090 --> 00:06:35,830 Nope. 178 00:06:36,918 --> 00:06:38,876 I'm such a bad magician. 179 00:06:38,920 --> 00:06:41,009 Hey. That's my card! 180 00:06:41,052 --> 00:06:41,836 Or amI? 181 00:06:41,879 --> 00:06:43,446 Dude, how did you do that? 182 00:06:43,490 --> 00:06:45,840 A magician never reveals his secrets. 183 00:06:45,883 --> 00:06:48,103 That's why they're not in relationships for long. 184 00:06:48,146 --> 00:06:49,713 That was awesome. 185 00:06:49,757 --> 00:06:51,715 Hey, you should come to my Bar Mitzvah. 186 00:06:51,759 --> 00:06:53,891 Really? Isn't that for close friends and family? 187 00:06:53,935 --> 00:06:56,067 I mean, we arefriends, right? 188 00:06:57,329 --> 00:07:00,463 One question -- how early is too early to show up? 189 00:07:01,290 --> 00:07:02,944 Show up to what? 190 00:07:02,987 --> 00:07:04,119 Mommy? 191 00:07:04,162 --> 00:07:07,122 Good news, Evan. I'm doing my practicum here. 192 00:07:07,165 --> 00:07:08,732 We're going to school together! 193 00:07:10,386 --> 00:07:12,693 Now, which one of you bed-wetters is G-off? 194 00:07:20,701 --> 00:07:22,398 You're doing your practicum here?Isn't it great? 195 00:07:22,442 --> 00:07:23,921 Instead of wasting my time 196 00:07:23,965 --> 00:07:26,837 following dummy teachers at some random school, 197 00:07:26,881 --> 00:07:29,144 I can spend my 100 hours with you 198 00:07:29,187 --> 00:07:30,711 and still get credit! 199 00:07:30,754 --> 00:07:31,712 100 hours is a lot. 200 00:07:31,755 --> 00:07:33,278 A lot of fun. 201 00:07:33,322 --> 00:07:35,716 I guess we could carpool together. 202 00:07:35,759 --> 00:07:38,414 And the field trip permission slip process will be streamlined. 203 00:07:38,458 --> 00:07:39,415 Cards? 204 00:07:39,459 --> 00:07:40,721 Are you playing poker? 205 00:07:40,764 --> 00:07:42,200 Did you put him up to this, G-off? 206 00:07:42,244 --> 00:07:43,506 Uh, it's Geoff, 207 00:07:43,550 --> 00:07:46,204 and Evan was just showing us some magic tricks. 208 00:07:46,248 --> 00:07:48,990 Trix? Like that drunk cartoon rabbit? No. 209 00:07:49,599 --> 00:07:50,731 Applesauce? 210 00:07:50,774 --> 00:07:53,124 You know that gives you bad boom booms. 211 00:07:57,041 --> 00:08:00,001 Boo-yah. Dropped off 10 meals in under two hours. 212 00:08:00,044 --> 00:08:02,786 The trick is, never put the car in "park." 213 00:08:02,830 --> 00:08:04,788 How would that even --So, can I take the afternoon off? 214 00:08:04,832 --> 00:08:06,398 I want to work on my hero essay. 215 00:08:06,442 --> 00:08:07,922 Oh. Uh, sure. 216 00:08:07,965 --> 00:08:10,228 Uh, are you still writing about Allen Iverson? 217 00:08:10,272 --> 00:08:11,665 'Cause I was just thinking, 218 00:08:11,708 --> 00:08:13,797 maybe there's another hero in your life 219 00:08:13,841 --> 00:08:14,798 you'd rather write about, 220 00:08:14,842 --> 00:08:16,452 someone closer to home? 221 00:08:17,497 --> 00:08:18,585 You mean Uncle Marvin? 222 00:08:18,628 --> 00:08:19,586 I do thank you for your service. 223 00:08:19,629 --> 00:08:20,587 Oh. 224 00:08:20,630 --> 00:08:22,937 You want to thank me? Enlist. 225 00:08:23,720 --> 00:08:26,201 I was, um, actually thinking even closer to home. 226 00:08:26,244 --> 00:08:29,465 Maybe an unsung hero you've known since birth. 227 00:08:29,509 --> 00:08:30,597 I don't want to write about Mom. 228 00:08:30,640 --> 00:08:33,164 She already made me do that for Mother's Day. 229 00:08:33,208 --> 00:08:34,165 I'll just stick with A.I. 230 00:08:36,516 --> 00:08:38,735 I'll be honest, Lou, I'm a little soused, 231 00:08:38,779 --> 00:08:42,652 but I think maybe you wishthat Eddie saw youas his hero. 232 00:08:42,696 --> 00:08:44,567 Oh, yeah, I did, but I know how I get. 233 00:08:44,611 --> 00:08:46,221 I'm probably just overthinking it. 234 00:08:46,264 --> 00:08:47,352 No, no, no. 235 00:08:47,396 --> 00:08:49,659 If anything, you're underthinkingit. 236 00:08:49,703 --> 00:08:51,835 Nicole used to think of me as her hero, 237 00:08:51,879 --> 00:08:54,446 and then -- pfft -- gonzo. 238 00:08:54,490 --> 00:08:56,797 Was it the...uh... 239 00:08:56,840 --> 00:08:57,798 What? 240 00:08:57,841 --> 00:08:58,842 The lesbian thing? 241 00:08:58,886 --> 00:09:00,017 No, no. That was great. 242 00:09:00,061 --> 00:09:01,018 I don't know what happened. 243 00:09:01,062 --> 00:09:02,629 You know, I used to fix her car for her. 244 00:09:02,672 --> 00:09:05,022 I'd teach her about classic rock. 245 00:09:05,066 --> 00:09:06,458 I'm a big Pink Zeppelin fan. 246 00:09:06,502 --> 00:09:08,983 And then at some point, you know, she just... 247 00:09:09,026 --> 00:09:11,463 stopped seeing me as her hero. 248 00:09:11,507 --> 00:09:13,465 And then she moved away and... 249 00:09:13,509 --> 00:09:15,380 we haven't been as close since. Really? 250 00:09:15,424 --> 00:09:17,992 Hey, if Eddie leaves the house and you're not his hero, 251 00:09:18,035 --> 00:09:19,080 it's over. 252 00:09:20,298 --> 00:09:22,474 But Eddie only has one year of school left. 253 00:09:22,518 --> 00:09:24,955 Well, then you have time to turn things around. 254 00:09:26,000 --> 00:09:27,784 Hey, and if you don't, 255 00:09:27,828 --> 00:09:29,786 that's what whiskey is for. 256 00:09:33,921 --> 00:09:35,270 Great job, Ev. 257 00:09:35,313 --> 00:09:37,881 Ev? No, no. His name is Ev-an. 258 00:09:37,925 --> 00:09:39,883 Trust me, I named him myself. 259 00:09:39,927 --> 00:09:41,885 It's a new nickname I'm trying out. 260 00:09:43,147 --> 00:09:45,106 Did your new friends put you up to this? 261 00:09:45,149 --> 00:09:47,761 Lose it.Presidents don't have nicknames. 262 00:09:47,804 --> 00:09:49,023 What about Abe Lincoln? Dead. 263 00:09:49,066 --> 00:09:50,241 Teddy Roosevelt? Dead. 264 00:09:50,285 --> 00:09:51,678 Jimmy Carter? Ineffective. 265 00:09:53,941 --> 00:09:54,681 Yes, Ev? 266 00:09:54,724 --> 00:09:56,726 Actually, Ev is no more. 267 00:09:56,770 --> 00:09:57,814 It's back to Evan now. 268 00:09:57,858 --> 00:09:59,686 May I please be excused to the bathroom? 269 00:09:59,729 --> 00:10:00,861 Yes. 270 00:10:00,904 --> 00:10:04,125 Remember, sitting down to pee doesn't make you a lesser boy. 271 00:10:09,913 --> 00:10:12,742 Everything okay? They said it was a family emergency. 272 00:10:12,786 --> 00:10:14,222 It's our mother. Oh, God. 273 00:10:14,265 --> 00:10:15,789 She's ruining 8th grade for me. 274 00:10:15,832 --> 00:10:17,007 That'sthe emergency? 275 00:10:17,051 --> 00:10:19,314 Remember how hard it was for meafter skipping a grade? 276 00:10:19,357 --> 00:10:22,012 I'm finally starting to fit in,and then Mommy shows up. 277 00:10:22,056 --> 00:10:24,449 Gentle suggestion? Stop calling her Mommy. 278 00:10:24,493 --> 00:10:25,755 She won't give me any space. 279 00:10:25,799 --> 00:10:26,800 She took over my locker, 280 00:10:26,843 --> 00:10:28,802 threw away my "frivolous" colored pens, 281 00:10:28,845 --> 00:10:30,107 and you know what she said 282 00:10:30,151 --> 00:10:31,282 when I brought up Geoff's Bar Mitzvah? 283 00:10:31,326 --> 00:10:32,893 "A boy doesn't become a man 284 00:10:32,936 --> 00:10:34,459 until he earns his first paycheck. 285 00:10:34,503 --> 00:10:36,679 That's a Chinese Bar Mitzvah.""...Chinese Bar Mitzvah." 286 00:10:36,723 --> 00:10:38,289 I went through something similar 287 00:10:38,333 --> 00:10:39,943 with my friend Marta's quinceañera. 288 00:10:39,987 --> 00:10:41,336 So, what should I do? 289 00:10:41,379 --> 00:10:42,772 Just ask Mom to pick a new school. 290 00:10:42,816 --> 00:10:44,469 And interfere with her practicum? 291 00:10:44,513 --> 00:10:46,689 I'm a lot of things, but I'm not a saboteur. 292 00:10:46,733 --> 00:10:48,256 Then just figure out a way to avoid her. 293 00:10:48,299 --> 00:10:49,257 It's a big school. 294 00:10:49,300 --> 00:10:50,824 Yeah, I guess. 295 00:10:50,867 --> 00:10:52,347 Look, I gotta go. 296 00:10:52,390 --> 00:10:53,957 Please don't tell Mom we talked. 297 00:10:54,001 --> 00:10:55,829 I'm already too involved. 298 00:10:59,006 --> 00:11:00,485 The office said to come meet you. 299 00:11:00,529 --> 00:11:01,573 What's going on? 300 00:11:01,617 --> 00:11:03,924 Is it Grandma's bookie? We gotta move again? 301 00:11:03,967 --> 00:11:05,186 What? No. 302 00:11:05,229 --> 00:11:07,841 I just thought I'd stop by and say hello and, uh... 303 00:11:07,884 --> 00:11:10,147 take you to get Allen Iverson's autograph. 304 00:11:10,191 --> 00:11:11,888 For real? You're not clowning me? 305 00:11:11,932 --> 00:11:13,281 Lou don't clown. 306 00:11:13,324 --> 00:11:15,587 Well, your mother doesn't alwayssee the whole picture. 307 00:11:15,631 --> 00:11:18,808 Yes, school is important, but so is your happiness. 308 00:11:18,852 --> 00:11:20,767 You needed someone to swoop in and save the day. 309 00:11:20,810 --> 00:11:23,378 I don't know what you would call someone like that. 310 00:11:23,421 --> 00:11:25,510 I'd call them awesome. 311 00:11:26,903 --> 00:11:28,165 Seed planted. 312 00:11:28,209 --> 00:11:31,342 Well, nothing but pavement between us and -- 313 00:11:31,386 --> 00:11:32,953 Oh, no! Obstacle! 314 00:11:32,996 --> 00:11:33,736 What is it, Dad? 315 00:11:33,780 --> 00:11:35,651 Uh, oh, uh...car trouble. 316 00:11:35,695 --> 00:11:37,609 Now? We're not gonna make it. 317 00:11:37,653 --> 00:11:39,873 Don't worry, son.I will get you to that signing. 318 00:11:39,916 --> 00:11:41,135 Your old man knows his way around 319 00:11:41,178 --> 00:11:42,789 the hood area of an automobile. 320 00:11:44,791 --> 00:11:47,010 Yup. Just what I thought. 321 00:11:47,054 --> 00:11:50,535 A cracked flange belt... plug. 322 00:11:50,579 --> 00:11:52,668 I'll have her fixed in a jiff. 323 00:11:52,712 --> 00:11:54,017 You sure you don't need any help? 324 00:11:54,061 --> 00:11:55,627 Oh -- Oh, no. Do not come out here. 325 00:11:55,671 --> 00:11:57,760 But, uh, you know what couldhelp? 326 00:11:57,804 --> 00:12:00,502 Some tunes. Hit "play" on the stereo. 327 00:12:02,460 --> 00:12:04,898 ♪ I need a hero♪ 328 00:12:04,941 --> 00:12:09,206 ♪ I'm holding out for a hero till the morning light♪ 329 00:12:09,250 --> 00:12:12,209 ♪ He's gotta be sure, and it's gotta be soon♪ 330 00:12:12,253 --> 00:12:14,995 ♪ And he's gotta be larger than life♪ 331 00:12:15,038 --> 00:12:17,388 ♪ Larger than life♪ 332 00:12:18,433 --> 00:12:20,043 Oh, no! Oh, no. 333 00:12:20,087 --> 00:12:21,218 Damn it, Louis, this is why 334 00:12:21,262 --> 00:12:23,438 you should always stick to air guitar. 335 00:12:26,049 --> 00:12:27,442 Oh. I was thinking we'd buy lunch. 336 00:12:27,485 --> 00:12:28,617 Today is pizza day. 337 00:12:28,660 --> 00:12:31,402 Yes, but at home, it's expiration date day. 338 00:12:31,446 --> 00:12:33,013 Quick, eat up before they turn. 339 00:12:34,231 --> 00:12:36,364 Mommy, I was thinking... 340 00:12:36,407 --> 00:12:38,845 instead of going to my boring honors classes, 341 00:12:38,888 --> 00:12:40,585 maybe you'd be more help with the classes 342 00:12:40,629 --> 00:12:42,152 with the "visual learners." 343 00:12:42,196 --> 00:12:43,414 Nope. Sounds bad. 344 00:12:43,458 --> 00:12:44,807 Hey, guys. 345 00:12:44,851 --> 00:12:46,896 Wanna join? Please? 346 00:12:46,940 --> 00:12:49,246 Maybe another time, when things are... 347 00:12:50,465 --> 00:12:51,466 ...different. 348 00:12:53,729 --> 00:12:55,426 You sure you don't want to switch classes? 349 00:12:55,470 --> 00:12:57,646 Consider it a challenge. 350 00:12:57,689 --> 00:12:59,822 One of the teachersdoesn't even have a lesson plan. 351 00:12:59,866 --> 00:13:02,172 He just makes up facts and plays the guitar. 352 00:13:02,216 --> 00:13:04,827 Tempting, but I already lined up our schedules 353 00:13:04,871 --> 00:13:06,611 and turned in my timecard to Principal Hunter. 354 00:13:06,655 --> 00:13:07,961 We're set. 355 00:13:08,004 --> 00:13:10,920 If it were up to me, we'd be in school together forever. 356 00:13:10,964 --> 00:13:12,922 Forever. 357 00:13:12,966 --> 00:13:14,881 Jessica: Go, go, go! 358 00:13:14,924 --> 00:13:17,231 You call that rowing?! I call it pathetic! 359 00:13:17,274 --> 00:13:19,450 No wonder you're all still virgins! 360 00:13:19,494 --> 00:13:22,540 Sweetie, how are your boom booms? 361 00:13:24,891 --> 00:13:26,631 This is too cold. 362 00:13:26,675 --> 00:13:28,895 I'm gonna go sweet-talk that hairy lunch lady 363 00:13:28,938 --> 00:13:30,331 into using the microwave. 364 00:13:30,374 --> 00:13:32,724 And a hair net. 365 00:13:32,768 --> 00:13:36,119 I must get rid of Mommy. 366 00:13:37,425 --> 00:13:39,775 ♪ I'm holding out for a hero♪Is this whole tape just this one song? 367 00:13:39,819 --> 00:13:41,037 ♪ Till the end of the night♪ 368 00:13:41,081 --> 00:13:43,518 Dad, we're running out of time for the autograph signing. 369 00:13:43,561 --> 00:13:45,781 Uh, don't worry. It's just the flux capacitor. 370 00:13:45,825 --> 00:13:47,304 I'll have it fixed in a minute. 371 00:13:47,348 --> 00:13:49,480 ♪ I need a hero♪ 372 00:13:52,048 --> 00:13:54,311 Flux capacitor? That's from "Back to the Future." 373 00:13:54,355 --> 00:13:56,009 I thought you said you knew what you were doing. 374 00:13:56,052 --> 00:13:57,271 Yeah, yeah. I got it. 375 00:13:57,314 --> 00:13:59,447 See? 376 00:13:59,490 --> 00:14:00,535 Uh...that -- 377 00:14:00,578 --> 00:14:01,710 Oh! 378 00:14:01,753 --> 00:14:04,147 Why are there so many things in here?! 379 00:14:04,191 --> 00:14:06,149 Alright, I don'tknow what I'm doing. 380 00:14:06,193 --> 00:14:07,977 I was pretending the car broke down, 381 00:14:08,021 --> 00:14:09,152 and then I broke it for real. 382 00:14:09,196 --> 00:14:11,328 What? Why would you do that? 383 00:14:11,372 --> 00:14:12,286 I don't know. 384 00:14:12,329 --> 00:14:13,940 So you would see me as your hero. 385 00:14:13,983 --> 00:14:15,680 By playing mechanic? 386 00:14:15,724 --> 00:14:18,118 Well, now I don't get to meet Allen Iverson. 387 00:14:18,161 --> 00:14:19,293 Some hero you are. 388 00:14:22,383 --> 00:14:23,906 Aah! Oh, no! Again! 389 00:14:27,954 --> 00:14:29,956 Hunter, your microwave destroyed my spoon. 390 00:14:29,999 --> 00:14:31,174 You owe me a spoon. 391 00:14:31,218 --> 00:14:32,088 Evan?! 392 00:14:33,002 --> 00:14:34,569 Is that my timecard? 393 00:14:34,612 --> 00:14:37,180 I was just checking your math. 394 00:14:37,224 --> 00:14:38,747 Uh, 10, carry the 1... 395 00:14:38,790 --> 00:14:39,922 Oh. Yep, looks good. 396 00:14:39,966 --> 00:14:43,926 We both know my math doesn't need to be checked. 397 00:14:43,970 --> 00:14:45,580 Youneed to be checked. 398 00:14:46,581 --> 00:14:48,626 Sneaking into Principal Hunter's office? 399 00:14:48,670 --> 00:14:51,107 Did your new sketchy friends put you up to this? 400 00:14:51,151 --> 00:14:52,935 They didn't make me. Youdid! 401 00:14:52,979 --> 00:14:55,807 I was padding your hoursto get you out of school faster. 402 00:14:55,851 --> 00:14:56,896 I don't want you here! 403 00:15:00,725 --> 00:15:02,989 You don't want me here?No. You're messing up my life. 404 00:15:03,032 --> 00:15:05,774 Me?! You're the one who's getting detention 405 00:15:05,817 --> 00:15:07,558 and breaking into offices. 406 00:15:07,602 --> 00:15:09,212 This is so unlike you, Evan. 407 00:15:09,256 --> 00:15:11,345 Very unpresidential. 408 00:15:11,388 --> 00:15:12,346 Well, except for Nixon. 409 00:15:12,389 --> 00:15:14,043 But at least he had the good sense 410 00:15:14,087 --> 00:15:15,218 to pay other people to do it! 411 00:15:15,262 --> 00:15:17,568 We all got detention, but we weren't late. 412 00:15:17,612 --> 00:15:19,353 Mr. Marsh is a hardliner from Arizona 413 00:15:19,396 --> 00:15:21,355 who doesn't believe in Daylight Savings. 414 00:15:21,398 --> 00:15:24,010 You're still veering off course. 415 00:15:24,053 --> 00:15:27,578 That's why I'm here -- to get you back on track. 416 00:15:27,622 --> 00:15:30,103 I mean, puka shells, magic tricks, 417 00:15:30,146 --> 00:15:31,800 Geoff with a "G"? 418 00:15:31,843 --> 00:15:33,236 Well, you're a jerk with a "J"! 419 00:15:34,716 --> 00:15:37,414 If you really think these puka shells are the problem, here. 420 00:15:38,546 --> 00:15:40,896 I dare you to not try this on when you're alone. 421 00:15:48,860 --> 00:15:49,992 Hey. Good news. 422 00:15:50,036 --> 00:15:51,559 Marvin said he could fix the van. 423 00:15:51,602 --> 00:15:54,040 Turns out the problem was I jammed a screwdriver in it. 424 00:15:54,083 --> 00:15:55,345 Looks like you saved the day again. 425 00:15:55,389 --> 00:15:56,781 Good job, hero. 426 00:15:56,825 --> 00:15:58,348 Sorry. 427 00:15:58,392 --> 00:16:00,437 It's just that when you chose Allen Iverson 428 00:16:00,481 --> 00:16:02,657 for your essay instead of me, I freaked out. 429 00:16:02,700 --> 00:16:05,268 And then Marvin got in my head, 430 00:16:05,312 --> 00:16:08,576 and with you going off to college so soon... 431 00:16:08,619 --> 00:16:10,404 I just don't want us to grow apart. 432 00:16:11,448 --> 00:16:13,233 This is ridiculous. 433 00:16:13,276 --> 00:16:14,451 I know. I'm sorry. 434 00:16:14,495 --> 00:16:16,627 No, I mean, I can't believe you'd ever think that. 435 00:16:17,541 --> 00:16:19,021 You've always been there for me. 436 00:16:19,065 --> 00:16:21,154 You taught me how to drive, gave me my first job, 437 00:16:21,197 --> 00:16:22,677 helped me with my girl problems -- 438 00:16:22,720 --> 00:16:24,809 I mean, womenproblems. 439 00:16:24,853 --> 00:16:25,810 Good catch. 440 00:16:25,854 --> 00:16:27,638 You have nothing to worry about. 441 00:16:27,682 --> 00:16:30,815 Sure, A.I. is awesome, but you're more than a hero. 442 00:16:30,859 --> 00:16:32,904 You're my dad. 443 00:16:32,948 --> 00:16:34,036 I'm always going to need you, 444 00:16:34,080 --> 00:16:36,169 and we're never going to grow apart. 445 00:16:37,779 --> 00:16:39,607 You want a hug, don't you? 446 00:16:39,650 --> 00:16:42,262 Whatever. I could go either way. 447 00:16:46,005 --> 00:16:47,093 Hey. I have an idea. 448 00:16:47,136 --> 00:16:49,356 Quick, grab your Iversqn. Let's go. 449 00:16:52,315 --> 00:16:55,188 Three more minutes on your test,then pencils down. 450 00:16:57,494 --> 00:16:59,105 What's wrong with Evan? 451 00:17:00,584 --> 00:17:02,282 Excuse me, ma'am. Who are you? 452 00:17:02,325 --> 00:17:03,631 A concerned parent. 453 00:17:03,674 --> 00:17:06,895 God, I miss the WASPy coldness of private school parents. 454 00:17:06,938 --> 00:17:08,418 I don't get it. 455 00:17:08,462 --> 00:17:10,072 Evan's not himself anymore. 456 00:17:10,116 --> 00:17:13,075 He's ruining his dreams of becoming Doctor-President. 457 00:17:13,119 --> 00:17:14,468 No, he's not. 458 00:17:14,511 --> 00:17:17,166 Last night, he held a model U.N.with his Beanie Babies. 459 00:17:17,210 --> 00:17:19,299 They executed Oinker for war crimes. 460 00:17:19,342 --> 00:17:21,083 But was he wearing his puka shells? 461 00:17:21,127 --> 00:17:23,172 Evan's just getting older and trying new things. 462 00:17:23,216 --> 00:17:24,739 That doesn't make him a different person. 463 00:17:24,782 --> 00:17:27,133 But I don't recognize him anymore. 464 00:17:27,176 --> 00:17:29,178 Every day, it's something new. 465 00:17:29,222 --> 00:17:30,527 Mom, 8th grade's tough. 466 00:17:30,571 --> 00:17:32,486 It's that awkward time before high school. 467 00:17:32,529 --> 00:17:34,357 Remember when I got that zit on my lip 468 00:17:34,401 --> 00:17:36,229 and no one spoke to me for a week -- 469 00:17:36,272 --> 00:17:37,969 at school orat home? 470 00:17:38,013 --> 00:17:39,493 Oh, I popped it in your sleep, 471 00:17:39,536 --> 00:17:42,104 but by morning, it had grown back stronger... 472 00:17:42,148 --> 00:17:43,192 and angrier. 473 00:17:43,236 --> 00:17:45,542 Evan's just trying to figure it all out. 474 00:17:45,586 --> 00:17:47,370 If you really want to help him,give him space. 475 00:17:48,632 --> 00:17:50,286 It's not easy having your mom at school with you. 476 00:17:51,287 --> 00:17:53,898 Time. Hand your tests forward. 477 00:17:54,986 --> 00:17:58,207 "C," "D," not enough information, "A"... 478 00:17:59,991 --> 00:18:02,951 Good news, bad news, good news, bad news. 479 00:18:02,994 --> 00:18:04,605 Good news, I got past security 480 00:18:04,648 --> 00:18:06,607 with a classic Louis Huang fakeout. 481 00:18:09,392 --> 00:18:11,351 Shark! 482 00:18:16,399 --> 00:18:17,966 I fell for that, too. 483 00:18:18,009 --> 00:18:20,055 An escaped shark? That's not what you want. 484 00:18:20,099 --> 00:18:21,535 Okay, bad news -- 485 00:18:21,578 --> 00:18:23,841 Allen Iverson wouldn't sign your fake jersey. 486 00:18:23,885 --> 00:18:26,366 Agh. Iversqn. That damn "Q." 487 00:18:26,409 --> 00:18:28,368 Good news -- I told him he's your hero, 488 00:18:28,411 --> 00:18:29,586 and he signed this instead. 489 00:18:29,630 --> 00:18:32,154 This is a real jersey. 490 00:18:32,198 --> 00:18:33,199 And it's game-worn. 491 00:18:35,114 --> 00:18:36,376 It reeks. 492 00:18:36,419 --> 00:18:37,377 Like 46 points. 493 00:18:37,420 --> 00:18:38,813 Thanks, Dad. 494 00:18:38,856 --> 00:18:40,771 Oop. Last bad news. 495 00:18:40,815 --> 00:18:43,209 I have a lifetime ban from all NBA events. 496 00:18:43,252 --> 00:18:44,732 Sorry, son. 497 00:18:44,775 --> 00:18:46,386 I gotta remove him from the property. 498 00:18:46,429 --> 00:18:49,171 But I must say, you got a pretty cool dad. 499 00:18:49,215 --> 00:18:50,999 The best. 500 00:18:52,479 --> 00:18:54,220 Just so you know, I knew there wasn't a shark. 501 00:18:54,263 --> 00:18:57,745 But, you know... safety first. 502 00:18:59,703 --> 00:19:01,792 ♪ Dale a tu cuerpo alegría, Macarena♪ 503 00:19:01,836 --> 00:19:04,230 ♪ Que tu cuerpo es pa' darle alegría y cosa buena♪ 504 00:19:04,273 --> 00:19:06,623 ♪ Dale a tu cuerpo alegría, Macarena♪ 505 00:19:06,667 --> 00:19:08,843 Mommy? What are you doing here? 506 00:19:08,886 --> 00:19:10,410 I'm giving you your space. 507 00:19:10,453 --> 00:19:12,238 So, you crashed my friend's Bar Mitzvah? 508 00:19:12,281 --> 00:19:13,413 School wasn't enough? 509 00:19:13,456 --> 00:19:15,806 ♪ Dale a tu cuerpo alegría, Macarena♪ 510 00:19:15,850 --> 00:19:16,981 ♪ Hey, Macarena♪ 511 00:19:17,025 --> 00:19:18,026 About that. 512 00:19:18,069 --> 00:19:20,898 It's possible I may have overreacted. 513 00:19:20,942 --> 00:19:22,900 A little bit. Like just barely. 514 00:19:22,944 --> 00:19:24,250 Barely? 515 00:19:24,293 --> 00:19:27,340 When you showed up withthe puka shells on, I panicked! 516 00:19:27,383 --> 00:19:29,255 That's not the Evan I know. 517 00:19:29,298 --> 00:19:30,430 We're always on the same page. 518 00:19:30,473 --> 00:19:33,389 I'm used to you telling me everything -- 519 00:19:33,433 --> 00:19:36,479 what you're thinking, how your day went, 520 00:19:36,523 --> 00:19:38,655 what Grandma writes about me in her journal. 521 00:19:38,699 --> 00:19:40,266 I didn't tell you about the necklace 522 00:19:40,309 --> 00:19:41,571 because I knew you'd hate it. 523 00:19:41,615 --> 00:19:43,834 You hate a lot of stuff.I do. 524 00:19:43,878 --> 00:19:45,706 I just want to be able to try things on my own. 525 00:19:45,749 --> 00:19:47,098 I know. 526 00:19:47,142 --> 00:19:50,058 You have to find out foryourself that things are stupid. 527 00:19:50,101 --> 00:19:52,321 And you wonder why I don't tell you things. 528 00:19:53,279 --> 00:19:55,672 I'm sorry I called you the J-word. 529 00:19:57,413 --> 00:19:58,371 "Jerk." 530 00:19:58,414 --> 00:20:00,590 Man: Oh. 531 00:20:00,634 --> 00:20:03,376 I promise to give you your space. 532 00:20:03,419 --> 00:20:07,336 But if you ever need the truth,you know where to find me. 533 00:20:07,380 --> 00:20:08,337 Deal? 534 00:20:08,381 --> 00:20:09,643 Deal. 535 00:20:10,600 --> 00:20:12,689 I shouldn't have changed your timecard. 536 00:20:12,733 --> 00:20:14,082 That was a low moment. 537 00:20:14,125 --> 00:20:15,953 It was, but good news -- 538 00:20:15,997 --> 00:20:18,347 no more timecards, no more practicum. 539 00:20:18,391 --> 00:20:19,261 What? 540 00:20:19,305 --> 00:20:20,915 Emery's cranky teacher told me 541 00:20:20,958 --> 00:20:23,526 private schools don't require any of that nonsense. 542 00:20:23,570 --> 00:20:25,659 I could become a teacher boss right away! 543 00:20:25,702 --> 00:20:26,703 Mazel tov. 544 00:20:26,747 --> 00:20:28,139 That means "congrats." 545 00:20:29,445 --> 00:20:30,620 Are you wearing cologne? 546 00:20:30,664 --> 00:20:33,188 CK One. It's a unisex fragrance. 547 00:20:33,232 --> 00:20:36,147 Ohhh, that's so... 548 00:20:37,148 --> 00:20:39,063 ...interesting. 549 00:20:39,107 --> 00:20:39,890 I know, right? 550 00:20:47,942 --> 00:20:50,118 Hey, Coach, all my life, I've wanted to go 551 00:20:50,161 --> 00:20:53,121 to your college, university, or institute of technology. 552 00:20:53,164 --> 00:20:55,428 Now, anyone can send you a video of their dunks, 553 00:20:55,471 --> 00:20:57,386 but I'm not anyone. 554 00:20:57,430 --> 00:20:58,344 ♪ Y'all ready for this?♪ 555 00:20:58,387 --> 00:21:00,433 Inbound passes. 556 00:21:02,609 --> 00:21:04,306 Taking charges. 557 00:21:06,613 --> 00:21:08,702 Ugh! 558 00:21:08,745 --> 00:21:10,312 Floor spacing. 559 00:21:12,749 --> 00:21:14,316 Bench support. Hustle up. 560 00:21:14,360 --> 00:21:15,143 Good defense! 561 00:21:15,186 --> 00:21:15,970 Find the opening. 562 00:21:16,013 --> 00:21:17,101 You got this. 563 00:21:17,145 --> 00:21:18,581 C'mon, ref! Are you blind? 564 00:21:18,625 --> 00:21:20,104 They're in the zone! Grandma, get out of the street! 565 00:21:21,192 --> 00:21:22,585 Thanks for watching. 566 00:21:22,629 --> 00:21:23,673 Swish! 567 00:21:23,717 --> 00:21:24,674 ♪ Hey♪ 568 00:21:25,762 --> 00:21:26,546 ♪ Hey♪ 569 00:21:26,589 --> 00:21:28,199 Think that's a good idea. 570 00:21:28,243 --> 00:21:29,549 Hmm. 40678

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